Part 90 – Isn’t it Moronic?

“The gaffer picks the team, that’s how it goes and that’s how it has always gone. Frankly, I couldn’t care less about the circus of who’s in, and who’s out, who’s up, who’s down, who knew, who didn’t” (Lisa Nandy)

Reshuffle kerfuffle

An ‘arctic shot’ brought overnight lows of -8, yellow ice warnings and a freezing start to Monday. Waking early, I planned to doze until the heating came on and fell proper asleep to be woken by Phil. After warming porridge, I made a huge effort to get moving, did nasty chores and donned the sensible boots and bear coat to take a sample to the surgery before the noon deadline. Black ice lurked on partially-cleared pavements and partially-gritted roads. Small crunchy drifts huddled against brickwork. Clumps of frilly leaves shivered off by the cold, settled prettily on iced shrubs. Irked Phil hadn’t made coffee for my return, I stomped down to the South Pole to fetch it and slumped on the sofa, posted blogs and worked on the next episode of the journal. As the temperature rose late evening, the snow disappeared as if by magic. At bedtime, I had a EHS episode which sounded like an actual explosion and I recalled a few recent incidents but not the dates.

Lampooners pointed out Omicron was an anagram of moronic. 11 confirmed cases in the UK and the mutant’s resistance to vaccines a mystery, JCVI maintained we were still better protected with boosters and recommended all adults got one after 3 months rather than 6. 12-15 year olds would be offered a second dose of Pfizer. More cases also found in Belgium, Austria, Denmark, France, Holland and Australia, G7 health ministers met. Rose Allin-Khan berated the government for the limited mandating of face-masks: ‘Does covid not spread in pubs?’ In the wake of Storm Arwen during which 3 died, people were stuck in the Tan Hill Inn for 3 days with an oasis tribute band and the I’m a Celeb set was damaged. At a ceremony to mark Barbados becoming an independent republic, Dame Sandra Mason was sworn in as president, Rihanna became a national hero and Bonny Prince Charlie appeared as a figurehead. In a shadow cabinet reshuffle, Yvette Coop was made shadow home secretary, David Lammy shadow foreign secretary and Lisa Nandy would shadow The Glove-Puppet on ‘levelling up’.* Outlining plans for overhauling rules and procedures on politicians’ behaviour, Rayner appeared unaware of the moves leading to speculation she was blindsided. Lisa ‘couldn’t care less’ about the ‘reshuffle kerfuffle’.

I was up with the 8 o’clock alarm Tuesday. A text link allowed me to track the gas engineer but required a log in. I left it until after exercise, by which time I’d missed a call from the guy himself. I phoned him to be told he’d be 20 minutes and got dressed just in time. We directed him to the boiler upstairs and I tidied some tools away downstairs so we didn’t get sued for injury. I’d just gone back up when he wanted to know where the timer was meaning I had to go back down again, then he asked where the gas metre was. I escorted him to the cubby hole and hung around in the South Pole until he’d done. He said everything was okay but advised on age and efficiency as usual. We assured him we knew but couldn’t afford a replacement until it wore out. In the co-op later, the fresh food aisles were almost bare thanks to yet another power cut. I had a member’s offer of a quid off prosecco and biccies. I got the fizz but eschewed the Fox’s fabulously biscuits – what was festive about jammy dodgers? At the kiosk, only the furthest till was open with a notice claiming it was to keep staff safe, but two of them stood chatting with no social distancing. Being served, I was deafened and stressed out by an awful fire alarm test.

My member’s points not added, the receipt said there was a problem with my card and I had to ring the freephone number. I rang later and was subsequently asked for feedback on the call. They stupidly wanted to know why I hadn’t use the website. It wasn’t an option, you morons!

The latest restrictions came into force at 4.00 a.m., mandating PCR tests for all returning travellers, 10 days’ isolation for anyone in contact, even if vaccinated, and face-coverings on public transport and in retail settings. Secondary schoolkids were ‘strongly advised’ to wear them in communal areas. Dr. Philippa Whitford MP pointed out the 2-day wait for a PCR result was confusingly less than the virus’ incubation period In a late vote, MPs extended the measures to March 2022. The 1922 committee feared a return to a ‘pingdemic’ while labour wanted to go further and require working from home. Doing the media rounds, Jenny Harries advised minimising social contacts to slow the spread of Omicron but amid concerns of the impact on hospitality, Boris contradicted her, saying there was no need to “change the overall guidance about how people should be living their lives.” At a press conference, he promised a booster within two months to everyone eligible thanks to help from the army and new vax centres. Amanda Pritchard pleaded for more volunteers. Pfizer CE Albert Bourla said they’d already started to develop a new vaccine which would be ready in 95 days. Gérald Darmanin suggested more talks with the UK to discuss proposals for a ‘balanced agreement’ to tackle the migrant crisis were imminent. Inflation in the eurozone reached 4.9%, the highest since 1997 and TSB were to shut 70 branches.

Nonsensical

Unlike the previous day, the alarm didn’t rouse me immediately Wednesday. Preparing to go out, it started teeming down leading to a rapid change of outerwear and a mild panic before going to the bus stop. In the next town, we made a few purchases from B&M, including the Fox’s fabulously biscuits. Phil disagreed that jammy dodgers weren’t festive and they were cheaper than the co-op even with the member’s offer. Heading into the Market Hall café, The Poet hurried in and out again. I gave a hasty greeting and wondered if we had to wear masks – some people did, some didn’t. Waiting for food, I perused the mad wall art and crazy junk shelves. Adding up the bill took ages. As they were short-staffed, I posited it was normally the job of an absentee.

Arriving at the health centre slightly early, there was no queue outside. But inside, a snaky red line led to a series of differently coloured stripes and thence to treatment rooms. We shared jokes with staff about it being like the game twister and nobody knowing if vaccines worked against new variants. Allowed in together, I had my booster first. The needle hard to get in my arm, the doctor remarked: “that was quite tough.” ‘Thanks’, I thought, ‘that’ll really hurt later!’ During the compulsory 15- minute sit in the waiting room, I noted the brand stamped on our cards. Affecting a booming film voice I declared: “Moderna Spikevax! That sounds like it could fight Omicron!” We left via the back door. I was bursting for a pee. “You can have a piddle in Lidl!” quipped Phil. We got a smattering of traditional Christmas fayre from the German supermarket, then considered going in TOFs but Phil felt weird and I was knackered. A longer wait for the bus back, we gazed up at late sunlight on the hills, skeins of geese flying past pink clouds and the rescue helicopter following the ridge – was someone lost on the pike? Back home, Phil had to go back out, leaving me to heft rucksacks to the kitchen. Collapsing on the sofa, I reviewed lists and decided we’d done quite well. Phil’s reaction to Spikevax even queerer, my arm ached as expected and I developed a headache and nausea. We cheered up eating the last of the Halloween drumsticks. I sucked mine into a pixie mushroom shape. “It’s impossible to be grown up eating a lolly.” “If everyone ate lollies, there’d be world peace.” Feeling progressively worse throughout the evening, at bedtime I took ibuprofen, shuffled the pillows to make a hollow for my painful arm and settled down for a mediocre night.

UKHSA identified another 9 cases of Omicron, making a total of 22 and tried to establish links with travel from South Africa. Leaked minutes from a sage meeting revealed fears of rising infections before the booster programme was fully implemented. Andrew Hayward advised going to Plan B rather than having to endure more severe measures later on. Goblin Saj urged festive partygoers to get an LTF before revelling. Deputy CE of NHS Providers Saffron Cordery said some organisations had asked staff ‘not to mix in big groups’. Daily Mirror reported there were 2 parties at Number 10 in the run-up to Christmas 2020 against lockdown rules. Quizzed at PMQs, Boris didn’t deny they took place but said no rules were broken. Keir spluttered: “Both of those things can’t be true, prime minister. He is taking the British public for fools.” Ian Blackford added: “How are people possibly expected to trust the PM when he thinks it’s one rule for him and one rule for everybody else.” Boris retorted he was “talking total nonsense”. LFTs no longer sufficient, holiday-makers heading to Spain now had to show vaccine passes.

Snog, Attend, Avoid

Both ailing on Thursday, I managed a few exercises, skipping ones that hurt my arm and took Echinacea, with no idea if it would do any good. Checking the NHS website for booster side-effects, ours were all normal apart from Phil’s mouth tasting of rusty nails. They suggested he might actually have covid. It soon became apparent he didn’t. I braved the cold to open the window and shake blankets out before changing sheets. I then worked on the laptop until I felt very ropey with a raised temperature. During a longer siesta than usual, I had a ½ hour with my eyes shut and struggled to rise. After dinner, the symptoms felt decidedly flu-like. Unable to keep my head up, I went to bed to watch a crap telly film.

At 53,945, UK daily cases were the highest for 4 months. 73,000 new infections in Germany, the unvaccinated were banned from public places such as non-essential shops. JVCI bod Prof Finn awaited approval from MHRA on jabs for 5-12 year olds. Dr. Albert Bourla of Pfizer said it was a good idea. Well, he would, wouldn’t he? On top of 35m extra doses of Pfizer, 60m Novavax and 7.5m GSK/Sanofi, government ordered another 114 m doses of Pfizer and Moderna in preparation for annual jabs during the next 2 years. Contracts allowed modification to tackle new mutants. 79% effective against serious illness, GSK’s anti-viral drug Sotrovimb was approved for use on the obese and diabetics over 60. Therese Coffee-cup advised against ‘snogging under the mistletoe’ and George Freeman suggested we keep Christmas parties small. Downing Street responded that wasn’t in the guidance. Anger mounted at reports Micron called Boris a clown and a knucklehead. They wouldn’t be snogging under the mistletoe, then! On Newscast, Sadiq Kahn defended the trad fir tree gift from Norway against complaints of scrawniness. He wouldn’t have ‘a word said against it’. Meanwhile, the Tesco Covid Pass Santa ad was deemed okay.

Phil still struggling Friday, my flu-like symptoms had gone apart from a snuffle. The jabbed arm less sore, I did exercise and went to the co-op. Gaps in the chiller sections persisted after the power cut but I found what we needed before Phil caught me up at the till to help with carrying. During lunch, I knocked a glassful of water all over the small coffee table and dug out a Christmas-themed lampshade cover to replace the one that got wet. While Phil cut his hair, I fruitlessly searched the internet for gifts.

After the BMA encouraged people to ‘avoid large groups’ and Prof Openshaw said he wouldn’t feel comfortable going to Christmas parties, labour cancelled theirs but tories didn’t. Oliver Dowdy advised: ‘keep calm and carry on’. So, you had to wear a mask travelling in a bus or taxi to a party, but you could snog a complete stranger under the mistletoe when you got there!

A South African study showed reinfection with Omicron was possible but weren’t sure if that was the case among a heavily-vaccinated population. CovBoost found that the body’s T cell immune response after a booster could offer good protection from hospitalisation and death although it wasn’t yet tested on Omicron. Moderna came out top. Obviously that Spikevax! Homes still without power a week after Storm Arwen, the army were sent to help households in North East Scotland and County Durham and Ofgem launched an urgent review into the response of power suppliers. From the metro news quiz, we learnt young female Afghan footballers rescued by Kim Kardashian, practiced at Elland Road. “I won’t have a word said against her now,” declared Phil. “Yes, she’s not completely useless!”

Dark, cold and wet with wintry showers Saturday, I stayed in, finished the Christmas card and sorted the spice cupboard. I combined duplicates, expunged mystery bits, and told Phil which to buy from the shop. Town deserted for once, he found no fresh stuff and got another duplicate dried condiment instead. The first taste of German gingerbread took me right back to childhood and I moronically crooned: “It’s beginning to taste a bit like Christmas.”

Sunday drier and brighter, I rose early and waited impatiently for Phil to wake. The geese had recently taken to wandering onto the street below to peck at moss and eye the lovely grass of the flat’s garden. Thwarted by the gate, there was lots of squawking. Phil seemed amazed when they went down the steps. “Why not?” I asked, “they’re not daleks.” “They are a bit like daleks.” “Yes, Exterminate! Exterminate!” I put recycling out, swore at neighbours parked right outside the door, and went to town. People stuffing food in their gobs made the farmer’s market resemble a food court, but then the whole town was like that most weekends. Not heaving, the knobbly veg stall-holders said it was at 9.00 a.m. Go figure! The Winter Art Fair also quiet, arty mates agreed the lack of punters was weird. In the Art Mill, I chatted to Photography Friend and her partner. Verging on adulthood, she’d reluctantly let her son to go to a party in Huddersfield. Phil came to join us and we perused an exhibition. He was quite taken by techniques used on the expensive monochrome photos. On the way home, beady-eyed jackdaws coveted a pie being eaten on a riverside bench, inspiring a haigaⁱ. While the corner pub was deserted, the pavements on the main road were oddly crammed. Twilight glowing orange through the living room window, Phil called it ‘lambent light’. A new one on me, it sounded like a clever photographer’s term. I blamed the posh exhibition.

86 new cases of Omicron in the UK, the 246 total were concentrated in London and Scotland where they were linked to a Steps concert. More travel restrictions required pre-departure tests for incoming travellers from Tuesday and Nigeria was added to the red list. They called it ‘travel apartheid’. The Observer depicted Omicron as a Death Star. Molnupiravir aka Lagevria, was approved for vulnerable people with severe symptoms to take at home.

On the Marr, South African scientist Willem Hanekom confirmed the mutant spread very fast, was now dominant, caused re-infection but milder illness, and mainly affected unvaccinated younger people. UK scientific adviser Mark Woolhouse said the travel rules were “shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted’. Willem agreed it was a waste of time and damaging to the South African economy. The Pope went to Lesbos to meet migrants and criticise Europe for indifference to the suffering of desperate people.

*the catchily re-named Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 86 – Blah, Blah, Blah

“This devastating milestone reminds us that we are failing much of the world” (Antonio Guterres)

Talking Shop

I slept fitfully through a pouring night until the alarm forced me up on Monday. Guessing a missed call concerned the appointment, the landline rang later. As anticipated by the dream, the slot in Tod wasn’t available due to staff sickness and they directed me to immediately go to Halifax. I negotiated for 3.00 p.m. then stuck an anorak over my head, took garbage out, and found a whole melon in the food bin. Nowt wrong with it apart from being rock hard, I brought it in and washed it thrice to be safe. Were people made of money? Making lunch, the kettle did that weird thing of mentally spewing froth – probably because of the copious rain. I panicked as Phil ineffectually wiped round. It took three boils to expunge the foam. The rain had eased off as we went to the bus stop round the corner. We sat on the top deck to enjoy scenic views of canal reflections and pavements carpeted with leaves. The bus station shut for refurb, we hurried round the corner and just caught the connection. Slightly early, we lingered in the grounds examining chewed conkers and a peculiar mushroom on a mushroom among undergrowth. Again, Phil patiently waited for me while I underwent a slightly less ghastly procedure than the previous week. We went straight home but too late for a siesta, I recovered slightly from the ordeal with coffee and snacks. Phil had to take over chopping veg for dinner when I sliced my thumb. Knackered by bedtime, it took ages to sleep.

