“Despite being faced with mounting household costs, what’s clear from our research is that consumers, where possible, are still prioritising holidaying this summer“ (Linda Ellett)
Animal Rescue
Mainstream media coverage of Greek wildfires late July mainly concentrated on how they affected vacationing Brits, with scant attention given to the impact on the local population, wildlife or the environment. While tourists whinged about cancelled Jet2 and TUI flights and being evacuated from Rhodes beaches – ironically by small boats – Greeks sensibly worked at night to avoid the daytime heat and thousands of animals perished. Some found in a sorry state were rescued by Romanian firefighters and animal charity workers.
The Greek Tourism Minister went to Rhodes airport to say only a part of the island was affected (a central belt stretching to Lindos). Her priority was to ensure safety and returns home. Incredibly still invited to visit in the excessive heat, The Glove-Puppet joined in a few days later, telling us he was going within the week.
World Meteorological Organization (WMO) datai indicated that Europe was the fastest-warming continent in the world with temperatures 2.3 oC hotter in 2022 than at the end of the 19th century. According to various estimates, tourism accounted for 8% of carbon emissions in March 2020 and 11% by November 2022, suggesting increased activity since the lifting of Covid-19 restrictions.
it appeared Brits saw no connection between their actions and the devasting impact on the climate. Despite the cost of living crisis, many didn’t consider flying off to The Med to roast on a beach a luxury. Research by KPMGii found a significant percentage of those surveyed prioritised vacationing in their summer spending and 29% planned to take a foreign holiday, if they hadn’t already.
A day before the flights stopped, Phil’s colleagues looked forward to a Greek holiday. “Whereabouts?” he asked. “No idea.” “It’s a big country!” It turned out to be Rhodes. Cancelled, they were offered a Spanish alternative for a mere £500 extra. “Eh? The holiday company should be paying!” Non-stop rain here, BBC national weather showed a photo of a nearby overflowing weir. On checking, I noted a flood risk in place but it didn’t warrant sirens. Phil bemoaned missing the European heatwave. “At least we don’t have raging fires.” “That would be unlikely in this sogginess!”
The European Central Bank reported rising temperatures could mean inflation going up 1% a year until 2035, which prompted yet another needless phrase: ‘climate inflation’. Adding to holiday costs, we couldn’t fathom how people could afford them. Seeking a UK jolly for September, we discovered even rail travel prohibitively expensive. “All this to avoid flying!” an exacerbated Phil grumbled. “That’s a factor, but it’s the hassle and the expense as well” I replied. He reminisced on the peaceful days of lockdown #1 when corvids larked about in quiet skies: “The pandemic really made me think. It was so nice and peaceful with no planes in the air.” Then added: “I sound like a right hippy!”
“We have got a prime minister who seems to be stoking the anger that people feel in the country at the moment, and that can have real repercussions for society” (Kim Leadbeater)
Lovely Jubbly!
Platinum Jubbly
Tossing and turning not helped by beeping dumper trucks in the early hours, I felt terrible Monday and Phil’s silly pixie crab dances made me dizzy. Half-dressed, I took the breakfast tray down, cleared a lake near the sink and took coffee up while Phil carried my laptop. Apart from assembling rubbish for him to put out and meals, I stayed abed, posted the haigai and journal, and worked on the next episode.
Sir John Bell of Ox Vax blamed scientists and politicians who discredited Astra-Zeneca for hundreds of thousands of deaths. Carrie Antionette issued a statement that she ‘plays no role in government’ and Boris’ ‘enemies’ targeted her in a ‘brutal briefing campaign’. Goblin Saj called the attacks misogynistic. In personnel changes, her special adviser mate, Henry Newman, left Downing Street as new director of communications Gutu Harri conspicuously walked in with healthy snacks, policy director Andrew Griffiths said voters wanted tories to “return rapidly to the point when we can cut taxes,” and chief of staff Steve Barclay juggled 3 jobs. The Torygraph reported the treasury held up the NHS covid recovery plan. In a sham show of unity, Boris and Rishi went to Maidstone Hospital, denied a rift and promised ‘tough targets’ with cancer diagnoses within 28 days. Australia open to the vaccinated from 21st February, there’d be no Novax!
Having made bail after a court appearance last week, Piers Corbyn led a band of anti-vax acolytes to Westminster, conflating nonsense about Julian Assange and Jimmy Savile. Keir was bundled into a cop car, 2 arrested for chucking a traffic cone and Boris still refused to apologise for the Savile slur. The mob waved Canadian flags in support of the truckers. Growing from a 500-strong Freedom Convoy into a wider protest, Justin Trudeau left Ottawa with a state of emergency, and a 10 day injunction on horn-blowing. Speculating on why we never saw Jeremy and Piers Corbyn together, we invented Conspiracy Man! A day after the queen reached 70 years on the throne, gun salutes fired across the country and Wholesale Clearance bought a bunch of misprinted commemorative Chinese crockery. In a nice cultural reference, they encouraged us to “Become an Only Fools and Horses fan and wow your friends with your Lovely Jubbly set!”
Evening Prime viewing disrupted by internet issues, lots of fiddling ensued. I returned to bed to watch Newsnight. Arguments that re-starting fracking after mothballing in 2019 would help volatile energy prices were questioned in a global gas market. Greedy bastard BP then announced record profits for 2021 of £9.5 billion. Labour renewed calls for a windfall tax. BP said they would invest in alternatives. UKhospitality predicted restaurant and pub prices would rise by 11%. Was that because pay in the sector went up 12%?
Cancel Culture
Pass the Salt!
As Chris Witless wrote to unvaccinated health staff it was their duty to have a jab, Goblin Saj belatedly presented the covid recovery plan, revealing record NHS waiting lists could reach 14 million and wouldn’t drop for 2 years. In a mini cabinet reshuffle, Chris Heaton-Harris became chief whip, Mark Spencer moved to leader of the house despite the islamophobia investigation, and Rees-Moggy laughably became minister for Brexit opportunities and government efficiency. Heather Wheeler became parliamentary sec., Wendy Morton transport minister and George Uncleverly bafflingly switched from North American to European minister while in Washington! Lindsay Hoyle asked The Met for a situation report on the Corbyn mob ambush and repeated rebukes to a nigh-empty commons for careless talk, saying ‘we should always be mindful’ our words have consequences. An ‘incredibly angry and upset’ Kim Leadbeater said the PM stoked anger with ‘real repercussions for society’. At the Convention of the North in Liverpool, The Glove-Puppet doubted the ‘trickle down’ approach helped areas outside the ‘overheated’ South East. Yorkists decried a skinny Levelling Up document and how long it took to cross The Pennines. Quizzed on the integrated rail plan, Glove-puppet thought it a fair point. Mini Macron went to the Kremlin to sit at the other end of a very long table from Vlad. Someone beat me to ‘pass the salt’ in the Metro caption competition! Going onto Kyiv, Mini saw a way forward but Russia denied agreeing to no further escalation on the Ukrainian border. A clip of a holocaust joke from Jimmy Carr’s Christmas special went viral causing widespread outrage. 16,000 signed a petition for Netflix to bin him and Ofgem boss Melanie Dawes welcomed ‘any chance’ to regulate the streaming giant.
The last two days warmer but very changeable with frost early Monday and rain sweeping down the valley Tuesday, I didn’t think I missed much and hoped the debilitation passed before better weather arrived. Alas, rising on a sunny Wednesday morning, my head felt like it was still asleep. I rose on wobbly legs, angrily brushed bits off the bed and got back in. I tried to tactfully mention the mess. Phil hit back, prompting a tirade about him making more work, then he conceded they likely came off his fluffy socks. Shaking blankets out, I knocked a plant pot off the windowsill. Depressed at a relapse, I was almost in tears at yet more work. I cleaned up the worst while he fetched coffee before PMQs.
Kier focused on the ‘buy now pay later’ energy deal, calling it ‘a dodgy scheme, not a proper plan’. The Bumbler lauded the ‘fantastic plan’ as more generous than anything labour had set out and launched into another party political broadcast. Interrupted by heckling, Hoyle admonished the front bench. Keir persisted on the issue of forcing people to take out loans when oil and gas companies made money every second. Paraphrasing BP on being awash with dosh, he repeated it was ‘one big scam’. Boris blathered about council tax, the global problem caused by a gas price spike, and labour ideas to ‘clobber’ companies with tax which would raise consumer costs. Invoking Brexit, Boris said they’d used new freedoms to ‘do the right thing’ and harked back to Keir wanting to stay in the EMA. After The Mirror published another photo of the 15th December Christmas quiz, Fabian Hamilton asked about the PM seen with bubbly and tinsel. Boris said he spoke ‘in error’. Gray had discounted it as a law-breaking event but amid renewed outrage, The Met said they’d reconsider and Operation Hillman prepared e-mail questionnaires to 50 Westminster party attendees including the PM. Hmm! “Were you at a party?” “Yes/no.” The Scumbag said there were way better pics than that. The Optics not looking good, financier John Armitage suspended tory donations, saying Boris had lost moral authority and should leave office. Naz Shah asked when would the PM match action to rhetoric and give Bradford what it deserved? He told her they invested in Yorkshire and didn’t rule out extending ‘the eastern leg’ from Birmingham. Perplexing, as HS2 was not intended to reach Bradford.
I worked on the journal and the secret card. Phil went to the co-op and made lunch. Trying to analyse sleep patterns, I was unable to fathom Sunday night’s insomnia or why a great night Monday hadn’t helped much, or why I started to feel better in the evenings only for debilitation to return in the mornings.
Gillian Keegan stayed in a meeting even as she got a positive covid test. Boris soon to rescind remaining restrictions, testing and isolation rules would go by 21st February, a month earlier than planned. The strategy ‘to live with covid’ after ‘half-term’ (sic) may well be a crowd-pleaser, but with 200,000 new cases a day, the pandemic wasn’t over. Tim Spector of Kings College Zoe covid study called it an ‘act of irresponsibility’ and Justin Madder asked: ‘what’s the science?’ Amid claims they were the first government to restore freedoms, it was pointed out Sweden beat them. The PAC criticised government’s handling of leaving the EU; the only detectable impacts were higher costs, more paperwork and delays. Rees-Moggy said it’d be better in 50 years – it’d take him that long to find those Brexit opportunities! Attention-seeking foghorn Adele swept the board at the Brits. Footage of her belting out one of her awful songs unavoidable, fans whinged she’d cancelled her Caesars Palace residency but they could probably hear her in Las Vegas!
Welbeck primary schoolkids’ letters to Nottingham South MP Lillian Greenwood concerning Partygate were shared on twitter. On Jeremy Vine, ex-teacher Geoff Norcott remarked indoctrination was a perk of the job while Nads Zahawi later said schools shouldn’t encourage kids to ‘pin colours to the political mast’. Discussing careless talk, Yasmin Alibhai-Brown referred to ‘Dreadful Doris’(who had a ‘lovely turn of language’ according to Brandon Lewis) and Geoff to Jimmy Carr’s holocaust joke as deliberately bad taste. Meanwhile, Hate Not Hope wrote that Netflix made a ‘grave error of judgement’ not pulling the show. Carr had ‘crossed a line’ then doubled down, portraying himself as a victim of cancel culture.
Menagerie
Haiga – Up in the Air
Still fatigued and fuggy Thursday, I managed 10 minutes stretching and opened the window to shake rugs out before Phil changed the sheets. I bathed, got half-dressed, put washing in the machine, took coffee back to bed and worked on the journal for an hour then left the laptop to update while I finished cleaning upstairs. After making superbly fluffy rarebit for lunch, Phil brought some laundry up, which made me realise I’d forgotten the sheets. Putting them in the dryer later, I forgot to take them out.
Wednesday, Sadiq Khan said he needed proper plans from Caressa Dick on how she’d deal with racist, misogynistic and homophobic behaviour and restore shattered public confidence in The Met. The Casey review into police culture taking too long, he wanted answers within ‘days and weeks’. Refusing to resign Thursday morning, Dick said she had a whole team rooting out bad apples. Failing to attend a 4.30 p.m. meeting with the mayor, at 6.55 p.m. she announced she was ‘stepping aside’. John Major told the Institute for Government ‘brazen’ Partygate excuses were dreamt up day after day, the public asked to believe the unbelievable and ministers sent out to defend the indefensible, making them look gullible, foolish and shifty. Scotland announced £208 million to help with the cost of living. Equating to £150 per household, Kate Forbes was berated for repeating Rishis’ mistakes. Rail travel rose 31% thanks to clean trains and the DOT clarified Boris wasn’t referring to HS2 in answering Naz Shah. Yes, but he did mistake Bradford for Leeds! While he went to Brussels and Poland, Trussed-Up Liz got a frosty reception in Moscow. Sergei Lavrov likened the meeting to trying to communicate with the deaf and dumb. She retorted she wasn’t mute. No, but you didn’t listen, you pompous mare! Mocking her woeful diplomacy, Russian media labelled her a centaur. With her stature it’d be My Little Centaur! After WHU fans booed cat-kicking footballer Kurt Zouma, the RSPCA took his pets away, Adidas and Vitality withdrew sponsorship and a fine of 2 week’s wages viewed inadequate, 300,000 signed a petition to sack him. Dagenham & Redbridge suspended his brother Youan who shot the video nasty.
Newscast treated us to cringey renditions of I will Survive (sang by Boris and Gutu Harri) and Come on Arlene. Guest David Lammy described the febrile atmosphere among the Corbyn mob, and assured us he was fine, saying ‘you can take the boy out of Tottenham…’ He marvelled at a PM who pulled stuff from the nasty corners of the right-wing dark web and deemed him hugely guilty of stoking up ‘unsavoury and dangerous’ acts. Getting 6 death threats a year, many with a racial element, he said it was worse for female MPs. Labour trapped by a huge tory majority, a cynic might say they’d benefit from Boris staying, but integrity mattered more. And besides, populists always had to be dragged from office!
Shrieking chainsaws didn’t help sleep. Eventually dropping off with plugged ears, convoluted dreams entailed buying a teddy bear and having to hide it. I lay in a stupor in Friday’s early hours then drifted back into a fitful doze. Wobbliness persisting, I stayed in bed and re-started the slow, whirring laptop to wait a full infuriating hour for windows to configure. Furious at an unproductive morning, I picked up a sketch pad but was uninspired. Despite also feeling crap, Phil went to the co-op. Finally able to type in the afternoon, I drafted a Valley Life article, backed up files and began sorting duplicate folders, then stopped with head fug and turned the laptop off, hoping it’d cure the sluggishness. Unable to get the kettle to work making a brew, the stove-top method took a full 15 minutes! I bad-temperedly cleared the draining board while waiting and stomped back upstairs. Phil fixed a bent spring on the base but still inoperable, thought the switch was broken. Meanwhile, I reduced stove-top boiling time to 9 minutes by measuring water.
Covid passes in Wales to be scrapped next week, shoppers would still need masks until the end of March and there were no plans to end self-isolation. Unvaccinated kids over 12 were allowed into Spain from Monday with a negative PCR test – too late for families who’d already cancelled half-term holidays. Although contracting in December, the ONS said the economy grew 7.5% in 2021. Rishi welcomed the news, but economist Sam Tomb claimed the true figure for private firms was 3.4% and the UK economy continued to ‘underwhelm’ relative to G7 peers. Liberty Steel received a winding up petition from HMRC. While unions called it a devastating blow, Gupta hoped to find an ‘amicable agreement’. Nasty Patel unbelievably called Khan rude and unprofessional (err, it wasn’t him that ditched the meeting) and said The Met needed strong and decisive leadership. Is that why she didn’t sack Dick months ago? Harvey Proctor thought it high time the Augean stables got cleaned up, but who would do the muck-raking?
I remained fatigued over a largely miserable weekend. People wittering on the street below mitigated against sleep Friday night, even with earplugs, and a bright start forced me awake Saturday. Cold rain replaced the sun and the hot water ran out during bathing. To delay putting the heating on, we donned extra layers but his arthritic hands agony, Phil gave in. No signal on the big telly, he tutted at my attempts to tweak the aerial. I railed back and stormed upstairs. Both TVs came back, for nothing but sport. The laptop taking an age to spark up, shutting down at night was patently a bad idea. Eventually, I managed to post a pic for my nephew’s birthday and type. The evening peace was broken by raucous drunken warbling, the voluble Shed people coming home at 2 a.m., and the irksome generator.
Both feeling ropey on a grey, wet Sunday, I ate breakfast downstairs and printed the secret card before Valentine’s Day. Back in bed, I composed a haiga based on a different shot of the pink winter blossomi. Phil braved the greyhound charity shop closing down sale. Car-boot dealers literally ripping shelves out, he returned from the scrum with bloody knuckles, sneakers and a couple of electrical items, including a bright red kettle from the larger, quieter shop. Catching up on the footie that evening, we noted West Ham didn’t field the cat-kicker. Kurt Zouma in the starting line-up, were they cowed by French extradition demands?
