Part 73 – Web of Deceit

“The Prime Minister is the master of untruths and half-truths…it’s the person who’s not telling the truth rather than the person calling it out that ought to be on the hotspot” (Keir Starmer)

Lies and Gimmicks

Aches and pains made exercising difficult Monday morning. Phil also struggled with bad eyes. Now into a second week, internet issues made blog-posting slow. I utilised the fine weather before rain arrived, hanging out washing and applying a final coat of paint on the wooden planter, and joked with The Decorator about builders sitting around drinking tea all day. Afternoon rest disturbed by noisy kids at the start of the summer break, I tried sleeping early that night. I was just putting my book down when a mosquito buzzed round my head. No doubt trying to escape the downpour. Torrential in the south, flooding of Whipps Cross hospital’s cellar led to loss of power and a state of emergency. We were warned of heavier thunderstorms coming north.

New covid cases down for the sixth day in a row, it was the first time there’d been a drop without lockdown. Pundits speculated Boris’ gamble had paid off while Mike Tildesley of SPI-M put it down to school holidays. He predicted it’d be 2 weeks until Freedom Day impacted on hospital admissions yet Prof. Adam Finn said of 200 in Bristol hospitals, the average age was 40 with many under 30’s seriously ill. Simon Stevens joined others to write about pressure on the NHS. Other theories for less infections included the end of Euro 2020, warmer weather, viral evolution, increased immunity and ditching of the TIT app. Millions pinged to self-isolate, some called it ‘lockdown by stealth’. While train operators reduced services, Cabinet’s covid operations committee met to add 13 industries to the exemption list. 2,000 new testing sites were promised so workers could continue working; 500 within the week. Rules in Northern Ireland relaxed to allow 15 people to meet outdoors and close contact services. Ireland permitted indoor dining for those who’d had 2 jabs or covid within the last 6 months. It emerged that France became ‘amber plus’ due to a rise in the Beta variant in La Réunion thousands of miles away from the mainland. Rabid Raab defended the decision based on ease of travel from the island. As 160,000 demonstrated about restrictions, Mini Macron said they couldn’t wish the virus away. A 10 litre limit on buying take-away fuel meant to stop dinghies crossing the channel, had little effect. The Police Federation called Nasty Patel’s announcement of a pay freeze ‘the final straw’ and voted no confidence in her. Brazilians demanded the impeachment of Bolsonaro over his covid denial and corruption. Coronavirus was found in British horseshoe bats. RhGB01 possibly existed for millennia but was only discovered by specific testing. In support of Dawn Butler, Keir told the media Boris was a ‘master of untruths and half-truths’.

Delighted to find fruit and salad veg in the co-op on Tuesday, I returned home singing: “yes, we do have bananas, tomatoes and lettuces too!” Getting cleaned up, I saw a flashing orange light outside. I stood safely on the stairs as Phil answered the door. The BT engineer wanted to check all our equipment again, even though it was all replaced last Friday. We agreed as long as he put a mask on, but repeated the issue couldn’t be in the house and affected the whole area. He admitted he’d come from a nearby household but claimed it turned out to be a spider in the connection box. Obviously it was trying to get on the web!

He fiddled with wires, replaced the only remaining old part (a splitter for the phone and router wires) and took readings which confirmed the signal had been dropping since 14^th July. Saying he was going to check outside, Phil asked “what about the exchange?” “I’m going there now,” he replied, before going to sit in his white van. Our belief he was telling fibs and didn’t go at all was confirmed later in the week. I collected up spares and added them to a pile Bright Sparks engineers dumped in the recycling last Friday. Wiping all the touch points, I hovered to do the outside doorknob, considering it impolite with the engineer still sat there. “You think he’s got covid hands,” giggled Phil. “No, but it doesn’t do any harm.”

Several insect bites really started to itch. Not sure if they were from midges or the pesky mosquito, I used antihistamine and after-bite before trying to rest. Phil received a message early evening claiming the internet was fixed. Due to all the new kit, when it worked, it was super-fast, but alas, it still bombed every few minutes. What a web of lies!

Weekly infections down (20% in Yorkshire) but hospitalisations up 33% and the highest daily rise in deaths since March, medics warned the third wave wasn’t over. However, Prof. Ferguson said the worst of the pandemic would be gone by October. The US travel ban continued for the UK and Schengen countries. Kit Malthouse called it disappointing but not surprising. After face-licking in heaven last week, party-loving journo Benjamin Button came on Jeremey Vine to perversely say he’d wear a mask in shops and tubes. The IMF now expected UK output to grow 7%, mainly because it had fallen back so much. Unison and the BMA began consulting on the 3% NHS pay rise while the RCN planned summer demos for ‘fair pay’.

Boris unveiled the Beating Crime Plan which entailed permanent relaxation of stop & search conditions, response time league tables, named officers for communities and chain gangs of anti-social citizens in fluorescent jackets ‘visibly paying their debt to society’. On Newsnight the previous evening, Nick Thomas-Symonds dismissed the daft ideas as more gimmicks and slogans, saying the 20,000 promised new recruits only replaced coppers lost since 2010. He added that the Tories had decimated neighbourhood policing and swept away supporting apparatus such as youth clubs while voting against a bill to increase sentences for rapists which showed they weren’t ‘tough on crime or the causes of crime’ at all.

