Corvus Bulletin 10: The Nasty Party

“Suella Braverman’s use of the word hurricane is intentional. It presents people as a threat, making it easy to commit acts of barbarism against (them). It’s sinister, it’s shocking, that that language is used by our Home Secretary” (Emma Dabiri)

Vowing to review ‘hair-brained schemes’ such as ULEZ, Rishi Rich went to a scruffy-looking Salford 1^st October to squirm as Laura K. quizzed him on tory Cornwall council wanting 20 mph zones, electioneering and HS2. Party members leaving in droves, including nice capitalist Richard Walker, minister’s conference speeches were shifted to a small auditorium but Shatts still had to fill the front row with aides.

Gill Keegan proposed to ban mobile phones in schools. Concrete crumbling and kids falling behind in their development due to covid lockdowns, it was good to know she was focused on the real priorities! The C**t said he’d raise the national living wage to £11, strengthen benefit sanctions and freeze civil service recruitment to cut £63,000 jobs, saving £1bn in 2024. Swellen warned of a hurricane of mass migration. Raucously applauded by acolytes, others railed at her reckless language. Alicia Kearns advised caution in the use of words. Totally delusional Trussed-Up Liz tipped up to urge ‘New Conservatives’ (yet another splinter group) to ‘unleash their inner conservative’.* She and Nasty Patel praised ‘disrupter’ GB news for taking on the establishment. Eh? They were the establishment! More enthusiastic clapping was followed by a Twitter backlash likening it to 1984. Patel then went dancing with Farage. The horror of the Nasty Duo could never be unseen!

Channel 4’s film Partygate brought some light relief. Its focus on the antics of Number 10 aides amusing, it shied away from implicating ministers. No doubt lawyers had something to do with that.

Having promised to make a ‘considered decision’ on HS2, Rishi used his conference speech, ironically in an old Manchester train station, to confirm scrapping the northern leg. The saved £36bn would be reinvested in transport infrastructure across the country such as ‘network north’ links, electrified train lines, Leeds trams and a new Bradford station – again! Pleasing Lee Anderthal who though HS2 ‘a load of nonsense’ and lauded by the faithful, he was lambasted by everyone else. Ex-PMs Boris and Camoron believed cancelling a project with cross-party consensus wrong and Will Wragg tweeted there was only one thing worse than a white elephant; half a white elephant. Tory mayor Andy Street who’d joined The Bunman in pleading for it not to be scrapped, almost resigned. Bunman was livid at treating northerners as second class citizens by making such a big announcement at conference. Tracy Bin called it a betrayal and Henri Murrison of Northern Powerhouse Partnership called it a ‘national economic tragedy’. The Budget destined to outlive Rishi’s tenure, he subsequently claimed the projects (some of which had already been built) were ‘illustrative’. Government unwilling to put a figure on funds available in the near future, they insisted HS2 would still reach Euston. It then emerged that was fully dependent on private investment. So like all Rishi’s decisions, money was the overriding factor, explaining the damning word cloud Laura K. confronted him with.

Despite Rishi reciting a gammon wish-list and idiotically saying ‘a man is a man, a woman is a woman, it’s just common sense’, even Daily Mail readers weren’t happy. Perhaps, like the rest of us, they didn’t believe any of the promised projects would actually happen or maybe they preferred the Nasty Duo.

Suspended over breaking coronavirus laws, Margaret Ferrier had been removed as Rutherglen MP and labour won the seat 5^th October by a landslide. On QT, red wall tory Dick Holden denied Swellen’s rhetoric sounded like Enoch Powell. Irish writer Emma Dabiri considered it ’intentional, sinister and shocking’. After saying tories had ‘drifted out of touch’ during the cost of living crisis, failed to conserve the economy, high street, farming, rivers and seas, zero carbon obligations, schools or the NHS, Richard Walker expanded on why he left the party. He was also worried shopworkers, with already enough to do, would have to enforce new smoking laws. Emma Dabiri ended the programme talking about hyper-normalisation; the old Nazi trick of replacing the real narrative with a fake, simple one. Yep, that was what was happening alright!

On Laura K. 8^th October, Curry’s boss Alex Baldock decried daft planning laws – the Chinese built a whole railway in the time it took to build a single UK factory. At the labour conference in Liverpool, Steve Reed told a fringe meeting tories were shit. Although her boss said a mess of ‘rehashed old promises’ rendered a future labour government re-committing to HS2 impossible, Reeves promised a review of the fiasco as well as a Covid Corruption Commissioner to recoup money, and a rebuilt Britain when she was chancellor.

In his oration, Keir said we’d had 13 years of things can only get better followed by 13 years of things getting worse but Britain could heal and get its future back. His new labour meant an end to sticking-plaster politics, a proper plan to fix tomorrow’s problems today, no more gesture politics and a party of service putting the country first. Promising big, he cautioned it needed a decade’s hard work – i.e., jam tomorrow. I doubt he won over the gammons with his plans to bulldoze local opposition to build 1.5 m houses. Jacketless and hair sparkling, he’d been pranked by a posh boy shouting about true democracy. The protestor was dragged out and put in a police van. We wondered what the charge was. Glittering in a public place?**

*At a NewsXchange conference in Dublin a few months ago, Truss referred to the lettuce outlasting her Downing Street tenure as ‘puerile’ rather than real journalism. A bit rich seeing as she wasn‘t a real PM!

** People Demand Democracy (‘friends’ of JSO) later claimed responsibility.

Part 105 – Jubilation?

“The PM has repeatedly shown he is unable to uphold (British) values and the reaction of the public at St Paul’s showed they know it too” (Lucy Powell)

Imperial Nonsense

The wee hours of 1^st June, I dreamt of sitting in an ambulance wearing a face-mask. Odd having a covid dream after so long, was it a premonition of another wave? OneDrive did 500,000 ‘processes’. No idea what the heck they were, Phil managed to stop them so I could use the laptop. Bank statements revealed my benefit increased mid-April by a mega £3.50 a week – not even enough for a pint! Putting stuff in cupboards, a small pot fell out to land in the cafetiere. Another one bites the dust! Thank god for the spare.

In his annual report, Lord Geidt said whether Boris’ fine broke the ministerial code, was a ‘legitimate question’. The Bumbler replied he took full responsibility, had apologised to The House, there was no intent to break rules, paying a FPN wasn’t a criminal offence and quitting over ‘miserable’ Partygate was irresponsible amid ‘huge pressure’ on the economy, war and a ‘massive agenda’ he was elected to deliver. Did he mean Brexit? Rabid Raab insisted a confidence vote wasn’t imminent. Lisa Nandy called it ‘a damning indictment’ of the PMs leadership: “that successive ethics advisers…feel they can’t trust (his) integrity…This is a government that is rotten to the core, that the rot (sic) starts from the top.” Airport chaos worse during half-term, Tui cancelled 200 Manchester flights. Sharon Graham said aviation bosses slashing wages and sacking staff during the pandemic, got rich on high profits and low pay. Reaping what they’d sown, they should hang their heads in shame. Quite! Why book people on holidays they couldn’t get to? In defence, Airlines UK said they didn’t know exactly when all restrictions would be lifted nor how much travel would be possible by summer. Raab demanded airlines, airports and ground handlers met him to discuss over-booking and ill-preparedness. Dreadful Doris announced Bradford as UK City of Culture 2025. Maybe they’d clean up the Odeon and fill in the big hole for the festival of dire youff poetry.

Sun tempted me to don the new dress and open windows Thursday. News stopped for Platty Joobs, we joked the so-called pageant would be the largest handmade parade in history, remembered jubblys (still available) and invented retro 1950’s dishes such as jubilee potato – just potato. YouGov found only 9% of young people thought the royals relevant. Nevertheless, we broke the rule of no lunchtime telly for the flypast. Definitely the highlight of the day’s celebrations with all the planes and helicopters, Queenie with selected family on Buck House’s balcony, seemed impressed by the forming of a ‘70’ in the sky. Enough nonsense, I hung washing out. The Woman Next Door assured me it wouldn’t rain but the day didn’t live up to the billing of wall-to-wall sunshine. Increasingly convinced the forecast was a conspiracy, maybe I shouldn’t have told her that! The only sign of royalism in the co-op a woman wearing a cheap t-shirt emblazoned with ‘happy jubilee’, Phil found an infestation of red gammons in town. They didn’t need sun, just beer! Making a courgette and lemon cake was easy except I grated my thumb knuckle. Icing it the next day, I wished I’d remembered the unopened Sicilian lemon essence earlier.

Oldies at a Jeremy Vine jubilee party Friday, I guffawed at an engrossed Phil but agreed their reminiscences were sociologically interesting. Putting the telly back on for St Paul’s chimes, we mistimed it to see Boris speaking. He and Carrie got booed going to the thanksgiving service. Too much after the excitement of the flypast, Queenie missed it. Justin Welby and Randy Andy missed it as they had covid – ha! ha! We left the bells ringing for 4 hours to visit a favoured clough. Coming back, we found a roll of old maps at a street corner and the town centre chocka; like any weekend except for the odd bit of bunting and flags in shop windows creating a patriotic enclave near the micro pub (see Cool Placesⁱ).

A consultation began on restoring the crown to pint glasses and pounds and ounces in shops. Chris Philp ((aka American Psycho Patrick Bateman) said imperial measures were universally understood and would bring ‘a bit of our national culture and heritage back on the top shelf’. Alicia Kearns called it a load of imperial nonsense, Asda boss Lord Rose called it ‘utter nonsense’, National Market Traders Fed said it’d just create hassle and historian Mary Beard termed the debate a ‘nostalgia war’. Harry Styles at number 1, the Sex Pistols didn’t get in the top 10. We didn’t bother digging out those Stuff The Jubilee badges! 100 days since the invasion, Russia controlled 1/5 of Ukraine. Uncle Joe pledged more weapons and urged a change in US gun laws after mass shootings in May killed Texan primary schoolkids.

Saturday, we investigated the route of Younger Brothers’ sponsored Leeds-Liverpool canal bike ride next weekend. Doubting we’d be up on time to cheer him, Phil was keen to visit the wonder of the ‘straight mile’ sometime. The smattering of stalls and displays at the art launch rather underwhelming, it did include our crossings workshop poems.

We had a bash at Tetra Pak printing with The Printer. No tracing option, I called over to my old drawing teacher nearby: “You know how rubbish my drawing is!” She chuckled. Using styli, I etched a lopsided butterfly and Phil a very detailed bee, the antenna drooping as he ran out of space. He again whinged kids’ efforts were better, especially Ben The Caterpillar. We washed ink off our hands and wandered up the riverside.

Rippling with colour, tiny bugs with transparent wings hid on leafy stems; only visible on zoomed-in photos. Surprised to see the crap market on, we battled through a packed square to ask for lavender oil at the aromatherapy stall. The price almost doubled in 2 years, I gave it a miss. We found a few bargains in convenience stores, browsed the new witch bookshop (aka Harry Potter emporium) and waylaid an erstwhile pub mate going to a trad pub for a Jive Bunny disco.

Phil’s back pain worse Sunday, I thought it maybe from hunching over the etching or going out the house 2 days running. Cold, grey and damp, we stayed in. 20 years ago we might have gone for Gin and Pimm’s at the canalside pub before nicking cake at the parish church garden party. More sedate these days, I wrote a haigaⁱⁱ and tackled the landing. Planning to clean the rug, by the time I’d hoovered and rebuilt a tripod storage basket which predictably collapsed, I was knackered. A blissfully unaware Phil didn’t hear the clattering and swearing! Sleep mediocre, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a decent night.

Shats told Sophie Raworth other countries had airport staff shortages. Nowt to do with Brexit, there’d be no special visas for foreign workers. Touring with Jeff Beck, a ‘humble’ Johnny Depp spent £50,000 on a Brummie curry. After 4 days’ hard toadying by her subjects, Queenie appeared on Buck House’ balcony. Saying she was ‘humbled’, took the biscuit! Lucy Powell wrote in The Guardian that as labour captured British values, cherished institutions and believed our best days were ahead, they enshrined patriotic principles more than tories. Short-term ‘red meat’ policies like selling Channel 4 and reverting to imperial measures, diminished our global reputation, cost jobs and denied us ‘moments of togetherness’. Grimsby Town returned to league football and Wales beat Ukraine to reach the world cup. A jubilant Gareth Bale said the ‘crazy journey’ was ‘literally what dreams are made of’.

Monday mostly spent on admin, I thanked The Researcher for posting my takeover blog and discovered the main Crossings expo was at the town hall next Saturday, for one day only until it moved elsewhere. Why such short notice? I read a letter from NHS pensions and registered to access details online. Unsure if getting the paltry amount now would affect my benefit, I rang and spoke to a nice Geordie. He didn’t know but clarified I could draw on it anytime after my next birthday. As it would go up with inflation, I decided to leave it ‘til I really needed it, which might not be long the way things were going!

Thousands stranded by cancelled flights at the end of half-term and Platty Joobs, those who made it back faced Yorkshire bus and London tube strikes. Jesse Norman published his letter to Boris saying the Gray report showed he ‘presided over a culture of casual law-breaking’ and to describe himself as ‘vindicated’ was ‘grotesque’. He also lambasted the Rwanda policy, selling channel 4, the ‘foolhardy and illegal’ Northern Ireland policy, banning noisy protests and no ‘sense of mission’. In letters to the 1922 committee, MPs cited the St Pauls booing and jitters before 2 byelections. Some post-dated until after the long weekend, the threshold of 54 was reached. Hoping to ‘draw a line’ under it, Boris wrote to all his MPs and addressed the committee before the evening’s confidence vote. He won by a mere 68. As reporters stupidly stood in Downing Street at teatime, they ignored a woman in a taffeta dress posing at the shiny door and in the evening, Bella Ciao blasting in the background. Pressure Drop Brewery reduced staff work time from 5 to 4 days for the same pay. ONS reckoned UK coronavirus restrictions led to £140bn ‘forced savings’. I bet tories hated that! Twitter failing to supply fake account info, Elon Musk threatened to pull out of the deal.

Waking with a claggy throat Tuesday, I moped and almost stayed abed but didn’t. Opening a pack of coffee, I discovered Ocado sent beans instead of granules. Grinding them tedious, I dossed with a cuppa and started draft-posting the journal before going to the co-op. Previously just grabbing essential milk, I red shelf labels to note a 4-pinter was almost ½ price by volume. How had I missed that money saver?

Heartless tory Brendan Clark-Smith moaned to Jeremy Vine that people used ‘personal tragedy’ to try ousting the PM. Speculation continuing on his future, Boris thanked cabinet for their support and vowed to get on with the people’s business, level up, cut government spending and taxes. He told them to look at ways to reduce costs and drive reform. PAC reported Levelling Up decisions gambled taxpayers’ money on slogans. Will Haigh likened the PM to a mad pilot who’d locked himself in the cockpit and being inducted into the Order of the Bath, Pat Vallance was ‘disappointed’ by the rule-flouting. Labour urged The House to vote for committee for standards in public life recommendations giving Geidt powers to initiate investigations into ministerial code breaches. 79 migrants brought ashore, 10,000 made dodgy channel crossings so far this year. Russia in control of ½ Donbas, Vlod said ‘heroic’ defence of the region continued. Calling him a concrete friend to Ukraine, he was jubilant Boris survived the confidence vote. Talks failing, RMT announced another tube strike 21^st June and the first national action in 30 years affecting Network Rail and 13 TOCs on 3 days later in June. Monkeypox became a notifiable disease.

Downward Spiral

Overnight indigestion persisting into Wednesday, I exercised through discomfort, moved tons of clothes (drying ridiculously slowly for June) and vacuumed the living room, finding an easter chick beneath the sofa and a wine stain on the throw. On the front bench at PMQs, Trussed-Up Liz resembled a corpse. Saying the confidence vote showed his own party loathed the PM, Angela Eagle asked if they didn’t trust him, why should we? Boris harped on about those imaginary high-wage, high-skilled jobs. Ian Blackford referenced Monty Python’s Black Knight: ‘it’s only a flesh wound’. Rather than laying into the PM, Keir dwelt on the NHS’s GP shortage, decrepit buildings, waiting times and ambulances arriving after patients died. I hated to agree with Boris that the line of attack wasn’t working. Goblin Saj later waded into a row on NHS Digital removing the word ‘woman’ from advice on cervical and ovarian cancer. As if there weren’t bigger things to worry about! Costs spiralling out of control, the HS2 West Coast mainline link was cancelled, thus rendering the project an expensive Brummie commuter line. Esther McVey wanted it scrapped altogether.

I posted a journal entry and again baffled by the short notice, shared a Crossings expo poster attached to an e-mail. Fatigue, aches and pains mitigated against a planned trip to Shopping Town but Phil wanted gentle back exercise. Strolling down the street, he photographed doors. A neighbour entered her house as he took a snap. “Do you like my door?” Noting the lovely entrance tiles, she asked did he want another pic? “No, just the door!” She didn’t think we were nuts at all!

We wandered terraced backstreets for more doors and spectacular grasses until needing refreshment, we got pop from the shop and sat on the riverside. On the way back, we chatted over the wall to New Gran drinking outside the corner pub, about jubilee weekend antics and her recent birthday. Having disappeared from her profile, I wasn’t sure of the exact date.

UK GDP stagnating, the OECD growth forecast dropped to 3.64% for 2022 and 0% for 2023. Minimum pricing in Scotland backfired as drinkers stinted on food to buy alcohol. Was that what pub-goers round here did? Network Rail contingency planning, the RMT said they were open to ‘meaningful discussions’. Admitting a vacancy freeze, TfL insisted there’d be no redundancies or pension changes. The WTO warned of a global food crisis due to the blockade. The UN held talks in Turkey for a grain corridor and Russia demanded Ukraine removed mines first.

Shopping on Thursday, even reduced stuff was beyond budget. I wasn’t surprised hard-up families skipped meals, according to charities. I jested with My Mate at the till that Phil’s back problem conveniently meant he couldn’t carry shopping. On the way back, 3 geese waddled down the road with a pair of adorable fluffy yellow goslings. Unconsciously exclaiming ‘aww!’ I observed nobody else stopped to look – miserable gits!

Speaking in Blackpool, Boris maintained we couldn’t spend our way out of the cost of living crisis and higher wages would push up prices, leading to a 1970’s-style spiral of stagflation. Unions decried abandonment of the high-wage, high-skilled economy pledge. The latest wheeze to shore up support was extending ‘right to buy’. Including housing associations, housing benefit could be used to pay off or apply for mortgages, with a ‘help to buy ISA’ – good luck saving a deposit on the crap interest rate! He vowed a house would be built for everyone sold. Not the 30,000 formerly promised, Keir cited a pilot in Small Heath where homes weren’t rebuilt as it cost more than what they sold for. The re-hashed plans ‘baffling, unworkable and a dangerous gimmick’, Shelter’s Polly Neafe predicted we’d be “stuck in the same destructive cycle of selling off and knocking down 1,000s more social homes than get built.” On QT, Psycho Bateman said every house sold meant a family off the waiting list. Care4Calais, Detention Action and PCSU* asked the high court for an injunction to stop the first Rwanda flight. Bonnie Prince Charlie called the policy ‘appalling’ and a caller to Jeremy Vine advocated unused boats intercept and process migrants in The Channel and blow them up! The case lost, an appeal was due Monday. Aslef drivers striking on different dates late June, TSSA balloted Avanti West Coast staff. PAC criticised DHSC for burning unused PPE from the start of the pandemic. Europe’s largest Spinosaurus was discovered on the Isle Of Wight.

Worried a headache presaged illness Friday morning, I minimised exercise and chores, posted a blog and managed an afternoon walk. We crossed to the church garden where one gosling slept and the other hid beneath an adult’s wing, before heading up to woods and farmland (see Cool Places). Coming back on the towpath, the Canal Dweller loudly declared he loved my Valley Life articles and a man resembling Dave Angel walked ahead of us, prompting a chorus of Moonlight Shadow.

Due to increased transmissibility of the 2 newest Omicron variants (BA.4 and BA.5), covid rates in England went up for the first time since April. Unable to wait for council tax rebate cheques to clear, the hard-up queued to cash them at pawnbrokers, losing £15 if not turned away. ONS found 52% used less domestic energy, 46%, bought less food and 40% made less non-essential car journeys – not such a bad thing. Minister Heather Wheeler apologised for calling Birmingham and Blackpool godawful places, saying the comment didn’t reflect her actual views.

