Corvus Bulletin 6: Continuing Conspiracies

“As one consultant cardiologist said to me this is the biggest crime against humanity since the holocaust” (Andrew Bridgen)

What Happened on Dartmoor

Three years since the start of the pandemic, conspiracy theories of all kinds continued.  In January, MP Andrew Bridgen had the tory whip withdrawn after comparing vaccination to the holocaust.  Early June, he voted against Margaret Ferrier’s 30-day Commons suspension for breaking coronavirus rules September 2020.  I wondered what took so long and what about Boris and Rishi who were fined for flouting the laws they wrote?  In court, The Cock alleged anti-vaxxer Geza Tarjanyi shouted ‘ridiculous conspiracy theories’ and shoulder-barged him during protests on 19^th and 24^th January, while northern nutters Christine Grayson and Darren Reynolds were convicted of conspiracy (in the other sense of the word) to destroy 5G masts which they said were ‘enemy infrastructure’.

Elsewhere, Tesco struck a deal with Newfoundland, launched to distribute LFT’s, to stock tests for a range of health conditions such as vitamin deficiency, the menopause and bowel cancer.  All free on the NHS alongside appropriate medical advice, it smacked of a money-making conspiracy.

On a personal note, I attended a Covid Diary Research Project workshop late February.  A welcome opportunity to meet other participants and share experiences, the prospect of ‘doing a work’ for 3 hours was daunting.  I took advantage of living close to the venue to arrive early and speak to The Researcher and associates who gave kind reassurance.  Of other attendees, The Poet was the one familiar face but there was much common ground among the group.

We perused already-published books on life under lockdown.  A mixed bag, we discussed what we’d like in something similar and brain-stormed themes emerging from the pandemic.  Place, politics and shopping featured highly.  I mentioned I still quarantined groceries.  Someone sniggered: “The virus is airborne.”  “I know but I can’t shake the habit!”  Flagging, I accepted a cuppa in lieu of a break and stayed for lively discussion.  The Researcher noted no one had yet mentioned conspiracies.

As evidence they persisted, I cited a free rag randomly picked up in the co-op.  Entitled ‘The Light’, I expected amusing evangelical Christian garbage.  It was actually covid conspiracy claptrap, linking vaccines to climate change. “Say what now?” That raised a laugh.

I then observed that the real conspiracy was global capitalism, to be reproached by someone else for also airing ‘conspiracy theory’.  “It’s not theory, it’s fact,” I countered, “you only have to look at land ownership – every inch is private.”  The Poet interjected that he walked wherever he liked. “Yes, because they let you, but they can take that right away any time. Just look what’s happened on Dartmoor.”*

The debate threatening to totally finish off my tired brain, I was bereft of further arguments.  Much later, and with a clearer head, I realised I could have expanded further on historic working class battles over the right to roam and on Marxist theory explaining how the current state of the world was actually the (inevitable) highest stage of capitalism.  Relating the exchange to Phil, he informed me Neil Oliver had orated on the age-old one-world government plot.  I subsequently learnt Oliver loved doing lengthy monologues on GB news to espouse his ridiculous views.  And to think I used to admire him as an intelligent historian!

* 13^th January 2023, the right to wild camp on Dartmoor, the last place in England where it was allowed, disappeared overnight. Arguing the right never existed in the first place, hedge fund manager and Dartmoor’s sixth-largest landowner, Alexander Darwall, won a case against the national park. A disappointed CE Kevin Bishop and Right to Roam campaign founder, the excellently-named Guy Shrubsole, planned an appeal.

Corvus Bulletin 2.1: Let Them Eat Turnips

“The government must cancel April’s hike. With the cost of wholesale gas plummeting ministers have no excuse for not stepping in” (Paul Novak)

Haiga – Supermarket Sweep

At the end of a 4-day week trial, 39% of staff reported feeling less stressed and businesses reported 69% fewer sick days with little or no negative effect on the bottom line.  Despite 1.1 million unfilled vacancies, a record number of older people weren’t working.  Pay growing faster, 6.7% was still way behind inflation and a 3.6% real-terms cut  The public and private sector gap widening, Abellio London bus drivers settled on a better offer involving a rescheduling agreement, reinstatement of Unite reps and more pay – if they could get 18%, why couldn’t other essential workers?

Their tactics allegedly working, BOE raised interest to 4% and ONS estimated the UK narrowly avoided recession 2022.  Think tank NIESR* predicted the trend continuing and inflation falling to 5.35% by the end of 2023, although disposable income would take a ‘big hit’.  Not ‘woke’ like the Bank of England, they urged The C**t to ‘loosen fiscal policy’.  Rachel Reeves whinged the economy was ‘stuck in the slow lane’ but The C**t insisted it showed ‘underlying resilience’.  Not out of the woods yet, he said he couldn’t afford to extend the energy price cap or ‘inflationary’ public sector pay increases.  He didn’t mention a £5.42bn treasury surplus January.  £21.9bn from self-assessment, Phil reckoned as sole traders had made last-minute submissions, there’d not be a repeat.

14,874 high street jobs lost so far this year, greater costs and rail strikes led to 512 pub closures during 2022; almost double 2021.  With £2.6bn debt, Stonegate (owned by TDR capital) could shut 1,000 Slug & lettuce and Be At One sites.  A fifth of the Ford UK workforce to be redundant, most of the 13,000 would go from Dunton, Essex.  The EU and US subsidising electric car manufacture, UK production was at its lowest level.  Government insisted it made major investments in the industry, as it did in steel, but British Steel announced closure of the Scunthorpe coking plant.  Due to the ‘challenging macro-economic environment’, PayPal cut their workforce by 7%, and losing 2.4 million subscribers in 3 months, Disney+ shed 7,000 employees.

Utility companies announced massive profits.  BP boss Bernard Looney justified their £23bn by claiming to ‘invest in the transition to green energy’ but as they scaled back plans to reduce oil and gas production, Paul Novack said they laughed ‘all the way to the bank’.  Centrica profits £3.3bn, 40% of consumers spent more than 10% of their income on energy and 3.2 million were unable to feed pre-payment meters. Wanting a social tariff to help those struggling, Ofgem threatened to name and shame suppliers switching them to pre-payment.  After it was reported BG had stopped the practice and offered grants of up to £250, an undercover Times reporter exposed their sub-contractors’ strongarm tactics to gleefully force pre-payment meters on the vulnerable.  Centrica boss Chris O’Shea called it completely ‘inexcusable’ and cancelled the contract with Arvato.  While Ofgem investigated, the NEA urged a thorough review.  On 6^th February, chief judge Lord Justice Edis told magistrates to stop rubber- stamping warrants for entry ‘immediately’ and ‘until further notice’.  Later in the month, Ofgem’s energy price cap fell to £3,280, effective from 1^st April.  Less than the government’s energy price guarantee, Paul Nowak urged a change in the March budget.

Rough sleepers in England up 25% 2022, private rental evictions doubled.  Frozen since 2020, Crisis CE Matt Downie said housing benefit must rise in the budget and LUHC** committee chair Clive Betts warned while the Renter’s Reform Bill abolishing no-fault evictions was welcome, it wasn’t enough to solve the problem.  He doubted government fully appreciated ‘a creaking and unreformed courts system’ risked undermining the reforms.

Turnip Head

At the end of the month, Kantar research found food inflation at 17.1%.  Eggs, milk and marge up most, annual grocery bills increased by £811 if household habits didn’t change.  Nestlé products rose 8.2% while profits fell 45% – served the greedy gits right!  Aldi building more stores creating 6,000 jobs, along with Lidl, Morrisons and Tesco, they rationed fruit and veg.  According to ministers, tomato and cucumber shortages were caused by extreme weather leading to poor harvests and transport problems in North Africa and Southern Europe – nowt to do with Brexit!

At the NFU conference in Brum, Therese Coffee-Cup stammered that she couldn’t control the weather in Spain.  Minette Batters agreed but said it was ludicrous we couldn’t grow our own because the government failed to help UK farmers.  And where were the turnips Coffee-Cup suggested we eat instead?

Idiots in front of loaded grocery market stalls on morning telly, ridiculously complained of no salad in supermarkets and no strawberries and raspberries – in winter!  Memes of plentiful fresh produce in the Eurozone and Turnip Heads ensued.

30p Lee subsequently said prisoners should be made to pick fruit and veg.  “How about his red wall gammons doing it?” I spluttered. “I thought there were none; they’re all in Spain covered in snow – make your mind up!” laughed Phil.  He also advised scrapping Budvar off the wish-list.  Too much hassle importing it, there were no UK suppliers.  That didn’t stop beer usurping even more food shelves in The Co-op or The Store. Yank produce set to dominate, I was willing to give Cap’n Crunch a go, if it became more affordable.

The way fresh produce inflation was going, that might not be long, as I discovered when I visited the weekly market.  Handing over a racketeer’s ransom for fresh fish and Jolly Veg Man’s 4 remaining tomatoes, I was angry at myself for getting caught up in the mania and eschewed further extortion.  Still needing a couple of items, I spotted the small veg shop with cheaper prices than the market.  Buying a couple of items, I told the shop owner as the window was low making it hard to see what was in stock, we often forgot about it.  She said she’d taken over a month ago and had ideas to improve the display.  I wished her well.

We saw first-hand evidence of the superstore farrago during a short break in Chester for Phil’s birthday early March.  Tesco devoid of tomatoes, a local grocers had tons (see Haiga – Supermarket Sweepⁱ).  Veg supplies allegedly ‘back to normal’ within a couple of weeks, Lidl lifted purchase restrictions on 10^th March.

In other food news, Countryfile revealed that a new inquiry commissioned by Defra into dead crustaceans on the North Yorks coast October 2022, ruled out algae blooms or dredging and blamed pathogens, with no evidence.  Seals dying and fishermen going bankrupt over winter, there’d be no further investigation.

The Great Crème Egg Robbery – Joby Pool from Tinsley was convicted of stealing a truckload of 200,000 Cadbury crème eggs from a warehouse in Telford.  What was he going to do with them all?  Disguise them as turnips?

* NIESR – National Institute for Economic and Social Research

** Levelling Up, Housing & Communities

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

The Corvus Papers 4: Permacrisis

“(Permacrisis*) sums up quite succinctly how truly awful 2022 has been for so many people” (Alex Beecroft)

Highway To Hell

Woodland 1

Suffering a bad cold at the start of November, I’d forgot the practice nurse call.  She proffered more questions, a mammogram re-invite and directed me to the ‘Menopause Matters’ website before a follow-up call.  Unable to go for covid boosters, I re-booked but still snotty the next week and no more clinics available, was told to ring back when our colds had gone.  Phil shopped and cooked, having a trauma as the gas ring set fire to a baking sheet.  I’d just gone back to bed Thursday morning when the postie loudly knocked on the door, bearing a small parcel (1 of 2 items from Natures Best, the other came the next day – why on earth were they sent separately?)  I made a big effort to do chores, frustrated by not finding a washed tablecloth; buried in a basket.  Brighter following heavy overnight rain, I moved still sopping laundry into the sun, opened the window for fresh air and posted a Cool Places blogⁱ.  After work, Phil rushed to the bathroom with a heavy sigh.  “What’s up?” “I served a customer with covid outside The Store.” “You might have covid.” “Yes, but he really did.”  Shivering, I noted moisture on windows even though I’d wiped them, conceded it was proper cold and put the heating on.  Watching QT, Phil asked: “What’s Patrick Bateman said?” He meant Psycho Chris Philp.  I hadn’t heard him leave Friday morning and dozed to traffic sounds; always noisier after October half-term.  A sizzling frosty start was obscured by more condensation!  Getting exhausted trying to clean, I returned to bed and battled brightness to use the laptop and browse Menopause Matters.  Confused by a variety of HRT, I dawdled to the co-op, enjoying every moment of sunshine and a smile from Scottish ex-neighbour on the way.  I scored the free trolley and saw The Widower.  Having dithered over wearing a face-mask in case of covid, I didn’t and guiltily kept my distance asking after his health, then got more uneasy as an old man in front of me at the till dropped his walking stick and politely declined my offer of help.  Knackered by the exertion, I took a cuppa to bed and edited my Christmas card.  The sun already behind the hill when Phil got back, a spooky ¾ moon rose prettily below a shiny Jupiter.  Saturday, I woke with remnants of an intricate dream in my head inspired by the fantasy film The Wanting Mare.  Slightly better, I retrieved winter clobber, donned a woolly jumper and sat in the chilly living room. 

As Musk realised he’d paid over the odds for loss-making Twitter, he requested $20 per celeb to keep their blue tick.  Stephen King tweeted Musk should be paying him, to which Musk replied, what about $8?  A wave of fake blue tick accounts including his, hilariously ensued.  Putting profit above people, he brutally sacked half his staff via 3.00 a.m. e-mails.  Paid up to February – not bad! – the human rights team the first to go.  A class action was brought.  Later in the month, staff told to sign up for high intensity long hours or leave, quit.  Musk shut the offices for a week. 1m tweeters closed or deactivated their accounts and Mastodon reported 70,000 new users.  Too confusing and unable to join the UK ‘instance’, I gave up doing likewise.  Photoshop failing to save the latest Christmas card edit, I started again, then it crashed, losing 2 days’ work!  Phil offered to help. “No! It’s secret!”  Making dinner, I jumped every time a firework went off outside. Phil tutted: “That’ll happen all night.” “Yes, but it still makes me jump.”  Muted colours in soft sunlight disappeared into the grey Sunday.  Waking early full of gunk, I gave up sleeping, struggled down and started the Christmas card from scratch until Phil returned with Tales From The Store.  Colleagues totally avoiding veggie food, one referred to chickpeas as dirt.  It reminded me of Walking Friend’s violent aversion to coriander when we discussed spicy recipes the other week.  A sore throat overnight extended into my nose and cheeks Monday.  I took echinacea and battled on.

More hospitalisations for flu, covid infections fell. Compass Pathways found psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms lifted depression in 1/3 of severe cases.  According to the downloadable bio ‘out of the blue’, Truss ate a pork pie with her favoured tipple the night before resigning – still no mention of Melton Mowbray’s demise!  The Cock entered the jungle, ostensibly to promote dyslexia awareness.  Called a skiver, embarrassing and disingenuous, incensed constituents weren’t mollified by a hotline to their MP.  The whip withdrawn, Bereaved Families’ Lobby Akinnola said the former health sec should focus on the covid inquiry, not ‘a shameless attempt to revamp his image.’  He ambled in to beg forgiveness of gaping contestants and predictably be first in line for bushtucker trials.  Those poor animals!  On Laura K., Ed Millipede said we hadn’t done enough since the last COP, Diane Johnson said the immigration system was a mess and Oliver Dowdy defended Swellen and agreed The Salesman’s expletive-laden texts to Wendy Morton were unacceptable, but excused them for being sent at a ‘difficult time’.  Jerk Berry informed Rishi about the texts the day before he made Gavin ‘Minister without Portfolio’.  Standards obviously only applying in good times, Morton referred him to the Independent Complaints & Grievance Scheme.  A 10 year old hack told Andrew Neil he was brought in as a fixer as he was good at ‘behind the scenes dark arts stuff’.  Transport minister Dick Holden evaded questions on scrapping Northern Poorhouse Rail, saying they had to cut their cloth.  As ‘furious as everyone else’ about illegal immigration, he parroted lame excuses for 12 years’ failure.

John Swinney made massive Scottish budget cuts and Morrisons were shutting 132 McColls stores.  Slow global growth led to tech job losses.  With competition from TikTok, Apple privacy changes and loss of investor confidence concerning decade-long Metaverse plans, Meta would lay off 13% of staff with the recruitment team hardest hit.  E-mails told us we could no longer revert to ‘classic’ Facebook and MS would charge for attachment storage – time to purge that in-box!  Octopus energy already paying customers to cut peak-time gas use, National Grid started a trial for smart meter customers.  BP profits £7bn July-Aug, Just Stop Oil threw orange paint at the Home Office, M15, BOE, and News Corp HQ: the ‘4 pillars that support and maintain the power of a fossil fuel economy – government, security, finance and media’.  Trussed-Up having ruined the UK’s reputation and taking longer to regain it, the worst recession for a century was likely to last into 2023.  BOE hiked interest to 3%, the most since 1987.  Former gov Mark Carney said sterling’s fall and a shrinking economy after Brexit added to ‘inflationary pressure’.  Rees-Moggy railed: “To blame…Brexit Is bizarre and only an ultra Remainiac would make such a bogus argument.”  No, Moggy, you’re the maniac!  Rishi promised a new budget would reveal him as Santa, not scrooge. Yeah, for the rich!  On QT, Lord Stuart Rose thought it too late to avoid a long recession.  Predicting the new budget would dish out pain, economist Zanny Minton-Bedoes called discounting tax rises and scrapping of the triple-lock mad; everything should be on the table.  60% of the public with a £60 monthly deficit, and 20% with no savings or resilience after 12 years of tory rule, Peter Kyle said it’d be long and painful.  The Psycho prated about the wealthiest 1% paying 28% of all tax, thresholds and the minimum wage going up.  The audience threw out questions on hungry kids, windfall taxes and the futility of raising interest so we wouldn’t buy stuff that we had no money for anyway.  55% of consumers using credit for Christmas tat, 20% for the first time, 2/5 taking out loans to pay off HP seemed like a bad idea!  More talks agreed, rail strikes due early November were called off too late for normal service to resume Saturday or even the next week.  With a new offer, the Hull Stagecoach strike was suspended.  Scrapping Boris’ daft royal yacht project, Ben Wally said they’d build the MROSS defence ship instead.

Highway To Hell

In his first interview since resigning, The Bumbler told Sky Vlad would be mad to use nuclear weapons.  Attending COP27, Rishi decided to go, allegedly because they’d made good progress on their budget.  Not going to Egypt, Kingy held an audience at Buck House.  Storm Claudio brought yellow wind and rain from France and flooding round London.

As South East commuters also contended with protestors on M25 gantries, Rishi and Boris arrived in sunny Sharm, the latter with a bevy of teenage girls – did they write his policy?  Guterres warned conference action on the ‘defining issue of our times’ was woeful, the clock was ticking and we were on “the last stages of the highway to climate hell, with our foot still on the accelerator.”  Activists in Rome showered Van Gogh’s The Sower with pea soup.

Migrants bussed out of Manston described inhuman conditions as some were left at Victoria Coach Station coatless and shod in flip-flops.  A kid threw a letter over the fence addressed to journalists. Children’s commissioner Rachel de Souza asked Swellen how many unaccompanied children were in the camp and how were they treated?  A ‘deeply concerned’ Diane Johnson (home affairs cttee chair) and 14 council heads wrote to Swellen complaining of its use as an ‘easy fix for a national strategic issue’.  Tensions mounting, protestors brandished placards reading ‘Suella’s shame’ and a right-wing backlash threatened.  Albanian MP Edi Rama tweeted it was ‘easy rhetoric’ blaming them and on Newsnight, accused the UK of scapegoating, while Rachel Maclean cited ‘unintended consequences’ of the Modern Slavery Act for more boat crossings – err, most victims were British!  Ignoring a power outage at Harmondsworth immigrant removal centre where detainees with ‘various weaponry’ ‘rioting’ in the courtyard, met riot police, the BBC alleged Kurdish criminal gangs controlled French camps and paid Albanians to channel-cross to work in the ‘drugs trade’.  UK pay 10 times higher, they left their home towns empty.  What clap-trap – drug dealers weren’t on regular wages!  Minister Graham Stuart admitted Swellen used ‘unfortunate language’.  Spotting his nephew on Metro’s front cover, Albanian Arben Halili, travelled from Oxford, tried to get into Manston and blocked a coach leaving the site.  Landing in a chinook Thursday, Swellen was booed and journos were banned.  Legal action was brought by Detention Action and a woman ‘from outside Europe’ allegedly left at Manston in ‘egregiously defective conditions’ for 3 weeks until allowed to stay with family in the UK.

At PMQs, Rishi was asked what Swellen had to do to resign and who broke the asylum system?  Always shifting blame, it could only be the tories after 12 years’ power.  Rishi told Keir they were getting a grip but he’d voted against the bill and couldn’t attack a plan and not have one himself.  Keir leered, let’s look at that plan: Manston nor Rwanda were working.  He’d prosecuted people-traffickers, they couldn’t even process migrants.  It was time to scrap gimmicks, get a proper home sec, and get a grip.  Rishi wittered about Keir supporting national security risk Corbyn.  Blackford harped on about the triple-lock and political choices hitting the poorest hardest – why not take the easy decisions, raise windfall taxes, scrap non-doms, and help the vulnerable?  Rishi insisted they supported oil companies to invest.  Furious at money spent on housing illegals, a backbencher wondered when it’d be sorted out.  Rishi parroted ‘we will defend our borders’.  Alba asked if Scotland was a territorial British colony; the argument rumbled on all month.

After Baroness Casey called her report ‘a line in the sand’ and Mark Rowley said it was clear hundreds of Met officers should be sacked, HMICFRS** published findings of sexism and misogyny in several police forces.  Inadequate vetting made it too easy for the wrong people to join.  Rowley later complained he couldn’t get rid of cops not trusted to speak to the public.  Fireworks were thrown at police vans in Leeds and a 17 year old Halifax lad being chased by cops, crashed into a greenhouse and died.  Rallying for early elections, ex Pakistan PM Imran Khan was shot in the leg.  An alleged assassination attempt, further demos followed.

In a major shake-up, The Arts Council shifted £50m from London to the provinces.  ENO funding cut, a restructuring grant helped them relocate to Manchester and Blackpool illuminations got money for the first time – those Red Indians did need replacing!  As non-Americans googled it to do a wordle, Cambridge dictionary named ‘homer’ word of the year.  ‘Permacrisis’ topped Collins’ list which also included ‘sportswashing’, ‘warm bank’, ‘partygate’, ‘vibe shift’, ‘lawfare’, ‘quiet quitting’, ‘Carolean’ and ‘splooting’.

Nasty Business

The Grand

Woken prematurely by Phil Tuesday 8^th, I grumbled, dozed, exercised, cleaned and began an Ocado order when the nurse rang an hour early.  I griped of complex info on Menopause Matters, and more generally, of having to do it all yourself these days.  After clarifying some points. we agreed on low-dose HRT patches, ready to collect next week.  Phil hoped I didn’t go loopy like Carole Gammone.  “It’s meant to improve your mood; I bet she’s on a high dosage from a dodgy source.”  Early Wednesday, I realised the bathroom light was left on overnight, switched it off, then Phil fumbled to the loo, turning it back on.  Forecasters repeated it was mild for the time of year but omitted to mention rain.  Together with a heavy head and tummy ache, it mitigated against an outing.  Phil popped to the shop just in time for a sharp shower.  Thursday even wetter, I felt cold.  Exhausted from vacuuming when Ocado came, I wryly observed I’d fallen into the trap of buying tiny packs again (I thought the juice trio was cheap!)  I shelved a trip to the market and booked a BG service – amazingly lots of slots available, for next Monday.  Receiving a letter from the dole saying I qualified for an extra warm homes grant and still diddled out of the full energy rebate, I went round in circles trying to fathom the new Evolve site.  Newsnight had featured Evolv’s crap AI weapons detection – was it the same thing?  Phil had a funny do with his right eye at work; annoying just as his left one improved. “Do you need an ambulance?” “No; I’ll ring doctors if it gets worse.” “It already is.” “I mean if there are signs of a detached retina.”  The Store had finally recruited an assistant manager, meaning a 3-day week – in the short-term.  December rosters unset, he was unsure of Christmas shifts, pondered taking leave, but there was no need.  Untangling last month’s Westminster shit-show for the journal, I got head fug and turned the laptop off for a 3^rd update in 2 days.  Struggling to sleep, I enjoyed hooting owls; much nicer than squawking geese Friday morning.  Going to the co-op, a cat scuttling in the undergrowth on the steps startled me.  I revelled in mild, fresh air scented by late-blooming Japanese Jasmine until assailed by traffic fumes on the main road.  Several items missing from shelves, I asked My Mate could I pay at the kiosk.  He advised using the conveyors but asked if I wanted baccy. “Just filters.” “I’m disappointed.” “I got baccy already and meant to buy filters on the market, but the weather was too horrid and I wasn’t up to it after a bad cold. I’ve been nowhere but here for 2 weeks – so depressing!”  He sympathised and hoped I’d soon be better.  Phil got home to relate previous occupations of store co-workers, including an ex-binman who weirdly started early Thursdays for unpaid work, 2 pub landlords and a video shop owner.  “It’s a shit business! Any failed artists?” “I’m not failed.” “It’s a joke! After all, you did sell a print.”

