“It feels like almost every week there is an issue with sleaze and scandal where Rishi Sunak is either implicated himself or too weak to get to grips with it (Wendy Chamberlain)
Haiga – Enigma
In the wettest March for 40 years, French Storm Mathis brought yellow rain and 70 mph winds to southern England. It was revealed water companies discharged sewage into rivers an average 825 times a day during 2022. The Environment Agency put the 19% drop from 2021 down to droughts. Yorkshire Water claimed to have a £180m plan but customers would need to contribute. Government threatened to impose unlimited fines. Labour lambasted underwhelming targets and penalties to cut sewage and storm overflow discharge way in the distant future.
‘Sorry’ for polluting rivers and seas, Water UK pledged £10bn to mend sewers and build tanks by 2030, but admitted bills would rise. Government urged them to put customers before profit – that was good coming from them! Warned not to swim in dirty water, demonstrators lined the Scarborough shoreline. Yorkshire Water boss Nicola Shaw promised to fix the problem within 2 years. Comics Lee Mack, Pail Whitehouse and Steve Coogan protested against United Utilities spewing filth into Lake Windermere.
Noa, a French storm but not official in the UK, resulted in downpours, wind and massive waves in Cornwall 12th April. A Fin whale washed up on Bridlington beach and died. The Hartlepool fishing industry at grave risk due to all the dead crustaceans, government still denied it had anything to do with dredging. Charities stepped in to provide support.
Westminster as dirty as our waterways, tory MP Scott Benton was entrapped by a lobbying video and suspended. Daniel Greenberg launched investigations into Benton for use of work e-mail and 2 fellow MPs – Henry Smith who used tax-payer funded stationery and The Cock who tried to influence enforcement of parliamentary standards. Matt was ‘shocked and surprised’ – we weren’t! The Commissioner then looked into Rishi Rich for not declaring an interest in Koru Kids in which his wife had shares and stood to benefit from the expansion of free childcare. They were belatedly added to a new ministerial interests list. Thangam Debonnaire reckoned he’d hoped the furore would blow over rather than coming clean.
Adam Tolley KC, investigating bullying allegations against Rabid Raab since November, handed a detailed report to Rishi. Complainants in limbo, a livid Dave Penman of FDA railed at a farce and liberal chief whip Wendy Chamberlain at a weak PM. The next morning, Rishi accepted Raab’s resignation ‘with regret’, confirming his spinelessness. Alex Chalk became Justice sec and Oliver Dowdy deputy PM. In a BBC interview, Raab hit out at the injustice of ‘passive aggressive activist’ civil servants ganging up on ministers they didn’t like. He wouldn’t stand at the next election.
Adam Heppinstall KC (were all KC’s called Adam?) reported that BBC chair Richard Sharp breached the government’s code of conduct over the Boris loan guarantee scandal. Saying it was a distraction, Sharp resigned. Gary Lineker tweeted government shouldn’t make the appointment, now or ever. Lucy Powell said the affair did ‘untold damage to the BBC’ and its independence was ‘seriously undermined’ by tory ‘sleaze and cronyism’. Quite – if he’d had any integrity, he’d have gone when the story broke.
In Scotland, Sturgeon’s house was searched and her husband Peter Murrell arrested then released pending further investigation into SNP finances. A similar fate befell the treasurer and a luxury campervan was seized from outside Murrell’s elderly mum’s house.
Mid-May, United Utilities discharged sewage at Fleetwood contaminating the entire Fylde Coast. Towns across Kent and Sussex without a supply, schools had to close. South East Water issued a hosepipe ban, not because of drought but because they couldn’t keep up with early summer demand, which sounded ludicrous when thunderstorms flooded Rotherham and Sheffield.
Coffee-Cup told Laura K. she was ‘fed up’ with water companies and promised new Ofwat measures would lower share dividends. It emerged Swellen was caught speeding when serving as attorney general and asked civil servants if she could sit a speed awareness course privately. On becoming home sec, she opted for points. Coffee-Cup claimed to know nothing. As too did Rishi at G7. Irritated by questions, he snapped: ‘aren’t you going to ask about the summit?’ A possible breach of the ministerial code, Swellen batted away calls to go, said she regretted speeding but did nothing untoward, and prated about focusing on the job. Rishi informed MPs he was looking into it which meant having a chat with Swellen and Laurie Magnus rather than a proper inquiry.
June officially the hottest on record by 0.9 degrees, scientists expected such temperatures every other year and farmers grew med veg. The recommended 6-month waiting period at an end, Sue Gray got the all-clear to become labour chief of staff. She was later alleged to have broken the civil service code for not disclosing contact. Denying any dirty dealings, labour whinged of a politically motivated ‘Mickey Mouse’ probe by the cabinet office.
Thames Water CE Sarah Bentley returning her bonus over sewage spills didn’t appease so she’d resigned. Struggling to find investors, ministers stood by to take over in a ‘worst case scenario’. 30 years of paying shareholders while bleeding us dry then expecting government to sort it out, Ed Millipede raged at the scandal. Early July, they were fined £3m for polluting the River Thames near Gatwick with raw sewage in 2017, killing thousands of fish. Not mentioning leakage of 602.2m litres a day, River Action’s James Wallace warned Londoners of ‘imminent’ rationing as chalk streams dried up. Interim boss Cathryn Ross complained government’s ‘Plan For Water’ didn’t go far enough and suggested changes to how we thought about water and not taking it for granted, because London was no rainier than Jerusalem – eh? Heatwaves across The Med, a British tourist died of heatstroke queueing at Rome’s colosseum. Another washout weekend in the UK, Surfers Against Sewage advised all Cornish beaches were contaminated. Sewage ‘perfectly legally’ discharged at Filey, Whitby and Scarborough, signs informed of poor water quality on the latter’s South Beach. RNLI stopped putting red flags up, confusing councillors.
A Yorkshire Water ad telling us how to save water beggared belief. Unbelievably patronising given their record on waste, it contained stock footage of a Ukrainian left-hand drive car, a Russian bar and Herefordshire hills. Mocked as ‘more Malvern than Malton’, it was pulled. July estimated to be the hottest month for 1,200 years worldwide, US scientists warned of ‘global boiling’. But Yorkshire experienced the second wettest on record. Not expected to change until mid- August, it felt pleasant enough outside – for October! I reckoned we’d had 5 dry days all month, although unseasonal conditions led to dramatic cloudscapes (see my haiga ‘Enigma’i). When Phil returned from work soaked to the skin, he exclaimed: “Look at me!” “Yes, and you said there’s nowt in the St. Swithin’s adage!”
Approving a coal mine ‘nonsense’, Climate Change Committee Chair Selwyn Gummer thought it a shame the UK no longer led on the issue. The High Court stymied 5 councils’ bid to stop Sadiq extending ULEZ to outer London boroughs. Appealing to motoring gammons, Rishi announced a review of low traffic neighbourhoods even though they were in the remit of local authorities. Backbenchers wanted a delay to the ban on petrol and diesel vehicles but The Glove-Puppet insisted the 2030 date was immoveable. Continuing to renege on promises and drive a ‘wrecking ball’ through climate commitments, Rishi announced 100 new North Sea oil and gas licenses plus carbon capture (to include The Humber), much to Thangam’s ‘disappointment’. Saying use of UK energy sources rather than shipping it halfway round the world was important, Rishi seemed oblivious that most untapped reserves consisted of oil destined for foreign markets.
A standards committee inquiry into ‘inappropriate behaviour’ meant The Pincher faced an 8 week suspension and recall petition possibly leading to yet another by-election. Parliament really was a dirty rotten cesspit!
“Northern Ireland is in the unbelievably special position…in having privileged access, not just to the UK home market, which is enormous…but also the European Union single market…Nobody else has that” (Rishi Sunak)
Cartoon by Matt
Leaked to the ‘leftie press’ i.e., The Observer, The Daily Mail railed a ‘secret summit’ in early February, was a ‘plot to unravel Brexit’. Entitled: ‘How can we make Brexit work better with our neighbours in Europe?’, attendees included ‘arch remainer’ Peter Mandelson, John Healy, David Lammy, old Thatcherites Norman Lamont and Michael Howard and, without Rishi’s knowledge, The Glove-Puppet, which Andrew Brexit on Jeremy Vine, considered mischievous. In light of OBR predictions of a 4% reduction in GDP 15 years after the referendum, and John Haskel of the BOE monetary policy committee calculating a £29bn cost (£1,000 per household), the cross-party nature of the gathering implied acceptance of post-Brexit economic damage. A source told The Guardian ‘the main thrust’ was, with Britain losing out, Brexit not delivering and a weak economy, ‘moving on from leave and remain’, the issues faced, and how we could discuss changes to trade and cooperation with the EU.
On 27th, Ursula Von Hitler came to sign off a renegotiated Northern Ireland protocol with Rishi, and bizarrely have a cuppa with Kingy. The new Windsor Framework entailed a green express lane from Great Britain to NI and the same taxes, a role for the ECJ*, and Stormont putting the brakes on further changes – if the assembly ever reconvened. Noting an improvement in the UK-EU relationship, commentators believed it could presage closer cooperation in other areas.
Northern Ireland minister Steve Baker blubbered with emotion and Sinn Fein gushed with enthusiasm. Tory backbenchers and the DUP were more circumspect – the latter also outraged at the monarch’s involvement. Perhaps they could be bribed with fresh produce, as suggested in Matt’s cartoon.
Visiting the Lisburn Coca Cola factory the next day, Rishi unbelievably lauded Northern Ireland’s ‘special position’ of being able to trade freely with both the UK and EU. Alliance party leader Naomi Long tweeted: “’Nobody else has that.’ Well, you did, actually. Plus, the opt outs. But you binned it for Brexit. Go figure…” At PMQs, Stephen Flynn asked, if access to the EU market was so special, why couldn’t we all have it? Quite!
On 2nd March, a London conference audience were asked if they thought Brexit was a ‘good idea’. The Bumbler was fuddled by a lack of hand-showing. As the Windsor Framework left Northern Ireland under EU rules, Boris complained it was ‘not about taking back control’, thus he’d find it ‘very, very difficult’ to vote for but didn’t say he’d vote against it. Would it be deal or no deal?
Addendum: A 3-hour privileges committee partygate session on 22nd March, at which Boris in a new haircut was grilled (more later), was interrupted for voting on the ‘Stormont Brake’. Dramatic back-tracking by arch Brexiteers led to a government win with 515 ayes. The 29 nays included former PMs Boris and Trussed-Up. Perhaps they’d finally get the message!
“Under the Tories, a sewer of dirty Russian money has been allowed to flow under London for years.” (Ian Blackford)
Open and Shut
Haiga – The Thaw
The howling wind waking me repeatedly in the early hours Monday, I dropped off again until late. After brekkie, I expunged a nasty lump of debris festooning the hearth, did small chores and sparked the laptop up only for the dam thing to shut down! I fumed at the delay until I could post blogs; the journal took until afternoon. Phil offered to dispose of rubbish but as he groaned at a wind-felled trellis, I went to help and retrieved the bin lid from the bottom of the steps before going to the co-op. At the kiosk, I waited impatiently for an elderly woman to pack her bag. My mate laughed when I threw my stuff back in the wheeled basket. I said it was much easier to sort afterwards and allowed someone else access to the till. Was that a bit passive-aggressive? Exhausted by a whirlwind of tasks, I flopped on the sofa then on the bed.
Off last week due to hilariously falling off his penny farthing, Jeremy Vine still sported a black eye. Marina Purkiss argued with James Gammon over Brexit and orders to return to offices saying it only profited property magnates. And coffee shops! The queen had covid. Suffering ‘minor cold symptoms’, she isolated at Windsor and continued ‘light duties’. Undeterred by the news, Boris told MPs it was time to ‘live with covid’ and treat it like ‘flu. Mandated self-isolation of the infected would end Thursday in England along with payments, obligations to tell employers, and contact-tracing. Changes to SSP and ESA would end 24th March. Mass free testing to be scaled back from 1st April, except for the vulnerable, they’d also get another booster in spring. Referring to a funding disagreement between The Goblin and Rishi Rich leading to a delayed cabinet meeting, Keir lambasted ‘more chaos and disarray’: “he thinks living with covid means ignoring it…If you’re 2-1 up with 10 minutes to go, you don’t sub off one of your best defenders.” Ian Blackford railed it was ‘bereft of science’. On Boris asking people to exercise personal responsibility and still isolate for 5 days, Wes Streeting chuckled: “give me a break!” Witless and Vallance used a press conference to warn coronavirus wasn’t over but Boris denied a division. Linda Bauld said while hospitalisations and deaths were down, community infection remained high, so it wasn’t: ‘a free ticket to not worry at all’. On Newsnight, Prof. Openshaw counselled ‘don’t throw your mask away’ and agreed with Witless on caution, saying infection surveys were vital early warning systems of new variants which might be more dangerous.
In the wake of Storm Franklin, floodwater inundated Tadcaster streets and Doncaster rail station, destroyed defences under construction on the River Aire and cracked a bridge in Boston Spa meaning a 7 mile trip to get across town. Most providers advising against travel, all Northern trains were suspended. Saying last week names couldn’t be released, PCs Jonathan Cobban and William Neville and ex-cop Joel Borders were unveiled as the 3 Met staff who’d shared nasty WhatsApp chat with Wayne Couzens.
Opening the curtains Tuesday, the pole promptly fell on my head. Yelling in shock, I sat down with water until a hot flush passed. Trains still a mess and 80 flood warnings in place, I postponed a planned trip to Manchester, sent a submission to Valley Lifei, and posted the date 22.02.22. on Facebook. Walking Friend added 22.02.2022. How did I miss the palindrome? Resuming the kitchen spring clean, I discovered a pile of jars clarted in cobwebs and freaked out when a spider skin fell on my hand. Unable to rest on the bed as Phil fixed the curtain pole, I relaxed on the sofa with a book when he declared he was going on a quest for marge. “Okay, but leave me in peace!” I lay down for breathing exercises. He apologised for interrupting m again on his return but I’d given up by then. Though sunny during a changeable day, it was too cold to properly relax. And I appreciated that he’d rang his Leeds mate while out so her dulcet tones didn’t disturb me further! As he’d taken both bedroom curtains down, I put them in the wash and used the spares.
The backlash against the ‘living with covid’ plan continued. Schools predicted more cases and further classroom disruption, devolved administrations lambasted the end of financial support, and the BMA complained of failure ‘to protect those at highest risk’. Drugs lauded as the future for tackling outbreaks, Adam Finn thought annual jabs alongside flu likely. Calling ending routine testing in England ‘inexcusable negligence’, Sturgeon announced it would stay in Scotland – albeit scaled down. The Scottish covid pass would be scrapped 28th Feb. followed by other measures 21st March.
Lethargic on Wednesday, I slowly opened curtains to a watery sun. Phil made porridge to take off the morning’s chill. After cleaning a bitty living room, I saw the laptop had updated and shutdown overnight and waited impatiently to be able to type. I set the DVR to record PMQs and went out, just as the weather turned showery. Spotting Welsh Friends’ step-daughter pushing a pram, I introduced myself at long last to be acquainted with the baby. Greeting her partner on the next street down, I was unsure if he recognised me. At the far end of town, I got nowt in the crap Boots. Signs unsurprisingly revealed a shutdown. More luck in the charity shops, I spent ages rifling through a box of old postcards. Lunchtime by then, I hurried along the riverside to the other Boots which also looked about to close due to a lack of stock during reorganisation. Having propped up the felled trellis on the way out and on the way back, I became exacerbated. The woman next door sympathised. Trying to affix it later, Phil gave up in the stiff wind.