Covid deaths reached 5 million world-wide, half in the UK, EU, USA and Brazil even though they represented only 1/8 of the world population. Antonio Guterres called it ‘a global shame’. Walk-in boosters were announced with everyone within 10 miles of a centre. That’s a long walk! Contradicting Boris, Mini Macron said the ball was in the UK’s court and threatened to implement fishing restrictions from Tuesday. Trussed-Up Liz retorted they wouldn’t ‘roll over’ and cave in to French demands. Jersey licensing ‘entirely in accordance with Brexit agreements’ she may trigger dispute resolution measures. Lord Frosty Gammon accused the EU of ‘overly strict enforcement of the Northern Ireland protocol, without regard to the huge political, economic and identity sensitivities’. Loyalists hijacked and torched a bus. 52 private jets flew in celebs to COP26, including Gates and Bezos. The latter lauded his Earth Fund and upped his donation to £1.4 billion. It then emerged CO2 emitted during a single space flight by the greenwashing hypocrite equated to the amount produced by one of the world’s poorest in a lifetime! Greta Thunberg was mobbed outside Glasgow rail station and spoke at a rally opposite SSE where 25,000 delegates went ‘blah, blah, blah’. Activists from the most affected countries sailed into port on Greenpeace’s Rainbow Warrior. Justin Welby said leaders would be cursed if this didn’t prove to be the moment they saved the planet. “That’s some powerful juju!” laughed Phil. On Newsnight, a drug-addled Allegra Stratton, now apparently PM spokesperson on COP26, insisted Nodi’s promise to reduce emissions by 2070 was great, even though it was 20 years too late, and domestic flights were a ‘personal choice’.

COOP Shop

Waking in a cold, bright dawn Tuesday, I felt discombobulated, fatigued and nauseous and griped about my travails. About to clean the kitchen, Phil had made a start and I decided to leave the rest ‘til later. Actually, I didn’t feel up to it. I made an effort to work on the journal and went to the co-op for lunch supplies. They’d got with the zeitgeist displaying ‘COOP 26’ posters. Gaps on shelves meant hardly any British cheese, but bizarrely loads of continental stuff. I paid my mate at the kiosk, hefted bags home and struggled to the kitchen, swallowing annoyance at a lack of help. After lunch, I was falling asleep and struggling to see in bright sunlight, whinged and sympathised with Phil who had migraine. I got a WhatsApp alert, read ‘family group’ in a message, then the app bombed. I rang my brother who provided an update on mum’s headstone and complained everything was still slow and shit. Sharing health notes, he said he’d had covid recently even with 2 jabs, and we had a laugh at the expense of anti-vaxxers. Phil tutted impatiently so I went upstairs to continue the chat. My nephew now at Leeds University, I said he’d have to come and see us. “Does he?” “Well, he doesn’t HAVE to!” My brother chortled at that. I lay down to rest to be disturbed by nasty chainsaws – they loved massacring those trees!

Meanwhile, at COP26, Biden said Chinese and Russian leaders made a ‘big mistake’ not coming. 110 countries covering 85% of earth’s forests, pledged to reverse deforestation which Boris called ‘the great chainsaw massacre’. No way did he come up with that himself. FOE said proof would be in action not words and de-funding by big finance. Half the world’s top methane producers pledged to cut emissions by 30%, seen as a significant short-term contribution. XR went to JP Morgan and Scottish Power offices in Glasgow. Four more energy companies tanked. Goblin Saj said he was ‘leaning towards’ mandatory vaccines for the NHS. Chris Hopkins advised he wait until April or they’d lose staff over a ‘very difficult winter’. France suspended punitive action on fishing boats while negotiations continued. Frosty Gammon later met Clemet Bone-Head. No breakthrough, he’d meet Maros Sefcovic. “He’ll probably say ‘go away and stop being silly It’s only fish!’” predicted Phil. North Yorkshire cops began a campaign against bad driving which had worsened since the pandemic. Bereaved families protested smart motorways, the transport select committee counselled a halt to the rollout but Sh**ts said bringing hard shoulders back was less safe – WTF!

Money Talks

A difficult start to Wednesday, I persevered and sent my submission to Valley Life magazine for the next issue before preparing for a walk. Hitherto sunny, the skies went dark indicating rain. Phil declared he was making lunch instead. Only going out of the house for shops and appointments for 1½ weeks, I’d looked forward to a leisure outing and got depressed. I kept busy changing profile pics and passwords. A message in the junk folder implied an unexpected Facebook log-in. I doubted its authenticity but thought it wise to alter details anyway. At dinnertime, I ripped the skin off the sore thumb rinsing a margarine tub. “Should I sue?“ “Yes!” said Phil. “If it was you, you’d use superglue!” “Yes!” I applied a plaster instead.

As a sage bod resigned, Prof Van Dam came on the BBC to evade questions on government not ‘following the science’ and repeat the party lines of caution and getting jabs (1.6 million had boosters in the past week). He said we were ‘running hot’ with high case numbers and the pandemic wasn’t over but prevaricated on face-coverings, refusing to say Rees-Moggy was wrong that MPs didn’t need them in the commons as they all knew each other. Lindsay Hoyle directed them to be worn in both chambers but was largely ignored by tories. MPs narrowly voted for an amendment so Owen Paterson’ suspension for lobbying was put on hold until the rules were reviewed to include a right of appeal. Calling it an ‘absolute disgrace’, Labour, along with the Lib Dems and SNP, spurned the new committee thus it would consist of tory members only. Keir still off with covid, Rayner stood in at PMQs to say: “this is about playing by the rules…when they break the rules Mr Speaker, they just re-make the rules.” Even if you accepted the accused should have a right of appeal, how on earth could you apply that retrospectively, I wondered. Phil remarked Patterson didn’t even think he’d done anything wrong; getting bungs was an everyday part of life as a tory.

The day at COP26 was all about the money. Rishi Rich said developed nations would send the promised £73bn to developing countries in 2023, 3 years behind target, but they also needed private sector dosh. 450 financial institutions signed up to the Glasgow Financial Alliance for Net Zero (Gfanz). Led by Mark Carney, money had to be matched with net zero projects. The Loch Ness debt monster was blocked from being set afloat as it breached ‘maritime restrictions’. XR protested greenwashing. Hundreds marched, chanted and banged drums, some sat down outside SSE, cops were sprayed with paint and 2 activists were arrested. Bony Prince Charlie and Leo Crapio met Stella McCartney showing off her sustainable fashion including mushroom-grown leather bags and vegan football boots. I bet they were cheap, not! ‘Calling out’ the fashion industry, she said: “We’re one of the most harmful industries in the world to the environment” and “I’m trying to provide sustainable solutions and technologies and a better way of doing things.” After chanting ‘stick it up your arse’, Greta declared net zero on swearing – each time she used a bad word, she’d compensate by saying something nice.

Thursday, we spent the morning cleaning and working on laptops. I approved the proof from Valley Life before setting off in early afternoon sun on the walk we’d planned the previous day, calling in at the co-op for pastries. Heading up to a favoured copper beech woodland, the trees weren’t as red as usual but leaves already fell. “That’s that then!” laughed Phil. We squatted near an old gatepost to eat pastries then continued up a horrid stony path. Turning right, we proceeded on tarmac almost missing an overgrown stile across fields. Put off by huge sheep, Phil started up a ‘desire path’. I followed to struggle inelegantly over a metal gate. In the village, we looked at a new ‘beer shop’ – actually a TV filming location complete with distressed props. Returning via a different section of the wood, strong sun highlighted autumn golds. “That’s better!” Phil declared. “What are you on about? It’s all been lovely. It’s more yellow and orange this year but you already knew that.” Very warm atop the ridge, by the time we got home, I had backache, fatigue and felt overheated. (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱ)

MHRA approved Molnupiravir to treat covid in patients with at least 1 risk factor. It prevented the virus multiplying so halved the risk of serious illness or death if taken within 5 days of a positive test. Trials of Pfizer’s Paxlovid found similar results (89% effective at reducing serious infection if taken as soon as symptoms appeared by those at high risk). Dr. Kluge of Who said 1.8 million cases across Europe last week due to relaxed measures and low vaccine take-up were of ‘grave concern’. Indians celebrated Diwali as reported cases were a mere 12,000 a day. Surely that was due to low testing rates? Inflation forecast to reach 5% by spring, BOE left interest rates low but said a hike to around 1% would come within months. John Lewis and M&S launched Christmas ads to get us spending. An ethics adviser told Boris yesterday’s vote was a ‘very serious and damaging moment for parliament’. Forced into a U-turn by the opposition’s refusal to join the new committee, Rees-Moggy said he’d now seek cross-party changes to the rules which wouldn’t be applied retrospectively. Saying ‘corrupt’ was the only word for it, Keir still refused to take part. Owen Paterson found out about the latest shenanigans while shopping in Waitrose and resigned meaning a by-election. Would the good folk of North Shropshire vote out sleaze?

At COP26, 23 countries committed to phase out coal power and 46 signed up to transition to clean energy. Jennifer Morgan of Greenpeace International said it was only one nail in the coffin for coal: “without the USA, Australia, China and India, there’s still a very real danger that the end won’t come soon enough.”

War of Words

No sun to temper the chill Friday, the ground looked wet. As it became misty, Phil thought it was thawing frost. The thermometer dropping, we shivered even with extra layers and had to put the heating on advance for the first time of the season. Putting washing in the machine, the detergent compartment was blocked and I called Phil to assist. Irked at the forced work break, I assured him I wouldn’t ask if I could manage unaided. Anyway, he needed a comfort break. In the co-op, I piled the trolley with bargains including a fab freezer deal. I queued at the only open till but when Phil arrived, another one opened. The young cashier extremely efficient, Phil observed: “She’s a bit keen. I bet she worked at Lidl” We celebrated bonfire night with copious helpings of parkin, cinder toffee and wine.

Weekly ONS stats showed stable covid rates except in Northern Ireland where they were up slightly. Greta told young activists in Glasgow COP26 was “a global north greenwash festival, a 2-week-long celebration of business as usual.” The ‘blah, blah, blah’ wasn’t what we needed after 25 years of ‘blah, blah, blah.’ Climate protests in 200 cities across the globe the next day, 50,000 marched in Glasgow.

Breakfast easier on Sunday, I’d done by the time Phil came down. I left him to clear up, worked on the journal and went to town, dodging tourists taking selfies on the old bridge. Busy with coffee-cuppers, I waited ages behind a posh couple on the market for knobbly veg. The stall-holders looked bemused when asked which squash was best for cake. I suggested orange. Cold and grey until then, the sun appeared, so I visited the park. Admiring autumn growth, I suddenly realised my purse was missing, feared I’d been pick-pocketed then spotted it in a flowerbed. Phew! I walked along the towpath in waning sun, washed the filthy veg including a rainbow of heritage carrots and collapsed on the sofa with backache and fatigue. Editing photos, I used one from Thursday for a haigaⁱⁱ and one of late-flowering park peonies to wish my niece a happy birthday.

Saying parliament wasn’t the government’s plaything, John Major labelled the attempt to save Owen Paterson shameful and wrong, said it damaged parliament’s image and the pattern of behaviour was unconservative and odious: they had broken the law, broken treaties, and broken their word on numerous occasions. On the Marr, Keir repeated the tories actions were “corrupt, contemptible and not a one-off” and trashed “the reputation of our democracy and our country.” George Useless said the mistake had been ‘put to bed’ whatever that meant. Marr suggested Rayner could be sued for slander. What was he on about? Boris would lose! As The Sunday Times revealed 15 of 16 top tory donors were in the House of Lords, Keir insisted it was time for reform. Susan Hopkins told us the jabbed elderly were now dying of covid and needed boosters. £248 m would be used to reform NHS diagnostic services. A good idea, I thought…

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 79 – Something in the Air

“…inflation has reached its highest level in a decade. For ordinary workers and families, prices are going up at the very moment when they can least afford it. (they) need more than just a winter plan for covid; they need a winter action plan to fight a Tory poverty pandemic that is only going to get worse” (Ian Blackford)

Gas and Air

The next two weeks, summer continued. Monday 6^th, I cheered up after a bad night with a laugh at Max Gammon and Ickle Owen Jones arguing on Jeremy Vine. Phil said they made a great couple! After the usual chores and blog-posting, I tried printing info for our upcoming trip, forgetting the PC still wasn’t connected to the new router. Becoming bad-tempered at the prolonged task, I went outside for fresh air and found a ginormous slug lurking beneath dead crocosmia in the garden. Young Student told me because they ate rat poison, slugs were fatal if eaten. “That sounds like an urban myth.” “No. A boy in Australia…” “Everything kills you in Australia!” “True,” she conceded. Disturbed by boisterousness on the street below at bedtime, I shouted “shut up!” through the bathroom window. They ignored me.

Most measures lifted for the start of term, schoolkids were meant to take LFT tests, a PCR if they had contact with infected persons, and isolate if positive. A decision on jabbing 12-15 year olds expected later that week, sage bod Peter Openshaw said they needed to ‘become immune’. In parliament, Goblin Saj announced an extra £5.4bn for the NHS. Boris pledged continuing efforts to rescue people from Afghanistan where the Taliban took Panjshir Valley, used tear gas on demonstrators and shot dead a pregnant cop. Women in Mazar-e-Sharif held a demo demanding a place in government. The Taliban effectively held four planes hostage at the city’s airport. Blair warned the Islamist threat was coming for us, requiring both hard and soft power to fight it. 1,000 migrants arrived in dinghies making the total 12,000 so far for 2021. Big Ben’s unveiling revealed numerals in original blue and George flags. The Welsh and Scots weren’t happy.

Interrupted by canal works Tuesday, I rose grumpily. Phil went out for last-minute gifts and groceries to find he was the only mask-wearer in the co-op. I painted the metal frames of the garden benches. The hammarite went on smoothly but worried I wouldn’t have enough turps, Phil bought some from the hardware shop before going back to the co-op to swap the decaff coffee he’d got by mistake. Decorating neighbour griped about the mill conversion blocking the road and Elderly Neighbour griped about everything. At least she had her partner, unlike my mum. I promised him a creole Christmas cake recipe. Surprised to already see new neighbours on the other side of the street, we joked with them that they didn’t hang around. Although we skipped siestas, we managed to stay awake to toast my birthday at midnight.

A Newcastle University study found 17% more deaths and 41 days more lockdown in the north of England during the first year of the pandemic. Denying plans for a firebreak in October half-term, ministers said there were ‘last resort’ contingencies. Nads Zahawi told BBC Breakfast we were now in a better place due to vaccines . Boosters for winter and later years were under consideration: “(to transition) the virus from pandemic to endemic status and deal with it year in, year out.” Announcing the anticipated hike in National Insurance, Boris admitted he broke a manifesto pledge but as “a global pandemic was in no-one’s manifesto,” was necessary. The extra 1.25% would be paid by all working adults, including OAPs, and raise £36 billion over 3 years to fund the NHS backlog and adult social care. There’d be a £86,000 cap on lifetime care costs and fully-funded care for those with assets of less than £20,000. Critics saw it as benefiting rich southerners and a tax rise on the young. Keir said: “The tories can never again claim to be the party of low tax.” Ex-health minister Cock claimed social care funding reform was “put in the ‘too difficult’ box.” by two successive governments. What a cock! A 1.25% rise in dividend tax wouldn’t apply until 2022-23, according to Therese Coffee-cup, so pensioners wouldn’t unfairly benefit from an ‘irregular statistical spike in earnings’. The Taliban interim government consisted of Mo Hassan Akhund as leader, Abdul Ghani Baradar as deputy and most-wanted Sirajuddin Haqqani as interior minister. Foot-soldiers arrested journalists and mindlessly fired into the air to disperse protestors outside the Pakistani embassy.