About to leave the house Saturday, a sudden downpour necessitated the anorak. At the Crossings expo, we spoke to Drawing Teacher at the door and watched the photo slideshow. Overlong with too many from organisers, Phil fidgeted as we waited for mine appear. After seeing all but one, the laptop froze. We left Drawing Teacher and co-volunteers fiddling with it. The square packed with al fresco quaffers, I quipped: “the cost of living crisis biting hard!” Phil said it felt ominous. Did he mean the pub vibe? No, the air. Sure enough, another sharp shower descended. Finding the cake I made last weekend mouldy, I sulked. Phil fed the green stuff to crows and the pigeon squatters and bought one from the co-op to cheer me up.

Loud voices and a revving car woke me early Sunday. Brekkie should’ve been a breeze but a splattered tomato, broken egg, blinding sun and a crashing lid stressed me out. Phil came to the rescue. I insisted we prioritise incomplete chores that he offered to do Thursday, then edited photos, added to the ‘spring animals’ Facebook album, made one of orange and pink flowers and watched telly. Deciding we still liked Waterworld, we wondered if the film got panned 30 years ago because it was ahead of its time.

Commentators all agreeing everything was going to shit, CBI boss Tony Danker said households were going into recession this year; i.e., buying less shit. Leaked before publication Monday, the food strategy contained vague words like ‘initiative’ and ‘liaison’ and no direct interventions such as sugar tax. Getting us to eat venison was the only concrete idea. Schools were ‘deeply disappointed’ at no extension of free meals. 22% of kids eligible, Julie McCulloch of the Assoc. of School and College Leaders said poverty affected closer to 30%. McDonalds re-opened in Russia as Tasty: That’s It. In the US, demos demanded gun law changes to stop the murder of kids and Google engineer Blake Lemoine claimed his AI Lamda was sentient. It considered itself human and feared being turned off, comparing it to death. Accused of anthropomorphism, Lemoine was suspended, but what if he was right?

Relaxation techniques failing to distract me from tummy ache, I slept fitfully and still felt iffy on Monday. Hanging damp towels out in a breeze, neighbours sympathised with the travails of drying laundry in the unheated indoors. Tired from activity, I dossed before posting the haiga and writing. In the co-op later, I could hardly hear myself think – I’d forgotten how noisy it was after school! Using leftover lentils to make surprisingly good pâté, we reminisced about hippy cafés and Phil posted a 1970’s-style art.

The UK economy shrank in April for the second month in a row, further risking recession. The government blamed the negative -0.3% on covid recovery and extra spending. As the Northern Ireland protocol bill was published, Boris went to wear a Hi-Viz and drive a tractor at a farm in Hayle, Cornwall and Micheal Teashop called it a new low point. After all the palaver and whingeing last year, ALW sent a message to the last stage performance of Cinderella that it was a ‘costly mistake.’

After I wasted Tuesday morning applying hot water and defrosting spray to an ice lump in the fridge, Phil hacked it off. Going to the garden, I tripped over the empty dustbin left at the front door and waited for the window cleaner to move his hose, snaking round the corner, so I could put the bin back. I planted sprouted veg ends then attacked overgrown shrubs and creeping weeds. Warmer than it looked from inside, I was about to give up with a hot thirst when Phil emerged wearing a jacket. “Are you off somewhere?” “No.” Realising it wasn’t cold, he took it off and helped sweep debris. Yorkshire ostensibly the best place to see the full Strawberry Supermoon, it was so low here that it hid behind hills.

Wages fell 4.5% in the last quarter when 9% inflation was taken into account. Unemployment was up slightly but vacancies reached a record 1.3 million. 8.8 million inactive due to older workers retiring early during the pandemic, Jon Ashworth accused ministers of ‘utter complacency’. As persistent staff shortages fated airports to more chaos, DfT and CAA instructed airlines to cancel summer flights. Which? told the commons business committee the industry and government must jointly shoulder blame. Petrol at a record high 191.2p per litre, government pulled the plug on the electric car discount. Losing their appeal, Detention Action and PCSU called sending people to Rwanda before a full judicial review in July ‘scandalous’ and the UN High Commission for Refugees said it was ‘all wrong’. Judges assessing the move necessary to deter dangerous crossings could be construed as political. Boris cited criticism from Charlie and CofE grandees and reproached lawyers representing migrants for ‘abetting’ criminal gangs. Instead of the 100 deportations originally planned, Individual case hearings brought the figure down to 12, then 7 then 1. The ECHR stepped in to completely ground the Tuesday night flight to Kigali, saying before establishing legitimacy, there was no legal route back. Undeterred, Rwanda stood ready to welcome migrants and the UK started planning another flight. Two refugees later claimed to have been beaten up and dragged to the plane. Meanwhile, 440 arrived in dinghies. Whitby council banned second homes and the unearthed Blue Peter time capsule from 1981 was opened live on This Morning to reveal a pile of slime – slime capsule!

Coronation Chicken Kiev

The next day starting better than the last few, we made the twice-postponed trip to Shopping Town (see Cool Places 2ⁱⁱⁱ). A shame we missed PMQs, as data showing the UK had the second lowest growth rate globally with only Russia worse, Keir went on the attack. He obviously took Rayner’s advice to ‘put more welly into it’! Boris was rebuked for claiming labour were on the side of people traffickers. Nasty Patel Believed the Rwanda plot was fully compliant with domestic and international obligations. Disappointed and surprised by the ECHR decision, she blamed the ‘usual suspects’ and the opposition for thwarting her efforts against the willy of the people. She told MPs prohibitions on flights to Kigali wasn’t an absolute bar and those ordered to be freed would be tagged while relocation was ‘progressed’. Furious tories called for secession from the meddling ECHR. Did they not know The Council of Europe was set up after WWII and had nowt to do with the EU? And I bet they didn’t mind the ECHR intervening in the case of captured Brits fighting in the Donbas sentenced to death! Yvette Coop called it ‘government by gimmick’. Yep, gimmicks for gammons! Lord Geidt resigned. Not saying why in a short public statement, a letter to Boris disclosed later, indicated the final straw wasn’t Partygate but being asked to offer a view on government measures risking ‘a deliberate and purposeful breach of the ministerial code’. Deemed to concern tariffs on Chinese steel, Phil thought it bogus. A fortnight later, government extended the tariffs for 2 years, against WTO rules. The EU triggered further legal action over the NI protocol. Maros Sefcovic said the UK’s unilateral act had ‘no legal nor political justification’. One of the biggest Anglo-Saxon burial sites was uncovered on the HS2 route. At least some good came out of the glorified commuter line!

Cleaning the bedroom Thursday, Phil crawled under the bed to screw a detached leg in place, despite his back. After hoovering, I worked on the journal and pegged bedding out. The Woman Next Door and a friend chatted on her doorstep then promptly went inside – did they fear eavesdropping? In the quiet co-op, my basket totalled just short to use a coupon. The cashier let me grab one more thing for a low-cost shop. I trudged home in blazing sun and persuaded Phil out to the garden. Clearing another debris pile, we observed the myriad life including what he called springtails. Sure they were to blame for my bites, he thought it unlikely as they were a kind of shrimp. Fatigued and overheated again, I lay down.

Expecting GDP to drop by 0.3% this quarter, BOE sent a letter to Rishi stating the obvious on a succession of large economic shocks and raised the interest rate to 1.25%. British Chambers of Commerce moaned it wouldn’t address the global causes of increased business costs and labour worried of the impact on families. Shutting down ½ the rail network, Shats said strikes endangered thousands of jobs and promised legislation to enable the use of agency workers. Unions said that was unsafe and recruitment firms fretted they’d be held responsible for putting temps crossing pickets in harm’s way. On QT, the useless red wall tory said nowt and Thangam Debonnaire claimed the Rwanda ploy already wasn’t working as it didn’t deter dangerous channel crossings. Former ethics adviser Alex Allen told Newscast failure to sack Patel wasn’t the reason he resigned but didn’t explain what was. Sad his mate Geidt was put in a difficult position, he had no plans to re-apply for the post – currently on hold.

The laptop excruciatingly slow after a restart Friday, I didn’t get very far drafting blogs. As I hung another load on the line, The Woman Next Door outside reading, remarked I was always washing. “No; just making use of the good weather.” We walked up to a hillside settlement, enjoying a picnic en route (See Cool Places) and returned via the predictably rammed town centre. Boozing gammons deterred us from a pint. Sweaty and smelly, I showered and lay down to rest. Officially a heatwave, it was greyly muggy when I fetched the laundry in. A dog-walking neighbour agreed it felt like it might rain – it didn’t; for almost a week.

The jubilee bank holiday was blamed for coronavirus spreading across the UK. More hospitalisations but low ICU cases and death, total fatalities stood at 179,363. Boris avoided a conference organised by red wall tories in Doncaster by going to Ukraine, prompting the moniker Chicken Kiev. Newspaper ‘I’ aligned his calls to Vlod with dates bad news broke including Partygate and the confidence vote. Paul Scuzzball said airport staff should work longer hours. Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill knocked Harry Styles off number 1 thanks to Stranger Things. Phil advocated burning a gannet colony infested with bird flu on Bass Rock.

Listening to music Saturday, Black Star made me sad. Not because it was Bowie’s last album but because it was 6 years since the Brexit vote, Jo Cox’s murder, the death of Eldest Brother and Mum going into hospital. I put something cheerier on, edited photos and went to the co-op, spotting a reduced chicken and an old pub mate for the third time in as many weeks after not doing so for years. He did say that would keep happening! Served by a young man at the kiosk, My Mate on the adjacent till stared into space. Not bored, but having a moment. A merc indicating to turn right stopped for me at the zebra and parked on the street below. As I caught up, Councillor Friend got out. “I didn’t recognise you in that posh car!” It was her boss’, who lived in Spain. She’d given it a run to go canvassing in sunny Wakefield (unlike the overcast upper valley).

Plans to tag migrants arriving by boat was condemned for treating those fleeing persecution as criminals. New ambassador for women’s health, Dame Lesley Regan wanted one-stop community hubs and new cost of living tsar David Buttress said private companies must help with rising prices. Saying they did what they could, nice capitalist Richard Walker couldn’t increase wages but gave staff an ‘unprecedented’ 15% discount on Iceland products.

Although wobbly first thing Sunday, I arrived at the market slightly earlier than usual. Stopping to chat with a neighbour untangling roots from a large pot, we had no idea why her normally friendly dog ferociously barked at me. Besides knobbly veg, I found 2 books in the phone-box and bargain herbs in the convenience store. After washing the filthy veg, I collapsed on the sofa to recover and write.

Told on Sunday Morning airline bosses said he didn’t know what he was talking about, Shats sniggered and side-stepped blame for opening and closing borders during the pandemic. After accusing unions of bribing rail workers to strike, he took no responsibility even though he’d not spoken to them for a month, erroneously griped they’d gone on a demo instead of meeting bosses, refused to intervene, dismissed RMT calls for him to do so as a stunt and said there was no class war. Keir reckoned he ‘fed off’ the division. TSSA complained TOCs hadn’t shared plans to shut ticket offices. New army boss Gen Sanders wrote to all soldiers that we needed an army ready to fight Russia. Heatwaves saw 40⁰C temperatures in Europe and monsoon floods killed at least 70 in Bangladesh. US kids aged over 6 months ridiculously qualified for covid jabs.

Chilly after a cold night, Monday became warm and sunny. I ignored a slight headache to strip the chicken carcass before putting food waste out. B&B Man stood on the communal wall pegging sheets, hampering recycling bin access. Still struggling after lunch, Phil suggested sitting in the sun. I snapped back shopping needed doing and some help would be good. He hung washing up while I went to the co-op for a heavy load and recovered with a cuppa outside. Phil joined me the garden bench, made gazebo-like by overhanging freesia. I lazily pulled at weeds and pruned, almost bumping into The Widower on his fourth walk-past. I then attacked an overgrown buddleia on the adjacent steps. Phil helped sweep before a doze amid the sounds of birds and bees, interrupted by Phil chuntering and Walking Friend’s hello, on her way to meet The Poet. I sleepily lay on the bed and briefly nodded off with book in hand. Phil sighing loudly in the evening, I asked what was up. He wasn’t making enough money. The war actually partly responsible for Shitterstock work drying up, he decided to give up the Leeds studio. With hindsight, he could’ve done so ages ago but who knew things would be this shit 2 years on? He rang the council next morning to arrange to vacate within 3 months. Coronation Chicken was a couple of weeks late but made a delicious retro dinner.

2 million with long-covid, Kings College found 50% less chance from Omicron as opposed to Delta. Sufferer Terence Burke won a case to be classed as disabled, clearing the way for an unfair dismissal claim. Last ditch talks to avert strikes fruitless, Psycho Patrick Bateman defended Boris on Newsnight, calling rail practices Spanish and 19^th century. Still refusing to intervene, banging on about modernisation could be seen as incitement. Halfords offered free bike hire. Luggage piling up, Heathrow imposed a cap. EasyJet cut summer flights by 10% and Ryanair promised rescue flights. Their Stanstead base not as badly hit, O’Leary attributed ground staff shortages to Brexit.

Slightly more sleep led to a better start Tuesday. A waning half-moon and sun blazing through the landing window, I wondered was it a solstice phenomenon? English Heritage ludicrously placed netting on Stonehenge to bar nesting jackdaws. We researched local standing stones for our own midsummer jaunt but went to a clough instead. Even in the shade, we struggled with heat and dehydration (see Cool Places).

On the first day of the strike, Keir wrote to shadow ministers telling them not to join RMT picket lines. Diane Abbot was one of several labour MPs to defy him. A Cloudflare crash affected millions of coffee-cuppers working from home. Metro reported on Londoners struggling to work on buses. Lucky for them they weren’t Arriva, in the 3^rd week of striking up north. NEU to ballot teachers on possible industrial action in the autumn unless offered a pay rise above 3%, NHS, fire and postal workers could also strike, after new inflation figures Wednesday and Boris babbling about ‘staying the course’ but promising a return to triple lock pensions meaning a 9.1% increase. Where was the parity? Unite said ‘cost of living’ bonuses up to £3,000 offered to Lloyds and Rolls Royce staff, fell short of what was needed.

No Reasons To Be Cheerful

After lengthily cleaning the kitchen Wednesday, I collapsed on the sofa for PMQs. Not answering a question on allegedly requesting an official appointment for Carrie, Boris wittered about high employment. Keir wanted to know how many meetings ministers held to avert strikes? An evasive PM insisted they were the party of the railways. Keir answered the question – none – yet Boris had time to attend a lavish do and sell a £120,000 meeting. To claims the government blamed everyone else, contradicted each other on pay rises and cuts, rolled over on banker’s bonuses and slashed nurses’ pay, Boris attacked picketing labour MPs and spouted the usual crud on taking tough decisions.

Hanging upstairs rugs on the line to expunge dust, The Widower happened to pass. “Do you have a carpet-beater?” “Somewhere.” While he looked, I used a telescopic duster and Phil used his fists. The Widower not finding the beater, I said: “We’re improvising. Phil’s pretending it’s Boris Johnson, or any other tory of your choice!” Old upholstery spray cleaner meant for cars was effective and quick-drying in the hot sun. Refreshing with homemade pop, I greeted The Decorator backing into the last parking space. The Woman Next Door then stopped right in front of us. In the middle of doing stuff, I politely asked her not to. She said she’d just unload and left the engine running, forcing me to move from the bench. A lovely early evening, the sun briefly reached the nearer bench. I sat with the Kindle watching news until the sun moved out of range and BBC London came on. Planning mushroom pasta for dinner, 2/3 of a value box had gone fuzzy. Not a bargain if you chucked most of them! I thought substitute chilli was ample for 2 days but there wasn’t much left. Phil denied being a greedy git.

NAO reckoned Ofgem added £94 to every household gas bill by letting weak suppliers into the market, leading to collapse. After accusing the government of lying on Newsnight, Mick Lynch asked Carole Gammone on Jeremy Vine ‘what are you even saying?’ Quite! She was in favour of the pensions rise as nobody could live on £250 a week. They and me, lived on half that! Only 50% of northern trains running between strike days, TSSA settled for an extra 7.2% but RMT talks broke down. Lynch said Shats wrecked negotiations ‘by not allowing Network Rail to withdraw their letter threatening redundancy for 2,900 of our members’. Until the government unshackled them and TOCs, there’d be no settlement. Delightfully-named Network Rail negotiator Tim Shovellor insisted the majority of job losses would come from ‘voluntary redundancy and natural wastage’. Were his ancestors steam engine firemen? A clause was hastily added to the Bill of Rights to ignore ECHR injunctions before Rabid Raab presented it to the commons (ref Rwanda). Vaccine-derived polio virus detected in London sewers sparked a nationwide hunt for the culprit and calls for parents to get their sprogs immunised. An Afghanistan earthquake killed 1,000. The useless Taliban halted a search for survivors the next day.

Though warm and still Thursday, cloudy skies deterred me from painting windowsills. Hefting shopping back from the co-op, I was startled by a dog behind a hippy van on the street below barking. Not at me but Next-Door-But-One ahead of me on the steps. Already nervy, my bad mood intensified when the handle on the so-called bag for life broke, tumbling loose mushrooms to the floor. Rain came in the form of a light shower at siesta time, lulling me into a 15 minute snooze.

On the 2^nd day of the rail strike, the local mill café owner whinged of no customers to Look North and Kwasi Modo said using agency staff wouldn’t undermine safety. Unions disagreed. BA check-in staff threatened peak season strikes at Heathrow if pay reductions made during covid restrictions weren’t reinstated. Not even asking for an increase, bosses claimed some staff were offered the 10% back – yeah, managers!

No bunting or parties to celebrate 6 years since the referendum results were declared, I turned off Newscast when Nasty Nigel appeared and found an apt cartoon for Brexit Island asking: how’s that going? Meanwhile, the EU started a 10-year process to admit Ukraine. A UK rise in racially-aggravated assault was attributed to Euro 2020. Over the pond, Owen Diaz turned down $12m compensation for racism at Tesla.

Friday, I tackled the kitchen runner. The spray ineffective, woven chickens re-appeared after applying liquid cleaner. I went outside in sultry afternoon warmth before more rain came (fine drizzle rather than predicted yellow thunder, a distant rumble was heard) and hacked at rhododendron near the back wall, accidentally lopping off quince branches. Resting was disturbed by Shed Boy and mate communicating unintelligibly.

An estimated 23% rise on the previous week, 1:35 with covid worried health experts. The unjabbed were urged to get one, the elderly to be boosted, and the infected to not spread it. Imperial College found vaccines saved 19.8 million lives; in rich countries. The tories lost by-elections in Wakefield to Labour and Tiverton where Lib Dems overturned a seismic 24,000 margin. A ‘distressed and disappointed’ Oliver Dowdy resigned as party chair at 5.30 a.m. Hobnobbing at CHOGM** in Kigali while Carrie and Camilla had a nice chat, Boris said he’d keep going and address concerns of voters who wanted him to get on with the job. Err, no; they wanted you to jog on! Dreadful Doris tweeted he faced the worst cost of living crisis since WW11. Perhaps that was the one preceding Halo. Reviewing the new Paramount+ series, Jeremy Vine queried why in futuristic sci-fi’s, the world was always a desert – duh! National debt interest reached a record £7.6 billion. Outgoing CBI chair Bilimoria advised tax cuts. The US supreme court ended the constitutional right to abortion. Pro-lifers rejoiced, others warned of back-street terminations and death. Together with allowing gun-toting in the streets and coalpits to choke the air, The Trump might as well still be in charge. A choked Amy Garcia announced the sudden death of former Look North colleague Harry Gration.

Shed Boy noisily scraping out weeds woke me early Saturday. Inevitably followed by pressure washing, we’d wondered how long they’d let the joyful blooms flourish! At The Great Get-Together in the park, we perused stalls, picked up worthy freebies and joked with Councillor Friend and her Partner that a unit of beer on alcohol measuring cups wasn’t even a ½ pint. When did that happen? Maybe the cup should be expandable or telescopic! Not much for adults, no free cake left and music deafening, we headed to the quiet of a riverside bench and searched for fish, espying piles of rubbish instead. Gusts of wind and spots of rain ominous, we went home along the canal. At the river bridge, trout swam in the languorous shallows topped by car pollution. Shed Boy sweeping up, I asked if he’d take detritus I’d cleared from the steps along with his stuff to the tip. He said yes, if he got someone to take him. Thanking him, I silently queried why he couldn’t use his own transport. As the sun re-emerged, I topped up the binbags with more veg matter from the steps.

