“The PM has repeatedly shown he is unable to uphold (British) values and the reaction of the public at St Paul’s showed they know it too” (Lucy Powell)
Imperial Nonsense
The wee hours of 1st June, I dreamt of sitting in an ambulance wearing a face-mask. Odd having a covid dream after so long, was it a premonition of another wave? OneDrive did 500,000 ‘processes’. No idea what the heck they were, Phil managed to stop them so I could use the laptop. Bank statements revealed my benefit increased mid-April by a mega £3.50 a week – not even enough for a pint! Putting stuff in cupboards, a small pot fell out to land in the cafetiere. Another one bites the dust! Thank god for the spare.
In his annual report, Lord Geidt said whether Boris’ fine broke the ministerial code, was a ‘legitimate question’. The Bumbler replied he took full responsibility, had apologised to The House, there was no intent to break rules, paying a FPN wasn’t a criminal offence and quitting over ‘miserable’ Partygate was irresponsible amid ‘huge pressure’ on the economy, war and a ‘massive agenda’ he was elected to deliver. Did he mean Brexit? Rabid Raab insisted a confidence vote wasn’t imminent. Lisa Nandy called it ‘a damning indictment’ of the PMs leadership: “that successive ethics advisers…feel they can’t trust (his) integrity…This is a government that is rotten to the core, that the rot (sic) starts from the top.” Airport chaos worse during half-term, Tui cancelled 200 Manchester flights. Sharon Graham said aviation bosses slashing wages and sacking staff during the pandemic, got rich on high profits and low pay. Reaping what they’d sown, they should hang their heads in shame. Quite! Why book people on holidays they couldn’t get to? In defence, Airlines UK said they didn’t know exactly when all restrictions would be lifted nor how much travel would be possible by summer. Raab demanded airlines, airports and ground handlers met him to discuss over-booking and ill-preparedness. Dreadful Doris announced Bradford as UK City of Culture 2025. Maybe they’d clean up the Odeon and fill in the big hole for the festival of dire youff poetry.
Sun tempted me to don the new dress and open windows Thursday. News stopped for Platty Joobs, we joked the so-called pageant would be the largest handmade parade in history, remembered jubblys (still available) and invented retro 1950’s dishes such as jubilee potato – just potato. YouGov found only 9% of young people thought the royals relevant. Nevertheless, we broke the rule of no lunchtime telly for the flypast. Definitely the highlight of the day’s celebrations with all the planes and helicopters, Queenie with selected family on Buck House’s balcony, seemed impressed by the forming of a ‘70’ in the sky. Enough nonsense, I hung washing out. The Woman Next Door assured me it wouldn’t rain but the day didn’t live up to the billing of wall-to-wall sunshine. Increasingly convinced the forecast was a conspiracy, maybe I shouldn’t have told her that! The only sign of royalism in the co-op a woman wearing a cheap t-shirt emblazoned with ‘happy jubilee’, Phil found an infestation of red gammons in town. They didn’t need sun, just beer! Making a courgette and lemon cake was easy except I grated my thumb knuckle. Icing it the next day, I wished I’d remembered the unopened Sicilian lemon essence earlier.
Oldies at a Jeremy Vine jubilee party Friday, I guffawed at an engrossed Phil but agreed their reminiscences were sociologically interesting. Putting the telly back on for St Paul’s chimes, we mistimed it to see Boris speaking. He and Carrie got booed going to the thanksgiving service. Too much after the excitement of the flypast, Queenie missed it. Justin Welby and Randy Andy missed it as they had covid – ha! ha! We left the bells ringing for 4 hours to visit a favoured clough. Coming back, we found a roll of old maps at a street corner and the town centre chocka; like any weekend except for the odd bit of bunting and flags in shop windows creating a patriotic enclave near the micro pub (see Cool Placesi).
A consultation began on restoring the crown to pint glasses and pounds and ounces in shops. Chris Philp ((aka American Psycho Patrick Bateman) said imperial measures were universally understood and would bring ‘a bit of our national culture and heritage back on the top shelf’. Alicia Kearns called it a load of imperial nonsense, Asda boss Lord Rose called it ‘utter nonsense’, National Market Traders Fed said it’d just create hassle and historian Mary Beard termed the debate a ‘nostalgia war’. Harry Styles at number 1, the Sex Pistols didn’t get in the top 10. We didn’t bother digging out those Stuff The Jubilee badges! 100 days since the invasion, Russia controlled 1/5 of Ukraine. Uncle Joe pledged more weapons and urged a change in US gun laws after mass shootings in May killed Texan primary schoolkids.
Saturday, we investigated the route of Younger Brothers’ sponsored Leeds-Liverpool canal bike ride next weekend. Doubting we’d be up on time to cheer him, Phil was keen to visit the wonder of the ‘straight mile’ sometime. The smattering of stalls and displays at the art launch rather underwhelming, it did include our crossings workshop poems.
We had a bash at Tetra Pak printing with The Printer. No tracing option, I called over to my old drawing teacher nearby: “You know how rubbish my drawing is!” She chuckled. Using styli, I etched a lopsided butterfly and Phil a very detailed bee, the antenna drooping as he ran out of space. He again whinged kids’ efforts were better, especially Ben The Caterpillar. We washed ink off our hands and wandered up the riverside.
