Corvus Bulletin 8: Dirty Rotten Scoundrels

“It feels like almost every week there is an issue with sleaze and scandal where Rishi Sunak is either implicated himself or too weak to get to grips with it (Wendy Chamberlain)

In the wettest March for 40 years, French Storm Mathis brought yellow rain and 70 mph winds to southern England. It was revealed water companies discharged sewage into rivers an average 825 times a day during 2022. The Environment Agency put the 19% drop from 2021 down to droughts. Yorkshire Water claimed to have a £180m plan but customers would need to contribute. Government threatened to impose unlimited fines. Labour lambasted underwhelming targets and penalties to cut sewage and storm overflow discharge way in the distant future.

‘Sorry’ for polluting rivers and seas, Water UK pledged £10bn to mend sewers and build tanks by 2030, but admitted bills would rise. Government urged them to put customers before profit – that was good coming from them! Warned not to swim in dirty water, demonstrators lined the Scarborough shoreline. Yorkshire Water boss Nicola Shaw promised to fix the problem within 2 years. Comics Lee Mack, Pail Whitehouse and Steve Coogan protested against United Utilities spewing filth into Lake Windermere.

Noa, a French storm but not official in the UK, resulted in downpours, wind and massive waves in Cornwall 12^th April. A Fin whale washed up on Bridlington beach and died. The Hartlepool fishing industry at grave risk due to all the dead crustaceans, government still denied it had anything to do with dredging. Charities stepped in to provide support.

Westminster as dirty as our waterways, tory MP Scott Benton was entrapped by a lobbying video and suspended. Daniel Greenberg launched investigations into Benton for use of work e-mail and 2 fellow MPs – Henry Smith who used tax-payer funded stationery and The Cock who tried to influence enforcement of parliamentary standards. Matt was ‘shocked and surprised’ – we weren’t! The Commissioner then looked into Rishi Rich for not declaring an interest in Koru Kids in which his wife had shares and stood to benefit from the expansion of free childcare. They were belatedly added to a new ministerial interests list. Thangam Debonnaire reckoned he’d hoped the furore would blow over rather than coming clean.

Adam Tolley KC, investigating bullying allegations against Rabid Raab since November, handed a detailed report to Rishi. Complainants in limbo, a livid Dave Penman of FDA railed at a farce and liberal chief whip Wendy Chamberlain at a weak PM. The next morning, Rishi accepted Raab’s resignation ‘with regret’, confirming his spinelessness. Alex Chalk became Justice sec and Oliver Dowdy deputy PM. In a BBC interview, Raab hit out at the injustice of ‘passive aggressive activist’ civil servants ganging up on ministers they didn’t like. He wouldn’t stand at the next election.

Adam Heppinstall KC (were all KC’s called Adam?) reported that BBC chair Richard Sharp breached the government’s code of conduct over the Boris loan guarantee scandal. Saying it was a distraction, Sharp resigned. Gary Lineker tweeted government shouldn’t make the appointment, now or ever. Lucy Powell said the affair did ‘untold damage to the BBC’ and its independence was ‘seriously undermined’ by tory ‘sleaze and cronyism’. Quite – if he’d had any integrity, he’d have gone when the story broke.

In Scotland, Sturgeon’s house was searched and her husband Peter Murrell arrested then released pending further investigation into SNP finances. A similar fate befell the treasurer and a luxury campervan was seized from outside Murrell’s elderly mum’s house.

Mid-May, United Utilities discharged sewage at Fleetwood contaminating the entire Fylde Coast. Towns across Kent and Sussex without a supply, schools had to close. South East Water issued a hosepipe ban, not because of drought but because they couldn’t keep up with early summer demand, which sounded ludicrous when thunderstorms flooded Rotherham and Sheffield.

Coffee-Cup told Laura K. she was ‘fed up’ with water companies and promised new Ofwat measures would lower share dividends. It emerged Swellen was caught speeding when serving as attorney general and asked civil servants if she could sit a speed awareness course privately. On becoming home sec, she opted for points. Coffee-Cup claimed to know nothing. As too did Rishi at G7. Irritated by questions, he snapped: ‘aren’t you going to ask about the summit?’ A possible breach of the ministerial code, Swellen batted away calls to go, said she regretted speeding but did nothing untoward, and prated about focusing on the job. Rishi informed MPs he was looking into it which meant having a chat with Swellen and Laurie Magnus rather than a proper inquiry.