On Sunday Morning, Swiss Toni spouted the usual tory crap. Sharon Graham called David Lammy refusing to support BA strikes a new low for labour. Politics North extrapolated from the Wakefield by-election, most Yorkshire seats turning red. The laptop inexplicably turning itself off overnight, I restarted to post my brother’s birthday card on Facebook and write a haiga. Sewing the rest of the day made my fingers sore.

As Russia resumed bombing Kyiv, the G7 meeting in Bavaria put a price cap on their oil, banned their gold and joked about emulating Putin’s posing. Putin advised working on themselves before baring all. Boris bantered with Justin on who had the bigger plane. Chris Bryant called his hubris deranged. Prince Charlie accepting $3m cash donations in carrier bags from Qatar raised questions of undue influence. A suspected terrorist attack killed 2 men in Oslo. Pride events cancelled, some defiantly marched a couple of days later.

Barely able to keep my eyes open, it took a while to sleep and I woke after 2 hours feeling woozy and my Monday morning, I had pain across my forehead. I managed to fetch the laptop to post the haiga and write in bed. Depressed by debilitation, maybe it wasn’t such a surprise as I’d done many different things in the 6 weeks since the last bout, which was quite good-going. Fetching my lunch, an empty cereal box balancing on the tray for the recycling pile, fell under my feet on the stairs. Unable to move, I shouted for Phil’s help and fell back in bed exhausted. He disposed of rubbish and went to the co-op for basics plus reduced ham. Repose disturbed by the now daily ritual of geese in the street below, I looked out to see the growing goslings picking at moss between cobbles, as adults kept watch for cats and cars and Shed Girl tried to tempt them with grass for phone pics.

A recommended 15% rise in legal aid fees not implemented, barristers went on strike. A juniors salary of £12,000 more like that of a barista, did they mix up the job descriptions? Cruise missiles killed at least 20 when they hit a shopping centre in Kremenchuk. Decrying a war crime, Vlod asked G7 for more defence systems. In response to Russian aggression, relevant leaders went straight from Bavaria to Madrid to agree a boost to NATO’s Allied Reaction Force on the eastern flank. Boris pledged UK military spending would increase to 2.5% of GDP by 2028. In Westminster, the NI protocol bill passed the first commons vote and Dreadful Doris hosted a summit of broadband and mobile providers who made ‘stay connected’ pledges. A man shot dead an Atlanta Subway worker over too much mayo on his butty and 48 migrants boiled to death in an abandoned truck outside San Antonio. Another 2 later died in hospital and 3 men were arrested.

Rarely rising from my sickbed Tuesday, diggers beeping ‘stand clear’ and sirens screeching down the valley joined the squawking geese to hamper rest. Phil catered. His special omelette with ham, mushrooms and cheese was reminiscent of Greek holiday lunches!

2021 Census results showed the population in England and Wales grew 6%, less than expected, with 1:6 over 65. Baroness Heather Hallett began the delayed Covid-19 public inquiry. 7,000 in hospital, Jeremy Vine and Storm both had covid. Stand-ins asked was it time to reintroduce measures? Nobody would take any notice! Doctor Sarah advised face-masks in crowded places. MP/barrister turned commentator Gerry Hayes said the court system had ‘fallen apart’ and the cabinet were spineless. With ‘substantial and persistent concerns’ The Met were on special measures. That didn’t stop 20 cops arresting Stop Brexit man Steve Bray, on the day the Police, Crime, Sentencing & Courts Act came into force. BMA members urged to ‘channel their inner Mick Lynch’, it was hard to sympathise with GPs on £100k demanding an extra 30%.

After a bad night, I watched PMQs in bed Wednesday. The Bumbler still galivanting, Rabid Raab faced Rayner in Kung Fu Panda heels. Spouting the usual codswallop, he cheekily winked and jibed at her. She asked, with Boris vowing to stay on until 2030, would the party prop him up that long? Raab quipped he’d last longer than her leader to which she retorted, we couldn’t stomach him for 8 minutes, never mind 8 years. She was closer to the truth, as it turned out.

Unexpectedly charged another month’s studio rent, Phil stopped the direct debit and headed for Leeds. I thought it’d do him good to feel active, but he was so skint I had to give him the train fare. Seeing him off, the trellis strew the pavement again. It wasn’t even windy! I shooed him away and went out in my dressing gown to prop the dam thing up, glad the weather was slightly better than the previous two days. Left to my own devices, I brooded on the dire financial situation to be interrupted by Phil phoning to ask if I needed anything from Wilkos. I told him to get glue to fix a fragile old book I was reading. Stocks so low customers asked were they closing down and a 9 week wait for supplies, was it from Ukraine? Fuzzy from another short afternoon sleep, I juggled with dinner, irked when Phil rang from the return train. Forgetting to eat and drink all day, he scoffed food and gulped liquids. He’d made friends with a guy from an old Leeds rock band who took loads of the pesky furniture for his music studio.

After 6 months suspension on full pay, a written warning and a FPN for partying during lockdown, Sheffield council boss Kate Josephs apologised and returned to work. Harriet Harman would lead the Privileges Committee investigation into Boris’ lies.

During a terrible night, external humming and brightness vied with the stupid flashing laptop. Mediation led to fitful sleep. Thus Thursday started badly. Phil was also tired, from lugging furniture. Off to Leeds again, I griped at lack of communication and not being told anything until reaching crisis point. “I didn’t want to worry you.” No warning even more stressful, I asked: “Were you going to wait ‘til we were literally choosing between heating and eating?” Considering options, he searched for local part-time jobs. What the hell was a food production operative? Depressed because he’d tried hard to make self-employment work, he declared himself a loser. “No you’re not. You couldn’t know about covid or the war.” I made him a butty to take, nipped out to peg fusty towels on the line and went back to bed. Very warm, I opened the window as the racket which had plagued me since Monday abated and picked up the laptop when Phil called from Leeds, panicking he’d left an empty wheelie case in the park. Irked I’d have to go for it, I saw it near the door and rang him back. “Sorry, my mind’s all over the place.” “Calm down,” I screamed ironically. Mollified by an apology, I said at least he hadn’t lost the case. Too jittery to write, I hoovered the bedroom and brought the towels in as a woman walked a beautiful shiny black Labrador ‘puppy in training’ past.

Chris The Pincher resigned as tory whip after getting pissed and groping men at the Carlton Club. Labelled a Pound Shop Harvey Weinstein in 2017 by Alex Story, an official complaint and suspension from the party came the next day. Piers Corbyn got a fine for organising the Trafalgar Square anti-lockdown demos. An upgrade to the Trans-Pennine line between Huddersfield and Dewsbury was finally announced – already pretty good, what about the crap line we relied on? Ukraine claimed to have re-taken the tiny but strategic Black Sea Snake Island. Russia said they withdrew as a gesture of goodwill. Unlikely to alleviate the grain crisis, nobody was jubilant.

* PCSU – Public Communications Service Union

**CHOGM – Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

iii. My Cool Places 2 blog:: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

Part 100 – War of the Words

“The home secretary is single-minded about recreating Australia’s abuse of people seeking asylum in the UK. Mr Downer is an architect of Australia’s offshore detention camps, which led to rampant child abuse and detention conditions described…as cruel, inhuman and degrading” (Bella Sankey)

Fighting Talk

After mediocre sleep, fatigue and achiness persisted. I managed some stretching Monday while Phil got brekkie then disappeared. To mark Valentine’s Day, he presented me with a candy-striped bag containing more old postcards, including 2 of Chester’s Eastgate from different eras. I itched to go and take photos with the box brownie sometime. I gave him the arty catkins card I’d made, later sharing it on social media.

I stayed in the bedroom posting blogs, hampered by blinding sun between showers. My siesta severely disrupted by canalside pile-drivers, I covered my ears until they quit for 10 minutes shut-eye. In the metro, Prof. Paul Hunter explained covid re-infections accounting for 1:24 of the total, weren’t necessarily milder but strengthened immunity. We giggled at a ghost telling people to eff off at Dead Woman’s Ditch.

Petrol prices up, Northern PowerGrid sent trillion-pound compensation cheques to customers who’d suffered disruption during last months’ storms. The Met Office warned more was to come with Storm Dudley crossing the UK Wednesday into Thursday, followed by Storm Eunice on Friday.

The Metropolitan Police Federation declared ‘no faith’ in mayor Khan. Meanwhile, commander Julian Bennett who wrote the drugs strategy and held misconduct hearings leading to 56 sackings, allegedly took LSD and cannabis. investigating the source of the Jimmy Savile nonsense, Scotland Yard’s CCDH* had messages from Telegram users including Tommy Robinson, calling for Keir’s execution. He told Radio Newcastle he didn’t like to talk about death threats. With no case for re-joining the EU, he wanted to make Brexit work. Did he have any ideas to share with Rees-Moggy? Boris went to Rosyth shipyard to dress up and warn we were on the edge of a precipice. He meant Ukraine not Brexit! Urging Europeans to move away from reliance on Russian oil and gas, he said “we need to find alternative sources of energy and…get ready to impose some very, very severe economic consequences.” Hmm. Wouldn’t sanctioning oligarchs hurt London more than Moscow? And was his fighting talk mere bravado after Mauritius planted their flag on the Chagos islands?

Startled awake by heavy machinery Tuesday, it persisted on and off for the second day running. I left earplugs in and increased the telly volume to lessen the din. Though still achy and fatigued, I managed some exercise then sat abed and worked on the laptop until coffee fooled me into thinking I was better. I donned comfy clothes, tidied round the bedroom and stuck antique postcards on the mirror, then flagged and took lunch back to bed. A changeable day with some sun, I suggested Phil go to the co-op before storms arrived. Finding no sweet potatoes nor substitute turnips, things were bad!

Vlad asked Sergei Lavrov if there was any point in continued talks. Serge replied they weren’t exhausted but couldn’t go on forever. As the Russians moved some troops from the Ukrainian border, Olaf Scholz sat at the other end of the Kremlin’s long table to say they must converse. Vlad wanted to discuss missiles and military transparency, Jens Stolenberg expressed ‘cautious optimism’ but called Vlad’s’ tactics the ‘new normal’ and planned NATO battle groups as a counter-measure. Mixed signals didn’t encourage Boris but the 3.00 a.m. Wednesday invasion predicted by a ‘US intelligence source’ proved untrue.

UK covid deaths fell for the second week, by 10%. Up in Wales and care homes, the over 80’s made up almost 2/3 of fatalities. Global cases down 19%., rules would relax in Germany, Austria and Switzerland. Up in Eastern Europe, why did Vlad choose now to ditch the long table and meet Bolsonaro at a tiny one? Leaving behind 105 fatalities from ruinous heavy rain and mudslides in Petropolis, the Brazilian anti-vaxxer refused covid testing. Jabs for 5-11 year olds were approved across the UK, Prof. Sarah Gilbert became a dame and the Runnymede Trust proved their case that The Cock broke equality laws hiring tory mates Dildo and Mike Coupe. Failing to end the Freedom Convoy blockades, Ottawan police chief Peter Sloly resigned and emergency powers allowed protesters’ bank accounts to be frozen. The Canadian Civil Liberties Association tweeted they didn’t ‘meet the threshold’ to invoke the act.

Sucking Swizzles drumsticks in the evening, we groaned at a clip of the interminable BBC Novax interview which basically boiled down to him saying ‘I’m special!’ “He’s special alright!” laughed Phil, “another tennis player who’s boring because he eats boring food.“ “Yep. He never eats lollies!”

Roused by noisy engineering works again Wednesday morning, I head fug and achiness persisted and my legs felt leaden going up stairs. Glad of a respite from Westminster shenanigans during half-term, I took it easy, worked on the laptop and tried to book train travel. As something went wrong at check-out, I went round in circles trying to work out what, eventually found a phone number on the NR website but angry and frustrated, left the call unmade. Bright clouds signified a full moon somewhere in the stormy night sky, which abated at some point after midnight. During mediocre sleep, I dreamt of meeting friends and doing a work. Was it a post-covid world?

Sotrovimab cut the risk of hospitalisation and death in vulnerable patients by up to 80% and Paxlovid by 90%. The cabinet office asked the Met if they planned to publish the 300 Partygate photos, along with number and reasons of fines. According to Boris’ lawyer, if he wasn’t drunk, he could say it was part of a normal working day! Cost of living increases at a 30-year high, household goods doubled in price while wages rose 4.3% Oct-Dec 2021. Not keeping pace with inflation, 2/3 cut back on buying clothes, eating out and take-aways. Care workers were added to the Shortage Occupation List. As Bonnie Prince Charlie’s heritage foundation was investigated for cash for honours, brother Andrew settled out of court with Virginia Giuffre apparently for £12 million and came bottom of a poll of most popular royal – unsurprisingly topped by the queen. Ahead of Storm Dudley, 66 mph winds hit Emley Moor. At least it shut the engineers up!

Stormy Rhetoric

Determined not to stay abed another full day, I ignored aches Thursday, exercised, wiped round the kitchen, took coffee back up, worked on the laptop and rang NR to book train tickets. Having to spell MARY to the Indian woman, I wondered if she was in Bangalore. Pain eased, I ventured outdoors, breathed deeply of fresh air and went to the co-op in case Storm Eunice precluded a Friday trip. Not too busy, I didn’t initially don a mask but as elderly gammons coughed in the second aisle, I hastily stuck one on. No bacon at all, I settled for cheap gammon steaks. The irony wasn’t lost on me! Storm Dudley left grey dampness in its wake and a shower descended as I plodded home. After lunch, I fetched the laptop down and joined Phil channel-hopping between Olympic curling (his favourite) and figure-skating (mine). Repeatedly falling, controversial Kamila Valieva was out of contention. The distraught 15 year old wasn’t comforted by heartless ROC coaches but at least her ordeal was over and medals could be awarded after all the palaver.

In an NHS Confederation survey, 4/5 senior staff in England thought mask-wearing should continue in healthcare settings and over 3/4 disagreed with government scrapping isolation rules and free testing. Other surveys found less people self-isolating, but more shopping and commuting. 1/5 trains cancelled caused issues for those compelled to travel to offices. Reportedly 251 sex offence allegations against Met staff last year, the CPS prosecuted 3 cops for sharing misogynistic and racist WhatsApp chat with Wayne Couzens. Luhansk separatists considered ‘increased’ Ukrainian shelling a ‘large scale provocation’ and returned fire. Kyiv disputed the claim. Ben Wally went to a NATO summit in Brussels and said it was important Vlad understood they were ‘deadly serious’ in facing the threat posed and Trussed-Up Liz parroted Jen’s rhetoric of Russian ‘false flag operations’ as a pretext for invasion. Amid reports Nasty Patel was to end the golden visa for oligarchs and hire Alexander Downer to review Border Farce, Dr. Shola on Jeremy Vine said she couldn’t do her job. Yep, she was good at the nasty rhetoric but absolute rubbish at doing stuff! The former Australian asylum tsar an architect of their inhumane immigration policy, the PCS said his support for pushback made him a ‘wholly inappropriate choice’. Clare Mosely of Care4Calais railed: “The Australian offshore asylum programme was one of the most reprehensible systems in the world, leading to untold human misery and widespread condemnation. That Pritti Patel looks forward to Mr Downer’s findings is telling. It is clear that the references to a ‘threat’ at our border refers to Channel migrants, but they are no more a threat than any bus-load of ordinary British people.” Bella Sankey added Nasty was intent on ‘recreating Australia’s ‘abuse of people seeking asylum’ and their offshore detention camps led to ‘conditions described by the International Criminal Court as cruel, inhuman and degrading’. After an ACAB knifeman was shot dead at Gare du Nord Tuesday, Angela Rayner outraged Guardianistas by saying police should shoot first, ask questions later. Adding criminals should be antagonised, her views were formed growing up with anti-social behaviour. That’s Ashton for you!

Coinciding with a spring tide, storm warnings were at red, and the army put on standby by cobra. The public were urged not to travel and particularly not drive to the coast for spectacles of crashing breakwaters. Phil’s Friday morning appointment in Leeds looking dodgy, he discovered train cancellations and NR sent me a message advising against all non-essential journeys. After a Prime film, I went to bed to watch QT.

Jake Berry called The Glove-Puppet a powerhouse but didn’t know why he needed a Levelling Up white paper. While Andy Bunman welcomed London-style ‘level bus fares’, he said with services cut, rhetoric was all very well but in reality: “the north/south divide has got wider during this pandemic.” Broadcast from Leeds, I wondered why he was on rather than Tracey Brabin, then she popped up on Newscast to add there was less footfall on the buses but ending covid support was counter-intuitive because of the need to increase usage. £22 billion for the Brownfield Land Release fund the only new money, with strings attached, she said government must be true to devolved power and let mayors make decisions for the communities they knew and understood. She looked forward to ‘Disrupter’ Gove’s daytrip to Yorkshire. Maybe she’d take him to Betty’s tea room for a Fat Rascal which she thought were from Cheshire. Yorkshireman Chris Mason on hols, Adam Fleming chuckled he was stuck with his kids at Tod services. No such place existed. Had he picked the name of a northern town at random? Temp presenter Alex Forsyth claimed to have invented Levelling Up.

Silvery rooftops belied the oncoming storm Friday. Phil snorted at warnings of catastrophe: “Storm Eunuch more like!” But with torrential rain and more train cancellations later, he agreed he’d have got stuck in Leeds. Reaching 85 mph at Emley Moor, record 122 mph winds battered The Needles and 200,000 homes lost power. Falling debris and trees resulted in 3 fatalities while a tree killed a man sweeping leaves in Ireland.

P&O ferries to Calais and Welsh trains were suspended, the A6 closed at Buxton as did the Prince of Wales, Severn and Humber bridges. Roofs torn off buildings, the millennium dome was a wreck. Where would they hold the festival of Brexit? In Europe, 4 died and a crane fell on a hospital in Belgium.

Meaning to do something active, I ended up writing all day while watching skating and curling. Concerned when Phil dashed out in the blustery afternoon for extra bread, he found it not as bad as it looked and no signs of devastation. GB women got to the curling final. Phil not realising he missed a nail-biting tie-breaker, I joked I knew more about his favourite winter sport than him!

No doubt sparked by schoolkids’ letters on Partygate, new DoE guidance on political impartiality in the classroom called BLM ‘partisan’. Criticised by unions and anti-racism campaigners, Mary Bousted of NEU predicted decreased student engagement and Hope Not Hate’s Nick Lowles said it focused on: “creating a debate about the culture wars rather than helping pupils learn about racism and prejudice.” Uncle Joe still believed war was imminent as Russia announced ‘massive’ nuclear drills involving multiple missile launches. Serge mocked the ‘fake’ warning. In the week’s business news, M&S raised minimum wages to £10 an hour, NatWest were to close 32 branches and American coffeeshop giant Starbucks cut back UK sales of Fairtrade coffee due to supply chain changes.

Call of the Wild

Flood warnings spilled over into Saturday. With trees on lines and trains in the wrong place, travel disruption continued. Rain turned to sleet, then snow. Pastel-shaded icing coated the hillside until the flakes grew in size. The kettle did the weird mental thing. As we now used the blisteringly fast second-hand kettle (putting up with lairy red plastic and lurid neon blue lights) to save money, it seemed likely the inundated water system was to blame. Icy lumps formed on telegraph wires and evaporating snow created vapour which reascended as liquid. As the sun came out, we seized the opportunity for a trip to the nearby clough. We waded down the slushy street where half-frozen puddles held fallen leaves captive and snowmelt deafeningly dripped from gutters. We found pavements on higher lanes rather slippery. My anxiety increased trying to dodge a huge family group and speeding traffic at junctions. In the clough, stunning colours competed for our attention with the sounds of nature. Large drops plopped in the blue swamp. Curly copper leaves rustled in the crisp breeze. Yellow narcissi sprung from squelchy earth. A fat red robin called to potential mates. Silvery light shone on wildly gushing streams.

