The Corvus Papers 4: Permacrisis

“(Permacrisis*) sums up quite succinctly how truly awful 2022 has been for so many people” (Alex Beecroft)

Highway To Hell

Woodland 1

Suffering a bad cold at the start of November, I’d forgot the practice nurse call.  She proffered more questions, a mammogram re-invite and directed me to the ‘Menopause Matters’ website before a follow-up call.  Unable to go for covid boosters, I re-booked but still snotty the next week and no more clinics available, was told to ring back when our colds had gone.  Phil shopped and cooked, having a trauma as the gas ring set fire to a baking sheet.  I’d just gone back to bed Thursday morning when the postie loudly knocked on the door, bearing a small parcel (1 of 2 items from Natures Best, the other came the next day – why on earth were they sent separately?)  I made a big effort to do chores, frustrated by not finding a washed tablecloth; buried in a basket.  Brighter following heavy overnight rain, I moved still sopping laundry into the sun, opened the window for fresh air and posted a Cool Places blogi.  After work, Phil rushed to the bathroom with a heavy sigh.  “What’s up?” “I served a customer with covid outside The Store.” “You might have covid.” “Yes, but he really did.”  Shivering, I noted moisture on windows even though I’d wiped them, conceded it was proper cold and put the heating on.  Watching QT, Phil asked: “What’s Patrick Bateman said?” He meant Psycho Chris Philp.  I hadn’t heard him leave Friday morning and dozed to traffic sounds; always noisier after October half-term.  A sizzling frosty start was obscured by more condensation!  Getting exhausted trying to clean, I returned to bed and battled brightness to use the laptop and browse Menopause Matters.  Confused by a variety of HRT, I dawdled to the co-op, enjoying every moment of sunshine and a smile from Scottish ex-neighbour on the way.  I scored the free trolley and saw The Widower.  Having dithered over wearing a face-mask in case of covid, I didn’t and guiltily kept my distance asking after his health, then got more uneasy as an old man in front of me at the till dropped his walking stick and politely declined my offer of help.  Knackered by the exertion, I took a cuppa to bed and edited my Christmas card.  The sun already behind the hill when Phil got back, a spooky ¾ moon rose prettily below a shiny Jupiter.  Saturday, I woke with remnants of an intricate dream in my head inspired by the fantasy film The Wanting Mare.  Slightly better, I retrieved winter clobber, donned a woolly jumper and sat in the chilly living room. 

As Musk realised he’d paid over the odds for loss-making Twitter, he requested $20 per celeb to keep their blue tick.  Stephen King tweeted Musk should be paying him, to which Musk replied, what about $8?  A wave of fake blue tick accounts including his, hilariously ensued.  Putting profit above people, he brutally sacked half his staff via 3.00 a.m. e-mails.  Paid up to February – not bad! – the human rights team the first to go.  A class action was brought.  Later in the month, staff told to sign up for high intensity long hours or leave, quit.  Musk shut the offices for a week. 1m tweeters closed or deactivated their accounts and Mastodon reported 70,000 new users.  Too confusing and unable to join the UK ‘instance’, I gave up doing likewise.  Photoshop failing to save the latest Christmas card edit, I started again, then it crashed, losing 2 days’ work!  Phil offered to help. “No! It’s secret!”  Making dinner, I jumped every time a firework went off outside. Phil tutted: “That’ll happen all night.” “Yes, but it still makes me jump.”  Muted colours in soft sunlight disappeared into the grey Sunday.  Waking early full of gunk, I gave up sleeping, struggled down and started the Christmas card from scratch until Phil returned with Tales From The Store.  Colleagues totally avoiding veggie food, one referred to chickpeas as dirt.  It reminded me of Walking Friend’s violent aversion to coriander when we discussed spicy recipes the other week.  A sore throat overnight extended into my nose and cheeks Monday.  I took echinacea and battled on.

More hospitalisations for flu, covid infections fell. Compass Pathways found psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms lifted depression in 1/3 of severe cases.  According to the downloadable bio ‘out of the blue’, Truss ate a pork pie with her favoured tipple the night before resigning – still no mention of Melton Mowbray’s demise!  The Cock entered the jungle, ostensibly to promote dyslexia awareness.  Called a skiver, embarrassing and disingenuous, incensed constituents weren’t mollified by a hotline to their MP.  The whip withdrawn, Bereaved Families’ Lobby Akinnola said the former health sec should focus on the covid inquiry, not ‘a shameless attempt to revamp his image.’  He ambled in to beg forgiveness of gaping contestants and predictably be first in line for bushtucker trials.  Those poor animals!  On Laura K., Ed Millipede said we hadn’t done enough since the last COP, Diane Johnson said the immigration system was a mess and Oliver Dowdy defended Swellen and agreed The Salesman’s expletive-laden texts to Wendy Morton were unacceptable, but excused them for being sent at a ‘difficult time’.  Jerk Berry informed Rishi about the texts the day before he made Gavin ‘Minister without Portfolio’.  Standards obviously only applying in good times, Morton referred him to the Independent Complaints & Grievance Scheme.  A 10 year old hack told Andrew Neil he was brought in as a fixer as he was good at ‘behind the scenes dark arts stuff’.  Transport minister Dick Holden evaded questions on scrapping Northern Poorhouse Rail, saying they had to cut their cloth.  As ‘furious as everyone else’ about illegal immigration, he parroted lame excuses for 12 years’ failure.

John Swinney made massive Scottish budget cuts and Morrisons were shutting 132 McColls stores.  Slow global growth led to tech job losses.  With competition from TikTok, Apple privacy changes and loss of investor confidence concerning decade-long Metaverse plans, Meta would lay off 13% of staff with the recruitment team hardest hit.  E-mails told us we could no longer revert to ‘classic’ Facebook and MS would charge for attachment storage – time to purge that in-box!  Octopus energy already paying customers to cut peak-time gas use, National Grid started a trial for smart meter customers.  BP profits £7bn July-Aug, Just Stop Oil threw orange paint at the Home Office, M15, BOE, and News Corp HQ: the ‘4 pillars that support and maintain the power of a fossil fuel economy – government, security, finance and media’.  Trussed-Up having ruined the UK’s reputation and taking longer to regain it, the worst recession for a century was likely to last into 2023.  BOE hiked interest to 3%, the most since 1987.  Former gov Mark Carney said sterling’s fall and a shrinking economy after Brexit added to ‘inflationary pressure’.  Rees-Moggy railed: “To blame…Brexit Is bizarre and only an ultra Remainiac would make such a bogus argument.”  No, Moggy, you’re the maniac!  Rishi promised a new budget would reveal him as Santa, not scrooge. Yeah, for the rich!  On QT, Lord Stuart Rose thought it too late to avoid a long recession.  Predicting the new budget would dish out pain, economist Zanny Minton-Bedoes called discounting tax rises and scrapping of the triple-lock mad; everything should be on the table.  60% of the public with a £60 monthly deficit, and 20% with no savings or resilience after 12 years of tory rule, Peter Kyle said it’d be long and painful.  The Psycho prated about the wealthiest 1% paying 28% of all tax, thresholds and the minimum wage going up.  The audience threw out questions on hungry kids, windfall taxes and the futility of raising interest so we wouldn’t buy stuff that we had no money for anyway.  55% of consumers using credit for Christmas tat, 20% for the first time, 2/5 taking out loans to pay off HP seemed like a bad idea!  More talks agreed, rail strikes due early November were called off too late for normal service to resume Saturday or even the next week.  With a new offer, the Hull Stagecoach strike was suspended.  Scrapping Boris’ daft royal yacht project, Ben Wally said they’d build the MROSS defence ship instead.

Highway To Hell

In his first interview since resigning, The Bumbler told Sky Vlad would be mad to use nuclear weapons.  Attending COP27, Rishi decided to go, allegedly because they’d made good progress on their budget.  Not going to Egypt, Kingy held an audience at Buck House.  Storm Claudio brought yellow wind and rain from France and flooding round London.

As South East commuters also contended with protestors on M25 gantries, Rishi and Boris arrived in sunny Sharm, the latter with a bevy of teenage girls – did they write his policy?  Guterres warned conference action on the ‘defining issue of our times’ was woeful, the clock was ticking and we were on “the last stages of the highway to climate hell, with our foot still on the accelerator.”  Activists in Rome showered Van Gogh’s The Sower with pea soup.

Migrants bussed out of Manston described inhuman conditions as some were left at Victoria Coach Station coatless and shod in flip-flops.  A kid threw a letter over the fence addressed to journalists. Children’s commissioner Rachel de Souza asked Swellen how many unaccompanied children were in the camp and how were they treated?  A ‘deeply concerned’ Diane Johnson (home affairs cttee chair) and 14 council heads wrote to Swellen complaining of its use as an ‘easy fix for a national strategic issue’.  Tensions mounting, protestors brandished placards reading ‘Suella’s shame’ and a right-wing backlash threatened.  Albanian MP Edi Rama tweeted it was ‘easy rhetoric’ blaming them and on Newsnight, accused the UK of scapegoating, while Rachel Maclean cited ‘unintended consequences’ of the Modern Slavery Act for more boat crossings – err, most victims were British!  Ignoring a power outage at Harmondsworth immigrant removal centre where detainees with ‘various weaponry’ ‘rioting’ in the courtyard, met riot police, the BBC alleged Kurdish criminal gangs controlled French camps and paid Albanians to channel-cross to work in the ‘drugs trade’.  UK pay 10 times higher, they left their home towns empty.  What clap-trap – drug dealers weren’t on regular wages!  Minister Graham Stuart admitted Swellen used ‘unfortunate language’.  Spotting his nephew on Metro’s front cover, Albanian Arben Halili, travelled from Oxford, tried to get into Manston and blocked a coach leaving the site.  Landing in a chinook Thursday, Swellen was booed and journos were banned.  Legal action was brought by Detention Action and a woman ‘from outside Europe’ allegedly left at Manston in ‘egregiously defective conditions’ for 3 weeks until allowed to stay with family in the UK.

At PMQs, Rishi was asked what Swellen had to do to resign and who broke the asylum system?  Always shifting blame, it could only be the tories after 12 years’ power.  Rishi told Keir they were getting a grip but he’d voted against the bill and couldn’t attack a plan and not have one himself.  Keir leered, let’s look at that plan: Manston nor Rwanda were working.  He’d prosecuted people-traffickers, they couldn’t even process migrants.  It was time to scrap gimmicks, get a proper home sec, and get a grip.  Rishi wittered about Keir supporting national security risk Corbyn.  Blackford harped on about the triple-lock and political choices hitting the poorest hardest – why not take the easy decisions, raise windfall taxes, scrap non-doms, and help the vulnerable?  Rishi insisted they supported oil companies to invest.  Furious at money spent on housing illegals, a backbencher wondered when it’d be sorted out.  Rishi parroted ‘we will defend our borders’.  Alba asked if Scotland was a territorial British colony; the argument rumbled on all month.

After Baroness Casey called her report ‘a line in the sand’ and Mark Rowley said it was clear hundreds of Met officers should be sacked, HMICFRS** published findings of sexism and misogyny in several police forces.  Inadequate vetting made it too easy for the wrong people to join.  Rowley later complained he couldn’t get rid of cops not trusted to speak to the public.  Fireworks were thrown at police vans in Leeds and a 17 year old Halifax lad being chased by cops, crashed into a greenhouse and died.  Rallying for early elections, ex Pakistan PM Imran Khan was shot in the leg.  An alleged assassination attempt, further demos followed.

In a major shake-up, The Arts Council shifted £50m from London to the provinces.  ENO funding cut, a restructuring grant helped them relocate to Manchester and Blackpool illuminations got money for the first time – those Red Indians did need replacing!  As non-Americans googled it to do a wordle, Cambridge dictionary named ‘homer’ word of the year.  ‘Permacrisis’ topped Collins’ list which also included ‘sportswashing’, ‘warm bank’, ‘partygate’, ‘vibe shift’, ‘lawfare’, ‘quiet quitting’, ‘Carolean’ and ‘splooting’.

Nasty Business

The Grand

Woken prematurely by Phil Tuesday 8th, I grumbled, dozed, exercised, cleaned and began an Ocado order when the nurse rang an hour early.  I griped of complex info on Menopause Matters, and more generally, of having to do it all yourself these days.  After clarifying some points. we agreed on low-dose HRT patches, ready to collect next week.  Phil hoped I didn’t go loopy like Carole Gammone.  “It’s meant to improve your mood; I bet she’s on a high dosage from a dodgy source.”  Early Wednesday, I realised the bathroom light was left on overnight, switched it off, then Phil fumbled to the loo, turning it back on.  Forecasters repeated it was mild for the time of year but omitted to mention rain.  Together with a heavy head and tummy ache, it mitigated against an outing.  Phil popped to the shop just in time for a sharp shower.  Thursday even wetter, I felt cold.  Exhausted from vacuuming when Ocado came, I wryly observed I’d fallen into the trap of buying tiny packs again (I thought the juice trio was cheap!)  I shelved a trip to the market and booked a BG service – amazingly lots of slots available, for next Monday.  Receiving a letter from the dole saying I qualified for an extra warm homes grant and still diddled out of the full energy rebate, I went round in circles trying to fathom the new Evolve site.  Newsnight had featured Evolv’s crap AI weapons detection – was it the same thing?  Phil had a funny do with his right eye at work; annoying just as his left one improved. “Do you need an ambulance?” “No; I’ll ring doctors if it gets worse.” “It already is.” “I mean if there are signs of a detached retina.”  The Store had finally recruited an assistant manager, meaning a 3-day week – in the short-term.  December rosters unset, he was unsure of Christmas shifts, pondered taking leave, but there was no need.  Untangling last month’s Westminster shit-show for the journal, I got head fug and turned the laptop off for a 3rd update in 2 days.  Struggling to sleep, I enjoyed hooting owls; much nicer than squawking geese Friday morning.  Going to the co-op, a cat scuttling in the undergrowth on the steps startled me.  I revelled in mild, fresh air scented by late-blooming Japanese Jasmine until assailed by traffic fumes on the main road.  Several items missing from shelves, I asked My Mate could I pay at the kiosk.  He advised using the conveyors but asked if I wanted baccy. “Just filters.” “I’m disappointed.” “I got baccy already and meant to buy filters on the market, but the weather was too horrid and I wasn’t up to it after a bad cold. I’ve been nowhere but here for 2 weeks – so depressing!”  He sympathised and hoped I’d soon be better.  Phil got home to relate previous occupations of store co-workers, including an ex-binman who weirdly started early Thursdays for unpaid work, 2 pub landlords and a video shop owner.  “It’s a shit business! Any failed artists?” “I’m not failed.” “It’s a joke! After all, you did sell a print.”