Lenny Henry promoted his new kid’s book on BBC Breakfast Saturday.  Asked what advice he’d give aspiring authors, he said if there’s an unwritten book, write it, send it to your favourite publisher, you’re never too old and keep going.  I should get back to my novel!  Desperate for a walk, we headed through the busy town and through woodlands, buying eggs from a farm in-between.  An official egg shortage explained a dearth of them in the shops.  Allegedly due to bird flu, supermarkets refused to pay more so farmers chucked them away.  I said wasting food in straitened times should be a crime.  “What are they meant to do?” “Give them to food banks, take them to market…“ “Some do, hence the honesty box.”ⁱ.  As Lidl and Asda rationed eggs, BRC said there were plenty.  Phil disturbed my recovery with news of a historic Bradford pub office conversion and Nik Turner dying. “Shit! No more Space Ritual! But I bet the other half of Hawkwind are cheering ‘we got all the money’!”  The world hidden behind a nasty fog and condensation combo Sunday, I wiped the dripping windows and researched DIY dehumidifiers. “What about Do Not Eat?” “You’d need tons of it.”  Groggy and achy, I amended the Christmas card while Phil went to work.  Monday, the fog didn’t lift.  Conscious of the BG service, I sprung out of bed and chivvied Phil to help clear passageways.  New to BG, the engineer arrived with a mentoring colleague.  After 1½ hours poking, they said it did well for an old boiler, advised getting a new carbon monoxide detector and pointlessly adjusting an external pipe – any overflow would go straight down the drain.  Getting colder, I changed the boiler settings but having no heat or hot water, thought I’d messed it up.  Nope: the stupid men had turned the main switch off!

Covid infections rose in Australia.  800 on the Majestic Princess tested positive.  Cases mild or asymptomatic, the cruise ship docked in Sydney while isolated passengers made private travel arrangements.

Tuesday, it emerged The Salesman told a civil servant to ‘slit your throat’.  As a Downing Street informal inquiry into the nasty business began, he was gone by evening.  Already sacked twice from ministerial posts, this time he jumped before pushed.  Laying into Rishi’s ‘poor judgement and weak leadership’, Rayner said it was clear he was ‘strapped by the grubby backroom deals he made to dodge a vote’.  Wednesday, Gill Keegan said he had great judgement.  At PMQs, Keir asked how bullying victims would feel about the PM’s ‘great sadness’ at losing The Salesman?  Rishi insisted he didn’t know specifics and Gavin was right to go.  Keir persisted; Rishi normalised bullying by giving Gavin a job and he wouldn’t have got away with it if a weak boss hadn’t handed him power.  Did he regret the appointment?  Rishi replied ’of course’ he regretted appointing someone who resigned ‘in these circumstances’, adding integrity characterised his government, hence a rigorous process, but also important to deliver for the whole country, he listed his daft priorities.  Keir mocked, he couldn’t stand up to a run-of-the mill bully, so he couldn’t stand up to anyone, like Shell, who paid no windfall tax.  Rishi itemised Keir’s nay votes, to which Keir said he was against all chaos-creators including those on government benches.  On QT, Caroline Green said nurses struck for a better NHS, thus for us all.  Steph Flanders added, still experiencing the covid emergency, we must understand their long-term needs.  Questioned on the Cock’s bug-eating antics, Emily Thornberry said complacency led tories to think they deserved to rule.  Although not self-serving like them and entering public life to make the world a better place, all MPs were tarred with the same brush.  Held to account by Ant & Dec instead of the public, evading the covid inquiry and no ethics adviser, Mark Harper promised one soon but admitted they should consider how their conduct looked.  Asked if COP was realistic when big emitters weren’t there (i.e., India and China; while gas companies lobbied to be considered green!) Caroline said it was the only game in town and Steph didn’t want to give into fatalism.

Concluding the Grenfell inquiry, KCs highlighted startling government ignorance, incompetence and disregard for social housing tenants.  Arconic, Studio E., Exova, Centrex, Kingspan, Kensington Council (failing to inspect door closers), the Levelling Up sec and London mayor making up a rogues gallery, Richard Millett attacked the merry-go-round of buck-passing.  Uncleverly called the Aussie trade deal rubbish.  Truss-Up obviously the latest scapegoat, he had a point – where were our tim-tams?  Also blaming Truss, Kwasi Modo told Talk Radio he warned her she moved at breakneck speed.  So much for being in ‘lockstep’!  Amazon planned to sack 10,000, including Alexa staff  and Tim Martin was shutting 7 more Wetherspoons.  Phil and Julie Fox vowed to visit doomed pubs to add to the 295 they’d already patronised including their Halifax local, The Percy Shaw.  Fellow Brexiteer Next boss Simon Wolfson said it wasn’t the Brexit he wanted.  Tough shit, mister! (see Brexit Islandⁱⁱ).  Doing well under lockdown, Made.com struggled with supply issues and went bust.  Next bought the brand but not stock leaving customers with unfulfilled orders and no refunds.  Next also later teamed up with founder Tom Joules to rescue the colourful clothes brand.

Calling Blighty

Evil energy companies remotely switched 60,000 to pre-payment without notice.  Unaware customers failing to top-up could be disconnection by default – another reason not to have a smart meter! 

1.3m using food banks, The Trussell Trust launched their first emergency appeal.  A ‘sticking plaster’, they urged government to budget for long-term measures.  GDP down 0.2% July-Sept., The C**t harped on about global factors and admitted there’d be a slump, which could be short and shallow if interest stayed low.  Refusing to be drawn by Laura K. on its contents, he promised us all pain with his ‘horrible decisions’.  Swerving questions on Brexit, an FT economist called it the elephant in the room.  Simon Sharma cited rotting cabbages and NHS staff shortages.  As they segued into the Remembrance Sunday lark, a Lord Army Major said ceremonies took place in towns and cities around the globe.  Port Stanley was hardly an empire!  Steve Hawley unearthed ‘Calling Blighty’.  The wartime messages from soldiers to families back home, were screened to descendants in Penis Town’s quaint cinema.  Doc film ‘A Bunch of Amateurs’ premiered at Pictureville to rave reviews.  Why’d we not heard of Bradford Movie Makers, established 1932, when we lived in The City?

The UK-wide RCN ballot closed.  The vote not unanimous, nurses in half of English trusts, all in Scotland and NI and all but 7 in Wales, would strike December, not affecting emergency services.  Laughingly preparing ‘contingencies’, Steve Barclay said his door was always open for talks.  That was the first they’d heard!  Gill Keegan helpfully claimed nurses only used foodbanks if they had a broken relationship or boiler.  100,000 PCS Civil servants voting to strike, according to the TUC, 1.5m public sector workers considered doing likewise.  M25 protests into a third day, a lorry crashing into a rolling roadblock hurt a cop.  On the fourth day, London commuters also contended with no tubes and bus queues.  TFL advised travel outside peak times, incredibly starting at 5.45 a.m. (was that all the Deliveroo?) and issued a walking tube map, saying stations were only 10 mins apart; 2 mins in central London, more like.  Just Stop Oil ended the protest Friday.  Amidst reports of buffet shortages, Uncle Joe told COP27 delegates the “science is devastatingly clear – we have to make progress by the end of this decade.”  They agreed a deal to fund climate change damage but not to cut emissions or fossils fuels.  Martin Kaiser, Greenpeace Germany, called it a ‘sticking plaster on a huge, gaping wound’.  Canberra activists threw blue paint at ‘symbol of capitalism‘, Warhol’s Campbell’s soup cans.  Talk about missing the point!  Rishi went to Bali for the G20.  Fearing assassination for weakness, Vlad sent Sergei Lavrov.  Vlod pointedly addressed the G19, China criticised the weaponization of food and fuel, and the Cambodian leader tested positive for covid.  Meanwhile, Top CIA man Bill Burns met his Russian counterpart Sergei Naryshkin in Ankara, to discuss Yanks held in detention and convey ‘a message on the consequences of the use of nuclear weapons’.

Swellen gave France £8m extra a year for more beach patrols and UK immigration officers in their control rooms.  Nitwit Elphicke carped it fell short of what was needed.  Admitting it wouldn’t solve the crisis of 40,000 channel crossings, Swellen said it was part of a multi-dimensional approach.  Albanian migrants held a demo Sunday, demanding the nasty bitch resign.  After Uncleverly told LGBTQ fans to respect Qatari laws at the World Cup, as a ‘massive gay’, Luke Pollard urged he apologise.  An official ambassador then said homosexuality damaged the mind.  Reports of safehouses being set up, disgraced ex-FIFA boss Sepp Blatter was more concerned Qatar was too tiny to host the competition than human rights or migrant construction worker deaths.  Russian troops withdrew from Kherson, destroying comms on the way out of the only regional capital they’d captured during the war.  Republicans not faring as expected in US midterms, The Trump said if they did well, it was down to him but if not, it was everyone else’s fault and blamed Melania for advising him to back a loser.  This didn’t deter a ‘big announcement’ that he’d re-run for president.

Kingy and Camilla’s cut-price coronation would take place 6^th May 2023, with a third May bank holiday Monday 8^th.  On a 2-day Yorkshire tour, they visited Bradford, Leeds, Doncaster and York, where a man shouted this country was built on slavery and chucked eggs at them.  On his 74^th birthday, Kingy leant on an oak tree for dumb selfies.  Nobody knew if he’d continue the tradition of an official summer birthday.  Tuesday, 3 British actors (Tom Owen, Bill Treacher and Leslie Philips) died, as did swingometer inventor David Butler.  Paying tribute, Michael Crick said: “For decades (he) was the foremost psephologist in Britain and around the world.”  Premier Inn was voted best chain hotel and tatty with a ‘rough and ready feel’,  Britannia the worst.  Simon Calder rightly argued you could stay in ace places like Scarborough’s Grand.

Unhinged

Woodland 2

The bedroom telly came on at 6 a.m. Tuesday 15^th.  Jolted awake by the Milkshake theme, I could never find the auto-alarm feature to switch it off but tuned to BBC, it was less raucous when it happened again the next week.  Phil learnt on google his hot flush could be down to lifestyle changes. “Doing a work! Your body’s in overdrive trying to make testosterone. Maybe you need HRT too. I’ll ask when I get mine.”  I forgot, but bought a few essentials in the chemist, later realising I’d got conditioner instead of shampoo again and spotted hair clippers on an-aisle end.  Later in the week, Phil successfully exchanged the hair gunk and bought clippers with myriad attachments.  I went home to tut at mill redevelopers messing about on a trial trike – were they unhinged? – and read the HRT leaflet to fret over side-effects.  Phil subsequently persuaded me to try it.  He agreed opening a window to dispel moisture in Wednesday sunshine was a good idea until the temperature dropped.  Cleaning the landing, the tripod stand fell apart.  Swearing loudly, I left it in bits and asked Phil if he’d  heard me. “Yes; what was it?” “Guess. I think there’s a screw missing.” “I think a screw is missing.” “I just said that!”  We discussed a cut-price Christmas and going to Lidl for German treats. “And lobsters,” he offered. “I’m not buying them. Too much faff and we don’t know your shifts. I’m cooking nowt that takes half a day to prepare.”

Due to intimidation and throwing tomatoes at them, civil servants avoided working with Rabid Raab in his previous cabinet roles.  Facing two formal bullying complaints, he wrote to Rishi requesting an independent inquiry, then faced Rayner.  PMQs covered by a new ‘talking politics’ segment on channel 5, we listened to host Storm trying to be serious and an unhinged Carole Gammone saying such claims were normal in a working environment (in her nasty world!) then tuned to BBC for actual debate.  Clive Betts asked if the PM (hobnobbing in Bali) should allow Raab to serve to which he parroted he’d comply fully.  Rayner not on top form, asked a question worthy of a toady then followed up with: the G20 supposedly addressing global economics, why did the government drag its feet on taxing massive profits?  He spouted the usual codswallop on lower tax gaps and stricter non-dom regs.  She retorted the truth was, working people paid the price for tory choices.  Where was the UK in the list of the 38 growth countries?  As Raab kept schtum, she told him: 38^th; thanks to wrong people making wrong choices.  No ethics, no integrity and no mandate, when would a new ethics adviser drain the swamp?  Raab refuted all bullying claims including flying tomatoes and said the ’mud-slinging’ was because labour didn’t have a plan.  Rees-Moggy chimed in that labour’s bullying record was second to none.  On Daily Politics, Bridget Philipson complained Raab ignored labour’s plans  for growth and to help with inflation and suppressed wages.

A rogue missile hit Poland, killing 2.  Vlod blamed Vlad.  In urgent G20 talks, Biden gave Duda’s investigation his ‘full support’ but rather than coming from Russia, was likely shot down by a Soviet-era S300; part of Ukrainian air defences.  No indication it was deliberate, paying for a top-up at the co-op kiosk, I overheard a colleague telling someone that was how WW2 started  “Let’s not get carried away; it was an accident.” I told My Mate. “On a lighter note, have a good day.” “See you in the bomb shelter.” “Eff off! Pardon my French.”  Head fuggy writing, I picked up the guitar for the first time in months.  Barely able to remember simple chords, they gradually came back to me.  Phil returned with Pueblo baccy – worthy, organic, made by native Americans, bought by woke hippies, and now, him.

Still raining after overnight rain Thursday, I guessed a swollen river would cause consternation.  As did The C**t’s budget.  Glossing over council tax hikes, he focussed on frozen income tax thresholds costing earners more over time, less help with energy bills from April, windfall tax rising to 35% and extended to 2028, slower public spending rises but more for health, social care and education for the next 2 years (excluding early years, 6^th form and HE), a 10.1% rise in benefits rise and the national living wage to £12.42 from April, and some guff on wind turbines and broadband.  Reeves whinged in the ‘Bobby Ewing strategy’ of denying past chaos, ‘old cast members returned as if nothing had happened and it was time the series was cancelled’.  Sturgeon griped that austerity had returned.  Energy help well short of what was needed, the End Fuel Poverty Coalition predicted 7m still in fuel poverty would be joined by an extra 1.6m.  Simon Francis said: “we are already seeing the horrific impact of living in cold damp homes and children…Without the financial support…this winter…the NHS will be overwhelmed and millions will suffer.”  Interviewed by Chris Mason, The C**t denied ducking difficult decisions until after the next election.  He faced them in a ‘balanced way’, given an upcoming 2 years of recession, but there was a plan and there was hope to ‘get us back to normality’.  He’d obviously listened to the BOE who said we’d start ‘getting back to normal’ after the winter gas crisis.  Phil laughed at the persistent misguided belief: “Everyone, the IMF etc., say things will never return to normal.”  Friday, I discovered a strike by Jacob’s workers.  Phil reckoned loads of industrial action wasn’t reported by ‘Pravda’ (aka the BBC).  Hunting for Christmas treats in the co-op, random stock occupied the diminished cracker shelf.  Amid a tinned peach shortage (nowt to do with Brexit!) I regretted eating one last month, and opted for retro fruit cocktail.  Phil rang at the end of his shift.  Dank as the sun dipped behind the hill, I eschewed the pub.  His latest ‘how shops work’ tutorial entailed the air con system clarting shelves in dust. “You can tell as soon as you walk in if it’s a decent shop or not. “Like the awful Sainsbury’s in the next village?” “Yep. And their new co-op will be Asda soon as they sold them with the forecourts.”  Store people from Preston brought new snacks.  He bought cheese savouries. “What else did they bring?” “Loads of sweets and salt n vinegar savouries. I pulled a face: “Ooh no!” “You sound like a granny.” “I am 60 you know!” “Join the gammon grannies, saying everything’s disgusting!” “If I do get like that, shoot me.” “I will!” A slight hangover Saturday, I slept in shockingly late (like the old days), posted a blog and considered the Omaze house prize draw.  Too pricey, I decided Marbella was full of gangsters anyway and edited the Christmas card while Phil cut his hair.  Struggling to settle with a whirring mind at bedtime, I finally dropped off to be roused by him coughing at 3.45.  Exhausted and tearful, I blocked out bright light and eventually got a few hours.  Despite insomnia and low mood, I gave up lying-in Sunday and found a tumbler stained yellow from Phil drinking turmeric. I complained it hadn’t stopped his cough.  About to go for a wander, he was asked to do an extra shift.  I whinged of short notice but he countered it was more money with no lifting, and the weather wasn’t great.  To be fair, it rained soon after.  I went for knobbly market veg and browsed charity shops, getting myself a handbag and him chinos for work (perfect except unhemmed, they needed altering) then nipped in the co-op to wait at the till as a woman filled her bag with luxury items like avocado and prawns.  I finished the Christmas card before Phil got home.  Entering and exiting the living room several times, he stood peering at the wall calendar.  The shifts I’d scribbled on not tallying with the office chart, he decided he was on a late Monday and looked forward to a lie-in.  Aware of movement at 7.00 a.m., I rose to find a note saying he was on an early after all.  Putting my first HRT patch on, I immediately had a hot flush.  Probably not weird, I got on with writing and chores.  Shivering all day even in extra layers, when Phil got in, I battened down the hatches and put the heating on.  Well, it was 4 degrees out.  Work on the journal was interrupted by Tales from The Store.  The new assistant manager blobbed twice, then left.  Giving some hogwash about the work causing anxiety, they suspected she had 2 jobs.  Possibly unhinged, I wondered if they checked references.  Phil said hardly anyone did now.  “How Stupid!” “Penny wise, pound foolish, that’s today’s capitalists.” “Tell your boss I’ve got a background in personnel and am available for a reasonable consultancy fee!” Back to 4-day weeks, Phil got crumpets with jam as a sop.  He asked was I watching the World Cup. “I’m boycotting it.” “I’m not boycotting England games.” “They gave into the armband lark, and those rich pundits complaining of human rights abuses, still taking millions to be there. It’s awful!” “How do you know all that if you’re not watching it?” “From the news. I’m keeping up with the antics. I might change my mind if England reach the final.”  I actually caved in before then, which was just as well.

Protesting David Beckham’s £10m ambassador deal, Joe Lycett shredded £10,000 in fake notes.  2 days before Kick-off, Qatar banned venue alcohol sales.  Bud tweeted, ‘this is awkward’.  At the last minute, FIFA forbid captains to wear ‘one love’ armbands, threatening yellow cards and fines.  Home nation fans left at half-time during the first match but official attendance figures exceeded stadium capacity.  In support of protestors, Iranian players refused to sing their national anthem.  England beat them 6-2, the highest score ever for an opening game.  Thousands were locked out due to a FIFA app malfunction.  Rainbow bucket hats were taken off Welsh fans and a reporter clad in a rainbow tee was denied entry.  FIFA said confiscation of clothing would end Thursday.

Get Out!

New drug Teplizumab could delay the onset of type 1 diabetes for 3 years and lead to better treatments.  As a banner flew over the jungle reading: ‘Covid bereaved say get out of here’, crocodile tears had the desired effect and people stopped voting for The Cock to do bushtucker trials.  The QT audience wondered if we’d survive 2 years’ austerity.  Thicky Atkins disingenuously claimed the effects of Trussonomics had flushed through the system, according to the OBR.

Queried on when they’d re-join the single market and tax the likes of Amazon who’d made a mint during covid, Thicky denied Brexit was to blame, said we should look forward and all countries had the same pressures.  Ian Blackford reckoned taxing big companies could raise £11 bn; it was a political choice to make the poor pay.  At the CBI conference in Brum, Tony Danker wanted ‘part 2’ of the budget statement, to encourage investment in UK and spark growth.  Rishi said ‘wait and see’.  He also quashed rumours of a ‘Swiss style’ EU deal, saying Brexit was delivering for the country.  His unhinged speech slayed me: “I voted for Brexit, I believe in Brexit…already delivering enormous benefits and opportunities for the country – migration being an immediate one…proper control of our borders…(we can)…have a conversation with the country about the type of migration that we want and need…We weren’t able to do that inside the European Union…” (Yep, that’s going well!) “When it comes to trade…we can open up our country to the world’s fastest-growing markets…I’ve just got back from the G20…talking about signing CPTPP…(becoming) part of that trading bloc, that’s a fantastic opportunity…” (See ‘Brexit island’ⁱⁱ).  Guardianistas incensed that Keir wouldn’t reverse Brexit either, the next day, he told business leaders the UK must end dependency on cheap immigrant labour and train our own.

Average pay rises of 5.7% (6.6% for the private sector and 2.2% for the public), didn’t keep pace with the highest inflation for 40 years.  11.1% in October, 11.9% for those on low incomes and 16.2% for food, we couldn’t avoid staples like milk and eggs but we could shun extortionate Heinz ketchup.  Hull suffered higher inflation and excess deaths – due to draughtier homes, lower wages, or lower prices to start with?  In first-ever talks with the RCN, The health sec swerved pay talk in favour of body-cams and care funding.  Pat Cullen retorted: “By refusing my requests for negotiations, Steve Barclay is directly responsible for the strike action this month…Nursing staff don’t want to be outside their hospitals, they want to be inside – feeling respected and able to provide safe care to patients.”  Heathrow baggage handlers struck and PO workers announced 10 days’ further action Nov-Dec, including Black Friday and Christmas Eve.  Half-year losses £219m, Royal Mail asked government if they could stop Saturday letter deliveries, as the public were indifferent (we couldn’t afford the stamps!) and concentrate on packages; maybe planning to capitalise on Evri (formerly Hermes), again voted worst parcel service.  A coroner concluded toddler Awaab Ishaq died from an untreated severe respiratory condition caused by prolonged exposure to mould in his home.  The family accused Rochdale Boroughwide Housing of racism.  CE Gareth Swarbrick resigned, Gove withdrew funding (how did that help?) and a week later, said sorry to tenants still living with fungi.  Greenpeace projected a video highlighting fuel poverty onto Rishi’s North Yorks Georgian mansion.  Heavy rain brought mayhem to southern villages and roads, Aberdeenshire flooding swept someone into the River Don and Russian shelling left half of Kyiv without power.  Finding evidence of explosives near Nord Stream 1 & 2, Swedish prosecutors called September’s leaks ‘gross sabotage’.  A major gas supplier to the UK and EU, Norway stepped up surveillance.  A 5.6 shallow earthquake along Indonesia’s ring of fire felled houses, blocked roads and killed at least 162.  Hundreds of injured were treated amid aftershocks in Java.  Artemis 1 finally took off to take a moonikin to the moon.  Both Brian Cox’s on BBC breakfast, the actor promoted his new show on how the other half lived and the physicist touted his new book.  Building on Stephen Hawking’s work, it was an idiot’s guide to black holes – The universe for dummies!

Broken Britain

Broken Britain

Tuesday lunchtime, I proffered Phil a spare finger roll.  Mishearing me, he asked was it a fancy foreign thing like Remainers bought in The Store? “Yes, fingerorle authentico!”  Falling asleep faster at night, I actually dropped off for 5 mins during a siesta – was it the hormones?  As we waited at the sunny bus stop Wednesday, the geese squawked and waddled off the church lawn in unison.  Phil laughed at their peculiar communication and related an anecdote of one flying down to the river and unable to fly back up, getting stuck.  A quick ride to the next town, all-day brekkies at the market café ate into the time as they were short-staffed and Phil ordered the biggest, which took ages to cook.  Disappointingly no thermal socks in Age UK, Phil found a book and DVD.  Paying for them to hide for yule, I spotted a tin of smelly miniatures for myself.  The discount store and the German supermarket provided the best seasonal goody mission for 3 years.  Pleased with our haul, we headed for the bus, letting a polite schoolboy on first.  The fast journey back juddery, we thought a spring was broke or, as Phil sang: “the wheels on the bus are  not  round!”