Seeing a manmade red snail on the way into town, I didn’t think anything of it until another on the old pub sign made us wonder if it was a red snail trail. The centre quiet, I remarked it only took a week of storms to clear it! We grabbed a few items in the convenience store and went home, where Phil disappeared upstairs leaving me to faff with groceries and lunch. Back and legs aching from the short walk, I collapsed on the sofa (for more walks, see Cool Placesⁱ). Watching Lucifer, Phil joked he could be the ecumenical adviser with his knowledge of angels and demons. I thought they already had good ones. Drifting off, I composed a haigaⁱⁱ, and unusually didn’t wake during a night of fuzzy dreams – no doubt due to the fresh air and exertions.

Agreeing with The NHS Confederation, BMJ and WHO (flummoxed by the prospective end of isolation requirements), Wes Streeting told Sunday Morning that labour’s ‘living well with covid’ plan involved sensible precautions and preparedness for future variants. Sophie gave him a hard time on their response to Boris’ anticipated easement and then asked The Bumbler next to nothing about it! Amid the usual bluster, he gave us a primary school history lesson on The Ukraine and evaded Partygate questions.

I’d gone to bed before being drawn into the women’s curling final and viewing the end highlights, wondered if they were at it all night. GB Beat Japan, confounding pundits. The men getting silver, it was our only medal of the whole games. No trace of the snow, the day started cold and became increasingly wet. I hurried bathing and dressing. Losing mobile and telly signals for a few hours, we watched iPlayer then had a break from the box. He hoovered the attic while I picked up where I left off spring-cleaning the kitchen. The corner shelves gross, I developed backache and a raging thirst. At a packed Elland Road, Leeds vs Man Utd was like the old days, complete with broken heads. The Swamp must have evoked tribal memories!

Omicron-specific Moderna vaccine would be trialled in Leeds, Hull and Sheffield. Stun grenades and pepper spray were used to clear the Freedom Convoy and arrest 170 in Ottawa. Mini Macron again spoke to Vlad raising hopes for a diplomatic solution but with shelling in Ukraine’s separatist region and renewed American warnings that Russia planned a war within days, hadn’t we been here before?

Aware of sirens upriver as Storm Franklin blew in, we escaped flooding. 150 warnings in total, Northern Ireland bore the brunt with a threat to life in South Manchester as the Mersey burst its banks. Since the system came in 7 years ago, it was the first time the UK had been hit by 3 named storms within a week. The all-nighter severely disturbed sleep.

* Centre for Countering Digital Hate

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 98 – This Page Intentionally Blank

“This stinks of a cover-up by Number 10. Even Richard Nixon believed a country deserves to know whether their leader is a crook” (Ed Davey)

Dirty Dozens

The storm moved to the east coast Monday, leaving the valley mostly calm and bright. Posting a haigaⁱ and the journal took most of the day, excepting lunch and essential chores. Due to the weather, mounds of recycling littered the house. Phil helped with disposal. One eye on the news, he précised the Sue Gray report but as the incomplete document was 12 pages (less if you ignored ‘this page intentionally blank’), I read it myself.ⁱⁱⁱ

Specifics missing, Gray berated the culture at the ‘heart of government’, failure of leadership and judgement, unprofessional consumption of excessive amounts of alcohol, inappropriate use of the Number 10 garden, and concluded rules weren’t followed. As operational structures hadn’t kept pace with expansion of the PM’s office and staff felt unable to report concerns, ‘lessons to learn’ should be addressed immediately. The Bumbler began his commons statement with another vacuous apology, saying he understood people’s anger, and he’d fix it by reviewing codes of conduct and creating an Office of the PM with a permanent sec. – would that address the accountability vacuum? He then blathered about government achievements. Keir responded Gray made ‘the most damning conclusions’ with a PM under criminal investigation and making people feel like fools, although they shouldn’t as they saved lives. Quite! I kept saying those who stuck to rules did the right thing and should stop whinging they didn’t hug! Phil asserted we were locked down to keep tory toffs safe. The comment from Carrie’s party mate 13^th November seemed to support that. Keir alleged Boris wouldn’t resign because he was ‘a man without shame’. Boris called that ‘a tissue of nonsense’ but others echoed pleas for full publication of findings. Andrew Mitchell withdrew his support and Ian Blackford ejected himself after repeating Boris broke lockdown rules and ‘wilfully misled parliament’.

Of the 16 ‘gatherings’ in scope, The met were looking into 12 (8 in Downing Street and 4 in the cabinet office)*. With 300 photos and 500 documents of the ‘Dirty Dozen’, they pledged to fast-track the investigation within weeks. At an emergency meeting of tory MPs, Boris allegedly banged the table screaming he’d nearly died of Covid. Trussed-Up Liz was spotted without a mask, later tested positive and wouldn’t accompany him to The Ukraine. As he’d cancelled a planned call to Vlad, David Lammy said it was an example of the ‘real world consequences’ of the distraction and Layla Moran complained: “This is the man who picked pleading with his backbenchers over talking tough to Vladimir Putin.” Meanwhile, Hong Kong politician Caspar Tsui resigned after being discovered attending a banquet. Our leaders could learn a lesson there! On Newsnight, small minister Paul Scuzzball contrarily argued that as Boris was at deaths door, he understood the issues! Tory activists said with no contrition and no confidence, his days were numbered. Journalists agreed, seeing the interim report as a ‘series of smoking guns yet to come’. I looked forward to the adaptation of Sue Gray and the Party Detectives into a Netflix series or, more likely, a low-key Brit flick!

Two years after the first hospital admissions of covid patients in Newcastle, NHS bosses warned of frontline staff quitting if forced to have jabs. Ministers said the policy could be ditched after consultation, including for social care. Would the 30,000 sacked workers return? Several areas of Beijing underwent lockdown and daily testing ahead of the Winter Olympics. Back-to-back storms forced the Thames barrier to close, blew lorries over, hampered train services and left 45,000 homes power-less. Winds reached 90 mph in Stonehaven where unhappy residents whinged this was the second time since November. In The Great Drain Robbery, thieves stole 160 cast iron drain covers in Doncaster to sell for scrap.

Cleaning out the fridge Tuesday, I found chilli jam so old mould erupted on the lid, a lump of ice in the runnel and a puddle beneath the crisper drawer. I spent ages scrubbing a minging juicer stored on top. The days long gone when chucking 40% of our fruit in the form of pulp was a good idea, we agreed to donate the unused item charity. The chore was punctuated with refreshment breaks, writing and shopping. Sunny and mild to start, a stiff breeze assailed me on the way to a quiet co-op where I discussed the price of seeds and compostable bags with my namesake at the till. Feeling iffy, I forced myself to write in the afternoon. Mind blank trying to work on the novel, I composed an add-on for Cool Placesⁱⁱ and posted a photo of pink winter blossom for Elderly Neighbours’ birthday (See below).

9.9% of covid cases over the past year were reinfections. Previously 2%, it showed earlier illness didn’t protect against Omicron. The WHO recommended treatments Sotrovimab and Baricitinib. DOHSC accounting revealed £8.5 bn written off for lost, faulty or expired PPE. The IOPC published details of racist, sexist and homophobic messages between officers at Charing Cross cop shop 2016-2018. The 2 dismissed were not isolated ‘bad apples’. After announcing the closure of 317 meat, fish and deli counters and Jack’s discount stores, changes to overnight working put another 1,600 Tesco jobs at risk. Our local farm shop featured on Look North. Open since 1974, the 81 year old owner offered a lifeline for remote villagers in bad weather and lockdowns, delivering essential supplies. In Grimsby ahead of unveiling the Levelling Up white paper, The Glove-Puppet said London’s elite didn’t understand the problems of overlooked communities. His plans involved elected mayors for every part of England and a dozen ‘national missions’, with targets for the economy, housing, education, transport and culture up to 2030 in 55 areas. 20 urban regeneration projects would start with Sheffield and Wolverhampton. Criticised for no new money and lack of ambition, Lisa Nandy called it shuffling deckchairs and Tracy Brabin suggested he prioritise early years and bringing HS2 to the young, vibrant city of Bradford.

Boris known to have attended at least 3 of the ‘Dirty Dozen’, police guidance stated identities of those issued fixed penalty notices ‘should not be released or confirmed’. Rayner inveighed: “I can’t believe this needs saying. The public have a right to know if the PM is found to have committed an offence.” Ed Davey added it stank of a cover-up. Rabid Raab implied Boris still didn’t think he’d done any wrong saying: “(he) believes he acted in good faith at all times.” Downing Street later said they’d reveal if Boris was fined. In Kyiv to speak to president Volodymyr Zelensky before a press conference and rescheduled call to Vlad, No. 10 claimed he spearheaded the international response. An international joke more like! White House press aide Jen Psaki chortled at ambushing cakes in faces, Russian TV sniggered Boris was a henpecked wannabe emperor mocked even by kids, and former tory diplomat Rory Stewart sputtered: “This idea that somehow Boris…is single-handedly defending Ukraine from Russia is pure fantasy.”

Dancing In The Gaslight

Waking with a creaky jaw the last 2 mornings, further evidence I was grinding my teeth while sleeping due to anxiety, emerged a few days later. Careful exercise helped ease the discomfort Wednesday.

Boris parroting the accusation from right-wing social media that Keir failed ‘to prosecute Jimmy Savile’, Nazir Afzal on BBC Breakfast said in the 3 years he worked under him as DPP, they had record child abuse convictions. In fact, decisions were made locally, Keir apologised and commissioned an investigation which blamed Surrey prosecutors and police for the mess. Causing ructions in the tory ranks, Tobias Ellwood was one of 3 to submit letters of no confidence and on Newsnight, David Liddington derided the ‘crude, stupid distraction tactics’ and a lack of emotional intelligence that ‘sapped trust’. Nick Watt called the gaslighting a death sentence. “Hmm!” mused Phil, “who’s the one who likes dressing up, visiting hospitals and says he’ll fix it…“ And let’s not forget, Savile was a tory. A photo of the nonce posing for the Tory 2010 election campaign turned out to be fake but ones of him with Thatcher weren’t.

Lindsay Hoyle read ‘the bible’ on parliamentary language before PMQs. If Ian Blackford had to retract calling Boris a liar, why didn’t Boris have to recant his comment on Savile? I wondered. The Bumbler toadied to the queen and told Esther McVey mandatory jabs for the NHS would be abandoned. Tongue in cheek, Keir queried if part of Operation Save Big Dog was being ‘tax-cutting conservatives’, why did they keep raising them for workers while protecting oil companies and banks and ’gaslight’ the British public with stealth taxes? To Boris’ usual waffle, he responded: ‘lots of words, lots of bluster, but no answers’ and joked that wouldn’t work with the police! He pointed out wastage and fraud during the pandemic equalled the extra taxes and asked why he wasn’t investigating that instead of squeezing people to the pips? Boris spewed a load of figures, rubbish about record amounts of PPE and getting ventilators from footballers. Keir repeated he needed to sharpen how he answered questions.

I was stealing myself to take the redundant juicer to the charity shop in the drizzle when Phil offered to go. Relieved, I did some admin and messaging, setting a record 3 social engagements for the month (lunch with Walking Friend and AN Other Friday, an exhibition with Manchester Friend and a drink with The Researcher late Feb). The so-called wine rack stuffed with miscellaneous items, Phil returned as I began sorting them to reclaim mechanical whisks and a mixing bowl, then left me to evict spiders, scour utensils, start another charity bag and make room in cupboards.

Hospital cases down, more deaths were recorded than for almost a year. Figures excluded Scotland. Nasty Patel told the home affairs committee the IOPC findings showed a ‘failure of leadership’ (sic) but didn’t say Dick should go. Yvette Coop wanted action from the home office as well as The Met. Boris made the postponed call to Vlad and tweeted the way out of hostilities was diplomacy. So, calling the Russians hostile was diplomatic, was it? After legal advice that SPS checks required approval from the Stormont Executive, DUP minister Edwin Poots ordered officials at Daera** to stop Irish Sea border checks from midnight. Back doors opened at the Port of Belfast the next morning. Saying issues could be resolved through the protocol, Sinn Fein accused him of playing party politics. 4 Insulate Britain protestors got stuck in jail after gluing themselves outside the High Court while chants of ‘Boris out’ were ignored during Westminster news broadcasts.

Lower leg cramp woke me in the early hours Thursday. Unable to reach, I tried shaking it out but the knee agonisingly locked up. On the verge of tears, I attempted to stand and hobbled to the bathroom. After a bit more sleep, the pain alleviated enough to perform most of my exercise routine. Telling Phil I‘d never known anything like it, he said he had and I worried not for the first time, if it was arthritis. I rushed chores and writing tasks to go to town, greeting 3 lesser-spotted neighbours along the street. The centre strangely quiet in the dull dampness, I discussed the inflationary cost of cough drops, energy price hikes and treasury plans for loans and rebates with Sweet Shop man. Ofgem raised the cap to £1,971. Rishi dished out £200 rebates on electricity bills from October (to be paid back from 2023, though Goldman Sachs doubted prices would drop until 2025) and £150 off council tax (the treasury gave councils £144m). Unimpressed, labour called it ‘buy now pay later’ and asked why there was no cut in VAT or windfall tax for Shell, who made £14bn profit? BOE simultaneously put interest up to 0.5%, predicted inflation of 7.25% by April and said it wasn’t a good time to ask for more pay. So much for the high skills, high wage economy! GMB’s Gary Smith retorted: “telling the hard-working people who carried this country through the pandemic they don’t deserve a pay rise is outrageous.” Elsewhere, France put a 4% limit on fuel rises, Belgium slashed VAT and Greece increased the minimum wage by 2%.

On the market, I bantered on posh names for bog roll with Jolly Veg man and topped up supplies in convenience stores to postpone a trip to the co-op, then lugged bags home and faffed to fit mussels in a bowl until Phil came to help. He began scrubbing a Dutch oven but desperate for lunch, I bade him leave it.

Effective against Omicron, Novavax was approved following trials in Leeds and Bradford. A caller to Jeremy Vine called Boris a baboon and David Davis said he suffered death by a thousand cuts with the party in a state of paralysis. As if to illustrate his point, director of communications Jack Doyle and head of policy Munira Mirza quit; she cited the Savile slur. Stopping short of an apology, Boris insisted he was making a point about responsibility for the organisation as a whole. What! Like he was responsible for the antics in No. 10? Late evening, PPS Martin Reynolds and Chief of Staff Dan Rosenfeld also left Downing Street pursued the next morning by special adviser Elena Narozanski. At least 2 of them were at parties. Energy minister Greg Hands said it proved the PM was ‘taking charge’. DUP MLA Paul Givan resigned, meaning Michelle O’Neil also lost her post, power-sharing at Stormont ended and the exec couldn’t meet. How did that square with them having authority to change import rules? Sinn Fein said the political opportunism had catastrophic impacts ahead of May elections. A high Court judge subsequently suspended Poot’s decision to stop import checks, until a full judicial review to avoid confusion ‘hanging over’ civil servants.

Discussing mandatory vaccines for health staff on QT, a sceptic with piles of scrappy notes disputed a vax scientist. Robin Shattock tried to be nice but ended up saying he was talking crap. Torygraph weirdo Tim Stanley thought it good to have the debate and mandating counter-productive. NHS Confederation’s Victor Adebowale said with 95% staff uptake but only 89% for BME, they had rights but also responsibilities. Crispin Blunt believed it sensible to re-assess the policy on evidence. A nurse in the audience claimed natural immunity from having covid protected her. Shattock informed her that varied and asked if an antibody test might persuade her? “Maybe.” Probed on if Boris damaged the tory party, Crispin said we were being played by The Scumbag and repeated the assertion not everyone followed the rules. Weirdo Tim bizarrely compared Boris to a character from Oceans 11, Rosena Allin-Khan maintained the ‘consistent liar’ wasn’t fit for office, before or now, and Victor called him a moral vacuum. Robin asked: who do you trust?

Interviewed on Newscast, Rishi said Boris was right to apologise, evaded questions on standing for leader and claimed to have seen no parties from Number 11’s window. A day later, The Mirror reported The Met had a photo of Boris holding a can of beer at his lockdown birthday party, standing next to Rishi in the cabinet room. Shot by Andrew Parsons (one of 3 of The Bumbler’s official tax-funded photographers) who documented the event, it proved they didn’t give a shit!

Mixing It Up

So much happened in the world of politics late the previous night, trying to get a grip Friday morning was hindered by Phil rambling and Walking Friend texting to ask if I could be ready early. To avoid rushing, I arranged to meet at the corner pub instead, hastened my notes and put a face on. No sign of them outside, AN Other waved to me from inside the pub. They mixed coffee and Bailey’s but I eschewed drinking during a catch-up and deciding what next. On the way to the big charity shop, a feint rainbow provided a backdrop for a cloud of squawking corvids. We ambled down the still oddly quiet pedestrian street. AN Other liked the look of the wood burner in the cocktail bar. Unsure if they served food, she asked to be given a Med café menu. As she re-arranged the furniture to feel the heat, I wryly told the waitress: “sorry about this.” The partnership arrangement involved staff toing and froing across the street. Over inevitably tepid dishes, we discussed holidays, labyrinthine German tax laws and mutual acquaintances. I expressed relief at not going to Deceased Friends’ wake after the family all got covid and learnt another old pub mate died of cancer last month. Walking Friend fed pigeons to distract them before feeding ducks on the wavy steps. Visiting more charity shops, we ended up at one near our street. AN Other drove back across the moor, Walking Friend went to the co-op and I went home, agreeing it made a change mixing up our lunch-meets. A mélange of chatter crowding my head, I couldn’t relax at all during a siesta.

ONS found risk of death from covid dropped 93% after 3 jabs. Rishi having distanced himself from Boris’ slur, Goblin Saj said Keir should be respected for doing a good job as DDP but the PM ‘clarified remarks’ on the Savile issue and still had his support. Nick Gibb, the latest tory MP to publicly call for Boris to go, cited constituents’ fury ‘about the double standards’ and the PM’s ‘inaccurate’ commons statements. Meanwhile, Liam Fox waited to see what happened and in a round of drunken interviews, batty Nads Doris claimed 97% of tories backed Boris and it was all a Remoaners plot. After taking the big plane to Blackpool to play with trams, Boris returned to rally the troops and quote ‘change is good’ from the Lion King. “It really is The Lying King!” I laughed. Ukrainian architects Studio Makhno designed Plan C, bagels for settlers on Mars to inhabit craters, with food grown in orbiting spherical greenhouses. Did they nick the idea from The Expanse?

A watery sun presaged grey rain Saturday. Rather scatty, I kept drifting off, but rallied with caffeine. Nowt on telly, we watched extras on a DVD so it could go in the charity bag. Disposing of recycling, I found dog poo on the doorstep, angrily scrubbed it off and railed I was starting to take it personal. Phil thought dogs simply needed a crap when they reached the top of the steps. Heading to the main road, car lights on the gloomy roads made it appear like midwinter again. Among gaps in the co-op, I got a cheap pineapple. What was that about affordable fruit? At the till, teenage girls carefully handled a carrier like it was precious. The nice young Scottish cashier told me it was a cappuccino glass. Pausing halfway through scanning my stuff, she apologised for having a moment. “It’s okay, I’ve been scatty today.” “Good.” “Is it?” “Yeah, if you can’t pause on a day like this, when can you? Have a nice evening.” “It’s not evening yet. It just looks like it.” “I don’t mind this weather.” I stopped myself replying she was probably used to it! I trudged back and collapsed on the sofa while Phil watched Olympic skiing, commenting on the fakery in an area of China that barely got 20cm of rain a year, let alone snow! Working on the journal, I got mixed up with all the Westminster parties, checked the BBC news list and discovered 2 were excluded from the report, including Shaun Bailey’s lavish buffet. “That sounds like an excellent idea!” exclaimed Phil, googled an all-you-can-eat in Blackpool and declared he now used tory antics as a kind of tarot. Cooking the pineapple with a splash of sambuca, Phil queried why we never drank it. “We don’t really mix drinks anymore.”

Raining all night, sheets of hail careened down the valley Sunday. And it was so dark! No possibility of a walk, I worked on the journal and tried cleaning kitchen chairs. Mysterious splotches persisting, Phil’s idea of using turps to expunge them might wait ‘til we could work outside. We also made some arrangements for Phil’s birthday weekend but were undecided on the lavish buffet. During a truly terrible night, I caught myself clenching my jaw in an early hours stupor. I must have slept but it was in such small snatches I might as well not have even tried!