The recording of PMQs shocking quality, at least I could fast-forward boring bits. Focussed on sanctions against Russia, Keir asked why Boris didn’t immediately impose the full package, seeing as there’d already been an invasion. The Bumbler responded it was vital that after the first barrage, they worked in lockstep with allies to squeeze Vlad, sanctions would be escalated, and he was grateful for the opposition’s support thus far. On defeating the campaign of lies and misinformation, he said Dreadful Doris had asked Ofcom to review RT licences but the decision was up to them. Sturgeon led calls for Alex Salmon to quit his show on the Russian channel. As Boris reverted to incomprehensible gibberish, Keir pointed out political donations were allowed from anywhere to which Boris wittered about labour links to the Chinese communist party. Refusing to be deflected, Keir insisted they stood united and not provide ‘homes for their loot’. Ian Blackford added ‘a sewer of dirty Russian money’ flowed under London. $20.8 billion amounted to corruption on an industrial scale, oligarchs with golden handshakes were welcomed and dosh had ‘found its way into tory coffers’. A block to stronger sanctions, he asked Boris if he’d finally commit to giving it up? Caroline Lucas put in that as foreign sec, Boris didn’t deny Russian interference in elections and asked why he turned a blind eye to disruption allegations? Margaret Hodge called the sanctions response a mess. Adamant they’d impact the entire regime, Boris said there’d be a major move to stop their dollars coming into London. On other issues, Bradford MP Imran Hussain’s question on promoting an alleged perpetrator of Islamophobia was ruled inappropriate, Ian Byrne got the party line on tackling food poverty, and queries on support for Liberty Steel, private carers and the vulnerable amid the lifting of covid restrictions, were answered with drivelling platitudes. Asked on Daily Politics if 14 labour MPs who thought NATO the aggressor should be expelled, Luke Pollard replied they were ‘a broad church’ but committed to NATO.
Ignoring feeble knocks during siesta time, Phil answered to accept a parcel for next door. I lay awhile with my eyes shut, stitched a hole in the bedspread, and fumed at unwashed pots. Apparently distracted by putting tools away, Phil struggled to say what he meant. “Mixing your words and your tasks! There’s no hope!” I laughed.
£6.1 billion public debt interest in January, the PAC report revealed poor record-keeping and lack of transparency led to £15 billion lost in covid error and fraud. In a rare fit of praise later in the week, they called the vaccine roll-out a ‘real success’ and NAO said the £5.6 billion was ‘money well spent.’ In response to a letter from MET deputy commissioner Stephen House, the London mayor’s office denied lack of due process in getting rid of Dick. Flooding still affected areas of Worcestershire and Shropshire near the River Severn. With Ironbridge underwater, households evacuated and levels peaking in Bewdley, communities were urged to stay vigilant and there were clamours for permanent solutions. As Russia celebrated Day of the Fatherland in Rostov on Don (down the road from Sheffield!) Ukraine got more weapons and protections against cyber-attacks were stepped up. Ben Wally saying he’d gone ‘full Tonto’, Vlad stuck to his guns, telling Kyiv the only way out was to demilitarise and abandon their NATO ambitions.
A Call to Arms
Bispham Mural
Thursday, Phil changed the bedding while I bathed. He then lay abed with cushions and blankets askew. Irked, I chased him off. Putting sheets in the machine, I searched for a butterfly back from an earring that fell out in the bath and found a hairgrip. More fits ensued at stuff dangerously stacked in cupboards and the coal-hole. Ocado carrier bags trapped beneath the Christmas tree stand, freeing them was hampered by an ancient bulb taking several minutes to light up. We awaited the Ocado delivery and looked at changing weather through the window. There was a lot of it! Hail overnight, we got sleet, then sun, more hail and squally mixed hail/sleet showers. Renewed yellow warnings of wind, snow and lightning for Scotland and Northern Ireland, there was no thundersnow and reports disagreed on if it was Storm Gladys. I reviewed the proof from Valley Life and worked on the journal. The bedroom curtains the wrong way round, lack of overlap left a gap in the middle. Phil helped remedy the issue and affixed the decorative knob. Finishing the hoovering after lunch, I kept finding more dross, got tired, and rested. Cooking dinner, the oven door handle door came loose. Fed up with things going wrong in the stupid weather, we left more DIY for another day.
An Ipsos poll found people divided on whether it was the right time to relax restrictions but 61% didn’t support the decision to end free testing. Home Office figures showed a record 28,526 people crossed the English Channel in dinghies during 2021. Still ill with covid, the queen postponed virtual audiences. Would she make it to her jubilee party? Meanwhile, Prince Willy secretly visited MI6. Hours later, Vlad released a rambling pre-recorded statement. Claiming he aimed to stop the genocide of innocent people by Nazis, he sent troops over Ukrainian borders at 3.00 a.m. local time. As airbases were attacked, Ukraine said they shot 5 planes down, enlisted reservists into the regular army, and declared martial law encouraging citizens to take up arms and make Molotov cocktails. Sirens blasting, an exodus of Kyiv began. Woken in the night, Boris spoke to Ukrainian president Volodymyr Zelensky, convened cobra and addressed the nation, saying they’d agreed a ‘massive package’ of sanctions with allies to ‘hobble the Russian economy’. No embargo yet on gas or Swift, money still flowed into Kremlin coffers. UN security council pleas to stop the aggression fell on deaf ears. No wonder seeing as it was chaired by a Ruskie. After summits involving the UK, US , EU and G7, Boris made a statement to the commons, uncommonly united in condemning the imperialist. RAF typhoons patrolled Polish and Romanian borders, Grant Shats instructed CAA to ensure airlines avoided Ukraine airspace, Aeroflot UK landings were banned, stock markets fell and oil prices rocketed. Vlad insisted they only targeted military assets but explosions were heard in Kyiv, Odesa and Kharkiv, where an apartment block was bombed and they took Chernobyl causing much alarm. Russian opponents of the aggression bravely held demos, 1,7000 were arrested and 150 officials wrote an open letter condemning the ‘atrocity’. Extensive coverage of the now real invasion made me depressed and fretful, leading to mediocre sleep.
The Darkest Hour
Dark Raven
Clumpy noises annoyingly roused me Friday morning, created by a fat truck with flashing yellow lights crawling up the hillside. Making use of the forced early start, I took a rare trip to the co-op before coffee. Lovely and sunny out after the mixed weather, I greeted the Turkish barber cleaning his windows and wished I could get out before noon more often. Shopping Incident-free, bacon shelves were still bare. Coming back, I heard young mum in the community garden ask the toddler if he wanted to take something to the new house. “Have you got a new house?” Providing details she added: “Moving’s a nightmare with a toddler.” “I bet. He’ll be into everything now!” I sorted groceries, collapsed on the sofa with coffee, discussed nasty Russians with Phil and got scared at the very idea of going for a drink in case they put Novichok in my beer.
After a hasty lunch, I headed to town, dumped a bag of crap at the animal charity shop and ripped the box reaching up for cough drops in the sweet shop. He contritely said he should move it lower down. “As long as you don’t charge me for damage.” “Good idea!” he quipped. Trying both butchers, the first was temporarily shut and the second had no bacon. I whizzed round the flea market to banter and barter with dealers then returned to the first butchers for the elusive bacon. He teased he’d been stockpiling it. An awful pirate busker in the square, I retreated to the bridge for some quiet but it was insanely busy with traffic and pedestrians. I met The Researcher as arranged and suggested the town hall. A dementia and covid project display by a rival university provided food for thought and an interesting take on dark times. She kindly bought us coffee and cake In the café where I grabbed a scarce table. The terrace unusable due to the crappiest ice rink in the world, signs declared it open from 23rd but they were still setting up! We discussed ideas for showcasing her project, further contributions to her blog and my plans to pause Corvus Diaries. War dominating the news, she was terrified and said it was the third day in her life she’d watched TV all day. The other two being the death of Diana and 9/11, I felt old! For our generation, it evoked the constant fear of nuclear war but I believed there was some hope: it might be the end of Vlad, ordinary Russians opposed invading their neighbours and mutiny was possible. Sharing personal stuff, we discovered a similar age gap between our parents and mutual publishing ambitions. Chairs being put atop tables signified closing time. A member of staff brought a doggy bag so I could take home the uneaten half of the gigantic cake slice. “That’s the first time I’ve been chucked out of the town hall!” We browsed the free library and laughed over West Country accents and a broken door before saying our goodbyes.
In plans for HE, DoE lowered the student loans threshold and extended the payment period so it’d be 40 years until debts were written off and graduates would pay more, for longer. A consultation on admission thresholds proposed minimum English & maths grades to access loans which government said would stop students enrolling on poor courses while critics said it disproportionately affected poor kids. Believing HE students should have a decent level of literacy, I wondered at the timing after effectively 2 years of on-off schooling during the pandemic.
Fierce fighting across Ukraine, Russian ‘operatives’ were in Kyiv by dawn and tanks in the northern suburb of Obolon. While NATO presence beefed up in Eastern Europe, EC foreign policy chief Josep Borrell intoned it was the darkest hour since WW2, the US and EU imposed more sanctions but still prevaricated over the toughest ones. Was it time for the iron curtain to be redrawn? Urging the Ukrainian military to surrender, Vlad said “we would find it easier to agree with you than with that gang of drug addicts and neo-Nazis who have holed up in Kyiv.” Jewish ex-comic turned president Vlod angrily dismissed the claims, said he was top of the Russian hit list and offered to negotiate on NATO ambitions. Serge said it was too late for that. A woman gave a Russian soldier sunflower seeds to put in his pocket so blooms would grow when he fell dead on her homeland soil, and crowds descended on rail stations aiming for Poland and Rumania. UEFA moved the champion’s league final from St. Petersburg to Paris and F1 cancelled the Sochi Grand Prix.
Metro featured an ace photo of a WW2 mural discovered renovating a house in Bispham. I suggested Phil ask to see it during an upcoming trip (see above).
Getting pizza from the freezer for dinner, I realised I’d disposed of cooking instructions. Phil said he’d come up with a mnemonic to remember timings but had forgotten it! Drinking too much wine, I blamed the added stress of war in our time. Phil interrupting film-viewing with rhetorical advice for Uncle Joe didn’t help!
After a crap night, Shed Boy noisily lobbed a van-load of trash in a skip early Saturday. I gave up trying to lie in and switched the telly on to discover Kyiv under attack from airstrikes, heavy gunfire and rockets. Reports of higher than expected Russian casualties, Ukrainian equipment was badly hit. 20,000 refugees arrived in Poland. Remaining citizens holed up in deep underground stations during the 13-hour curfew. Speaking from uninvaded streets, plucky Vlod scotched rumours of surrender. Demos took place across the UK. All very depressing, I avoided news for the rest of the day.
Making brekkie, my eyes went funny. Struggling to discern numbers on the kettle and microwave, my vision soon adjusted. Another symptom of excess, Phil explained wine over-relaxed the cells and recommended eye exercise. We discussed how unlike his condition, mine was temporary but it made me empathise and appreciate how quickly our brains adapted to make sense of the world. The SD card being arsy, I rescued a few photos and re-formatted it, worked on the journal, and pottered. Phil cut and dyed my hair. Really cold in the South Pole, I got scared of hypothermia. He also fixed the oven door, cleaned the bathroom and went to the shop, finding the twilight streets littered with drunks, just like the old days! Evening viewing included the third Oscar-nominated Netflix film so far this year. Phil often inventing modern operas, I said he should be inspired by Tick, Tick, Boom: “You literally CAN write a song about anything!”
Waking early Sunday with familiar symptoms, I sucked a pastille, slept fitfully ‘til 9, took Echinacea, wobbled down for a cuppa and got riled at a messy kitchen. Sulking on the bed, I told Phil I wasn’t well. “Is it the beer?” “1½ pints? Don’t be daft. It’s the usual sinus lark, probably due to sitting in a freezing kitchen with wet hair.” After his cooked brekkie, I considered going back to bed but stayed in the living room. Very sunny and warm despite early frost, I’d hoped to go for a walk. Obviously not up to it, I was fed up being ill again. I worked on the journal, finished a secret card and wrote a haigaii based on a photo from the previous weekend. Phil repaired a camera and went to the shop for more veg to accompany his austerity roast. Helping with prep, it took 40 minutes to peel and cube a bargainous butternut squash. It felt like a workout! I slumped back on the sofa and left him to it, getting impatient when it wasn’t ready at the appointed time. Finding the gravy tasteless, he insisted he’d used tons of mustard. I railed at undercooked parsnips then realised it was because of overfilling the oven with squash.
On Sunday Morning, ambassador to the UK Vadym Prystaiko talked of an international legion of fighters, and likened the invasion to 1918 when unable to take Kyiv, Bolsheviks took the second city Kharkiv, declared it the new capital then moved on Kyiv. Unconvinced the ‘special operation’ only took place in Donbas, 60% of Russians polled, opposed it and mums worried for their young conscript sons, forced to sign contracts so they could fight. With global protests, 4,000 Russians were reportedly detained for partaking and 1 million signed an anti-war petition. During the weekend curfew, Ex-boxing Kyiv mayor Vitali Klitschko said anyone outside was a saboteur. BP exited Rosneft while the EU shipped more weapons to The Ukraine, eased asylum processes, totally banned Russian planes from their airspace and froze them out of money markets. Unable to access overseas reserves, the rouble fell by 1/3rd, leading to bank runs, and an interest rate hike to stop the currency collapsing. Cyber-attacks hit Ukrainian embassies and Russian media. Trussed-up Liz said the economic crime bill would stop the money flow into the UK and stupidly, that those heeding the call to arms had her support. Illegal (when it suited them), Ben Wally later contradicted her. A sombre day for football, Abramovich stepped back from Chelsea and Bielsa was sacked, ending an era at Leeds United.
Head drooping, I was determined to prevent debilitation, took a loaded hot lemon drink to bed and quaffed cough mixture. Drifting off, I thought I was asleep but I’d lain in a stupor, uncertain if it was for minutes or hours. Fever breaking, I fell in and out of consciousness during a weird night. Did I have too many drugs?
Only marginally better Monday, Phil added cinnamon to the porridge. I couldn’t taste it but the soft consistency eased my throat. After bathing, I prevaricated about staying abed, decided to go downstairs, got annoyed at an overfull draining board and retreated to the sofa to post the haiga and work on the journal. In the afternoon, I gathered recycling which Phil took out in the nasty rain, even though he was falling asleep, did some secret stuff and had a siesta. I didn’t rest but finished a book. Leftover roast for dinner, I put the anaemic veg back in the oven and he added more mustard to the gravy which I could actually taste. I took this as a sign of improvement but to be safe, I went up early with hot lemon, and fell asleep quickly for a blessedly decent night.
As ex-boxer Vitali ended the Kyiv curfew, besieged citizens queued for food. 500,000 Ukrainians fled and Nasty Patel caused confusion over visas and leave to remain for relatives of UK settlers. Russian tanks approached from the north, east and south towards Mariupol. Cluster bombs allegedly used on Kharkiv, the UN decried war crimes. Vlad sent his culture adviser to negotiate with the Ukrainian defence minister in an old palace in Gomel on the Belarus border, predictably achieving nothing. Belarus forces set to join the fighting, veteran Stepanovych urged mutiny. Russia was banned from international football and FIFA cut ties with Gazprom, as did petrol giant Shell along with links to Nord Stream 2. Escalating the conflict, a beleaguered Vlad linked increased sanctions to his decision to put nuclear forces on high alert, citing ‘aggressive statements’ by NATO. Wally dismissed the threat as ‘battle rhetoric’. Commentators suggested 2 years in a bunker with long-covid, brain fog and paranoia, turned Vlad mad. Others thought that was what he wanted us to think. When would people learn? Megalomaniacs always ended up with hubris syndrome!
On the pandemic front, Omicron ‘lost its grip’, carpark Nightingale facilities were dismantled and more trains ran but would cost more from 1st March. Masks no longer mandatory in many indoor Welsh spaces, they remained mandatory for public transport, retail and healthcare settings. The next review was due 4th March. Spy tech getting ‘out of control’ during lockdowns, the TUC wanted the employment bill to ensure union consultation and worker protection from intrusive AI. Reported rapes and sexual assaults up significantly since Sarah Everard’s murder, the ONS thought it was due to increased publicity and easing of restrictions but the number of girls hiding ‘deep distress’ rose.
Coronavirus taking a back seat with bigger things going on in the world, Corvus Diaries was turning into The War Diaries. I decided to take a break.
“If somebody is spending a huge amount of time on a second job, then they can’t be maintaining support for their constituents” (Lord Evans)
Masking The Truth
Haiga – Uncommon
Waking at dawn on a cold, blustery Monday, I fell back to sleep until quite late. The plaster came off my cut thumb in the bath. As soreness prevailed, maybe it wasn’t a good idea cutting a flap of dead skin off. Phil announced there was a letter for me. Fearing the worst, I took my time opening it, but it was good news. “That’s that then,” Phil declared, “at least it was only a few weeks rather than years of investigation.” “Yes but why am I losing weight?” “You’re not eating enough.” “I think I am. I might ring the GP to get other bits checked out.” Assailed by a keen wind taking recycling out, I vowed to stay indoors, texted Walking Friend to arrange lunch midweek, posted blogs and worked on the next episode of the journal until head fug forced a halt. Nodding off with a dry throat that evening, I hoped I wasn’t getting ill and went up early.
