Corvus Bulletin 11:Mind Your Pi’s and Rho’s (Covid Inquiry June-Dec 2023)

“I am listening to them. Their loss will be recognised” (Baroness Hallett)

The UK covid inquiry officially began August 2022. After the resignation of Lady Poole and 4 senior lawyers, the Scottish inquiry finally got underway 22^nd October 2023. Chair Lord Brailsford pledged to place the impact on people’s lives central. Ahead of UK public hearings mid-June, Prof. Pollard of Ox Vax (remember him?) told Newsnight not enough was being done to prepare for future pandemics. On QT, Ayesha said we must learn lessons, Lord Sumpter complained Sweden had already done theirs and government didn’t have a legal leg to stand on and, Cabinet Office (CO) bidding to block their release, weirdo tory minister Lee Rowley claimed WhatsApp messages were irrelevant.

Baroness Halibut started by promising an ‘investigation the nation deserves’ with answers to the 3 main questions of preparedness, response and lessons for the future*. ‘Excluded from sharing key evidence’, Bereaved Families lined up outside holding photos of deceased relatives. Praising their ‘dignified vigil’, Halibut assured them she listened but hoped they’d understand the difficult balance she had to strike.

On preparedness, David Cameroon didn’t accept previous underinvestment in the NHS but confessed to prioritising flu over other respiratory viruses. George Osborne didn’t regret austerity, while former CMO Sally Davies said there weren’t enough medical staff and lockdowns damaged a whole generation of children. Mark Drakeford blamed issues in Welsh care homes on Brexit dominating cabinet meetings.

Amidst the interminable blame-game, The Cock turned into the new Captain Hindsight. He deflected questions by putting the onus on everyone else for unreadiness and lack of medicines. Saying a no-deal Brexit was a distraction, he apologised for all fatalities and understood why people didn’t accept that. He then went to talk to Bereaved Families leaving actress Lorelei King, whose brother died of covid, in tears. The next day he attested that with the benefit of hindsight, an earlier first lockdown could have saved many lives, regretted not overruling advice on asymptomatic transmission and denied lying but admitted the evidence was now clear that Van Dam was right to say the ‘protective ring around care homes’ was a broken circle. Pointing to a toxic culture for needing someone to blame, he called The Scumbag a ‘malign actor’. The Scumbag tweeted he spoke rubbish. Ex-NHS CE Simon Stevens subsequently declared The Cock wanted to decide who lived and died rather than top medics.

At Phase 2 in November, former deputy CO sec Helen MacNamara who Scumbag called a cunt**, said government had no real-life experience or ‘business as usual’ model early 2020. No input from women in Number 10 nor CO meant they became effectively ‘invisible overnight’ and covid policy gaps (e.g., childcare). Told there was a plan 10 days before lockdown, she hadn’t seen one and feared thousands dead, akin to a ‘dystopian nightmare’. She returned from having covid 2^nd April to find Boris absent with it and drafted a document on how to manage when he was ill. She stated restrictions were never followed in Downing St. but as she was fined for attending a lockdown party and brought the karaoke machine to aide Hannah Young’s leaving do 18^th June 2020 as featured in the Channel 4 Partygate film, should have known better!

Lord Mark Sedwill, CO sec until autumn 2020, apologised for recommending ‘chicken pox’ parties to boost herd immunity and, so far up Bori’s arse, ‘his ankles were brown’, had pressed The Bumbler to sack The Cock. He was replaced by Simon Case who likened working in Number 10 to ‘taming wild animals’.

The Glove-Puppet apologised to Bereaved Families for mistakes, agreed lockdowns came too late, criticised tiers and said the impact on children wasn’t considered. Loath to criticise Boris in retrospect, he felt they all deserved a share. Rabid Raab disagreed with Saj that The Scumbag made Bori’s decisions. Thicky Harries admitted infected patients were discharged to care homes and claimed she warned government to safeguard kids. On Newscast, ex-civil servant Jill Rutter found ‘precautionary principles’ interesting; politicians wanting certainty before acting effectively dumped on scientists and PHE. Health threats not treated the same as others like terrorism, it was suggested that UKHSA should sit on the National Security Council.

As part of module 2, the inquiry asked if measures such as social restrictions and lockdowns were in the public interest. Pat Vallance’s diary revealed ‘Number 10 in chaos as usual’ and Boris viewed the pandemic as nature’s way of getting rid of old people. He also dismissed long-covid as ‘bollocks’. Ex mandarin Alex Thomas described an ‘anxious, chaotic and divided’ relationship between CO and No. 10 in the early days. Illustrating dysfunctionality at heart of government, Hugo Keith QC disclosed messages between Simon Case and Boris, autumn 2020: SC: always told Dom real PM but Carrie really in charge.BJ: How true, Smiley face. SC: We look like a terrible joke, I can’t cope with this. I’m going home.

The PM ‘changing strategic direction every day’, Case reached the end of his tether, took sick leave and didn’t attend the inquiry due to a ‘medical issue’ ‘Deeply sorry’ for sending the BYOB garden party e-mail May 2020, former PP Martin Reynolds said government couldn’t deal with the crisis and wrote in his diary that Boris was a weak and ineffective PM. He revealed a ‘shit list’ of people for the chop – it was shit because Scumbag wasn’t on it! Agreeing there was no plan, Boris dithered and took too long imposing lockdown, Lee Cain said it was the wrong crisis for the PMs skillset (whatever that was) but it was a huge undertaking. Keith read The Scumbag’s messages out calling government ‘useless fuck-pigs, cunts and morons’. Dom replied that minister’s incompetence was far worse than his Pi’s and Rho’s. Lord Lister disclosed Boris volunteered to be jabbed with covid live on TV. Meanwhile, claiming to have changed his phone several times and not backed them up, Rishi Rich failed to handover messages from his time as chancellor.

All the bods appeared in what was dubbed Science Week, to reveal the burden of overwork and death threats. Vallance said Boris was bamboozled by The Science and ignored advice on restrictions, believed tiers ineffective and ‘eat out to help out’ which he wasn’t consulted on, helped the spread. The Scumbag ‘happy to see people die’, diary notes showed ministers’ surprise when the CMO piped up. Chris Witless agreed the pandemic preparedness plan wasn’t useful, although lack of data and testing early March 2020 was the big problem. Lockdown #1 a bit late, there were no good options and he advised Van Dam to wait for more data before declaring an epidemic. With hindsight, they could have done things differently. ‘Absolutely not’ consulted on ‘eat out to help out’, Van Dam found out about it on telly and felt allowing mass gatherings spring 2020 ‘unhelpful’. At PMQs, Gareth Thomas asked why Vallance said Rishi didn’t take his advice but 2 years ago, Boris declared they always followed The Science. Rishi spouted the usual lies.

Mass media coverage patchy, a BBC News presenter speaking MLE (Multicultural London English) was almost unintelligible. On Newscast, Laura K. thought the inquiry confirmed how bad things were with government almost imploding, Brexit creating factions and civil servants struggling to grapple with policy. Jo Co asked her Daily Politics panel: who was to blame for the toxic culture – Boris or The Scumbag? Err, the PM appointed them! Due to the 3-cunt rule, HIGNFY used country house instead to ridicule the goings-on. Positing the inquiry was a waste of time, Jeremy Vine queried why it didn’t investigate if covid originated in a Chinese lab. Because that’s not what it’s about you idiot! Even more idiotic, a caller declared the hearings a disgrace and an insult to the bereaved and hoped they didn’t get paid. I suggested she didn’t know what an inquiry was, but Phil reckoned many people didn’t want to contemplate culpability. Others had all-but forgotten about it as evinced by my visit to an elderly neighbour. When I knocked on her door in October, she felt unwell. “Can I help?” “No, I’m waiting for it to work through; it’s one of those things; you know, that thing everyone had 3 years ago and we had to wear masks.” “Covid?” “That’s it!”

Still being grilled in December, The Cock said he resigned over his affair with Gina Colander as he was accountable for not following the rules and that sooner lockdowns could have prevented school closures Jan 2021. He praised Liverpool mayor Joe Anderson for cooperation and regretted he was no longer with us – Joe tweeted he just took his pulse and was still here! Criticising Bunman for putting politics before health by failing to agree a support package, Bunman retorted the problem was with Cock. Attending in person, Bunman complained of London-centric decision-making and fellow Metro Mayor Khan whinged of exclusion.

Allegedly preparing for a year, Boris appeared at the inquiry for 2 days early December, arriving under cover of darkness at 7.00 a.m. sporting a GTFC bobble hat – much to the chagrin of Grimbarians. ‘Deeply sorry’ for pain, loss and suffering, 4 protestors brandishing papers reading ‘the dead can’t hear your apologies’ were ejected. The Bumbler admitted to male-dominated meetings and misjudging scale: “It would certainly be fair to say of me, the entire Whitehall establishment, scientific community…we underestimated the scale and the pace of the challenge…We should have collectively twigged much sooner. I should have twigged.” Defending the overall approach, he denied excess UK deaths second only to Italy, said he didn’t sack The Cock (who’d gone off to do ‘Who Dares Wins’) because he was ‘intellectually able’ and doing his best, conceded tiers didn’t work leading to lockdown #2, was perplexed at scientists’ claims of being unaware of ‘eat out to help out’ and denied advocating letting the virus rip. Not reconciled with deaths, he knew from experience how horrid it was and focused on saving lives. Regretful of Partygate, he claimed public perception of events was a million miles from what actually happened. CO losing its legal challenge to block full release of his documents, a pleased Halibut expected to receive material pronto, but Boris forgot his old phone’s passcode. Needing help to retrieve it, he couldn’t explain why messages disappeared and blathered about WhatsApp going down and coming back up again with data erased.

Rishi apologised to all sufferers but defended ‘eat out to help out’ which he didn’t believe was risky and denied not consulting medics. Panned for putting money before lives, some claimed it saved the hospitality sector, others that it made little difference. Unaware The Treasury was called a death squad, he repeatedly said ‘I don’t recall’ before the inquiry was adjourned until 2024.

Outside the inquiry, a plethora of evidence emerged, proving cronies still got away with it. A study by the Best for Britain group found government wasted £100bn over 4 years on ‘crony contracts’, ‘duff deals’ and ‘outrageous outgoings’ including £15bn on unusable PPE, £140m on the unlawful Rwanda deal, £2bn scrapping HS2, and ½ bn on unused post-Brexit custom inspection sites. £14.9bn PPE written off, plus £3.3bn for TIT, PAC found no proper controls and an inventory impossible 3 years on. Chair Meg Hillier understood pressures at the pandemic’s outset, but lax controls and finance didn’t help, creating a huge challenge of what to do with stockpiles. Finding UKHSA unable to prepare auditable accounts and Jenny Harries lacking ‘technical experience’, Jenny countered she was working with DHSC to overcome ‘inherited’ financial challenges.

On a Medi pro documentary, Michelle Moan confessed she knew about the PPE deal but it was nowt to do with her. She then informed Laura K. that while she lied, she did nothing wrong or illegal. Hubby Doug Barrowman confirmed Moan could be a beneficiary of the £60m profit:’ that’s what you do when you make money’ (splutter!) Wondering who thought the interview was a good idea, Wes Streeting railed at people getting away with ripping the country off and reiterated labour plans for a covid corruption commissioner. Amidst a criminal suit, Oliver Dowdy insisted there was no cronyism in awarding contracts. Rishi said he took the issue incredibly seriously and denied Moan had told government of her involvement. Keir called it ‘a shocking disgrace from top to bottom’.

Babylon Healthcare, which The Cock gave £20m DOH money to for the ‘doctor in your pocket’ app, went bust. There were calls to investigate Leeds company Clipper Logistics £130m subcontracts to distribute PPE. A spokesperson insisted there was no connection to boss Mr Parkin personally donating dosh to the tories. Tom Moore charity trustee and daughter Hannah Ingram-Moore was paid ‘thousands’ to attend charity events. The money went to Maytrix Group (her and hubbies’ company). Instructed to demolish the Captain Tom Foundation Building in their garden, she was reduced to using public spas.

In other news, The Met belatedly issued 24 fines over the Jingle & Mingle do and paid compo to 2 women arrested at the Clapham Common vigil for breaking coronavirus laws. Patsy Stevenson and Dania Al-Obeid didn’t know they’d met there.

Plans for annual covid boosters were unveiled in August. Despite limited info, not yet a variant of concern and only 3 UK cases, Omicron version BA.2.86 aka Pirola, caused covid and flu jabs to be brought forward to 11^th September. Not being over 65, immunosuppressed or care workers, we didn’t qualify and couldn’t buy it even if we could afford to, as Mike Gammon seemed to think we should (at least not yet). The NHS whinged of short notice and begged government to plan better next year. As the number of cases rose to 36, most in a Norfolk care home (one hospitalised, all recovered), UKHSA believed there was some community transmission and urged the eligible to get jabbed. Telly doctor Chris re-emerged to tell BBC Breakfast Pirola had 30 mutations and might bypass immunity but be less hazardous to health. By November, subvariant JN.1had spread to 12 countries. Originating in Denmark, the name Pirola combined Greek letters Pi and Rho, and also happened to be Spanish Galician slang for male anatomy!

Covid and flu still rose in the UK at the end of 2023 but there was less than 2022. Meanwhile, China’s first winter without lockdown since 2020 brought low immunity, lots of flu and inundated hospitals. WHO demanded they release data. Covid vaccine mRNA developers Katalin Kariko and Drew Weissman shared the Nobel prize for medicine. Moderna planned dual vaccines by 2025, and treble ones the year after. Prompted by the emergence of long covid, further research uncovered long colds causing coughing, tummy ache and diarrhoea for up to 4 weeks. As we were ill most of December, I wondered if we had it.

The NHS’ 75^th anniversary was celebrated in July with a service at Westminster Abbey, a Tom Hardy bedtime story and suspension of the hardship fund and counselling service due to overwhelming demand. Mary Parsons who administered the first covid vaccine, wished people recognised it was ‘such a treasure’: “We don’t know what we’ve lost until we lose it.” First NHS baby Aneira Thomas agreed we took it for granted. Meanwhile, millions waited for treatment as Rishi’s promise to reduce the lists floundered, alongside his other daft priorities.

*Covid inquiry areas and modules- 4 underway:

Resilience and preparedness
Core UK decision-making and political governance
Impact on healthcare systems
Vaccines and therapeutics (including anti-virals)

Others to be announced included: The care sector, PPE procurement, Test and trace, Government business and financial response, Health inequalities and the impact of Covid-19, Education, children and young people, Other public services (including frontline delivery by key workers).

**Scumbag said of MacNamara “I don’t care how it’s done but that woman must be out of our hair – we cannot keep dealing with this horrific meltdown of the British state while dodging stilettos from that cunt.” Disappointed Boris didn’t pull Cummings up on his ‘violent and misogynistic language’, MacNamara responded: ‘It’s horrible to read, and both surprising and not surprising.‘

Corvus Bulletin 3: Bumper Anniversary Edition

“This was a day for ambition…but…the Tory cupboard is as bare as the salad aisle in our supermarket. The lettuces may be out, but the turnips are in” (Keir Starmer)

Everything, Everywhere, All At Once

ONS figures released at the start of Mach were as frosty as the weather. Wages no longer rising as fast, 2.52 million were on long-term sick. Unemployment still low, there were slightly less vacancies. The UK avoiding a ‘technical recession’ 2023 according to the OBR, there’d be 0.2% less growth. On budget day, Abba’s Money, Money, Money drowned out reporters stupidly stood in Downing Street before The C**t emerged. Taking credit for an expected drop in inflation, he began an interminable statement by echoing Everything, Everywhere, All At Once (the film that swept the Oscars), promising a pile of ‘E’s – enterprise, education, employment and everywhere. Not listing energy, he extended the price cap until June, pledged to bring pre-payment charges in line with direct debits, gave funds to leisure centres and local groups towards their bills, and froze fuel duty for 12 months. More tax on wine from August, a so-called ‘Brexit pubs guarantee’ meant less duty on draught beer, covering Northern Ireland, thanks to the Windsor Framework. ‘Brexit freedoms’ also allowed a ‘near-automatic sign-off’ of new medicines. More dosh for looked-after children, care leavers and potholes, a measly £10m was given to suicide prevention. Wraparound childcare wouldn’t kick in until after the next election. He announced a second round of city region transport funding and extra money for Levelling Up partnerships, investment zones to create 12 ‘Canary Wharfs’ in areas like Manchester and West Yorks, for which they’d need to bid. I doubted it would mollify Yorkshire grandees. Incensed at getting Levelling Up round 1 dosh but not in round 2 mid-February, they whinged the goalposts moved after they submitted bids they were encouraged to write.

Intent on making us all work, he was abolishing the work capability assessment. It would be voluntary for disabled people to find jobs with support for workers suffering mental health and back problems before they left employment. On the other hand, UC claimants with no health issues faced more coaching, more rigorous sanctions and an increased threshold of 18 hours a week. Not hearing anything about ESA, I later discovered an end to sickness top-ups if ineligible for PIP from 2026. Targeting the over 50’s, there were ‘3 steps’ to make working longer easier: enhanced DWP mid-life MOT’s; new apprenticeships (aka returnerships); and increased pension tax allowance with abolition of the lifetime limit.

As per Pat Vallance’s recommendations, a ‘quantum strategy’ involved an AI sandbox, an ‘exascale’* computer and a £1m annual Manchester prize. Worth a mere £2.5bn, did they know how much that tech stuff actually cost?

Nuclear magically classed as environmental, Great British Nuclear aimed to generate a quarter of our leccy by 2050. Pitifully underwhelmingly in light of the IPPC report on an increasingly warmer world, Guterres said there was just about time to reverse climate change if we did ‘everything, everywhere, all at once’.

In place of witty Reeves, Keir responded there was nothing to tackle crime, NHS waiting times or the housing crisis, leaving the UK the sick man of Europe, stuck in the waiting room with only a sticking plaster and more disguised tax hikes. Referencing turnips, he obviously hadn’t heard we didn’t grow them anymore!