After Boris stated crime fell 14% and the Home Office admitted it excluded fraud and computer scams, the UKSA sad they were misleading. Challenged on Sunday Morning, Kwasi Modo said they meant street crime like burglary and violence. Tell that to Leeds people in fear of being stabbed!

*Scope of inquiry:15^th May 2020, garden party; 27^th Nov, leaving do; 10^th Dec; gathering at DoE, 15^th Dec, Xmas quiz.

The Dirty Dozen: 20^th May 2020, garden party; 18^th June, a gathering; 19^th June, Boris’ birthday party; 13^th Nov, 2 gatherings; 17^th Dec, 3 gatherings; 18^th Dec, ‘end of term’ party; 14^th Jan 2021, a gathering; 16^th April, 2 gatherings.

Excluded from report: 14^th Dec; Bailey’s lavish buffet, Met speaking to 2 attendees; 16^th Dec, DoT party.

**(Department of agriculture, environment & rural affairs)

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. The Sue Gray Report: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1051374/Investigation_into_alleged_gatherings_on_government_premises_during_Covid_restrictions_-_Update.pdf

Part 91 – Partygate

“People should be able to look forward to Christmas without having to worry about how they’ll pay for it” (Frances O’Grady)

Whine and Beer

The weather on Monday was as dull as my day, consisting of nasty chores, posting blogs and a yoga session cut short by the still-sore jabbed arm.

Goblin Saj told MPs Omicron was spreading around the world and in the UK. 336 cases, not all linked to travel, the time between infection and infectiousness was shorter than earlier variants. No room in quarantine hotels, Richard E Grant whined about his Heathrow Holiday Inn brekkie. Kit Malthouse advised he take it up with the chefs. Traces found on 11/12 bogs in parliament, Kit said MPs likely took cocaine and Lindsay Hoyle called the police. With impeccable timing, Boris launched a 10-year crackdown on drugs in Liverpool, moronically dressed up as a cop. BOE deputy governor Ben Broadbent predicted inflation would hit 5% when energy prices rose in spring 2022. He was way off the mark, as it turned out.

Giving the Richard Dimbelby lecture, Sarah Gilbert explained how experts had led the way. Work on developing a MERS vaccine in 2018 and ‘Platform technology’ on ‘disease x’ meant not starting from scratch and moving fast when info on the novel coronavirus came through very early January 2020. On 11^th January, the spike protein’s genetic code was released and the first small batch of vaccine was ready by April for animal trials in Brazil and SA. Processes were accelerated so they ran in parallel with prep for human trials and the first volunteer was jabbed on 23^rd April. No money until creation of the Vaccine Taskforce, they formed a partnership with AZ and the drug was approved for emergency use 23^rd December. They got round issues of working in a pandemic by having zoom meetings, socially-distancing in labs, declaring staff as key workers so their kids could stay in school and hiring private jets to avoid flight restrictions. Communication not previously a priority for scientists, they had learnt from failing to get messages across such as the rarity of blood clots (less of a risk than from covid itself), and that it was safe during pregnancy. As coronavirus ‘wasn’t done with us’, work on variants started immediately. She warned of a future ‘disease y’ which could be worse and wanted a ‘health force’ working like the army to tackle threats. The new Pandemic Sciences Centre at Oxford could make vaccines for other diseases too. Investment in people and labs was crucial, especially for large-scale manufacture, and in methods and facilities, particularly in Africa.

Oversleeping on Tuesday, I cleaned, wrote, and went to the co-op – fairly busy but better stocked. In the evening, I texted Walking Friend to arrange lunch the next day and tried to print the Christmas card. The laptop said the printer was offline, I switched to the desktop, had to replenish ink, couldn’t open the pack and got frustrated and upset. Phil came to the rescue. 7.45 by then, I was glad of leftovers for dinner. Then Word went into some unfathomable view mode. I furiously put it aside and watched telly.

Officially 101 new Omicron cases, Prof Tim Spector said they were doubling every day, and there were more in the UK than in some countries on the red list, rendering travel restrictions futile. Cabinet ministers heard it spread 3 times faster than Delta but didn’t discuss plan B. Boris expected to update on additional restrictions ‘within the next 2 weeks’, an Ipsos/Mori/BBC vox pop revealed 63% wanted more and 12% wanted less. ONS announced a ‘statistically significant’ rise of 18.6% in alcohol-related deaths during 2020, much higher in deprived areas. Reasons not analysed, David Fothergill of the LGA Community Wellbeing Board said: “These stark statistics should act as a wake-up call about the impact of Covid-19 on our general health.” Jason Beer said ‘sorry’ for not properly overseeing building regs leading to the Grenfell Tower fire. Foreign Office whistle-blower Raphael Marshall revealed the chaotic Afghanistan evacuation entailed arbitrary selection as Rabid Raab didn’t fully understand the situation and delayed making decisions, leaving those left behind to be murdered by the Taliban. Rabid defended wanting each case neatly presented. Weather bomb Storm Barra brought heavy rain and 80 mph gusts to Ireland and the UK.

Bunfight

Pitch black and cold first thing Wednesday, I eschewed chores. Phil sorted the daft Word feature – I’d inadvertently done something funny on the view menu. We then watched PMQs before Walking Friend arrived, who’d texted to say she’d call round after the bunfight.

As video emerged of Allegra Stratton joking about Christmas parties at Number 10, DOE admitted staff met after-hours for a ‘social gathering’ on 10^th Dec 2020, against tier 3 lockdown rules. Ant and Dec joined in the jest on ‘I’m a Celeb’. In a predictably packed Commons, PMQs was all about the parties. Lawyer Keir pointed out Raab’s claims that police didn’t investigate crimes retrospectively was utter rubbish. Boris accused him of playing politics. Ian Blackford railed: “the government have laughed in our faces. Is this the man to lead these islands when lives are at stake? If he doesn’t resign, he must be removed.” Lindsay Hoyle repeatedly scolded MPs, saying they needed to do better. Boris promised investigations by Simon Case with evidence handed to the Met. The PM ‘furious’ at the fake news footage, The Stratton tearfully apologised and resigned that evening. Who’d be next?

Phil took a break from his tiny work to come for lunch. We went via the post-box for me to post cards to my aunty and said hello to The Poet at the corner pub. At the Turkish café, we ensconced in a cosy corner to chat about Walking Friends’ 60^th birthday plans, Christmas and the bunfight. I was sceptical of her view it was ‘a dead cat’ to kill off the hoi polio but agreed anti-vaxxers should watch Gilbert’s persuasive lecture. Although I was uncomfortable about testing on monkeys. Phil headed home while I accompanied Walking Friend to the wavy steps. She threw birdfeed to be surrounded by a flurry of duck and pigeon wings. On the next bridge a large heron perched next to a gushing weir. After some charity shopping, the rain turned foul. We sheltered beneath an arch, and said goodbye before she went for groceries and I went to Oxfam for 99p jewellery. Achy, sodden and freezing back home, I went straight upstairs to remove sodden clothes and warm up in bed. I rose in time for the Bumbler’s evening briefing.

Much earlier than predicted and after hastily consulting cabinet, Boris announced Plan B, effective next week. He insisted that with Omicron growing faster than previous variants, it was the ‘proportionate and responsible thing to do’, allowing time to get boosters done. The plan re-introduced guidance to work from home from Monday if possible or use masks if not. From Friday, face-coverings would be mandatory for most indoor settings including theatres and cinemas and a Covid Pass was needed from 15^thDecember for nightclubs and other venues – obtainable after 2 doses of vaccine or a negative LFT. Daily tests for contacts instead of self-isolation would minimise disruption. He said they’d take “every step to ensure the NHS is ready for the challenges ahead,” but the best thing we could all do was get jabbed. The new rules were due to last till 26^th January 2022, subject to review 5^th January with 4 criteria: efficacy of vaccines, severity of infection, speed of spread of Omicron, and rate of hospitalisations.

Nobody would take any notice after the Downing Street Christmas party debacle! Was it indeed a dead cat? Questions from the press asking if he was at some of the parties, echoed my thoughts on how he expected us to follow the law when he didn’t? Boris was of course evasive. Vallance said the rules were carefully thought through and Witless said people get angry when they think things aren’t fair but we should separate that out from reasons for the decisions. His so-called ‘laying out the logic’ didn’t wash with livid tory backbenchers who saw it as a deflection technique. Sir Charles Walker said measures would be seen as advisory: “I think it would be very difficult to enshrine them in law and then once again ask our poor police force to enforce them…And the events of the last 24 hours make it probably impossible now.” Did he allude to the latest claims from The Scumbag of more alleged Whitehall parties last Christmas making a total of 7? It didn’t escape notice that Plan B stopped short of banning private gatherings. Loopholes aplenty, Covid Passes were needed to go clubbing but you could host a huge house party with no restrictions. Also, singing was exempt meaning no law against taking your mask off and going round the supermarket singing Christmas songs. And there was nothing to stop work colleagues meeting in the pub, even if they worked from home. The NHS Covid Pass app promptly crashed.

Elsewhere, on the anniversary of the first ever covid jab, Margaret Keenan was interviewed and the booster roll-out was opened to over 40’s. Lord Tyrie called PCR tests for travel a ‘rip-off jungle.’ Fly-tipping up 16% during the pandemic, fines fell by half. Olaf Scholz was sworn in as Chancellor of Germany.

In Flagrante

The Laptop behaved oddly again before I could work on the journal Thursday, but it was probably my fault for randomly pressing keys. Skies brighter, Phil went to Leeds and I went to town in search of Christmas gifts and goodies. I struggled home with heavy bags, stuffed food in my gob and tried to do housework. Knackered, I managed a bit of dusting before resting.

3 of the alleged Whitehall ‘gatherings’ being investigated, it emerged communications chief Jack Doyle was at the 18^th December bash. At least 3 members of the public were fined for holding parties the very same day, making a mockery of the latest excuse for police inaction – a lack of evidence rather than the time gap. Err, I thought that was up to the CPS! Cynics claimed the Met weren’t prosecuting because Boris stuck by Caressa Dick amid calls for her resignation. Jeremy Vine mainly a sob-fest the last 2 days, Angela Rayner appeared from home via zoom, with an Ashton face. Did she get back from Westminster Wednesday night and do her eyebrows? Recapping the litany of awful government acts, she cried: “This man shouldn’t be prime minister…(he’s) not fit to govern.” As she evaded questions on why Keir hadn’t demanded Boris’ resignation, opinion polls showed 54% of the public thought he should. While Carrie Antionette gave birth to his umpteenth sprog, there were further calls for the PM to quit. The Electoral Commission fined the tory party £17,800 for not following the rules on donations from Lord Brownnose towards the Number 10 flat renovation. The report revealed a WhatsApp message from Boris to Brownnose asking for dosh. Rayner resurfaced to accuse him of lying when he said he didn’t know where the money came from. Downing Street insisted he was honest ‘at all times’, it was only a ‘technical breach’ and considered appealing against the fine. Rayner demanded fresh investigations from Lord Geidt and Kathryn Stone as Boris was ‘in flagrant breach’ of both the ministerial code and the MPs’ code of conduct.

The RSPB said HPAI* (aka bird flu), affected poultry and wild birds across the UK. Mainly ducks, geese and swans, ½ million domestic fowl were culled and some birds of prey died. Normal during the migration season, Useless George called it the biggest outbreak ever. On QT, tory Rachel Mclean didn’t answer questions about confidence. An irate man in the audience screamed: “They’re mocking us. It’s an absolute disgrace!” Train-lover Mike Portillo considered the overall covid policy ‘pretty good’ but plan B a diversionary tactic. Newscast guffawed at a veritable smorgasbord with something happening every hour of the day.

Friday, I felt unrested after a fractious night. Phil seeming sleepy, I made a big effort to get the cereal, worked on the journal and went to the co-op. Waiting for Phil’s help outside the shop, I realised I’d lost a mask bag and whizzed round the aisles again to no avail. Seeing an ambulance in the street as I left the house, I surmised it was for Elderly Neighbours. Phil saw The Wife being wheeled out. When we got back, The Husband was on their doorstep and told me her kidneys had ‘gone funny’. She’d been treated by the GP who advised getting the ambulance. The crew spent a ½ hour persuading her to go to hospital, then she had to be blue-lighted. “I can imagine!” said Phil. We spent the afternoon cleaning and viewing an interminable pointless Facebook video of morons making a big mess trying to fry eggs on matches. It reminded Phil of one wherein a woman baked a terrible unicorn cake.

58,194 daily cases was the most since January 2021. Omicron growing faster than Delta, it pervaded all regions and scientists predicted it’d be the dominant strain within a week. Susan Hopkins didn’t know how many hospitalisations there’d be. Due at a cobra meeting with The Glove-puppet, Sturgeon said she expected a tsunami of infections because of its transmissibility. But Metro reported Gove, Raab and Shats were isolating meeting infected Australian deputy PM Barnaby Joyce. Number 10 cancelled the staff Christmas party but said there was no need for others to follow suit. The decision was apparently nothing to do with the fiasco over last year’s shindigs but based on increased workloads to implement Plan B, and ‘the latest data we’ve got’. ITV later reported police entered Number 10 on the night of the alleged party after an alarm went off. Did they stay for wine and cheese? Some wag designed a Christmas Card mocking The Stratton. The Glove-puppet reportedly worked on Plan C to implement January 2022, entailing mandatory mask-wearing and Covid Passes in more places, and using the TIT app in hospitality. Post-mortem results on Geronimo the alpaca failing to find the source of TB, owner Helen MacDonald decried a cover-up.

Just about to make breakfast Saturday, there was a knock at the door. Expecting a secret delivery, I shouted up for Phil not to answer. In fact, it was Walking Friend with something we’d talked about Wednesday. She was off to Bradford with The Poet. Ostensibly to view plots and decide where to put her friend’s remains, she expected to end up in a pub rather than the cemetery. Grey, drizzly and cold, I was going nowhere. Printing Christmas cards and recycling old envelopes took most of the day. Leeds United were robbed as Chelsea were awarded 3 dodgy penalties. Fans complained of being squashed getting into Stamford Bridge.

Unable to sleep in Sunday, I watched The Marr. A video showed Boris playing a Christmas quiz with staff at number 10 last year. Keir said he appeared to have broken the law and people were right to be furious. Asked why there wasn’t a vote of no confidence, he replied because labour showed strong leadership supporting covid measures, which was ‘the right thing to do’. Nads Zahawi claimed the incriminating footage was actually of Boris thanking his team on zoom. Added to earlier reports of ‘gatherings’, who to believe?

Overnight rain led to a dull wet start but it brightened later. I spent ages rooting out a metal bucket from the cubby hole and was about to go twig hunting, when I realised the medium-sized Christmas tree looked much greener. Phil said he’d been caring for it which obviously paid off. He removed the remaining brown needles while I cleared debris. I’d noticed a few days ago that two planters had disappeared from the garden wall. Preferring to think they’d blown away in the storm, I then spotted clumps of soil– firm evidence they’d been nicked. Very depressing! We brought the Christmas trees in to acclimatise, got cleaned up, ate cake and cleared a corner in the kitchen to make space for Christmas goodies. No new photos, I used one of backstreets taken last week for a haigaⁱ.

Spreading at an alarming rate, Omicron accounted for 34% of London cases and a number of hospitalisations. The covid alert level rose from 3 to 4. Susan Hopkins referred to a ‘big wave coming straight at us’. Boris interrupted evening TV for a proclamation. His latest madcap target was to boost all adults in England by the end of December so the NHS had to match and then exceed its ‘best day ever’. The over 30’s could book online from Monday, all over 18’s from Wednesday, with other medical procedures postponed until the new year. Scotland followed suit and Wales was expected to bring in more restrictions. Northern Ireland had the highest covid rate in the UK again but only 8 confirmed Omicron cases. Lockdown in Austria ended for the vaccinated but an 11.00 p.m. curfew remained. Regional news reported Leeds would lose £35 million coffee-cup money due to workers not in offices.

Real wages fell 0.8% according to the TUC. Frances O’Grady fumed that people should be looking forward to Christmas without worrying how to pay for it: “Millions are facing a cost of living storm as bills soar and real pay falls. After more than a decade of wage stagnation, this is the last thing working families need. The government can’t sit this crisis out. Ministers should get around the table with unions and employers now, and work out fair pay agreements for every industry. That’s the best way to boost living standards and ease the pressure on households.”

Tornadoes in south eastern America almost entirely wiped out the town of Mayfield, Kentucky and killed 94 people including 6 staff at an Amazon warehouse in Edwardsville, Illinois. An investigation into safety measures was launched. Bezos sent condolences.

*HPAI – High Pathogen Avian Influenza

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 88 –Off The Rails

“This was the first test of ‘levelling up’ and the government has completely failed and let down everybody in the north” (Keir Starmer)

Hitting The Buffers

No way I could do anything Monday morning, I crawled back in bed. Frustrated at hitting the buffers again, I kept occupied posting blogs and writing, until the inevitable head fug set in. Phil’s crafty homemade bread looked hefty. Very tasty, it got eaten before becoming a Midsomer murders weapon! After dinner, we watched part of the World Cup qualifier. England slaughtered San Marino 10-0 in a ridiculous match. Why were the tiny team even in the running?

16-17 year olds to get a second dose, Goblin Saj said he’d take advice on boosters for the under 40’s. Boris repeated “storm clouds were gathering over Europe” and Oliver Dowdy said it was up to us to prevent a lockdown Christmas. But festive dinners were back on the menu as thousands of foreign workers were recruited. Only half the available visas taken up before the deadline, it was judged enough to kill turkeys. Labour called for publication of papers on Owen Paterson’s advocacy for Randox and details of government contracts awarded. They also planned to investigate time spent on second jobs and force a vote to ban MPs from paid consultancies or directorships. Boris later copied them. Keir hailed it as a victory. A PM spokesman called Belarus forcing a migrant crisis and trying to undermine the EU ‘abhorrent’ and vowed to hold the Lukashenko regime accountable. After a taxi exploded outside Liverpool women’s hospital Sunday, cobra raised the terror threat level to severe. The passenger asked to be driven to the hospital just before 11 a.m., when remembrance services took place. Later named as Emad Al Swealmeen, he blew himself up. Driver David Perry escaped uninjured. Anti-terror officers questioned 4 people and conducted forensic searches. It emerged the bomb contained ball bearings which could have inflicted serious injury.

I slept deeply well into Tuesday morning until roused by Phil. “Is it late?” “Yes. Shall I open the budgie curtains?” “No, I can do it. You shouldn’t really wake me when I’m ill. “Sorry; just making sure you’re alright.” Less fatigued but sneezy, I worked on the journal all morning. While Phil went to the co-op, I took washing out the of machine, struggled taking the basket upstairs and collapsed on the bed to read the nature trail booklet I got in the charity shop last week, when the phone rang. A very nice Dr. Jekyll arranged for a self-test kit to be left at the surgery reception for me. Quiet time wasn’t quiet at all as the chainsaws predictably started up at dusk. It was also a struggle to sleep at night-time.

ONS reported 995 deaths w/e 5^th November, the highest since w/e 12^th March. Jeremy Vine said 94% of Singaporeans were vaccinated and estimated 5 million refuseniks in the UK. Where did he get that from? The Tesco Christmas ad garnered 3,000 complaints as Santa brandished a Covid Pass. Politico revealed 47 companies got PPE contracts via the ‘VIP lane’ as recommendations from ministers and top civil servants were seen as ‘more credible’. Russia blew up a satellite, ISS astronauts had to shelter and the USA said they were weaponising space. Unemployment down to 4.3%, employment and vacancies were up. How come? Were they made up jobs? The Nord Stream 2 Pipeline was held up by a need to be registered as a German company. Recalling Phil’s experience of trying to navigate their complicated system, I exclaimed: “Mein got! Good luck with that!” Phil chuckled: “You must go to the post office in Stuttgart…”

The Great Train Robbery

Forced up after hardly any sleep Wednesday, I felt really crap. Phil half asleep, I fetched brekkie from a freezing kitchen, got back in bed, wrote ‘Autumn Medley’ for Cool Placesⁱ and watched PMQs.

