The Corvus Papers 4: Permacrisis

“(Permacrisis*) sums up quite succinctly how truly awful 2022 has been for so many people” (Alex Beecroft)

Highway To Hell

Woodland 1

Suffering a bad cold at the start of November, I’d forgot the practice nurse call.  She proffered more questions, a mammogram re-invite and directed me to the ‘Menopause Matters’ website before a follow-up call.  Unable to go for covid boosters, I re-booked but still snotty the next week and no more clinics available, was told to ring back when our colds had gone.  Phil shopped and cooked, having a trauma as the gas ring set fire to a baking sheet.  I’d just gone back to bed Thursday morning when the postie loudly knocked on the door, bearing a small parcel (1 of 2 items from Natures Best, the other came the next day – why on earth were they sent separately?)  I made a big effort to do chores, frustrated by not finding a washed tablecloth; buried in a basket.  Brighter following heavy overnight rain, I moved still sopping laundry into the sun, opened the window for fresh air and posted a Cool Places blogi.  After work, Phil rushed to the bathroom with a heavy sigh.  “What’s up?” “I served a customer with covid outside The Store.” “You might have covid.” “Yes, but he really did.”  Shivering, I noted moisture on windows even though I’d wiped them, conceded it was proper cold and put the heating on.  Watching QT, Phil asked: “What’s Patrick Bateman said?” He meant Psycho Chris Philp.  I hadn’t heard him leave Friday morning and dozed to traffic sounds; always noisier after October half-term.  A sizzling frosty start was obscured by more condensation!  Getting exhausted trying to clean, I returned to bed and battled brightness to use the laptop and browse Menopause Matters.  Confused by a variety of HRT, I dawdled to the co-op, enjoying every moment of sunshine and a smile from Scottish ex-neighbour on the way.  I scored the free trolley and saw The Widower.  Having dithered over wearing a face-mask in case of covid, I didn’t and guiltily kept my distance asking after his health, then got more uneasy as an old man in front of me at the till dropped his walking stick and politely declined my offer of help.  Knackered by the exertion, I took a cuppa to bed and edited my Christmas card.  The sun already behind the hill when Phil got back, a spooky ¾ moon rose prettily below a shiny Jupiter.  Saturday, I woke with remnants of an intricate dream in my head inspired by the fantasy film The Wanting Mare.  Slightly better, I retrieved winter clobber, donned a woolly jumper and sat in the chilly living room. 

As Musk realised he’d paid over the odds for loss-making Twitter, he requested $20 per celeb to keep their blue tick.  Stephen King tweeted Musk should be paying him, to which Musk replied, what about $8?  A wave of fake blue tick accounts including his, hilariously ensued.  Putting profit above people, he brutally sacked half his staff via 3.00 a.m. e-mails.  Paid up to February – not bad! – the human rights team the first to go.  A class action was brought.  Later in the month, staff told to sign up for high intensity long hours or leave, quit.  Musk shut the offices for a week. 1m tweeters closed or deactivated their accounts and Mastodon reported 70,000 new users.  Too confusing and unable to join the UK ‘instance’, I gave up doing likewise.  Photoshop failing to save the latest Christmas card edit, I started again, then it crashed, losing 2 days’ work!  Phil offered to help. “No! It’s secret!”  Making dinner, I jumped every time a firework went off outside. Phil tutted: “That’ll happen all night.” “Yes, but it still makes me jump.”  Muted colours in soft sunlight disappeared into the grey Sunday.  Waking early full of gunk, I gave up sleeping, struggled down and started the Christmas card from scratch until Phil returned with Tales From The Store.  Colleagues totally avoiding veggie food, one referred to chickpeas as dirt.  It reminded me of Walking Friend’s violent aversion to coriander when we discussed spicy recipes the other week.  A sore throat overnight extended into my nose and cheeks Monday.  I took echinacea and battled on.

More hospitalisations for flu, covid infections fell. Compass Pathways found psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms lifted depression in 1/3 of severe cases.  According to the downloadable bio ‘out of the blue’, Truss ate a pork pie with her favoured tipple the night before resigning – still no mention of Melton Mowbray’s demise!  The Cock entered the jungle, ostensibly to promote dyslexia awareness.  Called a skiver, embarrassing and disingenuous, incensed constituents weren’t mollified by a hotline to their MP.  The whip withdrawn, Bereaved Families’ Lobby Akinnola said the former health sec should focus on the covid inquiry, not ‘a shameless attempt to revamp his image.’  He ambled in to beg forgiveness of gaping contestants and predictably be first in line for bushtucker trials.  Those poor animals!  On Laura K., Ed Millipede said we hadn’t done enough since the last COP, Diane Johnson said the immigration system was a mess and Oliver Dowdy defended Swellen and agreed The Salesman’s expletive-laden texts to Wendy Morton were unacceptable, but excused them for being sent at a ‘difficult time’.  Jerk Berry informed Rishi about the texts the day before he made Gavin ‘Minister without Portfolio’.  Standards obviously only applying in good times, Morton referred him to the Independent Complaints & Grievance Scheme.  A 10 year old hack told Andrew Neil he was brought in as a fixer as he was good at ‘behind the scenes dark arts stuff’.  Transport minister Dick Holden evaded questions on scrapping Northern Poorhouse Rail, saying they had to cut their cloth.  As ‘furious as everyone else’ about illegal immigration, he parroted lame excuses for 12 years’ failure.

John Swinney made massive Scottish budget cuts and Morrisons were shutting 132 McColls stores.  Slow global growth led to tech job losses.  With competition from TikTok, Apple privacy changes and loss of investor confidence concerning decade-long Metaverse plans, Meta would lay off 13% of staff with the recruitment team hardest hit.  E-mails told us we could no longer revert to ‘classic’ Facebook and MS would charge for attachment storage – time to purge that in-box!  Octopus energy already paying customers to cut peak-time gas use, National Grid started a trial for smart meter customers.  BP profits £7bn July-Aug, Just Stop Oil threw orange paint at the Home Office, M15, BOE, and News Corp HQ: the ‘4 pillars that support and maintain the power of a fossil fuel economy – government, security, finance and media’.  Trussed-Up having ruined the UK’s reputation and taking longer to regain it, the worst recession for a century was likely to last into 2023.  BOE hiked interest to 3%, the most since 1987.  Former gov Mark Carney said sterling’s fall and a shrinking economy after Brexit added to ‘inflationary pressure’.  Rees-Moggy railed: “To blame…Brexit Is bizarre and only an ultra Remainiac would make such a bogus argument.”  No, Moggy, you’re the maniac!  Rishi promised a new budget would reveal him as Santa, not scrooge. Yeah, for the rich!  On QT, Lord Stuart Rose thought it too late to avoid a long recession.  Predicting the new budget would dish out pain, economist Zanny Minton-Bedoes called discounting tax rises and scrapping of the triple-lock mad; everything should be on the table.  60% of the public with a £60 monthly deficit, and 20% with no savings or resilience after 12 years of tory rule, Peter Kyle said it’d be long and painful.  The Psycho prated about the wealthiest 1% paying 28% of all tax, thresholds and the minimum wage going up.  The audience threw out questions on hungry kids, windfall taxes and the futility of raising interest so we wouldn’t buy stuff that we had no money for anyway.  55% of consumers using credit for Christmas tat, 20% for the first time, 2/5 taking out loans to pay off HP seemed like a bad idea!  More talks agreed, rail strikes due early November were called off too late for normal service to resume Saturday or even the next week.  With a new offer, the Hull Stagecoach strike was suspended.  Scrapping Boris’ daft royal yacht project, Ben Wally said they’d build the MROSS defence ship instead.

Highway To Hell

In his first interview since resigning, The Bumbler told Sky Vlad would be mad to use nuclear weapons.  Attending COP27, Rishi decided to go, allegedly because they’d made good progress on their budget.  Not going to Egypt, Kingy held an audience at Buck House.  Storm Claudio brought yellow wind and rain from France and flooding round London.

As South East commuters also contended with protestors on M25 gantries, Rishi and Boris arrived in sunny Sharm, the latter with a bevy of teenage girls – did they write his policy?  Guterres warned conference action on the ‘defining issue of our times’ was woeful, the clock was ticking and we were on “the last stages of the highway to climate hell, with our foot still on the accelerator.”  Activists in Rome showered Van Gogh’s The Sower with pea soup.

Migrants bussed out of Manston described inhuman conditions as some were left at Victoria Coach Station coatless and shod in flip-flops.  A kid threw a letter over the fence addressed to journalists. Children’s commissioner Rachel de Souza asked Swellen how many unaccompanied children were in the camp and how were they treated?  A ‘deeply concerned’ Diane Johnson (home affairs cttee chair) and 14 council heads wrote to Swellen complaining of its use as an ‘easy fix for a national strategic issue’.  Tensions mounting, protestors brandished placards reading ‘Suella’s shame’ and a right-wing backlash threatened.  Albanian MP Edi Rama tweeted it was ‘easy rhetoric’ blaming them and on Newsnight, accused the UK of scapegoating, while Rachel Maclean cited ‘unintended consequences’ of the Modern Slavery Act for more boat crossings – err, most victims were British!  Ignoring a power outage at Harmondsworth immigrant removal centre where detainees with ‘various weaponry’ ‘rioting’ in the courtyard, met riot police, the BBC alleged Kurdish criminal gangs controlled French camps and paid Albanians to channel-cross to work in the ‘drugs trade’.  UK pay 10 times higher, they left their home towns empty.  What clap-trap – drug dealers weren’t on regular wages!  Minister Graham Stuart admitted Swellen used ‘unfortunate language’.  Spotting his nephew on Metro’s front cover, Albanian Arben Halili, travelled from Oxford, tried to get into Manston and blocked a coach leaving the site.  Landing in a chinook Thursday, Swellen was booed and journos were banned.  Legal action was brought by Detention Action and a woman ‘from outside Europe’ allegedly left at Manston in ‘egregiously defective conditions’ for 3 weeks until allowed to stay with family in the UK.

At PMQs, Rishi was asked what Swellen had to do to resign and who broke the asylum system?  Always shifting blame, it could only be the tories after 12 years’ power.  Rishi told Keir they were getting a grip but he’d voted against the bill and couldn’t attack a plan and not have one himself.  Keir leered, let’s look at that plan: Manston nor Rwanda were working.  He’d prosecuted people-traffickers, they couldn’t even process migrants.  It was time to scrap gimmicks, get a proper home sec, and get a grip.  Rishi wittered about Keir supporting national security risk Corbyn.  Blackford harped on about the triple-lock and political choices hitting the poorest hardest – why not take the easy decisions, raise windfall taxes, scrap non-doms, and help the vulnerable?  Rishi insisted they supported oil companies to invest.  Furious at money spent on housing illegals, a backbencher wondered when it’d be sorted out.  Rishi parroted ‘we will defend our borders’.  Alba asked if Scotland was a territorial British colony; the argument rumbled on all month.

After Baroness Casey called her report ‘a line in the sand’ and Mark Rowley said it was clear hundreds of Met officers should be sacked, HMICFRS** published findings of sexism and misogyny in several police forces.  Inadequate vetting made it too easy for the wrong people to join.  Rowley later complained he couldn’t get rid of cops not trusted to speak to the public.  Fireworks were thrown at police vans in Leeds and a 17 year old Halifax lad being chased by cops, crashed into a greenhouse and died.  Rallying for early elections, ex Pakistan PM Imran Khan was shot in the leg.  An alleged assassination attempt, further demos followed.

In a major shake-up, The Arts Council shifted £50m from London to the provinces.  ENO funding cut, a restructuring grant helped them relocate to Manchester and Blackpool illuminations got money for the first time – those Red Indians did need replacing!  As non-Americans googled it to do a wordle, Cambridge dictionary named ‘homer’ word of the year.  ‘Permacrisis’ topped Collins’ list which also included ‘sportswashing’, ‘warm bank’, ‘partygate’, ‘vibe shift’, ‘lawfare’, ‘quiet quitting’, ‘Carolean’ and ‘splooting’.

Nasty Business

The Grand

Woken prematurely by Phil Tuesday 8th, I grumbled, dozed, exercised, cleaned and began an Ocado order when the nurse rang an hour early.  I griped of complex info on Menopause Matters, and more generally, of having to do it all yourself these days.  After clarifying some points. we agreed on low-dose HRT patches, ready to collect next week.  Phil hoped I didn’t go loopy like Carole Gammone.  “It’s meant to improve your mood; I bet she’s on a high dosage from a dodgy source.”  Early Wednesday, I realised the bathroom light was left on overnight, switched it off, then Phil fumbled to the loo, turning it back on.  Forecasters repeated it was mild for the time of year but omitted to mention rain.  Together with a heavy head and tummy ache, it mitigated against an outing.  Phil popped to the shop just in time for a sharp shower.  Thursday even wetter, I felt cold.  Exhausted from vacuuming when Ocado came, I wryly observed I’d fallen into the trap of buying tiny packs again (I thought the juice trio was cheap!)  I shelved a trip to the market and booked a BG service – amazingly lots of slots available, for next Monday.  Receiving a letter from the dole saying I qualified for an extra warm homes grant and still diddled out of the full energy rebate, I went round in circles trying to fathom the new Evolve site.  Newsnight had featured Evolv’s crap AI weapons detection – was it the same thing?  Phil had a funny do with his right eye at work; annoying just as his left one improved. “Do you need an ambulance?” “No; I’ll ring doctors if it gets worse.” “It already is.” “I mean if there are signs of a detached retina.”  The Store had finally recruited an assistant manager, meaning a 3-day week – in the short-term.  December rosters unset, he was unsure of Christmas shifts, pondered taking leave, but there was no need.  Untangling last month’s Westminster shit-show for the journal, I got head fug and turned the laptop off for a 3rd update in 2 days.  Struggling to sleep, I enjoyed hooting owls; much nicer than squawking geese Friday morning.  Going to the co-op, a cat scuttling in the undergrowth on the steps startled me.  I revelled in mild, fresh air scented by late-blooming Japanese Jasmine until assailed by traffic fumes on the main road.  Several items missing from shelves, I asked My Mate could I pay at the kiosk.  He advised using the conveyors but asked if I wanted baccy. “Just filters.” “I’m disappointed.” “I got baccy already and meant to buy filters on the market, but the weather was too horrid and I wasn’t up to it after a bad cold. I’ve been nowhere but here for 2 weeks – so depressing!”  He sympathised and hoped I’d soon be better.  Phil got home to relate previous occupations of store co-workers, including an ex-binman who weirdly started early Thursdays for unpaid work, 2 pub landlords and a video shop owner.  “It’s a shit business! Any failed artists?” “I’m not failed.” “It’s a joke! After all, you did sell a print.”

Lenny Henry promoted his new kid’s book on BBC Breakfast Saturday.  Asked what advice he’d give aspiring authors, he said if there’s an unwritten book, write it, send it to your favourite publisher, you’re never too old and keep going.  I should get back to my novel!  Desperate for a walk, we headed through the busy town and through woodlands, buying eggs from a farm in-between.  An official egg shortage explained a dearth of them in the shops.  Allegedly due to bird flu, supermarkets refused to pay more so farmers chucked them away.  I said wasting food in straitened times should be a crime.  “What are they meant to do?” “Give them to food banks, take them to market…“ “Some do, hence the honesty box.”i.  As Lidl and Asda rationed eggs, BRC said there were plenty.  Phil disturbed my recovery with news of a historic Bradford pub office conversion and Nik Turner dying. “Shit! No more Space Ritual! But I bet the other half of Hawkwind are cheering ‘we got all the money’!”  The world hidden behind a nasty fog and condensation combo Sunday, I wiped the dripping windows and researched DIY dehumidifiers. “What about Do Not Eat?” “You’d need tons of it.”  Groggy and achy, I amended the Christmas card while Phil went to work.  Monday, the fog didn’t lift.  Conscious of the BG service, I sprung out of bed and chivvied Phil to help clear passageways.  New to BG, the engineer arrived with a mentoring colleague.  After 1½ hours poking, they said it did well for an old boiler, advised getting a new carbon monoxide detector and pointlessly adjusting an external pipe – any overflow would go straight down the drain.  Getting colder, I changed the boiler settings but having no heat or hot water, thought I’d messed it up.  Nope: the stupid men had turned the main switch off!

Covid infections rose in Australia.  800 on the Majestic Princess tested positive.  Cases mild or asymptomatic, the cruise ship docked in Sydney while isolated passengers made private travel arrangements.

Tuesday, it emerged The Salesman told a civil servant to ‘slit your throat’.  As a Downing Street informal inquiry into the nasty business began, he was gone by evening.  Already sacked twice from ministerial posts, this time he jumped before pushed.  Laying into Rishi’s ‘poor judgement and weak leadership’, Rayner said it was clear he was ‘strapped by the grubby backroom deals he made to dodge a vote’.  Wednesday, Gill Keegan said he had great judgement.  At PMQs, Keir asked how bullying victims would feel about the PM’s ‘great sadness’ at losing The Salesman?  Rishi insisted he didn’t know specifics and Gavin was right to go.  Keir persisted; Rishi normalised bullying by giving Gavin a job and he wouldn’t have got away with it if a weak boss hadn’t handed him power.  Did he regret the appointment?  Rishi replied ’of course’ he regretted appointing someone who resigned ‘in these circumstances’, adding integrity characterised his government, hence a rigorous process, but also important to deliver for the whole country, he listed his daft priorities.  Keir mocked, he couldn’t stand up to a run-of-the mill bully, so he couldn’t stand up to anyone, like Shell, who paid no windfall tax.  Rishi itemised Keir’s nay votes, to which Keir said he was against all chaos-creators including those on government benches.  On QT, Caroline Green said nurses struck for a better NHS, thus for us all.  Steph Flanders added, still experiencing the covid emergency, we must understand their long-term needs.  Questioned on the Cock’s bug-eating antics, Emily Thornberry said complacency led tories to think they deserved to rule.  Although not self-serving like them and entering public life to make the world a better place, all MPs were tarred with the same brush.  Held to account by Ant & Dec instead of the public, evading the covid inquiry and no ethics adviser, Mark Harper promised one soon but admitted they should consider how their conduct looked.  Asked if COP was realistic when big emitters weren’t there (i.e., India and China; while gas companies lobbied to be considered green!) Caroline said it was the only game in town and Steph didn’t want to give into fatalism.

Concluding the Grenfell inquiry, KCs highlighted startling government ignorance, incompetence and disregard for social housing tenants.  Arconic, Studio E., Exova, Centrex, Kingspan, Kensington Council (failing to inspect door closers), the Levelling Up sec and London mayor making up a rogues gallery, Richard Millett attacked the merry-go-round of buck-passing.  Uncleverly called the Aussie trade deal rubbish.  Truss-Up obviously the latest scapegoat, he had a point – where were our tim-tams?  Also blaming Truss, Kwasi Modo told Talk Radio he warned her she moved at breakneck speed.  So much for being in ‘lockstep’!  Amazon planned to sack 10,000, including Alexa staff  and Tim Martin was shutting 7 more Wetherspoons.  Phil and Julie Fox vowed to visit doomed pubs to add to the 295 they’d already patronised including their Halifax local, The Percy Shaw.  Fellow Brexiteer Next boss Simon Wolfson said it wasn’t the Brexit he wanted.  Tough shit, mister! (see Brexit Islandii).  Doing well under lockdown, Made.com struggled with supply issues and went bust.  Next bought the brand but not stock leaving customers with unfulfilled orders and no refunds.  Next also later teamed up with founder Tom Joules to rescue the colourful clothes brand.

Calling Blighty

Evil energy companies remotely switched 60,000 to pre-payment without notice.  Unaware customers failing to top-up could be disconnection by default – another reason not to have a smart meter! 

1.3m using food banks, The Trussell Trust launched their first emergency appeal.  A ‘sticking plaster’, they urged government to budget for long-term measures.  GDP down 0.2% July-Sept., The C**t harped on about global factors and admitted there’d be a slump, which could be short and shallow if interest stayed low.  Refusing to be drawn by Laura K. on its contents, he promised us all pain with his ‘horrible decisions’.  Swerving questions on Brexit, an FT economist called it the elephant in the room.  Simon Sharma cited rotting cabbages and NHS staff shortages.  As they segued into the Remembrance Sunday lark, a Lord Army Major said ceremonies took place in towns and cities around the globe.  Port Stanley was hardly an empire!  Steve Hawley unearthed ‘Calling Blighty’.  The wartime messages from soldiers to families back home, were screened to descendants in Penis Town’s quaint cinema.  Doc film ‘A Bunch of Amateurs’ premiered at Pictureville to rave reviews.  Why’d we not heard of Bradford Movie Makers, established 1932, when we lived in The City?

The UK-wide RCN ballot closed.  The vote not unanimous, nurses in half of English trusts, all in Scotland and NI and all but 7 in Wales, would strike December, not affecting emergency services.  Laughingly preparing ‘contingencies’, Steve Barclay said his door was always open for talks.  That was the first they’d heard!  Gill Keegan helpfully claimed nurses only used foodbanks if they had a broken relationship or boiler.  100,000 PCS Civil servants voting to strike, according to the TUC, 1.5m public sector workers considered doing likewise.  M25 protests into a third day, a lorry crashing into a rolling roadblock hurt a cop.  On the fourth day, London commuters also contended with no tubes and bus queues.  TFL advised travel outside peak times, incredibly starting at 5.45 a.m. (was that all the Deliveroo?) and issued a walking tube map, saying stations were only 10 mins apart; 2 mins in central London, more like.  Just Stop Oil ended the protest Friday.  Amidst reports of buffet shortages, Uncle Joe told COP27 delegates the “science is devastatingly clear – we have to make progress by the end of this decade.”  They agreed a deal to fund climate change damage but not to cut emissions or fossils fuels.  Martin Kaiser, Greenpeace Germany, called it a ‘sticking plaster on a huge, gaping wound’.  Canberra activists threw blue paint at ‘symbol of capitalism‘, Warhol’s Campbell’s soup cans.  Talk about missing the point!  Rishi went to Bali for the G20.  Fearing assassination for weakness, Vlad sent Sergei Lavrov.  Vlod pointedly addressed the G19, China criticised the weaponization of food and fuel, and the Cambodian leader tested positive for covid.  Meanwhile, Top CIA man Bill Burns met his Russian counterpart Sergei Naryshkin in Ankara, to discuss Yanks held in detention and convey ‘a message on the consequences of the use of nuclear weapons’.

Swellen gave France £8m extra a year for more beach patrols and UK immigration officers in their control rooms.  Nitwit Elphicke carped it fell short of what was needed.  Admitting it wouldn’t solve the crisis of 40,000 channel crossings, Swellen said it was part of a multi-dimensional approach.  Albanian migrants held a demo Sunday, demanding the nasty bitch resign.  After Uncleverly told LGBTQ fans to respect Qatari laws at the World Cup, as a ‘massive gay’, Luke Pollard urged he apologise.  An official ambassador then said homosexuality damaged the mind.  Reports of safehouses being set up, disgraced ex-FIFA boss Sepp Blatter was more concerned Qatar was too tiny to host the competition than human rights or migrant construction worker deaths.  Russian troops withdrew from Kherson, destroying comms on the way out of the only regional capital they’d captured during the war.  Republicans not faring as expected in US midterms, The Trump said if they did well, it was down to him but if not, it was everyone else’s fault and blamed Melania for advising him to back a loser.  This didn’t deter a ‘big announcement’ that he’d re-run for president.

Kingy and Camilla’s cut-price coronation would take place 6th May 2023, with a third May bank holiday Monday 8th.  On a 2-day Yorkshire tour, they visited Bradford, Leeds, Doncaster and York, where a man shouted this country was built on slavery and chucked eggs at them.  On his 74th birthday, Kingy leant on an oak tree for dumb selfies.  Nobody knew if he’d continue the tradition of an official summer birthday.  Tuesday, 3 British actors (Tom Owen, Bill Treacher and Leslie Philips) died, as did swingometer inventor David Butler.  Paying tribute, Michael Crick said: “For decades (he) was the foremost psephologist in Britain and around the world.”  Premier Inn was voted best chain hotel and tatty with a ‘rough and ready feel’,  Britannia the worst.  Simon Calder rightly argued you could stay in ace places like Scarborough’s Grand.

Unhinged

Woodland 2

The bedroom telly came on at 6 a.m. Tuesday 15th.  Jolted awake by the Milkshake theme, I could never find the auto-alarm feature to switch it off but tuned to BBC, it was less raucous when it happened again the next week.  Phil learnt on google his hot flush could be down to lifestyle changes. “Doing a work! Your body’s in overdrive trying to make testosterone. Maybe you need HRT too. I’ll ask when I get mine.”  I forgot, but bought a few essentials in the chemist, later realising I’d got conditioner instead of shampoo again and spotted hair clippers on an-aisle end.  Later in the week, Phil successfully exchanged the hair gunk and bought clippers with myriad attachments.  I went home to tut at mill redevelopers messing about on a trial trike – were they unhinged? – and read the HRT leaflet to fret over side-effects.  Phil subsequently persuaded me to try it.  He agreed opening a window to dispel moisture in Wednesday sunshine was a good idea until the temperature dropped.  Cleaning the landing, the tripod stand fell apart.  Swearing loudly, I left it in bits and asked Phil if he’d  heard me. “Yes; what was it?” “Guess. I think there’s a screw missing.” “I think a screw is missing.” “I just said that!”  We discussed a cut-price Christmas and going to Lidl for German treats. “And lobsters,” he offered. “I’m not buying them. Too much faff and we don’t know your shifts. I’m cooking nowt that takes half a day to prepare.”

Due to intimidation and throwing tomatoes at them, civil servants avoided working with Rabid Raab in his previous cabinet roles.  Facing two formal bullying complaints, he wrote to Rishi requesting an independent inquiry, then faced Rayner.  PMQs covered by a new ‘talking politics’ segment on channel 5, we listened to host Storm trying to be serious and an unhinged Carole Gammone saying such claims were normal in a working environment (in her nasty world!) then tuned to BBC for actual debate.  Clive Betts asked if the PM (hobnobbing in Bali) should allow Raab to serve to which he parroted he’d comply fully.  Rayner not on top form, asked a question worthy of a toady then followed up with: the G20 supposedly addressing global economics, why did the government drag its feet on taxing massive profits?  He spouted the usual codswallop on lower tax gaps and stricter non-dom regs.  She retorted the truth was, working people paid the price for tory choices.  Where was the UK in the list of the 38 growth countries?  As Raab kept schtum, she told him: 38th; thanks to wrong people making wrong choices.  No ethics, no integrity and no mandate, when would a new ethics adviser drain the swamp?  Raab refuted all bullying claims including flying tomatoes and said the ’mud-slinging’ was because labour didn’t have a plan.  Rees-Moggy chimed in that labour’s bullying record was second to none.  On Daily Politics, Bridget Philipson complained Raab ignored labour’s plans  for growth and to help with inflation and suppressed wages.

A rogue missile hit Poland, killing 2.  Vlod blamed Vlad.  In urgent G20 talks, Biden gave Duda’s investigation his ‘full support’ but rather than coming from Russia, was likely shot down by a Soviet-era S300; part of Ukrainian air defences.  No indication it was deliberate, paying for a top-up at the co-op kiosk, I overheard a colleague telling someone that was how WW2 started  “Let’s not get carried away; it was an accident.” I told My Mate. “On a lighter note, have a good day.” “See you in the bomb shelter.” “Eff off! Pardon my French.”  Head fuggy writing, I picked up the guitar for the first time in months.  Barely able to remember simple chords, they gradually came back to me.  Phil returned with Pueblo baccy – worthy, organic, made by native Americans, bought by woke hippies, and now, him.

Still raining after overnight rain Thursday, I guessed a swollen river would cause consternation.  As did The C**t’s budget.  Glossing over council tax hikes, he focussed on frozen income tax thresholds costing earners more over time, less help with energy bills from April, windfall tax rising to 35% and extended to 2028, slower public spending rises but more for health, social care and education for the next 2 years (excluding early years, 6th form and HE), a 10.1% rise in benefits rise and the national living wage to £12.42 from April, and some guff on wind turbines and broadband.  Reeves whinged in the ‘Bobby Ewing strategy’ of denying past chaos, ‘old cast members returned as if nothing had happened and it was time the series was cancelled’.  Sturgeon griped that austerity had returned.  Energy help well short of what was needed, the End Fuel Poverty Coalition predicted 7m still in fuel poverty would be joined by an extra 1.6m.  Simon Francis said: “we are already seeing the horrific impact of living in cold damp homes and children…Without the financial support…this winter…the NHS will be overwhelmed and millions will suffer.”  Interviewed by Chris Mason, The C**t denied ducking difficult decisions until after the next election.  He faced them in a ‘balanced way’, given an upcoming 2 years of recession, but there was a plan and there was hope to ‘get us back to normality’.  He’d obviously listened to the BOE who said we’d start ‘getting back to normal’ after the winter gas crisis.  Phil laughed at the persistent misguided belief: “Everyone, the IMF etc., say things will never return to normal.”  Friday, I discovered a strike by Jacob’s workers.  Phil reckoned loads of industrial action wasn’t reported by ‘Pravda’ (aka the BBC).  Hunting for Christmas treats in the co-op, random stock occupied the diminished cracker shelf.  Amid a tinned peach shortage (nowt to do with Brexit!) I regretted eating one last month, and opted for retro fruit cocktail.  Phil rang at the end of his shift.  Dank as the sun dipped behind the hill, I eschewed the pub.  His latest ‘how shops work’ tutorial entailed the air con system clarting shelves in dust. “You can tell as soon as you walk in if it’s a decent shop or not. “Like the awful Sainsbury’s in the next village?” “Yep. And their new co-op will be Asda soon as they sold them with the forecourts.”  Store people from Preston brought new snacks.  He bought cheese savouries. “What else did they bring?” “Loads of sweets and salt n vinegar savouries. I pulled a face: “Ooh no!” “You sound like a granny.” “I am 60 you know!” “Join the gammon grannies, saying everything’s disgusting!” “If I do get like that, shoot me.” “I will!” A slight hangover Saturday, I slept in shockingly late (like the old days), posted a blog and considered the Omaze house prize draw.  Too pricey, I decided Marbella was full of gangsters anyway and edited the Christmas card while Phil cut his hair.  Struggling to settle with a whirring mind at bedtime, I finally dropped off to be roused by him coughing at 3.45.  Exhausted and tearful, I blocked out bright light and eventually got a few hours.  Despite insomnia and low mood, I gave up lying-in Sunday and found a tumbler stained yellow from Phil drinking turmeric. I complained it hadn’t stopped his cough.  About to go for a wander, he was asked to do an extra shift.  I whinged of short notice but he countered it was more money with no lifting, and the weather wasn’t great.  To be fair, it rained soon after.  I went for knobbly market veg and browsed charity shops, getting myself a handbag and him chinos for work (perfect except unhemmed, they needed altering) then nipped in the co-op to wait at the till as a woman filled her bag with luxury items like avocado and prawns.  I finished the Christmas card before Phil got home.  Entering and exiting the living room several times, he stood peering at the wall calendar.  The shifts I’d scribbled on not tallying with the office chart, he decided he was on a late Monday and looked forward to a lie-in.  Aware of movement at 7.00 a.m., I rose to find a note saying he was on an early after all.  Putting my first HRT patch on, I immediately had a hot flush.  Probably not weird, I got on with writing and chores.  Shivering all day even in extra layers, when Phil got in, I battened down the hatches and put the heating on.  Well, it was 4 degrees out.  Work on the journal was interrupted by Tales from The Store.  The new assistant manager blobbed twice, then left.  Giving some hogwash about the work causing anxiety, they suspected she had 2 jobs.  Possibly unhinged, I wondered if they checked references.  Phil said hardly anyone did now.  “How Stupid!” “Penny wise, pound foolish, that’s today’s capitalists.” “Tell your boss I’ve got a background in personnel and am available for a reasonable consultancy fee!” Back to 4-day weeks, Phil got crumpets with jam as a sop.  He asked was I watching the World Cup. “I’m boycotting it.” “I’m not boycotting England games.” “They gave into the armband lark, and those rich pundits complaining of human rights abuses, still taking millions to be there. It’s awful!” “How do you know all that if you’re not watching it?” “From the news. I’m keeping up with the antics. I might change my mind if England reach the final.”  I actually caved in before then, which was just as well.

Protesting David Beckham’s £10m ambassador deal, Joe Lycett shredded £10,000 in fake notes.  2 days before Kick-off, Qatar banned venue alcohol sales.  Bud tweeted, ‘this is awkward’.  At the last minute, FIFA forbid captains to wear ‘one love’ armbands, threatening yellow cards and fines.  Home nation fans left at half-time during the first match but official attendance figures exceeded stadium capacity.  In support of protestors, Iranian players refused to sing their national anthem.  England beat them 6-2, the highest score ever for an opening game.  Thousands were locked out due to a FIFA app malfunction.  Rainbow bucket hats were taken off Welsh fans and a reporter clad in a rainbow tee was denied entry.  FIFA said confiscation of clothing would end Thursday.

Get Out!

New drug Teplizumab could delay the onset of type 1 diabetes for 3 years and lead to better treatments.  As a banner flew over the jungle reading: ‘Covid bereaved say get out of here’, crocodile tears had the desired effect and people stopped voting for The Cock to do bushtucker trials.  The QT audience wondered if we’d survive 2 years’ austerity.  Thicky Atkins disingenuously claimed the effects of Trussonomics had flushed through the system, according to the OBR.

Queried on when they’d re-join the single market and tax the likes of Amazon who’d made a mint during covid, Thicky denied Brexit was to blame, said we should look forward and all countries had the same pressures.  Ian Blackford reckoned taxing big companies could raise £11 bn; it was a political choice to make the poor pay.  At the CBI conference in Brum, Tony Danker wanted ‘part 2’ of the budget statement, to encourage investment in UK and spark growth.  Rishi said ‘wait and see’.  He also quashed rumours of a ‘Swiss style’ EU deal, saying Brexit was delivering for the country.  His unhinged speech slayed me: “I voted for Brexit, I believe in Brexit…already delivering enormous benefits and opportunities for the country – migration being an immediate one…proper control of our borders…(we can)…have a conversation with the country about the type of migration that we want and need…We weren’t able to do that inside the European Union…” (Yep, that’s going well!) “When it comes to trade…we can open up our country to the world’s fastest-growing markets…I’ve just got back from the G20…talking about signing CPTPP…(becoming) part of that trading bloc, that’s a fantastic opportunity…” (See ‘Brexit island’ii).  Guardianistas incensed that Keir wouldn’t reverse Brexit either, the next day, he told business leaders the UK must end dependency on cheap immigrant labour and train our own.

