Corvus Bulletin 2.2: Deal Or No Deal?

“Northern Ireland is in the unbelievably special position…in having privileged access, not just to the UK home market, which is enormous…but also the European Union single market…Nobody else has that” (Rishi Sunak)

Cartoon by Matt

Leaked to the ‘leftie press’ i.e., The Observer, The Daily Mail railed a ‘secret summit’ in early February, was a ‘plot to unravel Brexit’.  Entitled: ‘How can we make Brexit work better with our neighbours in Europe?’, attendees included ‘arch remainer’ Peter Mandelson, John Healy, David Lammy, old Thatcherites Norman Lamont and Michael Howard and, without Rishi’s knowledge, The Glove-Puppet, which Andrew Brexit on Jeremy Vine, considered mischievous.  In light of OBR predictions of a 4% reduction in GDP 15 years after the referendum, and John Haskel of the BOE monetary policy committee calculating a £29bn cost (£1,000 per household), the cross-party nature of the gathering implied acceptance of post-Brexit economic damage.  A source told The Guardian ‘the main thrust’ was, with Britain losing out, Brexit not delivering and a weak economy, ‘moving on from leave and remain’, the issues faced, and how we could discuss changes to trade and cooperation with the EU.

On 27^th, Ursula Von Hitler came to sign off a renegotiated Northern Ireland protocol with Rishi, and bizarrely have a cuppa with Kingy.  The new Windsor Framework entailed a green express lane from Great Britain to NI and the same taxes, a role for the ECJ*, and Stormont putting the brakes on further changes – if the assembly ever reconvened.  Noting an improvement in the UK-EU relationship, commentators believed it could presage closer cooperation in other areas.

Northern Ireland minister Steve Baker blubbered with emotion and Sinn Fein gushed with enthusiasm.  Tory backbenchers and the DUP were more circumspect – the latter also outraged at the monarch’s involvement.  Perhaps they could be bribed with fresh produce, as suggested in Matt’s cartoon.

Visiting the Lisburn Coca Cola factory the next day, Rishi unbelievably lauded Northern Ireland’s ‘special position’ of being able to trade freely with both the UK and EU.  Alliance party leader Naomi Long tweeted: “’Nobody else has that.’ Well, you did, actually. Plus, the opt outs. But you binned it for Brexit. Go figure…”  At PMQs, Stephen Flynn asked, if access to the EU market was so special, why couldn’t we all have it?  Quite!

On 2^nd March, a London conference audience were asked if they thought Brexit was a ‘good idea’.  The Bumbler was fuddled by a lack of hand-showing.  As the Windsor Framework left Northern Ireland under EU rules, Boris complained it was ‘not about taking back control’, thus he’d find it ‘very, very difficult’ to vote for but didn’t say he’d vote against it. Would it be deal or no deal?

Addendum: A 3-hour privileges committee partygate session on 22^nd March, at which Boris in a new haircut was grilled (more later), was interrupted for voting on the ‘Stormont Brake’.  Dramatic back-tracking by arch Brexiteers led to a government win with 515 ayes.  The 29 nays included former PMs Boris and Trussed-Up. Perhaps they’d finally get the message!

*European Court of Justice

Corvus Bulletin 1.1: Neverwhere

“The reputation of Parliament is possibly as low as it’s ever been and that reputation is very largely undeserved because the vast majority of members of the House of Commons are strongly committed to doing their job in accordance with high ethical standards. A big priority for me is supporting members who want to commit to those standards, being very clear in sanctioning those members who fall away from those standards and not allowing them to tarnish the reputations of the vast majority who are committed to standards.” (Daniel Greenberg)

On Newsnight 17^th January, the new commissioner for standards said ‘standards’ a lot.  Appointed October, it was the first I’d heard of Daniel Greenberg.  Geza Tarjani videoed himself shouting ‘murderer!’ at The Cock on the tube at Westminster and was arrested for common assault.   The register of member’s interests showed the tight-fisted Cock gave only £10m of his £320k I’m A Celeb earnings to charity.  As the tight-fisted government announced help with household energy bills from April would only be for those on means-tested benefits, Rishi set out 5 promises: i halve inflation; ii. grow the economy (omitting details on how); iii. ensure the national debt fell; iv. reduce NHS waiting lists within 2 years; v. new laws to stop small boat crossings.  He promised we could hold him to account on what were also our priorities (as claimed in a subsequent party political broadcast).

The last time I looked: i ministers claimed inflation was due to global forces like the war; ii. the economy shrank so the only way was up; iii. people cared about their own debt rather than the national debt; iv. shorter NHS waiting lists would still be longer than pre-covid times and IFS predicted they’d flatline during 2023; v. all efforts to stop dinghy crossings had failed so far – how would more tinkering help?

On the third anniversary of the EU deal, Keir said labour would turn ‘take back control’ from ‘a slogan to a solution’ by devolving more power from Westminster.  Meanwhile, The C**t told Bloomberg’s Brexit would shake Britons out of their comfortable torpor, turn them into risktakers and put the UK at the forefront of the digital revolution.  His plan for economic growth ‘necessitated, energized and made possible’ by alleged regulatory freedoms, focused on ‘four Es’: enterprise, education, employment and everywhere.  He was clearly living in Neverwhere!

Insinuating companies had gone too soft to reap the benefits of Brexit, he was criticised by business groups for lack of detail.  Chief IOD economist Kitty Ussher suggested a fifth ‘E’ for ‘empty’.  Halving inflation more important than cutting taxes, he made no mention of public sector pay, which Paul Novak referred to as the ‘elephant in the room’: “Public servants will be deeply worried about the chancellor’s warnings of further restraint. We know that is usually code for cuts.”

Shrinking by 0.6%, the UK was the only G7 economy not to return to pre-pandemic levels.  The IMF blamed dependency on expensive energy sources and lack of investment, but seeing the autumn statement as stabilising, thought prospects might improve during 2023.  Despite Brexit leading to more red tape thus less trade and variety of goods and the few deals actually struck with non-European countries predicted to have only marginal impact, in the long-term, they didn’t reference it at all.  Small producers hardest hit, farmers feared they wouldn’t survive.

A labour shortage of 330,000 and, no solution to the Northern Ireland protocol, Lord Frosty Gammon wasn’t surprised The Supreme Court ruled it lawful.  Disappointingly not doing funny voices (like Justine Greening the previous week), on Newscast 9^th February, Lord Frosty still maintained Brexit was great and referred to ‘born again Brexiteers’ within the tory party.  As most constituencies regretted voting leave, apart from three in Lincolnshire, it was more evidence they resided in Neverwhere.  Even gammons like Rod Stewart realised we’d been shafted (We Are Failing as the Daily Mirror’s front cover declared), citizens of Brexit-Upon-Avon whinged they were lied to.  Tough shit, suckers!

A startled Michael Glove-Puppet on Laura Kuenssberg Sunday 5^th February, spouted the usual tory rubbish, insisting the government honoured their commitments.  The UK not yet honouring the Brexit deal, Michel Barnier begged to differ.

Also in tory Neverland, more sleaze emerged.  Rich donor Richard Sharp denied brokering a loan for Bumbling Boris from Sam Blyth (a second cousin of Boris’ dad), around the time he became Chair of the BBC.  Denying a conflict of interest, Sharp refused to resign.  Commissioner for public appointments William Shawcross, later withdrew from reviewing the appointment process, as he met Sharp in a pub.  Facing the DCMS select committee 7^th Feb, Sharp insisted his role was more like a ‘sort of introduction agency’.  The SNP’s John Nicholson found it ‘a bit banana republic’.

Answering news report, Nads Zahawi confirmed he settled a £4.8 million tax bill including a 30% penalty while he was chancellor.  Dating back to its founding, his dad paid for YouGov, getting shares in return.  Rabid Raab defended him for paying all his tax up-to-date but Caroline Nokes thought he should ‘step aside’ as party chair and nasty Jerk Berry referred to him as ‘a distraction’.  Reeves railed: “…if the prime minister wants to stick by his commitment for integrity, honesty and professionalism, he should do the right thing and sack (him).”  Quizzed on tax avoidance at PMQs Wednesday 25^th January, Rishi insisted he was ‘very clear’, wasn’t PM when Nads paid HMRC, followed the appointments process for the minister without portfolio, and when new information came to  light, instructed his new ethics adviser Laurie Magnus to investigate. New info since last week? Asked an incredulous Keir.  Accused by Rishi of wanting it both ways (urging appointment of the adviser then objecting to them doing their job), Keir retorted, failure to sack Nads showed how hopelessly weak the PM was: “Is the job just too big for him?”  Brutal!

Lord Evans subsequently criticised Nads for trying to close down the debate with legal threats, and not living up to The Nolan Principles, the standards which the public ‘rightly expected’ to be upheld.  Quite!  As a caller to Jeremy Vine observed, how dare they dodge taxes on their millions and then tell hard-working nurses they can’t budget?  Nads’ case already unravelling, HMRC boss Jim Harra confirmed to the Public Accounts Committee that penalties weren’t imposed for ‘innocent errors’.  Getting Magnus’ report on the 29^th, Rishi sacked Nads for a ‘clear, serious breach of the ministerial code’.  Offering no apology, Nads blamed the ‘conduct of the fourth estate’ i.e., newspapers.  Another instance of Neverwhere!

The Corvus Papers 4: Permacrisis

“(Permacrisis*) sums up quite succinctly how truly awful 2022 has been for so many people” (Alex Beecroft)

Highway To Hell

Woodland 1

Suffering a bad cold at the start of November, I’d forgot the practice nurse call.  She proffered more questions, a mammogram re-invite and directed me to the ‘Menopause Matters’ website before a follow-up call.  Unable to go for covid boosters, I re-booked but still snotty the next week and no more clinics available, was told to ring back when our colds had gone.  Phil shopped and cooked, having a trauma as the gas ring set fire to a baking sheet.  I’d just gone back to bed Thursday morning when the postie loudly knocked on the door, bearing a small parcel (1 of 2 items from Natures Best, the other came the next day – why on earth were they sent separately?)  I made a big effort to do chores, frustrated by not finding a washed tablecloth; buried in a basket.  Brighter following heavy overnight rain, I moved still sopping laundry into the sun, opened the window for fresh air and posted a Cool Places blogⁱ.  After work, Phil rushed to the bathroom with a heavy sigh.  “What’s up?” “I served a customer with covid outside The Store.” “You might have covid.” “Yes, but he really did.”  Shivering, I noted moisture on windows even though I’d wiped them, conceded it was proper cold and put the heating on.  Watching QT, Phil asked: “What’s Patrick Bateman said?” He meant Psycho Chris Philp.  I hadn’t heard him leave Friday morning and dozed to traffic sounds; always noisier after October half-term.  A sizzling frosty start was obscured by more condensation!  Getting exhausted trying to clean, I returned to bed and battled brightness to use the laptop and browse Menopause Matters.  Confused by a variety of HRT, I dawdled to the co-op, enjoying every moment of sunshine and a smile from Scottish ex-neighbour on the way.  I scored the free trolley and saw The Widower.  Having dithered over wearing a face-mask in case of covid, I didn’t and guiltily kept my distance asking after his health, then got more uneasy as an old man in front of me at the till dropped his walking stick and politely declined my offer of help.  Knackered by the exertion, I took a cuppa to bed and edited my Christmas card.  The sun already behind the hill when Phil got back, a spooky ¾ moon rose prettily below a shiny Jupiter.  Saturday, I woke with remnants of an intricate dream in my head inspired by the fantasy film The Wanting Mare.  Slightly better, I retrieved winter clobber, donned a woolly jumper and sat in the chilly living room. 

As Musk realised he’d paid over the odds for loss-making Twitter, he requested $20 per celeb to keep their blue tick.  Stephen King tweeted Musk should be paying him, to which Musk replied, what about $8?  A wave of fake blue tick accounts including his, hilariously ensued.  Putting profit above people, he brutally sacked half his staff via 3.00 a.m. e-mails.  Paid up to February – not bad! – the human rights team the first to go.  A class action was brought.  Later in the month, staff told to sign up for high intensity long hours or leave, quit.  Musk shut the offices for a week. 1m tweeters closed or deactivated their accounts and Mastodon reported 70,000 new users.  Too confusing and unable to join the UK ‘instance’, I gave up doing likewise.  Photoshop failing to save the latest Christmas card edit, I started again, then it crashed, losing 2 days’ work!  Phil offered to help. “No! It’s secret!”  Making dinner, I jumped every time a firework went off outside. Phil tutted: “That’ll happen all night.” “Yes, but it still makes me jump.”  Muted colours in soft sunlight disappeared into the grey Sunday.  Waking early full of gunk, I gave up sleeping, struggled down and started the Christmas card from scratch until Phil returned with Tales From The Store.  Colleagues totally avoiding veggie food, one referred to chickpeas as dirt.  It reminded me of Walking Friend’s violent aversion to coriander when we discussed spicy recipes the other week.  A sore throat overnight extended into my nose and cheeks Monday.  I took echinacea and battled on.

More hospitalisations for flu, covid infections fell. Compass Pathways found psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms lifted depression in 1/3 of severe cases.  According to the downloadable bio ‘out of the blue’, Truss ate a pork pie with her favoured tipple the night before resigning – still no mention of Melton Mowbray’s demise!  The Cock entered the jungle, ostensibly to promote dyslexia awareness.  Called a skiver, embarrassing and disingenuous, incensed constituents weren’t mollified by a hotline to their MP.  The whip withdrawn, Bereaved Families’ Lobby Akinnola said the former health sec should focus on the covid inquiry, not ‘a shameless attempt to revamp his image.’  He ambled in to beg forgiveness of gaping contestants and predictably be first in line for bushtucker trials.  Those poor animals!  On Laura K., Ed Millipede said we hadn’t done enough since the last COP, Diane Johnson said the immigration system was a mess and Oliver Dowdy defended Swellen and agreed The Salesman’s expletive-laden texts to Wendy Morton were unacceptable, but excused them for being sent at a ‘difficult time’.  Jerk Berry informed Rishi about the texts the day before he made Gavin ‘Minister without Portfolio’.  Standards obviously only applying in good times, Morton referred him to the Independent Complaints & Grievance Scheme.  A 10 year old hack told Andrew Neil he was brought in as a fixer as he was good at ‘behind the scenes dark arts stuff’.  Transport minister Dick Holden evaded questions on scrapping Northern Poorhouse Rail, saying they had to cut their cloth.  As ‘furious as everyone else’ about illegal immigration, he parroted lame excuses for 12 years’ failure.

John Swinney made massive Scottish budget cuts and Morrisons were shutting 132 McColls stores.  Slow global growth led to tech job losses.  With competition from TikTok, Apple privacy changes and loss of investor confidence concerning decade-long Metaverse plans, Meta would lay off 13% of staff with the recruitment team hardest hit.  E-mails told us we could no longer revert to ‘classic’ Facebook and MS would charge for attachment storage – time to purge that in-box!  Octopus energy already paying customers to cut peak-time gas use, National Grid started a trial for smart meter customers.  BP profits £7bn July-Aug, Just Stop Oil threw orange paint at the Home Office, M15, BOE, and News Corp HQ: the ‘4 pillars that support and maintain the power of a fossil fuel economy – government, security, finance and media’.  Trussed-Up having ruined the UK’s reputation and taking longer to regain it, the worst recession for a century was likely to last into 2023.  BOE hiked interest to 3%, the most since 1987.  Former gov Mark Carney said sterling’s fall and a shrinking economy after Brexit added to ‘inflationary pressure’.  Rees-Moggy railed: “To blame…Brexit Is bizarre and only an ultra Remainiac would make such a bogus argument.”  No, Moggy, you’re the maniac!  Rishi promised a new budget would reveal him as Santa, not scrooge. Yeah, for the rich!  On QT, Lord Stuart Rose thought it too late to avoid a long recession.  Predicting the new budget would dish out pain, economist Zanny Minton-Bedoes called discounting tax rises and scrapping of the triple-lock mad; everything should be on the table.  60% of the public with a £60 monthly deficit, and 20% with no savings or resilience after 12 years of tory rule, Peter Kyle said it’d be long and painful.  The Psycho prated about the wealthiest 1% paying 28% of all tax, thresholds and the minimum wage going up.  The audience threw out questions on hungry kids, windfall taxes and the futility of raising interest so we wouldn’t buy stuff that we had no money for anyway.  55% of consumers using credit for Christmas tat, 20% for the first time, 2/5 taking out loans to pay off HP seemed like a bad idea!  More talks agreed, rail strikes due early November were called off too late for normal service to resume Saturday or even the next week.  With a new offer, the Hull Stagecoach strike was suspended.  Scrapping Boris’ daft royal yacht project, Ben Wally said they’d build the MROSS defence ship instead.

Highway To Hell

In his first interview since resigning, The Bumbler told Sky Vlad would be mad to use nuclear weapons.  Attending COP27, Rishi decided to go, allegedly because they’d made good progress on their budget.  Not going to Egypt, Kingy held an audience at Buck House.  Storm Claudio brought yellow wind and rain from France and flooding round London.

As South East commuters also contended with protestors on M25 gantries, Rishi and Boris arrived in sunny Sharm, the latter with a bevy of teenage girls – did they write his policy?  Guterres warned conference action on the ‘defining issue of our times’ was woeful, the clock was ticking and we were on “the last stages of the highway to climate hell, with our foot still on the accelerator.”  Activists in Rome showered Van Gogh’s The Sower with pea soup.

Migrants bussed out of Manston described inhuman conditions as some were left at Victoria Coach Station coatless and shod in flip-flops.  A kid threw a letter over the fence addressed to journalists. Children’s commissioner Rachel de Souza asked Swellen how many unaccompanied children were in the camp and how were they treated?  A ‘deeply concerned’ Diane Johnson (home affairs cttee chair) and 14 council heads wrote to Swellen complaining of its use as an ‘easy fix for a national strategic issue’.  Tensions mounting, protestors brandished placards reading ‘Suella’s shame’ and a right-wing backlash threatened.  Albanian MP Edi Rama tweeted it was ‘easy rhetoric’ blaming them and on Newsnight, accused the UK of scapegoating, while Rachel Maclean cited ‘unintended consequences’ of the Modern Slavery Act for more boat crossings – err, most victims were British!  Ignoring a power outage at Harmondsworth immigrant removal centre where detainees with ‘various weaponry’ ‘rioting’ in the courtyard, met riot police, the BBC alleged Kurdish criminal gangs controlled French camps and paid Albanians to channel-cross to work in the ‘drugs trade’.  UK pay 10 times higher, they left their home towns empty.  What clap-trap – drug dealers weren’t on regular wages!  Minister Graham Stuart admitted Swellen used ‘unfortunate language’.  Spotting his nephew on Metro’s front cover, Albanian Arben Halili, travelled from Oxford, tried to get into Manston and blocked a coach leaving the site.  Landing in a chinook Thursday, Swellen was booed and journos were banned.  Legal action was brought by Detention Action and a woman ‘from outside Europe’ allegedly left at Manston in ‘egregiously defective conditions’ for 3 weeks until allowed to stay with family in the UK.

At PMQs, Rishi was asked what Swellen had to do to resign and who broke the asylum system?  Always shifting blame, it could only be the tories after 12 years’ power.  Rishi told Keir they were getting a grip but he’d voted against the bill and couldn’t attack a plan and not have one himself.  Keir leered, let’s look at that plan: Manston nor Rwanda were working.  He’d prosecuted people-traffickers, they couldn’t even process migrants.  It was time to scrap gimmicks, get a proper home sec, and get a grip.  Rishi wittered about Keir supporting national security risk Corbyn.  Blackford harped on about the triple-lock and political choices hitting the poorest hardest – why not take the easy decisions, raise windfall taxes, scrap non-doms, and help the vulnerable?  Rishi insisted they supported oil companies to invest.  Furious at money spent on housing illegals, a backbencher wondered when it’d be sorted out.  Rishi parroted ‘we will defend our borders’.  Alba asked if Scotland was a territorial British colony; the argument rumbled on all month.

After Baroness Casey called her report ‘a line in the sand’ and Mark Rowley said it was clear hundreds of Met officers should be sacked, HMICFRS** published findings of sexism and misogyny in several police forces.  Inadequate vetting made it too easy for the wrong people to join.  Rowley later complained he couldn’t get rid of cops not trusted to speak to the public.  Fireworks were thrown at police vans in Leeds and a 17 year old Halifax lad being chased by cops, crashed into a greenhouse and died.  Rallying for early elections, ex Pakistan PM Imran Khan was shot in the leg.  An alleged assassination attempt, further demos followed.

In a major shake-up, The Arts Council shifted £50m from London to the provinces.  ENO funding cut, a restructuring grant helped them relocate to Manchester and Blackpool illuminations got money for the first time – those Red Indians did need replacing!  As non-Americans googled it to do a wordle, Cambridge dictionary named ‘homer’ word of the year.  ‘Permacrisis’ topped Collins’ list which also included ‘sportswashing’, ‘warm bank’, ‘partygate’, ‘vibe shift’, ‘lawfare’, ‘quiet quitting’, ‘Carolean’ and ‘splooting’.