Liberals pointed to inflated high energy and food costs and the OBR reckoned we still faced the biggest ever fall in living standards. Timed to coincide with The C**t’s missive, strikers marched through London to rally in Trafalgar Square. The biggest walkout so far entailed doctors, teachers, civil servants, London underground staff and BBC journos, affecting regional evening news. I turned over from Fatty Dimmock to ITV. Having interviewed The C**t, Robert Pessimist said there was no way the budget could be seen as a giveaway, except scrapping the pensions cap, benefitting the rich. Not much for the rest of us, impact analysis by The Resolution Foundation showed the poorest would be better off and middle and high earners worse off. How did they work that out? Later in the month, their research revealed the true cost of a widening productivity gap compared to other European countries and ‘unprecedented’ 15 years’ wage stagnation; if wages had grown the same as before the 2008 crash, workers would earn an extra £11,000 p.a.

Party Games

At the start of March, Cock Covid Diary collaborator Isabel Oakeshott, leaked 100,000 WhatsApp messages to the Torygraph. Revelations suggested the then Health sec didn’t follow Chris Witless’ advice spring 2020. On the morning of 14^th April, Witless advised testing everyone entering care homes. By evening, official guidance changed to cover only patients discharged from hospital. The Cock furious, a spokesman claimed messages were ‘doctored and stolen to create a false story’: with insufficient testing capacity, they had to prioritise. Accused of breaking NDA, Isabel insisted the leaks were in the public interest. Countering they weren’t, The Cock railed they formed part of her anti-lockdown agenda. She asked Newscast, “what even is that?” Had she forgotten the demos? She didn’t worry about never again being trusted as she was good at what she did –Yep, good at playing the game, getting men to tell her secrets and promoting herself! In messages published over the next few days, we learnt The Cock dithered over whether he’d broke rules snogging Gina Colander, and resisting lockdown up to a week before its imposition, Boris subsequently ranted militantly on social distancing July 2020, a month after the birthday party he was fined for. Also, The Salesman called teachers’ unions a ‘bunch of arses’ who hated work. Mary Bousted retorted he was ‘out of his depth’ during the pandemic.

At PMQs, Keir harped on energy bills and massive profits before referencing the leaks, asking Rishi to assure the house of no more covid enquiry delays. The PM responded with the usual: we should let them get on and do their job.

On March 3^rd, The privileges committee partygate investigation preliminary report, concluded Boris misled parliament multiple times. The Bumbler retorted there was no proof. Calling the report damning, Keir caused a row by offering Sue Gray the job of labour chief of staff. Doing the Sunday morning rounds, Chris Heaton-Harris laughably called Boris ‘100%’ a man of integrity. On 21^st,Boris’ partygate evidence was released, predictably alleging it was all his adviser’s fault. The next day, he faced the committee, with a new haircut. After a rare oath-taking, he told them he believed gatherings were essential, his statements to the commons were made in good faith, it was nonsense that he didn’t take proper advice and, after losing his shit, thanked them for a ‘useful’ discussion – to much guffawing. A good day to bury other news, Rishi’s long-promised tax details revealed he paid ½m 2022 and 1m since 2019. Keir paying £118,580 over 2 years, he was accused by toires of hypocrisy for benefitting from the pension tax break, which he’d vowed to ditch

The Ripple Effect

23^rd March marked the 3^rd anniversary of lockdown #1. No mention on main news channels, the ripples of coronavirus continued to be felt. Metro revealed a 134% increase in ‘ghost kids’ missing school and Look North reported on the emotional impact with more young kids needing pastoral support. Patients in the region still dying (49 the previous week), 1.5 million suffered from long-covid. Prof Dinesh Saralaya of Bradford Hospitals who took part in several vaccine and treatment trials, warned covid hadn’t gone away and Prof John Wright of The Bradford Institute of Health Research said it would be with us forever. Providing the analogy of the after-effects of an earthquake, he described layers of those affected by death, long covid and recession. On the plus side, they’d learnt a lot so were better prepared for future mutations or viruses. It was easy to forget how lethal and scary it was 3 years ago, but we should celebrate the sense of community and connectedness it engendered.

As the clocks changed for BST, NAO revealed £1.4 billion worth of PPE was incinerated and £21bn lost to fraud. As Lithuanians were convicted of grifting £10m from the covid loan scheme, government pointed out they’d set up the Public Sector Fraud Authority. But it was criticised for ineffectiveness across departments. Amid reported tension between The Treasury and DWP, Mel Stride announced a delay in raising the pension age to 68 – because of unpopularity before the next general election, a drop in life expectancy, or more elderly people leaving the labour market post-covid?

Margaret Ferrier MP faced 30 days’ suspension from the house for breaking lockdown rules in September 2020. She later launched an appeal.

A Canadian review of 137 global studies published in the BMJ, found minimal changes in mental health during the pandemic and ‘more resilience’ than assumed but raised concerns that women suffered more due to care responsibilities and domestic violence. The FBI chief decided covid originated in a Wuhan government-controlled lab after all. The US legislature later voted to declassify all documents on the analysis of coronavirus. As Covid Diary workshop participants observed, it all seemed really weird now. Maybe they should let it lie!

*A very big computer

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 101 – End of An Era?

“Under the Tories, a sewer of dirty Russian money has been allowed to flow under London for years.” (Ian Blackford)

Open and Shut

The howling wind waking me repeatedly in the early hours Monday, I dropped off again until late. After brekkie, I expunged a nasty lump of debris festooning the hearth, did small chores and sparked the laptop up only for the dam thing to shut down! I fumed at the delay until I could post blogs; the journal took until afternoon. Phil offered to dispose of rubbish but as he groaned at a wind-felled trellis, I went to help and retrieved the bin lid from the bottom of the steps before going to the co-op. At the kiosk, I waited impatiently for an elderly woman to pack her bag. My mate laughed when I threw my stuff back in the wheeled basket. I said it was much easier to sort afterwards and allowed someone else access to the till. Was that a bit passive-aggressive? Exhausted by a whirlwind of tasks, I flopped on the sofa then on the bed.

Off last week due to hilariously falling off his penny farthing, Jeremy Vine still sported a black eye. Marina Purkiss argued with James Gammon over Brexit and orders to return to offices saying it only profited property magnates. And coffee shops! The queen had covid. Suffering ‘minor cold symptoms’, she isolated at Windsor and continued ‘light duties’. Undeterred by the news, Boris told MPs it was time to ‘live with covid’ and treat it like ‘flu. Mandated self-isolation of the infected would end Thursday in England along with payments, obligations to tell employers, and contact-tracing. Changes to SSP and ESA would end 24^th March. Mass free testing to be scaled back from 1^st April, except for the vulnerable, they’d also get another booster in spring. Referring to a funding disagreement between The Goblin and Rishi Rich leading to a delayed cabinet meeting, Keir lambasted ‘more chaos and disarray’: “he thinks living with covid means ignoring it…If you’re 2-1 up with 10 minutes to go, you don’t sub off one of your best defenders.” Ian Blackford railed it was ‘bereft of science’. On Boris asking people to exercise personal responsibility and still isolate for 5 days, Wes Streeting chuckled: “give me a break!” Witless and Vallance used a press conference to warn coronavirus wasn’t over but Boris denied a division. Linda Bauld said while hospitalisations and deaths were down, community infection remained high, so it wasn’t: ‘a free ticket to not worry at all’. On Newsnight, Prof. Openshaw counselled ‘don’t throw your mask away’ and agreed with Witless on caution, saying infection surveys were vital early warning systems of new variants which might be more dangerous.

In the wake of Storm Franklin, floodwater inundated Tadcaster streets and Doncaster rail station, destroyed defences under construction on the River Aire and cracked a bridge in Boston Spa meaning a 7 mile trip to get across town. Most providers advising against travel, all Northern trains were suspended. Saying last week names couldn’t be released, PCs Jonathan Cobban and William Neville and ex-cop Joel Borders were unveiled as the 3 Met staff who’d shared nasty WhatsApp chat with Wayne Couzens.

Opening the curtains Tuesday, the pole promptly fell on my head. Yelling in shock, I sat down with water until a hot flush passed. Trains still a mess and 80 flood warnings in place, I postponed a planned trip to Manchester, sent a submission to Valley Lifeⁱ, and posted the date 22.02.22. on Facebook. Walking Friend added 22.02.2022. How did I miss the palindrome? Resuming the kitchen spring clean, I discovered a pile of jars clarted in cobwebs and freaked out when a spider skin fell on my hand. Unable to rest on the bed as Phil fixed the curtain pole, I relaxed on the sofa with a book when he declared he was going on a quest for marge. “Okay, but leave me in peace!” I lay down for breathing exercises. He apologised for interrupting m again on his return but I’d given up by then. Though sunny during a changeable day, it was too cold to properly relax. And I appreciated that he’d rang his Leeds mate while out so her dulcet tones didn’t disturb me further! As he’d taken both bedroom curtains down, I put them in the wash and used the spares.

The backlash against the ‘living with covid’ plan continued. Schools predicted more cases and further classroom disruption, devolved administrations lambasted the end of financial support, and the BMA complained of failure ‘to protect those at highest risk’. Drugs lauded as the future for tackling outbreaks, Adam Finn thought annual jabs alongside flu likely. Calling ending routine testing in England ‘inexcusable negligence’, Sturgeon announced it would stay in Scotland – albeit scaled down. The Scottish covid pass would be scrapped 28^th Feb. followed by other measures 21^st March.

Lethargic on Wednesday, I slowly opened curtains to a watery sun. Phil made porridge to take off the morning’s chill. After cleaning a bitty living room, I saw the laptop had updated and shutdown overnight and waited impatiently to be able to type. I set the DVR to record PMQs and went out, just as the weather turned showery. Spotting Welsh Friends’ step-daughter pushing a pram, I introduced myself at long last to be acquainted with the baby. Greeting her partner on the next street down, I was unsure if he recognised me. At the far end of town, I got nowt in the crap Boots. Signs unsurprisingly revealed a shutdown. More luck in the charity shops, I spent ages rifling through a box of old postcards. Lunchtime by then, I hurried along the riverside to the other Boots which also looked about to close due to a lack of stock during reorganisation. Having propped up the felled trellis on the way out and on the way back, I became exacerbated. The woman next door sympathised. Trying to affix it later, Phil gave up in the stiff wind.

The recording of PMQs shocking quality, at least I could fast-forward boring bits. Focussed on sanctions against Russia, Keir asked why Boris didn’t immediately impose the full package, seeing as there’d already been an invasion. The Bumbler responded it was vital that after the first barrage, they worked in lockstep with allies to squeeze Vlad, sanctions would be escalated, and he was grateful for the opposition’s support thus far. On defeating the campaign of lies and misinformation, he said Dreadful Doris had asked Ofcom to review RT licences but the decision was up to them. Sturgeon led calls for Alex Salmon to quit his show on the Russian channel. As Boris reverted to incomprehensible gibberish, Keir pointed out political donations were allowed from anywhere to which Boris wittered about labour links to the Chinese communist party. Refusing to be deflected, Keir insisted they stood united and not provide ‘homes for their loot’. Ian Blackford added ‘a sewer of dirty Russian money’ flowed under London. $20.8 billion amounted to corruption on an industrial scale, oligarchs with golden handshakes were welcomed and dosh had ‘found its way into tory coffers’. A block to stronger sanctions, he asked Boris if he’d finally commit to giving it up? Caroline Lucas put in that as foreign sec, Boris didn’t deny Russian interference in elections and asked why he turned a blind eye to disruption allegations? Margaret Hodge called the sanctions response a mess. Adamant they’d impact the entire regime, Boris said there’d be a major move to stop their dollars coming into London. On other issues, Bradford MP Imran Hussain’s question on promoting an alleged perpetrator of Islamophobia was ruled inappropriate, Ian Byrne got the party line on tackling food poverty, and queries on support for Liberty Steel, private carers and the vulnerable amid the lifting of covid restrictions, were answered with drivelling platitudes. Asked on Daily Politics if 14 labour MPs who thought NATO the aggressor should be expelled, Luke Pollard replied they were ‘a broad church’ but committed to NATO.

Ignoring feeble knocks during siesta time, Phil answered to accept a parcel for next door. I lay awhile with my eyes shut, stitched a hole in the bedspread, and fumed at unwashed pots. Apparently distracted by putting tools away, Phil struggled to say what he meant. “Mixing your words and your tasks! There’s no hope!” I laughed.

£6.1 billion public debt interest in January, the PAC report revealed poor record-keeping and lack of transparency led to £15 billion lost in covid error and fraud. In a rare fit of praise later in the week, they called the vaccine roll-out a ‘real success’ and NAO said the £5.6 billion was ‘money well spent.’ In response to a letter from MET deputy commissioner Stephen House, the London mayor’s office denied lack of due process in getting rid of Dick. Flooding still affected areas of Worcestershire and Shropshire near the River Severn. With Ironbridge underwater, households evacuated and levels peaking in Bewdley, communities were urged to stay vigilant and there were clamours for permanent solutions. As Russia celebrated Day of the Fatherland in Rostov on Don (down the road from Sheffield!) Ukraine got more weapons and protections against cyber-attacks were stepped up. Ben Wally saying he’d gone ‘full Tonto’, Vlad stuck to his guns, telling Kyiv the only way out was to demilitarise and abandon their NATO ambitions.

A Call to Arms

Thursday, Phil changed the bedding while I bathed. He then lay abed with cushions and blankets askew. Irked, I chased him off. Putting sheets in the machine, I searched for a butterfly back from an earring that fell out in the bath and found a hairgrip. More fits ensued at stuff dangerously stacked in cupboards and the coal-hole. Ocado carrier bags trapped beneath the Christmas tree stand, freeing them was hampered by an ancient bulb taking several minutes to light up. We awaited the Ocado delivery and looked at changing weather through the window. There was a lot of it! Hail overnight, we got sleet, then sun, more hail and squally mixed hail/sleet showers. Renewed yellow warnings of wind, snow and lightning for Scotland and Northern Ireland, there was no thundersnow and reports disagreed on if it was Storm Gladys. I reviewed the proof from Valley Life and worked on the journal. The bedroom curtains the wrong way round, lack of overlap left a gap in the middle. Phil helped remedy the issue and affixed the decorative knob. Finishing the hoovering after lunch, I kept finding more dross, got tired, and rested. Cooking dinner, the oven door handle door came loose. Fed up with things going wrong in the stupid weather, we left more DIY for another day.

An Ipsos poll found people divided on whether it was the right time to relax restrictions but 61% didn’t support the decision to end free testing. Home Office figures showed a record 28,526 people crossed the English Channel in dinghies during 2021. Still ill with covid, the queen postponed virtual audiences. Would she make it to her jubilee party? Meanwhile, Prince Willy secretly visited MI6. Hours later, Vlad released a rambling pre-recorded statement. Claiming he aimed to stop the genocide of innocent people by Nazis, he sent troops over Ukrainian borders at 3.00 a.m. local time. As airbases were attacked, Ukraine said they shot 5 planes down, enlisted reservists into the regular army, and declared martial law encouraging citizens to take up arms and make Molotov cocktails. Sirens blasting, an exodus of Kyiv began. Woken in the night, Boris spoke to Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky, convened cobra and addressed the nation, saying they’d agreed a ‘massive package’ of sanctions with allies to ‘hobble the Russian economy’. No embargo yet on gas or Swift, money still flowed into Kremlin coffers. UN security council pleas to stop the aggression fell on deaf ears. No wonder seeing as it was chaired by a Ruskie. After summits involving the UK, US , EU and G7, Boris made a statement to the commons, uncommonly united in condemning the imperialist. RAF typhoons patrolled Polish and Romanian borders, Grant Shats instructed CAA to ensure airlines avoided Ukraine airspace, Aeroflot UK landings were banned, stock markets fell and oil prices rocketed. Vlad insisted they only targeted military assets but explosions were heard in Kyiv, Odesa and Kharkiv, where an apartment block was bombed and they took Chernobyl causing much alarm. Russian opponents of the aggression bravely held demos, 1,7000 were arrested and 150 officials wrote an open letter condemning the ‘atrocity’. Extensive coverage of the now real invasion made me depressed and fretful, leading to mediocre sleep.

The Darkest Hour

Clumpy noises annoyingly roused me Friday morning, created by a fat truck with flashing yellow lights crawling up the hillside. Making use of the forced early start, I took a rare trip to the co-op before coffee. Lovely and sunny out after the mixed weather, I greeted the Turkish barber cleaning his windows and wished I could get out before noon more often. Shopping Incident-free, bacon shelves were still bare. Coming back, I heard young mum in the community garden ask the toddler if he wanted to take something to the new house. “Have you got a new house?” Providing details she added: “Moving’s a nightmare with a toddler.” “I bet. He’ll be into everything now!” I sorted groceries, collapsed on the sofa with coffee, discussed nasty Russians with Phil and got scared at the very idea of going for a drink in case they put Novichok in my beer.

After a hasty lunch, I headed to town, dumped a bag of crap at the animal charity shop and ripped the box reaching up for cough drops in the sweet shop. He contritely said he should move it lower down. “As long as you don’t charge me for damage.” “Good idea!” he quipped. Trying both butchers, the first was temporarily shut and the second had no bacon. I whizzed round the flea market to banter and barter with dealers then returned to the first butchers for the elusive bacon. He teased he’d been stockpiling it. An awful pirate busker in the square, I retreated to the bridge for some quiet but it was insanely busy with traffic and pedestrians. I met The Researcher as arranged and suggested the town hall. A dementia and covid project display by a rival university provided food for thought and an interesting take on dark times. She kindly bought us coffee and cake In the café where I grabbed a scarce table. The terrace unusable due to the crappiest ice rink in the world, signs declared it open from 23^rd but they were still setting up! We discussed ideas for showcasing her project, further contributions to her blog and my plans to pause Corvus Diaries. War dominating the news, she was terrified and said it was the third day in her life she’d watched TV all day. The other two being the death of Diana and 9/11, I felt old! For our generation, it evoked the constant fear of nuclear war but I believed there was some hope: it might be the end of Vlad, ordinary Russians opposed invading their neighbours and mutiny was possible. Sharing personal stuff, we discovered a similar age gap between our parents and mutual publishing ambitions. Chairs being put atop tables signified closing time. A member of staff brought a doggy bag so I could take home the uneaten half of the gigantic cake slice. “That’s the first time I’ve been chucked out of the town hall!” We browsed the free library and laughed over West Country accents and a broken door before saying our goodbyes.

