Corvus Bulletin 3: Bumper Anniversary Edition

“This was a day for ambition…but…the Tory cupboard is as bare as the salad aisle in our supermarket. The lettuces may be out, but the turnips are in” (Keir Starmer)

Everything, Everywhere, All At Once

ONS figures released at the start of Mach were as frosty as the weather. Wages no longer rising as fast, 2.52 million were on long-term sick. Unemployment still low, there were slightly less vacancies. The UK avoiding a ‘technical recession’ 2023 according to the OBR, there’d be 0.2% less growth. On budget day, Abba’s Money, Money, Money drowned out reporters stupidly stood in Downing Street before The C**t emerged. Taking credit for an expected drop in inflation, he began an interminable statement by echoing Everything, Everywhere, All At Once (the film that swept the Oscars), promising a pile of ‘E’s – enterprise, education, employment and everywhere. Not listing energy, he extended the price cap until June, pledged to bring pre-payment charges in line with direct debits, gave funds to leisure centres and local groups towards their bills, and froze fuel duty for 12 months. More tax on wine from August, a so-called ‘Brexit pubs guarantee’ meant less duty on draught beer, covering Northern Ireland, thanks to the Windsor Framework. ‘Brexit freedoms’ also allowed a ‘near-automatic sign-off’ of new medicines. More dosh for looked-after children, care leavers and potholes, a measly £10m was given to suicide prevention. Wraparound childcare wouldn’t kick in until after the next election. He announced a second round of city region transport funding and extra money for Levelling Up partnerships, investment zones to create 12 ‘Canary Wharfs’ in areas like Manchester and West Yorks, for which they’d need to bid. I doubted it would mollify Yorkshire grandees. Incensed at getting Levelling Up round 1 dosh but not in round 2 mid-February, they whinged the goalposts moved after they submitted bids they were encouraged to write.

Intent on making us all work, he was abolishing the work capability assessment. It would be voluntary for disabled people to find jobs with support for workers suffering mental health and back problems before they left employment. On the other hand, UC claimants with no health issues faced more coaching, more rigorous sanctions and an increased threshold of 18 hours a week. Not hearing anything about ESA, I later discovered an end to sickness top-ups if ineligible for PIP from 2026. Targeting the over 50’s, there were ‘3 steps’ to make working longer easier: enhanced DWP mid-life MOT’s; new apprenticeships (aka returnerships); and increased pension tax allowance with abolition of the lifetime limit.

As per Pat Vallance’s recommendations, a ‘quantum strategy’ involved an AI sandbox, an ‘exascale’* computer and a £1m annual Manchester prize. Worth a mere £2.5bn, did they know how much that tech stuff actually cost?

Nuclear magically classed as environmental, Great British Nuclear aimed to generate a quarter of our leccy by 2050. Pitifully underwhelmingly in light of the IPPC report on an increasingly warmer world, Guterres said there was just about time to reverse climate change if we did ‘everything, everywhere, all at once’.

In place of witty Reeves, Keir responded there was nothing to tackle crime, NHS waiting times or the housing crisis, leaving the UK the sick man of Europe, stuck in the waiting room with only a sticking plaster and more disguised tax hikes. Referencing turnips, he obviously hadn’t heard we didn’t grow them anymore!

Liberals pointed to inflated high energy and food costs and the OBR reckoned we still faced the biggest ever fall in living standards. Timed to coincide with The C**t’s missive, strikers marched through London to rally in Trafalgar Square. The biggest walkout so far entailed doctors, teachers, civil servants, London underground staff and BBC journos, affecting regional evening news. I turned over from Fatty Dimmock to ITV. Having interviewed The C**t, Robert Pessimist said there was no way the budget could be seen as a giveaway, except scrapping the pensions cap, benefitting the rich. Not much for the rest of us, impact analysis by The Resolution Foundation showed the poorest would be better off and middle and high earners worse off. How did they work that out? Later in the month, their research revealed the true cost of a widening productivity gap compared to other European countries and ‘unprecedented’ 15 years’ wage stagnation; if wages had grown the same as before the 2008 crash, workers would earn an extra £11,000 p.a.

