Part 80 – The Muppet Show

“I think in the short-term that will be a dead end…EU workers we speak to will not go to the UK for a short-term visa to help the UK out of the shit they created themselves” (Edwin Atema)

The Clown, The Bozo and The Bonzo

The week began sunny and bright, as did I. After chores and posting a haiga Monday, I realised I’d forgot coffee at the weekend. I found plenty of fruit and veg in the co-op, but no berries. The hipster cashier thought the shortages were random but I concluded seasonal British produce was less affected by the CO2 shortage. Maybe it would change people’s buying habits for the good. While editing holiday photos in the evening, Phil showed me how to create panoramas in Photoshop. Relatively easy, perhaps it was time to ditch the infuriating Microsoft ICE. I could hardly keep my eyes open at bedtime but it took a while to drop off and hot flushes woke me in the night.

The Bumbler went to America with newly-promoted Trussed-up Liz. He chaired a UN meeting on the COP26 agenda, and met Uncle Joe to discuss climate change, the pandemic and the Aukus submarine deal with Australia, which upset the French so much Liz’s counterpart Le Drian said the UK was run by Monty Python. The muppets, more like! As a sop to European critics, Joe announced double-vaccinated travellers could go to the US from November. Gordy Brown sent the government an Airfinity report saying it was a scandal 100 million vaccine doses would expire by December if not sent to poor countries. After the RCN rejected the 3% NHS pay offer, 4/5 Unison members and 9/10 GMB health & care workers did likewise. The government held emergency talks with suppliers and said there’d be no bail-out for small energy companies who went bust but state-backed loans for bigger ones to take on their customers. Martin Lewis warned consumers would have to choose between heating and eating. Denying a crisis, Kwasi Kwarteng assured us there was “no question of the lights going out.”

On a warm, hazy last day of summer, I took time out from housework and writing, firstly to marvel at how much I missed Grange, with its awesome seascape colours. Usually appreciating where we live on returning home, I guessed it was because it was our only trip to the seaside in over a year. Secondly, for a spell outdoors in the afternoon sun. Phil needed the shop in town. Hardly seeing a soul for days, I was struck by how busy it was. Feeling tired, we went to the park, sat on a bench, drank pop, watched rooks swank about on the football pitch and noted autumnal changes, then walked back along the canal where a heron surveyed for prey above the aqueduct (see below). After a siesta, I settled down with a coffee when the landline rang. Getting up to answer a robot, I suddenly remembered promising the Christmas cake recipe to Elderly Neighbour. Retrieving the old Word file, OneDrive said it couldn’t save changes and I spent ages re-editing before sending. According to local weather, September was warmer than June or August and the warmest since records began in 1659. Nevertheless, clouds descended in the early hours, obscuring the full harvest moon until the following night, auspiciously on the autumn equinox.

Jeff Bozo refused to commit Amazon paying more UK tax, telling The Bumbler it was government’s job to come up with appropriate frameworks. Boris met Bonzonaro separately. It would truly have been a muppet show if they’d all met together! After shaking Boris’ hand, the Brazilian health minister tested positive for covid. Did he share his boss’ anti-vax views? Kwarteng claimed he was focussed on helping the ‘fuel poor’ as he struck a deal with CF Industries to re-start CO2 production in Cheshire and Teesside. Richard Walker of Iceland said “a 3 week deal won’t save Christmas” while a festive tree shortage was foreseen because of Brexit. But Boris still insisted “Christmas is on” and stuck to the line of creating jobs rather than not cutting Universal Credit. Labour called the end of the £20 uplift, rising fuel costs and the National Insurance hike a ‘triple whammy’. Furlough also due to end, likely leading to more unemployment, there was no sign of Rishi Rich.

The Romper Room

Wednesday, Phil felt unwell but his cough eased with Covonia, so probably not covid. I started to feel ill after breakfast. The usual sinus lark likely caused by fighting fatigue since our trip, I fetched coffee and the laptop and stayed abed the rest of the week. Working on the journal, I drew curtains to block out the early autumn sun’s glare and tried hard to not be depressed at being stuck indoors. Phil characteristically continued working downstairs, not hearing a feint knock on the door, or me shouting him. He eventually answered for the woman from next-door-but-one to place 2 large bottles of milk on the doorstep. My worries about them fitting in our tiny fridge and what on earth we’d would do with it all, proved unfounded. Phil managed to wedge them in and they had a long sell-by date. I placed an Ocado order, unexpectedly getting a delivery slot for the following evening. Phil said it was a good job as if he went out, he might get attacked by people fearful of infection. “If it is covid, I blame the trains!” “How would we know if it was a mild case now we’re double-jabbed?” “You could get a covid test.” “I’ll think about it.” After dinner, I stayed up to watch Prime and got a sudden sharp twinge in my left foot when I went back upstairs. Strangely on the opposite side to the sprain, a massage helped slightly but the pain returned every time I turned over during the night.

Chris Witless said most infections were in the young, ½ of kids had had covid and the other ½ would catch it if not vaccinated. Oxford Vax hero Sarah Gilbert found it hard getting money to develop other vaccines including for MERS. The Good Law Project brought action against DOHSC for awarding £80 million ‘secret’ covid antibody test contracts to Abingdon Health and the ONS predicted £20.9 million of covid loan cash wouldn’t be repaid. In the continuing energy crisis, 7 unheard-of suppliers collapsed. No trade deal with the US anytime soon, Boris laughably lauded the ban on British beef and lamb being lifted. At the UN, Uncle Joe pledged doubling climate aid funding for poor countries to a total of $11.4 billion. China promised not to build more coal-powered plants. After blocking the M25 five times in a week, Insulate Britain carried on protesting, despite 270 arrests and a High Court injunction. Pret were opening 200 new coffee shops.

The PM stateside, PMQs pitted demoted deputy Rabid Raab against Angela Rayner. She asked: “how many days does a worker on minimum wage have to work to afford a night in a luxury hotel on Crete?” As he waffled, she told him: “ An extra 50 days. Even more if the sea was open.” She went onto to ask, in the same week they were cutting Universal Credit and energy bills rose, could he “guarantee no one will be pushed into fuel poverty this winter?” Raab retorted: “Let me remind her of her words: ‘working people don’t want a handout, they want opportunities’. We’re giving them that.” Rayner maintained the government’s failures paved the way for the crisis, which they were warned about and had a choice to make working people’s lives harder or easier. Would they cancel the UC cut?” Raab blathered about plans for the NHS and the economy, saying with vacancies and wages up, it was working. Kirsten Oswald, SNP, found his answers perplexing. predicted a ‘cost of living tsunami’ and declared: “you can’t level up by making people poorer.” A smug Raab accused her of scaremongering and referred to British armed forces helping the Scottish NHS. On Newsnight, Barry Gardiner said the government was “lurching from one crisis to another.”

Thursday morning, Phil coughed less while I felt worse. Putting the bed-changing off until after lunch, it proved a slow and knackering chore. After a rest, I got dressed for the Ocado delivery, which arrived early. I dumped bags on the stone floor and left sorting groceries until dinner. Bad idea – the fish-fingers partially defrosted. They still tasted okay though. I went back to bed early and Phil used some of the surplus milk to bring me a huge cup of hot chocolate.

1/3 of tenant evictions were due to the covid holiday ending. HGV driver shortages led to councils cancelling bin collections, BP rationing fuel and Esso closing some Tesco pumps. Food industry bodies wrote to implore Boris to ‘save Christmas’, experts called for Covid Recovery Visas for critical staff and the BOE warned of a 4% inflation rise. Still denying there were problems, small business minister Paul Scuzz-bag said “This isn’t a 1970’s thing.” Biden pledged another 5000 million doses of vaccines, still 5 billion short of what was needed. Failing to get a US trade deal, Trussed-up Liz headed to Mexico to try and join CPTPP. A friend disclosed she called Raab hanging onto Chevening ‘ridiculous’ while he got dressed up for his inauguration as Lord Chancellor. The La Palma eruption predicted to last 84 days, on the other side of the world, earthquakes and anti-lockdown protests hit Victoria.

On a live Question Time, Shiny turd Shats listed initiatives when quizzed on the Universal Credit cut. Richard Walker told him they weren’t working, the cut was coming at a time of food and energy inflation and there were more food banks than branches of McDonalds. Pointing out not everyone could work more hours to make up the shortfall and would also be hit by a National Insurance hike, Lib Dem Munira Wilson called the tories “cruel and callous.” Iceland staff to get Boxing Day off, I got a bit of a crush on possibly the nicest capitalist in the country (but it didn’t last long). Newscast showed a clip of Boris referencing Kermit the Frog. Preaching to the UN it was ‘easy going green’ and: “the world…is not some indestructible toy, some bouncy plastic romper room against which we can hurl ourselves to our heart’s content,” The Bumbler went onto ramble about Sophocles. Was he drunk? John McDonnell said Keir’s 11,000 word essay for the Fabian Society was like a “sermon on the mount written by focus groups.”

Captain Pugwash

Still working on the journal Friday, I rued combining 2 weeks’ worth. At least I managed to finalise holiday photos. The cough gone, Phil masked up to brave an unexpectedly well-stocked co-op for weekend essentials.