In plans for HE, DoE lowered the student loans threshold and extended the payment period so it’d be 40 years until debts were written off and graduates would pay more, for longer. A consultation on admission thresholds proposed minimum English & maths grades to access loans which government said would stop students enrolling on poor courses while critics said it disproportionately affected poor kids. Believing HE students should have a decent level of literacy, I wondered at the timing after effectively 2 years of on-off schooling during the pandemic.

Fierce fighting across Ukraine, Russian ‘operatives’ were in Kyiv by dawn and tanks in the northern suburb of Obolon. While NATO presence beefed up in Eastern Europe, EC foreign policy chief Josep Borrell intoned it was the darkest hour since WW2, the US and EU imposed more sanctions but still prevaricated over the toughest ones. Was it time for the iron curtain to be redrawn? Urging the Ukrainian military to surrender, Vlad said “we would find it easier to agree with you than with that gang of drug addicts and neo-Nazis who have holed up in Kyiv.” Jewish ex-comic turned president Vlod angrily dismissed the claims, said he was top of the Russian hit list and offered to negotiate on NATO ambitions. Serge said it was too late for that. A woman gave a Russian soldier sunflower seeds to put in his pocket so blooms would grow when he fell dead on her homeland soil, and crowds descended on rail stations aiming for Poland and Rumania. UEFA moved the champion’s league final from St. Petersburg to Paris and F1 cancelled the Sochi Grand Prix.

Metro featured an ace photo of a WW2 mural discovered renovating a house in Bispham. I suggested Phil ask to see it during an upcoming trip (see above).

Getting pizza from the freezer for dinner, I realised I’d disposed of cooking instructions. Phil said he’d come up with a mnemonic to remember timings but had forgotten it! Drinking too much wine, I blamed the added stress of war in our time. Phil interrupting film-viewing with rhetorical advice for Uncle Joe didn’t help!

After a crap night, Shed Boy noisily lobbed a van-load of trash in a skip early Saturday. I gave up trying to lie in and switched the telly on to discover Kyiv under attack from airstrikes, heavy gunfire and rockets. Reports of higher than expected Russian casualties, Ukrainian equipment was badly hit. 20,000 refugees arrived in Poland. Remaining citizens holed up in deep underground stations during the 13-hour curfew. Speaking from uninvaded streets, plucky Vlod scotched rumours of surrender. Demos took place across the UK. All very depressing, I avoided news for the rest of the day.

Making brekkie, my eyes went funny. Struggling to discern numbers on the kettle and microwave, my vision soon adjusted. Another symptom of excess, Phil explained wine over-relaxed the cells and recommended eye exercise. We discussed how unlike his condition, mine was temporary but it made me empathise and appreciate how quickly our brains adapted to make sense of the world. The SD card being arsy, I rescued a few photos and re-formatted it, worked on the journal, and pottered. Phil cut and dyed my hair. Really cold in the South Pole, I got scared of hypothermia. He also fixed the oven door, cleaned the bathroom and went to the shop, finding the twilight streets littered with drunks, just like the old days! Evening viewing included the third Oscar-nominated Netflix film so far this year. Phil often inventing modern operas, I said he should be inspired by Tick, Tick, Boom: “You literally CAN write a song about anything!”

Waking early Sunday with familiar symptoms, I sucked a pastille, slept fitfully ‘til 9, took Echinacea, wobbled down for a cuppa and got riled at a messy kitchen. Sulking on the bed, I told Phil I wasn’t well. “Is it the beer?” “1½ pints? Don’t be daft. It’s the usual sinus lark, probably due to sitting in a freezing kitchen with wet hair.” After his cooked brekkie, I considered going back to bed but stayed in the living room. Very sunny and warm despite early frost, I’d hoped to go for a walk. Obviously not up to it, I was fed up being ill again. I worked on the journal, finished a secret card and wrote a haigaⁱⁱ based on a photo from the previous weekend. Phil repaired a camera and went to the shop for more veg to accompany his austerity roast. Helping with prep, it took 40 minutes to peel and cube a bargainous butternut squash. It felt like a workout! I slumped back on the sofa and left him to it, getting impatient when it wasn’t ready at the appointed time. Finding the gravy tasteless, he insisted he’d used tons of mustard. I railed at undercooked parsnips then realised it was because of overfilling the oven with squash.

On Sunday Morning, ambassador to the UK Vadym Prystaiko talked of an international legion of fighters, and likened the invasion to 1918 when unable to take Kyiv, Bolsheviks took the second city Kharkiv, declared it the new capital then moved on Kyiv. Unconvinced the ‘special operation’ only took place in Donbas, 60% of Russians polled, opposed it and mums worried for their young conscript sons, forced to sign contracts so they could fight. With global protests, 4,000 Russians were reportedly detained for partaking and 1 million signed an anti-war petition. During the weekend curfew, Ex-boxing Kyiv mayor Vitali Klitschko said anyone outside was a saboteur. BP exited Rosneft while the EU shipped more weapons to The Ukraine, eased asylum processes, totally banned Russian planes from their airspace and froze them out of money markets. Unable to access overseas reserves, the rouble fell by 1/3^rd, leading to bank runs, and an interest rate hike to stop the currency collapsing. Cyber-attacks hit Ukrainian embassies and Russian media. Trussed-up Liz said the economic crime bill would stop the money flow into the UK and stupidly, that those heeding the call to arms had her support. Illegal (when it suited them), Ben Wally later contradicted her. A sombre day for football, Abramovich stepped back from Chelsea and Bielsa was sacked, ending an era at Leeds United.

Head drooping, I was determined to prevent debilitation, took a loaded hot lemon drink to bed and quaffed cough mixture. Drifting off, I thought I was asleep but I’d lain in a stupor, uncertain if it was for minutes or hours. Fever breaking, I fell in and out of consciousness during a weird night. Did I have too many drugs?

Only marginally better Monday, Phil added cinnamon to the porridge. I couldn’t taste it but the soft consistency eased my throat. After bathing, I prevaricated about staying abed, decided to go downstairs, got annoyed at an overfull draining board and retreated to the sofa to post the haiga and work on the journal. In the afternoon, I gathered recycling which Phil took out in the nasty rain, even though he was falling asleep, did some secret stuff and had a siesta. I didn’t rest but finished a book. Leftover roast for dinner, I put the anaemic veg back in the oven and he added more mustard to the gravy which I could actually taste. I took this as a sign of improvement but to be safe, I went up early with hot lemon, and fell asleep quickly for a blessedly decent night.

As ex-boxer Vitali ended the Kyiv curfew, besieged citizens queued for food. 500,000 Ukrainians fled and Nasty Patel caused confusion over visas and leave to remain for relatives of UK settlers. Russian tanks approached from the north, east and south towards Mariupol. Cluster bombs allegedly used on Kharkiv, the UN decried war crimes. Vlad sent his culture adviser to negotiate with the Ukrainian defence minister in an old palace in Gomel on the Belarus border, predictably achieving nothing. Belarus forces set to join the fighting, veteran Stepanovych urged mutiny. Russia was banned from international football and FIFA cut ties with Gazprom, as did petrol giant Shell along with links to Nord Stream 2. Escalating the conflict, a beleaguered Vlad linked increased sanctions to his decision to put nuclear forces on high alert, citing ‘aggressive statements’ by NATO. Wally dismissed the threat as ‘battle rhetoric’. Commentators suggested 2 years in a bunker with long-covid, brain fog and paranoia, turned Vlad mad. Others thought that was what he wanted us to think. When would people learn? Megalomaniacs always ended up with hubris syndrome!

On the pandemic front, Omicron ‘lost its grip’, carpark Nightingale facilities were dismantled and more trains ran but would cost more from 1^st March. Masks no longer mandatory in many indoor Welsh spaces, they remained mandatory for public transport, retail and healthcare settings. The next review was due 4^th March. Spy tech getting ‘out of control’ during lockdowns, the TUC wanted the employment bill to ensure union consultation and worker protection from intrusive AI. Reported rapes and sexual assaults up significantly since Sarah Everard’s murder, the ONS thought it was due to increased publicity and easing of restrictions but the number of girls hiding ‘deep distress’ rose.

Coronavirus taking a back seat with bigger things going on in the world, Corvus Diaries was turning into The War Diaries. I decided to take a break.

Thanks for reading. I’ll be back!

Part 99 – Culture Club

“We have got a prime minister who seems to be stoking the anger that people feel in the country at the moment, and that can have real repercussions for society” (Kim Leadbeater)

Lovely Jubbly!

Tossing and turning not helped by beeping dumper trucks in the early hours, I felt terrible Monday and Phil’s silly pixie crab dances made me dizzy. Half-dressed, I took the breakfast tray down, cleared a lake near the sink and took coffee up while Phil carried my laptop. Apart from assembling rubbish for him to put out and meals, I stayed abed, posted the haigaⁱ and journal, and worked on the next episode.

Sir John Bell of Ox Vax blamed scientists and politicians who discredited Astra-Zeneca for hundreds of thousands of deaths. Carrie Antionette issued a statement that she ‘plays no role in government’ and Boris’ ‘enemies’ targeted her in a ‘brutal briefing campaign’. Goblin Saj called the attacks misogynistic. In personnel changes, her special adviser mate, Henry Newman, left Downing Street as new director of communications Gutu Harri conspicuously walked in with healthy snacks, policy director Andrew Griffiths said voters wanted tories to “return rapidly to the point when we can cut taxes,” and chief of staff Steve Barclay juggled 3 jobs. The Torygraph reported the treasury held up the NHS covid recovery plan. In a sham show of unity, Boris and Rishi went to Maidstone Hospital, denied a rift and promised ‘tough targets’ with cancer diagnoses within 28 days. Australia open to the vaccinated from 21^st February, there’d be no Novax!

Having made bail after a court appearance last week, Piers Corbyn led a band of anti-vax acolytes to Westminster, conflating nonsense about Julian Assange and Jimmy Savile. Keir was bundled into a cop car, 2 arrested for chucking a traffic cone and Boris still refused to apologise for the Savile slur. The mob waved Canadian flags in support of the truckers. Growing from a 500-strong Freedom Convoy into a wider protest, Justin Trudeau left Ottawa with a state of emergency, and a 10 day injunction on horn-blowing. Speculating on why we never saw Jeremy and Piers Corbyn together, we invented Conspiracy Man! A day after the queen reached 70 years on the throne, gun salutes fired across the country and Wholesale Clearance bought a bunch of misprinted commemorative Chinese crockery. In a nice cultural reference, they encouraged us to “Become an Only Fools and Horses fan and wow your friends with your Lovely Jubbly set!”

Evening Prime viewing disrupted by internet issues, lots of fiddling ensued. I returned to bed to watch Newsnight. Arguments that re-starting fracking after mothballing in 2019 would help volatile energy prices were questioned in a global gas market. Greedy bastard BP then announced record profits for 2021 of £9.5 billion. Labour renewed calls for a windfall tax. BP said they would invest in alternatives. UKhospitality predicted restaurant and pub prices would rise by 11%. Was that because pay in the sector went up 12%?

Cancel Culture

As Chris Witless wrote to unvaccinated health staff it was their duty to have a jab, Goblin Saj belatedly presented the covid recovery plan, revealing record NHS waiting lists could reach 14 million and wouldn’t drop for 2 years. In a mini cabinet reshuffle, Chris Heaton-Harris became chief whip, Mark Spencer moved to leader of the house despite the islamophobia investigation, and Rees-Moggy laughably became minister for Brexit opportunities and government efficiency. Heather Wheeler became parliamentary sec., Wendy Morton transport minister and George Uncleverly bafflingly switched from North American to European minister while in Washington! Lindsay Hoyle asked The Met for a situation report on the Corbyn mob ambush and repeated rebukes to a nigh-empty commons for careless talk, saying ‘we should always be mindful’ our words have consequences. An ‘incredibly angry and upset’ Kim Leadbeater said the PM stoked anger with ‘real repercussions for society’. At the Convention of the North in Liverpool, The Glove-Puppet doubted the ‘trickle down’ approach helped areas outside the ‘overheated’ South East. Yorkists decried a skinny Levelling Up document and how long it took to cross The Pennines. Quizzed on the integrated rail plan, Glove-puppet thought it a fair point. Mini Macron went to the Kremlin to sit at the other end of a very long table from Vlad. Someone beat me to ‘pass the salt’ in the Metro caption competition! Going onto Kyiv, Mini saw a way forward but Russia denied agreeing to no further escalation on the Ukrainian border. A clip of a holocaust joke from Jimmy Carr’s Christmas special went viral causing widespread outrage. 16,000 signed a petition for Netflix to bin him and Ofgem boss Melanie Dawes welcomed ‘any chance’ to regulate the streaming giant.

The last two days warmer but very changeable with frost early Monday and rain sweeping down the valley Tuesday, I didn’t think I missed much and hoped the debilitation passed before better weather arrived. Alas, rising on a sunny Wednesday morning, my head felt like it was still asleep. I rose on wobbly legs, angrily brushed bits off the bed and got back in. I tried to tactfully mention the mess. Phil hit back, prompting a tirade about him making more work, then he conceded they likely came off his fluffy socks. Shaking blankets out, I knocked a plant pot off the windowsill. Depressed at a relapse, I was almost in tears at yet more work. I cleaned up the worst while he fetched coffee before PMQs.

Kier focused on the ‘buy now pay later’ energy deal, calling it ‘a dodgy scheme, not a proper plan’. The Bumbler lauded the ‘fantastic plan’ as more generous than anything labour had set out and launched into another party political broadcast. Interrupted by heckling, Hoyle admonished the front bench. Keir persisted on the issue of forcing people to take out loans when oil and gas companies made money every second. Paraphrasing BP on being awash with dosh, he repeated it was ‘one big scam’. Boris blathered about council tax, the global problem caused by a gas price spike, and labour ideas to ‘clobber’ companies with tax which would raise consumer costs. Invoking Brexit, Boris said they’d used new freedoms to ‘do the right thing’ and harked back to Keir wanting to stay in the EMA. After The Mirror published another photo of the 15^th December Christmas quiz, Fabian Hamilton asked about the PM seen with bubbly and tinsel. Boris said he spoke ‘in error’. Gray had discounted it as a law-breaking event but amid renewed outrage, The Met said they’d reconsider and Operation Hillman prepared e-mail questionnaires to 50 Westminster party attendees including the PM. Hmm! “Were you at a party?” “Yes/no.” The Scumbag said there were way better pics than that. The Optics not looking good, financier John Armitage suspended tory donations, saying Boris had lost moral authority and should leave office. Naz Shah asked when would the PM match action to rhetoric and give Bradford what it deserved? He told her they invested in Yorkshire and didn’t rule out extending ‘the eastern leg’ from Birmingham. Perplexing, as HS2 was not intended to reach Bradford.

I worked on the journal and the secret card. Phil went to the co-op and made lunch. Trying to analyse sleep patterns, I was unable to fathom Sunday night’s insomnia or why a great night Monday hadn’t helped much, or why I started to feel better in the evenings only for debilitation to return in the mornings.

Gillian Keegan stayed in a meeting even as she got a positive covid test. Boris soon to rescind remaining restrictions, testing and isolation rules would go by 21^st February, a month earlier than planned. The strategy ‘to live with covid’ after ‘half-term’ (sic) may well be a crowd-pleaser, but with 200,000 new cases a day, the pandemic wasn’t over. Tim Spector of Kings College Zoe covid study called it an ‘act of irresponsibility’ and Justin Madder asked: ‘what’s the science?’ Amid claims they were the first government to restore freedoms, it was pointed out Sweden beat them. The PAC criticised government’s handling of leaving the EU; the only detectable impacts were higher costs, more paperwork and delays. Rees-Moggy said it’d be better in 50 years – it’d take him that long to find those Brexit opportunities! Attention-seeking foghorn Adele swept the board at the Brits. Footage of her belting out one of her awful songs unavoidable, fans whinged she’d cancelled her Caesars Palace residency but they could probably hear her in Las Vegas!

Welbeck primary schoolkids’ letters to Nottingham South MP Lillian Greenwood concerning Partygate were shared on twitter. On Jeremy Vine, ex-teacher Geoff Norcott remarked indoctrination was a perk of the job while Nads Zahawi later said schools shouldn’t encourage kids to ‘pin colours to the political mast’. Discussing careless talk, Yasmin Alibhai-Brown referred to ‘Dreadful Doris’(who had a ‘lovely turn of language’ according to Brandon Lewis) and Geoff to Jimmy Carr’s holocaust joke as deliberately bad taste. Meanwhile, Hate Not Hope wrote that Netflix made a ‘grave error of judgement’ not pulling the show. Carr had ‘crossed a line’ then doubled down, portraying himself as a victim of cancel culture.

Menagerie

Still fatigued and fuggy Thursday, I managed 10 minutes stretching and opened the window to shake rugs out before Phil changed the sheets. I bathed, got half-dressed, put washing in the machine, took coffee back to bed and worked on the journal for an hour then left the laptop to update while I finished cleaning upstairs. After making superbly fluffy rarebit for lunch, Phil brought some laundry up, which made me realise I’d forgotten the sheets. Putting them in the dryer later, I forgot to take them out.

