Corvus Bulletin 3: Bumper Anniversary Edition

“This was a day for ambition…but…the Tory cupboard is as bare as the salad aisle in our supermarket. The lettuces may be out, but the turnips are in” (Keir Starmer)

Everything, Everywhere, All At Once

Haiga – Open Sesame ⁱ

ONS figures released at the start of Mach were as frosty as the weather.  Wages no longer rising as fast, 2.52 million were on long-term sick. Unemployment still low, there were slightly less vacancies.  The UK avoiding a ‘technical recession’ 2023 according to the OBR, there’d be 0.2% less growth.  On budget day, Abba’s Money, Money, Money drowned out reporters stupidly stood in Downing Street before The C**t emerged.  Taking credit for an expected drop in inflation, he began an interminable statement by echoing Everything, Everywhere, All At Once (the film that swept the Oscars), promising a pile of ‘E’s – enterprise, education, employment and everywhere.  Not listing energy, he extended the price cap until June, pledged to bring pre-payment charges in line with direct debits, gave funds to leisure centres and local groups towards their bills, and froze fuel duty for 12 months.  More tax on wine from August, a so-called ‘Brexit pubs guarantee’ meant less duty on draught beer, covering Northern Ireland, thanks to the Windsor Framework.  ‘Brexit freedoms’ also allowed a ‘near-automatic sign-off’ of new medicines.  More dosh for looked-after children, care leavers and potholes, a measly £10m was given to suicide prevention.  Wraparound childcare wouldn’t kick in until after the next election.  He announced a second round of city region transport funding and extra money for Levelling Up partnerships, investment zones to create 12 ‘Canary Wharfs’ in areas like Manchester and West Yorks, for which they’d need to bid.  I doubted it would mollify Yorkshire grandees.  Incensed at getting Levelling Up round 1 dosh but not in round 2 mid-February, they whinged the goalposts moved after they submitted bids they were encouraged to write.

Intent on making us all work, he was abolishing the work capability assessment.  It would be voluntary for disabled people to find jobs with support for workers suffering mental health and back problems before they left employment.  On the other hand, UC claimants with no health issues faced more coaching, more rigorous sanctions and an increased threshold of 18 hours a week.  Not hearing anything about ESA, I later discovered an end to sickness top-ups if ineligible for PIP from 2026.  Targeting the over 50’s, there were ‘3 steps’ to make working longer easier: enhanced DWP mid-life MOT’s; new apprenticeships (aka returnerships); and increased pension tax allowance with abolition of the lifetime limit.

As per Pat Vallance’s recommendations, a ‘quantum strategy’ involved an AI sandbox, an ‘exascale’* computer and a £1m annual Manchester prize.  Worth a mere £2.5bn, did they know how much that tech stuff actually cost?

Nuclear magically classed as environmental, Great British Nuclear aimed to generate a quarter of our leccy by 2050.  Pitifully underwhelmingly in light of the IPPC report on an increasingly warmer world, Guterres said there was just about time to reverse climate change if we did ‘everything, everywhere, all at once’.

In place of witty Reeves, Keir responded there was nothing to tackle crime, NHS waiting times or the housing crisis, leaving the UK the sick man of Europe, stuck in the waiting room with only a sticking plaster and more disguised tax hikes.  Referencing turnips, he obviously hadn’t heard we didn’t grow them anymore!

Liberals pointed to inflated high energy and food costs and the OBR reckoned we still faced the biggest ever fall in living standards.  Timed to coincide with The C**t’s missive, strikers marched through London to rally in Trafalgar Square.  The biggest walkout so far entailed doctors, teachers, civil servants, London underground staff and BBC journos, affecting regional evening news.  I turned over from Fatty Dimmock to ITV.  Having interviewed The C**t, Robert Pessimist said there was no way the budget could be seen as a giveaway, except scrapping the pensions cap, benefitting the rich.  Not much for the rest of us, impact analysis by The Resolution Foundation showed the poorest would be better off and middle and high earners worse off.  How did they work that out?  Later in the month, their research revealed the true cost of a widening productivity gap compared to other European countries and ‘unprecedented’ 15 years’ wage stagnation; if wages had grown the same as before the 2008 crash, workers would earn an extra £11,000 p.a.