Lenny Henry promoted his new kid’s book on BBC Breakfast Saturday.  Asked what advice he’d give aspiring authors, he said if there’s an unwritten book, write it, send it to your favourite publisher, you’re never too old and keep going.  I should get back to my novel!  Desperate for a walk, we headed through the busy town and through woodlands, buying eggs from a farm in-between.  An official egg shortage explained a dearth of them in the shops.  Allegedly due to bird flu, supermarkets refused to pay more so farmers chucked them away.  I said wasting food in straitened times should be a crime.  “What are they meant to do?” “Give them to food banks, take them to market…“ “Some do, hence the honesty box.”i.  As Lidl and Asda rationed eggs, BRC said there were plenty.  Phil disturbed my recovery with news of a historic Bradford pub office conversion and Nik Turner dying. “Shit! No more Space Ritual! But I bet the other half of Hawkwind are cheering ‘we got all the money’!”  The world hidden behind a nasty fog and condensation combo Sunday, I wiped the dripping windows and researched DIY dehumidifiers. “What about Do Not Eat?” “You’d need tons of it.”  Groggy and achy, I amended the Christmas card while Phil went to work.  Monday, the fog didn’t lift.  Conscious of the BG service, I sprung out of bed and chivvied Phil to help clear passageways.  New to BG, the engineer arrived with a mentoring colleague.  After 1½ hours poking, they said it did well for an old boiler, advised getting a new carbon monoxide detector and pointlessly adjusting an external pipe – any overflow would go straight down the drain.  Getting colder, I changed the boiler settings but having no heat or hot water, thought I’d messed it up.  Nope: the stupid men had turned the main switch off!

Covid infections rose in Australia.  800 on the Majestic Princess tested positive.  Cases mild or asymptomatic, the cruise ship docked in Sydney while isolated passengers made private travel arrangements.

Tuesday, it emerged The Salesman told a civil servant to ‘slit your throat’.  As a Downing Street informal inquiry into the nasty business began, he was gone by evening.  Already sacked twice from ministerial posts, this time he jumped before pushed.  Laying into Rishi’s ‘poor judgement and weak leadership’, Rayner said it was clear he was ‘strapped by the grubby backroom deals he made to dodge a vote’.  Wednesday, Gill Keegan said he had great judgement.  At PMQs, Keir asked how bullying victims would feel about the PM’s ‘great sadness’ at losing The Salesman?  Rishi insisted he didn’t know specifics and Gavin was right to go.  Keir persisted; Rishi normalised bullying by giving Gavin a job and he wouldn’t have got away with it if a weak boss hadn’t handed him power.  Did he regret the appointment?  Rishi replied ’of course’ he regretted appointing someone who resigned ‘in these circumstances’, adding integrity characterised his government, hence a rigorous process, but also important to deliver for the whole country, he listed his daft priorities.  Keir mocked, he couldn’t stand up to a run-of-the mill bully, so he couldn’t stand up to anyone, like Shell, who paid no windfall tax.  Rishi itemised Keir’s nay votes, to which Keir said he was against all chaos-creators including those on government benches.  On QT, Caroline Green said nurses struck for a better NHS, thus for us all.  Steph Flanders added, still experiencing the covid emergency, we must understand their long-term needs.  Questioned on the Cock’s bug-eating antics, Emily Thornberry said complacency led tories to think they deserved to rule.  Although not self-serving like them and entering public life to make the world a better place, all MPs were tarred with the same brush.  Held to account by Ant & Dec instead of the public, evading the covid inquiry and no ethics adviser, Mark Harper promised one soon but admitted they should consider how their conduct looked.  Asked if COP was realistic when big emitters weren’t there (i.e., India and China; while gas companies lobbied to be considered green!) Caroline said it was the only game in town and Steph didn’t want to give into fatalism.

Concluding the Grenfell inquiry, KCs highlighted startling government ignorance, incompetence and disregard for social housing tenants.  Arconic, Studio E., Exova, Centrex, Kingspan, Kensington Council (failing to inspect door closers), the Levelling Up sec and London mayor making up a rogues gallery, Richard Millett attacked the merry-go-round of buck-passing.  Uncleverly called the Aussie trade deal rubbish.  Truss-Up obviously the latest scapegoat, he had a point – where were our tim-tams?  Also blaming Truss, Kwasi Modo told Talk Radio he warned her she moved at breakneck speed.  So much for being in ‘lockstep’!  Amazon planned to sack 10,000, including Alexa staff  and Tim Martin was shutting 7 more Wetherspoons.  Phil and Julie Fox vowed to visit doomed pubs to add to the 295 they’d already patronised including their Halifax local, The Percy Shaw.  Fellow Brexiteer Next boss Simon Wolfson said it wasn’t the Brexit he wanted.  Tough shit, mister! (see Brexit Islandii).  Doing well under lockdown, Made.com struggled with supply issues and went bust.  Next bought the brand but not stock leaving customers with unfulfilled orders and no refunds.  Next also later teamed up with founder Tom Joules to rescue the colourful clothes brand.

Calling Blighty

Evil energy companies remotely switched 60,000 to pre-payment without notice.  Unaware customers failing to top-up could be disconnection by default – another reason not to have a smart meter! 

1.3m using food banks, The Trussell Trust launched their first emergency appeal.  A ‘sticking plaster’, they urged government to budget for long-term measures.  GDP down 0.2% July-Sept., The C**t harped on about global factors and admitted there’d be a slump, which could be short and shallow if interest stayed low.  Refusing to be drawn by Laura K. on its contents, he promised us all pain with his ‘horrible decisions’.  Swerving questions on Brexit, an FT economist called it the elephant in the room.  Simon Sharma cited rotting cabbages and NHS staff shortages.  As they segued into the Remembrance Sunday lark, a Lord Army Major said ceremonies took place in towns and cities around the globe.  Port Stanley was hardly an empire!  Steve Hawley unearthed ‘Calling Blighty’.  The wartime messages from soldiers to families back home, were screened to descendants in Penis Town’s quaint cinema.  Doc film ‘A Bunch of Amateurs’ premiered at Pictureville to rave reviews.  Why’d we not heard of Bradford Movie Makers, established 1932, when we lived in The City?

The UK-wide RCN ballot closed.  The vote not unanimous, nurses in half of English trusts, all in Scotland and NI and all but 7 in Wales, would strike December, not affecting emergency services.  Laughingly preparing ‘contingencies’, Steve Barclay said his door was always open for talks.  That was the first they’d heard!  Gill Keegan helpfully claimed nurses only used foodbanks if they had a broken relationship or boiler.  100,000 PCS Civil servants voting to strike, according to the TUC, 1.5m public sector workers considered doing likewise.  M25 protests into a third day, a lorry crashing into a rolling roadblock hurt a cop.  On the fourth day, London commuters also contended with no tubes and bus queues.  TFL advised travel outside peak times, incredibly starting at 5.45 a.m. (was that all the Deliveroo?) and issued a walking tube map, saying stations were only 10 mins apart; 2 mins in central London, more like.  Just Stop Oil ended the protest Friday.  Amidst reports of buffet shortages, Uncle Joe told COP27 delegates the “science is devastatingly clear – we have to make progress by the end of this decade.”  They agreed a deal to fund climate change damage but not to cut emissions or fossils fuels.  Martin Kaiser, Greenpeace Germany, called it a ‘sticking plaster on a huge, gaping wound’.  Canberra activists threw blue paint at ‘symbol of capitalism‘, Warhol’s Campbell’s soup cans.  Talk about missing the point!  Rishi went to Bali for the G20.  Fearing assassination for weakness, Vlad sent Sergei Lavrov.  Vlod pointedly addressed the G19, China criticised the weaponization of food and fuel, and the Cambodian leader tested positive for covid.  Meanwhile, Top CIA man Bill Burns met his Russian counterpart Sergei Naryshkin in Ankara, to discuss Yanks held in detention and convey ‘a message on the consequences of the use of nuclear weapons’.

Swellen gave France £8m extra a year for more beach patrols and UK immigration officers in their control rooms.  Nitwit Elphicke carped it fell short of what was needed.  Admitting it wouldn’t solve the crisis of 40,000 channel crossings, Swellen said it was part of a multi-dimensional approach.  Albanian migrants held a demo Sunday, demanding the nasty bitch resign.  After Uncleverly told LGBTQ fans to respect Qatari laws at the World Cup, as a ‘massive gay’, Luke Pollard urged he apologise.  An official ambassador then said homosexuality damaged the mind.  Reports of safehouses being set up, disgraced ex-FIFA boss Sepp Blatter was more concerned Qatar was too tiny to host the competition than human rights or migrant construction worker deaths.  Russian troops withdrew from Kherson, destroying comms on the way out of the only regional capital they’d captured during the war.  Republicans not faring as expected in US midterms, The Trump said if they did well, it was down to him but if not, it was everyone else’s fault and blamed Melania for advising him to back a loser.  This didn’t deter a ‘big announcement’ that he’d re-run for president.

Kingy and Camilla’s cut-price coronation would take place 6th May 2023, with a third May bank holiday Monday 8th.  On a 2-day Yorkshire tour, they visited Bradford, Leeds, Doncaster and York, where a man shouted this country was built on slavery and chucked eggs at them.  On his 74th birthday, Kingy leant on an oak tree for dumb selfies.  Nobody knew if he’d continue the tradition of an official summer birthday.  Tuesday, 3 British actors (Tom Owen, Bill Treacher and Leslie Philips) died, as did swingometer inventor David Butler.  Paying tribute, Michael Crick said: “For decades (he) was the foremost psephologist in Britain and around the world.”  Premier Inn was voted best chain hotel and tatty with a ‘rough and ready feel’,  Britannia the worst.  Simon Calder rightly argued you could stay in ace places like Scarborough’s Grand.

Unhinged

Woodland 2

The bedroom telly came on at 6 a.m. Tuesday 15th.  Jolted awake by the Milkshake theme, I could never find the auto-alarm feature to switch it off but tuned to BBC, it was less raucous when it happened again the next week.  Phil learnt on google his hot flush could be down to lifestyle changes. “Doing a work! Your body’s in overdrive trying to make testosterone. Maybe you need HRT too. I’ll ask when I get mine.”  I forgot, but bought a few essentials in the chemist, later realising I’d got conditioner instead of shampoo again and spotted hair clippers on an-aisle end.  Later in the week, Phil successfully exchanged the hair gunk and bought clippers with myriad attachments.  I went home to tut at mill redevelopers messing about on a trial trike – were they unhinged? – and read the HRT leaflet to fret over side-effects.  Phil subsequently persuaded me to try it.  He agreed opening a window to dispel moisture in Wednesday sunshine was a good idea until the temperature dropped.  Cleaning the landing, the tripod stand fell apart.  Swearing loudly, I left it in bits and asked Phil if he’d  heard me. “Yes; what was it?” “Guess. I think there’s a screw missing.” “I think a screw is missing.” “I just said that!”  We discussed a cut-price Christmas and going to Lidl for German treats. “And lobsters,” he offered. “I’m not buying them. Too much faff and we don’t know your shifts. I’m cooking nowt that takes half a day to prepare.”

Due to intimidation and throwing tomatoes at them, civil servants avoided working with Rabid Raab in his previous cabinet roles.  Facing two formal bullying complaints, he wrote to Rishi requesting an independent inquiry, then faced Rayner.  PMQs covered by a new ‘talking politics’ segment on channel 5, we listened to host Storm trying to be serious and an unhinged Carole Gammone saying such claims were normal in a working environment (in her nasty world!) then tuned to BBC for actual debate.  Clive Betts asked if the PM (hobnobbing in Bali) should allow Raab to serve to which he parroted he’d comply fully.  Rayner not on top form, asked a question worthy of a toady then followed up with: the G20 supposedly addressing global economics, why did the government drag its feet on taxing massive profits?  He spouted the usual codswallop on lower tax gaps and stricter non-dom regs.  She retorted the truth was, working people paid the price for tory choices.  Where was the UK in the list of the 38 growth countries?  As Raab kept schtum, she told him: 38th; thanks to wrong people making wrong choices.  No ethics, no integrity and no mandate, when would a new ethics adviser drain the swamp?  Raab refuted all bullying claims including flying tomatoes and said the ’mud-slinging’ was because labour didn’t have a plan.  Rees-Moggy chimed in that labour’s bullying record was second to none.  On Daily Politics, Bridget Philipson complained Raab ignored labour’s plans  for growth and to help with inflation and suppressed wages.

A rogue missile hit Poland, killing 2.  Vlod blamed Vlad.  In urgent G20 talks, Biden gave Duda’s investigation his ‘full support’ but rather than coming from Russia, was likely shot down by a Soviet-era S300; part of Ukrainian air defences.  No indication it was deliberate, paying for a top-up at the co-op kiosk, I overheard a colleague telling someone that was how WW2 started  “Let’s not get carried away; it was an accident.” I told My Mate. “On a lighter note, have a good day.” “See you in the bomb shelter.” “Eff off! Pardon my French.”  Head fuggy writing, I picked up the guitar for the first time in months.  Barely able to remember simple chords, they gradually came back to me.  Phil returned with Pueblo baccy – worthy, organic, made by native Americans, bought by woke hippies, and now, him.