Mounds and Piles

An insect bite on my leg particularly itchy Wednesday, I took more antihistamine and applied cream and a plaster to stop me scratching it. It was 4 days until they stopped being troublesome. Phil started a live chat with Talk-Talk straight after breakfast and spent the day moving hither and thither fiddling with wires without telling me what was going on. He gave me a jolt more than once suddenly coming up behind as I got on with vacuuming. Fraught, I collapsed with coffee before computer work, succeeding in posting a blog on Cool Places 2ⁱⁱ and re-plugged the back-up drive into the router to copy files from the past fortnight. The afternoon siesta was interrupted by a teeming thunderstorm, music blaring from neighbours’ cars, screeching geese and screaming kids. At the end of the day, Talk-Talk suggested replacing the router again. “It’s 5 days old!“ I exclaimed. Phil sent them a 2,000 word précis of events so far.

2,848 new covid cases since start the of Shonkyo 2020, the city’s total was over 200,000. Avoiding the lame games shown from early morning, we watched Good Morning Britain (GMB). A minister claiming the pandemic ‘over bar the shouting’ and The Glove-Puppet calling the unvaccinated ‘selfish’, Therese Coffee-Cup spouted a pile of waffle. Evading questions on the end to the UC uplift, she prated about getting disabled people into jobs. Good luck with that, you vacuous waste of space! Ex-PM Turnbull said Australia’s vaccination programme was a ‘complete fail’, having only reached 16% of the population. Later in the week, Sydney entered another month of lockdown. 3,000 crossed the channel in July; a monthly record. RNLI boss Mark Dowie videoed crews being abused as they rescued drowning migrants. In one instance, a mob shouted ‘go back to France’. As Mr. Dowie called it ‘vital humanitarian work’, Nasty Nigel Farage said they provided a taxi service. The following day, donations and volunteer vacancy searches on the charity’s website soared. Yvette Coop subsequently revealed ‘shocking conditions’ at the Kent Intake Unit where new arrivals endured inhumane overcrowding and the risk of infection. Newmarket council voted ‘no confidence’ in the local MP aka The Cock. NHS England saw sense, appointing Amanda Pritchard as the new CE rather than Dildo or Jo Amazon. Sheffield Forgemasters was effectively nationalised when the MOD bought it. The Gwynedd slate landscape filled the gap left by Liverpool on the UNESCO world heritage list, causing concern over house prices, too many tourists and second-homers.

On a cold, grey, windy Thursday, I worked on my novel for the first time in three months until head fug set in. I contemplated doing art but uninspired, I hunted for loose change instead and counted £40 into bank bags. Phil again on to Talk-Talk all day, they unbelievably tried to charge him for the engineer visits. After lodging a complaint, the issue was escalated to the section manager at long last. I suggested Ofcom if it still didn’t get sorted but Phil said they were useless. “Threaten to set Watchdog on them. It’s worked for me before.” They eventually officially informed us the problem originated at the exchange. We’d been telling them that from the start! Saying it could be fixed Saturday, we didn’t hold our breath. Just as well, seeing as that was yet another lie to add to the pile. On asking why the process was so shit, Phil said every call was treated as a new case and he got caught up in a never-ending loop. What a stupid system! If a problem wasn’t solved first time In future, he vowed to go straight to complaints.

Cases and deaths up a second day running, 689,313 were pinged in the past week. 260 testing centres for ‘critical workers’ opened. After announcing that arrivals from the US and EU (except France) wouldn’t have to quarantine from 2^nd August as long as they were double-jabbed and took PCR tests, Rabid Raab came on GMB to call it a ‘smart and sensible’ move. Scotland and Wales followed suit, the latter ‘with regret’. International cruises also allowed, where on earth could they berth? While testing was required of arrivals, it wasn’t for ‘ping and release’. I agreed with Christina Pagel that it made no sense; the vaccinated could still infect others with variants. ONS reported 86% of 35-54 year olds and only 75% of 18-34 year olds, stuck to isolation rules. Yet while the daily number of first and second jabs had gone up for the first time in ages, the under 30’s remained reluctant. A Pop-up at Thorpe Park to jab the young seemed mad. What if they were sick on the coronacoaster? The first batch of vaccines promised to poorer countries dispatched, Raab predicted the whole world immunised by mid-2022. The WHO expected it would be the end of next year. Who to believe? Experts or a self-serving tory? Flooding deposited mounds of mud in Lake Como villages, leaving people homeless and Storm Evert landed in South West England. The government pledged £860m for flood defences. I’d said they’d cough up if London and the south was hit. According to Look North, our valley would get some of it. Newsnight reported on extreme weather across the globe. We were bemused by a climate change expert referring to ‘rain heavy storm rain’ and Allegra Stratton (now apparently Boris’ spokesperson on the issue), spouting a mound of guff on targets.

Storm Evert brought more rain our way Friday. Feeling depressed, I moped about before working on the journal and going to the co-op. Phil caught up at the till to help carry and unpack. Avoiding streaming issues,, we spent the evening watching Bladerunner 1 & 2 on DVD, appreciating the awesomeness anew. After drinking all the wine, we went to bed late and suffered the next day.

