“Boris Johnson has been allowed to hand out gongs to his partygate pals and Rishi Sunak has just waved it through” (Daisy Cooper)
Late May 2023, Cabinet Office (CO) found entries in Boris’ ministerial diary showing family and friends met at Chequers June 2020-May 2021. A clear breach of lockdown rules, they handed it to Thames Valley police. Livid that material was given to cops, The Bumbler called it ‘bizarre’ and appointed new lawyers to represent him at the covid inquiry. The inquiry requested his WhatsApp messages unredacted. CO argued they were irrelevant but Baroness Halibut said non-compliance was a criminal offence. CO then claimed to not have all the notebooks, diaries and messages in question. Boris insisted they did. Was he dobbing on Rishi Rich or was Rishi being protected over ‘eat out to die out’ or his own flouting of lockdown rules? The deadline for submission of documents or witness statements from senior officials explaining why not extended to 4.00 p.m. 1st June, the CO sent the inquiry a letter instead saying they were bringing a judicial review. It then transpired there were no messages predating May 2021, when, it turned out, it was discovered Boris’ phone number had been public for 15 years so he got a new one. Labour suspecting a coverup, Number 10 denied it. Boris then said he’d provide unedited messages direct to the inquiry and asked CO to help access those from his old phone. CO lawyers subsequently warned he risked losing publicly-funded legal advice for ‘knowingly’ frustrating or undermining the government position. Why were taxpayers forking out for it in the first place? Doing the media rounds, a faceless tory minister said WhatsApp was private, not official (so don’t use it to set up meetings!) and ex-lawyer Robert Jerk claimed it wasn’t ‘common practice’ for an inquiry rather than government to decide what was relevant. Since when?
On an annual stateside visit to keep his green card, Rishi went to Washington early June to suck up to Uncle Joe and be mistakenly dubbed Mr President. Discussing co-operation but not free trade, Andrew Neil informed Newscast the so-called Atlantic Deal was designed to stop China beating the west on tech – according to the Yanks, the UK was the only European country that could do so. Rishi’s jaunt meant missing a fourth PMQs. Rayner quizzed Dowdy on the covid inquiry, which he said they’d furnished with all the resources to ‘learn the lessons’. She retorted working people wouldn’t thank them for spending hundreds of thousands on ‘loophole lawyers’. Boris’ long-awaited honours list was published the next day. Amongst other pals, it made Nasty Patel a dame, Rees-Moggy a knight, Shaun Bailey, Simon Clarke and Jack Doyle peers, gave Dan Rosenfield a CBE, Ben Mallett an OBE and Martin Reynolds – who sent invites to the notorious lockdown number 10 garden party – Order of the Bath. More evidence later emerged of 30 of Shaun Bailey’s mayoral campaign aides invited to ‘jingle and mingle’ at tory HQ 14th December 2020. Ben Mallet said he didn’t send the invite but was captured on video falling onto the lavish party buffeti.
Not on the list, Dreadful Doris resigned as an MP in a fit of pique then changed her mind. Rayner was incandescent at rewards doled out to those who broke covid rules and ‘toady’ Rishi granting “prizes to this carousel of cronies.” Daisy Cooper agreed. It was later suggested HOLAC* blocked peerages for Doris and Nigel Adams, and Rishi claimed The Bumbler bade he overrule them. Warned it could mean more by-elections, Rishi reportedly said ‘so be it’. Boris called it all rubbish. Then Nigel resigned from his Selby and Ainsty seat. Not technically possible for an MP to resign, we wondered what the hell was going on!ii
A letter from The Privileges Committee saying he misled parliament and recommending a lengthy suspension, late Friday 9th June, Boris resigned with immediate effect (for now). In a verbose statement, he railed at a ‘kangaroo court’ and a ‘witch hunt’ to drive him out over Brexit. Most members tories, a flummoxed Chair Harman blasted back he “impugned the integrity of The House.” Silly Bob still wished he was PM while from a ‘beautiful’ Ashton (according to Charlie Stayt), Rayner named him a coward for not staying to face the consequences or contest the findings before publication – delayed in light of Boris’ rebuttal, amounting to contempt of parliament. Asked if labour would abolish The Lords, she cited Gordon Brown’s report advocating reform. A ‘disgusted’ public not accepting the current situation, an elected second chamber would be in their election manifesto. Lord Dracula Howard laughably told Laura K. Boris ‘unquestionably’ did good things and Shatts maintained he was a man of many qualities but people wanting to ‘move on’ from the drama, there was no chance of his return.
Inundated with threatening messages from Boris’ supporters, committee members were offered additional security. The damning report was released at 9.00 a.m. Thursday 15th. Written evidence revealing an ‘oasis of normality’ in Downing Street, they concluded Boris was guilty of deliberately misleading The House and The Committee, breaching confidence, impugning The Committee thus undermining the democratic process, and complicit in a campaign of abuse and attempted intimidation of members. If Boris hadn’t resigned, they’d have recommended an unprecedented 90 day’s suspensioniii.
Griping that Harman and Bernard Jerkin (under investigation for attending his wife’s birthday party during tier 2 restrictions) had ‘prejudicial views’, Boris said the findings were ‘deranged’ and ‘the final knife-thrust in a protracted political assassination’. Rayner likened his rant to a ‘Pound Shop Trump’ and Bereaved Families said Boris should be banned from ever standing for public office again. But Dreadful Doris wanted tories who voted to accept the recommendations to be booted out and David TC Davies questioned how he could be found guilty of events The Met didn’t prosecute. Err, Lying to parliament was a different thing, you moron! Boris then asked supporters not to vote against the report because the world needed to move on, as he’d moved onto a weekly Daily Gammon column. When it came to it, only 7 MPs voted no. 225 abstained and some didn’t even turn up including an apparently ‘too busy’ spineless Rishi.
Update:
29th June, a follow-up Privileges Committee report accused seven Boris allies (Dreadful Doris, Rees-Moggy, Nasty Patel, Mark Jenkinson, Michael Fabricant, Brendan Clarke-Smith, Andrea Jenkyns, Zac Goldsmith, Lord Cruddas and Lord Greenhalgh) of a co-ordinated campaign to interfere with their work. Saying they had no right, they lambasted Dreadful Doris and Rees-Moggy for ‘vociferously’ airing warped views on their TV shows which had a significant impact on individuals, hence the need for increased security. Batting off journos, Rees-Moggy was off to church then the test match and urged they do likewise. Early next morning, Goldsmith resigned from government, allegedly due to apathy over environmental issues and nothing to do with being named in the report as Rishi Rich claimed. The first time I’d ever agreed with him, Ed Millipede maintained Zac’s resignation letter rang true.
4th July, The Met re-opened Partygate investigations, not into Boris’ shindigs at Number 10 or Chequers but the Jingle and Mingle bash and another on 8th December, attended by Bernard Jerkin according to Guido Fawkes.
* House of Lords Appointments Commission
References:
i. More on the lavish buffet: Part 98 – This Page Intentionally Blank – The Corvus Diaries (wordpress.com)
ii. Commons Resolution on MP resignations: Resignation from the House of Commons – House of Commons Library (parliament.uk)
iii. Privileges Committee report: Matter referred on 21 April 2022 (conduct of Rt Hon Boris Johnson): Final Report – Committee of Privileges (parliament.uk)
The Corvus Diaries 