“This was a day for ambition…but…the Tory cupboard is as bare as the salad aisle in our supermarket. The lettuces may be out, but the turnips are in” (Keir Starmer)
Everything, Everywhere, All At Once
Haiga – Open Sesame i
ONS figures released at the start of Mach were as frosty as the weather. Wages no longer rising as fast, 2.52 million were on long-term sick. Unemployment still low, there were slightly less vacancies. The UK avoiding a ‘technical recession’ 2023 according to the OBR, there’d be 0.2% less growth. On budget day, Abba’s Money, Money, Money drowned out reporters stupidly stood in Downing Street before The C**t emerged. Taking credit for an expected drop in inflation, he began an interminable statement by echoing Everything, Everywhere, All At Once (the film that swept the Oscars), promising a pile of ‘E’s – enterprise, education, employment and everywhere. Not listing energy, he extended the price cap until June, pledged to bring pre-payment charges in line with direct debits, gave funds to leisure centres and local groups towards their bills, and froze fuel duty for 12 months. More tax on wine from August, a so-called ‘Brexit pubs guarantee’ meant less duty on draught beer, covering Northern Ireland, thanks to the Windsor Framework. ‘Brexit freedoms’ also allowed a ‘near-automatic sign-off’ of new medicines. More dosh for looked-after children, care leavers and potholes, a measly £10m was given to suicide prevention. Wraparound childcare wouldn’t kick in until after the next election. He announced a second round of city region transport funding and extra money for Levelling Up partnerships, investment zones to create 12 ‘Canary Wharfs’ in areas like Manchester and West Yorks, for which they’d need to bid. I doubted it would mollify Yorkshire grandees. Incensed at getting Levelling Up round 1 dosh but not in round 2 mid-February, they whinged the goalposts moved after they submitted bids they were encouraged to write.
Intent on making us all work, he was abolishing the work capability assessment. It would be voluntary for disabled people to find jobs with support for workers suffering mental health and back problems before they left employment. On the other hand, UC claimants with no health issues faced more coaching, more rigorous sanctions and an increased threshold of 18 hours a week. Not hearing anything about ESA, I later discovered an end to sickness top-ups if ineligible for PIP from 2026. Targeting the over 50’s, there were ‘3 steps’ to make working longer easier: enhanced DWP mid-life MOT’s; new apprenticeships (aka returnerships); and increased pension tax allowance with abolition of the lifetime limit.
As per Pat Vallance’s recommendations, a ‘quantum strategy’ involved an AI sandbox, an ‘exascale’* computer and a £1m annual Manchester prize. Worth a mere £2.5bn, did they know how much that tech stuff actually cost?
Nuclear magically classed as environmental, Great British Nuclear aimed to generate a quarter of our leccy by 2050. Pitifully underwhelmingly in light of the IPPC report on an increasingly warmer world, Guterres said there was just about time to reverse climate change if we did ‘everything, everywhere, all at once’.
In place of witty Reeves, Keir responded there was nothing to tackle crime, NHS waiting times or the housing crisis, leaving the UK the sick man of Europe, stuck in the waiting room with only a sticking plaster and more disguised tax hikes. Referencing turnips, he obviously hadn’t heard we didn’t grow them anymore!
Liberals pointed to inflated high energy and food costs and the OBR reckoned we still faced the biggest ever fall in living standards. Timed to coincide with The C**t’s missive, strikers marched through London to rally in Trafalgar Square. The biggest walkout so far entailed doctors, teachers, civil servants, London underground staff and BBC journos, affecting regional evening news. I turned over from Fatty Dimmock to ITV. Having interviewed The C**t, Robert Pessimist said there was no way the budget could be seen as a giveaway, except scrapping the pensions cap, benefitting the rich. Not much for the rest of us, impact analysis by The Resolution Foundation showed the poorest would be better off and middle and high earners worse off. How did they work that out? Later in the month, their research revealed the true cost of a widening productivity gap compared to other European countries and ‘unprecedented’ 15 years’ wage stagnation; if wages had grown the same as before the 2008 crash, workers would earn an extra £11,000 p.a.
Party Games
Haiga – Turning Point
At the start of March, Cock Covid Diary collaborator Isabel Oakeshott, leaked 100,000 WhatsApp messages to the Torygraph. Revelations suggested the then Health sec didn’t follow Chris Witless’ advice spring 2020. On the morning of 14th April, Witless advised testing everyone entering care homes. By evening, official guidance changed to cover only patients discharged from hospital. The Cock furious, a spokesman claimed messages were ‘doctored and stolen to create a false story’: with insufficient testing capacity, they had to prioritise. Accused of breaking NDA, Isabel insisted the leaks were in the public interest. Countering they weren’t, The Cock railed they formed part of her anti-lockdown agenda. She asked Newscast, “what even is that?” Had she forgotten the demos? She didn’t worry about never again being trusted as she was good at what she did –Yep, good at playing the game, getting men to tell her secrets and promoting herself! In messages published over the next few days, we learnt The Cock dithered over whether he’d broke rules snogging Gina Colander, and resisting lockdown up to a week before its imposition, Boris subsequently ranted militantly on social distancing July 2020, a month after the birthday party he was fined for. Also, The Salesman called teachers’ unions a ‘bunch of arses’ who hated work. Mary Bousted retorted he was ‘out of his depth’ during the pandemic.
At PMQs, Keir harped on energy bills and massive profits before referencing the leaks, asking Rishi to assure the house of no more covid enquiry delays. The PM responded with the usual: we should let them get on and do their job.
On March 3rd, The privileges committee partygate investigation preliminary report, concluded Boris misled parliament multiple times. The Bumbler retorted there was no proof. Calling the report damning, Keir caused a row by offering Sue Gray the job of labour chief of staff. Doing the Sunday morning rounds, Chris Heaton-Harris laughably called Boris ‘100%’ a man of integrity. On 21st,Boris’ partygate evidence was released, predictably alleging it was all his adviser’s fault. The next day, he faced the committee, with a new haircut. After a rare oath-taking, he told them he believed gatherings were essential, his statements to the commons were made in good faith, it was nonsense that he didn’t take proper advice and, after losing his shit, thanked them for a ‘useful’ discussion – to much guffawing. A good day to bury other news, Rishi’s long-promised tax details revealed he paid ½m 2022 and 1m since 2019. Keir paying £118,580 over 2 years, he was accused by toires of hypocrisy for benefitting from the pension tax break, which he’d vowed to ditch
The Ripple Effect
Haiga – BST
23rd March marked the 3rd anniversary of lockdown #1. No mention on main news channels, the ripples of coronavirus continued to be felt. Metro revealed a 134% increase in ‘ghost kids’ missing school and Look North reported on the emotional impact with more young kids needing pastoral support. Patients in the region still dying (49 the previous week), 1.5 million suffered from long-covid. Prof Dinesh Saralaya of Bradford Hospitals who took part in several vaccine and treatment trials, warned covid hadn’t gone away and Prof John Wright of The Bradford Institute of Health Research said it would be with us forever. Providing the analogy of the after-effects of an earthquake, he described layers of those affected by death, long covid and recession. On the plus side, they’d learnt a lot so were better prepared for future mutations or viruses. It was easy to forget how lethal and scary it was 3 years ago, but we should celebrate the sense of community and connectedness it engendered.
As the clocks changed for BST, NAO revealed £1.4 billion worth of PPE was incinerated and £21bn lost to fraud. As Lithuanians were convicted of grifting £10m from the covid loan scheme, government pointed out they’d set up the Public Sector Fraud Authority. But it was criticised for ineffectiveness across departments. Amid reported tension between The Treasury and DWP, Mel Stride announced a delay in raising the pension age to 68 – because of unpopularity before the next general election, a drop in life expectancy, or more elderly people leaving the labour market post-covid?
Margaret Ferrier MP faced 30 days’ suspension from the house for breaking lockdown rules in September 2020. She later launched an appeal.
A Canadian review of 137 global studies published in the BMJ, found minimal changes in mental health during the pandemic and ‘more resilience’ than assumed but raised concerns that women suffered more due to care responsibilities and domestic violence. The FBI chief decided covid originated in a Wuhan government-controlled lab after all. The US legislature later voted to declassify all documents on the analysis of coronavirus. As Covid Diary workshop participants observed, it all seemed really weird now. Maybe they should let it lie!
“The PM has repeatedly shown he is unable to uphold (British) values and the reaction of the public at St Paul’s showed they know it too” (Lucy Powell)
Imperial Nonsense
Haiga – Reflections
The wee hours of 1st June, I dreamt of sitting in an ambulance wearing a face-mask. Odd having a covid dream after so long, was it a premonition of another wave? OneDrive did 500,000 ‘processes’. No idea what the heck they were, Phil managed to stop them so I could use the laptop. Bank statements revealed my benefit increased mid-April by a mega £3.50 a week – not even enough for a pint! Putting stuff in cupboards, a small pot fell out to land in the cafetiere. Another one bites the dust! Thank god for the spare.
In his annual report, Lord Geidt said whether Boris’ fine broke the ministerial code, was a ‘legitimate question’. The Bumbler replied he took full responsibility, had apologised to The House, there was no intent to break rules, paying a FPN wasn’t a criminal offence and quitting over ‘miserable’ Partygate was irresponsible amid ‘huge pressure’ on the economy, war and a ‘massive agenda’ he was elected to deliver. Did he mean Brexit? Rabid Raab insisted a confidence vote wasn’t imminent. Lisa Nandy called it ‘a damning indictment’ of the PMs leadership: “that successive ethics advisers…feel they can’t trust (his) integrity…This is a government that is rotten to the core, that the rot (sic) starts from the top.” Airport chaos worse during half-term, Tui cancelled 200 Manchester flights. Sharon Graham said aviation bosses slashing wages and sacking staff during the pandemic, got rich on high profits and low pay. Reaping what they’d sown, they should hang their heads in shame. Quite! Why book people on holidays they couldn’t get to? In defence, Airlines UK said they didn’t know exactly when all restrictions would be lifted nor how much travel would be possible by summer. Raab demanded airlines, airports and ground handlers met him to discuss over-booking and ill-preparedness. Dreadful Doris announced Bradford as UK City of Culture 2025. Maybe they’d clean up the Odeon and fill in the big hole for the festival of dire youff poetry.
Sun tempted me to don the new dress and open windows Thursday. News stopped for Platty Joobs, we joked the so-called pageant would be the largest handmade parade in history, remembered jubblys (still available) and invented retro 1950’s dishes such as jubilee potato – just potato. YouGov found only 9% of young people thought the royals relevant. Nevertheless, we broke the rule of no lunchtime telly for the flypast. Definitely the highlight of the day’s celebrations with all the planes and helicopters, Queenie with selected family on Buck House’s balcony, seemed impressed by the forming of a ‘70’ in the sky. Enough nonsense, I hung washing out. The Woman Next Door assured me it wouldn’t rain but the day didn’t live up to the billing of wall-to-wall sunshine. Increasingly convinced the forecast was a conspiracy, maybe I shouldn’t have told her that! The only sign of royalism in the co-op a woman wearing a cheap t-shirt emblazoned with ‘happy jubilee’, Phil found an infestation of red gammons in town. They didn’t need sun, just beer! Making a courgette and lemon cake was easy except I grated my thumb knuckle. Icing it the next day, I wished I’d remembered the unopened Sicilian lemon essence earlier.
Oldies at a Jeremy Vine jubilee party Friday, I guffawed at an engrossed Phil but agreed their reminiscences were sociologically interesting. Putting the telly back on for St Paul’s chimes, we mistimed it to see Boris speaking. He and Carrie got booed going to the thanksgiving service. Too much after the excitement of the flypast, Queenie missed it. Justin Welby and Randy Andy missed it as they had covid – ha! ha! We left the bells ringing for 4 hours to visit a favoured clough. Coming back, we found a roll of old maps at a street corner and the town centre chocka; like any weekend except for the odd bit of bunting and flags in shop windows creating a patriotic enclave near the micro pub (see Cool Placesi).
A consultation began on restoring the crown to pint glasses and pounds and ounces in shops. Chris Philp ((aka American Psycho Patrick Bateman) said imperial measures were universally understood and would bring ‘a bit of our national culture and heritage back on the top shelf’. Alicia Kearns called it a load of imperial nonsense, Asda boss Lord Rose called it ‘utter nonsense’, National Market Traders Fed said it’d just create hassle and historian Mary Beard termed the debate a ‘nostalgia war’. Harry Styles at number 1, the Sex Pistols didn’t get in the top 10. We didn’t bother digging out those Stuff The Jubilee badges! 100 days since the invasion, Russia controlled 1/5 of Ukraine. Uncle Joe pledged more weapons and urged a change in US gun laws after mass shootings in May killed Texan primary schoolkids.
Saturday, we investigated the route of Younger Brothers’ sponsored Leeds-Liverpool canal bike ride next weekend. Doubting we’d be up on time to cheer him, Phil was keen to visit the wonder of the ‘straight mile’ sometime. The smattering of stalls and displays at the art launch rather underwhelming, it did include our crossings workshop poems.
Ben The Caterpillar
We had a bash at Tetra Pak printing with The Printer. No tracing option, I called over to my old drawing teacher nearby: “You know how rubbish my drawing is!” She chuckled. Using styli, I etched a lopsided butterfly and Phil a very detailed bee, the antenna drooping as he ran out of space. He again whinged kids’ efforts were better, especially Ben The Caterpillar. We washed ink off our hands and wandered up the riverside.
Rippling with colour, tiny bugs with transparent wings hid on leafy stems; only visible on zoomed-in photos. Surprised to see the crap market on, we battled through a packed square to ask for lavender oil at the aromatherapy stall. The price almost doubled in 2 years, I gave it a miss. We found a few bargains in convenience stores, browsed the new witch bookshop (aka Harry Potter emporium) and waylaid an erstwhile pub mate going to a trad pub for a Jive Bunny disco.
Phil’s back pain worse Sunday, I thought it maybe from hunching over the etching or going out the house 2 days running. Cold, grey and damp, we stayed in. 20 years ago we might have gone for Gin and Pimm’s at the canalside pub before nicking cake at the parish church garden party. More sedate these days, I wrote a haigaii and tackled the landing. Planning to clean the rug, by the time I’d hoovered and rebuilt a tripod storage basket which predictably collapsed, I was knackered. A blissfully unaware Phil didn’t hear the clattering and swearing! Sleep mediocre, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a decent night.
Shats told Sophie Raworth other countries had airport staff shortages. Nowt to do with Brexit, there’d be no special visas for foreign workers. Touring with Jeff Beck, a ‘humble’ Johnny Depp spent £50,000 on a Brummie curry. After 4 days’ hard toadying by her subjects, Queenie appeared on Buck House’ balcony. Saying she was ‘humbled’, took the biscuit! Lucy Powell wrote in The Guardian that as labour captured British values, cherished institutions and believed our best days were ahead, they enshrined patriotic principles more than tories. Short-term ‘red meat’ policies like selling Channel 4 and reverting to imperial measures, diminished our global reputation, cost jobs and denied us ‘moments of togetherness’. Grimsby Town returned to league football and Wales beat Ukraine to reach the world cup. A jubilant Gareth Bale said the ‘crazy journey’ was ‘literally what dreams are made of’.
Monday mostly spent on admin, I thanked The Researcher for posting my takeover blog and discovered the main Crossings expo was at the town hall next Saturday, for one day only until it moved elsewhere. Why such short notice? I read a letter from NHS pensions and registered to access details online. Unsure if getting the paltry amount now would affect my benefit, I rang and spoke to a nice Geordie. He didn’t know but clarified I could draw on it anytime after my next birthday. As it would go up with inflation, I decided to leave it ‘til I really needed it, which might not be long the way things were going!
Thousands stranded by cancelled flights at the end of half-term and Platty Joobs, those who made it back faced Yorkshire bus and London tube strikes. Jesse Norman published his letter to Boris saying the Gray report showed he ‘presided over a culture of casual law-breaking’ and to describe himself as ‘vindicated’ was ‘grotesque’. He also lambasted the Rwanda policy, selling channel 4, the ‘foolhardy and illegal’ Northern Ireland policy, banning noisy protests and no ‘sense of mission’. In letters to the 1922 committee, MPs cited the St Pauls booing and jitters before 2 byelections. Some post-dated until after the long weekend, the threshold of 54 was reached. Hoping to ‘draw a line’ under it, Boris wrote to all his MPs and addressed the committee before the evening’s confidence vote. He won by a mere 68. As reporters stupidly stood in Downing Street at teatime, they ignored a woman in a taffeta dress posing at the shiny door and in the evening, Bella Ciao blasting in the background. Pressure Drop Brewery reduced staff work time from 5 to 4 days for the same pay. ONS reckoned UK coronavirus restrictions led to £140bn ‘forced savings’. I bet tories hated that! Twitter failing to supply fake account info, Elon Musk threatened to pull out of the deal.
Waking with a claggy throat Tuesday, I moped and almost stayed abed but didn’t. Opening a pack of coffee, I discovered Ocado sent beans instead of granules. Grinding them tedious, I dossed with a cuppa and started draft-posting the journal before going to the co-op. Previously just grabbing essential milk, I red shelf labels to note a 4-pinter was almost ½ price by volume. How had I missed that money saver?
Heartless tory Brendan Clark-Smith moaned to Jeremy Vine that people used ‘personal tragedy’ to try ousting the PM. Speculation continuing on his future, Boris thanked cabinet for their support and vowed to get on with the people’s business, level up, cut government spending and taxes. He told them to look at ways to reduce costs and drive reform. PAC reported Levelling Up decisions gambled taxpayers’ money on slogans. Will Haigh likened the PM to a mad pilot who’d locked himself in the cockpit and being inducted into the Order of the Bath, Pat Vallance was ‘disappointed’ by the rule-flouting. Labour urged The House to vote for committee for standards in public life recommendations giving Geidt powers to initiate investigations into ministerial code breaches. 79 migrants brought ashore, 10,000 made dodgy channel crossings so far this year. Russia in control of ½ Donbas, Vlod said ‘heroic’ defence of the region continued. Calling him a concrete friend to Ukraine, he was jubilant Boris survived the confidence vote. Talks failing, RMT announced another tube strike 21st June and the first national action in 30 years affecting Network Rail and 13 TOCs on 3 days later in June. Monkeypox became a notifiable disease.
Downward Spiral
Haiga – Showtime
Overnight indigestion persisting into Wednesday, I exercised through discomfort, moved tons of clothes (drying ridiculously slowly for June) and vacuumed the living room, finding an easter chick beneath the sofa and a wine stain on the throw. On the front bench at PMQs, Trussed-Up Liz resembled a corpse. Saying the confidence vote showed his own party loathed the PM, Angela Eagle asked if they didn’t trust him, why should we? Boris harped on about those imaginary high-wage, high-skilled jobs. Ian Blackford referenced Monty Python’s Black Knight: ‘it’s only a flesh wound’. Rather than laying into the PM, Keir dwelt on the NHS’s GP shortage, decrepit buildings, waiting times and ambulances arriving after patients died. I hated to agree with Boris that the line of attack wasn’t working. Goblin Saj later waded into a row on NHS Digital removing the word ‘woman’ from advice on cervical and ovarian cancer. As if there weren’t bigger things to worry about! Costs spiralling out of control, the HS2 West Coast mainline link was cancelled, thus rendering the project an expensive Brummie commuter line. Esther McVey wanted it scrapped altogether.
Buzzing Flowers
I posted a journal entry and again baffled by the short notice, shared a Crossings expo poster attached to an e-mail. Fatigue, aches and pains mitigated against a planned trip to Shopping Town but Phil wanted gentle back exercise. Strolling down the street, he photographed doors. A neighbour entered her house as he took a snap. “Do you like my door?” Noting the lovely entrance tiles, she asked did he want another pic? “No, just the door!” She didn’t think we were nuts at all!
We wandered terraced backstreets for more doors and spectacular grasses until needing refreshment, we got pop from the shop and sat on the riverside. On the way back, we chatted over the wall to New Gran drinking outside the corner pub, about jubilee weekend antics and her recent birthday. Having disappeared from her profile, I wasn’t sure of the exact date.
UK GDP stagnating, the OECD growth forecast dropped to 3.64% for 2022 and 0% for 2023. Minimum pricing in Scotland backfired as drinkers stinted on food to buy alcohol. Was that what pub-goers round here did? Network Rail contingency planning, the RMT said they were open to ‘meaningful discussions’. Admitting a vacancy freeze, TfL insisted there’d be no redundancies or pension changes. The WTO warned of a global food crisis due to the blockade. The UN held talks in Turkey for a grain corridor and Russia demanded Ukraine removed mines first.
Shopping on Thursday, even reduced stuff was beyond budget. I wasn’t surprised hard-up families skipped meals, according to charities. I jested with My Mate at the till that Phil’s back problem conveniently meant he couldn’t carry shopping. On the way back, 3 geese waddled down the road with a pair of adorable fluffy yellow goslings. Unconsciously exclaiming ‘aww!’ I observed nobody else stopped to look – miserable gits!