June officially the hottest on record by 0.9 degrees, scientists expected such temperatures every other year and farmers grew med veg. The recommended 6-month waiting period at an end, Sue Gray got the all-clear to become labour chief of staff. She was later alleged to have broken the civil service code for not disclosing contact. Denying any dirty dealings, labour whinged of a politically motivated ‘Mickey Mouse’ probe by the cabinet office.

Thames Water CE Sarah Bentley returning her bonus over sewage spills didn’t appease so she’d resigned. Struggling to find investors, ministers stood by to take over in a ‘worst case scenario’. 30 years of paying shareholders while bleeding us dry then expecting government to sort it out, Ed Millipede raged at the scandal. Early July, they were fined £3m for polluting the River Thames near Gatwick with raw sewage in 2017, killing thousands of fish. Not mentioning leakage of 602.2m litres a day, River Action’s James Wallace warned Londoners of ‘imminent’ rationing as chalk streams dried up. Interim boss Cathryn Ross complained government’s ‘Plan For Water’ didn’t go far enough and suggested changes to how we thought about water and not taking it for granted, because London was no rainier than Jerusalem – eh? Heatwaves across The Med, a British tourist died of heatstroke queueing at Rome’s colosseum. Another washout weekend in the UK, Surfers Against Sewage advised all Cornish beaches were contaminated. Sewage ‘perfectly legally’ discharged at Filey, Whitby and Scarborough, signs informed of poor water quality on the latter’s South Beach. RNLI stopped putting red flags up, confusing councillors.

A Yorkshire Water ad telling us how to save water beggared belief. Unbelievably patronising given their record on waste, it contained stock footage of a Ukrainian left-hand drive car, a Russian bar and Herefordshire hills. Mocked as ‘more Malvern than Malton’, it was pulled. July estimated to be the hottest month for 1,200 years worldwide, US scientists warned of ‘global boiling’. But Yorkshire experienced the second wettest on record. Not expected to change until mid- August, it felt pleasant enough outside – for October! I reckoned we’d had 5 dry days all month, although unseasonal conditions led to dramatic cloudscapes (see my haiga ‘Enigma’ⁱ). When Phil returned from work soaked to the skin, he exclaimed: “Look at me!” “Yes, and you said there’s nowt in the St. Swithin’s adage!”

Approving a coal mine ‘nonsense’, Climate Change Committee Chair Selwyn Gummer thought it a shame the UK no longer led on the issue. The High Court stymied 5 councils’ bid to stop Sadiq extending ULEZ to outer London boroughs. Appealing to motoring gammons, Rishi announced a review of low traffic neighbourhoods even though they were in the remit of local authorities. Backbenchers wanted a delay to the ban on petrol and diesel vehicles but The Glove-Puppet insisted the 2030 date was immoveable. Continuing to renege on promises and drive a ‘wrecking ball’ through climate commitments, Rishi announced 100 new North Sea oil and gas licenses plus carbon capture (to include The Humber), much to Thangam’s ‘disappointment’. Saying use of UK energy sources rather than shipping it halfway round the world was important, Rishi seemed oblivious that most untapped reserves consisted of oil destined for foreign markets.

A standards committee inquiry into ‘inappropriate behaviour’ meant The Pincher faced an 8 week suspension and recall petition possibly leading to yet another by-election. Parliament really was a dirty rotten cesspit!