Drivers told not to panic as there was no fuel shortage, queues predictably formed at forecourts. Shats looked at options to solve the HGV crisis, including using the army even though they were already drafted to help NHS Scotland and Wales and hinted at a U-turn on ‘essential occupations’ as a short-term solution. An IT failure caused airport delays at e-gates across the UK. Paralympian-turned-Extinction Rebellion protestor James Brown went to jail for supergluing himself to a plane October 2019 and the government sought another High Court injunction as Insulate Britain blocked the Port of Dover. Californian fire-fighters tried to save General Sherman from the Windy Fire, raging for a week in the Sequoia National Forest.

Phil blamed the co-op trip for aches and pains Saturday morning. “Yeah but we’ve got steak!” I went down for breakfast, took coffee back to bed and posted two entries on Cool Placesⁱ. Awful music outside all afternoon sounded like Captain Pugwash on an endless loop. Neither earplugs nor the telly blocking it out, it almost drove me mad! The house a mess , I asked Phil to clean some of it. He manically zipped round the lounge and bathroom, became knackered and needed a rest before cooking the steak dinner.

Sunday starting super-bright, I battled with fatigue and foot pain – now in my instep. A few stretches and a bath helped enough to manage the day out of bed. Taking recycling out, Elderly Neighbour parked up. We discussed cake-baking and his pre-cancerous skin condition. He assured me the nasty-looking red patches on his face were caused by an aggressive chemo-therapy cream which would hopefully clear it by next month. “Fingers crossed for you!” Clouds returned late afternoon. Fearing rain, we changed plans to go to the nearby clough to do the rounds of charity shops. In the large one, we got them to unlock a camera cabinet, mulled over a couple of models, but bought nowt. The centre crowded, I hovered outside the sweet shop while a fat family bought ice-cream and nipped in for cough sweets. We then sat on a quieter riverside stretch. Seeing a flash of orange and blue, I exclaimed: “kingfishers!” Of course, they’d flown off by the time I got my camera out. On the way home, I exchanged cheery greetings with an erstwhile art teacher. No doubt preparing for another Open Studios weekend, it didn’t seem 5 minutes since the last one. Noticing the Christmas tree outside the house looked rather battered due to inconsiderate parking and sported yellow needles, Phil insisted we feed it despite impending rain. I edited kingfisher-free photos and composed a haigaⁱⁱ. Making a frugal roast dinner, Phil re-branded it Brexit Roast.

As expected, temp visas allowed 5,000 HGV drivers (and poultry workers) to come and work in the UK up to 24^th December. Suspension of competition laws let petrol stations share info and target deliveries, letters asked ex-drivers to return and more tests were promised. Drafting in troops still possible, Shats blamed the RHA for the crisis and Useless George blamed motorists panic-buying. But Rachel Reeves indicated the government had ignored warnings from hauliers of what was coming down the road ‘since last year’. Keir told Marr the ‘absolute crisis’ was caused by lack of government planning. Doubting if anyone’d come and work here post-Brexit, Edwin Atema of Dutch union FNV agreed, saying EU workers wouldn’t help us out of our own shit. Other countries also having problems, what was the wider strategy? At the labour party conference in Brighton, Keir was forced to modify plans to give MPs more say in leader elections. The NEC passed the diluted motion leaving Leftists furious. Referring to the tories at a reception for activists, Rayner spluttered: “we cannot get any worse than a bunch of scum, homophobic, racist, misogynistic, absolute vile…banana republic, vile, nasty, Etonian…piece of scum…” Quizzed on her choice of words, she said anger at The Bumbler’s history of derogatory comments, prompted the use of ‘street language’ common in working class Ashton. She later tweeted ‘I’d be happy to sit down with Boris. If he withdraws his comments and apologises I’m happy to apologise to him’.

The murder of young schoolteacher Sabina Nessa in Kidbrooke a week ago Friday, prompted a vigil, a book of condolence and three arrests over the weekend. The third ‘significant arrest’ Sunday saw Koci Selamaj later charged with the crime. Six months after the Sarah Everard tragedy, surveys showed almost all women remained fearful. On Politics North, deputy PCC Alison Lowe said it was ‘not okay’: “toxic masculinity pervades our schools, employment arenas (and) we need to be calling that out.”

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 63 – Ready, Steady…?

“I don’t know how much more I’ve got to give to the NHS. We’re not getting the respect and now pay that we deserve. I’m just sick of it” (Jenny McGee)

Proceed with Caution

During a tidy up Monday morning, I searched bags for masks. 5 out of 10 still missing, it remained a mystery where half had gone. After posting blogs and starting a draft of the next episode of the journal, I went to the co-op, dodging busy traffic on the main road and screeching kids cluttering up the shopfloor. Waiting at the kiosk, I turned round to ask a young man standing close behind me to move back when the cash-desk suddenly looked free. But on approaching, my mate said he was still serving. Oops! Phil had disposed of all the rubbish while I was out. Chores done, I sat in a patch of sun on the garden wall, admiring bluebells and raindrops on leaves. Sleep was mediocre that night even with the meditation soundtrack.

The next step of the waymark reached, pub sales promptly jumped (2% higher than the same day 2020). Train companies added 2,500 services and bus capacity increased to 60 passengers. Additional ‘freedoms’ enabled trips to museums, cinemas, and foreign lands, albeit a limited number. BBC breakfast showed planes queueing on the runway to fly to Portugal, while metro reported airports were quiet. Go figure! In the familiar mantra of pushing responsibility onto the public, the government instructed us to ‘proceed with common sense’ and ‘a heavy dose of caution’, said we shouldn’t be going to amber countries and condemned tour operators for putting on extra flights. So why was it legal then? In Wales, indoor hospitality and entertainment were allowed as the alert level dropped to 2. In Scotland, 6 people could meet, except in Glasgow and Moray. The NAO cost-tracker revealed £172bn was spent on dealing with the pandemic so far (the total forecast was £372bn). Of 2,322 instances of the Indian variant, 483 were in Bolton and Blackburn. Newsnight discussed the upsurge with 2 local MPs. Yasmin Qureshi, Labour MP for Bolton SE, said people weren’t ‘choosing’ not to have the vaccine as The Cock irresponsibly suggested; the issue was access. Originally only 1 hub in the town centre with 6 vaccinators, she’d asked ages ago for community facilities. Mark Logan, Tory MP for Bolton NE agreed take-up wasn’t the problem as transmission occurred in younger people. Both lauded the recently introduced mobile unit which administered 6.200 extra jabs over the weekend. A 100 extra testing volunteers were also welcomed but local lockdown measures weren’t. Adam Finn of JCVI warned immunisation didn’t have an immediate effect and was no good for firefighting; they needed to think about the whole country and stick to the vaccination strategy. So, I wondered, how come they stuck to the age groups in Bolton but reportedly immunised all over 18’s in Blackburn? Poet Laureate Simon Armitages appeared at the end of the programme. He’d obviously spent lockdown eating pies!

Further to The Cock’s comments, metro’s ‘refuseniks’ headline and Andrew Lloyd-Webber calling people selfish for not being vaccinated, had me spluttering into my morning cuppa on Tuesday. The privileged git seemed to think his tawdry shows were the most important thing in the world! Receiving reminders for our second jabs, Phil said he’d be less worried afterwards. “It will take a few weeks to be effective,” I warned. “True. And rates will still go up, especially with young people doing that silly thing again.” “What? going to the pub for face-licking?”

I worked on the journal until 3, when I decided we needed to get outdoors in the warm sunshine and suggested a spot of gardening. I tore bindweeds out, hacked at brambles and filled another pot with soil from the old compost bin (itself turning into compost) to plant more wild garlic bulbs. Meanwhile, Phil poked at worms and planted the Christmas tree seeds I gave him (second time lucky?) In the evening, I left him watching highlights of Leeds United winning on MOTD to have a bath and set the alarm for 8.00 a.m. On a still night, I drifted slowly into slumber.

Following reports of 150 flights to France, Greece, Spain and America on Monday, the PM’s official spokesman briefed the press that travel to amber countries was only permitted for strictly limited purposes (work, essential services or compassionate reasons) and underlined the message of shifting the onus: “we are moving to a situation where the public can take responsibility for their actions.” But Useless George told us while we shouldn’t go on holiday, we could go to see family and friends, as long as we observed quarantine rules. Nick Thomas-Symonds retorted that borders had ‘unravelled into dangerous chaos’ within hours, with “a lack of strategy, which has meant the UK government, and their own ministers, are giving out conflicting advice.” Total relaxation on 21^st June looked uncertain. The Bumbler said as vaccines built a ‘wall of defences’, he didn’t “see anything conclusive at the moment to say that we need to deviate from the road map.” But caution was required, the situation would be ‘closely observed’ and we’d know more in a few days. However, a source reported the chances of restrictions being lifted as planned were ‘next to nil’. Speculation mounted that if outbreaks were limited to specific areas, local measures might return. When would they learn that didn’t work! The nurse who looked after Boris when he had Covid last year, resigned. Jenny McGee cited a lack of respect for the NHS.