Speaking in Blackpool, Boris maintained we couldn’t spend our way out of the cost of living crisis and higher wages would push up prices, leading to a 1970’s-style spiral of stagflation. Unions decried abandonment of the high-wage, high-skilled economy pledge. The latest wheeze to shore up support was extending ‘right to buy’. Including housing associations, housing benefit could be used to pay off or apply for mortgages, with a ‘help to buy ISA’ – good luck saving a deposit on the crap interest rate! He vowed a house would be built for everyone sold. Not the 30,000 formerly promised, Keir cited a pilot in Small Heath where homes weren’t rebuilt as it cost more than what they sold for. The re-hashed plans ‘baffling, unworkable and a dangerous gimmick’, Shelter’s Polly Neafe predicted we’d be “stuck in the same destructive cycle of selling off and knocking down 1,000s more social homes than get built.” On QT, Psycho Bateman said every house sold meant a family off the waiting list. Care4Calais, Detention Action and PCSU* asked the high court for an injunction to stop the first Rwanda flight. Bonnie Prince Charlie called the policy ‘appalling’ and a caller to Jeremy Vine advocated unused boats intercept and process migrants in The Channel and blow them up! The case lost, an appeal was due Monday. Aslef drivers striking on different dates late June, TSSA balloted Avanti West Coast staff. PAC criticised DHSC for burning unused PPE from the start of the pandemic. Europe’s largest Spinosaurus was discovered on the Isle Of Wight.
Worried a headache presaged illness Friday morning, I minimised exercise and chores, posted a blog and managed an afternoon walk. We crossed to the church garden where one gosling slept and the other hid beneath an adult’s wing, before heading up to woods and farmland (see Cool Places). Coming back on the towpath, the Canal Dweller loudly declared he loved my Valley Life articles and a man resembling Dave Angel walked ahead of us, prompting a chorus of Moonlight Shadow.
Due to increased transmissibility of the 2 newest Omicron variants (BA.4 and BA.5), covid rates in England went up for the first time since April. Unable to wait for council tax rebate cheques to clear, the hard-up queued to cash them at pawnbrokers, losing £15 if not turned away. ONS found 52% used less domestic energy, 46%, bought less food and 40% made less non-essential car journeys – not such a bad thing. Minister Heather Wheeler apologised for calling Birmingham and Blackpool godawful places, saying the comment didn’t reflect her actual views.
About to leave the house Saturday, a sudden downpour necessitated the anorak. At the Crossings expo, we spoke to Drawing Teacher at the door and watched the photo slideshow. Overlong with too many from organisers, Phil fidgeted as we waited for mine appear. After seeing all but one, the laptop froze. We left Drawing Teacher and co-volunteers fiddling with it. The square packed with al fresco quaffers, I quipped: “the cost of living crisis biting hard!” Phil said it felt ominous. Did he mean the pub vibe? No, the air. Sure enough, another sharp shower descended. Finding the cake I made last weekend mouldy, I sulked. Phil fed the green stuff to crows and the pigeon squatters and bought one from the co-op to cheer me up.
Loud voices and a revving car woke me early Sunday. Brekkie should’ve been a breeze but a splattered tomato, broken egg, blinding sun and a crashing lid stressed me out. Phil came to the rescue. I insisted we prioritise incomplete chores that he offered to do Thursday, then edited photos, added to the ‘spring animals’ Facebook album, made one of orange and pink flowers and watched telly. Deciding we still liked Waterworld, we wondered if the film got panned 30 years ago because it was ahead of its time.
Commentators all agreeing everything was going to shit, CBI boss Tony Danker said households were going into recession this year; i.e., buying less shit. Leaked before publication Monday, the food strategy contained vague words like ‘initiative’ and ‘liaison’ and no direct interventions such as sugar tax. Getting us to eat venison was the only concrete idea. Schools were ‘deeply disappointed’ at no extension of free meals. 22% of kids eligible, Julie McCulloch of the Assoc. of School and College Leaders said poverty affected closer to 30%. McDonalds re-opened in Russia as Tasty: That’s It. In the US, demos demanded gun law changes to stop the murder of kids and Google engineer Blake Lemoine claimed his AI Lamda was sentient. It considered itself human and feared being turned off, comparing it to death. Accused of anthropomorphism, Lemoine was suspended, but what if he was right?
Relaxation techniques failing to distract me from tummy ache, I slept fitfully and still felt iffy on Monday. Hanging damp towels out in a breeze, neighbours sympathised with the travails of drying laundry in the unheated indoors. Tired from activity, I dossed before posting the haiga and writing. In the co-op later, I could hardly hear myself think – I’d forgotten how noisy it was after school! Using leftover lentils to make surprisingly good pâté, we reminisced about hippy cafés and Phil posted a 1970’s-style art.
The UK economy shrank in April for the second month in a row, further risking recession. The government blamed the negative -0.3% on covid recovery and extra spending. As the Northern Ireland protocol bill was published, Boris went to wear a Hi-Viz and drive a tractor at a farm in Hayle, Cornwall and Micheal Teashop called it a new low point. After all the palaver and whingeing last year, ALW sent a message to the last stage performance of Cinderella that it was a ‘costly mistake.’
After I wasted Tuesday morning applying hot water and defrosting spray to an ice lump in the fridge, Phil hacked it off. Going to the garden, I tripped over the empty dustbin left at the front door and waited for the window cleaner to move his hose, snaking round the corner, so I could put the bin back. I planted sprouted veg ends then attacked overgrown shrubs and creeping weeds. Warmer than it looked from inside, I was about to give up with a hot thirst when Phil emerged wearing a jacket. “Are you off somewhere?” “No.” Realising it wasn’t cold, he took it off and helped sweep debris. Yorkshire ostensibly the best place to see the full Strawberry Supermoon, it was so low here that it hid behind hills.
Wages fell 4.5% in the last quarter when 9% inflation was taken into account. Unemployment was up slightly but vacancies reached a record 1.3 million. 8.8 million inactive due to older workers retiring early during the pandemic, Jon Ashworth accused ministers of ‘utter complacency’. As persistent staff shortages fated airports to more chaos, DfT and CAA instructed airlines to cancel summer flights. Which? told the commons business committee the industry and government must jointly shoulder blame. Petrol at a record high 191.2p per litre, government pulled the plug on the electric car discount. Losing their appeal, Detention Action and PCSU called sending people to Rwanda before a full judicial review in July ‘scandalous’ and the UN High Commission for Refugees said it was ‘all wrong’. Judges assessing the move necessary to deter dangerous crossings could be construed as political. Boris cited criticism from Charlie and CofE grandees and reproached lawyers representing migrants for ‘abetting’ criminal gangs. Instead of the 100 deportations originally planned, Individual case hearings brought the figure down to 12, then 7 then 1. The ECHR stepped in to completely ground the Tuesday night flight to Kigali, saying before establishing legitimacy, there was no legal route back. Undeterred, Rwanda stood ready to welcome migrants and the UK started planning another flight. Two refugees later claimed to have been beaten up and dragged to the plane. Meanwhile, 440 arrived in dinghies. Whitby council banned second homes and the unearthed Blue Peter time capsule from 1981 was opened live on This Morning to reveal a pile of slime – slime capsule!
Coronation Chicken Kiev
Haiga – Pasture-ised
The next day starting better than the last few, we made the twice-postponed trip to Shopping Town (see Cool Places 2iii). A shame we missed PMQs, as data showing the UK had the second lowest growth rate globally with only Russia worse, Keir went on the attack. He obviously took Rayner’s advice to ‘put more welly into it’! Boris was rebuked for claiming labour were on the side of people traffickers. Nasty Patel Believed the Rwanda plot was fully compliant with domestic and international obligations. Disappointed and surprised by the ECHR decision, she blamed the ‘usual suspects’ and the opposition for thwarting her efforts against the willy of the people. She told MPs prohibitions on flights to Kigali wasn’t an absolute bar and those ordered to be freed would be tagged while relocation was ‘progressed’. Furious tories called for secession from the meddling ECHR. Did they not know The Council of Europe was set up after WWII and had nowt to do with the EU? And I bet they didn’t mind the ECHR intervening in the case of captured Brits fighting in the Donbas sentenced to death! Yvette Coop called it ‘government by gimmick’. Yep, gimmicks for gammons! Lord Geidt resigned. Not saying why in a short public statement, a letter to Boris disclosed later, indicated the final straw wasn’t Partygate but being asked to offer a view on government measures risking ‘a deliberate and purposeful breach of the ministerial code’. Deemed to concern tariffs on Chinese steel, Phil thought it bogus. A fortnight later, government extended the tariffs for 2 years, against WTO rules. The EU triggered further legal action over the NI protocol. Maros Sefcovic said the UK’s unilateral act had ‘no legal nor political justification’. One of the biggest Anglo-Saxon burial sites was uncovered on the HS2 route. At least some good came out of the glorified commuter line!
Cleaning the bedroom Thursday, Phil crawled under the bed to screw a detached leg in place, despite his back. After hoovering, I worked on the journal and pegged bedding out. The Woman Next Door and a friend chatted on her doorstep then promptly went inside – did they fear eavesdropping? In the quiet co-op, my basket totalled just short to use a coupon. The cashier let me grab one more thing for a low-cost shop. I trudged home in blazing sun and persuaded Phil out to the garden. Clearing another debris pile, we observed the myriad life including what he called springtails. Sure they were to blame for my bites, he thought it unlikely as they were a kind of shrimp. Fatigued and overheated again, I lay down.
Expecting GDP to drop by 0.3% this quarter, BOE sent a letter to Rishi stating the obvious on a succession of large economic shocks and raised the interest rate to 1.25%. British Chambers of Commerce moaned it wouldn’t address the global causes of increased business costs and labour worried of the impact on families. Shutting down ½ the rail network, Shats said strikes endangered thousands of jobs and promised legislation to enable the use of agency workers. Unions said that was unsafe and recruitment firms fretted they’d be held responsible for putting temps crossing pickets in harm’s way. On QT, the useless red wall tory said nowt and Thangam Debonnaire claimed the Rwanda ploy already wasn’t working as it didn’t deter dangerous channel crossings. Former ethics adviser Alex Allen told Newscast failure to sack Patel wasn’t the reason he resigned but didn’t explain what was. Sad his mate Geidt was put in a difficult position, he had no plans to re-apply for the post – currently on hold.
The laptop excruciatingly slow after a restart Friday, I didn’t get very far drafting blogs. As I hung another load on the line, The Woman Next Door outside reading, remarked I was always washing. “No; just making use of the good weather.” We walked up to a hillside settlement, enjoying a picnic en route (See Cool Places) and returned via the predictably rammed town centre. Boozing gammons deterred us from a pint. Sweaty and smelly, I showered and lay down to rest. Officially a heatwave, it was greyly muggy when I fetched the laundry in. A dog-walking neighbour agreed it felt like it might rain – it didn’t; for almost a week.
The jubilee bank holiday was blamed for coronavirus spreading across the UK. More hospitalisations but low ICU cases and death, total fatalities stood at 179,363. Boris avoided a conference organised by red wall tories in Doncaster by going to Ukraine, prompting the moniker Chicken Kiev. Newspaper ‘I’ aligned his calls to Vlod with dates bad news broke including Partygate and the confidence vote. Paul Scuzzball said airport staff should work longer hours. Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill knocked Harry Styles off number 1 thanks to Stranger Things. Phil advocated burning a gannet colony infested with bird flu on Bass Rock.
Listening to music Saturday, Black Star made me sad. Not because it was Bowie’s last album but because it was 6 years since the Brexit vote, Jo Cox’s murder, the death of Eldest Brother and Mum going into hospital. I put something cheerier on, edited photos and went to the co-op, spotting a reduced chicken and an old pub mate for the third time in as many weeks after not doing so for years. He did say that would keep happening! Served by a young man at the kiosk, My Mate on the adjacent till stared into space. Not bored, but having a moment. A merc indicating to turn right stopped for me at the zebra and parked on the street below. As I caught up, Councillor Friend got out. “I didn’t recognise you in that posh car!” It was her boss’, who lived in Spain. She’d given it a run to go canvassing in sunny Wakefield (unlike the overcast upper valley).
Plans to tag migrants arriving by boat was condemned for treating those fleeing persecution as criminals. New ambassador for women’s health, Dame Lesley Regan wanted one-stop community hubs and new cost of living tsar David Buttress said private companies must help with rising prices. Saying they did what they could, nice capitalist Richard Walker couldn’t increase wages but gave staff an ‘unprecedented’ 15% discount on Iceland products.
Although wobbly first thing Sunday, I arrived at the market slightly earlier than usual. Stopping to chat with a neighbour untangling roots from a large pot, we had no idea why her normally friendly dog ferociously barked at me. Besides knobbly veg, I found 2 books in the phone-box and bargain herbs in the convenience store. After washing the filthy veg, I collapsed on the sofa to recover and write.
Told on Sunday Morning airline bosses said he didn’t know what he was talking about, Shats sniggered and side-stepped blame for opening and closing borders during the pandemic. After accusing unions of bribing rail workers to strike, he took no responsibility even though he’d not spoken to them for a month, erroneously griped they’d gone on a demo instead of meeting bosses, refused to intervene, dismissed RMT calls for him to do so as a stunt and said there was no class war. Keir reckoned he ‘fed off’ the division. TSSA complained TOCs hadn’t shared plans to shut ticket offices. New army boss Gen Sanders wrote to all soldiers that we needed an army ready to fight Russia. Heatwaves saw 400C temperatures in Europe and monsoon floods killed at least 70 in Bangladesh. US kids aged over 6 months ridiculously qualified for covid jabs.
Chilly after a cold night, Monday became warm and sunny. I ignored a slight headache to strip the chicken carcass before putting food waste out. B&B Man stood on the communal wall pegging sheets, hampering recycling bin access. Still struggling after lunch, Phil suggested sitting in the sun. I snapped back shopping needed doing and some help would be good. He hung washing up while I went to the co-op for a heavy load and recovered with a cuppa outside. Phil joined me the garden bench, made gazebo-like by overhanging freesia. I lazily pulled at weeds and pruned, almost bumping into The Widower on his fourth walk-past. I then attacked an overgrown buddleia on the adjacent steps. Phil helped sweep before a doze amid the sounds of birds and bees, interrupted by Phil chuntering and Walking Friend’s hello, on her way to meet The Poet. I sleepily lay on the bed and briefly nodded off with book in hand. Phil sighing loudly in the evening, I asked what was up. He wasn’t making enough money. The war actually partly responsible for Shitterstock work drying up, he decided to give up the Leeds studio. With hindsight, he could’ve done so ages ago but who knew things would be this shit 2 years on? He rang the council next morning to arrange to vacate within 3 months. Coronation Chicken was a couple of weeks late but made a delicious retro dinner.
2 million with long-covid, Kings College found 50% less chance from Omicron as opposed to Delta. Sufferer Terence Burke won a case to be classed as disabled, clearing the way for an unfair dismissal claim. Last ditch talks to avert strikes fruitless, Psycho Patrick Bateman defended Boris on Newsnight, calling rail practices Spanish and 19th century. Still refusing to intervene, banging on about modernisation could be seen as incitement. Halfords offered free bike hire. Luggage piling up, Heathrow imposed a cap. EasyJet cut summer flights by 10% and Ryanair promised rescue flights. Their Stanstead base not as badly hit, O’Leary attributed ground staff shortages to Brexit.
Slightly more sleep led to a better start Tuesday. A waning half-moon and sun blazing through the landing window, I wondered was it a solstice phenomenon? English Heritage ludicrously placed netting on Stonehenge to bar nesting jackdaws. We researched local standing stones for our own midsummer jaunt but went to a clough instead. Even in the shade, we struggled with heat and dehydration (see Cool Places).
On the first day of the strike, Keir wrote to shadow ministers telling them not to join RMT picket lines. Diane Abbot was one of several labour MPs to defy him. A Cloudflare crash affected millions of coffee-cuppers working from home. Metro reported on Londoners struggling to work on buses. Lucky for them they weren’t Arriva, in the 3rd week of striking up north. NEU to ballot teachers on possible industrial action in the autumn unless offered a pay rise above 3%, NHS, fire and postal workers could also strike, after new inflation figures Wednesday and Boris babbling about ‘staying the course’ but promising a return to triple lock pensions meaning a 9.1% increase. Where was the parity? Unite said ‘cost of living’ bonuses up to £3,000 offered to Lloyds and Rolls Royce staff, fell short of what was needed.
No Reasons To Be Cheerful
Haiga – High Summer
After lengthily cleaning the kitchen Wednesday, I collapsed on the sofa for PMQs. Not answering a question on allegedly requesting an official appointment for Carrie, Boris wittered about high employment. Keir wanted to know how many meetings ministers held to avert strikes? An evasive PM insisted they were the party of the railways. Keir answered the question – none – yet Boris had time to attend a lavish do and sell a £120,000 meeting. To claims the government blamed everyone else, contradicted each other on pay rises and cuts, rolled over on banker’s bonuses and slashed nurses’ pay, Boris attacked picketing labour MPs and spouted the usual crud on taking tough decisions.
Hanging upstairs rugs on the line to expunge dust, The Widower happened to pass. “Do you have a carpet-beater?” “Somewhere.” While he looked, I used a telescopic duster and Phil used his fists. The Widower not finding the beater, I said: “We’re improvising. Phil’s pretending it’s Boris Johnson, or any other tory of your choice!” Old upholstery spray cleaner meant for cars was effective and quick-drying in the hot sun. Refreshing with homemade pop, I greeted The Decorator backing into the last parking space. The Woman Next Door then stopped right in front of us. In the middle of doing stuff, I politely asked her not to. She said she’d just unload and left the engine running, forcing me to move from the bench. A lovely early evening, the sun briefly reached the nearer bench. I sat with the Kindle watching news until the sun moved out of range and BBC London came on. Planning mushroom pasta for dinner, 2/3 of a value box had gone fuzzy. Not a bargain if you chucked most of them! I thought substitute chilli was ample for 2 days but there wasn’t much left. Phil denied being a greedy git.
NAO reckoned Ofgem added £94 to every household gas bill by letting weak suppliers into the market, leading to collapse. After accusing the government of lying on Newsnight, Mick Lynch asked Carole Gammone on Jeremy Vine ‘what are you even saying?’ Quite! She was in favour of the pensions rise as nobody could live on £250 a week. They and me, lived on half that! Only 50% of northern trains running between strike days, TSSA settled for an extra 7.2% but RMT talks broke down. Lynch said Shats wrecked negotiations ‘by not allowing Network Rail to withdraw their letter threatening redundancy for 2,900 of our members’. Until the government unshackled them and TOCs, there’d be no settlement. Delightfully-named Network Rail negotiator Tim Shovellor insisted the majority of job losses would come from ‘voluntary redundancy and natural wastage’. Were his ancestors steam engine firemen? A clause was hastily added to the Bill of Rights to ignore ECHR injunctions before Rabid Raab presented it to the commons (ref Rwanda). Vaccine-derived polio virus detected in London sewers sparked a nationwide hunt for the culprit and calls for parents to get their sprogs immunised. An Afghanistan earthquake killed 1,000. The useless Taliban halted a search for survivors the next day.
Though warm and still Thursday, cloudy skies deterred me from painting windowsills. Hefting shopping back from the co-op, I was startled by a dog behind a hippy van on the street below barking. Not at me but Next-Door-But-One ahead of me on the steps. Already nervy, my bad mood intensified when the handle on the so-called bag for life broke, tumbling loose mushrooms to the floor. Rain came in the form of a light shower at siesta time, lulling me into a 15 minute snooze.
Brexit Day Cartoon
On the 2nd day of the rail strike, the local mill café owner whinged of no customers to Look North and Kwasi Modo said using agency staff wouldn’t undermine safety. Unions disagreed. BA check-in staff threatened peak season strikes at Heathrow if pay reductions made during covid restrictions weren’t reinstated. Not even asking for an increase, bosses claimed some staff were offered the 10% back – yeah, managers!
No bunting or parties to celebrate 6 years since the referendum results were declared, I turned off Newscast when Nasty Nigel appeared and found an apt cartoon for Brexit Island asking: how’s that going? Meanwhile, the EU started a 10-year process to admit Ukraine. A UK rise in racially-aggravated assault was attributed to Euro 2020. Over the pond, Owen Diaz turned down $12m compensation for racism at Tesla.
Friday, I tackled the kitchen runner. The spray ineffective, woven chickens re-appeared after applying liquid cleaner. I went outside in sultry afternoon warmth before more rain came (fine drizzle rather than predicted yellow thunder, a distant rumble was heard) and hacked at rhododendron near the back wall, accidentally lopping off quince branches. Resting was disturbed by Shed Boy and mate communicating unintelligibly.