The People’s Assembly organised cost of living demos across the UK, supported by unions. An injunction allowed Ambassador Bridge, Ontario, to be cleared of truckers. Even James Blunt crooning at full blast couldn’t shift anti-vax protesters outside the NZ parliament. They just sang louder. Uncle Joe held talks with Vlad, but Ukrainians thought it was all scaremongering. On Sunday Morning, Brandon Lewis added to the fear, saying Russia could invade within a matter of days, possibly Wednesday. Ben Wally said there ‘was a whiff of Munich in the air’ but the Russian ambassador to Sweden Victor Tatarintsev didn’t ‘give a shit’ about sanctions. Brandon denied the Stormont exec was non-functioning and wanted an EU agreement on the Irish question. Telling us Trussed-Up Liz met Maros šefčovič Friday, I found no reports on how that went.
“This stinks of a cover-up by Number 10. Even Richard Nixon believed a country deserves to know whether their leader is a crook” (Ed Davey)
Dirty Dozens
Haiga – A Moment of Calm
The storm moved to the east coast Monday, leaving the valley mostly calm and bright. Posting a haigai and the journal took most of the day, excepting lunch and essential chores. Due to the weather, mounds of recycling littered the house. Phil helped with disposal. One eye on the news, he précised the Sue Gray report but as the incomplete document was 12 pages (less if you ignored ‘this page intentionally blank’), I read it myself.iii
Specifics missing, Gray berated the culture at the ‘heart of government’, failure of leadership and judgement, unprofessional consumption of excessive amounts of alcohol, inappropriate use of the Number 10 garden, and concluded rules weren’t followed. As operational structures hadn’t kept pace with expansion of the PM’s office and staff felt unable to report concerns, ‘lessons to learn’ should be addressed immediately. The Bumbler began his commons statement with another vacuous apology, saying he understood people’s anger, and he’d fix it by reviewing codes of conduct and creating an Office of the PM with a permanent sec. – would that address the accountability vacuum? He then blathered about government achievements. Keir responded Gray made ‘the most damning conclusions’ with a PM under criminal investigation and making people feel like fools, although they shouldn’t as they saved lives. Quite! I kept saying those who stuck to rules did the right thing and should stop whinging they didn’t hug! Phil asserted we were locked down to keep tory toffs safe. The comment from Carrie’s party mate 13th November seemed to support that. Keir alleged Boris wouldn’t resign because he was ‘a man without shame’. Boris called that ‘a tissue of nonsense’ but others echoed pleas for full publication of findings. Andrew Mitchell withdrew his support and Ian Blackford ejected himself after repeating Boris broke lockdown rules and ‘wilfully misled parliament’.
Of the 16 ‘gatherings’ in scope, The met were looking into 12 (8 in Downing Street and 4 in the cabinet office)*. With 300 photos and 500 documents of the ‘Dirty Dozen’, they pledged to fast-track the investigation within weeks. At an emergency meeting of tory MPs, Boris allegedly banged the table screaming he’d nearly died of Covid. Trussed-Up Liz was spotted without a mask, later tested positive and wouldn’t accompany him to The Ukraine. As he’d cancelled a planned call to Vlad, David Lammy said it was an example of the ‘real world consequences’ of the distraction and Layla Moran complained: “This is the man who picked pleading with his backbenchers over talking tough to Vladimir Putin.” Meanwhile, Hong Kong politician Caspar Tsui resigned after being discovered attending a banquet. Our leaders could learn a lesson there! On Newsnight, small minister Paul Scuzzball contrarily argued that as Boris was at deaths door, he understood the issues! Tory activists said with no contrition and no confidence, his days were numbered. Journalists agreed, seeing the interim report as a ‘series of smoking guns yet to come’. I looked forward to the adaptation of Sue Gray and the Party Detectives into a Netflix series or, more likely, a low-key Brit flick!
Two years after the first hospital admissions of covid patients in Newcastle, NHS bosses warned of frontline staff quitting if forced to have jabs. Ministers said the policy could be ditched after consultation, including for social care. Would the 30,000 sacked workers return? Several areas of Beijing underwent lockdown and daily testing ahead of the Winter Olympics. Back-to-back storms forced the Thames barrier to close, blew lorries over, hampered train services and left 45,000 homes power-less. Winds reached 90 mph in Stonehaven where unhappy residents whinged this was the second time since November. In The Great Drain Robbery, thieves stole 160 cast iron drain covers in Doncaster to sell for scrap.
Cleaning out the fridge Tuesday, I found chilli jam so old mould erupted on the lid, a lump of ice in the runnel and a puddle beneath the crisper drawer. I spent ages scrubbing a minging juicer stored on top. The days long gone when chucking 40% of our fruit in the form of pulp was a good idea, we agreed to donate the unused item charity. The chore was punctuated with refreshment breaks, writing and shopping. Sunny and mild to start, a stiff breeze assailed me on the way to a quiet co-op where I discussed the price of seeds and compostable bags with my namesake at the till. Feeling iffy, I forced myself to write in the afternoon. Mind blank trying to work on the novel, I composed an add-on for Cool Placesii and posted a photo of pink winter blossom for Elderly Neighbours’ birthday (See below).
9.9% of covid cases over the past year were reinfections. Previously 2%, it showed earlier illness didn’t protect against Omicron. The WHO recommended treatments Sotrovimab and Baricitinib. DOHSC accounting revealed £8.5 bn written off for lost, faulty or expired PPE. The IOPC published details of racist, sexist and homophobic messages between officers at Charing Cross cop shop 2016-2018. The 2 dismissed were not isolated ‘bad apples’. After announcing the closure of 317 meat, fish and deli counters and Jack’s discount stores, changes to overnight working put another 1,600 Tesco jobs at risk. Our local farm shop featured on Look North. Open since 1974, the 81 year old owner offered a lifeline for remote villagers in bad weather and lockdowns, delivering essential supplies. In Grimsby ahead of unveiling the Levelling Up white paper, The Glove-Puppet said London’s elite didn’t understand the problems of overlooked communities. His plans involved elected mayors for every part of England and a dozen ‘national missions’, with targets for the economy, housing, education, transport and culture up to 2030 in 55 areas. 20 urban regeneration projects would start with Sheffield and Wolverhampton. Criticised for no new money and lack of ambition, Lisa Nandy called it shuffling deckchairs and Tracy Brabin suggested he prioritise early years and bringing HS2 to the young, vibrant city of Bradford.
Boris known to have attended at least 3 of the ‘Dirty Dozen’, police guidance stated identities of those issued fixed penalty notices ‘should not be released or confirmed’. Rayner inveighed: “I can’t believe this needs saying. The public have a right to know if the PM is found to have committed an offence.” Ed Davey added it stank of a cover-up. Rabid Raab implied Boris still didn’t think he’d done any wrong saying: “(he) believes he acted in good faith at all times.” Downing Street later said they’d reveal if Boris was fined. In Kyiv to speak to president Volodymyr Zelensky before a press conference and rescheduled call to Vlad, No. 10 claimed he spearheaded the international response. An international joke more like! White House press aide Jen Psaki chortled at ambushing cakes in faces, Russian TV sniggered Boris was a henpecked wannabe emperor mocked even by kids, and former tory diplomat Rory Stewart sputtered: “This idea that somehow Boris…is single-handedly defending Ukraine from Russia is pure fantasy.”
Dancing In The Gaslight
Savile and Thatcher
Waking with a creaky jaw the last 2 mornings, further evidence I was grinding my teeth while sleeping due to anxiety, emerged a few days later. Careful exercise helped ease the discomfort Wednesday.
Boris parroting the accusation from right-wing social media that Keir failed ‘to prosecute Jimmy Savile’, Nazir Afzal on BBC Breakfast said in the 3 years he worked under him as DPP, they had record child abuse convictions. In fact, decisions were made locally, Keir apologised and commissioned an investigation which blamed Surrey prosecutors and police for the mess. Causing ructions in the tory ranks, Tobias Ellwood was one of 3 to submit letters of no confidence and on Newsnight, David Liddington derided the ‘crude, stupid distraction tactics’ and a lack of emotional intelligence that ‘sapped trust’. Nick Watt called the gaslighting a death sentence. “Hmm!” mused Phil, “who’s the one who likes dressing up, visiting hospitals and says he’ll fix it…“ And let’s not forget, Savile was a tory. A photo of the nonce posing for the Tory 2010 election campaign turned out to be fake but ones of him with Thatcher weren’t.
Lindsay Hoyle read ‘the bible’ on parliamentary language before PMQs. If Ian Blackford had to retract calling Boris a liar, why didn’t Boris have to recant his comment on Savile? I wondered. The Bumbler toadied to the queen and told Esther McVey mandatory jabs for the NHS would be abandoned. Tongue in cheek, Keir queried if part of Operation Save Big Dog was being ‘tax-cutting conservatives’, why did they keep raising them for workers while protecting oil companies and banks and ’gaslight’ the British public with stealth taxes? To Boris’ usual waffle, he responded: ‘lots of words, lots of bluster, but no answers’ and joked that wouldn’t work with the police! He pointed out wastage and fraud during the pandemic equalled the extra taxes and asked why he wasn’t investigating that instead of squeezing people to the pips? Boris spewed a load of figures, rubbish about record amounts of PPE and getting ventilators from footballers. Keir repeated he needed to sharpen how he answered questions.
I was stealing myself to take the redundant juicer to the charity shop in the drizzle when Phil offered to go. Relieved, I did some admin and messaging, setting a record 3 social engagements for the month (lunch with Walking Friend and AN Other Friday, an exhibition with Manchester Friend and a drink with The Researcher late Feb). The so-called wine rack stuffed with miscellaneous items, Phil returned as I began sorting them to reclaim mechanical whisks and a mixing bowl, then left me to evict spiders, scour utensils, start another charity bag and make room in cupboards.
Hospital cases down, more deaths were recorded than for almost a year. Figures excluded Scotland. Nasty Patel told the home affairs committee the IOPC findings showed a ‘failure of leadership’ (sic) but didn’t say Dick should go. Yvette Coop wanted action from the home office as well as The Met. Boris made the postponed call to Vlad and tweeted the way out of hostilities was diplomacy. So, calling the Russians hostile was diplomatic, was it? After legal advice that SPS checks required approval from the Stormont Executive, DUP minister Edwin Poots ordered officials at Daera** to stop Irish Sea border checks from midnight. Back doors opened at the Port of Belfast the next morning. Saying issues could be resolved through the protocol, Sinn Fein accused him of playing party politics. 4 Insulate Britain protestors got stuck in jail after gluing themselves outside the High Court while chants of ‘Boris out’ were ignored during Westminster news broadcasts.
Lower leg cramp woke me in the early hours Thursday. Unable to reach, I tried shaking it out but the knee agonisingly locked up. On the verge of tears, I attempted to stand and hobbled to the bathroom. After a bit more sleep, the pain alleviated enough to perform most of my exercise routine. Telling Phil I‘d never known anything like it, he said he had and I worried not for the first time, if it was arthritis. I rushed chores and writing tasks to go to town, greeting 3 lesser-spotted neighbours along the street. The centre strangely quiet in the dull dampness, I discussed the inflationary cost of cough drops, energy price hikes and treasury plans for loans and rebates with Sweet Shop man. Ofgem raised the cap to £1,971. Rishi dished out £200 rebates on electricity bills from October (to be paid back from 2023, though Goldman Sachs doubted prices would drop until 2025) and £150 off council tax (the treasury gave councils £144m). Unimpressed, labour called it ‘buy now pay later’ and asked why there was no cut in VAT or windfall tax for Shell, who made £14bn profit? BOE simultaneously put interest up to 0.5%, predicted inflation of 7.25% by April and said it wasn’t a good time to ask for more pay. So much for the high skills, high wage economy! GMB’s Gary Smith retorted: “telling the hard-working people who carried this country through the pandemic they don’t deserve a pay rise is outrageous.” Elsewhere, France put a 4% limit on fuel rises, Belgium slashed VAT and Greece increased the minimum wage by 2%.
On the market, I bantered on posh names for bog roll with Jolly Veg man and topped up supplies in convenience stores to postpone a trip to the co-op, then lugged bags home and faffed to fit mussels in a bowl until Phil came to help. He began scrubbing a Dutch oven but desperate for lunch, I bade him leave it.
Effective against Omicron, Novavax was approved following trials in Leeds and Bradford. A caller to Jeremy Vine called Boris a baboon and David Davis said he suffered death by a thousand cuts with the party in a state of paralysis. As if to illustrate his point, director of communications Jack Doyle and head of policy Munira Mirza quit; she cited the Savile slur. Stopping short of an apology, Boris insisted he was making a point about responsibility for the organisation as a whole. What! Like he was responsible for the antics in No. 10? Late evening, PPS Martin Reynolds and Chief of Staff Dan Rosenfeld also left Downing Street pursued the next morning by special adviser Elena Narozanski. At least 2 of them were at parties. Energy minister Greg Hands said it proved the PM was ‘taking charge’. DUP MLA Paul Givan resigned, meaning Michelle O’Neil also lost her post, power-sharing at Stormont ended and the exec couldn’t meet. How did that square with them having authority to change import rules? Sinn Fein said the political opportunism had catastrophic impacts ahead of May elections. A high Court judge subsequently suspended Poot’s decision to stop import checks, until a full judicial review to avoid confusion ‘hanging over’ civil servants.
Discussing mandatory vaccines for health staff on QT, a sceptic with piles of scrappy notes disputed a vax scientist. Robin Shattock tried to be nice but ended up saying he was talking crap. Torygraph weirdo Tim Stanley thought it good to have the debate and mandating counter-productive. NHS Confederation’s Victor Adebowale said with 95% staff uptake but only 89% for BME, they had rights but also responsibilities. Crispin Blunt believed it sensible to re-assess the policy on evidence. A nurse in the audience claimed natural immunity from having covid protected her. Shattock informed her that varied and asked if an antibody test might persuade her? “Maybe.” Probed on if Boris damaged the tory party, Crispin said we were being played by The Scumbag and repeated the assertion not everyone followed the rules. Weirdo Tim bizarrely compared Boris to a character from Oceans 11, Rosena Allin-Khan maintained the ‘consistent liar’ wasn’t fit for office, before or now, and Victor called him a moral vacuum. Robin asked: who do you trust?
Interviewed on Newscast, Rishi said Boris was right to apologise, evaded questions on standing for leader and claimed to have seen no parties from Number 11’s window. A day later, The Mirror reported The Met had a photo of Boris holding a can of beer at his lockdown birthday party, standing next to Rishi in the cabinet room. Shot by Andrew Parsons (one of 3 of The Bumbler’s official tax-funded photographers) who documented the event, it proved they didn’t give a shit!
Mixing It Up
Pink Winter Blossom
So much happened in the world of politics late the previous night, trying to get a grip Friday morning was hindered by Phil rambling and Walking Friend texting to ask if I could be ready early. To avoid rushing, I arranged to meet at the corner pub instead, hastened my notes and put a face on. No sign of them outside, AN Other waved to me from inside the pub. They mixed coffee and Bailey’s but I eschewed drinking during a catch-up and deciding what next. On the way to the big charity shop, a feint rainbow provided a backdrop for a cloud of squawking corvids. We ambled down the still oddly quiet pedestrian street. AN Other liked the look of the wood burner in the cocktail bar. Unsure if they served food, she asked to be given a Med café menu. As she re-arranged the furniture to feel the heat, I wryly told the waitress: “sorry about this.” The partnership arrangement involved staff toing and froing across the street. Over inevitably tepid dishes, we discussed holidays, labyrinthine German tax laws and mutual acquaintances. I expressed relief at not going to Deceased Friends’ wake after the family all got covid and learnt another old pub mate died of cancer last month. Walking Friend fed pigeons to distract them before feeding ducks on the wavy steps. Visiting more charity shops, we ended up at one near our street. AN Other drove back across the moor, Walking Friend went to the co-op and I went home, agreeing it made a change mixing up our lunch-meets. A mélange of chatter crowding my head, I couldn’t relax at all during a siesta.
ONS found risk of death from covid dropped 93% after 3 jabs. Rishi having distanced himself from Boris’ slur, Goblin Saj said Keir should be respected for doing a good job as DDP but the PM ‘clarified remarks’ on the Savile issue and still had his support. Nick Gibb, the latest tory MP to publicly call for Boris to go, cited constituents’ fury ‘about the double standards’ and the PM’s ‘inaccurate’ commons statements. Meanwhile, Liam Fox waited to see what happened and in a round of drunken interviews, batty Nads Doris claimed 97% of tories backed Boris and it was all a Remoaners plot. After taking the big plane to Blackpool to play with trams, Boris returned to rally the troops and quote ‘change is good’ from the Lion King. “It really is The Lying King!” I laughed. Ukrainian architects Studio Makhno designed Plan C, bagels for settlers on Mars to inhabit craters, with food grown in orbiting spherical greenhouses. Did they nick the idea from The Expanse?