Average pay rises of 5.7% (6.6% for the private sector and 2.2% for the public), didn’t keep pace with the highest inflation for 40 years.  11.1% in October, 11.9% for those on low incomes and 16.2% for food, we couldn’t avoid staples like milk and eggs but we could shun extortionate Heinz ketchup.  Hull suffered higher inflation and excess deaths – due to draughtier homes, lower wages, or lower prices to start with?  In first-ever talks with the RCN, The health sec swerved pay talk in favour of body-cams and care funding.  Pat Cullen retorted: “By refusing my requests for negotiations, Steve Barclay is directly responsible for the strike action this month…Nursing staff don’t want to be outside their hospitals, they want to be inside – feeling respected and able to provide safe care to patients.”  Heathrow baggage handlers struck and PO workers announced 10 days’ further action Nov-Dec, including Black Friday and Christmas Eve.  Half-year losses £219m, Royal Mail asked government if they could stop Saturday letter deliveries, as the public were indifferent (we couldn’t afford the stamps!) and concentrate on packages; maybe planning to capitalise on Evri (formerly Hermes), again voted worst parcel service.  A coroner concluded toddler Awaab Ishaq died from an untreated severe respiratory condition caused by prolonged exposure to mould in his home.  The family accused Rochdale Boroughwide Housing of racism.  CE Gareth Swarbrick resigned, Gove withdrew funding (how did that help?) and a week later, said sorry to tenants still living with fungi.  Greenpeace projected a video highlighting fuel poverty onto Rishi’s North Yorks Georgian mansion.  Heavy rain brought mayhem to southern villages and roads, Aberdeenshire flooding swept someone into the River Don and Russian shelling left half of Kyiv without power.  Finding evidence of explosives near Nord Stream 1 & 2, Swedish prosecutors called September’s leaks ‘gross sabotage’.  A major gas supplier to the UK and EU, Norway stepped up surveillance.  A 5.6 shallow earthquake along Indonesia’s ring of fire felled houses, blocked roads and killed at least 162.  Hundreds of injured were treated amid aftershocks in Java.  Artemis 1 finally took off to take a moonikin to the moon.  Both Brian Cox’s on BBC breakfast, the actor promoted his new show on how the other half lived and the physicist touted his new book.  Building on Stephen Hawking’s work, it was an idiot’s guide to black holes – The universe for dummies!

Broken Britain

Broken Britain

Tuesday lunchtime, I proffered Phil a spare finger roll.  Mishearing me, he asked was it a fancy foreign thing like Remainers bought in The Store? “Yes, fingerorle authentico!”  Falling asleep faster at night, I actually dropped off for 5 mins during a siesta – was it the hormones?  As we waited at the sunny bus stop Wednesday, the geese squawked and waddled off the church lawn in unison.  Phil laughed at their peculiar communication and related an anecdote of one flying down to the river and unable to fly back up, getting stuck.  A quick ride to the next town, all-day brekkies at the market café ate into the time as they were short-staffed and Phil ordered the biggest, which took ages to cook.  Disappointingly no thermal socks in Age UK, Phil found a book and DVD.  Paying for them to hide for yule, I spotted a tin of smelly miniatures for myself.  The discount store and the German supermarket provided the best seasonal goody mission for 3 years.  Pleased with our haul, we headed for the bus, letting a polite schoolboy on first.  The fast journey back juddery, we thought a spring was broke or, as Phil sang: “the wheels on the bus are  not  round!”

Brexit putting investors off, OECD forecast the UK as the worst-performing country in the G20 2023 and possibly 2024.  Rishi told cabinet we faced ‘a challenging winter’ of strikes, high costs and NHS backlogs.  Labour said he took ‘people for fools’ blaming winter and not a ‘decade of tory mismanagement’ for the challenges.  Watching PMQs on iPlayer, Keir failed to mention this, declared ‘shame on FIFA’ and asked why we had the lowest growth? Rishi insisted it was the highest since 2010 and the fastest this year, and selected 3 ‘important points’ from the OECD report: growth, international challenges, and support for his fiscal plan, then bragged about putting more into the NHS.  An unconvinced Keir railed total denial wouldn’t wash and due to 12 years’ inaction, weeks of chaos and Rishi’s changes, ordinary people had £1400 tax hikes.  Ducking queries on how much super- wealthy non-doms were expected to pay, Rishi said labour had years to sort it out, and while they peddled fairy tales and gesture politics, tories protected pensioners.  As the Guardian alleged Rishi registered with a private GP, Keir dug in; he’d scrap non-doms to fund doctors so they wouldn’t have to go private.  Rishi didn’t gainsay the claim until January 2023.  The Supreme Court ruling Scotland couldn’t hold an indy ref without Westminster consent, Ian Blackford maintained with a mandate to deliver a referendum, democracy couldn’t be denied and urged Rishi be honest and admit the idea of the UK union as voluntary, was dead and buried.  Now the time to stick together, Rishi respected the court’s decision.  Blackford countered, he couldn’t claim to respect the rule of law and deny democracy.  Quite! Was Scotland a colony?  Would they go to the European court?  Olivia Blake asked why an investigation into lives lost in The Channel took so long, adding it wouldn’t have happened if there were safe, legal routes.  Rishi inanely said every life lost was a tragedy which was why Swellen was tackling illegal migration (splutter!)

Woken early Thursday by machinery and Phil, I changed the HRT patch, got a hot flush, burps and nausea.  After ridding windows of ice-like moisture, I tried expunging mould caused by bathroom condensation with mixed results.  Shaking rugs out, a soft toy flew out the window.  Luckily, it was retrievable from behind the shed-house.  On QT, Andy Bunman advocated local control of skills and a personal approach to getting the inactive back to work.  Saying work must pay, Ben Habib (aka Asian Farage) blamed dependency culture and defended Truss as having the right idea on growth but was ‘defenestrated’ by The Treasury and BOE.  Citing the Avanti debacle, Bunman said performance had fallen off a cliff and agreed with Rapper Darren McGarvey who likened denouncing the RMT for destroying Christmas to spin on Scargill – it was a tory tactic to always blame workers.  The Scottish government allegedly considering making the rich to pay for NHS treatment, Bunman sought properly integrated health & social care and workforce plans to stop agency use and pay staff more.  Transport minister Richard Holden backed Rishi going private as he paid tax and could opt back into the NHS – that wasn’t the point!  Despite the chair of ACOBA Lord Pickles finding The Cock’s jungle jaunt broke regs (but disciplinary action ‘disproportionate’), they all thought his normality bid had won the public over – Bunman said The Cock wasn’t a bad guy but tories always put themselves first.

Going to the co-op Friday, I swapped updates on a neighbour’s community carers’ job with Phil’s work, over-sharing shop gossip.  Using a discount coupon from a leaflet posted through the door, I panicked at the till as a woman breathed down my neck.  After extensive research, Phil found the ideal freezer.  The search not working on my browser, he sent me a link, then it wouldn’t log me in.  Eventually buying the thing, my card was subsequently declined.  Satan’s Bank had changed the card so the expiry date was the same but the number different.  The microwave clock at zero revealing a power cut, Phil discovered the entire Halifax area was out for 2 hours early Saturday. “Broken Britain! I can’t believe gammons still don’t think tories are incompetent,” he observed. I countered: “They can’t really believe that anymore, but can’t admit they’re wrong and in denial, say it’s better than the coalition of chaos!”  Installing advent gubbins, I found a broken candle holder, then hoovered and disposed of recycling, needing to rest before visiting the unadvertised Christmas market – oddly on the same street as The Store, where Phil heard about it.  Seeing Counsellor Friend and partner, we joined them to peruse crap crafts and catch up.  I learnt her mum died last month (Phil knew and assuming I did, never mentioned it), they were buying a house in the next town and she was planning to top up her pension pot; I advised she didn’t.  We waved bye and munched greasy Serbian pies.  Past the lit tree in the square and up the pedestrian street, we spotted vacant seats outside The Pub.  While ordering, I observed changes since our last visit, pre-covid.  Tasty-looking nuts in jars replaced pies on the bar.  The servers said the butcher who used to make them, mysteriously stopped and asked if the Serbian ones were good – they weren’t keen on the lubricious aspect.  Supping ale, I remarked Counsellor Friend had progressed from being skint to house-buying while we seemed to go backwards.  Nothing personal intended, Phil got defensive.  I changed tack to muse over people either having no job or three, and the state of the world.  Dozy in the gloaming, we went home.

On Laura K Sunday, Jerk Berry concurred with Mark Harper’s ‘getting a grip’ drivel.  Hoping the RMT would get a letter Monday, Frances O’Grady welcomed the government’s altered tone, but railed against Broken Britain.  After the Barclay debacle, Pat Cullen repeated it was ‘negotiation or nothing’.  Prof Hannah Fry agreed problems went back much further than the war or covid.

Phil dreaded a 5-day week.  Covering for a colleague’s hospital appointment, he had a late followed by an early again,  Not ideal with shifts playing havoc with his body clock, I suggested eschewing more hours but as they forgot he’d volunteered for extra work, he hoped it was a one-off.  Trees emitting steam in the cold grey, I stayed in to be disturbed by noisy stone-cutting on the street below, unceasing till dark.  I placed an Ocado order and made granola bars. Chopping cranberries and nuts interminable, the stupid electronic scales kept turning off.  Exhausted with backache, I checked commemorative coin values to discover we actually had a Brexit 50p – sadly only worth 50p. thanks to the queen dying, Paddington was worth a bit more.  Despite a sunny Monday, there was more condensation to deal with.  Orange barriers blocking the small steps, explaining the stone-cutting, I took the longer way to the co-op.  Very busy for the time of day, a miserable woman shelf-stacking gave me a dirty look.  I asked her kinder colleague to pass me an item, grabbed clearance stuff and queued at the till.  Phil brought home 2 bagful’s of Milk Tray.  Sold to outlet staff for a charitable donation, he planned to eat them, I proposed giving them away – a compromise was made.  Accepting the idea of working Christmas and looking forward to a bonus Amazon voucher and mince pies, the manager who hadn’t had a day off for 6 weeks, understandably refused to open.  I put  his shift pattern on the calendar, and ordered Christmas gifts under his nose.  The next two days cold and foggy, Tuesday, it didn’t lift.  Just after I heard Phil going to work, the landline rang.  Drowsy, I vaguely realised it’d be the freezer.  At a loud door knock, I shouted and donned a dressing gown, badly.  Telling them they were early, the nice delivery men said someone had to be first.  I meant by 2 days, not 2 hours!  “Where do you want it?” They asked.  I indicated the kitchen steps: “Down here if you don’t mind,” “Ok.” “Thanks. The men who delivered our fridge wouldn’t take it down.” “Well, they weren’t as nice as us! You can give us a 5-star rating!!”  I forgot to do so.  Placing it exactly in the spot I’d cleared, unpacking was a doddle except removing the polystyrene stand.  I got an endorphin rush at the shiny smell.  Sad I know, but when did I last have anything brand new? 

When Phil returned, I asked did he notice anything?  “A freezer.” “Well, a box.” “You mean I don’t have to lug it down?” “No. Are you impressed?” “Yes, did you do it.” “Yes, ha, ha!”  He settled on the sofa with a groan. “You’re tired. Thought you were finishing at 2 didn’t you?” “Yep.” “I did wonder when you asked last night. How did the granola bar work out?” “Much easier at 6 in the morning.”  Siestas disturbed by chainsaws, I stuck earplugs in then they stopped!  Channel-hopping to avoid the match build-up, Phil asked: “What’s this crap?” Boycotting among the sportswashing lasting almost 1½ weeks, I relented to watch England beat Wales.  Dullness joined by nasty stuff falling out of the sky Wednesday 30th, Phil thought we were going to The City. “No way! It’s too horrid and I’m knackered from sorting the freezer.”  He played with polystyrene packaging and I repurposed it as makeshift insulation against the coldest walls.  Keir inexplicably led PMQs on private school donations and blocking new homes.  Rishi replied they were aspirational and wittered about labour joining picket lines.  Keir went on, every week, the PM handed money to those who didn’t need it, buckled under pressure, and got weaker.  Rishi countered he had the same old labour ideas, with more debt, strikes and migration, and was laughed at mentioning control of borders.  Ian Blackford wished all a happy St. Andrews Day and 56% polled by YouGov saying it was wrong to leave Europe, fumed about a bill to rip up EU laws racing through, labour trying to outrun tories on Brexit the bugbear of Scottish independence.

At 741, homeless deaths in 2021 reverted to pre-pandemic levels.  Immensa’s Wolverhampton lab incorrectly gave 39,000 negative covid results September/October 2021.  UKHSA estimated this led to an extra 55,000 infections, 680 hospitalisations and 23 deaths.  No immunity and toddlers good at spreading germs, kiddie flu rose 70%.  Parents were urged to get them nasal vaccines.  China’s zero-covid policy may have led to few fatalities and more growth (at least ‘til this year), but hampering rescues, 10 died in an Urumqi flat fire Thursday.  Demos across the country over the weekend, BBC cameraman Ed Lawrence was beaten and arrested during a clampdown Monday.  Chinese authorities said he didn’t show his press pass and it was for his own safety so he didn’t catch covid off the masses.  UK media described protestors as brave, unlike our own, who were nutters!  The Met assuring Londoners they were ready to deal with disruption in the yuletide run-up, Just Stop Oil marched round Trafalgar Square stopping commuters getting to the station.  German and English scientists grew a coronavirus in a lab to watch it mutate and American boffins made a universal flu vaccine to blunt the impact of future pandemics.  Lecanemab, a new early Alzheimer’s treatment, attacked beta amyloid (sticky gunge build-up in the brain).  Costing tens of thousands a pop, it was hailed as a momentous breakthrough.  Liam Smith was found shot and covered in acid in Shevington, Wigan.  Triggering a health alert, the GMP later told the public there was no risk.  Using the Vaccine Taskforce blueprint, Rishi announced £113m for 4 research ‘missions’: cancer, obesity, mental health and addiction.  He then told Mansion House he wished to develop the ‘quality and depth of partnerships with like-minded countries’ (USA, Israel, Gulf and Commonwealth states, but not the EU!)

Blast Furnace Blast

The Warm Homes Prescription Pilot launched December 2021, was extended for patients who got sicker in the cold.  Redcar blast furnace was blown up live on BBC Breakfast, making way for a freeport.  National Grid immediately cancelled blackout warnings.  RAC finding retailers not passing on lower petrol costs, Grant Shatts asked supermarkets to cheapen it.  Peter Smith of NEA was ‘disturbed’ utility direct debits went up when customers made huge efforts to reduce use.

E.On admitted it’d be a year ‘til economies were reflected in bills.  Food inflation now 12.4%, (14.3% for fresh food), 3 in 10 single parents skipped meals to feed their kids, 3 in 5 students cut back and Oxfam found 35% spent less on Christmas gifts.  Cheddar sales falling by £31m, Richard Clothier of Wyke Cheese was ‘extremely worried’.  A shortfall of 1m turkeys, 1,840 domestic chickens were abandoned – why not stick them in the freezer to roast?  Diggle Village Association defended spending £1,450 installing a tiny living firtree as it worked out cheaper than buying one a year.

GMB said few toilet breaks at Amazon’s new ‘fulfilment centre’ in Wakefield, caused stress to 1,000 workers.  No buyer found, Martin Wilkinson Jewellers in Mansfield, likely the oldest in the UK at 228, would shut.  According to Link, 114 HSBC branch closures made the total 600.  100 jobs lost and customers forsaken, Unite’s Dom Hook railed, without corporate social responsibility requiring banks to stay on the high street helping the elderly and vulnerable, access to cash and banking would be lost forever.  The union were disappointed ambulance staff at only 8 trusts voted to strike.  During the latest CWU action, Dave Ward claimed an out-of-depth Royal Mail CE Simon Thompson, not interested in providing a universal postal service, was destroying it.  8% of Avanti and 5.8% TPE trains cancelled on non-strike days, en route to see 5 northern mayors, Mark Harper harped on about modernisation and sorting out the row.  Mayors said the meeting was constructive but they needed investment, not warm words.  After 2 weeks of talks, the Rail Delivery Group said real progress was made.  Not hearing the desired proposals, the RMT announced four 48-hour strikes December-January plus overtime bans over the festive period.  Lynch blamed ‘the dead hand of government’ and The Sun headlined ‘The Lynch Who Stole Christmas’.  Lynch met Harper Thursday, who said there was ‘common ground’.  Scottish teachers and English lecturers walked out.  Formal negotiations ongoing in Scotland, Westminster rejected them, so the first 2 NHS strike days were announced as 15th & 20th December.  Bestfood (owned by Tesco and Booker) workers in Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, Wagamama, Zizzi and Pizza Express, were balloted.  National Coalmining Museum staff accepted a new pay offer, meaning no more strikes after one in October (another hidden dispute!)

Net migration a record ½m, more EU nationals left but 509,000 others included Ukrainians and Hongkongers on bespoke visas, and students.  Downing Street declined to give a timespan on reducing numbers.  After an inmate died in hospital, Manston processing centre was emptied and detainees moved to hotels across the country.  40,000 living in hotels, HO compulsorily moved others out.  PS Matt Rycroft couldn’t tell the home affairs select committee if paying Rwanda £140m was good value. Blaming migrants and traffickers, Swellen admitted they’d lost control of borders and vowed to make ‘sustainable changes’ with 3 decisions per worker per week by next year – currently 0.6 a week, it wasn’t feasible.  Unable to describe legal routes, she stammered that if you arrived in the UK you could apply for asylum.  Having to step in, Matt said people could apply to UNCHR but this option wasn’t available in all countries.  Coop spluttered that an out-of-depth Swellen didn’t even know her own policies.  Harem Ahmad Abwbaker was arrested for 27 channel drownings November 2021.  The Marine Accident Investigation Branch found they’d reached UK waters.  3 stowaways from Nigeria were discovered on a ship’s rudder in The Canaries.

After beating Argentina at the World Cup, Saudi Arabia declared a national holiday.  The favourites were out by the end of week.  About to play Japan, the German team covered their mouths to signify they’d been silenced.  Home-nation Qatar were eliminated, Iran were booed singing their national anthem, but after goalie Wayne Henderson got the first red card of the tournament, beat Wales.  World Cup chief Hassan al-Thawali estimated 500 workers died building stadia.  Officially 3, we’d never know the real figure.  Round-the-clock efforts reconnected 80% of Ukraine to essential water, electricity and heating.  Olena Zelenska got a standing ovation as she thanked the UK parliament for support and asked them to lead a special tribunal.  The EU wanted the UN to head the tribunal.  Stewart Rhodes of right-wing Oath Keepers was convicted of sedition for the Washington Capitol attack 6th Jan 2021.  A Walmart manager killed 7 colleagues and himself in Chesapeake, Florida.

Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac and Wilko Johnson died, for real this time.  Irene Cara known for singing ‘I’m Gonna Live Forever’, didn’t.  In UK census results, only 41% of Leicesterians identified as white.  Christians a minority for the first time, more people had no religion, and an extra 1m were Moslem.  A fungi project found rare species in fields at The Crags.  A 3rd-5th century Roman villa complete with ash in the fireplace and mosaics depicting Homer’s Iliad, was unearthed in a Rutland field.  Resembling Toy Town on a bigger scale, York traders complained the St Nicholas fair took their business away.  We noted the Christmas market mark-up.  A car drove through Kake temptations’ window in Batley.  The driver really needed cake!

*Permacrisis – an extended period of instability and insecurity

**HMICFRS – His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: Hepdene Rose | Cool Places – Our Back Yard (wordpress.com)

ii. Brexit Island: Brexit Island – Home | Facebook

The Corvus Papers 2: Out Of The Frying Pan, Into The Pyre

“It has sometimes been observed that what leaders do for their people today is government and politics. But what they do for the people of tomorrow – that is statesmanship” (Queen Elizabeth II)

Pomp And Circumstance

Birthday Sunflowers

Phil started work at the convenience store on 1st September.  I tackled chores and admin, ringing the GP surgery twice.  29th in the queue, I hung up to try again later to be 50 something in the queue!  I didn’t have time for a third attempt before the booked pension advice call.  The nice Moneywise man provided tons of info, giving me head fug.  Going out for air, an acquaintance dumped garden waste. I bit my tongue, even though she was still doing it on my return. I got nothing on the rammed but sparse market but ordered smoked salmon from the fishmonger.  Phil interrupted my writing in the evening, asking where AJs was (who delivered bacon butties to The Store staff). “No idea. Ask them!” A very early start Saturday, he got home knackered but with interesting facts about supplying local cafés and specialists sorting newspapers. How quaint!  A fellow photographer mate who worked there years ago, wasn’t surprised to see him, but my old art teacher was.  Well, he was a bit pompous.

After e-mailing siblings about my birthday fundraiser Monday, Elder Sis made a generously commensurate donation to mark my 60th and Big Sis donated a tirade on DEC corruption.  I delayed replying to devise a diplomatic answer.  As I hung washing, our old next-door neighbour and companion sat out, during a visit while the Polish woman visited her homeland.  We shared tips on upcoming seaside trips and news of Phil’s job.  She reckoned the boss was a bit of a B…  Warm and sunny late afternoon, Phil asked if I wanted to go out.  I snapped at another thoughtless interruption, he stomped off, but came back for an apology.  Feeling uncomfortable, stuff to do and unable to think where we’d go at that time of day, I suggested sitting outside for vitamins.  He squatted on the kerb chatting with old next-door neighbour.  I joined in discussing health, languages, Europe and Brexit when The Widower came past.  Next-door asked had he seen The Student?  She then turned up with the rest of the tribe, having got back from Germany last week.  “Zer gut!”  The put-upon stepdad ferried stuff from the car. “Have you been camping?”  “No, a cottage for a few days but we needed to take tons of stuff.”  No idea why!  Tuesday, workmen fixed the step at long last.  Phil on the early shift again, in the afternoon, he rested and showered.  “That’s better. I’ve got a week off, even though I’ve only been there a week.” “Yes but you weren’t supposed to be working till after our hols. Does it still feel weird going to actual work?” “Yes.” “It’s when it doesn’t feel weird you need to worry.” “Why?” “Cos you might give up other pursuits and think: ‘I’ll just work in the shop’.” “Like people in the pub?: ‘I used to be a photographer’.” “Exactly! It’s a slippery slope!”  Starting Wednesday wobbly and itchy, I took medicines and persevered with housework.  Phil amicably helped change bedding but unkindly mocked me tripping on the bedframe.  I then slipped on a large letter on the doormat – more stupid pensions crap!  Phil went secret shopping and I went to charity shops.  Dumping books, I found nowt, but the community shop’s free school uniform rail was a good idea.  In the evening, Phil insisted on toasting my birthday with fizz.

Birthday Card by Phil

Boris went to Suffolk to gush about £700 million for Sizewell C, 1 of 8 nuclear power plants, not yet agreed with EDF and not operational until the 2030’s. Blaming labour for lack of planning, he obviously forgot Gordy Brown signed off 10 new plants in 2009.  As he also suggested we buy better kettles to save £10 a year, Rayner said he wasn’t living in the real world, evinced by him embarking on a farewell tour!  On the new Laura K Sunday prog, having ditched her promise of no direct help, Trussed-Up (who I’d just discovered shared my first name in real life) said it was good that rich people benefitted more from tax cuts and she’d have the energy crisis sorted in a week.

Raucous applause from Joe Lycett, the Daily Mail were incensed at him mocking their incoming leader.  He kept up the pretence on Jeremy Vine the next day.  As Truss was crowned Queen of Gammons Monday, she said ‘deliver’ a lot, Nasty Patel resigned and Big Ben ominously stopped.  A Cabinet from Hell included Swellen as home sec and Therese Coffee-Cup as health sec FFS!  Jeremy Vine asked if the morbidly obese, cigar-smoking boozer was a good role model.  Clearly not!  Farage gin trended on twitter.  At 7.30 a.m. Tuesday, The Bumbler orated on it being time to pass on the baton, likening it to a relay race when someone changed the rules halfway through.  Look who’s talking!  Invested at Balmoral Tuesday, Trussed-Up flew back to stand at a wet lectern and ape Churchill, saying she’d take action every day to encourage growth by cutting taxes, deal with gas prices and get us all GP appointments (if only!)  In fact, nothing happened for a fortnight apart from a very boring PMQs.

Dutch scientists used data from the Cambridge University Covid-19 sounds app (ongoing for 2 years, I’d never heard of it), to develop one that could detect symptoms, possibly more reliably than LFTs.  Bristol Zoo closed due to falling numbers during lockdowns.  Tracy Dustbin announced the promised low West Yorkshire bus fares.  Starting Sunday, the maximum single fare was £2 and a day fare £4.50. BBC breakfast highlighted the plight of those in sheltered housing not covered by the price cap and OVO energy founder Stephen Fitzpatrick published a 10-point plan including subsidies.  Benefitting low income households, with less help for those who used more energy, he had some good ideasi.  Unlike Edwina Currie, stupidly suggesting putting foil behind radiators.  That’d do a lot of good seeing as we would hardly ever have the heating on; how about tapestries?  The Guardian suggested cooking a baked potato in the microwave.  Did they have Sean Bean’s recipe?  The Which? column in Metro called for a minimum geographic baseline for access to cash.  Almost 1,000 migrants intercepted crossing the channel Saturday, refugee minister Lord Harrington resigned saying the job of helping Ukrainians in need was done.  As it was revealed Shamima Begum was smuggled into Syria by a Canadian spook, lawyers challenged the removal of her citizenship on the grounds that she was a trafficking victim.  It reminded us of a film we saw where those nasty Canadian spooks left a kid rotting in a Thai jail.

Orangeoke

Scary Orangeoke

Alcohol and insomnia led to a groggy start Thursday 8th.  Phil also discombobulated, he made 3 attempts to say happy birthday.  I treated myself to a mini-spa while he fetched the salmon to cook a posh brekkie.  Pouring the end of the fizz for a toast, we had 1 sip and spent the morning trying to finish it – we couldn’t hack morning drinking anymore!  He made a card from a cute classic car photo, complete with number plates labelled ‘Happy Birthday Mary’ and matching gift tags for more pressies than I expected.  After unwrapping, I read Facebook messages and sent one to a cousin who shared my birthdate.  Walking Friend called with sunflowers and a gift bag of goodies before a filling 2-course lunch deal at The Cypriot.  Fuddled by cocktails, we palavered over splitting the bill and finished the drinks out on the street.  Too quiet for after-school time, the reasons became clear later.  Walking Friend came back for coffee, cake and Count Arthur Strong on DVD.  Facing the grim prospect of coming home between rail strike days, I didn’t blame her for not visiting us in Scarborough the following week.  Unbeknown to us, industrial action was postponed, explaining no altered schedule, but a medical emergency at Scarborough station delayed our return.  Feeling stuffed and sleepy, I managed to edit celebratory photos and take a phone pic of a postcard stuck on the bedroom mirror, but recreating the vintage North Cliff view proved nigh impossible.  The friendly seaside town offering much more than we remembered from our youth, we had a great holiday, avoiding scary Orangeoake at an unfathomable loyalist pub! (See Cool Places 2ii).

Cliff View by Me

The queen’s demise confirmed at 6.30 p.m., Phil reckoned she died around 3, hence the hush, the royals flying to Balmoral and the palace saying she was ‘under medical supervision’ (a euphemism for euthanasia; protocol to prevent hanging on).  Weirdly only 2 days after investing Trussed-Up, not only had a monarch never died in our lifetime before, a new PM and King in the same week was unprecedented.  I’d never forget the date but at least I dodged a big 60th celebration which would’ve been totally overshadowed.

Cue interminable toadying and suspension of parliament – so much for deliver, deliver, deliver!  Saturday’s proclamation by King Charles III a load of pompous guff, it was historically made public for the first time.  Appointed leader of the house and lord president of the privy council only 4 days ago, Penny Mordor led proceedings.  It was followed next day by proclamations across the land (hence spotting a man in a funny hat in Scarborough), a King’s address Monday at Westminster Hall to both Houses, and Jeremy Vine observing Queenie had met more people than anyone else on the planet.  By the week’s end, queues to see her lying in state grew to 24 hours, snaking into Southwark Park and forcing its closure.  Among the throngs, a woman unbelievably with her mum’s ashes, David Beckham and Jacinda Ardern filed past.  Jacinda subsequently gushed about the dead queen to Laura K, who showed a good snippet of her saying doing stuff for people today was leadership, but doing stuff for tomorrow was statesmanship.  Touché! That’s why there were no statesmen these days.  In contrast to the virtue signalling, Philip Schofield and Holly Willoughby were accused of queue-jumping.  Defending their actions as a segment for This Morning, Holly was in bits.  Sky News presenter Sarah-Jane Mee mistook people protesting The Met fatally shooting Chris Kaba for royal mourners, prompting 598 Ofcom complaints.

Cliff View Vintage

The least global deaths since March 2020, WHO Dr Tedros saw the end of the pandemic in sight.  Having clicked links in texts received before our hols to find covid boosters unbookable,  Look North urged so to get them!  SNP MP Margaret Farrier received 270 hours community service.  GDP rose 0.2% in July; less than expected because of the heatwave.

Retail sales fell 1.6% in August and the pound fell to a 37-year low of $1.13.  Unemployment down to 3.9% in the last quarter, inflation was 9.9%, mainly because petrol fell 7.5% but food prices went up 1.5%.  The John Lewis Partnership ‘forgo profit’ to give staff £500 each and raise starter pay by 4%.  Amazon warehouse staff in Coventry were balloted on strike action.  An EU windfall tax would raise more than €140bn towards energy bills.  Meanwhile, the UK government said post-Brexit Northern Ireland border check suspension would continue and promised to backdate support for businesses, giving no details.  Rich twat Chancellor Kwasi Modo planned to lift the bankers’ bonus cap.  Labour 17 points ahead in some polls, idiot Lizzie Chat-show said they had one problem: Keir Starmer who didn’t even know what a woman was.  Say, what now?  At the party conference, Keir pledged to create a state-owned Great British Energy corporation to invest in green infrastructure, gain independence from Russia, drive growth and create a million jobs.  IMF watching the dire UK situation, he said the tories had not only failed to fix the roof but “ripped out the foundations, smashed through the windows and blown the doors off for good measure.”  He was met by standing ovations and a race row as MP Rupa Huq was suspended for calling Kwasi ‘superficially black’.  She stopped shy of calling him a coconut and later apologised for ‘ill-judged comments’.  Ukrainian gains in Kharkiv, Olena went to Strasbourg for the EC president’s state of the union address where Von Hitler said Vlad the Impaler would fail and declared solidarity with Ukraine, and husband Vlod went to Izium, crashing his car driving back to Kyiv.  Turkish cargo ship Anatolian was allegedly fired on by Greek coastguards.  New Met chief Mark Rowley started work.

A Huge Gamble

Beachside Panorama

Tired from the prolonged train journey, I’d retired early Friday and spent most of the weekend writing up diaries, editing photos, washing and buying groceries.  After sitting around for 3 hours Sunday, Phil declared he didn’t have time for lunch before his shift.  Irked by unnecessary stress, I fed him coffee and cake then tidied the garden, seeing The Student to-ing and fro-ing in different coats in case it rained.  Unaware The Woman-Next-Door sat in her parked car, she made me jump opening the door.  Her Polish trip part holiday, part treatment for olfactory issues, she was a veritable ‘I saw you coming’ mug for every New Age therapy going!  Fatigued, I went back in but at least I’d had fresh air and social contact.

Monday declared a Bank Holiday, media covered nowt but the dead queen.  Deathly quiet, we heard 1 car, 1 train and bickering crows.  Even The Store, open on Christmas day, shut 10-1.  I stuck telly on as the state funeral procession set off from Westminster Hall for the abbey service with posh singing and an idiotic speech from Trussed-Up.  The gun carriage slow-march to Admiralty Arch interminable and hypnotic, we wondered where all the Quality Street soldiers came from.  World leaders told to catch the bus, Uncle Joe brought The Beast and Queen Margarite of Denmark caught covid.

Forcing myself to rise Tuesday, I made good progress with the new ‘corvus papers’ method.  Phil asked if I needed any shopping. “Yes, There’s a list. I suppose you want smoking stuff.” “Yes I was going to town but I’ll go co-op.”  In the end, he went on his errand then met me to help carry groceries and call me cheeky for chucking things in his rucksack.  Still avoiding fuel use and experimenting with clothes-drying techniques, I realised I’d worn the same socks 2 days solid!  Wednesday, I did boring stuff and Phil worked late.  Slamming the front door on his return, the living room door swung open, bringing in a mass of cold air.  I didn’t get warm all night.  After cleaning the bathroom Thursday, I collapsed on the bed with a sigh.  Phil asked what was wrong;, leading to a tirade on the wearisomeness of everyday life.  Hard getting back to normal after the break, I’d just started to feel less overwhelmed by drudgery, when he’d dropped the bombshell he was working all next weekend.  It wasn’t his fault but an inability to plan was stressful. He promised to ask why he was doing far more than the alleged 16 hours a week, made coffee and proffered choc biscuit misshapes, which he’d got from The Store (along with 3 packs of gammon steak) and already scoffed loads.  Going to town, beech nuts on the street crunched beneath our feet and confetti festooned the old bridge.  He checked his shifts and I perused the market.  Toiletries scant, I scowled at a woman with sharp elbows rudely stretching over to pay while I was transacting.  My mind went blank buying veg.  Phil caught up to take photos of Chantilly carrots, making Jolly Veg Man laugh.  As Phil strode across the square towards a parliament of corvids, I felt faint, flopped on a seat and decided lunch was overdue.  Going home via the new bridge, he mused: “what’s in the river today?” “Ducks, sticks, an air freshener, an orange plastic thingy, a carrier bag…it’s like one of those memory games, or dementia tests.”  Maybe I needed one after the brain freeze!  QT from Grimsby the usual unbalanced nonsense, loony Clare Fox who started out in the RCP and ended up a tory-nominated peer, got too much airtime.  On Newscast, rich git Cobra Billamora looked forward to the mini-budget giving him more dosh.

Friday 22nd marked the autumn equinox.  Seeing a light on early morning, I assumed Phil had gone to work, turned it off, then heard him rise.  Checking the clock, it was actually 6 a.m., not 7.  He later complained I’d woken him but got his own back waking me at 5.30 the next day.   I exchanged texts with Walking Friend about free curry, The Poet’s fire party and a cinema trip.  Shopping in sunny warmth, I felt overdressed, especially as Woman-Next-Door sat out in a sundress.  Another neighbour also too hot, she’d prematurely stowed her summer clothes.  I’d not even washed mine after our hols!  At least my swimming cosi was unused, unlike the Scarborough Diving Belle.  I potted a cutting in a cute pot for Walking Friend then got achy and tired pruning.