Indoculation

The volume too low, I didn’t hear the alarm Wednesday morning. I leapt up in panic, to be told by Phil I was ‘daft’. “There’s no need to be nasty!” I snapped. A hasty breakfast, coffee and cursory wipe of coffee tables preceded checking bus times and going for one due at 11.29. The bugger sailed past displaying a ‘not in service’ sign. As we awaited the next one, rain showers came, not becoming heavy until it arrived. A bit full for my liking, I huddled in my seat until we reached our stop. Thankfully, the rain had stopped too. At the health centre, we waited briefly before being admitted to the consulting room together. The staff friendlier than the previous visit, my arm hurt immediately after the injection. The doctor laughed and said it was quite normal. Unlike the first time, the HCA wrote our names on the cards. They let Phil take photos of syringes and me take tissues, which I’d forgotten in my haste to leave the house. We stood outside the exit door to assess symptoms. Phil agreed the jab had been more stabby but felt okay. We lingered in the carpark decorated with small apple trees in blossom (see below), then went in B&M for secateurs and came out with a basket-full. On the way to the market, Phil searched for a cash machine, finding only 1 where there the used to be 3, no longer attached to a bank. In fact, there was no longer a single branch in the whole valley! We stopped to chat to The Biker and his partner outside a small pub. “Are you coming in?” he asked. “No, we’re still being careful. We’ve just had our second dose.” Theirs due next week, we compared notes on side-effects. Word on the street was they could be worse after the booster shot, but we found the opposite. On parting, I again promised to pass on photos of his barge when we next walked up the canal. In the market hall, the excellent café was open and still cheap.

After ordering, Phil started to feel weird and went to spend 20p at the public convenience. Gone awhile, I fretted in case he’d passed out but the delay was caused by trying to navigate doors without touching anything. Putting masks back on for 10 seconds to get outside, we rested in the community garden, noting fat jackdaws gadding on lush grass studded with dandelions. Graffiti etched into the picnic table featured acrostics made of the word COVID – Cunts On Various Indoculation Drugs and similar witticisms. We took the back streets to Lidl, sped round and I used the free loo before going back to the bus stop. Less packed, we sat well away from 3 women who wore masks as chinstraps as they gassed.

Back home, Phil carried bags to the kitchen and went straight out again for baccy while I sorted groceries. We reflected we’d achieved a lot during our outing but hated the continual donning and shedding of masks. “I don’t fancy that just to go in a pub!” Inevitably tired, I dossed on the sofa and then in bed. Phil still spacey after a lie down, he threatened to have a pill to feel more weird. During a disturbed night, I shifted around to prevent lying on my achy arm. The sounds of chainsaws suggested yet more tree-felling on the railway. I dropped off when there was a pause in the noise, but it annoyingly re-started in the early hours.

Cases rose by 2,696 but only 3 deaths were recorded. Amidst the confusion over travel rules, 150 departures a day flew to amber list countries and the EU looked likely to say we could go to the continent if we’d had 2 jabs. Covboost planned to use 7 different vaccines in trials on 3,000 randomly selected volunteers. Phil considered applying for Leeds or Bradford but didn’t get round to it. An entire tower block in Velbert, Germany was quarantined due to some residents testing positive for the Indian variant. The inflation rate doubled in April thanks to price hikes in fuel and clothes. 10 days since the start of hostilities, the latest death toll stood at 219 Palestinians versus 12 Israelis. Biden told Israel to ‘de-escalate’, while anti-Semitic vitriol and attacks included a Rabbi being bricked in London.

Waking early on Thursday, I wondered why that hadn’t happened the previous morning when I had to be up! Wary of my achy arm, I did some exercise and helped Phil change bedding before bathing and working on the journal. Cold and rainy all day, I put on extra layers but still needed the central heating. Unable to focus on any more writing, I pottered about before going for a lie down. Barely able to keep my eyes open while reading, I enjoyed feeling dozy and cosy when Phil made a racket coming up; banging doors, stomping upstairs and singing in the loo! Irked, I made allowances for the space-headedness making him less conscious of his actions.

Covid dropped to 9^th place in the cause of death league even with 2,874 new cases and 7 more deaths. Andrew Hayward was ‘very concerned’ about the spreadability of the Indian variant and warned of a third wave: “this strain can circulate very effectively…it’s more transmissible than the previous variant.” He urged the UK not to ‘waste the opportunity’ vaccines provided by allowing widespread travel. As 34-35 year olds were invited for a jab, Van Dam said the rate of injections would determine the feasibility of lifting restrictions on 21^st June. Variant case went undetected for 3 weeks (21^st April-11^th May) in 8 local authority areas, resulting in people self-isolating rather than quarantining, due to a software upgrade of the TIT system. Equating to 800 cases across the UK, Blackburn was worst affected with 294 cases, followed by Blackpool, York, Bath, NE Somerset, Southend and Thurrock. Downing Street denied the glitch was linked to surges. Jeremy Hunt called for test and trace to be local and a surge of 32% in cases in Huddersfield (not all caused by the Indian variant) led to it being declared an ‘area of concern’, targeted testing and a vaccine drive.

Three years since the timetable debacle, Shats finally announced changes to the rail network. GBR (Great British Railways) would control infrastructure and private operators awarded concessions. “Delete ‘Great’, seeing as we’re not, take ‘ways’ off the end, and what have you got?” asked Phil. “British Rail! It’s not nationalisation though!” Flexi-tickets such as season tickets allowing travel 2 days a week and oyster-type cards were muted but mayn’t necessarily be cheaper. He echoed pleas to not holiday in amber countries, saying it was a lot of costly hassle. A vigil in Swansea turned into a riot and was branded ‘disgraceful’ by Nasty Patel. Peace broke out between Israel and Palestine but how long would the ceasefire last?

QT discussed ‘should we go on holiday?’ Nick Thomas-Symonds parroted the ‘slow, slow, slow’ line. Nads Zahawi tried to defend the government position. The Man from Iceland, Richard Walker, was perversely planning a trip to Greenland but wasn’t sure now. Most of the panel agreed unclear messages caused confusion over the amber list, some wanted red and green only while Devi Sridhar said the traffic lights didn’t work at all. She pleaded instead for patience until October when everyone was fully vaccinated and had Covid Passes, as happened in other countries (without specifying which ones).

Waxing Lyrical

Phil still felt weird Friday morning but improved later in the day. My arm not as painful, I managed a fair few exercises. Computing slow, Phil resorted to turning the internet off and on again while I went to the co-op. Staff re-stocking shelves ludicrously obstructed every aisle, oblivious to teenagers puzzling over the coffee machine let alone those of us just trying to get groceries. Although not a big shop, I couldn’t even lift the bags with my bad arm. I waited outside with a laden trolley for Phil to come and help as yet another shower descended from the leaden sky. Still no sign, I rang to prompt him to get a shift on. In the afternoon, I whizzed through the Eurovision songs. The Slovenian entry was so Euro I had no idea how it didn’t make the final. Strong competition from Lithuania, Serbia, Moldova, Italy and France, gave the UK no chance.

ONS data showed Covid infections going up, but not alarmingly (yet). Rates were highest in Yorkshire & The Humber, the North East and South East, and lowest in the South West. 49 cases of a new variant detected mainly in Yorkshire & Humber, were ‘under investigation’. On Look North, Kev Smith of PHE said there were about 3,000 mutants worldwide but only a few merited concern. The Indian variant thought to be 30% more infectious, the NHS aimed to administer a first dose to all adults by the end of June, a month ahead of schedule. The WHO found all vaccines worked on all strains but said social-distancing remained important. Dr. Hans Kluge warned: “Vaccines may be the light at the end of the tunnel but we cannot be blinded by that light.” Boris pledged to join the WHO’s Global Pandemic Radar; setting up a network of surveillance hubs by the end of the year, to ensure the world wasn’t “caught unawares again by a virus spreading among us unchecked.” Having warned of thousands of deaths, sage scientists now said a third wave was unlikely to overwhelm the NHS. Mobile vaccination centres moved into Blackburn and Bedford. The EU set to introduce covid travel certificates for its citizens by 1^st July, Spain would welcome tourists from Monday even though it was on the UK’s amber list.

Starting grey on Saturday, the weather remained fine and the sun re-appeared late afternoon. Phil went to town for shopping and photography. I took a pile of recycling out, greeted a couple of neighbours and was busy pruning when he got back. The new secateurs proved effective on the shrubs at the back of garden which had gone rampant, as too had the creeping buttercup. Lovely yellow flowers they may be, especially in the wild, but the root tubers were a nuisance. I hacked at the worst of it until I got hot and tired.

Phil broke the cafetiere jug while washing up. The protective rubber rings long since lost from the tap, it was an accident waiting to happen. In the evening, we watched the shiny waxing moon cross the sky and the Eurovision Song Contest. My opinions altered slightly on a second hearing and San Marino gained cred points with guest artist Flo Rida waxing lyrical. Switching to Netflix when the interminable voting started, we subsequently discovered Italy won, France came second and the UK were bottom with nil points. Nothing to do with Brexit!

Rising late Sunday morning, I helped Phil find a replacement jug for the cafetiere and placed an Ocado order before drafting a haiku. The weather changeable all day, there was a brief bright spell late afternoon. I considered going out when it became cold and rainy again. Instead, I patched another pair of jeans while Phil rooted out a handy repair kit to put rubber rings on the end of the kitchen tap to guard against further breakages. On a manic last day of the football season, Leeds finished a creditable 9^thin the table.