The tory MPs who bothered to turn up, appeared in masks. Keir asked had Boris broken his promise on Crossrail for the North? Boris replied: ‘wait and see’, as the IRP* signalled ‘the biggest programme of investment in rail for a century’ and levelling up across the UK. Turning to another broken promise, Keir asked the PM to confirm scrapping the eastern leg of HS2. Boris blathered that northern people would benefit massively. Keir noted he’d still not said yes. Going onto Owen Paterson, he advised the PM to do the decent thing and say sorry for giving the green light to corruption. Boris reiterated the need for a cross-party approach to ensure nobody exploited their position and asked Kier how he earned money from law firm Mishcon de Reya before becoming leader. Lindsay Hoyle admonished, it was for him to answer, not ask questions. Keir called him “a coward, not a leader.” Spending weeks defending sleaze, “waving one white flag won’t be enough to restore trust.” (he subsequently retracted ‘coward’ as unparliamentary language). Boris went on about working together, addressing the appeals process and accused Keir of trying to prosecute others for actions he’d taken himself. Hoyle waded in again: “We play by the rules, don’t we?” and Keir added: “Upholding standards didn’t last long…when someone in my party breaks the rules, I kick them out. He tries to get them off the hook.” A full independent investigation was the only way to get to the bottom of how Paterson helped Randox get £600 million in contracts. Boris later told the commons liaison committee it was a mistake to try to save Paterson and suggested he was misled by colleagues.

Unable to get to shops, I placed an Ocado order, adding some Christmas stuff, and bought a couple of things from evil Amazon. The café owner texted asking Phil to take his pictures down. “Maybe you’re not the best artist in town after all!” I jibed. Actually, it was to make space for tinsel. He also received an invite for a booster. Where was mine? Had it failed to come because my phone was updating all day? I looked on the NHS central system but the local health centre not an option, I left it.

Due to energy, fuel, food and hospitality costs, inflation reached 2% in October, twice the BOE target and the highest in a decade. Lidl to increase wages by 6% from March, they’d be the best-paying supermarket. BBC news went to Belfast where Lord Frosty Gammon was after an agreement to alter the protocol. If that wasn’t possible, he’d use article 16 to suspend the parts he didn’t like. Acknowledging difficulties, the EU had already come up with a ‘reasonable package’ but Frosty wanted more radical change. Nasty Patel said a ‘dysfunctional asylum system’ allowed the likes of Al Swealmeen to remain and carry out terror attacks. That’s your fault! As Thangam Debonnaire pointed out, tories had been in charge for 11 years!

Still crap Thursday, I became exhausted after bathing, changing sheets and fetching coffee and dossed in bed before working on the takeover blog for The Researcher. It looked better than I remembered since leaving it when overtaken by life events last month. Phi went to the co-op and noticed the front door had been washed. From the landing window I saw the window cleaner’s van and advised Phil to be ready for the knock. He went to the kitchen but sure enough, the window cleaner rapped on the door. I shouted down, to be answered by the window cleaner. Eventually Phil heard me, paid and went back to making lunch. Getting afternoon coffee, I noted Phil had scrubbed the washing up bowl to blinding effect.

Saj promised the NHS Federation they’d get what they needed. The Environment Agency were investigating 2,000 sewage treatment works with findings possibly leading to prosecution and fines. Shats announced the IRP aka The Great Train Robbery. As expected, he scrapped HS2 to Leeds and Northern Powerhouse Rail (NPR). Instead, there’d be £96bn to upgrade the East Coast mainline and improve existing track (£42bn of which was already committed to HS2 between London and Birmingham). Tracy Brabin at Leeds station said it wasn’t what was promised. Anger from the Northern Research Group and in the commons, Keir said Boris had ripped up promises and failed the north: “You can’t believe a word the PM says.” Idiotically dressed up in orange at a Network Rail logistics hub near Selby, Boris retorted that was ‘total rubbish’: “Those extra high-speed lines take decades, and they don’t deliver the commuter benefits…we will eventually do them.” Money for Leeds super-tram was confirmed and Khan asked for another £1.9 bn for TfL.

On Question Time, Stephen Flynn, SNP labelled the debacle just another broken promise to add to a long list: ‘just look at the record’. Tory Mims Davies insisted they’d been honest. Stella Creasey guffawed, her own backbenchers were red-faced with shame. Creasey criticised Nasty Patel’s’ divisive immigration language and said we didn’t know if those arriving on boats were ‘illegal’. As 125,000 asylum-seekers awaited decisions, they always looked for someone else to blame. Mims asked Steve why Scotland didn’t take refugees. He snapped back, because they didn’t get any money to pay for it, adding the swell of refugees was our fault for warring in the Middle East and we had a duty to look after them. Discussing MPs second jobs, lawyer Nazi Afzal suggested they pick fruit and stack shelves. Good idea! I’d add clean toilets! A brainless Canadian psychologist said only 3% of the population were psychopathic and being corrupt was counter-productive. An audience member shouted: “why are the 3% in charge then?” creating much mirth.

Laura K interviewed Irish PM Micheal Martin for Newscast. He blamed all the problems on Brexit. The agreement signed in good faith, there weren’t ‘an abundance of checks’ at the border and the EU sincerely wanted to engage and get a solution; possible with goodwill on both sides. Previously saying it’d be ‘reckless’ to trigger article 16, he was encouraged by dialogue between Frosty and Maros Sefcovic and diplomatically pleaded: ‘don’t make it another nightmare Christmas!’

Backtracking

Very bright early Friday morning, I peeped through the curtains to view a bright dawn with blue sky and arty clouds, but the sun didn’t last long. Feeling slightly better but still fatigued, it took a while to come round. I worked on blogs and spotted a message saying the amazon package would arrive later. I told Phil not to answer the door. “Why? Is it a nutter?” It came when he was at the co-op, disturbing my quiet time. I stuck a hoodie to stand at the bottom of the stairs while a young man handed me the parcel. I faffed with packaging, hid the contents, lay back down again, then Phil returned, rousing me again. In the evening, we drank wine moderately, watched films and the first episode of the big new Prime release. We spent the first half hour of Wheel of Time laughing at hammy acting but it was suitable viewing after a few glasses.

Keir came on BBC Breakfast to complain the betrayal of the north proved ‘levelling up’ was just words. Re-announcing NPR 60 times, everything was a mess under this government. Holyrood was to crack down on mask-wearing while a plethora of measures continued to be implemented across Europe. Over 65,000 covid cases reported in a day, Germany banned communal working for those without antibodies and Belgians had to work at home 4 days a week. Upper Austria and Salzburg imposed lockdowns, followed Monday by the whole country for 20 days. Vaccinations would be compulsory from February. Chancellor Schallenberg called it ‘very painful’. Doctors welcomed the move. A demo against proposed mandatory vaccines and a ban on New Year fireworks turned into a riot in Rotterdam. Protestors threw rocks and fireworks and set cop cars on fire. Seven were injured including at least 2 shot by police. The Czechia and Slovakia locked down the unvaccinated. National news asked: was the UK on a different track? 1:65 infected, the trend was down on the previous week. Lukashenko admitted troops were helping migrants to the Polish border and refused to stop the flow. He didn’t give a shit! New culture sec Nads Doris said social media was hijacked by left-wing snowflakes.

I’d hoped to be better by the weekend but alas, I not much. After a mediocre night, I failed to lie in Saturday. Really bright again, the first frost of the season amplified brilliant sunlight. I went down for brekkie then returned to bed and worked on the laptop until head fug set in.

Breakfast a palaver Sunday, I got stressed, and a series of niggles led to harsh words and foul moods. When Phil asked if I wanted to go for a walk, I yelled “I’m not well!” and stomped off back to bed. Upset and fed up still being stuck indoors, I wanted to simultaneously cry and scream but forced myself to write. He came to make amends, apologised for rowing and managed to make me laugh. He then stood at the foot of the bed in distracting fashion. I told him to go out. I read the winter issue of Valley Life Magazine, took photos through the window of yellow trees across the valley, wrote a haiga using a photo of a late hawkweedⁱⁱ, and worked on the Christmas card. Bad feelings gradually waned but I was still depressed. Phil went in search of inspiration and came back with bargain mincemeat. The town centre was rammed of course, as I’d guessed from parked cars snaking up the road opposite. Loads of Christmas markets cancelled, I joked: “That’s because they’re all here!” Phil agreed: “It’s already like one out there!”

Boris caught mask-less on trains again, Mick Lynch of RMT said he sent ‘all the wrong signals’. Riots in Brussels, Vienna and across Holland led to injuries, 3 bullet wounds and 51 arrests in Rotterdam. WHO worried about the situation in Europe. Prof Pollard told Marr it was unlikely we’d see the same sharp rise as UK rates had been climbing since summer and boosters would reduce transmission. But as people in poorer countries still weren’t vaccinated, it remained a ‘major global public health problem’. Goblin Saj spouted a load of numbers, including claims protection increased from 50-90% with boosters; the key to us not going the way of Europe. Extended to 40-49 year olds in the coming week, I still didn’t have my invite. Maros Sefcovic said the EU was trying to help curb spiralling infections by encouraging vaccine take-up and thought hesitancy was caused by problems at the start of year, followed by a better picture in summer, leading to a sense of complacency. On Brexit, he felt some progress was made but not on process. While implying urgency, Lord Frosty made no counter-proposals to the ones from the EU in June.

Tesla drivers were locked out of their own cars and as the wheels came off Manchester United, Phil laughed at yet another heavy defeat. A sacked Ole Gunnar Solskjaer gave the ‘we’ve let ourselves down’ speech.

* IRP – Integrated Rail Plan

Reference:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 81 – Hell on Earth

“This is the playbook we see from them every crisis. Deny there’s a problem, fail to plan, blame the public, blame someone else, then call in the army. It’s utter incompetence” (Luke Pollard)

Fractures

Both fatigued Monday I struggled with the mundane chores. Putting recycling out, I was stressed out at almost being trapped against the wall by an inconsiderate UPS deliverer. Posting the journal took hours and gave me a headache, compounded by sudden blinding sunlight streaming through the windows on a blustery day. I came up with a new technique to make editing subsequent chapters quicker. Still sunny early evening, I considered going out to the garden but depressed at no sun on that side, I gave up the idea: a shame since the rest of the week was wet and grey.

66% of adults now double-jabbed, the UK was catching up with Canada, Chile, Singapore, Italy, Belgium, Ireland, Spain and Portugal (at 84%). In a hellish conference week for Keir, Andy McDonald resigned very publicly from the shadow cabinet. Fuelled by the petrol crisis, tube travel increased 7%, bus 2%, and rail 6%, where flexi-tickets further incentivised passengers. Amidst a plethora of idiotic acts, motorists stockpiled petrol, filled plastic bottles and bags to sell on Facebook, vandalised cars to syphon tanks and fought on forecourts. A cyclist taunted queueing drivers and a cavalcade at a shut garage in Wimbledon created gridlock. Care workers called for priority access to available stocks. A mini tornado ripped through Thorngumbald and Humberston in East Yorkshire while an earthquake near Heraklion killed 1 and injured 20 in Crete.

Discussing fuel issues on Newsnight, Richard Walker said the temp visas effective from mid-October would make little difference. As he mentioned voting for Brexit, I went off him. Phil said “some nice people voted leave.” “Hmm!” Michel Barnier promoted his long-awaited Secret Brexit Diaries in an interview. Repeatedly wishing the UK well, he said we must face the consequences of leaving but the EU were ready to find solutions within the NI protocol framework (not outside of it); the conditions of which should be ‘no surprise’ as “Boris knew what he signed.” He obviously didn’t! Ahead of running for President, he called for a French referendum on immigration to ‘regain legal sovereignty’ on key issues, but maintained free movement within the EU wasn’t at stake.

The headache returned Tuesday morning. I must have looked pained as Phil asked what was up. “It’s hard today” “I’ll have to shoot you.” “That’s helpful!” “What can I do?” “Be nice for a start!” Rain arrived just in time for a trip to the co-op with the usual gaps on shelves and nothing in the reduced section.

Boris met Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice, promising they’d have a role in the public inquiry and to appoint a chair by Christmas. He also endorsed the memorial wall opposite parliament as a permanent national emblem. The petrol situation improved slightly but pumps still under 50% full, the MOD approved ‘Operation Escalin’, putting the army on standby to step in for HGV drivers. Phil pointed out they were all TAs so probably worked as drivers anyway. BOE boss Andy Bailey derided comments about a lack of wind affecting the supply chain: “when is the plague of locusts due?” Luke Pollard said it illustrated the incompetence of the government. South Eastern was stripped of its franchise and effectively nationalised, even though it paid back £25m of undeclared taxpayers money. Aldi announced 100 new stores creating 2,000 jobs. 53 Insulate Britain protesters were released from custody despite the injunction.

Late telly-watching led to a bad night. Unable to sleep, I looked out the window to see blazing lights. Sifting through a jumble of stuff whizzing round my mind, concluded I was fed up with the mundanity of life but was devoid of ideas on how to change it. I eventually dropped off to the meditation soundtrack.

Fire And Brimstone

Feeling unrested Wednesday, I hoped Phil’s weekend hoovering would make cleaning the living room quick. Sadly not. On a showery afternoon, I went to town via the street below to avoid a crane at the mill development straddling our street. German Friend stood on her doorstep and told me she’d taken tests to ensure her cold symptoms weren’t covid. Prevaricating about going to work, I advised she look after herself. After errands, I loitered at the wavy steps to be chased by ducks, mistaking the rustle of plastic bags for bread. I escaped through the carpark and along to the new bridge. New Gran sheltered under an awning of the corner pub, with her daughter and grandson. The only drinkers outside, I called: “hello diehards!” We chatted over the wall about the baby’s fulsome barnet, him being taken to gigs and mum’s graduation in Liverpool. I’d arranged to meet Phil at the café and noticed he’d appeared on the other side of the busy main road, tricky to navigate. Going in the café, I wore a mask; nobody else did. Surprisingly busy, I wondered why they’d asked him to go at that time to take some prints away. We retreated to the back until the owner returned from an errand. He paid Phil for 2 sold pictures (at least 1 was Leeds-themed, belying the critics), dithered over which ones he wanted removed then decided they could all stay until the end of October. “That was an easy work!” Phil giggled. “Yes. I expected to be there at least long enough to take my anorak off. I even put a clean top on!” “Me too!”

Institute for Public Policy North found 3 times more deaths in the North East compared to the least-affected South East, since lockdown ended 19^th July. Blaming poor working and living conditions, the rift between north and south was stark. Fended off hecklers by saying he usually got heckled by tories at PMQs on a Wednesday, Keir gave his first live keynote speech since becoming leader to mock The Bumbler: “we have a fuel crisis, a pay crisis, a goods crisis and a cost of living crisis all at the same time. Level up? You cannot even fuel up.” He thought Boris wasn’t a bad man but a trivial showman, “a trickster who has performed his one trick.” i.e., Brexit. He could have added Boris wanted to be PM for the sake of it: once he got the job, he had no idea it would involve actual work. Not staying to sing the traditional Red Flag at the end of conference, we recalled it was banned under Blair. Would the two side of the party ever be reconciled? Might the die-hard lefties split and effectively leave a social democratic party of Nouveau Guardianistas? Did someone say Gang of Four?

After bathing Thursday, I tried to remove a nail shard from my big toe, in the exact spot where a chiropodist had cut it too short 3 years ago, I never returned after that. I worked on the journal and went to the market in the cold rain. Jolly veg man had price labels up, so over-charging was less likely. In the afternoon, I started editing holiday notes for Cool Places 2, became knackered and lay down. Characteristically unable to relax, at least I got warm in bed. Phil re-surfaced sooner than normal, not snoozing for once. “You’re lucky you can sleep in the afternoon.” “Not when I’m collapsing with fatigue.” “Makes no difference to me!”

On the last day of the furlough scheme, almost 1 million workers were still on it. Heartless tory git Simon Clarke said job losses were ‘a part of the process’ of support ending. Amidst mounting criticism of the Universal Credit cut, government announced a £500 million Household Support Fund, enabling councils to give grants to needy families. Therese Coffee-cup said it would help meet “essential costs as we push through the last stages of our recovery from the pandemic.” Rishi Rich surfaced in Selby to say it’d ‘make a real difference’. But Helen Barnard of the Joseph Rowntree Foundation countered it didn’t come close “to meeting the scale of the challenge facing millions of families on low incomes as a cost of living crisis looms and our social security system is cut down to inadequate levels…(admitting) families will need to apply for emergency grants to meet the cost of basics like food and heating through winter, it’s clear the chancellor knows the damage (it) will cause.” At Wayne Couzen’s 2-day sentencing hearing, gory details of Sarah Everard’s murder were summarised in court as: ‘deception, kidnap, rape, strangulation and fire’. He was given a whole life sentence and would die in jail (and hopefully burn in hell if there was one). Kate Wilson won her human rights case against the Met for being duped into a relationship with undercover cop Mark Kennedy aka Stone.

After 3 more unheard-of energy companies went bust, a reserve fleet of tankers headed to Yorkshire where petrol shortages were worst. No surprise as 10% of the UK’s pollutants emanated from the county. Rabid Raab suggested using ex-cons. Now, what could go wrong there? On Question Time, Useless George denied ‘turbulence in the supply chain’ was anything to do with Brexit, saying fuel demand up 50% last weekend, was now improving. Karan Bilimaria of Cobra beer ‘felt sick’ by the shortages and said the government wouldn’t listen to the immigration advisory board or CBI months ago. Ella Whelan, Spiked magazine, said there were long-standing problems of HGV drivers sleeping in cabs and peeing on the roadside. Flight attendant-turned-reality star Amy Hart referred to short-term visas as unfair: “You can’t treat people that way.” Useless said it would ensure driver capacity for the busy Christmas period, as too would 5,500 poultry workers. Referring to the Couzens trial, Wes Streeting said changing the police culture of ‘letting things go’ needed action not words. Amid renewed calls for Caressa Dick to resign, ex inspector Zoe Billingham was asked on BBC Breakfast next day why misogynists were allowed in the force to form WhatsApp groups and jokingly call colleagues ‘rapists’? She maintained it was a small minority and she’d been working on it for 9 years. It shouldn’t happen at all, you useless Coffee-cupper! Met advice to women approached by lone officers such as flagging down a bus, running to a house or dialling 999 were lambasted as ‘derisory’. North Yorks PCC Philip Allot advised women to be more streetwise about powers of arrest. Flabbergasted by the insulting comments, we wondered how anybody was meant to know what the Coronavirus Laws were when Sarah Everard was kidnapped during the first lockdown. Not even the police did, and arguably still didn’t! Subsequent retraction of the comments didn’t stop Keir wanting Allot to resign or York MP Rachel Maskell calling his position ‘untenable’.

Tierra Del Fuego

Friday still showery, at least we didn’t get a deluge like in other places. Heavy rain caused flooding in Greater Manchester, commuter issues in London and delayed installation of a temporary TV mast in North Yorkshire. More gales over the weekend prompted yellow warnings. I did some writing and went to the co-op. Phil caught me up in the last aisle to guffaw at ‘dots’ aka micro-doughnuts and empty freezer shelves.

We investigated recent dinosaur discoveries. A week after a 165 million year old new Ankylosaur was found in Morocco, evidence of two more dinosaurs emerged on the Isle of Wight. The 125 million year old carnivorous Riparovenator minerae and Ceratosuchops inferodios aka ‘Hell Heron’ attacked visitors, according to The Sun. We wondered why on earth anyone would go there back then as an artist’s impression depicted the holiday hotspot as hell on earth.

New covid cases up 18% week on week, the sharpest rise in 11-15 year olds returning to school, rates were still lower than the second wave in January. 12 hours before the Scottish Covid Pass went live, the app was launched. People complained of system errors but Sturgeon stuck to her guns and cited the 2-week grace period during which there’d be no prosecutions. ONS figures showed economic growth 5.5% April to June, but only 0.1% in July. Expectations for August were revised down to 2.1% because of supply chain problems. H&M profits tripled, Boohoo sales increased 20%, the energy price cap went up and Virgin Money shut 31 branches as more people banked online during the pandemic. Australia would lift the 18-month travel ban sometime in November when 80% of Aussies over 16 were fully vaccinated. Qantas to start flights from Sydney to London and Los Angeles 14^th November, no date was given for when we’d be welcome.

No improvement in the weekend weather, I stayed in Saturday and used a surplus of oats to make goodies. Taking miles longer to bake than the recipes indicated, the cookies had soggy bottoms and the flapjacks were too sticky to remove from the tin. “This is why I’m not a patisserie chef!“ Cold overnight, I slept badly and spent a fatigued Sunday draft-posting the journal, writing a haigaⁱ and posting ‘Views over Sands’ on Cool Places 2ⁱⁱ. Phil registered for more gig work on ‘click jobs’ which sounded hilariously like ‘clickbait’. Declaring it time, I fetched bedspreads out of storage for a toastier sleep.