Diving Belle

GP numbers still dropping and seeing one impossible, Therese Coffee-Cup said there was too much variation in the care people got across the country, and unveiled underwhelming plans for the NHS including a 2-week wait to see a GP; it was 2 days in 2010!  Coming up with a moronic ABCD mantra (ambulances, backlog, care, doctors and dentists), she promised £15m more for carers and pension changes to stop doctors leaving the NHS. Holidaymakers were urged to cash in vouchers worth £30m before they expired at month’s end.  Dunoon grammar school, Argyle, was shortlisted as among the best in the world for community help.  Kids had streamed bingo into care homes during lockdowns and presented ideas to Cop26.

A cap would halve firms’ energy bills for 6 months from 1st October.  Long-awaited and welcome, businesses wanted more, but Rees-Moggy said they’d have to wait.  Cost estimates varied from £25-40bn, depending on gas prices, on top of £150bn household support.  IFS predicted £231bn government borrowing this year and debt rising for many to come.  Reckoning the UK was already in recession, BOE raised interest to a 14-year high of 2.25%.  At the UN in New York, Trussed-Up told the BBC she was prepared to be unpopular for ‘taking difficult decisions’ such as allowing bigger banker’s bonuses, to ‘attract investment’ and grow the economy.  Labour said it was the wrong priorities.  Doing 2 weeks’ business in 3 days, amid a glut of government proclamations, Rees-Moggy lifted the ban on fracking in England.  Dismissing earthquake concerns, even as one happened in Mexico, INEOS claimed reserves could equal the North Sea.  No cheaper and not enough for everyone, Greenpeace called for a nationwide solution to the energy crisis.

Trussed-Up gloated on the front bench as Kwasi Modo presented his Kamikaze budget.  Besides what we already knew, he postponed the alcohol duty rise, increased the stamp duty threshold to £250k, cut basic income tax by 1p, abolished the highest 45% rate and defended banker’s bonuses as we needed global banks here, not Frankfurt.  Total tax cuts equating to £45bn, Universal Credit claimants earning less than £142.50 a week (15 hours on the living wage) must prove they were trying to work more or face benefits cuts!  Rachel Reeves called it the last roll of the dice after 12 years of tory failure, by “desperate gamblers in a casino chasing a losing run.”  Allowing huge banker’s bonuses while axing nurses’ pay, Frances O’Grady wanted to know what planet they were on.  Wearing ludicrous clod-hoppers with a suit, Kwasi told Chris Mason there was technically a recession but hoped it’d be shallow and then denied there was one!  His former boss, hedge fund manager Crispin Odey, confirmed Phil’s belief that crashing the pound was a deliberate ploy to benefit his rich scummy mates by cashing in on betting against it, and gilts.  Economists thought vastly disproportionate gains for the wealthy may artificially boost the economy but if the BOE responded with bigger interest rates, could prompt a boom and bust cycle.  Avanti restoring some west coast services, RMT would strike again 8th October.  30,000 had made dicey channel crossings this year.

NY attorney general Tish James accused The Trump and 3 sprogs of fraud by exaggerating how much they were worth.  An appeal court ruled the papers could be reviewed and Trump bragged he could declassify state documents ‘just by thinking about them’.  Referenda to be held in Russian-controlled regions of Ukraine, Vlad the Impaler openly accused The West of nuclear blackmail and announced a major escalation mobilising reservists, to ‘defend the motherland’ and ‘liberated territories’.  13,000 anti-war protestors were arrested and amid a rush to escape the call-up, queues formed at borders, outbound flights were full and Ruslan Zinin shot a military official at a Siberian enlistment office.  At the UN, Uncle Joe called the referenda a ‘sham’ and the war ‘brutal’.  Reports later emerged of households being forced to vote at gunpoint and Ukrainians fleeing Russian-controlled areas to avoid fighting fellow countrymen.  On her way to meet Uncle Joe, Trussed-Up announced the return of 5 British nationals, thanks to Vlod and Saudi Arabia.  As the sea monster in Weston was finished in the last days of Unboxed (aka Brexit Festival), Julian Knight of the DCMS committee, questioned how many visitors the ‘monumental waste’ had attracted.  Creative director Martin Green insisted it was value for money.  95% of 12,800 saplings planted by Gloucester City Council to celebrate the jubbly, perished during the hot summer because there was nobody to water them.

At A Crossroads

Cute Jackdaw

Saturday, I went to a print fair at the town hall, to compliment The Printer on an image of Scarborough (similar to my photo panorama), speak to another affected by the fire and quiz a third on her etchings.  I mooched round charity shops, the crap market where a posh woman exclaimed: ‘ooh mushrooms! Just like the dress I bought last week!’ (she meant toadstool earrings) and the wavy steps (eyed by a cute jackdaw).  All heaving, I sought quiet in the library where an old pub mate exiting helpfully told me it was closing in 10 mins, confirmed by a notice.  I got reduced items from the rival convenience store and lay in wait for Phil.  As I hid in a doorway, a hippie parked her car with taped-over lights on the double-yellowed junction, went barefoot into The Store and emerged with a vape (aka the new crack).  The plethora of highway code infractions almost tempted me to report her.  Finishing at 3 on the dot, Phil headed up the street.  I yelled “Oi!”  We wove through the packed square to sit riverside and chat.  Though a challenge lugging ice at 7.00 a.m., it was quite jolly on a Saturday and didn’t feel like a full working day (no commute helped).  The NHS had sent me a birthday gift of a home testing kit.  Sunday, I duly put poo on the stick and set out to post it.  Drumming as soon as I left the house, the handmade parade was in full swing.  Just my luck!  Picking what I hoped was a less busy route, I was hemmed in by crowds, fought my way across the square and looked for the post-box.  Remembering it went years ago, I bought knobbly veg and nipped in The Store where Phil was re-stocking shelves. “Have you *** seen it out there!” “Shh! Don’t swear!” “Sorry, see you later.”  Over at the post office, there was no evading the parade as it went down the cul-de-sac.  I knew it was a fun family event and I was being peevish but the throngs and drumming made me weary and headachy.  Narked by Phil’s lack of sympathy later, I conceded he must be more knackered after 3 earlies on the trot.

Monday a chilly mix of sun and showers, one literally stopped after our house!  Still tired, I struggled with a communal food wastebin that wouldn’t shut.  Fixing the hinge, I muttered.  The Widower appeared: “Talking to yourself?” “Yes, it’s the only way I get any sense, ha, ha!”  Ahead of the new price cap, Octopus Energy boss Greg Jackson urged Ofgem to lower standing charges and BG helpfully e-mailed that our bills would be over 3 grand next year.  Not if I could help it!  I sent meter readings forthwith.  Sleeping later Tuesday, I briefly felt the benefit, shopped speedily in a tranquil co-op and sorted documents to renew a PTL,* faffing to print a profile pic (needlessly, as it turned out).  During a cold night, loud machinery disturbed me and condensation coated the windows Wednesday.  I put the heating on for the first time in months, hoovered discarded cobwebs and spider skins and exchanged a string of texts with Walking Friend, agreeing to meet in the library before free curry.  Then Phil messed with the hoover, claiming I’d missed a cobweb, then the Ocado driver rang to say he’d be early.  Head spinning, I managed a few notes before the jolly Geordie arrived.  Phil was asked to work earlier for a colleague’s GP appointment (how did she get that?)  Soon after going, he phoned saying it was next week.  “Shall I come home or sit in the sun? It’s nice out.” “Just chill then.”  Also wanting sunshine, I took chilli plants out to repot but defeated by entangled roots, gave up, and went to town.

Infantile graffiti covered the squat’s boarded-up windows.  The Ice Cream rep didn’t turn up in court next day, so the anarchists weren’t evicted.  In the library, I was told to renew my PTL online.  “Where are the collection points?” “Not sure. Do you need an orange dot?” “Yes.” “I’ll look in the drawer.”  The librarian kindly made the pass for me (minus photo after the palaver)  I chose a book and returned to the desk to find I was de-registered.  Re-registering took longer than getting the pass!  Meanwhile, Walking Friend arrived.  We discussed Scarborough and what to expect from free curry night.  Seeing nobody at the front of the chapel, she suggested we go to the side entrance where a woman I recognised from Vegan Friend’s pre-covid party greeted us.  Walking Friend uneasy accepting charity, I searched for my mates to put her at ease but saw no sign of them.  Three lovely people took our order, then repeatedly apologised for the wait.  The room’s buzz Initially enjoyable, as it filled up, the noise made me light-headed and fatigued (not helped by a missed siesta).  Chaotic and too many helpers, I ditched the idea of volunteering in future.  We made for the exit, told an acquaintance to watch out for cardamoms and heard someone ask if there were containers for the cake.  “Cake!” we cried in unison.  The door-greeter opened a side door for easy access to the cake table where there was also a donation tin.  Inviting her in, I assured my friend I could cope with a cuppa and cake despite tiredness.  We nattered some and I gave her the plant cutting before she wended home via the hidden path before dark.  Finding her scrunchie on the bathroom floor, I thought I’d better wash it.

Stunned by another long sleep Thursday, I ignored my woes for a walk and lunch at the Hilltop Village, agreeing with a friend en route, on the awful state of the country and the joys of life on a stunning autumn day (see Cool Placesiii).  In a bright night sky, Neptune and Pluto vied for attention with a glowing orange Jupiter (at the nearest point to Earth for 59 years).  Plagued by backache, I needed the meditation soundtrack to aid sleep, then got woken in Friday’s early hours by Phil getting up and a racket outside.  Knowing the pretty but yellow watery dawn presaged a wet, grey day, I dug out a parka before venturing out.  The co-op quiet again, my namesake asked was I going walking?  “Not in that! But it’s warmer out than in the house without heating.”  I agreed we’d need it sometimes to prevent mould and burst pipes.

Autumn Scene

Concluding coronavirus killed an A&E worker, a coroner was flummoxed that only staff on red wards got face-masks in May 2020.  According to Zoe Health Studies’ Tim Spector, hospital admissions were up 37% on the previous week, the highest since 19th August.  A 7% rise in fatal road crashes in 2021 was blamed on lockdown easing.  Trickle-down economics a pile of poo and markets jittery, the pound fell further against the dollar and OBR forecasts hinted at U-turns.  They promised an economic forecast by 7th October but after Trussed-Up joined Kwasi in meeting them, she said it wouldn’t be made public ‘til 23rd November when they unveiled further plans.  Lenders stopped offering low-cost mortgages. 

As footage of her saying Brits needed more graft was unearthed, Rayner told conference the PM didn’t care about working people and we were at a crossroads akin to 1997.  Labour Left Internationalists called singing God Save the King a ‘doubling-down on monarchism’, ‘almost comic’.  Ed Millipede mocked Rees-Moggy’s ‘energy policy for the 1820s’.  BBC tips to save money included cooking with a microwave rather than an iron!  (sic)  Online searches for ‘energy bill help’ the highest ever and ‘food banks near me’ up 250%, Jon Ashworth pledged labour would freeze prices, paid for by windfall taxes.  The BOE stepped in to buy UK gilt bonds, leading to an immediate fall in long-date yields and lower public borrowing rates.  Was it enough to prevent a Northern Rock-style run on pensions?  Should I have cashed mine in?  Former gov Mark Carney said Kwasi’s ‘partial budget’ was at cross-purposes with the bank.  Referring to ‘ministry of the talentless’, witty Rayner said: “Liz Truss has even crashed the pork market. Now. That. Is. A. disgrace. You’d think snouts in the trough was the one thing they could manage.”  MPs demanding urgent recall of parliament to face questions on running the economy down, Trussed-Up did a round of car-crash local radio interviews to be flummoxed by simple questions, witter about freezing energy costs and blame Vlod and the world for turbulence.  WTF!  Was she just thick or dropped on her head as a baby?  Rayner quipped she’d: “finally broken her long painful silence with a series of short painful silences.”  A YouGov poll put labour 33 points ahead.  Gammons still thought we should give her a chance.  Government ignoring demands for a 10% pay rise, at least £15 per hour and not cutting 91,000 jobs, Mark Serwotka said the PCSU had no choice but to ballot 20,000 civil servants.  Sales up 18.7% in the last quarter, Aldi, now the UKs 4th biggest supermarket, pledged to put people before profits and build 16 new stores.  Turning down public money to keep it open, Peel Group would wind down Robin Hood airport from 31st October.  32 Wetherspoons pubs including Halifax would shut.  How’s Brexit working out, Tim?

A complexity of issues culminated in large-scale disorder in Leicester mainly involving young Asian men.  One person convicted, cops said further arrests could go on for months.  SML put the strife down to tensions between Sikhs and Muslims, started by a football match in August.  Others blamed fundamentalists from outside the city stirring it.  New HO minister Swellen told police to do their jobs properly.

Helped by blast-from-the-past Berlusconi, far-right Giorgia Meloni (aka Molly Malone) was set to become Italian PM.  Amid covid restrictions and geopolitical tensions, Apple switched manufacture of the iPhone 14 from China to India.  Russian gas pipeline leaks made bubbles in the Baltic Sea near the Danish island of Bornholm.  Sabotage was suspected.  At a signing ceremony to incorporate 4 eastern regions of Ukraine into Russia**, a concert for an invited audience in Red Square drowned out the international outcry. NASA slammed a min-fridge-sized spacecraft into asteroid Didymos-Dimorphos.  DART successfully hit it off course, astronomers spotted increased brightness, but it’d be weeks ‘till we knew if the space rocks’ orbit was shortened.  Scarborough planned to a centre of excellence for cyber-security – obviously building on the legacy of GCHQ Scarborough which we learnt about on our visit.

Queenie’s death certificate confirmed the cause as old age and the time as 3.10 p.m. Phil was right!  Michelle Pfeiffer was heartbroken by the passing of Coolio, of Gangstas Paradise fame. The majority of Northern Ireland residents Catholic for the first time ever, a referendum on a united Ireland was probable.  The Orangemen didn’t factor in Catholics breeding like rabbits when they rigged the borders, did they!

Notes

* Passport to Leisure

**Donetsk, Luhansk, Kherson and Zaporizhzhia

References:

i. Ovo’s 10-point plan: https://www.ovoenergy.com/ovo-newsroom/press-releases/2022/september/ten-point-plan

ii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 106 – Clownfall

“Too many people are losing the battle to keep a roof over their heads – struggling to pay rent and put food in their mouths…the next Prime Minister needs to get a grip on this crisis, and fast” (Polly Neate)

Liar, Liar!

Haiga – Disrupter

July 1st, I managed a full day out of bed, hung washing in sunshine and nipped in the art shop for an open studios brochure on the way to the co-op.  As I danced in the aisles to ‘The Chelsea Song’*, someone said “nice moves, Mary!”  I turned and smiled before recognising Bully Ex-neighbour.  That was the end of blanking her, then!  A rain shower eased as I walked back alongside Irish Neighbour who predicted it’d stop altogether when we got home.  Alas, it didn’t.  As it got wetter, Phil dashed out to fetch the laundry.  Sun returning, I started to peg it back, but darkening skies made me abandon the idea.  The Widower chatted to The Woman Next Door.  His unleashed dog roamed the street, weed near our door and jumped up to plant 2 matching muddy paw prints on my light summer jeans.  The Widower apologised and offered to wash them.  I said it was okay, then went in to rant and soak the jeans.

ONS estimated covid went up another 32%, with 1:35 infected in Yorkshire and 1:25 in Calderdale.  Prof Linda Bauld blamed holidaymakers returning from Portugal.  Shats unveiled a 22 point plan for air flights.  Scottish cops withdrew ‘goodwill’.  The work to rule was triggered by a ‘derisory’ offer of £564 extra pay.

Waking early with a cough Saturday, I sucked a pastille and fell back asleep.  Both tired, we stayed in.  Phil cut my hair and tackled the greasy kitchen then rested while I cleaned floors and went to the co-op for beer.  Bantering with My Mate at the kiosk, a woman randomly mentioned Crackerjack.  “It’s Friday, it’s 5 to 5…” I quoted. “Oops! I’m showing my age. I know I don’t look it!”  Hitherto cloudy, I strolled back in the gorgeous evening and stopped to chat with German Friend warming in sunshine outside her house.  Her next-door’s makeshift patio an improvement on the caravan, I desisted in calling it a bit gammon when she said they were nice neighbours.  Bemoaning a lack of parking space, set to worsen with the mill development, she planned to bring it up at their upcoming street party.  Wondering what good that would do, Phil agreed the fallacy it was a private street gave them delusions of authority!  The Woman Next Door had parked in the middle of our street.  When End Neighbour arrived, I banged on next door and faked fear of being run over as she backed up.  The Widower similarly struggled to park then discovered he’d brought the wrong keys out and had to enter a daft code to get spares from a box.  I stayed out to soak up rays, swept cobwebs off the window and lopped the rosebush to prevent eye pokes.

Arriva bus services resumed during talks but the strike was back on a week later.  1,000 confirmed cases, mostly in London, Pride revellers were told to stay home if they had monkeypox symptoms and vaccine was offered to contacts.

Quorn sausage instead of meat Sunday, felt like a treat.  That mightn’t last as farmers losing £30 per pig threatened to stop production.  Phil said “The government can’t admit Brexit’s a mess and there’s no money coming in through trade.” “What about VAT? If they don’t do something, it’ll be more costly when we all die of malnutrition!”  Bunman reckoned this was more of a health risk than the pandemic.

Bikers and Motley Folk

Phil having no luck job-hunting, I proposed offering IT skills to artists.  Open Studios a good place to start, we visited the main venues.  In the first, a woman created charming bird paintings and inspiring collages.  Phil offered to take photos of her pictures so she could sell prints online.  Mysteriously seeing nobody we knew in the next studio, we climbed steep steps to the upper art mill floors where Photography Friend chuckled: “About time you showed up!”  We discussed selling her greetings cards online and the trials of videoing.  Browsing jewellery, I was greeted by the silversmith who turned out to be End Neighbour’s daughter.

After visiting a couple of charity shops, we crossed a square busy with bikers and other motley folk to get pop, and supped it near the wavy steps.  Lads built a fort on duck island, a boy disgustingly picked up birdseed to hand-feed pigeons, and a misfit black and white mallard mixed with waterfowl until a dog splashed into the water.

It emerged Boris used a government jet to holiday in Cornwall last month.  An ill-briefed Thérèse Coffee-Cup was wheeled out to parrot Number 10 press office lines.  Most covid infections caused by the BA.5 Omicron subvariant, Thicko Dr. Jenny Harries resurrected the old ‘hands, face, space’ mantra, advised face-masks in busy indoor places and those with respiratory illnesses stayed home.  As Russia took control of Lysychansk and accused Ukraine of missile strikes on Belgorod, Gen Mark Milley made parallels between Russian invasions and Nazi Germany but NATO stronger than ever, didn’t think we were on the road to war.  Lord Brownnose allegedly got his knighthood for rescuing Bonny Prince Charlie’s daft Dumfries eco homes plan.

Iffy with twinges Monday, I resolved to not stay abed, posted a haiga, drafted blogs, and went to the co-op.  The Bonkers woman fretted with a friend over what she could afford for tea.  Things were bad if the middle classes were worried!  I eschewed pricey items for a low-cost top-up.  The young cashier very fast, I asked did he work at Lidl before? “No, kitchens.”  I dumped bags near the front door, filled the watering can from the outside tap and jumped at a “Hello Mary.”  I hadn’t seen The Woman Next Door on her doorstep.  It was hard to keep a straight face as she held a bonger in one hand and traced circles round her face with a tuning fork in the other.  Phil guessed it was some zen shit.  DIY tuning fork therapy, actually.  He was in stiches at a woman on Look North who clearly bought her furnishings from Noir: “And look at that gammon tan!”  Thinking he said ‘Gammantine’, I asked if that was a new décor style.

Having said they had no evidence, the BBC admitted 6 complaints against DJ Tim Westwood who police spoke to once.  Downing Street stated that aware of ‘reports and speculation’, Boris referred to the ex-whip as ‘Pincher by name, Pincher by nature’, but didn’t know of any substantiated allegations.  The National Gallery was evacuated when Just Stop Oil protesters superimposed an apocalyptic future vision onto Constable’s Haywain and glued themselves to the frame.  The next day, they augmented The Last Supper at the Royal Academy.  Motorists staged country-wide motorway go-slows.  Yorkshire cops deployed stingers and chilled-out Bristol cops provided an escort, but arrested 12 for blocking the Prince of Wales Bridge.  Due to local food costs, school caterers switched from chicken to turkey and beef to gammon, largely imported.  No fuel for teachers, Sri Lanka extended school closures another week.  Suspecting bird flu killed chicks on the Farne Isles, NT banned boat trips.  6 were massacred and 36 injured during a Chicago Independence Day parade.  Culprit and wannabee rapper Robert E. Crimo III posted cartoons of himself doing the shooting.

Waking frequently, I ended up oversleeping Tuesday.  Phil sorted stuff still in bags from Leeds and gave me a posh ruler for to-scale measuring: handy for all that model-building I did!  Feeling sleepy, I quit writing for active chores to be stymied by him nabbing the hoover.

Wage growth below inflation, The Resolution Foundation warned 1:4 people’s savings wouldn’t last a month if they lost their job.  Lynch told the RMT conference the current strike was the fight of a lifetime.  Offered 6%, Bosch Rexworth factory workers in Fife walked out.  High street coffee almost £3 a cup, Pret a Manger returned to profit.  Hundreds of BA flights cancelled, EasyJet COO Peter Bellew quit over chaos.  40% of travel insurance policies gave insufficient strike or covid cover.  At 7.00 a.m., former top FCO civil servant Lord Simon McDonald, published a letter telling Kathryn Stone Boris knew about The Pincher in 2019, belying claims allegations were ‘unsubstantiated’.  It was news to ex-foreign minister Rabid Raab.  Boris blathered to Chris Mason it was a mistake to make The Pincher a whip.  Barely sensical, he ‘tried to explain’ he was ‘focused on other things’.  Yeah! Saving your own skin!  MPs in constituencies over the weekend asked how many boys they’d touched up and ministers sick of looking stupid fire-fighting for their boss, Rishi and Goblin Saj resigned early evening.  The Goblin said: “I can no longer, in good conscience, continue to serve in this government.”  Rishi wrote: “The public rightly expect government to be conducted properly, competently and seriously.”  Nads Zahawi hilariously became Chancellor on the spot.  Tarzan Heseltine told Newsnight it was the end.  Instrumental in ousting Thatcher, he should know.  12 overnight resignations included solicitor general Alex Chalk.  Boris predictably phoned Vlod.

Again up late Wednesday, I worked on the journal and watched PMQs.  Keir said promoting The Pincher despite known predatory behaviour was serious; the PM handed him power and was propped up by a party defending the indefensible.  A ‘charge of the very light brigade’, we needed rid of the ‘zed list cast of nodding dogs’.  Boris reiterated labour had no plan, rudely pointed at the shadow cabinet and disbelieved Keir’s vow to not re-join the EU against the will of the people which had incensed Guardianistas.  Ian Blackford guffawed at Boris’ hope of 3 terms in office: “If a week is a long time in politics, 10 days is a lifetime.”  Instead of discussing the cost of living and Brexit, as usual, it was all about Boris.  Rather than the Monty Python Black Knight, he was the dead parrot.  Liz Saville said as the PM always put his political survival before the country’s interests, he was the best recruitment sergeant for independence they could wish for.  Tory backbenchers on the attack, was it time to do the decent thing and resign?  Lindsay Hoyle told applauding MPs they should be ashamed.  Delivering a resignation statement, Goblin Saj said he wasn’t one of life’s quitters, cared deeply about public service, it was a privilege to be trusted in a tough role, nothing mattered more than people’s health, and paid tribute to all in health and social care motivated by the national interest.  But they couldn’t allow division to become entrenched, treading a tightrope between loyalty and integrity was now impossible and it was unfair to be made to defend ‘lies’.  He’d given the benefit of the doubt over Partygate but enough was enough, problems started at the top, that wouldn’t change, and the choice to stay in the cabinet was an active decision.

Phil headed for Leeds and I for errands in nasty drizzle, getting inflated cough sweets and PJs, £1 crop pants to use for patches on worn-out ones, and DVDs in charity shops.  I stopped to reminisce with New Gran and Partner babysitting outside Corner Pub about when it resembled an after-school club.

The RCN said the end of special NHS covid leave showed how little the government cared about staff.  Hospitals re-introduced mask-wearing.  Unaware it’d gone away, did it explain last months’ dream?  On the day of the NI threshold rise, the pound dropped against the dollar.  38 resignations by teatime the most within 24 hours in history, a cabinet delegation plus Graham Brady, waited to tell the PM time was up, as he told the public liaison committee he was getting on with governing the country.  Refusing to go, he called the Glove-Puppet a snake and sacked him.  Reporters stood in Downing Street battling chants of ‘Boris out!’

On the market Thursday, a customer discussed lobsters with the fishmonger.  ”What about langoustines?” I asked, to get a tirade about the only Fleetwood trawler being foreign-owned.  I didn’t ask did he vote Brexit!  I continued onto the co-op after lunch, gardened in warm sun when Walking Friend came by on her way to town and invited me for a drink.  She sat on the bench while I cleared up and The Widower walked his shorn dog past.  “Has she had a haircut?”  In reply, he removed his hat to display a buzzcut. “That’s dramatic!”  I waited outside the pet shop then in a seething square while she erranded.  Cafés shutting, I consented to Corner Pub where New Gran and Partner promptly left.  “Typical! The one time I’m stopping!” I joked.  Walking Friend bought us pints and herself a nibble.  Saying she often sat home alone when not working or walking, I invited her for coffee anytime.  We’d left Phil doing a work for Alexa.  I texted ‘3 guesses’ to which he replied: ‘I only need 1!’  When he arrived, she insisted on buying another round while he ate her congealed garlic bread and made friends with a dog.  Behind on the drinking, he wanted another pint, then got hungry.  Her bus due, we bade thanks and goodbye.  Drowsy after the beer, sleep eluded me until tinnitus suddenly stopped and the world went quiet.

Reporters had reason to stand in Downing Street for once.  After a tsunami of 60 government resignations, Boris finally quit, as party leader, not PM.  Deflecting blame onto his colleagues, he hastily reshuffled cabinet into a ‘caretaker government’, promising no ‘major change of direction’ ‘til election of a new leader.  Phil remarked on the typical Britishness of The Pincher being the final straw after a tsunami of lies!  Andrea Jenkyns gave the finger on her way to become education minister.  “What a great example to young people!” I exclaimed. “It’s like a corrupt government of a loser country. They all need shoving against the wall!”  John Major said the PM should go immediately and Keir threatened a confidence vote if he didn’t. Leadership contenders reaching 11 within days, Boris didn’t endorse any in case it scuppered their chances.  Vlod sad, the EU were glad and hoped to ‘reset’ the relationship with the UK.  NCA arrested people-traffickers and seized dinghies and paraphernalia from warehouses across Europe.  Foreigners allowed at Hajj for the first time in 2 years, 1 million selected by lottery had to be under 65, vaccinated and test negative for covid.  Former Japanese PM Shinzo Abe was assassinated while campaigning and Rollerball legend James Khan died.

Erase and Rewind?

Haiga – Atmospherics

A knock on the door Friday signalled Walking Friend dropping off a promised item.  She asked was I alright after the pub.  “Yes and no; it was lovely but there was loads of stuff I didn’t get done.” “I know. We’ll plan it next time.”  Intending to go for a walk after I‘d draft-posted the journal, it was rather late and I still felt tired.  Instead, I raked leaves and helped Phil rescue confused bees.  Among the comings and goings, Decorating Neighbour asked if we knew anything about End Neighbour.  Meant to be holidaying, she had covid.  “I’ve no idea. Her daughter said nothing when we saw her Sunday”  After drinking rather a lot of wine, I slept reasonably well and had a long episodic dream involving weird office-related crap.

NatWest staff on under £32,000 offered a 4% rise, Unite said it was better than a one-off payment.  Oil prices up again, wind power was the cheapest ever.  Keir and Rayner were cleared of breaking covid laws during beergate.  Gammons whinged about woke Durham cops.  Yep, just like Bristol!

Woken by mild leg cramp and loud talking outside, I rose drowsily Saturday.  Making brekkie stressful in a cluttered kitchen even though I’d washed up Friday night, I wondered where the hell it all came from?  Phil related a mildly racist joke (actually tweeted by Alistair Campbell in April): An Englishman, an American and an Indian walk into a bar. The barman says, ‘the usual Mr. Sunak?’  Putting recycling out, Welsh Art Friend was collecting the baby from young neighbours’ house for an outing.  A recent operation explained her absence from Open Studios but she was recovering well.  Other artists we’d expected to see all had covid apparently.  We got lucky there after all the art events we’d attended recently!  She offered to put fliers up to promote Phil’s IT services when we got round to doing them.  A bit of a breeze made the warmth bearable enough to repeat my birthday walk during which we admired bright skies and blooms, ate pasties at the farm shop and gathered a few wimberries (see Cool Placesii).

Hardly any breeze, Sunday became hot.  Suffering dodgy guts, I wondered was it caused by the beer?  The cheap bacon tasty but 2 rashers short of a weekend, Phil said it sounded like I’d devised an expression.  Not the first neologism we’d invented.  The laptop proclaimed no internet.  I waited ages to send birthday greetings to a cousin, edit photos and write a haiga.  On the way back from the co-op, a couple of women on the street below who’d put water out for geese, were surrounded.  “You’ll never get rid of them now!” I chuckled.  Sitting on the garden bench, I saw a plate of mushrooms in front of the mini-greenhouse and asked The Woman Next Door on her step were they hers?  “Yes.” “What are they doing there?” “Drying.” “Well, I need access and they’re not in the sun.”  She moved them to her wall.  The way clear, I checked the celery to discover munched leaves and placed shards round the stalks to put the slugs off.  It didn’t.  Phil brought ancient chilli seeds out to pot and helped clear up.  A strange man laden with eggs and berries, visited The Woman Next Door.  He’d parked in the middle of street but guided him into a space before they went out.  “Who’s that?” asked Phil. “How the hell should I know?”  Seeing him early the next day, I speculated it was a boyfriend.  We ate lunch outside, dozed, and moved from shade to sun but still hot at 6, retreated indoors.  Exhausted, I wrestled with sleep in the hot, bright night and got up to gaze at stars, minimise the light, then tossed and turned to the meditation soundtrack.

On Politics North, new Levelling Up minister Lia Nici repeated the misogynistic slur that Rayner opened her legs in The House, leading to a row with Naz Shah.  Widely condemned, why hadn’t the presenter called Nasty Nici out on the spot?  Anticipating summer travel chaos, Operation Brock restarted in Kent.  After an interminable 2 weeks, Novax won the tennis.

Already sunny at 6.30 a.m. Monday, I opened the bathroom window to let a bug out and went back to bed.  interrupted my writing for a counter-signature on his high street store contract.  Assuring me scribing with the laptop touchpad was easy, my signature came out as a worse scrawl than usual!  We had better luck using the ipad.  I performed niggly chores, greeted Next Door and Strange Man and suppressed annoyance at a lack of help (Monday was often busy for Phil too).  Assembling various materials to clean a kitchen chair outside, whatever I tried, the blotches kept re-appearing.  Phil had a go during a break in google work but it looked worse than ever.  I decided the posh paint had gone funny, found nothing suitable in the coal-hole, searched fruitlessly online for new, and said I’d try locally.  Falling asleep outside during the longest heatwave for 50 years, I showered and rested on the bed.   Although muggy, I slept well that night.

Scotrail drivers agreed on 5% but Aslef voted for summer strikes.  A 24 hour Post Office strike with more predicted, bosses whinged they lost £1m a day due to bad relations.  Migrants carried a dinghy across a French beach and 442 later arrived in Kent.  Sick of criticism for providing a taxi service, the navy didn’t want to take the lead in dealing with channel crossings.  A covid lockdown shut all casinos in the Chinese gambling enclave of Macau.  The 1922 committee drew up leadership race rules.  Candidates needed the backing of 20 MPs and there’d be a new PM by 5th September.  Steve Barclay, tory party favourite Ben Wally, Goblin Saj (amidst tax evasion allegations), Grant Shats and unheard-of Rehman Chisti, dropped out, leaving 8 in the race Tuesday: Rishi Rich (releasing slick video Friday), Trussed-Up Liz, Tom Tughat, Penny Mordar (who withdrew her video when Johnny Peacock objected to inclusion), Kemi Babadook (who wanted to abolish teaching assistants because proles didn’t need educating), Swellen (saying she’d cut taxes as there were too many able people on benefits), The C**t and Nads Zahawi (amid yet more scandal).

Overcast but still warm, writing was hard Tuesday.  As head fug and achy eyes set in, I called a halt and went to town for errands and a boogie to radio 2 in the convenience store.  Two women queuing in front of me also jigged, remarking we didn’t go out dancing anymore.  Heading for what used to be the paint shop, I realised it was now an Asian food store.  I thought the fresh air would be invigorating but possibly due to mugginess, my head drooped as I plodded home.  Noisy all day, canal works finally packed in for 10 mins peace.  I measured the crop pants, cut material off the legs and made PJ patches.  Still fatigued, as the sun emerged early evening, we nipped outside for some vit. D and midge bites!

Every ambulance service on red alert, trusts declared a state of emergency due to covid admissions and the heatwave.  Meanwhile, Queenie awarded the NHS the George Cross.  May Parsons who administered the first covid jab, was among representatives from all 4 UK nations.  Heathrow told airlines to ‘stop selling summer tickets’.  Now lasting until 11th September, no wonder we could never find cheap deals anymore.  Mo Farah was praised for revealing he wasn’t a child refugee but a trafficked domestic slave.  The home office graciously announced they’d take no action but would investigate.  £1 now worth $1.19, the Euro fell to just below $1.  The war was blamed.  NASA showcased cosmic pictures by the James Webb space telescope.  The next day, the Chinese said they’d detected a FRB** like a heartbeat, in space.

Wednesday, Phil had an appointment for someone to collect his Leeds studio fridge.  I made him a bottle of pop to take and myself coffee and watched shenanigans.  On Daily Politics, Tony Danker, CBI wanted less business tax and Heather WTF Whately came out with the same old rubbish: ’I love Rishi!’  Pandemonium at the start of PMQs, Lindsay Hoyle shouted: ‘shut up! order, order!’  Alba MPs Neale Hanvey and Kenny Macaskill were marched out of the chamber to murmurs of insurrection.  Keir suggested a demob happy PM free of shackles, could say what he truly thought and forget about following the rules, so was it time to scrap non-dom status?  Boris not changing his response, Keir went onto a ‘simpler question’ concerning offshore schemes letting people avoid tax.  The Bumbler bizarrely responded any of the leadership candidates could wipe the floor with ‘captain crasherooney snoozefest‘.  What was the clown on?  Keir persisting on the tories benefiting from tax scams, Boris spouted lies about tax and benefits to a line of nodding dogs on the front bench wearing white and green Srebrenica flowers.  Ian Blackford boringly made no jokes.