Furious MPs held a 3-hour emergency debate on parliamentary standards. Hardly anyone on the tory side of the chamber (incidentally bare-faced), The Bumbler didn’t turn up at all, conveniently having a prior engagement at Hexham General Hospital. He said the train didn’t get back in time. In fact, it pulled into Kings Cross at 5.30 p.m. and the session went on until 7. His approval rating dropped to -16. Belarus sent migrants to the Polish border leading to the declaration of a state of emergency and Brussels claiming Lukashenko, in league with Russia, sought to destabilise the EU in retaliation for sanctions. Flying to the USA allowed, I got a message from booking.com telling me to book a holiday.
Tuesday, I worked on the journal while Phil worked on his new click job. Using headphones, I remarked it was easier to know when he was actually doing a work, rather than looking at crap on his phone but he disliked wearing them. I had to go to the co-op before lunch again. At least it was quiet. When head fug set in late afternoon, I changed activity to iron and stow some summer clothes.
The deadline for care workers to be fully vaccinated looming, Jeremy Vine debated mandatory NHS jabs. A sacked carer in tears said she had no choice. “Yes, you did!” I screamed at the telly and raged at the lack of medical bods to counter her daft claims that the vaccine was untested and ineffective. Later, Goblin Saj announced 2 jabs would be compulsory for frontline NHS staff from 1st April, unless medically-exempt. Some predicted 123,000 health and care workers could leave rather than be inoculated. Forced to defend Boris visiting the hospital mask-less yesterday, The Goblin insisted his boss followed the rules. But the DOH, as Rabid Raab was reminded on BBC Breakfast, advised all ‘must continue to wear a face covering at all times.’ Recent experience taught me this was the case, even in corridors. TfL reported ¾ of staff had suffered abuse over the issue and blamed Boris for mixed messages. Second jobs becoming a big issue, Devon MP and lawyer Geoffrey Cox allegedly used his Westminster office to earn almost £900,000 representing the Virgin Islands on a corruption case. Annalise Dodds asked for an investigation. It then transpired Cox claimed £22,000 a year to rent a London flat while letting out another one for £10,000. You couldn’t make this stuff up!
Cover Story
Heron Alert
After raining all night, Wednesday stayed miserable. About to shake throws out, I heard voices and opened the door to see a man almost on the doorstep while the woman from next-door-but-one stood in the street under an umbrella. Phil later witnessed them doing a photoshoot. “The glamour never stops round here!” Suitably attired, I waited for Walking Friend who was coming straight from having a booster jab. “How was it?” “I don’t know yet.” We walked to the town centre, discussed my travails and went to the Turkish café where she told me her news. Her oldest friend had died suddenly last month. Much more traumatic than my own woes, I felt bad rambling on about them. The only relatives a distant brother-in-law and an elderly aunt, she ended up organising the funeral which took place the previous day. Although a sad occasion, she was pleased to see several old acquaintances and receive donations for cat rescue. On a pleasanter note, we shared stories about our September breaks before doing the rounds of charity shops and gazing at the river. The heron stood alert on the weir and she spotted kingfishers. Of course they’d gone by the time I looked. Feeling out-of-sorts, she was unsure if it was grief, stress or side-effects from the Pfizer. I empathised and walked with her towards the bus stop. Back home, I slumped on the sofa, briefly updated Phil and went for a lie down.
The Welsh government extended mandatory face-coverings to cinemas and theatres. Geoffrey Cox denied breaching parliamentary rules. The Bumbler went to COP26 for publication of the draft ‘cover decision’ to be agreed by the end of the summit. Criticism came from Greenpeace and Christian Aid, for not including dates or obligations, being too soft, too slow, not enough, and containing gaps such as money for poor countries. John Kerry announced a surprise agreement between China and USA, pledging to cut emissions and move to clean energy. While Andy Bowie resigned over sleaze, Boris unedifyingly had to address the row and insist the UK parliament wasn’t corrupt. It didn’t escape notice that last week he flew from Glasgow so he wouldn’t miss dinner with his chums at the Garrick Club, but this week, he took trains so he could skip important commons debates. Again mask-less until he alighted in Scotland where they were obligatory, some said he was sending his own message. Merkel called on Russia to intervene on the Belarussian ‘inhumane’ treatment of migrants, pushing them to the Polish border. Astronauts returning from ISS on Space X wore nappies because the toilet broke.
Feeling slightly ill again Thursday, I took Echinacea and attempted some exercise. After breakfast, Phil commandeered the bathroom while I sorted washing, did chores and made coffee. The market thankfully not busy, I got mussels at the fish van, but no parsley. “That’s’ because of the mussels,” I told him. How can you have mussels without parsley?” “Oh yeah. I hadn’t thought of that. I’ll get more next time.” The sociopath German hippy was chatting to the jolly veg man so I retreated to the square where a busker played guitar, threw a coin in his case and shared a smile. He was actually pretty good, unlike an erstwhile teacher playing trumpet really badly round the corner. Almost as horrific as her crooning, at least she couldn’t sing with the instrument in her gob! I saw an old pub friend’s daughter on the way back. She updated me on her mum, her 2 jobs and not being a manager at Aldi as German Friend told me. Planning to go to Leeds, Phil was still home and criticised my treatment of the mussels. I told him to sod off and faffed trying to keep them in a net bag but as I dunked them in a bowl of oats and water, they weren’t fully covered so I had to snip the bag creating evil micro-plastic – grr! I edited ‘Copperopolis’ and posted the update on Cool Placesi then rang the GP surgery. 11th in the queue, I waited to get a tele appointment next Tuesday before a lie down. I didn’t fully relax but warmed up somewhat.
Phil returned in time for dinner. Calling into the café after a good day in Leeds, he found 2 more prints sold. They wanted him to leave his pictures up as they were the most popular they’d ever had. “it’s official. You’re the most successful local artist…in that café!” I laughed. “Not a very high bar!”
The Kings Fund warned the NHS was ‘on its knees’ with overstretched and exhausted staff and chronic workforce shortages. German daily cases up 3,500 in a week, the interim government took the same approach as the UK but fearing a hospital emergency, medics wanted lockdown. Chair of the committee on standards in public life, Lord Evans said if an MP spent lots of time on a second job, they couldn’t be supporting their constituents. Rishi Rich insipidly said they ‘must do better’. Red wall tories were livid with the old guard protecting their own. Ben Wally wrote to labour and the SNP about 3 MPs accused of drunkenness on a flight to Gibraltar as part of the Armed Forces Parliamentary Scheme. Nicola Sturgeon called the claims concerning Drew Hendry and David Linden ‘false’. Labour said Charlotte Nichols experienced an ‘episode’. Tories rejected counter-claims their own MPs got drunk that night and said it was ‘quite clearly a desperate attempt to deflect attention.’ A more likely story was that it was the other way round! A record 1,200 migrants crossed the channel in a single day and 3 were lost at sea. 23,000 so far reaching Kent in 2021 was already more than the whole of 2020. Critics still sceptical COP26 would achieve anything, Look North reported ITM Power would be the largest producer of green hydrogen power, creating 300 jobs on the old Sheffield airport site by the end 2022. The ONS reported the economy grew 1.3%.
Still iffy Friday, I pottered before an uneventful trip to the co-op. Cleaning the bathroom later, I heard the landline ring. Phil answered and impatiently brandished the handset while I washed my hands. The hospital consultant told me the test results, which I’d already had, and said there was nothing to worry about which was re-assuring. Telling Phil, he pulled a face in mock-disgust: “That’s enough of that women’s stuff!”
ONS data showed infections fell across the UK to 1:60 people. Highest rates in England among school years 7 to 11, the trend was ‘uncertain’ in 12-24 and 35-49 year olds. WHO reported Europe ‘back at the epicentre of the pandemic’ with deaths up 10% across the continent, mainly driven by outbreaks in Russia and Eastern Europe. Numbers high in Germany, Merkel said people had a duty to get vaccinated and a partial lockdown was imposed in Holland. Boris mixed his metaphors wittering about storm clouds gathering and seeing before what happened when waves started rolling in. At COP26, a re-drafted ‘cover decision’ included more on money for poor countries and a request for all nations to strengthen plans to cut emissions but weakened commitments on fossil fuels. Red Ed warned the 1.50 goal was ‘in mortal peril’. John Kerry thought things were moving in the right direction but not done yet. Alok Sharma admitted disagreements remained and called for a last push to find ‘pragmatic and workable solutions’. Negotiations lasted an extra day. Californian wildfires covered a million acres. Firefighters losing the battle, they saved Gen Sherman.
Inconclusive
Naughty Barbed Wire
Saturday morning was so dazzling I could hardly see. Too much wine the previous night didn’t help. Putting empty bottles out, the woman who lived next door pulled up. She asked if we had a spare USB adaptor for her phone. I dug one out and said she could keep it. We caught the last two hours of sunshine on a gloriously warm day, hurrying through the ridiculously busy town centre and up into woodland. The mellowing canopy visible from our street, it didn’t disappoint close up with fading greens and yellows punctuated by golden oranges.
Stepping aside for a pregnant woman in pagan apparel, accompanied by a man and a woman with a camera, the latter smiled at us: “A lovely day for pictures!” She said in a pronounced Eastern European accent. Was it a belated Samhain photoshoot? The full stream easy to navigate on large stones and wooden bridge, we continued up between fields of large goats and sheep with curly horns. Two Asian teenagers stood near the top gate, doing selfies and giggling. “We’ll never know why that’s so funny!” observed Phil. We climbed slowly to the corner, rested on a bench and proceeded upwards. Capturing valley views, Phil clambered on a wall and cut his hand on barbed wire. I helped him patch the painful gash with tissue and hand gel which stung mightily. I distracted him from the pain by pointing to the ground “mini apples!” “Oak apples.” “Do oaks have apples as well as acorns?” “No, it’s caused by a parasitic wasp.” “How odd. I’m not sure I’ve seen that before.” At the end of the lane, we curved down into the clough, remarking on how different it looked compared to last month. Carefully watching our footing, we got scared at the sight of two fierce-looking mutts but the family held them as we past. We avoided town to reach home where I helped Phil unload so he could treat his injury before collapsing on the couch. Dinner delicious, the fishmonger’s other customers might have been right that the Shetland mussels were the best ever.
Making breakfast Sunday morning, I noted the bread I bought Friday was almost gone. I’d had 3 slices. Phil atoned by baking some. He also fixed the front door lock which wasn’t always catching and the bedroom door which was sticking. After wasting half an hour getting a fly to go out the bedroom window, I spent the rest of the day watching telly films, writing a haigaii and working on the Christmas card in Photoshop. Looking almost finished, Phil thought it was good. “Yes, but why did I start? All that cutting out!” During a crap night, I had to get up several times before sleeping at all, used the meditation soundtrack, dropped in and out of slumber and woke the next day feeling very ropey indeed.
His approval rating now down to -21%, The Bumbler admitted the Paterson affair could have been handled better. Rees-Moggy was found to have borrowed £2.94 m from Saliston Ltd (his own lettings and real estate company). 67% immunised in Austria, the lowest in Europe, the unvaccinated were subject to curfew, leading to protests. Highest case numbers since the start of the pandemic in Holland led to a partial lockdown and demos in Den Hague. Germany watched closely. Tougher EU sanctions on Belarus entailed travel bans and asset freezes for airlines flying migrants to the Polish border. A Syrian man was found dead in woodland near the village of Wolka Terechowska. Trussed-Up Liz urged Putin to intervene and sent British troops to bolster ‘unprecedented military build-up on the border’. While severe pollution in New Delhi forced schools and government buildings to shut, COP26 concluded 24 hours late. Greta tweeted: ‘here’s a brief summary: blah, blah, blah.’
“This devastating milestone reminds us that we are failing much of the world” (Antonio Guterres)
Talking Shop
Mushroom on Mushroom
I slept fitfully through a pouring night until the alarm forced me up on Monday. Guessing a missed call concerned the appointment, the landline rang later. As anticipated by the dream, the slot in Tod wasn’t available due to staff sickness and they directed me to immediately go to Halifax. I negotiated for 3.00 p.m. then stuck an anorak over my head, took garbage out, and found a whole melon in the food bin. Nowt wrong with it apart from being rock hard, I brought it in and washed it thrice to be safe. Were people made of money? Making lunch, the kettle did that weird thing of mentally spewing froth – probably because of the copious rain. I panicked as Phil ineffectually wiped round. It took three boils to expunge the foam. The rain had eased off as we went to the bus stop round the corner. We sat on the top deck to enjoy scenic views of canal reflections and pavements carpeted with leaves. The bus station shut for refurb, we hurried round the corner and just caught the connection. Slightly early, we lingered in the grounds examining chewed conkers and a peculiar mushroom on a mushroom among undergrowth. Again, Phil patiently waited for me while I underwent a slightly less ghastly procedure than the previous week. We went straight home but too late for a siesta, I recovered slightly from the ordeal with coffee and snacks. Phil had to take over chopping veg for dinner when I sliced my thumb. Knackered by bedtime, it took ages to sleep.
Covid deaths reached 5 million world-wide, half in the UK, EU, USA and Brazil even though they represented only 1/8 of the world population. Antonio Guterres called it ‘a global shame’. Walk-in boosters were announced with everyone within 10 miles of a centre. That’s a long walk! Contradicting Boris, Mini Macron said the ball was in the UK’s court and threatened to implement fishing restrictions from Tuesday. Trussed-Up Liz retorted they wouldn’t ‘roll over’ and cave in to French demands. Jersey licensing ‘entirely in accordance with Brexit agreements’ she may trigger dispute resolution measures. Lord Frosty Gammon accused the EU of ‘overly strict enforcement of the Northern Ireland protocol, without regard to the huge political, economic and identity sensitivities’. Loyalists hijacked and torched a bus. 52 private jets flew in celebs to COP26, including Gates and Bezos. The latter lauded his Earth Fund and upped his donation to £1.4 billion. It then emerged CO2 emitted during a single space flight by the greenwashing hypocrite equated to the amount produced by one of the world’s poorest in a lifetime! Greta Thunberg was mobbed outside Glasgow rail station and spoke at a rally opposite SSE where 25,000 delegates went ‘blah, blah, blah’. Activists from the most affected countries sailed into port on Greenpeace’s Rainbow Warrior. Justin Welby said leaders would be cursed if this didn’t prove to be the moment they saved the planet. “That’s some powerful juju!” laughed Phil. On Newsnight, a drug-addled Allegra Stratton, now apparently PM spokesperson on COP26, insisted Nodi’s promise to reduce emissions by 2070 was great, even though it was 20 years too late, and domestic flights were a ‘personal choice’.
COOP Shop
COOP 26
Waking in a cold, bright dawn Tuesday, I felt discombobulated, fatigued and nauseous and griped about my travails. About to clean the kitchen, Phil had made a start and I decided to leave the rest ‘til later. Actually, I didn’t feel up to it. I made an effort to work on the journal and went to the co-op for lunch supplies. They’d got with the zeitgeist displaying ‘COOP 26’ posters. Gaps on shelves meant hardly any British cheese, but bizarrely loads of continental stuff. I paid my mate at the kiosk, hefted bags home and struggled to the kitchen, swallowing annoyance at a lack of help. After lunch, I was falling asleep and struggling to see in bright sunlight, whinged and sympathised with Phil who had migraine. I got a WhatsApp alert, read ‘family group’ in a message, then the app bombed. I rang my brother who provided an update on mum’s headstone and complained everything was still slow and shit. Sharing health notes, he said he’d had covid recently even with 2 jabs, and we had a laugh at the expense of anti-vaxxers. Phil tutted impatiently so I went upstairs to continue the chat. My nephew now at Leeds University, I said he’d have to come and see us. “Does he?” “Well, he doesn’t HAVE to!” My brother chortled at that. I lay down to rest to be disturbed by nasty chainsaws – they loved massacring those trees!