Party Games

At the start of March, Cock Covid Diary collaborator Isabel Oakeshott, leaked 100,000 WhatsApp messages to the Torygraph. Revelations suggested the then Health sec didn’t follow Chris Witless’ advice spring 2020. On the morning of 14^th April, Witless advised testing everyone entering care homes. By evening, official guidance changed to cover only patients discharged from hospital. The Cock furious, a spokesman claimed messages were ‘doctored and stolen to create a false story’: with insufficient testing capacity, they had to prioritise. Accused of breaking NDA, Isabel insisted the leaks were in the public interest. Countering they weren’t, The Cock railed they formed part of her anti-lockdown agenda. She asked Newscast, “what even is that?” Had she forgotten the demos? She didn’t worry about never again being trusted as she was good at what she did –Yep, good at playing the game, getting men to tell her secrets and promoting herself! In messages published over the next few days, we learnt The Cock dithered over whether he’d broke rules snogging Gina Colander, and resisting lockdown up to a week before its imposition, Boris subsequently ranted militantly on social distancing July 2020, a month after the birthday party he was fined for. Also, The Salesman called teachers’ unions a ‘bunch of arses’ who hated work. Mary Bousted retorted he was ‘out of his depth’ during the pandemic.

At PMQs, Keir harped on energy bills and massive profits before referencing the leaks, asking Rishi to assure the house of no more covid enquiry delays. The PM responded with the usual: we should let them get on and do their job.

On March 3^rd, The privileges committee partygate investigation preliminary report, concluded Boris misled parliament multiple times. The Bumbler retorted there was no proof. Calling the report damning, Keir caused a row by offering Sue Gray the job of labour chief of staff. Doing the Sunday morning rounds, Chris Heaton-Harris laughably called Boris ‘100%’ a man of integrity. On 21^st,Boris’ partygate evidence was released, predictably alleging it was all his adviser’s fault. The next day, he faced the committee, with a new haircut. After a rare oath-taking, he told them he believed gatherings were essential, his statements to the commons were made in good faith, it was nonsense that he didn’t take proper advice and, after losing his shit, thanked them for a ‘useful’ discussion – to much guffawing. A good day to bury other news, Rishi’s long-promised tax details revealed he paid ½m 2022 and 1m since 2019. Keir paying £118,580 over 2 years, he was accused by toires of hypocrisy for benefitting from the pension tax break, which he’d vowed to ditch

The Ripple Effect

23^rd March marked the 3^rd anniversary of lockdown #1. No mention on main news channels, the ripples of coronavirus continued to be felt. Metro revealed a 134% increase in ‘ghost kids’ missing school and Look North reported on the emotional impact with more young kids needing pastoral support. Patients in the region still dying (49 the previous week), 1.5 million suffered from long-covid. Prof Dinesh Saralaya of Bradford Hospitals who took part in several vaccine and treatment trials, warned covid hadn’t gone away and Prof John Wright of The Bradford Institute of Health Research said it would be with us forever. Providing the analogy of the after-effects of an earthquake, he described layers of those affected by death, long covid and recession. On the plus side, they’d learnt a lot so were better prepared for future mutations or viruses. It was easy to forget how lethal and scary it was 3 years ago, but we should celebrate the sense of community and connectedness it engendered.

As the clocks changed for BST, NAO revealed £1.4 billion worth of PPE was incinerated and £21bn lost to fraud. As Lithuanians were convicted of grifting £10m from the covid loan scheme, government pointed out they’d set up the Public Sector Fraud Authority. But it was criticised for ineffectiveness across departments. Amid reported tension between The Treasury and DWP, Mel Stride announced a delay in raising the pension age to 68 – because of unpopularity before the next general election, a drop in life expectancy, or more elderly people leaving the labour market post-covid?

Margaret Ferrier MP faced 30 days’ suspension from the house for breaking lockdown rules in September 2020. She later launched an appeal.

A Canadian review of 137 global studies published in the BMJ, found minimal changes in mental health during the pandemic and ‘more resilience’ than assumed but raised concerns that women suffered more due to care responsibilities and domestic violence. The FBI chief decided covid originated in a Wuhan government-controlled lab after all. The US legislature later voted to declassify all documents on the analysis of coronavirus. As Covid Diary workshop participants observed, it all seemed really weird now. Maybe they should let it lie!