Still raining after overnight rain Thursday, I guessed a swollen river would cause consternation.  As did The C**t’s budget.  Glossing over council tax hikes, he focussed on frozen income tax thresholds costing earners more over time, less help with energy bills from April, windfall tax rising to 35% and extended to 2028, slower public spending rises but more for health, social care and education for the next 2 years (excluding early years, 6th form and HE), a 10.1% rise in benefits rise and the national living wage to £12.42 from April, and some guff on wind turbines and broadband.  Reeves whinged in the ‘Bobby Ewing strategy’ of denying past chaos, ‘old cast members returned as if nothing had happened and it was time the series was cancelled’.  Sturgeon griped that austerity had returned.  Energy help well short of what was needed, the End Fuel Poverty Coalition predicted 7m still in fuel poverty would be joined by an extra 1.6m.  Simon Francis said: “we are already seeing the horrific impact of living in cold damp homes and children…Without the financial support…this winter…the NHS will be overwhelmed and millions will suffer.”  Interviewed by Chris Mason, The C**t denied ducking difficult decisions until after the next election.  He faced them in a ‘balanced way’, given an upcoming 2 years of recession, but there was a plan and there was hope to ‘get us back to normality’.  He’d obviously listened to the BOE who said we’d start ‘getting back to normal’ after the winter gas crisis.  Phil laughed at the persistent misguided belief: “Everyone, the IMF etc., say things will never return to normal.”  Friday, I discovered a strike by Jacob’s workers.  Phil reckoned loads of industrial action wasn’t reported by ‘Pravda’ (aka the BBC).  Hunting for Christmas treats in the co-op, random stock occupied the diminished cracker shelf.  Amid a tinned peach shortage (nowt to do with Brexit!) I regretted eating one last month, and opted for retro fruit cocktail.  Phil rang at the end of his shift.  Dank as the sun dipped behind the hill, I eschewed the pub.  His latest ‘how shops work’ tutorial entailed the air con system clarting shelves in dust. “You can tell as soon as you walk in if it’s a decent shop or not. “Like the awful Sainsbury’s in the next village?” “Yep. And their new co-op will be Asda soon as they sold them with the forecourts.”  Store people from Preston brought new snacks.  He bought cheese savouries. “What else did they bring?” “Loads of sweets and salt n vinegar savouries. I pulled a face: “Ooh no!” “You sound like a granny.” “I am 60 you know!” “Join the gammon grannies, saying everything’s disgusting!” “If I do get like that, shoot me.” “I will!” A slight hangover Saturday, I slept in shockingly late (like the old days), posted a blog and considered the Omaze house prize draw.  Too pricey, I decided Marbella was full of gangsters anyway and edited the Christmas card while Phil cut his hair.  Struggling to settle with a whirring mind at bedtime, I finally dropped off to be roused by him coughing at 3.45.  Exhausted and tearful, I blocked out bright light and eventually got a few hours.  Despite insomnia and low mood, I gave up lying-in Sunday and found a tumbler stained yellow from Phil drinking turmeric. I complained it hadn’t stopped his cough.  About to go for a wander, he was asked to do an extra shift.  I whinged of short notice but he countered it was more money with no lifting, and the weather wasn’t great.  To be fair, it rained soon after.  I went for knobbly market veg and browsed charity shops, getting myself a handbag and him chinos for work (perfect except unhemmed, they needed altering) then nipped in the co-op to wait at the till as a woman filled her bag with luxury items like avocado and prawns.  I finished the Christmas card before Phil got home.  Entering and exiting the living room several times, he stood peering at the wall calendar.  The shifts I’d scribbled on not tallying with the office chart, he decided he was on a late Monday and looked forward to a lie-in.  Aware of movement at 7.00 a.m., I rose to find a note saying he was on an early after all.  Putting my first HRT patch on, I immediately had a hot flush.  Probably not weird, I got on with writing and chores.  Shivering all day even in extra layers, when Phil got in, I battened down the hatches and put the heating on.  Well, it was 4 degrees out.  Work on the journal was interrupted by Tales from The Store.  The new assistant manager blobbed twice, then left.  Giving some hogwash about the work causing anxiety, they suspected she had 2 jobs.  Possibly unhinged, I wondered if they checked references.  Phil said hardly anyone did now.  “How Stupid!” “Penny wise, pound foolish, that’s today’s capitalists.” “Tell your boss I’ve got a background in personnel and am available for a reasonable consultancy fee!” Back to 4-day weeks, Phil got crumpets with jam as a sop.  He asked was I watching the World Cup. “I’m boycotting it.” “I’m not boycotting England games.” “They gave into the armband lark, and those rich pundits complaining of human rights abuses, still taking millions to be there. It’s awful!” “How do you know all that if you’re not watching it?” “From the news. I’m keeping up with the antics. I might change my mind if England reach the final.”  I actually caved in before then, which was just as well.

Protesting David Beckham’s £10m ambassador deal, Joe Lycett shredded £10,000 in fake notes.  2 days before Kick-off, Qatar banned venue alcohol sales.  Bud tweeted, ‘this is awkward’.  At the last minute, FIFA forbid captains to wear ‘one love’ armbands, threatening yellow cards and fines.  Home nation fans left at half-time during the first match but official attendance figures exceeded stadium capacity.  In support of protestors, Iranian players refused to sing their national anthem.  England beat them 6-2, the highest score ever for an opening game.  Thousands were locked out due to a FIFA app malfunction.  Rainbow bucket hats were taken off Welsh fans and a reporter clad in a rainbow tee was denied entry.  FIFA said confiscation of clothing would end Thursday.

Get Out!

New drug Teplizumab could delay the onset of type 1 diabetes for 3 years and lead to better treatments.  As a banner flew over the jungle reading: ‘Covid bereaved say get out of here’, crocodile tears had the desired effect and people stopped voting for The Cock to do bushtucker trials.  The QT audience wondered if we’d survive 2 years’ austerity.  Thicky Atkins disingenuously claimed the effects of Trussonomics had flushed through the system, according to the OBR.

Queried on when they’d re-join the single market and tax the likes of Amazon who’d made a mint during covid, Thicky denied Brexit was to blame, said we should look forward and all countries had the same pressures.  Ian Blackford reckoned taxing big companies could raise £11 bn; it was a political choice to make the poor pay.  At the CBI conference in Brum, Tony Danker wanted ‘part 2’ of the budget statement, to encourage investment in UK and spark growth.  Rishi said ‘wait and see’.  He also quashed rumours of a ‘Swiss style’ EU deal, saying Brexit was delivering for the country.  His unhinged speech slayed me: “I voted for Brexit, I believe in Brexit…already delivering enormous benefits and opportunities for the country – migration being an immediate one…proper control of our borders…(we can)…have a conversation with the country about the type of migration that we want and need…We weren’t able to do that inside the European Union…” (Yep, that’s going well!) “When it comes to trade…we can open up our country to the world’s fastest-growing markets…I’ve just got back from the G20…talking about signing CPTPP…(becoming) part of that trading bloc, that’s a fantastic opportunity…” (See ‘Brexit island’ii).  Guardianistas incensed that Keir wouldn’t reverse Brexit either, the next day, he told business leaders the UK must end dependency on cheap immigrant labour and train our own.

Average pay rises of 5.7% (6.6% for the private sector and 2.2% for the public), didn’t keep pace with the highest inflation for 40 years.  11.1% in October, 11.9% for those on low incomes and 16.2% for food, we couldn’t avoid staples like milk and eggs but we could shun extortionate Heinz ketchup.  Hull suffered higher inflation and excess deaths – due to draughtier homes, lower wages, or lower prices to start with?  In first-ever talks with the RCN, The health sec swerved pay talk in favour of body-cams and care funding.  Pat Cullen retorted: “By refusing my requests for negotiations, Steve Barclay is directly responsible for the strike action this month…Nursing staff don’t want to be outside their hospitals, they want to be inside – feeling respected and able to provide safe care to patients.”  Heathrow baggage handlers struck and PO workers announced 10 days’ further action Nov-Dec, including Black Friday and Christmas Eve.  Half-year losses £219m, Royal Mail asked government if they could stop Saturday letter deliveries, as the public were indifferent (we couldn’t afford the stamps!) and concentrate on packages; maybe planning to capitalise on Evri (formerly Hermes), again voted worst parcel service.  A coroner concluded toddler Awaab Ishaq died from an untreated severe respiratory condition caused by prolonged exposure to mould in his home.  The family accused Rochdale Boroughwide Housing of racism.  CE Gareth Swarbrick resigned, Gove withdrew funding (how did that help?) and a week later, said sorry to tenants still living with fungi.  Greenpeace projected a video highlighting fuel poverty onto Rishi’s North Yorks Georgian mansion.  Heavy rain brought mayhem to southern villages and roads, Aberdeenshire flooding swept someone into the River Don and Russian shelling left half of Kyiv without power.  Finding evidence of explosives near Nord Stream 1 & 2, Swedish prosecutors called September’s leaks ‘gross sabotage’.  A major gas supplier to the UK and EU, Norway stepped up surveillance.  A 5.6 shallow earthquake along Indonesia’s ring of fire felled houses, blocked roads and killed at least 162.  Hundreds of injured were treated amid aftershocks in Java.  Artemis 1 finally took off to take a moonikin to the moon.  Both Brian Cox’s on BBC breakfast, the actor promoted his new show on how the other half lived and the physicist touted his new book.  Building on Stephen Hawking’s work, it was an idiot’s guide to black holes – The universe for dummies!

Broken Britain

Broken Britain

Tuesday lunchtime, I proffered Phil a spare finger roll.  Mishearing me, he asked was it a fancy foreign thing like Remainers bought in The Store? “Yes, fingerorle authentico!”  Falling asleep faster at night, I actually dropped off for 5 mins during a siesta – was it the hormones?  As we waited at the sunny bus stop Wednesday, the geese squawked and waddled off the church lawn in unison.  Phil laughed at their peculiar communication and related an anecdote of one flying down to the river and unable to fly back up, getting stuck.  A quick ride to the next town, all-day brekkies at the market café ate into the time as they were short-staffed and Phil ordered the biggest, which took ages to cook.  Disappointingly no thermal socks in Age UK, Phil found a book and DVD.  Paying for them to hide for yule, I spotted a tin of smelly miniatures for myself.  The discount store and the German supermarket provided the best seasonal goody mission for 3 years.  Pleased with our haul, we headed for the bus, letting a polite schoolboy on first.  The fast journey back juddery, we thought a spring was broke or, as Phil sang: “the wheels on the bus are  not  round!”

Brexit putting investors off, OECD forecast the UK as the worst-performing country in the G20 2023 and possibly 2024.  Rishi told cabinet we faced ‘a challenging winter’ of strikes, high costs and NHS backlogs.  Labour said he took ‘people for fools’ blaming winter and not a ‘decade of tory mismanagement’ for the challenges.  Watching PMQs on iPlayer, Keir failed to mention this, declared ‘shame on FIFA’ and asked why we had the lowest growth? Rishi insisted it was the highest since 2010 and the fastest this year, and selected 3 ‘important points’ from the OECD report: growth, international challenges, and support for his fiscal plan, then bragged about putting more into the NHS.  An unconvinced Keir railed total denial wouldn’t wash and due to 12 years’ inaction, weeks of chaos and Rishi’s changes, ordinary people had £1400 tax hikes.  Ducking queries on how much super- wealthy non-doms were expected to pay, Rishi said labour had years to sort it out, and while they peddled fairy tales and gesture politics, tories protected pensioners.  As the Guardian alleged Rishi registered with a private GP, Keir dug in; he’d scrap non-doms to fund doctors so they wouldn’t have to go private.  Rishi didn’t gainsay the claim until January 2023.  The Supreme Court ruling Scotland couldn’t hold an indy ref without Westminster consent, Ian Blackford maintained with a mandate to deliver a referendum, democracy couldn’t be denied and urged Rishi be honest and admit the idea of the UK union as voluntary, was dead and buried.  Now the time to stick together, Rishi respected the court’s decision.  Blackford countered, he couldn’t claim to respect the rule of law and deny democracy.  Quite! Was Scotland a colony?  Would they go to the European court?  Olivia Blake asked why an investigation into lives lost in The Channel took so long, adding it wouldn’t have happened if there were safe, legal routes.  Rishi inanely said every life lost was a tragedy which was why Swellen was tackling illegal migration (splutter!)

Woken early Thursday by machinery and Phil, I changed the HRT patch, got a hot flush, burps and nausea.  After ridding windows of ice-like moisture, I tried expunging mould caused by bathroom condensation with mixed results.  Shaking rugs out, a soft toy flew out the window.  Luckily, it was retrievable from behind the shed-house.  On QT, Andy Bunman advocated local control of skills and a personal approach to getting the inactive back to work.  Saying work must pay, Ben Habib (aka Asian Farage) blamed dependency culture and defended Truss as having the right idea on growth but was ‘defenestrated’ by The Treasury and BOE.  Citing the Avanti debacle, Bunman said performance had fallen off a cliff and agreed with Rapper Darren McGarvey who likened denouncing the RMT for destroying Christmas to spin on Scargill – it was a tory tactic to always blame workers.  The Scottish government allegedly considering making the rich to pay for NHS treatment, Bunman sought properly integrated health & social care and workforce plans to stop agency use and pay staff more.  Transport minister Richard Holden backed Rishi going private as he paid tax and could opt back into the NHS – that wasn’t the point!  Despite the chair of ACOBA Lord Pickles finding The Cock’s jungle jaunt broke regs (but disciplinary action ‘disproportionate’), they all thought his normality bid had won the public over – Bunman said The Cock wasn’t a bad guy but tories always put themselves first.