An estimated 23% rise on the previous week, 1:35 with covid worried health experts. The unjabbed were urged to get one, the elderly to be boosted, and the infected to not spread it. Imperial College found vaccines saved 19.8 million lives; in rich countries. The tories lost by-elections in Wakefield to Labour and Tiverton where Lib Dems overturned a seismic 24,000 margin. A ‘distressed and disappointed’ Oliver Dowdy resigned as party chair at 5.30 a.m. Hobnobbing at CHOGM** in Kigali while Carrie and Camilla had a nice chat, Boris said he’d keep going and address concerns of voters who wanted him to get on with the job. Err, no; they wanted you to jog on! Dreadful Doris tweeted he faced the worst cost of living crisis since WW11. Perhaps that was the one preceding Halo. Reviewing the new Paramount+ series, Jeremy Vine queried why in futuristic sci-fi’s, the world was always a desert – duh! National debt interest reached a record £7.6 billion. Outgoing CBI chair Bilimoria advised tax cuts. The US supreme court ended the constitutional right to abortion. Pro-lifers rejoiced, others warned of back-street terminations and death. Together with allowing gun-toting in the streets and coalpits to choke the air, The Trump might as well still be in charge. A choked Amy Garcia announced the sudden death of former Look North colleague Harry Gration.
Shed Boy noisily scraping out weeds woke me early Saturday. Inevitably followed by pressure washing, we’d wondered how long they’d let the joyful blooms flourish! At The Great Get-Together in the park, we perused stalls, picked up worthy freebies and joked with Councillor Friend and her Partner that a unit of beer on alcohol measuring cups wasn’t even a ½ pint. When did that happen? Maybe the cup should be expandable or telescopic! Not much for adults, no free cake left and music deafening, we headed to the quiet of a riverside bench and searched for fish, espying piles of rubbish instead. Gusts of wind and spots of rain ominous, we went home along the canal. At the river bridge, trout swam in the languorous shallows topped by car pollution. Shed Boy sweeping up, I asked if he’d take detritus I’d cleared from the steps along with his stuff to the tip. He said yes, if he got someone to take him. Thanking him, I silently queried why he couldn’t use his own transport. As the sun re-emerged, I topped up the binbags with more veg matter from the steps.
On Sunday Morning, Swiss Toni spouted the usual tory crap. Sharon Graham called David Lammy refusing to support BA strikes a new low for labour. Politics North extrapolated from the Wakefield by-election, most Yorkshire seats turning red. The laptop inexplicably turning itself off overnight, I restarted to post my brother’s birthday card on Facebook and write a haiga. Sewing the rest of the day made my fingers sore.
As Russia resumed bombing Kyiv, the G7 meeting in Bavaria put a price cap on their oil, banned their gold and joked about emulating Putin’s posing. Putin advised working on themselves before baring all. Boris bantered with Justin on who had the bigger plane. Chris Bryant called his hubris deranged. Prince Charlie accepting $3m cash donations in carrier bags from Qatar raised questions of undue influence. A suspected terrorist attack killed 2 men in Oslo. Pride events cancelled, some defiantly marched a couple of days later.
Barely able to keep my eyes open, it took a while to sleep and I woke after 2 hours feeling woozy and my Monday morning, I had pain across my forehead. I managed to fetch the laptop to post the haiga and write in bed. Depressed by debilitation, maybe it wasn’t such a surprise as I’d done many different things in the 6 weeks since the last bout, which was quite good-going. Fetching my lunch, an empty cereal box balancing on the tray for the recycling pile, fell under my feet on the stairs. Unable to move, I shouted for Phil’s help and fell back in bed exhausted. He disposed of rubbish and went to the co-op for basics plus reduced ham. Repose disturbed by the now daily ritual of geese in the street below, I looked out to see the growing goslings picking at moss between cobbles, as adults kept watch for cats and cars and Shed Girl tried to tempt them with grass for phone pics.
A recommended 15% rise in legal aid fees not implemented, barristers went on strike. A juniors salary of £12,000 more like that of a barista, did they mix up the job descriptions? Cruise missiles killed at least 20 when they hit a shopping centre in Kremenchuk. Decrying a war crime, Vlod asked G7 for more defence systems. In response to Russian aggression, relevant leaders went straight from Bavaria to Madrid to agree a boost to NATO’s Allied Reaction Force on the eastern flank. Boris pledged UK military spending would increase to 2.5% of GDP by 2028. In Westminster, the NI protocol bill passed the first commons vote and Dreadful Doris hosted a summit of broadband and mobile providers who made ‘stay connected’ pledges. A man shot dead an Atlanta Subway worker over too much mayo on his butty and 48 migrants boiled to death in an abandoned truck outside San Antonio. Another 2 later died in hospital and 3 men were arrested.
Rarely rising from my sickbed Tuesday, diggers beeping ‘stand clear’ and sirens screeching down the valley joined the squawking geese to hamper rest. Phil catered. His special omelette with ham, mushrooms and cheese was reminiscent of Greek holiday lunches!
2021 Census results showed the population in England and Wales grew 6%, less than expected, with 1:6 over 65. Baroness Heather Hallett began the delayed Covid-19 public inquiry. 7,000 in hospital, Jeremy Vine and Storm both had covid. Stand-ins asked was it time to reintroduce measures? Nobody would take any notice! Doctor Sarah advised face-masks in crowded places. MP/barrister turned commentator Gerry Hayes said the court system had ‘fallen apart’ and the cabinet were spineless. With ‘substantial and persistent concerns’ The Met were on special measures. That didn’t stop 20 cops arresting Stop Brexit man Steve Bray, on the day the Police, Crime, Sentencing & Courts Act came into force. BMA members urged to ‘channel their inner Mick Lynch’, it was hard to sympathise with GPs on £100k demanding an extra 30%.
After a bad night, I watched PMQs in bed Wednesday. The Bumbler still galivanting, Rabid Raab faced Rayner in Kung Fu Panda heels. Spouting the usual codswallop, he cheekily winked and jibed at her. She asked, with Boris vowing to stay on until 2030, would the party prop him up that long? Raab quipped he’d last longer than her leader to which she retorted, we couldn’t stomach him for 8 minutes, never mind 8 years. She was closer to the truth, as it turned out.
Unexpectedly charged another month’s studio rent, Phil stopped the direct debit and headed for Leeds. I thought it’d do him good to feel active, but he was so skint I had to give him the train fare. Seeing him off, the trellis strew the pavement again. It wasn’t even windy! I shooed him away and went out in my dressing gown to prop the dam thing up, glad the weather was slightly better than the previous two days. Left to my own devices, I brooded on the dire financial situation to be interrupted by Phil phoning to ask if I needed anything from Wilkos. I told him to get glue to fix a fragile old book I was reading. Stocks so low customers asked were they closing down and a 9 week wait for supplies, was it from Ukraine? Fuzzy from another short afternoon sleep, I juggled with dinner, irked when Phil rang from the return train. Forgetting to eat and drink all day, he scoffed food and gulped liquids. He’d made friends with a guy from an old Leeds rock band who took loads of the pesky furniture for his music studio.
After 6 months suspension on full pay, a written warning and a FPN for partying during lockdown, Sheffield council boss Kate Josephs apologised and returned to work. Harriet Harman would lead the Privileges Committee investigation into Boris’ lies.
During a terrible night, external humming and brightness vied with the stupid flashing laptop. Mediation led to fitful sleep. Thus Thursday started badly. Phil was also tired, from lugging furniture. Off to Leeds again, I griped at lack of communication and not being told anything until reaching crisis point. “I didn’t want to worry you.” No warning even more stressful, I asked: “Were you going to wait ‘til we were literally choosing between heating and eating?” Considering options, he searched for local part-time jobs. What the hell was a food production operative? Depressed because he’d tried hard to make self-employment work, he declared himself a loser. “No you’re not. You couldn’t know about covid or the war.” I made him a butty to take, nipped out to peg fusty towels on the line and went back to bed. Very warm, I opened the window as the racket which had plagued me since Monday abated and picked up the laptop when Phil called from Leeds, panicking he’d left an empty wheelie case in the park. Irked I’d have to go for it, I saw it near the door and rang him back. “Sorry, my mind’s all over the place.” “Calm down,” I screamed ironically. Mollified by an apology, I said at least he hadn’t lost the case. Too jittery to write, I hoovered the bedroom and brought the towels in as a woman walked a beautiful shiny black Labrador ‘puppy in training’ past.
Chris The Pincher resigned as tory whip after getting pissed and groping men at the Carlton Club. Labelled a Pound Shop Harvey Weinstein in 2017 by Alex Story, an official complaint and suspension from the party came the next day. Piers Corbyn got a fine for organising the Trafalgar Square anti-lockdown demos. An upgrade to the Trans-Pennine line between Huddersfield and Dewsbury was finally announced – already pretty good, what about the crap line we relied on? Ukraine claimed to have re-taken the tiny but strategic Black Sea Snake Island. Russia said they withdrew as a gesture of goodwill. Unlikely to alleviate the grain crisis, nobody was jubilant.
* PCSU – Public Communications Service Union
**CHOGM – Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting
“The point is that 60,000 people at the match sends a message to 60m, which is, ‘well, if they can meet together, why can’t we? If they’re rammed together and leaping up and down and hugging each other when a goal is scored, why shouldn’t we?” (Stephen Reicher)
Moody Moon
As befitted the summer solstice, Monday was cold, grey and drizzly. The live-feed from Stonehenge was pulled as hundreds ignored advice not to go. I slept late until I heard Phil in the bathroom, did a few exercises and developed a strange muscle spasm in my back. When it eased off, we hugged and joked about his scratchy flowing locks. After chores and blog-posting, I darted round a strangely quiet co-op. Even though Phil had cleared kitchen surfaces, it took a while to sort groceries. Knackered, I collapsed on the sofa when there was a knock at the door. A man tried to flog us cavity insulation. I informed him we didn’t have cavities to fill. Phil cut his hair into a severe buzzcut. “You should have done that yesterday, tattooed runes on your forehead and danced on a hill at sunrise. That would scare people!”
Posing like a knob in a white coat at a vaccination centre, The Bumbler said 19th July looked good for ‘Freedom Day’ thanks to vaccines. Covboost results expected by the end of August, plans for autumn boosters would come soon. Many questions arose: what age groups? were children included? which brands? could they be combined with flu jabs? Chris Hopson expressed ‘increasing optimism’ that inoculation had broken the chain between infection and hospitalisation. But queries over future variants remained. Not happy with a travel ban from Scotland to the North West without consultation, The Burnman whinged the whole world would hear Manchester and Salford weren’t safe and demanded compo. Sturgeon retorted she wasn’t interested in a spat and he could just pick up the phone. A meeting of social care leaders with Boris, The Cock and Rishi Rich reportedly postponed, they called for publication of proposed reforms before the summer recess, immediate cash ‘to avoid serious risks to support’ and further investment to be hastened.
Backache replaced by tummy ache Tuesday, it was an effort to get off the bed. I wrote off a planned extended outing and got depressed at missing a bright day. I worked on the journal and cleaned the kitchen. As I tackled the sink overflow, Phil came to disparage my methods. “When you do most of the cleaning, then you can criticise!” I yelled. “Tell me what needs doing and I’ll do it.” Not wanting to escalate the argument, I kept schtum. Phil had suggested a short walk but no improvement in my mood or fatigue, I dismissed the idea of going anywhere. “You’re enervated,” he observed. “Is that right? It’s one of them words that sounds the opposite of its meaning.” A min-update from the researcher revealed she’d indulged in ‘ethnographic noticing’ during 2 weeks off. “Staring out the window?” Phil chortled, “I do that a lot!”
We rushed dinner to watch the footie. Rahim Sterling scored the only legal goal. England beat the Czechs and finished top of the group. Meanwhile, Scotland lost to Croatia 3-1 and were going home. England would face Germany, France or Portugal from ‘the group of death’ in the first knock-out stage at Wembley a week hence. Trying to work out third place permutations defeated me. Some clever coffee-cupper likely responsible, it would be much simpler with 8 groups rather than 6. Phil suggested I tell UEFA. “Yeah, cos everyone’s a football manager! They’re probably inundated with that crap all the time.”
The almost-full moon rose above the treeline. We nipped out to take photos as the hippy with the dog (who now came to sniff us instead of barking) came by. A young neighbour gripping a brace of beer bottles slurred: “I can never take decent pictures of the moon on my phone.” I deduced he was smashed from celebrating the footie win. As Phil went back inside, atmospheric clouds lent a moody aspect to my final shots.
PCR tests in Yorkshire were extended to Sowerby Bridge, parts of Halifax and Leeds. Wakefield was added later. Authorities in Calderdale said they were almost top of the county league table as they tested more than other areas. The Cock promised pilots to scrap 10-day quarantine for the double-jabbed who’d been in contact with infected persons and for travellers from amber list countries (using daily testing instead) as soon as ‘reasonable to do so’. Not yet ‘clinically advised’, he couldn’t give a date. The Scumbag held a Q&A for paying subscribers on Substack. He said Boris saw ‘focus’ as a menace to his own freedom and we’d all head for bunkers in the hills if we knew how bad it was. So why didn’t he stay in the one on his in-laws’ Barnard Castle estate last year? Ahead of the Euro 2020 games, a member of the Scottish squad tested positive for covid and missed the match. His teammates weren’t required to isolate but 2 English players did because they chinwagged with him in the tunnel. Arguments ensued as to why football wasn’t defined as a ‘close contact’ sport. What about the sweaty dressing rooms? In Scotland, a move down to the lowest tier was delayed to at least 19th July with possible lifting of restrictions by 9th August, if vaccination milestones and other criteria were met. Lord Frost accused the EU of a lack of ‘pragmatism’ to make the Northern Ireland protocol work. DUP in-fighting led to leader Edwin Poots being forced out after 21 days, to be replaced by the only candidate, Jeffrey Donaldson.
Smashing It
Heron
Somewhat better but still fatigued Wednesday, I spent ages expunging dust in the living room. Preparing to go out in the Somewhat better but still fatigued Wednesday, I spent ages expunging dust in the living room. Preparing to go out in the afternoon also took ages and we were only going to town! Phil stood fiddling with his phone in the middle of the street. Waving ‘bye!’ I walked on and greeted an elderly neighbour. From the opposite riverbank, we heard the familiar sounds of busking. “What’s on the acoustic stage today?” quipped Phil. The hipster guitarist who’d disturbed our Saturday night, played to a small group by the water. Was it an exclusive backstage gig for groupies? After-school kids prowled the streets. Getting essentials in the convenience store, we danced to the radio. An Agatha Christie look-a-like ignoring the one-way system came and straight at us. Phil said she was a ghost. “How come we both saw her?” “Magic conjured by wandering teenagers!” Heading home via the main road, a heron landed under the bridge. Taking pictures, my phone did some weird multi-shot thing unbidden. God knew what of! In Oxfam, we danced some more and found socks for Phil. About to buy a DVD, I checked the condition to discover it scratched to nothing and fit only for smashing to bits.
New daily cases reached 16,135, the most since 6th Feb. 82.5% of adults had a jab; 60% 2 doses. BBC Breakfast reported school absences due to covid trebled in a week and were the highest since schools resumed in March. Van Dam was chased by anti-vaxxer Geza Tarjanyi and a Taliban missile hit an Afghan hospital destroying crucial vaccine stocks. Rainbows lit up buildings in Munich for the last games in the ‘group of death’ and spectators cheered a man running onto the pitch brandishing a rainbow flag. Germany beat Hungary thus England would face their bitter rivals in the first knock-out round – of course! Although 60% of UK adults were immunised as opposed to only 30% of Europeans, Merkel said all Brits entering any EU country should quarantine (at least until Germans got their towels on sun loungers!) Would they be welcomed in London next week without having to do so?
Different rules in Holland saw a 5-day quarantine for Italy and Welsh fans turned away from Amsterdam airport. Ministers thrashed out a deal with UEFA to allow 60,000 spectators at Wembley. Cue more complaints of ‘mixed messaging’ and unfairness. While parents couldn’t even go to school sports day, culture minister John Whittingdale said it was legitimate under ERP and the ‘right time’ to test bigger events. Steve Reicher railed that 60,000 people crowded together at the match sent a message to 60m; if they can do it, why can’t we? Talks continued on VIPs not quarantining. Tui joined Virgin Atlantic, BA, Ryanair and Manchester Airport Group in legal action against travel restrictions and went to Westminster on a day of action to pressurise the government to reopen travel and provide targeted financial support. They were told they could access furlough and would have to wait for changes to travel rules. Grant Shats was hopeful the world could open up when they caught up on vaccines. According to my calculations, that was the end of 2022. So be it…
John Bercow defected to labour. Denying it was to be a lord, The Torygraph reported he lobbied Jeremy Corbyn for a peJohn Bercow defected to labour. Denying it was to be a lord, The Torygraph reported he lobbied Jeremy Corbyn for a peerage. Exactly 5 years after the Brexit referendum, Doncastrians (of whom 69% voted leave, the highest in the UK), couldn’t remember what day it was according to a Look North Vox pop. Following speculation that HS3 could be scrapped, tory toff woman on Daily Politics mouthed platitudes on Northern Powerhouse rail, triple-lock pensions and their recent by-election fail. Boris opened PMQs listing reasons why Brexit was great and thanking the armed forces. Local MP Craig Whittaker asked about ‘levelling up’ to get a curt reply that Calderdale Council needed to listen. Ian Blackford renewed calls for a public inquiry on how the tories dealt with the pandemic, claiming they used emergency covid contracts to commission political research from their mates on the future of the union and sanctioned corrupt campaigning, instead of to acquire PPE.
Awoken by loud doings from the canal works Thursday, I rose grumpily. I put on a summer dress for the first time this year to cheer myself up. On Jeremy Vine, snowflake and so-called commentator Dominque Samuels repeated her cretinous view that she should be allowed to go out and mix while those that didn’t like it stayed home and said she thought differently to other people. Maybe, but obviously not very deeply if the thing she’d choose to protest against was supermarket sarnies! As I tried to work on a frustratingly slow laptop, a different noise assailed my ears. I looked out the window to see the latest antics of DIY Don’t Guy on the street below. In recent months, his exploits included taking floorboards up and washing them with soap and water and using a massive axe to chop firewood. The stupidest yet, he and a mate smashed up a flimsy plywood desk with said axe. Mission complete, they cheered and whooped ‘smashed it!’ like they’d achieved an amazing feat and he raised the axe above his head. “I’d laugh if it fell on him.” “Yes, as you called the ambulance!” Phil added.
Walking Friend arrived mid-afternoon to pick up books and DVDs I thought she’d like. One a Disney cartoon, she good-naturedly told me to ‘eff off!’ but kept it. I made her coffee and we stayed outside to exchange news and views on health issues and the plague. Initially saying she was sick of people being careful, she later conceded rising infection rates indicated it wasn’t yet over. Phil joined us to discuss druids, standing stones and the right to roam. He took photos of clouds as a goldfinch chick hopped across the street to stop just behind his heel. Scared he’d step on it, I exclaimed: “Look behind you!” Obviously something wrong with the tiny thing, we dithered over what to do, rang a local vegan animal sanctuary, got no answer and consulted the elderly neighbour who advised against touching it as our scent would mean the brood wouldn’t accept it. His wife melodramatically exclaimed: “everything’s dying today!” I fetched gloves and a box to fashion a makeshift nest, when Phil got through to the animal lovers who arrived a few minutes later.
Bare-handedly picking the chick up, they said the smell thing was rubbish. It would be homed with birds of a similar age until fit to fly. Insisting we name it, I came up with the highly original Goldie. I assured the upset neighbour “It’s not going to die. The nice animal people took it.” Decorating Neighbour who’d just parked up quipped: “For a pie.” “Don’t be daft! They’re vegans!” (see below for photo).
Exhausted after another missed siesta, I faffed over Walking Friend’s coffee paraphernalia and made us a pot. In the evening, we failed to see the Strawberry Supermoon in a cloudy sky. At least we got some pictures earlier in the week. QT and Brexitcast mostly boring, Katya Adler revealed the German phrase for banger wars. ‘Wursthall Stillstand’ actually meant sausage standstill; sausage wars literally translated to Wurstkreig. All sorts churning round my head that night, the meditation soundtrack was of limited help.
Senior ministers signalled all legal restrictions would end 19th July, Useless George looked forward to ditching his mask, but experts advised continuing measures to manage virus levels. Downing Street said they were still studying the data before a final decision. ALW joined others in the entertainment industry in legal action to make the government to share ERP findings. Rejecting a last-minute offer to include Cinderella as a test event, he accused Boris of ‘cherry-picking’ high profile sports. As if to prove his point, it was announced that Silverstone would host a capacity crowd for F1 on 17th July. Mind you, outside sport was a different prospect than indoor theatre. He also wanted government-backed insurance, new rules on quarantine and clearer guidance for future operations. In limited changes to traffic lights, Malta, The Balearics, Madeira, Barbados, Bermuda and Grenada went green. Tour operators predictably wailed it wasn’t enough and holiday bookings surged even though the lights could change again at short notice. Unite called Lloyds bank closing 44 branches ‘baffling’.