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 74 – String of Fire

“The Thatcher years might have been a spiffing time for Johnson, who was busy partying in the elite Bullingdon Club, but in the real world Thatcher devastated communities across Scotland” (Owen Thompson)

A Load of Hot Air

Following a bad night, I felt exhausted Monday morning and got back in bed. As my last bout of debilitation over a month ago lasted less than 3 days, I hoped this one would be similar. Alas, it dragged on for over a week leading to deepening depression. Phil tried to cheer me up with funny dancing. However, as my eyes wouldn’t focus, they made me dizzy. He carried the breakfast tray down and returned for the washing. I bathed, donned a sarong and teetered downstairs for coffee and the laptop. Internet issues now into the third week, I managed to post a haiga but doing the journal was impossible. Going back down for lunch, I noticed the machine was on a drying cycle. Fearing for our smalls, Phil frantically pressed buttons until it stopped. Still struggling with unfocused eyes and head fug, I tried to motivate myself to write or do art but didn’t feel like doing anything at all. Very unlike me, even when ill, the mere thought of computer work made me feel sick. I watched an awful telly film and lay down to read. Eyes shutting, I hoped to catch up on some sleep. Sadly not, although I lay with closed eyes for half an hour which slightly helped my vision.

The TIT app was tweaked to only ping if contact had been within 2 days rather than 5. Changes didn’t affect sensitivity or risk threshold. A month-long study by Imperial College reassuringly found no covid on the train network. To encourage vaccine uptake, young people were bribed with taxi rides and kebabs from the likes of Uber and Deliveroo. Kebab-a-Jab was one of a range of schemes across the globe – rollmops in the Netherlands, sausages in Germany, mici in Romania*, popcorn in Australia, a chicken in Indonesia, a lottery to win a gold bar in Hong Kong, and a joint in Washington state (assumingly on top of the $100).

Initially refreshed after more sleep Tuesday, I wobbled on rising and got back in bed. Phil offered to get the mid-morning coffee then disappeared. He then embarked on an arty project which made a nice change from the mind-numbing monotony of his gig economy job. Pissed off missing a sunny day, I opened the window and worked on the laptop. Someone was only just asking the local Facebook group if there were issues with the internet. It beggared belief they’d sit there for 3 weeks without contacting their ISP! I suggested everyone affected lodged complaints to speed up repairs at the exchange. A couple of members responded they had, including a friend, making Phil feel less alone. Early evening, emergency vehicles sped up the hill opposite as helicopters wheeled over the valley. It transpired there were reports of a hot air balloon crashing and bursting into flames. It turned out to be a party balloon. Was the string on fire?

Cases dropping to around 22,000 a day as opposed to the predicted 100,000, Christina Pagel wanted to know why. Mike Tildesley put it down to people being cautious. Prof. Paul Hunter said hospital cases were ‘over the peak’ but 138 deaths was the most since 17^th March. An Imperial College React study found 2 jabs cut the chances of catching covid to 3.8%. JCVI now said the risk of myocardia was low and in balancing that against the benefits, offered 16-17 year olds a single jab as soon as practical, with possible roll- out to 12-15 year olds later. Peter Kyle complained they’d squandered the summer.

The ‘Key to NYC’ pass for indoor activities would launch 17^th August, to be fully implemented by 13^th September. 3 cases identified, all Wuhan citizens were tested for the Delta variant and a slight fall in Indian cases led to some opening up in Mumbai and Maharashtra. Iran suspected of a drone attack on oil tanker Mercer Street killing a Brit and a Rumanian last week, Rabid Raab summoned the ambassador. In a second incident, 9 armed men boarded the Asphalt Princess in the Gulf of Oman and ordered it to sail to Iran.

Seeing Red

Although very sleepy, I needed the meditation soundtrack to settle Tuesday night. I then woke several times in the early hours and subsequently dawdled over morning tea and bathing Wednesday morning. I tidied the bed, fetched coffee and worked on the laptop. Speedily backing up photos on OneDrive, I wondered if the internet was fixed. Phil in Leeds, I had no way of checking. I hoped he’d be back in time to enjoy his favourite quick pasta dish with me but he wasn’t. Sun replaced by cloud and occasional showers, he appeared slightly damp.