Rippling with colour, tiny bugs with transparent wings hid on leafy stems; only visible on zoomed-in photos. Surprised to see the crap market on, we battled through a packed square to ask for lavender oil at the aromatherapy stall. The price almost doubled in 2 years, I gave it a miss. We found a few bargains in convenience stores, browsed the new witch bookshop (aka Harry Potter emporium) and waylaid an erstwhile pub mate going to a trad pub for a Jive Bunny disco.
Phil’s back pain worse Sunday, I thought it maybe from hunching over the etching or going out the house 2 days running. Cold, grey and damp, we stayed in. 20 years ago we might have gone for Gin and Pimm’s at the canalside pub before nicking cake at the parish church garden party. More sedate these days, I wrote a haigaii and tackled the landing. Planning to clean the rug, by the time I’d hoovered and rebuilt a tripod storage basket which predictably collapsed, I was knackered. A blissfully unaware Phil didn’t hear the clattering and swearing! Sleep mediocre, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a decent night.
Shats told Sophie Raworth other countries had airport staff shortages. Nowt to do with Brexit, there’d be no special visas for foreign workers. Touring with Jeff Beck, a ‘humble’ Johnny Depp spent £50,000 on a Brummie curry. After 4 days’ hard toadying by her subjects, Queenie appeared on Buck House’ balcony. Saying she was ‘humbled’, took the biscuit! Lucy Powell wrote in The Guardian that as labour captured British values, cherished institutions and believed our best days were ahead, they enshrined patriotic principles more than tories. Short-term ‘red meat’ policies like selling Channel 4 and reverting to imperial measures, diminished our global reputation, cost jobs and denied us ‘moments of togetherness’. Grimsby Town returned to league football and Wales beat Ukraine to reach the world cup. A jubilant Gareth Bale said the ‘crazy journey’ was ‘literally what dreams are made of’.
Monday mostly spent on admin, I thanked The Researcher for posting my takeover blog and discovered the main Crossings expo was at the town hall next Saturday, for one day only until it moved elsewhere. Why such short notice? I read a letter from NHS pensions and registered to access details online. Unsure if getting the paltry amount now would affect my benefit, I rang and spoke to a nice Geordie. He didn’t know but clarified I could draw on it anytime after my next birthday. As it would go up with inflation, I decided to leave it ‘til I really needed it, which might not be long the way things were going!
Thousands stranded by cancelled flights at the end of half-term and Platty Joobs, those who made it back faced Yorkshire bus and London tube strikes. Jesse Norman published his letter to Boris saying the Gray report showed he ‘presided over a culture of casual law-breaking’ and to describe himself as ‘vindicated’ was ‘grotesque’. He also lambasted the Rwanda policy, selling channel 4, the ‘foolhardy and illegal’ Northern Ireland policy, banning noisy protests and no ‘sense of mission’. In letters to the 1922 committee, MPs cited the St Pauls booing and jitters before 2 byelections. Some post-dated until after the long weekend, the threshold of 54 was reached. Hoping to ‘draw a line’ under it, Boris wrote to all his MPs and addressed the committee before the evening’s confidence vote. He won by a mere 68. As reporters stupidly stood in Downing Street at teatime, they ignored a woman in a taffeta dress posing at the shiny door and in the evening, Bella Ciao blasting in the background. Pressure Drop Brewery reduced staff work time from 5 to 4 days for the same pay. ONS reckoned UK coronavirus restrictions led to £140bn ‘forced savings’. I bet tories hated that! Twitter failing to supply fake account info, Elon Musk threatened to pull out of the deal.
Waking with a claggy throat Tuesday, I moped and almost stayed abed but didn’t. Opening a pack of coffee, I discovered Ocado sent beans instead of granules. Grinding them tedious, I dossed with a cuppa and started draft-posting the journal before going to the co-op. Previously just grabbing essential milk, I red shelf labels to note a 4-pinter was almost ½ price by volume. How had I missed that money saver?
Heartless tory Brendan Clark-Smith moaned to Jeremy Vine that people used ‘personal tragedy’ to try ousting the PM. Speculation continuing on his future, Boris thanked cabinet for their support and vowed to get on with the people’s business, level up, cut government spending and taxes. He told them to look at ways to reduce costs and drive reform. PAC reported Levelling Up decisions gambled taxpayers’ money on slogans. Will Haigh likened the PM to a mad pilot who’d locked himself in the cockpit and being inducted into the Order of the Bath, Pat Vallance was ‘disappointed’ by the rule-flouting. Labour urged The House to vote for committee for standards in public life recommendations giving Geidt powers to initiate investigations into ministerial code breaches. 79 migrants brought ashore, 10,000 made dodgy channel crossings so far this year. Russia in control of ½ Donbas, Vlod said ‘heroic’ defence of the region continued. Calling him a concrete friend to Ukraine, he was jubilant Boris survived the confidence vote. Talks failing, RMT announced another tube strike 21st June and the first national action in 30 years affecting Network Rail and 13 TOCs on 3 days later in June. Monkeypox became a notifiable disease.
Downward Spiral
Overnight indigestion persisting into Wednesday, I exercised through discomfort, moved tons of clothes (drying ridiculously slowly for June) and vacuumed the living room, finding an easter chick beneath the sofa and a wine stain on the throw. On the front bench at PMQs, Trussed-Up Liz resembled a corpse. Saying the confidence vote showed his own party loathed the PM, Angela Eagle asked if they didn’t trust him, why should we? Boris harped on about those imaginary high-wage, high-skilled jobs. Ian Blackford referenced Monty Python’s Black Knight: ‘it’s only a flesh wound’. Rather than laying into the PM, Keir dwelt on the NHS’s GP shortage, decrepit buildings, waiting times and ambulances arriving after patients died. I hated to agree with Boris that the line of attack wasn’t working. Goblin Saj later waded into a row on NHS Digital removing the word ‘woman’ from advice on cervical and ovarian cancer. As if there weren’t bigger things to worry about! Costs spiralling out of control, the HS2 West Coast mainline link was cancelled, thus rendering the project an expensive Brummie commuter line. Esther McVey wanted it scrapped altogether.