72% of adults now had 1 dose and 43% had 2 vaccine doses. Over the weekend, discovery of the Indian variant in more places led to surge testing in West London and over 18’s being offered jabs in Rochdale. Self-isolation pilots were coming to Newham, Hackney, Yorkshire & Humber, Cheshire, Merseyside, Manchester, Peterborough and Somerset. A PHE study demonstrated protection of up to 80% after 2 doses of AZ or Pfizer. Even so, Germany called the UK an ‘area of variant concern’ and banned travel, effective Sunday midnight. The Scumbag blogged that ‘herd immunity’ was the Plan A government strategy at the start of the pandemic and Plan B was “bodged amid utter and total chaos.” Nasty Patel came on the Marr to repudiate. The plot was to thicken in the coming days. Belarus effectively hijacked a civilian Ryanair plane flying from Athens to Vilnius. They told the crew there was a bomb on board, scrambled a MiG-26 fighter jet and ordered them to land at Minsk. Activist Journalist Roman Protasevich and his girlfriend Sofia Sepaga were promptly arrested. As Mike O’Leary claimed there were KGB agents on board, western leaders expressed outrage. But what action would they take against the sky piracy of the despot Lukashenko?

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 57 – Line of Acronyms

“In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, to contribute to solving overpopulation” (Prince Philip)

Barking Mad

Patches of white lay atop roofs on a sunny Easter Monday. Phil slept in while I exercised and did free puzzles in Metro. After a late breakfast of toasted hot cross buns, I posted blogs, just finishing as the skies turned changeable. Itching to go out, we debated whether to visit town for a burnt snack and the virtual duck race, thought better of it and agreed to escape ‘up tops’ instead. Things became a bit fraught as we prepared to leave the house, and I feared we’d miss the next bus. I needn’t have worried. Although it had sounded quieter than the previous 2 insanely busy days, cars streamed on the main road. A traffic jam stretched to bridge. “That’s people not going to the virtual duck race,” I quipped.

Predictably late as a consequence, a few other passengers rode the bus, all alighting in the first village. We got off at the junction of a country lane where adorable spring lambs eyed us curiously from patchwork fields as we passed. At the farm shop, only one customer was allowed in at a time. I waited to buy pop and we stood in a patch of sun, well away from a couple drinking beer and a picnicking family. A large sow snuffled at straw inside the barn behind us. Manic squealing ensued as a litter of piglets clambered and tugged at each other to feed. Mindful of social distancing, we in turn jockeyed for position with small children and a pair of women also peered over the metal gate to witness the spectacle.

Walking down to the clough, we were chased by dogs where the path crossed farmland. I yelled at the woman who’d appeared near the farmhouse: “It’s not on! This is a public right of way!” Shaken by the encounter, we got off their land as quickly as possible. In the clough, straggling family groups and elderly men impeded our progress to the garlic fields for the second forage of the season.

Proceeding home via the bridleway, a horse rider thanked us for standing on the verge for her to pass. A woman accompanied by 2 kids and 2 spaniels walked the opposite way. “Oh no, it’s the stupidest, craziest of all dog breeds,” Phil tittered. One of the dogs broke from the group and bounded towards us.

Braced for another stressful experience, it veered off the path, apparently chasing a deer. I suggested to the woman she put her dogs on leads. “What?” “You need to put your dogs on leads. There are deer here.” “I live here!” she responded. “Your dog just chased a deer!” “Ooh, scary!” she laughed. Angered by the incident and by inconsiderate dog-owners in general, I asked Phil: “I live here? What the hell does that mean?“ “That she owns the place? “Well, she should care more about the bloody wildlife then, shouldn’t she. Cold-hearted bitch!” Recalling the horse rider, I considered it barking mad that dogs didn’t have to be kept on leads on a bridleway. However, owners were required to control them so they didn’t intimidate animals, or people for that matter, on any public right of way. (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱⁱ).

In the evening, our walking friend texted to ask if we fancied going to another garlic spot the next day. Although we’d just got a pile, I was always up for a new harvesting place and said yes. At bedtime, I was troubled by recurring thoughts of encounters with dogs and the drone of railway engineering works. Hard to sleep, I tried earplugs, then the meditation tape, then the noise suddenly stopped enabling a few fitful hours.

Covid cases dropped 44% and hospitalisations by a quarter in the past week. The Boris Briefing confirmed the next step (or ‘waymark’) on the roadmap would proceed next week. Hairdressers, beer gardens and shops could re-open, with extended hours up to 10 p.m. but social distancing still in place. Covid Status Certification set to be trialled, The Bumbler promised we wouldn’t need them for “the shops, pub garden or hairdressers on Monday.” He stopped short of saying they wouldn’t be required inside pubs in May. 70 MPs set to vote against the Covid Passes, including 40 tories, Rachel Reeves said Labour didn’t see the point with the success of the vaccine programme. Boris made no pledges on travel but confirmed a traffic lights system with more details due later in the week. From Friday, everyone could have 2 tests per week. While we wondered what the point was and where the cash was going, the government said it would be paid for out of the existing TIT budget. So was it a ruse to justify Dildo’s existence? Allyson Pollock of Newcastle University called it a “scandalous waste of money” and warned that as cases fell, false-positives would rise and people forced to needlessly self-isolate.

Egged On

After a freezing night, Tuesday also started sunny and cold with a sprinkling of white. Chores done, we planned an early lunch before meeting our walking friend. Suddenly, small snowflakes started to fall. I rang her to say there was no chance of going garlic-picking and parried her efforts to persuade me otherwise. “I knew something like this would happen,” she said, “I thought one flake of snow, and Mary will cry off.” “And I knew you’d try and talk me into it!” We had a laugh and nattered about her new semi-retired life, antibodies, vaccines, and meeting up soon. As a mixture of wintry showers plagued the afternoon, the temperature plummeted. Glad I’d stood firm, it also gave me chance to catch up on editing photos and writing. The din of night-time engineering was replaced by caterwauling on the street below. Thankfully, it didn’t interfere with sleep as much.

As the blood clot issue re-surfaced, Boris went to the AZ* plant in Macclesfield to be quizzed on concerns the vaccine caused CVT*. He directed us to the MHRA* where studies were ongoing but trials on youngsters were halted. He insisted there was ‘no data’ to suggest deviating from the roadmap out of lockdown while SPI-M* warned of a rise at the final stage in June. The Cock claimed Valneva produced a ‘strong immune response’ although this was only based on a study of 153 people. Cases in Chile rose even though 37% of the population had at least 1 dose of Sinovax. Reportedly due to complacency, travel in or out of the country was banned for a month. Concerns over the Chinese vaccine would emerge later in the week. Australia and NZ* agreed to allow travel between the two without quarantine. Here, Border Force claimed 40% of 40,000 fliers into the UK* and 90% of travellers on Eurostar were tourists. The government denied it. Airline bosses moaned that holidays would ‘costa packet’, with up to 6 PCR* tests required (lab analysis making them better at detecting variants than rapid flow tests). Irene Hays appeared on BBC Breakfast to laud ‘sea-cations’ (aka Brexit cruises). The latest Yorkshire fire entailed a recycling pile in Doncaster – what was it with daft fires in this county?

A similar picture Wednesday, I hoovered, wrote and went to the co-op for a hefty top-up shop. School holidays still on, hordes hithered and dithered in the aisles. Obviously too cold for coffee-cupping today! Already stressed, I swore at a young man behind me at the till who didn’t wait for me to move before slamming a box of beer down on the conveyor belt. I rushed to the end where the cashier asked me if I was alright. “Some people just don’t give a shit,” I complained, to which she nodded. On exiting, I removed my face mask. My specs promptly fell on the pavement making me swear again. Hands full, I struggled to the zebra and glared at a speeding driver. He screeched to a halt. I paused at the corner to sort myself out when Geordie Neighbour approached. We walked and talked back to our street, about the weather and the discomfort of extreme walking. I mentioned the ace job his partner had done on the community garden and told him some of the history of the land; we’d collaborated with a couple of neighbours and councillors to rescue it from auction some years ago. Developing neck pain later, I cursed myself for using dam rucksacks when shopping. A massage and shifting into a more comfy position helped somewhat at bedtime.

The MHRA issued new guidance to not use AZ on those under 30. Though not confirmed it caused clots, Jenny Raine said the evidence was ‘firming up’. An estimated 6,000 lives saved and only 19 deaths out of 20 million vaccines given, The EMA* wanted the ‘very rare side effects’ listed on packs and people with blood disorders to consult their doctor. JCVI’s* Anthony Harnden assured us detection of the possible link showed the ‘yellow card’ system worked and it was no more risky than pregnancy, taking the contraceptive pill, or taking a long-haul flight. As the SNP* and Labour ruled out backing proposals on Covid Passes, Keir called messaging a mess: “only a few weeks ago the prime minister was saying he was thinking of vaccine passports to go to the pub – now he says isn’t. One day he’s talking about tests – then certificates. It’s a complete mess.” Ian Blackford added: “the tory position has been mired in confusion and contradiction.” CRG* deputy chair Steve Baker warned the proposed document would lead to a “miserable dystopia of Checkpoint Britain.” However, domestic certificates would likely be wrapped up with nigh inevitable international covid passports, to garner more votes. With only 8% of Brazilians vaccinated, the P1 variant led to 4,000 deaths in a day. More transmissible and infecting young people, it spread throughout South America and across the globe. Deliveroo denied IWGB* claims that hundreds took part in strike action, saying their drivers were happy. Shares rose slightly after a shaky start last week.