Going to the co-op Friday, I swapped updates on a neighbour’s community carers’ job with Phil’s work, over-sharing shop gossip.  Using a discount coupon from a leaflet posted through the door, I panicked at the till as a woman breathed down my neck.  After extensive research, Phil found the ideal freezer.  The search not working on my browser, he sent me a link, then it wouldn’t log me in.  Eventually buying the thing, my card was subsequently declined.  Satan’s Bank had changed the card so the expiry date was the same but the number different.  The microwave clock at zero revealing a power cut, Phil discovered the entire Halifax area was out for 2 hours early Saturday. “Broken Britain! I can’t believe gammons still don’t think tories are incompetent,” he observed. I countered: “They can’t really believe that anymore, but can’t admit they’re wrong and in denial, say it’s better than the coalition of chaos!”  Installing advent gubbins, I found a broken candle holder, then hoovered and disposed of recycling, needing to rest before visiting the unadvertised Christmas market – oddly on the same street as The Store, where Phil heard about it.  Seeing Counsellor Friend and partner, we joined them to peruse crap crafts and catch up.  I learnt her mum died last month (Phil knew and assuming I did, never mentioned it), they were buying a house in the next town and she was planning to top up her pension pot; I advised she didn’t.  We waved bye and munched greasy Serbian pies.  Past the lit tree in the square and up the pedestrian street, we spotted vacant seats outside The Pub.  While ordering, I observed changes since our last visit, pre-covid.  Tasty-looking nuts in jars replaced pies on the bar.  The servers said the butcher who used to make them, mysteriously stopped and asked if the Serbian ones were good – they weren’t keen on the lubricious aspect.  Supping ale, I remarked Counsellor Friend had progressed from being skint to house-buying while we seemed to go backwards.  Nothing personal intended, Phil got defensive.  I changed tack to muse over people either having no job or three, and the state of the world.  Dozy in the gloaming, we went home.

On Laura K Sunday, Jerk Berry concurred with Mark Harper’s ‘getting a grip’ drivel.  Hoping the RMT would get a letter Monday, Frances O’Grady welcomed the government’s altered tone, but railed against Broken Britain.  After the Barclay debacle, Pat Cullen repeated it was ‘negotiation or nothing’.  Prof Hannah Fry agreed problems went back much further than the war or covid.

Phil dreaded a 5-day week.  Covering for a colleague’s hospital appointment, he had a late followed by an early again,  Not ideal with shifts playing havoc with his body clock, I suggested eschewing more hours but as they forgot he’d volunteered for extra work, he hoped it was a one-off.  Trees emitting steam in the cold grey, I stayed in to be disturbed by noisy stone-cutting on the street below, unceasing till dark.  I placed an Ocado order and made granola bars. Chopping cranberries and nuts interminable, the stupid electronic scales kept turning off.  Exhausted with backache, I checked commemorative coin values to discover we actually had a Brexit 50p – sadly only worth 50p. thanks to the queen dying, Paddington was worth a bit more.  Despite a sunny Monday, there was more condensation to deal with.  Orange barriers blocking the small steps, explaining the stone-cutting, I took the longer way to the co-op.  Very busy for the time of day, a miserable woman shelf-stacking gave me a dirty look.  I asked her kinder colleague to pass me an item, grabbed clearance stuff and queued at the till.  Phil brought home 2 bagful’s of Milk Tray.  Sold to outlet staff for a charitable donation, he planned to eat them, I proposed giving them away – a compromise was made.  Accepting the idea of working Christmas and looking forward to a bonus Amazon voucher and mince pies, the manager who hadn’t had a day off for 6 weeks, understandably refused to open.  I put  his shift pattern on the calendar, and ordered Christmas gifts under his nose.  The next two days cold and foggy, Tuesday, it didn’t lift.  Just after I heard Phil going to work, the landline rang.  Drowsy, I vaguely realised it’d be the freezer.  At a loud door knock, I shouted and donned a dressing gown, badly.  Telling them they were early, the nice delivery men said someone had to be first.  I meant by 2 days, not 2 hours!  “Where do you want it?” They asked.  I indicated the kitchen steps: “Down here if you don’t mind,” “Ok.” “Thanks. The men who delivered our fridge wouldn’t take it down.” “Well, they weren’t as nice as us! You can give us a 5-star rating!!”  I forgot to do so.  Placing it exactly in the spot I’d cleared, unpacking was a doddle except removing the polystyrene stand.  I got an endorphin rush at the shiny smell.  Sad I know, but when did I last have anything brand new? 

When Phil returned, I asked did he notice anything?  “A freezer.” “Well, a box.” “You mean I don’t have to lug it down?” “No. Are you impressed?” “Yes, did you do it.” “Yes, ha, ha!”  He settled on the sofa with a groan. “You’re tired. Thought you were finishing at 2 didn’t you?” “Yep.” “I did wonder when you asked last night. How did the granola bar work out?” “Much easier at 6 in the morning.”  Siestas disturbed by chainsaws, I stuck earplugs in then they stopped!  Channel-hopping to avoid the match build-up, Phil asked: “What’s this crap?” Boycotting among the sportswashing lasting almost 1½ weeks, I relented to watch England beat Wales.  Dullness joined by nasty stuff falling out of the sky Wednesday 30th, Phil thought we were going to The City. “No way! It’s too horrid and I’m knackered from sorting the freezer.”  He played with polystyrene packaging and I repurposed it as makeshift insulation against the coldest walls.  Keir inexplicably led PMQs on private school donations and blocking new homes.  Rishi replied they were aspirational and wittered about labour joining picket lines.  Keir went on, every week, the PM handed money to those who didn’t need it, buckled under pressure, and got weaker.  Rishi countered he had the same old labour ideas, with more debt, strikes and migration, and was laughed at mentioning control of borders.  Ian Blackford wished all a happy St. Andrews Day and 56% polled by YouGov saying it was wrong to leave Europe, fumed about a bill to rip up EU laws racing through, labour trying to outrun tories on Brexit the bugbear of Scottish independence.

At 741, homeless deaths in 2021 reverted to pre-pandemic levels.  Immensa’s Wolverhampton lab incorrectly gave 39,000 negative covid results September/October 2021.  UKHSA estimated this led to an extra 55,000 infections, 680 hospitalisations and 23 deaths.  No immunity and toddlers good at spreading germs, kiddie flu rose 70%.  Parents were urged to get them nasal vaccines.  China’s zero-covid policy may have led to few fatalities and more growth (at least ‘til this year), but hampering rescues, 10 died in an Urumqi flat fire Thursday.  Demos across the country over the weekend, BBC cameraman Ed Lawrence was beaten and arrested during a clampdown Monday.  Chinese authorities said he didn’t show his press pass and it was for his own safety so he didn’t catch covid off the masses.  UK media described protestors as brave, unlike our own, who were nutters!  The Met assuring Londoners they were ready to deal with disruption in the yuletide run-up, Just Stop Oil marched round Trafalgar Square stopping commuters getting to the station.  German and English scientists grew a coronavirus in a lab to watch it mutate and American boffins made a universal flu vaccine to blunt the impact of future pandemics.  Lecanemab, a new early Alzheimer’s treatment, attacked beta amyloid (sticky gunge build-up in the brain).  Costing tens of thousands a pop, it was hailed as a momentous breakthrough.  Liam Smith was found shot and covered in acid in Shevington, Wigan.  Triggering a health alert, the GMP later told the public there was no risk.  Using the Vaccine Taskforce blueprint, Rishi announced £113m for 4 research ‘missions’: cancer, obesity, mental health and addiction.  He then told Mansion House he wished to develop the ‘quality and depth of partnerships with like-minded countries’ (USA, Israel, Gulf and Commonwealth states, but not the EU!)

Blast Furnace Blast

The Warm Homes Prescription Pilot launched December 2021, was extended for patients who got sicker in the cold.  Redcar blast furnace was blown up live on BBC Breakfast, making way for a freeport.  National Grid immediately cancelled blackout warnings.  RAC finding retailers not passing on lower petrol costs, Grant Shatts asked supermarkets to cheapen it.  Peter Smith of NEA was ‘disturbed’ utility direct debits went up when customers made huge efforts to reduce use.

E.On admitted it’d be a year ‘til economies were reflected in bills.  Food inflation now 12.4%, (14.3% for fresh food), 3 in 10 single parents skipped meals to feed their kids, 3 in 5 students cut back and Oxfam found 35% spent less on Christmas gifts.  Cheddar sales falling by £31m, Richard Clothier of Wyke Cheese was ‘extremely worried’.  A shortfall of 1m turkeys, 1,840 domestic chickens were abandoned – why not stick them in the freezer to roast?  Diggle Village Association defended spending £1,450 installing a tiny living firtree as it worked out cheaper than buying one a year.

GMB said few toilet breaks at Amazon’s new ‘fulfilment centre’ in Wakefield, caused stress to 1,000 workers.  No buyer found, Martin Wilkinson Jewellers in Mansfield, likely the oldest in the UK at 228, would shut.  According to Link, 114 HSBC branch closures made the total 600.  100 jobs lost and customers forsaken, Unite’s Dom Hook railed, without corporate social responsibility requiring banks to stay on the high street helping the elderly and vulnerable, access to cash and banking would be lost forever.  The union were disappointed ambulance staff at only 8 trusts voted to strike.  During the latest CWU action, Dave Ward claimed an out-of-depth Royal Mail CE Simon Thompson, not interested in providing a universal postal service, was destroying it.  8% of Avanti and 5.8% TPE trains cancelled on non-strike days, en route to see 5 northern mayors, Mark Harper harped on about modernisation and sorting out the row.  Mayors said the meeting was constructive but they needed investment, not warm words.  After 2 weeks of talks, the Rail Delivery Group said real progress was made.  Not hearing the desired proposals, the RMT announced four 48-hour strikes December-January plus overtime bans over the festive period.  Lynch blamed ‘the dead hand of government’ and The Sun headlined ‘The Lynch Who Stole Christmas’.  Lynch met Harper Thursday, who said there was ‘common ground’.  Scottish teachers and English lecturers walked out.  Formal negotiations ongoing in Scotland, Westminster rejected them, so the first 2 NHS strike days were announced as 15th & 20th December.  Bestfood (owned by Tesco and Booker) workers in Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, Wagamama, Zizzi and Pizza Express, were balloted.  National Coalmining Museum staff accepted a new pay offer, meaning no more strikes after one in October (another hidden dispute!)

Net migration a record ½m, more EU nationals left but 509,000 others included Ukrainians and Hongkongers on bespoke visas, and students.  Downing Street declined to give a timespan on reducing numbers.  After an inmate died in hospital, Manston processing centre was emptied and detainees moved to hotels across the country.  40,000 living in hotels, HO compulsorily moved others out.  PS Matt Rycroft couldn’t tell the home affairs select committee if paying Rwanda £140m was good value. Blaming migrants and traffickers, Swellen admitted they’d lost control of borders and vowed to make ‘sustainable changes’ with 3 decisions per worker per week by next year – currently 0.6 a week, it wasn’t feasible.  Unable to describe legal routes, she stammered that if you arrived in the UK you could apply for asylum.  Having to step in, Matt said people could apply to UNCHR but this option wasn’t available in all countries.  Coop spluttered that an out-of-depth Swellen didn’t even know her own policies.  Harem Ahmad Abwbaker was arrested for 27 channel drownings November 2021.  The Marine Accident Investigation Branch found they’d reached UK waters.  3 stowaways from Nigeria were discovered on a ship’s rudder in The Canaries.

After beating Argentina at the World Cup, Saudi Arabia declared a national holiday.  The favourites were out by the end of week.  About to play Japan, the German team covered their mouths to signify they’d been silenced.  Home-nation Qatar were eliminated, Iran were booed singing their national anthem, but after goalie Wayne Henderson got the first red card of the tournament, beat Wales.  World Cup chief Hassan al-Thawali estimated 500 workers died building stadia.  Officially 3, we’d never know the real figure.  Round-the-clock efforts reconnected 80% of Ukraine to essential water, electricity and heating.  Olena Zelenska got a standing ovation as she thanked the UK parliament for support and asked them to lead a special tribunal.  The EU wanted the UN to head the tribunal.  Stewart Rhodes of right-wing Oath Keepers was convicted of sedition for the Washington Capitol attack 6th Jan 2021.  A Walmart manager killed 7 colleagues and himself in Chesapeake, Florida.

Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac and Wilko Johnson died, for real this time.  Irene Cara known for singing ‘I’m Gonna Live Forever’, didn’t.  In UK census results, only 41% of Leicesterians identified as white.  Christians a minority for the first time, more people had no religion, and an extra 1m were Moslem.  A fungi project found rare species in fields at The Crags.  A 3rd-5th century Roman villa complete with ash in the fireplace and mosaics depicting Homer’s Iliad, was unearthed in a Rutland field.  Resembling Toy Town on a bigger scale, York traders complained the St Nicholas fair took their business away.  We noted the Christmas market mark-up.  A car drove through Kake temptations’ window in Batley.  The driver really needed cake!

*Permacrisis – an extended period of instability and insecurity

**HMICFRS – His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: Hepdene Rose | Cool Places – Our Back Yard (wordpress.com)

ii. Brexit Island: Brexit Island – Home | Facebook

Part 72 – Get A Grip

“Ministers mix messages, change approach and water down proposals when the public and businesses need clarity and certainty” (Justin Madders)

#Freedumbday

Haiga- Echoes

The heatwave continued.  Determined not to be rushed Monday morning, I took my time even as Phil took the breakfast tray away but with washing and rubbish to take down, wished he hadn’t disappeared.  Internet issues persisted the whole week and beyond.  I managed to post blogs working round the signal drops.  Phil checked all our telecoms equipment before ringing Talk-Talk again.  On repeating they’d monitor it, I exclaimed: “They said that on Saturday. They’ll say anything to not fix it!”  “Yep. That’s what they do.”  Taking recycling out, elderly Neighbour came up to chat.  Finding it hard to follow her stream of consciousness, I nodded politely.  In the co-op later, the aisles were now both salad-free and markings-free.   Face-coverings optional, I wore one.

Unlike some on ‘Freedom Day’ or #Freedumbday.  Clubbers queued from midnight.  Heaven looked like hell on a video posted by party-loving journo Benjamin Button. Alarm bells sounding, The Bumbler warned proof of 2 jabs may be required for entry to crowded indoor spaces from September.  Scotland cautiously moved to Level 0.  Social distancing was reduced to 1 metre but nightclubs wouldn’t open, bars had to shut at midnight, only 15 people could mix outdoors, masks stayed mandatory and the order to work from home continued.  JCVI said there’d be no mass vaccination of kids as the benefits didn’t outweigh the risks of myocarditis.  Pfizer would be offered to immunocompromised 12-15 year olds (or those living with vulnerable people) ‘as soon as possible’.