*A very big computer

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 66 – Looney Tunes

“(it) should set alarm bells ringing in government…They must immediately explain to the public whether this exponential growth suggests the country is in line for a severe third wave…” (Layla Moran)

Bonkers Bangers

Even with the meditation soundtrack, I’d slept poorly and started another warm, partially sunny but humid week wobbly and fatigued. Phil also struggled, particularly with his eyes. I stayed abed much of the time, rising occasionally for sustenance and small chores.

After posting blogs Monday, I brushed dirty specks off the bed when a rip appeared in the quilt cover. It must have already been wearing thin, as was my patience at still being ill and yet more fixing to do! We took washing and recycling out and spotted a box perched on a planter near the door. That explained the feeble knock I’d heard the previous day. Phil claimed he looked and saw nothing. Still, I was glad to get the replacement cafétiere jug. As I rinsed disgusting bins under the outside tap, the woman staying next door stoop on her doorstep. We compared health notes. I mentioned I wasn’t well and she reported often having low energy levels. Hungry and exhausted after the niggly jobs, I took my lunch to bed, and wrote until the laptop overheated. Phil went to the co-op to find still no lettuce – nowt to do with Brexit!

The Government faced a backbench revolt over cuts to the foreign aid budget. Speaker of the House ruled a proposed amendment was outside the scope of the Aria bill* but rebuked ministers for not allowing MPs to vote on the cut and forced an emergency debate Tuesday (with a non-binding vote). On a break after leaving TIT in April, The Dildo considered applying for CE of NHS England. What qualified her for that? We may well wonder. Small-minded Save Our Statues campaigners block-booked tickets for Bristol’s M shed museum to stop people visiting the Edward Colston exhibition. Spain welcomed British tourists who couldn’t go.

The HIGNFY repeat mentioned the Iota variant originating in New York and revealed that Lord Geidt investigated The Cock’s links to Topwood, predictably concluding that like Boris, he only slightly bent the rules. Why did the media not mention this earlier? Maybe they didn’t give an iota.

Waking lots in the early hours, Tuesday began dozily. We celebrated ocean day with sea-themed baths. Foamy radox provided sea minerals and body wash added sea salt. Phil also played with the rubber fish. I fetched coffee and returned to bed to write, distracted by baby jackdaws hopping about on the shed roof. Probably nesting atop our terrace, their exploratory flights were cute and comical but noisy! After posting an entry on Cool Placesⁱ, I had to stop working with head fug. Attempts to rest were futile in the muggy heat. I’d just given up when it turned cloudy and cool. I finally put winter jumpers away, stitched the ripped quilt cover, sorted books to give away and went to the kitchen to take stuff out of the freezer for dinner when a mountain of frozen veg spilt on the floor – grr!

6,048 new covid cases and 13 deaths were announced. Wales led the jab table with 86.5% of adults immunised. Over 25’s in England were called up while in Scotland, 18-29 year olds were invited to register for appointments from mid-June.

Cases in India down to 100,000, limited re-opening occurred but the continuing march of the Delta variant led to 5.7m people going ‘under advice’ in Greater Manchester and Lancashire. The Cock announced a ‘strengthened package of support’ involving army help, testing in schools and better communication with disadvantaged groups. Burnman wanted earlier release of vaccine supplies too. Areas of Yorkshire offered PCR tests included Walsden, Todmorden, Warley and parts of Halifax. Following a ‘downbeat’ briefing of ministers by Chris Witless and Pat Valance, Jeremy C**t predicted a delay to unlocking of only 2 weeks. With all vulnerable groups offered 2 doses, Steve Baker of CRG railed: “if this brilliant milestone isn’t enough, nothing will ever get us out of this.” However, David King told Sky News inoculated people could still get infected and long covid. I felt cheated! A health & social care committee report warned of an ‘emergency’. Thousands of vacancies, excessive workloads and burnout (44% of NHS staff had been off ill with stress) posed a ‘dangerous risk’ to future services. Adult social care endured added ‘heartbreak’ when clients died. The plan for centralised GP records was postponed until September to allow more time for patients to opt out.