Nasty Business

The Grand

Woken prematurely by Phil Tuesday 8^th, I grumbled, dozed, exercised, cleaned and began an Ocado order when the nurse rang an hour early.  I griped of complex info on Menopause Matters, and more generally, of having to do it all yourself these days.  After clarifying some points. we agreed on low-dose HRT patches, ready to collect next week.  Phil hoped I didn’t go loopy like Carole Gammone.  “It’s meant to improve your mood; I bet she’s on a high dosage from a dodgy source.”  Early Wednesday, I realised the bathroom light was left on overnight, switched it off, then Phil fumbled to the loo, turning it back on.  Forecasters repeated it was mild for the time of year but omitted to mention rain.  Together with a heavy head and tummy ache, it mitigated against an outing.  Phil popped to the shop just in time for a sharp shower.  Thursday even wetter, I felt cold.  Exhausted from vacuuming when Ocado came, I wryly observed I’d fallen into the trap of buying tiny packs again (I thought the juice trio was cheap!)  I shelved a trip to the market and booked a BG service – amazingly lots of slots available, for next Monday.  Receiving a letter from the dole saying I qualified for an extra warm homes grant and still diddled out of the full energy rebate, I went round in circles trying to fathom the new Evolve site.  Newsnight had featured Evolv’s crap AI weapons detection – was it the same thing?  Phil had a funny do with his right eye at work; annoying just as his left one improved. “Do you need an ambulance?” “No; I’ll ring doctors if it gets worse.” “It already is.” “I mean if there are signs of a detached retina.”  The Store had finally recruited an assistant manager, meaning a 3-day week – in the short-term.  December rosters unset, he was unsure of Christmas shifts, pondered taking leave, but there was no need.  Untangling last month’s Westminster shit-show for the journal, I got head fug and turned the laptop off for a 3^rd update in 2 days.  Struggling to sleep, I enjoyed hooting owls; much nicer than squawking geese Friday morning.  Going to the co-op, a cat scuttling in the undergrowth on the steps startled me.  I revelled in mild, fresh air scented by late-blooming Japanese Jasmine until assailed by traffic fumes on the main road.  Several items missing from shelves, I asked My Mate could I pay at the kiosk.  He advised using the conveyors but asked if I wanted baccy. “Just filters.” “I’m disappointed.” “I got baccy already and meant to buy filters on the market, but the weather was too horrid and I wasn’t up to it after a bad cold. I’ve been nowhere but here for 2 weeks – so depressing!”  He sympathised and hoped I’d soon be better.  Phil got home to relate previous occupations of store co-workers, including an ex-binman who weirdly started early Thursdays for unpaid work, 2 pub landlords and a video shop owner.  “It’s a shit business! Any failed artists?” “I’m not failed.” “It’s a joke! After all, you did sell a print.”

Lenny Henry promoted his new kid’s book on BBC Breakfast Saturday.  Asked what advice he’d give aspiring authors, he said if there’s an unwritten book, write it, send it to your favourite publisher, you’re never too old and keep going.  I should get back to my novel!  Desperate for a walk, we headed through the busy town and through woodlands, buying eggs from a farm in-between.  An official egg shortage explained a dearth of them in the shops.  Allegedly due to bird flu, supermarkets refused to pay more so farmers chucked them away.  I said wasting food in straitened times should be a crime.  “What are they meant to do?” “Give them to food banks, take them to market…“ “Some do, hence the honesty box.”ⁱ.  As Lidl and Asda rationed eggs, BRC said there were plenty.  Phil disturbed my recovery with news of a historic Bradford pub office conversion and Nik Turner dying. “Shit! No more Space Ritual! But I bet the other half of Hawkwind are cheering ‘we got all the money’!”  The world hidden behind a nasty fog and condensation combo Sunday, I wiped the dripping windows and researched DIY dehumidifiers. “What about Do Not Eat?” “You’d need tons of it.”  Groggy and achy, I amended the Christmas card while Phil went to work.  Monday, the fog didn’t lift.  Conscious of the BG service, I sprung out of bed and chivvied Phil to help clear passageways.  New to BG, the engineer arrived with a mentoring colleague.  After 1½ hours poking, they said it did well for an old boiler, advised getting a new carbon monoxide detector and pointlessly adjusting an external pipe – any overflow would go straight down the drain.  Getting colder, I changed the boiler settings but having no heat or hot water, thought I’d messed it up.  Nope: the stupid men had turned the main switch off!

Covid infections rose in Australia.  800 on the Majestic Princess tested positive.  Cases mild or asymptomatic, the cruise ship docked in Sydney while isolated passengers made private travel arrangements.

Tuesday, it emerged The Salesman told a civil servant to ‘slit your throat’.  As a Downing Street informal inquiry into the nasty business began, he was gone by evening.  Already sacked twice from ministerial posts, this time he jumped before pushed.  Laying into Rishi’s ‘poor judgement and weak leadership’, Rayner said it was clear he was ‘strapped by the grubby backroom deals he made to dodge a vote’.  Wednesday, Gill Keegan said he had great judgement.  At PMQs, Keir asked how bullying victims would feel about the PM’s ‘great sadness’ at losing The Salesman?  Rishi insisted he didn’t know specifics and Gavin was right to go.  Keir persisted; Rishi normalised bullying by giving Gavin a job and he wouldn’t have got away with it if a weak boss hadn’t handed him power.  Did he regret the appointment?  Rishi replied ’of course’ he regretted appointing someone who resigned ‘in these circumstances’, adding integrity characterised his government, hence a rigorous process, but also important to deliver for the whole country, he listed his daft priorities.  Keir mocked, he couldn’t stand up to a run-of-the mill bully, so he couldn’t stand up to anyone, like Shell, who paid no windfall tax.  Rishi itemised Keir’s nay votes, to which Keir said he was against all chaos-creators including those on government benches.  On QT, Caroline Green said nurses struck for a better NHS, thus for us all.  Steph Flanders added, still experiencing the covid emergency, we must understand their long-term needs.  Questioned on the Cock’s bug-eating antics, Emily Thornberry said complacency led tories to think they deserved to rule.  Although not self-serving like them and entering public life to make the world a better place, all MPs were tarred with the same brush.  Held to account by Ant & Dec instead of the public, evading the covid inquiry and no ethics adviser, Mark Harper promised one soon but admitted they should consider how their conduct looked.  Asked if COP was realistic when big emitters weren’t there (i.e., India and China; while gas companies lobbied to be considered green!) Caroline said it was the only game in town and Steph didn’t want to give into fatalism.

Concluding the Grenfell inquiry, KCs highlighted startling government ignorance, incompetence and disregard for social housing tenants.  Arconic, Studio E., Exova, Centrex, Kingspan, Kensington Council (failing to inspect door closers), the Levelling Up sec and London mayor making up a rogues gallery, Richard Millett attacked the merry-go-round of buck-passing.  Uncleverly called the Aussie trade deal rubbish.  Truss-Up obviously the latest scapegoat, he had a point – where were our tim-tams?  Also blaming Truss, Kwasi Modo told Talk Radio he warned her she moved at breakneck speed.  So much for being in ‘lockstep’!  Amazon planned to sack 10,000, including Alexa staff  and Tim Martin was shutting 7 more Wetherspoons.  Phil and Julie Fox vowed to visit doomed pubs to add to the 295 they’d already patronised including their Halifax local, The Percy Shaw.  Fellow Brexiteer Next boss Simon Wolfson said it wasn’t the Brexit he wanted.  Tough shit, mister! (see Brexit Islandⁱⁱ).  Doing well under lockdown, Made.com struggled with supply issues and went bust.  Next bought the brand but not stock leaving customers with unfulfilled orders and no refunds.  Next also later teamed up with founder Tom Joules to rescue the colourful clothes brand.

Calling Blighty

Evil energy companies remotely switched 60,000 to pre-payment without notice.  Unaware customers failing to top-up could be disconnection by default – another reason not to have a smart meter! 

1.3m using food banks, The Trussell Trust launched their first emergency appeal.  A ‘sticking plaster’, they urged government to budget for long-term measures.  GDP down 0.2% July-Sept., The C**t harped on about global factors and admitted there’d be a slump, which could be short and shallow if interest stayed low.  Refusing to be drawn by Laura K. on its contents, he promised us all pain with his ‘horrible decisions’.  Swerving questions on Brexit, an FT economist called it the elephant in the room.  Simon Sharma cited rotting cabbages and NHS staff shortages.  As they segued into the Remembrance Sunday lark, a Lord Army Major said ceremonies took place in towns and cities around the globe.  Port Stanley was hardly an empire!  Steve Hawley unearthed ‘Calling Blighty’.  The wartime messages from soldiers to families back home, were screened to descendants in Penis Town’s quaint cinema.  Doc film ‘A Bunch of Amateurs’ premiered at Pictureville to rave reviews.  Why’d we not heard of Bradford Movie Makers, established 1932, when we lived in The City?

The UK-wide RCN ballot closed.  The vote not unanimous, nurses in half of English trusts, all in Scotland and NI and all but 7 in Wales, would strike December, not affecting emergency services.  Laughingly preparing ‘contingencies’, Steve Barclay said his door was always open for talks.  That was the first they’d heard!  Gill Keegan helpfully claimed nurses only used foodbanks if they had a broken relationship or boiler.  100,000 PCS Civil servants voting to strike, according to the TUC, 1.5m public sector workers considered doing likewise.  M25 protests into a third day, a lorry crashing into a rolling roadblock hurt a cop.  On the fourth day, London commuters also contended with no tubes and bus queues.  TFL advised travel outside peak times, incredibly starting at 5.45 a.m. (was that all the Deliveroo?) and issued a walking tube map, saying stations were only 10 mins apart; 2 mins in central London, more like.  Just Stop Oil ended the protest Friday.  Amidst reports of buffet shortages, Uncle Joe told COP27 delegates the “science is devastatingly clear – we have to make progress by the end of this decade.”  They agreed a deal to fund climate change damage but not to cut emissions or fossils fuels.  Martin Kaiser, Greenpeace Germany, called it a ‘sticking plaster on a huge, gaping wound’.  Canberra activists threw blue paint at ‘symbol of capitalism‘, Warhol’s Campbell’s soup cans.  Talk about missing the point!  Rishi went to Bali for the G20.  Fearing assassination for weakness, Vlad sent Sergei Lavrov.  Vlod pointedly addressed the G19, China criticised the weaponization of food and fuel, and the Cambodian leader tested positive for covid.  Meanwhile, Top CIA man Bill Burns met his Russian counterpart Sergei Naryshkin in Ankara, to discuss Yanks held in detention and convey ‘a message on the consequences of the use of nuclear weapons’.

Swellen gave France £8m extra a year for more beach patrols and UK immigration officers in their control rooms.  Nitwit Elphicke carped it fell short of what was needed.  Admitting it wouldn’t solve the crisis of 40,000 channel crossings, Swellen said it was part of a multi-dimensional approach.  Albanian migrants held a demo Sunday, demanding the nasty bitch resign.  After Uncleverly told LGBTQ fans to respect Qatari laws at the World Cup, as a ‘massive gay’, Luke Pollard urged he apologise.  An official ambassador then said homosexuality damaged the mind.  Reports of safehouses being set up, disgraced ex-FIFA boss Sepp Blatter was more concerned Qatar was too tiny to host the competition than human rights or migrant construction worker deaths.  Russian troops withdrew from Kherson, destroying comms on the way out of the only regional capital they’d captured during the war.  Republicans not faring as expected in US midterms, The Trump said if they did well, it was down to him but if not, it was everyone else’s fault and blamed Melania for advising him to back a loser.  This didn’t deter a ‘big announcement’ that he’d re-run for president.

Kingy and Camilla’s cut-price coronation would take place 6^th May 2023, with a third May bank holiday Monday 8^th.  On a 2-day Yorkshire tour, they visited Bradford, Leeds, Doncaster and York, where a man shouted this country was built on slavery and chucked eggs at them.  On his 74^th birthday, Kingy leant on an oak tree for dumb selfies.  Nobody knew if he’d continue the tradition of an official summer birthday.  Tuesday, 3 British actors (Tom Owen, Bill Treacher and Leslie Philips) died, as did swingometer inventor David Butler.  Paying tribute, Michael Crick said: “For decades (he) was the foremost psephologist in Britain and around the world.”  Premier Inn was voted best chain hotel and tatty with a ‘rough and ready feel’,  Britannia the worst.  Simon Calder rightly argued you could stay in ace places like Scarborough’s Grand.

Unhinged

Woodland 2

The bedroom telly came on at 6 a.m. Tuesday 15^th.  Jolted awake by the Milkshake theme, I could never find the auto-alarm feature to switch it off but tuned to BBC, it was less raucous when it happened again the next week.  Phil learnt on google his hot flush could be down to lifestyle changes. “Doing a work! Your body’s in overdrive trying to make testosterone. Maybe you need HRT too. I’ll ask when I get mine.”  I forgot, but bought a few essentials in the chemist, later realising I’d got conditioner instead of shampoo again and spotted hair clippers on an-aisle end.  Later in the week, Phil successfully exchanged the hair gunk and bought clippers with myriad attachments.  I went home to tut at mill redevelopers messing about on a trial trike – were they unhinged? – and read the HRT leaflet to fret over side-effects.  Phil subsequently persuaded me to try it.  He agreed opening a window to dispel moisture in Wednesday sunshine was a good idea until the temperature dropped.  Cleaning the landing, the tripod stand fell apart.  Swearing loudly, I left it in bits and asked Phil if he’d  heard me. “Yes; what was it?” “Guess. I think there’s a screw missing.” “I think a screw is missing.” “I just said that!”  We discussed a cut-price Christmas and going to Lidl for German treats. “And lobsters,” he offered. “I’m not buying them. Too much faff and we don’t know your shifts. I’m cooking nowt that takes half a day to prepare.”

Due to intimidation and throwing tomatoes at them, civil servants avoided working with Rabid Raab in his previous cabinet roles.  Facing two formal bullying complaints, he wrote to Rishi requesting an independent inquiry, then faced Rayner.  PMQs covered by a new ‘talking politics’ segment on channel 5, we listened to host Storm trying to be serious and an unhinged Carole Gammone saying such claims were normal in a working environment (in her nasty world!) then tuned to BBC for actual debate.  Clive Betts asked if the PM (hobnobbing in Bali) should allow Raab to serve to which he parroted he’d comply fully.  Rayner not on top form, asked a question worthy of a toady then followed up with: the G20 supposedly addressing global economics, why did the government drag its feet on taxing massive profits?  He spouted the usual codswallop on lower tax gaps and stricter non-dom regs.  She retorted the truth was, working people paid the price for tory choices.  Where was the UK in the list of the 38 growth countries?  As Raab kept schtum, she told him: 38^th; thanks to wrong people making wrong choices.  No ethics, no integrity and no mandate, when would a new ethics adviser drain the swamp?  Raab refuted all bullying claims including flying tomatoes and said the ’mud-slinging’ was because labour didn’t have a plan.  Rees-Moggy chimed in that labour’s bullying record was second to none.  On Daily Politics, Bridget Philipson complained Raab ignored labour’s plans  for growth and to help with inflation and suppressed wages.

A rogue missile hit Poland, killing 2.  Vlod blamed Vlad.  In urgent G20 talks, Biden gave Duda’s investigation his ‘full support’ but rather than coming from Russia, was likely shot down by a Soviet-era S300; part of Ukrainian air defences.  No indication it was deliberate, paying for a top-up at the co-op kiosk, I overheard a colleague telling someone that was how WW2 started  “Let’s not get carried away; it was an accident.” I told My Mate. “On a lighter note, have a good day.” “See you in the bomb shelter.” “Eff off! Pardon my French.”  Head fuggy writing, I picked up the guitar for the first time in months.  Barely able to remember simple chords, they gradually came back to me.  Phil returned with Pueblo baccy – worthy, organic, made by native Americans, bought by woke hippies, and now, him.

Still raining after overnight rain Thursday, I guessed a swollen river would cause consternation.  As did The C**t’s budget.  Glossing over council tax hikes, he focussed on frozen income tax thresholds costing earners more over time, less help with energy bills from April, windfall tax rising to 35% and extended to 2028, slower public spending rises but more for health, social care and education for the next 2 years (excluding early years, 6^th form and HE), a 10.1% rise in benefits rise and the national living wage to £12.42 from April, and some guff on wind turbines and broadband.  Reeves whinged in the ‘Bobby Ewing strategy’ of denying past chaos, ‘old cast members returned as if nothing had happened and it was time the series was cancelled’.  Sturgeon griped that austerity had returned.  Energy help well short of what was needed, the End Fuel Poverty Coalition predicted 7m still in fuel poverty would be joined by an extra 1.6m.  Simon Francis said: “we are already seeing the horrific impact of living in cold damp homes and children…Without the financial support…this winter…the NHS will be overwhelmed and millions will suffer.”  Interviewed by Chris Mason, The C**t denied ducking difficult decisions until after the next election.  He faced them in a ‘balanced way’, given an upcoming 2 years of recession, but there was a plan and there was hope to ‘get us back to normality’.  He’d obviously listened to the BOE who said we’d start ‘getting back to normal’ after the winter gas crisis.  Phil laughed at the persistent misguided belief: “Everyone, the IMF etc., say things will never return to normal.”  Friday, I discovered a strike by Jacob’s workers.  Phil reckoned loads of industrial action wasn’t reported by ‘Pravda’ (aka the BBC).  Hunting for Christmas treats in the co-op, random stock occupied the diminished cracker shelf.  Amid a tinned peach shortage (nowt to do with Brexit!) I regretted eating one last month, and opted for retro fruit cocktail.  Phil rang at the end of his shift.  Dank as the sun dipped behind the hill, I eschewed the pub.  His latest ‘how shops work’ tutorial entailed the air con system clarting shelves in dust. “You can tell as soon as you walk in if it’s a decent shop or not. “Like the awful Sainsbury’s in the next village?” “Yep. And their new co-op will be Asda soon as they sold them with the forecourts.”  Store people from Preston brought new snacks.  He bought cheese savouries. “What else did they bring?” “Loads of sweets and salt n vinegar savouries. I pulled a face: “Ooh no!” “You sound like a granny.” “I am 60 you know!” “Join the gammon grannies, saying everything’s disgusting!” “If I do get like that, shoot me.” “I will!” A slight hangover Saturday, I slept in shockingly late (like the old days), posted a blog and considered the Omaze house prize draw.  Too pricey, I decided Marbella was full of gangsters anyway and edited the Christmas card while Phil cut his hair.  Struggling to settle with a whirring mind at bedtime, I finally dropped off to be roused by him coughing at 3.45.  Exhausted and tearful, I blocked out bright light and eventually got a few hours.  Despite insomnia and low mood, I gave up lying-in Sunday and found a tumbler stained yellow from Phil drinking turmeric. I complained it hadn’t stopped his cough.  About to go for a wander, he was asked to do an extra shift.  I whinged of short notice but he countered it was more money with no lifting, and the weather wasn’t great.  To be fair, it rained soon after.  I went for knobbly market veg and browsed charity shops, getting myself a handbag and him chinos for work (perfect except unhemmed, they needed altering) then nipped in the co-op to wait at the till as a woman filled her bag with luxury items like avocado and prawns.  I finished the Christmas card before Phil got home.  Entering and exiting the living room several times, he stood peering at the wall calendar.  The shifts I’d scribbled on not tallying with the office chart, he decided he was on a late Monday and looked forward to a lie-in.  Aware of movement at 7.00 a.m., I rose to find a note saying he was on an early after all.  Putting my first HRT patch on, I immediately had a hot flush.  Probably not weird, I got on with writing and chores.  Shivering all day even in extra layers, when Phil got in, I battened down the hatches and put the heating on.  Well, it was 4 degrees out.  Work on the journal was interrupted by Tales from The Store.  The new assistant manager blobbed twice, then left.  Giving some hogwash about the work causing anxiety, they suspected she had 2 jobs.  Possibly unhinged, I wondered if they checked references.  Phil said hardly anyone did now.  “How Stupid!” “Penny wise, pound foolish, that’s today’s capitalists.” “Tell your boss I’ve got a background in personnel and am available for a reasonable consultancy fee!” Back to 4-day weeks, Phil got crumpets with jam as a sop.  He asked was I watching the World Cup. “I’m boycotting it.” “I’m not boycotting England games.” “They gave into the armband lark, and those rich pundits complaining of human rights abuses, still taking millions to be there. It’s awful!” “How do you know all that if you’re not watching it?” “From the news. I’m keeping up with the antics. I might change my mind if England reach the final.”  I actually caved in before then, which was just as well.

Protesting David Beckham’s £10m ambassador deal, Joe Lycett shredded £10,000 in fake notes.  2 days before Kick-off, Qatar banned venue alcohol sales.  Bud tweeted, ‘this is awkward’.  At the last minute, FIFA forbid captains to wear ‘one love’ armbands, threatening yellow cards and fines.  Home nation fans left at half-time during the first match but official attendance figures exceeded stadium capacity.  In support of protestors, Iranian players refused to sing their national anthem.  England beat them 6-2, the highest score ever for an opening game.  Thousands were locked out due to a FIFA app malfunction.  Rainbow bucket hats were taken off Welsh fans and a reporter clad in a rainbow tee was denied entry.  FIFA said confiscation of clothing would end Thursday.

Get Out!

New drug Teplizumab could delay the onset of type 1 diabetes for 3 years and lead to better treatments.  As a banner flew over the jungle reading: ‘Covid bereaved say get out of here’, crocodile tears had the desired effect and people stopped voting for The Cock to do bushtucker trials.  The QT audience wondered if we’d survive 2 years’ austerity.  Thicky Atkins disingenuously claimed the effects of Trussonomics had flushed through the system, according to the OBR.

Queried on when they’d re-join the single market and tax the likes of Amazon who’d made a mint during covid, Thicky denied Brexit was to blame, said we should look forward and all countries had the same pressures.  Ian Blackford reckoned taxing big companies could raise £11 bn; it was a political choice to make the poor pay.  At the CBI conference in Brum, Tony Danker wanted ‘part 2’ of the budget statement, to encourage investment in UK and spark growth.  Rishi said ‘wait and see’.  He also quashed rumours of a ‘Swiss style’ EU deal, saying Brexit was delivering for the country.  His unhinged speech slayed me: “I voted for Brexit, I believe in Brexit…already delivering enormous benefits and opportunities for the country – migration being an immediate one…proper control of our borders…(we can)…have a conversation with the country about the type of migration that we want and need…We weren’t able to do that inside the European Union…” (Yep, that’s going well!) “When it comes to trade…we can open up our country to the world’s fastest-growing markets…I’ve just got back from the G20…talking about signing CPTPP…(becoming) part of that trading bloc, that’s a fantastic opportunity…” (See ‘Brexit island’ⁱⁱ).  Guardianistas incensed that Keir wouldn’t reverse Brexit either, the next day, he told business leaders the UK must end dependency on cheap immigrant labour and train our own.