Infections continued to rise across the UK, except Scotland, but new cases fell. Uncle Joe announced payments of $100 to encourage more vaccinations, which could be mandatory for US government roles. Big companies following suit included Google, Facebook and Netflix. Rabid Raab thought it ‘a good idea’ for UK employers to do likewise but lawyers warned of a legal minefield and union GMB expressed concern mandatory jabs might become a substitute for covid-safe practices. A decision on whether students needed to be immunised before returning to campus wouldn’t be made until September. Leeds dairy Arla envisaged milk supply disruption over the summer if the HGV driver shortage wasn’t addressed. Derided as a pile of crap, Marble Arch Mound closed after 2 days. Westminster council obviously off their heads commissioning the ludicrous tourist attraction, it would have been better to recreate Tyburn Prison complete with gibbet and hold weekly lotteries to determine which lying politician to hang.

Steampunk Weekend

Taking it slow on Saturday, I pottered about and cooked, trying to ignore terrible music from outside and drunks staggering about in the early hours. I doubted the Steampunks here for the weekend would be so uncouth. The Internet predicably not fixed, Phil couldn’t even contact Talk-Talk. The evening’s old DVD selection comprised of another escapist double bill – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 & 2.

In the house for days on end, we ventured out Sunday to have a gander at the shenanigans. I headed out first, via the knobbly veg stall, wandered around the rest of the market and loitered in the square. Taking surreptitious photos of elderly people in fancy dress proved hard as they were total posers who could spot a camera at 50 feet. When he arrived, Phil advised a more brazen approach. We bumped into a couple we’re friends with and compared observations on the internet palaver and Steampunks. She agreed some looked like Quality Street soldiers, others more Jane Austen than Victorian and what did Captain America have to do with it? Wondering why they came when there wasn’t anything specific to attract them (for instance films, of which there were several), Phil said it was like mods in the olden days – parading up and down to be seen. We escaped to the park for a touch of normality. I rested on a bench while Phil answered a call from Talk-Talk. They assured him there’d be no charge for the engineer visits and the problem at the exchange was ‘being worked on’. Strolling in the rather quiet park, butterflies and bees flitted among teasels and wildflowers, a small group chatted beside a Valley Pride banner and a few kids inhabited the skateboard park. None were brave enough to emulate Charlotte Worthington’s ground-breaking Olympic BMX tricks which were definitely more impressive than the sad horse event we’d caught a glimpse of. As riders galloped around, pedestrians wandered the course taking phone snaps. Truly Shonkyo!

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. Cool Places 2: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

Part 72 – Get A Grip

“Ministers mix messages, change approach and water down proposals when the public and businesses need clarity and certainty” (Justin Madders)

#Freedumbday

The heatwave continued. Determined not to be rushed Monday morning, I took my time even as Phil took the breakfast tray away but with washing and rubbish to take down, wished he hadn’t disappeared. Internet issues persisted the whole week and beyond. I managed to post blogs working round the signal drops. Phil checked all our telecoms equipment before ringing Talk-Talk again. On repeating they’d monitor it, I exclaimed: “They said that on Saturday. They’ll say anything to not fix it!” “Yep. That’s what they do.” Taking recycling out, elderly Neighbour came up to chat. Finding it hard to follow her stream of consciousness, I nodded politely. In the co-op later, the aisles were now both salad-free and markings-free. Face-coverings optional, I wore one.

Unlike some on ‘Freedom Day’ or #Freedumbday. Clubbers queued from midnight. Heaven looked like hell on a video posted by party-loving journo Benjamin Button. Alarm bells sounding, The Bumbler warned proof of 2 jabs may be required for entry to crowded indoor spaces from September. Scotland cautiously moved to Level 0. Social distancing was reduced to 1 metre but nightclubs wouldn’t open, bars had to shut at midnight, only 15 people could mix outdoors, masks stayed mandatory and the order to work from home continued. JCVI said there’d be no mass vaccination of kids as the benefits didn’t outweigh the risks of myocarditis. Pfizer would be offered to immunocompromised 12-15 year olds (or those living with vulnerable people) ‘as soon as possible’.

A long-overdue Ocado order impossible on the crap internet, we searched town Tuesday afternoon for salad items. The convenience store surprisingly had some, but no cucumber. Would we ever see it again? As a queue outside the sweet shop died down, I hovered until deeming it safe to buy pop. We refreshed on a shady riverside bench. Ducks sheltering from the boiling sun resembled rocks until they scarpered from the heron. On the way home, we waved to The Biker outside the corner pub and noted BT engineers fiddling with telegraph wires on the street below, hoping they were fixing the internet. “How come nobody else ever reports problems?“ I asked Phil. “God knows. I went door-knocking once and no one knew what I was on about. One neighbour even asked was it the same as the telly?!” Unfortunately the problem persisted so whatever they did hadn’t done the trick. I’d forgotten to get exterior primer from the hardware store but Phil said melamine primer I found in the cupboard would work. The ancient stuff dried almost on contact with the repaired planter. Grubby and sweaty, we freshened up with bedtime baths but they didn’t help with sleep in the sweltering heat.

Cases rising nationally 40% week-on-week, the average in Yorkshire was 60%. Daily cases reached 46,558 and deaths 96. A million school pupils were absent in the last week, the highest since March. ALW’s Cinderella show was cancelled when a staff member got covid and the rest had to self-isolate. Inevitable whingeing ensued, even though it negated his arguments. I’d shut up if I was him. Business minister Paul Scuzz-ball said it was up to individuals and employers whether to isolate if pinged. Downing Street scrambled out a message it was ‘crucial’ to do so. Shadow health minister Justin Madders accused the government of making it up as they went along, saying we were in the realms of ‘dangerous farce’. Some exemptions granted for ‘essential workers’, criteria were unclear.