Fizzing and Floating

Aiming to sleep in after the late drink, I was again woken by canal works Wednesday. I rallied to enjoy a lovely birthday beginning with my favourite breakfast, reading cards and messages and opening gifts from Phil. We assembled goodies and caught a bus ‘up tops’. Detoured due to a road closure in the hilltop village, we wondered if it was roadworks or filming for the TV drama? Alighting after the next hamlet, we walked up to the farm shop for pop and proceeded down through the next village. The ‘no food’ sign on the pub-cum-campsite seemed daft with a captive audience. Maybe there were staffing issues. On the bridleway, floating willowherb fluff and the aniseed scent of angelica assailed our senses. Down in the clough, kids and dogs commandeered a favoured picnic spot. We ate our lunch on a nearby flat rock before proceeding, waylaid by a variety of fungi crazily sprouting from rotting trees, earth and wooden steps. Finding weird fuzzy mould on our fresh shop-bought mushrooms later in the week, Phil guessed they were infested with all the spores floating about. The main road blisteringly hot, I struggled on the last stretch. Unsurprisingly, it was officially the hottest September day ever. (For a fuller description, see Cool Placesⁱ).

Back home, I declared: “I’m dying for the loo.” “so am I.” “I’m too hot.” “so am I.” “I’m putting a dress on.” “So am I.” “Well, you could wear your sarong. But we’re going to the Thai place so they might think you’re taking the piss!” After changing, I lay on the bed in a stupor then got cleaned up for coffee and eclairs. I dithered over make-up when Walking Friend came knocking. She gave me a bottle of prosecco (that made 3 bottles of fizz), and awaited us outside.

Town pubs infested, I was grateful of spacious seating outside the restaurant for early bird dinners, accompanied by more fizzy prosecco at Walking Friend’s insistence. Saturn floated in the gloaming as did clouds of midges, having a feast in the canal-side air. Walking Friend insisted on paying the whole bill and wanting to buy her a drink in return, Phil led us to the corner pub. Still busy, I felt press-ganged but at least there was a free corner table. We talked about her new obsession with Wish. Feeling flush for the first time ever, she loved parcels dropping through the letterbox: “it’s like Christmas every day.” She then gave me a pouch of baccy. Overcome with her generosity, I pleaded: “if you don’t stop giving me things, I’ll cry! As she took her leave, we spotted Australian Hippy. Resembling a Zoolander character floating on rollerblades, he was making big money selling opals. Assailed by itchy bites (in spite of repellent) and sweaty hot flushes, I woke several times during the night. But it had been a wonderful day. In more affluent times I’d insist on going away for birthdays. Why bother when you can have it all in Yorkshire? (insect bites included!)

In a packed commons, labour MPs mostly wore masks, tories didn’t. The government defended the National Insurance increase before voting. Ironically, labour voted against but it passed anyway. After mistaking Rashford for a rugby player, it was intimated The Salesman was on the way out (correctly, as it turned out). Nasty Patel met Gerald Darmanin and suggested the bribe could be withheld if the French didn’t intercept more migrant crossings. He attacked reports of her sanctioning push-backs of boats to the continent, said they wouldn’t accept any measures that broke maritime law, and would not be subjected to blackmail. The manoeuvres were widely condemned as dangerous and against UN treaties.

Overnight rain led to a grey and humid Thursday, the heavy air presaging storms. I gave up on fractious sleep as engineering works recommenced, forced myself to clean the bedroom, became overheated and bathed. Feeling overwhelmed with only 4 days until our trip, I concentrated on doing one thing at a time. I texted Walking Friend to say thanks for the birthday night out, posted a photo from the walk to say thanks for birthday wishes and worked on the computer. In the afternoon, I went to the co-op, finding the cash machine not working and gaps on shelves. On the way back, I waited while Young Mum and Toddler descended the steps as he cutely counted them. I just got in when a rumble of thunder signalled a heavy shower. Having to clear a full kitchen sink before sorting the shopping, I had a slight fit and exhaustedly collapsed on the sofa. Phil asked what was up. I kept schtum but he swung into action, washed up and sorted laundry. Unable to focus my eyes, I lay down but failed to rest. Thankfully, I had a better night.

MHRA approved Pfizer and Astra-Zeneca for boosters, still awaiting JCVI advice. The government launched a 6-week consultation on mandatory vaccines for more frontline health and social care workers. As coffee-cuppers returned to offices, Costa Packet announced a 5% pay rise and 2,000 new jobs. Crush-hour prompted criticism of bare-faced commuters on tubes. The ‘condition of travel’ not legally enforceable, London mayor Khan wanted a government review on mask-wearing to be brought forward from October. Anti-mask posters housed razor blades to prevent them being taken down. Brexit import controls delayed again, until July 2022 because of covid and supply chain issues, and tighter rules on Northern Ireland trade delayed indefinitely to allow for further talks, Geoffrey Donaldson threatened the DUP would seek to block additional border checks under the protocol and leave Stormont if they failed. Sinn Fein leader Mary Lou McDonald called his comments ‘irresponsible’.

Another night of rain could have explained the lack of canal noise Friday morning. I ironed a few items and selected clothes to pack, spending ages failing to find anything to go with the new £1 skirt. After wasting half an hour, I picked out a dress instead. In the evening, we drank more prosecco and posh chocolates while watching films.

Holyrood made vaccines mandatory to access nightclubs and other venues from 1^st October. The next day, ONS stats showed 1:45 Scots were infected. The highest rate in the UK by some margin, Sturgeon said the Covid Pass wasn’t a magic bullet but may mean not having to use other measures. A lack of guidance prompted some wag to say clubs had longer cocktail lists. The Food and Drink Federation predicted shortages were here to stay but Downing Street insisted the supply chain was ‘highly resilient’. Look North reported a shortage of abattoir butchers. Saying it was cruel, surely it was good for the pigs. Gordon Ramsay restaurants lost £5.1m profit during lockdowns and KPMG set a target of 29% of their workforce to come from working class backgrounds.

We spent a changeable weekend mainly indoors. Saturday, Phil trimmed my fringe which seemed to have grown unevenly into my eyes. I then packed and rang the holiday cottage owner for a nice chat about the internet and War of the Roses, wrote a haigaⁱⁱ, put some recycling out and went to the co-op for cash and a small top-up, impeded by gangs of teenagers hanging about. At bedtime, I unusually fell asleep with the light still on. Waking at 8 the next morning I, almost got up, realised it was Sunday and slept another hour. I was annoyed by bowls floating in a scummy kitchen sink but as Phil struggled with tummy ache, I let it lie. He finished his packing while I draft-posted blogs.

Andrew Marr harked back to Jon Ashworth’s previous statement that opening up on 19^th July was ‘reckless’. Jon replied it depended on your definition of ‘reckless’: the virus was still circulating and 8,000 were in hospital. He said abuse of powers under Coronavirus Laws needed looking into but Goblin Saj maintained it was important to keep the powers to ensure the infected self-isolated. Days after they became law in Scotland and other ministers said they were a good idea, he confirmed the planned introduction of Covid Passes at the end of the month wouldn’t happen in England.

Breath-Taking

Sleeping through the gentle wave sounds of the DAB alarm for several minutes Monday morning, I panicked slightly, worked through a list of jobs and packed lunch while Phil cooked a filling breakfast. Taking recycling out, a cavalcade of neighbours attempted to drive down the street, blocked by the mill development. Fortunately, this didn’t impede our walk to the station. The journey was trouble-free but slow. Too crowded to contemplate having a coffee, we spent an hour’s wait at Preston eating butties, and going out for a smoke. During a tedious 15 minutes stood at Lancaster, a hoard of school kids packed the connecting train. Thinning out for the last stretch, we relaxed to enjoy the coastal scenery. I recalled a ramp from the platform at Grange down to the prom but mis-remembered the exit to the town centre and overshot the tunnel. As we turned down a small cul-de-sac, I recognised the cottage from the bin outside. Inside, a balcony and picture window provided breath-taking views of Morecambe Bay. After unpacking and cuppas on the balcony, we went in search of supplies. The local co-op terrible, we settled on pizza and visited Spar for a few items. After one glass of wine, I felt sleepy and switched to coffee. Big mistake. As if coping with a cluttered mind and a strange bed wasn’t bad enough, the late caffeine hit did nothing to aid sleep.

Chief Medical Officers recommended 12-15 year olds were administered a dose of Pfizer in schools with parental consent, to prevent disruption. But 800,000 doses of Astra-Zeneca would expire by the end of September due to reduced take-up. French M&S stores were shutting amid Brexit butty hold-ups while Pret profits went up 15% in a week. Half of office workers wished to stay home Mondays and Fridays, prompting the acronym TW*ATS. Goldman Sachs urged them back fulltime with no social distancing and Morrisons announced no sick pay for unvaccinated staff who had to self-isolate.

Eventually coming round Tuesday, we bought excellent pies from Higginson’s (Phil’s favourite shop) and caught a bus to Cartmel, baulking at the £4 each to go two miles! In the village, we marvelled at wild-growing hops, laughed at craft brewing, chi-chi antiques and the so-called ‘village shop’ that didn’t even sell pop, visited the historic priory and used racecourse facilities. A Guardian family learning to segue provided entertainment as we munched on a mighty cheese pasty at a picnic bench. We started walking back to Grange on the delightfully-named Haggs Lane. Hedgerow blackberries exceedingly sweet, we braved fast cars on the dangerously narrow, twisting lane to pick a pound. On Grange Fell Road, Phil pointed to a graveyard. “That’s where dead people go.” I indicated a golf course opposite: “That’s’ where nearly dead people go!” The walk harder than anticipated, I was glad we’d got the bus up even with the gouging fares. We got cola from Spar and found the tunnel we’d missed Monday evening. The sun emerged from grey clouds as we perched on a prom wall. Despite signs of overheating, Phil wanted to continue to the lido, then suggested dumping bags. We back-tracked to the cottage where we also ditched layers. From excessively detailed info of the renovation, we gleaned the lido wouldn’t be a wreck for long. Nearby plaques depicted landmarks across the bay: the metropolis of Morecambe (the proposed site of Eden Project North), Heysham nuclear power plant and. Blackpool Tower. 31 miles away, Phil claimed you could see it from space.

After Calum Semple warned of ‘a rough winter’ Boris’ unveiled his ‘winter covid plan’. ‘Sticking with the strategy’ meant relying on vaccines: boosters for the over 50’s and carers of Pfizer or ½ dose of Moderna, started Thursday. If other measures were needed, there was a Plan A (jab campaigns, meeting outside, wearing masks, washing hands, using the TIT app and helping other countries get vaccines) and a Plan B (Covid Passes, mandatory masks, working from home). Anti-lockdown MP Steve Baker whinged: “The public health powers are still there, allowing (Javid) to lock us down at the stroke of his pen without prior votes.”

In spite of better sleep, I felt rough on a super-bright Wednesday, rallied over a cuppa to go on a short train ride. No staff in the station office, the ticket machine inexplicably wouldn’t accept our railcard. It was still cheaper than the bus, though! In Arnside, we walked up the beautiful estuary towards a disused station marked on a weird map we found in the cottage. Coming to a hamlet, we decided it must be Sandside and took photos of each other to prove we’d been. On the way back, we couldn’t resist a ‘flash forage’ for more blackberries in spite of bursting for a wee. Village cafés all shut, we went in the pub where they absurdly only accepted the exact money in cash. Even with my caution, I couldn’t fathom how that prevented the spread of covid. From the elevated beer garden, I espied an ideal grassy picnic spot. After eating, Phil threw pie crumbs to a cute jackdaw, which set small gulls into a frenzy. Far from aggressive, they affected endearing begging poses. We explored the sands, carefully avoiding dangerous squidgy bits, marvelled at wispy angel-like clouds floating above Kents Viaduct, went on the tiny pier then needed the loo again. “I’m not having more beer; it’s an endless cycle.” Phil spotted public conveniences – accepting the 40p charge in contactless form only! Railing at yet more gouging, we gave the locals something to talk about by going in together. Back in Grange, we explored the lower end of Main Street, found nothing useful and ended up back at the crap co-op and Spar. Hot, tired and achy, I lay on the bed and closed my eyes when Phil entered the bedroom. Annoyed, I gave up resting and revived later with a fluffy bath, thanks to free radox.

As predicted, The Salesman was sacked in the Cabinet re-shuffle as was Rabid Raab. The contract for the not-yet MHRA approved Valneva vaccine was cancelled. Scottish health minister Humza Yousaf called it ‘a blow’ to Livingstone. Research found 1/3 of arrivals into the UK March-May broke quarantine rules. Fuel and food costs led to a CPI rise of 3.2% August, the most for 10 years, which didn’t escape the notice of Ian Blackford. Putin’s entourage caught covid, putting him in isolation. Only 56% of Greeks immunised, it was hoped mandatory weekly testing of workers would encourage uptake.. The Taliban gave 3-day eviction notices to thousands in order to house their own fighters in Kandahar’s army residential district. The UN said their response to protests was ’increasingly violent’ which didn’t stop them from happening.

A better start Thursday, we strolled to the station and had no trouble using our railcard at the booking office. Riding the train the other way, we got different coastal views and a chuckle from ‘Cack-in-Caramel’ “It sounds like something from a fancy restaurant!” We visited Ulverston market and walked down the smallest canal, alive with plant and animal life. At Canal Foot, we again had to buy drinks to use facilities. Supping IPA overlooking the estuary, I fretted that it took 2 hours to get there and feared we’d miss the last pre-rush hour train. However, we were back in town in 30 minutes. My ankle didn’t’ hurt even though I’d forgotten a bandage that day, but blisters on our soles made us both footsore. Twilight above the bay resplendent with a stripey sunset and silvery waxing moon, I mentioned we hadn’t gone out in the evenings as expected. “What for?” asked Phil, “we wouldn’t get better views anywhere else.”

Vaccines mandatory to work in NHS and care jobs in 12 weeks’ time, today marked the deadline for a first jab. Metro reported staff could self-certify medical exemption. Hospitals in Scotland and Northern Ireland over-stretched not because of covid but staff shortages, the army was drafted in to help.

Life’s A Gas

Friday morning, the phone alarm succeeded in waking me to a yellow sunrise. The colours different every hour of every day, I would miss those expansive views. Things got fraught preparing to leave the cottage when I realised we hadn’t emptied the bins and only just managed it before the agreed check-out time. We trundled our cases through the ornamental gardens, sat on a bench, checked connections and decided to get the next train straight home rather than stop at Carnforth as planned. We took final photos of the bay (because we didn’t already have hundreds!) and surreptitiously sniggered at a trio of boring men with guitars chatting shit before the slightly delayed train arrived. We sat on folding seats in the busy carriage, which became packed at Lancaster. During a shorter wait at Preston, a schizophrenic gibbered at Phil and called me ‘a ginger Mysteron’. Where was his tinfoil hat! We fought our way over busy platforms and stood near the doors on another crowded service. At the next stop, a kind young woman indicated two free adjacent seats. We wedged cases in the footwell and I played games on my phone to block out the hubbub of mask-less fellow passengers. (More details to follow on Cool Places 2ⁱⁱⁱ).