Party Games

Haiga – Turning Point

At the start of March, Cock Covid Diary collaborator Isabel Oakeshott, leaked 100,000 WhatsApp messages to the Torygraph.  Revelations suggested the then Health sec didn’t follow Chris Witless’ advice spring 2020.  On the morning of 14^th April, Witless advised testing everyone entering care homes.  By evening, official guidance changed to cover only patients discharged from hospital.  The Cock furious, a spokesman claimed messages were ‘doctored and stolen to create a false story’: with insufficient testing capacity, they had to prioritise.  Accused of breaking NDA, Isabel insisted the leaks were in the public interest.  Countering they weren’t, The Cock railed they formed part of her anti-lockdown agenda.  She asked Newscast, “what even is that?”  Had she forgotten the demos?  She didn’t worry about never again being trusted as she was good at what she did –Yep, good at playing the game, getting men to tell her secrets and promoting herself!  In messages published over the next few days, we learnt The Cock dithered over whether he’d broke rules snogging Gina Colander, and resisting lockdown up to a week before its imposition, Boris subsequently ranted militantly on social distancing July 2020, a month after the birthday party he was fined for.  Also, The Salesman called teachers’ unions a ‘bunch of arses’ who hated work.  Mary Bousted retorted he was ‘out of his depth’ during the pandemic.

At PMQs, Keir harped on energy bills and massive profits before referencing the leaks, asking Rishi to assure the house of no more covid enquiry delays.  The PM responded with the usual: we should let them get on and do their job.

On March 3^rd, The privileges committee partygate investigation preliminary report, concluded Boris misled parliament multiple times.  The Bumbler retorted there was no proof.  Calling the report damning, Keir caused a row by offering Sue Gray the job of labour chief of staff.  Doing the Sunday morning rounds, Chris Heaton-Harris laughably called Boris ‘100%’ a man of integrity.  On 21^st,Boris’ partygate evidence was released, predictably alleging it was all his adviser’s fault.  The next day, he faced the committee, with a new haircut.  After a rare oath-taking, he told them he believed gatherings were essential, his statements to the commons were made in good faith, it was nonsense that he didn’t take proper advice and, after losing his shit, thanked them for a ‘useful’ discussion – to much guffawing.  A good day to bury other news, Rishi’s long-promised tax details revealed he paid ½m 2022 and 1m since 2019.  Keir paying £118,580 over 2 years, he was accused by toires of hypocrisy for benefitting from the pension tax break, which he’d vowed to ditch

The Ripple Effect

Haiga – BST

23^rd March marked the 3^rd anniversary of lockdown #1.  No mention on main news channels, the ripples of coronavirus continued to be felt.  Metro revealed a 134% increase in ‘ghost kids’ missing school and Look North reported on the emotional impact with more young kids needing pastoral support.  Patients in the region still dying (49 the previous week), 1.5 million suffered from long-covid.  Prof Dinesh Saralaya of Bradford Hospitals who took part in several vaccine and treatment trials, warned covid hadn’t gone away and Prof John Wright of The Bradford Institute of Health Research said it would be with us forever.  Providing the analogy of the after-effects of an earthquake, he described layers of those affected by death, long covid and recession.  On the plus side, they’d learnt a lot so were better prepared for future mutations or viruses.  It was easy to forget how lethal and scary it was 3 years ago, but we should celebrate the sense of community and connectedness it engendered.

As the clocks changed for BST, NAO revealed £1.4 billion worth of PPE was incinerated and £21bn lost to fraud.  As Lithuanians were convicted of grifting £10m from the covid loan scheme, government pointed out they’d set up the Public Sector Fraud Authority.  But it was criticised for ineffectiveness across departments.  Amid reported tension between The Treasury and DWP, Mel Stride announced a delay in raising the pension age to 68 – because of unpopularity before the next general election, a drop in life expectancy, or more elderly people leaving the labour market post-covid?

Margaret Ferrier MP faced 30 days’ suspension from the house for breaking lockdown rules in September 2020.  She later launched an appeal.

A Canadian review of 137 global studies published in the BMJ, found minimal changes in mental health during the pandemic and ‘more resilience’ than assumed but raised concerns that women suffered more due to care responsibilities and domestic violence.  The FBI chief decided covid originated in a Wuhan government-controlled lab after all.  The US legislature later voted to declassify all documents on the analysis of coronavirus.  As Covid Diary workshop participants observed, it all seemed really weird now.  Maybe they should let it lie!

*A very big computer

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 75 –Red Alert

“Unless there are immediate, rapid and large-scale reductions in greenhouse gas emissions, the 1.5^oC target will be beyond reach” (Tamsin Edwards)

Code Red

Haiga – Attraction

Sunny the next two days, I hankered to be better.  Unfortunately, I wasn’t.  Monday, Phil took charge of chores and shopping while I posted blogs and worked on the next episode of the journal.  I stayed up after dinner to watch iPlayer then went back to bed for Newsnight and got caught up in Secrets of the Museum.  The biggest exposé was that so many nerds worked at the V&A!