A watery sun presaged grey rain Saturday. Rather scatty, I kept drifting off, but rallied with caffeine. Nowt on telly, we watched extras on a DVD so it could go in the charity bag. Disposing of recycling, I found dog poo on the doorstep, angrily scrubbed it off and railed I was starting to take it personal. Phil thought dogs simply needed a crap when they reached the top of the steps. Heading to the main road, car lights on the gloomy roads made it appear like midwinter again. Among gaps in the co-op, I got a cheap pineapple. What was that about affordable fruit? At the till, teenage girls carefully handled a carrier like it was precious. The nice young Scottish cashier told me it was a cappuccino glass. Pausing halfway through scanning my stuff, she apologised for having a moment. “It’s okay, I’ve been scatty today.” “Good.” “Is it?” “Yeah, if you can’t pause on a day like this, when can you? Have a nice evening.” “It’s not evening yet. It just looks like it.” “I don’t mind this weather.” I stopped myself replying she was probably used to it! I trudged back and collapsed on the sofa while Phil watched Olympic skiing, commenting on the fakery in an area of China that barely got 20cm of rain a year, let alone snow! Working on the journal, I got mixed up with all the Westminster parties, checked the BBC news list and discovered 2 were excluded from the report, including Shaun Bailey’s lavish buffet. “That sounds like an excellent idea!” exclaimed Phil, googled an all-you-can-eat in Blackpool and declared he now used tory antics as a kind of tarot. Cooking the pineapple with a splash of sambuca, Phil queried why we never drank it. “We don’t really mix drinks anymore.”
Raining all night, sheets of hail careened down the valley Sunday. And it was so dark! No possibility of a walk, I worked on the journal and tried cleaning kitchen chairs. Mysterious splotches persisting, Phil’s idea of using turps to expunge them might wait ‘til we could work outside. We also made some arrangements for Phil’s birthday weekend but were undecided on the lavish buffet. During a truly terrible night, I caught myself clenching my jaw in an early hours stupor. I must have slept but it was in such small snatches I might as well not have even tried!
After Boris stated crime fell 14% and the Home Office admitted it excluded fraud and computer scams, the UKSA sad they were misleading. Challenged on Sunday Morning, Kwasi Modo said they meant street crime like burglary and violence. Tell that to Leeds people in fear of being stabbed!
Shaun Bailey’s Lavish Buffet
*Scope of inquiry:15th May 2020, garden party; 27th Nov, leaving do; 10th Dec; gathering at DoE, 15th Dec, Xmas quiz.
The Dirty Dozen: 20th May 2020, garden party; 18th June, a gathering; 19th June, Boris’ birthday party; 13th Nov, 2 gatherings; 17th Dec, 3 gatherings; 18th Dec, ‘end of term’ party; 14th Jan 2021, a gathering; 16th April, 2 gatherings.
Excluded from report: 14th Dec; Bailey’s lavish buffet, Met speaking to 2 attendees; 16th Dec, DoT party.
**(Department of agriculture, environment & rural affairs)
“He is sending an appalling message to society, that the most powerful person in the UK Government thinks it’s okay to mock people because of their bodies, race, sexual orientation and religion ” (Kirsten Oswald)
It’s My Party and I’ll Go If I Want To
Haiga – Signifier
Posting the haiga i a doddle Monday, the journal took far too long even though I’d started it Sunday, leaving little time for much else. Watching The Expanse series 6 on Prime In the evening, I questioned if they’d properly explained why Naomi wasn’t dead. At bedtime, I stuffed earplugs in to block out noisy diggers near the canal and finished The Gallows Pole by Benjamin Myers – coming soon to a TV near you! A good read but lazy notes left unanswered queries on historical accuracy.
Testing was scrapped for fully vaccinated incoming travellers from 11th February, in time for half-term. Lord Agnew resigned from government over mismanagement of covid loans, accusing the treasury of “little interest in the consequences of fraud to our society.” Look North reported that Leeds businesses were hit hard with 39 weeks lost trade; the 10th worst in the UK. Visiting Milton Keynes University Hospital, Boris announced a cabinet office inquiry into the sacking of Nusrat Ghani. A Russian invasion feared imminent, diplomats were withdrawn from The Ukraine, Trussed-up Liz went to Brussels, Uncle Joe held a conference call with NATO allies, more warships and fighter jets were sent to Eastern Europe and troops put on standby. Threats to engage unlikely to materialise, Vlad would be quaking again at the idea of sanctions – not! The FTSE fell as did the rouble against the dollar and the pound. Jeff Bezos recruited Hal Barron of GSK to lead Alto Labs anti-ageing company to defy death before holding us all in hock forever and zooming off in a rocket when he’d wrecked the planet! Actor Sam Jackson was spotted filming for MCU in Leeds and Halifax. How on earth did they make The Piece Hall look like Russia?
ITV news reported Carrie organised a surprise birthday party for Boris, 19th June 2020, during lockdown #1, involving M&S party food, cake, 30 people including Martin Reynolds, other Number 10 staff and Lulu Lytle, and a chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’. Downing Street said Boris attended a ‘staff gathering’ for a mere 10 minutes. Keir responded: “This is yet more evidence that we have got a PM who believes that the rules that he made don’t apply to him…(they) spend their whole time mopping up sleaze and deceit. Meanwhile, millions of people are struggling to pay their bills. We cannot afford to go on with this chaotic, rudderless government. The PM is a national distraction and he’s got to go.”
Grey, foggy and cold for the second day running, I shivered after bathing Tuesday with an inexplicably twisted towel. Well-layered up, I went to the co-op, finding massive gaps in the fruit and veg aisle. The woman in front of me at the till irksomely failed to put a ‘next customer’ bar on the conveyor. I pointedly placed them in front and behind my purchases. As she swiped her member’s card, I wondered aloud to the cashier why nobody had ever told me that was possible and she showed me how easy it was. You learn something new every day! In the afternoon, I added to my novel and did some research before continuing cleaning the kitchen shelves and making more space.
Less infections in all age groups except the younger, DfE estimated 1:20 kids were absent from class 20th January, the most all term. 10% of teachers off, Paul Whiteman of NAHT complained schools were ‘struggling to keep things running’. Scotland would move to hybrid working from next Monday to help the economy while interest on UK government debt trebled. Now aware of 19 Westminster gatherings, as a ‘result of information’ from Sue Gray’s team, the Met boss announced they would investigate those that ‘appeared to be the most serious and flagrant breach’ of coronavirus guidelines*. Covid-19 lead Jane Connors would oversee the special inquiry team, potentially going back 2 years. Knowing about the police probe before the morning’s cabinet meeting, Boris didn’t mention it. Apparently as he didn’t want to pre-empt Caressa Dick, but did he fear a ministerial leak? In defence of the parties, Tory MP Conor Burns hilariously said Boris was ‘ambushed by cake’ on his birthday, Crispin Blunt incredulously suggested rules were broken in ‘most homes’ and on Newsnight, Rees-Moggy used big words, evasion and waffle. Answering a mystifying question on a praetorian guard, he agreed a new leader must mean a general election. Reports followed that to celebrate the Scumbag’s departure from Downing Street 13th November 2020, Carrie sang ‘The Winner Takes It All’ and a guest told police they were the only ones allowed to party.
Let Them Eat Cake
Sue Gray And The Party Detectives Tour T-Shirt
Thankfully, it became brighter and warmer mid-week, as Phil repeatedly told me. He helped with chores before PMQs where MPs wore purple and pink flame badges in advance of Holocaust Memorial Day.
Kate Osamor asked if The Bumbler had agreed to Rishi Rich ‘writing off £4.3bn of fraud’. He replied, ‘No’. Rishi was forced to tweet he wasn’t ignoring or writing off the Covid loans. Keir questioned Boris on breaking the ministerial code by misleading parliament and resigning. Boris repeated ‘No’ and the Captain Hindsight insult. Keir laughed: “We’ve discovered the real Captain Hindsight,” to which a backbencher added: “with a party hat!” The Bumbler spewed the usual hyperbole and answered Keir’s “people know he’s not up to the job” with rot about taking tough decisions and having a vision while labour had no plan. To claims that Keir was a lawyer, not a leader, Labour MP Lloyd Russell-Moyle said he’d prefer to be led by a lawyer than a liar. Having already threatened members with eviction from the commons, Lindsay Hoyle told him to retract the statement. To Ian Blackford’s questions, Boris jibed it looked like he’d eaten more cake, for the SNP to accuse him of body-shaming. Boris re-committed to placing a full copy of the Sue Gray report in the House of Commons library. Release of the findings imminent, media reports it could be delayed until after the police probe giving Boris a longer wait to see if he went to his own party, were dismissed but fears of severe editing surfaced later in the week.
Ambushing Cake
The jokes kept coming with a sea of memes on social media, speculation the cake was Colin the Caterpillar, fitting in with the M&S party food theme, Nigella tweeting her next book would be ‘Ambushed by Cake’ and ‘Sue Gray And The Party Detectives’ tour t-shirts on sale from several outlets. Citing media stories from around the globe, Jack Straw wasn’t amused the UK was an international laughing stock.
Making progress on the novel, I had to stop typing in the afternoon due to head fug and switched to book-based research. Editing journal notes in the evening, I found it hard keeping on top of news and gave up to rest my aching brain.
A BBC investigation found 1 million counterfeit face-masks were sent to the NHS at the height of pandemic. The DOH ignored red flags until a nurse contacted Polyco, the Chinese supplier, direct, to be told they were ‘faked’ by ‘bad guys’. Papers submitted by whistle-blower Raphael Marshall to the foreign affairs committee confirmed Boris approved clearance to evacuate the Nowzad shelter from Afghanistan. He’d scorned the accusations of prioritising animals over people as ‘complete nonsense’ at the time – doubtful, as Pen Farthing was a mate of Carrie’s. A small boat capsized on its way to the USA from Bimini Island, raising concerns for the 39 migrants aboard. A spooky object was spotted 4,000 light years away. Possibly a neutron star or white dwarf, giant bursts of energy sent out radiation beams 3 times an hour.
Tummy ache prevented an early start Thursday. I opened the bedroom window to a keen blast of fresh air and held blankets tightly to shake them out in the gusty wind. I tidied up a higgledy-piggledy pile on the kitchen draining board, and then the morning was gone. Editing the journal on a slow laptop, I developed brain ache and my mood darkened. Low feelings persisting into the afternoon, I forced myself to continue cleaning kitchen shelves, disposing of a cracked bowl.
Dubbed ‘Plan A Day’, commuter numbers grew. Masks no longer mandatory, rail operators and big shops like Sainsbury’s, John Lewis, Morrison’s and Waitrose, requested customers still wore them. Less infections in all UK regions, as well as covid-related NHS staff absence, 52% of patients with covid were treated primarily for something else. Goblin Saj said Omicron was retreating and ‘thanks to the progress we have made’, care home rules would relax from next Monday. Sentencing Jonathan Chew to 8 weeks for ambushing Chris Witless last summer, the judge berated him for contempt. Trying to hide in North Wales, Boris dismissed claims of aiding the evacuation of cats and dogs from Afghanistan as ‘total rhubarb’, even though an e-mail from Rabid Raab sought ‘a steer from No. 10 on whether’ to call Nowzad staff forward. Ex-tory Rory Stewart said lying was Boris’ default position. Police recorded the highest ever number of rapes and sexual assaults in the year to September 2021, with the highest ever quarterly figure July-Sept. ONS suggested the stats reflected the impact of high-profile cases, media coverage and campaigns encouraging victims to come forward. Look North featured kids developing Tourette Syndrome during lockdown. “Tic tock syndrome more like!” quipped Phil. Newscast discussed the National Insurance hike. Claer Barrett of the FT alarmingly calculated what it actually meant, particularly for contract and gig economy workers. Leeds funny man Barry Cryer died. His best joke was arguably: “Picasso was burgled and did a drawing of the robbers. Police arrested a horse and two sardines.”
Party On!
Box Frame Detritus
An earlier start Friday, I battled discomfiture to sort the kitchen table and created space moving clutter to emptier shelves. The greyness had turned to drizzle by the time I headed out to dump unwanted books at Oxfam and go to the co-op where I saw Elderly Neighbour and asked after his wife. No better or worse, he doubted she’d ever get better. Experiencing a similar scenario with my mum, I empathised and reiterated offers of help if needed. Phil came to assist carting the ace freezer deal home. After lunch, he finally finished cleaning the kitchen blind. The week a boring parade of shopping, cleaning and writing, I hankered for creativity, and arranged interesting detritus from foreign holidays in a second-hand box frame. The relics of now misty-eyed distant memories had been lying about for years.
Omicron BA.1 might be waning, but scientists kept a watchful eye on BA.2 – now the dominant variant in Denmark and 1,000 UK cases. PF-07321332+ritonavir (an anti-viral pill not a phone number), would be rolled out via the NHS from 10th February. Formerly known as Paxlovid, it was 88% effective in reducing risks of serious illness or death in the vulnerable, if given during the first 5 days of symptoms. UKHSA sent priority PCR tests to 1.3 million so they could access treatment. Government sticks to get staff back to offices could include removing tax breaks for working at home. Having said they didn’t want to delay the report, The Met asked Sue Gray to ‘minimally reference’ and ‘remove key details’ of events they were probing. Their claims it would ‘avoid any prejudice to our investigation’, didn’t ring true unless, as former DPP Lord Ken Donaldson said, they considered ‘more serious conduct’. Suspects likely to face fixed penalty fines rather than trial by jury, he considered the constraints ‘disproportionate’. Cynics might well call it a stitch-up especially as Goblins’ kid brother Bas Javid was deputy assistant commissioner! As the report could be heavily redacted and rendered pointless, backbench tories joined opposition MPs in calling for unabridged publication. And as police investigations often took years, was it a never-ending story?
A One Show preview of 100th BBC anniversary celebrations included a hideous Disney musical medley. I queried what that had to do with the Beeb? ”It’s the Lying King!” laughed Phil. Later, we reviewed ‘Undone’ on Prime. Phil hated the drawings and I detested the dialogue so we switched back to Wheel of Time for another laugh at trollocks.
On its way to Denmark, Storm Malik arrived in the early hours Saturday. I awoke to howling wind and shaking windows. Fast-moving clouds whizzed below a blue layer of sky. Small fluffy ones literally spun. Corvids and gulls wheeled in the thermals. Elsewhere, winds of 80 mph winds caused loss of power and death in Durham and Aberdeen. One felled tree sported a coffee cup. Was it an offering to the gods? Meanwhile, Storm Ana killed people in Madagascar, Malawi and Mozambique. Attempting to ignore anxious feelings, I battled a cluttered kitchen to make brekkie. After the dazzling start, the skies darkened and the clouds became grey. I continued framing pictures and editing the journal while watching catch-up. Young Sheldon annoyingly vanished off All 4, we binge-watched Andy Warhol’s America on iPlayer. Very inspiring but those yanks didn’t half like pointing out the bleeding obvious such as ‘he was gay’. I coined the term ‘Yanksplaining’. The night peaceful as the storm past, I dreamt lots but only recalled snatches.
Sunday beginning bright, Storm Corrie was predicted to arrive by evening. Becoming colder as the sun disappeared, we forced ourselves out the house in the calm between the storms, taking steep cobbles and tarmac into woodland where jays vied for territory and broken trunks lay testament to the storm’s ferocity. Down by the riverside, brave women swam in cold waters, fairies adorned allotments and yellow catkins heralded new life. In town, coffee-cuppers infested the square. We ducked in the convenience store, stuffed reduced items into my stupid tiny rucksack and headed home for an overdue feed. (See Cool Places for more walks ii).
Trussed-up Liz spouted the usual BS on Sunday Morning and the Glove-Puppet used the puppet press, aka The Daily Mail, to launch a so-called ‘red wall revolution’ to prop up the PM, but it wasn’t new Levelling Up money, according to labour. Speculation the NI rise might be ditched faded as Boris and Rishi wrote in the Sunday Times there was no magic money tree. Yeah, when the dosh wasn’t going to their rich tory mates! Oxford University Hospitals trials using MRI scanners adapted to use Xenon gas on the lungs of long-covid patients, showed promising early results. Anti-Vaxxer Lawrence Fox got covid and self-medicated with Ivermectin. Side effects included seizures, coma and death. We could but hope! President Trudeau ran away from Ottawa as a convoy of trucks rolled in to protest Canada’s vaccine policy. The Trucking Alliance denied the demo represented their members. Changes to The Highway Code effective from Saturday, critics said they weren’t publicised enough. I thought pedestrians already had a right of way at junctions!
*Where: those involved knew they were committing an offence; not investigating would ‘significantly undermine the legitimacy of the law’; or there was little ambiguity around a reasonable defence.
“You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. In the name of god, go” (David Davies)
Dog Shit Monday
Haiga – In the Pink
On a frosty, cold Monday morning, shed boy and girl ran their van engine for 10 minutes and hollered at each other. I shouted angrily at the window. Phil smirked at me: “They need to defrost the windscreen.” “Yes, but they don’t have to add to the noise by yelling!” Patchy sun insufficient to dispel the chill, Phil made tasty porridge. As I complimented his efforts, he sceptically suggested there was a ‘but’ coming. “No there isn’t. Stop fishing!” Posting the journal, WordPress encountered an error. Anxious at losing a morning’s work, I recovered most of it. Taking the recycling out, I trod in unseen dog shit near the bins. Irritated at having to clean my boot again, I stood on one leg to scrub it off over the drain, dodging cars and parents with toddlers. As I fumed on the sofa, Phil sympathised and blamed too many lockdown dogs. I leafed through dusty books under the coffee table, finding photography self-study notes. Untouched for 4 years, maybe I should get back to it. After placing on-line orders for essentials, I did some yoga but got no rest. Officially Blue Monday, I reflected that was last week for me. Shitty Monday more like!