Back in our valley, we wandered through an eerily quiet park, devoid of kids. After eating lunch with a proper pot of tea, I felt exhausted. Phil advised I rest and he’d go shopping. Unable to sleep, I lay listening for his return, heard nothing and went down to find him slumped on the sofa. He tetchily complained of having to go to the co-op and the convenience store, the former “like Russia, with things moved round to make gaps on shelves look less worse.” Popping out for a few items the next day, I had no trouble finding them, apart from tonic, and saw no sign of re-arranged stock. The Co-op boss later said prices would go up because of HGV, shipping and ‘global commodity’ hikes but that didn’t fully explain the randomness. The rest of the weekend was taken up unpacking, laundering, writing and photo-editing (nowhere near finished) I realised several details from the dream in July had come true, albeit in a jumbled way (see Part 72).

According to ONS, mask use dropped from 98 to 89%. What rot! No way were 89% of passengers wearing masks on trains coming home! And if 90% of us had anti-bodies, why the booster campaign? After Minister Robert Courts said the DfT would reduce covid test costs for travel, the traffic lights changed. Discussed at the Cabinet Covid Sub-committee, Shatts announced it in a series of tweets. From 22^nd September, 8 countries would come off the red list and the amber list would be scrapped 4^th October. The inoculated didn’t need pre-departure tests and PCR tests 2 days after arrival would be replaced with an LFT later on. Soaring wholesale gas prices forced plants to shut and led to a CO2 shortage. Headlines proclaimed it hit meat, packaging and fizzy drinks (as evinced by no tonic in the co-op for weeks). Then people started to realise it affected everything including apples. In the face of shortages of plastic crap and pigs-in-blanket, The Glove-Puppet was co-opted as Elf Minister ‘to save Christmas’* The Cumbre Vieja volcano on La Palma exploded, destroying 20 homes in Puerto Naus. 6,000 fled as molten lava flowed towards the ocean and acid rain and toxic gasses spewed into the air.

*National Economic Recovery Task Force, aka Committee to Save Christmas

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

iii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

Part 78 – Disturbia

“This was a staggeringly poor show from a Foreign Secretary who is completely out of his depth. Unprepared for hard questions. Unwilling to admit mistakes. Unable to answer basic questions…Nobody could watch todays’ session and conclude we have a government capable of rising to the challenge” (Lisa Nandy)

Piling In

Very tired Monday morning, I exercised my ankle and fetched tea. After breakfast, I posted blogs and noticed a bare bit on the cutlery caddy. Requiring only a dab, I used the loaded brush to paint a tarnished dimmer switch in the living room. Phil selected a few photos for his café exhibition and made lunch. I worked on the journal, got head fug, watched telly films and tried not to feel miserable. What was to do on a cold, bleak bank holiday if walking wasn’t an option and the pubs were full to bursting?

The TUC called for 4 extra bank holidays to reward hard workers and bring the UK in line with other countries. Entrepreneurs weren’t keen. The mayor of Milan said a fire in a cladded tower block resembled the Grenfell incident. Fortunately, there were no causalities. US military flights in their final hours, Chris Donahue was the last to leave Afghanistan before the evacuation ended just before midnight. The Taliban celebrated with mindless gunfire and rifled through a pile of abandoned hardware. The Americans argued the Black Hawks and other useful kit weren’t lethal. The UN security council passed resolutions on ensuring safe passage for Afghans holding the right documents and ensuring the country didn’t become a base for terrorism. China and Russia abstained from voting.

Tuesday, Phil went to Leeds for more prints for his exhibition. I wrote and tackled a pile of niggly chores involving lots of stair-climbing. In the midst of sorting kitchen rubbish, there was a loud knock at the door. Bad-temperedly climbing the steps for the umpteenth time, I answered to the window cleaner, cheery as ever. I made an effort to smile back and expressed concern that I’d been too busy to shut the windows. He assured me it was fine. In the co-op, there were gaps on shelves, but a pile of cream cakes in the reduced section. I waited impatiently as two women fingered everything so I could grab strawberry tarts. Exhausted, I collapsed on the sofa, rested my ankle and went to lie down. It was so noisy outside I only managed 5 minutes with my eyes shut. Annoyed, I cheered up with coffee and cream tart. In the evening, I finished sewing the jeans patch and watched telly. After missing a train, Phil arrived home knackered and didn’t want any dinner. I made him eat it before the tasty treat.

Covid cases were reportedly higher in parts of the UK previously not badly hit such as South West England and Scotland. As many missed second jabs, the NHS prepared to administer boosters to the over 80’s and vulnerable. Prof Paul Hunter said they weren’t needed for everyone and the disease would be consigned to history within 3 years, when ‘epidemic equilibrium’ was reached (a steady number of cases each day). Before the deadline on 4^th September, Geronimo was seized, taken away and put down by DEFRA. The alpaca’s owner complained her pleas for dialogue were ignored due to staff holidays. Taliban leaders reiterated a pledge of amnesty, piled into Kabul airport and promised to re-open it soon. Zabiullah Mujahid said their tech team would check for repairs and elicit help from Qatar or Turkey if required. Foot soldiers draped coffins in US, British and French flags.

Dodgy Intel

September started grey but became brighter. It took a shockingly long time to be ready to face Wednesday. I hoovered the living room, worked on the journal and arranged lunch with Walking Friend the next day. Turning to life admin, I again failed to log onto the BG website and checked holiday cottage details. Unable to see answers to my queries in FAQs, and getting an auto-response to my e-mail (promising to reply within 28 days), I rang. Expecting a long wait, the call was picked up straight away; by the sales team. On redirecting me to customer care, the call dropped. I re-dialled and eventually spoke to a woman who provided contact details for the cottage owner and rang him for me. I booked train tickets. Arriving by post Thursday, I was glad I didn’t pay an extra £6 for guaranteed next-day delivery! Phil installed his art in the café after business hours and returned in time for dinner of roast veg pasta, making use of the mini courgettes we picked Saturday.

Weekly covid deaths of 571 were 4 times higher than the same week in 2020 when some restrictions were in place, but levelling off. Excess deaths from all causes were more than normal for the 7^th successive week. Pub chain Wetherspoons’ beer shortage was due to HGV and staffing issues and industrial action according to Tim Brexit Martin. Of course, it wouldn’t be Brexit! Amazon announced new jobs at their London and Manchester offices and tech hubs in Cambridge and Edinburgh. Victoria would stay in lockdown until 70% of the population were vaccinated and a curfew was imposed in New Orleans to stop post-storm looting. The Taliban paraded in victory atop American hardware. Meetings with the former PM and other leaders were a courtesy, not moves towards power-sharing. ‘Senior leader’ Mohamed Abbas said Afghan women could continue working but not in top jobs after telling negotiators they could for the past 2 years, and insisted people possessing the right documents could still leave. But as the banks were shut, they were stuck in Afghanistan with no cash. Sir Simon Gass went to Doha to negotiate safe passage.

MPs on the foreign affairs committee asked a grey-haired Rabid Raab what date he actually went on his hols. He refused to answer 11 times. Meanwhile, the MOD had cancelled all leave and his own staff warned of a quick Taliban advance. He maintained there was no warning and blamed dodgy military intel. Uncle Joe similarly said he trusted the 300,00 strong (sic) Afghan army to hold firm. Nandy spluttered it ‘defied belief’ that Raab turned up “completely unprepared without a shred of humility.” After the grilling, Raab was off to the region but didn’t say where for security reasons. Plans to get people at risk out via third countries included Pakistan, which already had 3 million Afghan refugees. Ben Wally called it ‘Dunkirk by WhatsApp’. Thicky Atkins responsible for the resettlement of 10,000 refugees currently in quarantine hotels, promised them all permanent residence. So far, only a third of councils offered to help, even though £5 million was up for grabs. Newsnight referenced a leaked document backing claims that the fall of Kabul took the government by surprise but suggested a lack of preparation.

Disturbed by loud work on the canal early Thursday, I awoke narky and distracted and didn’t notice Phil’s floral banana creation on the cereal. I apologised profusely. I embarked on a series of small tasks until Walking Friend arrived. She had a painful bruised rib from a recent fall. In contrast to my non-medical approach to injury, she turned to serious analgesics. We viewed Phil’s café expo. “I prefer his other stuff,” she said, which made Phil laugh when I told him later.

At the tearooms, we ordered different versions of brekkie and caught up on news. She was also going on a jolly soon – with her walking companion to his sister’s home in the historic and delightfully-named Blewbury. Noting my hair looked shiny, I said several people had complemented my hair and youthful appearance recently but was sceptical I could pass for 50. It must be the Q10. We split up briefly for errands. I bumped into Councillor Friend and congratulated her son on walking to Westminster to hand in the climate petition, told her about Phil’s exhibition and that I’d named her as a contact for the research project. Concerned I’d left Walking Friend in the lurch, I rushed back to the square where she was occupied talking to someone else. We perused charity shops to find a £1 skirt, a cute art deco milk jug and DVDs. My ankle aching by then, I rested on various structures while she nipped in a couple more places. A couple following phone directions asked: “Are you local?” “Well, I live here.” “No then.” “Over 20 years; not sure that qualifies me.” They laughed and asked where the ‘rock shop’ was. I directed them the quickest way for ‘crystals and whatnot’. My friend joined me on the bridge to marvel at huge mushrooms on the riverbank. As we sat on a nearby bench, the sun suddenly became fierce. She groaned and I asked if it was the heat but her painkillers were wearing off. It was time to go home.

The famous local female plumber appeared on local news again that evening, along with fellow tradeswoman Cathy Cockin (yes, really!) to encourage others to enter the trades. Pain in my foot extended to my Achilles tendon. I performed a few stretches, applied balm and loosely bandaged it with a homemade scarf I rarely used as a face-mask. Initially successful, the discomfort returned and I struggled to sleep, then I was disturbed twice by a car alarm. I grumpily went to the bathroom to be blinded by flashing lights on a neighbour’s car through the landing window. The meditation soundtrack helped me settle until I was again woken early by work on the canal.

In a desperate attempt to attract more tourists, travel rules for Portugal relaxed so unvaccinated people with a negative test didn’t need to quarantine. Meanwhile, Australia banned their own citizens from travelling for at least another 3 months. Still no decision on other oldies or 12-15 year olds, JCVI announced boosters for a ½ million of the clinically vulnerable. A Kings College study found 2 jabs halved the risk of long covid. The Oxford Vaccine team led by Sarah Gilbert were awarded ‘hero of the year’ by GQ magazine. The Salesman promised to ‘move heaven and earth’ rather than shut schools if infection rates rose in the new term. After Rabid Raab’s appearance at the foreign affairs committee, an interview with Ben Wally was published wherein he said military intel wasn’t wrong but limited and he’d warned ‘the game was up’ back in July when Herat fell. Raab spoke from Qatar to insist they’d agreed up until now. Labour criticised them fighting over their jobs while abandoned Afghans fought for their lives. Raab went onto say they had to engage with the Taliban to get people out but not recognise them as a legitimate government. He wanted the international community to exert a ‘moderating influence’. What was he on? On a luxury holiday with girlfriend Gina Colander, The Cock announced he was running the London Marathon, attracting much abuse on his JustGiving page. Storm Ida hit New York.

Roused by the noise disturbance, I felt exhausted Friday morning. To make up for the faux pas yesterday, I praised Phil’s breakfast apple art profusely, then joked maybe I should have said ‘I preferred your earlier stuff.’ It required a big effort to get on with chores and errands. The co-op was busy but well-stocked and Phil caught me up at the till to help pack and carry. After lunch, I ironed a pile of clothes before lying down. Going to get coffee, I realised I’d left my specs upstairs, went back up, then realised I’d forgotten milk and went back to the kitchen. Legs aching, I slumped on the couch and replied to a message from The Researcher, saying I’d try to write a contribution for her blog next month and confirming it was okay to contact Councillor Friend.

ONS stats showed high covid rates across the UK, highest in Northern Ireland at 1:65 ( but down from 1:40) The most ever in Scotland at 1:75 2 weeks after schools went back, experts predicted it ‘highly likely’ England would follow suit by the end of September. JCVI extended the offer of vaccines to 200,000 12-15 year olds with underlying conditions. Anti-vaxxers gave out leaflets about vaccinating children and tried to gain entry to MHRA in Cabot Square before getting the tube to protest in central London where four cops were injured. Job vacancies at a new high, care homes were badly hit. Covid, Brexit, immigration and tax rules were blamed. £1,000 ‘golden handshakes’ from Amazon were criticised for tempting bin men away from essential services.

Stuck in a Loop

Saturday also grey and cool, I stayed in and posted ‘Puns in the Sun’ on Cool Placesⁱ. Phil braved the shop, disposed of recycling and pressed me on birthday ideas. I’d looked on regional websites but awful to navigate, got stuck in a loop. Finally finding a list of heritage events, I discovered they lied saying they started 8^th September; there was nowt on until the weekend. I abandoned the search and we came up with a couple of alternative options, depending on weather.

Sunday morning, I was disturbed by a domestic in the flats below. Still tired, I gave up trying to sleep at 9. The laptop inoperable, I had to crash it – Stupid Microsoft! I left it to enjoy the warm sun. Realising my ankle hadn’t hurt for two days, I bravely agreed to tackle The Buttress. At the top, we picked a few blackberries and crossed for another climb up winding stone steps, having to move twice from the same spot as a man then a woman descended. He could have said they were a couple! Side-stepping two more walking groups, I remarked it was like Piccadilly Circus. We continued into the next village, blackberrying en route, admired valley views from the playing fields and proceeded to the churchyard to check out the ruin and famous graves, rather mystified by the offerings of coins, precious stones and trinkets. Resting on a bench beneath a shady yew tree, I elevated my tired ankle on the arm. We went home via woodland, stopping for more blackberrying and fungi-spotting. Never previously spotting fly agaric in these parts, the iconic toadstools prompted a haigaⁱⁱ. Feeling tired, hungry and short-tempered on reaching the front door, Phil continued to the shop while I fetched and carried stuff up and down stairs. He got back just as I’d brought the coffee tray up. “Typical!” I remarked. “Yep. I do it on purpose.” “I knew it!” “Actually, I couldn’t rush because of backache.” “That’s all the bending over picking berries. I couldn’t rush because I’m knackered and my ankle’s throbbing.” He made up by helping with dinner which included foraged berry crumble. Unable to settle that night, I looked out the window to find the sky oddly bright with white clouds but no stars. The meditation soundtrack helped quieten my mind and eventually I got some broken sleep.

Gen sir Nick Carter appeared on The Marr in a normal army shirt. Shown an earlier clip of him saying the government had a good grip on Afghanistan, he ducked arguments that he should have seen the Taliban takeover coming and wittered about factions. Nads Zahawi blathered about the rise in National Insurance to pay for social care. A backlash to the proposal involved MPs on all sides and ex-chancellor Spreadsheet Phil who said young workers would end up paying for oldies. Three kids were taken to hospital in Bradford after eating sweets from stony worm packs. Phil discovered you could buy the American packs, fill them with anything and sell them in shops. What a loopy idea!