Grab a Snog
Goldie by Phil
Waking early Friday morning, I was too hungry to sleep more and also felt slightly ill. We laughed at people swimming in East London docks. Orange markers made them resemble bobbing buoys. Phil cleaned the bathroom while I made a start on decluttering the small room. I arrived at the co-op to realise I’d forgotten the list, rang Phil to read it to me then waited for him to help carry the shopping. Both starving and cranky by now, we ate a hasty lunch. I’d wanted to see how Goldie was getting on with the lovely vegans but was too tired to visit. Packaging still strewn around the kitchen floor late afternoon, I bit down my anger, cleared it up and relaxed with coffee. Courtesy of the £5 freezer deal, dinner was a pizza feast. I was about to ask for help switching stuff round in the oven when Phil scarpered. Struggling by myself, I shouted in frustration. He returned testily to the kitchen for me to berate him on a lack of help and cried: “You asked the other day to tell you what needs doing. You shouldn’t have to ask. You’re in the house as much as me!“ He shouted back “don’t shout!” and said he had to do “this thing called work.” “I know but not all the time!” Feeling awful after the row, I should’ve known on Tuesday it was only a matter of time before my frustrations boiled over. We calmed down with wine and films.
Days after hitting a grim 500,000 deaths, Brazil recorded 115,228 cases in a day. UK infections were up 46% in a week, 95% due to the Delta variant. Fast spread of the mutant led to a sudden third wave in Euro 2020 host city St. Petersburg. Streets packed, amid calls for a total lockdown, officials said get a jab of the ‘world beating’ Sputnik (only 11% of Russians had one so far). Results of ERP finally revealed, they showed 28 covid cases detected from 9 large-scale events April-May. Metro mentioned high compliance with mask-wearing and social distancing but not take-up of PCR testing before and after, which The Independent reported as low. Scientists advised treating the findings with ‘extreme caution’ as a result. How could it be a properly controlled scientific experiment if testing wasn’t mandatory for the 58,000 attendees? Chief advisers Nicholas Hytner and David Ross made no ‘conclusive public health recommendations on the reopening of events’. Kromek innovation detected virus in the air at Teesside airport. Why not elsewhere?
CCTV film of The Cock snogging close university friend Gina Coladangelo while grabbing her arse covered The Sun’s front page. Taken before lockdown easing in May, he was accused of hypocritically breaking social distancing. Amid calls to stand down, he apologised. Rather than sack him, Boris said he still had faith and considered the matter closed. Annalise Dodds exclaimed: “He set the rules, he admits he broke them. He has to go.” A labour spokesman added: “The PM recently described him as ‘useless’ – the fact that even now he still can’t sack him shows how spineless he is.” They were right but was it a worse crime than lying about PPE failures and elderly care deaths? Questions ensued on how the girlfriend got jobs as an aide and a non-exec director at DoH.
Grab a Jab
Haiga – Crossroads
Youngest Brother turned 50 on Saturday. I posted an arty photo and joked he was catching up! Phil cut my hair, I draft-posted the journal, and nipped out to plant celery in the mini-greenhouse. Watering parched Christmas trees, I got covered in sticky plant seeds. The pesky embedded things took ages to pluck off my clothes. As Gran emerged from her daughter’s house, I went over to chat. She was sceptical the seeds were forget-me-nots but I couldn’t think what else they’d be. She updated me on her recent injury, feelings of malaise, and a return of our old local. “You should come down.” “Not sure I’m ready for that yet. We stick to pubs with more space. And as for the price of beer…” She went back in for gin and to watch her home nation In the first knock-out match of Euro 2020. Spattered with green plant goo, I washed the dress and got changed before sitting down. A totally outclassed Wales lost to Denmark 4-0. For dinner, Phil cooked the main course and I made a crumble for dessert, using up fruit past its best.
Unable to sleep late Sunday, I turned on the telly for the inevitable news. I considered going to the market, decided not to bother, took empty bottles to the recycling bin and saw a folder atop the community garden wall. Was it a leaked Whitehall file? (see below). I listened to music, did more de-cluttering in the small room and wrote a haiga. Phil made austerity roast for dinner, slightly different to last time. He had trouble cooking cabbage leading to interminable microwave pings. As I opened the door to heat up leftover crumble, a waft of fiery air hit me in the face and I discovered the metal side was red-hot. Scared to use it, I left him to put the pudding under the grill, which turned out to be a waste of time. Annoyed at profligate use of fuel, I fumed, while he sulked until we felt able to speak to each other again. I fell asleep quickly but woke in the early hours, absolutely parched.
Young people were urged to ‘Grab a Jab’ at walk-in centres for all adults not yet vaccinated. Stephen Powis stood outside the Emirates stadium to say only 10% of cases were now hospitalised. Mobile units also targeted hesitant groups. The extra capacity led to half of 18-29 year olds being inoculated by the end of the weekend. Just as well, seeing as hundreds of Leeds students partied in the streets of Hyde Park, dubbed Covid Central due to having the highest rate in the country.
Spineless Boris lacking the guts to sack him, The Cock resigned. The PM later claimed credit for the move. I agreed with Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice that he should have been ditched months ago for incompetence but thought reporting it to the police was pointless, even with the backing of Fleur Anderson. We subsequently learnt he used a private e-mail account for official business (why, if there was nothing to hide?) and left his wife the night before the story broke – what a coward! The Cock unaware of CCTV in his office, it emerged an anti-lockdown Whitehall whistle-blower handed footage to the press. Cameras subsequently disabled, Brandon Lewis pledged an internal inquiry into the leak’s source. Sajid Javid filled the vacancy. The Scumbag tweeted he’d ‘tricked the PM’ into sacking Saj from the Treasury. Otherwise there’d have been chaos.
Andrew Marr informed Sir Peter Horby (of Nervtag and Oxford Uni) he had covid last week, which explained his absence. Likely contracted at the G7 in spite of 2 jabs, Sir Peter told him he was unlucky and went onto suggest the data looked good for unlocking 19th July. However, rises in Sydney and Israel due to the Delta variant led to lockdown in the former and a return to mask-wearing in the latter and should be a lesson. Warning of a double or triple whammy in winter with covid, flu and something else, he urged us all to get flu jabs. Other medics also predicted more winter flu because of less immunity. Again I thought, make your minds up! What if we all stuck to face- masks and social distancing? Witless looked like a frightened rabbit as he was accosted in St. James’ Park. An outraged Met investigated but made no arrests yet. Confidential MOD files were found at a bus stop in Kent, detailing the willy-waving mission of HMS Defender versus Russia in the Crimea earlier in the week. Labour said it showed the government didn’t do its job and could have jeopardised operations.
“The question is, why are we in this position? The NHS has done a fantastic job on vaccines but why has there been such a poor investment in public health infection control to suppress these outbreaks?” (Anthony Costello)
Gammonise!
Large Fern
Overnight rain led to cloudy skies and a cooler Monday. Media again banged on about the hottest day of the year. Yeah, in London where it was scorchio! Would it be yet another summer of the north/south divide? Both struggling with lack of sleep, we had a laugh at what Phil called his in-between glasses. Unable to find them without them, it was a bit Count Arthur. A tedious round of chores preceded posting blogs and a trip to the co-op. The same pub mate stood in the kiosk queue ahead of me. I resisted the urge to say we should stop meeting like this. Actually getting dozy during my siesta, irksome noise disturbed my rest.
As expected, The Bumbler announced a 4-week postponement to stage 4 of the roadmap. All restrictions remained in place until 19th July except for weddings and funerals, care residents no longer having to isolate after a trip out and further test events under ERP including footie at Wembley. In the pre-amble, he referred to ‘exponential growth’ in cases, 96% of which were the Delta variant. PHE reported vaccines up to 96% effective after 2 doses, weakening but not severing the link between infections and death. The virus could outrun the vaccine or we could give the NHS another few weeks to ‘get jabs in arms’. The government now aimed for over 40’s to get their first, and all vulnerable groups and frontline staff their second, by 4th July and all adults fully immunised by 19th July. Witless’ graphs depicted a 64% increase in infections within 7 days, a rise in the variant across the country, and hospital admissions up 50% per week (61% in the North West). No news on financial support, a furious Anthony Costello of UCL railed: “The question is, why are we in this position?” and criticised a lack of investment in public health infection control: “Patrick Vallance got it right in February when he said that as the numbers come down it is essential that we do find, test, trace and isolate. And our failure to do that 3 times in the past has led to 3 national lockdowns and 150,000 deaths.” Jon Ashworth said Boris’ complacency led to the mutant ‘washing up on or shores’. Lindsay Hoyle lambasted ministers for not telling MPs of the delay before the public address. Sociopaths Fox and Corbyn went on a mask-less protest to Downing Street. A mob chased Newsnight’s Nick Watt, shouting ‘traitor!’ Martin Hockridge was subsequently charged with harassment.
Brighter on Tuesday, Phil spotted the window cleaner through the kitchen window as we started lunch. We raced round shutting windows and making butties to be interrupted by a knock on the door for payment. So much for an early outing in the sunshine! When we eventually got out, we did the rounds of the charity shops. Perusing a photo equipment cabinet in the first, a digital polaroid camera I’d spotted weeks ago remained unsold – the archaic memory card required likely why. I left Phil cogitating to go onto the next shop and joined him at the third to acquire 3 books and laugh at dog ice cream. Also now selling sweets, I joked, “are they dog sweets?”
Ample space at the Med Café allowed us to people-watch as we imbibed refreshing pop. A busker played ‘Calder Delta Blues’. Tourists ambled up and down the pedestrian street. A family group gawped into an overpriced tat shop with delight. Bemused at anyone expressing enthusiasm for their wares, maybe they didn’t get out much. One of them had the pastiest legs I’d ever seen which would explain it! On leaving, a bald man with a red face ran up to greet us “You look like tourists.” “What’s to do on a hot afternoon but bimble about?“ He whinged he’d been under a van all day and was desperate to get out; I guessed for beer. “Who was that?” I asked Phil. “Bloke from the pub years ago. He wasn’t a gammon then. He was thin and had dreadlocks.” Unable to imagine a younger version, Phil continued: “That’s the problem nowadays. Everyone’s got middle aged and turned into gammons.” “We haven’t!” I came up with the ditty: ‘It’s time to Gammonise’ (to the tune of the Chemical Brothers’ Galvanise). Back home, I attempted photos of large ferns in pots outside 3 adjoining houses. Unable to get a wide enough shot, I settled for one of ours. A couple on Pointless were named Phil and Mary. “They’re a gammon version of us. That’s why we haven’t turned; they’ve done it for us!”
Due to accelerated vaccinations, The Glove-puppet said something ‘unprecedented and remarkable’ needed to happen to push the date for ‘Freedom Day’ back again. Simon Stevens said all over 18’s should be able to book one by the end of the week and that neutralising monoclonal antibodies would enable covid patients to be sent home with pills in future. Aberdeen University came up with a technique to detect antibodies for all variants with 98% accuracy. Were there plans to roll it out? In response to labour’s criticism of lax borders, sage bod Prof. Medley said the Delta variant was found around the globe and would have ended up here sooner or later anyway. Causing different symptoms including a headache, sneezing, sore throat and runny nose, how would I distinguish it from the chronic sinus lark?
A trade deal agreed between Boris and Aussie PM Scott Morrison would make it cheaper to export British cars, whisky and sweets, and their wine, swimwear and confections cheaper for us. Bring on the Tim Tam. A cap on tariff-free imports for 15 years, the ‘strongest possible’ animal welfare standards and other ‘safeguards’ to protect British farmers were promised. Britons under 35 could travel and work in Australia. The One Show tried to explain non-fungible tokens. I was left nonplussed about block chains.
Right to Roam?
Stone Altar
Wednesday, I spent the morning on laundry, cleaning and writing. PMQs about to start, the Ocado delivery arrived. I left most of it in quarantine and sat back down as Keir asked about financial support. Furlough and business rates to be phased out from the end of month, why were they not extended in England like in Wales? Boris replied he was proud of what they’d done. Keir retorted, it wasn’t about what they’d done but what were they going to do? Later, Steve Barclay announced an extension to the commercial eviction ban, costing the government nothing! Harking back to the start of the crisis, Keir reminded us in March, Boris said they’d turn the tide in 12 weeks, then by Christmas, then by 21st June which he dubbed ‘Freedom Day’. The public didn’t expect miracles but integrity and honesty. 5 years since Jo Cox was murdered, Ian Blackford paid tribute. He observed that details of the ‘disastrous’ trade deal with Australia were ‘seeping out’. In his desperation to get a deal without scrutiny or consultation, the PM had “thrown Scottish famers and crofters under the Brexit bus,” along with fishers. Boris responded there was no reason why farmers couldn’t take advantage of the opportunities. How were small crofts supposed to compete with ranches the size of a country?
The Scumbag’s latest blog emerged a half hour before, claiming The Bumbler told ‘rambling stories and jokes’ when chairing crucial meetings. An official spokesman spluttered: “that’s not true. The PM works with the whole Cabinet very effectively.” ‘Evidence’ of his previous allegations took the form of WhatsApp screenshots in which Boris called The Cock ‘effing hopeless’ (on testing, PPE and ventilator procurement). Planning to offload responsibilities to The Glove-puppet, Scum replied the cabinet office was a ‘shit show’. Number 10 didn’t deny the messages’ authenticity but insisted the PM had full confidence in The Cock. Accused of re-writing history, Jon Ashworth coined the moniker ‘Hopeless Handcock’. Jesse Norman insisted Boris was ‘firmly behind’ the health secretary. Rees-Moggy referred to him as a ‘successful genius’ and blathered about ‘lapidary inscriptions’. What are you on about, you posh knob?!
We set off in mid-afternoon sun on another stone mystery quest. Trees provided welcome shade slogging up the steep road until we reached the path down into woodland. Signs of strangeness included beeches planted concentrically and a possible stone altar. Imagining druids dancing round as they sacrificed virgins, I almost asked the half-naked hippy nearby if he knew anything. In the clough, we sat near the brook, admired greenery and tiny flowers, and listened to the constant water flow and occasional birdsong. Rather than our usual route, Phil suggested we follow yellow arrows going back. Initially good, the path led to stepping stones crossing the bottom of the brook. On the other side, more weird stones resembled pyramids and effigies. Then the path became trickier. We slipped on our arses and got filthy. Scared and panicky, I bit the bullet to take another deliberate slide. Eventually, a gravel path led to a bridge near the canal-side pub. Too dirty and exhausted to consider a pint, we hurried homewards. We felt like we’d been on an expedition! I was glad I’d worn jeans and proper shoes rather than shorts and sandals. I stripped off grimy layers and donned a sarong before slumping on the sofa to watch Wales beat Turkey in the Euros. At bedtime I soaked in a fluffy bath and tried to ignore an odd pain in an odd place caused by the fall. The meditation tape aided some sleep.
Pfizer and Moderna supply issues jeopardised plans to inoculate younger people. Uptake particularly low in London, vaccines would be mandatory for elderly care workers. Unions said the ‘sledgehammer approach’ failed to address pay and conditions, and would lead to staff resignations and recruitment issues. GMB predicted a third leaving their jobs and Unison wanted encouragement rather than coercion. Vic Rayner of NCF told BBC Breakfast that saying refuseniks should be redeployed was “really challenging for a sector that’s largely made up of small employers…This is potentially about people no longer being able to work.” A consultation on whether NHS staff should be next was due. The ONS reported inflation up in May, citing fuel and clothes. What about drinking and eating out?
Muggy on Thursday, Phil seemed surprised I performed exercises after the previous day’s trek – I did so every day unless debilitated. Mind you, the humidity made me sweaty and fatigued when cleaning the bedroom.
In response to feedback on my last article, Valley Life added a ‘correction’ to my page for the upcoming summer issue. Uneasy that it said picnics were ‘prohibited’ on the private land, Phil agreed there were no signs to that effect; only (understandably) barbecues. I googled by-laws for rights of way, but found nothing to forbid stopping to eat a pie. I spoke to the magazine’s owner to collaborate on re-wording and hoped that concluded the matter. She then asked my advice on an advertising conundrum. Not my area, but maybe I should have blagged it and asked for a consultation fee! Phil went to Leeds, I went to the market to find no toiletries again.
After lunch, I called the local volunteer co-ordinator. The accompanied walks centred on sheltered accommodation in the next village. A 40 minute hike each way would deplete my energy for the walk itself. Currently no budget for bus fares, she promised to look into it and went onto ask if I might ‘buddy up’ for weekly calls to an isolated person. This sounded less tiring but I later suspected I’d be out of pocket on the phone bill. A flurry of weekend e-mails intimated she was leaving her role and I’d been added to the mailing list of volunteers before confirming what I could offer. I started to regret my initial enthusiasm.
A Facebook post informed me that a woman who’d pioneered tree-planting initiatives in the valley had died. She’d be sadly missed but left a tangible legacy. Phil returned from Leeds at the exact moment I’d finished cooking dinner. He’d visited the hipster bar who not only didn’t want any new photos yet, they wanted him to take old ones off the walls that he’d forgotten about.
The highest daily rise since 19th Feb saw 11,007 new cases. PHE’s weekly surveillance report showed growth in all regions and all age groups, with the largest in 20-29 year olds. Susan Hopkins said the R rate would be 7 for the Delta variant if it wasn’t for vaccines. The UK the only European country where rates went up even though we’d vaccinated the most people (80% of adults now had 1 dose and 58% had 2), the EU added several countries to the safe travel list, but not Britain. Following reports that government planned to make working from home the default position, business leaders said there was no need for their intervention and unions warned it risked a 2-tier system with those unable to work from home denied flexibility which Frances O’Grady said should be a ‘right’. A spike in Cornwall saw blame fall on the recent G7 and half-term. hospitalisations and deaths stayed low but cafés shut as staff isolated. The Lib Dems won the Chesham and Amersham by-election. Tory since the constituency’s creation in 1974, they lost a 16,233 majority. Ed Davey said the tories concentrated on the north while the southern blue wall was under threat. The government denied any such north/south divide. Labour came last with a pathetic 1.6% of the votes. No mention of the contest in the news until the results came in, was it another example of media bias?
Access All Areas?
Haiga – Idol
The exact moment I went to hang sheets outside Friday morning, a white van pulled up in front of our door. The driver emerged from delivering to a house up the steps opposite, apologised and said he’d be gone soon. Fine, I thought, but why park here, blocking my access and having to walk further yourself? In the co-op, the card reader wasn’t working. As I handed notes over, the cashier observed “Thank goodness they haven’t got rid of cash yet.” “I know. They keep threatening to, don’t they?” Saying he was starving before I went shopping, Phil didn’t make a move until lunch was ready – again! “It’s a knack!” he smirked. I posted a Cool Places blog on the recent canal-side adventuresi. Our Walking Friend predicted we wouldn’t tread the barely-accessible path again. I replied we might, to further investigate the stones. At least we’d know what to expect next time. Already dry thanks to a nice breeze, I brought the sheets in just before a rain shower descended. The woman next door kept the gardener company. Enquiring on her health, she said she’d felt at a low ebb earlier but a hill walk helped lift her spirits. Telling me she originated from Poland, we shared stories and verged on subjects some might consider no-go areas.
A 79% rise in Delta cases within a week, hospitalisations almost doubled to 806. As all over 18’s in England could have a jab, Stephen Powis reiterated it was a race with the virus and the vaccine programme would be the way to win. He expected a peak July-August but Witless said there’d be an autumn surge and Susan Hopkins predicted one in winter – make your minds up! In the Euros, the England – Scotland game ended in a nail-biting 0-0 draw. England performed as if something was amiss, especially a lacklustre Harry Kane. Was it the pressure of playing a derby? Was he ill? Was it Covid?
Cock-a-hoop at still being in the running, some Scottish fans who’d travelled north to south without tickets, left a trail of blood and broken glass on the streets of London in their wake. No doubt thanks to the £3.4m worth of beer they drank. Licensees allowing chants and sing-songs faced £1,000 fines. Wembley set to admit 40,000 spectators in the knock-out rounds, UEFA didn’t rule out moving the final games unless quarantine regulations were lifted for fans and VIPs. A ‘bubble to bubble’ concept as applied to the media was muted, entailing travel only between the airport, hotel and stadium, and back home within 24 hours.