A long-overdue Ocado order impossible on the crap internet, we searched town Tuesday afternoon for salad items.  The convenience store surprisingly had some, but no cucumber.  Would we ever see it again?  As a queue outside the sweet shop died down, I hovered until deeming it safe to buy pop.  We refreshed on a shady riverside bench.  Ducks sheltering from the boiling sun resembled rocks until they scarpered from the heron.  On the way home, we waved to The Biker outside the corner pub and noted BT engineers fiddling with telegraph wires on the street below, hoping they were fixing the internet.  “How come nobody else ever reports problems?“ I asked Phil.  “God knows. I went door-knocking once and no one knew what I was on about. One neighbour even asked was it the same as the telly?!”  Unfortunately the problem persisted so whatever they did hadn’t done the trick.  I’d forgotten to get exterior primer from the hardware store but Phil said melamine primer I found in the cupboard would work.  The ancient stuff dried almost on contact with the repaired planter.  Grubby and sweaty, we freshened up with bedtime baths but they didn’t help with sleep in the sweltering heat.

A Good Laugh

Cases rising nationally 40% week-on-week, the average in Yorkshire was 60%.  Daily cases reached 46,558 and deaths 96.  A million school pupils were absent in the last week, the highest since March. ALW’s Cinderella show was cancelled when a staff member got covid and the rest had to self-isolate.  Inevitable whingeing ensued, even though it negated his arguments.  I’d shut up if I was him. Business minister Paul Scuzz-ball said it was up to individuals and employers whether to isolate if pinged.  Downing Street scrambled out a message it was ‘crucial’ to do so.  Shadow health minister Justin Madders accused the government of making it up as they went along, saying we were in the realms of ‘dangerous farce’.  Some exemptions granted for ‘essential workers’, criteria were unclear.

Laura K, interviewed The Scumbag who declared his mission to bring down the government and claimed he stopped Boris going to see the queen in case he killed her.  Unbelievably, he admitted he wasn’t sure if Brexit was a good idea!  400 yesterday brought the total of migrants crossing the Channel since January to 8,000, almost as many as the whole of 2020.

Hours after Nasty Patel bribed Paris to increase patrols, Mini Macron no doubt had a good laugh as a French navy gunboat forced a dinghy into UK waters.  She told the home affairs committee the agreement wasn’t meaningless and border policy failure wasn’t responsible for letting in the Delta variant. 

Newsnight mentioned a suggested extra 1% on National Insurance to fund social care.  Ministers maintained it was unpopular but many people thought it sensible.  Maybe Boris and Rishi believed it would go against them in the next election or was it yet another example of pandering to backbenchers?  Jeff Bezos outdid Branston in the billionaire space race.  New Shepard rocket went up 66 miles.  Unimpressed with him thanking Amazon staff and customers who got him to the edge of space, critics screamed ‘pay your bloody taxes!’

Fail, And Fail Again

Submarine Conversion

On a humid Wednesday, we took another rail trip – to Brighouse.  Market day created lunchtime bustle.  Phil got fish and chips from Blakely’s while I found seats on attractive new decking overlooking the Calder & Hebble Navigation.  Facing towards sun so he’d spot me, I planned to move round when a pair of elderly women plonked themselves behind us; their coughing and their dog’s begging slightly spoiling the treat.  We shifted to a further bench under cover of trees to gaze on water and pick herbs from incredible edible boxes.  Further exploration of the shopping area revealed old buildings, squares and mainly independent shops  selling everything you could need.  We chatted to a lovely old man about architecture, craftsmanship and people not appreciating what was on their doorstep before buying elusive items including hammarite paint, cucumber and pasties for an easy tea.  We walked to the beautiful canal basin, drank pop and strolled round.   Industrial-looking craft from two years ago were replaced by trip barges, cabin cruisers, twee houseboats and what appeared to be a submarine conversion.  After-school teenagers congregated at the dangerous confluence of the canal and river.  Almost crawling back up to the station, it was 20 minutes ‘til the next train.  We retreated to the shade of the old co-op building where Phil espied an engraving of a skep above the door, recalling pictures from the Pioneer’s Museum.  Back home, I took food to the kitchen.  Phil searched his bag and cried: “where are the pies?”  “Don’t panic! I’ve got the pies, you’ve got the paint.”  (For a fuller description, see Cool Places 2i)

As I collapsed on the sofa, Phil plugged the router straight into the socket without the extension.  The internet signal seemed to improve, then failed again.  He picked up the phone to Talk-Talk, but feeling hot and bothered, realised he’d lose his grip so left it until morning.  We managed to watch Netflix by pausing when the red light came on the router (approximately every 20 minutes) and re-starting.

The retail and haulier sectors again warned the pingdemic meant empty shelves.  British Meat Processors Association CE Nick Allen said food supply chains were ‘starting to fail’ and criticised minister’s ‘confusing messages’.  At PMQs, Keir mocked the latest government slogan ‘Keep Life Moving’ and suggested it be replaced with ‘Get A Grip’.  He went onto accuse a virtual Boris of superspreading confusion on the rules then immediately isolated himself after his sprog tested positive for coronavirus, although he’d tested negative.  The NHS pay review body recommended a 3% rise.  Minister Helen Waffle failing to tell the commons, the government later said they’d pay it to most staff.  As the EU refused to renegotiate the Northern Ireland protocol, Lord Frost complained ‘we can’t go like this’.  So what now, you idiot?  Liverpool lost its UNESCO World Heritage Status.  City councillors were surprised but no-one else was.  We thought Brighouse had a better claim.  Severe floods in China left 25 dead including 12 trapped in tube trains.

After another uncomfortable and fractious night, I felt wobbly and unable to focus my eyes Thursday morning.  I forced myself to perform a few stretches which must have got some endorphins going because my mood improved.  I took my time over the morning cuppa, even as Phil made to take the tray away, and asked for help with the washing.  I went to the market, finding fish and a few veg but no toiletries again.  German Friend dawdled up the steps ahead of me on the way back.  As I caught up, I joked “is it hot enough for you?”  We strolled to her front door where I gave her tips on fixing her bench.  Phil had been on the phone to Talk-Talk.  After a rant, they promised to send engineers the next day – pointless but maybe they’d establish the issue wasn’t in the house.  Later, I saw discussion on a local Facebook group confirming the intermittent service affected the whole town.  I proclaimed Talk-Talk lying bastards’  Phil’s anger resurfaced.  “I thought it would reassure you that you weren’t going mad.”  “Can I have that in writing?”  “Yes, I’ll make you a certificate!”  But I agreed it was frustrating that people posted on comment pages rather than reporting the problem.  During a spell outside, Phil continued with his tiny work while I applied waterproof paint to the planters.  Having located a website on exciting days out on the Calder & Hebble navigation, I asked him where next?  Just then, the hippy who lived on a barge emerged from next door.  I told him of our excursion to Brighouse on which he shared interesting snippets, and picked his brains on other waterway locations worth visiting.  Early evening, rain started to fall.  Initially light, it soon turned into a deluge.  BBC 4 showed decent films so we didn’t have to endure interrupted streaming for our evening’s viewing.  Eyes shutting while reading, I dropped off quickly only to wake in the early hours.

Reports that 9 out of 10 people had coronavirus antibodies but weren’t all immune, did not compute.  618,903 pinged by TIT in the previous week, 1.77m self-isolated.  Jeremy C**t again called for government to bring forward rule changes or they’d lose “social consent for this very, very important weapon against the virus.”  The BMA maintained that more pings indicated very high infection rates and deleting the app was like disabling the fire alarm.  Ravi Gupta of Nervtag said the ‘mixed bag of measures’ created ‘confusion and havoc’ by making individuals isolate when large crowds attended sporting events.  Kwasi Kwarteng promised a longer list of exempt sectors soon and urged firms to stick to the rules but food distribution company Bidfood told staff to take tests and carry on working while Iceland advised customers not to panic over food shortages (it should be ministers panicking).  Tobias Ellwood wanted Cobra to enlist the army.

The Boardman report on Greensill, said Lex enjoyed an ‘extraordinarily privileged’ relationship with Camoron who could have been clearer but didn’t break current lobbying rules so ‘his actions were not unlawful’.  Angela Rayner called it a classic whitewash.  Dawn Butler had to leave the commons for naming Boris a liar – apparently not allowed even when blatantly true.  Australia and NZ withdrew from the rugby world cup due to safety concerns.  A day before the official start of Shonkyo 2020, the opening ceremony director was sacked.  Kentaro Kobayashi made jokes about the holocaust when he was a comic.  This followed creative chief Horishi Sasaki resigning in March after apologising for calling large lady Naomi Watanabe ‘Olympig’ and a composer quitting earlier in the week when it emerged he’d bullied schoolkids.

Yes, We Have No Tomatoes!

Bridge View

Friday morning, an exhausted Phil fell briefly back to sleep after brekkie.  I drafted blog entries for Cool Places 2 but posting was impossible.  ‘Bright Sparks’ engineers rang Phil saying they were on the way.  Two men arrived in separate vans, blocking the road.  Phil explained the problem didn’t affect just us.  I chimed in with gen from social media, noted one of them wore a mask over his mouth but not his nose, and left them to it for the weekend shop.  Still very little veg, signs on shelves promised supply issues would be resolved shortly.  At the kiosk, I repeated what I wanted 3 times to a new staff member and she still got it wrong!  On returning, the engineers departed.  They’d replaced the router and all the wiring, thus eliminating any possibility of problems in the house.  The internet worked for an hour before bombing.  Barely keeping a grip, Phil again rang Talk-Talk who eventually said a BT van would come next Tuesday.  “Not good enough!” I railed.  I later noticed the red light didn’t come on the new router when the signal dropped.  “They’ve fixed if then, ha, ha!”  Phil went to the other shop and I asked him to look for salad stuff.  He returned singing: “Yes, we have no tomatoes!”  Watching old films on DVD, we managed not to drink too much wine and had quite an early night for a Friday.

Train services and petrol stations joined the list of services hit by the pingdemic.  Useless George said exemptions for critical workers meant 10,000 could carry on working in food and other key industries.   Dr. Chaand Nagpaul of BMA called it a “desperate and potentially unsafe policy that does not address the root problem…(exceptions) should only happen in the absolute rarest of cases and with rigorous infection control measures and assurances of safety.”  30 drownings in British waterways over the week included a mother and son in Loch Lomond, a 16 year old boxer in the River Dee at Chester, a young footballer in Salford Quays, and 6 men and boys in Yorkshire.

Suspecting the jolly veg man had cheated me, I weighed the mushrooms before cooking Saturday breakfast.  The alleged half-pound came to 5.7 oz.  Phil suggested they’d shrunk but if not, he should be put in the stocks for deceiving customers.  Phil managed to do some uploading but I avoided the internet completely, writing and photo-editing.  Brighouse shots lent themselves to monochrome and inspired the weekly haigaii.  I also took a pile of recycling out, having to sort neighbours’ detritus.  Phil popped to the co-op to find no beer as mask-less 30 somethings wandered the aisles.

A mere 20oC on Sunday, I braved the market for knobbly veg and got quite a selection, including the last 4 tomatoes.  Town packed, visitors cluttered the streets, queues snaked from charity shops, and kids and dogs paddled under the old bridge where a low dam had been constructed.  Phil considering joining me, I rang to say don’t bother.  On the way home, I saw The Poet and suggested he avoid the centre as it was full of bloody tourists.  “Don’t worry, I’m going straight to the bus stop.”  Noting the leafy stalks sticking out of my bag, he commented, “I can’t remember the last time I ate celery.”

Wanting to finish painting the planters, I noticed gaps in the bottom allowing soil to escape.  I sawed a small piece of wood to size and hammered it on.  Phil looked impressed as he watched.  “I can do things, you know!”  Decorating Neighbour came to see what the noise was and shared notes on the trials of painting, overhanging bushes messing his car up, and parking disputes.  Phil found another small bit of wood to finish the bodge.  I applied primer to the additions and paint to a plastic planter that now housed a rose.

Look North featured a local family we knew.  The now very tall 11 year old son started walking to Westminster for the Zero Carbon petition, accompanied by parents in a campervan.  At 10 miles per day it would take him 3 weeks.

No data on deaths released for a second day running due to tech issues, Goblin Saj tweeted ‘don’t cower from the virus’.  Covid Bereaved Families for Justice incensed at the insensitivity, The Goblin deleted the tweet and apologised for a ‘poor choice of words’.  What a cock!  PAC reported dealing with the pandemic cost £370bn so far.  £10bn wasted on PPE ‘not fit for purpose’, £6.7m per week was still being spent on storage.  Phil came up with a solution: “Burn it!”  At a rally in Trafalgar Square Saturday, covid-denier Kate Shemerani likened NHS staff to Nazis.  The ex-nurse had been struck off for dangerous views on vaccines, social distancing and PPE.  PHE said vaccines prevented at least 52.600 deaths (later revised to 60,000).

Mr. Ben claimed the Latitude festival was the safest place on the planet.  Revellers required to show proof of 2 jabs or a negative test result, we wondered why on earth that couldn’t be the case all round.  Public opinion increasingly in favour of Covid Passes, The Bumbler shied away from them and instead urged common sense.  How was it ‘common sense’ to allow hundreds of people to cram into discos, possibly infecting each other, rather than proving they didn’t have the disease?  Answer: Boris didn’t want to upset so-called libertarian backbenchers and in doing so, mis-read the public mood.

Unable to settle, the meditation soundtrack enabled a few hours’ sleep.  Musings of a possible birthday trip in September led to dreaming of a train journey to the seaside.  I stared out the window at a dark and rainy scene while Phil concentrated on his phone.  Elder Sis and Youngest Brother materialised.  He pressed a guide book on me as we alighted intoning: “You’ll need this.”  Out on the road, other people surrounded us.  Striving to outpace them, I lost sight of Phil.  I awoke wondering if it was a message.  Dropping off again, I had a follow-up dream; too indistinct to get a grip on details.