Another boring day, Thursday I aimed to do yoga in the afternoon but by the time a heap of chores were done, I’d had enough and lay down to rest instead. The roses Phil bought me at Easter had bloomed into a fabulous floral splendour, providing a splash of colour to a dull midweek.

18,000 new trains were arriving in time for Monday’s non-essential shopping trips. A study of 150,000 people indicated jabs broke the link between Covid and death but the number of hearts on the wall alongside St. Thomas’ Hospital still grew. It was odd I didn’t ever walk that way when I worked there many moons ago. Philippine president Duerte shielded from his staff who all had Covid. As ‘the troubles’ rumbled on, Stormont held an emergency sitting and Brad Lewis went to Belfast for urgent talks. Wednesday night, a bus was hijacked and burnt, and factions clashed either side of a gate on the so-called peace wall, between Shankill Road and Springfield Road. Teenagers threw missiles and petrol bombs. PSNI* fired rubber bullets and water cannons, just like the old days. The next night, community workers formed a human chain to prevent rioters reaching the gate at Lanark Way. Commentators cited a number of causes including a backlash against an IRA funeral last summer, the Brexit border in the Irish Sea and ‘increased rancour in the political sphere’. Loyalists were accused of egging on rioting youths. Interviewed on BBC news, a young man called Joel said people saw Sinn Fein winning and Loyalists under attack.

Adding to the 4 known forces of physics (gravity, electromagnetism, the strong force and the weak force) a new one was allegedly found. When muons were fired into a circular magnetic track, they wobbled. The elliptical result prompted Phil to call them ‘eggons’. The STFC* said it gave: “strong evidence for the existence of an undiscovered sub-atomic particle or new force” but not conclusive proof. Smiley Prof. Brian Cox enthused: “It would be the biggest discovery in particle physics for many years.” Shamelessly touting his upcoming Horizons tour, I laughed: “he’s nicked Count Arthur Strong’s idea. Well, that’s one way of dealing with merciless piss-taking!”

The Final Wipe-Down

Starting to feel ill the night before, I tried a few stretches Friday morning before succumbing to the inevitable. Back in bed, I worked on the laptop to post a composite of the last 2 foraging trips on Cool Places. Phil worked downstairs, brought me lunch and went to the co-op for weekend supplies. Hoping to catch afternoon quiz shows, I turned the telly on to discover that Prince Philip had died. Incessant news coverage ensued, leading to 1000,000 official complaints. I whinged to an empty room. Accepting they had to do this stuff, I didn’t see why it had to be on all the channels, all the time. The endless cycle of toadying didn’t even include any of the Duke of Edinburgh’s famous gaffes (see example above).

Launching his ‘framework for travel’, Shats used classic double-speak, NOT saying don’t book foreign holidays. The DfT* refused to confirm they’d be allowed from 17^th May, said there’d be an initial assessment early May and a review 28^th June to see if ‘measures could be rolled back’. Shats admitted PCR tests were expensive and was trying to bring costs down. Jet2 extended the suspension of flights until June due to a lack of clarity. As UCL* modelling predicted herd immunity would be reached in time for pub and shop re-opening Monday, Debenhams was holding a fire sale at 97 stores. Vaccine hesitancy amongst ethnic minorities reportedly dropped to 6%, the Kent virus was now dominant in the USA*, and Slovakia said the Russian Sputnik V vaccine was rubbish.

I managed a few hours kip that night but woke in the early light at 6.00 a.m. Car doors slammed and people prattled inanely. Either the shed people or the flat residents had apparently been to an all-nighter.

Still ailing at the weekend, I only ventured downstairs for short spells. Most of the time, I sat abed, writing and watching telly. BBC 1 still showed interminable coverage of the dead duke including a noon gun salute and a remembrance service, but at least it wasn’t all the channels like Friday. Saturday, I tried to ignore the unremitting chatter of the flat residents in their garden. On his return from shopping, I told Phil it was doing my nut in and suspected it was them I’d heard coming home at 6.00 a.m. “We used to be like that when we were young,” he reminded me. “Yes, but not in a time of Covid!”

Sunday began startlingly bright as overnight snowfall dramatically reflected a blue sky. It was beautiful but hurt my eyes, especially as I attempted to capture the stunning scene on camera. By the time we’d bathed and breakfasted, most of the snow had melted. It became grey and cold as the sun went in. Freezing and achy, I went back to bed and draft-posted the next instalment of the journal. More snow fell later, but the soggy flakes didn’t stick. Although not unusual to have wintry showers in April, I’d never known it snow this late before.

Phil ventured to the convenience store in a clear spell, reporting town inevitably busy in anticipation of pubs opening in the morning. News media dubbed it ‘the final wipe-down’ and featured extra outdoor seating sprawled across pub carparks and pavements. “It’s all looking a bit medieval,” he laughed. Inspired to mock the latest government campaigns, my spoof poster only got one laugh on Facebook – what was wrong with people?

I stayed up to watch Line of Duty – or Line of Acronyms as we now called it – just about keeping apace of the lingo as they prated about AC-12, CHIS, OCG and MIT*. I returned to bed with a heavy head as though a weight pressed down above my eyes. The drone of railway engineering works again mitigated attempts to sleep. Using earplugs and the meditation tape, I eventually dropped into fractious slumber.

As vaccinations reached 32m and 7.5m had 2 doses, Phil said only 7 people died of Covid. I agreed that seemed negligible, but figures at the weekend were always lower due to reporting lags. George Fu Gao, head of the CCDCI* said something needed to be done to address the poor efficacy of Sinovax, just above 50%. After his comments went viral, social media posts were deleted and Gao later claimed his comments were misinterpreted.

Rishi’s text replies to David Camoron on the Greensill issue were published; he was ‘pushing for alternatives’ but with ‘no guarantees.’ It then emerged that in 2019, the ex-PM lobbied for Greensill to be given NHS contracts. Drinks with Matt Cock were apparently ‘a social occasion’ so didn’t have to be reported, and broke no rules. Would that be the rules Camoron drew up? He later said he should have used the proper channels. Labour replied that if rules weren’t broken, it was because they weren’t strict enough. In advance of publication Thursday, former tory minister Alan Duncan’s memoirs had already been serialised in The Daily Mail. He hilariously called The Glove-Puppet an unctuous freak, Gavin Salesman a venomous self-seeking little shit, Nasty Patel a nightmare, and The Bumbler an embarrassing buffoon.

*Lines of acronyms:

AZ – Astra-Zeneca

CVT – Cerebral Venous Thrombosis

MHRA – Medicines and Health Products Regulatory Agency

SPI-M – Scientific Pandemic Influenza Group on Modelling

NZ – New Zealand

UK – United Kingdom

PCR – Polymerase Chain Reaction

EMA – European Medicines Agency

JCVI – Joint Committee for Immunisation and Vaccination

SNP – Scottish Nationalist Party

CRG – Covid Recovery Group

IWGB – Independent Workers of Great Britain

PSNI – Police Service Northern Ireland

STFC – Science and Technology Facilities Council

DFT – Department for Transport

UCL – University College London

USA – United Sates of America

AC (as in AC-12) – Anti Corruption

CHIS – Covert Human Intelligence Source

OCG – Organised Crime Group

MIT – Murder Investigation Team

CCDCI – Chinese Centre for Disease Control and Infection

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 49 – Rocky Road

“When you’re stuck in a tunnel and you can’t find your way out, thank god there’s a Jackie Weaver about. Jackie is our saviour, she’ll know what to do, in the nick of time she’ll rescue you” (Don Black)

Cold Comfort

haiga – Polarised

Storm Darcy brought officially the coldest spell since the Beast from the East in 2018, with a bitterly icy easterly wind and yet more snow. Worse in the south for once, trains stopped and jab centres shut. Warming up with porridge and a fluffy bath, tedious Monday chores ensued, the trip to the bins particularly nithering. Decorating Neighbour chatted with a mate in the street. Referring to new arrivals’ makeshift ‘private parking’ sign, he asked: “Is this a private street?” “Of course not. I would have cordoned off my bit 20 years ago if it was.” We went on to discuss similar misguided beliefs on the street below and Covid larks. “I’m getting the jab this week,” he informed me. “Is it because of your age?” “Yes, I’m old. and special!” That made 4 immunised people I knew first-hand as opposed to none with coronavirus. Weary in the afternoon, I considered doing yoga but got stuck on Photoshop instead then tried to warm up in bed – futile even wearing 3 pairs of socks. Phil still struggled with back pain but rallied after a rest and more happy pills. “You’re turning into a right junkie!” I laughed.