Overwhelmed by a pile of unwashed pots Saturday morning, Phil thankfully came to my aid. After a morning on the phone to Overwhelmed by a pile of unwashed pots Saturday morning, Phil thankfully came to my aid. After a morning on the phone to the disgruntled landowner, the Valley Life proprietor rang me. She’d re-done the correction and e-mailed the revised page for my perusal. On saying I tried to keep weekends separate, she apologised and said it could wait as it wasn’t due at the printers ‘til Monday. Skimming the proof, the word ‘prohibited’ still rankled. I debated the legal definition with Phil who agreed they couldn’t prosecute you for sitting down, but I conceded it would be best to let it go to keep the peace. There was a debate to be had on rights of way and the wider right to roam, but this wasn’t the place. I draft-posted the journal, took recycling out and got rid of more creeping buttercup in the garden. Stepping-stones emerged easing access to the top part. I’d forgotten it was even there. On her way out, the woman next door asked “How are you today?” I mulled over why we shared such personal stuff but it was nice being neighbours who always asked after each other.
Phil went to town in search of weekend treats. Ridiculously heaving, there were even queues outside charity shops! He came to sit with me as I cleared debris, enjoying the sun and wafting breeze until hungry. Feeling sleepy, I went to the co-op for an item Phil forgot, to get another blast of reviving air. Evening film viewing was interrupted by people on the street below playing guitar and singing loudly. Falling silent awhile, they began drunkenly talking and laughing as I headed to bed. I put earplugs in, they quietened, I started to settle, then the racket returned at 2.30. Livid, I banged on the window. That shut them up! Nevertheless, it took ages to drop off; the disturbance compounding the usual reasons for insomnia.
To make matters worse, the Valley Life conundrum circled round my head first thing Sunday. Tired and emotional, I hangrily devoured banana and soya which helped a bit. After bathing, I slumped back on the bed complaining of exhaustion. “Baths are meant to be refreshing,” Phil told me. “It’s not that, it’s the sleeplessness and the interrupted weekend.” He advised me not to be angry. Easy to say, hard to do. I thought dealing with the magazine issue might help, messaged the owner so she could go ahead with printing and suggested we talk more before I ‘upset any more grumpy farmers!’ She replied I hadn’t upset anyone and kindly offered to take me out for coffee and a natter. I pottered about and wrote a haigaii. The weird carved stones we’d discovered on Wednesday’s walk provided perfect material for the upcoming summer solstice. We also watched Wales lose to Italy but it didn’t matter as they qualified for the last 16 anyway. Calmer but still knackered, I had a slightly better night.
Infection rates still highest in the North West, walk-in centres popped up in Cumbria and South London. Young people queued for vaccines and social media encouraged uptake. Nick Robinsons stood in for Andrew Marr (on holiday or ill?) Susan Hopkins advised sticking to current restriction levels, which most of us ‘could live with’. Although she’d predicted a winter surge, she assured us vaccines, drugs and testing might prevent a 4th lockdown. Pat Valance was made National Tech Adviser of the new National Science & technology Council, to investigate whether the success of vaccine procurement could be replicated in other areas, and head of a new Office for Science &Technology Strategy. How many new councils and offices did he need?
“(it) should set alarm bells ringing in government…They must immediately explain to the public whether this exponential growth suggests the country is in line for a severe third wave…” (Layla Moran)
Bonkers Bangers
Haiga – Effervescence
Even with the meditation soundtrack, I’d slept poorly and started another warm, partially sunny but humid week wobbly and fatigued. Phil also struggled, particularly with his eyes. I stayed abed much of the time, rising occasionally for sustenance and small chores.
After posting blogs Monday, I brushed dirty specks off the bed when a rip appeared in the quilt cover. It must have already been wearing thin, as was my patience at still being ill and yet more fixing to do! We took washing and recycling out and spotted a box perched on a planter near the door. That explained the feeble knock I’d heard the previous day. Phil claimed he looked and saw nothing. Still, I was glad to get the replacement cafétiere jug. As I rinsed disgusting bins under the outside tap, the woman staying next door stoop on her doorstep. We compared health notes. I mentioned I wasn’t well and she reported often having low energy levels. Hungry and exhausted after the niggly jobs, I took my lunch to bed, and wrote until the laptop overheated. Phil went to the co-op to find still no lettuce – nowt to do with Brexit!
The Government faced a backbench revolt over cuts to the foreign aid budget. Speaker of the House ruled a proposed amendment was outside the scope of the Aria bill* but rebuked ministers for not allowing MPs to vote on the cut and forced an emergency debate Tuesday (with a non-binding vote). On a break after leaving TIT in April, The Dildo considered applying for CE of NHS England. What qualified her for that? We may well wonder. Small-minded Save Our Statues campaigners block-booked tickets for Bristol’s M shed museum to stop people visiting the Edward Colston exhibition. Spain welcomed British tourists who couldn’t go.
The HIGNFY repeat mentioned the Iota variant originating in New York and revealed that Lord Geidt investigated The Cock’s links to Topwood, predictably concluding that like Boris, he only slightly bent the rules. Why did the media not mention this earlier? Maybe they didn’t give an iota.
Waking lots in the early hours, Tuesday began dozily. We celebrated ocean day with sea-themed baths. Foamy radox provided sea minerals and body wash added sea salt. Phil also played with the rubber fish. I fetched coffee and returned to bed to write, distracted by baby jackdaws hopping about on the shed roof. Probably nesting atop our terrace, their exploratory flights were cute and comical but noisy! After posting an entry on Cool Placesi, I had to stop working with head fug. Attempts to rest were futile in the muggy heat. I’d just given up when it turned cloudy and cool. I finally put winter jumpers away, stitched the ripped quilt cover, sorted books to give away and went to the kitchen to take stuff out of the freezer for dinner when a mountain of frozen veg spilt on the floor – grr!
6,048 new covid cases and 13 deaths were announced. Wales led the jab table with 86.5% of adults immunised. Over 25’s in England were called up while in Scotland, 18-29 year olds were invited to register for appointments from mid-June.
Cases in India down to 100,000, limited re-opening occurred but the continuing march of the Delta variant led to 5.7m people going ‘under advice’ in Greater Manchester and Lancashire. The Cock announced a ‘strengthened package of support’ involving army help, testing in schools and better communication with disadvantaged groups. Burnman wanted earlier release of vaccine supplies too. Areas of Yorkshire offered PCR tests included Walsden, Todmorden, Warley and parts of Halifax. Following a ‘downbeat’ briefing of ministers by Chris Witless and Pat Valance, Jeremy C**t predicted a delay to unlocking of only 2 weeks. With all vulnerable groups offered 2 doses, Steve Baker of CRG railed: “if this brilliant milestone isn’t enough, nothing will ever get us out of this.” However, David King told Sky News inoculated people could still get infected and long covid. I felt cheated! A health & social care committee report warned of an ‘emergency’. Thousands of vacancies, excessive workloads and burnout (44% of NHS staff had been off ill with stress) posed a ‘dangerous risk’ to future services. Adult social care endured added ‘heartbreak’ when clients died. The plan for centralised GP records was postponed until September to allow more time for patients to opt out.
At the Old Bailey, Wayne Couzens pleaded guilty to the kidnap and rape of Sarah Everard. Not admitting murder, he took responsibility for her death and medical reports were pending.
As the sausage wars raged, Useless George said it would be bonkers if English bangers couldn’t be sent to Northern Ireland (NI) when the extended grace period ended. Yes, it’s looney tunes but it’s what you signed up to! Loyalists held regular parades and accused Boris of selling them down the river to get ‘his Brexit’. A day later, EU negotiator Maros Sefcovic threatened ‘resolute action’.
Annular Day
Annular Eclipse from London
Not much better on Wednesday, I stayed upstairs to work on the journal and watch PMQs. Keir asked why The school catch-up plan was so slow and less than the USA and Holland – so much for levelling up. The Bumbler advised him ‘to do the maths’; £3bn had been pledged ‘just for starters’. How did he work that out? Keir called for Boris to support a labour motion that afternoon to boost the pot to £15bn and wanted to know which bit he opposed. The PM insisted his plan was ‘a revolution’ for 6 million kids. Keir retorted: “come off it…(he) is all over the place when it comes to education.” Moving onto the G7, Keir queried what he was doing to make global vaccinations a reality to which Boris responded that Astra-Zeneca made up a 3rd of total worldwide distribution and claimed he was a ‘global leader.’ Keir spluttered that would be more believable if the UK wasn’t the only nation cutting the aid budget.
I was about to get lunch when the phone rang. A volunteer from Calderdale Carers asked if I wanted an accompanied walk including tea and cake. With a £5 budget, I almost asked if they’d seen the prices nowadays. Instead, I ended up volunteering to help someone else get out. She explained the registration process and we discussed creativity. As a musician, she’d volunteered when gigs dried up and played her first one in a year over the bank holiday in Brighton. “You wouldn’t believe how packed it was.” “I would!” Expressing interest in my journal, she said it was really important to document these strange times. My dream from last week had come true! That gave me a lift. Registering as a volunteer, I used text I’d written for the blog’s ‘about’ page, prompting me to update it at the same time. I rested while Phil went to the shop. On rising, I discovered no hot water. He’d accidentally left the tap on when cleansing groceries.
Daily cases hit 7,540 and hospitalisations were a 5th higher than at the end of the second wave earlier in the year, although CE of NHS Providers Chris Hopson said the death rate was lower. WHO special envoy Dr. David Nabarro told Sky news: ”This virus has not gone away and in some ways it’s lurking and just waiting to strike again…please be really, really, careful…” i.e., minimise contact and wear face-masks. Prof. of Doom Ferguson warned of a third wave. The Good Law Project won their case in the high court who ruled the government acted illegally when awarding contract to The Scumbag’s mates, PR company Public First. No other companies were considered thus the decision-maker showed bias. The cabinet office replied that the issue had been addressed. Andrew Lloyd Webber threatened to start his tawdry show on 21st June, come what may, even if he got arrested. On Jeremey Vine, 22 year old snowflake and so-called political commentator Dominique Samuels unbelievably said he knew better than scientists when it was safe to open theatres and if people were scared of going out, they should stay in – looney selfish sociopaths of the world unite!
As I watched telly and did more stitching that evening, my head drooped and my throat felt scratchy. I took aspirin at bedtime in a bid to allay a relapse, quickly fell asleep but woke in the night with hot flushes.
Annular Eclipse from New York
I made a big effort to come round before the annular eclipse Thursday morning. Phil fetched a camera and a selection of filters in the hope of catching a safe glimpse from the bedroom window. But even straining towards the east, we struggled to even locate the sun behind thick cloud. Phil said he was going outside. “Okay, but leave me something to look at the sun with.” “I can’t I’ve only got 1 UV filter.” “Fine. I’ll make do with a cardboard box.”
After much cursing and fiddling, we spotted a brief gap in the clouds and took turns with the filter so see the deep orange disc with a bite in it before the skies greyed again. “That was a disappointment,” he whinged. “At least we got to see something.” I searched for livestreams but the eclipse over by then, I settled for photos of better views from London and New York.
Humdrum normality restored, I edited the journal and photos, hung more washing out and he hoovered round. In the evening, refreshing rain aided sleep. Eyes shutting while reading, I succeeded in an unbroken night for the first time in years!
Jenny Harries, now CE of the new UK Health Security Agency, inanely said covid cases were up. PHE added they rose in all age groups but more in 20-29 year olds, and in the North West. The Cock defended the government at the commons health & social care committee. He claimed their delay in imposing the first lockdown was ‘following expert advice’ that the public wouldn’t stick to the rules: “now that proved actually to be wrong.” In hindsight, he wished he hadn’t followed the science. Steve Reicher of Spi-B gasped: “this is simply untrue.” The Cock went onto blatantly lie about PPE shortages and said they didn’t lead to NHS staff deaths. Along with unions and the opposition, I was shocked and yelled at the telly: “but we all saw it!” Furthermore, NAO said only 2.6bn out of 32bn items of PPE reached the frontline Feb-July 2020. Rebutting allegations of lying with more lies, on protecting adults in care, he maintained: “evidence has shown that the strongest route into care homes was community transmission.” (i.e., not his policy of decanting infected patients from hospital). He had ‘no idea’ why The Scumbag hated him but knew the aide wanted him fired because there was a leak and now he knew the source. He said it was ‘telling’ that Dom hadn’t produced any evidence and communication and decision-making had improved since he left Downing Street in November, reflected by greater public trust. Eh?
Ahead of the G7 summit, Carrie and Jill walked on the beach at Carbis Bay while Oirish Joe and The Bumbler discussed an Atlantic Charter, covid, climate change, defence and security, travel and Brexit. It was later revealed that Joe told Boris to ‘maintain the peace’ in NI. This was after the American charge d’affaires, Yael Lempert met Lord Frost on 3rd June to deliver a demarché (formal protest). The Times reported that he said if Boris accepted EU agricultural standards, Joe would ensure it didn’t ‘negatively affect the chances of reaching a USA/UK free trade deal’.
NSA Jake Sullivan confirmed the president had a ‘rock solid belief’ in the God Friday Agreement and it “must be protected.” Von De Leyen insisted the EU had been flexible but the NI protocol must stay. Newscast talked to an ex-diplomat who stressed America wanted the NI issue sorted out, but weren’t apportioning blame while a document on the Good Friday agreement made no mention of the EU as they weren’t signatories. On QT, Lucy Powell reiterated the UK should align with EU agricultural rules. Yanis Varoufakis said we ‘can’t have it 3 ways’, with no border on the mainland or in the Irish Sea or any checks. On the other hand, the EU were being unreasonable. He’d know about that alight! Gillian Keegan, former apprentice and tory minister for apprenticeships, now realised contracts between governments were ‘at a different level than in business’ – duh! That’s what you got recruiting ministers via reality TV – absolute morons! She also called footballers taking the knee ‘divisive’. Only if you’re racist! On the prospect of extended lockdown, Kavita Oberoi knew 21 year olds with covid and wanted local measures to contain surges. Lucy asked what was plan b if we didn’t unlock?
Bells and Whistles
Begging Baby
Rousing at 8 a.m. Friday, I definitely couldn’t remember waking during the night. Feeling refreshed, I attempted exercise and immediately slumped again. Phil fetched breakfast but still iffy, he fell back to sleep on top of the bed. He managed a trip to the co-op for weekend essentials later. Suspecting a frustratingly slow laptop presaged an update, I let MS do its stuff during lunch. The only difference I saw was a stupid weather thing in the toolbar. Far too warm and noisy, I got a meagre 5 minutes rest in the afternoon. An e-mail from Calderdale Carers had gone in the junk folder. I sent a reply apologising for the delay. The first game of Euro 2020 about to kick off, I printed the fixtures chart and watched Italy play Turkey. We switched to watching films after a boring first half, later discovering there were 3 goals before the final whistle – well, you know what they say… In contrast to ‘divisive’ comments from ministers, Downing Street insisted Boris supported players taking the knee and urged fans not to boo them.
Although deaths stayed low, hospitalisations rose and PHE confirmed 42,323 cases of the Delta variant – 29,892 more than last week, and 94% of total infections. Layla Moran said it “should set alarm bells ringing in government as we approach 21st June…They must immediately explain to the public whether this exponential growth suggests the country is in line for a severe third wave, and if so what it is doing to prevent it.” Nick Thomas-Symonds added: “the pace at which cases…continue to rise is deeply worrying and is putting the lifting of restrictions at risk. The blame for this lies with the PM and his reckless refusal to act on Labour’s repeated warnings to secure our borders against covid and its variants.” At the G7, the USA pledged 500m vaccines and the UK 100m, over the next 2 years (5m by September, 25m more by the end of 2021, the rest in 2022). Gordon Brown said it wasn’t enough. UNICEF and the Wellcome Foundation wanted 1bn doses this year and $18bn for testing. Boris refused to agree to an intellectual property waiver but said leaders had a duty to ensure post-pandemic recovery was inclusive. Agreements were also made on climate change and a global programme for education with £5bn to help 40m girls. Formal dinner was taken at the Eden project, with the queen and princes.
I felt a lot better Saturday morning, despite a slight hangover (unfair after a mere 4 small glasses of wine the night before). Time drifted somewhat and it was pretty late when we’d bathed and breakfasted and decided to chance a short walk on the canal. Loitering outside, the woman next door arrived and said I looked well. On the towpath, we stopped to check progress of the anti-flood works and watched a baby jackdaw hilariously trying to jump from a slagheap through a fence and raucously beg food from mum. Stand-out purple and yellow blossom provided material for my weekly haigaii. Side-stepping scrounging geese and inconsiderate cyclists who didn’t ring warning bells, we proceeded westwards to the basin. Barge cruisers, strollers and al-fresco drinkers created a holiday air. Seeing The Biker on his houseboat, I gave him the photos I’d opportunely printed out and stuck in my rucksack. Very hungry, we returned via backstreets. Phil wet into town on a quick errand while I looked for easy dinner options in the co-op and found a chicken peri-peri meal in the reduced section.
A WhatsApp message from Elder Sis informed us she’d been impressively awarded a gong in the queen’s birthday honours list. I tried ringing for more information but with 4 different numbers to choose from, wasn’t sure which to use. Phil googled the list, which vaguely stated the MBE was ‘for services to HMRC’. I exchanged messages with her later to learn only 3 civil servants per year received one. Awesome!
Almost falling asleep after a late lunch, we nipped outside in the hope fresh air would help and chatted to the young couple barbecuing in the community garden with their now-walking toddler. Granny (an old pub mate) sat beneath the wall but didn’t appear talkative. Aware she had health issues lately, I took no offence. Another young neighbour asked if his van was okay parked near our bench. “Yes, as long as you don’t back into my tree.” We imparted some history on the formation of the community garden. They were aghast to learn it covered a hole that suddenly appeared one day and the land was almost sold to developers.
Achy and tired on Sunday, we whinged about the weather; warm but overcast. Wall-to-wall sunshine they said. Hottest day of the year they said. Yeah, in London! Phil stitched up an old pair of flares acquired at a jumble sale years ago. I worked on blogs, washed rugs, put a load of recycling out and waved to The Toddler. Dad said he’d been enthusiastically waving and shouting ‘hello!’ since he spotted me from inside the car, bless him. Not sure why he’d taken to me, Phil laughed: “toddler brains are weird.” Charming! In the Euros. England beat Croatia 1-0. Raheem Stirling’s goal was set up by Leeds United player Kalvin Phillips. Danish footballer Christian Erikson had a heart attack playing Finland. The whistle was blown but the match resumed later in the evening which seemed poor form even if he wasn’t dead. That night, we soaked in fluffy baths to soothe aches and pains. Midnight by then, I struggled to get any sleep. I dropped off with the help of the meditation soundtrack only to wake in very early light.
Leaks presaged the official announcement on lockdown easing Monday. Boris said he’d look at hospital admissions beforehand, but we all knew there’d be a delay; of 4 weeks rather than 2. In Cornwall, Mini Macron set alarm bells off saying NI wasn’t the same country as the rest of Britain, Oirish Joe went to mass and Boris went swimming. He could’ve at least feigned being catholic for more than a fortnight after getting hitched in Westminster Cathedral!
“The prime minister brought a fantasist and a liar into the heart of Downing Street” (Jonathan Ashworth)
Under Duress
Haiga – Sunburst
In the midst of Monday chores, a small glass bottle stopper went up the hoover. I emptied the thing and scoured through dust to retrieve it. Worn out, I lay on the bed to enjoy a good half hour feeling warm and drowsy. The moon almost full, we watched it cross the darkening sky but by the time Phil went out to take photos at 11 o’clock, it was raining.
Medical Detection Dogs spotted coronavirus with 94.3% accuracy. Reading about them a year ago, I wondered what took so long? Mini Macron and The Merkel pledged the WHO more support to enable better pandemic future planning and suggested a global health threat council. An extra 10,000 in the past month, Indian deaths hit 300,000. Japan launched 2 centres as part of a mass vaccination drive before the Olympics. Unenthusiastic citizens called it too little too late. Nasty Patel launched the Electronic Travel Authorisation (ETA) for UK visitors who didn’t hold a visa or immigration status, and promised a ‘fully digital border’ within 5 years. Roman Protasevich appeared on video to lie, under duress, about being well-treated. Rabid Raab instructed airlines not to fly over Belarus and suspended Belavia’s operating permit. The EU followed suit. TUI cancelled holidays to amber countries. After the collapse of Greensill Capital, Liberty Steel were closing 7 plants and jobseekers searched vacancies in social care as existing staff resigned.
Spam Invention
Waking in the early hours Tuesday, I recalled a solitary detail from many dreams. Was telling someone the journal was ‘really important’ hubris or a message from the gods? Mostly cold and grey, I spent all morning writing and invented a new sandwich for lunch. Pitta filled with spam, tomato, camembert and red onion, and sprinkled with pea-shoots, was rather good! The cacophonous flood alarm sirens were tested several times causing severe disturbance in the afternoon. I went to the co-op to find gaps on the shelves, busy aisles and a mate mulling over flatbread. During a brief chat, he told me he’d also had 2 jabs and didn’t fancy a third so wouldn’t be volunteering for the Covboost trial. Taking groceries to the kitchen, I discovered Phil had washed up but annoyingly left the bowl full of water and the draining board stacked. A second kitchen trauma ensued later when I opened the freezer to find a split bag of sweetcorn. In the process of rescuing what I could, I made a bigger rip so the pesky tiny veg went all over the place and I had to sweep it into the bin. Inordinately upset, I collapsed on the sofa. Hearing my screams from upstairs, Phil came to sympathise.