Wednesday, Sadiq Khan said he needed proper plans from Caressa Dick on how she’d deal with racist, misogynistic and homophobic behaviour and restore shattered public confidence in The Met. The Casey review into police culture taking too long, he wanted answers within ‘days and weeks’. Refusing to resign Thursday morning, Dick said she had a whole team rooting out bad apples. Failing to attend a 4.30 p.m. meeting with the mayor, at 6.55 p.m. she announced she was ‘stepping aside’. John Major told the Institute for Government ‘brazen’ Partygate excuses were dreamt up day after day, the public asked to believe the unbelievable and ministers sent out to defend the indefensible, making them look gullible, foolish and shifty. Scotland announced £208 million to help with the cost of living. Equating to £150 per household, Kate Forbes was berated for repeating Rishis’ mistakes. Rail travel rose 31% thanks to clean trains and the DOT clarified Boris wasn’t referring to HS2 in answering Naz Shah. Yes, but he did mistake Bradford for Leeds! While he went to Brussels and Poland, Trussed-Up Liz got a frosty reception in Moscow. Sergei Lavrov likened the meeting to trying to communicate with the deaf and dumb. She retorted she wasn’t mute. No, but you didn’t listen, you pompous mare! Mocking her woeful diplomacy, Russian media labelled her a centaur. With her stature it’d be My Little Centaur! After WHU fans booed cat-kicking footballer Kurt Zouma, the RSPCA took his pets away, Adidas and Vitality withdrew sponsorship and a fine of 2 week’s wages viewed inadequate, 300,000 signed a petition to sack him. Dagenham & Redbridge suspended his brother Youan who shot the video nasty.

Newscast treated us to cringey renditions of I will Survive (sang by Boris and Gutu Harri) and Come on Arlene. Guest David Lammy described the febrile atmosphere among the Corbyn mob, and assured us he was fine, saying ‘you can take the boy out of Tottenham…’ He marvelled at a PM who pulled stuff from the nasty corners of the right-wing dark web and deemed him hugely guilty of stoking up ‘unsavoury and dangerous’ acts. Getting 6 death threats a year, many with a racial element, he said it was worse for female MPs. Labour trapped by a huge tory majority, a cynic might say they’d benefit from Boris staying, but integrity mattered more. And besides, populists always had to be dragged from office!

Shrieking chainsaws didn’t help sleep. Eventually dropping off with plugged ears, convoluted dreams entailed buying a teddy bear and having to hide it. I lay in a stupor in Friday’s early hours then drifted back into a fitful doze. Wobbliness persisting, I stayed in bed and re-started the slow, whirring laptop to wait a full infuriating hour for windows to configure. Furious at an unproductive morning, I picked up a sketch pad but was uninspired. Despite also feeling crap, Phil went to the co-op. Finally able to type in the afternoon, I drafted a Valley Life article, backed up files and began sorting duplicate folders, then stopped with head fug and turned the laptop off, hoping it’d cure the sluggishness. Unable to get the kettle to work making a brew, the stove-top method took a full 15 minutes! I bad-temperedly cleared the draining board while waiting and stomped back upstairs. Phil fixed a bent spring on the base but still inoperable, thought the switch was broken. Meanwhile, I reduced stove-top boiling time to 9 minutes by measuring water.

Covid passes in Wales to be scrapped next week, shoppers would still need masks until the end of March and there were no plans to end self-isolation. Unvaccinated kids over 12 were allowed into Spain from Monday with a negative PCR test – too late for families who’d already cancelled half-term holidays. Although contracting in December, the ONS said the economy grew 7.5% in 2021. Rishi welcomed the news, but economist Sam Tomb claimed the true figure for private firms was 3.4% and the UK economy continued to ‘underwhelm’ relative to G7 peers. Liberty Steel received a winding up petition from HMRC. While unions called it a devastating blow, Gupta hoped to find an ‘amicable agreement’. Nasty Patel unbelievably called Khan rude and unprofessional (err, it wasn’t him that ditched the meeting) and said The Met needed strong and decisive leadership. Is that why she didn’t sack Dick months ago? Harvey Proctor thought it high time the Augean stables got cleaned up, but who would do the muck-raking?

I remained fatigued over a largely miserable weekend. People wittering on the street below mitigated against sleep Friday night, even with earplugs, and a bright start forced me awake Saturday. Cold rain replaced the sun and the hot water ran out during bathing. To delay putting the heating on, we donned extra layers but his arthritic hands agony, Phil gave in. No signal on the big telly, he tutted at my attempts to tweak the aerial. I railed back and stormed upstairs. Both TVs came back, for nothing but sport. The laptop taking an age to spark up, shutting down at night was patently a bad idea. Eventually, I managed to post a pic for my nephew’s birthday and type. The evening peace was broken by raucous drunken warbling, the voluble Shed people coming home at 2 a.m., and the irksome generator.

Both feeling ropey on a grey, wet Sunday, I ate breakfast downstairs and printed the secret card before Valentine’s Day. Back in bed, I composed a haiga based on a different shot of the pink winter blossomⁱ. Phil braved the greyhound charity shop closing down sale. Car-boot dealers literally ripping shelves out, he returned from the scrum with bloody knuckles, sneakers and a couple of electrical items, including a bright red kettle from the larger, quieter shop. Catching up on the footie that evening, we noted West Ham didn’t field the cat-kicker. Kurt Zouma in the starting line-up, were they cowed by French extradition demands?

The People’s Assembly organised cost of living demos across the UK, supported by unions. An injunction allowed Ambassador Bridge, Ontario, to be cleared of truckers. Even James Blunt crooning at full blast couldn’t shift anti-vax protesters outside the NZ parliament. They just sang louder. Uncle Joe held talks with Vlad, but Ukrainians thought it was all scaremongering. On Sunday Morning, Brandon Lewis added to the fear, saying Russia could invade within a matter of days, possibly Wednesday. Ben Wally said there ‘was a whiff of Munich in the air’ but the Russian ambassador to Sweden Victor Tatarintsev didn’t ‘give a shit’ about sanctions. Brandon denied the Stormont exec was non-functioning and wanted an EU agreement on the Irish question. Telling us Trussed-Up Liz met Maros šefčovič Friday, I found no reports on how that went.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 97 – Never-Ending Story

“He is sending an appalling message to society, that the most powerful person in the UK Government thinks it’s okay to mock people because of their bodies, race, sexual orientation and religion ” (Kirsten Oswald)

It’s My Party and I’ll Go If I Want To

Posting the haiga ⁱ a doddle Monday, the journal took far too long even though I’d started it Sunday, leaving little time for much else. Watching The Expanse series 6 on Prime In the evening, I questioned if they’d properly explained why Naomi wasn’t dead. At bedtime, I stuffed earplugs in to block out noisy diggers near the canal and finished The Gallows Pole by Benjamin Myers – coming soon to a TV near you! A good read but lazy notes left unanswered queries on historical accuracy.

Testing was scrapped for fully vaccinated incoming travellers from 11^th February, in time for half-term. Lord Agnew resigned from government over mismanagement of covid loans, accusing the treasury of “little interest in the consequences of fraud to our society.” Look North reported that Leeds businesses were hit hard with 39 weeks lost trade; the 10^th worst in the UK. Visiting Milton Keynes University Hospital, Boris announced a cabinet office inquiry into the sacking of Nusrat Ghani. A Russian invasion feared imminent, diplomats were withdrawn from The Ukraine, Trussed-up Liz went to Brussels, Uncle Joe held a conference call with NATO allies, more warships and fighter jets were sent to Eastern Europe and troops put on standby. Threats to engage unlikely to materialise, Vlad would be quaking again at the idea of sanctions – not! The FTSE fell as did the rouble against the dollar and the pound. Jeff Bezos recruited Hal Barron of GSK to lead Alto Labs anti-ageing company to defy death before holding us all in hock forever and zooming off in a rocket when he’d wrecked the planet! Actor Sam Jackson was spotted filming for MCU in Leeds and Halifax. How on earth did they make The Piece Hall look like Russia?

ITV news reported Carrie organised a surprise birthday party for Boris, 19^th June 2020, during lockdown #1, involving M&S party food, cake, 30 people including Martin Reynolds, other Number 10 staff and Lulu Lytle, and a chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’. Downing Street said Boris attended a ‘staff gathering’ for a mere 10 minutes. Keir responded: “This is yet more evidence that we have got a PM who believes that the rules that he made don’t apply to him…(they) spend their whole time mopping up sleaze and deceit. Meanwhile, millions of people are struggling to pay their bills. We cannot afford to go on with this chaotic, rudderless government. The PM is a national distraction and he’s got to go.”

Grey, foggy and cold for the second day running, I shivered after bathing Tuesday with an inexplicably twisted towel. Well-layered up, I went to the co-op, finding massive gaps in the fruit and veg aisle. The woman in front of me at the till irksomely failed to put a ‘next customer’ bar on the conveyor. I pointedly placed them in front and behind my purchases. As she swiped her member’s card, I wondered aloud to the cashier why nobody had ever told me that was possible and she showed me how easy it was. You learn something new every day! In the afternoon, I added to my novel and did some research before continuing cleaning the kitchen shelves and making more space.

Less infections in all age groups except the younger, DfE estimated 1:20 kids were absent from class 20^th January, the most all term. 10% of teachers off, Paul Whiteman of NAHT complained schools were ‘struggling to keep things running’. Scotland would move to hybrid working from next Monday to help the economy while interest on UK government debt trebled. Now aware of 19 Westminster gatherings, as a ‘result of information’ from Sue Gray’s team, the Met boss announced they would investigate those that ‘appeared to be the most serious and flagrant breach’ of coronavirus guidelines*. Covid-19 lead Jane Connors would oversee the special inquiry team, potentially going back 2 years. Knowing about the police probe before the morning’s cabinet meeting, Boris didn’t mention it. Apparently as he didn’t want to pre-empt Caressa Dick, but did he fear a ministerial leak? In defence of the parties, Tory MP Conor Burns hilariously said Boris was ‘ambushed by cake’ on his birthday, Crispin Blunt incredulously suggested rules were broken in ‘most homes’ and on Newsnight, Rees-Moggy used big words, evasion and waffle. Answering a mystifying question on a praetorian guard, he agreed a new leader must mean a general election. Reports followed that to celebrate the Scumbag’s departure from Downing Street 13^th November 2020, Carrie sang ‘The Winner Takes It All’ and a guest told police they were the only ones allowed to party.

Let Them Eat Cake

Sue Gray And The Party Detectives Tour T-Shirt

Thankfully, it became brighter and warmer mid-week, as Phil repeatedly told me. He helped with chores before PMQs where MPs wore purple and pink flame badges in advance of Holocaust Memorial Day.

Kate Osamor asked if The Bumbler had agreed to Rishi Rich ‘writing off £4.3bn of fraud’. He replied, ‘No’. Rishi was forced to tweet he wasn’t ignoring or writing off the Covid loans. Keir questioned Boris on breaking the ministerial code by misleading parliament and resigning. Boris repeated ‘No’ and the Captain Hindsight insult. Keir laughed: “We’ve discovered the real Captain Hindsight,” to which a backbencher added: “with a party hat!” The Bumbler spewed the usual hyperbole and answered Keir’s “people know he’s not up to the job” with rot about taking tough decisions and having a vision while labour had no plan. To claims that Keir was a lawyer, not a leader, Labour MP Lloyd Russell-Moyle said he’d prefer to be led by a lawyer than a liar. Having already threatened members with eviction from the commons, Lindsay Hoyle told him to retract the statement. To Ian Blackford’s questions, Boris jibed it looked like he’d eaten more cake, for the SNP to accuse him of body-shaming. Boris re-committed to placing a full copy of the Sue Gray report in the House of Commons library. Release of the findings imminent, media reports it could be delayed until after the police probe giving Boris a longer wait to see if he went to his own party, were dismissed but fears of severe editing surfaced later in the week.

The jokes kept coming with a sea of memes on social media, speculation the cake was Colin the Caterpillar, fitting in with the M&S party food theme, Nigella tweeting her next book would be ‘Ambushed by Cake’ and ‘Sue Gray And The Party Detectives’ tour t-shirts on sale from several outlets. Citing media stories from around the globe, Jack Straw wasn’t amused the UK was an international laughing stock.

Making progress on the novel, I had to stop typing in the afternoon due to head fug and switched to book-based research. Editing journal notes in the evening, I found it hard keeping on top of news and gave up to rest my aching brain.

A BBC investigation found 1 million counterfeit face-masks were sent to the NHS at the height of pandemic. The DOH ignored red flags until a nurse contacted Polyco, the Chinese supplier, direct, to be told they were ‘faked’ by ‘bad guys’. Papers submitted by whistle-blower Raphael Marshall to the foreign affairs committee confirmed Boris approved clearance to evacuate the Nowzad shelter from Afghanistan. He’d scorned the accusations of prioritising animals over people as ‘complete nonsense’ at the time – doubtful, as Pen Farthing was a mate of Carrie’s. A small boat capsized on its way to the USA from Bimini Island, raising concerns for the 39 migrants aboard. A spooky object was spotted 4,000 light years away. Possibly a neutron star or white dwarf, giant bursts of energy sent out radiation beams 3 times an hour.

Tummy ache prevented an early start Thursday. I opened the bedroom window to a keen blast of fresh air and held blankets tightly to shake them out in the gusty wind. I tidied up a higgledy-piggledy pile on the kitchen draining board, and then the morning was gone. Editing the journal on a slow laptop, I developed brain ache and my mood darkened. Low feelings persisting into the afternoon, I forced myself to continue cleaning kitchen shelves, disposing of a cracked bowl.

Dubbed ‘Plan A Day’, commuter numbers grew. Masks no longer mandatory, rail operators and big shops like Sainsbury’s, John Lewis, Morrison’s and Waitrose, requested customers still wore them. Less infections in all UK regions, as well as covid-related NHS staff absence, 52% of patients with covid were treated primarily for something else. Goblin Saj said Omicron was retreating and ‘thanks to the progress we have made’, care home rules would relax from next Monday. Sentencing Jonathan Chew to 8 weeks for ambushing Chris Witless last summer, the judge berated him for contempt. Trying to hide in North Wales, Boris dismissed claims of aiding the evacuation of cats and dogs from Afghanistan as ‘total rhubarb’, even though an e-mail from Rabid Raab sought ‘a steer from No. 10 on whether’ to call Nowzad staff forward. Ex-tory Rory Stewart said lying was Boris’ default position. Police recorded the highest ever number of rapes and sexual assaults in the year to September 2021, with the highest ever quarterly figure July-Sept. ONS suggested the stats reflected the impact of high-profile cases, media coverage and campaigns encouraging victims to come forward. Look North featured kids developing Tourette Syndrome during lockdown. “Tic tock syndrome more like!” quipped Phil. Newscast discussed the National Insurance hike. Claer Barrett of the FT alarmingly calculated what it actually meant, particularly for contract and gig economy workers. Leeds funny man Barry Cryer died. His best joke was arguably: “Picasso was burgled and did a drawing of the robbers. Police arrested a horse and two sardines.”

Party On!

An earlier start Friday, I battled discomfiture to sort the kitchen table and created space moving clutter to emptier shelves. The greyness had turned to drizzle by the time I headed out to dump unwanted books at Oxfam and go to the co-op where I saw Elderly Neighbour and asked after his wife. No better or worse, he doubted she’d ever get better. Experiencing a similar scenario with my mum, I empathised and reiterated offers of help if needed. Phil came to assist carting the ace freezer deal home. After lunch, he finally finished cleaning the kitchen blind. The week a boring parade of shopping, cleaning and writing, I hankered for creativity, and arranged interesting detritus from foreign holidays in a second-hand box frame. The relics of now misty-eyed distant memories had been lying about for years.

Omicron BA.1 might be waning, but scientists kept a watchful eye on BA.2 – now the dominant variant in Denmark and 1,000 UK cases. PF-07321332+ritonavir (an anti-viral pill not a phone number), would be rolled out via the NHS from 10^th February. Formerly known as Paxlovid, it was 88% effective in reducing risks of serious illness or death in the vulnerable, if given during the first 5 days of symptoms. UKHSA sent priority PCR tests to 1.3 million so they could access treatment. Government sticks to get staff back to offices could include removing tax breaks for working at home. Having said they didn’t want to delay the report, The Met asked Sue Gray to ‘minimally reference’ and ‘remove key details’ of events they were probing. Their claims it would ‘avoid any prejudice to our investigation’, didn’t ring true unless, as former DPP Lord Ken Donaldson said, they considered ‘more serious conduct’. Suspects likely to face fixed penalty fines rather than trial by jury, he considered the constraints ‘disproportionate’. Cynics might well call it a stitch-up especially as Goblins’ kid brother Bas Javid was deputy assistant commissioner! As the report could be heavily redacted and rendered pointless, backbench tories joined opposition MPs in calling for unabridged publication. And as police investigations often took years, was it a never-ending story?

A One Show preview of 100^th BBC anniversary celebrations included a hideous Disney musical medley. I queried what that had to do with the Beeb? ”It’s the Lying King!” laughed Phil. Later, we reviewed ‘Undone’ on Prime. Phil hated the drawings and I detested the dialogue so we switched back to Wheel of Time for another laugh at trollocks.

On its way to Denmark, Storm Malik arrived in the early hours Saturday. I awoke to howling wind and shaking windows. Fast-moving clouds whizzed below a blue layer of sky. Small fluffy ones literally spun. Corvids and gulls wheeled in the thermals. Elsewhere, winds of 80 mph winds caused loss of power and death in Durham and Aberdeen. One felled tree sported a coffee cup. Was it an offering to the gods? Meanwhile, Storm Ana killed people in Madagascar, Malawi and Mozambique. Attempting to ignore anxious feelings, I battled a cluttered kitchen to make brekkie. After the dazzling start, the skies darkened and the clouds became grey. I continued framing pictures and editing the journal while watching catch-up. Young Sheldon annoyingly vanished off All 4, we binge-watched Andy Warhol’s America on iPlayer. Very inspiring but those yanks didn’t half like pointing out the bleeding obvious such as ‘he was gay’. I coined the term ‘Yanksplaining’. The night peaceful as the storm past, I dreamt lots but only recalled snatches.

Sunday beginning bright, Storm Corrie was predicted to arrive by evening. Becoming colder as the sun disappeared, we forced ourselves out the house in the calm between the storms, taking steep cobbles and tarmac into woodland where jays vied for territory and broken trunks lay testament to the storm’s ferocity. Down by the riverside, brave women swam in cold waters, fairies adorned allotments and yellow catkins heralded new life. In town, coffee-cuppers infested the square. We ducked in the convenience store, stuffed reduced items into my stupid tiny rucksack and headed home for an overdue feed. (See Cool Places for more walksⁱⁱ).