The Cock urged the over 70’s not yet invited to contact the NHS. French health minister Olivier Veran got the AZ jab, derided by Macron. Boris insisted it would lower the death rate despite fears over resistance of the SA strain, while Van Dam said it wasn’t a major concern as the Kent variant was the most virulent. Surge testing widened to other areas and Mike Tildesley (of Warwick Uni and SPI-M*) cautioned it could be even more widespread and thus delay lockdown easing.

Rocky sleep for two successive nights prompted me to take a sleeping pill. Eyes shutting while reading, I lay in the comfy chilled-out place between wakefulness and sleep before gently sinking into unconsciousness. Much less fatigued Tuesday, I performed a full morning exercise routine for the first time in 2 weeks.

Brightness was suddenly obliterated by snow, flying in our faces as we walked east on the towpath. Plans to climb a hill abandoned, we circumnavigated the park and trod gleefully on the white stuff, some squeaky, some crunchy. Observing the prints of others who’d preceded us, it turned out Phil was an expert at sole tread identification – who knew? Attempting to take photos, flakes fell like delicate chains, settling softly on shrubs. We returned to the canal, where fine particles lay dust-like on frozen patches. Chilled to the bone, we veered onto tarmac. Gulls sat expectantly in a neat row atop a roof gable behind the school. Boys dangerously played football on uneven cobbles. A café still advertised mulled wine but looked closed, even for take-a-away. Unable to rest in the afternoon, I had a really good night, even better than the one before. Was it a knock-on effect of the pill or the refreshing icy walk?

The Cock announced plans for traveller quarantine. From Mon 15^th Feb, all arrivals must isolate for 10 days and have 2 tests at their own expense. Those from ‘red list’ countries would be bussed to designated hotels (the list of 16 undisclosed due to security, apparently) at a cost of £1,750 including transfer and testing. Paul Brand of ITV news tweeted ‘a large whack’ of the money went to G4S (i.e., more tory chums). A plethora of fines could be issued for non-compliance and a staggering 10 years in prison levied for concealing your country of origin! Scotland required all travellers to go to Q hotels. The WHO Wuhan verdict inconclusive, they said the virus hadn’t escaped from a lab and that it may have come from imported frozen fish rather than local fresh produce, raising queries about endorsing the official Chinese version. A week on, they called for more evidence dating back to the original outbreak. Brexiteer JD Sports boss Peter Cowgill carped that Brexit red tape was worse than expected and planned to open a distribution centre in Europe, taking jobs away from the UK – twat! Useless George said there was ‘no legal barrier’ to the EU blockade of shellfish exports and they’d changed the rules within the last week.

Wednesday, we were occupied with domestic-based work. On PMQ, Keir complained of no decisions on business rates, furlough or eviction ban extensions to which Boris trolled out the same old lines. Ian Blackford called him ‘pathetic’. Answering a question from Plaid Cymru, The Bumbler referred to battery manufacture in Bridgend, at possibly the biggest factory in the world. Was that meant to compensate for the loss of car manufacture? It reminded me of Soviet-era Radio Tirana which used to trumpet weekly Albanian tractor production figures.

Miffed at being stuck indoors during sunny daylight, Phil said I should have suggested a walk. But already approaching dusk, it became colder and more persistent snow fell.

The WHO advised the AZ vaccine was used for all adults, in all countries, on all variants, and greater efficacy was elicited when the booster was administered at 8-12 weeks. In the UK, take-up remained lower in the BAME community and a third of care home staff hadn’t been inoculated for a variety of reasons, many spurious. Van Dam raged at mis-information and “nasty pernicious scare stories on social media.” Quite – stop looking at it, you dickwads! An Imperial College React study added chills, headaches, muscle aches and loss of appetite to Covid symptoms. In contrast to Cock‘s claim last month that it would be a ‘Great British Summer,’ Shatts said: “people shouldn’t be booking holidays now…domestically or internationally.” And the holiday ban would remain until everyone was vaccinated. Did he mean the whole world? Had they told BoE chief Andrew Bailey? Braced to write off summer, Brian Strutton of BALPA whinged: “airlines are drowning but rather than throwing us a life raft, the transport secretary has just thrown a bucket of cold water at us.”

Amongst mounting pressure, housing minister Robber Jenrick announced ‘a clear plan’ to remove dangerous cladding from tower blocks, with an extra £3.5bn and a levy for new-builds. An MPs’ report in 2020 concluding £15bn was needed, shadow minister Thangam Debbonnaire said: “(the government) still don’t know how many buildings are unsafe…inaction and delay has caused the building safety crisis to spiral.” Grenfell United called it ‘too little too late’. Rebecca from the excellently-named Manchester Cladiators told BBC Breakfast it was cold comfort for people living in unsellable flats, failed to take into account other underlying safety issues and that the 17.5 storey limit determining whether you got a grant or a loan, was arbitrary.

Jackie Weaver had become the most famous coffee-cupper in the land, hosting a Handforth (Cheshire) Parish Council planning meeting on zoom. In the face of male aggression, she kept her cool to remove the chair who yelled: “you have no authority here, Jackie Weaver!” The VC stormed off shouting: “read the standing orders. Read them and understand them!” Glad for the power of the mute button, she became an unlikely hero. ALW penned an ode with Don Black, released on insta. Would a musical be next?

Polar Trek

Icy Track

The storm passed, but temperatures stayed below zero. Jeremy C**t hilariously slipped when jogging and broke his arm. Overnight temperatures plummeted to the lowest for decades. In the Cairngorms, it hit -23 in Braemar and a man from Boat in Garten performed the Siberian trick of freezing boiling water mid-air.

Very bright and cold again Thursday, we didn’t miss another opportunity for a wintry walk. Leaving the house just before lunch, Phil bought pasties from the hipster bakers. “It’s like going to the dystopian future in there, with all the PPE and distancing measures!” We walked west on the main road, turning right to a nearby clough. Extremely icy on the rocky track, the going was glacially slow. At the old mill site, snowy water and icicles shone. We stood to eat the pasties then clambered over a frozen tributary and up slippery steps onto a Path. We spotted an old quarry with massive icicles resembling stalactite. Warily avoiding squelchy patches and falling spikes, we ascended to explore. Photos later revealed a miniature snow horse in the rockface. Back on the path, we weren’t quite where expected. At a loss as to how we went wrong, we ended up climbing a ridiculously long stairway, emerged at a junction, turned right again and kept to the higher route until the path ran out. A pair of men changed a van wheel in middle of the narrow lane, requiring us to squeeze past. Reaching the village, we paused to peruse a veg stall outside the inn. As the landlord emerged, we nodded politely and moved on, reasoning he would probably charge us non-local rates! On the last stretch, I felt achy, exhausted and grumpy. It was incredulous how long and hard the walk was even though we hadn’t got far – like a polar trek! (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱ)

Back home, we slumped on the sofa. Shopping not done, I thought of an alternative dinner option from meagre supplies. Phil said he had to go to the co-op anyway. Expecting him to be back in time to help, I started cooking and was almost finished when he returned, by which time I was achy and moody again.

Jeremy Farra of sage referred to the Rocky Road Map as ‘arbitrary’ but with calls to open up the economy, John Edmunds said we would be ‘more or less free’ by the end of the year, albeit still with masks and social distancing. Wales was the first home nation to declare all top 4 priority groups vaccinated. The Q hotel website crashed minutes after going live. Sharon Peacock, Cog-UK said the Kent variant, now in 50 countries, was becoming dominant. By persistence, door-knocking and offering help, York’s local system reached two thirds of positive cases uncontactable by Dildo’s TIT. Von Der Leyen admitted to MEPs that they were late authorising vaccines and over-optimistic on mass production. Prezzo were closing 22 ‘non-viable’ restaurants’ and losing 216 posts. Heineken were shedding 8,000 jobs worldwide. The Post Office announced record profits (all those cardboard packages obviously) while Uber prepared to offer parcel delivery at the same price as a cab ride. With staff exhausted, Jon Ashworth questioned the timing of The Cock’s planned overhaul of the NHS. A We Own It petition claimed it would lead to more privatisation.

In an argument on QT concerning the daft rules on exporting fish, the SNP woman correctly told Michael Forsythe it was the deal. The idiot tory persisted in banging on about balancing public health and the economy during the pandemic, to which she echoed my views that there wouldn’t be an economy without people to work and spend. You had to prioritise one or the other, for the millionth time!

In contrast to the previous two, I had a fractious night. Unable to relax, I used the meditation tape to drop in and out of sleep several times until I eventually got a few hours.