Warmth tempered by a breeze, I ate lunch outside, cleaned under the garden bench and chatted to a woman walking her elderly cat.  Interminable beeping stopped just in time for a rest.  Considering going outside again, Phil’s head loomed at the window.  I opened the door and replenished the coffee.  He followed me to the kitchen, doing my head in jabbering excitedly about his new mate and using the music studio for his photography.  About to work on the journal, he asked for assistance making videos for a google work, set up a white screen, screwed his phone on a large tripod and taught me how to record.  Quick when it worked, a faff when it didn’t, we called a halt for dinner.

Bereaved families called 200,000 covid deaths ‘a damning milestone’.  Resolution Foundation found the richest 10% of Brits owned 29% of disposable income.  Only Greece and Cyprus had worse economic deterioration.  BOE told banks to double the buffer in case of hardship.  Wetherspoons lost £30m – nowt to do with Brexit, eh Tim!  The SCE monster was installed in an old lido on Weston beach as part of Unboxed.  Formerly known as the Festival of Brexit, there was no mention of Brexit!  An extreme weather warning extended to next Tuesday, the army set fire to Salisbury Plain, competing with French and Iberian wildfires.  Official buildings and posh homes invaded, instead of resigning, the Sri Lankan president fled, appointed the PM acting president, declared a state of emergency, and a curfew in the western region encompassing Colombo.  Protestors then overtook the PM’s compound as grim-faced police fired tear gas and water cannons.  The gold walls of a politician interviewed on Newsnight looked pricey enough to cover the national debt.  A French inquiry concluded Liverpool fans weren’t to blame for the Paris match debacle 28th May.

Blooming Buddleia

In the co-op Thursday, a few extras brought me above budget but I got free redcurrants from the community garden wall and saw a ringed butterfly for the first time.  Storing groceries, I noticed we were low on essentials which I should’ve bought instead of luxuries.  Irked by another Windows update leading to lack of productiveness and being indoors on a sunny afternoon, I announced I was going to the park.

Descending the steps reminded Phil he’d seen geese ascend the previous evening.  I thought they used the zebra crossing!  Today, they were all on the church lawn.  We walked along the blooming towpath, where even the island below the aqueduct was festooned.  The park busy after school, we bought café ice creams and squatted on stools to munch and watch an entourage of kids pursuing cyclists dressed as sloths.  AS they packed up, I discovered they were advertising for festival work.  Taking a long route home, we stopped to admire a buddleia when an old art classmate walked by.  She stopped to chat further up.  Back home, we took coffee outside and Phil fixed pegs while I faffed with a rickety folding chair before extricating broken pots from overgrown ivy.  Next Door But One put currants on Next Door’s folding table, explaining the mystery.  The Woman Next Door told me about the new age therapy stuff she was studying and the value of ‘precious’ wimberries and came to look at a frog on the edge of the open compost bin.  I called Phil to do a rescue but it disappeared in the ivy.

Hit the Ground

Haiga – Sky Dancer

Having given up the night before, editing photos and blogging was thankfully faster Friday.  As I prepared to clean the bathroom, Phil nabbed the hoover for the attic.  Sick of tripping over photography gear, I offered to help sort the clutter but he insisted on doing some cleaning first.  Dumping dead flowers in warm drizzle (did that count as rain on St Swithin’s?), the sun came out when I went back in.

1:18 infected, JCVI advised autumn boosters be offered to the clinically vulnerable, health & care workers and the over 50’s.  About time!  A TUC study revealed the UK had the worst ‘real wage squeeze’ of all G7 countries.  Unite’s Sharon Graham said employers making huge profits must pay workers more.  On the first televised tory leadership debate, Tom Tughat was the only one who agreed Boris wasn’t honest.  The others evaded the question.  Asked did they trust politicians, not one audience member raised a hand.  Not from Bury market then!  Accused of lying over self-ID by Babadook, Mordor got in a muddle.  Only capable of working from script, she proved to be quite thick beneath the veneer, supporting  Lord Frosty’s claim she was useless!  A red ‘extreme heat’ weather warning prompted Downing Street to declare a national emergency for next week.  Phil snorted: “this country is lame!”

He got to the kitchen after I’d broken my Saturday brekkie egg and commented cooking eggs was quick.  Yeah, when someone else has done all the work! I thought.  Warm sun tempered by  a breeze, we went on a foraging walk before the dangerous red heat arrived.  Popping in the co-op, we stalked the aisles for 3 for 2 snack food which had moved.  My Mate at the kiosk said something derogatory about an old man who always wore cowboy gear.  “Be nice!” I admonished and let him serve The Cowboy first before he whinged about the coming heatwave.  “Are you working? It’s cool in here.”  “Yes but it’s getting here.”  We ascended fields to a lane lined with wimberry shrubs, picked, munched pastries and admired views before discovering an easier way down (See Cool Placesii).  Recovering from the exertions, Phil complained he was too hot.  “What do you expect?” I admonished, “You don’t drink water or wear a hat or shades.”

An effort to get going Sunday, I composed a haiga and improvised redcurrant relish.  Phil sorted attic stuff.  Allegedly still too cluttered for me to go up, I helped dispose of boxes.  Cooler and cloudy to start, he reiterated the red heat warning was a load of pants but it became fiercely sunny in the afternoon.  We ate lunch al fresco and stayed out a couple of hours, avoiding buzzing bees.  An old art teacher came past with his dog.  He’d semi-retired and passed on event co-ordination to The Printer, and admin to Welsh Art Friend.  As he knew them both, it was definitely worth Phil sticking up fliers.

Boris accused of partying and going up in an RAF tornado instead of chairing cobra meetings, Rayner said he should step down now.  The home office select committee found the Rwanda ploy no deterrent.  Labour shortages predicted to cost the economy £30bn a year, there were calls to reset Brexit.  How did that work?  2 billion vaccinated, covid cases rose in India to a 4-month high of 20,528.  The second leadership debate on ITV an hour of in-fighting, the third due to air on Sky was cancelled when Rishi Rich and Trussed-Up declined to take part.  10 armed robbers raided the Apple store in Covent Garden.

After an unusually good night’s sleep, I donned minimal clothing Monday, did small chores, saved dumped items near the recycling and undrunk tea (very nice with ice and lemon on the very hot day), and posted the haiga.  The co-op top-up cheap, My Mate was keeping cool but feared travelling home.  Phil interrupted my afternoon writing by melodramatically declaring a sink blockage.  Fizzing the crud of limited effect, a plunger worked marvellously.  Still boiling after a cold shower, resting was impossible but it was comfortable enough to sit out by 7.  I asked The Widower how he was faring.  Okay so far, he dreaded grandchild’s grad ceremony in Manchester the next day.

ONS data showed when 9.4% inflation was taken into account, pay fell the fastest March-May since records began.  Wages grew in the public sector by only 1.5% as opposed to 7.2% in the private sector.  Public sector pay offers between 4 and 5%, and no extra cash for the NHS, doctors, dentists and cops would get the most.  The labour motion rejected as it would’ve forced tories to state they had confidence in Boris to avoid a general election, the government won another, strangely brought by themselves.  Boris accused Keir and ‘the deep state’ of plotting to reverse Brexit.  What conspiracy site had he been on?  Keir said the delusion was never-ending.  On the 10th day of temperatures above 400C, forest fires surrounded a train in Zamora, Spain.  The UK heatwave brought record highs to Wales, slower trains on buckled rails, car breakdowns, power cuts, grounded RAF jets at Brize Norton and planes at Luton due to a ‘heat incident’ (aka melting tarmac).  The ‘common sense’ brigade on Jeremy Vine joined by Charlie Mullet from his Spanish villa, guffawed at TUC advice to work from home.  Notts cop chief Caroline Henry was banned from driving.  Vlod sacked 60 alleged spies from the Ukrainian security service and SBU.

25.90C overnight on Emley Moor, Tuesday started hot.  Glare making computer work hard, I climbed step ladders to tape a space blanket over the window.  Ineffective, Phil’s reflector worked better.  A sirocco-type wind hit me as I opened the door; so scorching I needed a hat to put washing out!  It was bone-dry by early afternoon.  Phil stood in the full-on heat then sat on the bench and played plinky holiday music on his phone while I squatted on the doorstep enjoying a breeze on my neck until sweating, I retreated indoors.  Phil declared even the shade too hot and pinned up the crops for me to make shorts.  As the sun disappeared, the temperature dropped a few degrees but still warm and oppressive, southern showers freakily evaporated before reaching the ground.

Unsurprisingly, records were smashed all over.  370C here, Bramham recorded 400C, Coningsby, Lincs. 40.3 and Aysgarth Falls ran dry.  Wildfires sparked major incidents in Sheffield and London where the fire service had their busiest day since WW2 and combusted horse poo in a compost heap engulfed houses in Wennington.  Felled overhead powerlines at Peterborough halted East Coast mainline trains.  Shats admitted the network couldn’t cope.  Temperatures in Spain down to 390C, they reached 41 in France.  Tughat was knocked out of the leadership race in the third round of voting and Babadook in the fourth.  At his last cabinet meeting, Boris got a leaving gift of Winston Churchill war books and declared himself great.  Keir called him a ‘bullshitter’.

Having coped with the mega heatwave, hot flushes and sweats woke me at 5 a.m. Wednesday.  It took a while to shake off wooziness.  Contrary to predictions, Boris turned up for the last PMQs before summer jollies.  Confidence in politicians at an all-time low, Kim Leadbeater wanted to know what advice he’d give to his successor?  Boris replied he’d use the next few weeks to drive forward the agenda of uniting and levelling up and that was why they’d win again. Staying on to party and holiday more like!  Keir followed up with another question of trust to which Boris waved his arms like a loon and called labour pointless plastic bollards round roadworks, with no plans of their own while the tories were outlawing wildcat strikes.  Eh? They were already illegal!  After falsely bragging of the ‘fastest economic growth in the G7’, his parting words were ‘hasta la vista, baby’.  Heaven forfend!

Misfit Mallard

Extreme heat over but still warm, we went out for fresh air, unintentionally retraced the Crossings Workshop walk and caught a glimpse of the misfit mallard (See Cool Placesii).

A women’s health strategy intended to address a range of issues with no money.  Shats advised Doncaster council took over Robin Hood airport from Peel Group like in Teesside.  As EDF got the go-ahead to build Sizewell C, five Just Stop Oil protestors who climbed gantries on the M25 were arrested.  Mordor dropped, 160,000 tory members would choose between Rishi and Trussed-Up Liz.  36% aged 50-64 and 39% over 65, a tribe of ageing gammons would decide our next PM.  Trussed-Up said she’d ‘hit the ground’.  If only!

Fine drizzle late evening made for a fresher start Thursday.  Leaden skies presaged fine afternoon sprinkles.  By 5 p.m., it was as dark as winter.  I drafted blogs and headed to the co-op, spotting an old pub mate for the 3rd time in 2 weeks and scored the free trolley.  Fridge failures during the heatwave meant literally not a sausage in the reduced meat section.  I weaved past geese pecking at the odd green shoot amid still-dry moss between cobbles on the street below.  I could only discern the youngers by dark patches on burgeoning wings and a squeak rather than a squawk.  Walking Friend came round as arranged.  We perused the old maps we’d found on a street corner, discussed the heatwave and Phil offered to look at her maintenance issues next week.  She proposed drinks at the community pub afterwards.  When she spotted our wall clock still showed GMT, Phil decided to alter it.  She took her leave and I apologised for being boring.  “You’re not boring.” “Yes we are. Doing domestics!”  Rest impossible with beeping machinery, revving engines and screeching kids, exhaustion, tummy ache and hot flushes made me thoroughly miserable by bedtime, leading to fitful sleep and hazy dreams.

Baroness Harlot promised lessons would be learnt to inform future pandemics, in a ‘fair and robust’ covid inquiry.  Witnesses compelled to submit evidence from September, public hearings would start next spring.  Did she want satirical qualitative data?  Testing positive for covid, Uncle Joe was doing ‘well’ isolated in the White House and taking anti-viral Paxlovid.  State borrowing at an all-time high and consumer Tory leadership contenders focused on the economy.  Rishi concentrated on balancing the books but Trussed-Up promised a different path, saying he and previous chancellors didn’t deliver growth, even though she’d previously endorsed their policies.  Examining her pledges against a backdrop of inflation, low growth and high taxes, IFS found reversing the NI rise, cancelling the planned corporation tax rise and a moratorium on the green energy levy would cost a total of £34bn; (£4bn above current budget targets).  A report by chief inspector of borders and immigration David Neel, said the home office response to the surge in channel crossings was poor, 200 absconded within 4 months of arrival and vulnerable migrants were left at risk in processing centres.  As the government published its critical minerals strategy and gave Pensana £850m from the automotive transformation fund, Kwasi Modo visited the Salt End rare earth plant in Hull.  Netflix lost 970,000 subscribers April-June.  Subs up, maybe they shouldn’t have made their most expensive film ever, The Grey Man, wherein Ryan Gosling globe-trots and wrecks Prague.

Pride Comes Before A Fall

Haiga – Way Off Course

After cold showers all week, we luxuriated in baths Friday.  I blogged while Phil spent an age getting through to Vodaphone.  It was worth the wait to get unlimited texts, calls and data, for less money.  Head fug setting in, I abandoned writing for a spot of housework.  Chilly and darkly grey, fine rain made the crows soggy and us chilly by early evening.

As it was revealed he paid himself via tax haven assets from his hedge fund, Rishi faced more questions over his finances.  Meanwhile, Trussed-Up said being a Lib Dem and supporting remain was a mistake and leaving the EU had been a huge success.  The start of the summer holidays, BA staff offered an 8% rise called off industrial action, an accident on the M20 led to 14-hour queues and The Port of Dover declared a ‘critical incident’.  The French blamed for ‘woefully inadequately resourcing’ 100% checks leading to 4-hour waits to clear customs, they in turn blamed a glitch in the Eurotunnel.  Authorities there said it had nowt to do with it.  The benefits of Brexit, eh, Liz?  An ‘emotional’ Antonio Guterres brokered a deal between Russia and Ukraine to alleviate the grain crisis.  Hours later, Russian missiles hit Odesa.  Ukraine vowed to get the grain out regardless.  Gazprom re-started Nord Stream 2 gas deliveries, at 30% of previous levels.

Saturday morning, I wasn’t sure if vertigo was from moderate drinking, a manifestation of fatigue or illness.  Both flaky, we stayed home watching Midsomer Murders as there was nowt else on telly.  I took recycling out and shared health issues with Decorating Neighbour who sympathised with me.  Better himself, he was back working which was good.  I worked on the new shorts until my fingers became sore from sewing.  After dinner, Phil ran to the shop for tonic, only finding lemonade to go with gin.

A rise of 7% rather than 30%, marked the start of a dip in the latest covid wave.  On BBC Breakfast, Doctors Bauld and Smith told us 1/3 were reinfections.  According to the WHO, subvariants BA.4 and 5 had been rising since June.  Figures released later exposed 810 covid deaths the last week of July, the smallest increase since June.  An Antipodean flu epidemic was unsurprising after their extended lockdowns.

Fine rain interspersed with sun Sunday, I searched for rainbows.  Seeing none, I got knobbly veg and joked with a fellow punter my cabbage would be a good Midsomer Murder weapon: “You could eat the evidence! I watch far too much of them.”  “I’m not judging!” chuckled the young server.  Stopping to redistribute heavy bags on the way home, I risked being run over when an onion rolled behind a reversing car and saw a ‘we are open’ sign at the erstwhile grocers.  Sure I heard voices, Phil went out early evening to be offered a sausage roll by crusty vegans.  Opinions divided on the local Facebook page, some said the squat was earmarked as a café bar or ice cream parlour, and others that disturbed asbestos made it unsafe.

Queuing to enter the Eurotunnel, 600 lorries waited for up to 15 hours.  A fire on Lenham Heath was visible from the M20.  Bill Alexander bravely ploughed a firebreak in a fellow farmer’s spring barley crop to stop the flames getting any further.  Trussed-Up and Rishi Rich (in Grantham) said the Rwanda ploy was a good idea.  Both seeking to emulate Thatcher, albeit from different eras, Keir laughed at ‘Thatcherite Cosplay’.

Still wobbly Monday, I posted a haiga and blocked a heap of American military trolls stacked up in Facebook ‘friend requests’.  Taking rubbish out, the trellis had collapsed again and fell to bits when I picked it up.  I yelled for Phil to do a quick bodge.  Carrying the lunch tray, I tripped and fell forward on the kitchen steps.  Screaming, I managed to keep hold and avoid breakage.  Phil asked if it was a flip-flop related incident. “It’s a first if it is.”  Fuming he hadn’t asked if I was hurt, I said I hated Mondays.  “Why?” “They’re shit! There’s always loads to do and then even more on top of that!” ”I don’t like them either.” “So why are you asking?” “Trying to be helpful.” “Well, its’ not!”  I wiped a splotch off my jeans and rolled the leg up.  Expecting a bruised knee, I found an angry graze which bled when cleaned it.

A health & social care committee workforce report said with over 99,000 vacancies in the NHS and 105,000 in social care, the government failed to plan or take decisive action.  A rise in childhood hepatitis in 35 countries was linked to covid lockdowns as kids hadn’t built up immunity to 2 common viruses.  OBR calculated Brexit cost the economy £50 billion so far.  Still in denial, Brexiteers on Jeremy Vine claimed we already had to get passport stamps when we were in the EU.  Not for France we didn’t!  The C**t said it was revenge for mucking up plans of a united Europe.  As Tory gammons called for Boris to be put on the ballot paper, the BBC staged a head-to-head debate in red wall Stoke.  Rishi criticised Trussed-Up’s idea to delay tax rises by not paying off covid debts for 3 years, as it’d lose them the next election.  Keir seemed to agree, calling Trussed-Up the latest graduate from the school of ‘magic money tree economics’ and pledged a new Industrial Strategy Council to bring economic growth, proving he was just as much a global capitalist as the rest of the wankers.  Confusion over whether this meant they’d ditch nationalisation, shadow ministers Rachel Reeves and Sam Tarry waded in.  Keir later confirmed rail would become public as contracts ran out, but not utilities, as that meant paying compensation, according to We Own It.  If you thought it was bad the Blackpool illumination red Indian display was only just junked, an arcade game allowed players to sit on a horse and shoot them.  Calling it a ‘legacy piece’, it was removed from Weston’s Grand Pier after Emily Crossing complained.   Eurovision 2023 would be staged in the UK.  Quite right, seeing as we should’ve won!

Feeling thoroughly crap and tearful Tuesday, Phil commiserated and agreed HRT might be a good idea.  Menopause symptoms compounded by money worries, it was hard to concentrate and after snapping at him over a daft niggle, I admitted the anger was really about the dire financial situation.  After some harsh words, we managed to calm down to share thoughts and feelings, discuss options, laugh and hug.  Seeing a payment from BG on a bank statement, I checked the energy account to find the small amount was for leccy and DD was slightly reduced, but gas payments were set to treble!  I called and spoke to a barely intelligible man, eventually getting it down to double.  The GP surgery only taking emergency calls in the morning, I rang after lunch and was offered an appointment next week 4 miles away.  I didn’t even know the place!  An ‘embargo’ on local appointments, I asked what did I need to do to get one?  Phone at 8 and ‘pretend’ it’s urgent!  Thinking intense night-time itching was an insect bite, the discomfort extended to other areas which felt hot even though I couldn’t see anything.

The driest summer since 1976 and the driest July since 1836 in the South East, the National Drought Group met urgently and asked customers to use less water to avoid restrictions.  Another head-to-head leaders’ debate on Talk TV was halted when host Kate McCann feinted; or fell into a coma at the sheer inanity of Truss and Rishi!  He later hinted at a U-turn on energy VAT.  IMF growth forecasts were downgraded to 2.9% globally, 1.2% for the Eurozone, 1% in the USA and .5% in the UK because of gas prices and ‘lack of investment in skills and infrastructure’.  Only Russia worse, so much for Boris’ hubris!  As Italy planned to spend an extra £12bn shielding consumers from energy costs, the EU rationed gas.

Hearing a moth waking early Wednesday, I saw no sign of it.  Itchiness persisting, Phil said that was why he never lied about medical urgency in case it came true!  I fetched brekkie and rang the GPs.  19th in the queue, I eventually spoke to a receptionist.  About to book me the last slot at the local surgery, he exclaimed: “Oh, it’s just gone!” and arranged an advice call.  The duty doctor agreed the symptoms may be menopausal but advised blood tests to rule out anything else before considering HRT.  Which of course meant ringing back after 2.  Being told to use antihistamines and cream, I took a pill, applied E45 (of limited help) and caught up on housework.  I helped Phil design a flier for his artist’s services.  “I enjoyed that,” I said. “What?” “Working together on something. Far more constructive than arguing.” “True.”  Walking Friend not replying to a text, I called her to hear strange noises.  About to go up regardless, my mobile rang but there was nothing at the other end.  She then phoned from her landline.  Informed she’d have no internet all day, that evidently meant no service at all.  At her house, me and her chatted while Phil sorted maintenance issues.  She asked if we wanted to go for beer.  Too weary for the pub, instead, we drank freshly-ground espresso and arranged tea at ours followed by a pint Sunday.  Bedtime reading was disturbed by noisy drunkards and a large moth fluttering on the lamp.  The pesky blighter must’ve been there all day!

Spending not tracked and only 2% of international arrivals quarantined having covid, The PAC found it was impossible to know if the traffic lights system was worth £486m of taxpayers’ money.  They also reported that £777m covid testing contracts awarded to Randox didn’t follow basic procedures and officials did nothing to address potential conflicts of interest even though they knew Owen Pattycake had direct contact with The Cock.  Randox called their conclusions ‘deeply flawed and wrong’.  Joining RMT pickets in the latest rail strikes, shadow transport minister Sam Tarry was sacked.  Keir claimed it was over unauthorised media appearances.  Owen Jones spluttered he’d had enough of Waitrose Boy Keir and John McDonnell said it was time for co-ordinated action (aka a national strike).  People incensed at Maccy D price rises, I thought they were far too cheap anyway and we had bigger things to worry about, such as the practice of deducting money from UC payments to pay off debts which the Joseph Rowntree Foundation wanted scrapped.

Let Them Drink Boke!

Knackered and sweaty from cleaning the bedroom Thursday, I was forced to go to the co-op to replenish basics, where the usual foray proved even more stressful and time-consuming as they’d shifted stock and hid gaps with beer and cola – let them drink boke!  The freezer deal costing more than expected, on the way out, I realised it was now 6 items for a fiver.  Only 5 in the cabinet, I returned to the till and was told with carte d’or sold out, I was meant to have 2 Vienetta.  “I’ll take it!”  A palaver ensued of scanning for a refund, then again with the 6 items.  Having seen the window cleaners’ van, I thought ours weren’t due but on slogging home, the house front was dripping.  Phil said they insisted it was our turn.  I raged at the inconvenience and he said I was hangry. 

We ate a hasty lunch, then Walking Friend rang to say she had a problem Sunday.  “Oh. I’ve just bought the stuff.” “I can still come for tea, but not the pub.” {What a shame – not!} “Come eat Vienetta!”  After lodging a complaint to the co-op about shifting stock and amending it for a ‘Tales’ blogiii, I railed at lack of productiveness and looked for a late summer holiday let, eventually finding a bargain.  Paying a low deposit, they cheekily took the balance the next day.  Trying to rest, it dawned on me the window cleaners were right.  Aware it was daft, I couldn’t stop fretting and sent them a straight-forward apology via Facebook.  Their reply shirty, I reiterated it was a genuine mistake on our part and added a smiley face.  Very itchy at bedtime, I researched DIY treatments and tried intensive hand cream containing glycerine which worked immediately.  I later discovered sensitive bodywash helped too.

2 separate scientific studies found ‘compelling evidence’ 2 coronavirus variants originated at the Wuhan fish market late 2019.  With 4 asymptomatic cases, Jiangxi district re-entered lockdown.  Announcing £5.1bn quarterly revenue on the eve of a 2-day strike, CWU accused BT of ‘gaslighting’.  Of 74,230 households homeless or at risk, 10,560 worked fulltime.  Shelter’s Polly Neate said record-high rents and crippling bills sent people working every hour, ‘over the edge’.  She called on the new PM to ‘get a grip,’ unfreeze housing benefit and build decent social homes with rents pegged to local incomes, to end homelessness for good.  Maybe they could live in the Saudi Line – the vertical city to house 9 million resembled a dystopian sci-fi.

Sleep disrupted by anxiety and discomfort, I was on the verge of tears Friday.  Sure the itchiness was menopausal, Phil said I should’ve had HRT years ago. “Look who’s talking, Captain Hindsight!“  I added graphics to Phil’s flier and printed a draft.  Puzzled by sizing issues, we gave up and went to town, finding cough drops had gone up again, as had sweet bags.  Sweet Shop Man explained the bags were bigger to fit labels on, for which the printer cost a staggering 3 grand.  Phil loitered while I stood in a slow Boots queue.  2 crusties (perhaps from the squat) mocked middle-class vegans (look who’s talking!)  The cashier served 1 customer and handed over change at snail’s pace.  I abandoned my items and stormed out.  “Surprised you lasted that long!” Laughed Phil.  Sitting riverside, we discussed posters on the old grocers inciting the squatting of Air BnB’s.  Town awash with 200, was it practical?  Were they businesses or residential?  Back home, we solved the flier misprint by converting the file format.  Flitting between laptop and printer, the pocket of my combats ripped when it caught on the sofa arm.  Just as I’d finished a pile of stitching!

ONS estimated 1:20 people had coronavirus in the week up to 20 July, compared to 1:17 the week before.  Hospital admissions decreased from 18.2 per 100,000 to 16.3.  Centrica profits 1.3bn, Shell £11.5bn and BP £6.9bn, details of fuel bill rebates revealed we’d get £66 off direct debits October and November, then £67 until March.  Martin Lewis said the zombie government should do more and the rich bragged about the size of their bills.  AQA began strike action, potentially affecting the release of exam results.

Saturday greyly mizzly, we predicted soggy dressing up at Pride Party in the Park.  Otherwise, we’d have gone to see the Kate Bush tribute.  Instead, I cleared piles of clutter in the kitchen and stitched the combats.

Sleep interrupted by raucous drunks at 3 a.m. Sunday, I stuck earplugs in, rose flushed and crampy, fetched tea and noted chilli plants on the kitchen windowsill needed thinning out.  Looking for space to put them, I saw paper peeling from the living room ceiling and chunks of plaster on the sofa.  I yelled up to Phil who cleared the plaster lumps, googled DIY fixes, ruminated over supplies and made the ceiling safe until he could get to a trad hardware shop in the next village .  I moved furniture so we could sit on the sofa, washed and air-dried a stinky throw and picked crocosmia for a kitchen vase before a trip to the co-op.  The normal scant affair, I searched for wines to use a member discount.  Seeing none, I got cheap plonk.  I swept up dust, showered and changed and reinstalled the throw, enjoying the late sun’s warmth before a lovely evening with Walking Friend during which we ate, drank and exhausted our 1970’s CD music collection.

Rishi Stabbing Boris

Resignation honours a list of donors, JCB tory donor Lord Bamford hosted a belated wedding party for Boris and Carrie.  Steve Bray stood outside Daylesford House with a banner reading: ‘corrupt tory government’.  Dreadful Doris was lambasted for re-tweeting a pic of Rishi stabbing Boris in the back.

It was revealed the Prince of Wales charitable trust accepted donations from the Bin Laden family, leading to more questions.  Giving no details of how they’d violated conditions of purchase, Gazprom suspended Latvia’s gas supply.  England beat Germany 2-1 in the Women’s Euro Final.  Winland academy advertised jobs on LinkedIn to write applications for Chinese students.  A shame they were caught; I could do that!

Thanks for reading Corvus Diaries. Updates will follow later in the year.

Hasta La Vista!

*The Liquidator, Harry J Allstars

**Frequent Radio Burst

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. Tales From The Co-op Notes on life, the universe and stuff that sucks: Tales from the Co-op Vol 5 (maryc1000.blogspot.com)

Part 103 – Ship Of Fools

“(They) broke the law and took us all for mugs. If they had any decency they would be gone by tonight” (Lobby Akinnola)

April Fools

Haiga – Threshold

The world ran by a bunch of fools, we didn’t mark the 1st of the month with April Fools jokes.  The grocery bill was mercifully not too hefty but the bags were.  I cursed not asking for Phil’s help lugging them home.  Motivated by persons unknown sweeping the steps at the side of the house, I cleared the gutter Saturday, failing to unblock the end.  Cloudy all weekend, at least it didn’t rain during the free Crossings walk and workshop Sunday.  In the art shed carpark, The Leader made introductions and dished out notebooks.  We set off on familiar paths, noting a profusion of daffodils absent from the riverside 2 weeks ago, along with wood anemones.  Returning on the lesser-travelled Crows path, a walker’s action volunteer related its rescue from developers by residents 12 years ago.  Back at base, we got free tea and cake.  Amazed such project funding still existed, Phil ate 3 pieces.  The workshop proved inspiring although I remained sceptical about the over-use of descriptions.  Featuring heavily in creative writing these days, I suspected it featured in university courses.  Later, I selected photos for the project showcase including a haiga.i

The covid rate at 1:13, Prof Naismith said we were all likely to have BA.2 by summer.  Easter hols starting for some, chaos ensued at ferry terminals and airports.  Officially blamed on absence and covid checks, the shortages were also due to furloughed staff leaving.  Security checks on 220 new recruits awaited, passengers missed flights at Manchester airport and boss Karen Not-So-Smart resigned.  45 buses and 2 Red Cross trucks headed to besieged Mariupol.  Evacuation underway at last, a photo-journalist got shot.  The Pope criticised ‘dictatorial leaders’ and said the world couldn’t ignore the migrant crisis.  As the Oscars academy continued with disciplinary procedures, Will Smith resigned.

Barely able to move Monday morning, after 10 minutes stretching, I got back in bed.  Phil looked offended when I didn’t laugh at his larks but I felt too awful.  I made a big effort to fetch coffee and the laptop.  Going up and downstairs exhausting, pains shot through my head and I became tearful.  Covid infections still rising, the list of symptoms now included fatigue, exhaustion, aching, headaches, sore throats, shortness of breath, blocked or runny nose, loss of appetite, diarrhoea and nausea.  So all of them!  Wondering if I had it, Phil reckoned they were symptoms of living in England.  In fact, additions were to stop people going to work with flu.  Feeling overwhelmed by a ‘to do’ list, I posted the haiga, dispatched photos for the showcase, and worked on blogs.  Except mealtimes, I stayed abed for 3 dull days.

5-11 year olds were offered low dose jabs.  Oil terminal blockades by Just Stop Oil and XR into a third day, 100 protestors were arrested in Kingsbury.  Lucy Powell called the privatisation of Channel 4 ‘cultural vandalism’.  Tracy Brabin feared for Leeds jobs and ‘We Own It’ told Dreadful Doris to keep her hands off.

Less head pain and a bit cheerier Tuesday, I posted an entry on Cool Placesii , stopping writing when head fug set in.  Phil went to the co-op.  Another power cut meant no fresh milk or veg.

The covid Situation in Shanghai ‘extremely grim’, citizens suffered lockdowns and online food shortages.  After visiting Bucha, Vlod addressed the UN security council, saying the worst war crimes since WW2 merited Nuremberg-style trials.  Russian rep Vasily Nebenzya dismissed footage as fake and pro-Putin broadcaster Vlad Solovyov said they chose the name because it sounded like butcher.  Red paint was poured in the propagandist’s Italian villa pools.  Back after a glitch, Jeremy Vine appeared with hand-written signs. As Cuadrilla were given another year to explore fracking in Lancashire, Mike Gammon claimed reports of tremors were Russian propaganda.  Err, no, it’s you believing in conspiracy nonsense!

Eking the last of the fresh milk, Phil made porridge on Wednesday and went to the other shop.  Working on ‘Home from Home’ (see Cool Places 2iii) took most of my day.  After ineffectual quiet time, I went to the kitchen and panicked when I saw no milk, then spotted it in a bag.  Prepping dinner together a bit fraught, I left him to it and dossed on the sofa.  As he sent off photos for the showcase, he asked me to check details but I said it was far too late to think and went back to bed.

While Boris defended the National Insurance rise to fund the NHS and Goblin Saj pressed patients to return, 6 Yorkshire hospitals warned them to stay away from A&E, unless dying.  In the latest sanctions, the UK added 8 Russian oligarchs to the list, froze Sberbank and Credit Bank of Moscow’s assets, banned outward investment and iron and steel imports, and vowed to stop coal imports by the end of the year.  Sanctioning Russian PM Mikhail Mishustin and Putin’s 2 daughters Maryia Putina and Katerina Tikhonova, the US also cut off links with Sberbank as well as Alfa Bank.

Better but lacking energy Thursday, we were sat on the sofa when Phil noticed a reply from the Crossings workshop leader, even though he’d only sent his photos the night before.  I was incensed until I saw she’d e-mailed me too.  Supplies low, I headed to the market in the nithering wind.  What a load of rubbish!  No loo roll or fish, I got a few veg and went in the convenience store to find reduced chicken and bacon, so not a completely wasted trip.

The energy strategy mainly featured hydrogen, offshore wind and nuclear power.  Great British Nuclear had a target to fulfil 25% of demand by 2060, building a power station a year.  There was a £30m competition to make heat pumps, and a new round of licensing for north sea oil and gas from autumn, despite UN calls for rapid cuts in fossil fuel use.  Onshore wind unpopular, it was encouraged with discounts for affected communities.  Keir called it too little too late and: “a cobbled together list of things that should have been done over the last 10 to 12 years…(and) doesn’t even tackle important things like insulating homes…”  Kwarteng had already ordered a report into the science and impact of fracking, but said the pause in extraction would stay unless new evidence showed it was ‘safe, sustainable and of minimal disturbance…’  A 23-mile lorry queue at Dover caused chaos on roads surrounding the M20.  Suspended P&O crossings were blamed – nowt to do with Brexit!  UNHRC threw Russia out.  Ukrainian Foreign minister Dmytro Kuleba begged for weapons to save lives and prevent the war spilling over into other territories.  Beloved Mr Ben creator David McKee died.  My tiny kid-fish brain never clocked there were only 13 episodes!