Cases dropping 38% in a week, Oliver Dowdy predicted an end to Plan B restrictions on 26th January. Mike Tildesley foresaw a flu-like relationship with the virus by the end of 2022. All teens could have a booster but ex Vaccine Taskforce chair Dr. Clive Dix thought they were needless and mass vaccinations should end. Boosters: “stop the vulnerable and elderly” getting seriously ill and dying, “so they’re the ones we should focus on.” Former Number 10 official Sonia Khan claimed there was a long-standing drinks culture and The Scumbag blogged he told Boris to call off the 20th May do. Prepared to swear in court, he claimed others were willing to join him. Meanwhile, photos emerged of Keir having a beer in the officer during the April 2021 Hartlepool by-election. He responded that they took a break for a take-away and got back to work. In the BBC’s 100th year, Nads Doris told MPs the licence fee would be frozen for 2 years, but back-tracked on total abolition, saying that was ‘up for discussion’. She said the real-terms cut put “more money in the pockets of families who are struggling to make ends meet.” Err, how about cutting VAT on fuel bills and reinstating the Universal Credit uplift? Lucy Powell called it a vendetta and nicked our line that Operation Red Meat was “designed to stop the prime minister becoming dead meat.” £4.3 billion worth of fraudulent covid-related payments were written off, dwarfing the licence bill. As the navy refused to assist Nasty Patel in persecuting migrants in dinghies, Phil remarked: “Dead dog more like!” On Jeremy Vine the next morning, James Gammon had a point that the military were used to this type of thing, although they’d rescue people, not drown them! The House of Lords threw out the police bill clause concerning loud protests and added one on criminalising misogyny. I predicted that would get ditched in the commons.
Porky Pies and Piggy Eyes
Dog Mess Notice
Rainbow dawn colours complimented icing-sugar roofs Tuesday, presaging a bright, chilly day. After a decent night, I had a productive morning working on the journal and cleaning the kitchen window, before Phil tackled the blind. Looking lovely out, we discussed a walk but as the sun waned in the valley, we declared it too cold. I went to a busy, raucous co-op, noting the meat products had shifted. Was it to disguise shortages? In the afternoon, I reviewed my novel – quite funny in places if I say so myself! I then tried to block the din of canalside diggers with earplugs and rest. In a series of night-time covid dreams, I debated masks with the deceased friend.
Interviewed on Sky, Boris reiterated regret for misjudgements and upset, especially to the queen, but denied anybody told him the 20th May gathering was against the rules, to which Keir said he shouldn’t need telling as he set the rules. Scotland ‘turned the corner’ on Omicron leading to the lifting of restrictions from next Monday. Working from home and masks would stay. There’d be no extension of the Covid Pass but still required in nightclubs, you had to prove you’d also been boosted. Rishi and Saj were ‘cautiously optimistic’ England would follow suit. Inflation at 5.4% December (the highest since March 1992), real pay fell 1%, employment went up 0.6% (a 1.4% increase on pre-pandemic levels) and unemployment fell 0.1%. The debt charity StepChange found 1/3 adults struggled to pay bills and a tweet from an infuriated Jack Monroe that the index used: ‘grossly underestimates the real cost of inflation as it happens to people with the least’, went viral. Sick of ‘governments’ jiggery-pokery’ with figures, Sharon Graham of Unite said the RPI revealed a real cost of living increase of 7.5% and they’d appoint their own experts to produce a ‘working index of inflation’. ONS would subsequently work on inflation calculators to better reflect real everyday prices. DG Tim Davie warned moving to a subscription service would mean a BBC no longer able to do what it did.
Phil working hard in the gig economy from bed Wednesday, even using the hairdryer didn’t shift him right away. Wanting to speed up so we could go out in a sunnier, warmer day, a bitty living room slowed me down as did the sun blazing through the kitchen window. I tried adjusting the blind which he’d left fully open. Easy my arse! Irate and exhausted, I settled down with coffee for another commons blockbuster.
In the so-called Pork Pie Plot*, red wall tories planned to oust Boris. Defecting backbencher Christian Wakeford crossed to the labour benches just before PMQs creating uproar akin to a zoo. Appearing with piggy eyes as though he’d been crying, The Bumbler started with platitudes and Keir started by welcoming Wakeford, and queried Boris’ serial excuses; the ’very carefully crafted responses’ sounding ‘like a lawyer wrote it’. An evasive Boris blathered that his judgements led to ‘the fastest growing economy in the G7’ and the fab vaccine roll-out and when asked: “if the PM misleads parliament, should he resign?” he answered: “wait for the inquiry.” Referring to a dog’s dinner, Ian Blackford called Boris’ excuses ‘pathetic’. Instead of ‘taking the British public for fools’, he should ‘take responsibility and resign’. No, said Boris, prating about restrictions lifting thanks to co-operation across the UK. An unmollified Blackford told him “Nobody’s buying this anymore, he’s partying and laughing…and not fit for office.” I got ready for our walk after the main questions so missed David Davies’ bombshell. Citing Leopold Amery’s words to Neville Chamberlain the veteran declared: “In the name of god, go.” And he was no red wall tory! In the aftermath, Laura K revealed the 2019 intake were referred to as a litter of puppies. Were they running around chasing their tails? You may recall the Bury South MP, dubbed Wokeford by rancorous tories, was embroiled in the boozy Gibraltar trip last November.
We got pies from the bakers and headed to the park. Too many excitable dogs for my liking, we continued to the canal. Perturbed by a bevy of geese, Phil advised they were harmless and wouldn’t come after our food which we munched perched on a low wall before taking the towpath to the next lock, crossing to an ancient clough and exploring untrodden paths. Phil laughed when I snapped a dog mess notice, but as he referred to a bird in the brush as ‘a lady balckbird’, I chuckled in turn (see below). Very muddy stretches ended in a slippery descent to the green bridge, made more hazardous when a large mutt came our way. Although not steep, I panted on the incline and remarked it was due to weeks of no actual walking. At the farm, we veered down to the station, returned to the park and admired gnarly bark edging the mossy riverside path. Phil nipped in the co-op and I continued home to find two tiny plants on the garden wall. The ‘free to good home’ note didn’t excuse them treating the wall as communal. The plants matching the one from the local charity, I took them to the doorstep and thought I’d better find out what they were now I had 3. Struggling to shed my boots, I was just about done when Phil arrived. Collapsing on the couch, I reflected it was nice to get some outdoor exercise, even if it was mainly in the shady valley. Actually feeling sleepy, I was inevitably unable to do so.
Attempting to appease rebellious tories, the scrapping of Plan B was announced. Masks in classrooms and the work from home directive ended immediately, with workers told to go in even if they felt ill! Steve Barclay ordered civil servants back to the office. All other restrictions were ditched from next Thursday with ‘advice’ to keep face coverings. The need to isolate would lapse on or before 24th March, easing of travel would follow and there’d be a plan to ‘live with covid like flu’. It didn’t go unnoticed that Goblin Saj led the press conference rather than the PM. No contrary sage advice, the ONS Community infection Survey reported UK cases falling consistently for the first time since November, except in Northern Ireland. But another ONS survey showed Omicron 16 times more infectious; double that for the unvaccinated. Almost 64% of over 12’s boosted was all very well, but with thousands hospitalised and an average 266 deaths a day in the depths of winter, doctors rightly urged public caution. On BBC Breakfast, Jason Leitch lauded the Scottish approach and referred to LFTs as sci-fi. He meant because you could do them at home but it was grist to the mill for conspiracy theorists. Fearful of cholera outbreaks after the tsunami, 2 New Zealand naval ships took water to a covid-free Tonga. Australia and Japan also sent aid.
A bright, frosty Thursday turned nithering when the sun went behind the hill. Phil not daring to wake me, I overslept. As he didn’t hear a timid door knock, I bad-temperedly answered it for the postie to hand me a tiny box from Boots. Expecting several items, I worried the quizzical look I gave her appeared rude. Soon after, Phil answered a second knock and accepted a larger parcel. Why on earth did they not combine them? As I strove to get going, a bluebottle flew in the bedroom. It flew out when Phil opened the window. I started dusting when the landline rang. From the top of the stairs, I caught a garbled message from the Ocado driver, and rang back. He wanted to deliver early but I told him it wasn’t convenient. Annoyed at all the interruptions, Phil thankfully took the tray away enabling me to continue tidying. The minute I turned the laptop on, the delivery arrived. After we’d sorted that lot, it was almost noon meaning writing was foreshortened. Later, I cleared a stack of junk e-mail, completed a survey and played Wordle. Unaware of this social media phenomenon until Countdown Susie talked about it on telly, I guessed the word in 5 goes. Not bad for a first try, I tweeted the results.
Pork Pie Plot MPs complained of blackmail from tory whips, with threats constituency funding could be withdrawn if they didn’t toe the party line. William Wragg advised they report intimidation to the police to be accused of attention-seeking. He then arranged to meet The Met next week. The Bumbler visiting Rutherford Diagnostic Centre in Taunton, knew nothing. Number 10 refused to investigate, citing a lack of evidence. Zara Rutherford (no relation to the famous scientist) became the youngest woman to fly solo round the globe. The Glove-puppet met developers to ask them to pay to replace dangerous cladding. Newscast presenters stuffed pork pies in their gobs as they précised the plot and challenged Simon Clarke for referring to Partygate as ‘frustrating’. Viewers ‘shouting at the telly’ might use other words for it!
Sausages and Meatloaf
Lady Blackbird
No frost on near roofs Friday morning, those a street away were encrusted. With office fodder returning to crush hour on public transport, BBC Breakfast discussed plans to reduce loud tannoy announcements. Voiceover artist Emma Clarke, famous for ‘mind the gap’ and no relation to the tory MP, defended what Grant Shats called a Bonfire of the Banalities. Look who’s talking! And what about blind people who needed to know where to get off? Jeremy Vine featured footage of Millie the Jack Russel. Stuck in mudflats in Hants she was rescued when a sausage was dangled from a drone. Far too much airtime was wasted on Meat Loaf. The worst rock singer in history who refused to be ‘controlled’ by vaccine, died of covid. At least that was one less Trump meathead on the planet!
On the way to the co-op, I saw the postie. Glad of the opportunity, I explained the funny look I gave her Thursday. She was very nice about it. Lots of missing fresh fruit and veg, I found a bargain chicken.
Kwarteng said we’d have to wait until the chancellor’s spring statement in March to know if we got any help with energy bills. Trussed-up Liz had Vlad Putin quaking in his boots (sic) as she threatened consequences if he invaded Ukraine. Look North went to Halifax where schools complained of allowing mask-less kids in class during ‘peak week’. Andrew Lee of Sheffield University thought it too soon. Broadcasting from what looked like a bare white-walled cell, we wondered why he wasn’t in front of his wonky picture of Clifford’s Tower. Was he isolating?
Fatty Tubbutt was absent from Saturday Kitchen, reportedly having his appendix removed. His excess fat more like! They played ‘would I pork pie to you? ‘with guest Rob Brydon. See what they did there! Grey and cold, we stayed indoors. I worked on the journal, wrote a haigai and posted an entry on Cool Placesii. Continuing the kitchen spring clean, the top corner shelves were festooned by cobwebs. We sorted a pile of cookery books and pamphlets, put some unused ones in a charity bag and some in the bin. The idea of a Guardianista finding the Yotam Ottolenghi supplement made us laugh “featured in this week’s recycling…” Phil went to rest his aching back, leaving me to the bulk of the dinner prep.
After inadequate sleep, I awoke Sunday absolutely parched The first time I’d caught the new Sunday Morning programme since Marr left, WHO Dr. Maria Van Kerkhove ‘pushed back’ against calling coronavirus ‘bad flu’. Billions still unvaccinated, the pandemic wasn’t done with us yet and variants would continue to emerge, possibly worse than Omicron. Maybe I thought, but it wasn’t in the virus’ interests to kill all the hosts. Alarmed by an end to self-isolation, she urged exiting ‘gracefully, carefully, slowly’ and using masks as an easy way to slow the spread. Batting away suggestions he may be in line for Boris’ job, Rabid Raab trotted out the party lines on the great vaccine programme and ‘the fastest growing economy’. He informed us it was up to the PM how much of Sue Gray’s report would be made public. Expanded to include visits to number 10 by Carrie Antionette’s friends, the inquiry could be never-ending! Nasrat Ghani claimed she was sacked from her ministerial post for being Muslim. Raab said she should’ve put in a formal complaint at the time. Chief whip Mark Spencer considered her allegation of islamophobia defamatory. See you in court!
Another grey scene, Phil reckoned it wasn’t that bad out but disposing of recycling, I declared it far too cold for visiting the dank woods. I brought the tiny plants in for repotting and looked them up on Google. Kalanchoe or Widow’s Thrill (tropical succulents from Madagascar), were tolerant and easy to propagate. I could grow some more for next Christmas. I spent the rest of the day writing.
Two years since the first Wuhan lockdown, China still battled to confine cases before the Beijing Winter Olympics and hamsters in Hong Kong caught covid. Joe Biden met Anthony Blinken and his defence team to discuss Russian aggression. Trussed-up Liz had ‘credible evidence’ Moscow planned to install a pro-Russian leader in Ukraine. They dismissed the reports as misinformation and ‘stupid rhetoric’. Supposed puppet Yevhen Murayhev told The Observer it wasn’t logical.
*Pork Pie Plot – so-called after one of the ringleaders, Alicia Kearns, MP for Melton Mowbray
“Prime minister, how’s it going? Are you okay?” (Angela Rayner)
Riding The Wave
Haiga – Troubled Waters i
Sleeping later than planned on another bank holiday Monday, I reasoned I was still recovering from debilitation. Using up bacon for breakfast butties, I noted we’d disgustingly been cheated out of a rasher. Grey at first, it brightened up. Unseasonably warm, small birds sang and southerners reported swallows failing to migrate. I meant to get out of the house in the false spring but almost dark by the time I’d posted blogs, watched a film instead.
An average 170,000 new cases per day in the past week, hospitalisations rose 70% to 14,000. On a ‘war footing’, 6 NHS Trusts declared a state of emergency, and Nightingale hubs were planned in hospital grounds including St. James’s, Leeds. Boris said it was folly not to expect more inpatients and vital to stick with Plan B (i.e., get boosted). Meanwhile, Israelis got jab number 4. Would it ever end? Nads Zahawi refuted critical LFT shortages, telling people to refresh their browsers. Anti-lockdown demos in Amsterdam into a third day, 30 were arrested. Having put the fire out once, flames freakily re-assailed the South African parliament. The shooting of wild birds, including corvids, was legalised to protect game birds, now classed as livestock. As if you could own grouse! The parliament of crows might have something to say about that.
Achiness and fatigue returning to normal levels Tuesday, I forced myself to exercise. After a cold night, melted frost coated the inside of the bedroom window. I sketched a punky face with my finger against the crisp, sunny outlook. Phil struggling, I made porridge. He then announced he was cutting his hair and cleaning the bathroom and cheekily asked: “are you getting up today?” “I’m drinking my tea!” I retorted, listed all the tasks I had lined up, got dressed, took the tray down and cleared the kitchen. My mind-wandering over coffee was disturbed by scraping sounds. Workmen disconnected the telegraph wires before uprooting the entire pole on the street below, explaining no internet. It was a good job I mistakenly sent Welsh Friend’s birthday greetings a day early! In line with my new journal-writing regime, I edited diary and news notes before disposing of recycling, almost getting frostbite in the process. I donned extra layers before going to the co-op. A large woman came up right behind me twice. On the second occasion, I testily asked could she not wait 2 minutes? She then pointedly spent several minutes staring at cheese. I paid at the kiosk and searched for a receptacle for the old batteries I’d brought but there was none. Unable to cope with the hustle and bustle, I fled out the back door and spoke to the engineers on the way back. Realising it wasn’t their fault as subcontractors, did it not occur to anyone to let people know there’d be internet, especially on the first full workday after the Christmas break? One man barked: ‘there’s nowt we can do’. The rotting pole dangerous, they’d replace another tomorrow. I thanked his more amenable colleague for the gen. By lunchtime, the sun had gone. I fixed a pair of boots and Phil framed the old map for me.