Glacial Pace

Haiga – Glacial

Friday, I wearily ran a bath and discovered spilt goo making a mess. Downstairs, I discovered an even bigger mess due to an overturned ashtray, not seeing how bad it was in the dark of the previous night. Trying to ignore it, I settled down with coffee and tried to work on the laptop. Glacially slow, I eventually got a MS update message – why was it always on a Friday? With no chance of achieving anything substantial, I did a few small tasks and posted a picture for my nephew’s 18^th birthday. All the nieces and nephews now officially adults, I felt old! Leaving the machine to update, I went to the co-op for weekend supplies including the Valentines meal deal, which proved excellent value as we got 2 dinners and a lunch out of it. I waited patiently at the tills for space on the conveyor. Before I knew it, the pace quickened and the cashier started putting my items through. The couple in front intervened and I rushed to separate my groceries from theirs, commenting I didn’t know how it happened. The shirty cow said it was my fault for placing my stuff too close. A friendlier colleague behind me in the queue asked: “are you being told off?” “Yes, and it’s not right. I’ve done nothing wrong!” The shirty one indicated the social distancing signs. Aghast, I railed: “you’ve only just put those signs up. I’ve been doing social distancing for a year!” Meanwhile, Phil had arrived unnoticed to help carry the shopping. Shaking his head, he told me to calm down, which was the worst thing to say. Nevertheless, as we departed, I made a conciliatory gesture by informing the shirty cow we had things in common and perhaps we should get on rather than argue. I later reflected that I the last 2 trips to the co-op between bouts of illness, were both stressful. Perhaps I should take my custom elsewhere. Or complain to head office, although the last time I did, they responded at a snail’s pace.

I spent the rest of the day tweaking photos and writing haigas, inspired by the polar trekⁱⁱ. Phil cleaned the bathroom. I sent him back up for the hoover to clean his pile of ash still lying on the living room floor.

The R number now 0.7-0.9, eggheads still referred to the infection rate as high. The economy shrunk by 9.9% in 2020. Dodds said “…not only has the UK had the worst death toll in Europe, we’re experiencing the worst economic crisis of any major economy.” She wanted a ‘smarter furlough scheme’ and extensions to the business rate holiday and low VAT for hospitality and tourism. Metro called it the greatest decrease since 1921, the BBC since three centuries ago. Confused, Phil related details of the 1706 recession, during Isaac Newton’s tenure as Master of the Mint. Evidence emerged that Stonehenge was moved from Waun Mawn in the Welsh hills of Preseli. Similarities of size and rock type at the site made the theory plausible.

Hearts in Siberia

Zany Valentines Card

Although most of the snow had gone by Saturday, it was literally freezing all day. Phil appeared far too jolly first thing. I lowered the mood by indicating my red-raw hands; not another imaginary plague symptom but due to the cold. I applied copious amounts of cream and healing balm. While I turned the Photoshop collage into a mad Valentine’s card, he went to the convenience store, reporting the side streets lethal but still awash with coffee-cuppers in the arctic conditions! Enjoying our bargainous dinner complete with pink prosecco and posh dessert, we guffawed at mugs featured on telly who paid a fortune for fancy restaurant take-aways, wearing make-up and dresses as they hadn’t for ages. Phil said “I’m going to wear shorts and a snorkel because I haven’t for ages.” “No you won’t. You’ll freeze!”

Finally above zero, Sunday remained cold and grey. I presented the zany card to Phil, querying: “where’s my art, or roses, or anything…?” Answer: nowhere. No surprise seeing as he’d only ever given me Valentines gifts 3 times in almost 4 decades. Not that he had a heart as cold as Siberia, but he maintained it was a ‘made up card day’ (which is isn’t, unlike some others). “Why do I bother?” I asked. Because you enjoy it.” “Hmm.” I stayed in, wrote and watched telly. He went to the shop again in the late inky blackness. Daring to hope he might yet surprise me with a bouquet, he returned empty-handed. “No flowers; only a manky cauliflower.” “Well, it has flower in the name. You could have got it as a joke.” After dinner, we finished off a bottle of fizz which made me very sleepy, but I stayed up to watch Leeds United lose to Arsenal, in a characteristically goal-packed match.

The Cock appeared to fudge the target of reaching 15m priority people when he referred to them being ‘offered’ the vaccine, rather than getting it. As the deadline loomed, it was actually reached, but only 500,000 had the second jab. A 90% uptake among the over 70’s boded well for ‘herd immunity’ if replicated for all adults. The Bumbler hailed ‘a truly national effort’: “they have been delivered by the most extraordinary army of vaccinators who jabbed like there’s no tomorrow.” If there was no tomorrow, we wouldn’t need them you wanker! Due to the backlog of booster jabs and supply issues, roll-out to the over 65’s and clinically vulnerable would be slower. Still confused as to when carers would get it, I clarified we were in priority group 8 so may be immunised sooner than April. David Davies said we had to get to a point where we lived with the virus like it was flu. What made him an expert

A tunnel from Stranraer to Larne, dubbed ‘Boris’ Burrow’, was lauded as the answer to NI import woes, but the pie in the sky project would take 10 years to build. Backbencher Simon Hoare jibed: “The trains could be pulled by an inexhaustible herd of unicorns overseen by stern, officious dodos…A pushme-pullyou could be the senior guard and Puff the Magic Dragon the inspector. Let’s concentrate on making the protocol work and put the hallucinogenics down.” Perhaps the burrowers might need rescuing by Jackie Weaver!

Russian Heart

Trump predictably acquitted of spreading hatred and violence in the USA at his impeachment trial, heart vigils in support of Navalny spread the love across Russia, from St. Petersburg to Siberia.

Snotty again at bedtime, I hoped another relapse wasn’t looming…

*Note – SPI-M – Scientific pandemic influenza group on modelling

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 46 – Quadruple Whammy

“It’s a quadruple whammy. The whole Brexit deal screams of desperation. Johnson is a populist who does not care about the ramifications of what he does, he just wanted a deal – any deal – so he could stay popular. Business is the sacrificial lamb!” (Simon Spurrell, Cheshire Cheese Co.)

Battered But Unscathed

After a terrible night, not only did I still have the lurgy Monday morning, but I felt like I’d been battered round the head. I made a big effort to get washed and in what proved to be the pattern for the rest of the week, went back to bed while Phil took on chores and errands. I watched telly, posted blogs and worked on the journal. On Jeremy Vine, Sociopath Beverley Swivel-head refused to acknowledge reduced stats on coronavirus cases and death rates during lockdown was evidence it worked and advised us to look at ‘the fourth industrial revolution’ for proof it was all part of an evil plan. Get your tinfoil hat on, love!

High value business, performing arts, journos, TV & film people, admen and lottery staff no longer exempt from travel restrictions, but air crew, hauliers, offshore workers and elite sportspeople were. Almost 4 million now immunised, speculation mounted that the over 50’s and medically vulnerable might be done by spring, followed by teachers, coppers and shop workers. New vax centres included Blackburn cathedral and Askham Bar in York. Labour tabled a non-binding ‘early day’ motion to maintain the £20 a week top-up for UC. 6 tory backbenchers revolted against Boris’ instruction to abstain so it passed. In the face of a possible fight between Rishi Rich and Therese Coffee-cup, ministers considered a bewildering 14 options.

That evening, I used the new 3-4-5 breathing technique to gently drift into a much better sleep.

Storm Christoph prompted an amber warning with the Ouse already flooded in York and up to 200 mm of rain predicted in the Peak District and South Pennines midweek. As the deluge set in Tuesday morning, I woke to a noisy siren – a panda car not a flood warning; though one sounded upriver later and the area was on high alert for the next 2 days. Still abed, I worked on the journal until my eyes went funny, perused the internet for birthday gifts but found none, and placed a Boots order before putting the laptop down and trying to relax. At bedtime, Phil said “I hope the flood sirens don’t wake me up.” Feigning shock, I gawped at him: “Never mind people’s homes being flooded and their stuff washed away. As long as it doesn’t wake you!” “Yep!” Luckily, the rain eased off allowing for a restful night.

The WHO called the inequitable distribution of vaccines between rich and poor countries a ‘serious risk’. The UK had enough lined up to inoculate the population two or three times over (albeit with import issues) which the government said was because they’d funded COVAG. Dildo appeared at the Commons Public Accounts Committee to insist paying consultants £1k a day was great value. Cock had to self-isolate after being pinged and was working from his bog until Sunday. Deputy Med Chief Jenny Simpleton suggested phased school opening after half-term. Using the typical thick person trick of trying to sound clever, she waffled about ‘differential application’ (i.e., a regional approach), making her seem incapable of speaking in plain English. How did she get that job? In a leaked private call to tories, Nasty Patel said she’d argued with Boris last March that UK borders should be shut but insisted she supported the PM’s decision to stop quarantine that month. Shadow minister Nick Thomas-Symonds declared it a ‘shocking admission’. HSBC announced the closure of 82 bank branches between April and September – nowt to do with Brexit, or the plague, apparently…

Wednesday, there was little change in the weather or my condition, both dismal. Trying to clean round the dusty bedroom, I lacked the energy and went back to bed to work on the journal. My debilitation prompted bouts of angst, despair and anger to come to the surface but I tried to keep occupied. A boring PMQs left Desmond Swayne comatose on the front bench. Keir quizzed The Bumbler on missing police records, overriding Patel on closing borders last March, and the slowness of shutting them now, getting the standard non-answers. Zoom issues left remote MPs hanging and Ian Blackford unable to ask his second question.

Cobra met to discuss Storm Christoph and declared adequate preparedness. The Mersey burst its banks, flooding areas of Cheshire and South Manchester where 2,000 residents of Didsbury were told to evacuate. Astra-Zeneca’s Wockhardt factory in Wrexham was mercifully left unscathed only to undergo threats of a different kind a week later. Here, big lumps of snow fell early evening, soon turning back to rain. The water peak predicted at midnight, we again heard no sirens as it only reached road level. At least it made the traffic quieter! Finally getting out of the house at the weekend, I saw evidence in the form of debris on side streets and ravaged ‘duck islands’.