Will Shakespeare, the first man to get the Pfizer vaccine, died of an ‘unrelated illness’. One the of busiest days ever at Bolton ED saw 41 admissions and 8 in critical care. With only 15 positive cases out of 58,000 participants, Oliver Dowdy hailed the test event pilots a success.
ONS data showed trade between the UK and the EU fell 23% Jan-March. Mainly due to Brexit, the ongoing recession and pandemic also played a part. One year since the murder of George Floyd, his family went to the Whitehouse and Biden gave his daughter ice-cream.
The Cabinet Office were accused of ‘local lockdown by stealth’ as It emerged they extended measures on Friday night for Kirklees, Bedford, Burnley, Leicester, Hounslow, North Tyneside, Bolton and Blackburn . Not mentioned in any formal announcements or ministerial briefings, local authorities complained of no consultation and finding out by accident. Tracy Brabin came on BBC Breakfast to call it ‘a bit shabby’ and Yasmin Qureshi was ‘gobsmacked’. Residents of affected zones were advised not to meet inside, keep 2 metres apart and avoid non-essential travel out of area. In urgent questions, Jon Ashworth called on ministers to “withdraw the guidance now…(The Cock) doesn’t even have the courtesy to tell us.” Under duress, Nads Zahawi defended the government: “we want the country to move out of these restrictions together and we’re trusting people to be responsible and to act with caution and common sense.” They argued the recommendations were first issued 14th May when Boris told us to be ‘extra cautious’ before formal web publishing a week later. The site stated the rules were ‘underpinned by law’ but The Cock said the guidance was ‘not statutory’. I tweeted to ask him to explain the contradiction but got no answer. The guidance was later changed to ‘advice’.
Phantasmagorical
Plan B Whiteboard
Wednesday morning, I really struggled to come round. Getting up and bathed required a huge effort. A pile of mail prompted me into boring life admin while watching PMQs. After lunch, I worked on the journal then sorted winter coats. Planning to put them away, I discovered 2 needed a wash first and stuck them in the machine before steaming woollens. Seeming quick and easy at the time, the task rendered me breathless. The evening Ocado delivery was badly packed and I got cheated out of 2 bags – no joke now they cost 10p each. Panorama featured AI and informed us Alexa used to be a British robot called Evie – another example of Brits selling stuff to the Yanks for peanuts!
ONS data based on sample blood test results, suggested over 75% of adults had covid anti-bodies. The UK leaders’ covid summit was postponed as Sturgeon and Drakeford wanted more time to prepare so it would be ‘meaningful’ and dismissed a rough agenda from Number 10 before key topics were agreed. Exactly a year since his trip to Barnard Castle and ahead of appearing before 2 commons committees (Health & Social Care and Science & Technology), The Scumbag posted around 50 tweets, including barely legible scribbles on a whiteboard outlining ‘Plan B’, suggesting ditching ‘herd immunity’ was all down to him when general opinion last year was he pushed for it. He told MPs that The Bumbler dismissed the pandemic as a scare story, said it only killed 80-year-olds, and volunteered to be jabbed with covid on live TV by Chris Witless. One of the more bizarre claims was that cobra had been derailed 12th March 2020 by trump asking them to bomb Iraq and Carrie Antionette having a fit over her dog, comparing the scene to the film Independence Day. Other statements echoed what we all knew; that failures cost thousands of lives and ministers ignored scientific advice in September due to economic concerns. In scathing attacks, he criticised The Cock’s policies on care homes, PPE, and testing targets leading to disruption in Whitehall, and said he should have been sacked 15-20 times for persistent lying.
On PMQs, Keir used all 3 questions on the row between Boris and his former aide and concluded that if The Scumbag was fibbing, it showed poor judgement by the PM. Meanwhile, York MP Rachael Maskell asked about reneging on help for charities. The government decision not to match public donations also featured on Newsnight where on behalf of War Child, actress Carey Mulligan said it meant 3,000 Afghani children were at risk of being trafficked.
The next day, The Cock went to the commons to answer urgent questions and deny Scumbag’s claims. Quizzed on care homes, he admitted testing capacity wasn’t in place when he promised a ‘protective ring’, but insisted he’d gone away to work on it. Jon Ashworth said if the allegations of lying were true, they broke the ministerial code, and if false, Boris brought ‘a fantasist and a liar’ into Downing Street. Jeremy C**t pointed out the accusations were unproven and Boris maintained his actions hadn’t caused more deaths: “Some of the commentary…doesn’t bear any relation to reality…At every stage we have been governed by a determination to protect life, to save life, to ensure our NHS is not overwhelmed and followed the data and guidance we had.” But on radio 4, Prof. Ferguson said it was ‘unarguable’ that the delay in imposing the first lockdown caused 30,000 extra deaths: “The epidemic doubled every 3 or 4 days in weeks March 13 to 23. Had we moved the interventions back a week we would have saved many lives.” Prof. Susan Michie of sage said the change from the 2m to 1m plus rule was one of “several examples where scientific advice wasn’t followed.” She echoed Keir’s calls for the public inquiry to be brought forward.
Discussing the Scumbag’s revelations later, Phil thought he might have partially told the truth. “Yeah. The bits we already knew and he’s still a scumbag. They’re all as bad as each other. If people were more engaged in politics, they wouldn’t put up with useless leaders!”
Thursday morning, I drafted an article for the summer issue of Valley Life magazine before preparing to go out. Lunchtime by the time dithering was done, we hurried into town and dodged the market day throngs to get pies from the bakers. We crossed over to the park, also busy, where Phil found a free patch of grass while I bought pop from the café, baulking at the cost; they could at least provide tables for that price. More of a take-away with café prices! After eating our pastries, we walked east on the canal to see verges carpeted with daisies and hawthorn blooming at long last. Among gaggles of geese, sizeable goslings were already losing their fluff. Beyond the next village, attractive flood alleviation works were integrated with a new wetland nature reserve and the football pitch which always flooded, had been moved and protected by levees. We rested at a pretty lock and watched gammons on a barge navigate through. Phil overheard them complaining about unpainted houseboats. “Said them on their expensive rental cruiser. Snobs!” Rather tired, we decided to continue to the next town and catch a bus. The stifling journey back was prolonged by roadworks but at least the bus took us all the way home. While I didn’t find weariness unexpected, Phil complained of the vaccine making him post-virally weak. (For a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’i).
Daily Covid infections hit 3,180, the highest since 2nd April but The Cock said inoculation severed the link to hospitalisation and death . As Indian variant cases rose to 5,000, Prof. Ferguson cited it as the dominant strain and hinted full re-opening on 21st June hung in the balance. The Bumbler gainsaid: ”I don’t see anything currently in the data to suggest that we have to deviate from the roadmap.” After administering over 17,000 jabs in a week, there were signs the surge in Bolton was capping off. The Cock called it ‘phenomenal’. That didn’t stop Yasmin Qureshi calling for the government to be investigated for corporate manslaughter.
Thousands flocked to the Westminster vaccine bus in London’s Chinatown where no ID was required (how did they know who’d been done?) The Glove-Puppet told the commons public admin committee the covid pass might be delayed or not happen at all while France imposed a 7 day quarantine for arrivals, excepting hauliers. Grant Shats confirmed HS2 would go all the way to Leeds. Beloved children’s author Eric Carle died, aged 91.
In the evening, we watched a telly film and newsy stuff. Appearing on Newscast, Arlene Foster proved much jollier in real life. It prompted us to return to earlier discussions on politicisation and apathy. I thought putting up with useless leaders was particularly an issue in England. Citizens of NI and Scotland tended to be more engaged, probably for historical reasons. At bed-time, I was assailed by the noise of the droning generator and a shouting chav. Even with earplugs, it took ages to get any sleep.
Layers of Lies
Dappled Weir
The crap night led to a later start Friday. Taking the breakfast tray down, I balanced it a moment on the way to the kitchen, when the whole thing tipped up. The handle on Phil’s ‘winter wonderland’ mug broke in half and dregs spilt all over the throws. I chucked them in the wash and dug out old cups with pleasing olive designs, not sure why they were consigned to a cupboard. Appearing after the mess was cleared, Phil asked what the crash was. “Spot the difference.” “With my eye sight! You’ll have to tell me,” he chortled. Indicating the changed throw and olive mugs, I braced for a telling off but he continued laughing. “I never get annoyed.” “Liar!” “I hate breaking things but I don’t get annoyed.” “Breaking stuff is part of life and it’s been one of those weeks.” Still fatigued, he struggled to come round. I went to the co-op, not noticing the drizzle until I got out the door. Copious traffic suggested people taking advantage of the good weather forecast and upcoming spring bank holiday weekend. A less bustling supermarket confirmed the assumption. My mate let me pay for a trolley-load at the kiosk, which was nice. Phil asked why I hadn’t requested help with the shopping but agreed I’d have been stood waiting in the rain and I was quicker doing it myself. He then offered to carry bags to the kitchen but disappeared upstairs, not coming to my aid until groceries were all-but sorted. Slicing cabbage for slaw that evening, I managed to slice my thumb. I screamed in shock and pain and collapsed on a chair. As I ranted, Phil told me to calm down. “What part of being in shock don’t you get?” “Never had it.” “More lies!” I eventually settled down but dropped my fork during dinner making me fume again. It really had been a crap week!
The R rate up to 1-1.1, there were 10 deaths and 4,182 new infections – an increase of 25% in a week and the highest since 1st April. Hospitalisations rising in some areas, PHE said only 3% of those infected by the Indian variant and 5 out of 201 who went to A&E, were inoculated. Kwasi Kwarteng saw no reason not to re-open on 21st June, but warned data could change warranting ‘flexibility’. Kate Nicholls of UK Hospitality said it was ‘absolutely critical’ to stick to the date, yet Christina Pagel of indy sage wanted to wait: “If we can just delay international travel, delay stage 4 of the road map until…(more people are) vaccinated with 2 doses, we’re in a much, much better position. We’re only 2 months away from that, it’s not long to wait. What I don’t want is for us to have new restrictions.” A young woman died from a blood clot after one jab of AZ and the MHRA approved the one-shot Janssen. 20m doses on order and due to arrive by the end of 2021, JCVI would provide guidance on who should get it; likely proposing hard-to-reach groups. After months of delay, Lord Geidt released his first report on minister’s interests. He said Boris was ‘unaware’ that tory donor Lord Brownlow settled the bill for the flat refurb, and ‘unwisely’ let it go ahead without ‘more rigorous regard’ for how it would be funded. More care should have been taken over the financial arrangements and officials weren’t rigorous enough in examining the proposed Downing Street Trust’s ability to pay, but this was a ‘minor breach’ of the ministerial code. I remained puzzled that the trust was legal in the first place.
Fatigue caught up with me the next day. I spent a typical Saturday at home, draft-posted the journal, and got rid of loads of recycling and more of the creeping buttercup in the garden until the small stone path emerged from the undergrowth. I exchanged pleasantries with neighbours and re-directed a couple about to climb steps into private gardens. I had to stop my labours when the sun emerged from behind clouds, sweat dripping down my face in the rising heat. I gulped water and started to clean up the debris. Phil returned from the shop to report town predictably heaving. He squatted on the kerb to chat and I recalled an article in Metro about rich Californian cyber-geeks spending millions on implants thinking they’d live forever. For dinner he made kofta for the first time – another delicious meal invented. That night I dropped off, book in hand and bedside lamp still on, to wake a few minutes later and sleep fractiously thereafter.
The Bumbler married Carrie Antionette in Westminster Cathedral. Twice divorced, permission was granted because his previous marriages weren’t catholic ceremonies so didn’t count. Technically, that made his elder kids bastards. The obvious distraction ploy by the duplicitous Papist git outraged Catholics and those who’d had to put their weddings on hold during the pandemic in equal measure.
Early mist soon burned off Sunday to be replaced by warm sunshine. Layers of tory lies persisted as Nads Zahawi told Marr a pile of untruths trying to defend The Cock’s claims of ‘putting a ring around care homes’.
Setting off for a walk, I popped in the co-op for packed lunches. The scrum in front of the meal deal shelf suggested it wasn’t an original idea. From the opposite bank, the riverside steps were as crowded as the beach! We continued upstream, assailed by scents of baking loam and wild flowers. Creeping buttercup looked much better in verges than in the garden. Dappled light made arty shadows on the weir. Yet more families pretended it was the seaside. We climbed onto tarmac then into a lush clough. As we descended to a brook, felled trees cluttered a shingled shore we’d hoped to rest on. We squatted on a low bridge to eat and check the map for a route up to a monument. Unable to see a path, we proceeded upwards and glanced back to see the structure emerge below. Disinclined to back-track, we continued up the road to a hamlet and found a free bench outside the local pub. As we supped pints, traffic continually streamed in both directions. The cycling couple on the adjacent table made a move and we wondered how their small dog rode a bike. They then put the pooch in a bag. ‘Doggy bag!’ We struck up a conversation encompassing the joys of pet ownership, the state of the world and limited travel options, concluding there were worse places to be stuck. Taking roadway down was tricky with speeding vehicles and no pavement but shaded by extensive woodland. At the edge of town, a long flight of steps provided a short-cut. I’d always assumed unusual roofs on terraces were dormers added later but Phil informed me they were Dutch houses. The longer day out in extended sunshine had been very enjoyable while stops for sustenance ensured against severe fatigue – or so it seemed at the time. (For a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’i).
I even managed to edit photos and write a haiku after dinnerii. Mind you, I had a crap night. Unable to sleep, I looked out to see hundreds of stars including rarely spotted feinter ones. I eventually dropped off with the help of the meditation tape.
“…if the government wants a fast track to undo all of the gains of the present lockdown, this is it” (Dan Shears)
Contrary Messages
Haiga – Jaded i
In contrast to the previous week, blog posting took up much of Monday leaving little time for anything else. I attempted yoga in the afternoon but achy and tired, I lay down after ten minutes. Tuesday was equally boring.
Amid threats of further restrictions and quarantine, Germans infested Majorca on early Easter breaks. Already locked down in parts of Europe, The Bumbler predicted the third wave would come to the UK (not if you banned travel, you idiot!) Witty and Valance agreed, unhelpfully saying they regretted the dearth of tests and data in the plague’s early days. But Prof Ferguson contrarily suggested the wave might not get here because of ‘measures’ and vaccines. Complaining he was desperate for a haircut, I guffawed: “he’s hardly got any hair!” The Prof and Minister Helen Waffle both warned of an increased risk from variants against which we had less protection. USA trials showed AZ gave 100% protection against severe Covid and no risk of thrombosis. Thinking it was a live trial, I was flummoxed by accusations they hadn’t used the latest data. Rabid Raab instigated a travel ban and an asset freeze on Chinese officials as punishment for the oppression of minorities. Was that the same twat who said he’d trade with nations breaching human rights?
A year since the start of lockdown mark 1, a minute’s silence took place and yellow lights were lit across the country. Dexamethasone research showed the cheap steroid saved 1 million lives worldwide, 22,000 in the UK. Plans to test all adults twice a week, make vaccines mandatory for staff in elderly care homes and an extension of Coronavirus Laws until October were muted. On Newsnight, Mike Tildesley of Spi-M said in the short-term we needed better airport testing, travel restrictions and isolation of cases. He bleated about ‘harms’ caused by mask-wearing -think of the children! Melinda Millsof SPI-B responded she’d rather cover her face than be dead. Another Kill the Bill demo in Bristol led to 14 more arrests.
For the next 3 days, I felt a bit ill on waking but took Echinacea and ignored it. On Wednesday’s PMQs, Keir claimed the defence review broke promises for ‘no troop cuts’. Boris replied “there will be no redundancies” which didn’t mean no cuts thus Keir accused him of ‘Playing with numbers’, said they’d already been reduced by 24,000 since 2010 and there was more to come.
Moves and Counter Moves
Dramatic Lines
Breaking the humdrum, we moved off the sofa to go for a walk early afternoon. As I’d stupidly put my walking boots away, Phil loitered outside to wait, spooking a hippy’s dog. Inspired by Walking Friend’s photos of fresh pesto on Facebook, we went to forage in what I called the ‘garlic fields’ in a nearby clough. Initially, we enjoyed a steady walk, pausing to admire dramatic lines created by the sun behind trees. The hippy with dog approached. He kindly attached the dog’s lead for us and we exchanged a few words. Loose stones made the last upward stretch hard-going. We rested on a rock before getting to work. Early in the season, young bright green leaves exuded pungency. We filled 2 carrier bags then made our way back. From higher paths, we espied portions of the one alongside the stream and recalled it was once fully navigable. Tempted to explore, Phil was put off by a hippy woman performing extreme yoga moves by the mill ponds. Back home, I rinsed the garlic before sitting down with coffee and a snack. My back hurt and I felt very tired while Phil almost fell asleep on the spot – the flu-like reaction to AZ leaving him fatigued.
Coronavirus infections up, I guessed it was due to the re-opening of schools. As the EU vaccine row rumbled on, Boris faced the select committee and hinted at tougher rules such as putting France on the travel red list. The Bumblers’ suggestion that pubs could issue their own Covid Passes was attacked by the CRG, the liberal party, publicans and unions alike as unworkable, chaotic, and discriminatory. The GMB’s Dan Shears said: “…most under-50s are essentially barred until they get a jab…this will lead to…false certificates, potential violence for pub workers and even a black market for vaccines doses…if the government wants a fast track to undo all of the gains of the present lockdown, this is it.” At a private meeting, Boris joked the UK had the vaccine because of greed, to immediately add “forget I said that.” Angela Rayner quipped: “greed certainly explains why tory donors and cronies are laughing all the way to the bank while our nurses get pay cuts.”
As the new travel law went to a parliamentary vote, many complained the move was far too late and a loophole making it legal to go to a second home was dubbed the ‘Stanley Johnson clause’. Merkel announced a 5 day lockdown in Germany at Easter but u-turned the next day. No doubt realising the ban on self-catering staycations was ludicrous when thousands of Germans had already flown to Majorca! An edict from Robert Jerk for public buildings to fly the union flag was issued on the same day that he put Liverpool City Council partly under commission due to mismanagement. An investigation into property contracts, bribery and corruption implicated mayor Joe Anderson and 4 others. A girl aged 7 was shot dead by the junta at her home in Myanmar while a fire ripped through Cox’s Bazaar refugee camp, Bangladesh, leaving 15 dead, 45,000 shelter-less and traumatised Rohingya children separated from their families.
Nasty Patel laid out her aims in dealing with incoming asylum-seekers: supporting those in genuine need, deterring illegal entry (by denying them the same entitlements), and making it easier to remove people with ‘no right to be here’. A stricter definition of what qualified as a ‘well-founded fear of persecution’ made it more difficult to get refugee status. Shadow home sec Nick Thomas-Symonds responded: “These changes risk making the situation even harder to access help in the UK, helping criminal gangs escape justice.” Patel said she’d create safe routes but it was pointed out they’d all been closed down by the nasty tories. I predicted a counter-move with an influx before the new rules came into force…
The Contrarian
Alan Turing on £50 note
Thursday, I rose from a restless night feeling out of sorts. Due to a misunderstanding, we had a daft argument. Although we made up, the altercation left me depressed all day. Chores done, in the afternoon he went to the shop and I went to the garden to clear my mind. The secateurs still missing, I hacked at shrubs in the far corner with cut-everything scissors. A pile of twigs belied the amount of work still to be done. The elderly neighbour appeared and sat on the bench opposite to chat. Phil arrived back and joined in whingeing about the state we were in. I bit my tongue when she reiterated refusal to have the vaccine. “If someone tells me to do something, I will do the opposite,” she said. “Well, It’s a prerogative of getting older to be contrary isn’t it?”
A woman I’d seen a couple of times entering next door, introduced herself. I remarked she seemed nice but it was hard to keep track of who lived in the house or on the street, for that matter. I hadn’t even noticed an entire family moving from the next terrace.
Contrary to their threats and after issuing a joint statement with the UK government pledging to work together for the benefit of all, the EU stopped short of banning vaccine exports and stressed the importance of global supply chains. In the last act before the run-up to an election, the Scottish government confirmed a 4% rise for the lowest paid NHS staff. Unison said Westminster should be ‘shamed’ into doing the same. Boris hinted this could happen at the pay review, but only mentioned nurses. BT were to give their key workers £1,000 bonuses as thanks for keeping us connected. John Lewis announced the closure of 8 more shops, 2 in Yorkshire and Santander were shutting 111 branches by the end of August. All within 3-5 miles of another branch, unions said the move would preserve jobs and avoid compulsory redundancies. As the BoE unveiled a new £50 note featuring Alan Turing, Nina on BBC Breakfast said she’d not seen one during the pandemic – as if it was normal pre-Covid to see wads of 50’s. I’d only ever set eyes on one in my entire life!