Average pay rises of 5.7% (6.6% for the private sector and 2.2% for the public), didn’t keep pace with the highest inflation for 40 years.  11.1% in October, 11.9% for those on low incomes and 16.2% for food, we couldn’t avoid staples like milk and eggs but we could shun extortionate Heinz ketchup.  Hull suffered higher inflation and excess deaths – due to draughtier homes, lower wages, or lower prices to start with?  In first-ever talks with the RCN, The health sec swerved pay talk in favour of body-cams and care funding.  Pat Cullen retorted: “By refusing my requests for negotiations, Steve Barclay is directly responsible for the strike action this month…Nursing staff don’t want to be outside their hospitals, they want to be inside – feeling respected and able to provide safe care to patients.”  Heathrow baggage handlers struck and PO workers announced 10 days’ further action Nov-Dec, including Black Friday and Christmas Eve.  Half-year losses £219m, Royal Mail asked government if they could stop Saturday letter deliveries, as the public were indifferent (we couldn’t afford the stamps!) and concentrate on packages; maybe planning to capitalise on Evri (formerly Hermes), again voted worst parcel service.  A coroner concluded toddler Awaab Ishaq died from an untreated severe respiratory condition caused by prolonged exposure to mould in his home.  The family accused Rochdale Boroughwide Housing of racism.  CE Gareth Swarbrick resigned, Gove withdrew funding (how did that help?) and a week later, said sorry to tenants still living with fungi.  Greenpeace projected a video highlighting fuel poverty onto Rishi’s North Yorks Georgian mansion.  Heavy rain brought mayhem to southern villages and roads, Aberdeenshire flooding swept someone into the River Don and Russian shelling left half of Kyiv without power.  Finding evidence of explosives near Nord Stream 1 & 2, Swedish prosecutors called September’s leaks ‘gross sabotage’.  A major gas supplier to the UK and EU, Norway stepped up surveillance.  A 5.6 shallow earthquake along Indonesia’s ring of fire felled houses, blocked roads and killed at least 162.  Hundreds of injured were treated amid aftershocks in Java.  Artemis 1 finally took off to take a moonikin to the moon.  Both Brian Cox’s on BBC breakfast, the actor promoted his new show on how the other half lived and the physicist touted his new book.  Building on Stephen Hawking’s work, it was an idiot’s guide to black holes – The universe for dummies!

Broken Britain

Broken Britain

Tuesday lunchtime, I proffered Phil a spare finger roll.  Mishearing me, he asked was it a fancy foreign thing like Remainers bought in The Store? “Yes, fingerorle authentico!”  Falling asleep faster at night, I actually dropped off for 5 mins during a siesta – was it the hormones?  As we waited at the sunny bus stop Wednesday, the geese squawked and waddled off the church lawn in unison.  Phil laughed at their peculiar communication and related an anecdote of one flying down to the river and unable to fly back up, getting stuck.  A quick ride to the next town, all-day brekkies at the market café ate into the time as they were short-staffed and Phil ordered the biggest, which took ages to cook.  Disappointingly no thermal socks in Age UK, Phil found a book and DVD.  Paying for them to hide for yule, I spotted a tin of smelly miniatures for myself.  The discount store and the German supermarket provided the best seasonal goody mission for 3 years.  Pleased with our haul, we headed for the bus, letting a polite schoolboy on first.  The fast journey back juddery, we thought a spring was broke or, as Phil sang: “the wheels on the bus are  not  round!”

Brexit putting investors off, OECD forecast the UK as the worst-performing country in the G20 2023 and possibly 2024.  Rishi told cabinet we faced ‘a challenging winter’ of strikes, high costs and NHS backlogs.  Labour said he took ‘people for fools’ blaming winter and not a ‘decade of tory mismanagement’ for the challenges.  Watching PMQs on iPlayer, Keir failed to mention this, declared ‘shame on FIFA’ and asked why we had the lowest growth? Rishi insisted it was the highest since 2010 and the fastest this year, and selected 3 ‘important points’ from the OECD report: growth, international challenges, and support for his fiscal plan, then bragged about putting more into the NHS.  An unconvinced Keir railed total denial wouldn’t wash and due to 12 years’ inaction, weeks of chaos and Rishi’s changes, ordinary people had £1400 tax hikes.  Ducking queries on how much super- wealthy non-doms were expected to pay, Rishi said labour had years to sort it out, and while they peddled fairy tales and gesture politics, tories protected pensioners.  As the Guardian alleged Rishi registered with a private GP, Keir dug in; he’d scrap non-doms to fund doctors so they wouldn’t have to go private.  Rishi didn’t gainsay the claim until January 2023.  The Supreme Court ruling Scotland couldn’t hold an indy ref without Westminster consent, Ian Blackford maintained with a mandate to deliver a referendum, democracy couldn’t be denied and urged Rishi be honest and admit the idea of the UK union as voluntary, was dead and buried.  Now the time to stick together, Rishi respected the court’s decision.  Blackford countered, he couldn’t claim to respect the rule of law and deny democracy.  Quite! Was Scotland a colony?  Would they go to the European court?  Olivia Blake asked why an investigation into lives lost in The Channel took so long, adding it wouldn’t have happened if there were safe, legal routes.  Rishi inanely said every life lost was a tragedy which was why Swellen was tackling illegal migration (splutter!)

Woken early Thursday by machinery and Phil, I changed the HRT patch, got a hot flush, burps and nausea.  After ridding windows of ice-like moisture, I tried expunging mould caused by bathroom condensation with mixed results.  Shaking rugs out, a soft toy flew out the window.  Luckily, it was retrievable from behind the shed-house.  On QT, Andy Bunman advocated local control of skills and a personal approach to getting the inactive back to work.  Saying work must pay, Ben Habib (aka Asian Farage) blamed dependency culture and defended Truss as having the right idea on growth but was ‘defenestrated’ by The Treasury and BOE.  Citing the Avanti debacle, Bunman said performance had fallen off a cliff and agreed with Rapper Darren McGarvey who likened denouncing the RMT for destroying Christmas to spin on Scargill – it was a tory tactic to always blame workers.  The Scottish government allegedly considering making the rich to pay for NHS treatment, Bunman sought properly integrated health & social care and workforce plans to stop agency use and pay staff more.  Transport minister Richard Holden backed Rishi going private as he paid tax and could opt back into the NHS – that wasn’t the point!  Despite the chair of ACOBA Lord Pickles finding The Cock’s jungle jaunt broke regs (but disciplinary action ‘disproportionate’), they all thought his normality bid had won the public over – Bunman said The Cock wasn’t a bad guy but tories always put themselves first.

Going to the co-op Friday, I swapped updates on a neighbour’s community carers’ job with Phil’s work, over-sharing shop gossip.  Using a discount coupon from a leaflet posted through the door, I panicked at the till as a woman breathed down my neck.  After extensive research, Phil found the ideal freezer.  The search not working on my browser, he sent me a link, then it wouldn’t log me in.  Eventually buying the thing, my card was subsequently declined.  Satan’s Bank had changed the card so the expiry date was the same but the number different.  The microwave clock at zero revealing a power cut, Phil discovered the entire Halifax area was out for 2 hours early Saturday. “Broken Britain! I can’t believe gammons still don’t think tories are incompetent,” he observed. I countered: “They can’t really believe that anymore, but can’t admit they’re wrong and in denial, say it’s better than the coalition of chaos!”  Installing advent gubbins, I found a broken candle holder, then hoovered and disposed of recycling, needing to rest before visiting the unadvertised Christmas market – oddly on the same street as The Store, where Phil heard about it.  Seeing Counsellor Friend and partner, we joined them to peruse crap crafts and catch up.  I learnt her mum died last month (Phil knew and assuming I did, never mentioned it), they were buying a house in the next town and she was planning to top up her pension pot; I advised she didn’t.  We waved bye and munched greasy Serbian pies.  Past the lit tree in the square and up the pedestrian street, we spotted vacant seats outside The Pub.  While ordering, I observed changes since our last visit, pre-covid.  Tasty-looking nuts in jars replaced pies on the bar.  The servers said the butcher who used to make them, mysteriously stopped and asked if the Serbian ones were good – they weren’t keen on the lubricious aspect.  Supping ale, I remarked Counsellor Friend had progressed from being skint to house-buying while we seemed to go backwards.  Nothing personal intended, Phil got defensive.  I changed tack to muse over people either having no job or three, and the state of the world.  Dozy in the gloaming, we went home.

On Laura K Sunday, Jerk Berry concurred with Mark Harper’s ‘getting a grip’ drivel.  Hoping the RMT would get a letter Monday, Frances O’Grady welcomed the government’s altered tone, but railed against Broken Britain.  After the Barclay debacle, Pat Cullen repeated it was ‘negotiation or nothing’.  Prof Hannah Fry agreed problems went back much further than the war or covid.

Phil dreaded a 5-day week.  Covering for a colleague’s hospital appointment, he had a late followed by an early again,  Not ideal with shifts playing havoc with his body clock, I suggested eschewing more hours but as they forgot he’d volunteered for extra work, he hoped it was a one-off.  Trees emitting steam in the cold grey, I stayed in to be disturbed by noisy stone-cutting on the street below, unceasing till dark.  I placed an Ocado order and made granola bars. Chopping cranberries and nuts interminable, the stupid electronic scales kept turning off.  Exhausted with backache, I checked commemorative coin values to discover we actually had a Brexit 50p – sadly only worth 50p. thanks to the queen dying, Paddington was worth a bit more.  Despite a sunny Monday, there was more condensation to deal with.  Orange barriers blocking the small steps, explaining the stone-cutting, I took the longer way to the co-op.  Very busy for the time of day, a miserable woman shelf-stacking gave me a dirty look.  I asked her kinder colleague to pass me an item, grabbed clearance stuff and queued at the till.  Phil brought home 2 bagful’s of Milk Tray.  Sold to outlet staff for a charitable donation, he planned to eat them, I proposed giving them away – a compromise was made.  Accepting the idea of working Christmas and looking forward to a bonus Amazon voucher and mince pies, the manager who hadn’t had a day off for 6 weeks, understandably refused to open.  I put  his shift pattern on the calendar, and ordered Christmas gifts under his nose.  The next two days cold and foggy, Tuesday, it didn’t lift.  Just after I heard Phil going to work, the landline rang.  Drowsy, I vaguely realised it’d be the freezer.  At a loud door knock, I shouted and donned a dressing gown, badly.  Telling them they were early, the nice delivery men said someone had to be first.  I meant by 2 days, not 2 hours!  “Where do you want it?” They asked.  I indicated the kitchen steps: “Down here if you don’t mind,” “Ok.” “Thanks. The men who delivered our fridge wouldn’t take it down.” “Well, they weren’t as nice as us! You can give us a 5-star rating!!”  I forgot to do so.  Placing it exactly in the spot I’d cleared, unpacking was a doddle except removing the polystyrene stand.  I got an endorphin rush at the shiny smell.  Sad I know, but when did I last have anything brand new? 

When Phil returned, I asked did he notice anything?  “A freezer.” “Well, a box.” “You mean I don’t have to lug it down?” “No. Are you impressed?” “Yes, did you do it.” “Yes, ha, ha!”  He settled on the sofa with a groan. “You’re tired. Thought you were finishing at 2 didn’t you?” “Yep.” “I did wonder when you asked last night. How did the granola bar work out?” “Much easier at 6 in the morning.”  Siestas disturbed by chainsaws, I stuck earplugs in then they stopped!  Channel-hopping to avoid the match build-up, Phil asked: “What’s this crap?” Boycotting among the sportswashing lasting almost 1½ weeks, I relented to watch England beat Wales.  Dullness joined by nasty stuff falling out of the sky Wednesday 30^th, Phil thought we were going to The City. “No way! It’s too horrid and I’m knackered from sorting the freezer.”  He played with polystyrene packaging and I repurposed it as makeshift insulation against the coldest walls.  Keir inexplicably led PMQs on private school donations and blocking new homes.  Rishi replied they were aspirational and wittered about labour joining picket lines.  Keir went on, every week, the PM handed money to those who didn’t need it, buckled under pressure, and got weaker.  Rishi countered he had the same old labour ideas, with more debt, strikes and migration, and was laughed at mentioning control of borders.  Ian Blackford wished all a happy St. Andrews Day and 56% polled by YouGov saying it was wrong to leave Europe, fumed about a bill to rip up EU laws racing through, labour trying to outrun tories on Brexit the bugbear of Scottish independence.

At 741, homeless deaths in 2021 reverted to pre-pandemic levels.  Immensa’s Wolverhampton lab incorrectly gave 39,000 negative covid results September/October 2021.  UKHSA estimated this led to an extra 55,000 infections, 680 hospitalisations and 23 deaths.  No immunity and toddlers good at spreading germs, kiddie flu rose 70%.  Parents were urged to get them nasal vaccines.  China’s zero-covid policy may have led to few fatalities and more growth (at least ‘til this year), but hampering rescues, 10 died in an Urumqi flat fire Thursday.  Demos across the country over the weekend, BBC cameraman Ed Lawrence was beaten and arrested during a clampdown Monday.  Chinese authorities said he didn’t show his press pass and it was for his own safety so he didn’t catch covid off the masses.  UK media described protestors as brave, unlike our own, who were nutters!  The Met assuring Londoners they were ready to deal with disruption in the yuletide run-up, Just Stop Oil marched round Trafalgar Square stopping commuters getting to the station.  German and English scientists grew a coronavirus in a lab to watch it mutate and American boffins made a universal flu vaccine to blunt the impact of future pandemics.  Lecanemab, a new early Alzheimer’s treatment, attacked beta amyloid (sticky gunge build-up in the brain).  Costing tens of thousands a pop, it was hailed as a momentous breakthrough.  Liam Smith was found shot and covered in acid in Shevington, Wigan.  Triggering a health alert, the GMP later told the public there was no risk.  Using the Vaccine Taskforce blueprint, Rishi announced £113m for 4 research ‘missions’: cancer, obesity, mental health and addiction.  He then told Mansion House he wished to develop the ‘quality and depth of partnerships with like-minded countries’ (USA, Israel, Gulf and Commonwealth states, but not the EU!)

Blast Furnace Blast

The Warm Homes Prescription Pilot launched December 2021, was extended for patients who got sicker in the cold.  Redcar blast furnace was blown up live on BBC Breakfast, making way for a freeport.  National Grid immediately cancelled blackout warnings.  RAC finding retailers not passing on lower petrol costs, Grant Shatts asked supermarkets to cheapen it.  Peter Smith of NEA was ‘disturbed’ utility direct debits went up when customers made huge efforts to reduce use.

E.On admitted it’d be a year ‘til economies were reflected in bills.  Food inflation now 12.4%, (14.3% for fresh food), 3 in 10 single parents skipped meals to feed their kids, 3 in 5 students cut back and Oxfam found 35% spent less on Christmas gifts.  Cheddar sales falling by £31m, Richard Clothier of Wyke Cheese was ‘extremely worried’.  A shortfall of 1m turkeys, 1,840 domestic chickens were abandoned – why not stick them in the freezer to roast?  Diggle Village Association defended spending £1,450 installing a tiny living firtree as it worked out cheaper than buying one a year.

GMB said few toilet breaks at Amazon’s new ‘fulfilment centre’ in Wakefield, caused stress to 1,000 workers.  No buyer found, Martin Wilkinson Jewellers in Mansfield, likely the oldest in the UK at 228, would shut.  According to Link, 114 HSBC branch closures made the total 600.  100 jobs lost and customers forsaken, Unite’s Dom Hook railed, without corporate social responsibility requiring banks to stay on the high street helping the elderly and vulnerable, access to cash and banking would be lost forever.  The union were disappointed ambulance staff at only 8 trusts voted to strike.  During the latest CWU action, Dave Ward claimed an out-of-depth Royal Mail CE Simon Thompson, not interested in providing a universal postal service, was destroying it.  8% of Avanti and 5.8% TPE trains cancelled on non-strike days, en route to see 5 northern mayors, Mark Harper harped on about modernisation and sorting out the row.  Mayors said the meeting was constructive but they needed investment, not warm words.  After 2 weeks of talks, the Rail Delivery Group said real progress was made.  Not hearing the desired proposals, the RMT announced four 48-hour strikes December-January plus overtime bans over the festive period.  Lynch blamed ‘the dead hand of government’ and The Sun headlined ‘The Lynch Who Stole Christmas’.  Lynch met Harper Thursday, who said there was ‘common ground’.  Scottish teachers and English lecturers walked out.  Formal negotiations ongoing in Scotland, Westminster rejected them, so the first 2 NHS strike days were announced as 15^th & 20^th December.  Bestfood (owned by Tesco and Booker) workers in Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, Wagamama, Zizzi and Pizza Express, were balloted.  National Coalmining Museum staff accepted a new pay offer, meaning no more strikes after one in October (another hidden dispute!)

Net migration a record ½m, more EU nationals left but 509,000 others included Ukrainians and Hongkongers on bespoke visas, and students.  Downing Street declined to give a timespan on reducing numbers.  After an inmate died in hospital, Manston processing centre was emptied and detainees moved to hotels across the country.  40,000 living in hotels, HO compulsorily moved others out.  PS Matt Rycroft couldn’t tell the home affairs select committee if paying Rwanda £140m was good value. Blaming migrants and traffickers, Swellen admitted they’d lost control of borders and vowed to make ‘sustainable changes’ with 3 decisions per worker per week by next year – currently 0.6 a week, it wasn’t feasible.  Unable to describe legal routes, she stammered that if you arrived in the UK you could apply for asylum.  Having to step in, Matt said people could apply to UNCHR but this option wasn’t available in all countries.  Coop spluttered that an out-of-depth Swellen didn’t even know her own policies.  Harem Ahmad Abwbaker was arrested for 27 channel drownings November 2021.  The Marine Accident Investigation Branch found they’d reached UK waters.  3 stowaways from Nigeria were discovered on a ship’s rudder in The Canaries.

After beating Argentina at the World Cup, Saudi Arabia declared a national holiday.  The favourites were out by the end of week.  About to play Japan, the German team covered their mouths to signify they’d been silenced.  Home-nation Qatar were eliminated, Iran were booed singing their national anthem, but after goalie Wayne Henderson got the first red card of the tournament, beat Wales.  World Cup chief Hassan al-Thawali estimated 500 workers died building stadia.  Officially 3, we’d never know the real figure.  Round-the-clock efforts reconnected 80% of Ukraine to essential water, electricity and heating.  Olena Zelenska got a standing ovation as she thanked the UK parliament for support and asked them to lead a special tribunal.  The EU wanted the UN to head the tribunal.  Stewart Rhodes of right-wing Oath Keepers was convicted of sedition for the Washington Capitol attack 6^th Jan 2021.  A Walmart manager killed 7 colleagues and himself in Chesapeake, Florida.

Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac and Wilko Johnson died, for real this time.  Irene Cara known for singing ‘I’m Gonna Live Forever’, didn’t.  In UK census results, only 41% of Leicesterians identified as white.  Christians a minority for the first time, more people had no religion, and an extra 1m were Moslem.  A fungi project found rare species in fields at The Crags.  A 3^rd-5^th century Roman villa complete with ash in the fireplace and mosaics depicting Homer’s Iliad, was unearthed in a Rutland field.  Resembling Toy Town on a bigger scale, York traders complained the St Nicholas fair took their business away.  We noted the Christmas market mark-up.  A car drove through Kake temptations’ window in Batley.  The driver really needed cake!

*Permacrisis – an extended period of instability and insecurity

**HMICFRS – His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: Hepdene Rose | Cool Places – Our Back Yard (wordpress.com)

ii. Brexit Island: Brexit Island – Home | Facebook

The Corvus Papers 2: Out Of The Frying Pan, Into The Pyre

“It has sometimes been observed that what leaders do for their people today is government and politics. But what they do for the people of tomorrow – that is statesmanship” (Queen Elizabeth II)

Pomp And Circumstance

Birthday Sunflowers

Phil started work at the convenience store on 1^st September.  I tackled chores and admin, ringing the GP surgery twice.  29^th in the queue, I hung up to try again later to be 50 something in the queue!  I didn’t have time for a third attempt before the booked pension advice call.  The nice Moneywise man provided tons of info, giving me head fug.  Going out for air, an acquaintance dumped garden waste. I bit my tongue, even though she was still doing it on my return. I got nothing on the rammed but sparse market but ordered smoked salmon from the fishmonger.  Phil interrupted my writing in the evening, asking where AJs was (who delivered bacon butties to The Store staff). “No idea. Ask them!” A very early start Saturday, he got home knackered but with interesting facts about supplying local cafés and specialists sorting newspapers. How quaint!  A fellow photographer mate who worked there years ago, wasn’t surprised to see him, but my old art teacher was.  Well, he was a bit pompous.

After e-mailing siblings about my birthday fundraiser Monday, Elder Sis made a generously commensurate donation to mark my 60^th and Big Sis donated a tirade on DEC corruption.  I delayed replying to devise a diplomatic answer.  As I hung washing, our old next-door neighbour and companion sat out, during a visit while the Polish woman visited her homeland.  We shared tips on upcoming seaside trips and news of Phil’s job.  She reckoned the boss was a bit of a B…  Warm and sunny late afternoon, Phil asked if I wanted to go out.  I snapped at another thoughtless interruption, he stomped off, but came back for an apology.  Feeling uncomfortable, stuff to do and unable to think where we’d go at that time of day, I suggested sitting outside for vitamins.  He squatted on the kerb chatting with old next-door neighbour.  I joined in discussing health, languages, Europe and Brexit when The Widower came past.  Next-door asked had he seen The Student?  She then turned up with the rest of the tribe, having got back from Germany last week.  “Zer gut!”  The put-upon stepdad ferried stuff from the car. “Have you been camping?”  “No, a cottage for a few days but we needed to take tons of stuff.”  No idea why!  Tuesday, workmen fixed the step at long last.  Phil on the early shift again, in the afternoon, he rested and showered.  “That’s better. I’ve got a week off, even though I’ve only been there a week.” “Yes but you weren’t supposed to be working till after our hols. Does it still feel weird going to actual work?” “Yes.” “It’s when it doesn’t feel weird you need to worry.” “Why?” “Cos you might give up other pursuits and think: ‘I’ll just work in the shop’.” “Like people in the pub?: ‘I used to be a photographer’.” “Exactly! It’s a slippery slope!”  Starting Wednesday wobbly and itchy, I took medicines and persevered with housework.  Phil amicably helped change bedding but unkindly mocked me tripping on the bedframe.  I then slipped on a large letter on the doormat – more stupid pensions crap!  Phil went secret shopping and I went to charity shops.  Dumping books, I found nowt, but the community shop’s free school uniform rail was a good idea.  In the evening, Phil insisted on toasting my birthday with fizz.

Birthday Card by Phil

Boris went to Suffolk to gush about £700 million for Sizewell C, 1 of 8 nuclear power plants, not yet agreed with EDF and not operational until the 2030’s. Blaming labour for lack of planning, he obviously forgot Gordy Brown signed off 10 new plants in 2009.  As he also suggested we buy better kettles to save £10 a year, Rayner said he wasn’t living in the real world, evinced by him embarking on a farewell tour!  On the new Laura K Sunday prog, having ditched her promise of no direct help, Trussed-Up (who I’d just discovered shared my first name in real life) said it was good that rich people benefitted more from tax cuts and she’d have the energy crisis sorted in a week.