On BBC Breakfast, Prof. Chris Smith warned flu could be worse next winter because there weren’t enough samples from last year while Linda Bauld thought responses to future covid surges should be targeted as the disease became endemic rather than pandemic.  Although vaccine hesitancy fell from 14% to 11% in 16-17 year olds and from 10% to 9% for 18-21 year olds, it remained high in London and rose from 18% to 21% among ethnic minorities.  Nicola Sturgeon got butterflies in her tummy as Scottish restrictions eased and nightclubs opened.  Anti-vaxxers stormed White City TV Centre, unaware the BBC moved out in 2013.  Berlin’s ‘long night of vaccination’ contributed to the EU overtaking the USA in the vaccine race (60% had a jab as opposed to 58%).  63% of Italians fully inoculated, they needed proof to access indoor entertainment.  Belarus despot Lukashenko spluttered we could ‘choke’ on sanctions; they didn’t even know the UK existed until 1,000 years ago and they still didn’t want to: “you are America’s lapdog.”  “The 1970’s wants its clichés back!” laughed Phil.

In a bid to save Geronimo the alpaca, 30 protesters marched from DEFRA to Downing Street.  Twice testing positive for TB, the pet was so far not dead or even ill and hadn’t infected other animals.  His owner maintained results showed false-positives and her calls for better testing were echoed by activists who also wanted cows and badgers vaccinated instead of culled.  More storm warnings followed a soggy weekend and the UN IPCC report^* issued a ‘code red for humanity’.  Extensive research proved it was ‘unequivocal’ that human activity caused rising sea levels, glacial retreat and extreme weather.  Ice sheet collapse, changing ocean circulation and higher warming also possible, they could be averted if emissions were net zero by 2050.  Dr. Tamsin Edwards of Kings’ College said there must be immediate, rapid and large-scale reductions in greenhouse gases.  UK politicians responded they’d done more than other countries.  Well, that’s alright then!

Tuesday, I spent the morning on niggly admin including sorting the holiday cottage payment.  Previously told it was done, the money hadn’t gone through.  Venturing down for coffee, I found a sink full of washing up and a filthy table which I bad-temperedly cleaned while doing some pre-cooking.  Despite the prep, dinner took ages and led to painful indigestion at bedtime.  The meditation soundtrack ineffectual, I resorted to Gaviscon and eventually dropped off.

146 covid deaths was the most since 26^th March.  89% of adults had a first jab and 75% were fully vaccinated but only 1% of 16-17 year olds had one.  Goblin Saj awaited JCVI approval to offer boosters to the vulnerable and over 50’s from September, at the same time as (useless) flu jabs.  Andrew Pollard claimed they were superfluous and didn’t ‘look good’ when other parts of the world had none.  He also said the infectiousness of the Delta variant made herd immunity impossible.  Andrew Haywood advised future lockdowns target only the vulnerable and that testing of the asymptomatic should cease, as in Germany.  PCR collection boxes full to overflowing, the government asked for a review of the over 400 companies profiting from the tests.  Travellers branded them a rip-off.  After failing to get the CE job, Dildo quit NHS improvement.  She obviously thought: ‘my work here is done!’

The previous night’s Panorama revealed Camoron made £7m out of Greensill.  On Jeremey Vine, Jacqui Smith gave an excellent explanation of why taxpayers were out of pocket after the company’s collapse.  Did she want her old job back?  it then emerged US biotech firm Illumina benefitted from him lobbying The Cock to get contracts.  Results based on teacher assessments saw 44.8% of A level students achieving a grade A of which 17% were A*.  70.1% for private school pupils, the government insisted a range of assessment methods depending on circumstances and quality assurance overseen by exam bodies, ensured fairness.  Shadow minister Kate Green complained a rushed, failed, standardisation system led to the disparity. Pupils from Brampton Manor Academy, Newham belied the stats with 55 Oxbridge offers, more than Eton at 48.  SQA also reported more top marks for Scottish pupils and a disparity between rich and poor areas.

Slightly better but still wobbly Wednesday, I feebly attempted to clean the bedroom then sat on the bed and worked on my autumn submission for Valley Life magazine.  Managing lunch downstairs, I discovered the kitchen somewhat cleaner.  I took a cuppa back to bed, bought some essentials online and answered a call from a community carers volunteer, asking me to the cinema Tuesday morning.  “No thanks, I can’t do that.”  “Is it a transport thing?”  “No, it’s a morning thing.”  I lay down for a spell while Phil went to the shop.