In the South East, another injunction was granted to stop Insulate Britain protestors blocking major roads. Petrol shortages now worse than Yorkshire, the army started deliveries from Hemel Hempstead while Watford Town went north to be beaten by Leeds United 1-0 (their first win of the season). At the start of the tory party conference, Boris went to a Manchester gym sporting ridiculous boxing gloves emblazoned with ‘build back better’. They’d had almost a decade to do that! Setting the bar high (not), he told Andrew Marr Christmas would be better than last year. The Bunman said The Glove-puppet was good for ‘levelling up’ as he got things done like with education. Eh? He made a right mess of that! IDS wanted the cut to Universal Credit delayed but Gordy Brown wanted it scrapped, citing a report by York university on how it affected families. The Joseph Rowntree Foundation found Bradford West hardest hit with 81% on the benefit. Encouraged by the conviction of Wayne Couzens, a woman came forward to accuse a fellow Met officer of rape. David Carrick strenuously denied all charges. New fissures in the Cumbre Vieja volcano sent fresh rivers of fire across La Palma. Maybe they should rename it Tierra Del Fuego.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Place 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

Part 73 – Web of Deceit

“The Prime Minister is the master of untruths and half-truths…it’s the person who’s not telling the truth rather than the person calling it out that ought to be on the hotspot” (Keir Starmer)

Lies and Gimmicks

Aches and pains made exercising difficult Monday morning. Phil also struggled with bad eyes. Now into a second week, internet issues made blog-posting slow. I utilised the fine weather before rain arrived, hanging out washing and applying a final coat of paint on the wooden planter, and joked with The Decorator about builders sitting around drinking tea all day. Afternoon rest disturbed by noisy kids at the start of the summer break, I tried sleeping early that night. I was just putting my book down when a mosquito buzzed round my head. No doubt trying to escape the downpour. Torrential in the south, flooding of Whipps Cross hospital’s cellar led to loss of power and a state of emergency. We were warned of heavier thunderstorms coming north.

New covid cases down for the sixth day in a row, it was the first time there’d been a drop without lockdown. Pundits speculated Boris’ gamble had paid off while Mike Tildesley of SPI-M put it down to school holidays. He predicted it’d be 2 weeks until Freedom Day impacted on hospital admissions yet Prof. Adam Finn said of 200 in Bristol hospitals, the average age was 40 with many under 30’s seriously ill. Simon Stevens joined others to write about pressure on the NHS. Other theories for less infections included the end of Euro 2020, warmer weather, viral evolution, increased immunity and ditching of the TIT app. Millions pinged to self-isolate, some called it ‘lockdown by stealth’. While train operators reduced services, Cabinet’s covid operations committee met to add 13 industries to the exemption list. 2,000 new testing sites were promised so workers could continue working; 500 within the week. Rules in Northern Ireland relaxed to allow 15 people to meet outdoors and close contact services. Ireland permitted indoor dining for those who’d had 2 jabs or covid within the last 6 months. It emerged that France became ‘amber plus’ due to a rise in the Beta variant in La Réunion thousands of miles away from the mainland. Rabid Raab defended the decision based on ease of travel from the island. As 160,000 demonstrated about restrictions, Mini Macron said they couldn’t wish the virus away. A 10 litre limit on buying take-away fuel meant to stop dinghies crossing the channel, had little effect. The Police Federation called Nasty Patel’s announcement of a pay freeze ‘the final straw’ and voted no confidence in her. Brazilians demanded the impeachment of Bolsonaro over his covid denial and corruption. Coronavirus was found in British horseshoe bats. RhGB01 possibly existed for millennia but was only discovered by specific testing. In support of Dawn Butler, Keir told the media Boris was a ‘master of untruths and half-truths’.

Delighted to find fruit and salad veg in the co-op on Tuesday, I returned home singing: “yes, we do have bananas, tomatoes and lettuces too!” Getting cleaned up, I saw a flashing orange light outside. I stood safely on the stairs as Phil answered the door. The BT engineer wanted to check all our equipment again, even though it was all replaced last Friday. We agreed as long as he put a mask on, but repeated the issue couldn’t be in the house and affected the whole area. He admitted he’d come from a nearby household but claimed it turned out to be a spider in the connection box. Obviously it was trying to get on the web!

He fiddled with wires, replaced the only remaining old part (a splitter for the phone and router wires) and took readings which confirmed the signal had been dropping since 14^th July. Saying he was going to check outside, Phil asked “what about the exchange?” “I’m going there now,” he replied, before going to sit in his white van. Our belief he was telling fibs and didn’t go at all was confirmed later in the week. I collected up spares and added them to a pile Bright Sparks engineers dumped in the recycling last Friday. Wiping all the touch points, I hovered to do the outside doorknob, considering it impolite with the engineer still sat there. “You think he’s got covid hands,” giggled Phil. “No, but it doesn’t do any harm.”

Several insect bites really started to itch. Not sure if they were from midges or the pesky mosquito, I used antihistamine and after-bite before trying to rest. Phil received a message early evening claiming the internet was fixed. Due to all the new kit, when it worked, it was super-fast, but alas, it still bombed every few minutes. What a web of lies!

Weekly infections down (20% in Yorkshire) but hospitalisations up 33% and the highest daily rise in deaths since March, medics warned the third wave wasn’t over. However, Prof. Ferguson said the worst of the pandemic would be gone by October. The US travel ban continued for the UK and Schengen countries. Kit Malthouse called it disappointing but not surprising. After face-licking in heaven last week, party-loving journo Benjamin Button came on Jeremey Vine to perversely say he’d wear a mask in shops and tubes. The IMF now expected UK output to grow 7%, mainly because it had fallen back so much. Unison and the BMA began consulting on the 3% NHS pay rise while the RCN planned summer demos for ‘fair pay’.

Boris unveiled the Beating Crime Plan which entailed permanent relaxation of stop & search conditions, response time league tables, named officers for communities and chain gangs of anti-social citizens in fluorescent jackets ‘visibly paying their debt to society’. On Newsnight the previous evening, Nick Thomas-Symonds dismissed the daft ideas as more gimmicks and slogans, saying the 20,000 promised new recruits only replaced coppers lost since 2010. He added that the Tories had decimated neighbourhood policing and swept away supporting apparatus such as youth clubs while voting against a bill to increase sentences for rapists which showed they weren’t ‘tough on crime or the causes of crime’ at all.

Mounds and Piles

An insect bite on my leg particularly itchy Wednesday, I took more antihistamine and applied cream and a plaster to stop me scratching it. It was 4 days until they stopped being troublesome. Phil started a live chat with Talk-Talk straight after breakfast and spent the day moving hither and thither fiddling with wires without telling me what was going on. He gave me a jolt more than once suddenly coming up behind as I got on with vacuuming. Fraught, I collapsed with coffee before computer work, succeeding in posting a blog on Cool Places 2ⁱⁱ and re-plugged the back-up drive into the router to copy files from the past fortnight. The afternoon siesta was interrupted by a teeming thunderstorm, music blaring from neighbours’ cars, screeching geese and screaming kids. At the end of the day, Talk-Talk suggested replacing the router again. “It’s 5 days old!“ I exclaimed. Phil sent them a 2,000 word précis of events so far.

2,848 new covid cases since start the of Shonkyo 2020, the city’s total was over 200,000. Avoiding the lame games shown from early morning, we watched Good Morning Britain (GMB). A minister claiming the pandemic ‘over bar the shouting’ and The Glove-Puppet calling the unvaccinated ‘selfish’, Therese Coffee-Cup spouted a pile of waffle. Evading questions on the end to the UC uplift, she prated about getting disabled people into jobs. Good luck with that, you vacuous waste of space! Ex-PM Turnbull said Australia’s vaccination programme was a ‘complete fail’, having only reached 16% of the population. Later in the week, Sydney entered another month of lockdown. 3,000 crossed the channel in July; a monthly record. RNLI boss Mark Dowie videoed crews being abused as they rescued drowning migrants. In one instance, a mob shouted ‘go back to France’. As Mr. Dowie called it ‘vital humanitarian work’, Nasty Nigel Farage said they provided a taxi service. The following day, donations and volunteer vacancy searches on the charity’s website soared. Yvette Coop subsequently revealed ‘shocking conditions’ at the Kent Intake Unit where new arrivals endured inhumane overcrowding and the risk of infection. Newmarket council voted ‘no confidence’ in the local MP aka The Cock. NHS England saw sense, appointing Amanda Pritchard as the new CE rather than Dildo or Jo Amazon. Sheffield Forgemasters was effectively nationalised when the MOD bought it. The Gwynedd slate landscape filled the gap left by Liverpool on the UNESCO world heritage list, causing concern over house prices, too many tourists and second-homers.

On a cold, grey, windy Thursday, I worked on my novel for the first time in three months until head fug set in. I contemplated doing art but uninspired, I hunted for loose change instead and counted £40 into bank bags. Phil again on to Talk-Talk all day, they unbelievably tried to charge him for the engineer visits. After lodging a complaint, the issue was escalated to the section manager at long last. I suggested Ofcom if it still didn’t get sorted but Phil said they were useless. “Threaten to set Watchdog on them. It’s worked for me before.” They eventually officially informed us the problem originated at the exchange. We’d been telling them that from the start! Saying it could be fixed Saturday, we didn’t hold our breath. Just as well, seeing as that was yet another lie to add to the pile. On asking why the process was so shit, Phil said every call was treated as a new case and he got caught up in a never-ending loop. What a stupid system! If a problem wasn’t solved first time In future, he vowed to go straight to complaints.

Cases and deaths up a second day running, 689,313 were pinged in the past week. 260 testing centres for ‘critical workers’ opened. After announcing that arrivals from the US and EU (except France) wouldn’t have to quarantine from 2^nd August as long as they were double-jabbed and took PCR tests, Rabid Raab came on GMB to call it a ‘smart and sensible’ move. Scotland and Wales followed suit, the latter ‘with regret’. International cruises also allowed, where on earth could they berth? While testing was required of arrivals, it wasn’t for ‘ping and release’. I agreed with Christina Pagel that it made no sense; the vaccinated could still infect others with variants. ONS reported 86% of 35-54 year olds and only 75% of 18-34 year olds, stuck to isolation rules. Yet while the daily number of first and second jabs had gone up for the first time in ages, the under 30’s remained reluctant. A Pop-up at Thorpe Park to jab the young seemed mad. What if they were sick on the coronacoaster? The first batch of vaccines promised to poorer countries dispatched, Raab predicted the whole world immunised by mid-2022. The WHO expected it would be the end of next year. Who to believe? Experts or a self-serving tory? Flooding deposited mounds of mud in Lake Como villages, leaving people homeless and Storm Evert landed in South West England. The government pledged £860m for flood defences. I’d said they’d cough up if London and the south was hit. According to Look North, our valley would get some of it. Newsnight reported on extreme weather across the globe. We were bemused by a climate change expert referring to ‘rain heavy storm rain’ and Allegra Stratton (now apparently Boris’ spokesperson on the issue), spouting a mound of guff on targets.

Storm Evert brought more rain our way Friday. Feeling depressed, I moped about before working on the journal and going to the co-op. Phil caught up at the till to help carry and unpack. Avoiding streaming issues,, we spent the evening watching Bladerunner 1 & 2 on DVD, appreciating the awesomeness anew. After drinking all the wine, we went to bed late and suffered the next day.

Infections continued to rise across the UK, except Scotland, but new cases fell. Uncle Joe announced payments of $100 to encourage more vaccinations, which could be mandatory for US government roles. Big companies following suit included Google, Facebook and Netflix. Rabid Raab thought it ‘a good idea’ for UK employers to do likewise but lawyers warned of a legal minefield and union GMB expressed concern mandatory jabs might become a substitute for covid-safe practices. A decision on whether students needed to be immunised before returning to campus wouldn’t be made until September. Leeds dairy Arla envisaged milk supply disruption over the summer if the HGV driver shortage wasn’t addressed. Derided as a pile of crap, Marble Arch Mound closed after 2 days. Westminster council obviously off their heads commissioning the ludicrous tourist attraction, it would have been better to recreate Tyburn Prison complete with gibbet and hold weekly lotteries to determine which lying politician to hang.

Steampunk Weekend

Taking it slow on Saturday, I pottered about and cooked, trying to ignore terrible music from outside and drunks staggering about in the early hours. I doubted the Steampunks here for the weekend would be so uncouth. The Internet predicably not fixed, Phil couldn’t even contact Talk-Talk. The evening’s old DVD selection comprised of another escapist double bill – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 & 2.

In the house for days on end, we ventured out Sunday to have a gander at the shenanigans. I headed out first, via the knobbly veg stall, wandered around the rest of the market and loitered in the square. Taking surreptitious photos of elderly people in fancy dress proved hard as they were total posers who could spot a camera at 50 feet. When he arrived, Phil advised a more brazen approach. We bumped into a couple we’re friends with and compared observations on the internet palaver and Steampunks. She agreed some looked like Quality Street soldiers, others more Jane Austen than Victorian and what did Captain America have to do with it? Wondering why they came when there wasn’t anything specific to attract them (for instance films, of which there were several), Phil said it was like mods in the olden days – parading up and down to be seen. We escaped to the park for a touch of normality. I rested on a bench while Phil answered a call from Talk-Talk. They assured him there’d be no charge for the engineer visits and the problem at the exchange was ‘being worked on’. Strolling in the rather quiet park, butterflies and bees flitted among teasels and wildflowers, a small group chatted beside a Valley Pride banner and a few kids inhabited the skateboard park. None were brave enough to emulate Charlotte Worthington’s ground-breaking Olympic BMX tricks which were definitely more impressive than the sad horse event we’d caught a glimpse of. As riders galloped around, pedestrians wandered the course taking phone snaps. Truly Shonkyo!

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. Cool Places 2: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

Part 62 – It’s Grim Up North

“If it’s good enough for London, it’s good enough for us” (Tracy Brabin)

Rude Blokes

After the rude awakening in the early hours, I dropped back into deep sleep when Phil woke me Monday morning saying it was late. Exhausted after a crap night, I considered a curt retort but thought better of it. Barely able to move my neck, a few painful exercises eased it slightly. I’d only just finished my cuppa when Phil announced he was taking the tray away. “Don’t rush me!” “Sorry, I’m trying to be helpful.” “I know, but I feel harassed.” The usual round of Monday chores and blog posting ensued. Unable to add photos to the journal, turning the laptop off and on again fixed the issue but the process remained slow. The co-op quiet that afternoon, an ignoramus threw his shopping on the conveyer before I’d moved forward at the checkout. “Do you mind?” I asked pointedly, to which I got a blank look in response. How rude! Changeable all day with some thunder, for once I’d managed to run the errand in a sunny spell. I lingered at the doorstep to chat to the rarely seen next-door neighbour. She’d recently married and invited us to a post-covid party in July. I got rid of a pile of recycling before the heavens opened again. In the evening I set about repairing a new rip in my favourite jeans but the patch of old denim I found was too light. My neck still painful and stiff, some yoga stretches and a massage at bedtime aided sleep.

Consistent falls in cases, hospitalisations and deaths saw the Covid-19 alert level downgraded to 3 for the first time since mid-September. The Bumbler announced the next stage of the roadmap would go ahead as expected on 17^th May, allowing indoor hospitality, entertainment and activities, including soft play centres and hotels. Students would return to uni and secondary pupils didn’t have to wear masks. Calls to use ‘common sense’ and ‘caution’ were back, as was the rule of 6 for private houses and overnight stays (or 2 households). Officially allowed to hug, there was no mention of face-licking.

Keir told the first meeting of the re-shuffled cabinet he wasn’t shifting blame. The parliamentary commissioner for standards set to investigate Boris’ trip to Mustique 16 months ago, ‘facilitated’ by Carphone Warehouse tycoon David Ross, newly-promoted Angela Rayner said: “The public have a right to know who paid for (his) luxury Caribbean holiday and the renovation of his flat. Most importantly, we need to know what these donors were promised or expected in return for their generosity…(he) needs to stop using the office of PM as an opportunity to fund his lavish lifestyle and enrich his mates.” New mayor Tracy Brabin spoke on Look North of not taking anything for granted and working hard for ‘the people I grew up with’. On a ‘tap in, tap out’ system for public transport, she stated: “If it’s good enough for London, it’s good enough for us.” Quite!

Northern Soaks

Tuesday morning, I woke at 8 and got revenge on Phil by rousing him from sleep. Neck improved, my right shoulder had gone stiff. Exercise and bathing helped somewhat. Following a spot of cleaning and writing, I set off for the main square to meet The Researcher. As she approached, I recognised her immediately from her profile photo. It was so lovely to meet in person after a year of on-line correspondence! Commenting on the busyness of the place in spite of the grey midweek conditions, we shared anecdotes on the trials of shopping, washing money and quarantining purses. “I still do that,” I confessed, “no-one has yet told me it doesn’t make any difference.” “Shall we get out of here?”

Talking and walking to the nearby clough, we discussed love of place, our backgrounds and assorted issues. Wanting to give her a flavour of my frequent visits, we climbed over the small wall to look at ‘the swamp’, flooded after copious rainfall. Heading for the ‘islands’, a tribe of kids clutching fishing nets and accompanied by a few adults, descended to infest them. Rather ragamuffin to be on a school outing, and the grown-ups rather ‘yummy mummy’ I deduced they were from the nearby free school. Giving them a wide berth, we continued up the top path and turned left onto cobbles. It started raining and a matter of minutes before heavy showers caught us so we agreed to return to the shelter of trees. Loud thunder cracks tore through the clouds as sizeable hailstones assailed us. Hastily making our way back down the clough, we noted the ragamuffins had scarpered. Back in town, we bade farewell and pledged to meet again. I hurried home to get warm with a change of clothes and a cuppa. Editing photos, the laptop played up again so I turned it off and went for a lie down. Phil had gone to Leeds for the first time this year. Just as I was about to make dinner, another downpour descended and he returned predictably tired and soaking wet. Letting him recover, I didn’t begrudge the lack of help cooking or clearing a sinkful of dishes, but became slightly irked when he came down to stand around in the middle of the kitchen. That night, I lay listening to yet more thunderstorms until eventually falling asleep.

Pomp scaled back, the Queen’s speech boasted of plans for ‘unleashing our nation’s full potential’. Promised legislation included a pile of stuff nobody cared about like voter ID, or wanted, such as scrapping the fixed-term parliament, the police bill and the HS2 line from Crewe to Manchester, while the Health and Social Care Bill to integrate NHS and social care, was delayed again, even though Boris said he had a plan ready on the day he became PM 2 years ago. Martin Green of Care England asked: ‘How long can the care system limp on like this?’ The CBI lauded the speech as good for jobs and connectivity but Keir said it was full of ‘short-term gimmicks’, ‘distant promises’ and papered ‘over the cracks’.

The commons treasury committee released details of 45 messages from Camoron to ministers and officials concerning Greensill. As allegations relating to its collapse were ‘potentially criminal in nature’, the FCA were also investigating the company. Media descended on Batley to discuss ‘levelling up’. Focussing on the upcoming by-election, they failed to mention the vacancy was due to the current Labour MP becoming mayor. Golden-haired boy Jordan Banks was struck by lightning playing football in Blackpool. His organs were donated to 3 other children after his death.

Attempting to post for my nieces’ birthday Wednesday morning, she’d disappeared from social media. I messaged Elder Sis to send on best wishes. She reported back that the family were fine and my nephew was back in Wuhan, having a more ‘normal life’ than they were in London! Walking Friend called round as arranged. She commented on the plethora of bluebells in the gardens (of blue and white), which made me appreciate them anew.

We gravitated into the square. “What are we doing?” “Looking for somewhere to eat.” “Not here.” We settled on the Turkish café. Starting fine but rain likely, we sat under an awning for different versions of breakfast and a catch-up. She said there’d been no hail on the moors yesterday, unlike the valley. When the showers came they thankfully weren’t as heavy as Tuesday. Browsing the charity shops, I found nothing I wanted but curated films for her to play on her new DVD player and showed her how to check the condition. “Like records” “Yes. You can wash them like vinyl too. But don’t dunk them in the sink!” We sheltered in a doorway for a smoke, said cheerio and went our separate ways. Phil had cleaned the kitchen floor and hung washing up while I was out which was nice, especially since I’d felt overwhelmed by day-to-day chores after a week in bed and 2 days out. At bed-time, pouring rain and the generator competed to be loudest. Using earplugs and the meditation tape, I dropped in and out of slumber.