At the Old Bailey, Wayne Couzens pleaded guilty to the kidnap and rape of Sarah Everard. Not admitting murder, he took responsibility for her death and medical reports were pending.

As the sausage wars raged, Useless George said it would be bonkers if English bangers couldn’t be sent to Northern Ireland (NI) when the extended grace period ended. Yes, it’s looney tunes but it’s what you signed up to! Loyalists held regular parades and accused Boris of selling them down the river to get ‘his Brexit’. A day later, EU negotiator Maros Sefcovic threatened ‘resolute action’.

Annular Day

Not much better on Wednesday, I stayed upstairs to work on the journal and watch PMQs. Keir asked why The school catch-up plan was so slow and less than the USA and Holland – so much for levelling up. The Bumbler advised him ‘to do the maths’; £3bn had been pledged ‘just for starters’. How did he work that out? Keir called for Boris to support a labour motion that afternoon to boost the pot to £15bn and wanted to know which bit he opposed. The PM insisted his plan was ‘a revolution’ for 6 million kids. Keir retorted: “come off it…(he) is all over the place when it comes to education.” Moving onto the G7, Keir queried what he was doing to make global vaccinations a reality to which Boris responded that Astra-Zeneca made up a 3^rd of total worldwide distribution and claimed he was a ‘global leader.’ Keir spluttered that would be more believable if the UK wasn’t the only nation cutting the aid budget.

I was about to get lunch when the phone rang. A volunteer from Calderdale Carers asked if I wanted an accompanied walk including tea and cake. With a £5 budget, I almost asked if they’d seen the prices nowadays. Instead, I ended up volunteering to help someone else get out. She explained the registration process and we discussed creativity. As a musician, she’d volunteered when gigs dried up and played her first one in a year over the bank holiday in Brighton. “You wouldn’t believe how packed it was.” “I would!” Expressing interest in my journal, she said it was really important to document these strange times. My dream from last week had come true! That gave me a lift. Registering as a volunteer, I used text I’d written for the blog’s ‘about’ page, prompting me to update it at the same time. I rested while Phil went to the shop. On rising, I discovered no hot water. He’d accidentally left the tap on when cleansing groceries.

Daily cases hit 7,540 and hospitalisations were a 5^thhigher than at the end of the second wave earlier in the year, although CE of NHS Providers Chris Hopson said the death rate was lower. WHO special envoy Dr. David Nabarro told Sky news: ”This virus has not gone away and in some ways it’s lurking and just waiting to strike again…please be really, really, careful…” i.e., minimise contact and wear face-masks. Prof. of Doom Ferguson warned of a third wave. The Good Law Project won their case in the high court who ruled the government acted illegally when awarding contract to The Scumbag’s mates, PR company Public First. No other companies were considered thus the decision-maker showed bias. The cabinet office replied that the issue had been addressed. Andrew Lloyd Webber threatened to start his tawdry show on 21^st June, come what may, even if he got arrested. On Jeremey Vine, 22 year old snowflake and so-called political commentator Dominique Samuels unbelievably said he knew better than scientists when it was safe to open theatres and if people were scared of going out, they should stay in – looney selfish sociopaths of the world unite!

As I watched telly and did more stitching that evening, my head drooped and my throat felt scratchy. I took aspirin at bedtime in a bid to allay a relapse, quickly fell asleep but woke in the night with hot flushes.

I made a big effort to come round before the annular eclipse Thursday morning. Phil fetched a camera and a selection of filters in the hope of catching a safe glimpse from the bedroom window. But even straining towards the east, we struggled to even locate the sun behind thick cloud. Phil said he was going outside. “Okay, but leave me something to look at the sun with.” “I can’t I’ve only got 1 UV filter.” “Fine. I’ll make do with a cardboard box.”

After much cursing and fiddling, we spotted a brief gap in the clouds and took turns with the filter so see the deep orange disc with a bite in it before the skies greyed again. “That was a disappointment,” he whinged. “At least we got to see something.” I searched for livestreams but the eclipse over by then, I settled for photos of better views from London and New York.

Humdrum normality restored, I edited the journal and photos, hung more washing out and he hoovered round. In the evening, refreshing rain aided sleep. Eyes shutting while reading, I succeeded in an unbroken night for the first time in years!