I posted a journal entry and again baffled by the short notice, shared a Crossings expo poster attached to an e-mail. Fatigue, aches and pains mitigated against a planned trip to Shopping Town but Phil wanted gentle back exercise. Strolling down the street, he photographed doors. A neighbour entered her house as he took a snap. “Do you like my door?” Noting the lovely entrance tiles, she asked did he want another pic? “No, just the door!” She didn’t think we were nuts at all!
We wandered terraced backstreets for more doors and spectacular grasses until needing refreshment, we got pop from the shop and sat on the riverside. On the way back, we chatted over the wall to New Gran drinking outside the corner pub, about jubilee weekend antics and her recent birthday. Having disappeared from her profile, I wasn’t sure of the exact date.
UK GDP stagnating, the OECD growth forecast dropped to 3.64% for 2022 and 0% for 2023. Minimum pricing in Scotland backfired as drinkers stinted on food to buy alcohol. Was that what pub-goers round here did? Network Rail contingency planning, the RMT said they were open to ‘meaningful discussions’. Admitting a vacancy freeze, TfL insisted there’d be no redundancies or pension changes. The WTO warned of a global food crisis due to the blockade. The UN held talks in Turkey for a grain corridor and Russia demanded Ukraine removed mines first.
Shopping on Thursday, even reduced stuff was beyond budget. I wasn’t surprised hard-up families skipped meals, according to charities. I jested with My Mate at the till that Phil’s back problem conveniently meant he couldn’t carry shopping. On the way back, 3 geese waddled down the road with a pair of adorable fluffy yellow goslings. Unconsciously exclaiming ‘aww!’ I observed nobody else stopped to look – miserable gits!
Speaking in Blackpool, Boris maintained we couldn’t spend our way out of the cost of living crisis and higher wages would push up prices, leading to a 1970’s-style spiral of stagflation. Unions decried abandonment of the high-wage, high-skilled economy pledge. The latest wheeze to shore up support was extending ‘right to buy’. Including housing associations, housing benefit could be used to pay off or apply for mortgages, with a ‘help to buy ISA’ – good luck saving a deposit on the crap interest rate! He vowed a house would be built for everyone sold. Not the 30,000 formerly promised, Keir cited a pilot in Small Heath where homes weren’t rebuilt as it cost more than what they sold for. The re-hashed plans ‘baffling, unworkable and a dangerous gimmick’, Shelter’s Polly Neafe predicted we’d be “stuck in the same destructive cycle of selling off and knocking down 1,000s more social homes than get built.” On QT, Psycho Bateman said every house sold meant a family off the waiting list. Care4Calais, Detention Action and PCSU* asked the high court for an injunction to stop the first Rwanda flight. Bonnie Prince Charlie called the policy ‘appalling’ and a caller to Jeremy Vine advocated unused boats intercept and process migrants in The Channel and blow them up! The case lost, an appeal was due Monday. Aslef drivers striking on different dates late June, TSSA balloted Avanti West Coast staff. PAC criticised DHSC for burning unused PPE from the start of the pandemic. Europe’s largest Spinosaurus was discovered on the Isle Of Wight.
Worried a headache presaged illness Friday morning, I minimised exercise and chores, posted a blog and managed an afternoon walk. We crossed to the church garden where one gosling slept and the other hid beneath an adult’s wing, before heading up to woods and farmland (see Cool Places). Coming back on the towpath, the Canal Dweller loudly declared he loved my Valley Life articles and a man resembling Dave Angel walked ahead of us, prompting a chorus of Moonlight Shadow.
Due to increased transmissibility of the 2 newest Omicron variants (BA.4 and BA.5), covid rates in England went up for the first time since April. Unable to wait for council tax rebate cheques to clear, the hard-up queued to cash them at pawnbrokers, losing £15 if not turned away. ONS found 52% used less domestic energy, 46%, bought less food and 40% made less non-essential car journeys – not such a bad thing. Minister Heather Wheeler apologised for calling Birmingham and Blackpool godawful places, saying the comment didn’t reflect her actual views.
About to leave the house Saturday, a sudden downpour necessitated the anorak. At the Crossings expo, we spoke to Drawing Teacher at the door and watched the photo slideshow. Overlong with too many from organisers, Phil fidgeted as we waited for mine appear. After seeing all but one, the laptop froze. We left Drawing Teacher and co-volunteers fiddling with it. The square packed with al fresco quaffers, I quipped: “the cost of living crisis biting hard!” Phil said it felt ominous. Did he mean the pub vibe? No, the air. Sure enough, another sharp shower descended. Finding the cake I made last weekend mouldy, I sulked. Phil fed the green stuff to crows and the pigeon squatters and bought one from the co-op to cheer me up.