Trussed-up Liz spouted the usual BS on Sunday Morning and the Glove-Puppet used the puppet press, aka The Daily Mail, to launch a so-called ‘red wall revolution’ to prop up the PM, but it wasn’t new Levelling Up money, according to labour. Speculation the NI rise might be ditched faded as Boris and Rishi wrote in the Sunday Times there was no magic money tree. Yeah, when the dosh wasn’t going to their rich tory mates! Oxford University Hospitals trials using MRI scanners adapted to use Xenon gas on the lungs of long-covid patients, showed promising early results. Anti-Vaxxer Lawrence Fox got covid and self-medicated with Ivermectin. Side effects included seizures, coma and death. We could but hope! President Trudeau ran away from Ottawa as a convoy of trucks rolled in to protest Canada’s vaccine policy. The Trucking Alliance denied the demo represented their members. Changes to The Highway Code effective from Saturday, critics said they weren’t publicised enough. I thought pedestrians already had a right of way at junctions!

*Where: those involved knew they were committing an offence; not investigating would ‘significantly undermine the legitimacy of the law’; or there was little ambiguity around a reasonable defence.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. Ian Mortimer, A Time-travellers’ Guide to Elizabethan England

Part 93 – Ominous

”We’re in the most difficult, most uncertain time, perhaps of the whole pandemic, certainly since March 2020” (Jeremy Farrar)

The laptop irritatingly noisy since Sunday evening, I delayed a restart until I’d posted blogs. Opening mail, we giggled at auntie’s lovely Christmas card of Jesus and the holy virgin Mary. I took recycling out, to be assailed by a keen icy wind then turned the laptop back on to work on the journal but as the racket returned, I fumed, developed head fug, wrapped Phil’s presents and rested. He later sorted the issue, giving instructions for next time it happened.

Ravi Gupta called 12,000 Omicron cases a ‘really critical situation’. On BBC Breakfast, Stephen Reicher cited polls showing 60% thought nightclubs should shut and while awaiting government action, curbed Christmas parties. He advised not gathering before festive dinners: “The more we wait, the more we’ll have to do.” The queen cancelled Christmas at Sandringham. At a (not) emergency cabinet meeting, Witless and Vallance briefed ministers. They considered options from limiting contact to curfews to full lockdown but imposed none. A spokesperson said there was a balance between lives and livelihoods and Boris promised he wouldn’t hesitate if required. “You already are!” I ranted Some predicted lockdown #4 from 25^th December. The wuss wouldn’t dare do it at Christmas. Rishi Rich not keen, Keir wanted plans to keep schools open and help hospitality businesses who demanded immediate support. As images emerged of a Downing Street ‘garden party’ 15^th May 2020, Rabid Raab insisted, it wasn’t a party as they wore suits; only a bit of cheese and wine ‘after a long day’. Others declared it a work meeting and the garden a workplace. Rachel Reeves called it unacceptable and Jo Goodman of Bereaved Families railed the ‘constant, flagrant disregard’ was exhausting, Germany imposed a 2-week quarantine for UK travellers. Utopia 56 brought a law suit against French and British coastguards for allowing 27 people to drown in a dinghy. Allegedly not answering distress calls, police later watched more flimsy boats sail into the channel. XR locked themselves together at the home office in Glasgow demanding an end to the ‘hostile environment policy towards migrants’. New Chilean president Gabriel Bolic vowed to tackle poverty, inequality and climate change.

The winter solstice portentously fell on 21.12.21. I went to the co-op for a sizeable shop so I didn’t have to go back later in the week. Everything but chestnuts, I crossed to the organic shop for just enough of the extortionate things for actual Christmas dinner. Getting head fug again in the afternoon, I abandoned writing, finalised the secret card (see ‘Snow Crows’ below) and selected images to adorn gifts. Printing was hampered when the laptop declared the printer offline, the desktop was excruciatingly slow, and the colour ink already low! I actually slept for a ½ half in the afternoon, woke groggy and rallied with coffee. I’d just gone to the loo when there was a quiet rap at the door. At a second one, I shouted and clattered down the stairs so they didn’t disappear. A young man from Community Carers bore gifts. “I already got one. A card with wildflower seeds.” “Have another.” The Festive bag contained a tiny yellow plant, crackers, mince pies, 2 small wrapped gifts and a card made by kids. It really brightened an otherwise tedious day!

Transmission of Omicron ‘eye-wateringly high’, Jeremy Farrar of the Wellcome Foundation warned it was the most difficult and uncertain time of the whole pandemic. But Paul Hunter said as people changed behaviour and workplaces ‘broke up’ (sic) for Christmas, the increase slowed, predictions of 10 million cases by New Year were unlikely, there was no need for lockdown and further restrictions would only delay illness and prolong impact on health services and wellbeing. The highest number in Lambeth, 20 year olds were blamed. Refusing to rule out extra measures before Christmas, Rishi announced more money for hospitality – £1bn included cash grants of up to £6,000 per premises, help with sick pay for SMEs and a £30m culture recovery fund for theatres and cinemas. £150m would go to devolved administrations. Later, Boris proclaimed we could go ahead with Christmas. Prof. Reicher called the decision ‘unhinged’. Rail operators cancelled trains because of staff sickness and isolation. Problems were expected to last until 3^rd January. Wales banned spectators from sporting events. This would also be the case in Scotland from Boxing Day where Hogmanay was off. Extra money went to Yorkshire cities to ramp up the booster prog. John Apter, chair of the Police Federation who spoke out against the ‘canteen culture’ of misogyny in the force, was suspended amidst sexual harassment claims.

Warning Signs

Bitingly cold and grey, I awoke to an ominous red dawn Wednesday. Unrested after a crap night, I managed a few exercises, fetched brekkie and worked on the journal before calling on Elderly Neighbours. The Husband said they were delayed returning from hospital due to traffic Sunday evening, explaining the mystery of carers getting no reply. They were with The Wife right now. Glad she was home for Christmas, I asked him to convey our regards. I hacked at greenery to bring in while Phil went mystery shopping.

Over 100,000 new cases, Boris was urged to outline a post-Christmas covid strategy. Health minister Gillian Keegan banally said “we can’t predict what the data is going to tell us before we’ve got the data.” Jon Ashworth responded: “People need to know where they stand. Businesses have got to make decisions about what stock to get in in the runup to new year’s eve…we’ve still got confusion.” Tony Blair attacked the government for gambling and the unvaccinated for irresponsibility. The requirement to self-isolate was reduced from 10 to 7 days with a proviso of negative LFTs on days 6 & 7. Dr. Simon Clarke told Jeremy Vine cases fell because testing capacity was at saturation point rather than because they’d past the peak. 5-12 year olds could get a 1/3 dose of vaccine while 16-17 year olds could get boosted. The WHO called for prioritisation of boosters to the vulnerable worldwide to address inequities. On Channel 4 news, Catherine Smallwood said richer countries needed to stop buying them all up and do more to roll vaccines out globally. the emergence of Omicron proved it was in their interests to do so. Jonathan Chew who accosted Witless in June, appeared in court via video link wearing a dressing gown and claiming he had covid. The judge called him cavalier to which Chew replied, ‘what does that mean?’ Was he thick or having a laugh?

A break in metro news from Thursday, I did the free puzzles and spent the rest of the day cleaning, posting cards to neighbours, sending greetings to Facebook friends and baking. The puff pastry acted really weird. I used what I could to make sausage rolls then made mince pies, panicking when they stuck to the oven shelf. Phil had popped to the shops again. He returned to help free the pies, manipulate leftover pastry into cute stars and decorate the cake (see Yummy Cake below).

119,789 new cases, 2/3 of people in hospital hadn’t been vaccinated. Covidiots begged for the jab when it was too late! Based on early real-world data, UKHSA confirmed Omicron caused milder illness than Delta and boosters gave extra protection, but waned after 10 weeks. Were we in for endless top-ups? Homelessness Prevention Grants of £316 million were made available to local authorities. Andy Bunman came on BBC breakfast to say the scheme in Manchester really helped the homeless and the government made the right decision not going into lockdown at Christmas. I wasn’t sure his boss agreed. Wholesale gas prices reached another record high, meaning domestic customers could pay 50% more next year. Yikes!

Slightly iffy Friday, I perked up with echinacea. After breakfast with apple stars, we prepped the bedroom for Phil to do my hair; a bit cramped but warmer than the South Pole. I then hung a few final decorations, pre-cooked veg and took a pile of rubbish out. Phil went secret shopping for a final time and wrapped my pressies, while I painted my nails, watched posh carols from Kings, and listened to Dvorak symphony no. 9 in E minor (the one with the Hovis song). In the evening, we drank wine, watched films including the traditional Nightmare Before Christmas and marked midnight by munching celebrations.

A record 122,186 new cases, 1:35 Brits and 1:20 Londoners were infected. But a mini-wave of first and second jabs was reported 15-21 December. Lad Baby’s single achieved an historic 4^th successive Yuletide number in the pop charts.

Blustery all night, Christmas Day started windy and grey. Our day began in customary fashion with more posh music, a delicious breakfast and gift-giving. The Queen talked of a difficult year losing those close, the importance of celebrating the season, valuing what we had and looking forward to her platinum jubilee year. The photo-montage studiously avoided snaps of Andrew, Harry & Megan. Dinner a lot of effort despite the prep, I timed it for after Mary Poppins Returns. Of course it wasn’t. Gone 6 by the time the Lidl duck was cooked, it was very tasty. We followed it with Prosecco, trifle, chocolates and Irish coffee. Snow magically fell at 11.55, so sort of a white Christmas. A shame it wasn’t the night before like on the telly!

The snow stuck but very grey, foggy and freezing, we stayed in Boxing Day. I edited the journal and took photos of wintry scenes through the window. Prettily fronted by money plant blooms, it provided haiga materialⁱ . Late afternoon, I felt really weird and almost fell asleep despite the coffee and yummy cake. Tackling the duck carcass difficult, Phil came to the rescue. I rested on the sofa and improved slightly to make stock.

Sitting down for dinner, Phil found his seat soaking wet. As he hurried off to change, I realised I’d spilt stock on the table and it’d dripped onto the chair. Afterwards he seemed cold with shock. Apologising for the trauma, I cheered him up with tangerine faces on the trifle.

Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland all brought in new restrictions for hospitality and leisure, with limits on numbers and social-distancing. Prominent deaths included Janice Long (Christmas day) and Desmond Tutu (Boxing Day). A week of mourning for the Archbishop entailed bell-tolling and table mountain lit up in purple. The EFL had decided to keep all premier league fixtures but no weekend Leeds game as 5 players tested positive for covid, Phil cried “Hurrah!”

Bank holiday Monday (confusingly also called Boxing Day), was foggy and cold after the snowmelt. I switched on the bedroom telly for the 1954 version of A Star Is Born which predictably roused Phil. Both feeling peculiar, we doubted it was the small amount of whiskey we’d drunk. After posting blogs, I disposed of rubbish, giving me chance to nosey at new people in the house below. Also visible through the kitchen window, net curtains were soon drawn but not before I eyed the heavy archaic furniture. Were they family heirlooms? Stunned from the excessively rich weekend food, I used the stock to make healthy soup adding leftover stuffing balls which I called ‘crumplings’. I slept well for a few hours that night, only to wake early Tuesday with a sore throat and snotty nose. I should have heeded the warning signs of the preceding days.

Boris met scientific advisers to go over the stats and decide on extra measures. Subsequently ruling them out before the end of the year, Goblin Saj said they ‘wouldn’t hesitate’ (again!) and told us to celebrate NYE outdoors. Labour demanded sight of the data informing the decision. All over 12’s In New York had to be vaccinated to access indoor entertainment.

Prophet of Doom

Definitely afflicted by classic sinusitis Tuesday, It didn’t bode well for the end of 2021. Phil made porridge with water to conserve depleted milk supplies. The glue-like softness eased my throat. After bathing, I put PJs back on, made coffee and fetched the laptop. Depressed and annoyed at being bedridden, especially as the temperature rose and it would have been nice to get outside, I killed time writing, compiled ‘Top Films 2021’ⁱⁱ and slept briefly late afternoon. Phil went to the co-op for basic supplies and catered. At least the weather was crap Wednesday so we wouldn’t have gone to the carousel in Halifax anyway. Warning his mushroom pasta dish might be different to mine, Phil’s version was decidedly more roux-ified. He just couldn’t help channelling the great man.

Consequences of Christmas mixing not yet seen, new covid cases didn’t rise as much as last week. Evidence emerged that Omicron led to less hospitalisations with ICU bed-occupancy well ‘below threshold’. Even so, 10,500 hospital cases was an increase of 2,000 on the previous day with 1,300 daily admissions compared to 900 last week. Doctors and chemists warned of a lack of tests due to increased demand. The shortages threatened to render ‘key workers’ unable to work in hospitals and schools Staff isolation impacting, Hopson said NHS providers redeployed staff to compensate. Government continued to keep a ‘close eye’ on the data. The Chinese space station twice avoided collision with Elon Musk’s junk. A good job they had their eyes on!

Thursday, I was glad of Phil’s help changing sheets so I could rest in a clean bed. It took me the rest of the day to finish cleaning the bedroom in small chunks and put old postcards he got me round the mirror. Phil went shopping. The butchers shut all week (who knew?) he bought a rather large lump of lamb from the co-op for the weekend. In the evening, I tried to stay up to watch a telly film but had to go back upstairs halfway through. I woke several times during the night, freaked out by weird curtain shadows.

Both disorientated by the darkness Friday morning, I had improved slightly and ditched the PJs for floppy clothes, but stayed mainly abed working on the laptop. In anticipation of not being well enough to meet on her birthday, Phil framed prints for Walking Friend and I wrapped the gifts before lunch in bed. We took turns prepping dinner in the afternoon but predictably it was me who ended up putting the joint in the oven meaning a long spell out of bed that evening. Of course, the lamb took miles longer to cook than indicated and he managed to burn cabbage in the microwave but it was edible with lashings of gravy and mint sauce. We drank pink cava, ate pudding and watched films, pausing when we heard fireworks to look out the window and see some above chimneys. We switched to BBC 1 for the big bongs and Thames display entailing too much VR and an awful music melange. Why couldn’t they put a nice symphony on instead of that ADHD stuff? Very tired, we pathetically failed to even finish the wine before retiring.

40% of NHS staff off sick, 1:30 Brits were infected the week before Christmas. On the warmest NYE on record, Trafalgar Square was cordoned off and Northern Ireland banned dancing. “What’s new?” Guffawed Phil. The Scots and Welsh were warned not to travel to England. Able to walk across borders in some places, they probably wouldn’t be affected by the Cross Country trains strike.

Nostradamus’ predictions for 2022 included increasing food prices, droughts and floods, the rise of AI and cryptocurrency. The corvids would have a laugh at that, unlike the end of November when they huddled in trees perturbed by the snow!

Still ailing on NYD, the top of my leg really hurt. Over coffee in the living room, we tried to decipher an old map Phil got me. 18^th century sat-nav was very hard to decipher! I went back to bed, worked on the laptop and texted Walking Friend saying we might not be well enough to meet for her birthday and offered to take her out another time. Not the most exciting start to 2022, we reminisced about new years of ages past. I remembered one involving drugs, lots of whiskey, staying up until 6.00 a.m., rising at 4.00 p.m. and eating only a piece of bread. He recalled another where we sat opposite the marina as it was getting light. “I don’t remember that. But I’m not surprised; I must have drunk gallons if we were still out at that time!”

Later, we watched Death to 2022. Not containing as many laughs as the prequel, it would have been funnier if it was focused on Britain rather than the USA. Mind you, it was hard to satirise the years’ events. On the eve of the grace period ending, there was absolutely no mention of it on mainstream media, civil servants were banned from using ‘the B word’ and The Bumbler omitted any mention of Northern Ireland and red tape, boasting of crown stamps on pint glasses. Cheers!

Achiness persisting, at least my legs were less painful Sunday. Sunny and warm first thing, Phil quizzed me on seeing Walking Friend. Feeling harangued, I texted birthday greetings and suggested meeting for a drink later. She predicted rain (correctly as it turned out) and wasn’t sure they’d be out long. I invited her to call round for her gifts. Almost on cue, a fine drizzle descended. I brought the laptop down which was progress from staying abed. I edited the journal and as I reminisced on the one short break of 2021, used an evocative photo of Ulverston Canal rolling bridge for a haiga. We listened to the new Stranglers record I got Phil (good but old-mannish in places). Thinking I heard a door knock, I saw no one and Phil said it was a crackle on the vinyl. Then I noticed 2 missed texts off Walking Friend. I rang to be told she’d knocked and gone home. Truly sorry I missed her, I offered to take gifts up but she said come out Wednesday instead.

The Omicron wave over its peak in South Africa, a fire caused extensive damage to the parliament building. Cyril called it devastating, but at least he was out of isolation. The mutant expected to disrupt UK supply chains (nowt to do with Brexit!), ministers instructed the public sector to prepare for staff absences of up to 25%. As secondary pupils were told to wear face-masks, teachers demanded more such as air cleaning units and help with testing to stop the cancellation of exams for a third year running.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. Top films 2021: https://maryc1000.blogspot.com

Part 92 – Fairy Tales

“Will the prime minister take time this Christmas to look in the mirror and ask himself if he has the trust and authority to lead this country?” (Keir Starmer)

Once Upon A Dream

Monday, WordPress made a mess with blue highlights but I persevered to post blogs before lunch. Putting rubbish out, the dustbin was full of water and other nasty crap. Cleaning it out was rather disgusting! Too late for yoga, I rested in bed and warmed up. During a fractious night-time sleep, I dreamt of the house with all the rooms again. This time, there were new bits including a staircase in an annex. What did it mean?