Won’t Get Fooled Again

Phil found a Brexit story in ‘West Country Bylines’, prompting me to post on Brexit Island: ‘Blessed be the cheesemakers. Prospering mightily!’ Describing the palaver of trying to export to the EU, Simon Spurrell of The Cheshire Cheese Co. rallied: “we managed to get a shipment through to Europe which took 6 days instead of 1. Rejected because it’s no longer fresh. We’ve paid the carriage to send it out and we have to pay to ship it back. We have to bin the cheese. We have to refund the customer. We also lose the customer. It’s a quadruple whammy…”^IThe government really was shafting small businesses. With a lack of support on Brexit or coronavirus, it further strengthened the belief that they wanted everyone to work for their tory chums’ conglomerates. The Opportunistic conspiracy of capitalists knew no bounds!

Meanwhile, Roger Daltrey appeared to change his mind on Brexit due to the deal not including musicians in visa-free travel. We won’t get fooled again!

In the US, a historic day saw the oldest president ever, Joe Biden, and the first ever female vice-president, American-Asian Kamala Harris inaugurated. Loser Trump was off to Florida, not Scotland, preceded by a pathetic military salute and sad party. The next day, Biden signed 10 executive orders related to Covid including mask-wearing, increased testing and accelerated vaccinations. Almost 2 years since we flew on one, and the last time we had a foreign holiday, 737’s were cleared for take-off.

A record high of 1,610 deaths the day before was surpassed by 1,820 deaths. Prof. Vallance warned vaccinations weren’t doing enough ‘heavy lifting’ and early studies suggested the SA variant (501Y&-V2) was resistant.

Not stopped completely, the rain eased off Thursday. Still fatigued and wobbly, it took an age to feel up to bathing. I wrote on my novel until the head fug returned, dossed awhile then hoovered the upstairs floors which of course rendered me exhausted.

A rave reported to police in Southend was actually old people queuing for vaccines that hadn’t turned up. Nasty Patel used the old ‘following the science’ adage and announced £800 fines for going to a house party. The R rate now 1.04, Covid cases and deaths fell for a change. Over 5m jabs had been given, to 4.6m people, at a rate of 200 per minute. However, a React study found the prevalence of Coronavirus still high, especially in London, the South East, East, West Midlands, South West and North West. Yorks and Humber was the only region where it dropped. Including mobility for the first time, the research revealed less movement at the end of December and a rise at the start of January, when lockdown #3 began. It was indeed time to stop telling coffee-cuppers and builders they were essential! New strains of the virus were reportedly found in Germany and France.

On QT, Minister for NI Brandon Lewis aka Swiss Toni* repeated the daft ‘’following the science’ line. Facing a Northern Irish audience, he condescendingly dismissed issues of goods getting to the province post-Brexit as minor. Prof. Anand Menon told us it would get worse in April when the ‘grace period’ for supermarkets ended. Did that mean they’d be hit with the same quadruple whammy as SME’s?

Slightly improved Friday, I took washing to the machine before returning to bed and spent the day writing and sketching. Phil went to the co-op for weekend supplies. Eggs in a plastic box rather than the usual cardboard, a sign on the shelf said there was a cardboard shortage. I joked: “I might do post-it notes and stick them on empty shelves, saying ‘nowt to do with Brexit!’” After dinner, we drank wine (not the whole lot for a change), and watched films.

The Sci-fi Songbird imagined the near future with the world in the 4^th year of lockdown, due to the latest variant, Covid-23. The idea muted last March, it was the first film to be made after lockdown #1. At least Michael Bay wasn’t whingeing about not making blockbusters and getting with the zeitgeist! The concept resonated with my recent angst that new strains might mean we were never rid of the plague. Featuring daily temp checks, parcel sanitising cabinets and virus scanners, I recalled reports a few months ago of dogs that could sniff out Covid and robot-cleaners. What happened to those innovations? Would we have them by 2024? Inevitably, I had ‘Covid dreams’ that night, remembering snatches of them the next day.

‘I’ll Be Vaxxed!’

Coronavirus cases in care homes shot up 46% in the last week. Was it because they hadn’t got their booster? A £500 pay-out for everyone pinged by the tit app was muted. Prof. Stephen Reicher said it must form “an essential element of our pandemic response.” But ministers dismissed the idea.

Israeli cases soared despite jabbing 2.8 out of 9m citizens. Authorities extended lockdown to the end of the month -only 10 days away. Was it enough? The ONS revealed a fifth of the UK population were infected last week. Their broader picture included asymptomatic as well as confirmed cases which were falling by 20% a week, the R rate dropping to 0.8-1. The Kent Virus now widespread across the UK, it accounted for 60% of cases. Boris briefed on early studies indicating the variant was 30% more deadly, having thus far said it wasn’t. The Met broke up a wedding party of 400 members of the orthodox Jewish Charedi community. Held in the hall of the Yesodey Hatorah Senior Girls’ School in Stamford Hill, North London, an unnamed external organisation managed all function lettings according to the school, who were: “absolutely horrified…and condemn(ed) it in the strongest possible terms.” Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mirvis (not the leader of the Charedis) called it “shameful.” Incredulously, the school principal, Rabbi Avrahom Pinter died last April from Covid! With Glasto cancelled again, Paul Reed, CE of the association of Indy festivals said smaller ones might still happen. The James Bond film release postponed a third time, Jeremy Vine clamoured: “get it on Netflix!” Arnie was snapped at a vaccine centre and captioned: “come with me if you want to live.” He should have said ‘I’ll be vaxxed!’

What sounded like soft rain Saturday morning, turned out to be giant snow globs. I stuck my hand out the window. When the flakes landed on me, they felt like feathers then instantly melted. Nevertheless, some settled prettily on hills, trees and roofs until it stopped and disappeared sharpish. Phil woke early but fell back to sleep, lulled by the gentle snowfall. After breakfast, I went back to bed. Although improving, I remained achy, fatigued and very cold, even though the sun was visible. I drafted haikus^{I I}and did some sketching until hunger forced me downstairs. I stayed there to cook a slow-roast dinner and watch films.

A freezing night repainted the hills white on Sunday. I rose very late again but managed the rest of the day out of bed. Really needing fresh air, low bread supplies gave us the incentive to brave the cold. Gone 3 by the time we left the house, the sunlight was scant but conditions less arctic than we’d feared. From the old bridge, we looked at the duck islands. Stripped of vegetation, last week’s storm bizarrely left random items of clothing in its wake. Coffee-cuppers back out in force, bins overflowed with disposable cups. In the busy square, we dodged impatient kids to get pies, glanced at the pathetic farmers market, then visited a couple of shops. Finding reduced ‘Lancashire sauce’ in the deli, and dubious that anything so piquant was a traditional condiment, I mused: “Never heard of it and I’m from Lancs. My mum cooking with spices? I ask you!” It had to be bought though. We took the longer way home, paused on the new bridge to watch the river living up to its name as ducks and pigeons lined up on the wall. Phil said they were expecting the inn to be open but I pointed out it was opposite the pet shop which sold bird feed.

Geordie neighbour waited for us to pass on the step. Chatting safely, he told us he’d had a Pfizer shot, because he does funerals, but queried why he was prioritised. He provided interesting insights on burials versus cremations and the noticeable rise in Muslim funerals at the start of the pandemic.

6,353,321 now immunised, Van Dam renewed pleas for them to keep to lockdown rules. 300 illegal ravers were discovered under railway arches in Hackney.

On the Marr, Cock said lifting lockdown was a ‘long, long, way off’. I knew Laura K’s reported prediction of an end on 5^th March was premature and a school return after half-term unlikely. Telling us there were 73 cases of the SA variant in the UK, all related to business travel, we repeated calls to stop all travel – NOW! Lisa Nandy wanted tougher testing, quarantine and checking up. Sir John Bell of Oxford University appeared on Channel 4 news to agree, urging the government to be ‘very tight about transport’. He said delaying the second dose was the right decision, but profound changes in the SA and Brazil strains may make it more difficult to neutralise the virus. If a new vaccine was required, it could be ready by autumn if ‘we get our skates on’, but there would be more variants in future. Remember, ‘Covid used to live up the back end of a pangolin’. Warning of too many eggs in the vax basket, he said other tools such as anti-virals were also needed.

Sturgeon vowed to hold an ‘advisory’ indy ref whether legal or not, if the SNP won the Scottish election in May. Together with increasing Irish rancour over the Brexit mess, Brexit Island would soon shrink! Snow unusually fell in London. In characteristic north/south divide style, outdoor recreation on Primrose Hill was reported as fun japes, unlike the nasty larks in Leeds last week!

Struggling to sleep, I used the new breathing technique but as that proved ineffective, I switched to the trusty meditation tape to drop in and out of a fitful sleep.

*Note – Swiss Toni – a character played by Charlie Higson in The Fast Show and spin-off sit-com in the early 2,000’s

References:

i. West Country Bylines: https://westcountrybylines.co.uk/quadruple-cheese-brexit-whammy/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

Cheshire