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 52 – Balancing Act

“Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine. I’m begging of you please don’t hesitate. Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine. Because once you’re dead then it’s a bit too late” (Dolly Parton)

A Game of Percentages

Haiga – Force of Nature i

My sleep was disturbed Monday morning by a racket emanating from waste ground near the canal.  The workmen barely discernible beneath cold, grey fog, it seemed the recent spring-like feel was a blip.  Phil made porridge.  It subsequently took half an hour to wash up.  Recovering with coffee, I posted blogs and worked on the next chapter of the journal.  Unable to rest in the afternoon, I considered if random birthday gifts stashed under the bed were adequate.  Inadequate exercise and repose prompted me to do some late yoga, as recommended by the latest research suggesting light to moderate activity an hour before bedtime.  It definitely helped with relaxation and kip.

Hospital admissions for Covid among the over 80’s fell by 80%.  The PA news agency reported falling infection rates across the 4 UK nations although by less in England.  Boris insisted we had “one of the toughest border regimes anywhere in the world.”  Keir disagreed: “(we hadn’t) secured our borders in the way we should have…it demonstrates the slowness of the government to close off even the major routes…(and) unwillingness to confront the fact that the virus doesn’t travel by direct flights.”  Yvette Coop added: “These cases…arrived a month after the Brazil variant was first identified and we were raising with the government the need for stronger action.”  Large queues at Heathrow made me wonder: ‘if it’s like this with travel restrictions, what will it be like in May when holidays are allowed?’  While the EU discussed a ‘digital green passport’, the DoT wanted a common approach.  The Restaurant Group were ‘burning through’ £5.5m per month but ‘strong trading’ for take-away deliveries hiked share prices.  Northern-based restaurant chain Tomahawk Steakhouse asked workers to loan them 10% of their furlough monies.  Was that even legal?  GMB regional sec Neil Derrick said: “It’s never been easier or cheaper for businesses to borrow money…but (they) want it for free and they have solved their cash flow problem by giving a cash flow problem to their staff.”  A week later, Tomahawk gave the dosh back.  Derrick maintained that wouldn’t have happened without attention being brought to the matter.

In the first public sighting since her house arrest, Ang San Suu Kyi appeared in a Myanmar court via video link to have 2 more trumped up charges added to those already levied.  Meanwhile, a meteor was seen whizzing over Barnsley and landed somewhere in Gloucestershire.

Although more rested on Tuesday, I suffered achiness and a sore throat.  Ignoring it, I submitted my article to Valley Life Magazineii and worked on the journal before going to the co-op.  A sizeable shop proved rather stressful with screeching kids and dithering hikers impeding the aisles.  One hit me with his bag as he reached into an adjacent cold cabinet – accidentally on purpose?  I took a deep breath and contained my annoyance.  Cowbag staffed the only open till but we exchanged pleasantries rather than bickering.  Back home, I hid perishable treats and instructed Phil not to nosy around in the kitchen.  He’d cleaned the cooker and floor while I was out which was nice, especially as he’d had an awful day work-wise and had to reset the internet.  Powerless to help, I made sympathetic noises.  The Marcella double-bill finale annoyingly split by ITV news, meant forgoing pre-bed yoga and I awoke several times during an odd night.

UK deaths from the virus halved every day and decreased by 25% in the past week- the lowest since January.  As the P1 variant mystery search was narrowed to 379 households in South East England, studies revealed 25%- 61% of Manaus residents were susceptible to re-infection.  Sharon Peacock, Cog-UK, said it was now found in 25 countries but couldn’t speculate on how it would ‘pan out’ and focus was still on the prevalent Kent Virus.  PHE real-world data on the effectiveness of the AZ and Pfizer vaccines showed they provided 60% protection in the over 70’s with 80% less hospitalisations in the over 80’s.  Andrew Pollard of Ox Vax proclaimed it ‘stunning’ and a wake-up call for Europe: “it shows how critical it is to improve public confidence across the continent about the vaccines.”

Rishi Rich reportedly worked 24/7, spoke to the queen and made his own promotional video in the budget run-up.  Previews included a public sector debt of £2.1 trillion and an extension of furlough to 30th September (but with larger employer contributions).  The CBI said it would “keep millions more in work and let businesses catch their breath as we carefully exit lockdown.”  Shadow Treasury Sec Bridget Phillipson countered: “announcing this the night before shows the focus on Rishi Sunak getting his moment in the sun rather than protecting jobs and livelihoods.”  Jon Ashworth tweeted ‘The ego has landed’.

Weighing Things Up

Rishi’s Balancing Act (Cartoon by Guy Venables)

Wednesday morning, I adapted an Australian chocolate fruit cake recipe for Phil’s birthday.  With all the measuring and weighing it took a full hour to get it in the oven.  While it was baking, we watched events in parliament.  On the anniversary of the government publishing a 27-page document insisting the UK was ‘well prepared’ for the pandemic, only to announce lockdown 3 weeks later, Keir started PMQs by asking why the UK sold arms to Saudi and slashed aid to Yemen by half.  In a tory backlash, Jeremy C**t called it ”incredibly disappointing,” and Andrew Mitchell said it was “a strategic mistake with deadly consequences.”  UN Sec Gen Guterres declared the cut a “death sentence” for hungry children amidst possibly the worst humanitarian crisis ever.

The budget presentation ensued.  Rishi dished it out with an additional £65bn for Covid measures, £150m for a community fund (to help locals buy their local), extension of furlough as expected and characteristically complicated help for the self-employed.  The UC uplift would stay for 6 months and the living wage increase to £8.91.  Apprenticeship employer incentives rose to £3,000 and new re-start grants for businesses came in April.  The business rate holiday would end in June, then be discounted by 60% to the end of the fiscal year.  Similarly, the 5% VAT rate would stay until September and then be 12.5% for the next 6 months.  Stamp duty changes were extended and big lenders confirmed they’d offer loans under the mortgage guarantee scheme.

Commitment to green growth included a ‘green bond’ and investment in offshore wind.  Regional growth plans involved more funding for devolved administrations, an infrastructure bank in Leeds, a northern ‘economic campus’ (i.e., Treasury office), and port infrastructure in Teesside and Humberside.  8 freeports with favourable tax and duty rates would be created: East Midlands airport, Felixstowe & Harwich, The Humber (Goole), Liverpool, Plymouth Solent, Thames, and Teesside (Redcar).

Good to see money spent on the north for once, there was a definite ‘blue wall’ bias.  Leeds was dismissed as the location of the Treasury office in favour of Darlington (near to Rishi’s Richmond patch), freeports weren’t evenly spread and of the £1bn new ‘town deal’ areas, 40 out of 45 had tory MPs.  Only 3 of the constituencies covered voted remain in the Brexit referendum.

Other schemes to boost productivity and growth included a retail savings bond, management training, visa reforms to attract scientific and tech migrants, and free digital training and new software discounts for SMEs.  The ambition to be a ‘scientific super-power’ was ‘not hubristic, but realistic’, he claimed, as demonstrated by the success of vaccine roll-out.  Was the extra £1.6 bn to continue this and to ‘improve future preparedness’ part of the £65bn?  What was the rest for?

Counting The Cost

Cute Animal Collage

Reeling off the biggest borrowing figures since WW2, the chancellor warned they’d continue to be high before falling, and Interest rates may not stay low.  Thus he planned to achieve ‘sustainable public finances’ and not borrow to pay for everyday spending but invest in capital projects.  Anticipated tax rises took the form of a freeze on personal tax thresholds in 2022 and a hike in corporation tax to 25% in 2023.  There would be a smaller profits rate of 19% for SMEs, tapers above £50,000 and a business tax ‘super-deduction’ for re-investment, to boost jobs and economic recovery.

He didn’t mention a card swipe limit rise to £100, and while there was no tax hike on fuel, beer or baccy, air passenger duty for long-haul flights would increase.  More significantly, he failed to draw attention to a lack of extra money for schools or a cut in NHS and social care funding.  Responding that it wasn’t a budget for ordinary people, Labour cited an ‘astonishing’ £30.1bn cut in day-to day DOHSC spending ‘buried in the small print’.  Keir said it papered “over the cracks” rather than rebuilding the economy and Rishi totally ignored public sector workers while indulging in social media gimmicks at tax-payers’ expense.  Disregarding a waiting list backlog, Ministers countered they’d put tons of money in during the pandemic.  Boris justified a derisory 1% pay increase for NHS staff by saying most carers worked in the private sector and were covered by the increase in the living wage – splutter!

Head spinning with arithmetic, I got stuck into cleaning.  In spite of mental and physical exhaustion, I had a terrible night.  Unable to settle, I wanted to try a BBC Headroom soundtrack but required to sign in, I had no chance of remembering the password at 1.40 a.m.  I used the meditation soundtrack, and fell in and out of broken sleep.  Phil also struggled and dreamt he went in a rocket.  Thankfully, it wasn’t the evil Musk’s Space X Starship 10 which hilariously blew up on landing later in the week!

In other news, Sturgeon told Scots she’d consider accelerating exit from lockdown, but criteria for moving down the levels would tighten from late April.  Builder Taylor Wimpey pledged £125m to replace dangerous cladding and conduct fire safety work on properties constructed within the last 20 years, including blocks under 59ft tall excluded from the government fund

Achy again on Thursday, I performed morning exercise before turning to writing.  Attempting to solve the ‘blue sandstone’ mystery from the last walk, I researched geological maps but they all cost money – bloody geologists!  I set off to spend a small fortune on Phil’s favourite meaty treats from the butchers, and a bit less on a last-minute gift from the chemist.  He was upstairs on my return so I could hide purchases unseen.  Deciding it was enough presents, I wrapped them before attempting a siesta, to be disturbed by a noisy generator on the waste-ground leaving me tired and stressed.  Phil said: “You don’t have to do all that stuff for my birthday.” “I know, but I feel I should, to make up for not going anywhere.”  He tittered.

An ONS survey suggested 48% of over 80’s who’d had a jab broke lockdown rules by meeting someone outside of their family or bubble.  The MHRA were given permission to fast-track vaccine approval to deal with mutants.  As France, Belgium, Italy and Germany approved AZ for the over 65’s, a German doctor offered Phil a spare via social media.  “Beware of drugs dished out on Facebook!”  Biden said there was enough vaccine for all American adults to be injected by May, and Dolly Parton sang to the tune of Jolene while having hers (see above).

On QT, business minister Kwasi Kwarteng more or less said ‘ never mind the mistakes, we have the vaccines’ and justified the dearth of public sector pay rises by saying the private sector was badly hit by the pandemic.  It would have been even worse if the carers and key workers hadn’t stepped up, you wanker!   Entrepreneur Theo Paphitis called Tit ‘appalling’ and Labour’s Lisa Nandy exclaimed “not learnt the lessons” a lot.

Barmy Birthday Cake

Friday, I went a bit mad decorating the cake.  The cooking chocolate failed to melt properly.  I turned it into lumpy frosting and hid the mess with a melange of crystallized ginger, nut flakes, chocolate bits and candles.  I checked the proof from Valley Life, wrote ‘turning seasons’ for Cool Places and got the co-op’s freezer deal for a birthday eve carb-fest.  Printing the card later, I’d completely forgotten about the cute animal collage I made weeks ago.  Railing against the cost of ink, I was irked the colours didn’t reproduce well in print.  We spent the evening watching the highly anticipated Deutschland ’89 and films, drinking Mateus and toasting Phil’s birthday.

The P1 mystery person was found in Croydon, thankfully in quarantine.  Nads Doris did a round of interviews to defend the 1% NHS pay rise, insisting it was all they could afford.  Unions up in arms, the GMB called it “dismissive and insulting,” Unison were balloting members on industrial action, and the RCN set up a £35m strike fund.  Cyprus and Portugal planned to welcome UK vaccinated vacationers by 1st May, but we weren’t allowed to go until at least the 17th.  40 days after Nasty Patel announced it, fliers were mandated to complete a ‘declaration of travel’.  From Monday, a costly £2,000 fine would ensue for failure to produce the document.

Paying The Price

Along the Sustrans Path

On the big day, I assembled Phil’s birthday gifts and treats and cooked a fat meaty brunch before the unwrapping.  He seemed to like the random selection!  His sister rang him for a chat.  As a teacher in Hull, she had worked throughout in a school never less than 50% full even in total lockdown.  An indication of the demography of the workforce, unsurprisingly leading to a much higher infection rate than the UK average.

Turning back to pleasant distractions, we decided on a walk.  With few options open to us without breaking the law, it was either that or coffee-cupping.  Luckily, appearance of the sun coincided with the mid-afternoon outing to his favourite wood.  Crossing at the traffic lights, we gave a cheery wave to a mate walking her dog, navigated the busy park, and went along the Sustrans path.  Low river waters revealed detritus and mysterious posts sticking out of sandy banks.  On a green bridge, pixie cups sprouted on mossy walls.  Near the farm, robins hopped between garden shrubs.  A man gardening commented on the number of small birds thereabouts.  A lovely grassy lane took us down to the old quarry, where a couple of boys rode mountain bikes.  I prodded an old bottle filled with green growth.  Thinking it could have art potential, I safely used a spare carrier to place it in my rucksack.  We rested at a small waterfall and enjoyed the calm rumble of water underfoot until a cloud of midges emerged!  Continuing through the unpeopled wood, we were serenaded by flocks of finches and yet more robins on the final stretch onto roadway.  Taking steps down to the canal, the lock bridge was crowded, requiring some dodging. (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesiii).

The barmy-looking cake was scrummy.  While out, I received several comments on the photo I’d posted on Facebook.  Referring to the candles, one friend said ‘I see Phil is 6’  ‘Err, 7 actually!’  Barely hungry, we forced ourselves to order an Indian take-away for dinner.  The deliverer rang to say he couldn’t find the house.  I stood on the doorstep and waved at a figure prowling the street.  He’d been looking for a number that didn’t exist.  On approach, he wore a mask on his chin.  Why bother if you took if off your face when you got to the customer’s house?  Not having dealt with a plague era take-away before, I considered the logistics.  I lay all the containers out on the kitchen table, removed the lids then washed my hands for serving, later cleansing the table and containers to put leftovers in the fridge.  Apart from cold bhajis, it tasted great but I wondered if it was worth the money now I could cook a decent curry myself.   Phil said it was, for the variety.  He had seconds but I could hardly move after 1 plateful! We drank cava and watched a DVD movie double-bill.  My Way mad because it’s true, Doomsday because it isn’t.  The Neil Marshall offering from 2008 wrongly predicted how people would act in the midst of a pandemic, lockdown and Brexit but his fictional plague was far more interesting than the real one!