No Joke

Haiga – The Artist

Friday, I worked on the journal and waited impatiently in the co-op for a man dithering and a cashier fiddling with buttons.  Coming to help, Phil had a cheeky search for long-gone chocolate slabs on the easter display.  Finding none, he said he’d have to go elsewhere but with 3 bars at home, I told him not to bother.  Rising from a siesta, a marked drop in temperature presaged a loud crack of thunder followed by large balls of ice – thunder hail!  It soon turned to rain.  Enjoyment of dinner was marred by Phil telling me Rishi Rich was technically a US resident until recently, thus not paying UK tax.  The scum held a Green Card until October 2021!  He demanded an enquiry into the source of the leak.  The opposition demanded ministers declared their residency status.  Meanwhile, Ms. Murthy said she “understood the British sense of fairness”, coughed up UK tax on her income but remained a non-dom.

Covid rates still high across the UK, they rose in the Yorkshire region to 1:12, but fell slightly in Scotland.  Thousands in hospital but not on ventilators, ONS said it was too soon to say infections were levelling off.  A Russian missile hit a train station in Kramatorsk, killing 50 trying to evacuate before a full-scale offensive.

Phil answered a door knock early Saturday to be handed an easter ‘goody bag’ from the local carers’ group.  Containing a fleece blanket, thermometer, first aid kit, jelly sweets, greetings card, fluffy chick and chocolate bar (making 4 in total), it resembled an elderly care package.  Phil joked about sticking the thermometer up his bum.  I cleaned the living room and he overhauled the kitchen lights, then rested in a bid to ease tummy ache.  His discomfort persisted into Sunday.  That didn’t stop him coming foraging in nearby woods.  At the wild garlic patch, two women approached from below.  Fearing competition, I pretended to take aim but they didn’t stop.  Celandine nestled among the extended crop, creating a salad of yellow and green.  After filling a bag, I picked up a couple of excellent twisty red branches, perfect for hanging decorative easter eggs.  Keeping to the lower meandering path, we magically saw a couple of deer chasing each other.  The Victorian stairways carpeted with crunchy leaves inspired the week’s haiga (for a fuller description, see Cool Places).

P&O said there’d be no Dover ferries until at least Friday.  Stuck in queues and losing thousands a day, meat exporters called for the prioritisation of fresh produce.  Boris went to walk the streets with Vlod and wave – why was he so popular in Kyiv?  As he travelled by car, helicopter, military plane and train, a convoy of Russian tanks headed for Donbas.  The Oscars harshly banned Will Smith for 10 years.

After posting the haiga Monday,  Phil helped evict a mini zoo of larvae and spiders from the bathroom.  Having not fixed the mini mixer, he made wild garlic pesto in the pestle and mortar.

High infection rates having a ‘major impact’, The NHS Confederation felt abandoned and urged government to rethink the ‘living with covid’ plan, reintroduce mitigation, and reinvigorate the public info campaign with renewed focus on mask-wearing and gathering outdoors.  A Number 10 spokesperson said no; thanks to vaccinations, treatments and better understanding, it could be managed similarly to other viruses.

The Tuesday top-up shop was astronomical again.  Was it due to small seasonal additions or rampant inflation?  The Widower looked bemused by easter eggs.  I advised on vegan options for his granddaughter.  The weighty bags made my shoulder ache but it eased off after an unusual 5 minutes afternoon kip.

Smart Energy GB found rising costs led to habit changes and a UCL survey found us more worried by money (38%) than covid (33%).  Anxiety and depression levels the highest for 11 months, 51% didn’t feel in control of their mental health.  Unemployment fell to 3.8%, but with 76,000 economically inactive, there weren’t more jobs.  The Met issued 30 more Partygate FPNs – Boris, Rishi and Carrie Antoinette were included for The Bumbler’s birthday bash.  Apologising, he said he only went for 10 minutes and didn’t know it was a party.  “He should contest the fine then,” advised Phil, “that would be hilarious in court!”  The first sitting PM ever to be exposed breaking the law, the most Covid fines issued in a single street or workplace and more to come, it confirmed Downing Street was full of crooks.  Keir said they’d broken the law, repeatedly lied to the British public, were totally unfit to govern and should resign.  Lobby Akinnola of Bereaved Families agreed they had no authority, took us all for mugs and would be gone by nightfall if they had any decency.  Approval ratings plummeting, Boris reportedly begged Rishi to stay to save Big Dog.  Operation Red Meat looked more like mincemeat!  Evil kids cartoon villain Michael Fabricant subsequently compared it to nurses having a cheeky post-shift drink, justice minister Lord Wolfson resigned and our MP Craigy Babe said they must go.  They didn’t.

Wednesday, I baked an easter cake and wrote.  Not seeming long since the last submission, a message from Valley Life had taken me by surprise.  I considered the feature almost finished but sifting e-mails later in the week, noticed a word limit increase.  How had I missed that for a whole year?  I checked with The Owner who also passed on lovely feedback from ‘a neighbour’.  Probing revealed it to be The Widower.  As earlier rain cleared, I’d have loved an evening walk if I wasn’t dead tired.  Instead, we watched a programme on BBC4 about Stonehenge’s removal from Wales – not stolen as the Welsh claimed, but taken by migrants.

Inflation rose to 7%.  With pre-tax profits of £2.03 billion, Tesco gave staff 1.5% ‘thank you’ bonuses for coping with pandemic, supply chain and inflation challenges.  Pay rises would come in July.  Uncle Joe accused Putin of genocide and the presidents of Poland, Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia visited Vlod.

Waking with a scratchy throat for the third morning running Thursday, Echinacea banished it.  Opening the bedroom window, I heard then saw 2 typhoon jets zig-zagging over the next hill.  The laptop misbehaving even after a restart, I persevered with writing but got head fug and hung washing on the line.  Decorating Neighbour was sweeping the street.  I asked if he’d done the steps.  “I don’t go that far.” The co-op bustling, I forgot essential items.  Counsellor Friend was stocking up before joining the great easter getaway.  With no P&O ferries, railway engineering and airport queues, I wished her luck!  Having a nightmare with veg falling on the floor and a cluttered sink, Phil eventually helped.  Knackered, I bemoaned an almost-gone afternoon.  An item in metro on easter laughter disappointingly contained no actual jokes.

UK covid infections fell except Wales, for the first time in 6 weeks, suggesting the surge of BA.2 had passed the peak.  Bonnie Prince Charlie gave out Maundy Money on behalf of the queen.  The latest madcap scheme to deal with dinghy crossings involved putting the navy in charge of the channel and sending migrants to Rwanda.  Copied off Denmark, there were only 100 places under the ‘migration and economic development partnership’ aka offshoring single black men.  Boris said the plan was possible because of Brexit freedoms but conceded it could be legally challenged.  Keir called it unworkable, extortionate and an attempt to distract from Partygate.  Phil mused it might not put people off: “After all, we’re always being told to ‘Visit Rwanda’ on the footie!”  However, interviewees in a Dunkirk camp maintained the crossing was risky but they’d risked much already and pointed out accepting Ukrainians into our homes was double-standards – touché!  The First of stricter UK reception centres at RAF Linton-on-Ouse slated to ‘open soon’, bewildered villagers were up in arms at no consultation.  More sanctions were announced by the UK and EU, against Russian oligarchs who propped up the so-called Donetsk and Luhansk People’s Republic. Imports of iron and steel and exports of quantum tech were banned.

Bridge of Sighs

Haiga – Inner Voice

After I was asked if the photos I sent for the Crossings expo were mine even with my name on, Good Friday, Phil was asked which object he’d written about.  “Can that writing woman not read?” I sighed.  He went shopping for the items I’d forgotten and flowers.  As he tried to put them in a vase, I took over while he toasted hot cross buns for a hasty lunch.  The beautiful roses stayed fresh-looking for over 2 weeks.  Wending up to the upland village, we stopped in the playing fields where Phil allowed a rare snap, later garnering several ‘likes’ on FB.  In time for a mid-afternoon performance, It was lovely to see the Pace Egg play after a 2-year absence, and also the kids and grandkids of Deceased Friend, for their traditional family get-together.  Viewing obstructed, hearing became impossible during the final act because of the chattering classes.  What was the point of going if they were more interested in bragging about themselves than listening?  We made a hasty getaway and were heading downhill when Phil decided he needed a snack from the burger stall outside the pub.  Hearing music, we wandered into the beer garden.  Phil commandeered the one free table while I got the second pints of the day.  As the novelty act doing bad cover versions wore thin, we retreated to the penfold.  A man with 2 dogs hovered at the entrance before letting one loose to run round in an ellipse.  He denied that explained rutted soil beneath a picnic bench.  Methinks he lied!  Despite extreme tiredness, night-time sleep was mediocre.

The next day, the Crossings expo preview invite landed in my in-box but not Phil’s.  Narked at doing ‘work’ at the weekend, Phil said it wasn’t work. “It is for them, and on Easter Saturday to boot!”  Still tired, I stayed home, hung sheets on the line and cleaned.  Meaning to garden in the nice weather, I seemed to run out of time and mislaid flower seed packets.  Phil popped to the shops.  Town rammed with drinkers but no more than expected, we didn’t understand why this weekend was picked to hold a hipster beer festival.  While he was out, I hastily made him a card featuring early spring blooms.

Spring Blooms Card

Birds tweeted in grey pre-dawn light Sunday.  I sighed grumpily, wondering what they had to be so cheerful about and turned over until hazy sunlight made sleeping impossible.  Dull-headed, I forgot it was easter, then remembered to print the card and give it to Phil with a pack of Haribo’s.  He felt bad getting me no confectionary until I reminded him we had stacks of chocolate and he got me flowers.

To refresh fuddled brains, we took a leisurely stroll west on the canal, avoiding squawking geese protecting their nests, admiring showy tulips and chatting to The Biker outside his houseboat.  Complementing the restoration of his granddad’s plane, we agreed they didn’t make tools like that anymore.  A sign on the chicken farm honesty box helpfully informed us turkey eggs were like hens eggs but bigger!  Tempted by a promise of refreshments in the pavilion, we stepped onto the diminutive stone bridge to the cricket club.  No match on, it was closed.  We rested on an equally picturesque bridge near the lock.  Serving also as a crossing point, an arrow indicating Warland, prompted Phil to invent a film plot wherein puritan villagers refused to accept the civil war was over.

Archbishop Welby called the Rwanda ploy ‘ungodly’.  Responding in The Times, Nasty Patel said it was ‘bold and innovative’ and challenged anyone to come up with a better idea.  How about opening safe, legal routes for migrants?  Charities lambasted the Nationality and Borders Bill for not preventing child trafficking.  Theresa May later added she couldn’t support the policy on the grounds of ‘legality, practicality and efficacy’ as it split families and encouraged trafficking of women and children.  Patel refused to reveal eligibility criteria.  Gammons were incensed at small print allowing Rwandans to come to the UK in exchange.

The laptop very noisy Monday, Phil stopped the daft MS newsfeed.  Accompanied by music, I started spring cleaning the study, finding the mislaid wildflower seeds behind the desk.  Outside planting one in a pot, a neighbour from across the way asked if I knew which cat visited her garden.  “They all look the same to me!”  Unbelievably, The Great Escape was the best bank holiday film on telly all weekend, apart from Barabbas.

Face-masks no longer mandatory but ‘strongly advised’ in Scotland, spotted without one at a barbers, Sturgeon was again called a hypocrite.  Police had words.  In their latest covid wave, Shanghai reported 3 deaths bringing the overall total to 4,641 – still lots less than the UK.  Shats launched the gimmicky half-price rail tickets wheeze with a cheesy YouTube videoiv.

Tuesday a boring round of chores, writing and shopping, in the evening, I returned a missed call from Aunty.  She liked the old postcards of her locality I’d sent her with easter greetings.  Found in a charity shop, I promised to send more if they turned up.  Using the last of the bargain chicken to make soup, we’d got 4 dinners for £2.50  (and a lunch).  The affordable alternative to veganism!

Swiss Toni said Boris’ FPN was like getting a speeding ticket.  Ed Davey spluttered that was ‘an insult to bereaved families’.  Alastair Campbell contested the claim Blair got a speeding fine while in office, pointing out security disallowed driving.  It later emerged The Bumbler racked up £4,000 in speeding tickets while at GQ magazine.  In the commons, he repeatedly apologised to MPs, acknowledged the ‘hurt and anger caused’, but insisted it didn’t occur to him it breached rules.  Keir said he dragged everyone down to his level.  Saying he wasn’t worthy of holding office, Mark Harper publicised a letter to the 1922 committee.  Referral to the Privileges Committee and more fines imminent, ministers repeated pleas to await the full Sue Gray report.  The economic forecast bleak with the war and covid, the IMF judged the impact on the UK particularly severe with growth down to 1.2% in 2023 because of the ‘triple whammy’ of fuel, food and tax rises.  ¾ of civil servants still working from home, Rees Moggy told them to go back to the office.  The missive including tables of who was working where, FDA union’s Dave Penman said ministers were ‘vindictive’ and behaving like luddites’, when the private sector embraced flexible working.

On PMQs Wednesday, Boris conveyed 96th birthday greetings to the queen and informed us he was going to India.  Keir said once the cameras were off for the public apology, Boris went to his backbenchers to privately blame everyone else and say Welby wasn’t critical enough of Putin, when actually the archbishop said the Ukraine invasion was ‘an act of great evil’.  He invited the PM to apologise for slander, getting a flat ‘no’ in response.   Ian Blackford claimed 82% of Scots thought Boris lied.  While the commons debated the Buildings Safety Bill, protestors complained it didn’t help everyone affected by the cladding scandal.

The NOA found government departments uncoordinated on foreign travel rules with no assessment of the impact on the industry.  1:9 workers in insecure jobs, Frances O’Grady joined Zero Hours Justice’s Julian Richer and Living Wage Foundation’s Katharine Chapman to criticise delaying the Employment Bill announced in 2019: “Boris Johnson has done nothing to show he is serious about upgrading workers’ rights,” she said.  1.5 million cancelled streaming subs.  Prime and Netflix the last to go, did it explain splitting the current season of popular Ozark?  Just Eat and gambling firm 888 also haemorrhaged customers. A longitudinal study confirmed what I already knew – anti-depressants didn’t improve long-term quality of life.

Holed up in the Azovstal Steel works, Mariupol die-hards worried they were in their final hours and Vlod offered to exchange them for captured Russian soldiers.  The next day, Putin claimed victory in the city and ordered a ring around the steel plant.  Moscow tested a new ICBM to make anyone threatening them ‘think twice’.  Satan 2 wasn’t yet ready for deployment.  The Inflow of oil and gas profits bolstering the Rouble, Germany planned to stop using Russian energy products by the end of the year.  Wimbledon banned Russian and Belarussian tennis players.

Thursday, I tweaked the Valley Life article, cleaned the bedroom and hung sheets on the line.  Bright and breezy, they twisted up but dried quick.  Phil went to Leeds just after I went to town for a whizz round shops.  Picking up bin-end wine and a ½-price easter egg, I waited in the convenience store for a man chucking stuff in a sack.  What looked like a big shop, was actually parcels for delivery.  Wanting to linger in sun, pedestrian areas were fully occupied thanks to school hols.  A dumb couple stood on the bridge, commenting on the number of bridges.  ‘Err, there are rivers, you morons!’ I muttered.  I went home to weed the garden.  The Widower walked his dog past.  Enquiring how he was coping, he replied ‘okay’.  The underlying sigh belied his brave face. Thanking him for his nice words to Valley Life, he said they weren’t ‘nice’, but true.  How lovely!  Out of breath and fatigued, I went to lie down and retired early for a bath that night.  Suffering insomnia, the meditation tape eventually sent me into unrefreshing sleep.

The Valneva vaccine was approved for UK use, making 6 in total.  A man tested covid-positive on 505 consecutive days before dying, suggesting variants could evolve in persistent cases.  Medics wanted better treatments for the vulnerable.  While Boris posed in a turban, William Wragg echoed other back-benchers sick of defending the indefensible.  A motion to refer Boris to the Privileges Committee carried without a vote.  Designs to put the investigation on hold until police inquires concluded, were scrapped.  The Met said no fines would be issued before elections 5th May because of ‘restrictions around communicating’.  Local candidates included Freedom Alliance – Stop the Great Reset.  Their concerns of a global public-private partnership had some validity but not the conspiracy view that covid was a mechanism to control us all!

Sinking Ships

Crossings Exhibit – Installation

Phil had even less shuteye so we both felt unrest Friday.  Rushing out, we barely paused to greet new people on the street or admire profusive spring flowers.  At the Crossings show preview, project workers and the workshop leader directed us to our group’s work on the outer walls of small sheds.  We acknowledged fellow participants and extricated ourselves from an over-friendly acquaintance.  Of other exhibits, children’s print work stood out.  One kid made a print of Blackpool, cos nothing says nature like Blackpool!

Crossings Exhibit – Blackpool Print

We congratulated the friendly printer responsible on training the next generation.  Outdoor displays featuring wood, natural paint and ceramics, were much easier to photograph than indoors where pictures were defaced by reflections.

Art appreciation over, we followed a sign to ‘The Crags’.  Previously unexplored, we climbed the curated curious before a protracted return route.  A flagging Phil griped of miles to go so we switched to an upper path.  I went home to unshod hot, tired feet.  He went to the shop, ran into the over-friendly acquaintance again and got yet more ½-price easter eggs (for a fuller description, see Cool Places).

Wanting a trade deal by Diwali, Boris hinted at more immigration from India into high skilled jobs in return for reduced tariffs on British machinery.  He also pledged to help them build fighter jets to lessen reliance on Russia but didn’t push Nodi on neutrality.  At the JCB plant in Gujarat, owned by tory donor Lord Bamford, he didn’t mention the destruction of Muslim’s homes by their bulldozers.

Drained after a long afternoon out, I stayed home Saturday apart from a trip to the co-op.  Very quiet for a weekend, there was hardly any veg but plenty of oil, despite reports of rationing.  Along with potatoes, cereal and chicken feed, it apparently all came from Ukraine.  Nowt to do with Brexit or P&O ferries!  Was the war also responsible for HRT shortages?  At the kiosk, my mate’s eyebrows shot up as a colleague told him his pregnant partner wanted a gender reveal party.  I observed: “but what if it doesn’t want to be that gender? ‘How very dare you assume my gender before I’m even born?’ It would say.”  An eavesdropping woman added: “Nothing surprises me anymore!”(see Tales from the Co-opv).

On Sunday Morning, the hideous Piers Morgan said firms had a dilemma balancing staff being in offices and at home.  Oliver Dowdy maintained Boris gave a ‘clear explanation’ of events leading to fines and we should balance that with other matters.  In an unfortunate analogy, he said the PM still had ‘fuel in the tank to deliver for this country’.  Asked how much more of the ‘drip, drip’ they could withstand, he blathered about focusing on the national security crisis.  What was he on about? The war was in Ukraine not the UK!

We went in search of blossom in the park.  At various stages of growth, some had already blown off and dandelions outnumbered the cherry.  Having noted the music café was rebranded ‘Charlie’s – not attracting the young hip crowd, but OAPs supping a nice cup of tea – we investigated other changes in town.  With a closed bank now a daft pub, several ice cream sellers and a pointless melts outlet, Phil remarked: “It’s full of people from out of town selling crap to people from out of town – like a northern Cotswolds!”  However, we got more bin-end wine and bargain easter eggs (the most I’d ever had, even in childhood).  Coming back, we came across German Friend and empathised on the struggles of processing the passing of friends.

Some tories told MOS that Rayner, lacking Boris’ Etonian debating skills, distracted him by crossing and uncrossing her legs at PMQs.  What tripe!  She could make mincemeat of him!  She tweeted: ‘Women in politics face sexism and misogyny every day…This is the latest dose of gutter journalism..”  She later added it was classist too.  A colleague said: “Just when you think the Conservative party can’t get any lower they outdo themselves. (They) clearly have a problem with women in public life.”  Even Boris decried the piece.  Meanwhile, 56 sex misconduct allegations included 3 cabinet ministers and 2 shadows.  As ship Albatroz sunk, 47 barrels of diesel created  a slick, threatening The Galapagos’ giant turtles.

Haiga – Impressions

Wobbly and heavy headed, I started to exercise Monday morning, when a throat niggle progressed to my ear and nose.  Annoyed at a second bout of illness that month, Phil reckoned I’d caught covid at the art show.  Feasible, seeing as the last one immediately followed the workshop, but vile phlegm implied the usual sinus lark. 

Either way, it rendered me bed-ridden for much of the week, apart from essential chores and spells on the sofa. 

After posting a haiga and Cool Places updates, I got head fug and settled down with a book when Phil noisily announced he was going for a rest.  I ask you!  I slept for 1 minute.

Idiot Epstein informed Jeremy Vine that Rishi was rich because he was good with money.  Hmm – It’s easy to be good with money when you have piles to start with!  Rees-Moggy put memos on empty Whitehall desks saying ‘I look forward to seeing you in the office soon’.  In a rare moment of not talking claptrap, Dreadful Doris called the passive-aggressive bullying ‘Dickensian’.  Life expectancy down in deprived areas over the last 3 years, covid was partly blamed.  In Kyiv, Lloyd Austin and Anthony Blinken said ‘Ukraine is succeeding’ and promised more munitions.  Following weekend attacks on the Azovstal steel plant, Russian strikes targeted fuel and rail facilities.  After Micron was re-elected president of France, cops killed 3 protestors.

Tuesday, I okayed the Valley Life proof and worked on blogs.  Suffering brain fog, I stopped writing and submitted photos to the larger arts festival exhibition.  Phil went to the co-op.  Disturbed by the door slamming on his return and loud talking on the street below, so-called ‘quiet time’ was a write-off.  As he’d bought 3 kinds of spuds, I cooked loads for dinner, getting backache and narky.

The Bumbler convened Cabinet to invent ideas to address the cost of living crisis without spending extra money.  They came up with encouraging more uptake of child and pension credits, cutting import tariffs and childcare ratios and extending MOT’s to 2 years.  The Guardian accused them of trashing health and safety.  Boris threatened to privatise DVLA and the passport office.  Delightfully-named Ian Snowball, landlord of the Showtime bar, Huddersfield, faced a £6,000 fine for allowing a punter to sip ale while standing to play beer pong during restrictions.  Talk about disproportionality!  IPPR reported 400,000 quitting work due to ill health, leading to ‘terminally low productivity’.  Elon Musk bought twitter for $44 bn.  Right-wingers thrilled by the promise of less moderation, others feared more fake news, bigotry and conspiracy drivel.  After The Insolvency Service began criminal and civil proceedings over redundancies, shit-show P&O failed to further reduce wages.  Intending to restart the Dover-Calais ferry Spirit of Britain for freight from Wednesday, The European Causeway lost power half an hour from Larne and limped back.  As more weapons were sent to Ukraine, Serge warned of ‘world war by proxy’ and again raised the prospect of nuclear attacks.  Antonio Guterres went to Moscow, incensing Vlod by not visiting Kyiv first.

Barrels of Fun

Unappreciated Dandelions

Wednesday, I fetched the coffee, for which Phil tossed me 10p.  It disappeared like a crap magic trick.  At PMQs, Keir attacked the government’s approach to the cost of living crisis.  Boris threw out figures and metaphors.  Keir quipped that was his fab debating skills we’d heard about!  He then asked ironically if being the only country to raise taxes had made things better or worse?  Ian Blackford cited Trussell Trust research that 830,000 children depended on food parcels and urged him to look for ideas beyond the cabinet, such as raising child payments like in Scotland.  He could also have cited food parcel demand (up 44% in Yorkshire), 59% of the population making lifestyle changes to cut spending and 18% having no disposable income.  Cathy Gardner and Fay Harris won a high court case against PHE and The Cock for discharging untested patients to care homes where their dads’ died of covid.  Invited by Daisy Cooper to apologise, Boris insisted they didn’t know the virus was transmitted asymptomatically.  Court evidence proved otherwise.  A PHE paper passed to Sage early 2020 concluded ‘asymptomatic transmission cannot be ruled out’, another warned ‘pre-symptomatic transmission…constituted a very substantial proportion of all transmission,’ and top medic Pat Vallance said likewise on the Today Programme, 13th March.

Fatigued by the antics, I rested.  At least external noise was more ambient this time.  At coffee time, Phil cadged from my depleting filter supplies, saying he’d buy me more if I gave him 50p.  A bargain, I said he could have the 10p back, which had turned up among the sheets.

Rayner called Lord Geidt clearing Rishi of any wrongdoing an ‘utter whitewash’.  Editor David Dillon refused to meet Lindsay Hoyle.  Carol Brexit informed Jeremy Vine that 4 tories heard the Ashton MP jest about using her legs to distract Boris.  The Chief Whip promised action against a tory caught watching porn.  After letting rumours accusing others to circulate, Neil Parish was suspended Friday, said he got onto the porn site by accident looking for tractors but re-visited it, then resigned Saturday.  Following more EU sanctions against 50 oligarchs and companies including Gazprom, Russia cut the gas off to Bulgaria and Poland.  How did you sanction a company you traded with?  Greenpeace called imports of 1.9 million oil barrels since the start of the war, ‘utterly disingenuous’ when the UK vowed less reliance on Russian supplies.  GSK reported a £9.8 billion turnover in the first quarter, thanks in part to anti-viral drug Xevudy.  Meanwhile, treatments for tremors involved zapping neurons and the first person treated for Parkinson’s with a Deep Brain Stimulation implant, declared a miracle.  York councillors divested Prince Andy of Freedom of the City.

Eyes shutting while reading, I hoped to be less fatigued Thursday.  Sadly not.  Phil went to the market for bog paper (only loose rolls available) and fishy bits.  The shrimps were from Holland.  Full import checks on European goods further delayed, supermarkets were happy, but exporters facing red tape and ports having built unnecessary infrastructure, weren’t.  The benefits of Brexit eh, Moggy?  Was that taking back control?

A tweeter thought it fun to relabel BA ‘British Wokeways’ for refusing to fly migrants to Rwanda over fears of a backlash.  Charter flights would add to an already astronomical £120 million for the scheme.  A whopping £30,000 each, Phil reckoned it’d be cheaper to give people the money to go home.  In more commons sleaze, Jamie Wallis was charged with a hit and run, Imran Khan belatedly submitted a resignation letter (after getting another full month’s pay), Liam Byrne was suspended for 2 days, and a female MP was called ‘a secret weapon’ as all the men wanted to sleep with her.  Ben Wally said they should avoid ‘toxic bars’ and Sue Braverman claimed there wasn’t a ‘pervasive culture’ of misogyny but some bad apples.  Yes, but it only took one to rot the whole barrel!  Keir said he took all allegations seriously and hoped colleagues had confidence in the complaints procedure.  On QT, Jon Ashworth agreed the cost of living was the most important issue but connected to Partygate because tories were disconnected and dismissed people’s real concerns as ‘silly’.  Mims Davies wittered about jobs and floundered trying the defend the migrant policy against accusations of being ‘pick and choose’.  After telling Iain Dale Channel 5 had thrived when it was privatised (it was never public!) an unusually sober Dreadful Doris came on Newscast to prate about impartiality and privatising Channel 4 even though 96% were against it.

Friday, Phil said he needed a haircut: “I look like I’m from a Britpop band.” “No you don’t. Mines’ worse.” “It does need colouring in.” “Thanks!” I sat abed writing until hungry and hot, considered getting lunch but he brought it to me.  Perhaps staying put was a good thing, because I felt much better on a bright Saturday.  I went to the rag market to buy haberdashery from friendly stall-holders then waited for Phil to come to an exhibition of historic photos by a local celeb.  On the way, we were waylaid by falling blossom and dandelions.  I later created a Facebook album but the dazzling yellow blooms went unappreciated.  Balking at a £5 suggested donation, we contributed by purchasing juice.  Phil’s photography mate had planned the showing for 2020.  They bemoaned work being on hold since covid and I sympathised with his travails being interviewed for a documentary.  I could talk for England but stick me in front of camera, I was dumbstruck!

550 Network Rail upgrade projects over the bank holiday weekend, cleaners and conductors’ strikes meant TPE only ran a small number of (dirty) services.  Roads were predicted to be quiet.  A good job with herds of animals on the M62 at Eccles and Brighouse.  Madelaine McTernan who worked on the covid vaccine rollout, was appointed HRT tsar.  Demand up thanks to The Davina Effect, I felt I was missing out not taking it.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iv. Shat’s gimmicky rail sale video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iheo0km3xHE

v. Tales from the Co-op: Notes on life, the universe and stuff that sucks: Tales from the Co-op Vol 5 (maryc1000.blogspot.com)

Part 102 – Happy Anniversary?

“The question for us now is to be or not to be… now I can give you a definitive answer. It’s definitely yes, to be” (Volodymry Zelensky)

Years And Years

Haiga – Off Season

Getting off to an iffy start, there was much to do before our trip the first weekend of March.  Assailed by a cold wind despite the sunshine on the way to the station, I noted trees felled by recent storms and strange amber leaking from stumps in the park.  Collecting train tickets, I found a seat reservation in the machine and handed it to the booking office. Whoever left it behind wouldn’t be happy on the day of 3.9% train fare hikes, the biggest for 9 years.  The Bus Recovery Grant was extended to October in what the DoT called ‘the final tranche of pandemic-related support to operators’.  As the March 1st marked the start of meteorological spring, St. David’s’ day and Shrove Tuesday, we celebrated the latter with a variation on Mexican pancakes.  Butternut squash was a great addition even with the extra cooking.

A scratchy throat overnight, I was tempted to stay abed Wednesday but didn’t.  I posted the last journal entry before a break, packed a case and opened the top bedroom cupboard searching for a bag when the curtain pole clattered to the floor!  At least it didn’t land on my head this time.  Lacking the energy to get cross, I exclaimed in mild annoyance.  Phil agreed the stupid changeable weather was to blame and allowed more time for new plaster to dry before reinstalling the pole, temporarily pinning the curtain up.

Ukrainian Ambassador to the UK Vadym Prystaiko got a standing ovation from MPs at PMQs. Applause not normally allowed in the commons, Lindsay Hoyle made an exception for ‘his excellency’.  Ukraine ambassador to the USA, Oksana Markarova guested at the State of the Union address, where Uncle Joe said Putin had ‘no idea what’s coming’, but republicans whinged the latest sanctions were too little too late.

Thursday, I texted The Researcher with thanks for the coffee and ideas for exhibition venues, deleted a pile of dross e-mails and booked places on a free workshop (part of the arts festival) before shopping.  In nasty grey drizzle, red water flowed downstream and sand edged the road – was there flooding?  A ruddy-faced driver testily informed me the pavement was on the other side.  I shouted back: “Thanks Mr. Bleeding Obvious!”  Phil later said I should’ve yelled ‘eff off, gammon!’  The market crap, I got a few items in the convenience store and walked back on the main road, tricky with barriers on the pavement, and spotted a woman I knew from art classes.  A fellow walker, she read my Valley Life articles and I suggested she might also like the workshop.  She said maybe we’d meet for a walk one day but as we’d pledge to do that years ago, I didn’t hold my breath.

Giving into pressure, IOC banned Russian and Belarussian athletes from the Paralympics.  The port of Kherson was the first Ukrainian city to fall to invading troops.  A tank convoy edged towards Kyiv, Russian schoolkids got a lesson on why NATO was evil and Serge again threatened global nuclear war.  Did someone say 1984?  In the latest conflagration in the Bradford district, Dalton Mills, Keighley was destroyed.

Cloudy again Friday, at least it was dry.  Going to the station, Phil’s case handle fell off.  I pointed out it wasn’t zipped at the bottom to which he retorted that wasn’t his immediate problem.  “It is if all your clothes fall out!”  Glad we weren’t going to Chester as that train was cancelled, ours was on time for a scenic ride.  The sun emerged as we approached The Fylde and stayed thus for most of Phil’s birthday weekend, which was a first for off-season in Blackpool (see Cool Places 2i).

Quite a struggle to be out of the apartment Monday, we just made it by checkout time.  I paused in the garden to re-distribute weight in a heavy rucksack when the landlady appeared.  Enquiring after our stay, I mentioned Phil’s birthday.  “21 again?” she asked wryly.  Back in our home town, it felt years since we last walked the canal, especially as changes were afoot at the lock.  The house freezing and Phil hangry, we hurried to reheat Lancs pasties.  I began unpacking (but didn’t finish till later in the week), took rubbish out, uploaded photos and rested.  Metro not downloading, I suspected Northern Rail wi-fi had messed up the internet connection.  Almost asleep on unbelievably achy legs, it took some time to get any sleep.

According to John Hopkins University, 6 million people worldwide had now died of Covid and many suffered from shrunken brains.  Grey matter decreased by up to 2%, making complex tasks harder but training could help.  Weekend promises of ceasefires unfulfilled, Russia continued to shell Ukrainian cities, deliberately killed civilians and announced so-called safe corridors to Russia and Belarus – were they having a laugh?  Amidst what the UN refugee agency called ‘the fastest-growing refugee crisis in Europe since WW2’ (1 million so far), UK government rhetoric unsurprisingly proved to be a load of crap as no visas were available at Calais, leaving evacuees stuck in France.  HMRC withdrew the winding up order so Liberty Steel stayed open, but the long-term future remained uncertain.  The Doncaster Great Drain Robbery was solved when cops stopped a car full of manhole covers after a tip-off.

As I hadn’t worn a mask the whole weekend, I didn’t bother in the co-op Tuesday.  It wasn’t very busy anyway.  I saw an old art teacher who told me she had a new studio near the canal.  Saying it was freezing, she advised waiting for warmer weather to pop in.  On the way back, a quartet of geese sat on the street below.  A  Woman smoking a fag on her doorstep guessed they expected food.

Volodymyr Zelensky historically addressed The Commons via live video-link from Kyiv, quoting Shakespeare and paraphrasing Churchill.  To his pleas, Boris reiterated they couldn’t impose a no-fly zone but sanctioned more Russian oligarchs including Abramovich a couple of days later.  Chelsea FC in limbo, Phil uncharitably hoped they’d go bankrupt before the end of the season.

Slightly iffy on Wednesday, I stayed in to edit Blackpool photos, posted a haiga and watch PMQs.  Keir asked about a U-turn on energy costs and windfall taxes, and others queried the number of Ukrainian refugees allowed into the UK – 1,000 was pathetic when other countries had accepted tens of thousands.  Why did they insist on normal visa checks and put an extra processing centre in Lille of all places?  We agreed Nasty Patel was not just evil but also incompetent.  “Not for nothing is she called Pritti Hopeless!”

Decent sleep three nights running, I felt cheerier on Thursday until I remembered leaving an annoyingly slow laptop to update and waited years for it to spark up so I could write.  Phil fixed the bedroom curtain pole.  Plagued all day by a whiny crane wince, siesta time was even less effective than usual.