A terrible segment on Friday’s BBC Breakfast moved me to complain. Reporting from the Wrockhardt factory, the annoyingly chirpy and condescending Jayne Gubbins’ piece was misleading, inaccurate and unbalanced. Amongst other things, she wrongly said they made the AZ vaccine when they actually had a contract to put vaccine in vials, not limited to the AZ version. The propagandist citing of Boris’s praise of the factory again reminded me of Soviet-era radio Tirana broadcasts lauding tractor production.
Phil disappeared downstairs. It turned out he’d been trying to detach a broken lens mounting from one of his cameras. I suggested a couple of possible solutions to which he shook his head. “It’s fucked,” we agreed, when all of a sudden, it contrarily came free. Thankfully, the camera still worked but he was narked that it had taken up half a day. I arranged a ‘walk and talk’ in May with the researcher before setting off for the co-op in a sunny breeze. A dilemma over two £5 deals was solved by buying both, but I questioned the decision as I subsequently battled to fit it all in the freezer. Purchases made, I spotted Phil approaching and timed my exit to run into him. We then ran into our photographer friend and partner. We shared notes on getting jabs and laughs at the expense of conspiracy theorists. During a siesta, I was disturbed by shed boy arriving home with music blasting from his car.
ONS figures showed infections in England, Wales and NI were levelling off with a slight rise in Scotland. Prof Spector, Kings College (and leader of the Covid Symptom Tracker app study) claimed there was ‘no science’ stopping vaccinated people seeing each other – preferably after 2 doses, but probably okay a month after the first. Rishi Rich urged firms to re-open offices after lockdown, allegedly to stop staff leaving but recalling last summer’s antics, we knew it was to keep Pret and Starbucks in business. Saying going to offices was better than remote working, I wondered why not meet halfway like Nationwide, allowing staff to work where they liked? A CIPD survey a week later, found 2/3 of employers favoured hybrid working. USA daily deaths fell to below 1000 for the first time since November. 7 in 10 over 65’s had been vaccinated with 27m more doses coming. The Evergreen ship, confusingly named Ever Given, got stuck in the Suez Canal. Warning it could be there for weeks, diggers trying to dislodge it from mud looked like Tonka toys.
Shifting Through Smoke
Smoky BBQ
Following moderate drinking, I rose on Saturday without a hangover. Not tempted outdoors in changeable weather, I made wild garlic pesto and salsa verde for later use, wrote a haiga and drafted blogs. Phil went to look for rooks. It rained heavily as soon as he left the house which didn’t deter the coffee-cuppers but made him soggy and moody. In the evening, sharp pains shot up my neck and I worried my head was about to fall off. A few exercises eased the pain although it was a couple of days until they went altogether.
Contrary to expectations with the start of BST, I was up earlier than usual on Sunday. On the way to the market, the BBQ ran by the local kebab take-away exuded pungent dark smoke. Grey clouds wafted over gammons shiftily queuing in front of the stall.
The square busy again, I weaved through a maze of coffee-cuppers and had to ask someone to step back so I could get to the rustic veg stall. It was worth the effort to acquire a wealth of muddy produce. Back home, I dodged round 2 hippy women hovering at the threshold next door – more inhabitants or just visiting? Settling down to watch telly, I caught a bit of ice skating which was nice, if odd. In place of an audience, mask-wearing officials stood in lines behind the barrier. Very tired at bedtime due to the early start, I slept well.
When asked if there could be more national lockdowns on The Marr, Oliver Dowdy said he wasn’t ruling anything out. Mark Woodhouse of SPI-M warned that June normality was ‘over-optimistic’. People vaccinated reached 30m of whom 3.5m had a second dose. Hospital admissions were the lowest they’d been for 6 months and a Vivaldi study found a 62% drop in care home cases within 5 weeks of a jab. Hauliers coming into GB would be tested while an experimental gig in Barcelona involved revellers taking tests and wearing masks but not physical distancing. As Merkel lost support, Phil informed me Adolf Von Der Leyen had been in a bunker bubble for the last 6 months. “it’s all a bit Downfall!” I remarked:* Kill the Bill protests took place across the UK but the Bradford demo was an idiotic anti-lockdown effort. 9 cops were injured and 13 arrested. The Myanmar junta had a party after killing 114 civilians, including a 5 year old, prompting chiefs of staff to write that the duty of the military was to protect citizens, not attack them.
*Downfall – A much-parodied film detailing the last days of Adolf Hitler in his bunker
“It is outrageous, frankly. This is the sort of behaviour – giving contracts to you pub landlord and your best mates – that you would expect in a banana republic” (David Lammy)
Is it a Nebula?
Pancake Nebula
Unfortunately, the omens proved accurate. After a wobbly start Monday, I admitted defeat and returned to bed with the characteristic sinus symptoms. I wrote and posted blogs while Phil catered. Due to copious amounts of herbs, the soup he made for dinner was a lot tastier than my creations. “You’re too cautious” he observed astutely.
Vaccine invites were sent to the over 65’s and UKHospitality nicked Dodd’s idea. A letter to Rishi Rich urged extending the 5% VAT and business rate holiday into the next financial year. 60 CRG members signed a letter demanding the PM ended lockdown by April. Boris responded he would stick to the plan for a ‘cautious but irreversible’ easing, providing target dates with a caveat that plans would be delayed if necessary. Stephen Reicher of SPI-B* warned “people begin to be hopeless and helpless” if given dates weren’t met and advised providing information on positive action. While a third of social care staff still hadn’t had a shot, an Israeli study found infections dropped 94% with the Pfizer vaccine. The Cock wanted hard data, not just trial stats, that they reduced the spread by almost 2 thirds. The government considered a jab passport, muted to be for travel, not going to the pub or shops. Sage bod Rob Dingwall spluttered: “the idea you have to have a passport to go round Tesco is just ludicrous.”
Mike Tildesley said there was no evidence “to suggest that school attendance is a significant driver of outbreaks in the community,” but needed careful monitoring when pupils returned. Explaining further on Newsnight alongside fellow eggheads Prof Christina Pagel (UCL) and Wonky Doctor, he added: “March should be about children” and the effect on the R number assessed before shops opened. He also suggested foreign holidays were a no-no in 2021 but domestic ones may be possible ‘with caution’. He agreed with Wonky Doctor’s call to scale up immunisations in urban areas and use mobile vans to increase uptake in deprived communities. She acknowledged local leaders had a part to play but the government needed to support them, not merely delegate responsibility. Pagel said infections had to be suppressed to prevent new variants rising, and there was no such thing as ‘an acceptable death rate’ this year. She wanted a measles approach (the disease eliminated and outbreaks dealt with when they arose), rather than an influenza approach and interestingly observed the lack of a flu season anywhere in the world during the past year. Was a Covid-free future possible? The local Covid support group seemed to think so. They’d launched a petition calling for ‘zero Covid’.
On Shrove Tuesday, the first red letter day since new year, I felt slightly better on waking, performed a few stretches, opened the curtains then had a wobble and collapsed on the bed. Charles Bonnet syndrome featured on BBC Breakfast. “Is that what you’ve got?” I asked Phil, referring to his sight issue. “I wouldn’t admit it if I did.” Affecting a camp pose worthy of Count Arthur, he shrieked: “Ooh! I’m Charles Bonnet!” Work on the journal took most of the day. During afternoon quiet time, the onset of rain signalled a drop in temperature. I lay under the covers waiting for the heating to come on before getting coffee and bonus cream cake Phil found in the co-op’s reduced section. Making traditional pancakes for dinner, they created swirly patterns as they cooked. One resembled a nebula. I posted a picture on Facebook prompting the comment it was eggs-tra terrestrial. Why didn’t I think of that!
Another Planet
Haiga – Harvesting
Covid cases down 15% in the past week, 1:5 now had antibodies meaning 8m people were resistant to the virus. David Speigelhalter of Cambridge University called it: “extraordinary…with the vaccine starting to kick in, we’re really seeing a very rapid fall.” Clive Dix of The Vaccine Task Force said all adults would probably get both jabs by the end of summer. AZ trials on 6-17 year olds began, in Oxford, London, Bristol and Southampton. Similar experiments took place using Pfizer and Moderna in the US. The government told an extra 1.7m English citizens to shield. “Who?” I asked. “It’s obviously crowd control,” responded Phil. Wondering if it was a ruse to contain overweight men, Prof Hayward came on Newsnight to tell us the ‘Q Covid’ algorithm was “very sophisticated”. “I’m sure it is,” Phil muttered cynically. A day after traveller quarantine started, PHE found 38 cases of a new ‘variant under investigation’ (B.1.525; possibly Nigerian). More surge tests began in Norfolk, Southampton, Surrey and Manchester. Border force were allegedly given advice a mere 7 hours before implementation of the new rules. It’s a disgrace!” The PCS cried.
The government belatedly published information on their website about a possible extra £1,200 charge for people in Q hotels who tested positive. 4 arrivals at Birmingham airport were fined £10k each for lying about their country of origin but not imprisoned.
The IFS advised furlough end gradually and changes to Universal Credit stay put, but VAT, income tax and National Insurance may have to rise to pay for the pandemic. In Myanmar, Suu Kyi was newly charged under article 25 of the country’s Natural Disaster Management Law. Used to prosecute breaches of Covid laws, the politics of the country seemed as remote as those of another planet.
Still bedridden Wednesday, work on the journal proved interminable. I switched to online shopping, at last finding an Ocado delivery slot. Not due until a week Friday, at least I got to use a wine voucher, which I’d almost forgotten about and had to retrieve from the e-mail bin.
During quiet time, I was unable to relax then my phone rang. The local Covid support group asked if I wanted a volunteer to come round with soup and a sandwich. Not in need of such a kind offer, I politely declined. I also wondered how it worked, given physical space issues. Adding their number to contacts, I tried to link 3 for Elder Sis, ringing her by accident. There was no answer. She called back later but the connection dropped out. Switching to WhatsApp, we compared notes on coping with lockdown and not yet being invited for inoculation.
Phil joked he was going to the Covid Arms. “There must be one round here. People are stupid enough.” The only one I heard of was in a makeshift garage in Dudley, not far from a nightclub in Birmingham. Local news reported house parties in Scarborough. We agreed they were all a bit of a trek.
In a Human Challenge Trial, 90 healthy young adults, aged 19-30, would be injected with a tiny amount of the original virus strain at The Royal Free Hospital. Dix said: “we expect these studies to offer unique insights into how the virus works and…which promising vaccines offer the best chance of preventing the infection.” The EU set to approve Janssens’ version, ex-Brexit co-ordinator Guy Verhofstadt wrote in the EU Observer: “Europe is the world leader in vaccine production (over 75%)…nevertheless there is a crucial lack of supply…contracts are extremely unbalanced…” He went on to lambast the use of article 16 as: “a diplomatic disaster…(which) destroyed in a few seconds the seriousness of the negotiations with the UK, conducted by Michel Barnier for more than 3 years.” He advocated a separate European agency, as I suggested weeks ago. The latest Handforth Paris Council meeting got 3,000 viewers on YouTube. Jackie Weaver absent, hecklers were chucked off. Mount Etna erupted, covering villages in rocks and ash. Snow covered 3 quarters of America. A polar bear rolled about in the white stuff and frozen turtles had to be warmed up in Texas, where the state governor was lambasted for going to sunny Florida on his jollies. On her last day as Child Commissioner, Anne Longfield demanded a ‘Covid Covenant’ with children at the heart.
Feeling no better on a blustery Thursday, I finally finished work on the journal and wrote Polar Trek for Cool Placesi. Phil went out, to the shop not the Covid Arms, seeing no coffee-cuppers at all.
Surge testing was planned in Harehills and other areas of Leeds where the SA variant had emerged. An Imperial College React study found infections were down to 1:200 (but higher in younger people), suggesting lockdown was working. Prof. Paul Elliot but disagreed with Prof. Pagel: “through contact tracing you can really keep control of the virus but it’s unlikely we’re going to get a situation like in New Zealand where it’s essentially Covid-free.” Facebook went to war on Australia, blocking news and Coronavirus info sites, in a spat over paying for content – who did they think they were?
NASA’s Perseverance rover landed on the red planet to investigate evidence of extra-terrestrial life. It endearingly tweeted “I’m safe on Mars’. Kier gave a major speech to an empty space, talking of a ‘moral crusade’ to address inequalities and injustices. Comparing current times to the post-war period, he referred to a ‘mood in the air’ and said “(Britain’s) collective sacrifice must lead to a better future.” The only concrete idea reported was recovery bonds to give people ‘a stake in the future’. Tory Chair Milling called it a bunch of second-hand ideas and ‘empty rhetoric’. On QT, debate centred on the plague. Liberal Layla Moran borrowed the phrase ‘no hokey-cokey’ from a questioner and referred to the Brazilian or Manaus variant or P1, re-infecting people. Prof. of Public Health Linda Bauld, said suppression was achievable leading to less risk of future mutants. Mark Harper of CRG insisted the economy open up on 8th March after the top priority groups had their first jab and Peter Borg-Neal of Oakman Inns claimed the rate went down in summer when pubs were operating. “No, it didn’t you liar!” I shouted at the telly, “we were under local restrictions for most of it! what planet are you on?”
Alien Invasion
Milling About
Friday, I switched from writing to Photoshop, executing another idea for a collage while Phil fetched and carried. I managed the evening downstairs to eat pizza, drink some wine and watch films.
The ONS said the R rate was now 0.9 and infections were at 1:115, less than the React study. The Supreme Court ruled that Uber drivers should class as employees. With huge implications for the gig economy, union lawyers called for clarity between the bona-fide self-employed and ‘contractors’. Government borrowing hit £8.8bn in January 2020, leading to a total state debt of an astronomical £2,114.6bn.
I succeeded in a few hours out of bed on Saturday, but after expunging dust from the bedroom, stayed there to work on Photoshop. Going back down for lunch, I stayed up to cook and eat dinner. Thanks to a few gins, I enjoyed quite a good sleep to awake on Sunday feeling refreshed.
Rhubarb from the mysterious triangle featured on Sunday Brunch. We decided to try and source some at the farmer’s market. Crossing the old bridge, we found the riverside and square infested by non-locals, evidenced by a jam-packed carpark. Coffee-drinking and pizza-eating abounded. Weaving carefully to the knobbly veg stall, we made a few purchases but alas, no rhubarb. Stunned by the milling about, we retreated to a back wall. Several police and other officials patrolled but appeared ineffectual. “What are they meant to do?“ Phil asked. “Stop people on the road before they get into town!” I retorted. I ill-advisedly followed him on a whizz round the rest of market. Fraught, we crossed to the cash machine and chatted to an old pal who worked at the convenience store about the Covid madness until her lift arrived. Going back the shortest route, we watched Canada Geese unusually swimming upstream in the river rather than paddling in the still waters of the canal and climbed up the inn’s fire escape for views of rooftops and a rising moon. Nearer home, we noted the emergence of spring flowers and the first honeybee of the year, but suspected the snowdrop it harvested was an alien species. I’d already spotted tree buds across the valley and crocuses in our window box, but hadn’t seen the veritable field invading next door’s garden. Exhausted and stressed from all the dodging, I collapsed on the sofa. At least I got out of the house. I only hoped we weren’t infected by the horde of Covidiots! Recovering with coffee, I edited photos and wrote a haigaii.
17.5m (a third of the adult population) had received at least 1 jab. While the Metro predicted we’d be inoculated by mid-March, the government now said it would be mid-April for the over 55’s. Easyjet announced virtual lessons for 7-10 year olds as part of the Amy Johnson initiative. The Good Law Project had started a case against The Scumbag’s mates Public Front, awarded focus group contracts. The ex-aide predictably denied cronyism. The Cock subsequently appeared on Marr to gainsay a High Court ruling that there was a lack of transparency when giving contracts to tory chums and lied about the wonderful job they did of supplying the NHS with PPE at the start of the pandemic. “People can make up their own minds.” Err, we have, you knobhead! You must think we have goldfish brains! David Lammy decried giving contracts to mates and the local pub landlord as resembling a banana republic. The Cock admitted to uncertainty over the effectiveness of vaccines against the SA variant. One case found in Brentwood, Essex, surge testing started. As Israeli bars opened, ‘green passes’ had to be shown to gain entry. A few clues on the exit road map for England emerged , but that would have to wait…
“His mind was engaged in a warfare of the gods. His mind paced outwards over no-man’s land, over the fields of the slain, paced to the rhythm of the blood’s red bugles” (Mervyn Peake)
It Will End In Tiers
Haiga – Fall Road i
Orangey pink suffused the bedroom on a bitterly cold Monday morning. Phil cooked porridge for breakfast to warm us up but as he had to go back to the kitchen for missing items, I feared it would freeze. No internet meant no morning metro. He amused me doing dinosaur impressions complete with tiny arms. Since I couldn’t post blogs, I worked on the next part of the journal. Inevitably, the editing made my eyes go funny. In the afternoon, I went for a small top-up shop. Although I’d enjoyed Phil’s hot lunch of egg, beans and spam fritters, it meant a stacked draining board awaited, making cleansing groceries tricky. I huffed, puffed and collapsed on the sofa. Phil huddled by the radiator to ease his arthritis so I dismissed the idea of giving him a hard time to commiserate with his pain. As usual, I got no rest during my siesta, but felt lovely and cosy in bed.
Oxford University/AstraZeneca proclaimed their jab a ‘vaccine for the world’, commendably provided not-for-profit to developing countries. Apparently 70% effective if given in 2 full doses, but 90% if given in a half dose then a full dose – how did that work? The government had ordered enough to vaccinate 50m people in the UK with 4m already in government storage, but it wasn’t even licensed yet! Boris promised MP’s an end to the national lockdown on 2nd December. Nationwide, non-essential shops, hairdressers and gyms would be allowed to open, but we’d all be in tiers again.
In tier 1, pubs could open, with a curfew and an hour drinking up time. In tier 2, there’d be no ‘wet pubs’ but eateries were allowed. In tier 3, only take-away and delivery was permitted. Kier called the strategy ‘risky’ as previously, the tier system led to areas drifting from one level to another and those in tier 3 seeing ‘no way out’. At the press conference, The Bumbler said many regions would be in higher tiers than before and wittered in his ridiculous metaphors: “(we) could now hear hooves as well as bugles coming over the hill,” but warned it would be months until everyone was vaccinated, and this was “the season to be jolly careful.” The Good Law project and Runnymede Trust sued Boris and The Cock for discrimination by appointing their crony mates to key Covid roles including Dildo, Kate Bigham and Mike Coupe (ex-Sainsburys’ boss). They called for a judicial review as fair competition rules were not followed, the jobs weren’t advertised, were unpaid thus not open to all, and breached the 2010 Equality Act – appointees were all white and able-bodied.
The Oxford Dictionary declared it impossible to select one ‘word of the year’ and listed 16. Not surprisingly, many were Covid-related including coronavirus, Covid-19, pandemic, superspreader, furlough, lockdown, moonshot, remote, staycation, unmute and zoombombing.
At the mercy of terrestrial telly in the evening, we watched Dispatches – Is Covid Racist? on Channel 4. The most startling revelations were that Filipino nurses were at scandalously high levels of risk in the early stages of the pandemic and 100% of doctors who died were black or minority ethnic. BMA surveys showed they were under more pressure to work in Covid wards with inadequate PPE. PHE found historic structural inequalities but the government denied racism. Cowardly Ministers declined to appear on the programme sending a mealy-mouthed statement instead. Dr Ronx Ikharia concluded there were uncomfortable issues to address that must be faced up to.
Phil complained about the amount of news and current affairs we’d viewed. “It’s not my fault we can’t watch escapist nonsense with no internet, is it?”
On a grey Tuesday, I texted my walking friend for an update. Required to wear full PPE including a visor, all she could see when working was a reflection of her own face. (I was later relieved to hear it didn’t say ‘face shield’ on it). I sympathised and asked her to keep me posted. I worked on the journal, then ‘Maple Leaves’ collage and declared it finished. Later in the week, I applied a coat of PVA and weighed it down with heavy books to seal it. I meant to do yoga in the afternoon but with no energy, I spent time in bed reading and trying to get warm, before a spot of guitar in the evening.
Having been assured they were fixing our phone line, it turned out they lied- putting the job on a list doesn’t mean fixing it! They then told Phil it was being done the next day, meaning they hadn’t even started. “That’s outrageous!” I exclaimed. “What if you’re old, live alone and don’t have a mobile?” “Don’t worry,” he assured me, “I’ve shouted very quietly at them and put in a claim for the 5 days of no phone or internet.”