Meanwhile, at COP26, Biden said Chinese and Russian leaders made a ‘big mistake’ not coming. 110 countries covering 85% of earth’s forests, pledged to reverse deforestation which Boris called ‘the great chainsaw massacre’. No way did he come up with that himself. FOE said proof would be in action not words and de-funding by big finance. Half the world’s top methane producers pledged to cut emissions by 30%, seen as a significant short-term contribution. XR went to JP Morgan and Scottish Power offices in Glasgow. Four more energy companies tanked. Goblin Saj said he was ‘leaning towards’ mandatory vaccines for the NHS. Chris Hopkins advised he wait until April or they’d lose staff over a ‘very difficult winter’. France suspended punitive action on fishing boats while negotiations continued. Frosty Gammon later met Clemet Bone-Head. No breakthrough, he’d meet Maros Sefcovic. “He’ll probably say ‘go away and stop being silly It’s only fish!’” predicted Phil. North Yorkshire cops began a campaign against bad driving which had worsened since the pandemic. Bereaved families protested smart motorways, the transport select committee counselled a halt to the rollout but Sh**ts said bringing hard shoulders back was less safe – WTF!
Money Talks
Beer Shop
A difficult start to Wednesday, I persevered and sent my submission to Valley Life magazine for the next issue before preparing for a walk. Hitherto sunny, the skies went dark indicating rain. Phil declared he was making lunch instead. Only going out of the house for shops and appointments for 1½ weeks, I’d looked forward to a leisure outing and got depressed. I kept busy changing profile pics and passwords. A message in the junk folder implied an unexpected Facebook log-in. I doubted its authenticity but thought it wise to alter details anyway. At dinnertime, I ripped the skin off the sore thumb rinsing a margarine tub. “Should I sue?“ “Yes!” said Phil. “If it was you, you’d use superglue!” “Yes!” I applied a plaster instead.
As a sage bod resigned, Prof Van Dam came on the BBC to evade questions on government not ‘following the science’ and repeat the party lines of caution and getting jabs (1.6 million had boosters in the past week). He said we were ‘running hot’ with high case numbers and the pandemic wasn’t over but prevaricated on face-coverings, refusing to say Rees-Moggy was wrong that MPs didn’t need them in the commons as they all knew each other. Lindsay Hoyle directed them to be worn in both chambers but was largely ignored by tories. MPs narrowly voted for an amendment so Owen Paterson’ suspension for lobbying was put on hold until the rules were reviewed to include a right of appeal. Calling it an ‘absolute disgrace’, Labour, along with the Lib Dems and SNP, spurned the new committee thus it would consist of tory members only. Keir still off with covid, Rayner stood in at PMQs to say: “this is about playing by the rules…when they break the rules Mr Speaker, they just re-make the rules.” Even if you accepted the accused should have a right of appeal, how on earth could you apply that retrospectively, I wondered. Phil remarked Patterson didn’t even think he’d done anything wrong; getting bungs was an everyday part of life as a tory.
The day at COP26 was all about the money. Rishi Rich said developed nations would send the promised £73bn to developing countries in 2023, 3 years behind target, but they also needed private sector dosh. 450 financial institutions signed up to the Glasgow Financial Alliance for Net Zero (Gfanz). Led by Mark Carney, money had to be matched with net zero projects. The Loch Ness debt monster was blocked from being set afloat as it breached ‘maritime restrictions’. XR protested greenwashing. Hundreds marched, chanted and banged drums, some sat down outside SSE, cops were sprayed with paint and 2 activists were arrested. Bony Prince Charlie and Leo Crapio met Stella McCartney showing off her sustainable fashion including mushroom-grown leather bags and vegan football boots. I bet they were cheap, not! ‘Calling out’ the fashion industry, she said: “We’re one of the most harmful industries in the world to the environment” and “I’m trying to provide sustainable solutions and technologies and a better way of doing things.” After chanting ‘stick it up your arse’, Greta declared net zero on swearing – each time she used a bad word, she’d compensate by saying something nice.
Thursday, we spent the morning cleaning and working on laptops. I approved the proof from Valley Life before setting off in early afternoon sun on the walk we’d planned the previous day, calling in at the co-op for pastries. Heading up to a favoured copper beech woodland, the trees weren’t as red as usual but leaves already fell. “That’s that then!” laughed Phil. We squatted near an old gatepost to eat pastries then continued up a horrid stony path. Turning right, we proceeded on tarmac almost missing an overgrown stile across fields. Put off by huge sheep, Phil started up a ‘desire path’. I followed to struggle inelegantly over a metal gate. In the village, we looked at a new ‘beer shop’ – actually a TV filming location complete with distressed props. Returning via a different section of the wood, strong sun highlighted autumn golds. “That’s better!” Phil declared. “What are you on about? It’s all been lovely. It’s more yellow and orange this year but you already knew that.” Very warm atop the ridge, by the time we got home, I had backache, fatigue and felt overheated. (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesi)
MHRA approved Molnupiravir to treat covid in patients with at least 1 risk factor. It prevented the virus multiplying so halved the risk of serious illness or death if taken within 5 days of a positive test. Trials of Pfizer’s Paxlovid found similar results (89% effective at reducing serious infection if taken as soon as symptoms appeared by those at high risk). Dr. Kluge of Who said 1.8 million cases across Europe last week due to relaxed measures and low vaccine take-up were of ‘grave concern’. Indians celebrated Diwali as reported cases were a mere 12,000 a day. Surely that was due to low testing rates? Inflation forecast to reach 5% by spring, BOE left interest rates low but said a hike to around 1% would come within months. John Lewis and M&S launched Christmas ads to get us spending. An ethics adviser told Boris yesterday’s vote was a ‘very serious and damaging moment for parliament’. Forced into a U-turn by the opposition’s refusal to join the new committee, Rees-Moggy said he’d now seek cross-party changes to the rules which wouldn’t be applied retrospectively. Saying ‘corrupt’ was the only word for it, Keir still refused to take part. Owen Paterson found out about the latest shenanigans while shopping in Waitrose and resigned meaning a by-election. Would the good folk of North Shropshire vote out sleaze?
At COP26, 23 countries committed to phase out coal power and 46 signed up to transition to clean energy. Jennifer Morgan of Greenpeace International said it was only one nail in the coffin for coal: “without the USA, Australia, China and India, there’s still a very real danger that the end won’t come soon enough.”
War of Words
Late Peonies
No sun to temper the chill Friday, the ground looked wet. As it became misty, Phil thought it was thawing frost. The thermometer dropping, we shivered even with extra layers and had to put the heating on advance for the first time of the season. Putting washing in the machine, the detergent compartment was blocked and I called Phil to assist. Irked at the forced work break, I assured him I wouldn’t ask if I could manage unaided. Anyway, he needed a comfort break. In the co-op, I piled the trolley with bargains including a fab freezer deal. I queued at the only open till but when Phil arrived, another one opened. The young cashier extremely efficient, Phil observed: “She’s a bit keen. I bet she worked at Lidl” We celebrated bonfire night with copious helpings of parkin, cinder toffee and wine.
Weekly ONS stats showed stable covid rates except in Northern Ireland where they were up slightly. Greta told young activists in Glasgow COP26 was “a global north greenwash festival, a 2-week-long celebration of business as usual.” The ‘blah, blah, blah’ wasn’t what we needed after 25 years of ‘blah, blah, blah.’ Climate protests in 200 cities across the globe the next day, 50,000 marched in Glasgow.
Breakfast easier on Sunday, I’d done by the time Phil came down. I left him to clear up, worked on the journal and went to town, dodging tourists taking selfies on the old bridge. Busy with coffee-cuppers, I waited ages behind a posh couple on the market for knobbly veg. The stall-holders looked bemused when asked which squash was best for cake. I suggested orange. Cold and grey until then, the sun appeared, so I visited the park. Admiring autumn growth, I suddenly realised my purse was missing, feared I’d been pick-pocketed then spotted it in a flowerbed. Phew! I walked along the towpath in waning sun, washed the filthy veg including a rainbow of heritage carrots and collapsed on the sofa with backache and fatigue. Editing photos, I used one from Thursday for a haigaii and one of late-flowering park peonies to wish my niece a happy birthday.
Saying parliament wasn’t the government’s plaything, John Major labelled the attempt to save Owen Paterson shameful and wrong, said it damaged parliament’s image and the pattern of behaviour was unconservative and odious: they had broken the law, broken treaties, and broken their word on numerous occasions. On the Marr, Keir repeated the tories actions were “corrupt, contemptible and not a one-off” and trashed “the reputation of our democracy and our country.” George Useless said the mistake had been ‘put to bed’ whatever that meant. Marr suggested Rayner could be sued for slander. What was he on about? Boris would lose! As The Sunday Times revealed 15 of 16 top tory donors were in the House of Lords, Keir insisted it was time for reform. Susan Hopkins told us the jabbed elderly were now dying of covid and needed boosters. £248 m would be used to reform NHS diagnostic services. A good idea, I thought…
“Working people are being asked to pay more for less, for three simple reasons: economic mismanagement, an unfair tax system and wasteful spending” (Rachel Reeves)
A Bumpy Ride
Haiga – This Thing of Darkness
Still tired and achy Monday, Phil helped with chores and manically cut his hair while I posted blogs. Attempting to get errands done, I went to the co-op to find it shut due to a power-cut. Staff guarding the door told me it was the second outage that day. Despite tummy ache, Phil went to town in the evening for supplies. Anxious about next day’s appointment, I took a pill to aid sleep.
As expected, kids on half-term could get jabbed at centres. Stephen Powis advised working from home but on Jeremy Vine, Charlie Mullet said it was bad parenting akin to being a benefits cheat. Prof Openshaw found 1:55 infected unacceptable and “connected with the lack of clear messaging about sensible measures (we could take)…to reduce (spread).” Warwick University reported 11% of covid clusters last summer were caused by ‘eat out to help out’. No comment from Rishi Rich, premature budget details presaged national wage rises and an end to the public sector pay freeze. Unhappy at the leaks, Lindsay Hoyle scolded: “At one time, ministers did the right thing if they briefed before budget – they walked.” He accused them of treating MPs discourteously: “This house will not be taken for granted. It’s not right for everybody to be briefed, it’s not more important to go on the news in the morning, it’s more important to come here.” WMO* warned CO2 levels rose at a faster rate in 2020, the pandemic made little impact and there was ‘no time to lose’. Petteri Taalas called the upward trend ‘way off track’. As too was Boris as he told children recycling plastic was a waste of time and he didn’t think COP26 would achieve anything. Number 10 hastily issued a correction. Extinction Rebellion blocked the City of London, the Met cleared it by midday and arrested 53. In the fifth week of the volcanic eruption, a giant lava fountain spewed from Cumbre Vieja.
Tuesday afternoon we caught a cross-country bus for my appointment. Distrustful of the handwritten update to the out-of-date Tuesday afternoon we caught a cross-country bus for the dreaded appointment. Distrustful of the handwritten update to the out-of-date timetable, Phil worried it was the wrong stop and wandered off to the main one. I gave chased shouting: “it can’t possibly be that one! I checked google 3 times!” We distracted ourselves from the stress by admiring willow curlews made by schoolkids installed in the chapel gardens (see below) until the bus arrived. An elderly couple tried to get on to be told drivers were changing over and it wasn’t leaving for 10 minutes. Obviously regulars, we should have asked them to confirm the stop. When the new driver turned up, he was rebuked for tardiness. The elderly couple chatted to the driver for ages then I had to repeat our destination 3 times! But it was a very cheap and scenic ride in the autumn sun. At the other end, we were assaulted by vicious wind and I was assaulted by anxiety and unpleasantness while Phil waited patiently. In time to catch the last bus back, it took a different route, bypassing settlements to crazily speed over desolate moors in the gloaming and arrive in darkness. Exhausted after the bumpy ride, I was glad of Phil’s support and his naughty but nice fry-up dinner.
Prof Pollard said the UK’s high covid rates were due to 10 times more testing than ‘some countries’. Owen Patterson was found to have broken lobbying rules on behalf of Lynn’s Country Foods and Randox (awarded testing kit contracts). Meanwhile, PAC found TIT outcomes were ‘muddled‘, aims ‘under-achieved’ and an £37 bn budget badly managed with over-reliance on consultants. Idiot Jenny Harries said they played “an essential role in saving lives every day.” The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) said current plans would only cut greenhouse gases 7.3% by 2030, nowhere near the 55% needed. Inger Anderson barked: “The world has to wake up to the imminent peril we face as a species.” Tory MPs blocking an amendment to the Environment Bill making it illegal for water companies to tip sewage into rivers, were named and shamed. Boris hastily reversed the decision. Bezos planned the Orbital Reef space station as a ‘mixed use business park’. Jeez!
Big Bumps
Willow Curlews
Wednesday brought a Westminster marathon – PMQs, the budget & spending review and response. Keir isolating again and Angela Rayner on bereavement leave, Ed Millipede led PMQs, to raucous applause. He started on the need to halve emissions this decade and cited the UNEP report: “does the PM acknowledge how far we are from the action required?” Boris insisted commitments were made, it was too early to tell if they were enough and we should recognise how far we’d moved. Red Ed said it was easy making promises for 30 years’ time but harder to make them for now. COP26 wasn’t a photo-op, or about climate delay, they mustn’t shift the goalposts and had to focus on 2030, not the end of the century.
Rishi Rich began by bigging up the economy’s strength and growth, proving their plan was working. He said the budget was about investment in a high-skilled economy and levelling up. Increases for all departments and devolved administrations included more dosh for housing, the removal of unsafe cladding and a reduction of rough sleeping by 1/3 (why not 3/3?) The anticipated re-invention of Sure Start took the form of A Start for Life and extending The Holiday Activity and Food Programme indicated caving into Rashford. More money would also come for SEN school places, youth clubs, football pitches and pocket parks, whatever they were – all viewed as inadequate to address missed education during lockdowns. Levelling up entailed projects in 100 towns across the UK including Ashton. It was a shame Rayner wasn’t there to ask if that meant she got a pocket park! His so-called ‘infrastructure revolution’ entailed investment in innovation and R&D. More money was pledged for core science, FE, T levels, the lifetime skills guarantee and ‘multiply’ to tackle innumeracy – which would be unnecessary if they hadn’t stripped basic skills bare under austerity. And what about literacy? “They don’t want more literate people realising what a load of rubbish they are!” observed Phil. On top of increases in the national wage and unfreezing public sector pay, Universal Credit claimants would keep more of their earnings. Other giveaways entailed a UK prosperity fund to match EU funding, less domestic air passenger duty, cancellation of a fuel duty rise, slashed bank profit tax, extended tax relief for museums, lower business rates for retail, hospitality and leisure and cheaper registration of boats under the UK flag (pirate rejoice!). Alcohol duty was ‘streamlined’ with more tax on high-strength booze and less on fizzy wine, draught beer and cider. “Hipster relief!” we cried. Rishi said this was all possible because we’d left the EU. It didn’t escape notice that he spent more time talking about booze than climate change, and failed to mention rail, care, the unemployed or violence against women.
Rachel Reeves accused Rishi of living in a parallel universe, saying with the cut in fizz and bank taxes: “at least bankers on short-haul flights sipping champagne will be cheering this budget today.” They wouldn’t be paying for “the highest sustained tax burden in peace time”, nor would property speculators. No; it would be working people. Well, I observed, tories would always do anything other than tax their rich mates! Wage rises were slated for not keeping pace with soaring energy prices and taxes. GMB Sec Gary Smith said the announcements were ‘vague at best’ and ‘it all reeks of vacuous gesture politics’ Was he thinking about Rishi’s budget-eve Insta pics in sliders? The next day, the OBR warned the cost of living could be the highest for 30 years and IFS advised living standards would fall with low wages and high prices causing ‘real pain’ to the lower paid. Paul Johnson said: “this is not a set of priorities which looks consistent with long-term growth or indeed levelling up.” The Resolution Foundation added that the poorest fifth would be £280 a year worse off. Meanwhile, Rishi went to Bury market, bought sweets and called it Burnley. Addressing criticism of the fuel duty cut, he vacuously said there were “lots of different ways” to tackle climate change.
The interminable proceedings made lunch long overdue. I was offered a follow-up appointment, conveniently in Tod next Monday, and went to the co-op. Shelves patchy after the outages, I just got essentials. A Woman almost bumped into me at the till. The cashier asked her to retreat. “I’m sorry,” said the woman. “I forgot my mask.” “Everyone forgets sometimes but distance would be good,” I replied.