Omicron spread across the UK claiming its first death. The 10 hospital cases were aged 18- 85, mostly double-vaccinated. Goblin Saj said they were ‘throwing everything at’ the booster programme and The Bumbler, at a vax centre in Paddington, added it was at ‘warp speed’. He didn’t rule out tighter measures. No LFTs available on the official website, Boris insisted there were loads ‘in the shops’. Wes Streeting called it a ‘shambles’. Contrary to my expectations, commuter traffic fell by up to 40% and rail station footfall by 20%, signalling office-workers stayed home. Responding to Boris’ Sunday night statement, Keir supported the government’s plan because boosters gave the best chance of protecting against Omicron and advised we use the Christmas break to get 12-16 year olds jabbed and come forward if we’d not yet had any. Criticising them for not stepping up sooner, he said “time and again the public have stepped up and done the right thing,” measures really helped to prevent infection and stop the NHS being overwhelmed, and “your efforts will save lives.” He thanked the NHS for their ‘dedication, skill and sheer hard work’. It sounded a tad more sincere than Witless’ tweet. South Africa taking Omicron ‘in their stride’, the death rate during the fourth wave was much lower than in previous ones but the president was infected. Nat West bank were fined for laundering money from Fowler Oldfield jewellers in Bradford who allegedly recycled gold.

In a dream week for labour, Jess Philips hosted HIGNFY. Watching the repeat, we had a good laugh at the Italian false arm story and excuses for not restoring power in the North East after Storm Arwen – the wrong type of wind blew in the wrong direction apparently!

Hearing a knock at the door Tuesday morning, I suspected it was the awaited parcel. Phil got there before me and I shouted down instructions not to read it. I typed up a plethora of news notes and went to the Post Office, miraculously almost queue-less and quick, then to the co-op. A cluster of ditherers crowded round the seasonal shelf so I had to circle round to buy treats. In the afternoon, we fetched boxes of decorations from the attic and decorated the Christmas trees. He had a siesta but I eschewed mine to continue.

UKHSA predicted a million Omicron cases a day by the middle of next week and Witless warned of rising hospitalisations. The infected could now take daily LFTs again instead of isolating if fully vaccinated; if they could get hold of them. LFT issues persisted and PCR slots weren’t available in walk-ins or drive-throughs across England. The red list to be abandoned Monday, testing rules remained. Amid criticism of the booster programme for lack of warning or preparation, the NHS booking site crashed, 6 hour queues formed at walk-ins and people were turned away from vax centres. With confusion about whether the latest proclamation meant boosters would be given or just offered by 31^st December, pledges were made to be open 12 hours a day ‘as standard’ including Christmas Day if needed and the 15 minute post-jab wait was scrapped.

Several MPs reportedly self-isolating, the commons voted on Plan B including mandatory jabs for health staff. Marcus Fish was among 100 tory backbenchers defying the government, saying it wasn’t Nazi Germany: ‘papers please’. Sturgeon announced Scotland’s winter plan, involving social-distancing in shops, more contact-tracing in hospitality, working from home, minimising social mixing to a maximum 3 households, and taking LFTs but allowing Christmas parties. Tory MSPs berated her for only just bringing in mass vax centres.

Mirror, Mirror

Waking a smidge before 8 Wednesday, I stopped the alarm going off. Phil was sniffly. Deciding I’d go to the deceased friend’s funeral service but not chance the wake, he joshed he wasn’t coming to the chapel but would go to the club later to spread his germs around! Obviously he didn’t. As I left the house very early for me, at least it was sunny after a grey start to the week. I nodded to people I vaguely recognised in front of the chapel and spoke to a few fellow old pub mates. We carefully filed in to find every other pew roped off. Slightly squashed between German Friend and bald men, I kept my eyes front and mask on, even when singing. Back outside, I cautiously evaded hugs, agreed with the deceased friend’s daughter the flowers were impressive (sourcing sunflowers was quite a feat at this time of year) and reminisced with Painting Friend about the escapade when the deceased friend’s sister came to our house after the pub, headed home and got lost in the crags. Phil later remined me she knocked her teeth out which could explain why she looked much older! I walked Painting Friend as far as the corner pub to catch up – she’d had 4 jabs including flu and was really busy with work, due to the DIY craze and last years’ hiatus. Back home, I finished decorating the living room. Phil ate ancient mint sweets. The first one okay, he put a second in his gob, pulled a face and rushed to spit it out. “Serves you right!” I laughed. Exhausted, I lay down to rest. My eyes were shutting but inevitably I failed to sleep.

78,500 daily cases, a record since the start of the pandemic, Omicron infections more than doubled every day nationwide. At a press briefing, Witless called it a really serious threat and warned ‘don’t mix’. Boris stuck to his guns on Plan B. Pubs clamouring for more money, Rishi was on a jaunt in California. During PMQs, Keir pointed out Plan B wouldn’t have passed if it wasn’t for labour votes. Saying “We cannot go on with a PM who is too weak to lead,” he asked if he’d use the Christmas break to look in the mirror and ask himself if he had the trust and authority to lead? Boris retorted he understood colleagues’ anxieties about restrictions on liberty but believed ‘the approach we are taking is balanced and proportionate’. Problems getting tests into a third day, Jenny Harries denied there were insufficient LFTs but an astounding number of requests caused ‘some temporary pressure.’ Scotland was the first UK nation to boost 50% of adults. The Daily Mirror revealed yet another tory revel. Shaun Bailey and his campaign mates posed next to a sumptuous buffet at the tory party HQ. He was forced to resign from the London Assembly crime panel – ha. Ha! Lady Hallett was announced as chair of the inquiry into government’s handling of the pandemic to start early 2022. Bereaved families said fine, but it should have come much sooner. Due to ‘severe and increasing difficulties’ in the sector, the Migration Advisory Committee’s annual report advised care workers be put on the shortage of occupation list (SOL). Bragging they were the only supermarket to give staff paid breaks, Aldi announced a pay rise to £10.10 an hour from February 2022. In Dresden, an anti-lockdown, anti-vax Telegram group planned to assassinate Saxon president Michael kretschmer, leading to police raids.

Required to shut the laptop down the previous evening, I waited impatiently for it to restart Thursday morning so I could get to work. I prepared remaining cards to mail including one for Phil’s sister, asked him to post them on his way to the station and went to the market. The owner of next door sat on the bench on the new bridge, after visiting the dentist. I’d not had my teeth checked out for 2 years but 2 hospital visits convinced me clinical settings were probably the safest places in a pandemic! At the fish van, the woman in front of me ordered items for next week and asked what time they opened. “We start serving at 7,” the fishmonger replied. “I’ll be here at 7 then.” His wife laughed, “He’s been telling everyone that. If you come first thing there’ll be a huge queue!” None on the stalls, I went to the new veg shop on the hunt for chestnuts. No luck but I did get giant mushrooms and pomegranates. As I walked back, the carrier bag painfully collided with my leg. Stupid pomegranates! Phil came towards me and confirmed he’d got the cards for posting. Knackered, I dumped the bags, made a hasty lunch, and cleaned the bedroom. A long time since I’d done so without Phil’s help, I managed okay. Phil rang early evening from his studio. He’d sent me photos on Insta of some of his prints. Never having used the messaging feature, I faffed to view them and suggested which to bring home. Making charity donations online, one site required an additional ‘donation’ even though there was no platform fee – what was that about? I’d just finished my dinner when Phil returned. Cold, knackered, and with sore feet after walking over 15,000 steps round a deserted city in actual shoes, he cheered up watching Netflix – the end of Money Heist didn’t disappoint.

Boris was accused of ‘lockdown by stealth’ with scientific advisers running the show – about time, if true. Boris later played down a split with ‘experts’, saying he and Witless were on the same page. Witless told the health & social care committee Omicron hospitalisations were likely higher than the 15 confirmed. He didn’t want to dictate what people did but advised they prioritise and it’d be better in future when vaccines and anti-viral drugs did the ‘heavy lifting’ against mutants. Wes Streeting wanted ‘a deal to help hospitality’. Gillian Keegan insisted there was. The Queen cancelled her traditional pre-Christmas family party as it put too many people’s plans at risk. Eurostar already sold out, UK tourist and business travellers were banned from France. From Saturday, you needed ‘compelling reasons’ to go and evidence of 2 negative tests with 2 days’ isolation in-between. Inflation at 5.1% in November, the highest for a decade, fuel, energy, food and clothes prices were to blame. The BOE raised the interest rate to 0.25%. Hitting mortgage-payers and not passed onto savers, it was a lose-lose! Tory since 1832, Lib Dems won the North Shropshire byelection. While new MP Helen Morgan celebrated in Oswestry, the 1922 committee put Boris ‘on notice’.

The QT panel were asked if lockdown was inevitable. Lisa Nandy said we must do everything we can and the government weren’t doing their bit. Chris Hopson of NHS Providers told us we didn’t know enough about Omicron yet, the NHS was the busiest it’d ever been, and although vaccines had ‘changed the rules of the game’, staff would go off sick as infections rose and we needed clear and consistent messaging. Tory boy Chris Philp denied ‘mixed messages’ and blathered about numbers. Stewart Hosie, SNP, complained with the ‘one rule for them and another for everyone else’, mixed messages ‘couldn’t be more stark’. Olivia Utley of the Torygraph, thought there was too much messaging, we should manage our own risk and the vulnerable should stay indoors. Not that again! On if we’d gone from ‘world-beating’ to chaotic shambles, Hopson said the vulnerable must be prioritised and the NHS was trying hard to ramp up capacity. Tory Boy promised the sooner we all got vaccinated, the sooner the economy would go back to normal. Nandy claimed the government were more interested in bluster than detail, and accused Rishi of being MIA. Discussing investment in Stoke, which had more than the national average of deprived areas, Tory Boy reeled off more figures. Nandy berated him for arrogance, saying local people, not Westminster, knew what northern towns needed. The questioner applauded: ‘you’re bang on the money tonight, love!’ Others agreed ‘levelling up’ stopped at Watford Gap and she was the only one who’d connected with them.

Cobblers

Foggy with frost on the hills, the poor crows squatted on aerials all puffed up waiting for their brekkie Friday morning. It brightened later only to go dark again mid-afternoon. Struggling with fatigue, I rallied after a few exercises, headed to the tat market for a couple of items and rushed back to the co-op, remarkably well-stocked apart from turkeys. Phil caught up with me in the aisles, carried bags home and commented on loose cobbles on the street below – just waiting for an accident and subsequent legal action! Indoors, the house was as freezing as outdoors.

Over 93,000 cases, Omicron was now the dominant strain in Scotland. Also rising across Europe (including France), Ursula Von Hitler said it was growing at a ‘ferocious rate’. Boosters were found to cut the risk of serious illness by 85%. New measures for Wales entailed taking an LFT a day before meeting up, outside if possible. Further restrictions would follow on Boxing Day for nightclubs and hospitality (with money to help those affected) as they would in Northern Ireland and Scotland where financial talks were due. Rishi cut short his California trip to meet business leaders. Another alleged Whitehall party on 15^th May 2020 involved wine and pizza, unbelievably to thank aides for work during lockdown! Metro said the first person to die of Omicron was a conspiracy theorist anti-vaxxer. But the Telly Doctor on Jeremy Vine said it was a 70 plus recluse and a mystery how he caught it. Which version was cobblers? Food banks reported a ‘sudden and worrying’ increase in demand in the runup to Christmas thanks to removal of the Universal Credit uplift, and soaring food and energy costs. Clement Bonehead sought EU legal action over French licenses in the month-long fish war.

The fog didn’t lift at all during the weekend. Saturday brekkie was made stressful by a cluttered kitchen. As I slid on a slippery patch on the floor, my slipper flew off and vanished under the cooker. I Panicked before managing to retrieve it. I worked on the journal, cleaned and put more Christmas stuff up. Phil went into a packed town centre. “People are egg-nogging the shit out of it!” “I’m not surprised if they think there’s going to be a lockdown next week!” in the evening, he cooked his signature burgers leaving the grill pan full of fat.

Sunday, I hurried to the market – not too busy with al fresco drinkers in the freezing conditions! I got a selection of dirty veg (everything but the chestnuts), popped in the convenience store and headed home to dispose of a pile of recycling, flopped on the sofa to recover and wrote a haiga based on a knitted angel on the town’s tree. Making the Christmas cake, I’d spent an hour on prep before Phil eventually came to help. Waiting for it to bake, we watched catch-up to be interrupted by a knock at the door. A woman wearing a lanyard barked: “Number 37. Do we know this lady?” Wondering who ‘we’ were, I eyed her blankly, then deduced she meant Elderly Neighbour – they had her name down wrong. She asked if anyone else lived there. “Yes, her husband.” I stepped out to investigate. The Student leaned out of her landing window, we concurred that if nobody was home, they must be at the hospital and she messaged him.

90,000 new cases and 12 deaths from Omicron, leaked sage minutes predicted 3,000 hospitalisations per day by January and advised extra measures now. Neil Ferguson called it ‘precarious’. A worried Khan declared a state of emergency in London. Thousands of anti-vaxxers took no notice. At a ‘freedom rally’, masked cops with batons faced unmasked protestors moving from Parliament Square to Downing Street. Vaccine minister Maggie Throup went to Derby to pose in a Post Office vest and pretend to deliver tests. All 4 UK national leaders met urgently, without Boris. Simon Case resigned after hilariously discovering he was at his own party on 17^th December. Sue Gray took over his investigations. After his original plan to go in January was leaked to the Daily Mail, Lord Frosty wrote Boris his immediate resignation, citing covid measures. A spat on a WhatsApp group led to Nads Doris being chucked off. Rayner said the tories were ‘in chaos’. On the last ever Marr show, Goblin Saj fawned that Frosty was an ‘outstanding public servant’. Liz Truss would take over with European minister Chris Heaton-Harris as deputy. A month-long lockdown began in Holland. Most premier league matches called off Saturday, 25% of players were unvaccinated. Phil reckoned they listened to their wives who lived on social media and believed all the Facebook tales. Leeds versus Arsenal the only game on, the rule that if they had a squad of 14 they played, seemed a load of cobblers. Fans chanting ‘Boris Johnson is a c*nt!’ went viral.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 91 – Partygate

“People should be able to look forward to Christmas without having to worry about how they’ll pay for it” (Frances O’Grady)

Whine and Beer

The weather on Monday was as dull as my day, consisting of nasty chores, posting blogs and a yoga session cut short by the still-sore jabbed arm.

Goblin Saj told MPs Omicron was spreading around the world and in the UK. 336 cases, not all linked to travel, the time between infection and infectiousness was shorter than earlier variants. No room in quarantine hotels, Richard E Grant whined about his Heathrow Holiday Inn brekkie. Kit Malthouse advised he take it up with the chefs. Traces found on 11/12 bogs in parliament, Kit said MPs likely took cocaine and Lindsay Hoyle called the police. With impeccable timing, Boris launched a 10-year crackdown on drugs in Liverpool, moronically dressed up as a cop. BOE deputy governor Ben Broadbent predicted inflation would hit 5% when energy prices rose in spring 2022. He was way off the mark, as it turned out.

Giving the Richard Dimbelby lecture, Sarah Gilbert explained how experts had led the way. Work on developing a MERS vaccine in 2018 and ‘Platform technology’ on ‘disease x’ meant not starting from scratch and moving fast when info on the novel coronavirus came through very early January 2020. On 11^th January, the spike protein’s genetic code was released and the first small batch of vaccine was ready by April for animal trials in Brazil and SA. Processes were accelerated so they ran in parallel with prep for human trials and the first volunteer was jabbed on 23^rd April. No money until creation of the Vaccine Taskforce, they formed a partnership with AZ and the drug was approved for emergency use 23^rd December. They got round issues of working in a pandemic by having zoom meetings, socially-distancing in labs, declaring staff as key workers so their kids could stay in school and hiring private jets to avoid flight restrictions. Communication not previously a priority for scientists, they had learnt from failing to get messages across such as the rarity of blood clots (less of a risk than from covid itself), and that it was safe during pregnancy. As coronavirus ‘wasn’t done with us’, work on variants started immediately. She warned of a future ‘disease y’ which could be worse and wanted a ‘health force’ working like the army to tackle threats. The new Pandemic Sciences Centre at Oxford could make vaccines for other diseases too. Investment in people and labs was crucial, especially for large-scale manufacture, and in methods and facilities, particularly in Africa.

Oversleeping on Tuesday, I cleaned, wrote, and went to the co-op – fairly busy but better stocked. In the evening, I texted Walking Friend to arrange lunch the next day and tried to print the Christmas card. The laptop said the printer was offline, I switched to the desktop, had to replenish ink, couldn’t open the pack and got frustrated and upset. Phil came to the rescue. 7.45 by then, I was glad of leftovers for dinner. Then Word went into some unfathomable view mode. I furiously put it aside and watched telly.

Officially 101 new Omicron cases, Prof Tim Spector said they were doubling every day, and there were more in the UK than in some countries on the red list, rendering travel restrictions futile. Cabinet ministers heard it spread 3 times faster than Delta but didn’t discuss plan B. Boris expected to update on additional restrictions ‘within the next 2 weeks’, an Ipsos/Mori/BBC vox pop revealed 63% wanted more and 12% wanted less. ONS announced a ‘statistically significant’ rise of 18.6% in alcohol-related deaths during 2020, much higher in deprived areas. Reasons not analysed, David Fothergill of the LGA Community Wellbeing Board said: “These stark statistics should act as a wake-up call about the impact of Covid-19 on our general health.” Jason Beer said ‘sorry’ for not properly overseeing building regs leading to the Grenfell Tower fire. Foreign Office whistle-blower Raphael Marshall revealed the chaotic Afghanistan evacuation entailed arbitrary selection as Rabid Raab didn’t fully understand the situation and delayed making decisions, leaving those left behind to be murdered by the Taliban. Rabid defended wanting each case neatly presented. Weather bomb Storm Barra brought heavy rain and 80 mph gusts to Ireland and the UK.

Bunfight

Pitch black and cold first thing Wednesday, I eschewed chores. Phil sorted the daft Word feature – I’d inadvertently done something funny on the view menu. We then watched PMQs before Walking Friend arrived, who’d texted to say she’d call round after the bunfight.