Look North reported on the Astra-Zeneca antibody trial; an alternative for those who couldn’t have a vaccine. As 70% of the population had to be immunised for efficacy, we discussed the issue of vaccine take-up. I thought the idea of not allowing travel without it was fair enough, if it could be implemented. After all, you already needed certain jabs to go to particular regions of the world. “The hippies can stay in their little hovels. Anyway, a lot of sceptics and ant-vaxxers might come round from an altruistic viewpoint. I’m more worried the government will screw it up: ‘Oops! It was stored in the wrong fridge. The dog ate it. Sorry!’”
Following a cobra meeting involving the devolved leaders, the UK-wide agreement on enabling family Christmas dinners was confirmed. Between 23-27 Dec, up to 3 households could mix, in homes, churches or outdoors, but not in hospitality venues, with travel across borders allowed. Why on earth had they made it so people had to travel on a Sunday when the next day was a bank holiday? Bad enough on the rails with weekend engineering, Shatts told us not to use trains due to restricted capacity and Simon Calder popped up to say Kings Cross would be closed from 24th December for a week. Cue road traffic mayhem! Bemused by ultra-cautious Wales agreeing to this ‘rule of 3’, Drakeford explained they’d had to find “a guided way to Christmas…(otherwise the) risk was very high that people would make up the rules.” Prof. Medley intoned: “we’re in a process…whereby the population’s risk of filling up the NHS is… being passed down to… individuals.” Prof. Hayward said it was: “throwing fuel on the Covid fire,” adding we were in ”danger of snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.” As most opinion polls showed the majority of people didn’t think it was worth the risk with vaccines on the horizon, we observed that the call for a ‘normal’ Christmas was whipped up by TV news presenters already donning reindeer antlers: “bunch of babies!”
On the eve of Rishi Rich’s spending review, Mayor Burnman warned the north faced an economic crisis worse than the 1980’s. Trump instructed his team to make ready for Biden but denied that meant he had lost and vowed to continue legal fights.
The Big Freeze
Straggly Thyme
Wednesday, work on the journal became difficult. I needed the internet to fill in news gaps and fact-check. We set off on the shopping expedition to the next town, postponed from the previous week.
Astounded at the price of the bus fare, we hoped it would be worthwhile. On the journey, we chatted to an old pub mate. He asked why he’d not seen any apple pictures on Facebook recently. I told him about the internet issues and how disgusting it was taking 5 days to fix it. “Yeah. I’m elderly and live alone. It would be awful.” The larger town market was even worse than ours, with only 3 stalls occupied. The indoor Market Hall was a better prospect. A purveyor of what we called ‘posh nosh’ was back. Due to health reasons, he’d stopped trading outdoors. “Our Sunday Market’s not the same without you.” I told him. “Well, it’s not the same full stop.” Phil wryly added. We availed ourselves of tasty local pies. The excellent café where we’d normally have bargainous all-day breakfasts displayed a sign for take-away chicken burgers. “Other burgers are available” a customer helpfully told us. “Thanks mate but it’s too late.” We sat in the community garden to eat among long shadows, nibbled brassica and straggly thyme obscured by leaf fall. Phil developed a headache as I headed to B&M. “You don’t need to come in with me.” “But I might miss something!” He made a bee-line for more spam.
In Lidl, we got some of the goodies we sought but the German speciality section was nowhere near as good as it used to be. A staple of festivities since childhood when my maternal granddad sent a box straight from the Nuremberg factory, I couldn’t have Christmas without the traditional treats. Imagine my horror at the stollen now in a luxury box at twice the price, and no spekulatius! Already fraught by the time we got home, I got a sharp pain in my lower back when sorting groceries, suggesting a pulled muscle. His headache persisted and he explained the trials of his brain resolving vision issues with his bad eyes. What a pair we made! On the plus side, we had internet. I caught up on news and deleted a pile of e-mail junk.
Rishi’s spending review started with the headlines ‘economic emergency’ and ‘deepest recession for 300 year’. In fact, 1709 was the year of the big freeze. There was a Public Sector pay freeze excepting NHS staff and those on less than £24k who would get an insulting extra £250. Dodds said: “The chancellor… clapped for key workers. Today (he) institutes a pay freeze for many of them. In contrast, there has been a bonanza for those who have won contracts… wasted and mismanaged public finance on an industrial scale… (and) takes a sledgehammer to consumer confidence.”
A plethora of unions decried the pay freeze. Rehan Azam, of GMB said (Rishi was) “on a collision course with public sector workers… we fought the public sector pay cap before and we busted it.” Mark Serwotka,of PCS and Mick Cash of RMT predicted industrial action. Meanwhile, Gail Cartmail of Unite called the £250 for the lower paid: “insulting, and compares badly with the inflated sums the government has wasted on PPE contracts for those with links to the Tory establishment.”
The living wage was going up 2.2%, there would be a £3bn ‘restart’ for the unemployed plus more dosh for Jobcentres and £4bn for ‘levelling up’ projects with a National Infrastructure Bank based in the north. £555bn would be spent on Covid in 2021; £18bn for PPE, tests and vaccines. What was the rest for? Rich tories? Overseas aid was cut from 0.7 to 0.5% of GDP, breaking a manifesto pledge. Baroness Sugg resigned saying it was ‘fundamentally wrong’, Justin Welby called it ‘shameful’ and Malala Yousafzai feared for girls’ education. Scathing attacks came from ex-PM’s Cameron, Major, Blair and Brown.
NAO reported £10bn wasted due to a lack of PPE supplies at the start of the plague. At PMQs, Keir asked for transparency on the waste of public money on useless equipment. The Cock told workers to stop ‘soldiering on’ when they were sick: “( the British are) peculiarly unusual for going into work when unwell.”
Vaccine hopes helped airline share prices soar and from 15th December, quarantine could be reduced if travellers paid for a test that came back clear. P&O Cruises cancelled sailings until April 2021 due to ‘uncertainty around European ports of call’.
In The Hands Of The Gods
Maple Leaves Collage
I arose feeling iffy on a misty Thursday but soldiered on. Phil again made porridge, leaving a nasty pan to wash and the gas ring on which got me riled. Controversial legendary footballer Diego Maradona died the previous day. Metro stole the show with their ‘in the hands of god’ headline. Belatedly posting the week’s blogs took ages, leaving time for little else. In the evening we viewed some much-missed escapism on Prime before reverting to current affairs. Justine Greening appeared on Newscast calling the government too short-sighted. Ex-ministers were always wise after the fact, weren’t they?
An update on the tiers from 2nd Dec confirmed 99% of England’s population would be in the higher tiers. Only Cornwall, the Isle of Wight and the aptly named Scilly Isles would be in tier 1. Predictably, London was in tier 2 but at least Liverpool dropped from tier 3 to 2 due to sterling efforts. Manchester and all of Yorkshire except for North Yorks were in tier 3. The government promised an MP vote next week and a review on 16th December. The postcode checker went live before the official announcement, causing chaos and the website to crash. Referencing the clearly coloured map of the country, Phil asked: “why do you need the postcode checker? You’d have to be an idiot to not know what area you live in!”
Pubs said it was their ‘darkest moment’ as Mitchells & Butlers announced 1,300 job losses (affecting All Bar One, Harvester and Toby Carvery – was that still a thing?) On Look North, Peter Kelly of PHE said while Leeds and Sheffield had lower infection rates than London, hospitals were under more pressure. Was that due to capacity, I wondered, and what about Nightingale hospitals? Curious, I researched the tier criteria, which were: number of infections overall, number of infections in the over 60’s, the rate at which cases went up or down, the number of positive tests, and pressure on the NHS.
But I didn’t find an answer to what on earth Prof. Kelly referred to as ‘the council of councils’. “That sounds a bit Gormenghast!”
Still feeling ropy Friday, I also had bad guts. Moaning at the injustice, I skipped morning exercise. I had a cheeky look at Oxfam Black Friday deals and asked Phil oblique questions to ascertain if an antique camera was worth the asking price. It wasn’t. That saved me a few quid! The co-op was very busy but manageable. Phil caught up with me in the seasonal aisle where I again searched surreptitiously for possible gifts. As he had a coupon for £5 off if he spent £50, we loaded the trolley with extra wine. After lunch, I spotted my elderly next-door neighbour with another woman hovering near the wall. I stood on the threshold to chat. They were assessing her garden for a possible spruce-up. Following a heart op early in the year and extended convalescence, she looked much better and said she felt it too. She was of course mystified by Phil’s cyber-jobs.
Sage gave the R rate as 0.9-1 but said infections and deaths were still high. How did that reconcile? Minister Jenrick suggested some areas might go down the tiers on 16th December, but Prof. John Edmunds warned it was too soon. Gains of the Welsh firebreak were ‘eroded’ leading to new restrictions and NI started one of their own, to last 2 weeks.
Overnight cold persisted into Saturday, and mist obscured any daylight. With no inclination to go outdoors, I finished editing the journal, cleaned the bathroom, and watched lots of telly, joking about ‘Brexit Box’ in the ad breaks. “Soon, that will be all we can watch,” predicted Phil. After dinner, we watched films and drank red wine.
Sunday, we both slept very late. “That’s red wine for you!” Attempting to dress and breakfast quickly, the old bread had gone mouldy meaning I had to wrangle a new loaf out of its wrapper. With no hope of sourcing decent veg by that time, the idea of going to the market was abandoned. Instead, Phil went to the co-op and used another coupon for free roast spuds. We discovered they didn’t save any time and looked raw, well after the recommended cooking time, while the accompanying pies were burnt. Bizarrely, it all tasted good. I fetched angel chimes and advent candles from the attic – yes; that time of year already!
Rabid Raab on Marr said we risked a third wave if MPs didn’t vote for the tiers and hinted that regions might split to better reflect varying infection rates. To further ameliorate revolting backbenchers, Boris wrote to them promising that tiers would be reviewed every 2 weeks, some regions could move down a tier from 16th December, another MP vote at the end of January, to publish evidence on which decisions were based, and a ‘sunset’ clause of 3rd February. Negotiating with nature again, he’d obviously been listening to The Oracle of Manchester (aka a woman interviewed in the street) who announced it would all be over by Easter. The government ordered 2m extra Moderna vaccines. Amidst an ever-more confusing picture, 7 brands were on order in total, none yet licensed*. So much for roll-out from 1st December. It was all too late for Dave Prowse, of Green Cross Code and Darth Vader fame, who died of Covid-19.
Covid dreams returned. That night, I had one suggesting it was wise to keep social distancing but not worry too much about cleanliness. That wouldn’t stop the incessant washing of hands and food though!
*Note: Full list of vaccines on order by the UK government: 1. Oxford University/Astra-Zeneca 2. Moderna 3. Pfizer/Biontech 4. Novavax 5. Valneva 6. GSK/Zanofi 7. Janssen.
Debilitation continued for most of the following week. I spent most of the time in bed, only venturing down occasionally. Phil also still felt rubbish but kept me fed and watered. Monday, a watery sun peeked between grey clouds, signifying rain was on the way. As the leaves on the trees turned from orange to brown, I was glad I’d captured them on camera before the inevitable fall. Among the writing and blog-posting, I unusually slept briefly in the afternoon which was nice.
Only 11% of people told to self-isolate by TIT did so. It was suggested police get details of flouters from DoH and issue fines. The BMA said it would deter people from getting tested. Wales announced a ‘firebreak lockdown’ from Friday for 2 weeks, officially cancelling Halloween and Bonfire night. Barnier agreed to ‘intensified talks on legal texts’ of the Brexit agreement. What did that mean? Newsnight included an analysis of Kier, declaring him a man of mystery. Diane Abbot blamed his mum for instilling a vision of pre-destination by calling him Kier. A more interesting section featured Margaret Calvert, designer of the road signage. Never giving it much thought before, the clear simplicity struck me as amazing. Subsequent additions hadn’t met the high art standard of her work, particularly the stunted horses and frogs.
Tuesday morning, I awoke from a good sleep to the sound of traffic in the rain, lulling me back into a gentle doze. However, this didn’t help in the debilitation stakes and I remained in bed. Phil went to the co-op for a top-up shop and found a fresh cream cake in the reduced section. Obviously intended to cheer me up, I’d planned a day of healthy snacking but felt compelled to eat it before it soured. “How awful, being forced to eat cream cake.” He laughed. It’s a hard life!
440 people lost their lives to Covid-19 in the previous week, now doubling every week. Awaiting pistols at High Noon, the deadline for Manchester came and went. With no agreement, tier 3 restrictions were imposed, effective from midnight Thursday with only £22m extra, towards local TIT and protecting the vulnerable. GMC said they needed 90m, but would settle for the ‘bare minimum’ of 65m. The government offer of £60m was perhaps churlishly turned down by Burnman who said Boris promised ‘levelling up’ when residents of the red wall voted Tory in the last election, but this was ‘levelling down.’ Even Young Conservatives berated the government for betraying the north. Meanwhile, South Yorks agreed a deal for tier 3, to come into force at 12.01 a.m. Saturday and Ireland announced a 4-week lockdown from midnight Wednesday, aka level 5 of a ‘framework for living with the virus.’
In an idiotic call to business leaders, Boris left after 15 minutes and The Glove-Puppet said leaving the EU was “like moving house.” Capitalists were unimpressed. When would they learn The Bumbler wasn’t up to the job? All he could do was waffle and not back up his hyperbole with concrete action, let alone any strategic planning for life after Brexit.
Black Holes and Revelations
Supermassive Black Hole
I woke several times during the night and eventually gave up on proper sleep on a wet Wednesday, simultaneously fatigued, achy, sneezy, and burpy. Nevertheless, I made a big effort to bathe and dress in time for the Ocado delivery. Able to return bags for the first time since March, I was instructed to put them into 1 single bag. “How many can you squash in there?” asked Phil. The driver then stuffed them into another clean bag. “Bags in a bag in a bag,” I quipped.
By the time we’d sorted the shopping, it was lunchtime. Exhausted by the chore, I took a sandwich back to bed and bemoaned my plight of a spending another week and a half of my life being ill.
On the anniversary of Spanish Flu arriving in Britain in 1918, Keir confronted Boris at PMQs, asking what was the exit strategy for tier 3 areas? Was it related to the R rate? No answer. Metro revealed that the government bypassed Burnman by offering dosh separately to each of the Manchester metro leaders. Bolton was the first to say yes. Marcus Rashford’s petition led to a Labour motion on free dinners for kids during half-term. It Failed to pass, as only a handful of tory backbenchers voted yes. Channelling the SWP, Angela Rayner called a fellow GMC MP ‘scum’. She was right but shouldn’t have said it out loud. She later apologised. Debate on Jeremy Vine the next morning led to us discussing how the benefits system was carefully designed to not be enough to live on. Tory scum either didn’t know this or chose to ignore it when they wittered on about how ‘generous’ it was. In the wake of the debacle, Rashford, fast becoming an icon, divulged information on which MPs voted against the motion and where to get free food. Cafes and councils across the nation stepped in, as did Leeds United, making the government look like a right bunch of c…ts. Over the weekend, pressure mounted as paediatricians joined the call and rival footballer Rahim Sterling founded a charity to help disadvantaged kids.
In what the Daily Mail called a ‘farcical session of the commons home affairs committee’, Police Chief in charge of the pandemic, Owen Weatherkill, revealed he didn’t understand the rules in the different tiers as it was too confusing. Proving his point, he seemed unaware that indoor mixing was banned under tier 2, as did Lancs Police Chief Andy Toads: “The big one for me moving from tier 2 to 3 is your household not mixing with others inside ….” Chair Yvette Coop pointed out mixing indoors was banned in both tiers.
The valley looked fuzzy on Thursday as mizzle obscured the hills. I still felt ill and depressed but had to clean the bedroom. I only managed the bare minimum before exhaustion took over. Following refreshments, I did some work on my novel but had to stop with another bout of fatigue – it would take 10 years to write at this rate! Phil again insisted on doing the catering. I perked up after dinner and settled on the sofa to watch a telly film. But as my sore throat returned and my temperature rose, I had to go back to bed.
TIT still got worse week on week, with a record low of 59.6% people reached, when 101,000 positive tests were reported. Labour called it an ‘interstellar-sized black hole’. Did they mean supermassive? Figures from regions suggested local teams reached 94.8% and York started their own. On Newscast, ex-chancellor George Osborne incredibly claimed the NHS hadn’t been underfunded when he was in charge and took no responsibility for the unpreparedness of hospitals at the start of the pandemic – splutter! Coventry joined other West Mid towns in tier 2. Rishi Rich dished out more dosh for tier 2 areas; JSS extended to cover all jobs, not just ‘viable’ ones; staff now only had to work 20% of their normal hours to get 73% pay (or 1 day a week), and employers only had to pay 5%. Also, £2,200 per month was offered to businesses affected by shorter hours, back-dated to the start of local restrictions. Critics accused him of only extending the earlier offer now that London had gone into tier 2. He promised tier 3 measures were temporary but gave no timescale. Apparently unbeknown to our local leaders, government discussed West Yorks moving up to tier 3. Not reported on Look North, they concentrated on South Yorks, making us wonder anew about the obsession with soft play areas; must be big business in those parts. Maureen, a Barnsley councillor, became the Brenda of the pandemic saying “I don’t give a sod.” (about lockdown).
Friday marked the anniversary of creation, in 4004 BC, according to Archbishop James Usher. “He did the maths,” said Phil, “making everyone well gel hence coming up with all those other theories such as evolution, the creation of black holes and the big bang”. Both still ailing, I spent the day in bedtweaking the journal and the evening watching films.
Croeso I Gymru
Croeso I Gymru
Ahead of the Welsh lockdown that night, last-minute clarification came from the First Minister that supermarkets could only sell essential items. Shopping trolley police on standby!
The row rumbled on over the weekend. The devolved administration insisted stopping supermarkets selling non-essentials was ‘a matter of fairness’ (to small shops). As Tesco cordoned off tampons, they then said the rules were being misinterpreted and were intended to prevent people spending too long in the supermarket – make your mind up!
Fright Night films at Chester FC were cancelled as the cinema screen was in England but the loos in Wales. Heddlu gave notice that they would stringently enforce the border. With Halloween and Bonfire Night already looking dicey in England, Sage bod John Edmunds warned a normal Christmas was “wishful thinking.”
Bright Night
Haiga – Changeling i
I’d started to feel better Saturday but still achy and very cold so after breakfast, I tucked myself back in bed and played around with ideas on the laptop, including a haiga. By 4 o’clock, I was recovered enough to venture down again for a pleasant session of eating, drinking and films.
Mind you, I retired much earlier than usual, even without factoring in the extra hour due to the end of BST. The advantage of this was being up at a reasonable hour on a sunny Sunday. Phil forgot the clocks went back and also surfaced earlier than normal.
Being housebound for 2 weeks and eager to see trees other than those out the window before the lovely colours fell off, I suggested a short walk to a favourite woodland always gorgeous in autumn.
On the main road, we noted leaves already on the ground, soggy due to the rain. A group of young mountain bikers straddling the pavement moved aside for us and exchanged cheery words. Turning up a lane, we found a shortcut to the wood, where the rocks matched the trees, smudged in green, red, orange and copper. Microsoft ICE cobbled together an inaccurate panorama, that captured the mood of the scene. A locked gate meant we were unable to take our usual shortcut through a posh garden and were forced to climb up a horrid stony path. The lane at the top was very busy with walking groups. We tarried near the wall where tiny moss worlds grew, before continuing up. Phil complained the incline never ended. “That’s right,” I told him, “it goes right up to the sky!” We proceeded into the next village for a rare pub visit. I took a table outside while he went in to order pints, brought out by the daughter of a friend. She’d left her previous job after 16 years and I asked why. “Just needed a change.” Phi had trouble scanning his card so donned the mask again to pay inside – at least they took cash too unlike some places
Supping the beer, my hands got cold and I was glad of the gloves in my pocket. Grey clouds threatened rain, then they parted and it became bright again, albeit with not much daylight left. The ale went right through me, thus It was my turn for the palaver of face-coverings to go to the loo. We walked back quickly before twilight. In the longer night, a wobbly moon set behind the trees atop the hills.
Watching the news, we realised we had been very lucky with the weather. The rest of the UK had suffered more rain while the valley remained dry for once. Coppers told a Manchester pub that a large slice of pizza didn’t qualify as a ‘substantial meal.’ Since when were they dinner police? With only 11% complying, a reduction in self-isolation advice was being considered, to 10 or 7 days – where was The Science to back that up? Spain was the first European nation to reach over 1m cases, and introduced a state of emergency until May! Italy opted for a looser lockdown; table service would stop at 6, gyms would shut, and people discouraged to move around, leading to a violent protest in Rome. A group of 7 ‘violent’ Stowaways tried to hijack the Nave Andromeda, a ship anchored near the IOW. After a 10-hour stand-off, the SBS intervened to rescue the crew.
Tired from the walk, I couldn’t sleep that night. Brightness had returned, prompting me to peep through the curtains. Stars twinkled in the deep indigo sky, accompanied by the distinctive red dot of Mars.
The Corvus Diaries 