“He is sending an appalling message to society, that the most powerful person in the UK Government thinks it’s okay to mock people because of their bodies, race, sexual orientation and religion ” (Kirsten Oswald)
It’s My Party and I’ll Go If I Want To
Posting the haiga i a doddle Monday, the journal took far too long even though I’d started it Sunday, leaving little time for much else. Watching The Expanse series 6 on Prime In the evening, I questioned if they’d properly explained why Naomi wasn’t dead. At bedtime, I stuffed earplugs in to block out noisy diggers near the canal and finished The Gallows Pole by Benjamin Myers – coming soon to a TV near you! A good read but lazy notes left unanswered queries on historical accuracy.
Testing was scrapped for fully vaccinated incoming travellers from 11th February, in time for half-term. Lord Agnew resigned from government over mismanagement of covid loans, accusing the treasury of “little interest in the consequences of fraud to our society.” Look North reported that Leeds businesses were hit hard with 39 weeks lost trade; the 10th worst in the UK. Visiting Milton Keynes University Hospital, Boris announced a cabinet office inquiry into the sacking of Nusrat Ghani. A Russian invasion feared imminent, diplomats were withdrawn from The Ukraine, Trussed-up Liz went to Brussels, Uncle Joe held a conference call with NATO allies, more warships and fighter jets were sent to Eastern Europe and troops put on standby. Threats to engage unlikely to materialise, Vlad would be quaking again at the idea of sanctions – not! The FTSE fell as did the rouble against the dollar and the pound. Jeff Bezos recruited Hal Barron of GSK to lead Alto Labs anti-ageing company to defy death before holding us all in hock forever and zooming off in a rocket when he’d wrecked the planet! Actor Sam Jackson was spotted filming for MCU in Leeds and Halifax. How on earth did they make The Piece Hall look like Russia?
ITV news reported Carrie organised a surprise birthday party for Boris, 19th June 2020, during lockdown #1, involving M&S party food, cake, 30 people including Martin Reynolds, other Number 10 staff and Lulu Lytle, and a chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’. Downing Street said Boris attended a ‘staff gathering’ for a mere 10 minutes. Keir responded: “This is yet more evidence that we have got a PM who believes that the rules that he made don’t apply to him…(they) spend their whole time mopping up sleaze and deceit. Meanwhile, millions of people are struggling to pay their bills. We cannot afford to go on with this chaotic, rudderless government. The PM is a national distraction and he’s got to go.”
Grey, foggy and cold for the second day running, I shivered after bathing Tuesday with an inexplicably twisted towel. Well-layered up, I went to the co-op, finding massive gaps in the fruit and veg aisle. The woman in front of me at the till irksomely failed to put a ‘next customer’ bar on the conveyor. I pointedly placed them in front and behind my purchases. As she swiped her member’s card, I wondered aloud to the cashier why nobody had ever told me that was possible and she showed me how easy it was. You learn something new every day! In the afternoon, I added to my novel and did some research before continuing cleaning the kitchen shelves and making more space.
Less infections in all age groups except the younger, DfE estimated 1:20 kids were absent from class 20th January, the most all term. 10% of teachers off, Paul Whiteman of NAHT complained schools were ‘struggling to keep things running’. Scotland would move to hybrid working from next Monday to help the economy while interest on UK government debt trebled. Now aware of 19 Westminster gatherings, as a ‘result of information’ from Sue Gray’s team, the Met boss announced they would investigate those that ‘appeared to be the most serious and flagrant breach’ of coronavirus guidelines*. Covid-19 lead Jane Connors would oversee the special inquiry team, potentially going back 2 years. Knowing about the police probe before the morning’s cabinet meeting, Boris didn’t mention it. Apparently as he didn’t want to pre-empt Caressa Dick, but did he fear a ministerial leak? In defence of the parties, Tory MP Conor Burns hilariously said Boris was ‘ambushed by cake’ on his birthday, Crispin Blunt incredulously suggested rules were broken in ‘most homes’ and on Newsnight, Rees-Moggy used big words, evasion and waffle. Answering a mystifying question on a praetorian guard, he agreed a new leader must mean a general election. Reports followed that to celebrate the Scumbag’s departure from Downing Street 13th November 2020, Carrie sang ‘The Winner Takes It All’ and a guest told police they were the only ones allowed to party.
Let Them Eat Cake
Thankfully, it became brighter and warmer mid-week, as Phil repeatedly told me. He helped with chores before PMQs where MPs wore purple and pink flame badges in advance of Holocaust Memorial Day.