As hospitals faced a ‘challenging winter’, Prof Fergie said rates in London were plateauing and other regions would follow within 3 weeks, but it was “just too difficult to interpret current mixing trends and what the effect of opening schools again will be.” Matthew Taylor of the NHS Confederation disagreed, saying admissions rose across Britain. At a press conference, Boris pronounced priority testing for critical workers and said ‘the utmost caution’ gave a good chance of riding the Omicron wave without more restrictions. A million new cases were recorded in America and in China, Yuzhou became the second city after Xi’an to go into lockdown as 3 asymptomatic cases were found. A surge in chicken farms led to outrageous sewage levels in the Wye Valley. Pop star and keen fisher Feargal Sharkey was incensed. While ministers consulted business on extortionate energy prices, Martin Lewis complained they didn’t ask consumer groups. A total 28,300 crossed the channel in small boats 2021, triple the number in 2020. Warner Music paid a bargainous £185 million for David Bowie’s back catalogue.
Wintry Rainbows
Wintry Rainbows
Wednesday morning, I lay abed as dawn broke. Was it 6, 7? No, it was gone 8. I forced myself up and opened curtains to roof frost and yellow light in the east presaging sunshine which became patchy later. I managed a full exercise routine for the first time in weeks, bathed and tidied the bedroom, spotting an engineer fiddling anew with wires in the street below (but the internet stayed on). A notice subsequently attached, explained how to object to the new telegraphy pole. I prepared for a walk early afternoon then waited impatiently for Phil. During earlier exchanges with Walking Friend, we declined an invite to go up the pike in the freezing conditions and suggested a meet at the canalside pub. When she texted their ETA, we settled on a short stroll. Still some light in the sky, sun on the water created wintry rainbows. As we neared the pub, Walking Friend and The Poet approached from the opposite direction – excellent timing! We secured the best table and supped pints. Following a washout birthday, she seemed pleased with our gifts, particularly Phil’s abstract prints. We had a lovely time eating tasty dinners, humming to retro music, laughing and conversing. She was sceptical of my suspicion the likes of Bezos and Musk would piss off in rockets after they’d monetised climate action and wrecked the planet. Phil thought their plan was to own the entire earth so we’d be in hock to them. Scary stuff! The Poet went for a taxi and we walked via dark backstreets, gazing up at a slivery crescent moon and a plethora of stars, On the main road, she proceeded town-ward. “Are you getting a bus?” “There isn’t one due so I’m going for a wander till there is.” “I wonder where?” She chuckled a cheerio. While Phil made coffee, I switched on all the Christmas lights for a final time. A mixture of a mind whirring after socialising and late caffeine-drinking, led to hardly any sleep. Using the meditation soundtrack, I briefly dropped off but was still awake when the tape ran out.
20 hospitals in a ‘state of emergency’, a review of covid restrictions involved a change in test rules. You didn’t need a PCR If an LFT proved positive, pre-departure tests before re-entry to the UK were scrapped and the isolation requirement was reduced to 5 days. John Edmunds said it made a lot of sense. Gillian Keegan claimed LFTs were very accurate and they’d trebled capacity. More likely, it was a trick to cover up shortages, exacerbated by the sole government supplier unbelievably taking a 4-day Christmas break. Scotland followed suit, ahead of a ‘revised strategic framework’. Supermarkets made £11.7 billion in December, £62 million on mince pies. ‘The Colston 4’ were found not guilty of criminal damage when they uprooted the Bristol statue in May’s BLM demos. During a French parliamentary debate about Covid Passes, Micron said he wanted to ‘emmerder’ (piss off) the unvaccinated.
Twelfth Night began very cold and frosty. Warming up slightly, sleet fell and promptly melted into a slushy mess. After a terrible night, I forced myself up for exercise and small chores before settling down with coffee to watch PMQs on iPlayer. Phil unresponsive to my repeated calls, he eventually joined me, saying he hadn’t heard. Keir isolating again, Rayner thanked the NHS for their hard work and Sue Gray for investigating Partygate. Her first question posited that with inflation at 6%, people paid the price for an incompetent government. Boris quoted a pile of figures and said labour couldn’t be trusted on Brexit or the economy. “How’s it going?” Angela smirked, going on to call the situation ‘an iceberg’: “will he finally change course or plough on to what will be a disaster for thousands of families?…He gives with one hand, takes away with another…Incompetence is taking our country backwards.” The Bumbler blustered that labour had “wrecked the country time and again.” The C**t queried health staff issues to get another load of lying stats from his boss.
Disassembling Christmas inevitably filled the rest of the day. Clearing the kitchen, a scraping noise near the window had me wondering was it workmen or the window cleaner? No. It was the wind, but not the predicted yellow thundersnow. Phil took the trees out and hoovered. I threw scraps out for the birds as Elderly Neighbour came by with the pooch. I asked how things were to be told The Wife was slowly improving. Back aching, I lay on the bed. I got no rest but incredibly slept 7 hours straight that night for the first time since my mental health issues surfaced.
Boris ‘called out’ anti-vaxxers while Novax Djokovic was refused entry and held in quarantine before the Australian Open. His family claimed he was kept prisoner without a change of clothes. Authorities said he could leave anytime. An ONS survey found 1:50 self-reported long covid in the 4 weeks to 6th December, before the Omicron wave. ½ million of the 1.3 million had the virus a year ago. Rishi Rich refused to ditch the National Insurance hike but penalties for late tax returns were waived for a month. Boris apologised to Lord Geidt that he’d not seen WhatsApp communiqués with Lord Brownnose. Later revealed in the Electoral Commission inquiry, the donor wrote: “approval is a doddle as it’s only me and I know where the £ will come from.” Steve Reed demanded a probe over paying for access to ministers. In what started as protests against doubling fuel costs, demonstrators in Kazakhstan attacked government buildings and Almaty airport. Security forces boasted they’d killed ‘dozens’ and the Russian military arrived. Kazakh president Tokayev subsequently ordered lethal force to be used against the so-called ‘terrorists’.
Clean Sweep
Pegged Out
Friday brought a dusting of snow, hail and sleet. Amazed I hadn’t woken during the night, I felt great for a few minutes before fatigue returned. Phil suffering from painful arms, I suggested he use Hotspur balm. Writing interrupted by his jabbering, I headed out to discover dog shit on my boots. Nowhere to sit in the wet, I struggled on the doorstep as a car careened past making me shout sweary words. Perturbed by my anger, Phil offered to scour them for me. Re-shod, I hurried to the co-op, finding gaps on veg and bread shelves. I dithered near the trolley park then decided to proceed home alone. Phil stood on the threshold and apologised for tardiness. I was just pleased he’d done the unpleasant task. Equipped with rubber gloves, a yard brush and buckets of water, I swilled and swept the dog shit down the drain. First noticed at the top of the steps Tuesday, we’d hoped for natural cleansing during wintry showers. Instead, it smeared all over the pavement. I made a mental note to expunge it immediately next time.
24 Trusts now on a ‘war footing’, staff absence rose 40.1% in a week and army troops were sent to hospitals. Alan Gosling (no kidding) was the first human to catch H5NI from a flock of Muscovy ducks he cared for. He was fine, the fowl were culled. A rise for Sainsburys and Argos staff would take their pay above the living wage. The wonderful trail-blazing Sidney Poitier died.
The weekend cold with leaden skies and dismal rain, we stayed in. Saturday, I worked on the journal, sorted Christmas cards and wrapping paper for storage and wrote to an old work friend who’d lost her husband to covid. Cooking paella, modifications made out of necessity proved successful and it tasted even better than usual. At bedtime, I slept well despite a EHS episode. Phil appeared stunned Sunday after a long kip which he put down to the small amount of beer we’d drunk. Depressed by a lack of light and fresh air, I cheered up slightly with an attempt at rocky road. Requiring far too much chocolate, I settled on a sort of tiffin cake which proved rather moreish!
146,390 new coronavirus cases and 313 reported deaths brought the death toll to over 150,000. UKHSA said there was no need for a fourth jab as data showed older adults had 90% protection 3 months after a booster. Nads Zahawi claimed we were over the peak but as it was revealed 1/5 of cases were in kids, Prof. Pagel warned a new school wave would prolong Omicron for everyone. 300,000 new cases Friday, protesters marched in French cities to piss off Micron. Amid a state of emergency and nationwide curfew, 6,000 Kazaks were arrested and at least 164 killed. Ahead of more talks, Liz Truss promised to invoke article 16 if there was no progress with the EU.
In the latest of a series of weird, rambling dreams, I conjured images of loaves of bread and mouldy oranges. Was it a message about post-Brexit food shortages?
”We’re in the most difficult, most uncertain time, perhaps of the whole pandemic, certainly since March 2020” (Jeremy Farrar)
Haiga – Enchanted
The laptop irritatingly noisy since Sunday evening, I delayed a restart until I’d posted blogs. Opening mail, we giggled at auntie’s lovely Christmas card of Jesus and the holy virgin Mary. I took recycling out, to be assailed by a keen icy wind then turned the laptop back on to work on the journal but as the racket returned, I fumed, developed head fug, wrapped Phil’s presents and rested. He later sorted the issue, giving instructions for next time it happened.
Ravi Gupta called 12,000 Omicron cases a ‘really critical situation’. On BBC Breakfast, Stephen Reicher cited polls showing 60% thought nightclubs should shut and while awaiting government action, curbed Christmas parties. He advised not gathering before festive dinners: “The more we wait, the more we’ll have to do.” The queen cancelled Christmas at Sandringham. At a (not) emergency cabinet meeting, Witless and Vallance briefed ministers. They considered options from limiting contact to curfews to full lockdown but imposed none. A spokesperson said there was a balance between lives and livelihoods and Boris promised he wouldn’t hesitate if required. “You already are!” I ranted Some predicted lockdown #4 from 25th December. The wuss wouldn’t dare do it at Christmas. Rishi Rich not keen, Keir wanted plans to keep schools open and help hospitality businesses who demanded immediate support. As images emerged of a Downing Street ‘garden party’ 15th May 2020, Rabid Raab insisted, it wasn’t a party as they wore suits; only a bit of cheese and wine ‘after a long day’. Others declared it a work meeting and the garden a workplace. Rachel Reeves called it unacceptable and Jo Goodman of Bereaved Families railed the ‘constant, flagrant disregard’ was exhausting, Germany imposed a 2-week quarantine for UK travellers. Utopia 56 brought a law suit against French and British coastguards for allowing 27 people to drown in a dinghy. Allegedly not answering distress calls, police later watched more flimsy boats sail into the channel. XR locked themselves together at the home office in Glasgow demanding an end to the ‘hostile environment policy towards migrants’. New Chilean president Gabriel Bolic vowed to tackle poverty, inequality and climate change.
Tiny Yellow Plant
The winter solstice portentously fell on 21.12.21. I went to the co-op for a sizeable shop so I didn’t have to go back later in the week. Everything but chestnuts, I crossed to the organic shop for just enough of the extortionate things for actual Christmas dinner. Getting head fug again in the afternoon, I abandoned writing, finalised the secret card (see ‘Snow Crows’ below) and selected images to adorn gifts. Printing was hampered when the laptop declared the printer offline, the desktop was excruciatingly slow, and the colour ink already low! I actually slept for a ½ half in the afternoon, woke groggy and rallied with coffee. I’d just gone to the loo when there was a quiet rap at the door. At a second one, I shouted and clattered down the stairs so they didn’t disappear. A young man from Community Carers bore gifts. “I already got one. A card with wildflower seeds.” “Have another.” The Festive bag contained a tiny yellow plant, crackers, mince pies, 2 small wrapped gifts and a card made by kids. It really brightened an otherwise tedious day!
Transmission of Omicron ‘eye-wateringly high’, Jeremy Farrar of the Wellcome Foundation warned it was the most difficult and uncertain time of the whole pandemic. But Paul Hunter said as people changed behaviour and workplaces ‘broke up’ (sic) for Christmas, the increase slowed, predictions of 10 million cases by New Year were unlikely, there was no need for lockdown and further restrictions would only delay illness and prolong impact on health services and wellbeing. The highest number in Lambeth, 20 year olds were blamed. Refusing to rule out extra measures before Christmas, Rishi announced more money for hospitality – £1bn included cash grants of up to £6,000 per premises, help with sick pay for SMEs and a £30m culture recovery fund for theatres and cinemas. £150m would go to devolved administrations. Later, Boris proclaimed we could go ahead with Christmas. Prof. Reicher called the decision ‘unhinged’. Rail operators cancelled trains because of staff sickness and isolation. Problems were expected to last until 3rd January. Wales banned spectators from sporting events. This would also be the case in Scotland from Boxing Day where Hogmanay was off. Extra money went to Yorkshire cities to ramp up the booster prog. John Apter, chair of the Police Federation who spoke out against the ‘canteen culture’ of misogyny in the force, was suspended amidst sexual harassment claims.
Warning Signs
Red Dawn
Bitingly cold and grey, I awoke to an ominous red dawn Wednesday. Unrested after a crap night, I managed a few exercises, fetched brekkie and worked on the journal before calling on Elderly Neighbours. The Husband said they were delayed returning from hospital due to traffic Sunday evening, explaining the mystery of carers getting no reply. They were with The Wife right now. Glad she was home for Christmas, I asked him to convey our regards. I hacked at greenery to bring in while Phil went mystery shopping.
Over 100,000 new cases, Boris was urged to outline a post-Christmas covid strategy. Health minister Gillian Keegan banally said “we can’t predict what the data is going to tell us before we’ve got the data.” Jon Ashworth responded: “People need to know where they stand. Businesses have got to make decisions about what stock to get in in the runup to new year’s eve…we’ve still got confusion.” Tony Blair attacked the government for gambling and the unvaccinated for irresponsibility. The requirement to self-isolate was reduced from 10 to 7 days with a proviso of negative LFTs on days 6 & 7. Dr. Simon Clarke told Jeremy Vine cases fell because testing capacity was at saturation point rather than because they’d past the peak. 5-12 year olds could get a 1/3 dose of vaccine while 16-17 year olds could get boosted. The WHO called for prioritisation of boosters to the vulnerable worldwide to address inequities. On Channel 4 news, Catherine Smallwood said richer countries needed to stop buying them all up and do more to roll vaccines out globally. the emergence of Omicron proved it was in their interests to do so. Jonathan Chew who accosted Witless in June, appeared in court via video link wearing a dressing gown and claiming he had covid. The judge called him cavalier to which Chew replied, ‘what does that mean?’ Was he thick or having a laugh?
A break in metro news from Thursday, I did the free puzzles and spent the rest of the day cleaning, posting cards to neighbours, sending greetings to Facebook friends and baking. The puff pastry acted really weird. I used what I could to make sausage rolls then made mince pies, panicking when they stuck to the oven shelf. Phil had popped to the shops again. He returned to help free the pies, manipulate leftover pastry into cute stars and decorate the cake (see Yummy Cake below).
119,789 new cases, 2/3 of people in hospital hadn’t been vaccinated. Covidiots begged for the jab when it was too late! Based on early real-world data, UKHSA confirmed Omicron caused milder illness than Delta and boosters gave extra protection, but waned after 10 weeks. Were we in for endless top-ups? Homelessness Prevention Grants of £316 million were made available to local authorities. Andy Bunman came on BBC breakfast to say the scheme in Manchester really helped the homeless and the government made the right decision not going into lockdown at Christmas. I wasn’t sure his boss agreed. Wholesale gas prices reached another record high, meaning domestic customers could pay 50% more next year. Yikes!
Slightly iffy Friday, I perked up with echinacea. After breakfast with apple stars, we prepped the bedroom for Phil to do my hair; a bit cramped but warmer than the South Pole. I then hung a few final decorations, pre-cooked veg and took a pile of rubbish out. Phil went secret shopping for a final time and wrapped my pressies, while I painted my nails, watched posh carols from Kings, and listened to Dvorak symphony no. 9 in E minor (the one with the Hovis song). In the evening, we drank wine, watched films including the traditional Nightmare Before Christmas and marked midnight by munching celebrations.
A record 122,186 new cases, 1:35 Brits and 1:20 Londoners were infected. But a mini-wave of first and second jabs was reported 15-21 December. Lad Baby’s single achieved an historic 4th successive Yuletide number in the pop charts.
Blustery all night, Christmas Day started windy and grey. Our day began in customary fashion with more posh music, a delicious breakfast and gift-giving. The Queen talked of a difficult year losing those close, the importance of celebrating the season, valuing what we had and looking forward to her platinum jubilee year. The photo-montage studiously avoided snaps of Andrew, Harry & Megan. Dinner a lot of effort despite the prep, I timed it for after Mary Poppins Returns. Of course it wasn’t. Gone 6 by the time the Lidl duck was cooked, it was very tasty. We followed it with Prosecco, trifle, chocolates and Irish coffee. Snow magically fell at 11.55, so sort of a white Christmas. A shame it wasn’t the night before like on the telly!
Yummy Cake
The snow stuck but very grey, foggy and freezing, we stayed in Boxing Day. I edited the journal and took photos of wintry scenes through the window. Prettily fronted by money plant blooms, it provided haiga materiali . Late afternoon, I felt really weird and almost fell asleep despite the coffee and yummy cake. Tackling the duck carcass difficult, Phil came to the rescue. I rested on the sofa and improved slightly to make stock.