Jenny Harries, now CE of the new UK Health Security Agency, inanely said covid cases were up. PHE added they rose in all age groups but more in 20-29 year olds, and in the North West. The Cock defended the government at the commons health & social care committee. He claimed their delay in imposing the first lockdown was ‘following expert advice’ that the public wouldn’t stick to the rules: “now that proved actually to be wrong.” In hindsight, he wished he hadn’t followed the science. Steve Reicher of Spi-B gasped: “this is simply untrue.” The Cock went onto blatantly lie about PPE shortages and said they didn’t lead to NHS staff deaths. Along with unions and the opposition, I was shocked and yelled at the telly: “but we all saw it!” Furthermore, NAO said only 2.6bn out of 32bn items of PPE reached the frontline Feb-July 2020. Rebutting allegations of lying with more lies, on protecting adults in care, he maintained: “evidence has shown that the strongest route into care homes was community transmission.” (i.e., not his policy of decanting infected patients from hospital). He had ‘no idea’ why The Scumbag hated him but knew the aide wanted him fired because there was a leak and now he knew the source. He said it was ‘telling’ that Dom hadn’t produced any evidence and communication and decision-making had improved since he left Downing Street in November, reflected by greater public trust. Eh?

Ahead of the G7 summit, Carrie and Jill walked on the beach at Carbis Bay while Oirish Joe and The Bumbler discussed an Atlantic Charter, covid, climate change, defence and security, travel and Brexit. It was later revealed that Joe told Boris to ‘maintain the peace’ in NI. This was after the American charge d’affaires, Yael Lempert met Lord Frost on 3^rd June to deliver a demarché (formal protest). The Times reported that he said if Boris accepted EU agricultural standards, Joe would ensure it didn’t ‘negatively affect the chances of reaching a USA/UK free trade deal’.

NSA Jake Sullivan confirmed the president had a ‘rock solid belief’ in the God Friday Agreement and it “must be protected.” Von De Leyen insisted the EU had been flexible but the NI protocol must stay. Newscast talked to an ex-diplomat who stressed America wanted the NI issue sorted out, but weren’t apportioning blame while a document on the Good Friday agreement made no mention of the EU as they weren’t signatories. On QT, Lucy Powell reiterated the UK should align with EU agricultural rules. Yanis Varoufakis said we ‘can’t have it 3 ways’, with no border on the mainland or in the Irish Sea or any checks. On the other hand, the EU were being unreasonable. He’d know about that alight! Gillian Keegan, former apprentice and tory minister for apprenticeships, now realised contracts between governments were ‘at a different level than in business’ – duh! That’s what you got recruiting ministers via reality TV – absolute morons! She also called footballers taking the knee ‘divisive’. Only if you’re racist! On the prospect of extended lockdown, Kavita Oberoi knew 21 year olds with covid and wanted local measures to contain surges. Lucy asked what was plan b if we didn’t unlock?

Bells and Whistles

Rousing at 8 a.m. Friday, I definitely couldn’t remember waking during the night. Feeling refreshed, I attempted exercise and immediately slumped again. Phil fetched breakfast but still iffy, he fell back to sleep on top of the bed. He managed a trip to the co-op for weekend essentials later. Suspecting a frustratingly slow laptop presaged an update, I let MS do its stuff during lunch. The only difference I saw was a stupid weather thing in the toolbar. Far too warm and noisy, I got a meagre 5 minutes rest in the afternoon. An e-mail from Calderdale Carers had gone in the junk folder. I sent a reply apologising for the delay. The first game of Euro 2020 about to kick off, I printed the fixtures chart and watched Italy play Turkey. We switched to watching films after a boring first half, later discovering there were 3 goals before the final whistle – well, you know what they say… In contrast to ‘divisive’ comments from ministers, Downing Street insisted Boris supported players taking the knee and urged fans not to boo them.