Brexit putting investors off, OECD forecast the UK as the worst-performing country in the G20 2023 and possibly 2024.  Rishi told cabinet we faced ‘a challenging winter’ of strikes, high costs and NHS backlogs.  Labour said he took ‘people for fools’ blaming winter and not a ‘decade of tory mismanagement’ for the challenges.  Watching PMQs on iPlayer, Keir failed to mention this, declared ‘shame on FIFA’ and asked why we had the lowest growth? Rishi insisted it was the highest since 2010 and the fastest this year, and selected 3 ‘important points’ from the OECD report: growth, international challenges, and support for his fiscal plan, then bragged about putting more into the NHS.  An unconvinced Keir railed total denial wouldn’t wash and due to 12 years’ inaction, weeks of chaos and Rishi’s changes, ordinary people had £1400 tax hikes.  Ducking queries on how much super- wealthy non-doms were expected to pay, Rishi said labour had years to sort it out, and while they peddled fairy tales and gesture politics, tories protected pensioners.  As the Guardian alleged Rishi registered with a private GP, Keir dug in; he’d scrap non-doms to fund doctors so they wouldn’t have to go private.  Rishi didn’t gainsay the claim until January 2023.  The Supreme Court ruling Scotland couldn’t hold an indy ref without Westminster consent, Ian Blackford maintained with a mandate to deliver a referendum, democracy couldn’t be denied and urged Rishi be honest and admit the idea of the UK union as voluntary, was dead and buried.  Now the time to stick together, Rishi respected the court’s decision.  Blackford countered, he couldn’t claim to respect the rule of law and deny democracy.  Quite! Was Scotland a colony?  Would they go to the European court?  Olivia Blake asked why an investigation into lives lost in The Channel took so long, adding it wouldn’t have happened if there were safe, legal routes.  Rishi inanely said every life lost was a tragedy which was why Swellen was tackling illegal migration (splutter!)

Woken early Thursday by machinery and Phil, I changed the HRT patch, got a hot flush, burps and nausea.  After ridding windows of ice-like moisture, I tried expunging mould caused by bathroom condensation with mixed results.  Shaking rugs out, a soft toy flew out the window.  Luckily, it was retrievable from behind the shed-house.  On QT, Andy Bunman advocated local control of skills and a personal approach to getting the inactive back to work.  Saying work must pay, Ben Habib (aka Asian Farage) blamed dependency culture and defended Truss as having the right idea on growth but was ‘defenestrated’ by The Treasury and BOE.  Citing the Avanti debacle, Bunman said performance had fallen off a cliff and agreed with Rapper Darren McGarvey who likened denouncing the RMT for destroying Christmas to spin on Scargill – it was a tory tactic to always blame workers.  The Scottish government allegedly considering making the rich to pay for NHS treatment, Bunman sought properly integrated health & social care and workforce plans to stop agency use and pay staff more.  Transport minister Richard Holden backed Rishi going private as he paid tax and could opt back into the NHS – that wasn’t the point!  Despite the chair of ACOBA Lord Pickles finding The Cock’s jungle jaunt broke regs (but disciplinary action ‘disproportionate’), they all thought his normality bid had won the public over – Bunman said The Cock wasn’t a bad guy but tories always put themselves first.

Going to the co-op Friday, I swapped updates on a neighbour’s community carers’ job with Phil’s work, over-sharing shop gossip.  Using a discount coupon from a leaflet posted through the door, I panicked at the till as a woman breathed down my neck.  After extensive research, Phil found the ideal freezer.  The search not working on my browser, he sent me a link, then it wouldn’t log me in.  Eventually buying the thing, my card was subsequently declined.  Satan’s Bank had changed the card so the expiry date was the same but the number different.  The microwave clock at zero revealing a power cut, Phil discovered the entire Halifax area was out for 2 hours early Saturday. “Broken Britain! I can’t believe gammons still don’t think tories are incompetent,” he observed. I countered: “They can’t really believe that anymore, but can’t admit they’re wrong and in denial, say it’s better than the coalition of chaos!”  Installing advent gubbins, I found a broken candle holder, then hoovered and disposed of recycling, needing to rest before visiting the unadvertised Christmas market – oddly on the same street as The Store, where Phil heard about it.  Seeing Counsellor Friend and partner, we joined them to peruse crap crafts and catch up.  I learnt her mum died last month (Phil knew and assuming I did, never mentioned it), they were buying a house in the next town and she was planning to top up her pension pot; I advised she didn’t.  We waved bye and munched greasy Serbian pies.  Past the lit tree in the square and up the pedestrian street, we spotted vacant seats outside The Pub.  While ordering, I observed changes since our last visit, pre-covid.  Tasty-looking nuts in jars replaced pies on the bar.  The servers said the butcher who used to make them, mysteriously stopped and asked if the Serbian ones were good – they weren’t keen on the lubricious aspect.  Supping ale, I remarked Counsellor Friend had progressed from being skint to house-buying while we seemed to go backwards.  Nothing personal intended, Phil got defensive.  I changed tack to muse over people either having no job or three, and the state of the world.  Dozy in the gloaming, we went home.

On Laura K Sunday, Jerk Berry concurred with Mark Harper’s ‘getting a grip’ drivel.  Hoping the RMT would get a letter Monday, Frances O’Grady welcomed the government’s altered tone, but railed against Broken Britain.  After the Barclay debacle, Pat Cullen repeated it was ‘negotiation or nothing’.  Prof Hannah Fry agreed problems went back much further than the war or covid.

Phil dreaded a 5-day week.  Covering for a colleague’s hospital appointment, he had a late followed by an early again,  Not ideal with shifts playing havoc with his body clock, I suggested eschewing more hours but as they forgot he’d volunteered for extra work, he hoped it was a one-off.  Trees emitting steam in the cold grey, I stayed in to be disturbed by noisy stone-cutting on the street below, unceasing till dark.  I placed an Ocado order and made granola bars. Chopping cranberries and nuts interminable, the stupid electronic scales kept turning off.  Exhausted with backache, I checked commemorative coin values to discover we actually had a Brexit 50p – sadly only worth 50p. thanks to the queen dying, Paddington was worth a bit more.  Despite a sunny Monday, there was more condensation to deal with.  Orange barriers blocking the small steps, explaining the stone-cutting, I took the longer way to the co-op.  Very busy for the time of day, a miserable woman shelf-stacking gave me a dirty look.  I asked her kinder colleague to pass me an item, grabbed clearance stuff and queued at the till.  Phil brought home 2 bagful’s of Milk Tray.  Sold to outlet staff for a charitable donation, he planned to eat them, I proposed giving them away – a compromise was made.  Accepting the idea of working Christmas and looking forward to a bonus Amazon voucher and mince pies, the manager who hadn’t had a day off for 6 weeks, understandably refused to open.  I put  his shift pattern on the calendar, and ordered Christmas gifts under his nose.  The next two days cold and foggy, Tuesday, it didn’t lift.  Just after I heard Phil going to work, the landline rang.  Drowsy, I vaguely realised it’d be the freezer.  At a loud door knock, I shouted and donned a dressing gown, badly.  Telling them they were early, the nice delivery men said someone had to be first.  I meant by 2 days, not 2 hours!  “Where do you want it?” They asked.  I indicated the kitchen steps: “Down here if you don’t mind,” “Ok.” “Thanks. The men who delivered our fridge wouldn’t take it down.” “Well, they weren’t as nice as us! You can give us a 5-star rating!!”  I forgot to do so.  Placing it exactly in the spot I’d cleared, unpacking was a doddle except removing the polystyrene stand.  I got an endorphin rush at the shiny smell.  Sad I know, but when did I last have anything brand new? 

When Phil returned, I asked did he notice anything?  “A freezer.” “Well, a box.” “You mean I don’t have to lug it down?” “No. Are you impressed?” “Yes, did you do it.” “Yes, ha, ha!”  He settled on the sofa with a groan. “You’re tired. Thought you were finishing at 2 didn’t you?” “Yep.” “I did wonder when you asked last night. How did the granola bar work out?” “Much easier at 6 in the morning.”  Siestas disturbed by chainsaws, I stuck earplugs in then they stopped!  Channel-hopping to avoid the match build-up, Phil asked: “What’s this crap?” Boycotting among the sportswashing lasting almost 1½ weeks, I relented to watch England beat Wales.  Dullness joined by nasty stuff falling out of the sky Wednesday 30^th, Phil thought we were going to The City. “No way! It’s too horrid and I’m knackered from sorting the freezer.”  He played with polystyrene packaging and I repurposed it as makeshift insulation against the coldest walls.  Keir inexplicably led PMQs on private school donations and blocking new homes.  Rishi replied they were aspirational and wittered about labour joining picket lines.  Keir went on, every week, the PM handed money to those who didn’t need it, buckled under pressure, and got weaker.  Rishi countered he had the same old labour ideas, with more debt, strikes and migration, and was laughed at mentioning control of borders.  Ian Blackford wished all a happy St. Andrews Day and 56% polled by YouGov saying it was wrong to leave Europe, fumed about a bill to rip up EU laws racing through, labour trying to outrun tories on Brexit the bugbear of Scottish independence.

At 741, homeless deaths in 2021 reverted to pre-pandemic levels.  Immensa’s Wolverhampton lab incorrectly gave 39,000 negative covid results September/October 2021.  UKHSA estimated this led to an extra 55,000 infections, 680 hospitalisations and 23 deaths.  No immunity and toddlers good at spreading germs, kiddie flu rose 70%.  Parents were urged to get them nasal vaccines.  China’s zero-covid policy may have led to few fatalities and more growth (at least ‘til this year), but hampering rescues, 10 died in an Urumqi flat fire Thursday.  Demos across the country over the weekend, BBC cameraman Ed Lawrence was beaten and arrested during a clampdown Monday.  Chinese authorities said he didn’t show his press pass and it was for his own safety so he didn’t catch covid off the masses.  UK media described protestors as brave, unlike our own, who were nutters!  The Met assuring Londoners they were ready to deal with disruption in the yuletide run-up, Just Stop Oil marched round Trafalgar Square stopping commuters getting to the station.  German and English scientists grew a coronavirus in a lab to watch it mutate and American boffins made a universal flu vaccine to blunt the impact of future pandemics.  Lecanemab, a new early Alzheimer’s treatment, attacked beta amyloid (sticky gunge build-up in the brain).  Costing tens of thousands a pop, it was hailed as a momentous breakthrough.  Liam Smith was found shot and covered in acid in Shevington, Wigan.  Triggering a health alert, the GMP later told the public there was no risk.  Using the Vaccine Taskforce blueprint, Rishi announced £113m for 4 research ‘missions’: cancer, obesity, mental health and addiction.  He then told Mansion House he wished to develop the ‘quality and depth of partnerships with like-minded countries’ (USA, Israel, Gulf and Commonwealth states, but not the EU!)

Blast Furnace Blast

The Warm Homes Prescription Pilot launched December 2021, was extended for patients who got sicker in the cold.  Redcar blast furnace was blown up live on BBC Breakfast, making way for a freeport.  National Grid immediately cancelled blackout warnings.  RAC finding retailers not passing on lower petrol costs, Grant Shatts asked supermarkets to cheapen it.  Peter Smith of NEA was ‘disturbed’ utility direct debits went up when customers made huge efforts to reduce use.

E.On admitted it’d be a year ‘til economies were reflected in bills.  Food inflation now 12.4%, (14.3% for fresh food), 3 in 10 single parents skipped meals to feed their kids, 3 in 5 students cut back and Oxfam found 35% spent less on Christmas gifts.  Cheddar sales falling by £31m, Richard Clothier of Wyke Cheese was ‘extremely worried’.  A shortfall of 1m turkeys, 1,840 domestic chickens were abandoned – why not stick them in the freezer to roast?  Diggle Village Association defended spending £1,450 installing a tiny living firtree as it worked out cheaper than buying one a year.

GMB said few toilet breaks at Amazon’s new ‘fulfilment centre’ in Wakefield, caused stress to 1,000 workers.  No buyer found, Martin Wilkinson Jewellers in Mansfield, likely the oldest in the UK at 228, would shut.  According to Link, 114 HSBC branch closures made the total 600.  100 jobs lost and customers forsaken, Unite’s Dom Hook railed, without corporate social responsibility requiring banks to stay on the high street helping the elderly and vulnerable, access to cash and banking would be lost forever.  The union were disappointed ambulance staff at only 8 trusts voted to strike.  During the latest CWU action, Dave Ward claimed an out-of-depth Royal Mail CE Simon Thompson, not interested in providing a universal postal service, was destroying it.  8% of Avanti and 5.8% TPE trains cancelled on non-strike days, en route to see 5 northern mayors, Mark Harper harped on about modernisation and sorting out the row.  Mayors said the meeting was constructive but they needed investment, not warm words.  After 2 weeks of talks, the Rail Delivery Group said real progress was made.  Not hearing the desired proposals, the RMT announced four 48-hour strikes December-January plus overtime bans over the festive period.  Lynch blamed ‘the dead hand of government’ and The Sun headlined ‘The Lynch Who Stole Christmas’.  Lynch met Harper Thursday, who said there was ‘common ground’.  Scottish teachers and English lecturers walked out.  Formal negotiations ongoing in Scotland, Westminster rejected them, so the first 2 NHS strike days were announced as 15^th & 20^th December.  Bestfood (owned by Tesco and Booker) workers in Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, Wagamama, Zizzi and Pizza Express, were balloted.  National Coalmining Museum staff accepted a new pay offer, meaning no more strikes after one in October (another hidden dispute!)

Net migration a record ½m, more EU nationals left but 509,000 others included Ukrainians and Hongkongers on bespoke visas, and students.  Downing Street declined to give a timespan on reducing numbers.  After an inmate died in hospital, Manston processing centre was emptied and detainees moved to hotels across the country.  40,000 living in hotels, HO compulsorily moved others out.  PS Matt Rycroft couldn’t tell the home affairs select committee if paying Rwanda £140m was good value. Blaming migrants and traffickers, Swellen admitted they’d lost control of borders and vowed to make ‘sustainable changes’ with 3 decisions per worker per week by next year – currently 0.6 a week, it wasn’t feasible.  Unable to describe legal routes, she stammered that if you arrived in the UK you could apply for asylum.  Having to step in, Matt said people could apply to UNCHR but this option wasn’t available in all countries.  Coop spluttered that an out-of-depth Swellen didn’t even know her own policies.  Harem Ahmad Abwbaker was arrested for 27 channel drownings November 2021.  The Marine Accident Investigation Branch found they’d reached UK waters.  3 stowaways from Nigeria were discovered on a ship’s rudder in The Canaries.

After beating Argentina at the World Cup, Saudi Arabia declared a national holiday.  The favourites were out by the end of week.  About to play Japan, the German team covered their mouths to signify they’d been silenced.  Home-nation Qatar were eliminated, Iran were booed singing their national anthem, but after goalie Wayne Henderson got the first red card of the tournament, beat Wales.  World Cup chief Hassan al-Thawali estimated 500 workers died building stadia.  Officially 3, we’d never know the real figure.  Round-the-clock efforts reconnected 80% of Ukraine to essential water, electricity and heating.  Olena Zelenska got a standing ovation as she thanked the UK parliament for support and asked them to lead a special tribunal.  The EU wanted the UN to head the tribunal.  Stewart Rhodes of right-wing Oath Keepers was convicted of sedition for the Washington Capitol attack 6^th Jan 2021.  A Walmart manager killed 7 colleagues and himself in Chesapeake, Florida.

Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac and Wilko Johnson died, for real this time.  Irene Cara known for singing ‘I’m Gonna Live Forever’, didn’t.  In UK census results, only 41% of Leicesterians identified as white.  Christians a minority for the first time, more people had no religion, and an extra 1m were Moslem.  A fungi project found rare species in fields at The Crags.  A 3^rd-5^th century Roman villa complete with ash in the fireplace and mosaics depicting Homer’s Iliad, was unearthed in a Rutland field.  Resembling Toy Town on a bigger scale, York traders complained the St Nicholas fair took their business away.  We noted the Christmas market mark-up.  A car drove through Kake temptations’ window in Batley.  The driver really needed cake!

*Permacrisis – an extended period of instability and insecurity

**HMICFRS – His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: Hepdene Rose | Cool Places – Our Back Yard (wordpress.com)

ii. Brexit Island: Brexit Island – Home | Facebook

The Corvus Papers 3: The Rocky Horror Show

“To use a non-technical term, that’s pretty much bollocks” (Gillian Tett)

Unknowable

Windfall

Saturday breakfast stressful, Phil took over.  Accusations of inefficiency were a tad unfair given his new job.  Still doing extra hours, he didn’t know for how long, but at least he enjoyed my lamb tagine after late weekend shifts. “I should hope so! I made it special so you’d have something tasty and warm.”  Unfortunately, I couldn’t help with fatigue.  Tired for different reasons, I pushed myself along the canal and round the park Sunday, found flowers and foliage, an edible apple among munched windfall and the squat boarded up.  They Anarchists were gone by November.  In the co-op, I got reduced items and a cheery greeting from Geordie ex-neighbour.  Back home, I developed a headache but at least I’d had fresh air.

About to bathe Monday morning, Phil said I should’ve done so an hour ago. “Fascist!”  I wrote until unable to focus and fuggy-headed and did yoga.  Waking lots early Tuesday, I ended up oversleeping and became despondent at so many chores to do.  Needing supplies again, I headed out.  The alt therapy woman walked a few paces ahead, engrossed on her mobile and waving imperiously.  In the co-op, she curated her basket in a way suggesting she wasn’t struggling like some of us – strawberries in October, FFS!  A man fiddling under chiller shelves meant I couldn’t even get basic veg but did find a large bottle of cooking oil cheaper.  Calling the surgery again, the answerphone said they were shut for staff training with no info as to when they’d re-open.  Phil got home for a late lunch, saying he’d brought the rain with him.  “Don’t sing another song!”  Radio 2 on all day in The Store, he couldn’t help himself.

Pouring all night, low mood made it hard to be bothered about anything on a damp Wednesday.  Phil again harassed me into bathing then interrupted my writing to say he’d better get ready for work.  I’d forgot he was starting early, hastened lunch, and visited Walking Friend.  The pretty fallen leaves made the steep steps slippy even in sturdy boots.  I found her knitting, handed over the clean scrunchy and listened to her work woes over a cup of Earl Grey.  Martin Green of Care England said without a complete restructure of the social care system, millions could be left without support and the NHS would be ‘on its knees’, so I wasn’t surprised to hear of low morale, exacerbated by increased workloads and pointless online training.  I made suggestions and diverted her with other topics, when a text arrived saying she had a staff meeting on her day off.  “You always have a choice, you could walk into another job tomorrow if you wanted.”  I shared what I’d learnt about state pension eligibility to discover she wasn’t paying National Insurance. Now also on a low wage, Phil agreed the system was rigged to disenfranchise people and she should opt back in.  Feeling sleepy, I accepted a second cuppa before dodging dog-walkers on the steps.  Phil slept in the next 2 days.  I took over breakfast apple art.  Gracious about the browning butterflies Thursday, he unkindly laughed at Friday’s effort.

Having arranged to meet at The Tearooms, Walking Friend cancelled to hike with The Poet.  We decided to go out anyway.  I went ahead to buy cinema tickets for the first time in 3 years.  Unable to process an extra discount at the box-office, they said they no longer recognised the PTL orange dot.  Who knew what it was good for now?  They kindly granted me the concession and gave me a CCA form for next time but I was ineligible – quelle surprise!  I hung around for Phil and we perused the Greasy Spoon menu.  Unsure if they served all-day brekkie, we opted for pies instead, listening sympathetically to Deli Woman’s travails of filling a vacancy.  You just couldn’t get the staff nowadays!  We ate in the park and ascended to woodland.  A bumper year for conkers, we found none but plenty of toadstools (see Cool Placesⁱ).  On a wet and grey Friday, I did boring admin and the weekend shop.  Phil went to the kiosk while I paid at the till.  The reader wouldn’t scan my MasterCard or accept the PIN for some unknown reason.  As a man stood right behind me, I got flustered, lost confidence in knowing the number and used a different card.  In my panic, I missed Phil sneakily picking up all the bags which he insisted on carrying as practice for work.

Boarded Up Squat

Baroness Halibut promised victims would be at the heart of the covid public inquiry.  Rising 14% in a week, it was unknown if 1.3m cases was a winter wave.  Increasing among over 70’s, we should avoid the vulnerable and get boosted.  Of 1 million Brits with long-covid, 514,000 had it for 2 years.  Growing since lockdowns, Councillor Friend told Look North there’d be changes to hazardous street furniture in Toy Town.  Ostensibly turning pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Girls Aloud launched Primark nightwear.

Larry the cat eschewed a stroking from Trussed-Up as she met the Danish PM outside Number 10.  In Brum for the tory conference, she admitted to Laura K the kamikaze budget caused disruption, and shock announcements could’ve been handled better but repeated it was everyone else’s fault, threw Kwasi Modo under the bus saying he decided to scrap the top income tax rate and attend a hedge fund managers’ champagne reception the evening before the pound tanked: ‘I don’t control his diary’.  She didn’t mention Melton Mowbray pork pies going under.  NOT taking back control of pork markets?  That. Is. A. Disgrace! 

Noncommittal on benefit cuts, she said Coffee-Cup was looking at it and Kwasi was sorting everything else.  The Glove-puppet and Shatts both lambasted ‘Trussonomics’; the latter predicting a commons revolt.  A U-turn on the top tax rate and release of forecasts came after a late-night meeting.  Only knocking £2bn off the bill and other unknowns in the pipeline, markets remained jittery.  Having a tough Monday, Kwasi reiterated commitment to growth, evaded a direct apology but ‘humbly’ accepted cutting high earner’s taxes was ill-judged.  Meanwhile, Tory chair Jake Berry told Sky News the answer to soaring bills was to ‘either cut consumption, get a higher salary or go out there and get that new job.’  Chris Bryant retorted: ‘Do tories think people haven’t tried this?’  Division in the ranks, Mordor said benefits should go up with inflation rather than wages, Swellen accused them of coup-plotting and Trussed-Up repeated they hadn’t decided before posing in a hard hat and Hi-Viz at a Selly Oak factory.  At fringe meetings, Swellen couldn’t wait to deny migrants arriving in dinghies the right to seek asylum: it was her dream to see a plane-load heading for Rwanda on The Torygraph cover before Christmas!  POA called Manston processing centre a ‘pressure cooker’, with channel-crossers illegally held for a week rather than 48 hours, running out of food and water and police called.  Rees-Moggy urged shoppers to ignore a new law banning sweets near supermarket tills to save the choc orange.  Good to see him focused on important issues, he probably disapproved of Quality Street ditching iconic plastic wrappers too!

Striking Post office staff were joined later in the week by 999 call-handlers.  Yorkshire bus services cut, government capitulated on Northern Poorhouse rail going to Bradford.  South Eastern would axe first-class carriages and water jets would clear pesky autumn leaves from Northern Rail lines in Yorkshire but not here.  Warned it needed to ‘drastically improve services’, Avanti West Coast was given a 6-month extension.  How bad did they have to be to lose the franchise?  Tories left Brum early Wednesday before Trussed-Up’s address.  Allegedly due to the biggest rail strike yet, postponed from September, or because they were fed up of the febrile atmosphere.  Playing dress-up in a red frock like Emma Thompson’s Years and Years right-wing PM, Truss said she was willing to take difficult decisions to get the economy moving and change meant disruption but would benefit everyone.  The short-lived abolition of the top tax rate a ‘distraction’, she’d listened to people and wouldn’t allow the ‘anti-growth coalition’ to hold her back.  She sounded like a right tin-foiler, lumping together Labour, Lid Dems, ‘militant’ unions, Brexit-deniers, XR and Greenpeace (who were ejected for intrusion) and aped Thatcher saying they were ‘wrong, wrong, wrong’. Cabinet ministers cock-a-hoop, M People founder Mike Pickering was ‘livid’ at her entrance to Moving On Up, advising she heed the lyrics: ‘go and pack your bags and get out.’  Jeffrey Archer told Jeremy Vine she picked ministers based on friendship not talent, unlike Thatcher who only had 4 mates in Cabinet.  Conor Burns was sacked as trade minister for serious misconduct (inappropriate behaviour towards a young man at conference).  He’d ‘fully co-operate’ with an inquiry to clear his name.  Spice Girl Mel B tweeted: ‘Really?? Your shocked about this complaint??? Let me remind you what you said me in lift…’  Not knowing if it was arrogance or disrespect, Nicola Sturgeon complained it was ‘absurd’ Truss hadn’t rung a month into the job.