Sitting down for dinner, Phil found his seat soaking wet. As he hurried off to change, I realised I’d spilt stock on the table and it’d dripped onto the chair. Afterwards he seemed cold with shock. Apologising for the trauma, I cheered him up with tangerine faces on the trifle.
Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland all brought in new restrictions for hospitality and leisure, with limits on numbers and social-distancing. Prominent deaths included Janice Long (Christmas day) and Desmond Tutu (Boxing Day). A week of mourning for the Archbishop entailed bell-tolling and table mountain lit up in purple. The EFL had decided to keep all premier league fixtures but no weekend Leeds game as 5 players tested positive for covid, Phil cried “Hurrah!”
Bank holiday Monday (confusingly also called Boxing Day), was foggy and cold after the snowmelt. I switched on the bedroom telly for the 1954 version of A Star Is Born which predictably roused Phil. Both feeling peculiar, we doubted it was the small amount of whiskey we’d drunk. After posting blogs, I disposed of rubbish, giving me chance to nosey at new people in the house below. Also visible through the kitchen window, net curtains were soon drawn but not before I eyed the heavy archaic furniture. Were they family heirlooms? Stunned from the excessively rich weekend food, I used the stock to make healthy soup adding leftover stuffing balls which I called ‘crumplings’. I slept well for a few hours that night, only to wake early Tuesday with a sore throat and snotty nose. I should have heeded the warning signs of the preceding days.
Boris met scientific advisers to go over the stats and decide on extra measures. Subsequently ruling them out before the end of the year, Goblin Saj said they ‘wouldn’t hesitate’ (again!) and told us to celebrate NYE outdoors. Labour demanded sight of the data informing the decision. All over 12’s In New York had to be vaccinated to access indoor entertainment.
Prophet of Doom
Snow Crows
Definitely afflicted by classic sinusitis Tuesday, It didn’t bode well for the end of 2021. Phil made porridge with water to conserve depleted milk supplies. The glue-like softness eased my throat. After bathing, I put PJs back on, made coffee and fetched the laptop. Depressed and annoyed at being bedridden, especially as the temperature rose and it would have been nice to get outside, I killed time writing, compiled ‘Top Films 2021’ ii and slept briefly late afternoon. Phil went to the co-op for basic supplies and catered. At least the weather was crap Wednesday so we wouldn’t have gone to the carousel in Halifax anyway. Warning his mushroom pasta dish might be different to mine, Phil’s version was decidedly more roux-ified. He just couldn’t help channelling the great man.
Consequences of Christmas mixing not yet seen, new covid cases didn’t rise as much as last week. Evidence emerged that Omicron led to less hospitalisations with ICU bed-occupancy well ‘below threshold’. Even so, 10,500 hospital cases was an increase of 2,000 on the previous day with 1,300 daily admissions compared to 900 last week. Doctors and chemists warned of a lack of tests due to increased demand. The shortages threatened to render ‘key workers’ unable to work in hospitals and schools Staff isolation impacting, Hopson said NHS providers redeployed staff to compensate. Government continued to keep a ‘close eye’ on the data. The Chinese space station twice avoided collision with Elon Musk’s junk. A good job they had their eyes on!
Thursday, I was glad of Phil’s help changing sheets so I could rest in a clean bed. It took me the rest of the day to finish cleaning the bedroom in small chunks and put old postcards he got me round the mirror. Phil went shopping. The butchers shut all week (who knew?) he bought a rather large lump of lamb from the co-op for the weekend. In the evening, I tried to stay up to watch a telly film but had to go back upstairs halfway through. I woke several times during the night, freaked out by weird curtain shadows.
Both disorientated by the darkness Friday morning, I had improved slightly and ditched the PJs for floppy clothes, but stayed mainly abed working on the laptop. In anticipation of not being well enough to meet on her birthday, Phil framed prints for Walking Friend and I wrapped the gifts before lunch in bed. We took turns prepping dinner in the afternoon but predictably it was me who ended up putting the joint in the oven meaning a long spell out of bed that evening. Of course, the lamb took miles longer to cook than indicated and he managed to burn cabbage in the microwave but it was edible with lashings of gravy and mint sauce. We drank pink cava, ate pudding and watched films, pausing when we heard fireworks to look out the window and see some above chimneys. We switched to BBC 1 for the big bongs and Thames display entailing too much VR and an awful music melange. Why couldn’t they put a nice symphony on instead of that ADHD stuff? Very tired, we pathetically failed to even finish the wine before retiring.
40% of NHS staff off sick, 1:30 Brits were infected the week before Christmas. On the warmest NYE on record, Trafalgar Square was cordoned off and Northern Ireland banned dancing. “What’s new?” Guffawed Phil. The Scots and Welsh were warned not to travel to England. Able to walk across borders in some places, they probably wouldn’t be affected by the Cross Country trains strike.
Nostradamus’ predictions for 2022 included increasing food prices, droughts and floods, the rise of AI and cryptocurrency. The corvids would have a laugh at that, unlike the end of November when they huddled in trees perturbed by the snow!
Still ailing on NYD, the top of my leg really hurt. Over coffee in the living room, we tried to decipher an old map Phil got me. 18th century sat-nav was very hard to decipher! I went back to bed, worked on the laptop and texted Walking Friend saying we might not be well enough to meet for her birthday and offered to take her out another time. Not the most exciting start to 2022, we reminisced about new years of ages past. I remembered one involving drugs, lots of whiskey, staying up until 6.00 a.m., rising at 4.00 p.m. and eating only a piece of bread. He recalled another where we sat opposite the marina as it was getting light. “I don’t remember that. But I’m not surprised; I must have drunk gallons if we were still out at that time!”
Cheers!
Later, we watched Death to 2022. Not containing as many laughs as the prequel, it would have been funnier if it was focused on Britain rather than the USA. Mind you, it was hard to satirise the years’ events. On the eve of the grace period ending, there was absolutely no mention of it on mainstream media, civil servants were banned from using ‘the B word’ and The Bumbler omitted any mention of Northern Ireland and red tape, boasting of crown stamps on pint glasses. Cheers!
Achiness persisting, at least my legs were less painful Sunday. Sunny and warm first thing, Phil quizzed me on seeing Walking Friend. Feeling harangued, I texted birthday greetings and suggested meeting for a drink later. She predicted rain (correctly as it turned out) and wasn’t sure they’d be out long. I invited her to call round for her gifts. Almost on cue, a fine drizzle descended. I brought the laptop down which was progress from staying abed. I edited the journal and as I reminisced on the one short break of 2021, used an evocative photo of Ulverston Canal rolling bridge for a haiga. We listened to the new Stranglers record I got Phil (good but old-mannish in places). Thinking I heard a door knock, I saw no one and Phil said it was a crackle on the vinyl. Then I noticed 2 missed texts off Walking Friend. I rang to be told she’d knocked and gone home. Truly sorry I missed her, I offered to take gifts up but she said come out Wednesday instead.
The Omicron wave over its peak in South Africa, a fire caused extensive damage to the parliament building. Cyril called it devastating, but at least he was out of isolation. The mutant expected to disrupt UK supply chains (nowt to do with Brexit!), ministers instructed the public sector to prepare for staff absences of up to 25%. As secondary pupils were told to wear face-masks, teachers demanded more such as air cleaning units and help with testing to stop the cancellation of exams for a third year running.
“Will the prime minister take time this Christmas to look in the mirror and ask himself if he has the trust and authority to lead this country?” (Keir Starmer)
Once Upon A Dream
Haiga – The Herald
Monday, WordPress made a mess with blue highlights but I persevered to post blogs before lunch. Putting rubbish out, the dustbin was full of water and other nasty crap. Cleaning it out was rather disgusting! Too late for yoga, I rested in bed and warmed up. During a fractious night-time sleep, I dreamt of the house with all the rooms again. This time, there were new bits including a staircase in an annex. What did it mean?
Omicron spread across the UK claiming its first death. The 10 hospital cases were aged 18- 85, mostly double-vaccinated. Goblin Saj said they were ‘throwing everything at’ the booster programme and The Bumbler, at a vax centre in Paddington, added it was at ‘warp speed’. He didn’t rule out tighter measures. No LFTs available on the official website, Boris insisted there were loads ‘in the shops’. Wes Streeting called it a ‘shambles’. Contrary to my expectations, commuter traffic fell by up to 40% and rail station footfall by 20%, signalling office-workers stayed home. Responding to Boris’ Sunday night statement, Keir supported the government’s plan because boosters gave the best chance of protecting against Omicron and advised we use the Christmas break to get 12-16 year olds jabbed and come forward if we’d not yet had any. Criticising them for not stepping up sooner, he said “time and again the public have stepped up and done the right thing,” measures really helped to prevent infection and stop the NHS being overwhelmed, and “your efforts will save lives.” He thanked the NHS for their ‘dedication, skill and sheer hard work’. It sounded a tad more sincere than Witless’ tweet. South Africa taking Omicron ‘in their stride’, the death rate during the fourth wave was much lower than in previous ones but the president was infected. Nat West bank were fined for laundering money from Fowler Oldfield jewellers in Bradford who allegedly recycled gold.
In a dream week for labour, Jess Philips hosted HIGNFY. Watching the repeat, we had a good laugh at the Italian false arm story and excuses for not restoring power in the North East after Storm Arwen – the wrong type of wind blew in the wrong direction apparently!
Hearing a knock at the door Tuesday morning, I suspected it was the awaited parcel. Phil got there before me and I shouted down instructions not to read it. I typed up a plethora of news notes and went to the Post Office, miraculously almost queue-less and quick, then to the co-op. A cluster of ditherers crowded round the seasonal shelf so I had to circle round to buy treats. In the afternoon, we fetched boxes of decorations from the attic and decorated the Christmas trees. He had a siesta but I eschewed mine to continue.
UKHSA predicted a million Omicron cases a day by the middle of next week and Witless warned of rising hospitalisations. The infected could now take daily LFTs again instead of isolating if fully vaccinated; if they could get hold of them. LFT issues persisted and PCR slots weren’t available in walk-ins or drive-throughs across England. The red list to be abandoned Monday, testing rules remained. Amid criticism of the booster programme for lack of warning or preparation, the NHS booking site crashed, 6 hour queues formed at walk-ins and people were turned away from vax centres. With confusion about whether the latest proclamation meant boosters would be given or just offered by 31st December, pledges were made to be open 12 hours a day ‘as standard’ including Christmas Day if needed and the 15 minute post-jab wait was scrapped.
Several MPs reportedly self-isolating, the commons voted on Plan B including mandatory jabs for health staff. Marcus Fish was among 100 tory backbenchers defying the government, saying it wasn’t Nazi Germany: ‘papers please’. Sturgeon announced Scotland’s winter plan, involving social-distancing in shops, more contact-tracing in hospitality, working from home, minimising social mixing to a maximum 3 households, and taking LFTs but allowing Christmas parties. Tory MSPs berated her for only just bringing in mass vax centres.
Mirror, Mirror
Christmas Tree
Waking a smidge before 8 Wednesday, I stopped the alarm going off. Phil was sniffly. Deciding I’d go to the deceased friend’s funeral service but not chance the wake, he joshed he wasn’t coming to the chapel but would go to the club later to spread his germs around! Obviously he didn’t. As I left the house very early for me, at least it was sunny after a grey start to the week. I nodded to people I vaguely recognised in front of the chapel and spoke to a few fellow old pub mates. We carefully filed in to find every other pew roped off. Slightly squashed between German Friend and bald men, I kept my eyes front and mask on, even when singing. Back outside, I cautiously evaded hugs, agreed with the deceased friend’s daughter the flowers were impressive (sourcing sunflowers was quite a feat at this time of year) and reminisced with Painting Friend about the escapade when the deceased friend’s sister came to our house after the pub, headed home and got lost in the crags. Phil later remined me she knocked her teeth out which could explain why she looked much older! I walked Painting Friend as far as the corner pub to catch up – she’d had 4 jabs including flu and was really busy with work, due to the DIY craze and last years’ hiatus. Back home, I finished decorating the living room. Phil ate ancient mint sweets. The first one okay, he put a second in his gob, pulled a face and rushed to spit it out. “Serves you right!” I laughed. Exhausted, I lay down to rest. My eyes were shutting but inevitably I failed to sleep.
78,500 daily cases, a record since the start of the pandemic, Omicron infections more than doubled every day nationwide. At a press briefing, Witless called it a really serious threat and warned ‘don’t mix’. Boris stuck to his guns on Plan B. Pubs clamouring for more money, Rishi was on a jaunt in California. During PMQs, Keir pointed out Plan B wouldn’t have passed if it wasn’t for labour votes. Saying “We cannot go on with a PM who is too weak to lead,” he asked if he’d use the Christmas break to look in the mirror and ask himself if he had the trust and authority to lead? Boris retorted he understood colleagues’ anxieties about restrictions on liberty but believed ‘the approach we are taking is balanced and proportionate’. Problems getting tests into a third day, Jenny Harries denied there were insufficient LFTs but an astounding number of requests caused ‘some temporary pressure.’ Scotland was the first UK nation to boost 50% of adults. The Daily Mirror revealed yet another tory revel. Shaun Bailey and his campaign mates posed next to a sumptuous buffet at the tory party HQ. He was forced to resign from the London Assembly crime panel – ha. Ha! Lady Hallett was announced as chair of the inquiry into government’s handling of the pandemic to start early 2022. Bereaved families said fine, but it should have come much sooner. Due to ‘severe and increasing difficulties’ in the sector, the Migration Advisory Committee’s annual report advised care workers be put on the shortage of occupation list (SOL). Bragging they were the only supermarket to give staff paid breaks, Aldi announced a pay rise to £10.10 an hour from February 2022. In Dresden, an anti-lockdown, anti-vax Telegram group planned to assassinate Saxon president Michael kretschmer, leading to police raids.
Required to shut the laptop down the previous evening, I waited impatiently for it to restart Thursday morning so I could get to work. I prepared remaining cards to mail including one for Phil’s sister, asked him to post them on his way to the station and went to the market. The owner of next door sat on the bench on the new bridge, after visiting the dentist. I’d not had my teeth checked out for 2 years but 2 hospital visits convinced me clinical settings were probably the safest places in a pandemic! At the fish van, the woman in front of me ordered items for next week and asked what time they opened. “We start serving at 7,” the fishmonger replied. “I’ll be here at 7 then.” His wife laughed, “He’s been telling everyone that. If you come first thing there’ll be a huge queue!” None on the stalls, I went to the new veg shop on the hunt for chestnuts. No luck but I did get giant mushrooms and pomegranates. As I walked back, the carrier bag painfully collided with my leg. Stupid pomegranates! Phil came towards me and confirmed he’d got the cards for posting. Knackered, I dumped the bags, made a hasty lunch, and cleaned the bedroom. A long time since I’d done so without Phil’s help, I managed okay. Phil rang early evening from his studio. He’d sent me photos on Insta of some of his prints. Never having used the messaging feature, I faffed to view them and suggested which to bring home. Making charity donations online, one site required an additional ‘donation’ even though there was no platform fee – what was that about? I’d just finished my dinner when Phil returned. Cold, knackered, and with sore feet after walking over 15,000 steps round a deserted city in actual shoes, he cheered up watching Netflix – the end of Money Heist didn’t disappoint.
Boris was accused of ‘lockdown by stealth’ with scientific advisers running the show – about time, if true. Boris later played down a split with ‘experts’, saying he and Witless were on the same page. Witless told the health & social care committee Omicron hospitalisations were likely higher than the 15 confirmed. He didn’t want to dictate what people did but advised they prioritise and it’d be better in future when vaccines and anti-viral drugs did the ‘heavy lifting’ against mutants. Wes Streeting wanted ‘a deal to help hospitality’. Gillian Keegan insisted there was. The Queen cancelled her traditional pre-Christmas family party as it put too many people’s plans at risk. Eurostar already sold out, UK tourist and business travellers were banned from France. From Saturday, you needed ‘compelling reasons’ to go and evidence of 2 negative tests with 2 days’ isolation in-between. Inflation at 5.1% in November, the highest for a decade, fuel, energy, food and clothes prices were to blame. The BOE raised the interest rate to 0.25%. Hitting mortgage-payers and not passed onto savers, it was a lose-lose! Tory since 1832, Lib Dems won the North Shropshire byelection. While new MP Helen Morgan celebrated in Oswestry, the 1922 committee put Boris ‘on notice’.
The QT panel were asked if lockdown was inevitable. Lisa Nandy said we must do everything we can and the government weren’t doing their bit. Chris Hopson of NHS Providers told us we didn’t know enough about Omicron yet, the NHS was the busiest it’d ever been, and although vaccines had ‘changed the rules of the game’, staff would go off sick as infections rose and we needed clear and consistent messaging. Tory boy Chris Philp denied ‘mixed messages’ and blathered about numbers. Stewart Hosie, SNP, complained with the ‘one rule for them and another for everyone else’, mixed messages ‘couldn’t be more stark’. Olivia Utley of the Torygraph, thought there was too much messaging, we should manage our own risk and the vulnerable should stay indoors. Not that again! On if we’d gone from ‘world-beating’ to chaotic shambles, Hopson said the vulnerable must be prioritised and the NHS was trying hard to ramp up capacity. Tory Boy promised the sooner we all got vaccinated, the sooner the economy would go back to normal. Nandy claimed the government were more interested in bluster than detail, and accused Rishi of being MIA. Discussing investment in Stoke, which had more than the national average of deprived areas, Tory Boy reeled off more figures. Nandy berated him for arrogance, saying local people, not Westminster, knew what northern towns needed. The questioner applauded: ‘you’re bang on the money tonight, love!’ Others agreed ‘levelling up’ stopped at Watford Gap and she was the only one who’d connected with them.