Ahead of changes to traffic lights, rumours of an ‘amber watchlist’ caused consternation and were later ditched. Amidst a cabinet fallout, Shatts was blamed. Which? reported on tour companies with the best and worst covid policies and encouraged sun-seekers to check the FCO list as well as the lights; were there discrepancies? A GoFundMe page aimed to purchase the RNLI a hovercraft dubbed The Flying Farage. If the target was exceeded, they planned to buy another vessel named Katie Hopkins or Darren Grimes (whoever he was). Drugs deaths up 3.8% in England and Wales and 4.8% in Scotland during 2020, Eytan Alexander of the UK Addiction Treatment Group called it a ‘parallel pandemic’ that had ‘worsened due to the virus’. Ministers denied cuts were to blame, saying they were investing £148m to tackle drug misuse. Belarus opposition leader Svetlana Tiskhavounskya met The Bumbler at Number 10 asking for more support against the despot Lukashenko, after an activist was found hanged in a Kyiv park and Olympian Krystina Tsimanskaya defected. Poland rescued the athlete at Tokyo airport. Meanwhile, the first trans woman to compete failed to win the weightlifting, belying claims of unfair advantage. 13 year old Sky Brown skateboarded to bronze. Already on TV ads, she didn’t say “I don’t feel like it today.” There’d been a lot of that during Shonkyo including Simone Biles withdrawing from team events and Adam Peaty declaring he needed a break.

Awoken by diggers on the canal Thursday morning, I gave up trying to sleep, managed a few small chores and got back into bed to catch up on online ordering. Having confirmed the internet was finally fixed, Phil received a belated call from Talk-Talk to that effect. Dinner taking too long to cook, I collapsed on the sofa to watch Netflix for the first time in ages but retired early for another mediocre night.

PHE said vaccines averted 66,9000 hospital admissions but according to Amanda Pritchard, of 5,000 ‘seriously ill’ patients, a fifth were aged 18-34. She urged young people to ‘not delay’ sorting their jabs. Traffic light changes turned Mexico red requiring airborne travellers to come home within 2 days or pay increased quarantine hotel costs of £2,285. Germany, Norway, Romania, Austria, Latvia, Slovenia and Slovakia went green. Spain stayed amber with PCR tests advised before returning. Qatar, Bahrain and UAE moved to amber, as did India but not Pakistan. MPs Naz Shah and Yasmin Qureshi saw red at unclear criteria and the government rewarding countries that offered economic benefits to the UK. On GMB, Shats insisted the changes only happened every 3 weeks leading to more stability, and were based on various factors and advice from the joint Biosecurity Centre. Was that the same JBC whose boss resigned over the ‘watchlist’ debacle?

90,000 EU citizens left UK hospitality jobs due to Brexit and covid as a new daily record of 482 people crossing The Channel made a total so far of 10,000 in 2021. Meanwhile, almost 60,000 arrived in Europe with 1,016 dead or missing. Steve Valdez-Symonds of Amnesty International UK said: “the reason people are putting themselves in serious danger…is that there are simply no safe alternatives open to them.” He urged French and UK governments to come together to fulfil their responsibilities: “On a global scale, very few people seek asylum in the UK and politicians need to stop peddling myths and stoking hostility towards often vulnerable people who’ve experienced persecution and trauma.” 11 people arrested over the racial abuse of Rashford, Sancho and Saka, the police promised more would follow. After wrecking rooms, the Shonkyo Australian rugby team raided drinks, threw up and ruined the bog on a JAL flight home.

Inferno

Turning cold and rainy for the next few days, it seemed positively autumnal. Friday, I posted a psychedelic version of a photo of summery park blooms for Elder Sis’ birthday and the journal entry delayed from Monday, then backed up files but wished I hadn’t. Later copying notes over, I discovered a week’s journal work lost. I must have overwritten the wrong ones! On a brighter note, I booked a reasonably priced short break. Hitherto finding costs in my preferred choice destination astronomical, I considered Blackpool when I came across reference to a site we’d used some years back. Cottages in the last-minute bargain section were even cheaper when I plumped for later dates. Problems at the end of the verifying process led to an anxious 20 minutes hanging on the phone to speak to a person and be assured the booking had gone through. Dinner taking ages again, I got very tired and knocked a wine glass off the top. Sweeping up what fragments I could see on the kitchen floor, one scooted under the fridge. impossible to tell if I’d missed any small shards, I warned Phil not to walk about bare-footed until we’d hoovered.