Severely unrested Thursday, I awoke in darkness to the sound of pouring rain. Phil noticed a dripping hot tap. Thinking he blamed me, I listed faux pas I’d let slide. “You were saving them up. That’s what women do!” he jibed. “No, I was trying to avoid arguments.” I’d just settled with coffee when the jolly Ocado deliverer arrived. Blustery all day, it felt cold going to town in the afternoon. The market depleted due to half-term and lateness of the hour, I chatted to Councillor Friend at the cheese stall, pleased the pain from her knee replacement 5 weeks ago had eased. In the convenience store, I caught the end of a staff gossip: “I thought Boris had announced another lockdown.” I suspected sarcasm about day-trippers. Sweet Shop Man said my throat sweets were scarce, advised stocking up and complained everything was hard to get. “And you can’t get the staff either!” he quipped. Two shop-girls pretended not to hear. I hurried home, became tired and wondered why I was rushing. Maybe it was the cold, although the quick scoot did warm me up. The sink full again, I had a gripe. “I’m busy!” Phil retorted “Okay, but don’t put a cast iron pan on top of breakfast bowls!” He sprung into action, washed up and helped hang washing.
On BBC Breakfast, Pat Valance told us to eat less meat and fly less. He should tell Rishi! Government scrapped the red list in time for COP26. From Monday, double-vaccinated travellers needed to self-isolate but not in quarantine hotels. Some scientists said it was too soon – 90% of people still had antibodies but they were waning. Devi Sridhar expected more cases in Glasgow due to the summit but couldn’t say if it’d be a bump or a wave. Clement Beaune took ‘retaliatory action’ for Britain not sticking to The Trade and Co-operation Agreement. A fishing boat was fined and scallop vessel Cornelis ordered to Le Havre, detained and instructed to attend court at a later date. Macduff Shellfish insisted they’d fished legally. The French subsequently threatened to not let British boats land, Useless George said two could play that game and Liz Truss summoned the French ambassador. Richard Hughes of OBR informed us Brexit would reduce GDP by 4% in the long term, more than the pandemic at 2%. The Brazilian senate unsurprisingly voted to prosecute Bonzo but as it was up to chief prosecutor Augusto Aras, it probably wouldn’t happen.
On Question Time, airhead Lucy Frazer insisted we were £500 a year better off after the budget. How did she work that out? She said cutting domestic flight duty was nothing to do with climate change while entrepreneur Jenny Campbell claimed she listened to David Attenborough but somethings had to wait until the economy got going again. We can’t wait, you moron! Discussing the fishing spat with France, Maitta Fahnbulleh of New Economics Foundation called the post-Brexit bumps ‘big bumps’.
Bangs and Crashes
Knobbly Veg
Iffy again on a darkly dull Friday, I managed a few exercises and some housework, drafted the journal and made traditional Lancashire parkin – messy but yummy!
Although hospitalisations were up, Prof Ferguson said covid infections were dropping so we didn’t need plan B. But the ONS found rising rates across the UK and 1:50 had the virus last week, the same number as in the second wave. The Prof also said the 6-month gap for boosters was arbitrary. Err, I thought it was based on the science! Reflecting on her choice of language, Rayner apologised unreservedly for calling tories scum. Arnie came on BBC Breakfast to say we could terminate climate change and Greta Thunberg joined protestors outside Standard Chartered Bank in the City of London to demand big finance stop funding fossil fuels. Jeremy Vine asked: should we give kids fruit instead of sweets on Halloween? Brandishing a bag of wiggly worms, we hoped they didn’t contain cannabis. “I wouldn’t put it past him to buy the wrong ones!” Police later warned parents in Rochdale to be on the lookout for laced sweets.
Fortunately, flooding didn’t reach our area over the rainy weekend. Phil doing my hair took most of Saturday. Chopping knobbly veg for dinner proved hard work even with a joint effort and took ages to cook. As the clocks went back, I looked forward to the extra hour but slept badly.
Thus I struggled to Thus I struggled to rise Sunday and dossed for hours. So much for the extra hour! In contrast, Phil slept loads but had tummy ache again. I wrote a haigai, draft-posted blogs, worked on a Christmas card, and helped him make cinder toffee. A first outing for the sugar thermometer, we watched eagerly for the red line to hit ‘hard crack’. “We could sell that!” he joked. The mixture bubbling insanely when the bicarb was added, we left it to settle before tasting – spot on! I prepared bowls of sweets and fruit in case of trick or treaters but we got none. No surprise with the heavy rain although that didn’t deter residents of the posh hall across the valley banging off fireworks.
Commuter journeys less than half, leisure trips were 90% of pre-pandemic levels. On the eve of COP26, WMO reported the last 7 years were the hottest ever recorded globally. The G20 met In Rome where Boris told leaders it was ‘last chance saloon’ for climate commitments. This saving the planet lark involved a lot of flying about! He admitted ‘turbulence’ with France over fishing, saying they might be in breach of EU law. Look who’s talking! Macron retorted it was a test of British credibility. The next day, Number 10 denied an end to the war, Boris said it was up to the French and Lord Frosty Gammon considered legal action.
With Bulb Energy on the edge of collapse, Red Ed told Marr we needed a different model for managing the supply chain. Interviewing Greta Thunberg, she was less concerned about not being invited to speak at COP26 than under-representation of poor countries. She said leaders said things to sound good and look good, putting all their eggs in the new tech basket was naïve and there was a pattern of governments proving climate action wasn’t a priority for them. (e.g., reducing air tax). Parts of Cumbria and Hawick flooded, residents were evacuated and trains couldn’t get to Glasgow. Two trains collided at a Y-shaped junction at Fisherton Tunnel, Salisbury. The crash hurt 13 passengers and left a driver with ‘life changing’ injuries. Cause unknown, the line would be closed for several days.
I went up early and set the alarm for Monday’s appointment. During a turbulent night, I had a funny dream entailing the cross-country bus and an uphill walk. “What are we doing?” I asked Phil, “we’re meant to be going to Tod.” The dream proved prophetic…
“When those in positions of power are incapable, it is the responsibility of the people to step up. We are in the greatest crisis humanity has ever faced” (Charles Worthington)
Rolling No More
Charlie Watts
Ankle issues persisting into the following week, I exercised carefully each morning and applied support when necessary. I progressed to being able to carry a full tray safely upstairs but not down. After the chores and blog-posting Monday, Iworked on the journal until head fug set in, tried to book an annual gas service but couldn’t log onto the website (for the umpteenth time) and went out for some air. Cleaning garden detritus that had been there for weeks, worms squirmed and rolled. I distributed them between the compost bin, our garden and the community garden. Painting Neighbour asked if I knew about the piano removal. “Yes, I have been informed.” “Do you know what time?” “No.” “It’s bin day tomorrow.” “Yes it is.” “What should we do?” “Leave them to sort it out.” A note posted through the door later told us the whole removal would take 3 days. “How much stuff do they have?” I wondered. “You know,” said Phil, “there’s the grand piano, the candelabra, the chandelier… after all, they are going to Barnard Castle. “But if they’ve already got all the gear, why do they need to move somewhere with shops?” Hot and tired from the sweeping, I unusually dropped off during a siesta, finding seeds on the pillow and clumps in my hair when coming to. I realised they were from willowherb, not forget-me-not. On the day the 3rd series of Britannia began on Sky Atlantic, we started watching series 2.
An NHS ad urged young people to get a vaccine. A government crackdown on cowboy firms offering tests led to 57 being removed from the approved list and 30 more scolded for misleading pricing. Lord Beefy Gammon Botham was appointed trade envoy to Australia. Trussed-up Liz said he would “bat for British business down under” (groan!) Piers Corbyn led anti-vax, anti-lockdown protesters to ITN’s HQ in Camden to hurl abuse at Jon Snow. The police went to remove them. At the start of 2 weeks’ action in London, Extinction Rebellion built a large pink table and invited people to come and talk, saying when those in power are incapable, the people must step up.
After he’d negotiated with the Taliban to not kill Americans, Trump said Uncle Joe made a mess of it. An animal rescuer in Afghanistan believed blame for the debacle fell squarely at Joe’s door and Boris did ‘an amazing job.’ Eh? Was that the same Boris who was on his hols when gunmen rolled into Kabul? Keir asked if the PM had personally spoken to Joe and whether there was a contingency plan to hold the airport with NATO allies after the Americans left. Newsnight reported more fighting near Panjshir Valley. In a Life of Brian moment I advised: “don’t be confusing the National Resistance Front of Afghanistan with the Afghan People’s Resistance Front or the People of Afghanistan’s Resistance Front!”
Painful indigestion mitigated against exercise Tuesday morning. Phil also had bad guts and accused me of feeding him too many vegetables. I sent my submission to Valley Life magazine, worked on the journal and went to the co-op for a small top-up. Virtually empty shelves and nothing at all in the reduced section suggested slower output due to staffing and supply chain issues, now entailed a vom shortage. I waited at the only open till as the woman in front on a mobility scooter produced an endless stream of snacks from paniers and baskets to put on the conveyor, then spent years rummaging in purses for the exact money.
The sun suddenly appeared in a hitherto grey sky making me hot as I trudged uphill but clouds returned by the time I got home. Exhausted, I gratefully accepted Phil’s help dealing with groceries, collapsed on the sofa and went to lie down. I rose to the sad news that ‘the engine room’ of the greatest rock group in history, Charlie Watts had died. Surely The Stones couldn’t roll on without him?
The Taliban viewed 31st August as a ‘red line’, with later evacuation attempts provoking ‘a reaction’. Mujahid warned it was “against the agreement after that…we will take a different stance.” Decrying crowding at Kabul airport as ‘dangerous’, he said Afghans shouldn’t leave and Americans shouldn’t encourage skilled workers to go while another spokesman urged them to ‘return to their homes and resume their calm, everyday lives’. Ben Wally said 6,000 were airlifted so far, the rescue effort could be down to hours, and it was impossible to stay when the US left. UNHCR chief Michelle Bachelet found reports of executions, restrictions on women and recruitment of child soldiers ‘credible’. G7 chairs of foreign affairs committees issued a statement imploring against arbitrary dates and artificial caps on evacuee numbers. Biden deigned to talk to other leaders for 7 minutes at the virtual summit. Appeals to the Taliban looked pointless.
Last Roll of the Dice
No Chicken
On a sunny Wednesday afternoon, Phil went to Leeds. I went to the post-box, waylaid by the woman from next door sitting in a patch of sun next to our garden. During a brief chat, I mentioned Phil’s upcoming exhibition at a local café, she googled his work and said she’d have a look. After posting a card, I continued to Oxfam to rifle through books and DVDs and peered into the café at an artist friends’ paintings, noting limited wall space. I waited for a doddering couple on the steps, picked mint and returned home to rest. Phil got back just I sat down with a cuppa after eating. I went upstairs early to watch a rerun of The Rolling Stones at the BBC, set the alarm for 8 a.m., and struggled to sleep.
Coronavirus rates up nationwide, relaxed rules caused a ‘steady rise’ in Yorkshire & Humber. The Zoe Covid Study app showed vaccine protection waned after 6 months but Prof Finn assured us: “other studies are showing maintenance of good protection against serious illness and hospitalisation,” although monitoring any change was needed. Wales took children off the shielding list and Scotland hit a new daily case high of 5,000, a third of them among teenagers returning to school. Sharon Graham replaced Len McClusky as the first female leader of Unite, vowing to lead ‘a relentless fight for jobs, pay and conditions’. A quarter of firms now reported supply chain issues, from manufacture to supermarkets. Co-op CE Steve Murrells said food shortages were the worst ever. Blaming Brexit and covid, he’d reduced product range to ameliorate the situation. That obviously included vom! Tesco boss John Allan advised customers to shop early for Christmas and government to alter rules to allow for more overseas workers to come. While Subway had problems, Just Eat relocated services from India and Bulgaria to create 1,500 jobs in Sunderland.
The British had 48 hours to extract 2,000 interpreters and staff eligible under ARAP*, and an unspecified number of ‘special cases’ such as LGBTQ, judges and activists. Rabid Raab promised to use ‘every hour’ before the deadline. Americans reportedly turned away Afghans with special visas. So much for the end of ‘America First’! NATO adviser Charlie Herbert came on Newsnight to say we knew the Taliban’s track record: “Get them out!” While main news concentrated on Kabul, they reported on worse situations in other areas and ‘different Talibans’. When would they start shooting each other?
Knackered when the alarm sounded on Thursday, I forced myself up to bathe, do chores and work on the laptop before setting off for a meeting with the Valley Life owner. Not seeing her in the square, I visited a queue-less fish van before spotting her cross at the other end and sit outside the mill café. On catching up, I suggested we go out back. Over a cuppa, we had a general catch-up and talked shop, coming to a number of beneficial agreements. On mentioning my upcoming birthday she asked was it a special one. “No, that’s next year.” Unbelievably, she thought I’d be 50. “I’ve always looked young for my age, but I think 10 years is pushing it!” Exiting via the back gate, we bade each other thanks and goodbye. She went to meet her mum and I returned to the market for toiletries and veg. Finding a full kitchen sink back home, Phil responded quickly to calls for aid. After a short doss, I picked up the laptop again to send Valley Life a link to the research blog and write. In the evening, I began sewing a patch for a small rip on my favourite jeans, just above the one I’d recently done. All sorts going round my head that night, I used the meditation soundtrack and fell asleep quickly.
The latest PHE surveillance report said vaccines averted up to 109,500 deaths. Infections highest among 10-19 year olds and lowest in those over 80, elderly hospital admissions were still higher. Most in the West Midlands, Derriford hospital in Plymouth declared a critical incident. Rabid Raab claimed the sea was shut when he was in Crete – it sounded like an excuse parents gave to small children. The ‘last roll of the dice’ for holidays saw the lights change to green for The Azores, Canada, Denmark, Finland, Liechtenstein, Lithuania and Switzerland, red for Montenegro and Thailand, and amber for none.
A terrorist threat from ISIS -K (Khorasan) proved real with a suicide bomb explosion at Kabul airport’s Abbey Gate and gun attacks at the Baron hotel. 160 killed included 12 US military. Ben Wally told MPs crossing the border was a ‘better option’ to flee Afghanistan and confirmed processing visas would cease 4.00 a.m. Friday. Newsnight showed a clip of Uncle Joe saying he wouldn’t stand for the murdering of Americans and they would respond when and where they chose out of a sense of responsibility. Where was his sense of responsibility before announcing the withdrawal date and leaving hundreds stranded? A Wild democrat congresswoman said her heart went out to service personnel, not mentioning the Afghani casualties! Oldham MP Debbie Abrahams resorted to informal networks to extract a friend. She wanted to know: ‘If there was a plan, why did it fail?”
Rolling Puns
Throwing in the Trowel
Better sleep led to a brighter start Friday. I hung sheets on the line and went to the co-op. Amid continuing reports of shortages, prompting speculation the ‘Shortage of Occupation List’ review may be brought forward to address the HGV crisis, shelves were well-stocked. Maybe the CE’s plan had worked. The cashier who shared my hair shade remarked “I wish I had your colour.” “You do.” “It’s dyed.” “So is mine.” She looked incredulous, as was I at two compliments in as many days. Were they trying to butter me up? Phil met me outside to help carry bags. After lunch, I posted ‘Halifax Architecture 2’ on Cool Places 2i, cleaned the bathroom, started reading the book from Oxfam and tried to rest. Early evening, it looked like rain. I rushed out to fetch sheets, pulled at a few weeds and moved next doors’ director’s chair back to their front door just as the woman who lived there came home. She randomly complained of kids being forced to have vaccines. Having felt a connection with her, I was disappointed to discover she got her news from Facebook and was anti-vax. Attempts to counter her anecdotes with scientific fact were of no avail. Watching films and a series on Prime that night, we managed to not drink all the wine but stayed up too late.
Many areas across the UK experienced record high covid rates. The rise slower in England, 1,000 Latitude festival-goers subsequently tested positive. Leeds and Reading offering jabs to young festival-goers was all very well but didn’t Mr. Ben say his festivals were the safest place on earth? The limit for contactless card payments to be £100 from 15th October, some warned it would lead to more fraud, we warned of more drinking. Keir said the government had 18 months to prepare for withdrawal from Afghanistan and needed an urgent plan for those left behind ‘very much at risk’. He predicted chaos when NATO troops left with the Taliban incapable of forming a government and attacks from IS-K (who regarded them as filthy nationalists).