Dropping over summer, Fareshare urged supermarkets to donate more surplus food.  It’d be better if government faced the fact that people couldn’t afford groceries.  Prices soaring, service sector growth stalled, Tesco half-year profits fell 10% and average mortgage interest reached a 14 year high 6.07%.  The IFS predicting Trussonomics would make 99% worse off, Shell boss Ben van Beurden wanted to be taxed more to prevent damage to ‘significant parts of society’.  Later revealing last quarter profits of £8.2bn (a £26bn total for 2022 so far), they’d paid no windfall tax as profits weren’t technically made in the UK.  Amidst unknown variables, Ofgem warned of a winter gas emergency and prepared scenarios (rationing and blackouts).  National Grid later said it’d probably be alright and On QT, Nads Zahawi said 3-hour outages were a worst case scenario.  Why scaremonger then?  Not wishing to tell us what to do, Downing Street refused to launch a public info campaign, but telly ads appeared the following week.  Northern PowerGrid e-mailed a priority list and onesie sales rocketed.  As Nads said inflation was all Putin’s fault, Piers Morgan had heard it all; even the dead queen was more culpable of crashing the economy than tories!  Also delayed by Queenie dying, Kingy and Camilla went to Dunblane as the erstwhile Scottish capital was belatedly conferred city status.  Despite the sham poll, Ukrainians retook the town of Lyman in Donetsk.  Bags of drugs labelled Dior turned up on a Welsh beach.  Cocaine galore!

Trick or Cheat?

Woodland Toadstool

Overnight rain led to window condensation Saturday. Not dispersing in sunshine, the chamois turned black doing the box room.  Phil admitted it needed a proper clean.  Despite moderate drinking, I had a slight headache.  After coffee, Phil asked had I got over my binge – ha, ha!  He agreed it wasn’t ideal working weekends but it did get us out of the habit of wine-drinking every Friday and feeling crap Saturdays. Taking an age to do blogs amid brightness and interruptions, I lost my thread, got angry, developed head fug and considered gardening when a cool wind arrived.  Phil’s haircutting stalled when the clippers broke again.  We thought we might need a trip to Big Town for new ones.  We ate a hasty dinner to find the cinema had tricked us on the start time.  I bought tiny cans of beer from The Oil Painter, remarking on artists resorting to menial jobs – It’s a shit business!  We took our booked seats to watch a parade of ads and trailers before the main feature, Moonage Daydream.  While some montages were a bit weird and tracks truncated, the David Bowie doc wasn’t the mish-mash Phil expected.  I advised he stop reading Guardian reviews. Unseen footage featured La La La Human Steps practicing dance moves.  Phil reckoned Bowie turned up to play 2 notes at their performance we saw years ago.  So I had seen Bowie live and didn’t know it.  “Now you tell me!”  It was Phil’s turn to feel fuzzy Sunday.  Was it the small beer or the brightly-colourful cinematic experience messing with his head?  As he prepared for a late shift, I headed to town, hailed The Woman Next Door with a man near the old bridge, collected fallen leaves and went to an art exhibition.  Hoping to see Welsh Art Friend, I saw only The Printer.  We discussed her seaside prints until some of her mates turned up.  I went charity shopping for books, DVDs and a throw.  Phil brought home out-of-date bread destined for the bin.

Waking with a claggy throat Monday, I made soothing porridge, forgot spoons and irritated Phil straightening out bedding.  A bad start to the week, I soldiered on, washed the throw to dry quickly on the line, getting knackered clambering up and down stairs.  Tuesday, I cleaned rusty marks from plumbing tools on the landing windowsill.  I left them upstairs to adjust the stiff bath tap but when Phil returned from an early shift, he tetchily blamed my technique. “Don’t talk to me like that!” “Okay, I’ll have a look.”  A cricket landed on me at the co-op ATM.  As I attempted a rescue, the small queue crowded round.  “Is it a grasshopper?” Only in Toy Town – I’d be tutted at in the city!  Inside, my namesake hunted for reduced face cream when a colleague said she’d bought it all.  What a mean trick!  A group of lanyard-wearing teenagers laughed in the aisles, ironically singing ‘praise Jesus’.  I lugged the heavy, pricey items home as Phil got back, yawning and sighing: “I’m tired.” “Really? I wasn’t getting that!”

Early Wednesday, a niggly nose joined the sore throat.  Succumbing to illness, I took Echinacea and sucked a pastille.  Phil eventually asked what was wrong. “It could be the cold you’ve been in denial about all week.” “It’s not a cold, it’s a cough.” “Well, it could be the usual sinus lark. I haven’t had it for 3 months.”  I wondered if the record gap was due to more antibodies, the hot dry summer, or DIY.  “Doing stuff is good.” “Yeah, but I’ve felt iffy a few times since. Maybe it was bubbling under. I’m staying abed so don’t hassle me, but I need a bath.” “You’ll have to get up for that.”  Cleansed, I fetched coffee and the laptop and watched PMQs. Absurdly only Trussed-Up’s second began with tributes to David Amess a year since his murder and 10 victims of a petrol station explosion in Creeslough Donegal.  A backbencher guessed spooking the markets was incompetent not malevolent, but reneging on no-fault evictions was vicious.  A less forgiving Keir asked if Truss agreed with Rees-Moggy telling us the crisis was nowt to do with her fiscal plans.  She replied with the usual guff on taking decisive action, protecting the economy, higher growth and lower inflation.  Kier spluttered she was lost in denial, with mortgages sky-rocketing, the public wouldn’t forgive or forget and nor should they; it was time to stop the kamikaze budget causing so much pain.  After parroting herself, she blamed Vlad for global price rises, Keir for not supporting the energy price guarantee (he reminded her it was initially labour’s idea) and said he had a Damascus moment supporting the National Insurance reversal (which he always opposed).  Asked if she’d stick to no cuts, she promised to spend wisely instead.  One step behind the Shell boss on windfall taxes, he wondered why she insisted on tax cuts for the rich?  After more resay, she whinged his union mates stopped people getting to work.  Ian Blackford asked if the incompetent PM would give up her plan to save the chancellor by scapegoating the BOE – completely losing control, the only things growing were mortgages, rents and bills; was that what she meant by growing the economy?  As she threw queries back (unchallenged by The Speaker who scolded Boris all the time for that), Blackford sniped if she wanted to ask him questions, they could swap places, to much mirth.

Phil fed me cute cheese on toast faces, like a nursery tea.  Unable to go to Big Town, I spent ages ordering from the cranky Boots website  A singing Phil irksomely woke me at 5.50 a.m. Thursday.  I slept fitfully until 9, cleaned the bedroom and doubled up the long and narrow new throw into a bedspread.  Hot, tired and legs leaden, I worked on blogs.  About to upload, the laptop decided there was no internet.  I turned it off and waited eons for stupid MS to update and re-start, only to be bugged again the next day.  Phil returned from a shelf- stacking shift wearing his lovely new logoed sweatshirt (he had a fleece too).  After resting, he asked if he’d missed any news.  “Tories saying we’re all doomed!”  Friday, lovely orangey-pink dawn clouds tempted me up.  Phil offered to help with the weekend shop.  With a short list, I said I’d be ok, but it was an ordeal with heavy bags and the reader not authorising my card again.  Oblivious to my huffing and puffing, Phil went to work and I went back to bed.  Getting home promptly from the late shift, he didn’t know why they bothered for a few drunks and stoners.

Gamma Ray Afterglow

Kuoni’s Thai bookings 87% higher than pre-pandemic levels, covid tripled during a week-long Chinese holiday, meaning more lockdowns and travel restrictions.  1.7m infected by the UK’s 4^th wave this year, admissions increased 76% and 30% caught it in hospital, like in 2020.  Stephen Griffin of Indy Sage fretted about NHS pressure.  Reasonable uptake of autumn boosters, all over 50’s could book one (in theory) but Griffin wanted more eligibility.

NAO’s latest assessment put covid support losses at £4.5bn.  PAC chair Meg Hillier urged government ‘get a grip‘ on fraud and loose controls.  David Jason revealed he couldn’t move his limbs when he collapsed with covid during the summer.

ONS data showed wages fell 2.9% in real terms.  Banker’s bonuses rising twice as fast since the 2008 crash, The TUC said government should raise the minimum wage to £15, give public sector workers more and encourage fair pay deals for others.  Acknowledging the gap, a wheeled out Coffee-Cup repeated the hollow mantra of helping families with the cost of living.  Unemployment at 3.5% but record vacancies, people were too ill or stopped applying for hard low-wage jobs like social care.  CQC found 300,000 empty posts, leaving 1 million needy adults without care and 3 in 5 blocking hospital beds.  As the economy shrank, consumers bought wonky fruit and veg, air fryers, electric dryers and candles, cutting bills and risking fire.  School meal costs up 30% and 91% of providers experiencing food shortages, Laca wanted more money for a sector ‘on its knees’.  Promising ideas on how and support, Ofgem ridiculously advised we reduce energy consumption.  French EDF and Total workers on strike, Micron said they should be paid more.  While M&S sped up closure of 110 larger stores, Pret A Manger staff would get a third pay rise of 5% in December.  Strikes into a second week, Hull Stagecoach drivers paid less than colleagues in other regions were offered 14%,  They wanted 17%.  ACAS fruitlessly stepped in but Network Rail’s Tim Shovellor saw a glimmer of hope in talks with unions.  Rejecting 2% and a £345 lump sum, Environment Agency staff were balloted.

In Scotland for the SNP conference, ex-chancellor Alistair Darling told Laura K. the government’s actions were ‘a textbook example of everything you shouldn’t do in difficult times’, economic turmoil was self-inflicted, they trashed the UK’s reputation and cost us dear.  Nads Zahawi called Sturgeon saying she detested tories and everything they stood for, ‘really dangerous language’.  Good grief!  It’d be hate speech to hate Fascists next!  He advised the ranks unite behind Truss, or risk a hideous labour/SNP coalition.  Jon Ashworth spluttered that was ‘complete and utter nonsense and desperate.’  Vowing to hold a ref 19^th October 2023, Sturgeon told conference independence was vital with labour: “willing to chuck Scotland under Boris Johnson’s Brexit bus to get the keys to Downing Street.”  In The House, the government won the National Insurance vote but select committee chair Mel Stride, warned Kwasi Modo he had to win over MPs to prevent more alarm.  Dubbed ’Operation Re-assurance’, Modo’s growth plan and the OBR’s economic assessment were forwarded a month to 31^st October.  Halloween too late to settle spooked markets, Rayner tweeted it was more like Trick or Cheat: ‘the tory horror show rattles on’.  IFS reckoned they needed £60bn in spending cuts, Citigroup predicted a worse crisis than 1976 and we observed tories were always in power when the lights went out!  Meanwhile, Trussed-Up went to play footie with the Lionesses.

Accepting the global energy crisis affected Europe more, the IMF again criticised Modo’s plans as a slow-down would follow any short-term growth, and likened the UK government and BOE to 2 drivers ‘trying to steer the car in different directions’.  Aides combing through the mini-budget line by line to see what could be changed, a cap on renewable energy firm revenues was mooted – not a windfall tax thus not a U-turn. Phil reckoned non-renewables weren’t covered as a sop to their rich mates.  BOE bought more gilts to prop up the shambling economy but wouldn’t extend the scheme beyond Friday.  The pound plummeted.  Modo blamed the war and pension funds for risky purchases.  Err, that’d be dodgy government bonds then, you moron!  Rachel Reeves hit back: “This is a British crisis made in Downing Street. No other government is sabotaging their own country’s economic credibility…”

Rees-Moggy accused Michal Hussein of breaching BBC impartiality saying the mini-budget crashed the economy and gaslighted the BOE for not raising interest rates enough.  FT journalist Gillian Tett told Channel 4 news: “‘to use a non-technical term, that’s pretty much bollocks.”  He was also contradicted by Kwasi Modo at the IMF in Washington Thursday.  Admitting he’d made markets nervous, he wasn’t going anywhere as the G7 all had similar problems.  IMF MD Kristalina Georgieva told him and Andrew Bailey they needed clear policy coherence and communication to prevent more jitters in a jittery environment: “fiscal policy should not undermine monetary policy…(or) the task of monetary policy…becomes harder and it translates into…further increases of rates and tightening of financial conditions…If the evidence is that you need to recalibrate, don’t prolong the pain.”  A cacophony of backbenchers screaming: ‘it’s checkmate’, ‘we’re stuffed’, ‘it’s dire’, ‘we’re done for’ and frantic calls across the pond, Modo hid in the toilet then flew back to London.  Traders betted on a U-turn, Kwasi gone by the weekend and Trussed-Up finished within weeks.  James Uncleverly said it’d be a bad idea and Alistair Campbell said an out-of-depth Truss couldn’t do the job.  She went to see Kingy, who chortled: ‘Back again? Dear, oh dear!’ and sacked Modo Friday, making The C**t the fourth chancellor since July.  Saying they’d moved too fast, they kept the corporation tax rise, as Rishi planned.  Spreadsheet Phil reproached them for throwing away years of hard work and Reeves said: “Another change isn’t the answer…it’s time for a labour government.”

On a lighter note, Coffee-Cup evaded questions on scrapping smoke free targets, saying she was concentrating on her ABCD.  Blood transfusion levels critical, B should stand for ‘blood’.  Wes Streeting called her ‘clueless and hopeless’.  Artist robot Ai-Da answered pre-prepared questions in The Lords saying AI in creative industries were a threat and an opportunity.  NZ proposed a tax on animal burps and pee.  Did they not want food production?  Farmers later held street demos.  Staid conservation groups the National Trust, RSPB and Wildlife Trusts united to protest violation of the countryside, write letters and ‘all options on the table’, didn’t rule out direct action.  Motorists dragged Just Stop Oil protestors off London roads, 24 were arrested and 1 went to hospital.  300 involved by the 11^th day of action, an irate electric taxi driver told road-blockers he was doing his bit.  As they blocked The Mall, Mark Rowley said they’d not yet caused sufficient ‘serious disruption’ to warrant forcible removal.  Anglian Water planned to build the UK’s first new reservoir in 30 years.  About bloody time!

Cops co-ordinated operations to smash 172 county lines, find 321 weapons and £2.7m in drugs and make 1.360 arrests, including for modern slavery.  The Met investigated 625 sex and domestic abuse claims.  Ahead of Asylum Aid’s Rwanda High Court hearing, 1,604 channel crossings Sunday-Monday made 2,232 for the month and 35,000 for the year.  In a dig at Giorgio Melon, Popeye called the exclusion of migrants ‘scandalous, disgusting and sinful’.  Saturday, The Kerch Bridge linking Russia to Crimea, blew up when an exploding lorry set oil tankers alight.  Vlad ordered a full investigation and Russian media blamed Ukrainian ‘terrorists’.  Err, there’s a war on!  Retaliative shelling of Ukrainian cities including Kyiv and memes of battle dolphins ensued.  The bridge was fixed by Wednesday and 8 suspects detained.  Japan’s Epsilon 6 rocket was ordered to self-destruct after launch.  JAXA apologised and investigated.  X-ray radiation from a gamma ray, the brightest ever discovered, still emitted an afterglow of rings weeks later.  One-time WRP member Vanessa REDrgave became a dame, Ant & Dec missed yet another NTA due to covid, and Gaslight inventor Angela Lansbury died. Glasgow cheated, Liverpool would host Eurovision 2023.

Jokers and Wasters

Autumnal Window Scene

Saturday, Phil joked: “Is she gone yet?” “No, but The C**t was on BBC Breakfast.”  Marking an end to Trussonomics, he said they’d be judged on the next 18 months, not the past 18 weeks, blamed the usual culprits of the war and energy meaning no fast tax cuts or increased spending and all departments making efficiency savings.  4 chancellors since July (Saj, Nads, Kwasi Modo, The C**t), resembled the 4 stooges.  “They’re running out of credible people. If it goes on like this, I envisage a crap Netflix.” “Yep. The Downfall UK. A satirical comedy with fake ‘where are they now’s’ at the end: in a loony bin; in the sea; in an Amazon warehouse; working for Deliveroo!” “I bet lots of them red-wallers want it to end so they can go back to sane jobs.”  Still ailing, I tried not to be depressed as sun chased away a watery chill to reveal a lovely autumn window scene, posted the final Scarborough blog and figured a way to share it on Insta (see Cool Places 2ⁱⁱ).  Wearier and achier Sunday, I stayed abed reading and writing.  My Valley Life article buried among the ads, kind words from Phil and Decorating neighbour dissuaded me from packing it in next year.  Phil returned from the late shift with sausages and mini brownies.  Tussling brightness and indigestion, I took Gaviscon, drew curtains left open by Phil and used the meditation soundtrack to drift into bad sleep.

Monday, I felt like I’d been hit round the head.  Ignoring my pleas to delay chores, Phil accepted the Boots delivery and assembled rubbish.  I unpacked toiletries, added cardboard to the pile and went back to bed.  He brought me brownies with the coffee.  “I don’t want them,” I snapped.  As he took them away, I apologised: “It’s not you, it’s depression at still being ill, especially in nice weather.”  I posted September’s journal entry while he went to the co-op and work, bringing home food rescued from waste.  Grateful for any freebies, I could’ve done with the ready salads earlier.  Hot flushes added to another crap night.  My nose running Tuesday, Phil asked: “Are you still sniffly?” “Yes, but the fatigue is worse.” “Cheer up.” “No!” “I’ll pull funny faces.” “God no!”  My mind wandering until he made moves, I leapt up to sort washing for him to add work clothes, bathed, ignored kitchen clutter and plodded back up with coffee.  Too hot and bright to write with sun streaming in, I’d had enough of being bedbound, opened the window, put a dress on and went down for lunch.  Phil related tales from The Store, explaining how well-packed herbs sometimes arrived damaged.  Otherwise, there was little waste. I thought it’d reduced loads over the past 2 years, but declared it enough shop talk. “I literally am talking shop!”  I joined him on a short canal walk in mellowing light, returning with backache and jelly-legs but cheerier ⁱ.

Woken Wednesday by Phil rising for work and noisy traffic, I ignored aches and fatigue for some exercise and tidying before PMQs.  Going on errands, I noted an unlocked front door and a felled trellis, hastened to town in a nithering wind and spotted Phil leaving The Store.  As I tried catching up, he moved uncannily fast after a long shift, into the sweet shop.  “Gotcher!” “No you haven’t. It’s for someone else.”  Walking home, I imparted the bad trellis news. “Pah! Call that bad news?”  He tied it up, then panicked over his mislaid phone “You need to eat.” “I can’t think about that now!” “I’ll ring it for you.” “It’s on silent so that’s no good.”  I called the number.  It vibrated. “See, no need for all that stress!”  Thursday, I dithered over shopping.  Trees across the valley making rain clouds, it was too foul for the market, so it was the co-op again.  Having noticed the microwave clock at zero for the second time that week, a short power-cut was confirmed by half-empty shelves.  You’d never get that level of waste in the Store!  I eschewed outrageously-priced toiletries, miserably slogged home and went back to bed.

Text reminders told us to book covid boosters with a GP or local pharmacy.  Finally getting his shift patterns, I rang Friday.  6^th in the queue, I actually managed to get slots early November but we couldn’t go due to colds.  I also asked about HRT.  The nice receptionist sent the doctor a ‘task’, advising I call back Monday.  Waitrose reported increased fish-head and lamb neck sales for use in slow cookers.  We couldn’t decide whether to buy one.  Eating the last of my birthday chocolates, Phil whined that he’d not had as many. “Excuse me. You can’t buy me chocs then whinge you’ve been diddled!”  But I gave him the last one.

Mellowing Canal

High covid levels peaked but deaths were up to 400 week ending October 7^th, ahead of winter, adding to NHS pressure.  The Moderna bivalent vaccine was found to be ‘good’ for a mere 3 months.  Speaking to Laura K., the couple who developed the BioNTech version, still wore masks and advised we all did, especially if mixing with travellers.  Building on what they’d learnt, they hoped for a cancer vaccine by 2030.

Laura asked The Cock if Truss should go.  He replied a reshuffle was needed to make use of backbench ‘talent’(!) but nobody wanted another protracted leadership race.  No: some wanted Rishi, some wanted Boris and Unison’s Christina McAnea wanted a general election.  Depressed public sector pay could mean 1 million taking co-ordinated action.  Nasty rhetoric and Therese Coffee-Cup telling nurses fed-up of the NHS to leave, didn’t help.  If they got more, they’d spend it in local shops and Tesco.  UK GDP 30 places behind Ireland, Tesco Boss did what he could to help customers and 300,000 shopfloor staff.  Uncle Joe licked ice cream in Oregon.  ‘Sick and tired’ of trickle-down economics, he disagreed with tax cuts for the super-wealthy but that was up to Britain.  EU newspapers compared the UK to loser countries and Rob Halfon accused government of acting like ‘Libertarian Jihadists’ with us as guinea pigs.  Yes, in an experiment based on ‘Britannia Unchained’ by Truss et al of the Thatcherite Free Enterprise Group.  No costings or income streams apart from borrowing, made it a wish list, not a budget.  Post-Brexit, post-covid, soaring energy costs, rampant inflation and a recession looming, it was the worst time for their madcap free market drivel*.

After a weekend ensconced at Chequers, Truss tried to shore up ministerial support and The C**t tried settling markets by scrapping all Kwasi’s measures except National Insurance and stamp duty cuts, bigger bankers’ bonuses, and, irresponsible to expose government to price volatility, muted an end to the energy cap in April.  No benefit increases until then, ‘eye-watering’ cost-savings and more ‘difficult decisions’ on spending to come, everything was on the table.  Borrowing still higher than before the kamikaze budget, the IFS and Sturgeon feared a return to austerity and Keir attempted to haul Truss in for urgent questions over long-term damage.  Sent in her stead, Mordor said through gritted teeth, her boss was ‘detained on urgent business’.  Amid the derision, Stella Creasy joked she hid under the desk.  She actually met Graham Brady then shuffled onto the frontbench at 4.30.  It wouldn’t be long ‘til she shuffled off again.  Chris Mason asked was Rishi right?  She replied she was sorry, had to reflect, ensure economic stability and advised fellow tories to not spend tough times talking about the party.

At PMQs, Justin Madders wondered why Truss sacked Kwasi Modo and not herself?  She parroted an apology and guff on delivery.  Keir wittily cited a Truss biography.  Out by Christmas, was that the release date or the title?  In fact, she was out by November**.  Spouting crap, she said she’d taken more action than him after 2½ years in the job (err, he wasn’t the PM!)  He queried how she could be held to account when she wasn’t in charge and the point of making promises that didn’t last a week – cuts loomed for one reason only; they crashed the economy but her only response was to say sorry.  She said he backed strikers, she backed strivers.  He retorted, with a mandate based on nothing and credibility gone, why was she still here?  She screeched “I’m a fighter, not a quitter,” acting in the interests of the nation while he presented no alternative.  After 10 U-turns in 2 weeks, Ian Blackford feared pensioners were in the tory cut frontline. Thinking it better seeing the PM behind a desk rather than under it, Stella Creasy asked a daft question on rights to watch sport, leaving Philippa Whitford and Sarah Owen to suggest she do the decent thing.  An economist on Daily Politics said the growth plan was gone and a labour government meant even higher spending.  Lisa Nandy replied theirs was growth plan, they’d be careful with every penny of public money and put more in people’s pockets.  Stephen Baker denied they’d wrecked the economy and ignored Lisa’s quizzing on listening to the OBR.  She spluttered, how dare you talk about waste when this government wasted billions, set fire to unusable PPE and wrote off covid fraud?  As he spewed more lies that society was to blame and nowt to do with 12 years of the tories, Lisa couldn’t believe what she heard.  After an interview with Baker, Channel 4 news anchor Kris Guru-Murthy muttered “what a cunt.”  Taken off air for a week, Baker said sacking him would be a public service but then accepted an apology.