Raucous applause from Joe Lycett, the Daily Mail were incensed at him mocking their incoming leader.  He kept up the pretence on Jeremy Vine the next day.  As Truss was crowned Queen of Gammons Monday, she said ‘deliver’ a lot, Nasty Patel resigned and Big Ben ominously stopped.  A Cabinet from Hell included Swellen as home sec and Therese Coffee-Cup as health sec FFS!  Jeremy Vine asked if the morbidly obese, cigar-smoking boozer was a good role model.  Clearly not!  Farage gin trended on twitter.  At 7.30 a.m. Tuesday, The Bumbler orated on it being time to pass on the baton, likening it to a relay race when someone changed the rules halfway through.  Look who’s talking!  Invested at Balmoral Tuesday, Trussed-Up flew back to stand at a wet lectern and ape Churchill, saying she’d take action every day to encourage growth by cutting taxes, deal with gas prices and get us all GP appointments (if only!)  In fact, nothing happened for a fortnight apart from a very boring PMQs.

Dutch scientists used data from the Cambridge University Covid-19 sounds app (ongoing for 2 years, I’d never heard of it), to develop one that could detect symptoms, possibly more reliably than LFTs.  Bristol Zoo closed due to falling numbers during lockdowns.  Tracy Dustbin announced the promised low West Yorkshire bus fares.  Starting Sunday, the maximum single fare was £2 and a day fare £4.50. BBC breakfast highlighted the plight of those in sheltered housing not covered by the price cap and OVO energy founder Stephen Fitzpatrick published a 10-point plan including subsidies.  Benefitting low income households, with less help for those who used more energy, he had some good ideasⁱ.  Unlike Edwina Currie, stupidly suggesting putting foil behind radiators.  That’d do a lot of good seeing as we would hardly ever have the heating on; how about tapestries?  The Guardian suggested cooking a baked potato in the microwave.  Did they have Sean Bean’s recipe?  The Which? column in Metro called for a minimum geographic baseline for access to cash.  Almost 1,000 migrants intercepted crossing the channel Saturday, refugee minister Lord Harrington resigned saying the job of helping Ukrainians in need was done.  As it was revealed Shamima Begum was smuggled into Syria by a Canadian spook, lawyers challenged the removal of her citizenship on the grounds that she was a trafficking victim.  It reminded us of a film we saw where those nasty Canadian spooks left a kid rotting in a Thai jail.

Orangeoke

Scary Orangeoke

Alcohol and insomnia led to a groggy start Thursday 8^th.  Phil also discombobulated, he made 3 attempts to say happy birthday.  I treated myself to a mini-spa while he fetched the salmon to cook a posh brekkie.  Pouring the end of the fizz for a toast, we had 1 sip and spent the morning trying to finish it – we couldn’t hack morning drinking anymore!  He made a card from a cute classic car photo, complete with number plates labelled ‘Happy Birthday Mary’ and matching gift tags for more pressies than I expected.  After unwrapping, I read Facebook messages and sent one to a cousin who shared my birthdate.  Walking Friend called with sunflowers and a gift bag of goodies before a filling 2-course lunch deal at The Cypriot.  Fuddled by cocktails, we palavered over splitting the bill and finished the drinks out on the street.  Too quiet for after-school time, the reasons became clear later.  Walking Friend came back for coffee, cake and Count Arthur Strong on DVD.  Facing the grim prospect of coming home between rail strike days, I didn’t blame her for not visiting us in Scarborough the following week.  Unbeknown to us, industrial action was postponed, explaining no altered schedule, but a medical emergency at Scarborough station delayed our return.  Feeling stuffed and sleepy, I managed to edit celebratory photos and take a phone pic of a postcard stuck on the bedroom mirror, but recreating the vintage North Cliff view proved nigh impossible.  The friendly seaside town offering much more than we remembered from our youth, we had a great holiday, avoiding scary Orangeoake at an unfathomable loyalist pub! (See Cool Places 2ⁱⁱ).

Cliff View by Me

The queen’s demise confirmed at 6.30 p.m., Phil reckoned she died around 3, hence the hush, the royals flying to Balmoral and the palace saying she was ‘under medical supervision’ (a euphemism for euthanasia; protocol to prevent hanging on).  Weirdly only 2 days after investing Trussed-Up, not only had a monarch never died in our lifetime before, a new PM and King in the same week was unprecedented.  I’d never forget the date but at least I dodged a big 60^th celebration which would’ve been totally overshadowed.

Cue interminable toadying and suspension of parliament – so much for deliver, deliver, deliver!  Saturday’s proclamation by King Charles III a load of pompous guff, it was historically made public for the first time.  Appointed leader of the house and lord president of the privy council only 4 days ago, Penny Mordor led proceedings.  It was followed next day by proclamations across the land (hence spotting a man in a funny hat in Scarborough), a King’s address Monday at Westminster Hall to both Houses, and Jeremy Vine observing Queenie had met more people than anyone else on the planet.  By the week’s end, queues to see her lying in state grew to 24 hours, snaking into Southwark Park and forcing its closure.  Among the throngs, a woman unbelievably with her mum’s ashes, David Beckham and Jacinda Ardern filed past.  Jacinda subsequently gushed about the dead queen to Laura K, who showed a good snippet of her saying doing stuff for people today was leadership, but doing stuff for tomorrow was statesmanship.  Touché! That’s why there were no statesmen these days.  In contrast to the virtue signalling, Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby were accused of queue-jumping.  Defending their actions as a segment for This Morning, Holly was in bits.  Sky News presenter Sarah-Jane Mee mistook people protesting The Met fatally shooting Chris Kaba for royal mourners, prompting 598 Ofcom complaints.

Cliff View Vintage

The least global deaths since March 2020, WHO Dr Tedros saw the end of the pandemic in sight.  Having clicked links in texts received before our hols to find covid boosters unbookable,  Look North urged so to get them!  SNP MP Margaret Farrier received 270 hours community service.  GDP rose 0.2% in July; less than expected because of the heatwave.

Retail sales fell 1.6% in August and the pound fell to a 37-year low of $1.13.  Unemployment down to 3.9% in the last quarter, inflation was 9.9%, mainly because petrol fell 7.5% but food prices went up 1.5%.  The John Lewis Partnership ‘forgo profit’ to give staff £500 each and raise starter pay by 4%.  Amazon warehouse staff in Coventry were balloted on strike action.  An EU windfall tax would raise more than €140bn towards energy bills.  Meanwhile, the UK government said post-Brexit Northern Ireland border check suspension would continue and promised to backdate support for businesses, giving no details.  Rich twat Chancellor Kwasi Modo planned to lift the bankers’ bonus cap.  Labour 17 points ahead in some polls, idiot Lizzie Chat-show said they had one problem: Keir Starmer who didn’t even know what a woman was.  Say, what now?  At the party conference, Keir pledged to create a state-owned Great British Energy corporation to invest in green infrastructure, gain independence from Russia, drive growth and create a million jobs.  IMF watching the dire UK situation, he said the tories had not only failed to fix the roof but “ripped out the foundations, smashed through the windows and blown the doors off for good measure.”  He was met by standing ovations and a race row as MP Rupa Huq was suspended for calling Kwasi ‘superficially black’.  She stopped shy of calling him a coconut and later apologised for ‘ill-judged comments’.  Ukrainian gains in Kharkiv, Olena went to Strasbourg for the EC president’s state of the union address where Von Hitler said Vlad the Impaler would fail and declared solidarity with Ukraine, and husband Vlod went to Izium, crashing his car driving back to Kyiv.  Turkish cargo ship Anatolian was allegedly fired on by Greek coastguards.  New Met chief Mark Rowley started work.

A Huge Gamble

Beachside Panorama

Tired from the prolonged train journey, I’d retired early Friday and spent most of the weekend writing up diaries, editing photos, washing and buying groceries.  After sitting around for 3 hours Sunday, Phil declared he didn’t have time for lunch before his shift.  Irked by unnecessary stress, I fed him coffee and cake then tidied the garden, seeing The Student to-ing and fro-ing in different coats in case it rained.  Unaware The Woman-Next-Door sat in her parked car, she made me jump opening the door.  Her Polish trip part holiday, part treatment for olfactory issues, she was a veritable ‘I saw you coming’ mug for every New Age therapy going!  Fatigued, I went back in but at least I’d had fresh air and social contact.

Monday declared a Bank Holiday, media covered nowt but the dead queen.  Deathly quiet, we heard 1 car, 1 train and bickering crows.  Even The Store, open on Christmas day, shut 10-1.  I stuck telly on as the state funeral procession set off from Westminster Hall for the abbey service with posh singing and an idiotic speech from Trussed-Up.  The gun carriage slow-march to Admiralty Arch interminable and hypnotic, we wondered where all the Quality Street soldiers came from.  World leaders told to catch the bus, Uncle Joe brought The Beast and Queen Margarite of Denmark caught covid.

Forcing myself to rise Tuesday, I made good progress with the new ‘corvus papers’ method.  Phil asked if I needed any shopping. “Yes, There’s a list. I suppose you want smoking stuff.” “Yes I was going to town but I’ll go co-op.”  In the end, he went on his errand then met me to help carry groceries and call me cheeky for chucking things in his rucksack.  Still avoiding fuel use and experimenting with clothes-drying techniques, I realised I’d worn the same socks 2 days solid!  Wednesday, I did boring stuff and Phil worked late.  Slamming the front door on his return, the living room door swung open, bringing in a mass of cold air.  I didn’t get warm all night.  After cleaning the bathroom Thursday, I collapsed on the bed with a sigh.  Phil asked what was wrong;, leading to a tirade on the wearisomeness of everyday life.  Hard getting back to normal after the break, I’d just started to feel less overwhelmed by drudgery, when he’d dropped the bombshell he was working all next weekend.  It wasn’t his fault but an inability to plan was stressful. He promised to ask why he was doing far more than the alleged 16 hours a week, made coffee and proffered choc biscuit misshapes, which he’d got from The Store (along with 3 packs of gammon steak) and already scoffed loads.  Going to town, beech nuts on the street crunched beneath our feet and confetti festooned the old bridge.  He checked his shifts and I perused the market.  Toiletries scant, I scowled at a woman with sharp elbows rudely stretching over to pay while I was transacting.  My mind went blank buying veg.  Phil caught up to take photos of Chantilly carrots, making Jolly Veg Man laugh.  As Phil strode across the square towards a parliament of corvids, I felt faint, flopped on a seat and decided lunch was overdue.  Going home via the new bridge, he mused: “what’s in the river today?” “Ducks, sticks, an air freshener, an orange plastic thingy, a carrier bag…it’s like one of those memory games, or dementia tests.”  Maybe I needed one after the brain freeze!  QT from Grimsby the usual unbalanced nonsense, loony Clare Fox who started out in the RCP and ended up a tory-nominated peer, got too much airtime.  On Newscast, rich git Cobra Billamora looked forward to the mini-budget giving him more dosh.

Friday 22^nd marked the autumn equinox.  Seeing a light on early morning, I assumed Phil had gone to work, turned it off, then heard him rise.  Checking the clock, it was actually 6 a.m., not 7.  He later complained I’d woken him but got his own back waking me at 5.30 the next day.   I exchanged texts with Walking Friend about free curry, The Poet’s fire party and a cinema trip.  Shopping in sunny warmth, I felt overdressed, especially as Woman-Next-Door sat out in a sundress.  Another neighbour also too hot, she’d prematurely stowed her summer clothes.  I’d not even washed mine after our hols!  At least my swimming cosi was unused, unlike the Scarborough Diving Belle.  I potted a cutting in a cute pot for Walking Friend then got achy and tired pruning.

Diving Belle

GP numbers still dropping and seeing one impossible, Therese Coffee-Cup said there was too much variation in the care people got across the country, and unveiled underwhelming plans for the NHS including a 2-week wait to see a GP; it was 2 days in 2010!  Coming up with a moronic ABCD mantra (ambulances, backlog, care, doctors and dentists), she promised £15m more for carers and pension changes to stop doctors leaving the NHS. Holidaymakers were urged to cash in vouchers worth £30m before they expired at month’s end.  Dunoon grammar school, Argyle, was shortlisted as among the best in the world for community help.  Kids had streamed bingo into care homes during lockdowns and presented ideas to Cop26.

A cap would halve firms’ energy bills for 6 months from 1^st October.  Long-awaited and welcome, businesses wanted more, but Rees-Moggy said they’d have to wait.  Cost estimates varied from £25-40bn, depending on gas prices, on top of £150bn household support.  IFS predicted £231bn government borrowing this year and debt rising for many to come.  Reckoning the UK was already in recession, BOE raised interest to a 14-year high of 2.25%.  At the UN in New York, Trussed-Up told the BBC she was prepared to be unpopular for ‘taking difficult decisions’ such as allowing bigger banker’s bonuses, to ‘attract investment’ and grow the economy.  Labour said it was the wrong priorities.  Doing 2 weeks’ business in 3 days, amid a glut of government proclamations, Rees-Moggy lifted the ban on fracking in England.  Dismissing earthquake concerns, even as one happened in Mexico, INEOS claimed reserves could equal the North Sea.  No cheaper and not enough for everyone, Greenpeace called for a nationwide solution to the energy crisis.

Trussed-Up gloated on the front bench as Kwasi Modo presented his Kamikaze budget.  Besides what we already knew, he postponed the alcohol duty rise, increased the stamp duty threshold to £250k, cut basic income tax by 1p, abolished the highest 45% rate and defended banker’s bonuses as we needed global banks here, not Frankfurt.  Total tax cuts equating to £45bn, Universal Credit claimants earning less than £142.50 a week (15 hours on the living wage) must prove they were trying to work more or face benefits cuts!  Rachel Reeves called it the last roll of the dice after 12 years of tory failure, by “desperate gamblers in a casino chasing a losing run.”  Allowing huge banker’s bonuses while axing nurses’ pay, Frances O’Grady wanted to know what planet they were on.  Wearing ludicrous clod-hoppers with a suit, Kwasi told Chris Mason there was technically a recession but hoped it’d be shallow and then denied there was one!  His former boss, hedge fund manager Crispin Odey, confirmed Phil’s belief that crashing the pound was a deliberate ploy to benefit his rich scummy mates by cashing in on betting against it, and gilts.  Economists thought vastly disproportionate gains for the wealthy may artificially boost the economy but if the BOE responded with bigger interest rates, could prompt a boom and bust cycle.  Avanti restoring some west coast services, RMT would strike again 8^th October.  30,000 had made dicey channel crossings this year.

NY attorney general Tish James accused The Trump and 3 sprogs of fraud by exaggerating how much they were worth.  An appeal court ruled the papers could be reviewed and Trump bragged he could declassify state documents ‘just by thinking about them’.  Referenda to be held in Russian-controlled regions of Ukraine, Vlad the Impaler openly accused The West of nuclear blackmail and announced a major escalation mobilising reservists, to ‘defend the motherland’ and ‘liberated territories’.  13,000 anti-war protestors were arrested and amid a rush to escape the call-up, queues formed at borders, outbound flights were full and Ruslan Zinin shot a military official at a Siberian enlistment office.  At the UN, Uncle Joe called the referenda a ‘sham’ and the war ‘brutal’.  Reports later emerged of households being forced to vote at gunpoint and Ukrainians fleeing Russian-controlled areas to avoid fighting fellow countrymen.  On her way to meet Uncle Joe, Trussed-Up announced the return of 5 British nationals, thanks to Vlod and Saudi Arabia.  As the sea monster in Weston was finished in the last days of Unboxed (aka Brexit Festival), Julian Knight of the DCMS committee, questioned how many visitors the ‘monumental waste’ had attracted.  Creative director Martin Green insisted it was value for money.  95% of 12,800 saplings planted by Gloucester City Council to celebrate the jubbly, perished during the hot summer because there was nobody to water them.

At A Crossroads

Cute Jackdaw

Saturday, I went to a print fair at the town hall, to compliment The Printer on an image of Scarborough (similar to my photo panorama), speak to another affected by the fire and quiz a third on her etchings.  I mooched round charity shops, the crap market where a posh woman exclaimed: ‘ooh mushrooms! Just like the dress I bought last week!’ (she meant toadstool earrings) and the wavy steps (eyed by a cute jackdaw).  All heaving, I sought quiet in the library where an old pub mate exiting helpfully told me it was closing in 10 mins, confirmed by a notice.  I got reduced items from the rival convenience store and lay in wait for Phil.  As I hid in a doorway, a hippie parked her car with taped-over lights on the double-yellowed junction, went barefoot into The Store and emerged with a vape (aka the new crack).  The plethora of highway code infractions almost tempted me to report her.  Finishing at 3 on the dot, Phil headed up the street.  I yelled “Oi!”  We wove through the packed square to sit riverside and chat.  Though a challenge lugging ice at 7.00 a.m., it was quite jolly on a Saturday and didn’t feel like a full working day (no commute helped).  The NHS had sent me a birthday gift of a home testing kit.  Sunday, I duly put poo on the stick and set out to post it.  Drumming as soon as I left the house, the handmade parade was in full swing.  Just my luck!  Picking what I hoped was a less busy route, I was hemmed in by crowds, fought my way across the square and looked for the post-box.  Remembering it went years ago, I bought knobbly veg and nipped in The Store where Phil was re-stocking shelves. “Have you *** seen it out there!” “Shh! Don’t swear!” “Sorry, see you later.”  Over at the post office, there was no evading the parade as it went down the cul-de-sac.  I knew it was a fun family event and I was being peevish but the throngs and drumming made me weary and headachy.  Narked by Phil’s lack of sympathy later, I conceded he must be more knackered after 3 earlies on the trot.

Monday a chilly mix of sun and showers, one literally stopped after our house!  Still tired, I struggled with a communal food wastebin that wouldn’t shut.  Fixing the hinge, I muttered.  The Widower appeared: “Talking to yourself?” “Yes, it’s the only way I get any sense, ha, ha!”  Ahead of the new price cap, Octopus Energy boss Greg Jackson urged Ofgem to lower standing charges and BG helpfully e-mailed that our bills would be over 3 grand next year.  Not if I could help it!  I sent meter readings forthwith.  Sleeping later Tuesday, I briefly felt the benefit, shopped speedily in a tranquil co-op and sorted documents to renew a PTL,* faffing to print a profile pic (needlessly, as it turned out).  During a cold night, loud machinery disturbed me and condensation coated the windows Wednesday.  I put the heating on for the first time in months, hoovered discarded cobwebs and spider skins and exchanged a string of texts with Walking Friend, agreeing to meet in the library before free curry.  Then Phil messed with the hoover, claiming I’d missed a cobweb, then the Ocado driver rang to say he’d be early.  Head spinning, I managed a few notes before the jolly Geordie arrived.  Phil was asked to work earlier for a colleague’s GP appointment (how did she get that?)  Soon after going, he phoned saying it was next week.  “Shall I come home or sit in the sun? It’s nice out.” “Just chill then.”  Also wanting sunshine, I took chilli plants out to repot but defeated by entangled roots, gave up, and went to town.

Infantile graffiti covered the squat’s boarded-up windows.  The Ice Cream rep didn’t turn up in court next day, so the anarchists weren’t evicted.  In the library, I was told to renew my PTL online.  “Where are the collection points?” “Not sure. Do you need an orange dot?” “Yes.” “I’ll look in the drawer.”  The librarian kindly made the pass for me (minus photo after the palaver)  I chose a book and returned to the desk to find I was de-registered.  Re-registering took longer than getting the pass!  Meanwhile, Walking Friend arrived.  We discussed Scarborough and what to expect from free curry night.  Seeing nobody at the front of the chapel, she suggested we go to the side entrance where a woman I recognised from Vegan Friend’s pre-covid party greeted us.  Walking Friend uneasy accepting charity, I searched for my mates to put her at ease but saw no sign of them.  Three lovely people took our order, then repeatedly apologised for the wait.  The room’s buzz Initially enjoyable, as it filled up, the noise made me light-headed and fatigued (not helped by a missed siesta).  Chaotic and too many helpers, I ditched the idea of volunteering in future.  We made for the exit, told an acquaintance to watch out for cardamoms and heard someone ask if there were containers for the cake.  “Cake!” we cried in unison.  The door-greeter opened a side door for easy access to the cake table where there was also a donation tin.  Inviting her in, I assured my friend I could cope with a cuppa and cake despite tiredness.  We nattered some and I gave her the plant cutting before she wended home via the hidden path before dark.  Finding her scrunchie on the bathroom floor, I thought I’d better wash it.

Stunned by another long sleep Thursday, I ignored my woes for a walk and lunch at the Hilltop Village, agreeing with a friend en route, on the awful state of the country and the joys of life on a stunning autumn day (see Cool Placesⁱⁱⁱ).  In a bright night sky, Neptune and Pluto vied for attention with a glowing orange Jupiter (at the nearest point to Earth for 59 years).  Plagued by backache, I needed the meditation soundtrack to aid sleep, then got woken in Friday’s early hours by Phil getting up and a racket outside.  Knowing the pretty but yellow watery dawn presaged a wet, grey day, I dug out a parka before venturing out.  The co-op quiet again, my namesake asked was I going walking?  “Not in that! But it’s warmer out than in the house without heating.”  I agreed we’d need it sometimes to prevent mould and burst pipes.

Autumn Scene

Concluding coronavirus killed an A&E worker, a coroner was flummoxed that only staff on red wards got face-masks in May 2020.  According to Zoe Health Studies’ Tim Spector, hospital admissions were up 37% on the previous week, the highest since 19^th August.  A 7% rise in fatal road crashes in 2021 was blamed on lockdown easing.  Trickle-down economics a pile of poo and markets jittery, the pound fell further against the dollar and OBR forecasts hinted at U-turns.  They promised an economic forecast by 7^th October but after Trussed-Up joined Kwasi in meeting them, she said it wouldn’t be made public ‘til 23^rd November when they unveiled further plans.  Lenders stopped offering low-cost mortgages. 