I awoke to dazzling sun Saturday morning with a slight hangover in spite of moderate drinking. Unrefreshed after bathing, I put a sundress on and made breakfast, slightly annoyed at wine glasses left in the living room and a stack of greasy pans in the kitchen. Phil’s movements seeming exceptionally noisy, I brushed off queries on what was amiss, took a deep breath and retreated to the sofa. After all, it wasn’t his fault I had a headache. He shared a post promoting a poetry book featuring his photos but couldn’t see it on his timeline while I inexplicably had several ‘likes’ for my Brexit Island page. I posted a cartoon so they’d have something new to look at (see above). Puzzling over the vagaries of Facebook, we concluded no one knew how it worked.
Forecast to be the best day of the bank holiday weekend, we made an effort to go out late afternoon. Heading to the location of music we’d heard earlier, the junior band were packing up on the Methodist Church lawn. We walked along the busy main street, dodging ridiculous queues for shops and cafés, spotted New Gran outside the corner pub and chatted from the other side of the wall. She was going to a gig later but still anxious, planned to stay outside the venue. Apparently, loads of pub regulars and staff had had Covid. “You’re not selling it to me!” I laughed. My ankle still not up to hill-climbing, we walked on the flat to the riverside at the far end of town, foraging for herbs and tiny courgettes in veg boxes. On the small humped bridge, Phil espied an abandoned garden implement in the water. “Someone’s thrown in the trowel!” he joked. A group of mountain bikers in daft cycling footwear navigated the cobbled steps in front of us. “Hilarity in shoes!” he quipped. “You’re rolling on the puns today!” “It’s doing that poetry lark.” We picked a few blackberries until the way was clear to a small hamlet and took a level path through woodland, littered with mushrooms of different shapes, sizes and colours. We stepped carefully across a small tributary and descended to the riverside and waited on the first ‘beach’ for a small group to vacate rocks so we could rest. Gazing upon the flowing brook, silver splashes indicated jumping fish. Leafy trees reflected in the iron-rich water. Ripples mesmerizingly reflected on the wall opposite. A couple of stoners ineptly climbed a barbed wire fence, not seeing a gate six inches away. A small dog followed a few minutes, trotting hither and thither. “Do you think the dog’s stoned too?” asked Phil. “No, just been scent the wrong way!” Hungry, we braved town, fought our way through a packed square to buy bread and hurried home (for a fuller description, see Cool Placesii)
Grey and cool Sunday morning, I woke twice early then slept late. Phil felt dozy after a similar sleep pattern. My ankle stiff after the walk, I performed a few stretches, applied support and stayed in to rest it. I edited photos, used one for a haigaiii, put some recycling out and painted what I hoped would be a final coat of aluminium paint on the cutlery caddy. Phil arranged for his café exhibition to start 1st September. Only a few days away, he’d have to crack on. The art friend whose paintings currently hung there had wangled a bit part as a wench in the upcoming TV drama The Gallows Pole – probably because her house would serve as coiner David Hartley’s abode. I’d seen a call for extras some weeks before but requesting young people, I’d dismissed applying. Another opportunity missed!
The last British plane from Afghanistan landed at Brize Norton. Lord Bristow exited alone. Abandoned Afghans had to navigate a complex system and have the right documents to get to a ‘third country’. ISK launched rockets towards Kabul airport. Intercepting drones killed civilians. The US claimed they were aiming for a suicide bomber and had disrupted an ‘imminent threat’. The defence sec later promised over-the-horizon counter-terrorism capabilities. What did that mean? Hurricane Ida brought a trail of destruction in Louisiana and the death of Lee Scratch Perry brought grief to reggae fans.
“The Thatcher years might have been a spiffing time for Johnson, who was busy partying in the elite Bullingdon Club, but in the real world Thatcher devastated communities across Scotland” (Owen Thompson)
A Load of Hot Air
Haiga – Palimpsest
Following a bad night, I felt exhausted Monday morning and got back in bed. As my last bout of debilitation over a month ago lasted less than 3 days, I hoped this one would be similar. Alas, it dragged on for over a week leading to deepening depression. Phil tried to cheer me up with funny dancing. However, as my eyes wouldn’t focus, they made me dizzy. He carried the breakfast tray down and returned for the washing. I bathed, donned a sarong and teetered downstairs for coffee and the laptop. Internet issues now into the third week, I managed to post a haiga but doing the journal was impossible. Going back down for lunch, I noticed the machine was on a drying cycle. Fearing for our smalls, Phil frantically pressed buttons until it stopped. Still struggling with unfocused eyes and head fug, I tried to motivate myself to write or do art but didn’t feel like doing anything at all. Very unlike me, even when ill, the mere thought of computer work made me feel sick. I watched an awful telly film and lay down to read. Eyes shutting, I hoped to catch up on some sleep. Sadly not, although I lay with closed eyes for half an hour which slightly helped my vision.
The TIT app was tweaked to only ping if contact had been within 2 days rather than 5. Changes didn’t affect sensitivity or risk threshold. A month-long study by Imperial College reassuringly found no covid on the train network. To encourage vaccine uptake, young people were bribed with taxi rides and kebabs from the likes of Uber and Deliveroo. Kebab-a-Jab was one of a range of schemes across the globe – rollmops in the Netherlands, sausages in Germany, mici in Romania*, popcorn in Australia, a chicken in Indonesia, a lottery to win a gold bar in Hong Kong, and a joint in Washington state (assumingly on top of the $100).
Initially refreshed after more sleep Tuesday, I wobbled on rising and got back in bed. Phil offered to get the mid-morning coffee then disappeared. He then embarked on an arty project which made a nice change from the mind-numbing monotony of his gig economy job. Pissed off missing a sunny day, I opened the window and worked on the laptop. Someone was only just asking the local Facebook group if there were issues with the internet. It beggared belief they’d sit there for 3 weeks without contacting their ISP! I suggested everyone affected lodged complaints to speed up repairs at the exchange. A couple of members responded they had, including a friend, making Phil feel less alone. Early evening, emergency vehicles sped up the hill opposite as helicopters wheeled over the valley. It transpired there were reports of a hot air balloon crashing and bursting into flames. It turned out to be a party balloon. Was the string on fire?
Cases dropping to around 22,000 a day as opposed to the predicted 100,000, Christina Pagel wanted to know why. Mike Tildesley put it down to people being cautious. Prof. Paul Hunter said hospital cases were ‘over the peak’ but 138 deaths was the most since 17th March. An Imperial College React study found 2 jabs cut the chances of catching covid to 3.8%. JCVI now said the risk of myocardia was low and in balancing that against the benefits, offered 16-17 year olds a single jab as soon as practical, with possible roll- out to 12-15 year olds later. Peter Kyle complained they’d squandered the summer.
The ‘Key to NYC’ pass for indoor activities would launch 17th August, to be fully implemented by 13th September. 3 cases identified, all Wuhan citizens were tested for the Delta variant and a slight fall in Indian cases led to some opening up in Mumbai and Maharashtra. Iran suspected of a drone attack on oil tanker Mercer Street killing a Brit and a Rumanian last week, Rabid Raab summoned the ambassador. In a second incident, 9 armed men boarded the Asphalt Princess in the Gulf of Oman and ordered it to sail to Iran.
Seeing Red
The Flying Farage
Although very sleepy, I needed the meditation soundtrack to settle Tuesday night. I then woke several times in the early hours and subsequently dawdled over morning tea and bathing Wednesday morning. I tidied the bed, fetched coffee and worked on the laptop. Speedily backing up photos on OneDrive, I wondered if the internet was fixed. Phil in Leeds, I had no way of checking. I hoped he’d be back in time to enjoy his favourite quick pasta dish with me but he wasn’t. Sun replaced by cloud and occasional showers, he appeared slightly damp.
Ahead of changes to traffic lights, rumours of an ‘amber watchlist’ caused consternation and were later ditched. Amidst a cabinet fallout, Shatts was blamed. Which? reported on tour companies with the best and worst covid policies and encouraged sun-seekers to check the FCO list as well as the lights; were there discrepancies? A GoFundMe page aimed to purchase the RNLI a hovercraft dubbed The Flying Farage. If the target was exceeded, they planned to buy another vessel named Katie Hopkins or Darren Grimes (whoever he was). Drugs deaths up 3.8% in England and Wales and 4.8% in Scotland during 2020, Eytan Alexander of the UK Addiction Treatment Group called it a ‘parallel pandemic’ that had ‘worsened due to the virus’. Ministers denied cuts were to blame, saying they were investing £148m to tackle drug misuse. Belarus opposition leader Svetlana Tiskhavounskya met The Bumbler at Number 10 asking for more support against the despot Lukashenko, after an activist was found hanged in a Kyiv park and Olympian Krystina Tsimanskaya defected. Poland rescued the athlete at Tokyo airport. Meanwhile, the first trans woman to compete failed to win the weightlifting, belying claims of unfair advantage. 13 year old Sky Brown skateboarded to bronze. Already on TV ads, she didn’t say “I don’t feel like it today.” There’d been a lot of that during Shonkyo including Simone Biles withdrawing from team events and Adam Peaty declaring he needed a break.
Awoken by diggers on the canal Thursday morning, I gave up trying to sleep, managed a few small chores and got back into bed to catch up on online ordering. Having confirmed the internet was finally fixed, Phil received a belated call from Talk-Talk to that effect. Dinner taking too long to cook, I collapsed on the sofa to watch Netflix for the first time in ages but retired early for another mediocre night.
PHE said vaccines averted 66,9000 hospital admissions but according to Amanda Pritchard, of 5,000 ‘seriously ill’ patients, a fifth were aged 18-34. She urged young people to ‘not delay’ sorting their jabs. Traffic light changes turned Mexico red requiring airborne travellers to come home within 2 days or pay increased quarantine hotel costs of £2,285. Germany, Norway, Romania, Austria, Latvia, Slovenia and Slovakia went green. Spain stayed amber with PCR tests advised before returning. Qatar, Bahrain and UAE moved to amber, as did India but not Pakistan. MPs Naz Shah and Yasmin Qureshi saw red at unclear criteria and the government rewarding countries that offered economic benefits to the UK. On GMB, Shats insisted the changes only happened every 3 weeks leading to more stability, and were based on various factors and advice from the joint Biosecurity Centre. Was that the same JBC whose boss resigned over the ‘watchlist’ debacle?
90,000 EU citizens left UK hospitality jobs due to Brexit and covid as a new daily record of 482 people crossing The Channel made a total so far of 10,000 in 2021. Meanwhile, almost 60,000 arrived in Europe with 1,016 dead or missing. Steve Valdez-Symonds of Amnesty International UK said: “the reason people are putting themselves in serious danger…is that there are simply no safe alternatives open to them.” He urged French and UK governments to come together to fulfil their responsibilities: “On a global scale, very few people seek asylum in the UK and politicians need to stop peddling myths and stoking hostility towards often vulnerable people who’ve experienced persecution and trauma.” 11 people arrested over the racial abuse of Rashford, Sancho and Saka, the police promised more would follow. After wrecking rooms, the Shonkyo Australian rugby team raided drinks, threw up and ruined the bog on a JAL flight home.
Inferno
Park Psychedelia
Turning cold and rainy for the next few days, it seemed positively autumnal. Friday, I posted a psychedelic version of a photo of summery park blooms for Elder Sis’ birthday and the journal entry delayed from Monday, then backed up files but wished I hadn’t. Later copying notes over, I discovered a week’s journal work lost. I must have overwritten the wrong ones! On a brighter note, I booked a reasonably priced short break. Hitherto finding costs in my preferred choice destination astronomical, I considered Blackpool when I came across reference to a site we’d used some years back. Cottages in the last-minute bargain section were even cheaper when I plumped for later dates. Problems at the end of the verifying process led to an anxious 20 minutes hanging on the phone to speak to a person and be assured the booking had gone through. Dinner taking ages again, I got very tired and knocked a wine glass off the top. Sweeping up what fragments I could see on the kitchen floor, one scooted under the fridge. impossible to tell if I’d missed any small shards, I warned Phil not to walk about bare-footed until we’d hoovered.
ONS found a 39% drop in cases with infections down across the UK except Northern Ireland where they were the highest since 23rd January and the first 16-year-old got a Pfizer jab. In Australia, Victoria state started a week-long lockdown and NSW entered a seventh week after 5 deaths, one of whom was vaccinated. “They did it wrong. Not enough herd immunity.” Intoned Phil. Hypocrite minister and chair of COP26 Alok Sharma flew to 30 countries since February and didn’t isolate after trips to red-listed Bolivia and Brazil. David Lammy called the amount of travel ‘bizarre’. Munira Wilson said: “It seems incredible that this government never seems to learn the lesson; it simply cannot be one rule for them and one rule for everyone else.” Sharma also reportedly met Prince Charles indoors mask-less and visited a primary school. Fatty Soames’ Serco saw profits up 31%, thanks in part to 17% of the company’s contracts being covid related. BOE forecasted 4% inflation by the end of 2021 but expecting it to be temporary, left interest base rates at 0.1%. A 50% rise in wholesale energy led Ofgem to raise the cap on variable tariffs from 1st October.
In Scotland not visiting the first minister, Boris laughed that Thatcher gave us a ‘big early start’ on dealing with climate change by shutting coal mines. Sturgeon exclaimed his comment was ‘crass and deeply insensitive’ and SNP MP Owen Thompson observed they might have been spiffing for the PM, but in the real world, the Thatcher years devastated communities.
Thanks to moderate drinking, I wasn’t hungover Saturday morning but felt woefully unrested. Making the morning cuppa, I found a tiny spider in a mug. The poor thing went round and round in a circle. I stood on the doorstep, shook it onto the replanted rose, said ‘hello world’ and retreated back indoors. Realising it had probably hatched under the living room floorboards and dropped down to the kitchen on a string, I reflected there could be millions living there. Phil concurred, then spotted a larger spider brazenly sauntering across the bedroom floor. Another rescue ensued. Fed up of niggles interrupting my dossing, I thought I might as well have breakfast. Returning to bed, I replenished lost journal notes and used a colourful photo from Brighouse for a haigai. Phil cleaned the kitchen, disposing of glass shards, went to the shop and cooked dinner. I had a terrible night. The heavy rain initially soothing, I fell asleep briefly then woke to toss and turn until 4.15 a.m. Becoming anxious by the relentless downpour, I almost burst into tears before eventually getting a few hours aided by the meditation soundtrack.
Still wet Sunday morning, at least the rain wasn’t as bad. More than could be said of me. Phil asked “Are you better?” “No, I feel awful. I told you I hardly slept!” He stroked me comfortingly as though I were a kitten and suggested we go charity shopping Monday. “What for?” “I thought you wanted to.” “I never said that. It must’ve been a boring dream.” “Yep. That sounds about right.” Back upstairs, I soaked a shirt I’d managed to spill drink on and cleaned the bath before going back to bed to draft-post the journal. Despite assurances, I was still receiving e-mails telling me to complete the holiday cottage booking. I sent a message back and trusting all would be okay, researched things to do in the area. Phil cut his hair and emerged looking like arch-druid Veran from Britannia, minus the tattooed runes. He then made a variation of his signature austerity roast for dinner. While again needing sleep aids, it was a distinct improvement on the previous night.
Cases now falling except among 18-29 year olds, Heaven offered vaccines to nightclubbers leading to totals of 89% adults having one jab and 74% having two. In a short-term fix, Operation Rescript put army lorry drivers on 5 day notice to help out with the HGV shortage. A string of wildfires created an inferno across southern Europe. 21 British fire & rescue personnel were sent to Greece, 1,000 were evacuated from the island of Evia and a volunteer was killed. In Sardinia, a sheepdog died of burns after protecting his flock.
*Mici – a type of sausage which Phil said he’d prefer above all the other bribes
“The question is, why are we in this position? The NHS has done a fantastic job on vaccines but why has there been such a poor investment in public health infection control to suppress these outbreaks?” (Anthony Costello)
Gammonise!