Cobblers
London Demo
Foggy with frost on the hills, the poor crows squatted on aerials all puffed up waiting for their brekkie Friday morning. It brightened later only to go dark again mid-afternoon. Struggling with fatigue, I rallied after a few exercises, headed to the tat market for a couple of items and rushed back to the co-op, remarkably well-stocked apart from turkeys. Phil caught up with me in the aisles, carried bags home and commented on loose cobbles on the street below – just waiting for an accident and subsequent legal action! Indoors, the house was as freezing as outdoors.
Over 93,000 cases, Omicron was now the dominant strain in Scotland. Also rising across Europe (including France), Ursula Von Hitler said it was growing at a ‘ferocious rate’. Boosters were found to cut the risk of serious illness by 85%. New measures for Wales entailed taking an LFT a day before meeting up, outside if possible. Further restrictions would follow on Boxing Day for nightclubs and hospitality (with money to help those affected) as they would in Northern Ireland and Scotland where financial talks were due. Rishi cut short his California trip to meet business leaders. Another alleged Whitehall party on 15th May 2020 involved wine and pizza, unbelievably to thank aides for work during lockdown! Metro said the first person to die of Omicron was a conspiracy theorist anti-vaxxer. But the Telly Doctor on Jeremy Vine said it was a 70 plus recluse and a mystery how he caught it. Which version was cobblers? Food banks reported a ‘sudden and worrying’ increase in demand in the runup to Christmas thanks to removal of the Universal Credit uplift, and soaring food and energy costs. Clement Bonehead sought EU legal action over French licenses in the month-long fish war.
The fog didn’t lift at all during the weekend. Saturday brekkie was made stressful by a cluttered kitchen. As I slid on a slippery patch on the floor, my slipper flew off and vanished under the cooker. I Panicked before managing to retrieve it. I worked on the journal, cleaned and put more Christmas stuff up. Phil went into a packed town centre. “People are egg-nogging the shit out of it!” “I’m not surprised if they think there’s going to be a lockdown next week!” in the evening, he cooked his signature burgers leaving the grill pan full of fat.
Sunday, I hurried to the market – not too busy with al fresco drinkers in the freezing conditions! I got a selection of dirty veg (everything but the chestnuts), popped in the convenience store and headed home to dispose of a pile of recycling, flopped on the sofa to recover and wrote a haiga based on a knitted angel on the town’s tree. Making the Christmas cake, I’d spent an hour on prep before Phil eventually came to help. Waiting for it to bake, we watched catch-up to be interrupted by a knock at the door. A woman wearing a lanyard barked: “Number 37. Do we know this lady?” Wondering who ‘we’ were, I eyed her blankly, then deduced she meant Elderly Neighbour – they had her name down wrong. She asked if anyone else lived there. “Yes, her husband.” I stepped out to investigate. The Student leaned out of her landing window, we concurred that if nobody was home, they must be at the hospital and she messaged him.
90,000 new cases and 12 deaths from Omicron, leaked sage minutes predicted 3,000 hospitalisations per day by January and advised extra measures now. Neil Ferguson called it ‘precarious’. A worried Khan declared a state of emergency in London. Thousands of anti-vaxxers took no notice. At a ‘freedom rally’, masked cops with batons faced unmasked protestors moving from Parliament Square to Downing Street. Vaccine minister Maggie Throup went to Derby to pose in a Post Office vest and pretend to deliver tests. All 4 UK national leaders met urgently, without Boris. Simon Case resigned after hilariously discovering he was at his own party on 17th December. Sue Gray took over his investigations. After his original plan to go in January was leaked to the Daily Mail, Lord Frosty wrote Boris his immediate resignation, citing covid measures. A spat on a WhatsApp group led to Nads Doris being chucked off. Rayner said the tories were ‘in chaos’. On the last ever Marr show, Goblin Saj fawned that Frosty was an ‘outstanding public servant’. Liz Truss would take over with European minister Chris Heaton-Harris as deputy. A month-long lockdown began in Holland. Most premier league matches called off Saturday, 25% of players were unvaccinated. Phil reckoned they listened to their wives who lived on social media and believed all the Facebook tales. Leeds versus Arsenal the only game on, the rule that if they had a squad of 14 they played, seemed a load of cobblers. Fans chanting ‘Boris Johnson is a c*nt!’ went viral.
“People should be able to look forward to Christmas without having to worry about how they’ll pay for it” (Frances O’Grady)
Whine and Beer
Haiga – Round the Back
The weather on Monday was as dull as my day, consisting of nasty chores, posting blogs and a yoga session cut short by the still-sore jabbed arm.
Goblin Saj told MPs Omicron was spreading around the world and in the UK. 336 cases, not all linked to travel, the time between infection and infectiousness was shorter than earlier variants. No room in quarantine hotels, Richard E Grant whined about his Heathrow Holiday Inn brekkie. Kit Malthouse advised he take it up with the chefs. Traces found on 11/12 bogs in parliament, Kit said MPs likely took cocaine and Lindsay Hoyle called the police. With impeccable timing, Boris launched a 10-year crackdown on drugs in Liverpool, moronically dressed up as a cop. BOE deputy governor Ben Broadbent predicted inflation would hit 5% when energy prices rose in spring 2022. He was way off the mark, as it turned out.
Giving the Richard Dimbelby lecture, Sarah Gilbert explained how experts had led the way. Work on developing a MERS vaccine in 2018 and ‘Platform technology’ on ‘disease x’ meant not starting from scratch and moving fast when info on the novel coronavirus came through very early January 2020. On 11th January, the spike protein’s genetic code was released and the first small batch of vaccine was ready by April for animal trials in Brazil and SA. Processes were accelerated so they ran in parallel with prep for human trials and the first volunteer was jabbed on 23rd April. No money until creation of the Vaccine Taskforce, they formed a partnership with AZ and the drug was approved for emergency use 23rd December. They got round issues of working in a pandemic by having zoom meetings, socially-distancing in labs, declaring staff as key workers so their kids could stay in school and hiring private jets to avoid flight restrictions. Communication not previously a priority for scientists, they had learnt from failing to get messages across such as the rarity of blood clots (less of a risk than from covid itself), and that it was safe during pregnancy. As coronavirus ‘wasn’t done with us’, work on variants started immediately. She warned of a future ‘disease y’ which could be worse and wanted a ‘health force’ working like the army to tackle threats. The new Pandemic Sciences Centre at Oxford could make vaccines for other diseases too. Investment in people and labs was crucial, especially for large-scale manufacture, and in methods and facilities, particularly in Africa.
Oversleeping on Tuesday, I cleaned, wrote, and went to the co-op – fairly busy but better stocked. In the evening, I texted Walking Friend to arrange lunch the next day and tried to print the Christmas card. The laptop said the printer was offline, I switched to the desktop, had to replenish ink, couldn’t open the pack and got frustrated and upset. Phil came to the rescue. 7.45 by then, I was glad of leftovers for dinner. Then Word went into some unfathomable view mode. I furiously put it aside and watched telly.
Officially 101 new Omicron cases, Prof Tim Spector said they were doubling every day, and there were more in the UK than in some countries on the red list, rendering travel restrictions futile. Cabinet ministers heard it spread 3 times faster than Delta but didn’t discuss plan B. Boris expected to update on additional restrictions ‘within the next 2 weeks’, an Ipsos/Mori/BBC vox pop revealed 63% wanted more and 12% wanted less. ONS announced a ‘statistically significant’ rise of 18.6% in alcohol-related deaths during 2020, much higher in deprived areas. Reasons not analysed, David Fothergill of the LGA Community Wellbeing Board said: “These stark statistics should act as a wake-up call about the impact of Covid-19 on our general health.” Jason Beer said ‘sorry’ for not properly overseeing building regs leading to the Grenfell Tower fire. Foreign Office whistle-blower Raphael Marshall revealed the chaotic Afghanistan evacuation entailed arbitrary selection as Rabid Raab didn’t fully understand the situation and delayed making decisions, leaving those left behind to be murdered by the Taliban. Rabid defended wanting each case neatly presented. Weather bomb Storm Barra brought heavy rain and 80 mph gusts to Ireland and the UK.
Bunfight
Flurry of Wings
Pitch black and cold first thing Wednesday, I eschewed chores. Phil sorted the daft Word feature – I’d inadvertently done something funny on the view menu. We then watched PMQs before Walking Friend arrived, who’d texted to say she’d call round after the bunfight.
As video emerged of Allegra Stratton joking about Christmas parties at Number 10, DOE admitted staff met after-hours for a ‘social gathering’ on 10th Dec 2020, against tier 3 lockdown rules. Ant and Dec joined in the jest on ‘I’m a Celeb’. In a predictably packed Commons, PMQs was all about the parties. Lawyer Keir pointed out Raab’s claims that police didn’t investigate crimes retrospectively was utter rubbish. Boris accused him of playing politics. Ian Blackford railed: “the government have laughed in our faces. Is this the man to lead these islands when lives are at stake? If he doesn’t resign, he must be removed.” Lindsay Hoyle repeatedly scolded MPs, saying they needed to do better. Boris promised investigations by Simon Case with evidence handed to the Met. The PM ‘furious’ at the fake news footage, The Stratton tearfully apologised and resigned that evening. Who’d be next?
Phil took a break from his tiny work to come for lunch. We went via the post-box for me to post cards to my aunty and said hello to The Poet at the corner pub. At the Turkish café, we ensconced in a cosy corner to chat about Walking Friends’ 60th birthday plans, Christmas and the bunfight. I was sceptical of her view it was ‘a dead cat’ to kill off the hoi polio but agreed anti-vaxxers should watch Gilbert’s persuasive lecture. Although I was uncomfortable about testing on monkeys. Phil headed home while I accompanied Walking Friend to the wavy steps. She threw birdfeed to be surrounded by a flurry of duck and pigeon wings. On the next bridge a large heron perched next to a gushing weir. After some charity shopping, the rain turned foul. We sheltered beneath an arch, and said goodbye before she went for groceries and I went to Oxfam for 99p jewellery. Achy, sodden and freezing back home, I went straight upstairs to remove sodden clothes and warm up in bed. I rose in time for the Bumbler’s evening briefing.
Much earlier than predicted and after hastily consulting cabinet, Boris announced Plan B, effective next week. He insisted that with Omicron growing faster than previous variants, it was the ‘proportionate and responsible thing to do’, allowing time to get boosters done. The plan re-introduced guidance to work from home from Monday if possible or use masks if not. From Friday, face-coverings would be mandatory for most indoor settings including theatres and cinemas and a Covid Pass was needed from 15th December for nightclubs and other venues – obtainable after 2 doses of vaccine or a negative LFT. Daily tests for contacts instead of self-isolation would minimise disruption. He said they’d take “every step to ensure the NHS is ready for the challenges ahead,” but the best thing we could all do was get jabbed. The new rules were due to last till 26th January 2022, subject to review 5th January with 4 criteria: efficacy of vaccines, severity of infection, speed of spread of Omicron, and rate of hospitalisations.
Nobody would take any notice after the Downing Street Christmas party debacle! Was it indeed a dead cat? Questions from the press asking if he was at some of the parties, echoed my thoughts on how he expected us to follow the law when he didn’t? Boris was of course evasive. Vallance said the rules were carefully thought through and Witless said people get angry when they think things aren’t fair but we should separate that out from reasons for the decisions. His so-called ‘laying out the logic’ didn’t wash with livid tory backbenchers who saw it as a deflection technique. Sir Charles Walker said measures would be seen as advisory: “I think it would be very difficult to enshrine them in law and then once again ask our poor police force to enforce them…And the events of the last 24 hours make it probably impossible now.” Did he allude to the latest claims from The Scumbag of more alleged Whitehall parties last Christmas making a total of 7? It didn’t escape notice that Plan B stopped short of banning private gatherings. Loopholes aplenty, Covid Passes were needed to go clubbing but you could host a huge house party with no restrictions. Also, singing was exempt meaning no law against taking your mask off and going round the supermarket singing Christmas songs. And there was nothing to stop work colleagues meeting in the pub, even if they worked from home. The NHS Covid Pass app promptly crashed.
Elsewhere, on the anniversary of the first ever covid jab, Margaret Keenan was interviewed and the booster roll-out was opened to over 40’s. Lord Tyrie called PCR tests for travel a ‘rip-off jungle.’ Fly-tipping up 16% during the pandemic, fines fell by half. Olaf Scholz was sworn in as Chancellor of Germany.
In Flagrante
Party Card
The Laptop behaved oddly again before I could work on the journal Thursday, but it was probably my fault for randomly pressing keys. Skies brighter, Phil went to Leeds and I went to town in search of Christmas gifts and goodies. I struggled home with heavy bags, stuffed food in my gob and tried to do housework. Knackered, I managed a bit of dusting before resting.
3 of the alleged Whitehall ‘gatherings’ being investigated, it emerged communications chief Jack Doyle was at the 18th December bash. At least 3 members of the public were fined for holding parties the very same day, making a mockery of the latest excuse for police inaction – a lack of evidence rather than the time gap. Err, I thought that was up to the CPS! Cynics claimed the Met weren’t prosecuting because Boris stuck by Caressa Dick amid calls for her resignation. Jeremy Vine mainly a sob-fest the last 2 days, Angela Rayner appeared from home via zoom, with an Ashton face. Did she get back from Westminster Wednesday night and do her eyebrows? Recapping the litany of awful government acts, she cried: “This man shouldn’t be prime minister…(he’s) not fit to govern.” As she evaded questions on why Keir hadn’t demanded Boris’ resignation, opinion polls showed 54% of the public thought he should. While Carrie Antionette gave birth to his umpteenth sprog, there were further calls for the PM to quit. The Electoral Commission fined the tory party £17,800 for not following the rules on donations from Lord Brownnose towards the Number 10 flat renovation. The report revealed a WhatsApp message from Boris to Brownnose asking for dosh. Rayner resurfaced to accuse him of lying when he said he didn’t know where the money came from. Downing Street insisted he was honest ‘at all times’, it was only a ‘technical breach’ and considered appealing against the fine. Rayner demanded fresh investigations from Lord Geidt and Kathryn Stone as Boris was ‘in flagrant breach’ of both the ministerial code and the MPs’ code of conduct.
The RSPB said HPAI* (aka bird flu), affected poultry and wild birds across the UK. Mainly ducks, geese and swans, ½ million domestic fowl were culled and some birds of prey died. Normal during the migration season, Useless George called it the biggest outbreak ever. On QT, tory Rachel Mclean didn’t answer questions about confidence. An irate man in the audience screamed: “They’re mocking us. It’s an absolute disgrace!” Train-lover Mike Portillo considered the overall covid policy ‘pretty good’ but plan B a diversionary tactic. Newscast guffawed at a veritable smorgasbord with something happening every hour of the day.
Friday, I felt unrested after a fractious night. Phil seeming sleepy, I made a big effort to get the cereal, worked on the journal and went to the co-op. Waiting for Phil’s help outside the shop, I realised I’d lost a mask bag and whizzed round the aisles again to no avail. Seeing an ambulance in the street as I left the house, I surmised it was for Elderly Neighbours. Phil saw The Wife being wheeled out. When we got back, The Husband was on their doorstep and told me her kidneys had ‘gone funny’. She’d been treated by the GP who advised getting the ambulance. The crew spent a ½ hour persuading her to go to hospital, then she had to be blue-lighted. “I can imagine!” said Phil. We spent the afternoon cleaning and viewing an interminable pointless Facebook video of morons making a big mess trying to fry eggs on matches. It reminded Phil of one wherein a woman baked a terrible unicorn cake.
58,194 daily cases was the most since January 2021. Omicron growing faster than Delta, it pervaded all regions and scientists predicted it’d be the dominant strain within a week. Susan Hopkins didn’t know how many hospitalisations there’d be. Due at a cobra meeting with The Glove-puppet, Sturgeon said she expected a tsunami of infections because of its transmissibility. But Metro reported Gove, Raab and Shats were isolating meeting infected Australian deputy PM Barnaby Joyce. Number 10 cancelled the staff Christmas party but said there was no need for others to follow suit. The decision was apparently nothing to do with the fiasco over last year’s shindigs but based on increased workloads to implement Plan B, and ‘the latest data we’ve got’. ITV later reported police entered Number 10 on the night of the alleged party after an alarm went off. Did they stay for wine and cheese? Some wag designed a Christmas Card mocking The Stratton. The Glove-puppet reportedly worked on Plan C to implement January 2022, entailing mandatory mask-wearing and Covid Passes in more places, and using the TIT app in hospitality. Post-mortem results on Geronimo the alpaca failing to find the source of TB, owner Helen MacDonald decried a cover-up.