As footage of her saying Brits needed more graft was unearthed, Rayner told conference the PM didn’t care about working people and we were at a crossroads akin to 1997.  Labour Left Internationalists called singing God Save the King a ‘doubling-down on monarchism’, ‘almost comic’.  Ed Millipede mocked Rees-Moggy’s ‘energy policy for the 1820s’.  BBC tips to save money included cooking with a microwave rather than an iron!  (sic)  Online searches for ‘energy bill help’ the highest ever and ‘food banks near me’ up 250%, Jon Ashworth pledged labour would freeze prices, paid for by windfall taxes.  The BOE stepped in to buy UK gilt bonds, leading to an immediate fall in long-date yields and lower public borrowing rates.  Was it enough to prevent a Northern Rock-style run on pensions?  Should I have cashed mine in?  Former gov Mark Carney said Kwasi’s ‘partial budget’ was at cross-purposes with the bank.  Referring to ‘ministry of the talentless’, witty Rayner said: “Liz Truss has even crashed the pork market. Now. That. Is. A. disgrace. You’d think snouts in the trough was the one thing they could manage.”  MPs demanding urgent recall of parliament to face questions on running the economy down, Trussed-Up did a round of car-crash local radio interviews to be flummoxed by simple questions, witter about freezing energy costs and blame Vlod and the world for turbulence.  WTF!  Was she just thick or dropped on her head as a baby?  Rayner quipped she’d: “finally broken her long painful silence with a series of short painful silences.”  A YouGov poll put labour 33 points ahead.  Gammons still thought we should give her a chance.  Government ignoring demands for a 10% pay rise, at least £15 per hour and not cutting 91,000 jobs, Mark Serwotka said the PCSU had no choice but to ballot 20,000 civil servants.  Sales up 18.7% in the last quarter, Aldi, now the UKs 4^th biggest supermarket, pledged to put people before profits and build 16 new stores.  Turning down public money to keep it open, Peel Group would wind down Robin Hood airport from 31^st October.  32 Wetherspoons pubs including Halifax would shut.  How’s Brexit working out, Tim?

A complexity of issues culminated in large-scale disorder in Leicester mainly involving young Asian men.  One person convicted, cops said further arrests could go on for months.  SML put the strife down to tensions between Sikhs and Muslims, started by a football match in August.  Others blamed fundamentalists from outside the city stirring it.  New HO minister Swellen told police to do their jobs properly.

Helped by blast-from-the-past Berlusconi, far-right Giorgia Meloni (aka Molly Malone) was set to become Italian PM.  Amid covid restrictions and geopolitical tensions, Apple switched manufacture of the iPhone 14 from China to India.  Russian gas pipeline leaks made bubbles in the Baltic Sea near the Danish island of Bornholm.  Sabotage was suspected.  At a signing ceremony to incorporate 4 eastern regions of Ukraine into Russia**, a concert for an invited audience in Red Square drowned out the international outcry. NASA slammed a min-fridge-sized spacecraft into asteroid Didymos-Dimorphos.  DART successfully hit it off course, astronomers spotted increased brightness, but it’d be weeks ‘till we knew if the space rocks’ orbit was shortened.  Scarborough planned to a centre of excellence for cyber-security – obviously building on the legacy of GCHQ Scarborough which we learnt about on our visit.

Queenie’s death certificate confirmed the cause as old age and the time as 3.10 p.m. Phil was right!  Michelle Pfeiffer was heartbroken by the passing of Coolio, of Gangstas Paradise fame. The majority of Northern Ireland residents Catholic for the first time ever, a referendum on a united Ireland was probable.  The Orangemen didn’t factor in Catholics breeding like rabbits when they rigged the borders, did they!

Notes

* Passport to Leisure

**Donetsk, Luhansk, Kherson and Zaporizhzhia

References:

i. Ovo’s 10-point plan: https://www.ovoenergy.com/ovo-newsroom/press-releases/2022/september/ten-point-plan

ii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 98 – This Page Intentionally Blank

“This stinks of a cover-up by Number 10. Even Richard Nixon believed a country deserves to know whether their leader is a crook” (Ed Davey)

Dirty Dozens

Haiga – A Moment of Calm

The storm moved to the east coast Monday, leaving the valley mostly calm and bright.  Posting a haigaⁱ  and the journal took most of the day, excepting lunch and essential chores.  Due to the weather, mounds of recycling littered the house. Phil helped with disposal.  One eye on the news, he précised the Sue Gray report but as the incomplete document was 12 pages (less if you ignored ‘this page intentionally blank’), I read it myself.ⁱⁱⁱ

Specifics missing, Gray berated the culture at the ‘heart of government’, failure of leadership and judgement, unprofessional consumption of excessive amounts of alcohol, inappropriate use of the Number 10 garden, and concluded rules weren’t followed.  As operational structures hadn’t kept pace with expansion of the PM’s office and staff felt unable to report concerns, ‘lessons to learn’ should be addressed immediately.  The Bumbler began his commons statement with another vacuous apology, saying he understood people’s anger, and he’d fix it by reviewing codes of conduct and creating an Office of the PM with a permanent sec. – would that address the accountability vacuum?  He then blathered about government achievements.  Keir responded Gray made ‘the most damning conclusions’ with a PM under criminal investigation and making people feel like fools, although they shouldn’t as they saved lives.  Quite!  I kept saying those who stuck to rules did the right thing and should stop whinging they didn’t hug!  Phil asserted we were locked down to keep tory toffs safe.  The comment from Carrie’s party mate 13^th November seemed to support that.  Keir alleged Boris wouldn’t resign because he was ‘a man without shame’.  Boris called that ‘a tissue of nonsense’ but others echoed pleas for full publication of findings.  Andrew Mitchell withdrew his support and Ian Blackford ejected himself after repeating Boris broke lockdown rules and ‘wilfully misled parliament’.

Of the 16 ‘gatherings’ in scope, The met were looking into 12 (8 in Downing Street and 4 in the cabinet office)*.  With 300 photos and 500 documents of the ‘Dirty Dozen’, they pledged to fast-track the investigation within weeks.  At an emergency meeting of tory MPs, Boris allegedly banged the table screaming he’d nearly died of Covid.  Trussed-Up Liz was spotted without a mask, later tested positive and wouldn’t accompany him to The Ukraine.  As he’d cancelled a planned call to Vlad, David Lammy said it was an example of the ‘real world consequences’ of the distraction and Layla Moran complained: “This is the man who picked pleading with his backbenchers over talking tough to Vladimir Putin.”  Meanwhile, Hong Kong politician Caspar Tsui resigned after being discovered attending a banquet.  Our leaders could learn a lesson there!  On Newsnight, small minister Paul Scuzzball contrarily argued that as Boris was at deaths door, he understood the issues!  Tory activists said with no contrition and no confidence, his days were numbered.  Journalists agreed, seeing the interim report as a ‘series of smoking guns yet to come’.  I looked forward to the adaptation of Sue Gray and the Party Detectives into a Netflix series or, more likely, a low-key Brit flick!

Two years after the first hospital admissions of covid patients in Newcastle, NHS bosses warned of frontline staff quitting if forced to have jabs.  Ministers said the policy could be ditched after consultation, including for social care.  Would the 30,000 sacked workers return?  Several areas of Beijing underwent lockdown and daily testing ahead of the Winter Olympics.  Back-to-back storms forced the Thames barrier to close, blew lorries over, hampered train services and left 45,000 homes power-less.  Winds reached 90 mph in  Stonehaven where unhappy residents whinged this was the second time since November.  In The Great Drain Robbery, thieves stole 160 cast iron drain covers in Doncaster to sell for scrap.

Cleaning out the fridge Tuesday, I found chilli jam so old mould erupted on the lid, a lump of ice in the runnel and a puddle beneath the crisper drawer.  I spent ages scrubbing a minging juicer stored on top.  The days long gone when chucking 40% of our fruit in the form of pulp was a good idea, we agreed to donate the unused item charity.  The chore was punctuated with refreshment breaks, writing and shopping.  Sunny and mild to start, a stiff breeze assailed me on the way to a quiet co-op where I discussed the price of seeds and compostable bags with my namesake at the till.  Feeling iffy, I  forced myself to write in the afternoon.  Mind blank trying to work on the novel, I composed an add-on for Cool Placesⁱⁱ and posted a photo of pink winter blossom for Elderly Neighbours’ birthday (See below).

9.9% of covid cases over the past year were reinfections.  Previously 2%, it showed earlier illness didn’t protect against Omicron.  The WHO recommended treatments Sotrovimab and Baricitinib. DOHSC accounting revealed £8.5 bn written off for lost, faulty or expired PPE.  The IOPC published details of racist, sexist and homophobic messages between officers at Charing Cross cop shop 2016-2018.  The 2 dismissed were not isolated ‘bad apples’.  After announcing the closure of 317 meat, fish and deli counters and Jack’s discount stores, changes to overnight working put another 1,600 Tesco jobs at risk.  Our local farm shop featured on Look North.  Open since 1974, the 81 year old owner offered a  lifeline for remote villagers in bad weather and lockdowns, delivering essential supplies.  In Grimsby ahead of unveiling the Levelling Up white paper, The Glove-Puppet said London’s elite didn’t understand the problems of overlooked communities.  His plans involved elected mayors for every part of England and a dozen ‘national missions’, with targets for the economy, housing, education, transport and culture up to 2030 in 55 areas.  20 urban regeneration projects would start with Sheffield and Wolverhampton.  Criticised for no new money and lack of ambition, Lisa Nandy called it shuffling deckchairs and Tracy Brabin suggested he prioritise early years and bringing HS2 to the young, vibrant city of Bradford.

Boris known to have attended at least 3 of the ‘Dirty Dozen’, police guidance stated identities of those issued fixed penalty notices ‘should not be released or confirmed’.  Rayner inveighed: “I can’t believe this needs saying. The public have a right to know if the PM is found to have committed an offence.”  Ed Davey added it stank of a cover-up.  Rabid Raab implied Boris still didn’t think he’d done any wrong saying: “(he) believes he acted in good faith at all times.”  Downing Street later said they’d reveal if Boris was fined.  In Kyiv to speak to president Volodymyr Zelensky before a press conference and rescheduled call to Vlad, No. 10 claimed he spearheaded the international response.  An international joke more like!  White House press aide Jen Psaki chortled at ambushing cakes in faces, Russian TV sniggered Boris was a henpecked wannabe emperor mocked even by kids, and former tory diplomat Rory Stewart sputtered: “This idea that somehow Boris…is single-handedly defending Ukraine from Russia is pure fantasy.”

Dancing In The Gaslight

Savile and Thatcher

Waking with a creaky jaw the last 2 mornings, further evidence I  was grinding my teeth while sleeping due to anxiety, emerged a few days later. Careful exercise helped ease the discomfort Wednesday.

Boris parroting the accusation from right-wing social media that Keir failed ‘to prosecute Jimmy Savile’, Nazir Afzal on BBC Breakfast said in the 3 years he worked under him as DPP, they had record child abuse convictions.  In fact, decisions were made locally, Keir apologised and commissioned an investigation which blamed Surrey prosecutors and police for the mess.  Causing ructions in the tory ranks, Tobias Ellwood was one of 3 to submit letters of no confidence and on Newsnight, David Liddington derided the ‘crude, stupid distraction tactics’ and a lack of emotional intelligence that ‘sapped trust’.  Nick Watt called the gaslighting a death sentence.  “Hmm!” mused Phil, “who’s the one who likes dressing up, visiting hospitals and says he’ll fix it…“  And let’s not forget, Savile was a tory.  A photo of the nonce posing for the Tory 2010 election campaign turned out to be fake but ones of him with Thatcher weren’t.

Lindsay Hoyle read ‘the bible’ on parliamentary language before PMQs.  If Ian Blackford had to retract calling Boris a liar, why didn’t Boris have to recant his comment on Savile? I wondered.  The Bumbler toadied to the queen and told Esther McVey mandatory jabs for the NHS would be abandoned.  Tongue in cheek, Keir queried if part of Operation Save Big Dog was being ‘tax-cutting conservatives’, why did they keep raising them for workers while protecting oil companies and banks and ’gaslight’ the British public with stealth taxes?  To Boris’ usual waffle, he responded: ‘lots of words, lots of bluster, but no answers’ and joked that wouldn’t work with the police!  He pointed out wastage and fraud during the pandemic equalled the extra taxes and asked why he wasn’t investigating that instead of squeezing people to the pips?  Boris spewed a load of figures, rubbish about record amounts of PPE and getting ventilators from footballers.  Keir repeated he needed to sharpen how he answered questions.

I was stealing myself to take the redundant juicer to the charity shop in the drizzle when Phil offered to go.  Relieved, I did some admin and messaging, setting a record 3 social engagements for the month (lunch with Walking Friend and AN Other Friday, an exhibition with Manchester Friend and a drink with The Researcher late Feb).  The so-called wine rack stuffed with miscellaneous items, Phil returned as I began sorting them to reclaim mechanical whisks and a mixing bowl, then left me to evict spiders, scour utensils, start another charity bag and make room in cupboards.

Hospital cases down, more deaths were recorded than for almost a year.  Figures excluded Scotland.  Nasty Patel told the home affairs committee the IOPC findings showed a ‘failure of leadership’ (sic) but didn’t say Dick should go.  Yvette Coop wanted action from the home office as well as The Met.  Boris made the postponed call to Vlad and tweeted the way out of hostilities was diplomacy.  So, calling the Russians hostile was diplomatic, was it?  After legal advice that SPS checks required approval from the Stormont Executive, DUP minister Edwin Poots ordered officials at Daera** to stop Irish Sea border checks from midnight.  Back doors opened at the Port of Belfast the next morning.  Saying issues could be resolved through the protocol, Sinn Fein accused him of playing party politics.  4 Insulate Britain protestors got stuck in jail after gluing themselves outside the High Court while chants of ‘Boris out’ were ignored during Westminster news broadcasts.

Lower leg cramp woke me in the early hours Thursday.  Unable to reach, I tried shaking it out but the knee agonisingly locked up.  On the verge of tears, I attempted to stand and hobbled to the bathroom.  After a bit more sleep, the pain alleviated enough to perform most of my exercise routine.  Telling Phil I‘d never known anything like it, he said he had and I worried not for the first time, if it was arthritis.  I rushed chores and writing tasks to go to town, greeting 3 lesser-spotted neighbours along the street.  The centre strangely quiet in the dull dampness, I discussed the inflationary cost of cough drops, energy price hikes and treasury plans for loans and rebates with Sweet Shop man.  Ofgem raised the cap to £1,971.  Rishi dished out £200 rebates on electricity bills from October (to be paid back from 2023, though Goldman Sachs doubted prices would drop until 2025) and £150 off council tax (the treasury gave councils £144m).  Unimpressed, labour called it ‘buy now pay later’ and asked why there was no cut in VAT or windfall tax for Shell, who made £14bn profit?  BOE simultaneously put interest up to 0.5%, predicted inflation of 7.25% by April and said it wasn’t a good time to ask for more pay.  So much for the high skills, high wage economy!  GMB’s Gary Smith retorted: “telling the hard-working people who carried this country through the pandemic they don’t deserve a pay rise is outrageous.”  Elsewhere, France put a 4% limit on fuel rises, Belgium slashed VAT and Greece increased the minimum wage by 2%.

On the market, I bantered on posh names for bog roll with Jolly Veg man and topped up supplies in convenience stores to postpone a trip to the co-op, then lugged bags home and faffed to fit mussels in a bowl until Phil came to help.  He began scrubbing a Dutch oven but desperate for lunch, I bade him leave it.

Effective against Omicron, Novavax was approved following trials in Leeds and Bradford.  A caller to Jeremy Vine called Boris a baboon and David Davis said he suffered death by a thousand cuts with the party in a state of paralysis.  As if to illustrate his point, director of communications Jack Doyle and head of policy Munira Mirza quit; she cited the Savile slur.  Stopping short of an apology, Boris insisted he was making a point about responsibility for the organisation as a whole.  What!  Like he was responsible for the antics in No. 10?  Late evening, PPS Martin Reynolds and Chief of Staff Dan Rosenfeld also left Downing Street pursued the next morning by special adviser Elena Narozanski.  At least 2 of them were at parties.  Energy minister Greg Hands said it proved the PM was ‘taking charge’.  DUP MLA Paul Givan resigned, meaning Michelle O’Neil also lost her post, power-sharing at Stormont ended and the exec couldn’t meet.  How did that square with them having authority to change import rules?  Sinn Fein said the political opportunism had catastrophic impacts ahead of May elections.  A high Court judge subsequently suspended Poot’s decision to stop import checks, until a full judicial review to avoid confusion ‘hanging over’ civil servants.

Discussing mandatory vaccines for health staff on QT, a sceptic with piles of scrappy notes disputed a vax scientist.  Robin Shattock tried to be nice but ended up saying he was talking crap.  Torygraph weirdo Tim Stanley thought it good to have the debate and mandating counter-productive.  NHS Confederation’s Victor Adebowale said with 95% staff uptake but only 89% for BME, they had rights but also responsibilities.  Crispin Blunt believed it sensible to re-assess the policy on evidence.  A nurse in the audience claimed natural immunity from having covid protected her.  Shattock informed her that varied and asked if an antibody test might persuade her?  “Maybe.”  Probed on if Boris damaged the tory party, Crispin said we were being played by The Scumbag and repeated the assertion not everyone followed the rules.  Weirdo Tim bizarrely compared Boris to a character from Oceans 11, Rosena Allin-Khan maintained the ‘consistent liar’ wasn’t fit for office, before or now, and Victor called him a moral vacuum.  Robin asked: who do you trust?

Interviewed on Newscast, Rishi said Boris was right to apologise, evaded questions on standing for leader and claimed to have seen no parties from Number 11’s window.  A day later, The Mirror reported The Met had a photo of Boris holding a can of beer at his lockdown birthday party, standing next to Rishi in the cabinet room.  Shot by Andrew Parsons (one of 3 of The Bumbler’s official tax-funded photographers) who documented the event, it proved they didn’t give a shit!

Mixing It Up

Pink Winter Blossom

So much happened in the world of politics late the previous night, trying to get a grip Friday morning was hindered by Phil rambling and Walking Friend texting to ask if I could be ready early.  To avoid rushing, I arranged to meet at the corner pub instead, hastened my notes and put a face on.   No sign of them outside, AN Other waved to me from inside the pub.  They mixed coffee and Bailey’s but I eschewed drinking during a catch-up and deciding what next.  On the way to the big charity shop, a feint rainbow provided a backdrop for a cloud of squawking corvids.  We ambled down the still oddly quiet pedestrian street.  AN Other liked the look of the wood burner in the cocktail bar.  Unsure if they served food, she asked to be given a Med café menu.  As she re-arranged the furniture to feel the heat, I wryly told the waitress: “sorry about this.”  The partnership arrangement involved staff toing and froing across the street.  Over inevitably tepid dishes, we discussed holidays, labyrinthine German tax laws and mutual acquaintances.  I expressed relief at not going to Deceased Friends’ wake after the family all got covid and learnt another old pub mate died of cancer last month.  Walking Friend fed pigeons to distract them before feeding ducks on the wavy steps.  Visiting more charity shops, we ended up at one near our street.  AN Other drove back across the moor, Walking Friend went to the co-op and I went home, agreeing it made a change mixing up our lunch-meets.  A mélange of chatter crowding my head, I couldn’t relax at all during a siesta.

ONS found risk of death from covid dropped 93% after 3 jabs.  Rishi having distanced himself from Boris’ slur, Goblin Saj said Keir should be respected for doing a good job as DDP but the PM ‘clarified remarks’ on the Savile issue and still had his support.  Nick Gibb, the latest tory MP to publicly call for Boris to go, cited constituents’ fury ‘about the double standards’ and the PM’s ‘inaccurate’ commons statements.  Meanwhile, Liam Fox waited to see what happened and in a round of drunken interviews, batty Nads Doris claimed 97% of tories backed Boris and it was all a Remoaners plot.  After taking the big plane to Blackpool to play with trams, Boris returned to rally the troops and quote ‘change is good’ from the Lion King.  “It really is The Lying King!” I laughed.  Ukrainian architects Studio Makhno designed Plan C, bagels for settlers on Mars to inhabit craters, with food grown in orbiting spherical greenhouses. Did they nick the idea from The Expanse?

A watery sun presaged grey rain Saturday.  Rather scatty, I kept drifting off, but rallied with caffeine.  Nowt on telly, we watched extras on a DVD so it could go in the charity bag.  Disposing of recycling, I found dog poo on the doorstep, angrily scrubbed it off and railed I was starting to take it personal.  Phil thought dogs simply needed a crap when they reached the top of the steps.  Heading to the main road, car lights on the gloomy roads made it appear like midwinter again.  Among gaps in the co-op, I got a cheap pineapple.  What was that about affordable fruit?  At the till, teenage girls carefully handled a carrier like it was precious.  The nice young Scottish cashier told me it was a cappuccino glass.  Pausing halfway through scanning my stuff, she apologised for having a moment.  “It’s okay, I’ve been scatty today.” “Good.” “Is it?”  “Yeah, if you can’t pause on a day like this, when can you? Have a nice evening.” “It’s not evening yet. It just looks like it.” “I don’t mind this weather.”  I stopped myself replying she was probably used to it!  I trudged back and collapsed on the sofa while Phil watched Olympic skiing, commenting on the fakery in an area of China that barely got 20cm of rain a year, let alone snow!  Working on the journal, I got mixed up with all the Westminster parties, checked the BBC news list and discovered 2 were excluded from the report, including Shaun Bailey’s lavish buffet.  “That sounds like an excellent idea!” exclaimed Phil, googled an all-you-can-eat in Blackpool and declared he now used tory antics as a kind of tarot.  Cooking the pineapple with a splash of sambuca, Phil queried why we never drank it.  “We don’t really mix drinks anymore.”

Raining all night, sheets of hail careened down the valley Sunday.  And it was so dark!  No possibility of a walk, I worked on the journal and tried cleaning kitchen chairs.  Mysterious splotches persisting, Phil’s idea of using turps to expunge them might wait ‘til we could work outside.  We also made some arrangements for Phil’s birthday weekend but were undecided on the lavish buffet. During a truly terrible night, I caught myself clenching my jaw in an early hours stupor.  I must have slept but it was in such small snatches I might as well not have even tried!

After Boris stated crime fell 14% and the Home Office admitted it excluded fraud and computer scams, the UKSA sad they were misleading.  Challenged on Sunday Morning, Kwasi Modo said they meant street crime like burglary and violence.  Tell that to Leeds people in fear of being stabbed!

Shaun Bailey’s Lavish Buffet

*Scope of inquiry:15^th May 2020, garden party; 27^th Nov, leaving do; 10^th Dec; gathering at DoE, 15^th Dec, Xmas quiz.