Loud voices and a revving car woke me early Sunday. Brekkie should’ve been a breeze but a splattered tomato, broken egg, blinding sun and a crashing lid stressed me out. Phil came to the rescue. I insisted we prioritise incomplete chores that he offered to do Thursday, then edited photos, added to the ‘spring animals’ Facebook album, made one of orange and pink flowers and watched telly. Deciding we still liked Waterworld, we wondered if the film got panned 30 years ago because it was ahead of its time.
Commentators all agreeing everything was going to shit, CBI boss Tony Danker said households were going into recession this year; i.e., buying less shit. Leaked before publication Monday, the food strategy contained vague words like ‘initiative’ and ‘liaison’ and no direct interventions such as sugar tax. Getting us to eat venison was the only concrete idea. Schools were ‘deeply disappointed’ at no extension of free meals. 22% of kids eligible, Julie McCulloch of the Assoc. of School and College Leaders said poverty affected closer to 30%. McDonalds re-opened in Russia as Tasty: That’s It. In the US, demos demanded gun law changes to stop the murder of kids and Google engineer Blake Lemoine claimed his AI Lamda was sentient. It considered itself human and feared being turned off, comparing it to death. Accused of anthropomorphism, Lemoine was suspended, but what if he was right?
Relaxation techniques failing to distract me from tummy ache, I slept fitfully and still felt iffy on Monday. Hanging damp towels out in a breeze, neighbours sympathised with the travails of drying laundry in the unheated indoors. Tired from activity, I dossed before posting the haiga and writing. In the co-op later, I could hardly hear myself think – I’d forgotten how noisy it was after school! Using leftover lentils to make surprisingly good pâté, we reminisced about hippy cafés and Phil posted a 1970’s-style art.
The UK economy shrank in April for the second month in a row, further risking recession. The government blamed the negative -0.3% on covid recovery and extra spending. As the Northern Ireland protocol bill was published, Boris went to wear a Hi-Viz and drive a tractor at a farm in Hayle, Cornwall and Micheal Teashop called it a new low point. After all the palaver and whingeing last year, ALW sent a message to the last stage performance of Cinderella that it was a ‘costly mistake.’
After I wasted Tuesday morning applying hot water and defrosting spray to an ice lump in the fridge, Phil hacked it off. Going to the garden, I tripped over the empty dustbin left at the front door and waited for the window cleaner to move his hose, snaking round the corner, so I could put the bin back. I planted sprouted veg ends then attacked overgrown shrubs and creeping weeds. Warmer than it looked from inside, I was about to give up with a hot thirst when Phil emerged wearing a jacket. “Are you off somewhere?” “No.” Realising it wasn’t cold, he took it off and helped sweep debris. Yorkshire ostensibly the best place to see the full Strawberry Supermoon, it was so low here that it hid behind hills.
Wages fell 4.5% in the last quarter when 9% inflation was taken into account. Unemployment was up slightly but vacancies reached a record 1.3 million. 8.8 million inactive due to older workers retiring early during the pandemic, Jon Ashworth accused ministers of ‘utter complacency’. As persistent staff shortages fated airports to more chaos, DfT and CAA instructed airlines to cancel summer flights. Which? told the commons business committee the industry and government must jointly shoulder blame. Petrol at a record high 191.2p per litre, government pulled the plug on the electric car discount. Losing their appeal, Detention Action and PCSU called sending people to Rwanda before a full judicial review in July ‘scandalous’ and the UN High Commission for Refugees said it was ‘all wrong’. Judges assessing the move necessary to deter dangerous crossings could be construed as political. Boris cited criticism from Charlie and CofE grandees and reproached lawyers representing migrants for ‘abetting’ criminal gangs. Instead of the 100 deportations originally planned, Individual case hearings brought the figure down to 12, then 7 then 1. The ECHR stepped in to completely ground the Tuesday night flight to Kigali, saying before establishing legitimacy, there was no legal route back. Undeterred, Rwanda stood ready to welcome migrants and the UK started planning another flight. Two refugees later claimed to have been beaten up and dragged to the plane. Meanwhile, 440 arrived in dinghies. Whitby council banned second homes and the unearthed Blue Peter time capsule from 1981 was opened live on This Morning to reveal a pile of slime – slime capsule!
Coronation Chicken Kiev
The next day starting better than the last few, we made the twice-postponed trip to Shopping Town (see Cool Places 2iii). A shame we missed PMQs, as data showing the UK had the second lowest growth rate globally with only Russia worse, Keir went on the attack. He obviously took Rayner’s advice to ‘put more welly into it’! Boris was rebuked for claiming labour were on the side of people traffickers. Nasty Patel Believed the Rwanda plot was fully compliant with domestic and international obligations. Disappointed and surprised by the ECHR decision, she blamed the ‘usual suspects’ and the opposition for thwarting her efforts against the willy of the people. She told MPs prohibitions on flights to Kigali wasn’t an absolute bar and those ordered to be freed would be tagged while relocation was ‘progressed’. Furious tories called for secession from the meddling ECHR. Did they not know The Council of Europe was set up after WWII and had nowt to do with the EU? And I bet they didn’t mind the ECHR intervening in the case of captured Brits fighting in the Donbas sentenced to death! Yvette Coop called it ‘government by gimmick’. Yep, gimmicks for gammons! Lord Geidt resigned. Not saying why in a short public statement, a letter to Boris disclosed later, indicated the final straw wasn’t Partygate but being asked to offer a view on government measures risking ‘a deliberate and purposeful breach of the ministerial code’. Deemed to concern tariffs on Chinese steel, Phil thought it bogus. A fortnight later, government extended the tariffs for 2 years, against WTO rules. The EU triggered further legal action over the NI protocol. Maros Sefcovic said the UK’s unilateral act had ‘no legal nor political justification’. One of the biggest Anglo-Saxon burial sites was uncovered on the HS2 route. At least some good came out of the glorified commuter line!