On a cold, grey Sunday, we stayed in.  Feeling whacked, I apologised for being boring but tried to stay upbeat.  Writing and telly-watching was punctuated by eating yummy leftovers.  Despite severe fatigue, I struggled to sleep, doubtless due to the weekend’s excesses.  Night-time brightness didn’t help.  I peeked through the curtains at shiny white clouds, then used the meditation soundtrack to fall into a fractious sleep.

Vaccinations reached 22k.  As part of the over 55 age group, we’d be next.  Susan Hopkins, PHE said the UK was in for a ‘hard winter’ with surges in flu and ‘other respiratory pathogens’ because lack of a recent flu season reduced immunity.  But wouldn’t that slow the spread and reduce the risk of mutations, as they argued for Covid?  NHS workers claimed a higher pay offer was already ‘baked in’, held demos and threatened court action.  Boris still insisted 1% was all the government could afford (but it could change when the offer was considered by the NHS Pay Review Body).  As Europe warned of legal action, Lord Frost wrote in The Torygraph to tell them to stop sulking over the UK’s unilateral decision to extend the ‘grace period’ until October.  Using the EU rule put in place 30th January*, France and Italy churlishly blocked AZ exports to Australia.  A record 2.9m Americans were inoculated on Saturday making a total of 90m.   The Pope spent the weekend in Iraq and held a poignant Sunday mass among the ruins of Mosul.

* Vaccine export transparency mechanism; subsequently extended to the end of June 2021.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. Valley Life Magazine: http://valleylifemagazine.co.uk/

iii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 47 – Silly Games

“There’s no endgame that sees one country succeeding in controlling the virus while the rest of the world is dealing with rampant spread” (Salim Abdool Karim)

Peaky Jabbers

Haiga – Sinking

Exhausted by insomnia Monday morning, I forced myself up and opened the curtains to a sparkling scene of a thin coat of snow and dazzling sun.  Briefly forgetting my woes, I said we should go for a walk, after the essential tasks.

Taking rubbish out, an icy wind blew into my face. I decided it was too cold for walking.  The window cleaner’s hose was wrapped round our dustbin to stop people tripping on the steps.  As he emerged from the higher terrace opposite, we chatted awhile.  A load of crap dumped in the bin required fishing out with biodegrading rubber gloves and a stick, risking frostbite or worse.  By the time I’d cleaned up after the horrid job, it was 2 o’clock and my previous enthusiasm was overtaken by malaise.  Outdoor plans scrapped, I worked on the journal and aimed to do yoga but time ran away with me again.  It was one of those days…

32 new vaccine sites included The Black Country Living Museum used as a film set for Peaky Blinders.  “Peaky Jabbers!” I quipped, though the chances of Cillian Murphy turning up were slim.  ONS figures showed that during 2020, manual workers suffered the most deaths from Covid-19, especially in production, security, chefs, and drivers (men), retail & wholesale, carers and social workers (women).  The TUC said workplace fatalities were ‘vastly unreported’.  The RMT, headteachers, prisons, posties and shopworkers clamoured to be prioritised for immunisation. The Covid Operations Committee, aka COC, met to decide on tighter border controls and quarantine hotels.

Ever the populist, a day after Matt Cock said it was too early, Boris hinted at easing lockdown after vulnerable groups were inoculated.  Mark Harper of CRG called for slackening by early March, starting with schools.  Already sick to death of media coverage on the impact of school closures, teenagers on Newsnight moaning that it was ‘weally hard’ wore down my sympathy for the younger generation.  As if not attending class was the worst thing ever with hospitals full and people dying!

The last 12,000 jobs at Debenhams would go as Boohoo were buying the brand and website but not the shops.  Later acquiring Dorothy Perkins, Wallis and Burtons, and Asos about to purchase Topshop, Topman, Miss Selfridge and HIT, it could be the end of Arcadia on the hight street, apart from possibly the flagship Oxford Street Topshop store.

NGS-SA, a consortium of medics looking into the South African variant, found 23 mutations, of which 20 caused amino acid changes and 8 were in the spike protein.  These allowed greater transmission and replication in the host, leading to quicker spread.  With some evidence of more resistance to natural antibodies, they said it was ‘likely’ vaccines would still work, subject to further research.

Tuesday proved even worse than Monday.  In the damp monochrome afternoon, I set off for Boots.  A woman crouched down to finger practically every item on the shelf, selfishly blocking the aisle, until I politely asked her to shift for me to grab mouthwash.  I collected my online order from the cash-desk and retreated to decant items from the unwieldy box into my rucksack.  Vials spilled out of a hair dye carton, hazardously undone.  Now in a bad mood, I considered skipping the grocery shop but persevered.  Kids running haphazardly in the congested co-op aisles made me swear.  Swerving contact, I sped round for essentials but paused when I saw a product recall notice for seafood we got at Christmas, making a note to return it.  At the kiosk I asked to speak to a manager.  When he appeared, I explained my angst at the busyness of the shopfloor.  Rather than an apology for the stress caused let alone any thanks for bringing the matter to his attention, he defensively said: “we can’t watch the floor all the time.”  Fuming, I stormed out.  Back home, I took toiletries up to the bathroom, got washed and collapsed on the sofa.  Relating the obstacle course to Phil, he said: “it’s those essential coffee-cup worker kids coming out of school, obvs.”  “Yes but why did they have someone on the door during the first lockdown to limit numbers and not now?   And why do those middle class coffee-cuppers still think they are special?”  It made me think again about the hubris of some, when everyone was in the same boat (apart from celebs).  He kindly sorted the groceries so I could go for a rest, but my mind whirred, still perturbed by the shopping experience.  And while there were less comings and goings on the street below, I was disturbed when shed boy returned in his rickety van from no-doubt essential building work (sic).  Reflecting on the trials of the past 2 days, I reasoned at least the errands were done leaving time to do something more enjoyable midweek. In the evening, a fine fog swirled smoke-like beneath the streetlamps.

Dicing with Death

Sorry My Arse!

UK official deaths doubled in 2 months to reach the grim milestone of 100,000, a 3rd of them care home residents.  The highest in Europe, only the US, Brazil, India and Mexico had worse stats.  Sage bod Calum Semple predicted another 50k fatalities before the pandemic ‘burns out’.  Keir, self-isolating for a third time, called it a ‘national tragedy’ and trolled out the old ‘behind the curve at every stage’ line.  Appearing at the briefing, The Bumbler apologised and said he took full responsibility – sorry my arse!  And to think that on this date in 2020, positive tests numbered 50.  Oh, halcyon days!  On a more positive note, over 7m now had the vax and hospital admissions were the lowest since New Year, but there were still more in-patients on ventilators than ever.

200,000 job losses Sept-Nov 2020 led to a 5-year unemployment record of 5% (1.72m).  It would have been much worse without furlough, currently supporting 2.4m posts, down from the May peak of 8.9m, when firms shed staff before it was extended.  Business leaders urged a re-extension of the scheme in Rishi’s March budget.

Rising on Wednesday, I immediately felt wobbly with a clogged nose and had to get back in bed.  Pissed off after only 3 days up and about and reluctant to submit to a relapse, my depression reached a new low.  I told myself I wasn’t missing much as the weather stayed grey, belying the forecast for an improvement.  I hoped the debilitation would be short-lived this time but alas, it proved not to be.  While I wrote on the laptop, Phil cleaned and shopped.

A week after escaping the floods, the Wockhardt factory was evacuated after a suspicious package required the deployment of bomb disposal.  A Chatham man later arrested for sending the parcel, we weren’t told if it was actually a bomb. The Bumbler briefed the nation that 8th March was the earliest date for school re-opening and promised a plan to come out of lockdown week beginning 22nd Feb, dependent on vaccine progress, hospital admissions and fatalities.  Patel finally said going on holiday was illegal and berated social media influencers sun-bathing in Dubai and skiers heading for Kings Cross.  Travellers from certain countries would be bussed to Covid hotels, paying £1,500 for 10 days quarantine.  The ‘red list’ due to come into force next Friday, included South America, Southern Africa, Portugal, UAE and some dot islands.  Best Western’s UK CEO Rob Paterson said the chain could quickly sweep into action, but later expressed dismay at the lack of firm plans.  Was he that rare animal – a businessman who wasn’t in league with the tories?

A virtual Keir appeared at PMQs to repeat’ slow, slow, slow’.  He asked: why was the UK death toll the highest in Europe? why did quarantine only apply to certain countries? and why weren’t all inbound travellers tested and quarantined immediately?  Keir slapped down an evasive Boris for trolling out the worn-out insults, said he had ‘no plan’ and pleaded for the urgent inoculation of keyworkers.  This time able to ask both questions, Ian Blackford berated Boris for not ‘following the science’ as he claimed and called for financial certainty on furlough and UC: “stop the dithering and delays!”  Des Swayne MP (not seen on the green benches) told an anti-lockdown group that stats on the virus “appear to have been manipulated.”  Scolded by the tory chair, Angela Rayner demanded stronger action.

After a week of anti-curfew rioting in the Netherlands, businesses were boarded up and at least 180 arrested.  Fires were lit in the streets of Amsterdam and Den Hague.  No surprise to me, having previously experienced hair-raising New Year trips!  One of their favourite pastimes seemed to be setting fire to cars.  Pfizer found their vaccine effective against the SA variant while Moderna developed a booster for theirs.  Chair of the SA coronavirus advisory panel, Salim Abdool Karim said: “no-one is safe until everyone is safe…There’s no endgame that sees one country succeeding in controlling the virus while the rest of the world is dealing with rampant spread…we all need to stand together.”  Prof. Tulio De Oliviera, the scientist who discovered the variant added that travel restrictions were futile: “I find it almost silly…trying to block a country, because we know how fast this virus spreads and in how many places.”  He called on governments to avoid ‘virus nationalism’ and apply broad quarantine rules to all international travellers.

A good night’s sleep aside, I still felt ill on Thursday. I spent all day in bed writing my novel and collaging.  Phil spent all day on the phone telling people Shutterstock wasn’t working.  The problem persisting into the following week, at least it was earning the dollars.

Paperchase

Euphoria Salon Escapees

In the face of criticism on slow rollout and angry at Astra-Zeneca limiting supplies to the EU, the European Commission had threatened vaccine controls.  Nads Zahawi played down fears imports of Pfizer would be blocked, saying 367m were on order from different sources.  EU health commissioner Stella Keryakides said: “we reject the notion of first come first served.”  Set to approve the AZ vax Friday, Germans found ‘insufficient data’ of effectiveness on the over 65’s.  Nads dismissed the claims.  AZ boss Pascal Soriot advised the UK was doing right delaying the second jab 12 weeks and bragged that all over 50’s would be immunised by the end of February.  Wading into the kerfuffle, Sturgeon threatened to give supply figures to Europe (already available in the form of ‘spin’).  She also criticised Boris for visiting the Valneva lab in Livingston north of the border, maker of yet another vaccine.  Meanwhile, Novavax planned to make 60m doses in Teesside.  Almost 90% effective on the Kent virus and 60% on the SA variant, it was set to be the 4th vaccine to gain approval.

With an upward trend since Christmas week, police had so far issued 42,000 fines, 80% to 18-39 year olds and 250 for mass gatherings including 2 organisers of the Woodhouse Moor snowball fight.  “Why no fines for Londoners sledging on Primrose Hill?” I asked. “Because they weren’t Leeds chavs,” replied Phil. “We were told it was students.” “I doubt it. Not dressed like that.”  Clients escaped from a police raid via the fire exit from the Euphoria salon in Cwmbran.  The owner was fined £1k,  Casa Cruz got a £5k fine for Rita Ora’s birthday bash but she escaped sanctions herself.  The disproportionality was striking.

The issue of ‘vaccine nationalism’ discussed on QT, we were reminded of the EU land border on the island of Ireland.  Was there actually a good side to Brexit?  “I’ve always said the EU is just a giant pile of coffee-cuppers,” declared Phil.  The problems of getting a bunch of nations to agree manifest, maybe the UK government was right to appoint a venture capitalist to head up a taskforce, thus delegating the job to a non-politician.

And oft-derided investors saved the Paperchase chain, including many of the chain’s high street shops.

On a nondescript Friday, I initially felt better after a good sleep, but my sinus symptoms soon returned.  Resigned to bedrest, I continued work on the secret collage, wishing I’d never started, or used paper rather than Photoshop.  It was so fiddly cutting round those pixels!  Phil went to the co-op for a ‘freezer filler’ of pizza and garlic bread.  Again, we didn’t drink too much wine while watching films but overnight, I had two dreams like movie plots.  The first resembled a crap cheap sci-fi with Mars cop robots.  The second featured WW1 soldiers as sooty ghosts.  Relating them to Phil, I complained: “we watch too many sci-fi and war films”.  “It’s good for your imagination,” he countered, “WW1 gets in your head.”  We thought there might be some mileage in the latter idea.

1 year since the first UK case of coronavirus arose in York, paper books chosen for genre or colour rather than content, sold ‘by the yard’ to fill shelves in zoom backgrounds.  The Janssen vaccine showed 60% effectiveness after 1 dose, including on the SA variant. Prof. Paul Heath, leader of the Novavax trial, said the technology existed to deal with new strains with the possibility of ‘bivalent’ vaccines.  The EMU approved the Astra-Zeneca vax for all adults, despite German claims of ineffectiveness on OAPs. Aiming to stop exports from Europe until the end of March, Brussels introduced more paperwork in the form of a ‘vaccine export transparency mechanism’ and planned to invoke Article 16 to stop product crossing from ROI to NI.  After condemnation from London, Belfast and Dublin for breaking the Brexit agreement, it was hastily withdrawn.  Arlene Foster called it “an incredible act of hostility.”  Playing silly beggars, more like!