Previously unhit eastern and western Ukrainian cities were bombed as Antalya hosted the highest level ‘peace talks’ so far.  Serge told a pack of lies and wouldn’t settle for anything less than total surrender.  Reports of deliberate targeting of maternity and children’s hospitals and use of thermobaric bombs emerged. Heineken, Starbucks and Coca Cola ceased trading in Russia.  Phil’s Shitterstock questions were all war-related with Ukrainians asking how to get cash and Russians asking how to pretend they weren’t Russian!

Friday was warm enough to ditch leggings under jeans for the first time of the year, but it didn’t last.  I found a mislaid curtain ring in the bedroom so Phil took them down yet again!  The co-op busy, I navigated round dithering gammons, sighed at gaps on shelves and gasped at the price of filters.  But I did get £4 off groceries with a member’s offer.

Global Covid rates fell by 5% on the previous week and deaths by 8%.  But they rose 46% in the Western Pacific.  Overcome by omicron, Hong Kong had 150 deaths daily, prompting mass quarantine.  Caused by the infectiousness of sub-variant B.A2, more mixing and waning boosters, ONS revealed a week-on-week rise for the first time since January across the UK.  Highest in Wales at 1:13 people, Scotland had the most ever at 1:18.  Up mainly in the over 55’s, hospital cases rose 9%.  With no scientific justification to boost the healthy, WHO DG Tedros Adhamon bade rich countries send vaccine to Africa.

Haiga – Clarity

At the weekend, I baked banana cake, posted blogs and wrote a haiga.  Roused by sparkling skies Sunday, I got ready for a walk, stepped outside and declared the wind too biting.  The trellis had blown down again.  Phil was fixing it when next-door-but-one told him Elderly neighbour had died.  Obviously at ‘end of life’, at least her husband was prepared for it.  Unwilling to disturb him, I posted a card through the letterbox and potted salvaged veg ends.  Phil popped to the co-op, helped with some clearing up then abandoned me to sit on the kerb watching footie on his phone – Leeds won for a change.

Monday sunny with a delightful breeze, I hung washing on the line and headed out to see the woman next door burning paper in her garden.  The smoke blew straight at my sheets.  Phil joked she was destroying spy code.  It turned out to be personal documents and I offered use of our shredder in future.  She then waylaid me discussing the deceased neighbour and the war.  Versions of events from her Polish relatives straying into conspiracy theory territory, I extricated myself.  Walking Friend appeared behind me at the co-op till, visibly pained with neuralgia from vicious moorland wind.  “Well, if you will go hiking in all weathers!“  We arranged to go for lunch Wednesday.  Late afternoon, Phil took his camera to town but the decent light gone by then, he just went to the shop.

Over the weekend, Russia widened bombardment to Ukrainian cities previously considered safe.  The UK government announced The Homes For Ukraine Sponsorship Scheme wherein you got £350 a month to host refugees.  But you had to know them so they could get visas.  Lisa Nandy likened the hair-brained plan to a dating app.  “They’ll do anything apart from take action themselves! Utterly useless!“ I spluttered.  Phil reckoned it was a ruse for Boris’ mansion-dwelling mates.  Foisted on NGOs with no time to prepare or do proper checks, charities called it a shambles.  The Refugee Council were concerned by red tape, resourcing and safeguarding issues.  Nevertheless, 122,000 Brits had signed up by Thursday.  Amid speculation of using oligarch’s empty properties, London Makhnovists squatted one in Belgravia owned by Oleg Deripaska.  Russian TV editor Marina Ovsyannikova ran on set with signs reading ‘no war’ and ‘they’re lying to you’, risking 15 years jail.  44 migrants drowned crossing from West Africa to The Canaries in a dinghy.

No Celebrations

Larch Blooms

Walking long overdue, we left the house aimlessly on Tuesday, puzzled at weird shiny stuff round empty recycling bins and rescued a useful-looking grill-type device before going up the ancient cobbles to the upland village and down through woodland, spotting several spring wildflowers in the shape of celandine, snowdrops from which an early bee grazed, and curious larch blooms (see Cool Placesii).

Compulsory jabs for care home workers in England were scrapped and Sturgeon announced Scottish restrictions would go as planned 21st March, except face-coverings.  In a show of support not endorsed by the EU, Polish, Czech and Slovenian leaders travelled by train to Ukraine.

Preparing for lunch out with Walking Friend Wednesday, she made me jump knocking as my back was turned.  Too chilly and damp to sit outside the tearooms, we occupied an indoor table close to the service shelf.  I flinched every time staff clattered crockery.  Over mini-brekkie selections, we discussed the street art and starlings of Blackpool, her recent walks, and The Poet’s 75th birthday which I’d missed due to illness.  Debating my recent mask-ditching while the Scots decided to keep them, BA.2 was on the rise and latest research suggested waning protection from jabs, I rationalised that I rarely went to pubs and never to crowded places.  I nipped in the sweet shop for cough drops and a chuckle over falling asleep at work (a labour lord was scolded for snoozing during a debate).  We perused a new display in the Town Hall, learning about a flood plain which preceded the town centre – that explained a lot.  In Boots, I managed to pick up conditioner instead of shampoo – why did they make the packaging nigh-identical?  Weary and sodden, I trudged home.  In the evening, I re-arranged the Manchester trip, placed an Ocado order and donated to DEC for Ukraine.  That night, a whirring mind and a bright almost-full Worm Moon hampered sleep.  I eventually dropped off using the meditation soundtrack and woke in early grey gloam with achy arms.

Russia bombed the historic theatre in Mariupol.  Of 1,300 civilians sheltering in the basement, 300 were subsequently found dead.  Putin ranted about ‘unpatriotic’ Russians who lived abroad chomping foie-gras, calling them scum and traitors.  Did that include his daughter with her London mansion?  After 6 years imprisonment, Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe and two others returned from Iran.  The government had finally paid the tank debt.  Why didn’t they do it years ago?

Exhausted and heavy-headed from lack of sleep, I forced myself up Thursday.  Watching news, Phil commented emotive words concerning the war were nauseating.  I replied it caused me deep-down sadness and considered taking in a refugee but we agreed it wasn’t feasible; charity donations would have to do.  As I hung washing on the line, the neighbour from the end toddled past on sticks, making progress after a hip operation.  As a shower descended, she advised leaving the laundry out while I went to the market.  On my return, Phil was heading for Leeds.

Three weeks since all restrictions were lifted, covid infections rose by 68% in our region within a week.  Leeds Prof Mark Harris said ditching masks was premature and when free testing ended, we’d have no way of tracking the virus.  Andrew Lee of Sheffield wasn’t unduly concerned about BA.2; although more infectious, deaths stayed low.  Meanwhile, New Zealand would admit jabbed Aussies from 12th April followed by travellers from other visa-waiving countries 1st May.  BoE raised the interest rate to .75% and P&O sacked 800 staff via zoom, replacing them with agency workers.  Dubai owner DP World said they’d lost £100 million during the pandemic (even after tons of government money for furlough) and the ferry company wasn’t viable in its current state.  As armed guards came to escort them off ships, seafarers on the Pride of Hull mutinied.  The RMT and MPs decried the action and government said they’d look into its legality – surely they knew it was illegal!  Ed Millipede attended weekend demos and Mick Lynch claimed foreign agency workers got a derisory £1.81 per hour.  It took 10 minutes for Ben Wally to realise a call purportedly from the Ukrainian PM, was actually Russian spies – what a doofus!

On QT, Ukrainian MP Lesia Vasylenko was very civil about the lack of military help, thanked the British public for their support and requested we stop buying goods from companies still operating in Russia, including M&S.  I considered amending my Ocado order but didn’t get round to it.  Lord Frosty Gammon complained to Newscast that namby-pamby liberals rendered decision-making difficult.  He didn’t mention the Festival of Brexit, which was apparently underway all over the place.  He patently saw no reason to celebrate.

After another bright night complete with a high moon, frosty roofs sparkled in sunshine Friday morning.  Phil said the ‘Pageant Master’ on BBC Breakfast sounded more like a fantasy film character than organiser of the queen’s anniversary celebrations.  In the co-op, I found bacon in the corner where pizzas used to live – had it been there all along?  Shocked at the cost of baccy, I asked at the kiosk if I’d missed the budget.  The cashier replied the prices changed weekly.  I’d never heard that before!  At least I had another £4 coupon towards the groceries.  Phil came to help carry and giggle at a gaggle of geese squatting on the street below.  A friend’s mum soaking up rays outside her house reckoned they picked at moss between the cobbles rather than waiting to be fed.

ONS figures showed 1:20 Brits had covid week ending 12th March.  1:14 in Scotland, they had the most hospitalisations ever, but Sturgeon went ahead relaxing measures from Monday.  All remaining covid travel restrictions were scrapped from 4.00 a.m. UK-wide, with contingencies for ‘extreme circumstances’.  Lviv, the main exit point for refugees and entry point for aid, was pounded.  So on the anniversary of annexing Crimea, which Putin celebrated with a rally, there was no such thing as a Ukrainian ‘safe city’.  RT’s UK licence was revoked.

Attempting to prevent Saturday hangovers, I’d bought low alcohol wine but wobbly and phlegmy on Saturday, I blamed the histamines in the sickly sweet concoction.  Phil reckoned it’d be nice in summer with ice.  I saw a notice on Elderly Neighbour’s Facebook page.  The funeral would be at a faraway crem.  Sunny but windy, Phil said he was going for a walk but I didn’t feel up to it after being out twice during the week leading to severe tiredness.  I washed the bedroom curtains we’d taken down last month and hung them on the line, disposed of a dead rubber plant and used the pot for an oversized money plant.  The job was prolonged, partly by ridding the soil of weird green stuff and by the whipping wind.  I crouched in a sunny corner when a huge gust blew a pile of dead leaves in my face!  The recent widower thanked me for the card as he walked his dog past.  I said it was impractical for us to go to the crem but we’d go to the more local wake.  Before putting the pot back on the hearth, I decided to clean it.  Taking all afternoon, it left me slightly out of breath which I suppose was good and with backache, which wasn’t.  Phil went to look for rooks.  He found none in the park busy with a football match or in town rammed with drinkers, tourists and a window shopper commenting: “it’s like that programme Money for Nothing!”

Magnificent Blackthorn

A bit groggy on the equinox, it wasn’t as bad as on the low-alcohol plonk.  Phil unusually drank water.  “It must be summer!”  “No, but it is officially spring.”  Tempted by the sun, I took photos of delicate flowers in our window box before we headed for the park, where families ate ice cream and teenagers picnicked.  Resplendent blossom marked the start of a blooming good walk, past creamy daffodils near the station, magnificent blackthorn on the country lane and showy garden shrubs.  In the next village’s refurbished co-op, we got 3 for 2 snack foods.  The cashier asked did we need to pay for fuel?  I should have said did we look like we had a car?  Famished, we hurried up to the canal to sit on a bench overlooking the lock and stuff grub in our gobs before dogs mugged us for it.  Returning home, we detoured off the towpath to explore a path over a small bridge and wondered at totems to Odin at the moorings (see Cool Placesii).

I went up early to apply massage oil to a stiff, painful shoulder.  Sympathising, Phil rubbed it far too hard.  The now waning moon appeared like a squishy orange in the inky cold night sky.

Mariupol a wreck, 10 million Ukrainians had fled the country, and there were claims some were forced into gulags.  Boris lambasted for comparing their stand against Putin to Britons voting for Brexit, Rishi Rich distanced himself: “people can make up their own minds”, he said on Sunday Morning (not for the first time).  He proceeded to mouth a pile of platitudes on fuel prices and the cost of living.

A hard frost at first, Monday warmed up slightly then turned cold and dull in the afternoon – so much for the lovely spring weather!  Getting back to spring cleaning, I tackled the ‘kitchen island’, cluttered with empty jars and spider crap.  I asked Phil to  help scrubbing the back wall.  He said he was busy.  “I know.  I’m only asking for a bit of help.”  He obliged later.  During breaks from the tedious chore, I posted a haiga, hung washing out, got rid of rubbish, booked train tickets for Manchester, messaged our friend the details and worked on blogs but had to give up with head fug.

Covid cases still rising, spring boosters were offered to over 75’s and vulnerable over 12’s.  Prof Kirby nicked my line from October 2020 ‘I predict a riot’ if lockdowns were re-imposed (see part 32).

Death And Taxes

All At Sea

Frost-free and hazily bright on Tuesday, a bee buzzed in through the window crack in the bedroom.  Phil shooed the persistent blighter out.  As I urged him to bathe, he replied: “I will when I’ve done this work.” “You’re always working.” “I was very busy yesterday.” “You have to wash and eat!”  Off to collect tickets again, I was frustrated by traffic on the main road, took short-cuts to the park and zigzagged to avoid loiterers.  At the station, I asked a member of staff about swipe machines – not for oyster-style cards as hoped, but flexi season tickets.  I whizzed round the co-op and asked my namesake at the till for a replacement ‘bag for life’ to be told they didn’t do them anymore.  Instead, she gave me a compostable one, which ought to be free.  “You should be glad we’re not doing plastic.” “Yes, but they’re reusable, not single-use. And why do we have to pay for bags that aren’t plastic?”  What a swizz!

As the fall in covid deaths stalled, I read about Deltacron.  The hybrid of Delta and Omicron arose in France mid-February, and there were 60 logged cases so far, spreading to Holland, Denmark, the US and UK.  Cases in the Latter two varied from European mainland versions, suggesting multiple re-combinations.

Another greyly polluted day in the valley, I woke later on Wednesday and briefly felt the benefit of extra sleep.  On finding a net bag of damp socks, I railed at never-ending chores.  Downstairs, I had another fit at buried Ocado bags, dug them out before the delivery arrived and watched PMQs followed by Rishi’s spring statement.  Sacked P&O workers were belatedly offered severance pay, which would entail losing rights.  Boris reported they possibly acted illegally and could face fines of hundreds of millions.  Keir said if he wasn’t all mouth and no trousers, he’d do something about it.  Quite! There was no ‘possibly’ about it!  Inflation for February at 6.2%, and National Insurance going up in April, Rishi Rich announced the threshold would rise by £3,000 from July and basic rate Income tax would fall 1% in 2024.  He took 5% off fuel duty and abolished VAT on insulation, heat pumps and solar panels and green energy company tax. The household support fund for Local Authorities was doubled.  Billed as a giveaway, Paul Johnson of IFS said it only benefited rich pensioners and landlords.  There was certainly nothing in it for us.  Tax increases disguised as cuts, Rachel Reeves likened it to Alice in Sunak-land.  And what did he mean the ‘work starts today’? they’d had 12 years!  The Bumbler later hinted at more help with the cost of living in autumn.

Cleaning the bedroom I found more dust lumps on the bedroom.  Phil reckoned they went up in warmth and descended in cold.  So it was bits of us!  Further hampered by assorted stuff falling on the floor, I got exhausted and narky.  After lunch, I tried writing but head befuddled, speculated on going outside.  As it became even hazier, I lost the will.  I retired early for a bath which failed to help with sleep or an achy shoulder.  Unable to still my mind, the meditation soundtrack sent me into intermittent slumber.

The second anniversary of the announcement of lockdown #1 was marked by a noontime minutes silence for over 188,00 UK deaths, and buildings turning yellow.  Poland wanted a NATO peace-keeping force in Ukraine which Serge said was asking for war.  Madeleine Albright died of cancer, aged 84.

Unrecognisable Manchester

Despite the lack of sleep, I was determined to make the overdue trip over to Manchester on Thursday.  Unrecognisable and infested by students, it was a good job the main streets were in the same place!  We had a lovely day involving culture, photography and meeting an old friend.  Supping at her ‘local’, we caught up on news and experiences of covid.  She became upset discussing deaths of close ones, for which I was sorry.  Saying goodbye, I experienced the first hug with a friend in over 2 years! (see Cool Places 2i).

Having grazed on convenience food all day, I relished leftover bean salad for dinner.  They didn’t seem to eat veg in Manchester!  Exhausted, I tried to still my churning mind by concentrating on the hooting of an owl when the stupid generator started droning.  The mediation soundtrack allowed a few fitful hours.

On QT, Mark Serwotka of PCS, said Rishi’s inadequate response showed he didn’t know, understand or care.  Dom 2 Jollies called him an alien and the stupid photo-op wherein he borrowed a car and struggled to swipe a card, demonstrated he was out of touch.  Lemon-sucking Demon Hinds tried to defend the awful government.  Lisa Nandy yelled that not a word he said was true.  An audience member echoed my question on why refugees from different countries were tret differently? Why not sponsor an Afghan?  “Cos they don’t pick cabbages!” Phil answered.  P&O boss Paul Hebbletwit admitted they broke the law not consulting as unions wouldn’t have sanctioned the fire and re-hire but claimed Grant Shats knew of the plot in November.  Mark insisted the practice allowed on the statute books by the tories, stop now.  Later, Shats and Boris called for Hebbletwit to go and pledged to close the loophole in the law so companies operating from UK ports paid minimum wages.  Ships subsequently seized at, Shats belatedly wrote to P&O demanding they reinstate sacked workers.  Hebbletwit refused.

Rudely woken by canal engineering works early Friday, I felt unrested and drifted off frequently during the day.  Decorating Neighbour’s car idled outside the house.  He told me the battery was crap.  “If I die of pollution I’ll know who to run to!” I joked.  When I came back from the co-op, we chatted while he washed the car.  Observing I looked tired, I related our trip to Manchester.  He’d not been since the Arndale Centre was built!  A young woman stuffed flyers in letterboxes, informing us of a nearby shoot for Happy Valley 3.  We shared sightings of Sarah Lancashire and locations of previous series.  “Never mind that. When The Gallows Pole comes out, it’ll be rammed” I warned.

After the Finnish PM said Boris lived in ‘Brexit la-la land’, a clip emerged of The Bumbler at a Brussels meeting isolated from other leaders.  NATO members pledged troops to reinforce eastern flanks, but not to do more within Ukraine.  EU figures showed 3.5 million refugees, 2.2 million in Poland.  Ukrainian ombudsman Ludmyla Denisova said 402,000 were taken to Russia against their will.  Not disputing the figure, the Kremlin claimed they were ‘relocated’ from Donetsk and Luhansk.

Waking early Saturday, Phil was discombobulated as the clocks had already gone forward in his head.  Covid rates rising across the UK except Northern Ireland, Dr. Chris told BBC Breakfast there were less hospitalisations and fatalities because of herd immunity.  Protection waned but vaccines still guarded against severe illness.  I felt vindicated on my mask-ditching.  I continued cleaning outside to discover a metal plant stand overgrown with ivy which took ages to extricate.  Phil came out to sit in a patch of sun, do tiny work, sweep up and spot wild garlic sprouting in a pot.

Using this as a gauge, I ignored Sunday wobbliness to forage.  After a hard climb up, we selected sparingly from the early growth.  The clough now popular with guardian families, a small child sniffed the fragrant leaves and rubbed his tummy but his parents vetoed picking.  Coming back down, small yappy dogs switched from paddling in the stream to harassing us.  As I froze with fright, the owner said: “They’re alright.” “Well, I’m not!” I retorted.  He obligingly brought them to heel so we could continue unimpeded.

On the anniversary of the enforcement of lockdown #1, 200,000 schoolkids were absent with covid.  Taking belated offence at a GI Jane joke levelled at his wife, Will Smith hit Oscar host Chris Rock.  As the academy dithered about whether to withdrawal his award, Smith gave a tearful acceptance speech, went partying and made a half-hearted apology.  Headlining for days, the stunt overshadowed celebrations of diversity.

Oversleeping Monday, we were fuddled and slightly ailing.  I complained of dusty layers in the box room, prompting Phil to hoover.  I tackled life admin and small chores, getting distracted rearranging pots on the garden wall and discovered new flowers on the tiny plants from Christmas.  Curlews wheeled in the early dawn light Tuesday.  I worked on the journal and went on errands with mixed results.

Dodging marauding schoolgirls, I got nowt in the convenience store or Boots but enjoyed a good whinge in the sweet shop at soaring prices and found lampshades in the homeless charity shop.  That evening, we spent ages trying to find The Ipcress File on ITV hub.  After convoluted sign-in and searching, it couldn’t be found on the smart TV, even though it appeared on the website.  We gave up and watched Netflix instead.

After extending Partygate interviews to 100 more revellers, The Met issued 20 fines.  More to follow, Number 10 maintained Boris didn’t mislead parliament saying no rules were broken, even though this proved they were.  Rayner railed: “After over 2 months of police time, 12 parties investigated and over 100 people questioned under caution…Downing Street has been found guilty of breaking the law.”  The next day, Keir asked Boris at PMQs if he should resign and Rabid Raab suggested the law had clearly been breached but that didn’t mean his boss lied.  A year since they began painting hearts on the wall, Hannah Brady of Covid-19 Bereaved Families accused the PM’s team of ‘regularly and blatantly’ breaking “the same rules that families across the country stuck with even when they suffered.”  Peace talks resumed in Turkey.  Abramovich again attended the negotiations.  As it emerged he’d fallen ill at earlier meetings along with two Ukrainians, poison in the drinking water was blamed.  Losing patience with NATO, Vlod hinted at pledging Ukraine’s neutrality in exchange for security guarantees and discussions over Crimea, while Russia said they were scaling back operations around Kyiv and Chernihiv to concentrate on Russian-speaking areas.  Some saw glimmers of hope but others just more lies.  Saudis blamed Houthi rebels for ‘jittery’ oil supplies.

Wednesday, Elder Sis got her MBE at the palace.  The photos she sent blurry, better versions appeared later on Facebook.  I got my brother to re-add me to the family group, even though I hated WhatsApp.  Preparing for Elderly Neighbour’s wake, it started sleeting.  “I’m not walking in that!”  We waited at a freezing cold bus stop, alarmed at an odd kid doing strange moves under the shelter.  I tracked the journey on google maps but the driver went so fast, I lost track and overshot the cricket club.  Flakes blowing in our faces, we walked briskly along the road, through a little gate and across the pitch.  We knew nobody in the clubhouse except The Widower.  Where were all the other neighbours?  We grazed the buffet, looked at photos and hovered to say hello.  The Widower claimed not to know half the people either.  Short speeches and a note from Adrian Lester followed.  Coincidentally at the palace too, I wondered if he met Sis.  The ice broken, we chatted to grandkids and a couple from Manchester.  Describing our recent visit, they said they never went into the city centre.  The snow seemed to stop and as a bus sailed past meaning a half hour wait for the next, we took shank’s pony using a shortcut to the canal we’d seen a woman use.  Over a funny stone bridge spanning the river, moorings were bedecked with flowers and a mixed duck paddled: “Mandallard!” we declared.  It soon resumed snowing so we rushed on, sheltering briefly under bridges.

Pat Valance told the S&T committee the current covid peak might be ending but with more deaths and the threat of potentially more severe variants, the road ahead was ‘lumpy and bumpy’.  NAO reported £3.2 billion spent on unsuitable PPE and £700 million on storing it.  Meg Hillier urged government to “get a grip.”  Credit card debt rose to £1.5 billion in February.  Forecourts failing to pass on fuel duty reductions, 10,000 consumers signed a petition to cut it by 40%.  Fizzog uncovered at Prince Philip’s memorial service, Sturgeon was accused of hypocrisy as she extended mask-wearing in Scotland until Easter.

A snowy scene Thursday prompted Christmas jingles.  Facing the window doing exercise, the sky visibly changed from grey to blue.  The snow melted by noon but followed by more wintry showers, I submitted to the cold and put the heating on advance before the increased price cap kicked in.

The day before mass free testing ended in England, YouGov found 13% had never taken one and 45% still wore masks –  more like 10% by my estimation.  179,000 schoolkids, 9% of teachers and 3% of hospital staff had covid, the most since January.  Hospital cases the highest since February, numbers on ventilators stayed low.  GDP grew 1.3% in the last quarter of 2021.  Gas websites crashed as customer tried to input metre readings before the disgusting hike in the price cap and standing charges – what did that have to do with the price of fuel?  Putin threatened to cut supplies of unfriendly countries who didn’t pay in roubles.  Hartley-Brewer was incredibly the only one who made sense of the war or gas prices on QT.  On the last Newscast before she changed jobs, Laura K interviewed Rishi Rich.  Claiming: “I know it’s tough yah!” he said it wasn’t acceptable to target his wife whose dad owned Infosys which allegedly invested in Russia, but joked: ”At least I didn’t get up and slap anybody.”  No mention that Akshata Murthy didn’t pay UK tax on her earnings!  It was about time we celebrated the anniversary of the 1990 poll tax riots with another one!

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

iii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 87 – Stranger Than Fiction

“If somebody is spending a huge amount of time on a second job, then they can’t be maintaining support for their constituents” (Lord Evans)

Masking The Truth

Haiga – Uncommon

Waking at dawn on a cold, blustery Monday, I fell back to sleep until quite late.  The plaster came off my cut thumb in the bath.  As soreness prevailed, maybe it wasn’t a good idea cutting a flap of dead skin off.  Phil announced there was a letter for me.  Fearing the worst, I took my time opening it, but it was good news.  “That’s that then,” Phil declared, “at least it was only a few weeks rather than years of investigation.” “Yes but why am I losing weight?” “You’re not eating enough.” “I think I am. I might ring the GP to get other bits checked out.”  Assailed by a keen wind taking recycling out, I vowed to stay indoors, texted Walking Friend to arrange lunch midweek, posted blogs and worked on the next episode of the journal until head fug forced a halt.  Nodding off with a dry throat that evening, I hoped I wasn’t getting ill and went up early.

Furious MPs held a 3-hour emergency debate on parliamentary standards.  Hardly anyone on the tory side of the chamber (incidentally bare-faced), The Bumbler didn’t turn up at all, conveniently having a prior engagement at Hexham General Hospital.  He said the train didn’t get back in time.  In fact, it pulled into Kings Cross at 5.30 p.m. and the session went on until 7.  His approval rating dropped to -16.  Belarus sent migrants to the Polish border leading to the declaration of a state of emergency and Brussels claiming Lukashenko, in league with Russia, sought to destabilise the EU in retaliation for sanctions.  Flying to the USA allowed, I got a message from booking.com telling me to book a holiday.

Tuesday, I worked on the journal while Phil worked on his new click job.  Using headphones, I remarked it was easier to know when he was actually doing a work, rather than looking at crap on his phone but he disliked wearing them.  I had to go to the co-op before lunch again.  At least it was quiet.  When head fug set in late afternoon, I changed activity to iron and stow some summer clothes.

The  deadline for care workers to be fully vaccinated looming, Jeremy Vine debated mandatory NHS jabs.  A sacked carer in tears said she had no choice.  “Yes, you did!” I screamed at the telly and raged at the lack of medical bods to counter her daft claims that the vaccine was untested and ineffective.  Later, Goblin Saj announced 2 jabs would be compulsory for frontline NHS staff from 1st April, unless medically-exempt.  Some predicted 123,000 health and care workers could leave rather than be inoculated.  Forced to defend Boris visiting the hospital mask-less yesterday, The Goblin insisted his boss followed the rules.  But the DOH, as Rabid Raab was reminded on BBC Breakfast, advised all ‘must continue to wear a face covering at all times.’  Recent experience taught me this was the case, even in corridors.  TfL reported ¾ of staff had suffered abuse over the issue and blamed Boris for mixed messages.  Second jobs becoming a big issue, Devon MP and lawyer Geoffrey Cox allegedly used his Westminster office to earn almost £900,000 representing the Virgin Islands on a corruption case.  Annalise Dodds asked for an investigation.  It then transpired Cox claimed £22,000 a year to rent a London flat while letting out another one for £10,000.  You couldn’t make this stuff up!

Cover Story

Heron Alert

After raining all night, Wednesday stayed miserable.  About to shake throws out, I heard voices and opened the door to see a man almost on the doorstep while the woman from next-door-but-one stood in the street under an umbrella.  Phil later witnessed them doing a photoshoot.  “The glamour never stops round here!”  Suitably attired, I waited for Walking Friend who was coming straight from having a booster jab.  “How was it?” “I don’t know yet.”  We walked to the town centre, discussed my travails and went to the Turkish café where she told me her news.  Her oldest friend had died suddenly last month.  Much more traumatic than my own woes, I felt bad rambling on about them.  The only relatives a distant brother-in-law and an elderly aunt, she ended up organising the funeral which took place the previous day.  Although a sad occasion, she was pleased to see several old acquaintances and receive donations for cat rescue.  On a pleasanter note, we shared stories about our September breaks before doing the rounds of charity shops and gazing at the river.  The heron stood alert on the weir and she spotted kingfishers.  Of course they’d gone by the time I looked.  Feeling out-of-sorts, she was unsure if it was grief, stress or side-effects from the Pfizer.  I empathised and walked with her towards the bus stop.  Back home, I slumped on the sofa, briefly updated Phil and went for a lie down.

The Welsh government extended mandatory face-coverings to cinemas and theatres.  Geoffrey Cox denied breaching parliamentary rules.  The Bumbler went to COP26 for publication of the draft ‘cover decision’ to be agreed by the end of the summit.  Criticism came from Greenpeace and Christian Aid, for not including dates or obligations, being too soft, too slow, not enough, and containing gaps such as money for poor countries.  John Kerry announced a surprise agreement between China and USA, pledging to cut emissions and move to clean energy.  While Andy Bowie resigned over sleaze, Boris unedifyingly had to address the row and insist the UK parliament wasn’t corrupt.  It didn’t escape notice that last week he flew from Glasgow so he wouldn’t miss dinner with his chums at the Garrick Club, but this week, he took trains so he could skip important commons debates.  Again mask-less until he alighted in Scotland where they were obligatory, some said he was sending his own message.  Merkel called on Russia to intervene on the Belarussian ‘inhumane’ treatment of migrants, pushing them to the Polish border.  Astronauts returning from ISS on Space X wore nappies because the toilet broke.

Feeling slightly ill again Thursday, I took Echinacea and attempted some exercise.  After breakfast, Phil commandeered the bathroom while I sorted washing, did chores and made coffee.  The market thankfully not busy, I got mussels at the fish van, but no parsley.  “That’s’ because of the mussels,” I told him. How can you have mussels without parsley?” “Oh yeah. I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll get more next time.”  The sociopath German hippy was chatting to the jolly veg man so I retreated to the square where a busker played guitar, threw a coin in his case and shared a smile.  He was actually pretty good, unlike an erstwhile teacher playing trumpet really badly round the corner.  Almost as horrific as her crooning, at least she couldn’t sing with the instrument in her gob!  I saw an old pub friend’s daughter on the way back.  She updated me on her mum, her 2 jobs and not being a manager at Aldi as German Friend told me.  Planning to go to Leeds, Phil was still home and criticised my treatment of the mussels.  I told him to sod off and faffed trying to keep them in a net bag but as I dunked them in a bowl of oats and water, they weren’t fully covered so I had to snip the bag creating evil micro-plastic – grr!  I edited ‘Copperopolis’ and posted the update on Cool Placesi  then rang the GP surgery.  11th in the queue, I waited to get a tele appointment next Tuesday before a lie down.  I didn’t fully relax but warmed up somewhat.

Phil returned in time for dinner.  Calling into the café after a good day in Leeds, he found 2 more prints sold.  They wanted him to leave his pictures up as they were the most popular they’d ever had.  “it’s official. You’re the most successful local artist…in that café!” I laughed.  “Not a very high bar!”

The Kings Fund warned the NHS was ‘on its knees’ with overstretched and exhausted staff and chronic workforce shortages.  German daily cases up 3,500 in a week, the interim government took the same approach as the UK but fearing a hospital emergency, medics wanted lockdown.  Chair of the committee on standards in public life, Lord Evans said if an MP spent lots of time on a second job, they couldn’t be supporting their constituents.  Rishi Rich insipidly said they ‘must do better’.  Red wall tories were livid with the old guard protecting their own.  Ben Wally wrote to labour and the SNP about 3 MPs accused of drunkenness on a flight to Gibraltar as part of the Armed Forces Parliamentary Scheme. Nicola Sturgeon called the claims concerning Drew Hendry and David Linden ‘false’.  Labour said Charlotte Nichols experienced an ‘episode’.  Tories rejected counter-claims their own MPs got drunk that night and said it was ‘quite clearly a desperate attempt to deflect attention.’  A more likely story was that it was the other way round!  A record 1,200 migrants crossed the channel in a single day and 3 were lost at sea.  23,000 so far reaching Kent in 2021 was already more than the whole of 2020.  Critics still sceptical COP26 would achieve anything, Look North reported ITM Power would be the largest producer of green hydrogen power, creating 300 jobs on the old Sheffield airport site by the end 2022.  The ONS reported the economy grew 1.3%.

Still iffy Friday, I pottered before an uneventful trip to the co-op.  Cleaning the bathroom later, I heard the landline ring.  Phil answered and impatiently brandished the handset while I washed my hands.  The hospital consultant told me the test results, which I’d already had, and said there was nothing to worry about which was re-assuring.  Telling Phil, he pulled a face in mock-disgust: “That’s enough of that women’s stuff!”

ONS data showed infections fell across the UK to 1:60 people.  Highest rates in England among school years 7 to 11, the trend was ‘uncertain’ in 12-24 and 35-49 year olds.  WHO reported Europe ‘back at the epicentre of the pandemic’ with deaths up 10% across the continent, mainly driven by outbreaks in Russia and Eastern Europe.  Numbers high in Germany, Merkel said people had a duty to get vaccinated and a partial lockdown was imposed in Holland.  Boris mixed his metaphors wittering about storm clouds gathering and seeing before what happened when waves started rolling in.  At COP26, a re-drafted ‘cover decision’ included more on money for poor countries and a request for all nations to strengthen plans to cut emissions but weakened commitments on fossil fuels.  Red Ed warned the 1.50 goal was ‘in mortal peril’.  John Kerry thought things were moving in the right direction but not done yet.  Alok Sharma admitted disagreements remained and called for a last push to find ‘pragmatic and workable solutions’.  Negotiations lasted an extra day.  Californian wildfires covered a million acres.  Firefighters losing the battle, they saved Gen Sherman.

Inconclusive

Naughty Barbed Wire

Saturday morning was so dazzling I could hardly see.  Too much wine the previous night didn’t help.  Putting empty bottles out, the woman who lived next door pulled up.  She asked if we had a spare USB adaptor for her phone.  I dug one out and said she could keep it.  We caught the last two hours of sunshine on a gloriously warm day, hurrying through the ridiculously busy town centre and up into woodland.  The mellowing canopy visible from our street, it didn’t disappoint close up with fading greens and yellows punctuated by golden oranges.