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 76 – Selective Truths

“To suggest it was too late to stop the capital falling to the Taliban is not a defence, but a shameful admission of his own failure to act sooner” (Lisa Nandy)

Unpleasant Discoveries

Somewhat better Monday morning, Phil listened out for an expected delivery while I bathed and dressed. Loud rapping signalled its arrival soon after I emerged. The courier whose white van often blocked the street had reason to be in front of our house for once. He indicated the parcel on the step and left. I then found an e-mail from Hermes with a photo attachment of the package, in case I didn’t recognise it obvs! I posted blogs and hung washing out. Grey but fine and breezy, it was a good drying day. Emptying the food recycling, something nasty and unidentifiable required several rinses. On the anniversary of the 1819 massacre, Film 4 showed the movie Peterloo, rather long for a Monday night. We guffawed at the accents throughout. Talk about laying it on thick! It was a good job we weren’t at the pictures.

Additional bribes to get jabs were offered to young people in the form of vouchers from Asda, M&S, holiday companies and leisure centres. Amid mayhem at Kabul airport, people scrambled to leave and 5 died trying to stowaway on a US plane. Ben Wally burst into tears on LBC and Uncle Joe Biden blamed Afghan leaders for giving up. That and other insensitive comments angered Americans. Geronimo the alpaca got a short-lived stay of execution.

In a week of unpleasant discoveries, Tuesday, I fouIn a week of unpleasant discoveries, on Tuesday I found a lump of ice and gunk at the bottom of the fridge. Checking the reservoir at the back, I unearthed a desiccated half-munched banana. In the co-op, I paid for a sizeable shop at the kiosk, chatted to my mate, struggled home slowly and dropped my purse at the front door spilling change all over the pavement. Knackered, I lay down and managed 10 minutes in an almost-slumber, feeling snuggly and warm. Watching evening news, Phil remarked: “so, they’re still doing daily covid stats.” “Yes, they talked about stopping, but here we are.” For dinner, I cooked borscht using wrinkled beetroots. The purple soup looked great but lacked flavour.

Steve Reicher said summer rates weren’t as high as feared because people were being ‘sensible’ but Neil Ferguson predicted a fourth wave in autumn, with 1,000 covid patients per day admitted to hospital. MHRA approved Moderna for 12-17 year olds; JCVI advice was still awaited. A plague vaccine developed in Oxford was trialled on 40 volunteers. One case in NZ led to a 3-day lockdown nationwide, 7 days in Auckland and Coromandel. Jobcentre figures revealed unemployment 4.7% in July, wages up 7.4% and 1 million vacancies. Workers doing long shifts for minimum wage discovered their transferable skills and left. Official Taliban spokesman Zabiullah Mujahid held a press conference (he may have kept a low profile thus far but did have a twitter account). Being selective with the truth, he promised amnesty for those who’d worked for the former regime and women the ability to work and study, albeit under ‘sharia’ whatever that meant. While gunmen rolled into Kabul and had fun on the dodgems, Bumbling Boris and Rabid Raab were holidaying. Raab said he’d been taken by surprise, as had people who found him lounging on a Cretan beach. He maintained it didn’t make any difference as he’d liaised with cobra and promised ‘bespoke arrangements’ for Afghans wanting to settle in the UK. The Afghan Citizens Resettlement Scheme was criticised for being too slow.

It later transpired he refused to call foreign minister Harif Almar Friday, delegating the task to a junior minister, who also never rang. On Newsnight, Tom Tughat and Stella Creasy agreed plans were meaningless if the Taliban blocked access to Kabul airport. Not believing a word they said, they accused the Taliban of using fancy words by day and death squads by night to hunt down people who worked for the former regime. The size of the Afghan army grossly over-estimated, they wanted to know where the dollars had gone. In the Panjshir Valley, vice president Amrullah Saleh, the only one who hadn’t scarpered, held out, declared himself ‘legitimate caretaker president’ (technically correct under the constitution) and teamed up with Ahmad Massoud to assemble a counter-attack.

Shameless Acts

Wednesday, we ventured to Halifax. The roads busy, I twisted my ankle on the kerb trying to cross near an illegally parked car. I screamed in agony, felt sick and dizzy and thought I should go home. But after sitting on a low wall and gulping water, the pain eased and I decided to continue. At the station, the train arrived almost immediately. A bit full, we stood near the doors, thankful it was a fast service. I wasn’t surprised to learn passenger numbers on all transport networks had reached post-pandemic highs. We went in a couple of discount stores, waiting in stupidly long queues for a few purchases, before entering the Market Hall. The tall clock provided a splendid focal point. A strange abandoned section hid previously unseen eateries and an unfinished concourse but no seating. We settled on Coletta’s Café for filling fry-ups. Out on Corn Market, Phil commandeered a bench while I nipped in Wilko’s. Not seeing any insect spray, an assistant caught my eye and indicated the gardening section. “No, to spray on me, not the garden.” “Oh a general spray? For clothes? “No! for the body!” Eventually cottoning on, she directed me to a woefully scant selection. Amongst a row of self-service tills only 1 was staffed. As I queued again, the cashier ridiculously wandered off! We spent the rest of the afternoon scanning the town for carvings, plaques and inscriptions on once-grand buildings. Looking for a shortcut through to the Woolshops, we found the route blocked by a hideous new sixth form college. In the precinct, visitors were invited to sit in a giant deckchair and post a snap on Instagram. Phil refused to comply but it inspired my next haigaⁱ. We wandered through the magnificent Piece Hall and into the library, 5 minutes before closing. A librarian suggested we go up a floor for a better view of the rose window and thoughtfully gave me a leaflet on the way out, which I later lost. We squatted on a concrete block near the exit to check return trains. A woman who’d stalked Phil a couple of years back emerged, glanced at me then quickly away. “Don’t look now.” I told Phil. As he caught a glimpse of the back of her head, he chortled: “She my wife!” The slightly delayed train stopped everywhere but was thankfully less full. (For a fuller description, see Cool Places 2ⁱⁱ)

On alighting my ankle really hurt. Phil popped in the co-op while I limped home to examine the damage. I applied freeze spray to the swelling but it did nothing. Phil made coffee and reverted to tiny work. I moaned until he fetched ice cubes wrapped in a flannel to apply. Glad we didn’t have to cook dinner, Phil added extra herbs to improve leftover borscht. At bedtime, I tried to keep the bad ankle elevated on a pillow which worked until I turned over. I used the meditation soundtrack to distract myself from the pain and get some sleep.

The Newquay Boardmaster festival was blamed for Cornwall becoming a covid hotspots. Just Eat orders went up 700% in the first half of the year. A chicken peri-peri shortage caused by staff isolating, EU worker rules and HGV logistics issues, forced Nando’s to shut numerous branches. Nasty Patel announced additional statutory guidance for issuing gun licences; doctors had to tell police of applicant’s ‘relevant medical conditions’. Austin Haddock Mitchel died and a last-ditch High Court bid failure meant Geronimo the alpaca would be put down.

General Sir Nick Carter did the rounds on breakfast telly to advise the Taliban were keeping the streets of Afghanistan calm and safe and we should ‘wait and see’ if they meant what they said. What was he on with his fancy shirt? While ambassador Laurie Bristow said there were mere days left to rescue people, flights left almost empty from a chaotic Kabul airport. In a packed commons, The Bumbler was slated. Ex-PM May asked: “where is global Britain on the streets of Kabul?” She warned Russia and China wouldn’t be blind to the implications of the withdraw decision. Boris insisted there was no choice after the USA left. Announcing an extra £286m in aid he didn’t say who’d get it and wouldn’t be drawn on recognising a Taliban regime. Downing Street later said the situation needed an ‘international unified response’. Tom Tughat called Uncle Joe’s blaming of the Afghan army ‘shameful’. Nick Thomas-Symonds accused Boris and Rabid Raab of a ‘dereliction of duty’ going on holiday and Keir added: “You cannot co-ordinate an international response from the beach.” It subsequently transpired nobody rang the Afghan foreign minister last week, prompting Ian Blackford to call Raab’s position “completely untenable.” The Times later reported the permanent secretaries were simultaneously on leave. Rabid Raab defended not making the phone call, saying it would have been too late because of the ‘rapidly deteriorating situation’. He’d prioritised keeping Kabul airport open and worked ‘tirelessly’ to get people out. Nandy said his comments ‘didn’t stack up’. Amidst a series of pointless cobra meetings, Tobias Ellwood complained of a reactive rather than proactive approach and lack of co-ordination across Whitehall. Calderdale known for taking in refugees, we must have missed BBC news in Halifax speaking to the council leader. He said they’d house Afghans but needed support. On a QT special, panel members all insisted they were right and everyone else was wrong.

I managed 10 minutes exercise Thursday morning, being careful not to put weight on the bad ankle. The pain now more of an ache, it remained inflamed for a few days. A sleepy Phil discovered a lump on the back of his hand resembling a mosquito bite. I prescribed running it under hot water which helped. Sick of metro not downloading on the ipad, I installed it on my phone. The tablet too old to update, I mainly used it to play games but crammed with arty apps, thought I should revisit them before declaring it obsolete. Still unsafe for me to carry the tray down, Phil did the honours and made coffee. I arranged a meeting with the owner of Valley Life and read a project update from the researcher. The now-live blog included an extract of one of my covid dreams and a photo credit under the politics sectionⁱⁱⁱ. I mulled over ideas to send her later. Working on the journal, I developed head fug and went for a rest. As irritating dying alarm noises, going since mid-morning finally stopped, music started up. I put earplugs in and managed a few minutes with my eyes shut.

36,572 new cases, 6,379 in hospital, and 113 deaths hadn’t prompted 2.5m 18-29 year olds to get vaccinated. ONS research found antibodies declined in older age groups, yet JCVI were unlikely to advise boosters for all over 50’s. Astra-Zeneca and Pfizer both effective, Pfizer had a stronger initial immune response against the Delta variant but degraded quicker. DVLA blamed strikes and social distancing for a 10 week wait for licences. A five year old Afghan refugee died when he fell from a window of the Hotel Metropolitan, Sheffield.

Empty Promises

Friday, I donned a support bandage on the stiff ankle before going to the co-op. Phil joined me at the till to help pack and carry, which was just as well as my ankle hurt by then. I posted ‘Light and Dark’ on Cool Places^iv before a siesta. As I read metro on the phone, I joked today’s wallpaper of a tree in the desert resembled one Phil made yesterday of the moor with an incongruous tree, moon and sky. “I was inspired by art in Halifax market. To hell with that highbrow stuff. I’m going for the populist approach.”

The ‘R’ number up to 0.9-1.2, ONS data showed rates still high in the UK and rising in Wales and Northern Ireland. PHE said 55% of those ill with the Delta variant (74% for the under 50’s) hadn’t had a jab and inoculations prevented 24.4 million covid cases, 98,700 deaths and 82,1000 hospitalisations. During 4 weeks on a covid ward, Chris witless found it ‘stark’ how many unvaccinated people were admitted. Over a year since Donald Trump was given monoclonal antibody Ronapreve to cure his covid, it was approved by MHRA. What took so long? Astra-Zeneca said a new ‘antibody cocktail’ for people unable to be vaccinated was 77% effective in reducing the risk of developing symptomatic disease. Gurkhas ended their hunger strike on the 13^th day after promises of government talks.

Saturday morning I could carry a tray upstairs. A door knock interrupted my first morning cuppa. I trudged back down to find Snooty Neighbour on the doorstep. He informed me a van was coming to fetch their piano next Tuesday, ahead of their move to Barnard Castle. Probably showing off, but I appreciated the advance notice. On BBC Breakfast, David Morrisey gave nothing away about Britannia III. We reckoned there was a ban on clips and with no access to Sky Atlantic, it would be some time before we got to see it. Less confident taking the tray downstairs, I left Phil to bring it and made breakfast. Phil tried to get the telly box back on the internet. Discovering it couldn’t be done over wi-fi, he fiddled with wires but the string from the router wasn’t long enough. “We’re gonna need a bigger string.” I took the opportunity to tidy wires under the corner table before Phil cut my hair. I dyed some faded clothes in the machine and applied another coat of aluminium paint to the old cutlery caddy. Phil went to the shop, finding town busy despite nasty showers. Cooking dinner, I had a funny turn. Becoming hot and hardly able to stand, I slumped on a chair and wondered if it was covid. Cooling down but still wobbly, I decided hunger had coincided with a hot flush. We watched films on DVD bought in charity shops last week. An interval to prepare pudding made the evening rather long.

Sunday morning, my ankle didn’t hurt at first but my buttocks did. I must have slept funny. The injury pain returning later, a bandage helped until I stood on Phil’s foot by accident. He yelped in alarm. “That hurt me more than it hurt you!” I assured him. Unable to go walking, I considered gardening when brightness turned to rain. Phil similarly abandoned leaf-hunting plans. More storm warnings Saturday for Northern Ireland and SW England, the predicted move north brought only showers. Depressed at being stuck indoors, I wrote a haiga, draft-posted the journal, put things in Phil’s amazon basket including a long ethernet cable, and rifled through drawers looking for connectors. Not finding any of the right sort, I discovered a bunch of fuzzy batteries. Watching the last episode of The Handmaid’s Tale, I thought a visceral scene signalled the end and turned over when ads appeared. It wasn’t. Apparently, people had complained the series was too grim and violent.

North Yorkshire now without TV for a fortnight, a temporary mast was promised by next weekend but ran into problems with a narky landowner. The government said they’d rescued 4,000 so far from a calmer Kabul airport. Tony Blair called the withdrawal ‘tragic, dangerous and unnecessary’ and ‘a serious mistake’. Saying it wasn’t yet over, he thought Afghanistan still had a chance. Had he forgotten his selective truths dragged us into Middle Eastern wars in the first place? Hailed as braver than the army or government, resisting women made former MP Fawzi Koofi proud. However, fears of a return to repression left many scared to go out let alone protest. Wondering why mainstream media had so far chosen to ignore the Hindu Kush enclave, they reported fighting in Panjshir Valley between the Taliban and former VP.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iii. Covid Diary Research Project blog: https://www.ruraldiaryproject.uk/

iv. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 64 – Liars and Fantasists

“The prime minister brought a fantasist and a liar into the heart of Downing Street” (Jonathan Ashworth)

Under Duress

In the midst of Monday chores, a small glass bottle stopper went up the hoover. I emptied the thing and scoured through dust to retrieve it. Worn out, I lay on the bed to enjoy a good half hour feeling warm and drowsy. The moon almost full, we watched it cross the darkening sky but by the time Phil went out to take photos at 11 o’clock, it was raining.

Medical Detection Dogs spotted coronavirus with 94.3% accuracy. Reading about them a year ago, I wondered what took so long? Mini Macron and The Merkel pledged the WHO more support to enable better pandemic future planning and suggested a global health threat council. An extra 10,000 in the past month, Indian deaths hit 300,000. Japan launched 2 centres as part of a mass vaccination drive before the Olympics. Unenthusiastic citizens called it too little too late. Nasty Patel launched the Electronic Travel Authorisation (ETA) for UK visitors who didn’t hold a visa or immigration status, and promised a ‘fully digital border’ within 5 years. Roman Protasevich appeared on video to lie, under duress, about being well-treated. Rabid Raab instructed airlines not to fly over Belarus and suspended Belavia’s operating permit. The EU followed suit. TUI cancelled holidays to amber countries. After the collapse of Greensill Capital, Liberty Steel were closing 7 plants and jobseekers searched vacancies in social care as existing staff resigned.