Over the weekend, I stayed mainly in bed spending far too long on the collage, making my head ache but I eventually finished it.  Brighter on Sunday, we remarked on the noticeable change in light over the last few days, even when grey.  Phil visited the nearby clough to report it totally sodden.  Poaching overripe pears for dessert made my back ache and my mood plummet.  Cheered by the tasty fruit and ice cream, I sat up to watch telly after dinner but had a mediocre sleep.

A record 600k jabs on Saturday brought the total to 9 million.  Discussing overstocks going to less fortunate countries, shadow minister Rachel Reeves said the UK should inoculate its own vulnerable people first – very socialist, I’m sure!  Her erstwhile boss Tony Blair waded into the paperwork row, admonishing the EU for being ‘foolish’.  Macron defied speculation on another lockdown, shutting France’s shopping malls and non-EU borders instead.  Across Russia, protests in support of Alexei Navalny involved dancing on ice and brandishing golden bog brushes – a reference to the Black Sea mansion allegedly owned by Putin.  Liz Truss negotiated to join the Comprehensive & progressive Trans-Pacific Partnership (C&PT-PP).  Emily Thornberry wondered why the country spent over 4 years leaving one trading bloc to join another.  Fun and games!

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 44 – It Ain’t Over ‘Til It’s Over

“Sorry losers and haters but my IQ is one of the highest – and you all know it!  Please don’t feel so stupid or insecure, it’s not your fault” (Donald Trump)

Lockdown Mark 3

Haiga – Primary

Early 2021, I considered giving up on the journal but with so much going on, felt compelled to continue.  After all, ‘it ain’t over ‘til it’s over’…

Woozy Monday due to lack of sleep, I made a big effort to rise.  We laughed along with Vernon Kay on Jeremey Vine as Carol Brexit banged on about the same old garbage of the virus only killing ill people.  There was controversy over when to take Christmas decor down.  Both brought up to do it on the Epiphany when the 3 wise men came, we used to move the figurines into the crib, then pack it up.  Others said they should be removed before midnight on 6th January to ward off bad luck.  We declared that a load of nonsense, believing in tradition, not superstition.  A woman called in to say her parents left them until well after twelfth night last year.  They poo-pooed her assertion it was bad luck: “And then look what happened!”  That slayed us.  “It’s good to have someone to blame!”  I later discovered from English Heritage that in Medieval times, people kept them until Candlemas on 2nd February.  It made sense brightening the dark January days, but leaving it ‘til Easter was just ludicrous, particularly with cream eggs already on the shelves.

I posted blogs and as the skies looked threatening, we got rid of piles of recycling in case more snow arrived.  Very icy near the bins, Phil had a hard time not slipping.  The site resembling a midden, he tried to clear the nastiness up but the task proved futile.  In the afternoon, I did some yoga then actually slept briefly which was nice.  Meanwhile, Phil went to the co-op, returning without salad items: “nowt to do with Brexit.”  Big Sis had messaged a few days ago and finally feeling up to calling as promised, we started safely agreeing on the Brexit mess.  As she suddenly jumped to the old ‘they have all our info, including our DNA’ conspiracy stuff, I managed to steer the conversation back to common ground.

Brian Pinker was the first UK resident to get the Oxford jab. Prof Powis said it was a ‘turning point’ and echoed my prediction that things would improve by spring/early summer.  The variant was now known worldwide as the Kent Virus.  Cases rose, with the highest rates in the North West, especially Liverpool and Cumbria.  Wales and Scotland were in total lockdown until at least the end of January, and the NI Executive toughened measures.  At 8.00 p.m. Boris announced England was at ‘alert level 5’ and entering a third national lockdown.  Similar to the first one, it entailed staying at home, only leaving to shop for essentials, for exercise, medical reasons, to escape domestic abuse, or for work if we had to.  The clinically vulnerable were told to shield again, social bubbles remained in place, nurseries stayed open but schools and colleges shut.  Having claimed they were low risk only the previous day, The Bumbler now said schools were ‘major vectors’ of the virus.  He promised eligible kids would get free school meals and the distribution of more devices to support remote learning.  Exams were scrapped with alternatives to be arranged.  Possibly lasting into March, we were urged to follow the rules immediately before they became law on Wednesday when MPs re-convened to vote.  He promised we were in “the last phase of the struggle” and the top 4 priority groups would be vaccinated by the end of February, requiring an unprecedented 2 million jabs a week.  A tall order for a government that consistently over-promised and under-delivered!

Failing to mention any additional support for business, Rishi rushed out plans the next morning.  £4.6 billion would be available, including grants of £9k for retail, hospitality and leisure and £594m for councils to support local business via a discretionary fund.  He ignored suggestions to provide furlough to parents forced to stay at home with school kids and increasing SSP to encourage the infected to self-isolate. 

Panic-buying and virtual queues returned immediately and Online grocers’ websites crashed.  Thank goodness I placed that Ocado order at the weekend!

Tuesday, I got rid of Christmas cards and greenery. I also tried to clear up the midden but was defeated by mounds of inflexible cardboard and polystyrene – who was responsible?  During my siesta, I used earplugs to block out sounds of shouting from outside.  Although generally quieter after the start of lockdown mark 3, someone was having a loud socially-distanced conversation, making it impossible to settle.

About to play guitar early evening, Keir came on telly with a formal statement.  Previously saying “the figures are very stark” and there was “nothing missing from the package”, he now said serious questions remained on why The Bumbler hadn’t acted sooner, why the testing system still wasn’t working, why there was so little time to plan for school closures, and why the delay in offering business support?  He promised Labour would support the new lockdown: “… whatever our quarrels.. we need to come together… the virus is out of control… at this darkest of moments we need a new national effort…”  but vowed to: “(challenge) the government where they are getting it wrong… (they must) use the lockdown to establish a massive vaccination programme… we need a new contract… the country stays at home, the government delivers the vaccine… “  I wasn’t keen on his idea of ‘round the clock’ vaccinations; no way would I be able to get to a jab centre at silly o’clock in the morning!  And what about the staff?  On Newsnight, Lockdown Sceptic Toby Young conceded he was wrong to say a second wave wasn’t on the way.  But still stuck to his sociopathic herd immunity beliefs, citing the stupid Barrington declaration and Prof Guppy Fish.  What a wanker!

Loser Trump planned to fly to Scotland and play golf on 19th January, thus avoiding Biden’s inauguration on the 20th.  Sturgeon warned he was not allowed as golf wasn’t essential.  Phil said: “she can’t stop him. He’ll still be a sovereign entity.”  Or would he?…

Anarchy in the USA

Insurrection at The Capitol

Cold, frosty but sunny Wednesday, a walk would have been good but it took most of the day to deal with Christmas trees.  Phil carried the larger one out all by himself. “ Smashed it!” we laughed.  The hoovering made my back ache so I switched to sedentary activities. Annoyed at being charged loads for utilities, I searched the British Gas website for a lower tariff to discover I couldn’t get one unless I had an electric car!  Phil popped to the shop just before dusk, alarmed that the pavements were already refrozen. 

On a QT special, simpleton Nads Zahawi, minister for the vaccination programme (god help us!) said they needed the community and independent sectors to work with the NHS on vaccine delivery. Pharmacists so far excluded, meetings were promised next week.  As they’d announced 7 new regional hubs, I asked why none were in Yorkshire; even more of an issue as only elderly people within 45 minutes’ drive would be invited.  What a daft strategy!

MPs went to parliament for a day.  The Salesman told them teacher assessments would be used in place of  exams or terrible algorithms.  With BTEC exams due next week, they weren’t included.  In a meeting with revolting tories before the vote on Lockdown #3, Boris seemed surprised it would be law until the end of March (just before Easter) and promised a review every 2 weeks.  “He hasn’t read it!” exclaimed Phil.  As 1.3k Met officers were off sick or isolating, other forces sought permission to break down doors and arrest people.  European news actually reported by the BBC for once, there were issues of goods entering NI and the Moderna vaccine was approved by the EU; not applicable on Brexit island of course.

Over In the states, 1 in 5 citizens of Los Angeles were infected, someone died every 15 minutes and ambulances were disgustingly instructed to not pick up people with little chance of recovery.

Following Loser Trump’s attempts to find extra votes and get Pence to illegally declare ballots invalid, the Georgia re-run confirmed a Democrat majority.  He told his supporters to go to the Capitol Building, which they obediently did, using violence to gain entry, seize inauguration stands, and defile the interior.  4 acolytes died, one of gunshot the others of heart attacks.  Amid questions about security, in stark contrast to the response to BLM protests in the summer, a cop became the fifth fatality due to injuries sustained.

The next day, Biden was finally confirmed as the next president.  Still intending to miss the inauguration, The Loser tweeted:  ‘Even though I totally disagree with the outcome of the election, and the facts bear me out, nevertheless there will be an orderly transition on January 20.’  Democrats called for him to be removed from office on the grounds of mental incapacity and incitement to insurrection.  Having ended the lives of more death row prisoners than any other president in history, it was a shame the maximum penalty was 10 years if convicted.  Clearly saying words written for him, he later decried the Capitol besiegers.  Some halfwit commented on a picture posted on twitter labelled ‘Via Getty’, that the subject should be arrested.  Which grandson would that be?

Here We Are Again!

Shed of Pathos

Wintry conditions persisted for the rest of the week.  Thursday, we were distracted by watching people moving out of the house below.  “I wonder who our next sim pets will be?”  Ha, ha!  Togged up, I stole myself for a chilly trip to the market.  Actually 2 degrees above freezing, and no ice on the pavements, I felt overdressed.  In a quiet town centre, only 4 cars occupied the carpark, allowing me to spot what resembled a pixie door in the side wall of the tearooms, previously unnoticed.  The stall outside the pub in the square, rammed with people imbibing mulled wine the previous week, now looked forsaken.  The fish van hadn’t made the weekly trip but the toiletries stall was well-stocked which was a relief amidst reports of bog roll shortages.  While serving me, the jolly veg man precariously placed his lit fag on the edge of the stall, next to a pack of lighters.  “Watch that!” I implored.  “Don’t worry, I’m an expert at burning stuff down.” “That’s reassuring.”  I remembered to repay him for a faux pas long ago, when I inadvertently took an extra bunch of spring onions.  “I’ve been losing sleep over that 50p,” he joked.  That evening, we watched The Limehouse Golem on telly. The first time I’d seen it sober; I was struck by its creepiness.  Dan Leno’s catchphrase: ‘here we are again!’ seemed particularly poignant right now.

The Cock Cocked-up at a GP surgery to laud delivery of the Oxford vaccine which didn’t turn up.  Jon Ashworth said it was like the ‘Thick of It’.  The weekly clap apparently returned, as ‘clap for heroes’.  “Who are they then?” Asked Phil. “Anyone you like.”  No applause was heard in these parts.

Friday, I re-worked my submission plan in line with the reduced 4 issues of Valley Life magazine planned for 2021, reflecting it would be easier selecting one extract per season.  The trip to the co-op definitely required the bear coat.  Despite alleged shortages and stockpiling, I fulfilled the list.  In the afternoon, I wrote up small walks from the previous week to post on ‘Cool Places’i

The R rate rose to 1-1.4.  Nationally, there were 1,325 deaths from coronavirus, the worst daily total ever.  A major incident was declared in London where 1 in 30 were infected compared to 1 in 50 nationally.  The Excel Nightingale hospital would re-open for non-Covid patients.  It was reported that 1.5m older people had received a jab so far while the Moderna vaccination was approved.  The government ordered an extra 17m doses but it wouldn’t be available until spring, no doubt because the EU got in first.  Hauliers going to France were advised to get tested before crossing into Kent.  Grant Shatts said negative tests would be required within 72 hours of in-bound travel to the UK.  The plan put back until 18th January because the guidance hadn’t been published, Yvette Cooper called it “truly shocking.”  Plod idiocy returned with the old park bench conundrum. The over-zealous Derbyshire force were up to their old tricks, fining 2 women who’d driven 5 miles to have a walk.  An appeal was unsurprisingly successful.  Here we are again!

Saturday, a weak sun obscured by fog, soon disappeared altogether.  Horrid dressing in the arctic conditions, I asked Phil to do my long-overdue haircut dry.  He said it would be different but I thought it was pretty good.  The rest of the day, I worked on blogs and created an arty alphabet made up of letters from signs photographed on the recent canal walk.  It started to shape up well but q, x, and z were missing. With cases still rising and hospitals at breaking point, top medics pleaded for tougher restrictions and Boris was more worried than ever.  Apart from the daft government ads, it wasn’t clear what else he would do.  Reduce the ridiculously long list of keyworkers?  Stop their kids attending classes?  Close schools altogether? Shut nurseries?  Reduce permitted exercise to once a week?  As Twitter shut Trump’s account, Phil asked: “has anyone copied it?  There were some classics.”  “What, like covfefe?”  He later found an hilarious example (see top).

Numbered Pole

On a dingy, drizzly Sunday, I braved the mix of mist and fine rain which Phil called ‘fizzle’, to go and find the missing letters for my arty alphabet.

Walking down our street, I found 2 out of 3, plus most numbers.  I ventured slightly further and succeeded in getting a complete set.

When you looked, they were everywhere: on lampposts, telegraph poles, walls, parking meters, and of course signs.

Coming back, I found a DVD in the freebie box then ran the last stretch.  Good to get some fresh air and exercise, I reflected on the restrictions saying we could go outdoors once a day for exercise but not for recreation.  Did that mean we could walk/run/cycle, as long as we didn’t enjoy it?  I had several responses ready if challenged: “it’s for me mental health, innit?; I is an essential photographer; I am journaling the pandemic and contributing to a research project”.  Alphabet complete, I manipulated letters in Photoshop for future use and wrote a haiku.ii

Over the weekend, Leeds got trounced by Crawley Town in the FA cup 3rd round.  To be fair, they looked like they weren’t even trying, suggesting they’d rather concentrate on staying in the top flight.  Pundits advised the suspension of all matches.  “Yeah, but they don’t mind getting paid to chat shit about the footie they think shouldn’t be played!”

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com