Just about to make breakfast Saturday, there was a knock at the door. Expecting a secret delivery, I shouted up for Phil not to answer. In fact, it was Walking Friend with something we’d talked about Wednesday. She was off to Bradford with The Poet. Ostensibly to view plots and decide where to put her friend’s remains, she expected to end up in a pub rather than the cemetery. Grey, drizzly and cold, I was going nowhere. Printing Christmas cards and recycling old envelopes took most of the day. Leeds United were robbed as Chelsea were awarded 3 dodgy penalties. Fans complained of being squashed getting into Stamford Bridge.
Unable to sleep in Sunday, I watched The Marr. A video showed Boris playing a Christmas quiz with staff at number 10 last year. Keir said he appeared to have broken the law and people were right to be furious. Asked why there wasn’t a vote of no confidence, he replied because labour showed strong leadership supporting covid measures, which was ‘the right thing to do’. Nads Zahawi claimed the incriminating footage was actually of Boris thanking his team on zoom. Added to earlier reports of ‘gatherings’, who to believe?
Overnight rain led to a dull wet start but it brightened later. I spent ages rooting out a metal bucket from the cubby hole and was about to go twig hunting, when I realised the medium-sized Christmas tree looked much greener. Phil said he’d been caring for it which obviously paid off. He removed the remaining brown needles while I cleared debris. I’d noticed a few days ago that two planters had disappeared from the garden wall. Preferring to think they’d blown away in the storm, I then spotted clumps of soil– firm evidence they’d been nicked. Very depressing! We brought the Christmas trees in to acclimatise, got cleaned up, ate cake and cleared a corner in the kitchen to make space for Christmas goodies. No new photos, I used one of backstreets taken last week for a haiga i.
Spreading at an alarming rate, Omicron accounted for 34% of London cases and a number of hospitalisations. The covid alert level rose from 3 to 4. Susan Hopkins referred to a ‘big wave coming straight at us’. Boris interrupted evening TV for a proclamation. His latest madcap target was to boost all adults in England by the end of December so the NHS had to match and then exceed its ‘best day ever’. The over 30’s could book online from Monday, all over 18’s from Wednesday, with other medical procedures postponed until the new year. Scotland followed suit and Wales was expected to bring in more restrictions. Northern Ireland had the highest covid rate in the UK again but only 8 confirmed Omicron cases. Lockdown in Austria ended for the vaccinated but an 11.00 p.m. curfew remained. Regional news reported Leeds would lose £35 million coffee-cup money due to workers not in offices.
Real wages fell 0.8% according to the TUC. Frances O’Grady fumed that people should be looking forward to Christmas without worrying how to pay for it: “Millions are facing a cost of living storm as bills soar and real pay falls. After more than a decade of wage stagnation, this is the last thing working families need. The government can’t sit this crisis out. Ministers should get around the table with unions and employers now, and work out fair pay agreements for every industry. That’s the best way to boost living standards and ease the pressure on households.”
Tornadoes in south eastern America almost entirely wiped out the town of Mayfield, Kentucky and killed 94 people including 6 staff at an Amazon warehouse in Edwardsville, Illinois. An investigation into safety measures was launched. Bezos sent condolences.
“The gaffer picks the team, that’s how it goes and that’s how it has always gone. Frankly, I couldn’t care less about the circus of who’s in, and who’s out, who’s up, who’s down, who knew, who didn’t” (Lisa Nandy)
Reshuffle kerfuffle
Leaves in Snow
An ‘arctic shot’ brought overnight lows of -8, yellow ice warnings and a freezing start to Monday. Waking early, I planned to doze until the heating came on and fell proper asleep to be woken by Phil. After warming porridge, I made a huge effort to get moving, did nasty chores and donned the sensible boots and bear coat to take a sample to the surgery before the noon deadline. Black ice lurked on partially-cleared pavements and partially-gritted roads. Small crunchy drifts huddled against brickwork. Clumps of frilly leaves shivered off by the cold, settled prettily on iced shrubs. Irked Phil hadn’t made coffee for my return, I stomped down to the South Pole to fetch it and slumped on the sofa, posted blogs and worked on the next episode of the journal. As the temperature rose late evening, the snow disappeared as if by magic. At bedtime, I had a EHS episode which sounded like an actual explosion and I recalled a few recent incidents but not the dates.
Lampooners pointed out Omicron was an anagram of moronic. 11 confirmed cases in the UK and the mutant’s resistance to vaccines a mystery, JCVI maintained we were still better protected with boosters and recommended all adults got one after 3 months rather than 6. 12-15 year olds would be offered a second dose of Pfizer. More cases also found in Belgium, Austria, Denmark, France, Holland and Australia, G7 health ministers met. Rose Allin-Khan berated the government for the limited mandating of face-masks: ‘Does covid not spread in pubs?’ In the wake of Storm Arwen during which 3 died, people were stuck in the Tan Hill Inn for 3 days with an oasis tribute band and the I’m a Celeb set was damaged. At a ceremony to mark Barbados becoming an independent republic, Dame Sandra Mason was sworn in as president, Rihanna became a national hero and Bonny Prince Charlie appeared as a figurehead. In a shadow cabinet reshuffle, Yvette Coop was made shadow home secretary, David Lammy shadow foreign secretary and Lisa Nandy would shadow The Glove-Puppet on ‘levelling up’.* Outlining plans for overhauling rules and procedures on politicians’ behaviour, Rayner appeared unaware of the moves leading to speculation she was blindsided. Lisa ‘couldn’t care less’ about the ‘reshuffle kerfuffle’.
I was up with the 8 o’clock alarm Tuesday. A text link allowed me to track the gas engineer but required a log in. I left it until after exercise, by which time I’d missed a call from the guy himself. I phoned him to be told he’d be 20 minutes and got dressed just in time. We directed him to the boiler upstairs and I tidied some tools away downstairs so we didn’t get sued for injury. I’d just gone back up when he wanted to know where the timer was meaning I had to go back down again, then he asked where the gas metre was. I escorted him to the cubby hole and hung around in the South Pole until he’d done. He said everything was okay but advised on age and efficiency as usual. We assured him we knew but couldn’t afford a replacement until it wore out. In the co-op later, the fresh food aisles were almost bare thanks to yet another power cut. I had a member’s offer of a quid off prosecco and biccies. I got the fizz but eschewed the Fox’s fabulously biscuits – what was festive about jammy dodgers? At the kiosk, only the furthest till was open with a notice claiming it was to keep staff safe, but two of them stood chatting with no social distancing. Being served, I was deafened and stressed out by an awful fire alarm test.
My member’s points not added, the receipt said there was a problem with my card and I had to ring the freephone number. I rang later and was subsequently asked for feedback on the call. They stupidly wanted to know why I hadn’t use the website. It wasn’t an option, you morons!
The latest restrictions came into force at 4.00 a.m., mandating PCR tests for all returning travellers, 10 days’ isolation for anyone in contact, even if vaccinated, and face-coverings on public transport and in retail settings. Secondary schoolkids were ‘strongly advised’ to wear them in communal areas. Dr. Philippa Whitford MP pointed out the 2-day wait for a PCR result was confusingly less than the virus’ incubation period In a late vote, MPs extended the measures to March 2022. The 1922 committee feared a return to a ‘pingdemic’ while labour wanted to go further and require working from home. Doing the media rounds, Jenny Harries advised minimising social contacts to slow the spread of Omicron but amid concerns of the impact on hospitality, Boris contradicted her, saying there was no need to “change the overall guidance about how people should be living their lives.” At a press conference, he promised a booster within two months to everyone eligible thanks to help from the army and new vax centres. Amanda Pritchard pleaded for more volunteers. Pfizer CE Albert Bourla said they’d already started to develop a new vaccine which would be ready in 95 days. Gérald Darmanin suggested more talks with the UK to discuss proposals for a ‘balanced agreement’ to tackle the migrant crisis were imminent. Inflation in the eurozone reached 4.9%, the highest since 1997 and TSB were to shut 70 branches.
Nonsensical
Crazy Café Shelves
Unlike the previous day, the alarm didn’t rouse me immediately Wednesday. Preparing to go out, it started teeming down leading to a rapid change of outerwear and a mild panic before going to the bus stop. In the next town, we made a few purchases from B&M, including the Fox’s fabulously biscuits. Phil disagreed that jammy dodgers weren’t festive and they were cheaper than the co-op even with the member’s offer. Heading into the Market Hall café, The Poet hurried in and out again. I gave a hasty greeting and wondered if we had to wear masks – some people did, some didn’t. Waiting for food, I perused the mad wall art and crazy junk shelves. Adding up the bill took ages. As they were short-staffed, I posited it was normally the job of an absentee.
Arriving at the health centre slightly early, there was no queue outside. But inside, a snaky red line led to a series of differently coloured stripes and thence to treatment rooms. We shared jokes with staff about it being like the game twister and nobody knowing if vaccines worked against new variants. Allowed in together, I had my booster first. The needle hard to get in my arm, the doctor remarked: “that was quite tough.” ‘Thanks’, I thought, ‘that’ll really hurt later!’ During the compulsory 15- minute sit in the waiting room, I noted the brand stamped on our cards. Affecting a booming film voice I declared: “Moderna Spikevax! That sounds like it could fight Omicron!” We left via the back door. I was bursting for a pee. “You can have a piddle in Lidl!” quipped Phil. We got a smattering of traditional Christmas fayre from the German supermarket, then considered going in TOFs but Phil felt weird and I was knackered. A longer wait for the bus back, we gazed up at late sunlight on the hills, skeins of geese flying past pink clouds and the rescue helicopter following the ridge – was someone lost on the pike? Back home, Phil had to go back out, leaving me to heft rucksacks to the kitchen. Collapsing on the sofa, I reviewed lists and decided we’d done quite well. Phil’s reaction to Spikevax even queerer, my arm ached as expected and I developed a headache and nausea. We cheered up eating the last of the Halloween drumsticks. I sucked mine into a pixie mushroom shape. “It’s impossible to be grown up eating a lolly.” “If everyone ate lollies, there’d be world peace.” Feeling progressively worse throughout the evening, at bedtime I took ibuprofen, shuffled the pillows to make a hollow for my painful arm and settled down for a mediocre night.
UKHSA identified another 9 cases of Omicron, making a total of 22 and tried to establish links with travel from South Africa. Leaked minutes from a sage meeting revealed fears of rising infections before the booster programme was fully implemented. Andrew Hayward advised going to Plan B rather than having to endure more severe measures later on. Goblin Saj urged festive partygoers to get an LTF before revelling. Deputy CE of NHS Providers Saffron Cordery said some organisations had asked staff ‘not to mix in big groups’. Daily Mirror reported there were 2 parties at Number 10 in the run-up to Christmas 2020 against lockdown rules. Quizzed at PMQs, Boris didn’t deny they took place but said no rules were broken. Keir spluttered: “Both of those things can’t be true, prime minister. He is taking the British public for fools.” Ian Blackford added: “How are people possibly expected to trust the PM when he thinks it’s one rule for him and one rule for everybody else.” Boris retorted he was “talking total nonsense”. LFTs no longer sufficient, holiday-makers heading to Spain now had to show vaccine passes.
Snog, Attend, Avoid
Haiga – Beady Eye
Both ailing on Thursday, I managed a few exercises, skipping ones that hurt my arm and took Echinacea, with no idea if it would do any good. Checking the NHS website for booster side-effects, ours were all normal apart from Phil’s mouth tasting of rusty nails. They suggested he might actually have covid. It soon became apparent he didn’t. I braved the cold to open the window and shake blankets out before changing sheets. I then worked on the laptop until I felt very ropey with a raised temperature. During a longer siesta than usual, I had a ½ hour with my eyes shut and struggled to rise. After dinner, the symptoms felt decidedly flu-like. Unable to keep my head up, I went to bed to watch a crap telly film.
At 53,945, UK daily cases were the highest for 4 months. 73,000 new infections in Germany, the unvaccinated were banned from public places such as non-essential shops. JVCI bod Prof Finn awaited approval from MHRA on jabs for 5-12 year olds. Dr. Albert Bourla of Pfizer said it was a good idea. Well, he would, wouldn’t he? On top of 35m extra doses of Pfizer, 60m Novavax and 7.5m GSK/Sanofi, government ordered another 114 m doses of Pfizer and Moderna in preparation for annual jabs during the next 2 years. Contracts allowed modification to tackle new mutants. 79% effective against serious illness, GSK’s anti-viral drug Sotrovimb was approved for use on the obese and diabetics over 60. Therese Coffee-cup advised against ‘snogging under the mistletoe’ and George Freeman suggested we keep Christmas parties small. Downing Street responded that wasn’t in the guidance. Anger mounted at reports Micron called Boris a clown and a knucklehead. They wouldn’t be snogging under the mistletoe, then! On Newscast, Sadiq Kahn defended the trad fir tree gift from Norway against complaints of scrawniness. He wouldn’t have ‘a word said against it’. Meanwhile, the Tesco Covid Pass Santa ad was deemed okay.
Phil still struggling Friday, my flu-like symptoms had gone apart from a snuffle. The jabbed arm less sore, I did exercise and went to the co-op. Gaps in the chiller sections persisted after the power cut but I found what we needed before Phil caught me up at the till to help with carrying. During lunch, I knocked a glassful of water all over the small coffee table and dug out a Christmas-themed lampshade cover to replace the one that got wet. While Phil cut his hair, I fruitlessly searched the internet for gifts.
After the BMA encouraged people to ‘avoid large groups’ and Prof Openshaw said he wouldn’t feel comfortable going to Christmas parties, labour cancelled theirs but tories didn’t. Oliver Dowdy advised: ‘keep calm and carry on’. So, you had to wear a mask travelling in a bus or taxi to a party, but you could snog a complete stranger under the mistletoe when you got there!
A South African study showed reinfection with Omicron was possible but weren’t sure if that was the case among a heavily-vaccinated population. CovBoost found that the body’s T cell immune response after a booster could offer good protection from hospitalisation and death although it wasn’t yet tested on Omicron. Moderna came out top. Obviously that Spikevax! Homes still without power a week after Storm Arwen, the army were sent to help households in North East Scotland and County Durham and Ofgem launched an urgent review into the response of power suppliers. From the metro news quiz, we learnt young female Afghan footballers rescued by Kim Kardashian, practiced at Elland Road. “I won’t have a word said against her now,” declared Phil. “Yes, she’s not completely useless!”
Dark, cold and wet with wintry showers Saturday, I stayed in, finished the Christmas card and sorted the spice cupboard. I combined duplicates, expunged mystery bits, and told Phil which to buy from the shop. Town deserted for once, he found no fresh stuff and got another duplicate dried condiment instead. The first taste of German gingerbread took me right back to childhood and I moronically crooned: “It’s beginning to taste a bit like Christmas.”
Sunday drier and brighter, I rose early and waited impatiently for Phil to wake. The geese had recently taken to wandering onto the street below to peck at moss and eye the lovely grass of the flat’s garden. Thwarted by the gate, there was lots of squawking. Phil seemed amazed when they went down the steps. “Why not?” I asked, “they’re not daleks.” “They are a bit like daleks.” “Yes, Exterminate! Exterminate!” I put recycling out, swore at neighbours parked right outside the door, and went to town. People stuffing food in their gobs made the farmer’s market resemble a food court, but then the whole town was like that most weekends. Not heaving, the knobbly veg stall-holders said it was at 9.00 a.m. Go figure! The Winter Art Fair also quiet, arty mates agreed the lack of punters was weird. In the Art Mill, I chatted to Photography Friend and her partner. Verging on adulthood, she’d reluctantly let her son to go to a party in Huddersfield. Phil came to join us and we perused an exhibition. He was quite taken by techniques used on the expensive monochrome photos. On the way home, beady-eyed jackdaws coveted a pie being eaten on a riverside bench, inspiring a haigai. While the corner pub was deserted, the pavements on the main road were oddly crammed. Twilight glowing orange through the living room window, Phil called it ‘lambent light’. A new one on me, it sounded like a clever photographer’s term. I blamed the posh exhibition.
Omicron Death Star
86 new cases of Omicron in the UK, the 246 total were concentrated in London and Scotland where they were linked to a Steps concert. More travel restrictions required pre-departure tests for incoming travellers from Tuesday and Nigeria was added to the red list. They called it ‘travel apartheid’. The Observer depicted Omicron as a Death Star. Molnupiravir aka Lagevria, was approved for vulnerable people with severe symptoms to take at home.
On the Marr, South African scientist Willem Hanekom confirmed the mutant spread very fast, was now dominant, caused re-infection but milder illness, and mainly affected unvaccinated younger people. UK scientific adviser Mark Woolhouse said the travel rules were “shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted’. Willem agreed it was a waste of time and damaging to the South African economy. The Pope went to Lesbos to meet migrants and criticise Europe for indifference to the suffering of desperate people.
*the catchily re-named Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities
The Corvus Diaries 