Stepping aside for a pregnant woman in pagan apparel, accompanied by a man and a woman with a camera, the latter smiled at us: “A lovely day for pictures!” She said in a pronounced Eastern European accent.  Was it a belated Samhain photoshoot?  The full stream easy to navigate on large stones and wooden bridge, we continued up between fields of large goats and sheep with curly horns.  Two Asian teenagers stood near the top gate, doing selfies and giggling.  “We’ll never know why that’s so funny!” observed Phil.  We climbed slowly to the corner, rested on a bench and proceeded upwards.  Capturing valley views, Phil clambered on a wall and cut his hand on barbed wire.  I helped him patch the painful gash with tissue and hand gel which stung mightily.  I distracted him from the pain by pointing to the ground “mini apples!” “Oak apples.” “Do oaks have apples as well as acorns?” “No, it’s caused by a parasitic wasp.” “How odd. I’m not sure I’ve seen that before.”  At the end of the lane, we curved down into the clough, remarking on how different it looked compared to last month.  Carefully watching our footing, we got scared at the sight of two fierce-looking mutts but the family held them as we past.  We avoided town to reach home where I helped Phil unload so he could treat his injury before collapsing on the couch.  Dinner delicious, the fishmonger’s other customers might have been right that the Shetland mussels were the best ever.

Making breakfast Sunday morning, I noted the bread I bought Friday was almost gone.  I’d had 3 slices.  Phil atoned by baking some.  He also fixed the front door lock which wasn’t always catching and the bedroom door which was sticking.  After wasting half an hour getting a fly to go out the bedroom window, I spent the rest of the day watching telly films, writing a haigaii and working on the Christmas card in Photoshop.  Looking almost finished, Phil thought it was good.  “Yes, but why did I start? All that cutting out!”  During a crap night, I had to get up several times before sleeping at all, used the meditation soundtrack, dropped in and out of slumber and woke the next day feeling very ropey indeed.

His approval rating now down to -21%, The Bumbler admitted the Paterson affair could have been handled better.  Rees-Moggy was found to have borrowed £2.94 m from Saliston Ltd (his own lettings and real estate company).  67% immunised in Austria, the lowest in Europe, the unvaccinated were subject to curfew, leading to protests.  Highest case numbers since the start of the pandemic in Holland led to a partial lockdown and demos in Den Hague.  Germany watched closely. Tougher EU sanctions on Belarus entailed travel bans and asset freezes for airlines flying migrants to the Polish border.  A Syrian man was found dead in woodland near the village of Wolka Terechowska.  Trussed-Up Liz urged Putin to intervene and sent British troops to bolster ‘unprecedented military build-up on the border’.  While severe pollution in New Delhi forced schools and government buildings to shut, COP26 concluded 24 hours late.  Greta tweeted: ‘here’s a brief summary: blah, blah, blah.’

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 68 – Smash and Grab

“The point is that 60,000 people at the match sends a message to 60m, which is, ‘well, if they can meet together, why can’t we? If they’re rammed together and leaping up and down and hugging each other when a goal is scored, why shouldn’t we?” (Stephen Reicher)

Moody Moon

As befitted the summer solstice, Monday was cold, grey and drizzly.  The live-feed from Stonehenge was pulled as hundreds ignored advice not to go.  I slept late until I heard Phil in the bathroom, did a few exercises and developed a strange muscle spasm in my back.  When it eased off, we hugged and joked about his scratchy flowing locks.  After chores and blog-posting, I darted round a strangely quiet co-op.  Even though Phil had cleared kitchen surfaces, it took a while to sort groceries.  Knackered, I collapsed on the sofa when there was a knock at the door.  A man tried to flog us cavity insulation.  I informed him we didn’t have cavities to fill.  Phil cut his hair into a severe buzzcut. “You should have done that yesterday, tattooed runes on your forehead and danced on a hill at sunrise. That would scare people!”

Posing like a knob in a white coat at a vaccination centre, The Bumbler said 19th July looked good for ‘Freedom Day’ thanks to vaccines.  Covboost results expected by the end of August, plans for autumn boosters would come soon. Many questions arose: what age groups? were children included? which brands? could they be combined with flu jabs?  Chris Hopson expressed ‘increasing optimism’ that inoculation had broken the chain between infection and hospitalisation.  But queries over future variants remained.  Not happy with a travel ban from Scotland to the North West without consultation, The Burnman whinged the whole world would hear Manchester and Salford weren’t safe and demanded compo.  Sturgeon retorted she wasn’t interested in a spat and he could just pick up the phone.  A meeting of social care leaders with Boris, The Cock and Rishi Rich reportedly postponed, they called for publication of proposed reforms before the summer recess, immediate cash ‘to avoid serious risks to support’ and further investment to be hastened.

Backache replaced by tummy ache Tuesday, it was an effort to get off the bed.  I wrote off a planned extended outing and got depressed at missing a bright day.  I worked on the journal and cleaned the kitchen.  As I tackled the sink overflow, Phil came to disparage my methods.  “When you do most of the cleaning, then you can criticise!” I yelled.  “Tell me what needs doing and I’ll do it.”  Not wanting to escalate the argument, I kept schtum.  Phil had suggested a short walk but no improvement in my mood or fatigue, I dismissed the idea of going anywhere.  “You’re enervated,” he observed.  “Is that right?  It’s one of them words that sounds the opposite of its meaning.”  A min-update from the researcher revealed she’d indulged in ‘ethnographic noticing’ during 2 weeks off.  “Staring out the window?” Phil chortled, “I do that a lot!”

We rushed dinner to watch the footie.  Rahim Sterling scored the only legal goal.  England beat the Czechs and finished top of the group.  Meanwhile, Scotland lost to Croatia 3-1 and were going home.  England would face Germany, France or Portugal from ‘the group of death’ in the first knock-out stage at Wembley a week hence.  Trying to work out third place permutations defeated me.  Some clever coffee-cupper likely responsible, it would be much simpler with 8 groups rather than 6.  Phil suggested I tell UEFA.  “Yeah, cos everyone’s a football manager! They’re probably inundated with that crap all the time.”

The almost-full moon rose above the treeline.  We nipped out to take photos as the hippy with the dog (who now came to sniff us instead of barking) came by.  A young neighbour gripping a brace of beer bottles slurred: “I can never take decent pictures of the moon on my phone.”  I deduced he was smashed from celebrating the footie win.  As Phil went back inside, atmospheric clouds lent a moody aspect to my final shots.

PCR tests in Yorkshire were extended to Sowerby Bridge, parts of Halifax and Leeds.  Wakefield was added later.  Authorities in Calderdale said they were almost top of the county league table as they tested more than other areas.  The Cock promised pilots to scrap 10-day quarantine for the double-jabbed who’d been in contact with infected persons and for travellers from amber list countries (using daily testing instead) as soon as ‘reasonable to do so’.  Not yet ‘clinically advised’, he couldn’t give a date.  The Scumbag held a Q&A for paying subscribers on Substack.  He said Boris saw ‘focus’ as a menace to his own freedom and we’d all head for bunkers in the hills if we knew how bad it was.  So why didn’t he stay in the one on his in-laws’ Barnard Castle estate last year?  Ahead of the Euro 2020 games, a member of the Scottish squad tested positive for covid and missed the match.  His teammates weren’t required to isolate but 2 English players did because they chinwagged with him in the tunnel.  Arguments ensued as to why football wasn’t defined as a ‘close contact’ sport.  What about the sweaty dressing rooms?  In Scotland, a move down to the lowest tier was delayed to at least 19th July with possible lifting of restrictions by 9th August, if vaccination milestones and other criteria were met.  Lord Frost accused the EU of a lack of ‘pragmatism’ to make the Northern Ireland protocol work.  DUP in-fighting led to leader Edwin Poots being forced out after 21 days, to be replaced by the only candidate, Jeffrey Donaldson.

Smashing It

Heron

Somewhat better but still fatigued Wednesday, I spent ages expunging dust in the living room.  Preparing to go out in the Somewhat better but still fatigued Wednesday, I spent ages expunging dust in the living room.  Preparing to go out in the afternoon also took ages and we were only going to town!  Phil stood fiddling with his phone in the middle of the street.  Waving ‘bye!’ I walked on and greeted an elderly neighbour.  From the opposite riverbank, we heard the familiar sounds of busking.  “What’s on the acoustic stage today?” quipped Phil.  The hipster guitarist who’d disturbed our Saturday night, played to a small group by the water.  Was it an exclusive backstage gig for groupies?  After-school kids prowled the streets.  Getting essentials in the convenience store, we danced to the radio.  An Agatha Christie look-a-like ignoring the one-way system came and straight at us.  Phil said she was a ghost.  “How come we both saw her?”  “Magic conjured by wandering teenagers!”  Heading home via the main road, a heron landed under the bridge.  Taking pictures, my phone did some weird multi-shot thing unbidden.  God knew what of!  In Oxfam, we danced some more and found socks for Phil.  About to buy a DVD, I checked the condition to discover it scratched to nothing and fit only for smashing to bits.

New daily cases reached 16,135, the most since 6th Feb.  82.5% of adults had a jab; 60% 2 doses.  BBC Breakfast reported school absences due to covid trebled in a week and were the highest since schools resumed in March.  Van Dam was chased by anti-vaxxer Geza Tarjanyi and a Taliban missile hit an Afghan hospital destroying crucial vaccine stocks.  Rainbows lit up buildings in Munich for the last games in the ‘group of death’ and spectators cheered a man running onto the pitch brandishing a rainbow flag. Germany beat Hungary thus England would face their bitter rivals in the first knock-out round – of course!  Although 60% of UK adults were immunised as opposed to only 30% of Europeans, Merkel said all Brits entering any EU country should quarantine (at least until Germans got their towels on sun loungers!) Would they be welcomed in London next week without having to do so?

Different rules in Holland saw a 5-day quarantine for Italy and Welsh fans turned away from Amsterdam airport.  Ministers thrashed out a deal with UEFA to allow 60,000 spectators at Wembley.  Cue more complaints of ‘mixed messaging’ and unfairness.  While parents couldn’t even go to school sports day, culture minister John Whittingdale said it was legitimate under ERP and the ‘right time’ to test bigger events.  Steve Reicher railed that 60,000 people crowded together at the match sent a message to 60m; if they can do it, why can’t we?  Talks continued on VIPs not quarantining. Tui joined Virgin Atlantic, BA, Ryanair and Manchester Airport Group in legal action against travel restrictions and went to Westminster on a day of action to pressurise the government to reopen travel and provide targeted financial support.  They were told they could access furlough and would have to wait for changes to travel rules.  Grant Shats was hopeful the world could open up when they caught up on vaccines.  According to my calculations, that was the end of 2022.  So be it…

John Bercow defected to labour.  Denying it was to be a lord, The Torygraph reported he lobbied Jeremy Corbyn for a peJohn Bercow defected to labour.  Denying it was to be a lord, The Torygraph reported he lobbied Jeremy Corbyn for a peerage.  Exactly 5 years after the Brexit referendum, Doncastrians (of whom 69% voted leave, the highest in the UK), couldn’t remember what day it was according to a Look North Vox pop.  Following speculation that HS3 could be scrapped, tory toff woman on Daily Politics mouthed platitudes on Northern Powerhouse rail, triple-lock pensions and their recent by-election fail.  Boris opened PMQs listing reasons why Brexit was great and thanking the armed forces.  Local MP Craig Whittaker asked about ‘levelling up’ to get a curt reply that Calderdale Council needed to listen.  Ian Blackford renewed calls for a public inquiry on how the tories dealt with the pandemic, claiming they used emergency covid contracts to commission political research from their mates on the future of the union and sanctioned corrupt campaigning, instead of to acquire PPE.

Awoken by loud doings from the canal works Thursday, I rose grumpily.  I put on a summer dress for the first time this year to cheer myself up.  On Jeremy Vine, snowflake and so-called commentator Dominque Samuels repeated her cretinous view that she should be allowed to go out and mix while those that didn’t like it stayed home and said she thought differently to other people.  Maybe, but obviously not very deeply if the thing she’d choose to protest against was supermarket sarnies!  As I tried to work on a frustratingly slow laptop, a different noise assailed my ears.  I looked out the window to see the latest antics of DIY Don’t Guy on the street below.  In recent months, his exploits included taking floorboards up and washing them with soap and water and using a massive axe to chop firewood.  The stupidest yet, he and a mate smashed up a flimsy plywood desk with said axe.  Mission complete, they cheered and whooped ‘smashed it!’ like they’d achieved an amazing feat and he raised the axe above his head.  “I’d laugh if it fell on him.”  “Yes, as you called the ambulance!”  Phil added.

Walking Friend arrived mid-afternoon to pick up books and DVDs I thought she’d like.  One a Disney cartoon, she good-naturedly told me to ‘eff off!’ but kept it.  I made her coffee and we stayed outside to exchange news and views on health issues and the plague.  Initially saying she was sick of people being careful, she later conceded rising infection rates indicated it wasn’t yet over.  Phil joined us to discuss druids, standing stones and the right to roam.  He took photos of clouds as a goldfinch chick hopped across the street to stop just behind his heel.  Scared he’d step on it, I exclaimed: “Look behind you!”  Obviously something wrong with the tiny thing, we dithered over what to do, rang a local vegan animal sanctuary, got no answer and consulted the elderly neighbour who advised against touching it as our scent would mean the brood wouldn’t accept it.  His wife melodramatically exclaimed: “everything’s dying today!”  I fetched gloves and a box to fashion a makeshift nest, when Phil got through to the animal lovers who arrived a few minutes later.

Bare-handedly picking the chick up, they said the smell thing was rubbish.  It would be homed with birds of a similar age until fit to fly.  Insisting we name it, I came up with the highly original Goldie.   I assured the upset neighbour “It’s not going to die. The nice animal people took it.”  Decorating Neighbour who’d just parked up quipped: “For a pie.”  “Don’t be daft! They’re vegans!”  (see below for photo). 

Exhausted after another missed siesta, I faffed over Walking Friend’s coffee paraphernalia and made us a pot. In the evening, we failed to see the Strawberry Supermoon in a cloudy sky.  At least we got some pictures earlier in the week.  QT and Brexitcast mostly boring, Katya Adler revealed the German phrase for banger wars.  ‘Wursthall Stillstand’ actually meant sausage standstill; sausage wars literally translated to Wurstkreig.  All sorts churning round my head that night, the meditation soundtrack was of limited help.

Senior ministers signalled all legal restrictions would end 19th July, Useless George looked forward to ditching his mask, but experts advised continuing measures to manage virus levels.  Downing Street said they were still studying the data before a final decision.  ALW joined others in the entertainment industry in legal action to make the government to share ERP findings.  Rejecting a last-minute offer to include Cinderella as a test event, he accused Boris of ‘cherry-picking’ high profile sports.  As if to prove his point, it was announced that Silverstone would host a capacity crowd for F1 on 17th July.  Mind you, outside sport was a different prospect than indoor theatre.  He also wanted government-backed insurance, new rules on quarantine and clearer guidance for future operations.  In limited changes to traffic lights, Malta, The Balearics, Madeira, Barbados, Bermuda and Grenada went green.  Tour operators predictably wailed it wasn’t enough and holiday bookings surged even though the lights could change again at short notice.  Unite called Lloyds bank closing 44 branches ‘baffling’.

Grab a Snog

Goldie by Phil

Waking early Friday morning, I was too hungry to sleep more and also felt slightly ill.  We laughed at people swimming in East London docks.  Orange markers made them resemble bobbing buoys.  Phil cleaned the bathroom while I made a start on decluttering the small room.  I arrived at the co-op to realise I’d forgotten the list, rang Phil to read it to me then waited for him to help carry the shopping.  Both starving and cranky by now, we ate a hasty lunch.  I’d wanted to see how Goldie was getting on with the lovely vegans but was too tired to visit.  Packaging still strewn around the kitchen floor late afternoon, I bit down my anger, cleared it up and relaxed with coffee. Courtesy of the £5 freezer deal, dinner was a pizza feast.  I was about to ask for help switching stuff round in the oven when Phil scarpered.  Struggling by myself, I shouted in frustration.  He returned testily to the kitchen for me to berate him on a lack of help and cried: “You asked the other day to tell you what needs doing. You shouldn’t have to ask. You’re in the house as much as me!“  He shouted back “don’t shout!” and said he had to do “this thing called work.”  “I know but not all the time!”  Feeling awful after the row, I should’ve known on Tuesday it was only a matter of time before my frustrations boiled over.  We calmed down with wine and films.

Days after hitting a grim 500,000 deaths, Brazil recorded 115,228 cases in a day.  UK infections were up 46% in a week, 95% due to the Delta variant.  Fast spread of the mutant led to a sudden third wave in Euro 2020 host city St. Petersburg.  Streets packed, amid calls for a total lockdown, officials said get a jab of the ‘world beating’ Sputnik (only 11% of Russians had one so far).  Results of ERP finally revealed, they showed 28 covid cases detected from 9 large-scale events April-May.  Metro mentioned high compliance with mask-wearing and social distancing but not take-up of PCR testing before and after, which The Independent reported as low.  Scientists advised treating the findings with ‘extreme caution’ as a result.  How could it be a properly controlled scientific experiment if testing wasn’t mandatory for the 58,000 attendees? Chief advisers Nicholas Hytner and David Ross made no ‘conclusive public health recommendations on the reopening of events’.  Kromek innovation detected virus in the air at Teesside airport.  Why not elsewhere?

CCTV film of The Cock snogging close university friend Gina Coladangelo while grabbing her arse covered The Sun’s front page.  Taken before lockdown easing in May, he was accused of hypocritically breaking social distancing.  Amid calls to stand down, he apologised.  Rather than sack him, Boris said he still had faith and considered the matter closed.  Annalise Dodds exclaimed: “He set the rules, he admits he broke them. He has to go.”  A labour spokesman added: “The PM recently described him as ‘useless’ – the fact that even now he still can’t sack him shows how spineless he is.”  They were right but was it a worse crime than lying about PPE failures and elderly care deaths?  Questions ensued on how the girlfriend got jobs as an aide and a non-exec director at DoH.

Grab a Jab

Haiga – Crossroads

Youngest Brother turned 50 on Saturday.  I posted an arty photo and joked he was catching up!  Phil cut my hair, I draft-posted the journal, and nipped out to plant celery in the mini-greenhouse.  Watering parched Christmas trees, I got covered in sticky plant seeds. The pesky embedded things took ages to pluck off my clothes.  As Gran emerged from her daughter’s house, I went over to chat.  She was sceptical the seeds were forget-me-nots but I couldn’t think what else they’d be.  She updated me on her recent injury, feelings of malaise, and a return of our old local.  “You should come down.”  “Not sure I’m ready for that yet.  We stick to pubs with more space.  And as for the price of beer…”  She went back in for gin and to watch her home nation In the first knock-out match of Euro 2020.  Spattered with green plant goo, I washed the dress and got changed before sitting down.  A totally outclassed Wales lost to Denmark 4-0.  For dinner, Phil cooked the main course and I made a crumble for dessert, using up fruit past its best.

Unable to sleep late Sunday, I turned on the telly for the inevitable news. I considered going to the market, decided not to bother, took empty bottles to the recycling bin and saw a folder atop the community garden wall.  Was it a leaked Whitehall file? (see below).  I listened to music, did more de-cluttering in the small room and wrote a haiga.  Phil made austerity roast for dinner, slightly different to last time.  He had trouble cooking cabbage leading to interminable microwave pings.  As I opened the door to heat up leftover crumble, a waft of fiery air hit me in the face and I discovered the metal side was red-hot.   Scared to use it, I left him to put the pudding under the grill, which turned out to be a waste of time.  Annoyed at profligate use of fuel, I fumed, while he sulked until we felt able to speak to each other again.  I fell asleep quickly but woke in the early hours, absolutely parched.

Young people were urged to ‘Grab a Jab’ at walk-in centres for all adults not yet vaccinated.  Stephen Powis stood outside the Emirates stadium to say only 10% of cases were now hospitalised.  Mobile units also targeted hesitant groups.  The extra capacity led to half of 18-29 year olds being inoculated by the end of the weekend.  Just as well, seeing as hundreds of Leeds students partied in the streets of Hyde Park, dubbed Covid Central due to having the highest rate in the country.

Spineless Boris lacking the guts to sack him, The Cock resigned.  The PM later claimed credit for the move.  I agreed with Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice that he should have been ditched months ago for incompetence but thought reporting it to the police was pointless, even with the backing of Fleur Anderson.  We subsequently learnt he used a private e-mail account for official business (why, if there was nothing to hide?) and left his wife the night before the story broke – what a coward!  The Cock unaware of CCTV in his office, it emerged an anti-lockdown Whitehall whistle-blower handed footage to the press.  Cameras subsequently disabled, Brandon Lewis pledged an internal inquiry into the leak’s source.  Sajid Javid filled the vacancy.  The Scumbag tweeted he’d ‘tricked the PM’ into sacking Saj from the Treasury.  Otherwise there’d have been chaos.

Andrew Marr informed Sir Peter Horby (of Nervtag and Oxford Uni) he had covid last week, which explained his absence.  Likely contracted at the G7 in spite of 2 jabs, Sir Peter told him he was unlucky and went onto suggest the data looked good for unlocking 19th July.  However, rises in Sydney and Israel due to the Delta variant led to lockdown in the former and a return to mask-wearing in the latter and should be a lesson.  Warning of a double or triple whammy in winter with covid, flu and something else, he urged us all to get flu jabs.  Other medics also predicted more winter flu because of less immunity.  Again I thought, make your minds up!  What if we all stuck to face- masks and social distancing?  Witless looked like a frightened rabbit as he was accosted in St. James’ Park.  An outraged Met investigated but made no arrests yet.  Confidential MOD files were found at a bus stop in Kent, detailing the willy-waving mission of HMS Defender versus Russia in the Crimea earlier in the week.  Labour said it showed the government didn’t do its job and could have jeopardised operations.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 67 – North/South Divide

“The question is, why are we in this position? The NHS has done a fantastic job on vaccines but why has there been such a poor investment in public health infection control to suppress these outbreaks?” (Anthony Costello)

Gammonise!

Large Fern

Overnight rain led to cloudy skies and a cooler Monday.  Media again banged on about the hottest day of the year.  Yeah, in London where it was scorchio!  Would it be yet another summer of the north/south divide?  Both struggling with lack of sleep, we had a laugh at what Phil called his in-between glasses.  Unable to find them without them, it was a bit Count Arthur.  A tedious round of chores preceded posting blogs and a trip to the co-op.  The same pub mate stood in the kiosk queue ahead of me.  I resisted the urge to say we should stop meeting like this.  Actually getting dozy during my siesta, irksome noise disturbed my rest.

As expected, The Bumbler announced a 4-week postponement to stage 4 of the roadmap.  All restrictions remained in place until 19th July except for weddings and funerals, care residents no longer having to isolate after a trip out and further test events under ERP including footie at Wembley.  In the pre-amble, he referred to ‘exponential growth’ in cases, 96% of which were the Delta variant.  PHE reported vaccines up to 96% effective after 2 doses, weakening but not severing the link between infections and death.  The virus could outrun the vaccine or we could give the NHS another few weeks to ‘get jabs in arms’.  The government now aimed for over 40’s to get their first, and all vulnerable groups and frontline staff their second, by 4th July and all adults fully immunised by 19th July.  Witless’ graphs depicted a 64% increase in infections within 7 days, a rise in the variant across the country, and hospital admissions up 50% per week (61% in the North West).  No news on financial support, a furious Anthony Costello of UCL railed: “The question is, why are we in this position?” and criticised a lack of investment in public health infection control: “Patrick Vallance got it right in February when he said that as the numbers come down it is essential that we do find, test, trace and isolate.  And our failure to do that 3 times in the past has led to 3 national lockdowns and 150,000 deaths.”  Jon Ashworth said Boris’ complacency led to the mutant ‘washing up on or shores’.  Lindsay Hoyle lambasted ministers for not telling MPs of the delay before the public address.  Sociopaths Fox and Corbyn went on a mask-less protest to Downing Street.  A mob chased Newsnight’s Nick Watt, shouting ‘traitor!’  Martin Hockridge was subsequently charged with harassment.

Brighter on Tuesday, Phil spotted the window cleaner through the kitchen window as we started lunch.  We raced round shutting windows and making butties to be interrupted by a knock on the door for payment.  So much for an early outing in the sunshine!  When we eventually got out, we did the rounds of the charity shops.  Perusing a photo equipment cabinet in the first, a digital polaroid camera I’d spotted weeks ago remained unsold – the archaic memory card required likely why.  I left Phil cogitating to go onto the next shop and joined him at the third to acquire 3 books and laugh at dog ice cream.  Also now selling sweets, I joked, “are they dog sweets?”

Ample space at the Med Café allowed us to people-watch as we imbibed refreshing pop.  A busker played ‘Calder Delta Blues’.  Tourists ambled up and down the pedestrian street.  A family group gawped into an overpriced tat shop with delight.  Bemused at anyone expressing enthusiasm for their wares, maybe they didn’t get out much.  One of them had the pastiest legs I’d ever seen which would explain it!   On leaving, a bald man with a red face ran up to greet us “You look like tourists.”  “What’s to do on a hot afternoon but bimble about?“   He whinged he’d been under a van all day and was desperate to get out; I guessed for beer.  “Who was that?”  I asked Phil.  “Bloke from the pub years ago. He wasn’t a gammon then. He was thin and had dreadlocks.”  Unable to imagine a younger version, Phil continued: “That’s the problem nowadays. Everyone’s got middle aged and turned into gammons.”  “We haven’t!”  I came up with the ditty: ‘It’s time to Gammonise’ (to the tune of the Chemical Brothers’ Galvanise).  Back home, I attempted photos of large ferns in pots outside 3 adjoining houses.  Unable to get a wide enough shot, I settled for one of ours.  A  couple on Pointless were named Phil and Mary.  “They’re a gammon version of us. That’s why we haven’t turned; they’ve done it for us!”

Due to accelerated vaccinations, The Glove-puppet said something ‘unprecedented and remarkable’ needed to happen to push the date for ‘Freedom Day’ back again.  Simon Stevens said all over 18’s should be able to book one by the end of the week and that neutralising monoclonal antibodies would enable covid patients to be sent home with pills in future.  Aberdeen University came up with a technique to detect antibodies for all variants with 98% accuracy.  Were there plans to roll it out?  In response to labour’s criticism of lax borders, sage bod Prof. Medley said the Delta variant was found around the globe and would have ended up here sooner or later anyway.  Causing different symptoms including a headache, sneezing, sore throat and runny nose, how would I distinguish it from the chronic sinus lark?

A trade deal agreed between Boris and Aussie PM Scott Morrison would make it cheaper to export British cars, whisky and sweets, and their wine, swimwear and confections cheaper for us.  Bring on the Tim Tam.  A cap on tariff-free imports for 15 years, the ‘strongest possible’ animal welfare standards and other ‘safeguards’ to protect British farmers were promised.  Britons under 35 could travel and work in Australia.  The One Show tried to explain non-fungible tokens.  I was left nonplussed about block chains.

Right to Roam?

Stone Altar

Wednesday, I spent the morning on laundry, cleaning and writing.  PMQs about to start, the Ocado delivery arrived.  I left most of it in quarantine and sat back down as Keir asked about financial support.  Furlough and business rates to be phased out from the end of month, why were they not extended in England like in Wales?  Boris replied he was proud of what they’d done.  Keir retorted, it wasn’t about what they’d done but what were they going to do?  Later, Steve Barclay announced an extension to the commercial eviction ban, costing the government nothing!  Harking back to the start of the crisis, Keir reminded us in March, Boris said they’d turn the tide in 12 weeks, then by Christmas, then by 21st June which he dubbed ‘Freedom Day’.  The public didn’t expect miracles but integrity and honesty.  5 years since Jo Cox was murdered, Ian Blackford paid tribute. He observed that details of the ‘disastrous’ trade deal with Australia were ‘seeping out’.  In his desperation to get a deal without scrutiny or consultation, the PM had “thrown Scottish famers and crofters under the Brexit bus,” along with fishers.  Boris responded there was no reason why farmers couldn’t take advantage of the opportunities.  How were small crofts supposed to compete with ranches the size of a country?

The Scumbag’s latest blog emerged a half hour before, claiming The Bumbler told ‘rambling stories and jokes’ when chairing crucial meetings.  An official spokesman spluttered: “that’s not true. The PM works with the whole Cabinet very effectively.”  ‘Evidence’ of his previous allegations took the form of WhatsApp screenshots in which Boris called The Cock ‘effing hopeless’ (on testing, PPE and ventilator procurement).  Planning to offload responsibilities to The Glove-puppet, Scum replied the cabinet office was a ‘shit show’.   Number 10 didn’t deny the messages’ authenticity but insisted the PM had full confidence in The Cock.  Accused of re-writing history, Jon Ashworth coined the moniker ‘Hopeless Handcock’.  Jesse Norman insisted Boris was ‘firmly behind’ the health secretary.  Rees-Moggy referred to him as a ‘successful genius’ and blathered about ‘lapidary inscriptions’.  What are you on about, you posh knob?!

We set off in mid-afternoon sun on another stone mystery quest.  Trees provided welcome shade slogging up the steep road until we reached the path down into woodland.  Signs of strangeness included beeches planted concentrically and a possible stone altar.  Imagining druids dancing round as they sacrificed virgins,  I almost asked the half-naked hippy nearby if he knew anything.  In the clough, we sat near the brook, admired greenery and tiny flowers, and listened to the constant water flow and occasional birdsong.  Rather than our usual route, Phil suggested we follow yellow arrows going back.  Initially good, the path led to stepping stones crossing the bottom of the brook.  On the other side, more weird stones resembled pyramids and effigies.  Then the path became trickier.  We slipped on our arses and got filthy.  Scared and panicky, I bit the bullet to take another deliberate slide.  Eventually, a gravel path led to a bridge near the canal-side pub.  Too dirty and exhausted to consider a pint, we hurried homewards.  We felt like we’d been on an expedition!  I was glad I’d worn jeans and proper shoes rather than shorts and sandals.  I stripped off grimy layers and donned a sarong before slumping on the sofa to watch Wales beat Turkey in the Euros.  At bedtime I soaked in a fluffy bath and tried to ignore an odd pain in an odd place caused by the fall.  The meditation tape aided some sleep.

Pfizer and Moderna supply issues jeopardised plans to inoculate younger people.  Uptake particularly low in London, vaccines would be mandatory for elderly care workers. Unions said the ‘sledgehammer approach’ failed to address pay and conditions, and would lead to staff resignations and recruitment issues.  GMB predicted a third leaving their jobs and Unison wanted encouragement rather than coercion.  Vic Rayner of NCF told BBC Breakfast that saying refuseniks should be redeployed was “really challenging for a sector that’s largely made up of small employers…This is potentially about people no longer being able to work.”  A consultation on whether NHS staff should be next was due.  The ONS reported inflation up in May, citing fuel and clothes.  What about drinking and eating out?

Muggy on Thursday, Phil seemed surprised I performed exercises after the previous day’s trek – I did so every day unless debilitated.  Mind you, the humidity made me sweaty and fatigued when cleaning the bedroom.

In response to feedback on my last article, Valley Life added a ‘correction’ to my page for the upcoming summer issue.  Uneasy that it said picnics were ‘prohibited’ on the private land, Phil agreed there were no signs to that effect; only (understandably) barbecues.  I googled by-laws for rights of way, but found nothing to forbid stopping to eat a pie.  I spoke to the magazine’s owner to collaborate on re-wording and hoped that concluded the matter.  She then asked my advice on an advertising conundrum.  Not my area, but maybe I should have blagged it and asked for a consultation fee!  Phil went to Leeds, I went to the market to find no toiletries again.

After lunch, I called the local volunteer co-ordinator.  The accompanied walks centred on sheltered accommodation in the next village.  A 40 minute hike each way would deplete my energy for the walk itself.  Currently no budget for bus fares, she promised to look into it and went onto ask if I might ‘buddy up’ for weekly calls to an isolated person.  This sounded less tiring but I later suspected I’d be out of pocket on the phone bill.  A flurry of weekend e-mails intimated she was leaving her role and I’d been added to the mailing list of volunteers before confirming what I could offer.  I started to regret my initial enthusiasm.

A Facebook post informed me that a woman who’d pioneered tree-planting initiatives in the valley had died.  She’d be sadly missed but left a tangible legacy.  Phil returned from Leeds at the exact moment I’d finished cooking dinner.  He’d visited the hipster bar who not only didn’t want any new photos yet, they wanted him to take old ones off the walls that he’d forgotten about.

The highest daily rise since 19th Feb saw 11,007 new cases.  PHE’s weekly surveillance report showed growth in all regions and all age groups, with the largest in 20-29 year olds.  Susan Hopkins said the R rate would be 7 for the Delta variant if it wasn’t for vaccines.  The UK the only European country where rates went up even though we’d vaccinated the most people (80% of adults now had 1 dose and 58% had 2), the EU added several countries to the safe travel list, but not Britain.  Following reports that government planned to make working from home the default position, business leaders said there was no need for their intervention and unions warned it risked a 2-tier system with those unable to work from home denied flexibility which Frances O’Grady said should be a ‘right’.  A spike in Cornwall saw blame fall on the recent G7 and half-term.  hospitalisations and deaths stayed low but cafés shut as staff isolated.  The Lib Dems won the Chesham and Amersham by-election.  Tory since the constituency’s creation in 1974, they lost a 16,233 majority.  Ed Davey said the tories concentrated on the north while the southern blue wall was under threat.  The government denied any such north/south divide.  Labour came last with a pathetic 1.6% of the votes.  No mention of the contest in the news until the results came in, was it another example of media bias?

Access All Areas?

Haiga – Idol

The exact moment I went to hang sheets outside Friday morning, a white van pulled up in front of our door.  The driver emerged from delivering to a house up the steps opposite, apologised and said he’d be gone soon.  Fine, I thought, but why park here, blocking my access and having to walk further yourself?  In the co-op, the card reader wasn’t working.  As I handed notes over, the cashier observed “Thank goodness they haven’t got rid of cash yet.”  “I know. They keep threatening to, don’t they?”  Saying he was starving before I went shopping, Phil didn’t make a move until lunch was ready – again!  “It’s a knack!” he smirked.  I posted a Cool Places blog on the recent canal-side adventuresi. Our Walking Friend predicted we wouldn’t tread the barely-accessible path again. I replied we might, to further investigate the stones. At least we’d know what to expect next time. Already dry thanks to a nice breeze, I brought the sheets in just before a rain shower descended.  The woman next door kept the gardener company.  Enquiring on her health, she said she’d felt at a low ebb earlier but a hill walk helped lift her spirits.  Telling me she originated from Poland, we shared stories and verged on subjects some might consider no-go areas.

A 79% rise in Delta cases within a week, hospitalisations almost doubled to 806.  As all over 18’s in England could have a jab, Stephen Powis reiterated it was a race with the virus and the vaccine programme would be the way to win.  He expected a peak July-August but Witless said there’d be an autumn surge and Susan Hopkins predicted one in winter – make your minds up!  In the Euros, the England – Scotland game ended in a nail-biting 0-0 draw.  England performed as if something was amiss, especially a lacklustre Harry Kane.  Was it the pressure of playing a derby?  Was he ill?  Was it Covid?