Laura K, interviewed The Scumbag who declared his mission to bring down the government and claimed he stopped Boris going to see the queen in case he killed her. Unbelievably, he admitted he wasn’t sure if Brexit was a good idea! 400 yesterday brought the total of migrants crossing the Channel since January to 8,000, almost as many as the whole of 2020.

Hours after Nasty Patel bribed Paris to increase patrols, Mini Macron no doubt had a good laugh as a French navy gunboat forced a dinghy into UK waters. She told the home affairs committee the agreement wasn’t meaningless and border policy failure wasn’t responsible for letting in the Delta variant.

Newsnight mentioned a suggested extra 1% on National Insurance to fund social care. Ministers maintained it was unpopular but many people thought it sensible. Maybe Boris and Rishi believed it would go against them in the next election or was it yet another example of pandering to backbenchers? Jeff Bezos outdid Branston in the billionaire space race. New Shepard rocket went up 66 miles. Unimpressed with him thanking Amazon staff and customers who got him to the edge of space, critics screamed ‘pay your bloody taxes!’

Fail, And Fail Again

On a humid Wednesday, we took another rail trip – to Brighouse. Market day created lunchtime bustle. Phil got fish and chips from Blakely’s while I found seats on attractive new decking overlooking the Calder & Hebble Navigation. Facing towards sun so he’d spot me, I planned to move round when a pair of elderly women plonked themselves behind us; their coughing and their dog’s begging slightly spoiling the treat. We shifted to a further bench under cover of trees to gaze on water and pick herbs from incredible edible boxes. Further exploration of the shopping area revealed old buildings, squares and mainly independent shops selling everything you could need. We chatted to a lovely old man about architecture, craftsmanship and people not appreciating what was on their doorstep before buying elusive items including hammarite paint, cucumber and pasties for an easy tea. We walked to the beautiful canal basin, drank pop and strolled round. Industrial-looking craft from two years ago were replaced by trip barges, cabin cruisers, twee houseboats and what appeared to be a submarine conversion. After-school teenagers congregated at the dangerous confluence of the canal and river. Almost crawling back up to the station, it was 20 minutes ‘til the next train. We retreated to the shade of the old co-op building where Phil espied an engraving of a skep above the door, recalling pictures from the Pioneer’s Museum. Back home, I took food to the kitchen. Phil searched his bag and cried: “where are the pies?” “Don’t panic! I’ve got the pies, you’ve got the paint.” (For a fuller description, see Cool Places 2ⁱ)

As I collapsed on the sofa, Phil plugged the router straight into the socket without the extension. The internet signal seemed to improve, then failed again. He picked up the phone to Talk-Talk, but feeling hot and bothered, realised he’d lose his grip so left it until morning. We managed to watch Netflix by pausing when the red light came on the router (approximately every 20 minutes) and re-starting.

The retail and haulier sectors again warned the pingdemic meant empty shelves. British Meat Processors Association CE Nick Allen said food supply chains were ‘starting to fail’ and criticised minister’s ‘confusing messages’. At PMQs, Keir mocked the latest government slogan ‘Keep Life Moving’ and suggested it be replaced with ‘Get A Grip’. He went onto accuse a virtual Boris of superspreading confusion on the rules then immediately isolated himself after his sprog tested positive for coronavirus, although he’d tested negative. The NHS pay review body recommended a 3% rise. Minister Helen Waffle failing to tell the commons, the government later said they’d pay it to most staff. As the EU refused to renegotiate the Northern Ireland protocol, Lord Frost complained ‘we can’t go like this’. So what now, you idiot? Liverpool lost its UNESCO World Heritage Status. City councillors were surprised but no-one else was. We thought Brighouse had a better claim. Severe floods in China left 25 dead including 12 trapped in tube trains.

After another uncomfortable and fractious night, I felt wobbly and unable to focus my eyes Thursday morning. I forced myself to perform a few stretches which must have got some endorphins going because my mood improved. I took my time over the morning cuppa, even as Phil made to take the tray away, and asked for help with the washing. I went to the market, finding fish and a few veg but no toiletries again. German Friend dawdled up the steps ahead of me on the way back. As I caught up, I joked “is it hot enough for you?” We strolled to her front door where I gave her tips on fixing her bench. Phil had been on the phone to Talk-Talk. After a rant, they promised to send engineers the next day – pointless but maybe they’d establish the issue wasn’t in the house. Later, I saw discussion on a local Facebook group confirming the intermittent service affected the whole town. I proclaimed Talk-Talk lying bastards’ Phil’s anger resurfaced. “I thought it would reassure you that you weren’t going mad.” “Can I have that in writing?” “Yes, I’ll make you a certificate!” But I agreed it was frustrating that people posted on comment pages rather than reporting the problem. During a spell outside, Phil continued with his tiny work while I applied waterproof paint to the planters. Having located a website on exciting days out on the Calder & Hebble navigation, I asked him where next? Just then, the hippy who lived on a barge emerged from next door. I told him of our excursion to Brighouse on which he shared interesting snippets, and picked his brains on other waterway locations worth visiting. Early evening, rain started to fall. Initially light, it soon turned into a deluge. BBC 4 showed decent films so we didn’t have to endure interrupted streaming for our evening’s viewing. Eyes shutting while reading, I dropped off quickly only to wake in the early hours.