Kate Osamor asked if The Bumbler had agreed to Rishi Rich ‘writing off £4.3bn of fraud’. He replied, ‘No’. Rishi was forced to tweet he wasn’t ignoring or writing off the Covid loans. Keir questioned Boris on breaking the ministerial code by misleading parliament and resigning. Boris repeated ‘No’ and the Captain Hindsight insult. Keir laughed: “We’ve discovered the real Captain Hindsight,” to which a backbencher added: “with a party hat!” The Bumbler spewed the usual hyperbole and answered Keir’s “people know he’s not up to the job” with rot about taking tough decisions and having a vision while labour had no plan. To claims that Keir was a lawyer, not a leader, Labour MP Lloyd Russell-Moyle said he’d prefer to be led by a lawyer than a liar. Having already threatened members with eviction from the commons, Lindsay Hoyle told him to retract the statement. To Ian Blackford’s questions, Boris jibed it looked like he’d eaten more cake, for the SNP to accuse him of body-shaming. Boris re-committed to placing a full copy of the Sue Gray report in the House of Commons library. Release of the findings imminent, media reports it could be delayed until after the police probe giving Boris a longer wait to see if he went to his own party, were dismissed but fears of severe editing surfaced later in the week.
The jokes kept coming with a sea of memes on social media, speculation the cake was Colin the Caterpillar, fitting in with the M&S party food theme, Nigella tweeting her next book would be ‘Ambushed by Cake’ and ‘Sue Gray And The Party Detectives’ tour t-shirts on sale from several outlets. Citing media stories from around the globe, Jack Straw wasn’t amused the UK was an international laughing stock.
Making progress on the novel, I had to stop typing in the afternoon due to head fug and switched to book-based research. Editing journal notes in the evening, I found it hard keeping on top of news and gave up to rest my aching brain.
A BBC investigation found 1 million counterfeit face-masks were sent to the NHS at the height of pandemic. The DOH ignored red flags until a nurse contacted Polyco, the Chinese supplier, direct, to be told they were ‘faked’ by ‘bad guys’. Papers submitted by whistle-blower Raphael Marshall to the foreign affairs committee confirmed Boris approved clearance to evacuate the Nowzad shelter from Afghanistan. He’d scorned the accusations of prioritising animals over people as ‘complete nonsense’ at the time – doubtful, as Pen Farthing was a mate of Carrie’s. A small boat capsized on its way to the USA from Bimini Island, raising concerns for the 39 migrants aboard. A spooky object was spotted 4,000 light years away. Possibly a neutron star or white dwarf, giant bursts of energy sent out radiation beams 3 times an hour.
Tummy ache prevented an early start Thursday. I opened the bedroom window to a keen blast of fresh air and held blankets tightly to shake them out in the gusty wind. I tidied up a higgledy-piggledy pile on the kitchen draining board, and then the morning was gone. Editing the journal on a slow laptop, I developed brain ache and my mood darkened. Low feelings persisting into the afternoon, I forced myself to continue cleaning kitchen shelves, disposing of a cracked bowl.
Dubbed ‘Plan A Day’, commuter numbers grew. Masks no longer mandatory, rail operators and big shops like Sainsbury’s, John Lewis, Morrison’s and Waitrose, requested customers still wore them. Less infections in all UK regions, as well as covid-related NHS staff absence, 52% of patients with covid were treated primarily for something else. Goblin Saj said Omicron was retreating and ‘thanks to the progress we have made’, care home rules would relax from next Monday. Sentencing Jonathan Chew to 8 weeks for ambushing Chris Witless last summer, the judge berated him for contempt. Trying to hide in North Wales, Boris dismissed claims of aiding the evacuation of cats and dogs from Afghanistan as ‘total rhubarb’, even though an e-mail from Rabid Raab sought ‘a steer from No. 10 on whether’ to call Nowzad staff forward. Ex-tory Rory Stewart said lying was Boris’ default position. Police recorded the highest ever number of rapes and sexual assaults in the year to September 2021, with the highest ever quarterly figure July-Sept. ONS suggested the stats reflected the impact of high-profile cases, media coverage and campaigns encouraging victims to come forward. Look North featured kids developing Tourette Syndrome during lockdown. “Tic tock syndrome more like!” quipped Phil. Newscast discussed the National Insurance hike. Claer Barrett of the FT alarmingly calculated what it actually meant, particularly for contract and gig economy workers. Leeds funny man Barry Cryer died. His best joke was arguably: “Picasso was burgled and did a drawing of the robbers. Police arrested a horse and two sardines.”
Party On!
An earlier start Friday, I battled discomfiture to sort the kitchen table and created space moving clutter to emptier shelves. The greyness had turned to drizzle by the time I headed out to dump unwanted books at Oxfam and go to the co-op where I saw Elderly Neighbour and asked after his wife. No better or worse, he doubted she’d ever get better. Experiencing a similar scenario with my mum, I empathised and reiterated offers of help if needed. Phil came to assist carting the ace freezer deal home. After lunch, he finally finished cleaning the kitchen blind. The week a boring parade of shopping, cleaning and writing, I hankered for creativity, and arranged interesting detritus from foreign holidays in a second-hand box frame. The relics of now misty-eyed distant memories had been lying about for years.