Waking in the early hours Tuesday, I recalled a solitary detail from many dreams. Was telling someone the journal was ‘really important’ hubris or a message from the gods? Mostly cold and grey, I spent all morning writing and invented a new sandwich for lunch. Pitta filled with spam, tomato, camembert and red onion, and sprinkled with pea-shoots, was rather good! The cacophonous flood alarm sirens were tested several times causing severe disturbance in the afternoon. I went to the co-op to find gaps on the shelves, busy aisles and a mate mulling over flatbread. During a brief chat, he told me he’d also had 2 jabs and didn’t fancy a third so wouldn’t be volunteering for the Covboost trial. Taking groceries to the kitchen, I discovered Phil had washed up but annoyingly left the bowl full of water and the draining board stacked. A second kitchen trauma ensued later when I opened the freezer to find a split bag of sweetcorn. In the process of rescuing what I could, I made a bigger rip so the pesky tiny veg went all over the place and I had to sweep it into the bin. Inordinately upset, I collapsed on the sofa. Hearing my screams from upstairs, Phil came to sympathise.

Will Shakespeare, the first man to get the Pfizer vaccine, died of an ‘unrelated illness’. One the of busiest days ever at Bolton ED saw 41 admissions and 8 in critical care. With only 15 positive cases out of 58,000 participants, Oliver Dowdy hailed the test event pilots a success.

ONS data showed trade between the UK and the EU fell 23% Jan-March. Mainly due to Brexit, the ongoing recession and pandemic also played a part. One year since the murder of George Floyd, his family went to the Whitehouse and Biden gave his daughter ice-cream.

The Cabinet Office were accused of ‘local lockdown by stealth’ as It emerged they extended measures on Friday night for Kirklees, Bedford, Burnley, Leicester, Hounslow, North Tyneside, Bolton and Blackburn . Not mentioned in any formal announcements or ministerial briefings, local authorities complained of no consultation and finding out by accident. Tracy Brabin came on BBC Breakfast to call it ‘a bit shabby’ and Yasmin Qureshi was ‘gobsmacked’. Residents of affected zones were advised not to meet inside, keep 2 metres apart and avoid non-essential travel out of area. In urgent questions, Jon Ashworth called on ministers to “withdraw the guidance now…(The Cock) doesn’t even have the courtesy to tell us.” Under duress, Nads Zahawi defended the government: “we want the country to move out of these restrictions together and we’re trusting people to be responsible and to act with caution and common sense.” They argued the recommendations were first issued 14^th May when Boris told us to be ‘extra cautious’ before formal web publishing a week later. The site stated the rules were ‘underpinned by law’ but The Cock said the guidance was ‘not statutory’. I tweeted to ask him to explain the contradiction but got no answer. The guidance was later changed to ‘advice’.

Phantasmagorical

Wednesday morning, I really struggled to come round. Getting up and bathed required a huge effort. A pile of mail prompted me into boring life admin while watching PMQs. After lunch, I worked on the journal then sorted winter coats. Planning to put them away, I discovered 2 needed a wash first and stuck them in the machine before steaming woollens. Seeming quick and easy at the time, the task rendered me breathless. The evening Ocado delivery was badly packed and I got cheated out of 2 bags – no joke now they cost 10p each. Panorama featured AI and informed us Alexa used to be a British robot called Evie – another example of Brits selling stuff to the Yanks for peanuts!

ONS data based on sample blood test results, suggested over 75% of adults had covid anti-bodies. The UK leaders’ covid summit was postponed as Sturgeon and Drakeford wanted more time to prepare so it would be ‘meaningful’ and dismissed a rough agenda from Number 10 before key topics were agreed. Exactly a year since his trip to Barnard Castle and ahead of appearing before 2 commons committees (Health & Social Care and Science & Technology), The Scumbag posted around 50 tweets, including barely legible scribbles on a whiteboard outlining ‘Plan B’, suggesting ditching ‘herd immunity’ was all down to him when general opinion last year was he pushed for it. He told MPs that The Bumbler dismissed the pandemic as a scare story, said it only killed 80-year-olds, and volunteered to be jabbed with covid on live TV by Chris Witless. One of the more bizarre claims was that cobra had been derailed 12^th March 2020 by trump asking them to bomb Iraq and Carrie Antionette having a fit over her dog, comparing the scene to the film Independence Day. Other statements echoed what we all knew; that failures cost thousands of lives and ministers ignored scientific advice in September due to economic concerns. In scathing attacks, he criticised The Cock’s policies on care homes, PPE, and testing targets leading to disruption in Whitehall, and said he should have been sacked 15-20 times for persistent lying.

On PMQs, Keir used all 3 questions on the row between Boris and his former aide and concluded that if The Scumbag was fibbing, it showed poor judgement by the PM. Meanwhile, York MP Rachael Maskell asked about reneging on help for charities. The government decision not to match public donations also featured on Newsnight where on behalf of War Child, actress Carey Mulligan said it meant 3,000 Afghani children were at risk of being trafficked.

The next day, The Cock went to the commons to answer urgent questions and deny Scumbag’s claims. Quizzed on care homes, he admitted testing capacity wasn’t in place when he promised a ‘protective ring’, but insisted he’d gone away to work on it. Jon Ashworth said if the allegations of lying were true, they broke the ministerial code, and if false, Boris brought ‘a fantasist and a liar’ into Downing Street. Jeremy C**t pointed out the accusations were unproven and Boris maintained his actions hadn’t caused more deaths: “Some of the commentary…doesn’t bear any relation to reality…At every stage we have been governed by a determination to protect life, to save life, to ensure our NHS is not overwhelmed and followed the data and guidance we had.” But on radio 4, Prof. Ferguson said it was ‘unarguable’ that the delay in imposing the first lockdown caused 30,000 extra deaths: “The epidemic doubled every 3 or 4 days in weeks March 13 to 23. Had we moved the interventions back a week we would have saved many lives.” Prof. Susan Michie of sage said the change from the 2m to 1m plus rule was one of “several examples where scientific advice wasn’t followed.” She echoed Keir’s calls for the public inquiry to be brought forward.

Discussing the Scumbag’s revelations later, Phil thought he might have partially told the truth. “Yeah. The bits we already knew and he’s still a scumbag. They’re all as bad as each other. If people were more engaged in politics, they wouldn’t put up with useless leaders!”

Thursday morning, I drafted an article for the summer issue of Valley Life magazine before preparing to go out. Lunchtime by the time dithering was done, we hurried into town and dodged the market day throngs to get pies from the bakers. We crossed over to the park, also busy, where Phil found a free patch of grass while I bought pop from the café, baulking at the cost; they could at least provide tables for that price. More of a take-away with café prices! After eating our pastries, we walked east on the canal to see verges carpeted with daisies and hawthorn blooming at long last. Among gaggles of geese, sizeable goslings were already losing their fluff. Beyond the next village, attractive flood alleviation works were integrated with a new wetland nature reserve and the football pitch which always flooded, had been moved and protected by levees. We rested at a pretty lock and watched gammons on a barge navigate through. Phil overheard them complaining about unpainted houseboats. “Said them on their expensive rental cruiser. Snobs!” Rather tired, we decided to continue to the next town and catch a bus. The stifling journey back was prolonged by roadworks but at least the bus took us all the way home. While I didn’t find weariness unexpected, Phil complained of the vaccine making him post-virally weak. (For a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’ⁱ).

Daily Covid infections hit 3,180, the highest since 2^nd April but The Cock said inoculation severed the link to hospitalisation and death . As Indian variant cases rose to 5,000, Prof. Ferguson cited it as the dominant strain and hinted full re-opening on 21^st June hung in the balance. The Bumbler gainsaid: ”I don’t see anything currently in the data to suggest that we have to deviate from the roadmap.” After administering over 17,000 jabs in a week, there were signs the surge in Bolton was capping off. The Cock called it ‘phenomenal’. That didn’t stop Yasmin Qureshi calling for the government to be investigated for corporate manslaughter.

Thousands flocked to the Westminster vaccine bus in London’s Chinatown where no ID was required (how did they know who’d been done?) The Glove-Puppet told the commons public admin committee the covid pass might be delayed or not happen at all while France imposed a 7 day quarantine for arrivals, excepting hauliers. Grant Shats confirmed HS2 would go all the way to Leeds. Beloved children’s author Eric Carle died, aged 91.

In the evening, we watched a telly film and newsy stuff. Appearing on Newscast, Arlene Foster proved much jollier in real life. It prompted us to return to earlier discussions on politicisation and apathy. I thought putting up with useless leaders was particularly an issue in England. Citizens of NI and Scotland tended to be more engaged, probably for historical reasons. At bed-time, I was assailed by the noise of the droning generator and a shouting chav. Even with earplugs, it took ages to get any sleep.

Layers of Lies

The crap night led to a later start Friday. Taking the breakfast tray down, I balanced it a moment on the way to the kitchen, when the whole thing tipped up. The handle on Phil’s ‘winter wonderland’ mug broke in half and dregs spilt all over the throws. I chucked them in the wash and dug out old cups with pleasing olive designs, not sure why they were consigned to a cupboard. Appearing after the mess was cleared, Phil asked what the crash was. “Spot the difference.” “With my eye sight! You’ll have to tell me,” he chortled. Indicating the changed throw and olive mugs, I braced for a telling off but he continued laughing. “I never get annoyed.” “Liar!” “I hate breaking things but I don’t get annoyed.” “Breaking stuff is part of life and it’s been one of those weeks.” Still fatigued, he struggled to come round. I went to the co-op, not noticing the drizzle until I got out the door. Copious traffic suggested people taking advantage of the good weather forecast and upcoming spring bank holiday weekend. A less bustling supermarket confirmed the assumption. My mate let me pay for a trolley-load at the kiosk, which was nice. Phil asked why I hadn’t requested help with the shopping but agreed I’d have been stood waiting in the rain and I was quicker doing it myself. He then offered to carry bags to the kitchen but disappeared upstairs, not coming to my aid until groceries were all-but sorted. Slicing cabbage for slaw that evening, I managed to slice my thumb. I screamed in shock and pain and collapsed on a chair. As I ranted, Phil told me to calm down. “What part of being in shock don’t you get?” “Never had it.” “More lies!” I eventually settled down but dropped my fork during dinner making me fume again. It really had been a crap week!

The R rate up to 1-1.1, there were 10 deaths and 4,182 new infections – an increase of 25% in a week and the highest since 1^st April. Hospitalisations rising in some areas, PHE said only 3% of those infected by the Indian variant and 5 out of 201 who went to A&E, were inoculated. Kwasi Kwarteng saw no reason not to re-open on 21^st June, but warned data could change warranting ‘flexibility’. Kate Nicholls of UK Hospitality said it was ‘absolutely critical’ to stick to the date, yet Christina Pagel of indy sage wanted to wait: “If we can just delay international travel, delay stage 4 of the road map until…(more people are) vaccinated with 2 doses, we’re in a much, much better position. We’re only 2 months away from that, it’s not long to wait. What I don’t want is for us to have new restrictions.” A young woman died from a blood clot after one jab of AZ and the MHRA approved the one-shot Janssen. 20m doses on order and due to arrive by the end of 2021, JCVI would provide guidance on who should get it; likely proposing hard-to-reach groups. After months of delay, Lord Geidt released his first report on minister’s interests. He said Boris was ‘unaware’ that tory donor Lord Brownlow settled the bill for the flat refurb, and ‘unwisely’ let it go ahead without ‘more rigorous regard’ for how it would be funded. More care should have been taken over the financial arrangements and officials weren’t rigorous enough in examining the proposed Downing Street Trust’s ability to pay, but this was a ‘minor breach’ of the ministerial code. I remained puzzled that the trust was legal in the first place.

Fatigue caught up with me the next day. I spent a typical Saturday at home, draft-posted the journal, and got rid of loads of recycling and more of the creeping buttercup in the garden until the small stone path emerged from the undergrowth. I exchanged pleasantries with neighbours and re-directed a couple about to climb steps into private gardens. I had to stop my labours when the sun emerged from behind clouds, sweat dripping down my face in the rising heat. I gulped water and started to clean up the debris. Phil returned from the shop to report town predictably heaving. He squatted on the kerb to chat and I recalled an article in Metro about rich Californian cyber-geeks spending millions on implants thinking they’d live forever. For dinner he made kofta for the first time – another delicious meal invented. That night I dropped off, book in hand and bedside lamp still on, to wake a few minutes later and sleep fractiously thereafter.

The Bumbler married Carrie Antionette in Westminster Cathedral. Twice divorced, permission was granted because his previous marriages weren’t catholic ceremonies so didn’t count. Technically, that made his elder kids bastards. The obvious distraction ploy by the duplicitous Papist git outraged Catholics and those who’d had to put their weddings on hold during the pandemic in equal measure.

Early mist soon burned off Sunday to be replaced by warm sunshine. Layers of tory lies persisted as Nads Zahawi told Marr a pile of untruths trying to defend The Cock’s claims of ‘putting a ring around care homes’.

Setting off for a walk, I popped in the co-op for packed lunches. The scrum in front of the meal deal shelf suggested it wasn’t an original idea. From the opposite bank, the riverside steps were as crowded as the beach! We continued upstream, assailed by scents of baking loam and wild flowers. Creeping buttercup looked much better in verges than in the garden. Dappled light made arty shadows on the weir. Yet more families pretended it was the seaside. We climbed onto tarmac then into a lush clough. As we descended to a brook, felled trees cluttered a shingled shore we’d hoped to rest on. We squatted on a low bridge to eat and check the map for a route up to a monument. Unable to see a path, we proceeded upwards and glanced back to see the structure emerge below. Disinclined to back-track, we continued up the road to a hamlet and found a free bench outside the local pub. As we supped pints, traffic continually streamed in both directions. The cycling couple on the adjacent table made a move and we wondered how their small dog rode a bike. They then put the pooch in a bag. ‘Doggy bag!’ We struck up a conversation encompassing the joys of pet ownership, the state of the world and limited travel options, concluding there were worse places to be stuck. Taking roadway down was tricky with speeding vehicles and no pavement but shaded by extensive woodland. At the edge of town, a long flight of steps provided a short-cut. I’d always assumed unusual roofs on terraces were dormers added later but Phil informed me they were Dutch houses. The longer day out in extended sunshine had been very enjoyable while stops for sustenance ensured against severe fatigue – or so it seemed at the time. (For a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’ⁱ).

I even managed to edit photos and write a haiku after dinnerⁱⁱ. Mind you, I had a crap night. Unable to sleep, I looked out to see hundreds of stars including rarely spotted feinter ones. I eventually dropped off with the help of the meditation tape.

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 57 – Line of Acronyms

“In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, to contribute to solving overpopulation” (Prince Philip)

Barking Mad

Patches of white lay atop roofs on a sunny Easter Monday. Phil slept in while I exercised and did free puzzles in Metro. After a late breakfast of toasted hot cross buns, I posted blogs, just finishing as the skies turned changeable. Itching to go out, we debated whether to visit town for a burnt snack and the virtual duck race, thought better of it and agreed to escape ‘up tops’ instead. Things became a bit fraught as we prepared to leave the house, and I feared we’d miss the next bus. I needn’t have worried. Although it had sounded quieter than the previous 2 insanely busy days, cars streamed on the main road. A traffic jam stretched to bridge. “That’s people not going to the virtual duck race,” I quipped.