The Dirty Dozen: 20^th May 2020, garden party;  18^th June, a gathering; 19^th June, Boris’ birthday party; 13^th Nov, 2 gatherings; 17^th Dec, 3 gatherings; 18^th Dec, ‘end of term’ party; 14^th Jan 2021, a gathering; 16^th April, 2 gatherings.

Excluded from report: 14^th Dec; Bailey’s lavish buffet, Met speaking to 2 attendees; 16^th Dec, DoT party.

**(Department of agriculture, environment & rural affairs)

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. The Sue Gray Report: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1051374/Investigation_into_alleged_gatherings_on_government_premises_during_Covid_restrictions_-_Update.pdf

Part 94 – Troubled Waters

“Prime minister, how’s it going? Are you okay?” (Angela Rayner)

Riding The Wave

Haiga – Troubled Waters i

Sleeping later than planned on another bank holiday Monday, I reasoned I was still recovering from debilitation.  Using up bacon for breakfast butties, I noted we’d disgustingly been cheated out of a rasher.  Grey at first, it brightened up.  Unseasonably warm, small birds sang and southerners reported swallows failing to migrate.  I meant to get out of the house in the false spring but almost dark by the time I’d posted blogs, watched a film instead.

An average 170,000 new cases per day in the past week, hospitalisations rose 70% to 14,000.  On a ‘war footing’, 6 NHS Trusts declared a state of emergency, and Nightingale hubs were planned in hospital grounds including St. James’s, Leeds.  Boris said it was folly not to expect more inpatients and vital to stick with Plan B (i.e., get boosted).  Meanwhile, Israelis got jab number 4.  Would it ever end?  Nads Zahawi refuted critical LFT shortages, telling people to refresh their browsers.  Anti-lockdown demos in Amsterdam into a third day, 30 were arrested.  Having put the fire out once, flames freakily re-assailed the South African parliament.  The shooting of wild birds, including corvids, was legalised to protect game birds, now classed as livestock.  As if you could own grouse!  The parliament of crows might have something to say about that.

Achiness and fatigue returning to normal levels Tuesday, I forced myself to exercise.  After a cold night, melted frost coated the inside of the bedroom window.  I sketched a punky face with my finger against the crisp, sunny outlook.  Phil struggling, I made porridge.  He then announced he was cutting his hair and cleaning the bathroom and cheekily asked: “are you getting up today?” “I’m drinking my tea!”  I retorted, listed all the tasks I had lined up, got dressed, took the tray down and cleared the kitchen.  My mind-wandering over coffee was disturbed by scraping sounds.  Workmen disconnected the telegraph wires before uprooting the entire pole on the street below, explaining no internet.  It was a good job I mistakenly sent Welsh Friend’s birthday greetings a day early!  In line with my new journal-writing regime, I edited diary and news notes before disposing of recycling, almost getting frostbite in the process.  I donned extra layers before going to the co-op.  A large woman came up right behind me twice.  On the second occasion, I testily asked could she not wait 2 minutes?  She then pointedly spent several minutes staring at cheese.  I paid at the kiosk and searched for a receptacle for the old batteries I’d brought but there was none.  Unable to cope with the hustle and bustle, I fled out the back door and spoke to the engineers on the way back.  Realising it wasn’t their fault as subcontractors, did it not occur to anyone to let people know there’d be internet, especially on the first full workday after the Christmas break?  One man barked: ‘there’s nowt we can do’.  The rotting pole dangerous, they’d replace another tomorrow.  I thanked his more amenable colleague for the gen.  By lunchtime, the sun had gone.  I fixed a pair of boots and Phil framed the old map for me.

As hospitals faced a ‘challenging winter’, Prof Fergie said rates in London were plateauing and other regions would follow within 3 weeks, but it was “just too difficult to interpret current mixing trends and what the effect of opening schools again will be.”  Matthew Taylor of the NHS Confederation disagreed, saying admissions rose across Britain.  At a press conference, Boris pronounced priority testing for critical workers and said ‘the utmost caution’ gave a good chance of riding the Omicron wave without more restrictions.  A million new cases were recorded in America and in China, Yuzhou became the second city after Xi’an to go into lockdown as 3 asymptomatic cases were found.   A surge in chicken farms led to outrageous sewage levels in the Wye Valley.  Pop star and keen fisher Feargal Sharkey was incensed.  While ministers consulted business on extortionate energy prices, Martin Lewis complained they didn’t ask consumer groups.  A total 28,300 crossed the channel in small boats 2021, triple the number in 2020.  Warner Music paid a bargainous £185 million for David Bowie’s back catalogue.

Wintry Rainbows

Wintry Rainbows

Wednesday morning, I lay abed as dawn broke.  Was it 6, 7?  No, it was gone 8.  I forced myself up and opened curtains to roof frost and yellow light in the east presaging sunshine which became patchy later.  I managed a full exercise routine for the first time in weeks, bathed and tidied the bedroom, spotting an engineer fiddling anew with wires in the street below (but the internet stayed on).  A notice subsequently attached, explained how to object to the new telegraphy pole.  I prepared for a walk early afternoon then waited impatiently for Phil.  During earlier exchanges with Walking Friend, we declined an invite to go up the pike in the freezing conditions and suggested a meet at the canalside pub.  When she texted their ETA, we settled on a short stroll.  Still some light in the sky, sun on the water created wintry rainbows.  As we neared the pub, Walking Friend and The Poet approached from the opposite direction – excellent timing!  We secured the best table and supped pints.  Following a washout birthday, she seemed pleased with our gifts, particularly Phil’s abstract prints.  We had a lovely time eating tasty dinners, humming to retro music, laughing and conversing.  She was sceptical of my suspicion the likes of Bezos and Musk would piss off in rockets after they’d monetised climate action and wrecked the planet.  Phil thought their plan was to own the entire earth so we’d be in hock to them.  Scary stuff!  The Poet went for a taxi and we walked via dark backstreets, gazing up at a slivery crescent moon and a plethora of stars,  On the main road, she proceeded town-ward.  “Are you getting a bus?” “There isn’t one due so I’m going for a wander till there is.” “I wonder where?”  She chuckled a cheerio.  While Phil made coffee, I switched on all the Christmas lights for a final time.  A mixture of a mind whirring after socialising and late caffeine-drinking, led to hardly any sleep.  Using the meditation soundtrack, I briefly dropped off but was still awake when the tape ran out.

20 hospitals in a ‘state of emergency’, a review of covid restrictions involved a change in test rules.  You didn’t need a PCR If an LFT proved positive, pre-departure tests before re-entry to the UK were scrapped and the isolation requirement was reduced to 5 days.  John Edmunds said it made a lot of sense. Gillian Keegan claimed LFTs were very accurate and they’d trebled capacity.  More likely, it was a trick to cover up shortages, exacerbated by the sole government supplier unbelievably taking a 4-day Christmas break.  Scotland followed suit, ahead of a ‘revised strategic framework’.  Supermarkets made £11.7 billion in December, £62 million on mince pies.  ‘The Colston 4’ were found not guilty of criminal damage when they uprooted the Bristol statue in May’s BLM demos.  During a French parliamentary debate about Covid Passes, Micron said he wanted to ‘emmerder’ (piss off) the unvaccinated.

Twelfth Night began very cold and frosty.  Warming up slightly, sleet fell and promptly melted into a slushy mess.  After a terrible night, I forced myself up for exercise and small chores before settling down with coffee to watch PMQs on iPlayer.  Phil unresponsive to my repeated calls, he eventually joined me, saying he hadn’t heard.  Keir isolating again, Rayner thanked the NHS for their hard work and Sue Gray for investigating Partygate. Her first question posited that with inflation at 6%, people paid the price for an incompetent government.  Boris quoted a pile of figures and said labour couldn’t be trusted on Brexit or the economy.  “How’s it going?” Angela smirked, going on to call the situation ‘an iceberg’: “will he finally change course or plough on to what will be a disaster for thousands of families?…He gives with one hand, takes away with another…Incompetence is taking our country backwards.”  The Bumbler blustered that labour had “wrecked the country time and again.”  The C**t queried health staff issues to get another load of lying stats from his boss.

Disassembling Christmas inevitably filled the rest of the day.  Clearing the kitchen, a scraping noise near the window had me wondering was it workmen or the window cleaner?  No.  It was the wind, but not the predicted yellow thundersnow.  Phil took the trees out and hoovered.  I threw scraps out for the birds as Elderly Neighbour came by with the pooch.  I asked how things were to be told The Wife was slowly improving.  Back aching, I lay on the bed.  I got no rest but incredibly slept 7 hours straight that night for the first time since my mental health issues surfaced.

Boris ‘called out’ anti-vaxxers while Novax Djokovic was refused entry and held in quarantine before the Australian Open.  His family claimed he was kept prisoner without a change of clothes.  Authorities said he could leave anytime.  An ONS survey found 1:50 self-reported long covid in the 4 weeks to 6^th December, before the Omicron wave.  ½ million of the 1.3 million had the virus a year ago.  Rishi Rich refused to ditch the National Insurance hike but penalties for late tax returns were waived for a month.  Boris apologised to Lord Geidt that he’d not seen WhatsApp communiqués with Lord Brownnose.  Later revealed in the Electoral Commission inquiry, the donor wrote: “approval is a doddle as it’s only me and I know where the £ will come from.”  Steve Reed demanded a probe over paying for access to ministers.  In what started as protests against doubling fuel costs, demonstrators in Kazakhstan attacked government buildings and Almaty airport.  Security forces boasted they’d killed ‘dozens’ and the Russian military arrived.  Kazakh president Tokayev subsequently ordered lethal force to be used against the so-called ‘terrorists’.

Clean Sweep

Pegged Out

Friday brought a dusting of snow, hail and sleet.  Amazed I hadn’t woken during the night, I felt great for a few minutes before fatigue returned.  Phil suffering from painful arms, I suggested he use Hotspur balm.  Writing interrupted by his jabbering, I headed out to discover dog shit on my boots.  Nowhere to sit in the wet, I struggled on the doorstep as a car careened past making me shout sweary words.  Perturbed by my anger, Phil offered to scour them for me.  Re-shod, I hurried to the co-op, finding gaps on veg and bread shelves.  I dithered near the trolley park then decided to proceed home alone.  Phil stood on the threshold and apologised for tardiness.  I was just pleased he’d done the unpleasant task.  Equipped with rubber gloves, a yard brush and buckets of water, I swilled and swept the dog shit down the drain.  First noticed at the top of the steps Tuesday, we’d hoped for natural cleansing during wintry showers.  Instead, it smeared all over the pavement.  I made a mental note to expunge it immediately next time.

24 Trusts now on a ‘war footing’, staff absence rose 40.1% in a week and army troops were sent to hospitals.  Alan Gosling (no kidding) was the first human to catch H5NI from a flock of Muscovy ducks he cared for.  He was fine, the fowl were culled.  A rise for Sainsburys and Argos staff would take their pay above the living wage.  The wonderful trail-blazing Sidney Poitier died.

The weekend cold with leaden skies and dismal rain, we stayed in.  Saturday, I worked on the journal, sorted Christmas cards and wrapping paper for storage and wrote to an old work friend who’d lost her husband to covid. Cooking paella, modifications made out of necessity proved successful and it tasted even better than usual.  At bedtime, I slept well despite a EHS episode.  Phil appeared stunned Sunday after a long kip which he put down to the small amount of beer we’d drunk.   Depressed by a lack of light and fresh air, I cheered up slightly with an attempt at rocky road.  Requiring far too much chocolate, I settled on a sort of tiffin cake which proved rather moreish!

146,390 new coronavirus cases and 313 reported deaths brought the death toll to over 150,000.  UKHSA said there was no need for a fourth jab as data showed older adults had 90% protection 3 months after a booster.  Nads Zahawi claimed we were over the peak but as it was revealed 1/5 of cases were in kids, Prof. Pagel warned a new school wave would prolong Omicron for everyone. 300,000 new cases Friday, protesters marched in French cities to piss off Micron.  Amid a state of emergency and nationwide curfew, 6,000 Kazaks were arrested and at least 164 killed.  Ahead of more talks, Liz Truss promised to invoke article 16 if there was no progress with the EU.

In the latest of a series of weird, rambling dreams, I conjured images of loaves of bread and mouldy oranges.  Was it a message about post-Brexit food shortages?

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 93 – Ominous

”We’re in the most difficult, most uncertain time, perhaps of the whole pandemic, certainly since March 2020” (Jeremy Farrar)

Haiga – Enchanted

The laptop irritatingly noisy since Sunday evening, I delayed a restart until I’d posted blogs.  Opening mail, we giggled at auntie’s lovely Christmas card of Jesus and the holy virgin Mary.  I took recycling out, to be assailed by a keen icy wind then turned the laptop back on to work on the journal but as the racket returned, I fumed, developed head fug, wrapped Phil’s presents and rested.  He later sorted the issue, giving instructions for next time it happened.

Ravi Gupta called 12,000 Omicron cases a ‘really critical situation’.  On BBC Breakfast, Stephen Reicher cited polls showing 60% thought nightclubs should shut and while awaiting government action, curbed Christmas parties.  He advised not gathering before festive dinners: “The more we wait, the more we’ll have to do.”  The queen cancelled Christmas at Sandringham.  At a (not) emergency cabinet meeting, Witless and Vallance briefed ministers.  They considered options from limiting contact to curfews to full lockdown but imposed none.  A spokesperson said there was a balance between lives and livelihoods and Boris promised he wouldn’t hesitate if required.  “You already are!” I ranted  Some predicted lockdown #4 from 25^th December.  The wuss wouldn’t dare do it at Christmas.  Rishi Rich not keen, Keir wanted plans to keep schools open and help hospitality businesses who demanded immediate support.  As images emerged of a Downing Street ‘garden party’ 15^th May 2020, Rabid Raab insisted, it wasn’t a party as they wore suits; only a bit of cheese and wine ‘after a long day’.  Others declared it a work meeting and the garden a workplace.  Rachel Reeves called it unacceptable and Jo Goodman of Bereaved Families railed the ‘constant, flagrant disregard’ was exhausting,  Germany imposed a 2-week quarantine for UK travellers.  Utopia 56 brought a law suit against French and British coastguards for allowing 27 people to drown in a dinghy.  Allegedly not answering distress calls, police later watched more flimsy boats sail into the channel.  XR locked themselves together at the home office in Glasgow demanding an end to the ‘hostile environment policy towards migrants’.  New Chilean president Gabriel Bolic vowed to tackle poverty, inequality and climate change.

Tiny Yellow Plant

The winter solstice portentously fell on 21.12.21.  I went to the co-op for a sizeable shop so I didn’t have to go back later in the week.  Everything but chestnuts, I crossed to the organic shop for just enough of the extortionate things for actual Christmas dinner.  Getting head fug again in the afternoon, I abandoned writing, finalised the secret card (see ‘Snow Crows’ below) and selected images to adorn gifts.  Printing was hampered when the laptop declared the printer offline, the desktop was excruciatingly slow, and the colour ink already low!  I actually slept for a ½ half in the afternoon, woke groggy and rallied with coffee.  I’d just gone to the loo when there was a quiet rap at the door.  At a second one, I shouted and clattered down  the stairs so they didn’t disappear.  A young man from Community Carers bore gifts.  “I already got one. A card with wildflower seeds.” “Have another.”  The Festive bag contained a tiny yellow plant, crackers, mince pies, 2 small wrapped gifts and a card made by kids.  It really brightened an otherwise tedious day!

Transmission of Omicron ‘eye-wateringly high’, Jeremy Farrar of the Wellcome Foundation warned it was the most difficult and uncertain time of the whole pandemic.  But Paul Hunter said as people changed behaviour and workplaces ‘broke up’ (sic) for Christmas, the increase slowed, predictions of 10 million cases by New Year were unlikely, there was no need for lockdown and further restrictions would only delay illness and prolong impact on health services and wellbeing.  The highest number in Lambeth, 20 year olds were blamed.  Refusing to rule out extra measures before Christmas, Rishi announced more money for hospitality – £1bn included cash grants of up to £6,000 per premises, help with sick pay for SMEs and a £30m culture recovery fund for theatres and cinemas.  £150m would go to devolved administrations.  Later, Boris proclaimed we could go ahead with Christmas.  Prof. Reicher called the decision ‘unhinged’.  Rail operators cancelled trains because of staff sickness and isolation.  Problems were expected to last until 3^rd January.  Wales banned spectators from sporting events.  This would also be the case in Scotland from Boxing Day where Hogmanay was off.  Extra money went to Yorkshire cities to ramp up the booster prog.  John Apter, chair of the Police Federation who spoke out against the ‘canteen culture’ of misogyny in the force, was suspended amidst sexual harassment claims.

Warning Signs

Red Dawn

Bitingly cold and grey, I awoke to an ominous red dawn Wednesday.  Unrested after a crap night, I managed a few exercises, fetched brekkie and worked on the journal before calling on Elderly Neighbours.  The Husband said they were delayed returning from hospital due to traffic Sunday evening, explaining the mystery of carers getting no reply.  They were with The Wife right now.  Glad she was home for Christmas, I asked him to convey our regards.  I hacked at greenery to bring in while Phil went mystery shopping.

Over 100,000 new cases, Boris was urged to outline a post-Christmas covid strategy.  Health minister Gillian Keegan banally said “we can’t predict what the data is going to tell us before we’ve got the data.”  Jon Ashworth responded: “People need to know where they stand. Businesses have got to make decisions about what stock to get in in the runup to new year’s eve…we’ve still got confusion.”  Tony Blair attacked the government for gambling and the unvaccinated for irresponsibility.  The requirement to self-isolate was reduced from 10 to 7 days with a proviso of negative LFTs on days 6 & 7.  Dr. Simon Clarke told Jeremy Vine cases fell because testing capacity was at saturation point rather than because they’d past the peak.  5-12 year olds could get a 1/3 dose of vaccine while 16-17 year olds could get boosted.  The WHO called for prioritisation of boosters to the vulnerable worldwide to address inequities.  On Channel 4 news, Catherine Smallwood said richer countries needed to stop buying them all up and do more to roll vaccines out globally.  the emergence of Omicron proved it was in their interests to do so.  Jonathan Chew who accosted Witless in June, appeared in court via video link wearing a dressing gown and claiming he had covid.  The judge called him cavalier to which Chew replied, ‘what does that mean?’  Was he thick or having a laugh?

A break in metro news from Thursday, I did the free puzzles and spent the rest of the day cleaning, posting cards to neighbours, sending greetings to Facebook friends and baking.  The puff pastry acted really weird. I used what I could to make sausage rolls then made mince pies, panicking when they stuck to the oven shelf.  Phil had popped to the shops again.  He returned to help free the pies, manipulate leftover pastry into cute stars and decorate the cake (see Yummy Cake below).

119,789 new cases, 2/3 of people in hospital hadn’t been vaccinated.  Covidiots begged for the jab when it was too late!  Based on early real-world data, UKHSA confirmed Omicron caused milder illness than Delta and boosters gave extra protection, but waned after 10 weeks.  Were we in for endless top-ups?  Homelessness Prevention Grants of £316 million were made available to local authorities.  Andy Bunman came on BBC breakfast to say the scheme in Manchester really helped the homeless and the government made the right decision not going into lockdown at Christmas.  I wasn’t sure his boss agreed.  Wholesale gas prices reached another record high, meaning domestic customers could pay 50% more next year.  Yikes!

Slightly iffy Friday, I perked up with echinacea.  After breakfast with apple stars, we prepped the bedroom for Phil to do my hair; a bit cramped but warmer than the South Pole.  I then hung a few final decorations, pre-cooked veg and took a pile of rubbish out.  Phil went secret shopping for a final time and wrapped my pressies, while I painted my nails, watched posh carols from Kings, and listened to Dvorak symphony no. 9 in E minor (the one with the Hovis song).  In the evening, we drank wine, watched films including the traditional Nightmare Before Christmas and marked midnight by munching celebrations.

A record 122,186 new cases, 1:35 Brits and 1:20 Londoners were infected.  But a mini-wave of first and second jabs was reported 15-21 December.  Lad Baby’s single achieved an historic 4^th successive Yuletide number in the pop charts.

Blustery all night, Christmas Day started windy and grey. Our day began in customary fashion with more posh music, a delicious breakfast and gift-giving.  The Queen talked of a difficult year losing those close, the importance of celebrating the season, valuing what we had and looking forward to her platinum jubilee year.  The photo-montage studiously avoided snaps of Andrew, Harry & Megan.  Dinner a lot of effort despite the prep, I timed it for after Mary Poppins Returns.  Of course it wasn’t.  Gone 6 by the time the Lidl duck was cooked, it was very tasty.  We followed it with Prosecco, trifle, chocolates and Irish coffee.  Snow magically fell at 11.55, so sort of a white Christmas.  A shame it wasn’t the night before like on the telly!

Yummy Cake

The snow stuck but very grey, foggy and freezing, we stayed in Boxing Day.  I edited the journal and took photos of wintry scenes through the window.  Prettily fronted by money plant blooms, it provided haiga materialⁱ .  Late afternoon, I felt really weird and almost fell asleep despite the coffee and yummy cake.  Tackling the duck carcass difficult, Phil came to the rescue.  I rested on the sofa and improved slightly to make stock.

Sitting down for dinner, Phil found his seat soaking wet. As he hurried off to change, I realised I’d spilt stock on the table and it’d dripped onto the chair. Afterwards he seemed cold with shock.  Apologising for the trauma, I cheered him up with tangerine faces on the trifle.

Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland all brought in new restrictions for hospitality and leisure, with limits on numbers and social-distancing.  Prominent deaths included Janice Long (Christmas day) and Desmond Tutu (Boxing Day).  A week of mourning for the Archbishop entailed bell-tolling and table mountain lit up in purple.  The EFL had decided to keep all premier league fixtures but no weekend Leeds game as 5 players tested positive for covid, Phil cried “Hurrah!”

Bank holiday Monday (confusingly also called Boxing Day), was foggy and cold after the snowmelt.  I switched on the bedroom telly for the 1954 version of A Star Is Born which predictably roused Phil.  Both feeling peculiar, we doubted it was the small amount of whiskey we’d drunk.  After posting blogs, I disposed of rubbish, giving me chance to nosey at new people in the house below.  Also visible through the kitchen window, net curtains were soon drawn but not before I eyed the heavy archaic furniture.  Were they family heirlooms?  Stunned from the excessively rich weekend food, I used the stock to make healthy soup adding leftover stuffing balls which I called ‘crumplings’.  I slept well for a few hours that night, only to wake early Tuesday with a sore throat and snotty nose.  I should have heeded the warning signs of the preceding days.