Cock-a-hoop at still being in the running, some Scottish fans who’d travelled north to south without tickets, left a trail of blood and broken glass on the streets of London in their wake.  No doubt thanks to the £3.4m worth of beer they drank.  Licensees allowing chants and sing-songs faced £1,000 fines.  Wembley set to admit 40,000 spectators in the knock-out rounds, UEFA didn’t rule out moving the final games unless quarantine regulations were lifted for fans and VIPs.  A ‘bubble to bubble’ concept as applied to the media was muted, entailing travel only between the airport, hotel and stadium, and back home within 24 hours.

Overwhelmed by a pile of unwashed pots Saturday morning, Phil thankfully came to my aid.  After a morning on the phone to Overwhelmed by a pile of unwashed pots Saturday morning, Phil thankfully came to my aid.  After a morning on the phone to the disgruntled landowner, the Valley Life proprietor rang me. She’d re-done the correction and e-mailed the revised page for my perusal.  On saying I tried to keep weekends separate, she apologised and said it could wait as it wasn’t due at the printers ‘til Monday.  Skimming the proof, the word ‘prohibited’ still rankled. I debated the legal definition with Phil who agreed they couldn’t prosecute you for sitting down, but I conceded it would be best to let it go to keep the peace.  There was a debate to be had on rights of way and the wider right to roam, but this wasn’t the place. I draft-posted the journal, took recycling out and got rid of more creeping buttercup in the garden.  Stepping-stones emerged easing access to the top part. I’d forgotten it was even there.  On her way out, the woman next door asked “How are you today?”  I mulled over why we shared such personal stuff but it was nice being neighbours who always asked after each other.

Phil went to town in search of weekend treats.  Ridiculously heaving, there were even queues outside charity shops!  He came to sit with me as I cleared debris, enjoying the sun and wafting breeze until hungry.  Feeling sleepy, I went to the co-op for an item Phil forgot, to get another blast of reviving air.  Evening film viewing was interrupted by people on the street below playing guitar and singing loudly.  Falling silent awhile, they began drunkenly talking and laughing as I headed to bed.  I put earplugs in, they quietened, I started to settle, then the racket returned at 2.30.  Livid, I banged on the window.  That shut them up!  Nevertheless, it took ages to drop off; the disturbance compounding the usual reasons for insomnia.

To make matters worse, the Valley Life conundrum circled round my head first thing Sunday.  Tired and emotional, I hangrily devoured banana and soya which helped a bit.  After bathing, I slumped back on the bed complaining of exhaustion.  “Baths are meant to be refreshing,” Phil told me. “It’s not that, it’s the sleeplessness and the interrupted weekend.”  He advised me not to be angry.  Easy to say, hard to do. I thought dealing with the magazine issue might help, messaged the owner so she could go ahead with printing and suggested we talk more before I ‘upset any more grumpy farmers!’  She replied I hadn’t upset anyone and kindly offered to take me out for coffee and a natter.  I pottered about and wrote a haigaii.  The weird carved stones we’d discovered on Wednesday’s walk provided perfect material for the upcoming summer solstice.  We also watched Wales lose to Italy but it didn’t matter as they qualified for the last 16 anyway.  Calmer but still knackered, I had a slightly better night.

Infection rates still highest in the North West, walk-in centres popped up in Cumbria and South London.  Young people queued for vaccines and social media encouraged uptake.  Nick Robinsons stood in for Andrew Marr (on holiday or ill?)  Susan Hopkins advised sticking to current restriction levels, which most of us ‘could live with’.  Although she’d predicted a winter surge, she assured us vaccines, drugs and testing might prevent a 4th lockdown.  Pat Valance was made National Tech Adviser of the new National Science & technology Council, to investigate whether the success of vaccine procurement could be replicated in other areas, and head of a new Office for Science &Technology Strategy.  How many new  councils and offices did he need?

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 63 – Ready, Steady…?

“I don’t know how much more I’ve got to give to the NHS. We’re not getting the respect and now pay that we deserve. I’m just sick of it” (Jenny McGee)

Proceed with Caution

Haiga – Bejewelled i

During a tidy up Monday morning, I searched bags for masks.  5 out of 10 still missing, it remained a mystery where half had gone.  After posting blogs and starting a draft of the next episode of the journal, I went to the co-op, dodging busy traffic on the main road and screeching kids cluttering up the shopfloor.  Waiting at the kiosk, I turned round to ask a young man standing close behind me to move back when the cash-desk suddenly looked free.  But on approaching, my mate said he was still serving.  Oops!  Phil had disposed of all the rubbish while I was out.  Chores done, I sat in a patch of sun on the garden wall, admiring bluebells and raindrops on leaves.  Sleep was mediocre that night even with the meditation soundtrack.

The next step of the waymark reached, pub sales promptly jumped (2% higher than the same day 2020).  Train companies added 2,500 services and bus capacity increased to 60 passengers.  Additional ‘freedoms’ enabled trips to museums, cinemas, and foreign lands, albeit a limited number.  BBC breakfast showed planes queueing on the runway to fly to Portugal, while metro reported airports were quiet.  Go figure!  In the familiar mantra of pushing responsibility onto the public, the government instructed us to ‘proceed with common sense’ and ‘a heavy dose of caution’, said we shouldn’t be going to amber countries and condemned tour operators for putting on extra flights.  So why was it legal then?  In Wales, indoor hospitality and entertainment were allowed as the alert level dropped to 2.  In Scotland, 6 people could meet, except in Glasgow and Moray.  The NAO cost-tracker revealed £172bn was spent on dealing with the pandemic so far (the total forecast was £372bn).  Of 2,322 instances of the Indian variant, 483 were in Bolton and Blackburn.  Newsnight discussed the upsurge with 2 local MPs.  Yasmin Qureshi, Labour MP for Bolton SE, said people weren’t ‘choosing’ not to have the vaccine as The Cock irresponsibly suggested; the issue was access.  Originally only 1 hub in the town centre with 6 vaccinators, she’d asked ages ago for community facilities.  Mark Logan, Tory MP for Bolton NE agreed take-up wasn’t the problem as transmission occurred in younger people.  Both lauded the recently introduced mobile unit which administered 6.200 extra jabs over the weekend.  A 100 extra testing volunteers were also welcomed but local lockdown measures weren’t.  Adam Finn of JCVI warned immunisation didn’t have an immediate effect and was no good for firefighting; they needed to think about the whole country and stick to the vaccination strategy.  So, I wondered, how come they stuck to the age groups in Bolton but reportedly immunised all over 18’s in Blackburn?  Poet Laureate Simon Armitages appeared at the end of the programme.  He’d obviously spent lockdown eating pies!

Further to The Cock’s comments, metro’s ‘refuseniks’ headline and Andrew Lloyd-Webber calling people selfish for not being vaccinated, had me spluttering into my morning cuppa on Tuesday.  The privileged git seemed to think his tawdry shows were the most important thing in the world!  Receiving reminders for our second jabs, Phil said he’d be less worried afterwards. “It will take a few weeks to be effective,” I warned.  “True. And rates will still go up, especially with young people  doing that silly thing again.”  “What? going to the pub for face-licking?”

I worked on the journal until 3, when I decided we needed to get outdoors in the warm sunshine and suggested a spot of gardening.  I  tore bindweeds out, hacked at brambles and filled another pot with soil from the old compost bin (itself turning into compost) to plant more wild garlic bulbs.  Meanwhile, Phil poked at worms and planted the Christmas tree seeds I gave him (second time lucky?)  In the evening, I left him watching highlights of Leeds United winning on MOTD to have a bath and set the alarm for 8.00 a.m.   On a still night, I drifted slowly into slumber.

Following reports of 150 flights to France, Greece, Spain and America on Monday, the PM’s official spokesman briefed the press that travel to amber countries was only permitted for strictly limited purposes (work, essential services or compassionate reasons) and underlined the message of shifting the onus: “we are moving to a situation where the public can take responsibility for their actions.”  But Useless George told us while we shouldn’t go on holiday, we could go to see family and friends, as long as we observed quarantine rules.  Nick Thomas-Symonds retorted that borders had ‘unravelled into dangerous chaos’ within hours, with “a lack of strategy, which has meant the UK government, and their own ministers, are giving out conflicting advice.”  Total relaxation on 21st June looked uncertain.  The Bumbler said as vaccines built a ‘wall of defences’, he didn’t “see anything conclusive at the moment to say that we need to deviate from the road map.”  But caution was required, the situation would be ‘closely observed’ and we’d know more in a few days.  However, a source reported the chances of restrictions being lifted as planned were ‘next to nil’.  Speculation mounted that if outbreaks were limited to specific areas, local measures might return.  When would they learn that didn’t work!  The nurse who looked after Boris when he had Covid last year, resigned.  Jenny McGee cited a lack of respect for the NHS.

Indoculation

Syringes by Phil

The volume too low, I didn’t hear the alarm Wednesday morning.  I leapt up in panic, to be told by Phil I was ‘daft’.  “There’s no need to be nasty!” I snapped.  A hasty breakfast, coffee and cursory wipe of coffee tables preceded checking bus times and going for one due at 11.29.  The bugger sailed past displaying a ‘not in service’ sign.  As we awaited the next one, rain showers came, not becoming heavy until it arrived.  A bit full for my liking, I huddled in my seat until we reached our stop.  Thankfully, the rain had stopped too.  At the health centre, we waited briefly before being admitted to the consulting room together.  The staff friendlier than the previous visit, my arm hurt immediately after the injection.  The doctor laughed and said it was quite normal.  Unlike the first time, the HCA wrote our names on the cards.  They let Phil take photos of syringes and me take tissues, which I’d forgotten in my haste to leave the house.  We stood outside the exit door to assess symptoms.  Phil agreed the jab had been more stabby but felt okay.  We lingered in the carpark decorated with small apple trees in blossom (see below), then went in B&M for secateurs and came out with a basket-full.  On the way to the market, Phil searched for a cash machine, finding only 1 where there the used to be 3, no longer attached to a bank.  In fact, there was no longer a single branch in the whole valley!  We stopped to chat to The Biker and his partner outside a small pub.  “Are you coming in?” he asked.  “No, we’re still being careful. We’ve just had our second dose.”  Theirs due next week, we compared notes on side-effects.  Word on the street was they could be worse after the booster shot, but we found the opposite.  On parting, I again promised to pass on photos of his barge when we next walked up the canal.  In the market hall, the excellent café was open and still cheap.

After ordering, Phil started to feel weird and went to spend 20p at the public convenience.  Gone awhile, I fretted in case he’d passed out but the delay was caused by trying to navigate doors without touching anything.  Putting masks back on for 10 seconds to get outside, we rested in the community garden, noting fat jackdaws gadding on lush grass studded with dandelions.  Graffiti etched into the picnic table featured acrostics made of the word COVID – Cunts On Various Indoculation Drugs and similar witticisms.  We took the back streets to Lidl, sped round and I used the free loo before going back to the bus stop.  Less packed, we sat well away from 3 women who wore masks as chinstraps as they gassed.

Back home, Phil carried bags to the kitchen and went straight out again for baccy while I sorted groceries.  We reflected we’d achieved a lot during our outing but hated the continual donning and shedding of masks.  “I don’t fancy that just to go in a pub!”  Inevitably tired, I dossed on the sofa and then in bed.  Phil still spacey after a lie down, he threatened to have a pill to feel more weird.  During a disturbed night, I shifted around to prevent lying on my achy arm.  The sounds of chainsaws suggested yet more tree-felling on the railway.  I dropped off when there was a pause in the noise, but it annoyingly re-started in the early hours.

Cases rose by 2,696 but only 3 deaths were recorded.  Amidst the confusion over travel rules, 150 departures a day flew to amber list countries and the EU looked likely to say we could go to the continent if we’d had 2 jabs.  Covboost planned to use 7 different vaccines in trials on 3,000 randomly selected volunteers.  Phil considered applying for Leeds or Bradford but didn’t get round to it.  An entire tower block in Velbert, Germany was quarantined due to some residents testing positive for the Indian variant.  The inflation rate doubled in April thanks to price hikes in fuel and clothes.  10 days since the start of hostilities, the latest death toll stood at 219 Palestinians versus 12 Israelis.  Biden told Israel to ‘de-escalate’, while anti-Semitic vitriol and attacks included a Rabbi being bricked in London.

Waking early on Thursday, I wondered why that hadn’t happened the previous morning when I had to be up!  Wary of my achy arm, I did some exercise and helped Phil change bedding before bathing and working on the journal.  Cold and rainy all day, I put on extra layers but still needed the central heating.  Unable to focus on any more writing, I pottered about before going for a lie down.  Barely able to keep my eyes open while reading, I enjoyed feeling dozy and cosy when Phil made a racket coming up; banging doors, stomping upstairs and singing in the loo!  Irked, I made allowances for the space-headedness making him less conscious of his actions.

Covid dropped to 9th place in the cause of death league even with 2,874 new cases and 7 more deaths.  Andrew Hayward was ‘very concerned’ about the spreadability of the Indian variant and warned of a third wave: “this strain can circulate very effectively…it’s more transmissible than the previous variant.”  He urged  the UK not to ‘waste the opportunity’ vaccines provided by allowing widespread travel.  As 34-35 year olds were invited for a jab, Van Dam said the rate of injections would determine the feasibility of lifting restrictions on 21st June.  Variant case went undetected for 3 weeks (21st April-11th May) in 8 local authority areas, resulting in people self-isolating rather than quarantining, due to a software upgrade of the TIT system.  Equating to 800 cases across the UK, Blackburn was worst affected with 294 cases, followed by Blackpool, York, Bath, NE Somerset, Southend and Thurrock.  Downing Street denied the glitch was linked to surges.  Jeremy Hunt called for test and trace to be local and a surge of 32% in cases in Huddersfield (not all caused by the Indian variant) led to it being declared an ‘area of concern’, targeted testing and a vaccine drive.

Three years since the timetable debacle, Shats finally announced changes to the rail network.  GBR (Great British Railways) would control infrastructure and private operators awarded concessions.  “Delete ‘Great’, seeing as we’re not, take ‘ways’ off the end, and what have you got?” asked Phil.  “British Rail! It’s not nationalisation though!”  Flexi-tickets such as season tickets allowing travel 2 days a week and oyster-type cards were muted but mayn’t necessarily be cheaper.  He echoed pleas to not holiday in amber countries, saying it was a lot of costly hassle.  A vigil in Swansea turned into a riot and was branded ‘disgraceful’ by Nasty Patel.  Peace broke out between Israel and Palestine but how long would the ceasefire last?

QT discussed ‘should we go on holiday?’  Nick Thomas-Symonds parroted the ‘slow, slow, slow’ line.  Nads Zahawi tried to defend the government position.  The Man from Iceland, Richard Walker, was perversely planning a trip to Greenland but wasn’t sure now.  Most of the panel agreed unclear messages caused confusion over the amber list, some wanted red and green only while Devi Sridhar said the traffic lights didn’t work at all.  She pleaded instead for patience until October when everyone was fully vaccinated and had Covid Passes, as happened in other countries (without specifying which ones).

Waxing Lyrical

Apple Blossom

Phil still felt weird Friday morning but improved later in the day.  My arm not as painful, I managed a fair few exercises.  Computing slow, Phil resorted to turning the internet off and on again while I went to the co-op.  Staff re-stocking shelves ludicrously obstructed every aisle, oblivious to teenagers puzzling over the coffee machine let alone those of us just trying to get groceries.  Although not a big shop, I couldn’t even lift the bags with my bad arm.  I waited outside with a laden trolley for Phil to come and help as yet another shower descended from the leaden sky.  Still no sign, I rang to prompt him to get a shift on.  In the afternoon, I whizzed through the Eurovision songs.  The Slovenian entry was so Euro I had no idea how it didn’t make the final.  Strong competition from Lithuania, Serbia, Moldova, Italy and France, gave the UK no chance.

ONS data showed Covid infections going up, but not alarmingly (yet).  Rates were highest in Yorkshire & The Humber, the North East and South East, and lowest in the South West.  49 cases of a new variant detected mainly in Yorkshire & Humber, were ‘under investigation’.  On Look North, Kev Smith of PHE said there were about 3,000 mutants worldwide but only a few merited concern.  The Indian variant thought to be 30% more infectious, the NHS aimed to administer a first dose to all adults by the end of June, a month ahead of schedule.  The WHO found all vaccines worked on all strains but said social-distancing remained important. Dr. Hans Kluge warned: “Vaccines may be the light at the end of the tunnel but we cannot be blinded by that light.”  Boris pledged to join the WHO’s Global Pandemic Radar; setting up a network of surveillance hubs by the end of the year, to ensure the world wasn’t “caught unawares again by a virus spreading among us unchecked.”  Having warned of thousands of deaths, sage scientists now said a third wave was unlikely to overwhelm the NHS.  Mobile vaccination centres moved into Blackburn and Bedford.  The EU set to introduce covid travel certificates for its citizens by 1st July, Spain would welcome tourists from Monday even though it was on the UK’s amber list.

Starting grey on Saturday, the weather remained fine and the sun re-appeared late afternoon.  Phil went to town for shopping and photography.  I took a pile of recycling out, greeted a couple of neighbours and was busy pruning when he got back.  The new secateurs proved effective on the shrubs at the back of garden which had gone rampant, as too had the creeping buttercup.  Lovely yellow flowers they may be, especially in the wild, but the root tubers were a nuisance.  I hacked at the worst of it until I got hot and tired.

Phil broke the cafetiere jug while washing up.  The protective rubber rings long since lost from the tap, it was an accident waiting to happen.  In the evening, we watched the shiny waxing moon cross the sky and the Eurovision Song Contest.  My opinions altered slightly on a second hearing and San Marino gained cred points with guest artist Flo Rida waxing lyrical.  Switching to Netflix when the interminable voting started, we subsequently discovered Italy won, France came second and the UK were bottom with nil points.  Nothing to do with Brexit!

Rising late Sunday morning, I helped Phil find a replacement jug for the cafetiere and placed an Ocado order before drafting a haiku.  The weather changeable all day, there was a brief bright spell late afternoon.  I considered going out when it became cold and rainy again.  Instead, I patched another pair of jeans while Phil rooted out a handy repair kit to put rubber rings on the end of the kitchen tap to guard against further breakages.  On a manic last day of the football season, Leeds finished a creditable 9th in the table.

72% of adults now had 1 dose and 43% had 2 vaccine doses.  Over the weekend, discovery of the Indian variant in more places led to surge testing in West London and over 18’s being offered jabs in Rochdale.  Self-isolation pilots were coming to Newham, Hackney, Yorkshire & Humber, Cheshire, Merseyside, Manchester, Peterborough and Somerset.  A PHE study demonstrated protection of up to 80% after 2 doses of AZ or Pfizer.  Even so, Germany called the UK an ‘area of variant concern’ and banned travel, effective Sunday midnight.  The Scumbag blogged that ‘herd immunity’ was the Plan A government strategy at the start of the pandemic and Plan B was “bodged amid utter and total chaos.”  Nasty Patel came on the Marr to repudiate.  The plot was to thicken in the coming days.  Belarus effectively hijacked a civilian Ryanair plane flying from Athens to Vilnius.  They told the crew there was a bomb on board, scrambled a MiG-26 fighter jet and ordered them to land at Minsk.  Activist Journalist Roman Protasevich and his girlfriend Sofia Sepaga were promptly arrested.  As Mike O’Leary claimed there were KGB agents on board, western leaders expressed outrage.  But what action would they take against the sky piracy of the despot Lukashenko?

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 60 – Curtain Gate

“I really believe that if the political leaders of the planet could see their world from a distance of, let’s say 100,000 miles, their outlook would be fundamentally changed.  The all-important border would be invisible, that noisy argument suddenly silenced”  (Michael Collins)

Papering Over The Cracks

Haiga – Do Not Touch

I awoke Monday morning to the engineering racket.  Attesting to how many weeks it’d been going on, I could tell it was a crane from the noise!  After nasty chores, I put a picture on Facebook for my nephew’s birthday then posted blogs.  I set about painting the pink table after lunch.  Needing undercoating, it inevitably took longer to sand the wood, find plain white paint, and open tins than to apply it.  Drying quickly but patchily, I painted a second coat before dinner.  Turps stung an invisible cut on my hand.  Phil dismissed my profanities of pain.  “You’re always swearing.”  “How very dare you!”  Taking a breather outside, it was colder than the sunshine suggested.  I went back in to get warm.  The full moon barely visible behind cloud and the generator barely audible, I still needed help getting to sleep that night.

Boris warned another wave might come and urged vaccine take-up.  As 44 year olds were invited, a TV ad encouraged under 50’s to get a first dose and over 50’s a second.  The Bumbler naysaid the latest chat from the rat, that he ranted he’d rather let ‘effing bodies pile high in their thousands’ than have a second lockdown.  Margaret Hodge asked: “How many more times will government ministers accept their leader, our PM, has misled the public, the press and parliament before they declare him unfit for office?”  Phil answered: “the same number of times the public won’t – umpteen. Because he’s got funny hair!”  “Yes, and then there’s Brexit.” I added.  Widely believed to be the proponent of herd immunity in the early days of the pandemic and now apparently leaking shocking quotes, it seemed The Scumbag lived up to his moniker, storing up dirt to dish out later (although he wasn’t the only source of the latest exposé).

In a 6-page reply to the Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice request for a public inquiry, government said that with those involved ‘working round the clock’ at this ‘critical phase’, they had ‘no capacity’ to launch one.  Jo Goodman asked: “how long will grieving families be left without answers, without assurance that the mistakes that led to our loved ones’ deaths are not repeated?  We are still living through the pandemic – procrastination is … an insult to the bereaved (and) prevents the government from protecting future lives…”  As expected, Scotland moved down to level 3.  Cafes, beer gardens, non-essential shops, salons, gyms, pools, museums and holiday lets re-opened.  Travel to England and Wales was permitted and 6 people could meet indoors but could only drink alcohol outdoors.  In Wales, outdoor hospitality opened up and up to 30 people could partake in activities.

Tuesday, I painted the Ikea table to match the woodwork in the living room.  Purchased in more affluent times, the posh Farrow & Ball paint revived after a stir.  I managed to keep the oily stuff off my hands until right at the end when cleaning up – typical!  I sent Phil to the shop for cheddar cheese.  Returning with red Leicester, he claimed I said there was no difference.  “I doubt that. But Nadiya Hussain is a fan so I might re-appraise it.”  It proved to make rather tasty cheese on toast.  Having been quiet so far, the engineering works re-started late afternoon.  My siesta disturbed, the beeping noise of dumper trucks reversing was more intrusive than the actual doings!

Covid deaths were down 97% since 22nd Jan.  Attributed to lockdowns and vaccine take-up, the ONS said 90% of those required to self-isolate, did.  The Downing Street flat renovation controversy continued.  Therese Coffee-cup trolled out the party line and gave no real answers to the alleged donor payment, or her boss’ comments about letting the virus ‘rip’.   PM spokesmen later insisted he said no such thing and also that the UK had no spare vaccine to send to India, even though 5m doses were due to come the other way.  Instead, the government sent 200 ventilators and 95 air converters.  Lambasted as a drop in the ocean, the USA donated spare AZ vaccines and the WHO dispatched more help but cited mass gatherings as one of the causes of the surge of B1.617.  Ridiculously, election rallies still went on.  Trying to defend the situation, the leader of the ruling party sounded like an idiot on Newsnight, twittering about twittering.  In a reference to the unilateral extension of the grace period, Adolf Von Der Leyen warned Boris not to breach terms of the Brexit deal before a retrospective vote by MEPs.

I painted a second coat on the Ikea table before elevenses Wednesday morning.  By lunchtime, it was dry enough to touch up streaky patches.  I then made a mess of the sink cleaning the brushes and got annoyed that I’d created more work for myself.  The co-op busy that afternoon, kids ran amok and a young man behind me at the till edged too close as he stared at his phone.  I told him to move back.  Putting groceries on the conveyer, I saw the bread wrapping was ripped.  The nice cashier waited while I fetched a replacement.  “How are you?” she asked “Okay.”  “That didn’t sound convincing.”  “It’s paint fumes. I need fresh air!”  I hurried out the back door, removed my mask and took a deep breath.  Back home, I had a faff sorting veg, discovering tomatoes already going squishy and dropping spuds all over the floor.

Stonewalling

Keir Choosing Wallpaper

With ‘reasonable grounds to suspect that an offence had been committed’, The Electoral Commission were investigating Curtain Gate.  Tories insisted Boris had now paid for the refurb, but didn’t say who forked out in the first place.  On Politics Live, Stella Creasy and Daisy Cooper agreed that as Number 10 hadn’t come clean, questions were raised and it mattered to folk who couldn’t pay their bills, while Carrie Antionette chose wallpaper.  When asked directly by Kier at PMQs who stumped up the cash, The Bumbler stonewalled and rambled about ventilators, housing costs and lauded the success (sic) of the EU approving the Brexit deal – what a moron!  Countering the Captain Hindsight handle, Keir came up with Major Sleaze.  Quizzed on the ‘bodies piling up’ quote, Boris gave a flat “No.”  “I’ll leave it there for now,” lawyer Keir said; a marker for later or to ensure the answer was on record?  Fast losing his shit, a frit Boris immediately went to the Westminster tearoom to rally his troops.  The Glove-Puppet’s missus Sarah Vine was on Radio 4 saying: “The Prime Minister can’t be expected to live in a skip.”  I’d be delighted to find a skip full of John Lewis décor!

On Newsnight, we learned designer Lulu Lytle of Soane Britain supplied golden paper at a cost of £80,000.  The PM’s decorating allowance £30,000, it was revealed in a leaked e-mail that the donor of the extra money was Lord Brownlow.  The tory peer reportedly asked for it to be attributed to a ‘soon-to-be-formed Downing Street Trust’ to which others were asked to contribute.  Thangam Debonnaire mentioned “8 inquiries and counting…” into sleaze.  ‘Yes’, I thought, ‘and yet they say there aren’t resources for a proper inquiry into covid deaths’.

A day after MPs demanded another inquiry into why the independent adviser on ministerial standards hadn’t yet been replaced, FDA (the Civil Service union) were granted a full court hearing on Boris’ dismissal of the report into bullying by Nasty Patel (which led to Alex Allan’s resignation last November).  The queen’s former PS Lord Geidt was appointed to fill the vacancy.  Paving the way for publication of the register of ministerial interests and possibly details of donations to fund the flat refurb, he was only allowed to investigate at the behest of the PM – hardly independent!  The traffic lights system and list of countries deemed safe expected early May, Shats said the NHS app would be used to prove covid status for travel, pending a meeting with his G7 equivalents next week.  Last month’s Barcelona gig was declared a success with only 6 people testing positive 14 days later, lower than the Spanish average.  Arlene Foster lost a vote of no confidence and resigned as NI first minister and leader of the DUP.  The main issues were the Brexit deal and gay conversion therapy.  Good grief!  What century were they in?

Global food producer Nestlé were axing 600 UK jobs with closure of the Newcastle Fawdon factory and more efficient processes, aka cuts, at the York plant.  While there’d be investment and more production in Halifax, some was moving to Europe, including easter eggs.  Unions vowed to fight for ‘every job’.  Ross Murdoch rallied: “To ruin hundreds of lives in a ruthless pursuit of profits, to the very workers who’ve kept the company going during a global pandemic, is sickening…it’s corporate greed at its worst.”

Michael Collins, the one who didn’t walk on the moon during the Apollo 11 mission, died.  “It’s a fragile little thing,” he’d observed whilst orbiting and taking a photos of the earth.

A Bout de Souffle

Note By Incensed of Cornholme

Thursday, the engineers on the canal started at 8.  Good job I needed to be up.  I rushed chores and writing tasks, scoffed an early lunch and ran to the market.  No queues allowed a bit of banter at the fish van and a joke at the cheap veg stall.  “I’ll have 4 pears,” a fellow customer said. “4 pears of what? Ha, ha!”  Horrifyingly, the toiletries stall was absent.  German friend hovered in front of the pub where she’d booked us a table – the same one we sat at last week.  Chilly and showery, we sheltered under the awning and she pressed a button for hot puffs of air.  A bit early for me, I drank juice while she had lager.  I provided her with tips based on changes I’d made to avoid diabetes but advised: “If you stop drinking, I bet your blood sugar will drop within weeks.”  Sharing tales of encounters with neighbours and gardening, she related a funny story about Deborah Bonkers trying to get her to clean the converted mill apartments’ bin store.  I offered her some of my pile of crock pots, saving her a trip to buy gravel.  As she awaited a couple of pub mates, I thought I’d stay until they arrived.  I went inside to use the loo, finding the water freezing cold and the air hand drier only working in 10 second bursts.  I was about to give up waiting when one of the pub mates turned up.  I had a few words before taking my leave.  Phil hoovered the living room while I was out.  I moved the painted table back into the corner.  Still a bit patchy, at least it matched.

Boris called Curtain Gate a ‘farrago of nonsense’ – Ironic coming from him!  Total costs of the refurb reportedly £200,000, you could buy a house for that!  As Keir went to Manchester and posed choosing wallpaper in John Lewis, The Bumbler said he had nothing against the go-to shop of the affluent middle class.  Was he leaving his girlfriend to ‘Carrie the Can’?

Now 3 investigations – The Electoral Commission, Lord Geidt and Simon Case (at Boris’ behest), it later transpired his contact details were public for the last 15 years.  Indian variant cases in the UK rose to 132, most linked to travel and 3 in a Leicester school.  On QT, Oxfam CEO Danny Sriskandarajah said it wasn’t a wave, but a tsunami.  Daisy Cooper advocated sending spare vaccines to India before the virus mutated again and ‘washed up on our shores’.  A memo leaked to The Torygraph from FCDO* revealed an 80% cut in aid for clean water.  Water Aid called it ‘savage’ in a time of Covid.  The Grenfell group denounced the passing of the Fire Safety Law; loans meant leaseholder debts of up to £80,000.

The co-op busy again Friday, I had problems swiping my card, holding the queue up.  My mate at the kiosk whinged about the price of filters compared to the market.  I wasn’t the only one who missed the toiletries stall yesterday!  With elections for councils (postponed from last year), plus mayors, PCCs, the London Assembly, Holyrood, the Sennedd and the constituency of Hartlepool, Newscast dubbed 6th May ‘Super Thursday’.  I mislaid my postal ballot papers, causing mild panic until Phil found them under a pile of paperwork.  Mercifully only having 2 to do, I filled them in then realised, because of the bank holiday, they’d need hand-delivering at the polling station anyway.  Seeing the Freedom Alliance candidate was a local ageing hippie, we again reflected nothing had really changed since the olden days.  In the 1980’s, the focus of their conspiracy theories was the Illuminati, Opus Dei and the Eye of Providence on the dollar bill, rather than viruses, Bill Gates and 5g.  “The modern world must be bewildering to them. I’m surprised they’re even on social media!“

In the first week there’d be evidence that relaxations on 12th April had a negative impact, infections fell 40%, but were up in Yorkshire & The Humber and Eastern England.  Tim Spector of Kings College said: “we’re past that pandemic period and we’re moving into…the endemic period where we get low levels of infection and occasional outbreaks, but they don’t spread to the rest of the population.”  Vaccinations reached 34m with over 40’s next to be invited.  Germany delivered 1.1m but cases remained high.  As part of the ERP, 6,000 Liverpudlians went clubbing.  They had a lot more fun than people at the all-night Jewish orthodox Lag B’omer festival. A stampede at the tomb of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai led to 45 deaths.  Cause unknown, Netanyahu promised a full investigation.

A note on a nearby village community library went viral.  As someone put salacious material in the box, an incensed resident wrote: ‘Whoever is placing…(porno)…here, stop! Cornholme is a god-fearing, Christian village. If this filth is to your liking may we suggest that you move to the cesspit that is Hebden Bridge.’  Phil looked aghast at the slur.  I commented on Manchester Friend’s Facebook post that I resented the cesspit comment.  Harangued by national media on twitter, Vegan Friend told The Sun she didn’t want her name in the rag.  Doubting a Jon I used to work with who once lived in the village was a god-fearing Christian, a tweet suggested a guy with the same name had snuck back to put the filth in the box – was it a coincidence? 

In light of recent events, Alex Salmon said: “People keep telling me what an immovable object Boris Johnson will be. I think a puff of wind would blow him over at the present moment.”

The Final Curtain

Ted Hastings In Front Of A Curtain

On a cold and grey Saturday, I stayed in front of the telly, writing Cool Places all dayi.  Leeds United looked very tired losing to Burnley.  Shown on Prime, It was a novelty seeing an actual live premier league match for once, although the bizarre ticker tape at the bottom of the screen did our heads in with nonsensical ramblings. I slept badly and struggled downstairs for a cuppa Sunday. The morning starting bright, we planned to go looking for bluebells when it started to rain.  Reasoning the crap weather might put off the coffee-cuppers, I went to the market instead.  No such luck!  Town rammed, people dawdled in the square, telling strangers how cute their tiny dogs were.  I dodged long leads to get to the wobbly veg stall, finding a paltry selection. 

Phil due to meet me for charity shopping, I rang and told him not to bother.   Stressed and exhausted when I got home, I collapsed on the sofa and tried to compose a haiga.  As the sun briefly re-merged, Phil interrupted my flow to ask if I wanted to go out again. “No, I’m tired and I’m doing something.” He persisted. “I’m trying to think of a word.”  “Discombobulation.”  “Shut up!” I fumed, storming off.  Calmer but with a headache and unable to concentrate, I cleared mucky bits in the living room and ate lunch until I felt able to complete the haigaii . The altercation made us both sad.  We cheered up with a cuddle, a funny film and TV dramas.  The curtain came down on Line of Duty series 6.  The lowkey but logical and conclusive finale garnered complaints from some of the record 12.8 million viewers.  Not sure why.  The scourge of bent coppers, Ted Hastings, definately wouldn’t have been H!

The death toll in the UK over the past week fell to a daily average of 16.  New infections in India reached 400,000 a day, variant cases in the UK doubled and 1,000 more ventilators were sent.  On the Marr, Prof. Openshaw and Lisa Nandy both said we needed a global response to the crisis, i.e., not unilaterally send vaccines.  Uncertain that was the right message, Phil discovered how bad things really were.  The Indian health service dismantled, there was no way of distributing it.  A pitch invasion at Old Trafford in protest against rich American owners, lead to 2 cop injuries and curtains for Man Utd’s game against Liverpool.

Hardly able to keep my head up at bedtime,  I awoke during the night with a scratchy throat, an itchy nose, a raging thirst and an odd dizzy feeling.

*FCDO – Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com