A month ahead of schedule, we were asked to make appointments for second vaccine doses, while 38-39 year olds were invited for a first. Amid warnings of circulating mutants, scientists called a new strain of the Indian variant ‘very concerning’. A surge of B.1.617.2 led to the highest number country-wide in Erewash, Derbyshire, followed by Bolton where targeted testing and a vaccination bus were introduced. A WHO report commissioned from the Independent Panel for Pandemic Preparedness and Response said a quicker international reaction to the Wuhan outbreak would’ve prevented a global catastrophe, it took too long for a public health emergency to be declared, and February 2020 was a ‘lost month’ when many more countries could have acted to prevent the spread. The Bumbler announced a covid commemoration commission with a memorial at St. Paul’s cathedral and an independent public inquiry into the government’s handling of the crisis, spring 2022. Keir asked why it couldn’t happen sooner and Jo Goodman said it was far too late: “It sounds like common sense when the PM says that an inquiry can wait until the pandemic is over, but lives are at stake with health experts and scientists warning of a third wave later this year.” Private Eye reported on a CCJ issued to Boris for an unpaid debt of £535. Dated during the time of the flat refurb it created much speculation but turned out to be a claim for defamation by conspiracy-theorist nutter Yvonne Hobbs South Yorkshire police investigated reports of 9 female cops posting images of face-licking at a party on Snapchat with the caption ‘Covid Who?’

Fighting between Israel and Palestine intensified. Police blocking access to the Al-Aqsa mosque on the eve of Eid and a Jerusalem Day march on Monday were seen as ‘provocation’. Rockets fired from Gaza were answered by airstrikes from Israel. A tower block hit, the Gaza death toll disproportionately rose to 48 including 14 children and sporadic violence broke out between Israeli and Palestinian citizens. UN special envoy Tor Wennesland warned: “we’re escalating towards a full-scale war.”

Yorkshire Jokes

Waking early again Thursday, I enjoyed coming round at a leisurely pace. Phil accused me of wasting the hours gained but I didn’t care. Sunny and warm, I opened the window to shake rugs out when cleaning the bedroom and heard a helicopter heading west. Was it going to Bolton? I wrote up Sunday’s walk for Cool Placesⁱⁱ and we had fun taking the ‘are you posh?’ quiz featured on Jeremy Vine. Answer: not very. We thought ‘laughing loudly’ referred to a horsey snort rather than a raucous northern bark. Becoming cold and wet again, we derided the Yorkshire weather: “it’s shit!”

Phil went to clean the bathroom but got distracted by a shoelace going up the vacuum. Meanwhile, I sat on the sofa relaxing to the ambient sounds of the humming hoover from the first floor, the ticking clock, and traffic splashing through the rain. I then played guitar. A bit rusty after a lengthy hiatus, I eventually recalled the scales I knew and 7 songs without looking up chords.

PHE data showed cases of the Indian variant tripled in a week. Spreading faster than the Kent version, especially in the under 25’s, rates increased in London, Sefton, Bedford and Blackburn, but the media spotlight was still on Bolton. Prof. James Naismith of Oxford University predicted it would ‘get everywhere’, local restrictions wouldn’t contain it and advocated a country-wide approach. An urgent sage meeting led to speculation on delaying the next stage of the waymark due 21^st June. Uncleverly said: “sage will make their assessments…report (to government), and we will make decisions based on the data and the evidence…” Boris ruled nothing out. Camoron was grilled on Greensill by the commons treasury committee. He insisted he’d had a ‘really good idea’ and there was ‘absolutely no wrongdoing’ but accepted ex-PMs should ‘think differently and act differently’ and conceded a single e-mail would be better than a barrage of messages, which Angela Eagle described as ‘more like stalking than lobbying’. Refusing to say how much he earned, he admitted to a ‘large economic interest’, holding shares and flying to Cornwall in a private jet. However, he called claims he could gain £60m ‘completely absurd’. Portugal supposedly welcomed Brits but we could currently only go to Madeira. Of others on the green list, the nation of Iceland and the dependencies of Gibraltar and the Faroe Islands, were the only ones not requiring quarantine. London City Airport said business trips would come back as they were essential while the French threatened to scupper the EU financial services agreement over the Jersey fish dispute. In spite of Egyptian attempts at mediation, violence between Israel and Palestine escalated.

On QT, Paul Mason said we were ‘ruled by crooks’. Tory Rob Bucket retorted that was untrue and insulting. Lisa Nandy admitted they needed to work to win back votes and persuade people Labour were for them and Brexiteer Michelle Dewberry called it daft to stick a remainer candidate up in Hartlepool. I’d already said this was the biggest issue in the by-election, but surely it was about time we got past this?

Turned Out Shite Again

Friday morning, we both felt a bit off; me with a scratchy throat and achy shoulders, Phil with aches everywhere. Probably down to the grey, damp weather it was also far too cold for the time of year. Hugging to console each other, our hair got in the way. Haircuts were definitely required. After some life admin and writing, I set off for the co-op. Rather busy with gaps on the shelves, I didn’t get too stressed as I grabbed the essentials.

Now located in 15 areas, Bolton gained top spot with B.1.617.2 on the rise. Burnman appeared on BBC breakfast to plead for inoculation of all over 16’s in affected Manchester boroughs and help for people to self-isolate (still an issue after a year). Evening news revealed cases tripled nationally in a week to 1,313 and 17 deaths were recorded. Transmissibility possibly higher than the Kent virus and growing at a faster rate, PHE responded to reports of reinfections as ‘to be expected’. Arguments arose on whether measures should include immunisation of entire multi-generational households or local restrictions (even though they didn’t work last time). Prof Paul Hunter of UEA said: “if the Indian variant…continues to increase at the same rate as it has…we’re going to have a huge number of cases by June,” but as it affected younger people, might not put extra pressure on the NHS. Nads Zahawi urged people to get tested, isolate if it proved positive and said lockdown easing wouldn’t have to be paused if everyone did their bit: “by taking the 2 tests a week, doing your PCR test in those areas, and isolate, isolate, isolate…the 4 tests have to be met.”

But then, The Bumbler briefed us that the surge could threaten the roadmap and: “pose a serious disruption to our progress and could make it much more difficult to move to step 4 in June.” The announcement that the gap between doses was being shortened for the over 50’s from 12 to 8 weeks, explained why we’d been called up a month ahead of schedule.

Portugal now said we could go on holiday from Monday, even though restrictions in the country were extended to 30^th May. Foreign travel to be permitted from Scotland on 24^th May and travel from NI within the CTA*, but not from Wales, Mark Drakeford said he couldn’t stop people going abroad via England, but would prefer they didn’t.

Saturday grey and drizzly, we declared it too shite for walking. That didn’t stop people coffee-cupping and pubbing, as Phil discovered when he nipped to town. I took recycling to the bins and found the outdoor air quite pleasant apart from the damp. I draft-posted the journal and rooted out old denims in search of a darker patch for my favourite jeans. My old Wranglers now fit Phil while another pair had a massive rip near the crotch. Chopping the legs off, I joked: “I’ve made you a delightful pair of cut-offs!” Phil donned them on top of the jeans he was wearing to parade around the living room. When I finally stopped laughing, I fashioned a section of leg into a patch and stitched in front of the telly (avoiding the FA cup final, complete with a crowd) while Phil cut his hair. Raining all night, the weather remained changeable on Sunday. It was my turn for a hair do. Decanting dyeing accoutrements, the disposable gloves stank of germolene. Were they PPE rejects?

On the Marr, Yvette Coop said Tracy Brabin was ace and labour would do everything they could to keep hold of Batley & Spen. The Cock wittered about controlling variants and cited evidence of vaccine effectiveness, based on a sole clinical trial by Oxford University. When quizzed on travel quarantine not working, he didn’t even know who the ISU was! Things got grimmer north of the border when Glasgow Rangers fans celebrated victory by marching from the Ibrox Stadium to the city centre. Mayhem, violence and anti-Catholic chants resulted in 5 cop injuries and 28 arrests. Sturgeon tweeted she was ‘utterly disgusted.’

*CTA – Common Travel Area – UK, ROI, Channel isles, IOM

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 48 – Groundhog Day

“I smile in the morning. I live without a care. Nothing is denied me. And nothing ever hurts” ((Iggy Pop)

Walk Like A Penguin

Sinusitis and depression dragging on, I stayed abed during the week, managing spells downstairs for food and to watch the big telly. Most of the time, I wrote and posted blogs, wrestled with Photoshop, read and rested. Monday afternoon, I lay down with a novel pain in my temples and slept for half an hour, making me woozy and disorientated in the gloaming. While Phil cooked omelette for dinner, I logged on to Ocado. There were absolutely no delivery slots at all, into the foreseeable. Yet they persisted in sending interminable e-mails telling me to buy stuff. I would if I could, you idiots!

Boris went to Batley and hinted at a gradual easing of lockdown in time for summer hols, while Cock briefed us on the SA variant circulating in specific communities. Urgent door-to-door testing commenced in Hanwell, Tottenham, Mitcham (all London), Walsall (West Mids.), Broxbourne (South Herts), Maidstone (Kent), Woking (Surrey), and Southport (Merseyside).

Still ill Tuesday, the irony of it being Groundhog Day wasn’t lost on me. Also Candlemas, I hoped the proponents of medieval custom had finally taken down their Christmas decorations. Proper snow fell overnight. Despite the cold, I opened the window to take photos of the magical scene. The laptop stubbornly refused to read the camera’s SD card. Hearing me swear, Phil took it out without checking programmes, the laptop crashed. I got annoyed and ranted until he let me restart the machine. This worked, but took an age to reboot. Much later, I stitched a panorama and shared a snap of a fat snowperson that kids had built on the street below, then turned to writing. He left me in peace to go for a walk. However, he didn’t get very far as drizzle melted ground-lying snow into a slushy mess. “Everyone’s walking round like penguins in treacle. You’re better off looking at it from here.” Settling down for an afternoon snooze, I had a sneezing fit, followed by a niggly nose and a headache. Pissed off that I felt worse again, I gave up and played puzzles.

National hero Sir Captain Tom Moore died after being in hospital with Covid since Sunday. Not vaccinated due to pneumonia, he’d visited Barbados for Christmas thanks to a free BA flight – was that the cause?

Latest AstraZeneca tests discovered their vaccine might reduce transmission of coronavirus as well as severe illness. The E484K mutation was found in the Kent, Brazil and SA variants. Bristol and Liverpool were added to areas for door-to-door testing. Uni Minister Michelle Ding-dong told locals to stay home all the time, exercise indoors and asked, ‘do you really need to go to the shops?’ You do if you can’t get an Ocado slot, you moron! Sage bod Andy Hayward said we needed a ‘sustainable strategy’ for dealing with future mutants but didn’t suggest what.

Yorkshire schools and vax centres were shut due to snow. Peter Keely (PHE for Yorks & Humber), said 2,0011 cases per 100,00 as opposed to 2,080 nationally proved lockdown and immunisation were working.

In Israel, huge funerals prompted accusations of not being touch enough as infections and deaths still rose despite the mass vax prog. Following the introduction of virus arse tests in China accompanied by graphic instructions, a spoof video of people walking like penguins went viral.

Elon Musk’s Neuralink put a chip in a monkey so it could play video games. He really was like an evil cartoon villain!

By Wednesday morning, half the snow had gone, overtaken by cold drizzle. The day sped past with me writing and Phil doing his ‘tiny work’. PMQs began with a minute’s silence for Captain Tom. The Bumbler asked us to join in a clap for him that evening, but I heard no applause. He lauded the Valneva vaccine and made no apology to Ian Blackford for going to Scotland last week, even though a Covid outbreak at the Livingstone factory a day before his visit was confirmed. Keir diverted from Corona questions to ask about cladding; 3.5 years since the Grenfell tragedy, 700,000 people still lived in dangerous tower blocks at an astronomical cost.

Late afternoon, Phil went to the coop, returning with the wrong coffee again – they really should make the decaff pack more distinctive for the partially sighted. Meanwhile, I tried to do some budgeting but it made my head fuggy. On a second attempt the next day, I realised all the money in my cash ISA had been used by the bank to pay fees- thieving bastards! I was not relishing the predicted return of Austerity Britain after the Covid crisis, when benefits would most likely be hit first. Meanwhile, Phil’s gig economy earnings hit a record high due to answering all those questions on why Shitterstock wasn’t working!

Afternoon rest irritatingly disturbed by the sound of chainsaws ricocheting across the valley, I wondered which trees were getting the chop this time? After coffee, I revived enough to enjoy dinner and Prime viewing downstairs. I retired to watch the news and highlights of the Leeds United match. Phil complained it was rubbish because they lost, but: “at least there were goals.” Laughing, I observed: “the pundits agree. They called it ‘a typical Leeds game’ (attack, attack, attack!)” “Yep, they’ve really shaken things up haven’t they?”

It’s Great Being A Tory

With 10m inoculations, Chief Med bod Chris Witless briefed we were ‘past the peak’ but the infection rate was still high. Mini Macron reiterated the view that the AZ vaccine was ‘quasi-ineffective’ on the over 65’s, to criticism from Number 10 aides for spreading disinformation. He admitted the success of the Chinese was ‘humiliating’ for Europe and it seemed the EU might approve their Sinovac and the Russian Sputnik V (proven to be 91% effective). With evidence the AZ jab reduced transmission, sage Prof. Andrew Pollard of the Oxford Vaccination Group promised new ones to fight future variants by autumn. Dr. Chris Smith from Cambridge Uni informed Daily Politics that similar mutations in different strains was due to the virus ‘optimising changes’ and said the vaccines’ suppression so far was ‘reassuring’ but didn’t mean they would continue to be so.

Ryanair’s jab n go ads were banned by the ASA as misleading and irresponsible.

Dildo Harding told the Commons Science & Technology Committee that 20,000 out of 100,00 TIT contacts a day failed to self-isolate. Jeremy C**t said there was a ‘gaping hole’ in financial support, and shadow minister Justin Madder pressed the government to do something about it.

The Dildo also claimed no-one could have foreseen mutations, to bemused raised eyebrows.

Alexei Navalny was given 2.5 years in jail for breaching Russian parole when in a German hospital recovering from novichok poisoning administered by Russians. A military coup in Myanmar put Aung San Suu Kyi under house arrest – the charge of possessing illegal walkie-talkies a blatant ruse to criminalise her and render her ineligible to be leader.

The snow almost all melted Thursday,the snowperson in the street below still hung on as nasty damp fog hung in the valley. Expecting Dr. Xand on Morning Live to talk about new symptoms associated with variants including a headache and runny nose, he gave sketchy details. I fretted about having Covid. But after chatting to Phil, I became less concerned and we turned to discussing the idiocy of thickie Dildo saying mutations couldn’t be foreseen. “She only knows about horses.” “So why is she in that job?” “It’s great being a tory, as Iggy Pop observed.” With me still bedridden, I sent Phil to the market for fresh fish and toiletries including bog roll. Not our usual brand, at least they had some. In the post-shop cleansing, even I thought washing binbags went a tad too far! The tree-felling racket returned during the afternoon, putting paid to any proper rest. Why did they always start up so late in the day?

New figures showed 1:7 Brits had coronavirus, 1:5 in London. Trials on using different brands for 1^st and 2^nd shots started – genius or Frankenstein science? Tin-foiler Piers Corbyn was arrested for distributing leaflets of his own design comparing the vaccination rollout to Auschwitz. Good grief!

With dither over quarantine for ‘red list’ countries, Oliver Dowdy refused to confirm the reported date of 15^th Feb. Rob Paterson of Best Western criticised the delay, saying he’d be out of a job if he announced a strategy with no plan. As NI ructions rumbled all week, incendiary graffiti and attacks on border staff created concern. Stark contrasts between the DUP and Sinn Fein views threatened the peace. The UK government asked the EU to intervene but what were they meant to do? Boris agreed to the stupid deal! The Black Farmer on QT sensibly said the decision on whether to be inoculated was down to ‘hope or fear’. But he sounded stupid when he confessed to voting for Brexit and didn’t regret it even with personal experience of importing issues and parroted the government’s daft ‘niggles’ argument. German VC Olaf Sloshed called Ursula’s inoculation procurement strategy ‘a disgrace’ saying she did “a really shit job…(we mustn’t) let this shit repeat itself.” While Casa Cruz was saved from closure as a ‘community asset’, Rita Ora jetted off to Australia for The Voice. If only the selfish cow was flying to a red list country! As Santander’s profit drop led to planned branch and staff losses, Andrew Bailey of BoE forecast the economy to ‘bounce back’ in the 3^rd quarter of 2021 due to vaccines and holiday spending. He obviously hadn’t spoken to Shatts! Demanding the release of Suu Kyi, Rabid Raab said: “we condemn the detention and charges…(and) consulting with international partners on next steps.” UN SG Antonio Gueterres vowed they would do all they could “to mobilise the international community to put enough pressure on… (so) the coup failed.”

The Sound of Mucous

The outside world looked fuzzy with fog Friday morning. Woken by noisy traffic at 6.50, I struggled to get back to sleep. Sinus symptoms abated except the interminable phlegm, allying plague fears, but I remained extremely fatigued and achy. Phil’s back issue flared up again. I thought it might be because I made him go to the market the previous day but he dismissed the idea. “The bags weren’t heavy.” “That’s not the point. It’s carrying rucksacks.” While he soaked in a radox bath and rallied for the customary trip to buy weekend wine, I started work on another secret Photoshop collage. The Metro evening edition featured a video of the oldest fruit bat in the world. Aged 32, it had 1 eye, frayed wings and was spoilt rotten!

The R rate now 0.7-1.0, Boris promised a ‘precise timeline’ on lifting lockdown in the road map due 15^th Feb. The Cock pledged the top 9 priority groups encompassing the over 50’s would be immunised by May which equated to almost half the population. Some moaned of moving goalposts and Jeremy Vine discussed the criteria. When everyone was inoculated? A swivel-head rang in to say just take vitamins. Dr. Sarah was not impressed. More trials of the AZ vaccine found it may reduce transmission and was effective on the Kent virus. Prof. Pollard said data: “indicate that (it) not only protects against the original pandemic virus but also protects against the novel variant B117, which caused the surge…(at) the end of 2020 across the UK.” Possibly only providing limited protection against mild illness from the SA strain, it did protect against severe sickness. Scientists promised a modified version by autumn. The government hedged their bets, doing a deal with German pharma Curevac for adaptations.

The actor Christopher Plummer died, aged 91. His famous quote about the beloved film he was most known for but hated, ‘The Sound of Mucous’, felt appropriate as I disgorged another pile of phlegm.

Vastly improved on Saturday, I managed a whole day out of bed. Humungous drops of rain, sometimes sleety, fell out of the sky, a bit like my snot. We stayed in watching telly films. Still suffering from backache, Phil rested in bed early evening while I cooked curry. The tikka paste which I made from scratch for the first time ever, was jolly good if I say so myself, but the grinding made my back ache, albeit not as bad as his. That night, I tossed and turned for hours, only sleeping in snatches. Waking to find sheets rolled into a ball, I gave up, opened the curtains, almost fell over and lay back down. Phil had a similar experience, barely sleeping due to pain.

Both achy and knackered, Sunday started badly. We observed miniscule snowflakes floating past the window. Dying for some fresh air after being housebound so long, it was icily cold so we stayed indoors. I worked on collages and blogs.

He took Solpadol for his back pain and turned silly. “You’ve been on them happy pixie pills haven’t you?” I admonished tongue-in-cheek. He just giggled. It was nice to see him laugh through the pain!

Shots per minute reached 1,000 for an hour on Saturday leading to a total of 12m. Ageing rocker Shakin’ Stevens was seen getting his.

Richard Burnett of RHA* said exports slumped 68% in January due to Brexit red tape and trucks returned to Europe empty. The government, dismissive as ever, insisted everything was great. 5 unrelated stabbings in Croydon made a total of 13 in London over the weekend, 2 of them fatal. A bigger tragedy unfolded in Uttarakhand, Northern India where a glacier slid into a dam. Dozens were missing or dead including 50 dam workers.

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

Ireland