ONS found a 39% drop in cases with infections down across the UK except Northern Ireland where they were the highest since 23^rd January and the first 16-year-old got a Pfizer jab. In Australia, Victoria state started a week-long lockdown and NSW entered a seventh week after 5 deaths, one of whom was vaccinated. “They did it wrong. Not enough herd immunity.” Intoned Phil. Hypocrite minister and chair of COP26 Alok Sharma flew to 30 countries since February and didn’t isolate after trips to red-listed Bolivia and Brazil. David Lammy called the amount of travel ‘bizarre’. Munira Wilson said: “It seems incredible that this government never seems to learn the lesson; it simply cannot be one rule for them and one rule for everyone else.” Sharma also reportedly met Prince Charles indoors mask-less and visited a primary school. Fatty Soames’ Serco saw profits up 31%, thanks in part to 17% of the company’s contracts being covid related. BOE forecasted 4% inflation by the end of 2021 but expecting it to be temporary, left interest base rates at 0.1%. A 50% rise in wholesale energy led Ofgem to raise the cap on variable tariffs from 1^st October.

In Scotland not visiting the first minister, Boris laughed that Thatcher gave us a ‘big early start’ on dealing with climate change by shutting coal mines. Sturgeon exclaimed his comment was ‘crass and deeply insensitive’ and SNP MP Owen Thompson observed they might have been spiffing for the PM, but in the real world, the Thatcher years devastated communities.

Thanks to moderate drinking, I wasn’t hungover Saturday morning but felt woefully unrested. Making the morning cuppa, I found a tiny spider in a mug. The poor thing went round and round in a circle. I stood on the doorstep, shook it onto the replanted rose, said ‘hello world’ and retreated back indoors. Realising it had probably hatched under the living room floorboards and dropped down to the kitchen on a string, I reflected there could be millions living there. Phil concurred, then spotted a larger spider brazenly sauntering across the bedroom floor. Another rescue ensued. Fed up of niggles interrupting my dossing, I thought I might as well have breakfast. Returning to bed, I replenished lost journal notes and used a colourful photo from Brighouse for a haigaⁱ. Phil cleaned the kitchen, disposing of glass shards, went to the shop and cooked dinner. I had a terrible night. The heavy rain initially soothing, I fell asleep briefly then woke to toss and turn until 4.15 a.m. Becoming anxious by the relentless downpour, I almost burst into tears before eventually getting a few hours aided by the meditation soundtrack.

Still wet Sunday morning, at least the rain wasn’t as bad. More than could be said of me. Phil asked “Are you better?” “No, I feel awful. I told you I hardly slept!” He stroked me comfortingly as though I were a kitten and suggested we go charity shopping Monday. “What for?” “I thought you wanted to.” “I never said that. It must’ve been a boring dream.” “Yep. That sounds about right.” Back upstairs, I soaked a shirt I’d managed to spill drink on and cleaned the bath before going back to bed to draft-post the journal. Despite assurances, I was still receiving e-mails telling me to complete the holiday cottage booking. I sent a message back and trusting all would be okay, researched things to do in the area. Phil cut his hair and emerged looking like arch-druid Veran from Britannia, minus the tattooed runes. He then made a variation of his signature austerity roast for dinner. While again needing sleep aids, it was a distinct improvement on the previous night.

Cases now falling except among 18-29 year olds, Heaven offered vaccines to nightclubbers leading to totals of 89% adults having one jab and 74% having two. In a short-term fix, Operation Rescript put army lorry drivers on 5 day notice to help out with the HGV shortage. A string of wildfires created an inferno across southern Europe. 21 British fire & rescue personnel were sent to Greece, 1,000 were evacuated from the island of Evia and a volunteer was killed. In Sardinia, a sheepdog died of burns after protecting his flock.

*Mici – a type of sausage which Phil said he’d prefer above all the other bribes

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 73 – Web of Deceit

“The Prime Minister is the master of untruths and half-truths…it’s the person who’s not telling the truth rather than the person calling it out that ought to be on the hotspot” (Keir Starmer)

Lies and Gimmicks

Aches and pains made exercising difficult Monday morning. Phil also struggled with bad eyes. Now into a second week, internet issues made blog-posting slow. I utilised the fine weather before rain arrived, hanging out washing and applying a final coat of paint on the wooden planter, and joked with The Decorator about builders sitting around drinking tea all day. Afternoon rest disturbed by noisy kids at the start of the summer break, I tried sleeping early that night. I was just putting my book down when a mosquito buzzed round my head. No doubt trying to escape the downpour. Torrential in the south, flooding of Whipps Cross hospital’s cellar led to loss of power and a state of emergency. We were warned of heavier thunderstorms coming north.