In a fatal blow, Swellen resigned over sending official docs from her private e-mail and wrote she owned her mistake, unlike the PM: “pretending we haven’t made mistakes, carrying on as if everyone can’t see we have made them…hoping things magically come right is not serious politics.”  Phil erroneously thought it showed integrity.  43 days as Home Sec the least since the Duke of Wellington, Grant Shats, who’d criticised Truss 2 days before, stepped in.  Seen as a confidence vote, tories were whipped to oppose a labour bill banning fracking Wednesday evening.  Amid fracking chaos, Rees-Moggy marched MPs through the ‘no’ lane.  Chris Bryant accused him of bullying.  Chief whip Wendy Morton and deputy Craigy Babe (declaring “I don’t give a fuck anymore”) resigned.  On Jeremy Vine Thursday, 13-year old Casper grasped politics better than grown-ups saying: “If you don’t have a government with integrity, how can they govern properly?”  The fracas culminated in Truss standing at the lectern at 1.00 p.m.  Unable to deliver the mandate members elected her to deliver, she’d spoken to Kingy and resigned.  So much for fighting, not quitting!  ‘To maintain stability and continuity’(sic), she and Graham Brady agreed an expediated leadership election within a week – the shortest-serving PM ever didn’t even last that long.  Asked was it a dog’s dinner, Brady stammered, “Well, it’s certainly not a circumstance I would wish to see.”  Candidates needing at least 100 backers, there’d be only 2 by Monday.  Truss’ popularity at -70%, realising what a fuck-up they’d made, it was just as well members didn’t get to vote with 1/3 braying for Boris (whose popularity low was -55%).  International leaders had a good laugh and QT was shown live.  Rachel Johnson observed the Jeremy Vine lettuce outlived Truss.  Even the carefully-curated audience called for a general election except 4 calling for Boris, who had a proper mandate and was ‘hounded out’.  Tony Danker said if tories put country and economy first and stuck to C**t’s plan (which we didn’t yet know), they might have a chance.  Camilla Cavendish, FT, favoured Rishi as he went all the way with Truss!  All agreeing Keir was credible, he’d have no money to implement bold plans which Graham Stuart called unaffordable and unrealistic.  Jess Philips was flabbergasted a minister said labour would crash the economy when they’d just crashed the economy.  While true they didn’t know what they could afford thanks to Truss, they’d borrow to invest, not to cut the rich’s taxes.

Government loan interest at £7.7bn, inflation was back at 10.1%.  Food up 14.5%, it’d be more if it weren’t for petrol.  Shop sales dipped below pre-pandemic levels.  Calling it junk food, The Guardian featured web sellers of discounted out-of-date groceriesⁱⁱⁱ.  Wittily alluding to Swellen whingeing about support for strikers, they asked for money from ‘tofu-eating workerati’ (obviously part of the anti-growth coalition!)  At her last TUC conference, Frances O’Grady was angry at toxic tories, aka ‘Robin Hood in reverse’.  NHS and care workers leaving for better-paid jobs, those left couldn’t cope and were balloted.  More rail and tube strikes were announced for early November.  Anne-Marie Trevelyan wheeled out ostensibly to discuss laws enforcing minimum service on strike days, Mick Lynch advised she get on with sorting out the dispute.  CWU said PO strikes weren’t about pay but T&C changes, ‘uberising’ staff in secure, well-paid jobs into a ‘casualised, financially precarious workforce overnight’.  CGT asking for 10% rises, French oil, rail, teaching and hospital workers struck.  South Yorks trams would revert to public control in 2024.  6 towns already writing bids, drafting of the Great British Railways bill stopped – delayed or cancelled?   Keighley trialled noise-detecting cameras to spot needless engine revving and a joker chucked a microwave at a car in Gainsborough.  A crackdown on protests planned, TfL sought injunctions when Just Stop Oil blocked Park Lane Sunday and 2 protestors climbed up the QE bridge above the M25 Tuesday, to have fireworks thrown at them and get arrested when they descended, making a total of 150 during 2 weeks’ action.  On Jeremy Vine, Anne Widdecombe was in favour of running them over rather than shutting the road.  Friday, Harrods was sprayed orange and it was revealed Aileen Getty donated £900,000 to a Climate Emergency Fund giving some activists a ‘small income’.

The Pentagon wavering on funding Starlink, Elon Musk still gave the Ukrainian internet service £17.8m a month.  23 Iranian kamikaze drones shot down over Kyiv, 5 hit the ground.  The EU were ‘following closely’ as it may have broken the Iran nuclear deal.  30% of Ukrainian power stations hit, Vlod said negotiating with Vlad was no longer an option.  Martial law was declared in the 4 ‘Russian’ regions and civilians evacuated as Ukrainians advanced.  Suspended for sexual misconduct, labour MP Christian Matheson resigned.  Kevin Spacey was cleared in a civil case and faced a legal prosecution.  Daniel Craig became a Champion of The Order of St Michael & St George, emulating Ian Fleming – he’d come a long way from the feckless Geordie in Our Friends in the North.  An artisan at the National Glass Centre, Sunderland made a glass pumpkin.  Much better than firing real ones from a canon, like Essex farmer Ross McGowan.  What a waste!

Scary Monsters, Super Creeps

Colourful Woods

A stunning morning, wet roofs glistened and trees echoed an orange-yellow dawn Saturday 22^nd.  Phil finished an early shift in time for a colourful woods walkⁱ.  Knackered after a total 20,000 steps, he rested.  Aching all over, I could’ve used one too but instead, edited photos and read family WhatsApp messages which crashed my phone.  A headache unfair after moderate drinking, I cheered up Sunday laughing at creepy Rees-Moggy living in the 18^th century.  More overnight rain led to a dank day.  Disinclined to visit the pumpkin festival, I installed the Halloween tree and devised a Christmas card while Phil worked.  I had to shield him 3 times from spoilers of the feature-length Dr. Who until he’d watched it on iPlayer.

dull Monday spent on the phone to the surgery and British Gas, I haggled and stripped down the cover to halve the homecare quote.  Head done in by admin, I ironed piles of summer clothes.  The Metro app failed to load Tuesday, then updated to resemble all the other crap news sites.  Phil found a way to access puzzles but the dimensions were all wrong.  He disrupted kitchen chores bounding down the stairs shouting “there’s a chunk out the sun!”  No forewarning of an eclipse, I hurried up to view a semi-circular disc like a Pac-man bite.  Despite clouds and lens filters, my eyes became sore.  I switched to infra-red turning the sky magenta.  I left Phil preparing for work and ambled to the surgery wearing too many layers in unexpected warmth.  The GP had advised I see a nurse before a tele-appointment, but I got a different story from the receptionist.  The follow-up to discuss HRT would be with another nurse.  God knew how you got to actually see a GP nowadays!  Wearing a mask in the waiting room, no other patients did.  When the nurse eventually appeared, she informed me they were only compulsory for staff, asked a few questions and took my vitals.  Weighing less than last time, I said I’d been good, unlike with smoking.  My only worrying vice and not causing a cough, she posited “if you stop, you might get one.” “You’re not supposed to say that. You should encourage me!”  As she babbled on, I wasn’t surprised there’d been a delay – she could talk for England.  I dawdled to the co-op where gaps included the fab cheap exotic stuff -had it run out?  Paying at the kiosk, a fly crept along the counter.  “That came out of your wallet.” My Mate jibed. “Cheeky! What are you saying!”  Back home, I was startled by an e-mail from Valley Life.  The next deadline in a week’s time, it didn’t seem 5 mins since the last one.  Phil returned with a huge goody bag as the Ex-Landlady had stuffed in extras.  “She must think you need feeding up!”  We decadently ate some of the cream glut with tinned peaches.

Planning an earlier start, I’d set the alarm to be jolted from disturbed sleep Wednesday.  The trees glowed gold above parched fields.  Lolling on the couch, Phil whinged Shutterstock used the AI pic generator to mash up his photos then was magically ready – irksome as I’d rushed round all morning preparing for an outing.  We swerved roadworks where the workman was hard at it, drinking Lucozade and tapping his phone, crossed to the bus stop, paid £2 flat fares and chatted on the ride Up Tops.  Observing we’d miss the new PM’s first PMQs, we predicted a disparate cabinet descending into chaos, a reshuffle consisting of arse-licking creeps and another coup – watch this space!  We alighted to walk into The Crags, admire effervescent woodland, bag almost-free apples and see a heron catching a fishⁱ.  The longest jaunt for some time left us footsore, achy and muddy.  As I removed clarted jeans, I feared mucky bits on the rug came off me.  I  was glad of leftovers and more peaches and cream for dinner.

Effervescence

Blissfully asleep until Phil rose early Thursday, I dozed, felt iffy, changed bedding, recovered with coffee, edited the Valley Life article and went out with Walking Friend, dissuading her from heron-spotting in favour of the market.  A waste of time, I found a mere 2 of the sought toiletry items and was piqued by the man taking ages serving a couple.  In the Med Café, busy with half-term families, we discussed spice preferences and recent walks, including her misadventures with The Poet, over versions of brekkie.

Phil rang after work to see where we were and pull faces through the window.  His brekkie came quick and disappeared in his gob quick.  Doing more errands, we saw a heron on the weir – no need to go hunting after all!  In the large charity shop, we found a monopod and Armani jeans.  A tired Phil took then home.  My friend and I visited more charity shops and laughed at Noir crap.  “I can’t look. It hurts my eyes. People buy that shit. Scary!”  Walking her to the bus stop, I advised she opted into NI payments.  Overwhelmed by stuff to do Friday, I got upset struggling with the bath tap.  Phil came to help: “I thought you were actually crying.” “I was!”  Doing admin after lunch got fractious.  Trying to log onto online banking, the annoyingly hot, slow laptop found no internet.  I gave up and stomped to the kitchen to make apple cake and chutney.  Phil came to stir it up and prep jars.  Feeling calmer, we totted up household outgoings, freaked by the unavoidable sums.

Wobbly during the last weekend of October, I stayed in.  Saturday, we made butter from souring cream, taking turns shaking a jar until a butterball formed.  I left buttermilk straining through a filter paper to use for Yorkshire pud batter, while Phil did my hair.  Lunch involved a veritable country kitchen of 4 homemade items!  Sniffy all day, Phil took a hot lemon drink up for an afternoon rest before a seasonal dinner and creepy films.  Rain put me off going for knobbly veg Sunday.  Instead, I edited photos, worked on the Valley Life article, got head fug and cleaned the bathroom in fading light as the stupid bulb popped.  Phil got home from The Store with another bag of stuff – the benefits of working a late Sunday shift!

On Halloween, BBC breakfast said we should’ve got the first £66 under the energy bills support scheme.  Many on pre-paid meters hadn’t received vouchers, but I couldn’t fathom ours.  I re-checked accounts and rang BG to be in a 1½ hour queue.  On the 3^rd attempt, an unintelligible Asian woman said I’d been transferred to BG evolve whatever that was.  On hold again, this time with no clue for how long, I conceded defeat, sent off the Valley Life article and posted blogs.  Then we both went out, him to work, me to the co-op.  Barely able to think with a cacophony of screeching kids, I raced out the back door.  A two-way traffic jam round the roadworks had cleared leaving an eerily empty road.  With no trick or treaters, I ate a lolly from a selection bag.  Late evening, my nose clogged and head drooped.  Phil asked why I pulled faces.  “I’m getting a cold. Your cold!”  Expunging nasty gunk overnight, proved me right this time.

Numbers stable, hospital admissions fell, 10 million had autumn boosters and statins reduced deaths from severe covid by 37%.  Flu down the last 2 years due to less face-licking, the 2022 season started early.  High rates for under 5’s. those eligible were urged to get jabs. Taking over Llandudno and evading contraception during covid restrictions, the increased goat population ate hedges, slept in bus shelters and brawled in carparks.  The council set up a task force to move them back up the Great Orme but they clearly preferred town life.  30 new cases this month, 2.3m farm birds infected with Avian flu by their wild cousins were culled, a nationwide prevention zone imposed and vaccines researched.

Boris flew back from yet another Caribbean holiday Monday 24^th to drop out of the leaders race, saying he had support but it wasn’t the right time and he couldn’t unite the party.  Yeah right! Nowt to do with the privileges committee inquiry!  Rishi became the first British Asian PM by default on Diwali.  Mainstream media didn’t mention the partial solar eclipse (another bad omen) as Trussed-UP inanely spoke Tuesday, not ruing dragging us to the brink: ‘I’m right you’re all wrong’.  Off to the funny farm, Liz!

Heron Fishing

Rishi met Kingy.  Orating on unity and stability in tough times, he ‘fully appreciated’ how hard things were, pledged “a stronger NHS, better schools, safer streets, control of our borders, protecting our environment, supporting our armed forces and levelling up.”  David Farquharson made a Truss dog toy.  Shipped at a cost of £3,500 after she resigned, it served him right for getting them from China!  He hoped ‘politically incorrect’ retailers would buy them.

Brexiteers on Romford market wanted Boris back and Scarborough chippies whinged staff shortages curbed opening hours, even in peak season.

The C**t, Wally, Babadook and Uncleverly stayed in post, Glove-Puppet returned to level up, Steve Barclay became health sec and Coffee-Cup moved to environment.  Rees-Moggy was replaced by Shats, Dowdy became cabinet sec, Gillian Keegan ed sec, and Rabid Raab deputy PM and justice sec- replacing Swiss Toni who sorted out the barristers dispute created by Raab (not widely reported, they got the 15% pay rise) and Swellen returned as home sec.  Labour crowed, Boris might not be back but his cabinet was.  Accused of doing a grubby deal, Rishi defended her re-appointment.  As Jake Berry revealed she broke the code lots, labour called on Simon Case to investigate.  On QT, David Lammy said Rishi had no mandate, awful Hartley-Brewer said the NHS couldn’t save lives, and Lucy Fraser lied there were 46 new hospitals.  A nurse in the audience wanted better facilities not more hospitals.  Armand Iannucci wondered where the social care plan Boris had at the start of his tenure was, blamed Brexit for staff shortages and 16-year-old interns for writing bad policy.  Newscast replaced by another programme of nattering men in suits, I watched last week’s on iPlayer wherein Keir said it was better to be boring rather than exciting and create a scary Truss-like mess.

The Glove-puppet took a weekend off clubbing to tell Laura K. Swellen had integrity, would be great at her job, and make promises on extra help for households.  Excerpts from the biography revealed that as foreign sec, Trussed-Up was more interested in selfies for socials than being briefed before meetings.  Laughing at her rider comprising posh espresso, chilled Sauvignon Blanc and no mayo, Spreadsheet Phil preferred to go with the flow.  At a special Stormont sitting on deadline day, Michelle O’Neil complained Jeffrey Donaldson’s refusal to power-share ‘til the Northern Ireland protocol was scrapped, a ‘failure of leadership’.

The Halloween fiscal statement delayed, the Beeb went to Creepy Crawley and Rabid Raab insisted it’d ensure it ‘stood the test of time’ and OBR forecast accuracy.  They predicted the total cost of the government bail-out would’ve been £2.2 bn.  On the day Kingy 50p coins were minted, former BOE boss Lord Mervyn King blamed the bigger boys, i.e., global banks, for printing money and over-borrowing during the pandemic.  In favour of slow growth, he feared cuts worsening the situation.  Octopus bought Bulb which collapsed last November.  Ofcom encouraged internet providers to put customers before profits.  Dipping into reserves for day-to-day costs, schools were running out of money.  Threatened with legal action by South Yorks mayor for asset-stripping Robin Hood airport, Peel Group denied claims of a ‘credible buyer’.  Ambulance workers joined nurse ballots, while an NHS recruitment drive aimed to replace 40,000 who quit last year.  2,000 Scotrail drivers and Avanti managers struck over rosters, Stagecoach staged more talks in Hull, Co-op Funeralcare coffin-makers in Glasgow started a week’s strike and announced more in November.

Only 29 of 193 countries meeting COP26 commitments, Guterres feared global catastrophe but was optimistic rumours of UK targets being ditched weren’t true.  Rishi said he wouldn’t go to COP27 due to more ‘pressing domestic commitments’.  What on earth was more important?  Labour called ousting Alok Sharma from cabinet, despite going to hand over the presidency, a failure of leadership, and Caroline Green said it made a mockery of government claims on climate leadership.  Coffee-cup disrespectfully told LBC: “The UK continues to show global leadership as opposed to just a gathering of people in Egypt.”  Dead crustaceans littered the North East coast (was it algae or pollution?) and Southern Water spewed sewage into the sea at St. Agnes, Cornwall.  Frank Spencer spewed platitudes on making progress.

More of the foreign aid budget spent on refugees in the UK than abroad, none of the 38,000 channel-crossers had asylum decisions.  The Home Office unable to cope, conditions at Manston processing centre left inspector David Neal ‘speechless’.  66 year-old Andrew Leak threw petrol bombs and fireworks at the Western Jet Foil camp in Dover then killed himself.  Islamophobic rants found on his Facebook page, terror police investigated.  Amid fire damage, 700 were bussed to Manston, plagued by MRSA, scabies and diphtheria.  Children screamed ‘freedom!’ over the fence.  In the Commons, Yvette Coop accused Swellen of ‘working outside the law’ not providing extra hotel accommodation. Swellen retorted we needed to know which party was serious about stopping the ‘invasion’.  Many of them allegedly recruited by criminal gangs in French camps, we should ‘stop pretending’ they were refugees in distress.  How did she know if they weren’t processed?  Swellen promised the 10,000 Albanians would be dealt with ‘within days’.  The system broken and illegal migration ‘out of control’, she was on the side of getting a grip.  The opposition guffawed at her incompetence.  Also quizzed on breaking the ministerial code, Tulip Siddiq referred Swellen to FCA.

Xi Jinping became the first Chinese leader re-elected for a third term since Mao. Sergey Naryshkin of the Russian spy service denied Kremlin nuclear bombast, saying it was all Western rhetoric.  He’d warned colleagues in Turkey, USA and France of Ukrainian plans to use ‘dirty bombs’.  With no evidence, it was an obvious red flag.  A huge Israeli raid in Nablus, West Bank wounded 21 Palestinians and killed 5.  3 were members of The Lion’s Den independent militia.  Trump was subpoenaed over the Capitol Hill debacle, 6^th January 2021.  Bolsonaro lost the Brazil presidency to Da Silva but didn’t concede defeat, a la Trump.  At the biggest Halloween fest since before the pandemic in Seoul, 150,000 including a K-Pop star, died crushing to see a celeb.  Riots and fireworks set Dundee on fire.  Great Balls of Fire crooner Jerry Lee Lewis died.  The dirtiest man in the world perished after having a wash.  Villagers in Dejgah, Iran, persuaded 94 year old hermit ‘Amou Haji’ who ate roadkill and smoked animal poo, to shower.  Musk’s Twitter take-over complete, he sacked execs and promised radical change (i.e., allowing toxic ‘free speech’ and charging for blue ticks).  Adidas ended their deal with Ye over antisemitism.  Losing his billionaire status, he was worth a mere £400m.  Yesus! My heart bleeds!

Notes:

*Britannia Unchained: Global Lessons For Growth And Prosperity. Kwasi Kwarteng, Pritti Patel, Dominic Raab, Chris Skidmore & Liz Truss

**Out of The Blue: The Inside Story of the Unexpected Rise and Rapid Fall of Liz Truss. Harry Cole & James Heale

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iii. Cheap food links: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2022/oct/15/cheap-deli9cious-and-only-three-years-out-of-date-my-week-of-eating-food-past-its-best-before; https://cheapfood.co.uk/; https://www.rogerswholesalefoods.co.uk/

Part 103 – Ship Of Fools

“(They) broke the law and took us all for mugs. If they had any decency they would be gone by tonight” (Lobby Akinnola)

April Fools

Haiga – Threshold

The world ran by a bunch of fools, we didn’t mark the 1^st of the month with April Fools jokes.  The grocery bill was mercifully not too hefty but the bags were.  I cursed not asking for Phil’s help lugging them home.  Motivated by persons unknown sweeping the steps at the side of the house, I cleared the gutter Saturday, failing to unblock the end.  Cloudy all weekend, at least it didn’t rain during the free Crossings walk and workshop Sunday.  In the art shed carpark, The Leader made introductions and dished out notebooks.  We set off on familiar paths, noting a profusion of daffodils absent from the riverside 2 weeks ago, along with wood anemones.  Returning on the lesser-travelled Crows path, a walker’s action volunteer related its rescue from developers by residents 12 years ago.  Back at base, we got free tea and cake.  Amazed such project funding still existed, Phil ate 3 pieces.  The workshop proved inspiring although I remained sceptical about the over-use of descriptions.  Featuring heavily in creative writing these days, I suspected it featured in university courses.  Later, I selected photos for the project showcase including a haiga.ⁱ

The covid rate at 1:13, Prof Naismith said we were all likely to have BA.2 by summer.  Easter hols starting for some, chaos ensued at ferry terminals and airports.  Officially blamed on absence and covid checks, the shortages were also due to furloughed staff leaving.  Security checks on 220 new recruits awaited, passengers missed flights at Manchester airport and boss Karen Not-So-Smart resigned.  45 buses and 2 Red Cross trucks headed to besieged Mariupol.  Evacuation underway at last, a photo-journalist got shot.  The Pope criticised ‘dictatorial leaders’ and said the world couldn’t ignore the migrant crisis.  As the Oscars academy continued with disciplinary procedures, Will Smith resigned.

Barely able to move Monday morning, after 10 minutes stretching, I got back in bed.  Phil looked offended when I didn’t laugh at his larks but I felt too awful.  I made a big effort to fetch coffee and the laptop.  Going up and downstairs exhausting, pains shot through my head and I became tearful.  Covid infections still rising, the list of symptoms now included fatigue, exhaustion, aching, headaches, sore throats, shortness of breath, blocked or runny nose, loss of appetite, diarrhoea and nausea.  So all of them!  Wondering if I had it, Phil reckoned they were symptoms of living in England.  In fact, additions were to stop people going to work with flu.  Feeling overwhelmed by a ‘to do’ list, I posted the haiga, dispatched photos for the showcase, and worked on blogs.  Except mealtimes, I stayed abed for 3 dull days.

5-11 year olds were offered low dose jabs.  Oil terminal blockades by Just Stop Oil and XR into a third day, 100 protestors were arrested in Kingsbury.  Lucy Powell called the privatisation of Channel 4 ‘cultural vandalism’.  Tracy Brabin feared for Leeds jobs and ‘We Own It’ told Dreadful Doris to keep her hands off.

Less head pain and a bit cheerier Tuesday, I posted an entry on Cool Placesⁱⁱ , stopping writing when head fug set in.  Phil went to the co-op.  Another power cut meant no fresh milk or veg.

The covid Situation in Shanghai ‘extremely grim’, citizens suffered lockdowns and online food shortages.  After visiting Bucha, Vlod addressed the UN security council, saying the worst war crimes since WW2 merited Nuremberg-style trials.  Russian rep Vasily Nebenzya dismissed footage as fake and pro-Putin broadcaster Vlad Solovyov said they chose the name because it sounded like butcher.  Red paint was poured in the propagandist’s Italian villa pools.  Back after a glitch, Jeremy Vine appeared with hand-written signs. As Cuadrilla were given another year to explore fracking in Lancashire, Mike Gammon claimed reports of tremors were Russian propaganda.  Err, no, it’s you believing in conspiracy nonsense!

Eking the last of the fresh milk, Phil made porridge on Wednesday and went to the other shop.  Working on ‘Home from Home’ (see Cool Places 2ⁱⁱⁱ) took most of my day.  After ineffectual quiet time, I went to the kitchen and panicked when I saw no milk, then spotted it in a bag.  Prepping dinner together a bit fraught, I left him to it and dossed on the sofa.  As he sent off photos for the showcase, he asked me to check details but I said it was far too late to think and went back to bed.