Predictably late as a consequence, a few other passengers rode the bus, all alighting in the first village. We got off at the junction of a country lane where adorable spring lambs eyed us curiously from patchwork fields as we passed. At the farm shop, only one customer was allowed in at a time. I waited to buy pop and we stood in a patch of sun, well away from a couple drinking beer and a picnicking family. A large sow snuffled at straw inside the barn behind us. Manic squealing ensued as a litter of piglets clambered and tugged at each other to feed. Mindful of social distancing, we in turn jockeyed for position with small children and a pair of women also peered over the metal gate to witness the spectacle.

Walking down to the clough, we were chased by dogs where the path crossed farmland. I yelled at the woman who’d appeared near the farmhouse: “It’s not on! This is a public right of way!” Shaken by the encounter, we got off their land as quickly as possible. In the clough, straggling family groups and elderly men impeded our progress to the garlic fields for the second forage of the season.

Proceeding home via the bridleway, a horse rider thanked us for standing on the verge for her to pass. A woman accompanied by 2 kids and 2 spaniels walked the opposite way. “Oh no, it’s the stupidest, craziest of all dog breeds,” Phil tittered. One of the dogs broke from the group and bounded towards us.

Braced for another stressful experience, it veered off the path, apparently chasing a deer. I suggested to the woman she put her dogs on leads. “What?” “You need to put your dogs on leads. There are deer here.” “I live here!” she responded. “Your dog just chased a deer!” “Ooh, scary!” she laughed. Angered by the incident and by inconsiderate dog-owners in general, I asked Phil: “I live here? What the hell does that mean?“ “That she owns the place? “Well, she should care more about the bloody wildlife then, shouldn’t she. Cold-hearted bitch!” Recalling the horse rider, I considered it barking mad that dogs didn’t have to be kept on leads on a bridleway. However, owners were required to control them so they didn’t intimidate animals, or people for that matter, on any public right of way. (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱⁱ).

In the evening, our walking friend texted to ask if we fancied going to another garlic spot the next day. Although we’d just got a pile, I was always up for a new harvesting place and said yes. At bedtime, I was troubled by recurring thoughts of encounters with dogs and the drone of railway engineering works. Hard to sleep, I tried earplugs, then the meditation tape, then the noise suddenly stopped enabling a few fitful hours.

Covid cases dropped 44% and hospitalisations by a quarter in the past week. The Boris Briefing confirmed the next step (or ‘waymark’) on the roadmap would proceed next week. Hairdressers, beer gardens and shops could re-open, with extended hours up to 10 p.m. but social distancing still in place. Covid Status Certification set to be trialled, The Bumbler promised we wouldn’t need them for “the shops, pub garden or hairdressers on Monday.” He stopped short of saying they wouldn’t be required inside pubs in May. 70 MPs set to vote against the Covid Passes, including 40 tories, Rachel Reeves said Labour didn’t see the point with the success of the vaccine programme. Boris made no pledges on travel but confirmed a traffic lights system with more details due later in the week. From Friday, everyone could have 2 tests per week. While we wondered what the point was and where the cash was going, the government said it would be paid for out of the existing TIT budget. So was it a ruse to justify Dildo’s existence? Allyson Pollock of Newcastle University called it a “scandalous waste of money” and warned that as cases fell, false-positives would rise and people forced to needlessly self-isolate.

Egged On

After a freezing night, Tuesday also started sunny and cold with a sprinkling of white. Chores done, we planned an early lunch before meeting our walking friend. Suddenly, small snowflakes started to fall. I rang her to say there was no chance of going garlic-picking and parried her efforts to persuade me otherwise. “I knew something like this would happen,” she said, “I thought one flake of snow, and Mary will cry off.” “And I knew you’d try and talk me into it!” We had a laugh and nattered about her new semi-retired life, antibodies, vaccines, and meeting up soon. As a mixture of wintry showers plagued the afternoon, the temperature plummeted. Glad I’d stood firm, it also gave me chance to catch up on editing photos and writing. The din of night-time engineering was replaced by caterwauling on the street below. Thankfully, it didn’t interfere with sleep as much.

As the blood clot issue re-surfaced, Boris went to the AZ* plant in Macclesfield to be quizzed on concerns the vaccine caused CVT*. He directed us to the MHRA* where studies were ongoing but trials on youngsters were halted. He insisted there was ‘no data’ to suggest deviating from the roadmap out of lockdown while SPI-M* warned of a rise at the final stage in June. The Cock claimed Valneva produced a ‘strong immune response’ although this was only based on a study of 153 people. Cases in Chile rose even though 37% of the population had at least 1 dose of Sinovax. Reportedly due to complacency, travel in or out of the country was banned for a month. Concerns over the Chinese vaccine would emerge later in the week. Australia and NZ* agreed to allow travel between the two without quarantine. Here, Border Force claimed 40% of 40,000 fliers into the UK* and 90% of travellers on Eurostar were tourists. The government denied it. Airline bosses moaned that holidays would ‘costa packet’, with up to 6 PCR* tests required (lab analysis making them better at detecting variants than rapid flow tests). Irene Hays appeared on BBC Breakfast to laud ‘sea-cations’ (aka Brexit cruises). The latest Yorkshire fire entailed a recycling pile in Doncaster – what was it with daft fires in this county?

A similar picture Wednesday, I hoovered, wrote and went to the co-op for a hefty top-up shop. School holidays still on, hordes hithered and dithered in the aisles. Obviously too cold for coffee-cupping today! Already stressed, I swore at a young man behind me at the till who didn’t wait for me to move before slamming a box of beer down on the conveyor belt. I rushed to the end where the cashier asked me if I was alright. “Some people just don’t give a shit,” I complained, to which she nodded. On exiting, I removed my face mask. My specs promptly fell on the pavement making me swear again. Hands full, I struggled to the zebra and glared at a speeding driver. He screeched to a halt. I paused at the corner to sort myself out when Geordie Neighbour approached. We walked and talked back to our street, about the weather and the discomfort of extreme walking. I mentioned the ace job his partner had done on the community garden and told him some of the history of the land; we’d collaborated with a couple of neighbours and councillors to rescue it from auction some years ago. Developing neck pain later, I cursed myself for using dam rucksacks when shopping. A massage and shifting into a more comfy position helped somewhat at bedtime.

The MHRA issued new guidance to not use AZ on those under 30. Though not confirmed it caused clots, Jenny Raine said the evidence was ‘firming up’. An estimated 6,000 lives saved and only 19 deaths out of 20 million vaccines given, The EMA* wanted the ‘very rare side effects’ listed on packs and people with blood disorders to consult their doctor. JCVI’s* Anthony Harnden assured us detection of the possible link showed the ‘yellow card’ system worked and it was no more risky than pregnancy, taking the contraceptive pill, or taking a long-haul flight. As the SNP* and Labour ruled out backing proposals on Covid Passes, Keir called messaging a mess: “only a few weeks ago the prime minister was saying he was thinking of vaccine passports to go to the pub – now he says isn’t. One day he’s talking about tests – then certificates. It’s a complete mess.” Ian Blackford added: “the tory position has been mired in confusion and contradiction.” CRG* deputy chair Steve Baker warned the proposed document would lead to a “miserable dystopia of Checkpoint Britain.” However, domestic certificates would likely be wrapped up with nigh inevitable international covid passports, to garner more votes. With only 8% of Brazilians vaccinated, the P1 variant led to 4,000 deaths in a day. More transmissible and infecting young people, it spread throughout South America and across the globe. Deliveroo denied IWGB* claims that hundreds took part in strike action, saying their drivers were happy. Shares rose slightly after a shaky start last week.

Another boring day, Thursday I aimed to do yoga in the afternoon but by the time a heap of chores were done, I’d had enough and lay down to rest instead. The roses Phil bought me at Easter had bloomed into a fabulous floral splendour, providing a splash of colour to a dull midweek.

18,000 new trains were arriving in time for Monday’s non-essential shopping trips. A study of 150,000 people indicated jabs broke the link between Covid and death but the number of hearts on the wall alongside St. Thomas’ Hospital still grew. It was odd I didn’t ever walk that way when I worked there many moons ago. Philippine president Duerte shielded from his staff who all had Covid. As ‘the troubles’ rumbled on, Stormont held an emergency sitting and Brad Lewis went to Belfast for urgent talks. Wednesday night, a bus was hijacked and burnt, and factions clashed either side of a gate on the so-called peace wall, between Shankill Road and Springfield Road. Teenagers threw missiles and petrol bombs. PSNI* fired rubber bullets and water cannons, just like the old days. The next night, community workers formed a human chain to prevent rioters reaching the gate at Lanark Way. Commentators cited a number of causes including a backlash against an IRA funeral last summer, the Brexit border in the Irish Sea and ‘increased rancour in the political sphere’. Loyalists were accused of egging on rioting youths. Interviewed on BBC news, a young man called Joel said people saw Sinn Fein winning and Loyalists under attack.

Adding to the 4 known forces of physics (gravity, electromagnetism, the strong force and the weak force) a new one was allegedly found. When muons were fired into a circular magnetic track, they wobbled. The elliptical result prompted Phil to call them ‘eggons’. The STFC* said it gave: “strong evidence for the existence of an undiscovered sub-atomic particle or new force” but not conclusive proof. Smiley Prof. Brian Cox enthused: “It would be the biggest discovery in particle physics for many years.” Shamelessly touting his upcoming Horizons tour, I laughed: “he’s nicked Count Arthur Strong’s idea. Well, that’s one way of dealing with merciless piss-taking!”

The Final Wipe-Down

Starting to feel ill the night before, I tried a few stretches Friday morning before succumbing to the inevitable. Back in bed, I worked on the laptop to post a composite of the last 2 foraging trips on Cool Places. Phil worked downstairs, brought me lunch and went to the co-op for weekend supplies. Hoping to catch afternoon quiz shows, I turned the telly on to discover that Prince Philip had died. Incessant news coverage ensued, leading to 1000,000 official complaints. I whinged to an empty room. Accepting they had to do this stuff, I didn’t see why it had to be on all the channels, all the time. The endless cycle of toadying didn’t even include any of the Duke of Edinburgh’s famous gaffes (see example above).

Launching his ‘framework for travel’, Shats used classic double-speak, NOT saying don’t book foreign holidays. The DfT* refused to confirm they’d be allowed from 17^th May, said there’d be an initial assessment early May and a review 28^th June to see if ‘measures could be rolled back’. Shats admitted PCR tests were expensive and was trying to bring costs down. Jet2 extended the suspension of flights until June due to a lack of clarity. As UCL* modelling predicted herd immunity would be reached in time for pub and shop re-opening Monday, Debenhams was holding a fire sale at 97 stores. Vaccine hesitancy amongst ethnic minorities reportedly dropped to 6%, the Kent virus was now dominant in the USA*, and Slovakia said the Russian Sputnik V vaccine was rubbish.

I managed a few hours kip that night but woke in the early light at 6.00 a.m. Car doors slammed and people prattled inanely. Either the shed people or the flat residents had apparently been to an all-nighter.

Still ailing at the weekend, I only ventured downstairs for short spells. Most of the time, I sat abed, writing and watching telly. BBC 1 still showed interminable coverage of the dead duke including a noon gun salute and a remembrance service, but at least it wasn’t all the channels like Friday. Saturday, I tried to ignore the unremitting chatter of the flat residents in their garden. On his return from shopping, I told Phil it was doing my nut in and suspected it was them I’d heard coming home at 6.00 a.m. “We used to be like that when we were young,” he reminded me. “Yes, but not in a time of Covid!”

Sunday began startlingly bright as overnight snowfall dramatically reflected a blue sky. It was beautiful but hurt my eyes, especially as I attempted to capture the stunning scene on camera. By the time we’d bathed and breakfasted, most of the snow had melted. It became grey and cold as the sun went in. Freezing and achy, I went back to bed and draft-posted the next instalment of the journal. More snow fell later, but the soggy flakes didn’t stick. Although not unusual to have wintry showers in April, I’d never known it snow this late before.

Phil ventured to the convenience store in a clear spell, reporting town inevitably busy in anticipation of pubs opening in the morning. News media dubbed it ‘the final wipe-down’ and featured extra outdoor seating sprawled across pub carparks and pavements. “It’s all looking a bit medieval,” he laughed. Inspired to mock the latest government campaigns, my spoof poster only got one laugh on Facebook – what was wrong with people?

I stayed up to watch Line of Duty – or Line of Acronyms as we now called it – just about keeping apace of the lingo as they prated about AC-12, CHIS, OCG and MIT*. I returned to bed with a heavy head as though a weight pressed down above my eyes. The drone of railway engineering works again mitigated attempts to sleep. Using earplugs and the meditation tape, I eventually dropped into fractious slumber.

As vaccinations reached 32m and 7.5m had 2 doses, Phil said only 7 people died of Covid. I agreed that seemed negligible, but figures at the weekend were always lower due to reporting lags. George Fu Gao, head of the CCDCI* said something needed to be done to address the poor efficacy of Sinovax, just above 50%. After his comments went viral, social media posts were deleted and Gao later claimed his comments were misinterpreted.

Rishi’s text replies to David Camoron on the Greensill issue were published; he was ‘pushing for alternatives’ but with ‘no guarantees.’ It then emerged that in 2019, the ex-PM lobbied for Greensill to be given NHS contracts. Drinks with Matt Cock were apparently ‘a social occasion’ so didn’t have to be reported, and broke no rules. Would that be the rules Camoron drew up? He later said he should have used the proper channels. Labour replied that if rules weren’t broken, it was because they weren’t strict enough. In advance of publication Thursday, former tory minister Alan Duncan’s memoirs had already been serialised in The Daily Mail. He hilariously called The Glove-Puppet an unctuous freak, Gavin Salesman a venomous self-seeking little shit, Nasty Patel a nightmare, and The Bumbler an embarrassing buffoon.

*Lines of acronyms:

AZ – Astra-Zeneca

CVT – Cerebral Venous Thrombosis

MHRA – Medicines and Health Products Regulatory Agency

SPI-M – Scientific Pandemic Influenza Group on Modelling

NZ – New Zealand

UK – United Kingdom

PCR – Polymerase Chain Reaction

EMA – European Medicines Agency

JCVI – Joint Committee for Immunisation and Vaccination

SNP – Scottish Nationalist Party

CRG – Covid Recovery Group

IWGB – Independent Workers of Great Britain

PSNI – Police Service Northern Ireland

STFC – Science and Technology Facilities Council

DFT – Department for Transport

UCL – University College London

USA – United Sates of America

AC (as in AC-12) – Anti Corruption

CHIS – Covert Human Intelligence Source

OCG – Organised Crime Group

MIT – Murder Investigation Team

CCDCI – Chinese Centre for Disease Control and Infection

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 54 – Have Vax, Don’t Travel

“I squarely believe we ought to be trading liberally around the world. If we restrict it to countries with ECHR-level standards of human rights, we’re not going to do many trade deals with the growth markets of the future” (Dominic Raab)

Dodgy Manoeuvres

After posting blogs Monday, I read updates from the researcher explaining why she’d been quiet lately. I offered to provide a guest post for her blog and reiterated a willingness to be interviewed. I started drafting the next instalment of the journal when the window cleaner rapped loudly at the door. On sitting back down, we were disturbed again; by texts from our GP surgery, offering more local vaccine appointments. Booking for 2 days hence, I cancelled my slot at the regional centre (not as easy as you’d think) but how did they know I wasn’t double-booked? A trip to the co-op involved dodging loitering teenagers near the entrance and an uncomfortably close hippy. Phil cleaned the living room while I was out. After sorting groceries, I collapsed gratefully on a freshened sofa.