Reports that 9 out of 10 people had coronavirus antibodies but weren’t all immune, did not compute. 618,903 pinged by TIT in the previous week, 1.77m self-isolated. Jeremy C**t again called for government to bring forward rule changes or they’d lose “social consent for this very, very important weapon against the virus.” The BMA maintained that more pings indicated very high infection rates and deleting the app was like disabling the fire alarm. Ravi Gupta of Nervtag said the ‘mixed bag of measures’ created ‘confusion and havoc’ by making individuals isolate when large crowds attended sporting events. Kwasi Kwarteng promised a longer list of exempt sectors soon and urged firms to stick to the rules but food distribution company Bidfood told staff to take tests and carry on working while Iceland advised customers not to panic over food shortages (it should be ministers panicking). Tobias Ellwood wanted Cobra to enlist the army.

The Boardman report on Greensill, said Lex enjoyed an ‘extraordinarily privileged’ relationship with Camoron who could have been clearer but didn’t break current lobbying rules so ‘his actions were not unlawful’. Angela Rayner called it a classic whitewash. Dawn Butler had to leave the commons for naming Boris a liar – apparently not allowed even when blatantly true. Australia and NZ withdrew from the rugby world cup due to safety concerns. A day before the official start of Shonkyo 2020, the opening ceremony director was sacked. Kentaro Kobayashi made jokes about the holocaust when he was a comic. This followed creative chief Horishi Sasaki resigning in March after apologising for calling large lady Naomi Watanabe ‘Olympig’ and a composer quitting earlier in the week when it emerged he’d bullied schoolkids.

Yes, We Have No Tomatoes!

Friday morning, an exhausted Phil fell briefly back to sleep after brekkie. I drafted blog entries for Cool Places 2 but posting was impossible. ‘Bright Sparks’ engineers rang Phil saying they were on the way. Two men arrived in separate vans, blocking the road. Phil explained the problem didn’t affect just us. I chimed in with gen from social media, noted one of them wore a mask over his mouth but not his nose, and left them to it for the weekend shop. Still very little veg, signs on shelves promised supply issues would be resolved shortly. At the kiosk, I repeated what I wanted 3 times to a new staff member and she still got it wrong! On returning, the engineers departed. They’d replaced the router and all the wiring, thus eliminating any possibility of problems in the house. The internet worked for an hour before bombing. Barely keeping a grip, Phil again rang Talk-Talk who eventually said a BT van would come next Tuesday. “Not good enough!” I railed. I later noticed the red light didn’t come on the new router when the signal dropped. “They’ve fixed if then, ha, ha!” Phil went to the other shop and I asked him to look for salad stuff. He returned singing: “Yes, we have no tomatoes!” Watching old films on DVD, we managed not to drink too much wine and had quite an early night for a Friday.

Train services and petrol stations joined the list of services hit by the pingdemic. Useless George said exemptions for critical workers meant 10,000 could carry on working in food and other key industries. Dr. Chaand Nagpaul of BMA called it a “desperate and potentially unsafe policy that does not address the root problem…(exceptions) should only happen in the absolute rarest of cases and with rigorous infection control measures and assurances of safety.” 30 drownings in British waterways over the week included a mother and son in Loch Lomond, a 16 year old boxer in the River Dee at Chester, a young footballer in Salford Quays, and 6 men and boys in Yorkshire.

Suspecting the jolly veg man had cheated me, I weighed the mushrooms before cooking Saturday breakfast. The alleged half-pound came to 5.7 oz. Phil suggested they’d shrunk but if not, he should be put in the stocks for deceiving customers. Phil managed to do some uploading but I avoided the internet completely, writing and photo-editing. Brighouse shots lent themselves to monochrome and inspired the weekly haigaⁱⁱ. I also took a pile of recycling out, having to sort neighbours’ detritus. Phil popped to the co-op to find no beer as mask-less 30 somethings wandered the aisles.

A mere 20^oC on Sunday, I braved the market for knobbly veg and got quite a selection, including the last 4 tomatoes. Town packed, visitors cluttered the streets, queues snaked from charity shops, and kids and dogs paddled under the old bridge where a low dam had been constructed. Phil considering joining me, I rang to say don’t bother. On the way home, I saw The Poet and suggested he avoid the centre as it was full of bloody tourists. “Don’t worry, I’m going straight to the bus stop.” Noting the leafy stalks sticking out of my bag, he commented, “I can’t remember the last time I ate celery.”

Wanting to finish painting the planters, I noticed gaps in the bottom allowing soil to escape. I sawed a small piece of wood to size and hammered it on. Phil looked impressed as he watched. “I can do things, you know!” Decorating Neighbour came to see what the noise was and shared notes on the trials of painting, overhanging bushes messing his car up, and parking disputes. Phil found another small bit of wood to finish the bodge. I applied primer to the additions and paint to a plastic planter that now housed a rose.

Look North featured a local family we knew. The now very tall 11 year old son started walking to Westminster for the Zero Carbon petition, accompanied by parents in a campervan. At 10 miles per day it would take him 3 weeks.