While Boris defended the National Insurance rise to fund the NHS and Goblin Saj pressed patients to return, 6 Yorkshire hospitals warned them to stay away from A&E, unless dying.  In the latest sanctions, the UK added 8 Russian oligarchs to the list, froze Sberbank and Credit Bank of Moscow’s assets, banned outward investment and iron and steel imports, and vowed to stop coal imports by the end of the year.  Sanctioning Russian PM Mikhail Mishustin and Putin’s 2 daughters Maryia Putina and Katerina Tikhonova, the US also cut off links with Sberbank as well as Alfa Bank.

Better but lacking energy Thursday, we were sat on the sofa when Phil noticed a reply from the Crossings workshop leader, even though he’d only sent his photos the night before.  I was incensed until I saw she’d e-mailed me too.  Supplies low, I headed to the market in the nithering wind.  What a load of rubbish!  No loo roll or fish, I got a few veg and went in the convenience store to find reduced chicken and bacon, so not a completely wasted trip.

The energy strategy mainly featured hydrogen, offshore wind and nuclear power.  Great British Nuclear had a target to fulfil 25% of demand by 2060, building a power station a year.  There was a £30m competition to make heat pumps, and a new round of licensing for north sea oil and gas from autumn, despite UN calls for rapid cuts in fossil fuel use.  Onshore wind unpopular, it was encouraged with discounts for affected communities.  Keir called it too little too late and: “a cobbled together list of things that should have been done over the last 10 to 12 years…(and) doesn’t even tackle important things like insulating homes…”  Kwarteng had already ordered a report into the science and impact of fracking, but said the pause in extraction would stay unless new evidence showed it was ‘safe, sustainable and of minimal disturbance…’  A 23-mile lorry queue at Dover caused chaos on roads surrounding the M20.  Suspended P&O crossings were blamed – nowt to do with Brexit!  UNHRC threw Russia out.  Ukrainian Foreign minister Dmytro Kuleba begged for weapons to save lives and prevent the war spilling over into other territories.  Beloved Mr Ben creator David McKee died.  My tiny kid-fish brain never clocked there were only 13 episodes!

No Joke

Haiga – The Artist

Friday, I worked on the journal and waited impatiently in the co-op for a man dithering and a cashier fiddling with buttons.  Coming to help, Phil had a cheeky search for long-gone chocolate slabs on the easter display.  Finding none, he said he’d have to go elsewhere but with 3 bars at home, I told him not to bother.  Rising from a siesta, a marked drop in temperature presaged a loud crack of thunder followed by large balls of ice – thunder hail!  It soon turned to rain.  Enjoyment of dinner was marred by Phil telling me Rishi Rich was technically a US resident until recently, thus not paying UK tax.  The scum held a Green Card until October 2021!  He demanded an enquiry into the source of the leak.  The opposition demanded ministers declared their residency status.  Meanwhile, Ms. Murthy said she “understood the British sense of fairness”, coughed up UK tax on her income but remained a non-dom.

Covid rates still high across the UK, they rose in the Yorkshire region to 1:12, but fell slightly in Scotland.  Thousands in hospital but not on ventilators, ONS said it was too soon to say infections were levelling off.  A Russian missile hit a train station in Kramatorsk, killing 50 trying to evacuate before a full-scale offensive.

Phil answered a door knock early Saturday to be handed an easter ‘goody bag’ from the local carers’ group.  Containing a fleece blanket, thermometer, first aid kit, jelly sweets, greetings card, fluffy chick and chocolate bar (making 4 in total), it resembled an elderly care package.  Phil joked about sticking the thermometer up his bum.  I cleaned the living room and he overhauled the kitchen lights, then rested in a bid to ease tummy ache.  His discomfort persisted into Sunday.  That didn’t stop him coming foraging in nearby woods.  At the wild garlic patch, two women approached from below.  Fearing competition, I pretended to take aim but they didn’t stop.  Celandine nestled among the extended crop, creating a salad of yellow and green.  After filling a bag, I picked up a couple of excellent twisty red branches, perfect for hanging decorative easter eggs.  Keeping to the lower meandering path, we magically saw a couple of deer chasing each other.  The Victorian stairways carpeted with crunchy leaves inspired the week’s haiga (for a fuller description, see Cool Places).

P&O said there’d be no Dover ferries until at least Friday.  Stuck in queues and losing thousands a day, meat exporters called for the prioritisation of fresh produce.  Boris went to walk the streets with Vlod and wave – why was he so popular in Kyiv?  As he travelled by car, helicopter, military plane and train, a convoy of Russian tanks headed for Donbas.  The Oscars harshly banned Will Smith for 10 years.

After posting the haiga Monday,  Phil helped evict a mini zoo of larvae and spiders from the bathroom.  Having not fixed the mini mixer, he made wild garlic pesto in the pestle and mortar.

High infection rates having a ‘major impact’, The NHS Confederation felt abandoned and urged government to rethink the ‘living with covid’ plan, reintroduce mitigation, and reinvigorate the public info campaign with renewed focus on mask-wearing and gathering outdoors.  A Number 10 spokesperson said no; thanks to vaccinations, treatments and better understanding, it could be managed similarly to other viruses.

The Tuesday top-up shop was astronomical again.  Was it due to small seasonal additions or rampant inflation?  The Widower looked bemused by easter eggs.  I advised on vegan options for his granddaughter.  The weighty bags made my shoulder ache but it eased off after an unusual 5 minutes afternoon kip.

Smart Energy GB found rising costs led to habit changes and a UCL survey found us more worried by money (38%) than covid (33%).  Anxiety and depression levels the highest for 11 months, 51% didn’t feel in control of their mental health.  Unemployment fell to 3.8%, but with 76,000 economically inactive, there weren’t more jobs.  The Met issued 30 more Partygate FPNs – Boris, Rishi and Carrie Antoinette were included for The Bumbler’s birthday bash.  Apologising, he said he only went for 10 minutes and didn’t know it was a party.  “He should contest the fine then,” advised Phil, “that would be hilarious in court!”  The first sitting PM ever to be exposed breaking the law, the most Covid fines issued in a single street or workplace and more to come, it confirmed Downing Street was full of crooks.  Keir said they’d broken the law, repeatedly lied to the British public, were totally unfit to govern and should resign.  Lobby Akinnola of Bereaved Families agreed they had no authority, took us all for mugs and would be gone by nightfall if they had any decency.  Approval ratings plummeting, Boris reportedly begged Rishi to stay to save Big Dog.  Operation Red Meat looked more like mincemeat!  Evil kids cartoon villain Michael Fabricant subsequently compared it to nurses having a cheeky post-shift drink, justice minister Lord Wolfson resigned and our MP Craigy Babe said they must go.  They didn’t.

Wednesday, I baked an easter cake and wrote.  Not seeming long since the last submission, a message from Valley Life had taken me by surprise.  I considered the feature almost finished but sifting e-mails later in the week, noticed a word limit increase.  How had I missed that for a whole year?  I checked with The Owner who also passed on lovely feedback from ‘a neighbour’.  Probing revealed it to be The Widower.  As earlier rain cleared, I’d have loved an evening walk if I wasn’t dead tired.  Instead, we watched a programme on BBC4 about Stonehenge’s removal from Wales – not stolen as the Welsh claimed, but taken by migrants.

Inflation rose to 7%.  With pre-tax profits of £2.03 billion, Tesco gave staff 1.5% ‘thank you’ bonuses for coping with pandemic, supply chain and inflation challenges.  Pay rises would come in July.  Uncle Joe accused Putin of genocide and the presidents of Poland, Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia visited Vlod.

Waking with a scratchy throat for the third morning running Thursday, Echinacea banished it.  Opening the bedroom window, I heard then saw 2 typhoon jets zig-zagging over the next hill.  The laptop misbehaving even after a restart, I persevered with writing but got head fug and hung washing on the line.  Decorating Neighbour was sweeping the street.  I asked if he’d done the steps.  “I don’t go that far.” The co-op bustling, I forgot essential items.  Counsellor Friend was stocking up before joining the great easter getaway.  With no P&O ferries, railway engineering and airport queues, I wished her luck!  Having a nightmare with veg falling on the floor and a cluttered sink, Phil eventually helped.  Knackered, I bemoaned an almost-gone afternoon.  An item in metro on easter laughter disappointingly contained no actual jokes.

UK covid infections fell except Wales, for the first time in 6 weeks, suggesting the surge of BA.2 had passed the peak.  Bonnie Prince Charlie gave out Maundy Money on behalf of the queen.  The latest madcap scheme to deal with dinghy crossings involved putting the navy in charge of the channel and sending migrants to Rwanda.  Copied off Denmark, there were only 100 places under the ‘migration and economic development partnership’ aka offshoring single black men.  Boris said the plan was possible because of Brexit freedoms but conceded it could be legally challenged.  Keir called it unworkable, extortionate and an attempt to distract from Partygate.  Phil mused it might not put people off: “After all, we’re always being told to ‘Visit Rwanda’ on the footie!”  However, interviewees in a Dunkirk camp maintained the crossing was risky but they’d risked much already and pointed out accepting Ukrainians into our homes was double-standards – touché!  The First of stricter UK reception centres at RAF Linton-on-Ouse slated to ‘open soon’, bewildered villagers were up in arms at no consultation.  More sanctions were announced by the UK and EU, against Russian oligarchs who propped up the so-called Donetsk and Luhansk People’s Republic. Imports of iron and steel and exports of quantum tech were banned.

Bridge of Sighs

Haiga – Inner Voice

After I was asked if the photos I sent for the Crossings expo were mine even with my name on, Good Friday, Phil was asked which object he’d written about.  “Can that writing woman not read?” I sighed.  He went shopping for the items I’d forgotten and flowers.  As he tried to put them in a vase, I took over while he toasted hot cross buns for a hasty lunch.  The beautiful roses stayed fresh-looking for over 2 weeks.  Wending up to the upland village, we stopped in the playing fields where Phil allowed a rare snap, later garnering several ‘likes’ on FB.  In time for a mid-afternoon performance, It was lovely to see the Pace Egg play after a 2-year absence, and also the kids and grandkids of Deceased Friend, for their traditional family get-together.  Viewing obstructed, hearing became impossible during the final act because of the chattering classes.  What was the point of going if they were more interested in bragging about themselves than listening?  We made a hasty getaway and were heading downhill when Phil decided he needed a snack from the burger stall outside the pub.  Hearing music, we wandered into the beer garden.  Phil commandeered the one free table while I got the second pints of the day.  As the novelty act doing bad cover versions wore thin, we retreated to the penfold.  A man with 2 dogs hovered at the entrance before letting one loose to run round in an ellipse.  He denied that explained rutted soil beneath a picnic bench.  Methinks he lied!  Despite extreme tiredness, night-time sleep was mediocre.

The next day, the Crossings expo preview invite landed in my in-box but not Phil’s.  Narked at doing ‘work’ at the weekend, Phil said it wasn’t work. “It is for them, and on Easter Saturday to boot!”  Still tired, I stayed home, hung sheets on the line and cleaned.  Meaning to garden in the nice weather, I seemed to run out of time and mislaid flower seed packets.  Phil popped to the shops.  Town rammed with drinkers but no more than expected, we didn’t understand why this weekend was picked to hold a hipster beer festival.  While he was out, I hastily made him a card featuring early spring blooms.

Spring Blooms Card

Birds tweeted in grey pre-dawn light Sunday.  I sighed grumpily, wondering what they had to be so cheerful about and turned over until hazy sunlight made sleeping impossible.  Dull-headed, I forgot it was easter, then remembered to print the card and give it to Phil with a pack of Haribo’s.  He felt bad getting me no confectionary until I reminded him we had stacks of chocolate and he got me flowers.

To refresh fuddled brains, we took a leisurely stroll west on the canal, avoiding squawking geese protecting their nests, admiring showy tulips and chatting to The Biker outside his houseboat.  Complementing the restoration of his granddad’s plane, we agreed they didn’t make tools like that anymore.  A sign on the chicken farm honesty box helpfully informed us turkey eggs were like hens eggs but bigger!  Tempted by a promise of refreshments in the pavilion, we stepped onto the diminutive stone bridge to the cricket club.  No match on, it was closed.  We rested on an equally picturesque bridge near the lock.  Serving also as a crossing point, an arrow indicating Warland, prompted Phil to invent a film plot wherein puritan villagers refused to accept the civil war was over.

Archbishop Welby called the Rwanda ploy ‘ungodly’.  Responding in The Times, Nasty Patel said it was ‘bold and innovative’ and challenged anyone to come up with a better idea.  How about opening safe, legal routes for migrants?  Charities lambasted the Nationality and Borders Bill for not preventing child trafficking.  Theresa May later added she couldn’t support the policy on the grounds of ‘legality, practicality and efficacy’ as it split families and encouraged trafficking of women and children.  Patel refused to reveal eligibility criteria.  Gammons were incensed at small print allowing Rwandans to come to the UK in exchange.

The laptop very noisy Monday, Phil stopped the daft MS newsfeed.  Accompanied by music, I started spring cleaning the study, finding the mislaid wildflower seeds behind the desk.  Outside planting one in a pot, a neighbour from across the way asked if I knew which cat visited her garden.  “They all look the same to me!”  Unbelievably, The Great Escape was the best bank holiday film on telly all weekend, apart from Barabbas.

Face-masks no longer mandatory but ‘strongly advised’ in Scotland, spotted without one at a barbers, Sturgeon was again called a hypocrite.  Police had words.  In their latest covid wave, Shanghai reported 3 deaths bringing the overall total to 4,641 – still lots less than the UK.  Shats launched the gimmicky half-price rail tickets wheeze with a cheesy YouTube video^iv.

Tuesday a boring round of chores, writing and shopping, in the evening, I returned a missed call from Aunty.  She liked the old postcards of her locality I’d sent her with easter greetings.  Found in a charity shop, I promised to send more if they turned up.  Using the last of the bargain chicken to make soup, we’d got 4 dinners for £2.50  (and a lunch).  The affordable alternative to veganism!

Swiss Toni said Boris’ FPN was like getting a speeding ticket.  Ed Davey spluttered that was ‘an insult to bereaved families’.  Alastair Campbell contested the claim Blair got a speeding fine while in office, pointing out security disallowed driving.  It later emerged The Bumbler racked up £4,000 in speeding tickets while at GQ magazine.  In the commons, he repeatedly apologised to MPs, acknowledged the ‘hurt and anger caused’, but insisted it didn’t occur to him it breached rules.  Keir said he dragged everyone down to his level.  Saying he wasn’t worthy of holding office, Mark Harper publicised a letter to the 1922 committee.  Referral to the Privileges Committee and more fines imminent, ministers repeated pleas to await the full Sue Gray report.  The economic forecast bleak with the war and covid, the IMF judged the impact on the UK particularly severe with growth down to 1.2% in 2023 because of the ‘triple whammy’ of fuel, food and tax rises.  ¾ of civil servants still working from home, Rees Moggy told them to go back to the office.  The missive including tables of who was working where, FDA union’s Dave Penman said ministers were ‘vindictive’ and behaving like luddites’, when the private sector embraced flexible working.

On PMQs Wednesday, Boris conveyed 96^th birthday greetings to the queen and informed us he was going to India.  Keir said once the cameras were off for the public apology, Boris went to his backbenchers to privately blame everyone else and say Welby wasn’t critical enough of Putin, when actually the archbishop said the Ukraine invasion was ‘an act of great evil’.  He invited the PM to apologise for slander, getting a flat ‘no’ in response.   Ian Blackford claimed 82% of Scots thought Boris lied.  While the commons debated the Buildings Safety Bill, protestors complained it didn’t help everyone affected by the cladding scandal.

The NOA found government departments uncoordinated on foreign travel rules with no assessment of the impact on the industry.  1:9 workers in insecure jobs, Frances O’Grady joined Zero Hours Justice’s Julian Richer and Living Wage Foundation’s Katharine Chapman to criticise delaying the Employment Bill announced in 2019: “Boris Johnson has done nothing to show he is serious about upgrading workers’ rights,” she said.  1.5 million cancelled streaming subs.  Prime and Netflix the last to go, did it explain splitting the current season of popular Ozark?  Just Eat and gambling firm 888 also haemorrhaged customers. A longitudinal study confirmed what I already knew – anti-depressants didn’t improve long-term quality of life.

Holed up in the Azovstal Steel works, Mariupol die-hards worried they were in their final hours and Vlod offered to exchange them for captured Russian soldiers.  The next day, Putin claimed victory in the city and ordered a ring around the steel plant.  Moscow tested a new ICBM to make anyone threatening them ‘think twice’.  Satan 2 wasn’t yet ready for deployment.  The Inflow of oil and gas profits bolstering the Rouble, Germany planned to stop using Russian energy products by the end of the year.  Wimbledon banned Russian and Belarussian tennis players.

Thursday, I tweaked the Valley Life article, cleaned the bedroom and hung sheets on the line.  Bright and breezy, they twisted up but dried quick.  Phil went to Leeds just after I went to town for a whizz round shops.  Picking up bin-end wine and a ½-price easter egg, I waited in the convenience store for a man chucking stuff in a sack.  What looked like a big shop, was actually parcels for delivery.  Wanting to linger in sun, pedestrian areas were fully occupied thanks to school hols.  A dumb couple stood on the bridge, commenting on the number of bridges.  ‘Err, there are rivers, you morons!’ I muttered.  I went home to weed the garden.  The Widower walked his dog past.  Enquiring how he was coping, he replied ‘okay’.  The underlying sigh belied his brave face. Thanking him for his nice words to Valley Life, he said they weren’t ‘nice’, but true.  How lovely!  Out of breath and fatigued, I went to lie down and retired early for a bath that night.  Suffering insomnia, the meditation tape eventually sent me into unrefreshing sleep.

The Valneva vaccine was approved for UK use, making 6 in total.  A man tested covid-positive on 505 consecutive days before dying, suggesting variants could evolve in persistent cases.  Medics wanted better treatments for the vulnerable.  While Boris posed in a turban, William Wragg echoed other back-benchers sick of defending the indefensible.  A motion to refer Boris to the Privileges Committee carried without a vote.  Designs to put the investigation on hold until police inquires concluded, were scrapped.  The Met said no fines would be issued before elections 5^th May because of ‘restrictions around communicating’.  Local candidates included Freedom Alliance – Stop the Great Reset.  Their concerns of a global public-private partnership had some validity but not the conspiracy view that covid was a mechanism to control us all!

Sinking Ships

Crossings Exhibit – Installation

Phil had even less shuteye so we both felt unrest Friday.  Rushing out, we barely paused to greet new people on the street or admire profusive spring flowers.  At the Crossings show preview, project workers and the workshop leader directed us to our group’s work on the outer walls of small sheds.  We acknowledged fellow participants and extricated ourselves from an over-friendly acquaintance.  Of other exhibits, children’s print work stood out.  One kid made a print of Blackpool, cos nothing says nature like Blackpool!

Crossings Exhibit – Blackpool Print

We congratulated the friendly printer responsible on training the next generation.  Outdoor displays featuring wood, natural paint and ceramics, were much easier to photograph than indoors where pictures were defaced by reflections.

Art appreciation over, we followed a sign to ‘The Crags’.  Previously unexplored, we climbed the curated curious before a protracted return route.  A flagging Phil griped of miles to go so we switched to an upper path.  I went home to unshod hot, tired feet.  He went to the shop, ran into the over-friendly acquaintance again and got yet more ½-price easter eggs (for a fuller description, see Cool Places).

Wanting a trade deal by Diwali, Boris hinted at more immigration from India into high skilled jobs in return for reduced tariffs on British machinery.  He also pledged to help them build fighter jets to lessen reliance on Russia but didn’t push Nodi on neutrality.  At the JCB plant in Gujarat, owned by tory donor Lord Bamford, he didn’t mention the destruction of Muslim’s homes by their bulldozers.

Drained after a long afternoon out, I stayed home Saturday apart from a trip to the co-op.  Very quiet for a weekend, there was hardly any veg but plenty of oil, despite reports of rationing.  Along with potatoes, cereal and chicken feed, it apparently all came from Ukraine.  Nowt to do with Brexit or P&O ferries!  Was the war also responsible for HRT shortages?  At the kiosk, my mate’s eyebrows shot up as a colleague told him his pregnant partner wanted a gender reveal party.  I observed: “but what if it doesn’t want to be that gender? ‘How very dare you assume my gender before I’m even born?’ It would say.”  An eavesdropping woman added: “Nothing surprises me anymore!”(see Tales from the Co-op^v).

On Sunday Morning, the hideous Piers Morgan said firms had a dilemma balancing staff being in offices and at home.  Oliver Dowdy maintained Boris gave a ‘clear explanation’ of events leading to fines and we should balance that with other matters.  In an unfortunate analogy, he said the PM still had ‘fuel in the tank to deliver for this country’.  Asked how much more of the ‘drip, drip’ they could withstand, he blathered about focusing on the national security crisis.  What was he on about? The war was in Ukraine not the UK!

We went in search of blossom in the park.  At various stages of growth, some had already blown off and dandelions outnumbered the cherry.  Having noted the music café was rebranded ‘Charlie’s – not attracting the young hip crowd, but OAPs supping a nice cup of tea – we investigated other changes in town.  With a closed bank now a daft pub, several ice cream sellers and a pointless melts outlet, Phil remarked: “It’s full of people from out of town selling crap to people from out of town – like a northern Cotswolds!”  However, we got more bin-end wine and bargain easter eggs (the most I’d ever had, even in childhood).  Coming back, we came across German Friend and empathised on the struggles of processing the passing of friends.

Some tories told MOS that Rayner, lacking Boris’ Etonian debating skills, distracted him by crossing and uncrossing her legs at PMQs.  What tripe!  She could make mincemeat of him!  She tweeted: ‘Women in politics face sexism and misogyny every day…This is the latest dose of gutter journalism..”  She later added it was classist too.  A colleague said: “Just when you think the Conservative party can’t get any lower they outdo themselves. (They) clearly have a problem with women in public life.”  Even Boris decried the piece.  Meanwhile, 56 sex misconduct allegations included 3 cabinet ministers and 2 shadows.  As ship Albatroz sunk, 47 barrels of diesel created  a slick, threatening The Galapagos’ giant turtles.

Haiga – Impressions

Wobbly and heavy headed, I started to exercise Monday morning, when a throat niggle progressed to my ear and nose.  Annoyed at a second bout of illness that month, Phil reckoned I’d caught covid at the art show.  Feasible, seeing as the last one immediately followed the workshop, but vile phlegm implied the usual sinus lark. 

Either way, it rendered me bed-ridden for much of the week, apart from essential chores and spells on the sofa. 

After posting a haiga and Cool Places updates, I got head fug and settled down with a book when Phil noisily announced he was going for a rest.  I ask you!  I slept for 1 minute.

Idiot Epstein informed Jeremy Vine that Rishi was rich because he was good with money.  Hmm – It’s easy to be good with money when you have piles to start with!  Rees-Moggy put memos on empty Whitehall desks saying ‘I look forward to seeing you in the office soon’.  In a rare moment of not talking claptrap, Dreadful Doris called the passive-aggressive bullying ‘Dickensian’.  Life expectancy down in deprived areas over the last 3 years, covid was partly blamed.  In Kyiv, Lloyd Austin and Anthony Blinken said ‘Ukraine is succeeding’ and promised more munitions.  Following weekend attacks on the Azovstal steel plant, Russian strikes targeted fuel and rail facilities.  After Micron was re-elected president of France, cops killed 3 protestors.

Tuesday, I okayed the Valley Life proof and worked on blogs.  Suffering brain fog, I stopped writing and submitted photos to the larger arts festival exhibition.  Phil went to the co-op.  Disturbed by the door slamming on his return and loud talking on the street below, so-called ‘quiet time’ was a write-off.  As he’d bought 3 kinds of spuds, I cooked loads for dinner, getting backache and narky.