As video emerged of Allegra Stratton joking about Christmas parties at Number 10, DOE admitted staff met after-hours for a ‘social gathering’ on 10^th Dec 2020, against tier 3 lockdown rules. Ant and Dec joined in the jest on ‘I’m a Celeb’. In a predictably packed Commons, PMQs was all about the parties. Lawyer Keir pointed out Raab’s claims that police didn’t investigate crimes retrospectively was utter rubbish. Boris accused him of playing politics. Ian Blackford railed: “the government have laughed in our faces. Is this the man to lead these islands when lives are at stake? If he doesn’t resign, he must be removed.” Lindsay Hoyle repeatedly scolded MPs, saying they needed to do better. Boris promised investigations by Simon Case with evidence handed to the Met. The PM ‘furious’ at the fake news footage, The Stratton tearfully apologised and resigned that evening. Who’d be next?

Phil took a break from his tiny work to come for lunch. We went via the post-box for me to post cards to my aunty and said hello to The Poet at the corner pub. At the Turkish café, we ensconced in a cosy corner to chat about Walking Friends’ 60^th birthday plans, Christmas and the bunfight. I was sceptical of her view it was ‘a dead cat’ to kill off the hoi polio but agreed anti-vaxxers should watch Gilbert’s persuasive lecture. Although I was uncomfortable about testing on monkeys. Phil headed home while I accompanied Walking Friend to the wavy steps. She threw birdfeed to be surrounded by a flurry of duck and pigeon wings. On the next bridge a large heron perched next to a gushing weir. After some charity shopping, the rain turned foul. We sheltered beneath an arch, and said goodbye before she went for groceries and I went to Oxfam for 99p jewellery. Achy, sodden and freezing back home, I went straight upstairs to remove sodden clothes and warm up in bed. I rose in time for the Bumbler’s evening briefing.

Much earlier than predicted and after hastily consulting cabinet, Boris announced Plan B, effective next week. He insisted that with Omicron growing faster than previous variants, it was the ‘proportionate and responsible thing to do’, allowing time to get boosters done. The plan re-introduced guidance to work from home from Monday if possible or use masks if not. From Friday, face-coverings would be mandatory for most indoor settings including theatres and cinemas and a Covid Pass was needed from 15^thDecember for nightclubs and other venues – obtainable after 2 doses of vaccine or a negative LFT. Daily tests for contacts instead of self-isolation would minimise disruption. He said they’d take “every step to ensure the NHS is ready for the challenges ahead,” but the best thing we could all do was get jabbed. The new rules were due to last till 26^th January 2022, subject to review 5^th January with 4 criteria: efficacy of vaccines, severity of infection, speed of spread of Omicron, and rate of hospitalisations.

Nobody would take any notice after the Downing Street Christmas party debacle! Was it indeed a dead cat? Questions from the press asking if he was at some of the parties, echoed my thoughts on how he expected us to follow the law when he didn’t? Boris was of course evasive. Vallance said the rules were carefully thought through and Witless said people get angry when they think things aren’t fair but we should separate that out from reasons for the decisions. His so-called ‘laying out the logic’ didn’t wash with livid tory backbenchers who saw it as a deflection technique. Sir Charles Walker said measures would be seen as advisory: “I think it would be very difficult to enshrine them in law and then once again ask our poor police force to enforce them…And the events of the last 24 hours make it probably impossible now.” Did he allude to the latest claims from The Scumbag of more alleged Whitehall parties last Christmas making a total of 7? It didn’t escape notice that Plan B stopped short of banning private gatherings. Loopholes aplenty, Covid Passes were needed to go clubbing but you could host a huge house party with no restrictions. Also, singing was exempt meaning no law against taking your mask off and going round the supermarket singing Christmas songs. And there was nothing to stop work colleagues meeting in the pub, even if they worked from home. The NHS Covid Pass app promptly crashed.

Elsewhere, on the anniversary of the first ever covid jab, Margaret Keenan was interviewed and the booster roll-out was opened to over 40’s. Lord Tyrie called PCR tests for travel a ‘rip-off jungle.’ Fly-tipping up 16% during the pandemic, fines fell by half. Olaf Scholz was sworn in as Chancellor of Germany.

In Flagrante

The Laptop behaved oddly again before I could work on the journal Thursday, but it was probably my fault for randomly pressing keys. Skies brighter, Phil went to Leeds and I went to town in search of Christmas gifts and goodies. I struggled home with heavy bags, stuffed food in my gob and tried to do housework. Knackered, I managed a bit of dusting before resting.

3 of the alleged Whitehall ‘gatherings’ being investigated, it emerged communications chief Jack Doyle was at the 18^th December bash. At least 3 members of the public were fined for holding parties the very same day, making a mockery of the latest excuse for police inaction – a lack of evidence rather than the time gap. Err, I thought that was up to the CPS! Cynics claimed the Met weren’t prosecuting because Boris stuck by Caressa Dick amid calls for her resignation. Jeremy Vine mainly a sob-fest the last 2 days, Angela Rayner appeared from home via zoom, with an Ashton face. Did she get back from Westminster Wednesday night and do her eyebrows? Recapping the litany of awful government acts, she cried: “This man shouldn’t be prime minister…(he’s) not fit to govern.” As she evaded questions on why Keir hadn’t demanded Boris’ resignation, opinion polls showed 54% of the public thought he should. While Carrie Antionette gave birth to his umpteenth sprog, there were further calls for the PM to quit. The Electoral Commission fined the tory party £17,800 for not following the rules on donations from Lord Brownnose towards the Number 10 flat renovation. The report revealed a WhatsApp message from Boris to Brownnose asking for dosh. Rayner resurfaced to accuse him of lying when he said he didn’t know where the money came from. Downing Street insisted he was honest ‘at all times’, it was only a ‘technical breach’ and considered appealing against the fine. Rayner demanded fresh investigations from Lord Geidt and Kathryn Stone as Boris was ‘in flagrant breach’ of both the ministerial code and the MPs’ code of conduct.

The RSPB said HPAI* (aka bird flu), affected poultry and wild birds across the UK. Mainly ducks, geese and swans, ½ million domestic fowl were culled and some birds of prey died. Normal during the migration season, Useless George called it the biggest outbreak ever. On QT, tory Rachel Mclean didn’t answer questions about confidence. An irate man in the audience screamed: “They’re mocking us. It’s an absolute disgrace!” Train-lover Mike Portillo considered the overall covid policy ‘pretty good’ but plan B a diversionary tactic. Newscast guffawed at a veritable smorgasbord with something happening every hour of the day.

Friday, I felt unrested after a fractious night. Phil seeming sleepy, I made a big effort to get the cereal, worked on the journal and went to the co-op. Waiting for Phil’s help outside the shop, I realised I’d lost a mask bag and whizzed round the aisles again to no avail. Seeing an ambulance in the street as I left the house, I surmised it was for Elderly Neighbours. Phil saw The Wife being wheeled out. When we got back, The Husband was on their doorstep and told me her kidneys had ‘gone funny’. She’d been treated by the GP who advised getting the ambulance. The crew spent a ½ hour persuading her to go to hospital, then she had to be blue-lighted. “I can imagine!” said Phil. We spent the afternoon cleaning and viewing an interminable pointless Facebook video of morons making a big mess trying to fry eggs on matches. It reminded Phil of one wherein a woman baked a terrible unicorn cake.

58,194 daily cases was the most since January 2021. Omicron growing faster than Delta, it pervaded all regions and scientists predicted it’d be the dominant strain within a week. Susan Hopkins didn’t know how many hospitalisations there’d be. Due at a cobra meeting with The Glove-puppet, Sturgeon said she expected a tsunami of infections because of its transmissibility. But Metro reported Gove, Raab and Shats were isolating meeting infected Australian deputy PM Barnaby Joyce. Number 10 cancelled the staff Christmas party but said there was no need for others to follow suit. The decision was apparently nothing to do with the fiasco over last year’s shindigs but based on increased workloads to implement Plan B, and ‘the latest data we’ve got’. ITV later reported police entered Number 10 on the night of the alleged party after an alarm went off. Did they stay for wine and cheese? Some wag designed a Christmas Card mocking The Stratton. The Glove-puppet reportedly worked on Plan C to implement January 2022, entailing mandatory mask-wearing and Covid Passes in more places, and using the TIT app in hospitality. Post-mortem results on Geronimo the alpaca failing to find the source of TB, owner Helen MacDonald decried a cover-up.

Just about to make breakfast Saturday, there was a knock at the door. Expecting a secret delivery, I shouted up for Phil not to answer. In fact, it was Walking Friend with something we’d talked about Wednesday. She was off to Bradford with The Poet. Ostensibly to view plots and decide where to put her friend’s remains, she expected to end up in a pub rather than the cemetery. Grey, drizzly and cold, I was going nowhere. Printing Christmas cards and recycling old envelopes took most of the day. Leeds United were robbed as Chelsea were awarded 3 dodgy penalties. Fans complained of being squashed getting into Stamford Bridge.

Unable to sleep in Sunday, I watched The Marr. A video showed Boris playing a Christmas quiz with staff at number 10 last year. Keir said he appeared to have broken the law and people were right to be furious. Asked why there wasn’t a vote of no confidence, he replied because labour showed strong leadership supporting covid measures, which was ‘the right thing to do’. Nads Zahawi claimed the incriminating footage was actually of Boris thanking his team on zoom. Added to earlier reports of ‘gatherings’, who to believe?

Overnight rain led to a dull wet start but it brightened later. I spent ages rooting out a metal bucket from the cubby hole and was about to go twig hunting, when I realised the medium-sized Christmas tree looked much greener. Phil said he’d been caring for it which obviously paid off. He removed the remaining brown needles while I cleared debris. I’d noticed a few days ago that two planters had disappeared from the garden wall. Preferring to think they’d blown away in the storm, I then spotted clumps of soil– firm evidence they’d been nicked. Very depressing! We brought the Christmas trees in to acclimatise, got cleaned up, ate cake and cleared a corner in the kitchen to make space for Christmas goodies. No new photos, I used one of backstreets taken last week for a haigaⁱ.

Spreading at an alarming rate, Omicron accounted for 34% of London cases and a number of hospitalisations. The covid alert level rose from 3 to 4. Susan Hopkins referred to a ‘big wave coming straight at us’. Boris interrupted evening TV for a proclamation. His latest madcap target was to boost all adults in England by the end of December so the NHS had to match and then exceed its ‘best day ever’. The over 30’s could book online from Monday, all over 18’s from Wednesday, with other medical procedures postponed until the new year. Scotland followed suit and Wales was expected to bring in more restrictions. Northern Ireland had the highest covid rate in the UK again but only 8 confirmed Omicron cases. Lockdown in Austria ended for the vaccinated but an 11.00 p.m. curfew remained. Regional news reported Leeds would lose £35 million coffee-cup money due to workers not in offices.

Real wages fell 0.8% according to the TUC. Frances O’Grady fumed that people should be looking forward to Christmas without worrying how to pay for it: “Millions are facing a cost of living storm as bills soar and real pay falls. After more than a decade of wage stagnation, this is the last thing working families need. The government can’t sit this crisis out. Ministers should get around the table with unions and employers now, and work out fair pay agreements for every industry. That’s the best way to boost living standards and ease the pressure on households.”

Tornadoes in south eastern America almost entirely wiped out the town of Mayfield, Kentucky and killed 94 people including 6 staff at an Amazon warehouse in Edwardsville, Illinois. An investigation into safety measures was launched. Bezos sent condolences.

*HPAI – High Pathogen Avian Influenza

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 89 – Tipping Point

“Nobody puts their life at risk unless they are absolutely desperate and feel they have no other option” (Mike Adamson)

On The Slide

On a frosty and bright Monday morning, I rose on wobbly legs. Still unwell, I couldn’t remember the last time such debilitation lasted more than a week. I managed short bursts out of bed to help Phil with recycling and washing, getting stressed when I saw the machine was set incorrectly. I calmed down to sort it and worked on blogs. Both receiving text invites from the central system and the local surgery, we booked boosters via the latter for the following week. Puzzled that Phil got messages last week and I didn’t, he told me he had 2 different dates of birth on the NHS system. Was I in the wrong age bracket?

Ofgem put Bulb, the 7^th largest energy supplier, into ‘special administration’. Too many customers to pass onto another company, Uswitch,com said: “This signals the tipping point of the UK energy crisis. With Bulb’s 1.7 million customer base, over 4 million people have now been directly impacted by the turbulent energy market.” 886 on Saturday, migrants crossing the channel during 2021 reached 25,600, treble the total for the whole of 2020. Bella Sankey of Detention Action railed: “The crisis is that people with credible protection claims…are forced to make dangerous journeys that make the UK look chaotic and incompetent.” French interior minister Gérald Darmanin claimed migrants were enticed by a UK army of ‘irregular workers’. Nasty Patel crap at her job, Steve Barclay was drafted in to lead a taskforce. He considered strengthening return agreements, using barracks to house arrivals, benefits cuts and ridiculously, ‘offshoring’.

Speaking to the CBI, The Bumbler lost his place, rifled through papers, repeated ‘forgive me’ 3 times, went ‘vroom, vroom’, compared himself to Moses and rambled about Peppa Pig being ‘pure genius’ even though she looked like a Picasso hairdryer. Phil joked he didn’t actually mean to go to Peppa Pig World but Capitalist Pig World and took a wrong turn! I thought he might have syphilis. Downing Street was forced to declare he was ‘well’. On Newsnight, Polly Guardian complained the CBI needed serious information, Boris was on the point of losing it and ‘on the slide’. Danny Finkelstein told us Boris’ political strategy revolved around himself. His self-confidence led to a lack of preparation. On the immigration bill, Diane Abbot wanted proper policies instead of daft ideas like the wave machine. A tory denied that was ever a thing (err, yes it was. See part 30 of this blog). She said antagonising the French wasn’t working. After Nick Thomas-Symonds seemed to contradict his leader by telling Marr that migrants should be sent back to the first safe country they arrived in, Abbot was asked what was the labour policy? She declined to answer. Well, that’s clear then – not!

Marginally better on Tuesday, I made an effort to dress before the Ocado delivery then worked on blogs. Experimenting with knobbly squash for dinner, I made a topping for orzo, panicking when it stuck to the pan. It tasted good but the squishy mess wasn’t what I intended.

With weekly covid deaths over 1,000 for the first time since 12^th March and 1/3 of cases asymptomatic, the Scottish and English governments urged anyone going to crowded places or visiting the vulnerable during the festive period to get an LFT. Northern Irelanders were asked to limit social contact and work from home. Europe ‘in the firm grip’ of the virus, deaths passed 1.5 million and the WHO feared they’d reach 2.2 million by March. Dr. Hans Kluge said: “we face a challenging winter ahead but we should not be without hope, because all of us…can take decisive action to stabilise the pandemic.” Merkel barked that German regional measures weren’t good enough and health minister Jens Spahn warned by the end of winter, the whole population would be vaccinated, recovered or dead. Very German! Former jab tsar Kate Bingham lectured Oxford University on a “devastating lack of skills and experience in science, industry, commerce and manufacturing” In government. 70 tory backbenchers voted against the latest version of the Health & Social Care Bill because it broke yet another promise: local authority payments would be discounted by the cap so 2/3 of northerners would have to sell their homes to pay for their care. Rabid Raab allegedly held a fund-raising party at Chevening. Against parliamentary rules, Rayner demanded to see receipts.

Still achy Wednesday, I managed a few stretches and made porridge. I sat on the bed rather than in it, worked on blogs and watched PMQs. The chamber packed with mask-less tories, Keir quipped: ‘I see they’ve turned up this week’ and gabbed about broken promises. The only thing he’s delivering is: “high taxes, high prices and low growth.”

Bracing myself for a trip to the co-op, it was quite fun for once. A small fairy princess danced in the aisles and a jolly man whistled as he wheeled about in his chair putting items on his lap. I struggled home with backache and took it easy in the afternoon. Ample orzo but not much squishy sauce left, I added passata. A definite improvement, it vaguely reminded me of a childhood dinner. Our evening was interrupted by a huge, loud chopper flying so low the windows rattled. Some chump asked the local Facebook group ‘what was that?’ To which a joker quipped: ‘sorry, no more pickled gherkins for me!’

At a Transport for the North meeting in Leeds, northern leaders called IRP the ‘cheap and nasty option’. A dinghy capsized in Pas de Calais. 27 migrants drowned. Lamentations all round, Mike Adamson of The British Red Cross said nobody risked their life unless they were desperate and urged the government “to rethink its plans for making the UK’s asylum system harder to access.” Boris spoke to Mini Macron and held a Cobra meeting. A special edition of Newsnight pitted those who believed the way to solve the crisis was to create safe routes against those who thought it was to make crossings impossible and the UK less attractive, such as the awful member for Dover Natalie Elphicke. People died, you heartless bitch! Justin Welby called for a system based on: “compassion, justice and co-operation across frontiers.” Touché!.

Out Of Control

Brilliantly sunny on Thursday, thick crunchy rooftops didn’t deter me from opening the window to shake blankets out. Going out later than planned, the sun already dipped behind the hill. On the way to the surgery, I spotted Elderly Neighbour and Environment Agency works warning of ‘buried services’. From a plethora of posters plastered to the surgery doors, I eventually discerned I needed to press the buzzer and wait for someone to come and hand me a test kit from a safe distance. I got a few items from charity shops, the sweet shop and Boots where the pharmacist rudely stacked shelves in the middle of serving me.

To celebrate Thanksgiving, outbreaks of bird flu emerged. All poultry-keepers were directed to keep foul cooped up from next Monday. Was turkey off the Christmas menu again? Revellers died after a covid party in Italy. Covid passes lasted 9 months if you were vaccinated but only 6 months if you had antibodies – idiots! In an urgent statement to the house on migrant drownings, Nasty Patel said she’d offered France joint patrols but was dismissed as ‘crazy’ by Calais MP Henri Dumont. Micron demanded more help from Britain as people ‘don’t want to stay in France’, and from EU partners, because when they got to France it was too late. Boris tweeted a letter containing his ‘5 point plan’* before Micron received it, resulting in Patel being uninvited to a meeting in Calais with France, Belgium, Holland and Germany. What a twat! Seeing the missive as a sop to tory backbenchers over ‘taking back control’ rather than serious diplomacy, Darmanin called it “unacceptable and counter to our discussions between partners.” Nick Thomas-Symonds bemoaned a ‘grave error of judgement’: “This is a humiliation for a PM and home secretary who have completely lost control of the situation in the channel.” A refugee now settled in Britain came on BBC Breakfast the next day to say Europe should be ashamed of letting people drown.