Large Fern
Overnight rain led to cloudy skies and a cooler Monday. Media again banged on about the hottest day of the year. Yeah, in London where it was scorchio! Would it be yet another summer of the north/south divide? Both struggling with lack of sleep, we had a laugh at what Phil called his in-between glasses. Unable to find them without them, it was a bit Count Arthur. A tedious round of chores preceded posting blogs and a trip to the co-op. The same pub mate stood in the kiosk queue ahead of me. I resisted the urge to say we should stop meeting like this. Actually getting dozy during my siesta, irksome noise disturbed my rest.
As expected, The Bumbler announced a 4-week postponement to stage 4 of the roadmap. All restrictions remained in place until 19th July except for weddings and funerals, care residents no longer having to isolate after a trip out and further test events under ERP including footie at Wembley. In the pre-amble, he referred to ‘exponential growth’ in cases, 96% of which were the Delta variant. PHE reported vaccines up to 96% effective after 2 doses, weakening but not severing the link between infections and death. The virus could outrun the vaccine or we could give the NHS another few weeks to ‘get jabs in arms’. The government now aimed for over 40’s to get their first, and all vulnerable groups and frontline staff their second, by 4th July and all adults fully immunised by 19th July. Witless’ graphs depicted a 64% increase in infections within 7 days, a rise in the variant across the country, and hospital admissions up 50% per week (61% in the North West). No news on financial support, a furious Anthony Costello of UCL railed: “The question is, why are we in this position?” and criticised a lack of investment in public health infection control: “Patrick Vallance got it right in February when he said that as the numbers come down it is essential that we do find, test, trace and isolate. And our failure to do that 3 times in the past has led to 3 national lockdowns and 150,000 deaths.” Jon Ashworth said Boris’ complacency led to the mutant ‘washing up on or shores’. Lindsay Hoyle lambasted ministers for not telling MPs of the delay before the public address. Sociopaths Fox and Corbyn went on a mask-less protest to Downing Street. A mob chased Newsnight’s Nick Watt, shouting ‘traitor!’ Martin Hockridge was subsequently charged with harassment.
Brighter on Tuesday, Phil spotted the window cleaner through the kitchen window as we started lunch. We raced round shutting windows and making butties to be interrupted by a knock on the door for payment. So much for an early outing in the sunshine! When we eventually got out, we did the rounds of the charity shops. Perusing a photo equipment cabinet in the first, a digital polaroid camera I’d spotted weeks ago remained unsold – the archaic memory card required likely why. I left Phil cogitating to go onto the next shop and joined him at the third to acquire 3 books and laugh at dog ice cream. Also now selling sweets, I joked, “are they dog sweets?”
Ample space at the Med Café allowed us to people-watch as we imbibed refreshing pop. A busker played ‘Calder Delta Blues’. Tourists ambled up and down the pedestrian street. A family group gawped into an overpriced tat shop with delight. Bemused at anyone expressing enthusiasm for their wares, maybe they didn’t get out much. One of them had the pastiest legs I’d ever seen which would explain it! On leaving, a bald man with a red face ran up to greet us “You look like tourists.” “What’s to do on a hot afternoon but bimble about?“ He whinged he’d been under a van all day and was desperate to get out; I guessed for beer. “Who was that?” I asked Phil. “Bloke from the pub years ago. He wasn’t a gammon then. He was thin and had dreadlocks.” Unable to imagine a younger version, Phil continued: “That’s the problem nowadays. Everyone’s got middle aged and turned into gammons.” “We haven’t!” I came up with the ditty: ‘It’s time to Gammonise’ (to the tune of the Chemical Brothers’ Galvanise). Back home, I attempted photos of large ferns in pots outside 3 adjoining houses. Unable to get a wide enough shot, I settled for one of ours. A couple on Pointless were named Phil and Mary. “They’re a gammon version of us. That’s why we haven’t turned; they’ve done it for us!”
Due to accelerated vaccinations, The Glove-puppet said something ‘unprecedented and remarkable’ needed to happen to push the date for ‘Freedom Day’ back again. Simon Stevens said all over 18’s should be able to book one by the end of the week and that neutralising monoclonal antibodies would enable covid patients to be sent home with pills in future. Aberdeen University came up with a technique to detect antibodies for all variants with 98% accuracy. Were there plans to roll it out? In response to labour’s criticism of lax borders, sage bod Prof. Medley said the Delta variant was found around the globe and would have ended up here sooner or later anyway. Causing different symptoms including a headache, sneezing, sore throat and runny nose, how would I distinguish it from the chronic sinus lark?
A trade deal agreed between Boris and Aussie PM Scott Morrison would make it cheaper to export British cars, whisky and sweets, and their wine, swimwear and confections cheaper for us. Bring on the Tim Tam. A cap on tariff-free imports for 15 years, the ‘strongest possible’ animal welfare standards and other ‘safeguards’ to protect British farmers were promised. Britons under 35 could travel and work in Australia. The One Show tried to explain non-fungible tokens. I was left nonplussed about block chains.
Right to Roam?
Stone Altar
Wednesday, I spent the morning on laundry, cleaning and writing. PMQs about to start, the Ocado delivery arrived. I left most of it in quarantine and sat back down as Keir asked about financial support. Furlough and business rates to be phased out from the end of month, why were they not extended in England like in Wales? Boris replied he was proud of what they’d done. Keir retorted, it wasn’t about what they’d done but what were they going to do? Later, Steve Barclay announced an extension to the commercial eviction ban, costing the government nothing! Harking back to the start of the crisis, Keir reminded us in March, Boris said they’d turn the tide in 12 weeks, then by Christmas, then by 21st June which he dubbed ‘Freedom Day’. The public didn’t expect miracles but integrity and honesty. 5 years since Jo Cox was murdered, Ian Blackford paid tribute. He observed that details of the ‘disastrous’ trade deal with Australia were ‘seeping out’. In his desperation to get a deal without scrutiny or consultation, the PM had “thrown Scottish famers and crofters under the Brexit bus,” along with fishers. Boris responded there was no reason why farmers couldn’t take advantage of the opportunities. How were small crofts supposed to compete with ranches the size of a country?
The Scumbag’s latest blog emerged a half hour before, claiming The Bumbler told ‘rambling stories and jokes’ when chairing crucial meetings. An official spokesman spluttered: “that’s not true. The PM works with the whole Cabinet very effectively.” ‘Evidence’ of his previous allegations took the form of WhatsApp screenshots in which Boris called The Cock ‘effing hopeless’ (on testing, PPE and ventilator procurement). Planning to offload responsibilities to The Glove-puppet, Scum replied the cabinet office was a ‘shit show’. Number 10 didn’t deny the messages’ authenticity but insisted the PM had full confidence in The Cock. Accused of re-writing history, Jon Ashworth coined the moniker ‘Hopeless Handcock’. Jesse Norman insisted Boris was ‘firmly behind’ the health secretary. Rees-Moggy referred to him as a ‘successful genius’ and blathered about ‘lapidary inscriptions’. What are you on about, you posh knob?!
We set off in mid-afternoon sun on another stone mystery quest. Trees provided welcome shade slogging up the steep road until we reached the path down into woodland. Signs of strangeness included beeches planted concentrically and a possible stone altar. Imagining druids dancing round as they sacrificed virgins, I almost asked the half-naked hippy nearby if he knew anything. In the clough, we sat near the brook, admired greenery and tiny flowers, and listened to the constant water flow and occasional birdsong. Rather than our usual route, Phil suggested we follow yellow arrows going back. Initially good, the path led to stepping stones crossing the bottom of the brook. On the other side, more weird stones resembled pyramids and effigies. Then the path became trickier. We slipped on our arses and got filthy. Scared and panicky, I bit the bullet to take another deliberate slide. Eventually, a gravel path led to a bridge near the canal-side pub. Too dirty and exhausted to consider a pint, we hurried homewards. We felt like we’d been on an expedition! I was glad I’d worn jeans and proper shoes rather than shorts and sandals. I stripped off grimy layers and donned a sarong before slumping on the sofa to watch Wales beat Turkey in the Euros. At bedtime I soaked in a fluffy bath and tried to ignore an odd pain in an odd place caused by the fall. The meditation tape aided some sleep.
Pfizer and Moderna supply issues jeopardised plans to inoculate younger people. Uptake particularly low in London, vaccines would be mandatory for elderly care workers. Unions said the ‘sledgehammer approach’ failed to address pay and conditions, and would lead to staff resignations and recruitment issues. GMB predicted a third leaving their jobs and Unison wanted encouragement rather than coercion. Vic Rayner of NCF told BBC Breakfast that saying refuseniks should be redeployed was “really challenging for a sector that’s largely made up of small employers…This is potentially about people no longer being able to work.” A consultation on whether NHS staff should be next was due. The ONS reported inflation up in May, citing fuel and clothes. What about drinking and eating out?
Muggy on Thursday, Phil seemed surprised I performed exercises after the previous day’s trek – I did so every day unless debilitated. Mind you, the humidity made me sweaty and fatigued when cleaning the bedroom.
In response to feedback on my last article, Valley Life added a ‘correction’ to my page for the upcoming summer issue. Uneasy that it said picnics were ‘prohibited’ on the private land, Phil agreed there were no signs to that effect; only (understandably) barbecues. I googled by-laws for rights of way, but found nothing to forbid stopping to eat a pie. I spoke to the magazine’s owner to collaborate on re-wording and hoped that concluded the matter. She then asked my advice on an advertising conundrum. Not my area, but maybe I should have blagged it and asked for a consultation fee! Phil went to Leeds, I went to the market to find no toiletries again.
After lunch, I called the local volunteer co-ordinator. The accompanied walks centred on sheltered accommodation in the next village. A 40 minute hike each way would deplete my energy for the walk itself. Currently no budget for bus fares, she promised to look into it and went onto ask if I might ‘buddy up’ for weekly calls to an isolated person. This sounded less tiring but I later suspected I’d be out of pocket on the phone bill. A flurry of weekend e-mails intimated she was leaving her role and I’d been added to the mailing list of volunteers before confirming what I could offer. I started to regret my initial enthusiasm.
A Facebook post informed me that a woman who’d pioneered tree-planting initiatives in the valley had died. She’d be sadly missed but left a tangible legacy. Phil returned from Leeds at the exact moment I’d finished cooking dinner. He’d visited the hipster bar who not only didn’t want any new photos yet, they wanted him to take old ones off the walls that he’d forgotten about.
The highest daily rise since 19th Feb saw 11,007 new cases. PHE’s weekly surveillance report showed growth in all regions and all age groups, with the largest in 20-29 year olds. Susan Hopkins said the R rate would be 7 for the Delta variant if it wasn’t for vaccines. The UK the only European country where rates went up even though we’d vaccinated the most people (80% of adults now had 1 dose and 58% had 2), the EU added several countries to the safe travel list, but not Britain. Following reports that government planned to make working from home the default position, business leaders said there was no need for their intervention and unions warned it risked a 2-tier system with those unable to work from home denied flexibility which Frances O’Grady said should be a ‘right’. A spike in Cornwall saw blame fall on the recent G7 and half-term. hospitalisations and deaths stayed low but cafés shut as staff isolated. The Lib Dems won the Chesham and Amersham by-election. Tory since the constituency’s creation in 1974, they lost a 16,233 majority. Ed Davey said the tories concentrated on the north while the southern blue wall was under threat. The government denied any such north/south divide. Labour came last with a pathetic 1.6% of the votes. No mention of the contest in the news until the results came in, was it another example of media bias?
Access All Areas?
Haiga – Idol
The exact moment I went to hang sheets outside Friday morning, a white van pulled up in front of our door. The driver emerged from delivering to a house up the steps opposite, apologised and said he’d be gone soon. Fine, I thought, but why park here, blocking my access and having to walk further yourself? In the co-op, the card reader wasn’t working. As I handed notes over, the cashier observed “Thank goodness they haven’t got rid of cash yet.” “I know. They keep threatening to, don’t they?” Saying he was starving before I went shopping, Phil didn’t make a move until lunch was ready – again! “It’s a knack!” he smirked. I posted a Cool Places blog on the recent canal-side adventuresi. Our Walking Friend predicted we wouldn’t tread the barely-accessible path again. I replied we might, to further investigate the stones. At least we’d know what to expect next time. Already dry thanks to a nice breeze, I brought the sheets in just before a rain shower descended. The woman next door kept the gardener company. Enquiring on her health, she said she’d felt at a low ebb earlier but a hill walk helped lift her spirits. Telling me she originated from Poland, we shared stories and verged on subjects some might consider no-go areas.
A 79% rise in Delta cases within a week, hospitalisations almost doubled to 806. As all over 18’s in England could have a jab, Stephen Powis reiterated it was a race with the virus and the vaccine programme would be the way to win. He expected a peak July-August but Witless said there’d be an autumn surge and Susan Hopkins predicted one in winter – make your minds up! In the Euros, the England – Scotland game ended in a nail-biting 0-0 draw. England performed as if something was amiss, especially a lacklustre Harry Kane. Was it the pressure of playing a derby? Was he ill? Was it Covid?
Cock-a-hoop at still being in the running, some Scottish fans who’d travelled north to south without tickets, left a trail of blood and broken glass on the streets of London in their wake. No doubt thanks to the £3.4m worth of beer they drank. Licensees allowing chants and sing-songs faced £1,000 fines. Wembley set to admit 40,000 spectators in the knock-out rounds, UEFA didn’t rule out moving the final games unless quarantine regulations were lifted for fans and VIPs. A ‘bubble to bubble’ concept as applied to the media was muted, entailing travel only between the airport, hotel and stadium, and back home within 24 hours.
Overwhelmed by a pile of unwashed pots Saturday morning, Phil thankfully came to my aid. After a morning on the phone to Overwhelmed by a pile of unwashed pots Saturday morning, Phil thankfully came to my aid. After a morning on the phone to the disgruntled landowner, the Valley Life proprietor rang me. She’d re-done the correction and e-mailed the revised page for my perusal. On saying I tried to keep weekends separate, she apologised and said it could wait as it wasn’t due at the printers ‘til Monday. Skimming the proof, the word ‘prohibited’ still rankled. I debated the legal definition with Phil who agreed they couldn’t prosecute you for sitting down, but I conceded it would be best to let it go to keep the peace. There was a debate to be had on rights of way and the wider right to roam, but this wasn’t the place. I draft-posted the journal, took recycling out and got rid of more creeping buttercup in the garden. Stepping-stones emerged easing access to the top part. I’d forgotten it was even there. On her way out, the woman next door asked “How are you today?” I mulled over why we shared such personal stuff but it was nice being neighbours who always asked after each other.
Phil went to town in search of weekend treats. Ridiculously heaving, there were even queues outside charity shops! He came to sit with me as I cleared debris, enjoying the sun and wafting breeze until hungry. Feeling sleepy, I went to the co-op for an item Phil forgot, to get another blast of reviving air. Evening film viewing was interrupted by people on the street below playing guitar and singing loudly. Falling silent awhile, they began drunkenly talking and laughing as I headed to bed. I put earplugs in, they quietened, I started to settle, then the racket returned at 2.30. Livid, I banged on the window. That shut them up! Nevertheless, it took ages to drop off; the disturbance compounding the usual reasons for insomnia.
To make matters worse, the Valley Life conundrum circled round my head first thing Sunday. Tired and emotional, I hangrily devoured banana and soya which helped a bit. After bathing, I slumped back on the bed complaining of exhaustion. “Baths are meant to be refreshing,” Phil told me. “It’s not that, it’s the sleeplessness and the interrupted weekend.” He advised me not to be angry. Easy to say, hard to do. I thought dealing with the magazine issue might help, messaged the owner so she could go ahead with printing and suggested we talk more before I ‘upset any more grumpy farmers!’ She replied I hadn’t upset anyone and kindly offered to take me out for coffee and a natter. I pottered about and wrote a haigaii. The weird carved stones we’d discovered on Wednesday’s walk provided perfect material for the upcoming summer solstice. We also watched Wales lose to Italy but it didn’t matter as they qualified for the last 16 anyway. Calmer but still knackered, I had a slightly better night.
Infection rates still highest in the North West, walk-in centres popped up in Cumbria and South London. Young people queued for vaccines and social media encouraged uptake. Nick Robinsons stood in for Andrew Marr (on holiday or ill?) Susan Hopkins advised sticking to current restriction levels, which most of us ‘could live with’. Although she’d predicted a winter surge, she assured us vaccines, drugs and testing might prevent a 4th lockdown. Pat Valance was made National Tech Adviser of the new National Science & technology Council, to investigate whether the success of vaccine procurement could be replicated in other areas, and head of a new Office for Science &Technology Strategy. How many new councils and offices did he need?