Cleaning the bedroom Thursday, Phil crawled under the bed to screw a detached leg in place, despite his back. After hoovering, I worked on the journal and pegged bedding out. The Woman Next Door and a friend chatted on her doorstep then promptly went inside – did they fear eavesdropping? In the quiet co-op, my basket totalled just short to use a coupon. The cashier let me grab one more thing for a low-cost shop. I trudged home in blazing sun and persuaded Phil out to the garden. Clearing another debris pile, we observed the myriad life including what he called springtails. Sure they were to blame for my bites, he thought it unlikely as they were a kind of shrimp. Fatigued and overheated again, I lay down.
Expecting GDP to drop by 0.3% this quarter, BOE sent a letter to Rishi stating the obvious on a succession of large economic shocks and raised the interest rate to 1.25%. British Chambers of Commerce moaned it wouldn’t address the global causes of increased business costs and labour worried of the impact on families. Shutting down ½ the rail network, Shats said strikes endangered thousands of jobs and promised legislation to enable the use of agency workers. Unions said that was unsafe and recruitment firms fretted they’d be held responsible for putting temps crossing pickets in harm’s way. On QT, the useless red wall tory said nowt and Thangam Debonnaire claimed the Rwanda ploy already wasn’t working as it didn’t deter dangerous channel crossings. Former ethics adviser Alex Allen told Newscast failure to sack Patel wasn’t the reason he resigned but didn’t explain what was. Sad his mate Geidt was put in a difficult position, he had no plans to re-apply for the post – currently on hold.
The laptop excruciatingly slow after a restart Friday, I didn’t get very far drafting blogs. As I hung another load on the line, The Woman Next Door outside reading, remarked I was always washing. “No; just making use of the good weather.” We walked up to a hillside settlement, enjoying a picnic en route (See Cool Places) and returned via the predictably rammed town centre. Boozing gammons deterred us from a pint. Sweaty and smelly, I showered and lay down to rest. Officially a heatwave, it was greyly muggy when I fetched the laundry in. A dog-walking neighbour agreed it felt like it might rain – it didn’t; for almost a week.
The jubilee bank holiday was blamed for coronavirus spreading across the UK. More hospitalisations but low ICU cases and death, total fatalities stood at 179,363. Boris avoided a conference organised by red wall tories in Doncaster by going to Ukraine, prompting the moniker Chicken Kiev. Newspaper ‘I’ aligned his calls to Vlod with dates bad news broke including Partygate and the confidence vote. Paul Scuzzball said airport staff should work longer hours. Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill knocked Harry Styles off number 1 thanks to Stranger Things. Phil advocated burning a gannet colony infested with bird flu on Bass Rock.
Listening to music Saturday, Black Star made me sad. Not because it was Bowie’s last album but because it was 6 years since the Brexit vote, Jo Cox’s murder, the death of Eldest Brother and Mum going into hospital. I put something cheerier on, edited photos and went to the co-op, spotting a reduced chicken and an old pub mate for the third time in as many weeks after not doing so for years. He did say that would keep happening! Served by a young man at the kiosk, My Mate on the adjacent till stared into space. Not bored, but having a moment. A merc indicating to turn right stopped for me at the zebra and parked on the street below. As I caught up, Councillor Friend got out. “I didn’t recognise you in that posh car!” It was her boss’, who lived in Spain. She’d given it a run to go canvassing in sunny Wakefield (unlike the overcast upper valley).
Plans to tag migrants arriving by boat was condemned for treating those fleeing persecution as criminals. New ambassador for women’s health, Dame Lesley Regan wanted one-stop community hubs and new cost of living tsar David Buttress said private companies must help with rising prices. Saying they did what they could, nice capitalist Richard Walker couldn’t increase wages but gave staff an ‘unprecedented’ 15% discount on Iceland products.
Although wobbly first thing Sunday, I arrived at the market slightly earlier than usual. Stopping to chat with a neighbour untangling roots from a large pot, we had no idea why her normally friendly dog ferociously barked at me. Besides knobbly veg, I found 2 books in the phone-box and bargain herbs in the convenience store. After washing the filthy veg, I collapsed on the sofa to recover and write.
Told on Sunday Morning airline bosses said he didn’t know what he was talking about, Shats sniggered and side-stepped blame for opening and closing borders during the pandemic. After accusing unions of bribing rail workers to strike, he took no responsibility even though he’d not spoken to them for a month, erroneously griped they’d gone on a demo instead of meeting bosses, refused to intervene, dismissed RMT calls for him to do so as a stunt and said there was no class war. Keir reckoned he ‘fed off’ the division. TSSA complained TOCs hadn’t shared plans to shut ticket offices. New army boss Gen Sanders wrote to all soldiers that we needed an army ready to fight Russia. Heatwaves saw 400C temperatures in Europe and monsoon floods killed at least 70 in Bangladesh. US kids aged over 6 months ridiculously qualified for covid jabs.