Max Woosley celebrated sleeping outdoors for 500 nights and raising £550,000 for a local hospice, by wild camping.  Triggered by an anti-cyclone across Europe and North Africa, fires still raged.  Now 3 dead on Evia, Greek PM Kyriakos Mitsotakis said sorry.  Sicily hit a European record of 48.8^oC.  Elsewhere, 65 were killed in Algeria by a suspected deliberate blaze and The Dixie Fire in California wiped out the historic gold rush town of Greenville.  “We’re fucked!” declared Phil.  Half a million homes had no telly when North Yorkshire’s main transmitter was set ablaze.  Fearing investment in HS2 and Northern Powerhouse rail wouldn’t materialise, mayors Jarvis and Brabin met in Sheffield to call for the integrated rail plan to be published.  Both wore Yorkshire ‘Y’ lapel badges, his yellow, hers red – surely they should be white?

Dangerous Crossings

Street Garden

After the first decent sleep for days, loud diggers on the canal Irritatingly woke me Thursday morning.  I forced myself to do a few exercises.  Carrying the laptop and tray down needed two trips, making my kegs ache.  I started computer work when the cheery Ocado deliverer arrived.  An inferior bottle carrier dangerously ripped as I lifted it.  Mid-morning by then, Phil complained he’d achieved nothing so far but conceded I’d done well after 10 days in bed.  About to go to town on a warm and sunny afternoon, Phil said he was coming.  I left him to get ready and arranged to meet in the square.  Despite the late hour, I acquired a few veg and overdue toiletries on the market and saw the woman who lived next door who’d recently returned from visiting family in Poland.  Waiting for Phil, I chatted with an old mate outside the pub in the square.  Following a cancer diagnosis last year, he said chemo and radiotherapy had cured it.  In the meantime, thinking he’d be dead by Christmas, he’d given loads of stuff away.  “So, now, you’re still here in an empty house!”  “Yep, I’m still here in an empty house!” When Phil arrived, we made a few charity shop purchases, dossed on a bench and picked mint on the way home.  Nearby residents had installed wicker chairs beneath a sign declaring it a garden.

PHE now said vaccines saved 84,000 lives but a rise in new cases to almost 3,000, suggested the drop in infections had stalled.  Increases in all UK nations especially Northern Ireland and all English regions except the North East, it was greater in Yorks & Humber.  Rates grew in all age groups except 10-19, most in 20-29 year olds and least in the over 80’s.  GDP up 4.8% April-June, Pladis didn’t say why the Glasgow McVities biscuit factory was closing.  28.9% of GCSE entries achieved top grades and pupils getting all top marks rose 36%.  Girls widened the gap with boys and rich kids outstripped poorer.  Ofqual attributed  it to the uneven impact of coronavirus but labour said the government had abandoned those eligible for free school meals.  Coupled with exam results earlier in the week, claims of inflated grades ensued.  On Newsnight, Rishi evaded questions about Boris’ yacht and said there’d be “absolutely no return to austerity.”  Watch this space!  Referring to vouchers for electric cars, we laughed it would take years to collect them from The Sun.  The ISS received a consignment of spare parts, pizza and slime mould.  Had they not seen any sci-fi horror movies?

Jake Davison shot 5 dead in Plymouth then himself.  No motive disclosed, it later transpired his gun permit was withdrawn in December and recently returned.  The IOPC investigated and gun licence guidance subsequently changed, advising social media checks to see if applicants were nutters.  How about banning guns altogether?  Davison was linked to the misogynistic incel, a growing threat according to security expert Will Geddes.  Vigils for the victims followed (his mum Maxine, 3 year old Sophie Martyn and her dad Lee, Stephen Washington and Kate Shepherd).

On the day a record 592 crossed the Channel, the French rescued passengers on a sinking boat 13 miles off Dunkirk.  A man died prompting a manslaughter investigation.  Clandestine Channel Threat Commander Dan O’Mahoney said the death was “a tragic reminder of the importance of stopping migrants from leaving the safety of France on these dangerous crossings. The government’s new plan for immigration is the only long-term solution to fix the broken system, tackle the criminal gangs and prevent more tragedies.”  Lisa Doyle of The Refugee Council countered: “The government must change its approach. Instead of seeking to punish or push away people seeking safety because of the type of journey they have made to the UK, they must create and commit to safe routes…While there is war, persecution and violence, people will be forced to take dangerous journeys to seek safety.”