Cases of the SA variant led to surge testing in the London areas of Camberwell, Southwark and Harrow. A suspected link to blood clots found in Norway, the list of countries suspending use of AZ grew to an epidemic from Denmark to Thailand. The WHO, EMA and MHRA all assured us there was no connection. Prof. Pollard said: “if we have no vaccination and we come out of lockdown in this country, we will expect tens of thousands of more deaths…a number of countries around Europe are now seeing an increase in cases.” One year on from the start of the pandemic, MP’s reported the government didn’t act early enough – no shit Sherlock! A record 74 protestors were killed in Myanmar while here, a second demo aimed at The Met took place at Parliament Square but Boris backed Chief Dick. The Crime and Justice Taskforce promised an extra £20m for street lighting and CCTV. The Police Bill* giving more powers to cops to stop protests due in parliament. Labour planned to oppose it for being ‘poorly thought out’ and containing lots on statues and hardly anything on protecting women. Rape cases not tried on merit, the court of appeal defended the ‘bookie’ system.

The EU instigated formal legal action over the UK’s ‘grace period’ decision. As a letter to government complained allowing shops to open before hospitality was unfair, Phil discovered pubs were fully booked from 12^th April indoors and 17^th May outdoors for up to 10 weeks. Puzzled, I pointed out “by then it will be August and they should all be open anyway, if there aren’t any blocks in the stupid road map. And how do punters know if they’ll need a Covid Pass or not?”

Overnight, I fretted over our pending jabs and possible blood clots. A chat with Phil Tuesday morning dispelled some anxiety. “The EU have blown it totally out of proportion – nowt to do with Brexit!” A couple of days later, the EMA confirmed there was no link between AZ and thrombosis. But the questionably political manoeuvres had already done damage to Europe’s vaccine plans.

A rainy night led to a grey start, becoming warm and sunny later. After a series of morning chores and tedious life admin, I took advantage of the lovely afternoon to clear dead growth from the garden, surrounded by the sounds of tweety birds as flocks of crows flew over. Decorating neighbour wandered up and down the street, complaining of bad parking and his broken down car. “The geese are coming,” he intoned, “I’ve just seen them on the corner.” “They do like having a wander,” I replied, “even the Canada Geese are doing it now.” “Yes, I’ve noticed that. They’re very tasty. I had one in Canada.” “Well, there’s nothing to stop you eating these ones.” As he looked bemused, I assured him it was perfectly legal. The elderly couple embarked on an afternoon stroll, pausing to compare health notes. I informed them Phil was photographing birds at the riverside to add to his current project but he could have stayed home for that. Sweeping up detritus, I thought I’d dodged dog poo but irritatingly got some on my shoes. By the time I’d cleaned it off, I was exhausted and slumped on the sofa.

On the anniversary of the first daily plague briefing, a survey found half the population still didn’t wash their hands after going shopping and disgustingly more bacteria on kettle handles, remote controls and door knobs than on toilets! Despite profit losses, Greggs still planned to open 100 new shops, ‘entering empty spaces with low rent’; I.e., capitalising on the demise of rival high street traders.

An inquest into the actual cause of Sarah Everard’s death would open on Thursday and Wayne Couzens’ court date was set for October. Prince Philip emerged from a month in hospital, resembling Monty Burns from The Simpsons.

A year-long study culminating in the ‘most comprehensive’ (and possibly the most long-windedly titled) defence review since the cold war, was presented in the commons. The ‘Integrated Review of Security, Defence, Development and Foreign Policy’ shifted focus to the Indo-Pacific region as ‘increasingly the geopolitical centre of the world’, muted an increase in nuclear warheads, a cyber force move to the North West (likely the shiny GCHQ building in Manchester) and a counter-terrorism operations centre – asserting the main threats were from Islamist, Northern Irish, far-right, far-left and anarchist terrorists. A lifetime since the Angry Brigades, I wondered did they mean the anti-5g-ers? I knew no anarchists who bought into that nonsense but thinking back to my youth, there were conspiracy-theorists in the mix who ironically failed to grasp the basic concept of the capitalist conspiracy.

Lightning Speed

I set the alarm for 8.00 a.m. Wednesday but woke at 8.20 to the drone of canal work. The radio volume too low, I was glad of the interminable workmen for once! We left the house in good time and laughed at temperamental geese on the church lawn behind the bus-stop. In the next town, we scooted round the market and scoffed pasties from the bakers stall. 2 people loitered outside a locked health centre. Nipping in Boots for emergency mouthwash, I waited ages to be served as the staff were all gassing. Coming out, I found an actual queue. Phil in the middle of the carpark on his phone, hadn’t saved a place. It took a couple of minutes for people to cotton on when the centre’s doors opened at 1 o’clock, but the process soon sped up. Our appointments a ½ hour apart, reception let us proceed together, to wait on adjacent coloured lines. In the small room, an HCA checked my details until the doctor arrived. I told her I was unnerved by the blood clot scare. She mouthed platitudes, fired out some questions then snapped: “are you having it or what?” “Well, I’m here now.” After the lightning-quick injection, I followed lines to the back door, waiting in a patch of sun while Phil donned his layers. “I feel odd,” he said, “but it might be psychological.” “Me too.” I remarked: “the injection is so speedy you could jab people without them knowing. And the needle is too tiny for a chip.” He giggled at the idea of going round stabbing hippies. “The latest claim is it contains water.” “What’s the point of that?” “To kill gammons.” “Thousands would be dead already if that was true.” In Lidl, Phil started to feel worse so we headed over to the bus-stop. I was thankful for my face-covering on the bus where a mask-less, reeking man dropped his butty on the floor, picked it up and ate it – ugh!

Shopping sorted, we had a cuppa and sugary snack to make up for lack of a lolly (or sticker, for that matter). Dozing on the sofa, I was unsure if the fatigue was a side-effect of AZ or from the trip which would tire me anyway. Cleaning the bathroom, I discovered the back window covered in black mould, only a year since I decorated! Phil struggled to eat dinner, feeling nauseous and spaced out. I said “it’s a common side effect to have a touch of the flu.” Although it was only the first dose and would be a while until protection kicked in, I felt psychologically better but the jabbed arm ached at bed-time. I took ibuprofen and shifted around to prevent putting pressure on it.

Our efforts added to a total of 25m inoculations to date. Rabid Raab gave the plague briefing to warn of reduced supplies until the end April and no new appointments after 31^st March. Phil worried we wouldn’t get our second one. “I’m sure they’ll have factored that in.” Adolf Von De Leyen again threatened to block exports to countries with higher coverage rates than the EU, i.e., the UK. Hazarding that may be the cause of the shortage, the official line was a batch ordered from an AZ factory in India wasn’t coming. The Scumbag appeared before the S&T committee to claim the mess at the start of the pandemic was because DHSC was a ‘smoking ruin’. He took credit for the vaccine success as along with Prof. Valance, he’d urged Boris to take it out of the hands of civil servants (whom he hated) and set up a separate Taskforce. All hail Dominic! (sic). Downing Street defended the DHSC for establishing ‘one of the biggest diagnostic networks in UK history’ and procurement efforts. It was hard to determine who told the worst whoppers. Referring to Aria (Advanced Research and Invention Agency) with a £800m budget to invest in ‘high risk, high reward’ projects, The Scumbag said it needed ‘extreme freedom’ to act with no ‘horrific bureaucracy’ of procurement or Treasury rules. Not to mention it would mean his mates could get more dosh! Nasty Patel’s proposal to send asylum seekers awaiting a decision offshore was branded heartless and inhumane. Processing centres muted on the IOM, IOW and Gibraltar, they said no way, but allegedly Turkey agreed to it. Liverpudlians celebrated St. Patricks Day with an illegal bash in Sefton Park.

Although recording misogyny as a hate crime was a welcome move, the £45m for Project Vigilante to keep women safe in bars was derided by Jess Philips as cops ‘in skinny jeans’ Reclaim These Streets said it didn’t tackle ‘institutional problems of misogyny and racism’. While the European Commission discussed their Covid pass, P&O would require confirmation of 2 jabs from patrons. Sailing round the UK coast with no ports of call, it really was a Brexit Island cruise! They could at least make stops at interesting docks like Goole and Tilbury. Uber announced all employees would get the minimum wage, holiday pay and pensions. Mick Rix, GMB said it: “…opens the door for…better pay and conditions at companies across the gig economy.” But the TUC wanted it to go further; without full employment rights, there wasn’t parity.

Waking at 8 on Thursday, I railed ‘why didn’t that happen yesterday?’ I completed the 2021 census on-line. Postponed in Scotland until 2022, it seemed an odd time to do it. Allegedly used to plan public services, with everyone working at home, they’d probably conclude we didn’t need any. Prof. Danny Dorling of Oxford University said it would show up inequalities made stark by the pandemic. After lunch, I went to the co-op and managed not to get stressed despite half-empty shelves and screeching kids. On the way back I came across German Friend hoovering her car and stopped to chat. Vaccinated last week, she also suffered an achy arm. Classed vulnerable, she’d indignantly rang the GP to complain of not having it sooner and to get a local appointment. She told me a mutual friend was doing well a year after a serious operation and the friend’s daughter enjoyed her new job as assistant manager at a new supermarket in the next town. Telling me she met up with a couple of pub mates weekly, I took a breath before asking “are you a bubble?” “Sort of. Well, we’re all elderly.” “Piss off! You’re the same age as me!” We shared gripes on the travails in Europe affecting relatives, coffee-cuppers, conspiracy-theorists and tourists infesting the place. Taking my leave, shed boy and lass hovered on their doorstep. I gave them a wide berth. Still ailing, Phil took an extended siesta but had more of an appetite at dinner.

2 days previously, Huff post reported on a leaked q&a session with FCDO staff, wherein Rabid Raab suggested trade deals were more important than human rights (see quote above). Lisa Nandy said “it is the latest example of a government entirely devoid of a moral compass and riddled with inconsistency; happy to say one thing in public and another behind closed doors” In the commons, Rees-Moggy claimed the comments had been “shockingly distorted by low-quality journalism.” Huff Post called it a blatant use of parliamentary privilege, defaming the journalist who was unable to sue.

No stranger to libel cases, Ian Hislop said on QT that the EU’s stance on vaccine nationalism was ‘embarrassing’ for remainers like him and Jess Philips was flummoxed by actions that endangered their own people. On tackling violence against women, Minister for Safeguarding Thicky Atkins recited a list of crappy measures to which Jess Philips replied you couldn’t just have one meeting and say it was sorted, and she could have told them what to do 10 years ago. Hislop observed we’d never again believe it when the government told us there’s no money: “why can’t we have it all?” Discussing the defence review, Ian and Jess found it a strange time to increase stockpiles of WMD when the biggest threat was cyber. As a Scot living near Faslane, Kirsten Oswald, SNP, was not happy. Thicky Atkins hilariously replied hi-tech work also took place but we didn’t know about the cyber force because they ‘work in secret.’ Splutter!

Monochrome Walk

Doing exercises Friday morning I skipped those with too much arm movement. Phil still experienced flu-like symptoms but bravely soldiered on. I spent the morning on the computer and headed to town in the afternoon. Stopping on the steps to take photos of daffodils, I checked nobody was coming up but didn’t spot a woman patiently wating at the bottom. I apologised but she assured me it was no bother. Hurrying down to the junction, a couple rounding the corner looked like they were about to speak to me. I hesitated not wanting to get close, when they indicated carrier bags I’d dropped in my haste. Across the road, a crocodile of small kids streamed out of school. In Boots to collect an order, I swerved a meandering couple and retreated to the windowfront to decant the delivery. A member of staff helpfully took the box away for me. I rushed through a busy square and detoured across the less-populous old bridge to find dinky narcissi nestled at the bottom of a stone wall. Trying to rest later, shed boy annoyingly conversed loudly outside for a full 10 minutes before getting in his car. In the evening, I had a funny turn. Sudden pains and a hot arm sent me into a panic. I told myself it was a hot flush, then felt really spacey. As my heart rate increased, I tried to calm down with steady breathing. Phil assured me I’d be fine. I was, but still perturbed, I speculated on anti-bodies kicking in.

In the midst of a third wave, European countries went into lockdown including Poland and Italy, but some re-started use of AZ, including French PM Jean Castex. Prof. Pollard called it: “…reassuring…we’re not really in a battle with each other or the vaccine, we’re battling a ruthless killer that within the European Union has killed 6000,000 people in the past year.” Excess deaths among over 65’s up 7.7% in 2020, the UK was second only to Bulgaria. PHE research found travel corridors were to blame for rate rises late summer. Prof. Ferguson said the SA variant needed to be kept at bay and would be the focus of modified vaccines next winter while Oliver Dowdy hinted at Covid Passes for events with big crowds such as the FA cup final.

Saturday marked the spring solstice but was cold and grey. I cooked and attempted another creation in Photoshop. Phil went to the shop, to see the contents of the hippy co-op pub drinking tinnies on the riverside among the coffee-cuppers. He also came across an old friend, looking healthy since losing a lot of weight. She’d also had the vaccine but was hesitant about attending the local club’s re-opening night in May. “I don’t blame her. I might never go there again!””

26m, half the adult UK population, now had one dose of vaccine. Amidst ‘legal uncertainty’ creating a fiasco at the Sarah Everard vigil, 60 MPs wrote a letter about the right to protest. The government insisted it was illegal but would be allowed from 29^th March as ‘small gatherings’. Mike Tildsley warned foreign summer holidays were still unlikely as Grant Shats told us they’d decide at a Global Travel Taskforce in April.

We consulted world maps to locate the highest number of vaccinations (Israel, UEA, UK, Serbia, with the USA catching up) and the lowest infection rates (NZ, Australia, and most dot islands apart from the Virgin Islands – remember that?) Commercial breaks full of holiday ads, I said “for Australia fair enough, but Turkey!!! Rates are going up and only yesterday, we were told going there this summer is unlikely. Jet2 and Turkish Airlines should be banned for encouraging and misleading people.”

Starting bright, Sunday soon reverted to grey. In need of fresh air, we walked west on the renewed towpath to the basin. My attempts to emulate Phil’s geese portraits were hit and miss but I got a few decent shots of flowers, reflections, barge features and small streets. A sheep’s head adorned by a pentagram inspired my next haigaⁱ while a monochrome terrace got a record number of likes on Instagram. Returning partly on roadway, I popped in the co-op where my mate at the kiosk whinged about ‘bloody tourists’.

On the Marr, Defence Sec Ben Wally said he hadn’t booked a holiday this year. He wouldn’t comment much on the defence ‘command paper’ before publication but claimed people voted for an increase in nuclear warheads. Err, no we didn’t! Asked about a surveillance ship being built to protect undersea cables, we speculated they could be used to find mines dumped in the sea after WW2, before building the bridge to Northern Ireland.

A peaceful Kill the Bill demo in Bristol turned violent. Cop shops were besieged, vans set alight, 20 bobbies injured and 7 protestors arrested. Nasty Patel called it “Thuggery” while the mayor said it didn’t represent the city.

* Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

MHRA