Although deaths stayed low, hospitalisations rose and PHE confirmed 42,323 cases of the Delta variant – 29,892 more than last week, and 94% of total infections. Layla Moran said it “should set alarm bells ringing in government as we approach 21^st June…They must immediately explain to the public whether this exponential growth suggests the country is in line for a severe third wave, and if so what it is doing to prevent it.” Nick Thomas-Symonds added: “the pace at which cases…continue to rise is deeply worrying and is putting the lifting of restrictions at risk. The blame for this lies with the PM and his reckless refusal to act on Labour’s repeated warnings to secure our borders against covid and its variants.” At the G7, the USA pledged 500m vaccines and the UK 100m, over the next 2 years (5m by September, 25m more by the end of 2021, the rest in 2022). Gordon Brown said it wasn’t enough. UNICEF and the Wellcome Foundation wanted 1bn doses this year and $18bn for testing. Boris refused to agree to an intellectual property waiver but said leaders had a duty to ensure post-pandemic recovery was inclusive. Agreements were also made on climate change and a global programme for education with £5bn to help 40m girls. Formal dinner was taken at the Eden project, with the queen and princes.

I felt a lot better Saturday morning, despite a slight hangover (unfair after a mere 4 small glasses of wine the night before). Time drifted somewhat and it was pretty late when we’d bathed and breakfasted and decided to chance a short walk on the canal. Loitering outside, the woman next door arrived and said I looked well. On the towpath, we stopped to check progress of the anti-flood works and watched a baby jackdaw hilariously trying to jump from a slagheap through a fence and raucously beg food from mum. Stand-out purple and yellow blossom provided material for my weekly haigaⁱⁱ. Side-stepping scrounging geese and inconsiderate cyclists who didn’t ring warning bells, we proceeded westwards to the basin. Barge cruisers, strollers and al-fresco drinkers created a holiday air. Seeing The Biker on his houseboat, I gave him the photos I’d opportunely printed out and stuck in my rucksack. Very hungry, we returned via backstreets. Phil wet into town on a quick errand while I looked for easy dinner options in the co-op and found a chicken peri-peri meal in the reduced section.

A WhatsApp message from Elder Sis informed us she’d been impressively awarded a gong in the queen’s birthday honours list. I tried ringing for more information but with 4 different numbers to choose from, wasn’t sure which to use. Phil googled the list, which vaguely stated the MBE was ‘for services to HMRC’. I exchanged messages with her later to learn only 3 civil servants per year received one. Awesome!

Almost falling asleep after a late lunch, we nipped outside in the hope fresh air would help and chatted to the young couple barbecuing in the community garden with their now-walking toddler. Granny (an old pub mate) sat beneath the wall but didn’t appear talkative. Aware she had health issues lately, I took no offence. Another young neighbour asked if his van was okay parked near our bench. “Yes, as long as you don’t back into my tree.” We imparted some history on the formation of the community garden. They were aghast to learn it covered a hole that suddenly appeared one day and the land was almost sold to developers.

Achy and tired on Sunday, we whinged about the weather; warm but overcast. Wall-to-wall sunshine they said. Hottest day of the year they said. Yeah, in London! Phil stitched up an old pair of flares acquired at a jumble sale years ago. I worked on blogs, washed rugs, put a load of recycling out and waved to The Toddler. Dad said he’d been enthusiastically waving and shouting ‘hello!’ since he spotted me from inside the car, bless him. Not sure why he’d taken to me, Phil laughed: “toddler brains are weird.” Charming! In the Euros. England beat Croatia 1-0. Raheem Stirling’s goal was set up by Leeds United player Kalvin Phillips. Danish footballer Christian Erikson had a heart attack playing Finland. The whistle was blown but the match resumed later in the evening which seemed poor form even if he wasn’t dead. That night, we soaked in fluffy baths to soothe aches and pains. Midnight by then, I struggled to get any sleep. I dropped off with the help of the meditation soundtrack only to wake in very early light.

Leaks presaged the official announcement on lockdown easing Monday. Boris said he’d look at hospital admissions beforehand, but we all knew there’d be a delay; of 4 weeks rather than 2. In Cornwall, Mini Macron set alarm bells off saying NI wasn’t the same country as the rest of Britain, Oirish Joe went to mass and Boris went swimming. He could’ve at least feigned being catholic for more than a fortnight after getting hitched in Westminster Cathedral!

* Aria – Advanced research and invention agency

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

lettuce