Friday, it was Phil’s turn to struggle with bad eyes and dizziness.  After chores and hanging washing out in a sunny breeze, I went to the co-op.  Able to pay at the kiosk for the small load, the stupid cashier didn’t ask for my members’ card so I irksomely missed out on using coupons.  Neglected for weeks, the garden had gone mad in the alternating wet and sunny periods.  I hacked at thorns and weeded enough to regain the path, greeting a few neighbours as they passed by.  Somehow, I got insect spray on my lips.  Phil in the bathroom, I couldn’t wash it off and tried to ignore the numbness as I swept detritus into a pile.  Phil then decided to clean the living room.  Bad timing as I really needed to sit after my exertions.  When I rose from the afternoon siesta, it was raining.  I rushed to bring a sheet in, then the sun came out.

On BBC Breakfast, Calum Semple presented his report on hospital infections during the first wave and assured us there’d been huge improvements since the early days.  I should hope so!  Spurred by easing and returning students, Prof. James Naismith expected a fourth wave in September and urged more effective campaigns to encourage the hesitant to get immunised.  A small study of volunteers showed those double-jabbed with Moderna had antibodies six months later, including against the Delta variant.  New infections were detected at ‘unfit’ Napier barracks where migrants slept in dorms.

Dire Times

Cruiser Turning

Still feeling ropey on Saturday, Phil watched footie in miniature.  Leeds embarrassingly lost to Man Utd 5-1.  I watched a terrible Elvis film then dragged myself off the couch to take recycling out and use the co-op coupons before they expired.  Phil braved the shop in town.  Typically busy, he saw a group of lads wearing underpants outside one of the central pubs.  We hoped it was a stag do!  That night, I experienced an EHS episode and recalled I’d had a few recently.

Although cloudy, I desperately needed to get out Sunday.  Hoping it didn’t rain, a shower came as I prepared for the first local walk in over a month, but promptly stopped again.  We went eastwards on the canal, watched a cruiser performing a 3-point turn, noted the number of posh barges had increased and admired a plethora of wildflowers.  Turning right before the next village, we picked early blackberries, hastened into the woods as another brief shower descended and rested on a fallen tree near the old quarry.  Phil unable to find his baccy and not remembering if he’d brought it out, we re-traced our steps in case he’d dropped it but of course it was on the sofa where he’d left it.  Oh well.  At least I had new material for a haigaⁱ.  (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Places ^{i i})

Dinner again taking much longer than anticipated, I slumped on the couch with fatigue and backache, managing to spill cooked berries.  Phil kindly expunged the purple stain.  Standing for him to do so, I swooned with exhaustion.  At bedtime, I lay in the pleasant place between wakefulness and sleep for some time.

Peter Emberek of WHO implied Patient Zero was a Wuhan lab worker infected by a bat.  ‘Batwoman’ Shi Zhenghi charmingly told her accuser: ‘shut your dirty mouth!’  Only 1.9% of Africans vaccinated but 10 million doses exported from the continent, Gordon Brown called for a western leaders’ summit.  As the USA NOAA^** confirmed July the hottest ever worldwide, Haiti was hit by an earthquake and tropical Storm Grace a few days later, leaving 2,200 dead.  Torrential rain and flash flooding in Turkey’s Black Sea region killed 31.

Doing deals with local officials not to kill them, the Taliban took over major cities Kandahar and Herat, and controlled 2/3 of Afghanistan by midweek.  In a public broadcast, President Ashraf Ghani indicated imminent surrender saying consultations were ‘ongoing’ and he wouldn’t let the ’imposed war’ cause more death.  The US and UK response entailed cobra meetings and troop deployments to evacuate western nationals, disgustingly abandoning Afghans to their fate.  British ministers insisted they had no choice but to leave when America pulled out with associated infrastructure.  Sunday evening, the Taliban were in Kabul and the president scarpered.  Referring to the rapid advance, Phil said: “They must have planned that for years. NATO could learn a thing or two.”  The Commons recalled for an emergency debate Wednesday 18^th August, Lisa Nandy wanted to know what took so long?  Defending America’s actions, secretary of state Antony Blinken said the original mission was a success – i.e., they’d stopped terror attacks.  Jack Straw later agreed it eliminated the threat from Al-Qaeda.  If that was the only objective, what was the last 20 years’ ‘nation building’ about?  Having recently read ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ by Khaled Hosseini, my heart broke for women and minorities now facing repression and death..

*  IPCC – Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change

** NOAA  – National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/