Boris met scientific advisers to go over the stats and decide on extra measures.  Subsequently ruling them out before the end of the year, Goblin Saj said they ‘wouldn’t hesitate’ (again!) and told us to celebrate NYE outdoors.  Labour demanded sight of the data informing the decision.  All over 12’s In New York had to be vaccinated to access indoor entertainment.

Prophet of Doom

Snow Crows

Definitely afflicted by classic sinusitis Tuesday, It didn’t bode well for the end of 2021.  Phil made porridge with water to conserve depleted milk supplies.  The glue-like softness eased my throat.  After bathing, I put PJs back on, made coffee and fetched the laptop.  Depressed and annoyed at being bedridden, especially as the temperature rose and it would have been nice to get outside, I killed time writing, compiled ‘Top Films 2021’ ⁱⁱ and slept briefly late afternoon.  Phil went to the co-op for basic supplies and catered.  At least the weather was crap Wednesday so we wouldn’t have gone to the carousel in Halifax anyway.  Warning his mushroom pasta dish might be different to mine, Phil’s version was decidedly more roux-ified.  He just couldn’t help channelling the great man.

Consequences of Christmas mixing not yet seen, new covid cases didn’t rise as much as last week.  Evidence emerged that Omicron led to less hospitalisations with ICU bed-occupancy well ‘below threshold’.  Even so, 10,500 hospital cases was an increase of 2,000 on the previous day with 1,300 daily admissions compared to 900 last week.  Doctors and chemists warned of a lack of tests due to increased demand.  The shortages threatened to render ‘key workers’ unable to work in hospitals and schools   Staff isolation impacting, Hopson said NHS providers redeployed staff to compensate.  Government continued to keep a ‘close eye’ on the data.  The Chinese space station twice avoided collision with Elon Musk’s junk.  A good job they had their eyes on!

Thursday, I was glad of Phil’s help changing sheets so I could rest in a clean bed.  It took me the rest of the day to finish cleaning the bedroom in small chunks and put old postcards he got me round the mirror.  Phil went shopping.  The butchers shut all week (who knew?) he bought a rather large lump of lamb from the co-op for the weekend.  In the evening, I tried to stay up to watch a telly film but had to go back upstairs halfway through.  I woke several times during the night, freaked out by weird curtain shadows.

Both disorientated by the darkness Friday morning, I had improved slightly and ditched the PJs for floppy clothes, but stayed mainly abed working on the laptop.  In anticipation of not being well enough to meet on her birthday, Phil framed prints for Walking Friend and I wrapped the gifts before lunch in bed.  We took turns prepping dinner in the afternoon but predictably it was me who ended up putting the joint in the oven meaning a long spell out of bed that evening.  Of course, the lamb took miles longer to cook than indicated and he managed to burn cabbage in the microwave but it was edible with lashings of gravy and mint sauce.  We drank pink cava, ate pudding and watched films, pausing when we heard fireworks to look out the window and see some above chimneys.  We switched to BBC 1 for the big bongs and Thames display entailing too much VR and an awful music melange.  Why couldn’t they put a nice symphony on instead of that ADHD stuff?   Very tired, we pathetically failed to even finish the wine before retiring.

40% of NHS staff off sick, 1:30 Brits were infected the week before Christmas.  On the warmest NYE on record, Trafalgar Square was cordoned off and Northern Ireland banned dancing.  “What’s new?” Guffawed Phil.  The Scots and Welsh were warned not to travel to England.  Able to walk across borders in some places, they probably wouldn’t be affected by the Cross Country trains strike.

Nostradamus’ predictions for 2022 included increasing food prices, droughts and floods, the rise of AI and cryptocurrency.  The corvids would have a laugh at that, unlike the end of November when they huddled in trees perturbed by the snow!

Still ailing on NYD, the top of my leg really hurt.  Over coffee in the living room, we tried to decipher an old map Phil got me.  18^th century sat-nav was very hard to decipher!  I went back to bed, worked on the laptop and texted Walking Friend saying we might not be well enough to meet for her birthday and offered to take her out another time.  Not the most exciting start to 2022, we reminisced about new years of ages past.  I remembered one involving drugs, lots of whiskey, staying up until 6.00 a.m., rising at 4.00 p.m. and eating only a piece of bread.  He recalled another where we sat opposite the marina as it was getting light.  “I don’t remember that. But I’m not surprised; I must have drunk gallons if we were still out at that time!”

Cheers!

Later, we watched Death to 2022.  Not containing as many laughs as the prequel, it would have been funnier if it was focused on Britain rather than the USA.  Mind you, it was hard to satirise the years’ events.   On the eve of the grace period ending, there was absolutely no mention of it on mainstream media, civil servants were banned from using ‘the B word’ and The Bumbler omitted any mention of Northern Ireland and red tape, boasting of crown stamps on pint glasses.  Cheers!

Achiness persisting, at least my legs were less painful Sunday.  Sunny and warm first thing, Phil quizzed me on seeing Walking Friend.  Feeling harangued, I texted birthday greetings and suggested meeting for a drink later.  She predicted rain (correctly as it turned out) and wasn’t sure they’d be out long.  I invited her to call round for her gifts.  Almost on cue, a fine drizzle descended.  I brought the laptop down which was progress from staying abed.  I edited the journal and as I reminisced on the one short break of 2021, used an evocative photo of Ulverston Canal rolling bridge for a haiga.  We listened to the new Stranglers record I got Phil (good but old-mannish in places).  Thinking I heard a door knock, I saw no one and Phil said it was a crackle on the vinyl.  Then I noticed 2 missed texts off Walking Friend.  I rang to be told she’d knocked and gone home.  Truly sorry I missed her, I offered to take gifts up but she said come out Wednesday instead.

The Omicron wave over its peak in South Africa, a fire caused extensive damage to the parliament building.  Cyril called it devastating, but at least he was out of isolation.  The mutant expected to disrupt UK supply chains (nowt to do with Brexit!), ministers instructed the public sector to prepare for staff absences of up to 25%.  As secondary pupils were told to wear face-masks, teachers demanded more such as air cleaning units and help with testing to stop the cancellation of exams for a third year running.

Snowy Panorama

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. Top films 2021: https://maryc1000.blogspot.com

Part 88 –Off The Rails

“This was the first test of ‘levelling up’ and the government has completely failed and let down everybody in the north” (Keir Starmer)

Hitting The Buffers

Haiga – Sitting Pretty

No way I could do anything Monday morning, I crawled back in bed.  Frustrated at hitting the buffers again, I kept occupied posting blogs and writing, until the inevitable head fug set in. Phil’s crafty homemade bread looked hefty.  Very tasty, it got eaten before becoming a Midsomer murders weapon!  After dinner, we watched part of the World Cup qualifier.  England slaughtered San Marino 10-0 in a ridiculous match.  Why were the tiny team even in the running?

16-17 year olds to get a second dose, Goblin Saj said he’d take advice on boosters for the under 40’s.  Boris repeated “storm clouds were gathering over Europe” and Oliver Dowdy said it was up to us to prevent a lockdown Christmas.  But festive dinners were back on the menu as thousands of foreign workers were recruited.  Only half the available visas taken up before the deadline, it was judged enough to kill turkeys.  Labour called for publication of papers on Owen Paterson’s advocacy for Randox and details of government contracts awarded.  They also planned to investigate time spent on second jobs and force a vote to ban MPs from paid consultancies or directorships.  Boris later copied them.  Keir hailed it as a victory.  A PM spokesman called Belarus forcing a migrant crisis and trying to undermine the EU ‘abhorrent’ and vowed to hold the Lukashenko regime accountable.  After a taxi exploded outside Liverpool women’s hospital Sunday, cobra raised the terror threat level to severe.  The passenger asked to be driven to the hospital just before 11 a.m., when remembrance services took place.  Later named as Emad Al Swealmeen, he blew himself up.  Driver David Perry escaped uninjured. Anti-terror officers questioned 4 people and conducted forensic searches.  It emerged the bomb contained ball bearings which could have inflicted serious injury.

I slept deeply well into Tuesday morning until roused by Phil.  “Is it late?” “Yes. Shall I open the budgie curtains?” “No, I can do it. You shouldn’t really wake me when I’m ill. “Sorry; just making sure you’re alright.”  Less fatigued but sneezy, I worked on the journal all morning.  While Phil went to the co-op, I took washing out the of machine, struggled taking the basket upstairs and collapsed on the bed to read the nature trail booklet I got in the charity shop last week, when the phone rang.  A very nice Dr. Jekyll arranged for a self-test kit to be left at the surgery reception for me.  Quiet time wasn’t quiet at all as the chainsaws predictably started up at dusk.  It was also a struggle to sleep at night-time.

ONS reported 995 deaths w/e 5^th November, the highest since w/e 12^th March.  Jeremy Vine said 94% of Singaporeans were vaccinated and estimated 5 million refuseniks in the UK.  Where did he get that from?  The Tesco Christmas ad garnered 3,000 complaints as Santa brandished a Covid Pass. Politico revealed 47 companies got PPE contracts via the ‘VIP lane’ as recommendations from ministers and top civil servants were seen as ‘more credible’.  Russia blew up a satellite, ISS astronauts had to shelter and the USA said they were weaponising space.  Unemployment down to 4.3%, employment and vacancies were up.  How come?  Were they made up jobs?  The Nord Stream 2 Pipeline was held up by a need to be registered as a German company.  Recalling Phil’s experience of trying to navigate their complicated system, I exclaimed: “Mein got! Good luck with that!”  Phil chuckled: “You must go to the post office in Stuttgart…”

The Great Train Robbery

The Great Train Robbery

Forced up after hardly any sleep Wednesday, I felt really crap.  Phil half asleep, I fetched brekkie from a freezing kitchen, got back in bed, wrote ‘Autumn Medley’ for Cool Placesⁱ and watched PMQs.

The tory MPs who bothered to turn up, appeared in masks.  Keir asked had Boris broken his promise on Crossrail for the North?  Boris replied: ‘wait and see’, as the IRP* signalled ‘the biggest programme of investment in rail for a century’ and levelling up across the UK.  Turning to another broken promise, Keir asked the PM to confirm scrapping the eastern leg of HS2.  Boris blathered that northern people would benefit massively.  Keir noted he’d still not said yes.  Going onto Owen Paterson, he advised the PM to do the decent thing and say sorry for giving the green light to corruption.  Boris reiterated the need for a cross-party approach to ensure nobody exploited their position and asked Kier how he earned money from law firm Mishcon de Reya before becoming leader.  Lindsay Hoyle admonished, it was for him to answer, not ask questions.  Keir called him “a coward, not a leader.”  Spending weeks defending sleaze, “waving one white flag won’t be enough to restore trust.” (he subsequently retracted ‘coward’ as unparliamentary language).  Boris went on about working together, addressing the appeals process and accused Keir of trying to prosecute others for actions he’d taken himself.  Hoyle waded in again: “We play by the rules, don’t we?” and Keir added: “Upholding standards didn’t last long…when someone in my party breaks the rules, I kick them out. He tries to get them off the hook.”  A full independent investigation was the only way to get to the bottom of how Paterson helped Randox get £600 million in contracts.  Boris later told the commons liaison committee it was a mistake to try to save Paterson and suggested he was misled by colleagues.

Unable to get to shops, I placed an Ocado order, adding some Christmas stuff, and bought a couple of things from evil Amazon.  The café owner texted asking Phil to take his pictures down.  “Maybe you’re not the best artist in town after all!” I jibed.  Actually, it was to make space for tinsel.  He also received an invite for a  booster.  Where was mine?  Had it failed to come because my phone was updating all day?  I looked on the NHS central system but the local health centre not an option, I left it.

Due to energy, fuel, food and hospitality costs, inflation reached 2% in October, twice the BOE target and the highest in a decade.  Lidl to increase wages by 6% from March, they’d be the best-paying supermarket.  BBC news went to Belfast where Lord Frosty Gammon was after an agreement to alter the protocol.  If that wasn’t possible, he’d use article 16 to suspend the parts he didn’t like.  Acknowledging difficulties, the EU had already come up with a ‘reasonable package’ but Frosty wanted more radical change.  Nasty Patel said a ‘dysfunctional asylum system’ allowed the likes of Al Swealmeen to remain and carry out terror attacks.  That’s your fault!  As Thangam Debonnaire pointed out, tories had been in charge for 11 years!

Still crap Thursday, I became exhausted after bathing, changing sheets and fetching coffee and dossed in bed before working on the takeover blog for The Researcher.  It looked better than I remembered since leaving it when overtaken by life events last month.  Phi went to the co-op and noticed the front door had been washed.  From the landing window I saw the window cleaner’s van and advised Phil to be ready for the knock.  He went to the kitchen but sure enough, the window cleaner rapped on the door.  I shouted down, to be answered by the window cleaner.  Eventually Phil heard me, paid and went back to making lunch.  Getting afternoon coffee, I noted Phil had scrubbed the washing up bowl to blinding effect.

Saj promised the NHS Federation they’d get what they needed.  The Environment Agency were investigating 2,000 sewage treatment works with findings possibly leading to prosecution and fines.  Shats announced the IRP aka The Great Train Robbery.  As expected, he scrapped HS2 to Leeds and Northern Powerhouse Rail (NPR).  Instead, there’d be £96bn to upgrade the East Coast mainline and improve existing track (£42bn of which was already committed to HS2 between London and Birmingham).  Tracy Brabin at Leeds station said it wasn’t what was promised.  Anger from the Northern Research Group and in the commons, Keir said Boris had ripped up promises and failed the north: “You can’t believe a word the PM says.”  Idiotically dressed up in orange at a Network Rail logistics hub near Selby, Boris retorted that was ‘total rubbish’: “Those extra high-speed lines take decades, and they don’t deliver the commuter benefits…we will eventually do them.”  Money for Leeds super-tram was confirmed and Khan asked for another £1.9 bn for TfL.

On Question Time, Stephen Flynn, SNP labelled the debacle just another broken promise to add to a long list: ‘just look at the record’.  Tory Mims Davies insisted they’d been honest.  Stella Creasey guffawed, her own backbenchers were red-faced with shame.  Creasey criticised Nasty Patel’s’ divisive immigration language and said we didn’t know if those arriving on boats were ‘illegal’.  As 125,000 asylum-seekers awaited decisions, they always looked for someone else to blame.  Mims asked Steve why Scotland didn’t take refugees.  He snapped back, because they didn’t get any money to pay for it, adding the swell of refugees was our fault for warring in the Middle East and we had a duty to look after them.  Discussing MPs second jobs, lawyer Nazi Afzal suggested they pick fruit and stack shelves.  Good idea!  I’d add clean toilets!  A brainless Canadian psychologist said only 3% of the population were psychopathic and being corrupt was counter-productive.  An audience member shouted: “why are the 3% in charge then?” creating much mirth.

Laura K interviewed Irish PM Micheal Martin for Newscast.  He blamed all the problems on Brexit.  The agreement signed in good faith, there weren’t ‘an abundance of checks’ at the border and the EU sincerely wanted to engage and get a solution; possible with goodwill on both sides.  Previously saying it’d be ‘reckless’ to trigger article 16, he was encouraged by dialogue between Frosty and Maros Sefcovic and diplomatically pleaded: ‘don’t make it another nightmare Christmas!’

Backtracking

Yellow Trees

Very bright early Friday morning, I peeped through the curtains to view a bright dawn with blue sky and arty clouds, but the sun didn’t last long.  Feeling slightly better but still fatigued, it took a while to come round.  I worked on blogs and spotted a message saying the amazon package would arrive later.  I told Phil not to answer the door.  “Why? Is it a nutter?”  It came when he was at the co-op, disturbing my quiet time.  I stuck a hoodie to stand at the bottom of the stairs while a young man handed me the parcel.  I faffed with packaging, hid the contents, lay back down again, then Phil returned, rousing me again.  In the evening, we drank wine moderately, watched films and the first episode of the big new Prime release.  We spent the first half hour of Wheel of Time laughing at hammy acting but it was suitable viewing after a few glasses.

Keir came on BBC Breakfast to complain the betrayal of the north proved ‘levelling up’ was just words.  Re-announcing NPR 60 times, everything was a mess under this government.  Holyrood was to crack down on mask-wearing while a plethora of measures continued to be implemented across Europe.  Over 65,000 covid cases reported in a day, Germany banned communal working for those without antibodies and Belgians had to work at home 4 days a week.  Upper Austria and Salzburg imposed lockdowns, followed Monday by the whole country for 20 days.  Vaccinations would be compulsory from February.  Chancellor Schallenberg called it ‘very painful’. Doctors welcomed the move.  A demo against proposed mandatory vaccines and a ban on New Year fireworks turned into a riot in Rotterdam.  Protestors threw rocks and fireworks and set cop cars on fire.  Seven were injured including at least 2 shot by police.  The Czechia and Slovakia locked down the unvaccinated.  National news asked: was the UK on a different track?  1:65 infected, the trend was down on the previous week. Lukashenko admitted troops were helping migrants to the Polish border and refused to stop the flow.  He didn’t give a shit!  New culture sec Nads Doris said social media was hijacked by left-wing snowflakes.

I’d hoped to be better by the weekend but alas, I not much.  After a mediocre night, I failed to lie in Saturday.  Really bright again, the first frost of the season amplified brilliant sunlight.  I went down for  brekkie then returned to bed and worked on the laptop until head fug set in.

Breakfast a palaver Sunday, I got stressed, and a series of niggles led to harsh words and foul moods.  When Phil asked if I wanted to go for a walk, I yelled “I’m not well!” and stomped off back to bed.  Upset and fed up still being stuck indoors, I wanted to simultaneously cry and scream but forced myself to write.  He came to make amends, apologised for rowing and managed to make me laugh.  He then stood at the foot of the bed in distracting fashion.  I told him to go out.   I read the winter issue of Valley Life Magazine, took photos through the window of yellow trees across the valley, wrote a haiga using a photo of a late hawkweedⁱⁱ, and worked on the Christmas card.  Bad feelings gradually waned but I was still depressed.  Phil went in search of inspiration and came back with bargain mincemeat.  The town centre was rammed of course, as I’d guessed from parked cars snaking up the road opposite.  Loads of Christmas markets cancelled, I joked: “That’s because they’re all here!”  Phil agreed: “It’s already like one out there!”

Boris caught mask-less on trains again, Mick Lynch of RMT said he sent ‘all the wrong signals’.  Riots in Brussels, Vienna and across Holland led to injuries, 3 bullet wounds and 51 arrests in Rotterdam.  WHO worried about the situation in Europe.  Prof Pollard told Marr it was unlikely we’d see the same sharp rise as UK rates had been climbing since summer and boosters would reduce transmission.  But as people in poorer countries still weren’t vaccinated, it remained a ‘major global public health problem’.  Goblin Saj spouted a load of numbers, including claims protection increased from 50-90% with boosters; the key to us not going the way of Europe.  Extended to 40-49 year olds in the coming week, I still didn’t have my invite.  Maros Sefcovic said the EU was trying to help curb spiralling infections by encouraging vaccine take-up and thought hesitancy was caused by problems at the start of year, followed by a better picture in summer, leading to a sense of complacency.  On Brexit, he felt some progress was made but not on process.  While implying urgency, Lord Frosty made no counter-proposals to the ones from the EU in June.

Tesla drivers were locked out of their own cars and as the wheels came off Manchester United, Phil laughed at yet another heavy defeat.  A sacked Ole Gunnar Solskjaer gave the ‘we’ve let ourselves down’ speech.

* IRP – Integrated Rail Plan

Reference:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 86 – Blah, Blah, Blah

“This devastating milestone reminds us that we are failing much of the world” (Antonio Guterres)

Talking Shop

Mushroom on Mushroom

I slept fitfully through a pouring night until the alarm forced me up on Monday.  Guessing a missed call concerned the appointment, the landline rang later.  As anticipated by the dream, the slot in Tod wasn’t available due to staff sickness and they directed me to immediately go to Halifax.  I negotiated for 3.00 p.m. then stuck an anorak over my head, took garbage out, and found a whole melon in the food bin.  Nowt wrong with it apart from being rock hard, I brought it in and washed it thrice to be safe.  Were people made of money?  Making lunch, the kettle did that weird thing of mentally spewing froth – probably because of the copious rain.  I panicked as Phil ineffectually wiped round.  It took three boils to expunge the foam.  The rain had eased off as we went to the bus stop round the corner.  We sat on the top deck to enjoy scenic views of canal reflections and pavements carpeted with leaves.  The bus station shut for refurb, we hurried round the corner and just caught the connection.  Slightly early, we lingered in the grounds examining chewed conkers and a peculiar mushroom on a mushroom among undergrowth.  Again, Phil patiently waited for me while I underwent a slightly less ghastly procedure than the previous week.  We went straight home but too late for a siesta, I recovered slightly from the ordeal with coffee and snacks.  Phil had to take over chopping veg for dinner when I sliced my thumb.  Knackered by bedtime, it took ages to sleep.

Covid deaths reached 5 million world-wide, half in the UK, EU, USA and Brazil even though they represented only 1/8 of the world population.  Antonio Guterres called it ‘a global shame’.  Walk-in boosters were announced with everyone within 10 miles of a centre.  That’s a long walk!  Contradicting Boris, Mini Macron said the ball was in the UK’s court and threatened to implement fishing restrictions from Tuesday. Trussed-Up  Liz retorted they wouldn’t ‘roll over’ and cave in to French demands.  Jersey licensing ‘entirely in accordance with Brexit agreements’ she may trigger dispute resolution measures.  Lord Frosty Gammon accused the EU of ‘overly strict enforcement of the Northern Ireland protocol, without regard to the huge political, economic and identity sensitivities’.   Loyalists hijacked and torched a bus.  52 private jets flew in celebs to COP26, including Gates and Bezos.  The latter lauded his Earth Fund and upped his donation to £1.4 billion.  It then emerged CO2 emitted during a single space flight by the greenwashing hypocrite equated to the amount produced by one of the world’s poorest in a lifetime!   Greta Thunberg was mobbed outside Glasgow rail station and spoke at a rally opposite SSE where 25,000 delegates went ‘blah, blah, blah’.  Activists from the most affected countries sailed into port on Greenpeace’s Rainbow Warrior.  Justin Welby said leaders would be cursed if this didn’t prove to be the moment they saved the planet.  “That’s some powerful juju!” laughed Phil.  On Newsnight, a drug-addled Allegra Stratton, now apparently PM spokesperson on COP26, insisted Nodi’s promise to reduce emissions by 2070 was great, even though it was 20 years too late, and domestic flights were a ‘personal choice’.