The Bumbler convened Cabinet to invent ideas to address the cost of living crisis without spending extra money.  They came up with encouraging more uptake of child and pension credits, cutting import tariffs and childcare ratios and extending MOT’s to 2 years.  The Guardian accused them of trashing health and safety.  Boris threatened to privatise DVLA and the passport office.  Delightfully-named Ian Snowball, landlord of the Showtime bar, Huddersfield, faced a £6,000 fine for allowing a punter to sip ale while standing to play beer pong during restrictions.  Talk about disproportionality!  IPPR reported 400,000 quitting work due to ill health, leading to ‘terminally low productivity’.  Elon Musk bought twitter for $44 bn.  Right-wingers thrilled by the promise of less moderation, others feared more fake news, bigotry and conspiracy drivel.  After The Insolvency Service began criminal and civil proceedings over redundancies, shit-show P&O failed to further reduce wages.  Intending to restart the Dover-Calais ferry Spirit of Britain for freight from Wednesday, The European Causeway lost power half an hour from Larne and limped back.  As more weapons were sent to Ukraine, Serge warned of ‘world war by proxy’ and again raised the prospect of nuclear attacks.  Antonio Guterres went to Moscow, incensing Vlod by not visiting Kyiv first.

Barrels of Fun

Unappreciated Dandelions

Wednesday, I fetched the coffee, for which Phil tossed me 10p.  It disappeared like a crap magic trick.  At PMQs, Keir attacked the government’s approach to the cost of living crisis.  Boris threw out figures and metaphors.  Keir quipped that was his fab debating skills we’d heard about!  He then asked ironically if being the only country to raise taxes had made things better or worse?  Ian Blackford cited Trussell Trust research that 830,000 children depended on food parcels and urged him to look for ideas beyond the cabinet, such as raising child payments like in Scotland.  He could also have cited food parcel demand (up 44% in Yorkshire), 59% of the population making lifestyle changes to cut spending and 18% having no disposable income.  Cathy Gardner and Fay Harris won a high court case against PHE and The Cock for discharging untested patients to care homes where their dads’ died of covid.  Invited by Daisy Cooper to apologise, Boris insisted they didn’t know the virus was transmitted asymptomatically.  Court evidence proved otherwise.  A PHE paper passed to Sage early 2020 concluded ‘asymptomatic transmission cannot be ruled out’, another warned ‘pre-symptomatic transmission…constituted a very substantial proportion of all transmission,’ and top medic Pat Vallance said likewise on the Today Programme, 13^th March.

Fatigued by the antics, I rested.  At least external noise was more ambient this time.  At coffee time, Phil cadged from my depleting filter supplies, saying he’d buy me more if I gave him 50p.  A bargain, I said he could have the 10p back, which had turned up among the sheets.

Rayner called Lord Geidt clearing Rishi of any wrongdoing an ‘utter whitewash’.  Editor David Dillon refused to meet Lindsay Hoyle.  Carol Brexit informed Jeremy Vine that 4 tories heard the Ashton MP jest about using her legs to distract Boris.  The Chief Whip promised action against a tory caught watching porn.  After letting rumours accusing others to circulate, Neil Parish was suspended Friday, said he got onto the porn site by accident looking for tractors but re-visited it, then resigned Saturday.  Following more EU sanctions against 50 oligarchs and companies including Gazprom, Russia cut the gas off to Bulgaria and Poland.  How did you sanction a company you traded with?  Greenpeace called imports of 1.9 million oil barrels since the start of the war, ‘utterly disingenuous’ when the UK vowed less reliance on Russian supplies.  GSK reported a £9.8 billion turnover in the first quarter, thanks in part to anti-viral drug Xevudy.  Meanwhile, treatments for tremors involved zapping neurons and the first person treated for Parkinson’s with a Deep Brain Stimulation implant, declared a miracle.  York councillors divested Prince Andy of Freedom of the City.

Eyes shutting while reading, I hoped to be less fatigued Thursday.  Sadly not.  Phil went to the market for bog paper (only loose rolls available) and fishy bits.  The shrimps were from Holland.  Full import checks on European goods further delayed, supermarkets were happy, but exporters facing red tape and ports having built unnecessary infrastructure, weren’t.  The benefits of Brexit eh, Moggy?  Was that taking back control?

A tweeter thought it fun to relabel BA ‘British Wokeways’ for refusing to fly migrants to Rwanda over fears of a backlash.  Charter flights would add to an already astronomical £120 million for the scheme.  A whopping £30,000 each, Phil reckoned it’d be cheaper to give people the money to go home.  In more commons sleaze, Jamie Wallis was charged with a hit and run, Imran Khan belatedly submitted a resignation letter (after getting another full month’s pay), Liam Byrne was suspended for 2 days, and a female MP was called ‘a secret weapon’ as all the men wanted to sleep with her.  Ben Wally said they should avoid ‘toxic bars’ and Sue Braverman claimed there wasn’t a ‘pervasive culture’ of misogyny but some bad apples.  Yes, but it only took one to rot the whole barrel!  Keir said he took all allegations seriously and hoped colleagues had confidence in the complaints procedure.  On QT, Jon Ashworth agreed the cost of living was the most important issue but connected to Partygate because tories were disconnected and dismissed people’s real concerns as ‘silly’.  Mims Davies wittered about jobs and floundered trying the defend the migrant policy against accusations of being ‘pick and choose’.  After telling Iain Dale Channel 5 had thrived when it was privatised (it was never public!) an unusually sober Dreadful Doris came on Newscast to prate about impartiality and privatising Channel 4 even though 96% were against it.

Friday, Phil said he needed a haircut: “I look like I’m from a Britpop band.” “No you don’t. Mines’ worse.” “It does need colouring in.” “Thanks!” I sat abed writing until hungry and hot, considered getting lunch but he brought it to me.  Perhaps staying put was a good thing, because I felt much better on a bright Saturday.  I went to the rag market to buy haberdashery from friendly stall-holders then waited for Phil to come to an exhibition of historic photos by a local celeb.  On the way, we were waylaid by falling blossom and dandelions.  I later created a Facebook album but the dazzling yellow blooms went unappreciated.  Balking at a £5 suggested donation, we contributed by purchasing juice.  Phil’s photography mate had planned the showing for 2020.  They bemoaned work being on hold since covid and I sympathised with his travails being interviewed for a documentary.  I could talk for England but stick me in front of camera, I was dumbstruck!

550 Network Rail upgrade projects over the bank holiday weekend, cleaners and conductors’ strikes meant TPE only ran a small number of (dirty) services.  Roads were predicted to be quiet.  A good job with herds of animals on the M62 at Eccles and Brighouse.  Madelaine McTernan who worked on the covid vaccine rollout, was appointed HRT tsar.  Demand up thanks to The Davina Effect, I felt I was missing out not taking it.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iv. Shat’s gimmicky rail sale video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iheo0km3xHE

v. Tales from the Co-op: Notes on life, the universe and stuff that sucks: Tales from the Co-op Vol 5 (maryc1000.blogspot.com)

Part 98 – This Page Intentionally Blank

“This stinks of a cover-up by Number 10. Even Richard Nixon believed a country deserves to know whether their leader is a crook” (Ed Davey)

Dirty Dozens

Haiga – A Moment of Calm

The storm moved to the east coast Monday, leaving the valley mostly calm and bright.  Posting a haigaⁱ  and the journal took most of the day, excepting lunch and essential chores.  Due to the weather, mounds of recycling littered the house. Phil helped with disposal.  One eye on the news, he précised the Sue Gray report but as the incomplete document was 12 pages (less if you ignored ‘this page intentionally blank’), I read it myself.ⁱⁱⁱ

Specifics missing, Gray berated the culture at the ‘heart of government’, failure of leadership and judgement, unprofessional consumption of excessive amounts of alcohol, inappropriate use of the Number 10 garden, and concluded rules weren’t followed.  As operational structures hadn’t kept pace with expansion of the PM’s office and staff felt unable to report concerns, ‘lessons to learn’ should be addressed immediately.  The Bumbler began his commons statement with another vacuous apology, saying he understood people’s anger, and he’d fix it by reviewing codes of conduct and creating an Office of the PM with a permanent sec. – would that address the accountability vacuum?  He then blathered about government achievements.  Keir responded Gray made ‘the most damning conclusions’ with a PM under criminal investigation and making people feel like fools, although they shouldn’t as they saved lives.  Quite!  I kept saying those who stuck to rules did the right thing and should stop whinging they didn’t hug!  Phil asserted we were locked down to keep tory toffs safe.  The comment from Carrie’s party mate 13^th November seemed to support that.  Keir alleged Boris wouldn’t resign because he was ‘a man without shame’.  Boris called that ‘a tissue of nonsense’ but others echoed pleas for full publication of findings.  Andrew Mitchell withdrew his support and Ian Blackford ejected himself after repeating Boris broke lockdown rules and ‘wilfully misled parliament’.

Of the 16 ‘gatherings’ in scope, The met were looking into 12 (8 in Downing Street and 4 in the cabinet office)*.  With 300 photos and 500 documents of the ‘Dirty Dozen’, they pledged to fast-track the investigation within weeks.  At an emergency meeting of tory MPs, Boris allegedly banged the table screaming he’d nearly died of Covid.  Trussed-Up Liz was spotted without a mask, later tested positive and wouldn’t accompany him to The Ukraine.  As he’d cancelled a planned call to Vlad, David Lammy said it was an example of the ‘real world consequences’ of the distraction and Layla Moran complained: “This is the man who picked pleading with his backbenchers over talking tough to Vladimir Putin.”  Meanwhile, Hong Kong politician Caspar Tsui resigned after being discovered attending a banquet.  Our leaders could learn a lesson there!  On Newsnight, small minister Paul Scuzzball contrarily argued that as Boris was at deaths door, he understood the issues!  Tory activists said with no contrition and no confidence, his days were numbered.  Journalists agreed, seeing the interim report as a ‘series of smoking guns yet to come’.  I looked forward to the adaptation of Sue Gray and the Party Detectives into a Netflix series or, more likely, a low-key Brit flick!

Two years after the first hospital admissions of covid patients in Newcastle, NHS bosses warned of frontline staff quitting if forced to have jabs.  Ministers said the policy could be ditched after consultation, including for social care.  Would the 30,000 sacked workers return?  Several areas of Beijing underwent lockdown and daily testing ahead of the Winter Olympics.  Back-to-back storms forced the Thames barrier to close, blew lorries over, hampered train services and left 45,000 homes power-less.  Winds reached 90 mph in  Stonehaven where unhappy residents whinged this was the second time since November.  In The Great Drain Robbery, thieves stole 160 cast iron drain covers in Doncaster to sell for scrap.

Cleaning out the fridge Tuesday, I found chilli jam so old mould erupted on the lid, a lump of ice in the runnel and a puddle beneath the crisper drawer.  I spent ages scrubbing a minging juicer stored on top.  The days long gone when chucking 40% of our fruit in the form of pulp was a good idea, we agreed to donate the unused item charity.  The chore was punctuated with refreshment breaks, writing and shopping.  Sunny and mild to start, a stiff breeze assailed me on the way to a quiet co-op where I discussed the price of seeds and compostable bags with my namesake at the till.  Feeling iffy, I  forced myself to write in the afternoon.  Mind blank trying to work on the novel, I composed an add-on for Cool Placesⁱⁱ and posted a photo of pink winter blossom for Elderly Neighbours’ birthday (See below).

9.9% of covid cases over the past year were reinfections.  Previously 2%, it showed earlier illness didn’t protect against Omicron.  The WHO recommended treatments Sotrovimab and Baricitinib. DOHSC accounting revealed £8.5 bn written off for lost, faulty or expired PPE.  The IOPC published details of racist, sexist and homophobic messages between officers at Charing Cross cop shop 2016-2018.  The 2 dismissed were not isolated ‘bad apples’.  After announcing the closure of 317 meat, fish and deli counters and Jack’s discount stores, changes to overnight working put another 1,600 Tesco jobs at risk.  Our local farm shop featured on Look North.  Open since 1974, the 81 year old owner offered a  lifeline for remote villagers in bad weather and lockdowns, delivering essential supplies.  In Grimsby ahead of unveiling the Levelling Up white paper, The Glove-Puppet said London’s elite didn’t understand the problems of overlooked communities.  His plans involved elected mayors for every part of England and a dozen ‘national missions’, with targets for the economy, housing, education, transport and culture up to 2030 in 55 areas.  20 urban regeneration projects would start with Sheffield and Wolverhampton.  Criticised for no new money and lack of ambition, Lisa Nandy called it shuffling deckchairs and Tracy Brabin suggested he prioritise early years and bringing HS2 to the young, vibrant city of Bradford.

Boris known to have attended at least 3 of the ‘Dirty Dozen’, police guidance stated identities of those issued fixed penalty notices ‘should not be released or confirmed’.  Rayner inveighed: “I can’t believe this needs saying. The public have a right to know if the PM is found to have committed an offence.”  Ed Davey added it stank of a cover-up.  Rabid Raab implied Boris still didn’t think he’d done any wrong saying: “(he) believes he acted in good faith at all times.”  Downing Street later said they’d reveal if Boris was fined.  In Kyiv to speak to president Volodymyr Zelensky before a press conference and rescheduled call to Vlad, No. 10 claimed he spearheaded the international response.  An international joke more like!  White House press aide Jen Psaki chortled at ambushing cakes in faces, Russian TV sniggered Boris was a henpecked wannabe emperor mocked even by kids, and former tory diplomat Rory Stewart sputtered: “This idea that somehow Boris…is single-handedly defending Ukraine from Russia is pure fantasy.”

Dancing In The Gaslight

Savile and Thatcher

Waking with a creaky jaw the last 2 mornings, further evidence I  was grinding my teeth while sleeping due to anxiety, emerged a few days later. Careful exercise helped ease the discomfort Wednesday.

Boris parroting the accusation from right-wing social media that Keir failed ‘to prosecute Jimmy Savile’, Nazir Afzal on BBC Breakfast said in the 3 years he worked under him as DPP, they had record child abuse convictions.  In fact, decisions were made locally, Keir apologised and commissioned an investigation which blamed Surrey prosecutors and police for the mess.  Causing ructions in the tory ranks, Tobias Ellwood was one of 3 to submit letters of no confidence and on Newsnight, David Liddington derided the ‘crude, stupid distraction tactics’ and a lack of emotional intelligence that ‘sapped trust’.  Nick Watt called the gaslighting a death sentence.  “Hmm!” mused Phil, “who’s the one who likes dressing up, visiting hospitals and says he’ll fix it…“  And let’s not forget, Savile was a tory.  A photo of the nonce posing for the Tory 2010 election campaign turned out to be fake but ones of him with Thatcher weren’t.

Lindsay Hoyle read ‘the bible’ on parliamentary language before PMQs.  If Ian Blackford had to retract calling Boris a liar, why didn’t Boris have to recant his comment on Savile? I wondered.  The Bumbler toadied to the queen and told Esther McVey mandatory jabs for the NHS would be abandoned.  Tongue in cheek, Keir queried if part of Operation Save Big Dog was being ‘tax-cutting conservatives’, why did they keep raising them for workers while protecting oil companies and banks and ’gaslight’ the British public with stealth taxes?  To Boris’ usual waffle, he responded: ‘lots of words, lots of bluster, but no answers’ and joked that wouldn’t work with the police!  He pointed out wastage and fraud during the pandemic equalled the extra taxes and asked why he wasn’t investigating that instead of squeezing people to the pips?  Boris spewed a load of figures, rubbish about record amounts of PPE and getting ventilators from footballers.  Keir repeated he needed to sharpen how he answered questions.

I was stealing myself to take the redundant juicer to the charity shop in the drizzle when Phil offered to go.  Relieved, I did some admin and messaging, setting a record 3 social engagements for the month (lunch with Walking Friend and AN Other Friday, an exhibition with Manchester Friend and a drink with The Researcher late Feb).  The so-called wine rack stuffed with miscellaneous items, Phil returned as I began sorting them to reclaim mechanical whisks and a mixing bowl, then left me to evict spiders, scour utensils, start another charity bag and make room in cupboards.

Hospital cases down, more deaths were recorded than for almost a year.  Figures excluded Scotland.  Nasty Patel told the home affairs committee the IOPC findings showed a ‘failure of leadership’ (sic) but didn’t say Dick should go.  Yvette Coop wanted action from the home office as well as The Met.  Boris made the postponed call to Vlad and tweeted the way out of hostilities was diplomacy.  So, calling the Russians hostile was diplomatic, was it?  After legal advice that SPS checks required approval from the Stormont Executive, DUP minister Edwin Poots ordered officials at Daera** to stop Irish Sea border checks from midnight.  Back doors opened at the Port of Belfast the next morning.  Saying issues could be resolved through the protocol, Sinn Fein accused him of playing party politics.  4 Insulate Britain protestors got stuck in jail after gluing themselves outside the High Court while chants of ‘Boris out’ were ignored during Westminster news broadcasts.

Lower leg cramp woke me in the early hours Thursday.  Unable to reach, I tried shaking it out but the knee agonisingly locked up.  On the verge of tears, I attempted to stand and hobbled to the bathroom.  After a bit more sleep, the pain alleviated enough to perform most of my exercise routine.  Telling Phil I‘d never known anything like it, he said he had and I worried not for the first time, if it was arthritis.  I rushed chores and writing tasks to go to town, greeting 3 lesser-spotted neighbours along the street.  The centre strangely quiet in the dull dampness, I discussed the inflationary cost of cough drops, energy price hikes and treasury plans for loans and rebates with Sweet Shop man.  Ofgem raised the cap to £1,971.  Rishi dished out £200 rebates on electricity bills from October (to be paid back from 2023, though Goldman Sachs doubted prices would drop until 2025) and £150 off council tax (the treasury gave councils £144m).  Unimpressed, labour called it ‘buy now pay later’ and asked why there was no cut in VAT or windfall tax for Shell, who made £14bn profit?  BOE simultaneously put interest up to 0.5%, predicted inflation of 7.25% by April and said it wasn’t a good time to ask for more pay.  So much for the high skills, high wage economy!  GMB’s Gary Smith retorted: “telling the hard-working people who carried this country through the pandemic they don’t deserve a pay rise is outrageous.”  Elsewhere, France put a 4% limit on fuel rises, Belgium slashed VAT and Greece increased the minimum wage by 2%.

On the market, I bantered on posh names for bog roll with Jolly Veg man and topped up supplies in convenience stores to postpone a trip to the co-op, then lugged bags home and faffed to fit mussels in a bowl until Phil came to help.  He began scrubbing a Dutch oven but desperate for lunch, I bade him leave it.

Effective against Omicron, Novavax was approved following trials in Leeds and Bradford.  A caller to Jeremy Vine called Boris a baboon and David Davis said he suffered death by a thousand cuts with the party in a state of paralysis.  As if to illustrate his point, director of communications Jack Doyle and head of policy Munira Mirza quit; she cited the Savile slur.  Stopping short of an apology, Boris insisted he was making a point about responsibility for the organisation as a whole.  What!  Like he was responsible for the antics in No. 10?  Late evening, PPS Martin Reynolds and Chief of Staff Dan Rosenfeld also left Downing Street pursued the next morning by special adviser Elena Narozanski.  At least 2 of them were at parties.  Energy minister Greg Hands said it proved the PM was ‘taking charge’.  DUP MLA Paul Givan resigned, meaning Michelle O’Neil also lost her post, power-sharing at Stormont ended and the exec couldn’t meet.  How did that square with them having authority to change import rules?  Sinn Fein said the political opportunism had catastrophic impacts ahead of May elections.  A high Court judge subsequently suspended Poot’s decision to stop import checks, until a full judicial review to avoid confusion ‘hanging over’ civil servants.

Discussing mandatory vaccines for health staff on QT, a sceptic with piles of scrappy notes disputed a vax scientist.  Robin Shattock tried to be nice but ended up saying he was talking crap.  Torygraph weirdo Tim Stanley thought it good to have the debate and mandating counter-productive.  NHS Confederation’s Victor Adebowale said with 95% staff uptake but only 89% for BME, they had rights but also responsibilities.  Crispin Blunt believed it sensible to re-assess the policy on evidence.  A nurse in the audience claimed natural immunity from having covid protected her.  Shattock informed her that varied and asked if an antibody test might persuade her?  “Maybe.”  Probed on if Boris damaged the tory party, Crispin said we were being played by The Scumbag and repeated the assertion not everyone followed the rules.  Weirdo Tim bizarrely compared Boris to a character from Oceans 11, Rosena Allin-Khan maintained the ‘consistent liar’ wasn’t fit for office, before or now, and Victor called him a moral vacuum.  Robin asked: who do you trust?

Interviewed on Newscast, Rishi said Boris was right to apologise, evaded questions on standing for leader and claimed to have seen no parties from Number 11’s window.  A day later, The Mirror reported The Met had a photo of Boris holding a can of beer at his lockdown birthday party, standing next to Rishi in the cabinet room.  Shot by Andrew Parsons (one of 3 of The Bumbler’s official tax-funded photographers) who documented the event, it proved they didn’t give a shit!

Mixing It Up

Pink Winter Blossom

So much happened in the world of politics late the previous night, trying to get a grip Friday morning was hindered by Phil rambling and Walking Friend texting to ask if I could be ready early.  To avoid rushing, I arranged to meet at the corner pub instead, hastened my notes and put a face on.   No sign of them outside, AN Other waved to me from inside the pub.  They mixed coffee and Bailey’s but I eschewed drinking during a catch-up and deciding what next.  On the way to the big charity shop, a feint rainbow provided a backdrop for a cloud of squawking corvids.  We ambled down the still oddly quiet pedestrian street.  AN Other liked the look of the wood burner in the cocktail bar.  Unsure if they served food, she asked to be given a Med café menu.  As she re-arranged the furniture to feel the heat, I wryly told the waitress: “sorry about this.”  The partnership arrangement involved staff toing and froing across the street.  Over inevitably tepid dishes, we discussed holidays, labyrinthine German tax laws and mutual acquaintances.  I expressed relief at not going to Deceased Friends’ wake after the family all got covid and learnt another old pub mate died of cancer last month.  Walking Friend fed pigeons to distract them before feeding ducks on the wavy steps.  Visiting more charity shops, we ended up at one near our street.  AN Other drove back across the moor, Walking Friend went to the co-op and I went home, agreeing it made a change mixing up our lunch-meets.  A mélange of chatter crowding my head, I couldn’t relax at all during a siesta.

ONS found risk of death from covid dropped 93% after 3 jabs.  Rishi having distanced himself from Boris’ slur, Goblin Saj said Keir should be respected for doing a good job as DDP but the PM ‘clarified remarks’ on the Savile issue and still had his support.  Nick Gibb, the latest tory MP to publicly call for Boris to go, cited constituents’ fury ‘about the double standards’ and the PM’s ‘inaccurate’ commons statements.  Meanwhile, Liam Fox waited to see what happened and in a round of drunken interviews, batty Nads Doris claimed 97% of tories backed Boris and it was all a Remoaners plot.  After taking the big plane to Blackpool to play with trams, Boris returned to rally the troops and quote ‘change is good’ from the Lion King.  “It really is The Lying King!” I laughed.  Ukrainian architects Studio Makhno designed Plan C, bagels for settlers on Mars to inhabit craters, with food grown in orbiting spherical greenhouses. Did they nick the idea from The Expanse?

A watery sun presaged grey rain Saturday.  Rather scatty, I kept drifting off, but rallied with caffeine.  Nowt on telly, we watched extras on a DVD so it could go in the charity bag.  Disposing of recycling, I found dog poo on the doorstep, angrily scrubbed it off and railed I was starting to take it personal.  Phil thought dogs simply needed a crap when they reached the top of the steps.  Heading to the main road, car lights on the gloomy roads made it appear like midwinter again.  Among gaps in the co-op, I got a cheap pineapple.  What was that about affordable fruit?  At the till, teenage girls carefully handled a carrier like it was precious.  The nice young Scottish cashier told me it was a cappuccino glass.  Pausing halfway through scanning my stuff, she apologised for having a moment.  “It’s okay, I’ve been scatty today.” “Good.” “Is it?”  “Yeah, if you can’t pause on a day like this, when can you? Have a nice evening.” “It’s not evening yet. It just looks like it.” “I don’t mind this weather.”  I stopped myself replying she was probably used to it!  I trudged back and collapsed on the sofa while Phil watched Olympic skiing, commenting on the fakery in an area of China that barely got 20cm of rain a year, let alone snow!  Working on the journal, I got mixed up with all the Westminster parties, checked the BBC news list and discovered 2 were excluded from the report, including Shaun Bailey’s lavish buffet.  “That sounds like an excellent idea!” exclaimed Phil, googled an all-you-can-eat in Blackpool and declared he now used tory antics as a kind of tarot.  Cooking the pineapple with a splash of sambuca, Phil queried why we never drank it.  “We don’t really mix drinks anymore.”