New covid cases down for the sixth day in a row, it was the first time there’d been a drop without lockdown. Pundits speculated Boris’ gamble had paid off while Mike Tildesley of SPI-M put it down to school holidays. He predicted it’d be 2 weeks until Freedom Day impacted on hospital admissions yet Prof. Adam Finn said of 200 in Bristol hospitals, the average age was 40 with many under 30’s seriously ill. Simon Stevens joined others to write about pressure on the NHS. Other theories for less infections included the end of Euro 2020, warmer weather, viral evolution, increased immunity and ditching of the TIT app. Millions pinged to self-isolate, some called it ‘lockdown by stealth’. While train operators reduced services, Cabinet’s covid operations committee met to add 13 industries to the exemption list. 2,000 new testing sites were promised so workers could continue working; 500 within the week. Rules in Northern Ireland relaxed to allow 15 people to meet outdoors and close contact services. Ireland permitted indoor dining for those who’d had 2 jabs or covid within the last 6 months. It emerged that France became ‘amber plus’ due to a rise in the Beta variant in La Réunion thousands of miles away from the mainland. Rabid Raab defended the decision based on ease of travel from the island. As 160,000 demonstrated about restrictions, Mini Macron said they couldn’t wish the virus away. A 10 litre limit on buying take-away fuel meant to stop dinghies crossing the channel, had little effect. The Police Federation called Nasty Patel’s announcement of a pay freeze ‘the final straw’ and voted no confidence in her. Brazilians demanded the impeachment of Bolsonaro over his covid denial and corruption. Coronavirus was found in British horseshoe bats. RhGB01 possibly existed for millennia but was only discovered by specific testing. In support of Dawn Butler, Keir told the media Boris was a ‘master of untruths and half-truths’.

Delighted to find fruit and salad veg in the co-op on Tuesday, I returned home singing: “yes, we do have bananas, tomatoes and lettuces too!” Getting cleaned up, I saw a flashing orange light outside. I stood safely on the stairs as Phil answered the door. The BT engineer wanted to check all our equipment again, even though it was all replaced last Friday. We agreed as long as he put a mask on, but repeated the issue couldn’t be in the house and affected the whole area. He admitted he’d come from a nearby household but claimed it turned out to be a spider in the connection box. Obviously it was trying to get on the web!

He fiddled with wires, replaced the only remaining old part (a splitter for the phone and router wires) and took readings which confirmed the signal had been dropping since 14^th July. Saying he was going to check outside, Phil asked “what about the exchange?” “I’m going there now,” he replied, before going to sit in his white van. Our belief he was telling fibs and didn’t go at all was confirmed later in the week. I collected up spares and added them to a pile Bright Sparks engineers dumped in the recycling last Friday. Wiping all the touch points, I hovered to do the outside doorknob, considering it impolite with the engineer still sat there. “You think he’s got covid hands,” giggled Phil. “No, but it doesn’t do any harm.”

Several insect bites really started to itch. Not sure if they were from midges or the pesky mosquito, I used antihistamine and after-bite before trying to rest. Phil received a message early evening claiming the internet was fixed. Due to all the new kit, when it worked, it was super-fast, but alas, it still bombed every few minutes. What a web of lies!

Weekly infections down (20% in Yorkshire) but hospitalisations up 33% and the highest daily rise in deaths since March, medics warned the third wave wasn’t over. However, Prof. Ferguson said the worst of the pandemic would be gone by October. The US travel ban continued for the UK and Schengen countries. Kit Malthouse called it disappointing but not surprising. After face-licking in heaven last week, party-loving journo Benjamin Button came on Jeremey Vine to perversely say he’d wear a mask in shops and tubes. The IMF now expected UK output to grow 7%, mainly because it had fallen back so much. Unison and the BMA began consulting on the 3% NHS pay rise while the RCN planned summer demos for ‘fair pay’.