The QT panel was asked: ‘is the PM okay?’ Some tory said ‘give him slack’ but Eluned Morgan MS was ’a big critic’, repeating the over-used ‘overpromised and underdelivered time and time again’ line and Liz Saville lamented infantile Westminster politics. Our erstwhile housemate, now apparently an author, said it’d be okay if Boris had a competent government behind him, but he didn’t. On the social care cap, Rob Buckland wanted to wait for the white paper and input from lords before tweaking. Lindsay Hoyle appeared on Newscast with his parrot, Boris, who shouted ‘lock the doors’ on trains. He said we’d recently seen the house at its best and its worst and he’d not give up trying to take hate out of politics. Calling for zero tolerance of online abuse, he said if social media companies failed to act, we must use the law.

Blown Off Course

Friday, I found lots of gaps in the co-op especially fresh stuff, but got a reduced chicken. With no bottles to carry, I’d not asked for Phil’s help but was fully laden by extra purchases. A group of oldies and a yapping dog blocked the trolley park. Repeatedly saying ‘excuse me’ to no avail, I struggled to manoeuvre the trolley round them and stomped home. Cleaning the bathroom in the afternoon, I found a veritable spider’s nest. Long since gone, they left a big mess.

New variant B.1.1.529 named Omicron by the Who, had a ‘constellation’ of 30 mutations 1 case found in Belgium, Susan Hopkins suspected it was already in the UK. 6 African countries were put on the red list. Effective 4.00 a.m. Sunday, incomers were required to quarantine in hotels and take PCR tests. Phil worried about immediate crackdowns. I fretted it was vaccine-resistant thus rendering all the jabs futile. In celebration of Black Friday, XR blocked amazon warehouses across the country. Ben Wally announced restructuring the army would make it ‘leaner but more productive’. “It’s nice to be told you’re not productive after digging the government out of every hole they’ve caused for the past few years!” exclaimed Phil.

Storm Arwen forecast to bring 75 mph winds, snow, travel disruption and damage, Scotland and parts of northern England were on red alert. Phil cheerfully hummed seasonal tunes. “It’ll probably be soggy sleet.” I predicted. “Don’t be so pessimistic!” Just as we headed to bed, a strange whistling was heard and the telly went off. “That’ll be the storm then. It sounds like it’s passing right over us.” “Yes, above the valley.“

Not as badly hit as some areas, Arwen blew through the night, bringing sub-zero temperatures, a sprinkling of snow and more seasonal humming to Saturday. 120 lorries got stuck in the white stuff on the M62 near Rochdale. Power cuts all over, our Vodafone signal went. The kitchen like the arctic, I re-named it The South Pole, declared it too cold to go out, worked on the Christmas card, replaced the Halloween tree with advent decorations and watched telly via iPlayer and All 4. Phil nipped to the café for forgotten prints, reporting town packed even though it was freezing. Crowds were attracted by an extended market. As if we needed an actual Christmas market!

Terrestrial telly resumed in the midst of a briefing from Boris, Witless and Valance. In the wake of the Omicron variant, masks would again be mandatory for public transport and retail from Tuesday. Uncommitted on lockdown and working from home, even though sage advised it, doomsayers predicted another cancelled Christmas. EU countries examined arrivals for the mutant, people were stuck on planes at Schiphol airport and the US closed borders to all except American citizens. As 2 confirmed cases arrived in Britain, 4 more African countries were added to the red list.

Roused early Sunday by what I thought was Phil shouting, I realised the noise was coming from down below, and decided Ray Bradbury stories were seeping into my dreamsⁱ. When he woke, he complained of confusion and subsequently said he felt ill. I stole myself to bathe and dressed as fast as possible to avoid hypothermia.

An unexpected proper snow fall tempted us outside. I donned the bear coat and proper boots. The gorgeous new blanket squeaked and crunched underfoot. Boys at the end of the street abandoned a sled to throw snowballs. Ducks and pigeons scrabbled for birdfeed opposite the pet shop. Corvids roosted in the apex of bare trees, as if blown off course. The Christmas craft market still on, we advised an artist her unique animal paintings would definitely sell in the café.

In the park, crusties dragged felled branches across a pristine football pitch and a small girl sledged on the slope. “Let’s build a snowman!” she screamed excitedly at dad. “Snowperson round here,” I corrected her. On the towpath, autumn leaves were trapped beneath an icy layer, pockmarked by mysterious holes possibly made by fish. Back home, I took recycling out before removing my outerwear. Young Dad stood on his doorstep. We discussed the perils of driving in snow and them getting covid. He was ill for 3 weeks even though he had 2 jabs ages ago – maybe his immunity had waned? His partner hadn’t had any vaccine as allegedly every time she was booked in, something went wrong. Likely story! In the evening, I wrote a haigaⁱⁱ and added new snowy photos to the Christmas card, getting a headache from working on Photoshop late.

As RUF was cited as a possible super-spreader event, South Africans whinged they were penalised for identifying the new mutant and speedily sharing data. Dr. Angelica Coetzee told Marr she first saw patients suffering headaches and fatigue 18^th November. Symptoms were mild but there were lots of cases. Moderna CMO Paul Burton relayed the need to establish if Omicron was more transmissible, caused more severe disease and evaded vaccines. 11 of the mutations indicated it might but as they began developing a new booster on thanksgiving, he was optimistic. As Saj wittered about firebreaks and mitigations, the DOE advised secondary schoolkids to wear masks in communal areas. At EU crisis talks on eliminating people-smuggling gangs, the French foreign minister said relations with the UK were ‘not easy’ but we had to try to get along. Disinvited Nasty Patel said it was a shame she wasn’t there and would speak to her counterparts during the week. Meanwhile, she was lambasted by tory backbenchers for failing to implement the resettlement scheme announced in August, forcing Afghans onto unsafe routes to reach Britain.

*Boris’ 5 point plan: joint patrols to stop boats leaving France; using tech such as radars and sensors; maritime patrols in each other’s territorial waters and airborne surveillance; more work on the joint intelligence cell; Bilateral returns agreement with France alongside talks to set up a UK-Europe agreement.

References:

i. From The Dust Returned, Ray Bradbury

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 84 – Safe As Houses

“The simple truth is that the so-called wall of defence we’ve built up with vaccination is now crumbling” (Jonathan Ashworth)

Crumbling Walls

Wobbly and dizzy Monday, I resigned myself to bedrest. Phil took charge of chores, cooking and fetch me the laptop. Posting blogs took most of my day.

Vaccine take-up in schools was as low as 5% in parts of England, possibly because high infection rates led to absence. 50% in Scotland where kids could use walk-in centres, speculation mounted that would soon happen south of the border. Former US secretary of state Colin Powell died of Covid complications, even though he had 2 jabs. In a packed house of commons to pay tribute to David Amess, Boris announced city status for Southend.

Very dark Tuesday morning, I thought it was the middle of the night. I dropped off again until I heard Phil moving, half-heartedly called out then dozed some more. He offered to open the ‘budgie’ curtains but I managed it by crawling across the bed. I drafted the journal and used the USB lead for some phone housekeeping, inevitably entailing another Xperia update.

UK covid rates the second highest globally, 223 deaths were recorded. New delta mutant AY4-2 was being monitored. Prof Ferguson urged speeding up boosters. Amanda Pritchard told MPs invites were going out as soon as people were eligible but take-up was slower than previous jab drives. Prof. Hayward wanted other measures. Besieged by anti-vaxxers, Glove-Puppet was escorted safely into ‘a building’ by police. The French reported Valneva showed better results than AstraZeneca but gave no data. Adolf Von De Leyen said 1bn vaccine doses were exported from the EU to 150 countries since December. Largely sent to wealthier nations, there were plans to send 500m to poorer countries. Poland declared national laws took precedence over EU law. Most Poles wanted to stay in the EU but some sought ‘Polexit’ – they needed a catchier name. The Bumbler announced the UK would be carbon-neutral by 2050 thanks to the Breakthrough Energy Catalyst partnership with Bill Gates, nuclear power plants, grants for electric cars and heat pumps. The Home Energy Scheme to start April 2022 for 3 years, entailed only enough money to replace 900,000 of 25 million domestic gas boilers. Initiatives criticised as too little too late, lacking detail on how they’d be delivered, not benefitting everyone and not properly costed, Red Ed Miliband called it “a meagre, unambitious and wholly inadequate response.” Amidst cost of living pressures: “people can’t warm their homes with yet more of Boris Johnson’s hot air, but that is all that is on offer.”

Rousing shockingly late again Wednesday, I did a few stretches to prevent seizing up, but realised I wouldn’t be going anywhere. I did succeed in getting morning coffee, puffed and panted back upstairs, then collapsed back on the bed with backache and fatigue. I got a text for a new appointment the following week. at an even earlier time than the one I missed last Friday, there was no way I’d make it. I rang to be told they couldn’t offer me anything else but I stood my ground and eventually got offered an afternoon slot, 2 days’ prior to the original.

I worked on writing and watched shenanigans from Westminster. Daily Politics asked: is it time for Plan B plus? Siobhan McDonagh exclaimed “Plan A isn’t even working!” (i.e., boosters and schoolkid jabs). Disgusted Sage only met monthly, she called for a return of the daily briefings. Please no! Witless and Kwarteng had advised sticking to existing advice and respecting others. Goblin Saj and Witless later held the first evening press conference in 2 months, announcing ½ million doses of Maersk Molnpiravar and Pfizer PF-073 had been bought, even though the covid treatments didn’t have regulatory approval. Warning infections could reach 100,000 a day, The Goblin urged everyone to get vaccinated, stay vigilant and employ measures to fight the virus ( e.g., wear masks in crowds). Saying Plan B wouldn’t be activated unless there was unsustainable pressure on the NHS, sounded like a veiled threat: if restrictions were imposed it was our fault – again! Jon Ashworth observed the wall of defence was crumbling and Prof Pagel screamed: “Just effing make them (masks) government policy then!” Matthew Taylor of the NHS Confederation said we risked a ‘perfect storm’ and ‘stumbling into a winter crisis’ if Plan B wasn’t implemented immediately.

Following several reports of students unable to remember the night before, Patel ordered police to investigate women being spiked in nightclubs. PMQs not held for months, the first question was on Women’s safety and confidence in police. Boris replied convictions needed to be ensured. Keir used all his questions to interrogate action on violent extremism and getting things done. Boris said the Online Safety Bill was an important tool to crack down on dangerous content and guaranteed it’d pass into law before Christmas. Keir retorted Telegram was the ‘app of choice’ for extremists, allowing access to footage of murders of MPs, Jews and LGBTQ. Tough sanctions were all very well but directors of platforms wouldn’t face criminal action, a big problem of the government strategy. He said they could stop harmful material if the whole house worked together to strengthen the legislation.

Due to rising cases, Morocco banned flights to and from the UK, Holland and Germany effective from 11.59 p.m. In Brazil, a 6-month hearing into Bonzo concluded he was guilty of crimes against humanity, fake news and misuse of public funds. The senate would vote next week.

A combination of a bright full moon, painful wind and whirring mind made for a difficult night. I used the meditation soundtrack for some fitful sleep.

Big Mess

As was often the case, I thought I might be better by Thursday, but I was exhausted after the rough night. Depressed at missing another sunny day, I worked on writing while Phil went to the market for fish. The cut looking small, I decided on fish pie. Initially annoyed because I thought it would take ages, it was actually pretty quick thanks to a few cheats and very tasty.

52,009 daily covid cases (most in the under 20’s), was the highest since mid-July. Chris Smith said as 50% were asymptomatic, it was probably already 100,000. Prof Finn spluttered 200 deaths a day ‘was not okay’. Keir predicted it’d be March by the time the booster programme was complete. Anti-vaxxers went to Colchester Hospital, told staff they broke the law and the Nuremberg code, and the pope was the head of global business. Back to that Opus Dei conspiracy rot again!

On Newsnight, Brian Cox (not Count Arthur’s arch-enemy but fellow actor) called government handling of rising infections “a mess.” 10 year old tory Andy Bowie said MPs should wear masks in parliament to set an example. Kate Forbes retorted that wearing masks was basic, and infections were falling in Scotland where they stayed mandatory. After being corrected that cases were plateauing, Anas Sawar told her Scottish deaths were too high, they weren’t getting testing right, and there were spikes in schools with teachers and pupils still unvaccinated. Lamenting a larger Glasgow audience than the group she was allowed to teach, Prof Heather McGregor wished for fewer restrictions, not more and bafflingly, ‘to work with the virus’.

On Newscast, The C**t said infection rates and slow jab take-up among schoolkids was most worrying. WHO Dr. Maria Van Kerkhove, advised masks, social distancing, crowd-avoidance and working from home were simple measures. Recognising the challenge of exponential growth, she called for a moratorium on boosters until people in poor countries had at least 1 dose as only protecting our own population led to a false sense of security. Global social mobility allowed mutants to emerge and prolonged the pandemic, now projected to last until at least the end of 2022. She praised UK scientists for outstanding work, especially on variants. The C**t replied her advice was all very well but the NHS frontline was under pressure, cases WERE translating into hospitalisations (1,000 admissions on one day), we could see a ‘really bad situation’ over winter and government should act now to ‘turbo-charge teen vaccinations’. Fergus Walsh reminded us 5 million adults also hadn’t had a jab and accounted for 2/3 hospital cases.

Noisy traffic on a wet road woke me early Friday. Feeling slightly less ill, I did 10 minutes exercise then lay down again. As rain turned to sunshine, I turned to writing. I attempted to draft the guest blog and an article for the next issue of Valley Life magazine. Phil went to the co-op, after suggesting I should go with him to get out of the house. Vexed he seemed heedless of my debilitation, I retorted: “What a stupid thing to say! I would I if could!”

Over 8,000 in hospital and 180 deaths reported, sage bods said it wouldn’t be as bad as January but urged government to do the policy work now and be ready for rapid deployment of Plan B, to prevent the need for tougher measures. Boris maintained they weren’t yet ready to put the plan into action but it was under constant review and repeated we should all get the jab. Adam Finn of JCVI said something had to be done to prevent getting into a bad mess again. Ahead of COP26, Greenpeace Unearthed revealed lobbying by a number of countries to dilute climate change pledges; Australia and Saudi Arabia sought weaker targets for eliminating fossil fuels, Argentina and Brazil didn’t want people to stop eating meat.

On the set of Rust near Albuquerque, Alec Baldwin shot 2 crew members with a prop gun. Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins died and director Joel Souza was in a critical condition. A distraught Baldwin said no words could convey his shock and sadness. Shannon Lee, sister of Brandon (shot dead on the set of The Crow), said it should never happen. It later transpired it was only Hannah Gutierrez’s second film as armourer, there’d previously been near-misses, and crew members may have used the gun for target practice then failed to check for live rounds.

Smashing Pumpkins

Still tired and irritated by lack of sleep Saturday, I rose on wobbly legs to get tea then dossed on the bed. Phil making no moves either, I asked if he was hungry. “No, but I’ll do brekkie.” I spent the day editing the journal and Valley Life article and started to design a Christmas card. All the cutting out on Photoshop gave me head fug so I had to stop.

The town’s pumpkin festival all over telly Friday, the BBC Breakfast weatherman came to stand on the marina and a local reporter descended at teatime. The festivals’ climate change theme gave the friends’ son who’d walked to London a high profile with a pumpkin carved in his image and a chance to talk about the petition he handed in to Number 10, to be debated in The House 30^th November.

Feeling less fatigued Sunday, I made a big effort to go to town. Predictably rammed after the media coverage, I dodged my way to the market for 2 bagsful of knobbly veg including pumpkin, and weaved among punters in the packed square to watch the carving of a cheetah. A volunteer with trail maps tried to give one to a visitor, asking where he was from. “Darlington” “That’s some way. Did you see it on telly?” “Yes.” “People have come from everywhere this weekend.” I butted in to request a map and couldn’t resist adding: “I live here. Do you know we’ve got one of the highest covid rates in the country?” The volunteer nonchalantly replied he did.*

Fuming that no one gave a shit anymore, I went down the pedestrian street, over to the memorial gardens, past the cinema with appropriate coffee-cup pumpkins and onto the marina. A buzzing pocket indicated missed calls from Phil, who was in the square. Aching from carrying heavy shopping, I rested on a bench until he joined me for further perusal of the sculptures. In the park, small children gleefully vandalised an installation, nicking a top hat and bashing the defenceless fruits. Retreating via the canal, autumn detritus floated artily on the water and mushrooms sprouted from a makeshift compost heap. Looking edible, I wasn’t willing to risk it. Phil nipped in the co-op while I struggled home with the bags and cleaned the filthy produce. Phil offered to help when he got back so I asked him to dispose of a pile of recycling I’d created. Knackered, I slumped on the sofa. “Never mind, he said, “at least you got out.” “True. And the colours are very nice now.” So nice, it was hard to choose a photo for a haiga. I eventually settled on bright red leaves^I.

Peter Openshaw of NERVTAG fretted about another lockdown if we didn’t all get jabs and boosters. Budget & Spending Review leaks reported £7bn for city region transport, on top of £3bn for buses (although this later transpired to not be new money). A decision on the northern leg of HS2 still not made, some expected Rishi Rich to announce that too. Labour called the predicted re-invention of Sure Start a ‘sticking plaster’. Rishi came on Marr to say he was always ‘humble’ in the face of the virus. Refusing to commit help with the cost of living, he said he didn’t have a magic wand and we had to transition to normality after all the extra support such as furlough and school dinners – but would he give into Rashford’s repeated demands? Rachel Reeves wanted a VAT cut for utility bills. Politics North reminded us it was 7 years since the invention of the Northern Powerhouse. Politicians complained of no real plans for ‘levelling up’ and a tory MP said he was elected on a pledge to get Brexit done, but now what?

*Official figures indicated a spike in the area, particularly among younger people. Local media alarmingly labelled the town ‘anti-vax’ capital.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

Chris Witty