No data on deaths released for a second day running due to tech issues, Goblin Saj tweeted ‘don’t cower from the virus’. Covid Bereaved Families for Justice incensed at the insensitivity, The Goblin deleted the tweet and apologised for a ‘poor choice of words’. What a cock! PAC reported dealing with the pandemic cost £370bn so far. £10bn wasted on PPE ‘not fit for purpose’, £6.7m per week was still being spent on storage. Phil came up with a solution: “Burn it!” At a rally in Trafalgar Square Saturday, covid-denier Kate Shemerani likened NHS staff to Nazis. The ex-nurse had been struck off for dangerous views on vaccines, social distancing and PPE. PHE said vaccines prevented at least 52.600 deaths (later revised to 60,000).

Mr. Ben claimed the Latitude festival was the safest place on the planet. Revellers required to show proof of 2 jabs or a negative test result, we wondered why on earth that couldn’t be the case all round. Public opinion increasingly in favour of Covid Passes, The Bumbler shied away from them and instead urged common sense. How was it ‘common sense’ to allow hundreds of people to cram into discos, possibly infecting each other, rather than proving they didn’t have the disease? Answer: Boris didn’t want to upset so-called libertarian backbenchers and in doing so, mis-read the public mood.

Unable to settle, the meditation soundtrack enabled a few hours’ sleep. Musings of a possible birthday trip in September led to dreaming of a train journey to the seaside. I stared out the window at a dark and rainy scene while Phil concentrated on his phone. Elder Sis and Youngest Brother materialised. He pressed a guide book on me as we alighted intoning: “You’ll need this.” Out on the road, other people surrounded us. Striving to outpace them, I lost sight of Phil. I awoke wondering if it was a message. Dropping off again, I had a follow-up dream; too indistinct to get a grip on details.

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 61 – Washouts and Landslides

“Disconnection from our heartland communities will only deepen unless they can look to Labour and see a party with clear, bold policies that understands and speaks to them ” (Len McClusky)

Washout Monday

Still feeling dizzy on a cold, grey Monday morning, I wobbled down for a cuppa and decided porridge would warm us up. Later, I bathed, fetched coffee, reading material and the laptop and ensconced myself in bed to post blogs and read Valley Life. Only flicking through the spring edition at Easter, I hadn’t noticed my piece got a mention on the cover and in the editorial! An article on the flood relief works revealed a walk further down the canal was needed to see their full extent. Phil worked downstairs and brought me a tasty lunch butty. I remarked it felt like any other Monday. As if to underline the point, the heavens opened, putting paid to May Day bank holiday frolics. If there was a street party at the local labour club, it would be a washout but at least the dirty hippies could have a nice shower! Elsewhere over the weekend, 5,000 Scousers went to a test gig in Sefton Park and Cambridge students had a rave on Jesus Green for Caesarean Sunday. A bright interval early evening tempted swifts to dart about the valley catching insects. Attempts to capture them on my phone camera were futile.

A sole death from coronavirus recorded, vaccines reached 50m of which 15m were second jabs. Moderna committed 500m doses to Covax but the WHO programme wouldn’t start until late 2021, with most delivered 2022. Why so slow? On his third campaign visit to Hartlepool, The Bumbler hinted at scrapping social distancing when pubs fully re-opened. Thinking mid-May a bit early, I exclaimed: “they should at least wait until us oldies are fully immunised!” Indoor activities opened in Wales and the EU revealed proposals “to allow entry to the EU not only for all persons coming from countries with a good situation but also to all people who have received the last recommended dose of an EU-authorised vaccine.” A decision likely by the end of the month, they expected reciprocity. Several countries were muted to be green-lighted for travel from the UK. But following the ISU’s warnings of airports being breeding grounds, Layla Moran spluttered: “It’s staggering to think the government is even contemplating encouraging overseas holidays when airports are already struggling to keep the virus and new variants at bay…Urgent measures are needed to better detect fake Covid test certificates, reduce overcrowding in arrival halls and separate out those arriving from red and amber list countries.” Prof. Ferguson Inaccurately predicted Italy and France would get the green light if infections fell and agreed with Boris’ tweet that it would be a ‘Great British summer’, saying: “life will feel a lot more like normal.” He added that the move to scrap social-distancing would inevitably lead to more infections and fatalities but it was ‘a political decision’ to determine how many deaths were acceptable. It was my turn to splutter!

In the aftermath of the Super league failure, the Premier League introduced a charter committing football club owners to ‘the core principles’ of the competition, while a capacity audience watched the boring snooker final.

During the night, I awoke with a coughing fit. A drink of water and a throat pastille soon calmed it down, but I slept fitfully afterwards, with Covid dreams involving pub mates.

Deluged

Respite from the engineering works over the bank holiday, they woke me at 8.00 a.m. Tuesday. Slightly better and the cough not persistent, I stopped worrying I had Covid. Still chronically fatigued, I stayed in bed for the next few days. While Phil took care of chores and errands, I worked on the next journal instalment. The deluge of news stories meant it took all week.

According to ONS figures, infections in secondary schools were 0.3%, a big drop from December and on a par with the wider population. Polls showing the tory lead down from 11 to 5%, but 50% ahead in Hartlepool, Keir foresaw defeat, saying on BBC Breakfast that he took ‘full responsibility’ for the outcome of the by-election. Holding onto the Labour stronghold in 2019, Brexit-voting Hartlepool was still a red brick in the blue wall. Referring to allegations of Boris’ misconduct in office, he said: ”Being the PM…is an incredible honour…and it shouldn’t be ‘priced in’ that (he’s) not going to be straight (with us)…this idea that some of the top government seem to have that the rules don’t really apply to them…is completely wrong.” The hospitality industry whinged they couldn’t recruit enough staff for 17^th May as loads had gone off to be delivery drivers. ‘Well, pay more than minimum wage then!’ I advised.