“(it) should set alarm bells ringing in government…They must immediately explain to the public whether this exponential growth suggests the country is in line for a severe third wave…” (Layla Moran)
Bonkers Bangers
Haiga – Effervescence
Even with the meditation soundtrack, I’d slept poorly and started another warm, partially sunny but humid week wobbly and fatigued. Phil also struggled, particularly with his eyes. I stayed abed much of the time, rising occasionally for sustenance and small chores.
After posting blogs Monday, I brushed dirty specks off the bed when a rip appeared in the quilt cover. It must have already been wearing thin, as was my patience at still being ill and yet more fixing to do! We took washing and recycling out and spotted a box perched on a planter near the door. That explained the feeble knock I’d heard the previous day. Phil claimed he looked and saw nothing. Still, I was glad to get the replacement cafétiere jug. As I rinsed disgusting bins under the outside tap, the woman staying next door stoop on her doorstep. We compared health notes. I mentioned I wasn’t well and she reported often having low energy levels. Hungry and exhausted after the niggly jobs, I took my lunch to bed, and wrote until the laptop overheated. Phil went to the co-op to find still no lettuce – nowt to do with Brexit!
The Government faced a backbench revolt over cuts to the foreign aid budget. Speaker of the House ruled a proposed amendment was outside the scope of the Aria bill* but rebuked ministers for not allowing MPs to vote on the cut and forced an emergency debate Tuesday (with a non-binding vote). On a break after leaving TIT in April, The Dildo considered applying for CE of NHS England. What qualified her for that? We may well wonder. Small-minded Save Our Statues campaigners block-booked tickets for Bristol’s M shed museum to stop people visiting the Edward Colston exhibition. Spain welcomed British tourists who couldn’t go.
The HIGNFY repeat mentioned the Iota variant originating in New York and revealed that Lord Geidt investigated The Cock’s links to Topwood, predictably concluding that like Boris, he only slightly bent the rules. Why did the media not mention this earlier? Maybe they didn’t give an iota.
Waking lots in the early hours, Tuesday began dozily. We celebrated ocean day with sea-themed baths. Foamy radox provided sea minerals and body wash added sea salt. Phil also played with the rubber fish. I fetched coffee and returned to bed to write, distracted by baby jackdaws hopping about on the shed roof. Probably nesting atop our terrace, their exploratory flights were cute and comical but noisy! After posting an entry on Cool Placesi, I had to stop working with head fug. Attempts to rest were futile in the muggy heat. I’d just given up when it turned cloudy and cool. I finally put winter jumpers away, stitched the ripped quilt cover, sorted books to give away and went to the kitchen to take stuff out of the freezer for dinner when a mountain of frozen veg spilt on the floor – grr!
6,048 new covid cases and 13 deaths were announced. Wales led the jab table with 86.5% of adults immunised. Over 25’s in England were called up while in Scotland, 18-29 year olds were invited to register for appointments from mid-June.
Cases in India down to 100,000, limited re-opening occurred but the continuing march of the Delta variant led to 5.7m people going ‘under advice’ in Greater Manchester and Lancashire. The Cock announced a ‘strengthened package of support’ involving army help, testing in schools and better communication with disadvantaged groups. Burnman wanted earlier release of vaccine supplies too. Areas of Yorkshire offered PCR tests included Walsden, Todmorden, Warley and parts of Halifax. Following a ‘downbeat’ briefing of ministers by Chris Witless and Pat Valance, Jeremy C**t predicted a delay to unlocking of only 2 weeks. With all vulnerable groups offered 2 doses, Steve Baker of CRG railed: “if this brilliant milestone isn’t enough, nothing will ever get us out of this.” However, David King told Sky News inoculated people could still get infected and long covid. I felt cheated! A health & social care committee report warned of an ‘emergency’. Thousands of vacancies, excessive workloads and burnout (44% of NHS staff had been off ill with stress) posed a ‘dangerous risk’ to future services. Adult social care endured added ‘heartbreak’ when clients died. The plan for centralised GP records was postponed until September to allow more time for patients to opt out.
At the Old Bailey, Wayne Couzens pleaded guilty to the kidnap and rape of Sarah Everard. Not admitting murder, he took responsibility for her death and medical reports were pending.
As the sausage wars raged, Useless George said it would be bonkers if English bangers couldn’t be sent to Northern Ireland (NI) when the extended grace period ended. Yes, it’s looney tunes but it’s what you signed up to! Loyalists held regular parades and accused Boris of selling them down the river to get ‘his Brexit’. A day later, EU negotiator Maros Sefcovic threatened ‘resolute action’.
Annular Day
Annular Eclipse from London
Not much better on Wednesday, I stayed upstairs to work on the journal and watch PMQs. Keir asked why The school catch-up plan was so slow and less than the USA and Holland – so much for levelling up. The Bumbler advised him ‘to do the maths’; £3bn had been pledged ‘just for starters’. How did he work that out? Keir called for Boris to support a labour motion that afternoon to boost the pot to £15bn and wanted to know which bit he opposed. The PM insisted his plan was ‘a revolution’ for 6 million kids. Keir retorted: “come off it…(he) is all over the place when it comes to education.” Moving onto the G7, Keir queried what he was doing to make global vaccinations a reality to which Boris responded that Astra-Zeneca made up a 3rd of total worldwide distribution and claimed he was a ‘global leader.’ Keir spluttered that would be more believable if the UK wasn’t the only nation cutting the aid budget.
I was about to get lunch when the phone rang. A volunteer from Calderdale Carers asked if I wanted an accompanied walk including tea and cake. With a £5 budget, I almost asked if they’d seen the prices nowadays. Instead, I ended up volunteering to help someone else get out. She explained the registration process and we discussed creativity. As a musician, she’d volunteered when gigs dried up and played her first one in a year over the bank holiday in Brighton. “You wouldn’t believe how packed it was.” “I would!” Expressing interest in my journal, she said it was really important to document these strange times. My dream from last week had come true! That gave me a lift. Registering as a volunteer, I used text I’d written for the blog’s ‘about’ page, prompting me to update it at the same time. I rested while Phil went to the shop. On rising, I discovered no hot water. He’d accidentally left the tap on when cleansing groceries.
Daily cases hit 7,540 and hospitalisations were a 5th higher than at the end of the second wave earlier in the year, although CE of NHS Providers Chris Hopson said the death rate was lower. WHO special envoy Dr. David Nabarro told Sky news: ”This virus has not gone away and in some ways it’s lurking and just waiting to strike again…please be really, really, careful…” i.e., minimise contact and wear face-masks. Prof. of Doom Ferguson warned of a third wave. The Good Law Project won their case in the high court who ruled the government acted illegally when awarding contract to The Scumbag’s mates, PR company Public First. No other companies were considered thus the decision-maker showed bias. The cabinet office replied that the issue had been addressed. Andrew Lloyd Webber threatened to start his tawdry show on 21st June, come what may, even if he got arrested. On Jeremey Vine, 22 year old snowflake and so-called political commentator Dominique Samuels unbelievably said he knew better than scientists when it was safe to open theatres and if people were scared of going out, they should stay in – looney selfish sociopaths of the world unite!
As I watched telly and did more stitching that evening, my head drooped and my throat felt scratchy. I took aspirin at bedtime in a bid to allay a relapse, quickly fell asleep but woke in the night with hot flushes.
Annular Eclipse from New York
I made a big effort to come round before the annular eclipse Thursday morning. Phil fetched a camera and a selection of filters in the hope of catching a safe glimpse from the bedroom window. But even straining towards the east, we struggled to even locate the sun behind thick cloud. Phil said he was going outside. “Okay, but leave me something to look at the sun with.” “I can’t I’ve only got 1 UV filter.” “Fine. I’ll make do with a cardboard box.”
After much cursing and fiddling, we spotted a brief gap in the clouds and took turns with the filter so see the deep orange disc with a bite in it before the skies greyed again. “That was a disappointment,” he whinged. “At least we got to see something.” I searched for livestreams but the eclipse over by then, I settled for photos of better views from London and New York.
Humdrum normality restored, I edited the journal and photos, hung more washing out and he hoovered round. In the evening, refreshing rain aided sleep. Eyes shutting while reading, I succeeded in an unbroken night for the first time in years!
Jenny Harries, now CE of the new UK Health Security Agency, inanely said covid cases were up. PHE added they rose in all age groups but more in 20-29 year olds, and in the North West. The Cock defended the government at the commons health & social care committee. He claimed their delay in imposing the first lockdown was ‘following expert advice’ that the public wouldn’t stick to the rules: “now that proved actually to be wrong.” In hindsight, he wished he hadn’t followed the science. Steve Reicher of Spi-B gasped: “this is simply untrue.” The Cock went onto blatantly lie about PPE shortages and said they didn’t lead to NHS staff deaths. Along with unions and the opposition, I was shocked and yelled at the telly: “but we all saw it!” Furthermore, NAO said only 2.6bn out of 32bn items of PPE reached the frontline Feb-July 2020. Rebutting allegations of lying with more lies, on protecting adults in care, he maintained: “evidence has shown that the strongest route into care homes was community transmission.” (i.e., not his policy of decanting infected patients from hospital). He had ‘no idea’ why The Scumbag hated him but knew the aide wanted him fired because there was a leak and now he knew the source. He said it was ‘telling’ that Dom hadn’t produced any evidence and communication and decision-making had improved since he left Downing Street in November, reflected by greater public trust. Eh?
Ahead of the G7 summit, Carrie and Jill walked on the beach at Carbis Bay while Oirish Joe and The Bumbler discussed an Atlantic Charter, covid, climate change, defence and security, travel and Brexit. It was later revealed that Joe told Boris to ‘maintain the peace’ in NI. This was after the American charge d’affaires, Yael Lempert met Lord Frost on 3rd June to deliver a demarché (formal protest). The Times reported that he said if Boris accepted EU agricultural standards, Joe would ensure it didn’t ‘negatively affect the chances of reaching a USA/UK free trade deal’.
NSA Jake Sullivan confirmed the president had a ‘rock solid belief’ in the God Friday Agreement and it “must be protected.” Von De Leyen insisted the EU had been flexible but the NI protocol must stay. Newscast talked to an ex-diplomat who stressed America wanted the NI issue sorted out, but weren’t apportioning blame while a document on the Good Friday agreement made no mention of the EU as they weren’t signatories. On QT, Lucy Powell reiterated the UK should align with EU agricultural rules. Yanis Varoufakis said we ‘can’t have it 3 ways’, with no border on the mainland or in the Irish Sea or any checks. On the other hand, the EU were being unreasonable. He’d know about that alight! Gillian Keegan, former apprentice and tory minister for apprenticeships, now realised contracts between governments were ‘at a different level than in business’ – duh! That’s what you got recruiting ministers via reality TV – absolute morons! She also called footballers taking the knee ‘divisive’. Only if you’re racist! On the prospect of extended lockdown, Kavita Oberoi knew 21 year olds with covid and wanted local measures to contain surges. Lucy asked what was plan b if we didn’t unlock?
Bells and Whistles
Begging Baby
Rousing at 8 a.m. Friday, I definitely couldn’t remember waking during the night. Feeling refreshed, I attempted exercise and immediately slumped again. Phil fetched breakfast but still iffy, he fell back to sleep on top of the bed. He managed a trip to the co-op for weekend essentials later. Suspecting a frustratingly slow laptop presaged an update, I let MS do its stuff during lunch. The only difference I saw was a stupid weather thing in the toolbar. Far too warm and noisy, I got a meagre 5 minutes rest in the afternoon. An e-mail from Calderdale Carers had gone in the junk folder. I sent a reply apologising for the delay. The first game of Euro 2020 about to kick off, I printed the fixtures chart and watched Italy play Turkey. We switched to watching films after a boring first half, later discovering there were 3 goals before the final whistle – well, you know what they say… In contrast to ‘divisive’ comments from ministers, Downing Street insisted Boris supported players taking the knee and urged fans not to boo them.
Although deaths stayed low, hospitalisations rose and PHE confirmed 42,323 cases of the Delta variant – 29,892 more than last week, and 94% of total infections. Layla Moran said it “should set alarm bells ringing in government as we approach 21st June…They must immediately explain to the public whether this exponential growth suggests the country is in line for a severe third wave, and if so what it is doing to prevent it.” Nick Thomas-Symonds added: “the pace at which cases…continue to rise is deeply worrying and is putting the lifting of restrictions at risk. The blame for this lies with the PM and his reckless refusal to act on Labour’s repeated warnings to secure our borders against covid and its variants.” At the G7, the USA pledged 500m vaccines and the UK 100m, over the next 2 years (5m by September, 25m more by the end of 2021, the rest in 2022). Gordon Brown said it wasn’t enough. UNICEF and the Wellcome Foundation wanted 1bn doses this year and $18bn for testing. Boris refused to agree to an intellectual property waiver but said leaders had a duty to ensure post-pandemic recovery was inclusive. Agreements were also made on climate change and a global programme for education with £5bn to help 40m girls. Formal dinner was taken at the Eden project, with the queen and princes.
I felt a lot better Saturday morning, despite a slight hangover (unfair after a mere 4 small glasses of wine the night before). Time drifted somewhat and it was pretty late when we’d bathed and breakfasted and decided to chance a short walk on the canal. Loitering outside, the woman next door arrived and said I looked well. On the towpath, we stopped to check progress of the anti-flood works and watched a baby jackdaw hilariously trying to jump from a slagheap through a fence and raucously beg food from mum. Stand-out purple and yellow blossom provided material for my weekly haigaii. Side-stepping scrounging geese and inconsiderate cyclists who didn’t ring warning bells, we proceeded westwards to the basin. Barge cruisers, strollers and al-fresco drinkers created a holiday air. Seeing The Biker on his houseboat, I gave him the photos I’d opportunely printed out and stuck in my rucksack. Very hungry, we returned via backstreets. Phil wet into town on a quick errand while I looked for easy dinner options in the co-op and found a chicken peri-peri meal in the reduced section.
A WhatsApp message from Elder Sis informed us she’d been impressively awarded a gong in the queen’s birthday honours list. I tried ringing for more information but with 4 different numbers to choose from, wasn’t sure which to use. Phil googled the list, which vaguely stated the MBE was ‘for services to HMRC’. I exchanged messages with her later to learn only 3 civil servants per year received one. Awesome!
Almost falling asleep after a late lunch, we nipped outside in the hope fresh air would help and chatted to the young couple barbecuing in the community garden with their now-walking toddler. Granny (an old pub mate) sat beneath the wall but didn’t appear talkative. Aware she had health issues lately, I took no offence. Another young neighbour asked if his van was okay parked near our bench. “Yes, as long as you don’t back into my tree.” We imparted some history on the formation of the community garden. They were aghast to learn it covered a hole that suddenly appeared one day and the land was almost sold to developers.
Achy and tired on Sunday, we whinged about the weather; warm but overcast. Wall-to-wall sunshine they said. Hottest day of the year they said. Yeah, in London! Phil stitched up an old pair of flares acquired at a jumble sale years ago. I worked on blogs, washed rugs, put a load of recycling out and waved to The Toddler. Dad said he’d been enthusiastically waving and shouting ‘hello!’ since he spotted me from inside the car, bless him. Not sure why he’d taken to me, Phil laughed: “toddler brains are weird.” Charming! In the Euros. England beat Croatia 1-0. Raheem Stirling’s goal was set up by Leeds United player Kalvin Phillips. Danish footballer Christian Erikson had a heart attack playing Finland. The whistle was blown but the match resumed later in the evening which seemed poor form even if he wasn’t dead. That night, we soaked in fluffy baths to soothe aches and pains. Midnight by then, I struggled to get any sleep. I dropped off with the help of the meditation soundtrack only to wake in very early light.
Leaks presaged the official announcement on lockdown easing Monday. Boris said he’d look at hospital admissions beforehand, but we all knew there’d be a delay; of 4 weeks rather than 2. In Cornwall, Mini Macron set alarm bells off saying NI wasn’t the same country as the rest of Britain, Oirish Joe went to mass and Boris went swimming. He could’ve at least feigned being catholic for more than a fortnight after getting hitched in Westminster Cathedral!
The Corvus Diaries 