Boris unveiled the Beating Crime Plan which entailed permanent relaxation of stop & search conditions, response time league tables, named officers for communities and chain gangs of anti-social citizens in fluorescent jackets ‘visibly paying their debt to society’. On Newsnight the previous evening, Nick Thomas-Symonds dismissed the daft ideas as more gimmicks and slogans, saying the 20,000 promised new recruits only replaced coppers lost since 2010. He added that the Tories had decimated neighbourhood policing and swept away supporting apparatus such as youth clubs while voting against a bill to increase sentences for rapists which showed they weren’t ‘tough on crime or the causes of crime’ at all.

Mounds and Piles

An insect bite on my leg particularly itchy Wednesday, I took more antihistamine and applied cream and a plaster to stop me scratching it. It was 4 days until they stopped being troublesome. Phil started a live chat with Talk-Talk straight after breakfast and spent the day moving hither and thither fiddling with wires without telling me what was going on. He gave me a jolt more than once suddenly coming up behind as I got on with vacuuming. Fraught, I collapsed with coffee before computer work, succeeding in posting a blog on Cool Places 2ⁱⁱ and re-plugged the back-up drive into the router to copy files from the past fortnight. The afternoon siesta was interrupted by a teeming thunderstorm, music blaring from neighbours’ cars, screeching geese and screaming kids. At the end of the day, Talk-Talk suggested replacing the router again. “It’s 5 days old!“ I exclaimed. Phil sent them a 2,000 word précis of events so far.

2,848 new covid cases since start the of Shonkyo 2020, the city’s total was over 200,000. Avoiding the lame games shown from early morning, we watched Good Morning Britain (GMB). A minister claiming the pandemic ‘over bar the shouting’ and The Glove-Puppet calling the unvaccinated ‘selfish’, Therese Coffee-Cup spouted a pile of waffle. Evading questions on the end to the UC uplift, she prated about getting disabled people into jobs. Good luck with that, you vacuous waste of space! Ex-PM Turnbull said Australia’s vaccination programme was a ‘complete fail’, having only reached 16% of the population. Later in the week, Sydney entered another month of lockdown. 3,000 crossed the channel in July; a monthly record. RNLI boss Mark Dowie videoed crews being abused as they rescued drowning migrants. In one instance, a mob shouted ‘go back to France’. As Mr. Dowie called it ‘vital humanitarian work’, Nasty Nigel Farage said they provided a taxi service. The following day, donations and volunteer vacancy searches on the charity’s website soared. Yvette Coop subsequently revealed ‘shocking conditions’ at the Kent Intake Unit where new arrivals endured inhumane overcrowding and the risk of infection. Newmarket council voted ‘no confidence’ in the local MP aka The Cock. NHS England saw sense, appointing Amanda Pritchard as the new CE rather than Dildo or Jo Amazon. Sheffield Forgemasters was effectively nationalised when the MOD bought it. The Gwynedd slate landscape filled the gap left by Liverpool on the UNESCO world heritage list, causing concern over house prices, too many tourists and second-homers.

On a cold, grey, windy Thursday, I worked on my novel for the first time in three months until head fug set in. I contemplated doing art but uninspired, I hunted for loose change instead and counted £40 into bank bags. Phil again on to Talk-Talk all day, they unbelievably tried to charge him for the engineer visits. After lodging a complaint, the issue was escalated to the section manager at long last. I suggested Ofcom if it still didn’t get sorted but Phil said they were useless. “Threaten to set Watchdog on them. It’s worked for me before.” They eventually officially informed us the problem originated at the exchange. We’d been telling them that from the start! Saying it could be fixed Saturday, we didn’t hold our breath. Just as well, seeing as that was yet another lie to add to the pile. On asking why the process was so shit, Phil said every call was treated as a new case and he got caught up in a never-ending loop. What a stupid system! If a problem wasn’t solved first time In future, he vowed to go straight to complaints.