Omicron BA.1 might be waning, but scientists kept a watchful eye on BA.2 – now the dominant variant in Denmark and 1,000 UK cases. PF-07321332+ritonavir (an anti-viral pill not a phone number), would be rolled out via the NHS from 10th February. Formerly known as Paxlovid, it was 88% effective in reducing risks of serious illness or death in the vulnerable, if given during the first 5 days of symptoms. UKHSA sent priority PCR tests to 1.3 million so they could access treatment. Government sticks to get staff back to offices could include removing tax breaks for working at home. Having said they didn’t want to delay the report, The Met asked Sue Gray to ‘minimally reference’ and ‘remove key details’ of events they were probing. Their claims it would ‘avoid any prejudice to our investigation’, didn’t ring true unless, as former DPP Lord Ken Donaldson said, they considered ‘more serious conduct’. Suspects likely to face fixed penalty fines rather than trial by jury, he considered the constraints ‘disproportionate’. Cynics might well call it a stitch-up especially as Goblins’ kid brother Bas Javid was deputy assistant commissioner! As the report could be heavily redacted and rendered pointless, backbench tories joined opposition MPs in calling for unabridged publication. And as police investigations often took years, was it a never-ending story?
A One Show preview of 100th BBC anniversary celebrations included a hideous Disney musical medley. I queried what that had to do with the Beeb? ”It’s the Lying King!” laughed Phil. Later, we reviewed ‘Undone’ on Prime. Phil hated the drawings and I detested the dialogue so we switched back to Wheel of Time for another laugh at trollocks.
On its way to Denmark, Storm Malik arrived in the early hours Saturday. I awoke to howling wind and shaking windows. Fast-moving clouds whizzed below a blue layer of sky. Small fluffy ones literally spun. Corvids and gulls wheeled in the thermals. Elsewhere, winds of 80 mph winds caused loss of power and death in Durham and Aberdeen. One felled tree sported a coffee cup. Was it an offering to the gods? Meanwhile, Storm Ana killed people in Madagascar, Malawi and Mozambique. Attempting to ignore anxious feelings, I battled a cluttered kitchen to make brekkie. After the dazzling start, the skies darkened and the clouds became grey. I continued framing pictures and editing the journal while watching catch-up. Young Sheldon annoyingly vanished off All 4, we binge-watched Andy Warhol’s America on iPlayer. Very inspiring but those yanks didn’t half like pointing out the bleeding obvious such as ‘he was gay’. I coined the term ‘Yanksplaining’. The night peaceful as the storm past, I dreamt lots but only recalled snatches.
Sunday beginning bright, Storm Corrie was predicted to arrive by evening. Becoming colder as the sun disappeared, we forced ourselves out the house in the calm between the storms, taking steep cobbles and tarmac into woodland where jays vied for territory and broken trunks lay testament to the storm’s ferocity. Down by the riverside, brave women swam in cold waters, fairies adorned allotments and yellow catkins heralded new life. In town, coffee-cuppers infested the square. We ducked in the convenience store, stuffed reduced items into my stupid tiny rucksack and headed home for an overdue feed. (See Cool Places for more walks ii).
Trussed-up Liz spouted the usual BS on Sunday Morning and the Glove-Puppet used the puppet press, aka The Daily Mail, to launch a so-called ‘red wall revolution’ to prop up the PM, but it wasn’t new Levelling Up money, according to labour. Speculation the NI rise might be ditched faded as Boris and Rishi wrote in the Sunday Times there was no magic money tree. Yeah, when the dosh wasn’t going to their rich tory mates! Oxford University Hospitals trials using MRI scanners adapted to use Xenon gas on the lungs of long-covid patients, showed promising early results. Anti-Vaxxer Lawrence Fox got covid and self-medicated with Ivermectin. Side effects included seizures, coma and death. We could but hope! President Trudeau ran away from Ottawa as a convoy of trucks rolled in to protest Canada’s vaccine policy. The Trucking Alliance denied the demo represented their members. Changes to The Highway Code effective from Saturday, critics said they weren’t publicised enough. I thought pedestrians already had a right of way at junctions!
*Where: those involved knew they were committing an offence; not investigating would ‘significantly undermine the legitimacy of the law’; or there was little ambiguity around a reasonable defence.
References:
i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com
ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/
iii. Ian Mortimer, A Time-travellers’ Guide to Elizabethan England
The Corvus Diaries 