Chilly after a cold night, Monday became warm and sunny. I ignored a slight headache to strip the chicken carcass before putting food waste out. B&B Man stood on the communal wall pegging sheets, hampering recycling bin access. Still struggling after lunch, Phil suggested sitting in the sun. I snapped back shopping needed doing and some help would be good. He hung washing up while I went to the co-op for a heavy load and recovered with a cuppa outside. Phil joined me the garden bench, made gazebo-like by overhanging freesia. I lazily pulled at weeds and pruned, almost bumping into The Widower on his fourth walk-past. I then attacked an overgrown buddleia on the adjacent steps. Phil helped sweep before a doze amid the sounds of birds and bees, interrupted by Phil chuntering and Walking Friend’s hello, on her way to meet The Poet. I sleepily lay on the bed and briefly nodded off with book in hand. Phil sighing loudly in the evening, I asked what was up. He wasn’t making enough money. The war actually partly responsible for Shitterstock work drying up, he decided to give up the Leeds studio. With hindsight, he could’ve done so ages ago but who knew things would be this shit 2 years on? He rang the council next morning to arrange to vacate within 3 months. Coronation Chicken was a couple of weeks late but made a delicious retro dinner.
2 million with long-covid, Kings College found 50% less chance from Omicron as opposed to Delta. Sufferer Terence Burke won a case to be classed as disabled, clearing the way for an unfair dismissal claim. Last ditch talks to avert strikes fruitless, Psycho Patrick Bateman defended Boris on Newsnight, calling rail practices Spanish and 19th century. Still refusing to intervene, banging on about modernisation could be seen as incitement. Halfords offered free bike hire. Luggage piling up, Heathrow imposed a cap. EasyJet cut summer flights by 10% and Ryanair promised rescue flights. Their Stanstead base not as badly hit, O’Leary attributed ground staff shortages to Brexit.
Slightly more sleep led to a better start Tuesday. A waning half-moon and sun blazing through the landing window, I wondered was it a solstice phenomenon? English Heritage ludicrously placed netting on Stonehenge to bar nesting jackdaws. We researched local standing stones for our own midsummer jaunt but went to a clough instead. Even in the shade, we struggled with heat and dehydration (see Cool Places).
On the first day of the strike, Keir wrote to shadow ministers telling them not to join RMT picket lines. Diane Abbot was one of several labour MPs to defy him. A Cloudflare crash affected millions of coffee-cuppers working from home. Metro reported on Londoners struggling to work on buses. Lucky for them they weren’t Arriva, in the 3rd week of striking up north. NEU to ballot teachers on possible industrial action in the autumn unless offered a pay rise above 3%, NHS, fire and postal workers could also strike, after new inflation figures Wednesday and Boris babbling about ‘staying the course’ but promising a return to triple lock pensions meaning a 9.1% increase. Where was the parity? Unite said ‘cost of living’ bonuses up to £3,000 offered to Lloyds and Rolls Royce staff, fell short of what was needed.
No Reasons To Be Cheerful
After lengthily cleaning the kitchen Wednesday, I collapsed on the sofa for PMQs. Not answering a question on allegedly requesting an official appointment for Carrie, Boris wittered about high employment. Keir wanted to know how many meetings ministers held to avert strikes? An evasive PM insisted they were the party of the railways. Keir answered the question – none – yet Boris had time to attend a lavish do and sell a £120,000 meeting. To claims the government blamed everyone else, contradicted each other on pay rises and cuts, rolled over on banker’s bonuses and slashed nurses’ pay, Boris attacked picketing labour MPs and spouted the usual crud on taking tough decisions.
Hanging upstairs rugs on the line to expunge dust, The Widower happened to pass. “Do you have a carpet-beater?” “Somewhere.” While he looked, I used a telescopic duster and Phil used his fists. The Widower not finding the beater, I said: “We’re improvising. Phil’s pretending it’s Boris Johnson, or any other tory of your choice!” Old upholstery spray cleaner meant for cars was effective and quick-drying in the hot sun. Refreshing with homemade pop, I greeted The Decorator backing into the last parking space. The Woman Next Door then stopped right in front of us. In the middle of doing stuff, I politely asked her not to. She said she’d just unload and left the engine running, forcing me to move from the bench. A lovely early evening, the sun briefly reached the nearer bench. I sat with the Kindle watching news until the sun moved out of range and BBC London came on. Planning mushroom pasta for dinner, 2/3 of a value box had gone fuzzy. Not a bargain if you chucked most of them! I thought substitute chilli was ample for 2 days but there wasn’t much left. Phil denied being a greedy git.
NAO reckoned Ofgem added £94 to every household gas bill by letting weak suppliers into the market, leading to collapse. After accusing the government of lying on Newsnight, Mick Lynch asked Carole Gammone on Jeremy Vine ‘what are you even saying?’ Quite! She was in favour of the pensions rise as nobody could live on £250 a week. They and me, lived on half that! Only 50% of northern trains running between strike days, TSSA settled for an extra 7.2% but RMT talks broke down. Lynch said Shats wrecked negotiations ‘by not allowing Network Rail to withdraw their letter threatening redundancy for 2,900 of our members’. Until the government unshackled them and TOCs, there’d be no settlement. Delightfully-named Network Rail negotiator Tim Shovellor insisted the majority of job losses would come from ‘voluntary redundancy and natural wastage’. Were his ancestors steam engine firemen? A clause was hastily added to the Bill of Rights to ignore ECHR injunctions before Rabid Raab presented it to the commons (ref Rwanda). Vaccine-derived polio virus detected in London sewers sparked a nationwide hunt for the culprit and calls for parents to get their sprogs immunised. An Afghanistan earthquake killed 1,000. The useless Taliban halted a search for survivors the next day.