Cases and deaths up a second day running, 689,313 were pinged in the past week. 260 testing centres for ‘critical workers’ opened. After announcing that arrivals from the US and EU (except France) wouldn’t have to quarantine from 2^nd August as long as they were double-jabbed and took PCR tests, Rabid Raab came on GMB to call it a ‘smart and sensible’ move. Scotland and Wales followed suit, the latter ‘with regret’. International cruises also allowed, where on earth could they berth? While testing was required of arrivals, it wasn’t for ‘ping and release’. I agreed with Christina Pagel that it made no sense; the vaccinated could still infect others with variants. ONS reported 86% of 35-54 year olds and only 75% of 18-34 year olds, stuck to isolation rules. Yet while the daily number of first and second jabs had gone up for the first time in ages, the under 30’s remained reluctant. A Pop-up at Thorpe Park to jab the young seemed mad. What if they were sick on the coronacoaster? The first batch of vaccines promised to poorer countries dispatched, Raab predicted the whole world immunised by mid-2022. The WHO expected it would be the end of next year. Who to believe? Experts or a self-serving tory? Flooding deposited mounds of mud in Lake Como villages, leaving people homeless and Storm Evert landed in South West England. The government pledged £860m for flood defences. I’d said they’d cough up if London and the south was hit. According to Look North, our valley would get some of it. Newsnight reported on extreme weather across the globe. We were bemused by a climate change expert referring to ‘rain heavy storm rain’ and Allegra Stratton (now apparently Boris’ spokesperson on the issue), spouting a mound of guff on targets.

Storm Evert brought more rain our way Friday. Feeling depressed, I moped about before working on the journal and going to the co-op. Phil caught up at the till to help carry and unpack. Avoiding streaming issues,, we spent the evening watching Bladerunner 1 & 2 on DVD, appreciating the awesomeness anew. After drinking all the wine, we went to bed late and suffered the next day.

Infections continued to rise across the UK, except Scotland, but new cases fell. Uncle Joe announced payments of $100 to encourage more vaccinations, which could be mandatory for US government roles. Big companies following suit included Google, Facebook and Netflix. Rabid Raab thought it ‘a good idea’ for UK employers to do likewise but lawyers warned of a legal minefield and union GMB expressed concern mandatory jabs might become a substitute for covid-safe practices. A decision on whether students needed to be immunised before returning to campus wouldn’t be made until September. Leeds dairy Arla envisaged milk supply disruption over the summer if the HGV driver shortage wasn’t addressed. Derided as a pile of crap, Marble Arch Mound closed after 2 days. Westminster council obviously off their heads commissioning the ludicrous tourist attraction, it would have been better to recreate Tyburn Prison complete with gibbet and hold weekly lotteries to determine which lying politician to hang.

Steampunk Weekend

Taking it slow on Saturday, I pottered about and cooked, trying to ignore terrible music from outside and drunks staggering about in the early hours. I doubted the Steampunks here for the weekend would be so uncouth. The Internet predicably not fixed, Phil couldn’t even contact Talk-Talk. The evening’s old DVD selection comprised of another escapist double bill – Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 1 & 2.

In the house for days on end, we ventured out Sunday to have a gander at the shenanigans. I headed out first, via the knobbly veg stall, wandered around the rest of the market and loitered in the square. Taking surreptitious photos of elderly people in fancy dress proved hard as they were total posers who could spot a camera at 50 feet. When he arrived, Phil advised a more brazen approach. We bumped into a couple we’re friends with and compared observations on the internet palaver and Steampunks. She agreed some looked like Quality Street soldiers, others more Jane Austen than Victorian and what did Captain America have to do with it? Wondering why they came when there wasn’t anything specific to attract them (for instance films, of which there were several), Phil said it was like mods in the olden days – parading up and down to be seen. We escaped to the park for a touch of normality. I rested on a bench while Phil answered a call from Talk-Talk. They assured him there’d be no charge for the engineer visits and the problem at the exchange was ‘being worked on’. Strolling in the rather quiet park, butterflies and bees flitted among teasels and wildflowers, a small group chatted beside a Valley Pride banner and a few kids inhabited the skateboard park. None were brave enough to emulate Charlotte Worthington’s ground-breaking Olympic BMX tricks which were definitely more impressive than the sad horse event we’d caught a glimpse of. As riders galloped around, pedestrians wandered the course taking phone snaps. Truly Shonkyo!

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. Cool Places 2: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

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