Wednesday, I tried to expunge nasty black marks from my fingers. I’d only just noticed the ingrained muck from last week’s DIY. I worked on the journal until head fug set in, backed up computer files and put a pile of clothes away. During ‘quiet time’, I got absolutely no rest at all with so much noise outside. Besides works on the canal, builders clattered, trains screeched and traffic beeped.

As it was muted the NHS App may not be ready in time for travel, Portugal said come anyway. Having already booked 60m Pfizer boosters for autumn, Uncleverly told us Van Dam was leading ‘Covboost’ – a trial to look at “which vaccine delivers the best boost.” The Cock announced capacity for blood testing at Porton Down would double, to detect anti-bodies and “future-proof the country from the threat of new variants.” Nads Zahawi said the UK conducted 50% of the worlds’ genome sequencing of coronavirus and mutants, adding that as the situation moved from pandemic to endemic, they’d deal with it in the same way as ‘flu. Adam Finn of JCVI warned that as the virus circulated throughout the world without being properly tested, there would definitely be viral evolution, possibly undetected. “As more and more of the world’s population become immune to the virus through infection or through immunisation, the speed of that is likely to go up so it’s certainly a problem now and it’s likely to be an increasing problem going forward.” With some scientists saying more spread equalled faster mutations, while others said the opposite, I was left confused.

At a G7 meeting in London, the USA proposed intellectual property exemption for vaccines, to allow a global response. 2 Indian delegates travelled infected and self-isolated, to be closely followed by the whole deputation. Organisers claimed it was due to strict procedures that Covid had been detected and Boris denied it was a mistake to meet in person. For the first time ever, I agreed with Dawn Brexit on Jeremey Vine who asked why were they let in when we couldn’t go anywhere? But I soon disagreed again as she went onto to say it wasn’t mad to go to India on holiday even with 20m cases and 220,000 deaths – crazy! In the meantime, The Bumbler had a zoom call with Nodi to agree pledges on health, climate, education, science & technology, defence and trade which he called a ‘quantum leap’. Evil Musk sent more satellites into space and a SpaceX test didn’t end in a crash for once. Meanwhile, a Chinese rocket that took the Tianhe space station up, hurtled towards earth. The descent uncontrolled, no one knew when or where it would land.

Following Newsnight, a cop doc featured a murder in my home town. One street over from where I grew up, it housed a decent pub back then; a favourite haunt of my dad’s. The pub now gone, the area was haunted by drug gangs with guns.

Super Thursday

Election day was cold with heavy showers, including hail. Apparently brought by an arctic blast, it snowed elsewhere and didn’t bode well for Labour. Still ailing, I had to get out of bed so we could change the sheets. I got straight back in to work on the laptop. Late afternoon, Phil went to the polling station, equipped with mask and pen. Getting wet, at least he missed the hailstones. He handed my ballot in and completed his own. Not gone long, I asked: “not busy then?” “No, ”he chuckled, “just one hippy.” He then complained: “you didn’t tell me there were 2 votes.” “What?“ “For the mayor; there was a second choice.”

“I did tell you, and there was a leaflet explaining it all. Anyway, I’m not your electoral advisement officer.” “Yes you are.” “Hmm. I didn’t bother. I didn’t want to split the vote and it’s not mandatory.” “Oh.” “Who did you vote for?” “One of the weirdos.”* “God help us!”

At least he hadn’t drawn a cock and balls on the papers, as he’d threatened, in retribution for the council putting new led street-lighting up. Mayoral candidate Tracy Brabin off Corrie, was churlishly spragged up for giving out free brownies, but as party workers ate them, she broke no rules. Someone obviously predicted she’d win. In London, serious candidates headed off a mind-boggling array of minority parties, independent nutters and Covid-deniers, including Piers Corbyn, Psycho Fox, Count Binface, and the hilariously-named Peter Gammon of UKIP.

I later spotted a missed message from Walking Friend. On her way to vote, she’d wanted to meet for coffee. I thanked her for the thought and said I’d get in touch when I felt better.

Young adults took part in trials of a plant-based vaccine in York. Canadian pharma Medicago cleverly grew the virus protein on leaves. The ONS revealed a shocking 19.6% hike in alcohol-related deaths. The rise starting in March 2020, it coincided with the start of the first lockdown.

Wednesday, 2 French boats blocked the port of St. Helier and French maritime minister Annick Girardin threatened to cut off Jersey’s electricity supply, in retaliation for a requirement that fishers submit evidence of past activities in the island’s waters to get a continuance licence. Lambasted as ‘disproportionate’, naval ships were disproportionately dispatched, closely pursued by the French military on a ‘patrol mission’. A 15 hour stand-off ensued, involving up to 100 French fishing boats, the loosing of flares, ramming of a pleasure-craft, musket fire from a re-enactor, and a fisherman called Popeye declaring ‘war’. The French then sailed away Thursday teatime, saying they’d made their point. Brussels complained to Westminster that the new rules broke the Brexit agreement. After speaking to the protestors, Jersey Senator Ian Gorst said the licence requirements had been ‘lost in translation’ and Chief Minister John Le Fronde added the ‘very good discussions’ highlighted issues that could easily be resolved. Amid concerns the situation could escalate if unsettled, John Bercow on QT called it ‘jingoistic sabre rattling,’ not unconnected to the elections.