Though warm and still Thursday, cloudy skies deterred me from painting windowsills. Hefting shopping back from the co-op, I was startled by a dog behind a hippy van on the street below barking. Not at me but Next-Door-But-One ahead of me on the steps. Already nervy, my bad mood intensified when the handle on the so-called bag for life broke, tumbling loose mushrooms to the floor. Rain came in the form of a light shower at siesta time, lulling me into a 15 minute snooze.
On the 2nd day of the rail strike, the local mill café owner whinged of no customers to Look North and Kwasi Modo said using agency staff wouldn’t undermine safety. Unions disagreed. BA check-in staff threatened peak season strikes at Heathrow if pay reductions made during covid restrictions weren’t reinstated. Not even asking for an increase, bosses claimed some staff were offered the 10% back – yeah, managers!
No bunting or parties to celebrate 6 years since the referendum results were declared, I turned off Newscast when Nasty Nigel appeared and found an apt cartoon for Brexit Island asking: how’s that going? Meanwhile, the EU started a 10-year process to admit Ukraine. A UK rise in racially-aggravated assault was attributed to Euro 2020. Over the pond, Owen Diaz turned down $12m compensation for racism at Tesla.
Friday, I tackled the kitchen runner. The spray ineffective, woven chickens re-appeared after applying liquid cleaner. I went outside in sultry afternoon warmth before more rain came (fine drizzle rather than predicted yellow thunder, a distant rumble was heard) and hacked at rhododendron near the back wall, accidentally lopping off quince branches. Resting was disturbed by Shed Boy and mate communicating unintelligibly.
An estimated 23% rise on the previous week, 1:35 with covid worried health experts. The unjabbed were urged to get one, the elderly to be boosted, and the infected to not spread it. Imperial College found vaccines saved 19.8 million lives; in rich countries. The tories lost by-elections in Wakefield to Labour and Tiverton where Lib Dems overturned a seismic 24,000 margin. A ‘distressed and disappointed’ Oliver Dowdy resigned as party chair at 5.30 a.m. Hobnobbing at CHOGM** in Kigali while Carrie and Camilla had a nice chat, Boris said he’d keep going and address concerns of voters who wanted him to get on with the job. Err, no; they wanted you to jog on! Dreadful Doris tweeted he faced the worst cost of living crisis since WW11. Perhaps that was the one preceding Halo. Reviewing the new Paramount+ series, Jeremy Vine queried why in futuristic sci-fi’s, the world was always a desert – duh! National debt interest reached a record £7.6 billion. Outgoing CBI chair Bilimoria advised tax cuts. The US supreme court ended the constitutional right to abortion. Pro-lifers rejoiced, others warned of back-street terminations and death. Together with allowing gun-toting in the streets and coalpits to choke the air, The Trump might as well still be in charge. A choked Amy Garcia announced the sudden death of former Look North colleague Harry Gration.
Shed Boy noisily scraping out weeds woke me early Saturday. Inevitably followed by pressure washing, we’d wondered how long they’d let the joyful blooms flourish! At The Great Get-Together in the park, we perused stalls, picked up worthy freebies and joked with Councillor Friend and her Partner that a unit of beer on alcohol measuring cups wasn’t even a ½ pint. When did that happen? Maybe the cup should be expandable or telescopic! Not much for adults, no free cake left and music deafening, we headed to the quiet of a riverside bench and searched for fish, espying piles of rubbish instead. Gusts of wind and spots of rain ominous, we went home along the canal. At the river bridge, trout swam in the languorous shallows topped by car pollution. Shed Boy sweeping up, I asked if he’d take detritus I’d cleared from the steps along with his stuff to the tip. He said yes, if he got someone to take him. Thanking him, I silently queried why he couldn’t use his own transport. As the sun re-emerged, I topped up the binbags with more veg matter from the steps.
On Sunday Morning, Swiss Toni spouted the usual tory crap. Sharon Graham called David Lammy refusing to support BA strikes a new low for labour. Politics North extrapolated from the Wakefield by-election, most Yorkshire seats turning red. The laptop inexplicably turning itself off overnight, I restarted to post my brother’s birthday card on Facebook and write a haiga. Sewing the rest of the day made my fingers sore.
As Russia resumed bombing Kyiv, the G7 meeting in Bavaria put a price cap on their oil, banned their gold and joked about emulating Putin’s posing. Putin advised working on themselves before baring all. Boris bantered with Justin on who had the bigger plane. Chris Bryant called his hubris deranged. Prince Charlie accepting $3m cash donations in carrier bags from Qatar raised questions of undue influence. A suspected terrorist attack killed 2 men in Oslo. Pride events cancelled, some defiantly marched a couple of days later.
Barely able to keep my eyes open, it took a while to sleep and I woke after 2 hours feeling woozy and my Monday morning, I had pain across my forehead. I managed to fetch the laptop to post the haiga and write in bed. Depressed by debilitation, maybe it wasn’t such a surprise as I’d done many different things in the 6 weeks since the last bout, which was quite good-going. Fetching my lunch, an empty cereal box balancing on the tray for the recycling pile, fell under my feet on the stairs. Unable to move, I shouted for Phil’s help and fell back in bed exhausted. He disposed of rubbish and went to the co-op for basics plus reduced ham. Repose disturbed by the now daily ritual of geese in the street below, I looked out to see the growing goslings picking at moss between cobbles, as adults kept watch for cats and cars and Shed Girl tried to tempt them with grass for phone pics.