COOP Shop

COOP 26

Waking in a cold, bright dawn Tuesday, I felt discombobulated, fatigued and nauseous and griped about my travails.  About to clean the kitchen, Phil had made a start and I decided to leave the rest ‘til later.  Actually, I didn’t feel up to it.  I made an effort to work on the journal and went to the co-op for lunch supplies.  They’d got with the zeitgeist displaying ‘COOP 26’ posters.  Gaps on shelves meant hardly any British cheese, but bizarrely loads of continental stuff.  I paid my mate at the kiosk, hefted bags home and struggled to the kitchen, swallowing annoyance at a lack of help.  After lunch, I was falling asleep and struggling to see in bright sunlight, whinged and sympathised with Phil who had migraine.  I got a WhatsApp alert, read ‘family group’ in a message, then the app bombed.  I rang my brother who provided an update on mum’s headstone and complained everything was still slow and shit.  Sharing health notes, he said he’d had covid recently even with 2 jabs, and we had a laugh at the expense of anti-vaxxers.  Phil tutted impatiently so I went upstairs to continue the chat.  My nephew now at Leeds University, I said he’d have to come and see us.  “Does he?” “Well, he doesn’t HAVE to!” My brother chortled at that.  I lay down to rest to be disturbed by nasty chainsaws – they loved massacring those trees!

Meanwhile, at COP26, Biden said Chinese and Russian leaders made a ‘big mistake’ not coming.  110 countries covering 85% of earth’s forests, pledged to reverse deforestation which Boris called ‘the great chainsaw massacre’.  No way did he come up with that himself.  FOE said proof would be in action not words and de-funding by big finance.  Half the world’s top methane producers pledged to cut emissions by 30%, seen as a significant short-term contribution.  XR went to JP Morgan and Scottish Power offices in Glasgow.  Four more energy companies tanked.  Goblin Saj said he was ‘leaning towards’ mandatory vaccines for the NHS.  Chris Hopkins advised he wait until April or they’d lose staff over a ‘very difficult winter’.  France suspended punitive action on fishing boats while negotiations continued.  Frosty Gammon later met Clemet Bone-Head.  No breakthrough, he’d meet Maros Sefcovic.  “He’ll probably say ‘go away and stop being silly It’s only fish!’” predicted Phil.  North Yorkshire cops began a campaign against bad driving which had worsened since the pandemic.  Bereaved families protested smart motorways, the transport select committee counselled a halt to the rollout but Sh**ts said bringing hard shoulders back was less safe – WTF!

Money Talks

Beer Shop

A difficult start to Wednesday, I persevered and sent my submission to Valley Life magazine for the next issue before preparing for a walk.  Hitherto sunny, the skies went dark indicating rain.  Phil declared he was making lunch instead.  Only going out of the house for shops and appointments for 1½ weeks, I’d looked forward to a leisure outing and got depressed.  I kept busy changing profile pics and passwords.  A message in the junk folder implied an unexpected Facebook log-in.  I doubted its authenticity but thought it wise to alter details anyway.  At dinnertime, I ripped the skin off the sore thumb rinsing a margarine tub.  “Should I sue?“ “Yes!” said Phil. “If it was you, you’d use superglue!” “Yes!”  I applied a plaster instead.

As a sage bod resigned, Prof Van Dam came on the BBC to evade questions on government not ‘following the science’ and repeat the party lines of caution and getting jabs (1.6 million had boosters in the past week).  He said we were ‘running hot’ with high case numbers and the pandemic wasn’t over but prevaricated on face-coverings, refusing to say Rees-Moggy was wrong that MPs didn’t need them in the commons as they all knew each other.  Lindsay Hoyle directed them to be worn in both chambers but was largely ignored by tories.  MPs narrowly voted for an amendment so Owen Paterson’ suspension for lobbying was put on hold until the rules were reviewed to include a right of appeal.  Calling it an ‘absolute disgrace’, Labour, along with the Lib Dems and SNP, spurned the new committee thus it would consist of tory members only.  Keir still off with covid, Rayner stood in at PMQs to say: “this is about playing by the rules…when they break the rules Mr Speaker, they just re-make the rules.”  Even if you accepted the accused should have a right of appeal, how on earth could you apply that retrospectively, I wondered.  Phil remarked Patterson didn’t even think he’d done anything wrong; getting bungs was an everyday part of life as a tory.

The day at COP26 was all about the money.  Rishi Rich said developed nations would send the promised £73bn to developing countries in 2023, 3 years behind target, but they also needed private sector dosh.  450 financial institutions signed up to the Glasgow Financial Alliance for Net Zero (Gfanz). Led by Mark Carney, money had to be matched with net zero projects.  The Loch Ness debt monster was blocked from being set afloat as it breached ‘maritime restrictions’.  XR protested greenwashing.  Hundreds marched, chanted and banged drums, some sat down outside SSE, cops were sprayed with paint and 2 activists were arrested.  Bony Prince Charlie and Leo Crapio met Stella McCartney showing off her sustainable fashion including mushroom-grown leather bags and vegan football boots. I bet they were cheap, not!  ‘Calling out’ the fashion industry, she said: “We’re one of the most harmful industries in the world to the environment” and “I’m trying to provide sustainable solutions and technologies and a better way of doing things.”  After chanting ‘stick it up your arse’, Greta declared net zero on swearing – each time she used a bad word, she’d compensate by saying something nice.

Thursday, we spent the morning cleaning and working on laptops.  I approved the proof from Valley Life before setting off in early afternoon sun on the walk we’d planned the previous day, calling in at the co-op for pastries.  Heading up to a favoured copper beech woodland, the trees weren’t as red as usual but leaves already fell.  “That’s that then!” laughed Phil.  We squatted near an old gatepost to eat pastries then continued up a horrid stony path.  Turning right, we proceeded on tarmac almost missing an overgrown stile across fields.  Put off by huge sheep, Phil started up a ‘desire path’.  I followed to struggle inelegantly over a metal gate.  In the village, we looked at a new ‘beer shop’ – actually a TV filming location complete with distressed props.  Returning via a different section of the wood, strong sun highlighted autumn golds.  “That’s better!” Phil declared.  “What are you on about? It’s all been lovely. It’s more yellow and orange this year but you already knew that.”  Very warm atop the ridge, by the time we got home, I had backache, fatigue and felt overheated.  (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱ)

MHRA approved Molnupiravir to treat covid in patients with at least 1 risk factor.  It prevented the virus multiplying so halved the risk of serious illness or death if taken within 5 days of a positive test.  Trials of Pfizer’s Paxlovid found similar results (89% effective at reducing serious infection if taken as soon as symptoms appeared by those at high risk).  Dr. Kluge of Who said 1.8 million cases across Europe last week due to relaxed measures and low vaccine take-up were of ‘grave concern’.  Indians celebrated Diwali as reported cases were a mere 12,000 a day.  Surely that was due to low testing rates?  Inflation forecast to reach 5% by spring, BOE left interest rates low but said a hike to around 1% would come within months.  John Lewis and M&S launched Christmas ads to get us spending.  An ethics adviser told Boris yesterday’s vote was a ‘very serious and damaging moment for parliament’.  Forced into a U-turn by the opposition’s refusal to join the new committee, Rees-Moggy said he’d now seek cross-party changes to the rules which wouldn’t be applied retrospectively.  Saying ‘corrupt’ was the only word for it, Keir still refused to take part.  Owen Paterson found out about the latest shenanigans while shopping in Waitrose and resigned meaning a by-election.  Would the good folk of North Shropshire vote out sleaze?

At COP26, 23 countries committed to phase out coal power and 46 signed up to transition to clean energy.  Jennifer Morgan of Greenpeace International said it was only one nail in the coffin for coal: “without the USA, Australia, China and India, there’s still a very real danger that the end won’t come soon enough.”

War of Words

Late Peonies

No sun to temper the chill Friday, the ground looked wet.  As it became misty, Phil thought it was thawing frost.  The thermometer dropping, we shivered even with extra layers and had to put the heating on advance for the first time of the season.  Putting washing in the machine, the detergent compartment was blocked and I called Phil to assist.  Irked at the forced work break, I assured him I wouldn’t ask if I could manage unaided.  Anyway, he needed a comfort break.  In the co-op, I piled the trolley with bargains including a fab freezer deal.  I queued at the only open till but when Phil arrived, another one opened.  The young cashier extremely efficient, Phil observed: “She’s a bit keen. I bet she worked at Lidl”  We celebrated bonfire night with copious helpings of parkin, cinder toffee and wine.

Weekly ONS stats showed stable covid rates except in Northern Ireland where they were up slightly.  Greta told young activists in Glasgow COP26 was “a global north greenwash festival, a 2-week-long celebration of business as usual.” The ‘blah, blah, blah’ wasn’t what we needed after 25 years of ‘blah, blah, blah.’  Climate protests in 200 cities across the globe the next day, 50,000 marched in Glasgow.

Breakfast easier on Sunday, I’d done by the time Phil came down.  I left him to clear up, worked on the journal and went to town, dodging tourists taking selfies on the old bridge.  Busy with coffee-cuppers, I waited ages behind a posh couple on the market for knobbly veg.  The stall-holders looked bemused when asked which squash was best for cake.  I suggested orange.  Cold and grey until then, the sun appeared, so I visited the park.  Admiring autumn growth, I suddenly realised my purse was missing, feared I’d been pick-pocketed then spotted it in a flowerbed.  Phew!  I walked along the towpath in waning sun, washed the filthy veg including a rainbow of heritage carrots and collapsed on the sofa with backache and fatigue.  Editing photos, I used one from Thursday for a haigaⁱⁱ and one of late-flowering park peonies to wish my niece a happy birthday.

Saying parliament wasn’t the government’s plaything, John Major labelled the attempt to save Owen Paterson shameful and wrong, said it damaged parliament’s image and the pattern of behaviour was unconservative and odious: they had broken the law, broken treaties, and broken their word on numerous occasions.  On the Marr, Keir repeated the tories actions were “corrupt, contemptible and not a one-off” and trashed “the reputation of our democracy and our country.”  George Useless said the mistake had been ‘put to bed’ whatever that meant.  Marr suggested Rayner could be sued for slander. What was he on about?  Boris would lose!  As The Sunday Times revealed 15 of 16 top tory donors were in the House of Lords, Keir insisted it was time for reform.  Susan Hopkins told us the jabbed elderly were now dying of covid and needed boosters.  £248 m would be used to reform NHS diagnostic services.  A good idea, I thought…

Haiga – Red Carpet Treatment

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 83 – Truth Washing

“What a surprise: a committee led by the previous health secretary and which exclusively spoke to his friends in government, found that the deaths of 150,000 people were ‘redeemed’ by the vaccine roll-out” (Hannah Brady)

No Surprises

Haiga – Altered Carbon

Unrested after a bitty night, I forced myself up Monday and got through the routine chores with remarkable efficiency.  I then started putting decorating stuff back in the coal hole when a tin of white paint leaked all over, creating more work, backache and ill humour.  After posting blogs, I hung sheets on the line.  Although the sun didn’t reach that side of the house, a warm breeze dried them quickly and made them less smelly.  For dinner we made use of discounted hot dogs and spare lentils to make a casserole.  Phil said it was no surprise it was a triumph!

The Welsh Covid Pass was introduced for access to events and clubs.  Other places such as care homes could follow.  Damian Hinds said Boris’ holiday was important for the country; he needed time to relax and unwind but not too much as he was constantly in touch, being briefed and still in charge.  Shadow minister Pat McFadden retorted he didn’t care where The Bumbler was as it was just as chaotic when he was here: “What I want is grip from the government and we haven’t got that at the moment.”  A spokesman insisted government departments were working together on how to support business through the energy crisis.  A freedom of information request revealed that of 750 cops accused of sexual misconduct in the past 5 years (excluding The Met), only 34 were dismissed.  The Draconid meteor shower lit up Northumberland skies and Airbus tested Zephyr.  The solar-powered aircraft intended to bring internet to unconnected areas, flew for 18 days in the stratosphere.  Meanwhile, scientists got excited that radio waves from distant stars detected by the LOFAR telescope, could lead to the discovery of habitable planets in the goldilocks zone.

Midweek turned grey and I turned ropey.  Tuesday, I persevered with housework, writing and shopping.  As meandering high school kids cluttered up the co-op, I scarpered out the back door.  Skirting two white vans blocking the street below on the way back, I was about to swear when a delivery man politely asked did I live there.  The other van belonged to the window cleaner.  His son smiled at me from the passenger seat while his dad nattered with Poet Neighbour.  After sorting the load, I attempted more writing but got sharp pains in my head and had a lie down.

AZD7442 antibody shots was found to halve the risk of severe covid in people who couldn’t take vaccine.  As Brian Madderson of the Petrol Retailers Association said there were still shortages due to tankers not being in the right place, CF Industries found a longer-term solution to the crisis that halted production last month.  Gareth Stace of UK Steel called the expected help for other power-hungry industries in the form of taxpayer-backed loans, a sticking plaster.  ONS reported workers on payroll rose to a record 29.2 million August-September but vacancies rose to 1.2 million.  In a bid to restore public trust, all police forces would review alleged violence against women, incidents of indecent exposure and vetting practices.  Maggie Blyth would lead the NPCC’s work and co-ordinate action across England and Wales.  Swampy and fellow eco-warriors planned to stay in tunnels under the path of HS2 at Aylesbury until Christmas.

A report by the S&T and H&SC committees into government’s handling of the pandemic said nothing we didn’t already know or that I hadn’t been saying since March 2020.  It labelled the early response ‘one of the most important public health failures the UK has ever experienced’ but said the situation improved with vaccine development and treatments.  Doing the media rounds, minister Stephen Barclay refused to acknowledge mistakes or apologise to bereaved families, reiterating the idiotic mantras about learning lessons and knowing things now that we didn’t then.  Hannah Brady of Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice called the report ‘laughable’ and wryly observed it was no surprise that they found 150,000 deaths were ‘redeemed’ by the vaccine, adding: “this is an attempt to ignore and gaslight bereaved families.”  Fellow campaigner Fran Hall came on Newsnight to ask Aaron Bell what lessons had been learnt?  The Bell-end blathered about being prepared for flu (which they weren’t), following official scientific advice and criticism being all very well with the benefit of hindsight.  Rory Stewart revealed he was accused of populism by Jenny Harries for suggesting simple measures such as masks early on.  Fran wanted someone to take responsibility.  Bell-end admitted the PM was ultimately accountable but said it wasn’t about pointing fingers; systems needed to be interrogated.  Rory retorted it wasn’t enough and should be a massive wake up call for a “smug, closed government that doesn’t accept any external challenge.”

Trust Issues

An Emotional Captain Kirk

Sleep mediocre, it was again an effort to rise Wednesday.  I posted ‘Wonders of Ulverston’ on Cool Places 2ⁱ and tried to draft a guest blog for The Researcher.  Looking at other contributions, I was fairly sure a friend had written two of them (an artist, TV star and writer to boot!)  Slowness and glitching presaged a software update while a glitch on the NHS app caused chaos for travellers unable to get a QR code.

Two more unheard-off energy companies went bust and rail freighters reverted to diesel because electric was too expensive.  Amid HGV driver shortages, containers backed up at Felixstowe and Maersk re-directed ships to European ports.  Port bosses and toy retailers told consumers to stock up on Christmas tat, but Rishi Rich and Tim Morris of UK Major Ports Group said don’t panic buy.  After Lord Frosty Gammon complained the Northern Ireland protocol wasn’t working and had to change, the EU proposed to significantly reduce red tape, address looming bans on products like sausages and give Westminster a more consultative role.  Refusing to extricate the European Court of Justice, Maros Sefcovic said their role was essential for the province to retain single-market access.  A new round of talks was expected in the coming weeks.  While Lord Frosty insisted everyone in government knew what they were signing, The Scumbag unsurprisingly said Boris didn’t, Jenny Chapman claimed they were using a spat with Brussels to distract from their own failures and Leo Varadkar said it showed you couldn’t trust the Brits.  11 EU countries backed France in calling on the UK to abide by the agreement for continuity of fishing round Jersey.  Hate crime up 9% in the year to March 2021, 12% for racially-motivated crime, The Home Office cited ‘trigger events’ such as BLM protests but campaigners blamed misinformation and conspiracy theories linked to the pandemic.  Will Shatner aka Captain Kirk, went to the edge of space in Bezos’ New Shepard rocket. After spending 10 minutes going to 350,000 feet, the oldest man to leave earth became emotional.  Prince Wills criticised space tourism, saying we should make this planet better rather than blasting off elsewhere.

After a fretful night,Istole myself Thursday to read information for an appointment the next day, sorted logistics and chatted through anxieties with Phil.  Despite reassurances, I couldn’t concentrate on writing.  About to go shopping, Phil asked should he come?  It was a good job he did; even with gaps on shelves, I loaded a trolley thanks to reduced items and practically the last ‘5 for a fiver’ deal from an almost-empty cabinet.  Attempts to compartmentalise a failure, I took a mild valerian to calm my brain and tried to rest.  My body relaxed but I couldn’t stop my thoughts wandering.  A similar story at bedtime, I had a truly dreadful night – neither the chill pill nor the meditation soundtrack aided sleep.

Up 13% in a week, 45,606 new daily covid cases was the highest since July.  With 7,024 hospitalised, Witless said it’d be a tricky winter and GPs were instructed to see people face-to-face to ease pressure on A&E.  More money was pledged for locums who didn’t exist and ‘league tables’ would show up those who didn’t.  Many countered that patients liked zoom consultations and The C**T said it wouldn’t turn the tide.  Obviously expecting a grilling from doctors, Goblin Saj missed the RCGP conference*, saying he was clearing his diary to fight for the NHS.  While doing a round of media interviews, he apparently didn’t have time to read the damning report – obviously 150 pages was too much for him.  Pig farmers and processors welcomed help with storage and temporary 6-month visas for butchers but warned it needed to happen quickly to be any use.   Customer’s bills to go up another £45 because of bombed companies, National Express had enough fuel until 2023 but not enough drivers.  Wednesday, Insulate Britain blocked roads, got dragged off by motorists and unglued and arrested by police.  They then suspended protests until 25^th October to hand-deliver a letter to Number 10.  After staff allegations and a vote of no confidence, North Yorkshire PCC Philip Allott said he wouldn’t resign and hoped to rebuild trust.  By evening, he’d stepped down, saying it was the honourable thing.  Well, it would have been if he’d gone straight away!

On Question Time, Prof Rob Winston said scientists shouldn’t be blamed for failures during the early stages of the pandemic and none of the evidence presented to the Lords S&T committee was made public.  Criticising the last 2 health minister, he told us the Lords asked The Cock questions every day and got no answers and The C**t left the department in a mess ‘with no remorse’.  Tory Penny Mordaunt maintained people did their best at the time, but the report flagged up important lessons which needed to be learnt as we weren’t through it yet.  Labour’s Alison McGovern lamented a lack of cross-party discussions and former aide Sam Kusumo admitted government was accountable and should have included local and international leaders in decision-making.  Economist Anne McElvoy wanted Saj to apologise for not reading the short, clear report: “mistakes in England were on a scale that is not acceptable.”  She trusted a public inquiry would reveal  the trade-offs made between public health and the economy.  Moving on to the fudge over an ‘oven-ready’ Brexit, she called the Northern Ireland protocol a bodge but hoped ‘tweaks’ would make it work.  Penny insisted the agreement was signed in good faith, wasn’t meant to impact negatively on the people of Northern Ireland and the EU now realised change was needed to eliminate trade friction.

Sportswashing

Buzzing Fuchsia

Hardly sleeping all night, there was no way I could go anywhere Friday.  Exhausted and distressed, I lay dozing until Phil made moves.  I fetched tea and opened the curtains to view the colourful pre-dawn sky adorned with a bright star (or was it a planet?)  We again discussed my worries before I phoned to cancel the appointment.  Phil left me to rest but it was futile as streaming sunlight replaced darkness.  Giving up, I ventured down for coffee and a short spell on the laptop.  Head drooping after lunch, I went back to bed, alternately reading and trying to sleep; impossible with an ultra-bright sun and whirring mind.  Slightly less fatigued by evening, we indulged in pizza, wine and escapist films.

43,000 incorrect PCR results 8^th September-12^th October, halted test analysis at the Immensa Health Clinic Ltd. Lab in Wolverhampton.  Jenny Harries of UKHSA trusted only a few thousand were infectious.  Travellers returning from red list countries would only need a LFT from 24^th October and the fully-vaccinated could go to the USA from 8^th November.  Shats announced the limit on the number of deliveries foreign lorry drivers could make while in the UK would be lifted for up to 6 months.  Popular Southend MP David Amess was stabbed to death at his surgery in Leigh-on-Sea.  25 year old Ali Harbi Ali was arrested.  Another success for the ‘prevent’ agenda – not!  I predicted calls for protection for MPs out in the community would finally be acted on because he was a tory, albeit a nice one.

Extreme tiredness led to improved sleep over the weekend but insufficient to make up the deficit, I stayed home.  Saturday, I cleared overgrowth near the garden.  Phil went to the shop and reported the corner pub heaving with punters wedged like sardines.  Sunday, I installed the Halloween tree, wrote a haiga using a picture from last week’s visit to the cloughⁱⁱ and took photos of our fuchsia – still blooming and buzzing with bees.

As anticipated, Patel came on Marr to say there would be measures to protect MPs in their constituencies, after a review overseen by Lindsay Hoyle.  Ambassador Andrei Kelin told him Russia could do more to help with the gas crisis if their Nord Stream 2 pipeline was approved.  He didn’t mention that with only 29% vaccinated, Russia experienced a record number of covid cases and around 1,000 deaths per day over the weekend.  At Newcastle United’s first game since a Saudi take-over earlier in the month, human rights activists parked a van displaying murdered Jamal Khashoggi outside St. James’ Park. Toon fans may have thought anyone was better than Rick Astley, but others saw it as sports-washing.

*RCGP – Royal College of General Practitioners, not the Revolutionary Communist Party (if they’re still a thing)

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com