Fallout Friday

Slightly improved Friday, I stayed in bed writing and replied to an e-mail from the researcher, confirming our upcoming meeting. That evening, Have I Got News For You featured the community library in the Hants village of Hurstbourne Tarrant, also containing porn. Was it a national phenomenon? The Cornholme incident got a mention, bringing more unwelcome attention to the area.

PHE said inoculations had averted 10,000 deaths and with Jansen set to be approved (requiring only 1 jab), the under 40’s were to be offered alternatives to AZ. Traffic lights revealed only 12 green countries including Portugal, Gibraltar, Israel and Iceland. France, Italy, Spain and Greece were on the amber list and Turkey, The Maldives and Nepal added to the red. Shats now said the NHS app would be ready for use to prove you’d had 2 injections, or you could get a letter before travelling. TUI offered holidaymakers the required tests at a bargain £20. A fire at the New Providence Wharf tower block, where cladding replacement was underway, led Grenfell United to shout “enough is enough!”

Tories crowing over a landslide victory in the Hartlepool by-election, Boris went to pose with a blimp of himself. They also gained control of 13 councils, although it took several days for all ballots to be counted, as it did for metro mayors. Bemoaning the losses, Keir bleated: “we have not made a strong enough case to the country.” John McDonnell accused him of being ‘almost policy-less’ and Len McClusky warned disconnection would deepen unless Labour had clear, relevant policies.

In a weird dream, I inexplicably volunteered at an undefined government-sponsored conference, along with some people I knew. Clueless as to the theme, we succeeded in winging it, wondered what it was all about and concluded it was a cronyism scam. “Now we have insider knowledge. We could be proper whistle-blowers!” I whooped. Telling Phil the next day, he said I obviously missed coffee-cupping but as my conference days were far behind me, I thought it more likely a mixture of TV exposure, awful election results and wanting to bring the government down.

Saturday morning, I felt well enough to have breakfast downstairs but returned upstairs with aches and pains. Grey skies and rain didn’t help. Planning to mend holes in the newly-washed bedspread, it was so cold I ended up putting it back on the bed – in May! I rallied sufficiently to go back down late afternoon.

Much perkier following a relatively good sleep, I itched to get out of the house on Sunday. We set off in fine weather for the nearest wood. Climbing up, an earthy scent rose from the churned up track scattered with dislodged wall blocks – caused by a vehicle or the recent rain? In the wood, the mysterious stones appeared green rather than blue as did stained sheep in the adjacent field. Corvids squawked above as if to say ‘get off our land!’ We slogged up to the top wall, expecting to keep in alignment with it, but the path veered down and we emerged onto a nasty stony path. We crossed onto softer ground for a much easier ascent to familiar territory.. Afternoon showers put paid to our usual rest stop. We squatted under a large tree near the waterfall, teeming for once. “It’s like camping,” Phil said, “imagine waiting 40 minutes for the kettle to boil.” “No thanks!” The quarry similarly transformed by increased water, we navigated paths resembling streams on the shorter route down (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱ)

Although we didn’t get far, the uphill climbs and a ‘shortcut’ which added 45 minutes to the walk, was enough for me. Back home, I edited photos and was inspired by zinging greenery after the rain to write a haigaⁱⁱ.

2/3 of adults were inoculated, 1/3 with 2 doses. The ‘key tests’ met, an announcement Monday was predicted to confirm the next stage of the waymark, and permit hugging. “What I want to know is, will face-licking be allowed?” Phil joked. A curfew in Spain ended, excepting Navarra, Valencia, the Balearics, and the Canaries. The Chinese rocket splashed down in the Indian Ocean.

Counting for the West Yorkshire mayor finally took place. Tracy Brabin celebrated her 60^th birthday with a win. Watching the weekend’s extensive election coverage, I only heard national media even mention it twice until the declaration. The Yorkshire Party came third which was funny but Tracy’s roles as mayor and PCC meant a by-election in Batley & Spen, which wasn’t. Despite tory gains, the majority of metro mayors were labour (a fact also omitted by the mainstream) and they held onto some Lancashire and Yorkshire councils including ours. Rather than a red wall, the map looked more like a red fence with holes in it.

Labour also kept control of the Welsh Senedd, and the SNP held onto Holyrood. The fourth successive victory led Sturgeon to say it was ‘when not if’ for Scottish independence. Boris told her to stick to tackling the virus and invited devolved leaders to a Team UK summit on the pandemic.

Thinking Angela Rayner would make a good party leader (and not just because she represented my hometown), Kier sacked her as party chair and campaign manager to inevitable accusations of scapegoating. Was that what he called taking full responsibility for his own mistakes? Saying she’d retain her deputy leader role because of her ‘working class appeal’, we were flummoxed seeing as she was elected by members. A hasty shadow cabinet re-shuffle over the weekend moved her to shadow cabinet minister. Meanwhile, Dodds was out and Reeves in as shadow chancellor.

Developing a painful stiff neck in the evening, a massage helped the pain but not sleep. Tossing and turning in a luminous night, I looked through the curtains at a solitary bright star. With the help of the meditation tape, I dropped in and out of sleep to be disturbed at 5.45 a.m. by loud industrial vehicles – grr!

* I think Phil placed his second choice mayoral vote for The Yorkshire Party; not that weird!

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

Dawn Butler