A recommended 15% rise in legal aid fees not implemented, barristers went on strike. A juniors salary of £12,000 more like that of a barista, did they mix up the job descriptions? Cruise missiles killed at least 20 when they hit a shopping centre in Kremenchuk. Decrying a war crime, Vlod asked G7 for more defence systems. In response to Russian aggression, relevant leaders went straight from Bavaria to Madrid to agree a boost to NATO’s Allied Reaction Force on the eastern flank. Boris pledged UK military spending would increase to 2.5% of GDP by 2028. In Westminster, the NI protocol bill passed the first commons vote and Dreadful Doris hosted a summit of broadband and mobile providers who made ‘stay connected’ pledges. A man shot dead an Atlanta Subway worker over too much mayo on his butty and 48 migrants boiled to death in an abandoned truck outside San Antonio. Another 2 later died in hospital and 3 men were arrested.
Rarely rising from my sickbed Tuesday, diggers beeping ‘stand clear’ and sirens screeching down the valley joined the squawking geese to hamper rest. Phil catered. His special omelette with ham, mushrooms and cheese was reminiscent of Greek holiday lunches!
2021 Census results showed the population in England and Wales grew 6%, less than expected, with 1:6 over 65. Baroness Heather Hallett began the delayed Covid-19 public inquiry. 7,000 in hospital, Jeremy Vine and Storm both had covid. Stand-ins asked was it time to reintroduce measures? Nobody would take any notice! Doctor Sarah advised face-masks in crowded places. MP/barrister turned commentator Gerry Hayes said the court system had ‘fallen apart’ and the cabinet were spineless. With ‘substantial and persistent concerns’ The Met were on special measures. That didn’t stop 20 cops arresting Stop Brexit man Steve Bray, on the day the Police, Crime, Sentencing & Courts Act came into force. BMA members urged to ‘channel their inner Mick Lynch’, it was hard to sympathise with GPs on £100k demanding an extra 30%.
After a bad night, I watched PMQs in bed Wednesday. The Bumbler still galivanting, Rabid Raab faced Rayner in Kung Fu Panda heels. Spouting the usual codswallop, he cheekily winked and jibed at her. She asked, with Boris vowing to stay on until 2030, would the party prop him up that long? Raab quipped he’d last longer than her leader to which she retorted, we couldn’t stomach him for 8 minutes, never mind 8 years. She was closer to the truth, as it turned out.
Unexpectedly charged another month’s studio rent, Phil stopped the direct debit and headed for Leeds. I thought it’d do him good to feel active, but he was so skint I had to give him the train fare. Seeing him off, the trellis strew the pavement again. It wasn’t even windy! I shooed him away and went out in my dressing gown to prop the dam thing up, glad the weather was slightly better than the previous two days. Left to my own devices, I brooded on the dire financial situation to be interrupted by Phil phoning to ask if I needed anything from Wilkos. I told him to get glue to fix a fragile old book I was reading. Stocks so low customers asked were they closing down and a 9 week wait for supplies, was it from Ukraine? Fuzzy from another short afternoon sleep, I juggled with dinner, irked when Phil rang from the return train. Forgetting to eat and drink all day, he scoffed food and gulped liquids. He’d made friends with a guy from an old Leeds rock band who took loads of the pesky furniture for his music studio.
After 6 months suspension on full pay, a written warning and a FPN for partying during lockdown, Sheffield council boss Kate Josephs apologised and returned to work. Harriet Harman would lead the Privileges Committee investigation into Boris’ lies.
During a terrible night, external humming and brightness vied with the stupid flashing laptop. Mediation led to fitful sleep. Thus Thursday started badly. Phil was also tired, from lugging furniture. Off to Leeds again, I griped at lack of communication and not being told anything until reaching crisis point. “I didn’t want to worry you.” No warning even more stressful, I asked: “Were you going to wait ‘til we were literally choosing between heating and eating?” Considering options, he searched for local part-time jobs. What the hell was a food production operative? Depressed because he’d tried hard to make self-employment work, he declared himself a loser. “No you’re not. You couldn’t know about covid or the war.” I made him a butty to take, nipped out to peg fusty towels on the line and went back to bed. Very warm, I opened the window as the racket which had plagued me since Monday abated and picked up the laptop when Phil called from Leeds, panicking he’d left an empty wheelie case in the park. Irked I’d have to go for it, I saw it near the door and rang him back. “Sorry, my mind’s all over the place.” “Calm down,” I screamed ironically. Mollified by an apology, I said at least he hadn’t lost the case. Too jittery to write, I hoovered the bedroom and brought the towels in as a woman walked a beautiful shiny black Labrador ‘puppy in training’ past.
Chris The Pincher resigned as tory whip after getting pissed and groping men at the Carlton Club. Labelled a Pound Shop Harvey Weinstein in 2017 by Alex Story, an official complaint and suspension from the party came the next day. Piers Corbyn got a fine for organising the Trafalgar Square anti-lockdown demos. An upgrade to the Trans-Pennine line between Huddersfield and Dewsbury was finally announced – already pretty good, what about the crap line we relied on? Ukraine claimed to have re-taken the tiny but strategic Black Sea Snake Island. Russia said they withdrew as a gesture of goodwill. Unlikely to alleviate the grain crisis, nobody was jubilant.
* PCSU – Public Communications Service Union
**CHOGM – Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting
References:
i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/
ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com
iii. My Cool Places 2 blog:: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com
The Corvus Diaries 