Raining all night, sheets of hail careened down the valley Sunday.  And it was so dark!  No possibility of a walk, I worked on the journal and tried cleaning kitchen chairs.  Mysterious splotches persisting, Phil’s idea of using turps to expunge them might wait ‘til we could work outside.  We also made some arrangements for Phil’s birthday weekend but were undecided on the lavish buffet. During a truly terrible night, I caught myself clenching my jaw in an early hours stupor.  I must have slept but it was in such small snatches I might as well not have even tried!

After Boris stated crime fell 14% and the Home Office admitted it excluded fraud and computer scams, the UKSA sad they were misleading.  Challenged on Sunday Morning, Kwasi Modo said they meant street crime like burglary and violence.  Tell that to Leeds people in fear of being stabbed!

Shaun Bailey’s Lavish Buffet

*Scope of inquiry:15^th May 2020, garden party; 27^th Nov, leaving do; 10^th Dec; gathering at DoE, 15^th Dec, Xmas quiz.

The Dirty Dozen: 20^th May 2020, garden party;  18^th June, a gathering; 19^th June, Boris’ birthday party; 13^th Nov, 2 gatherings; 17^th Dec, 3 gatherings; 18^th Dec, ‘end of term’ party; 14^th Jan 2021, a gathering; 16^th April, 2 gatherings.

Excluded from report: 14^th Dec; Bailey’s lavish buffet, Met speaking to 2 attendees; 16^th Dec, DoT party.

**(Department of agriculture, environment & rural affairs)

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. The Sue Gray Report: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/1051374/Investigation_into_alleged_gatherings_on_government_premises_during_Covid_restrictions_-_Update.pdf

Part 95 – Moody Blues

 “This is a prime minister who has been accused of breaking a law that he himself set; it could not be more serious”(Ian Blackford)

The Waiting Game

Gloomy Church Clock

Sleeping later than planned Monday, I rushed round, took piles of rubbish out, and picked up the laptop to a flurry of e-mails.  I replied to one from the owner of Valley Life agreeing to contribute during 2022, posted a haiga (see below)ⁱ and draft-posted the journal before scoffing lunch and preparing for a dental appointment.  Too cold and damp to walk to the next village, I went for an earlier bus than necessary.  Two didn’t turn up.  I rang the surgery to explain and they agreed to see me late.  The waiting room empty, I was told the dentist was with another patient when I saw him gabbing with staff.  X-rays required after not visiting for 2 years, I inwardly laughed when they switched the machine on and ran away, leaving me to be zapped!  I eschewed a visit to Sainsbury’s, and crossed to the bus stop.  The church clock looming in the gloom attested to another lengthy wait.  Unable to use my return ticket on the first bus, a convoy of school buses sailed by, then a swarm of schoolkids infested the queue until the right bus eventually came.  Inevitably packed, I perched on the edge of a seat, silently fuming at loud-mouthed mask-less little monsters!  Unable to stand them any longer, I alighted early and hurried the back way to the co-op for a couple of items.  Moody, cold and tired, I slumped on the sofa before dragging myself upstairs to warm up.

Daily LFTs for 100,000 critical workers began.  IKEA cut sick pay for unvaccinated staff required to self-isolate, as did Next later in the week.  The UKHSA and Covid Taskfarce looked at reducing self-isolation to 5 days, like the US.  Boris said he’d follow the evidence.  The Glove-puppet thought it too soon to say the Omicron wave was abating.  After getting stuck in a lift at BBC HQ, he joked that WA1 wasn’t satire.  He planned forcing developers to pay to replace cladding on shorter tower blocks.  Nandy said he didn’t address all the safety issues.  Novax was granted a visa but his dishonesty and the toing and froing of Australian officials, created embarrassment all round.  A competition to invent a platinum pudding for the queen required something simple, elegant and flavoursome. “How about angel delight?” giggled Phil.

Tuesday, I was irked at another late start, a lost sock and Phil handwashing a jumper after putting a load in the machine.  He berated my nagging and I sulked, posted the journal and replied to a message from The Researcher; illness explaining the wait to hear from her.  She seemed delighted with my draft takeover blog.  Still grieving for a lost Monday afternoon thanks to WY Metro, I stayed in to catch up on writing while Phil kindly offered to shop.  In a week when Souter Hole in Whitburn, Sunderland, grew into a sunken beach, Digging for Britain featured a whole Ichthyosaur fossil (or sea dragon) unearthed in Rutland and an iron age village which evolved into a wealthy Roman settlement discovered under HS2 in Northants.

379 deaths, 3,000 kids and 1 in 12 teachers off school due to covid, Sturgeon said masks could be the norm in Scotland for the foreseeable future but more spectators would be allowed at outdoor sports from next week.  WHO regional director Dr, Hans Kluge said over half of Europeans would catch Omicron in the next 2 months, while his colleague Dr Nabarro said the end was in sight if we respected the virus and reacted quickly to surges (occurring every 3-4 months) and David Heymann of the London School of Tropical Medicine thought the UK could soon reach endemic status.  A leaked e-mail from Martin Reynolds invited 100 people to a BYOB Downing Street garden party 20^th May 2020, the same day we were told we could meet 1 person outside.  Boris and Carrie allegedly joined 40 attendees.  Even diehard blues sick of the smirks and ‘serial lying’, there were renewed calls for the PM to resign.  Would his PPS be the fall guy? Rayner asked urgent questions in the commons.  The Bumbler unsurprisingly absent despite no appointments, paymaster general Michael Ellis took the flak, saying there was ‘absolutely no indication’ his boss knowingly misled parliament and urged MPs awaited the inquiry results.  Ian Blackford attacked ‘a PM’ accused of breaking a law that he himself set.

Ovo blogged ways to keep warm including doing star jumps, cleaning, eating porridge and cuddling pets.  I did most of them; maybe I should get a dog!  They later apologised for ‘poorly judged and unhelpful’ content, sacked ¼ of their workforce and shut 7 of 10 offices.  The Minimum hourly wage for remaining staff was upped to £12.  Putin claimed to have suppressed the ‘foreign coup’ in Kazakhstan.

Dead Man Walking

High Trees (from Takeover Blog)

Sleeping well, I enthusiastically set about hoovering the living room Wednesday, impeded by unravelled floor cushion tassel threads festooning the floor.  Partygate inevitably dominated PMQs for a second week.  Starting with a sham apology, The Bumbler admitted getting ‘somethings wrong’, although the Number 10 garden was ‘an extension of the office’.  He went out to thank staff at what he thought was a work event 20^th May, but ‘with hindsight’, he should have sent them back in and found another way to say thanks.  He said sorry to those who’d lost people and directed MPs to Sue Gray’s inquiry.  Not thinking to reference his ‘captain hindsight’ moniker, Keir called Boris ‘a man whose ran out of road’, and the excuse he didn’t know it was a party pathetic (yes, especially as he got the e-mail!) and asked would he do the decent thing and resign?  In response to a load of Boris Bluster, Keir asked was he ‘so contemptuous’ he thought he could ride it out?  Boris insisted he was aware of the public’s sacrifices and understood their anger, repeated ‘bitter regret’ and awaiting the inquiry report.   Keir listed previous high-profile resignations and wondered why the PM still thought the rules didn’t apply to him?  After Boris repeated himself, Kier cried: “it’s not working!”  Boris called Keir’s facts ‘wrong’ but accepted ‘they’ did wrong, with the caveat: ‘we thought we acted within the guidance’ and suggested as a lawyer, Keir should respect the process.  Kier responded ‘a series of ridiculous denials’ meant ‘the party’s over.’  Ian Blackford echoed calls for Boris’ removal from office.  Later on, Sir Roger Gale marked his leader ‘a dead man walking’ and Douglas Ross (head of the Scottish tories) submitted a vote of no confidence letter to the 1922 committee.  On Newsnight, Rees-Moggy insisted Boris was humble and sincere, showed great leadership in getting ‘the big things right’ and dubbed Douglas Ross a ‘lightweight’.

Turning to writing projects, I replied to another e-mail from The Researcher.  Developing head fug, I failed to rest.  In a long episodic dream that night, I married a murderer, escaped and attended a weird conference involving in a laser fight with red-hooded figures.  It was probably inspired by the magical Witcher on Netflix.

Concluding a case brought by The Good Law Project and Everydoctor, The High Court ruled awarding government contracts via a ‘VIP fast lane’ unlawful.  However, it was likely Pestfix and Ayanda Capital would’ve won the bids as they offered large volumes of PPE at a critical time.  Hmm!  Weren’t the masks from Ayanda chucked as unsafe?  Ministers said the fast track would stay for possible future emergencies.  Rayner claimed it was clear the cabinet office didn’t have the resources to conduct proper due diligence.  Smart motorways were paused for 5 years to gather more safety data.  How many deaths did they need?  GoFundMe donations enabled Alan Gosling to buy more ducks.

Dead Meat

Haiga – Epiphany

Stripping the bed Thursday, I opened the window in sunshine, shook blankets out and Phil changed sheets while I bathed.  I uploaded photos via a Google drive link from The Researcher.  The takeover post looking good, I thanked her for kind words and links to my other blogs.  She later proposed meeting for a beer sometime.ⁱⁱ  I left a sluggish laptop updating and went to town, tarrying in the sweet shop to admire diminutive pottery houses made by a customer.  At the market, I waited at the fish van for a woman to bafflingly ask if they could get seaweed for her daughter’s school project.  A woman passing the pizza stall opposite the veg stall asked: “Coma stai?” The hipster mumbled a reply. “Non parli Italiano?” He smiled inanely.  After she’d gone, I asked did he know what she’d said.  He reckoned she was Romanian to which I remarked she spoke Italian.  He insisted he knew that but obviously didn’t understand her.  I enjoyed an informative chat in the deli on different dal varieties before struggling home where Phil belatedly offered help after I’d carted bags to the kitchen.

While covid hospitalisations rose in the north, cases fell in London and the South East.  Encouraged by UKHSA data showing 2/3 no longer infectious after 5 days, Goblin Saj reduced self-isolation requirements accordingly (with negative tests).  Reckoning people were most contagious 3-6 days after contracting covid, Prof. Reicher queried: “how is this following the science?”  Boris pulled out of visiting a jab centre, ostensibly because a family member tested positive.  Hiding more like!  Despite his approval rating sinking to 23% after his phoney apology, senior tories rallied round, urging critics to await findings of the inquiry before judging.  Scotland Yard in ‘ongoing contact’ with the cabinet office, The Times predicted no evidence of criminality would be found.  Deputy CMO Van Dam notably made no mention of  the PM when announcing he was leaving his secondment at the end of March to become pro-vice chancellor at Nottingham University.  Fans implored a streetcar in the city be named Jonathan Van-Tram.  Feargel Sharkey re-appeared on BBC Breakfast to tell us all English rivers were polluted and quote “study to be quiet.”  Sound advice!   A man on QT complained M&S renaming midget gems was ‘people sitting around thinking of ideas.’  He obviously never had an idea in his life!  On Newscast, phone-in radio hosts reported a sea of disapproval to downing it in Downing Street.  Excuses put forward by the odd defender centred on the rules being too strict.  If they were too strict for them, they were too strict for those who stuck to them.  Clamours for the reimbursement of fines ensued.

Friday, I left Phil sat on the bed doing tiny work to clean the bathroom of mysterious dross and work on the laptop.  Again a brilliant start, the sun had sunk behind the hills but it stayed pleasant as I headed to the co-op.  A nice lad assisted my hunt for products to use a member’s offer and put me in the mood for a jest with my mate at the kiosk.  I remarked the hot cross buns would be stale by Easter.  He assured me they’d be long gone by then and joked about being crucified.  By the time I thought of a come-back, the moment had passed.  Phil arrived to help at the till where I realised I had enough member’s points for a free shop.

Former Covid Taskfarce DG Kate Joseph tweeted a statement on attending drinks 17^th December to mark her departure from the cabinet office.  Rage mounted with revelations of two Downing Street parties 16^th April 2021.  Staff bought a suitcase-load of wine from an all-night shop.  Ex-comms aide James Slack apologised ‘for the anger and hurt caused’ by his boozy leaving do.  Number 10 expressed ‘deep regret’ it happened on the eve of Prince Philip’s funeral.  Was the queen bothered after stripping Prince Andrew of his royal and military titles?  Keir responded Boris should’ve offered HRM a resignation, not a sorry.  Instead, the dead mad drew up Operation Big Dog, a list of officials in line to tender resignations to save his own skin.  So much for relying on Sue Gray’s inquiry!  The list of booze-ups at number 10 growing daily, Phil observed: “No wonder this government’s’ a shower of shit. They’re drunk every day!”  Tobias Ellwood said he should lead or leave but Liz Truss wished we’d ‘move on’.  What to? Brexit? Cos that’s going swimmingly!  GDP recovered to pre-pandemic levels before Omicron hit in November.  Tesco kept on 13,000 Christmas staff to cover self-isolating colleagues.  32 migrants rescued from The English Channel near Berck, Calais, a Sudanese man died of hypothermia.

I’m in the Garden!

Tipsy on after-dinner wine, we laughed at Wheel of Time (it’s no Witcher) and Dmitry Kokh’s photos of polar bears living in buildings on the abandoned Soviet era meteorological station, Kolyuchin Island.  Posing in the garden without wine and cheese, I bet they didn’t need a Verisure alarm! ⁱⁱⁱ

For the third day running, Saturday started dazzlingly, with hoar frost prettifying hilltop trees.  Stressed at a greasy mess on the draining board from Phil’s late washing up, I kept schtum until he fiddled with the curtains trying to block sunlight from the telly.

He answered my tirade with a promise to clear up the oil slick, which he fulfilled.  I hurried to dress as the sun waned and the scene turned grey and cold.  Not inclined to go out, Phil started spring cleaning the kitchen, making the hearth gleam.  I considered contributing but got distracted by a film, and then it was dark.  Sunday drab, we abandoned plans for a walk and continued spring cleaning the kitchen, managing to not get in each other’s way too much.  Pissed off at lack of outdoor photo opportunities, we snapped a Christmas cactus.  The belated blooms served as a haiga subject. Leeds United back on form, we were treated to a series of goals in quick succession on MOTD resulting in a win against West Ham who knocked them out of the FA cup the previous weekend. 

Following admissions of lying on forms and having meetings when infected, Australia again revoked Novax’s visa and detained him as a threat to public health until a court hearing (of law, not tennis) got him deported Sunday.  Eruptions of the tongue-twistingly named Hunga-Tonga Hunga Ha’apai volcano led to a mile-high tsunami on the tiny island nation of Tonga.  As Brits went missing, some idiots tried surfing the wave.

Hot on the heels of Operation Big Dog, a raft of policy announcements emerged over the weekend such as giving the army powers to intercept vessels in The Channel, abolishing the BBC licence fee and banning booze at Number 10.  Err, why couldn’t the PM just do that in his own house?  Referring to ‘industrial scale partying’, Keir repeated calls for The Bumbler’s resignation. Operation Red Meat a blatant distraction technique, Phil quipped: “Operation Dead Meat more like!”  Maybe we should feed him to the polar bears!

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. Takeover blog: https://www.ruraldiaryproject.uk/rituals/confined-walks

iii. Polar bears in houses: https://petapixel.com/2022/01/13/photographer-finds-polar-bears-that-took-over-abandoned-buildings/

Part 90 – Isn’t it Moronic?

“The gaffer picks the team, that’s how it goes and that’s how it has always gone. Frankly, I couldn’t care less about the circus of who’s in, and who’s out, who’s up, who’s down, who knew, who didn’t” (Lisa Nandy)

Reshuffle kerfuffle

Leaves in Snow

An ‘arctic shot’ brought overnight lows of -8, yellow ice warnings and a freezing start to Monday.  Waking early, I planned to doze until the heating came on and fell proper asleep to be woken by Phil.  After warming porridge, I made a huge effort to get moving, did nasty chores and donned the sensible boots and bear coat to take a sample to the surgery before the noon deadline.  Black ice lurked on partially-cleared pavements and partially-gritted roads.  Small crunchy drifts huddled against brickwork.  Clumps of frilly leaves shivered off by the cold, settled prettily on iced shrubs.  Irked Phil hadn’t made coffee for my return, I stomped down to the South Pole to fetch it and slumped on the sofa, posted blogs and worked on the next episode of the journal.  As the temperature rose late evening, the snow disappeared as if by magic.  At bedtime, I had a EHS episode which sounded like an actual explosion and I recalled a few recent incidents but not the dates.

Lampooners pointed out Omicron was an anagram of moronic.  11 confirmed cases in the UK and the mutant’s resistance to vaccines a mystery, JCVI maintained we were still better protected with boosters and recommended all adults got one after 3 months rather than 6.  12-15 year olds would be offered a second dose of Pfizer.  More cases also found in Belgium, Austria, Denmark, France, Holland and Australia, G7 health ministers met.  Rose Allin-Khan berated the government for the limited mandating of face-masks: ‘Does covid not spread in pubs?’  In the wake of Storm Arwen during which 3 died, people were stuck in the Tan Hill Inn for 3 days with an oasis tribute band and the I’m a Celeb set was damaged.  At a ceremony to mark Barbados becoming an independent republic, Dame Sandra Mason was sworn in as president, Rihanna became a national hero and Bonny Prince Charlie appeared as a figurehead.  In a shadow cabinet reshuffle, Yvette Coop was made shadow home secretary, David Lammy shadow foreign secretary and Lisa Nandy would shadow The Glove-Puppet on ‘levelling up’.*  Outlining plans for overhauling rules and procedures on politicians’ behaviour, Rayner appeared unaware of the moves leading to speculation she was blindsided.  Lisa ‘couldn’t care less’ about the ‘reshuffle kerfuffle’.

I was up with the 8 o’clock alarm Tuesday.  A text link allowed me to track the gas engineer but required a log in.  I left it until after exercise, by which time I’d missed a call from the guy himself.  I phoned him to be told he’d be 20 minutes and got dressed just in time.  We directed him to the boiler upstairs and I tidied some tools away downstairs so we didn’t get sued for injury.  I’d just gone back up when he wanted to know where the timer was meaning I had to go back down again, then he asked where the gas metre was.  I escorted him to the cubby hole and hung around in the South Pole until he’d done.  He said everything was okay but advised on age and efficiency as usual.  We assured him we knew but couldn’t afford a replacement until it wore out.  In the co-op later, the fresh food aisles were almost bare thanks to yet another power cut.  I had a member’s offer of a quid off prosecco and biccies.  I got the fizz but eschewed the Fox’s fabulously biscuits – what was festive about jammy dodgers?  At the kiosk, only the furthest till was open with a notice claiming it was to keep staff safe, but two of them stood chatting with no social distancing.  Being served, I was deafened and stressed out by an awful fire alarm test.

My member’s points not added, the receipt said there was a problem with my card and I had to ring the freephone number.  I rang later and was subsequently asked for feedback on the call.  They stupidly wanted to know why I hadn’t use the website.  It wasn’t an option, you morons!

The latest restrictions came into force at 4.00 a.m., mandating PCR tests for all returning travellers, 10 days’ isolation for anyone in contact, even if vaccinated, and face-coverings on public transport and in retail settings.  Secondary schoolkids were ‘strongly advised’ to wear them in communal areas. Dr. Philippa Whitford MP pointed out the 2-day wait for a PCR result was confusingly less than the virus’ incubation period  In a late vote, MPs extended the measures to March 2022.  The 1922 committee feared a return to a ‘pingdemic’ while labour wanted to go further and require working from home.  Doing the media rounds, Jenny Harries advised minimising social contacts to slow the spread of Omicron but amid concerns of the impact on hospitality, Boris contradicted her, saying there was no need to “change the overall guidance about how people should be living their lives.”  At a press conference, he promised a booster within two months to everyone eligible thanks to help from the army and new vax centres.  Amanda Pritchard pleaded for more volunteers.  Pfizer CE Albert Bourla said they’d already started to develop a new vaccine which would be ready in 95 days. Gérald Darmanin suggested more talks with the UK to discuss proposals for a ‘balanced agreement’ to tackle the migrant crisis were imminent.  Inflation in the eurozone reached 4.9%, the highest since 1997 and TSB were to shut 70 branches.

Nonsensical

Crazy Café Shelves

Unlike the previous day, the alarm didn’t rouse me immediately Wednesday.  Preparing to go out, it started teeming down leading to a rapid change of outerwear and a mild panic before going to the bus stop.  In the next town, we made a few purchases from B&M, including the Fox’s fabulously biscuits.  Phil disagreed that jammy dodgers weren’t festive and they were cheaper than the co-op even with the member’s offer.  Heading into the Market Hall café, The Poet hurried in and out again.  I gave a hasty greeting and wondered if we had to wear masks – some people did, some didn’t.  Waiting for food, I perused the mad wall art and crazy junk shelves.  Adding up the bill took ages.  As they were short-staffed, I posited it was normally the job of an absentee. 

Arriving at the health centre slightly early, there was no queue outside.  But inside, a snaky red line led to a series of differently coloured stripes and thence to treatment rooms.  We shared jokes with staff about it being like the game twister and nobody knowing if vaccines worked against new variants.  Allowed in together, I had my booster first.  The needle hard to get in my arm, the doctor remarked: “that was quite tough.”  ‘Thanks’, I thought, ‘that’ll really hurt later!’  During the compulsory 15- minute sit in the waiting room, I noted the brand stamped on our cards.  Affecting a booming film voice I declared: “Moderna Spikevax! That sounds like it could fight Omicron!”  We left via the back door.  I was bursting for a pee.  “You can have a piddle in Lidl!” quipped Phil.  We got a smattering of traditional Christmas fayre from the German supermarket, then considered going in TOFs but Phil felt weird and I was knackered.  A longer wait for the bus back, we gazed up at late sunlight on the hills, skeins of geese flying past pink clouds and the rescue helicopter following the ridge – was someone lost on the pike?  Back home, Phil had to go back out, leaving me to heft rucksacks to the kitchen.  Collapsing on the sofa, I reviewed lists and decided we’d done quite well.  Phil’s reaction to Spikevax even queerer, my arm ached as expected and I developed a headache and nausea.  We cheered up eating the last of the Halloween drumsticks.  I sucked mine into a pixie mushroom shape.  “It’s impossible to be grown up eating a lolly.” “If everyone ate lollies, there’d be world peace.”  Feeling progressively worse throughout the evening, at bedtime I took ibuprofen, shuffled the pillows to make a hollow for my painful arm and settled down for a mediocre night.

UKHSA identified another 9 cases of Omicron, making a total of 22 and tried to establish links with travel from South Africa.  Leaked minutes from a sage meeting revealed fears of rising infections before the booster programme was fully implemented.  Andrew Hayward advised going to Plan B rather than having to endure more severe measures later on.  Goblin Saj urged festive partygoers to get an LTF before revelling.  Deputy CE of NHS Providers Saffron Cordery said some organisations had asked staff ‘not to mix in big groups’.  Daily Mirror reported there were 2 parties at Number 10 in the run-up to Christmas 2020 against lockdown rules.  Quizzed at PMQs, Boris didn’t deny they took place but said no rules were broken.  Keir spluttered: “Both of those things can’t be true, prime minister. He is taking the British public for fools.”  Ian Blackford added: “How are people possibly expected to trust the PM when he thinks it’s one rule for him and one rule for everybody else.”  Boris retorted he was “talking total nonsense”.  LFTs no longer sufficient, holiday-makers heading to Spain now had to show vaccine passes.

Snog, Attend, Avoid

Haiga – Beady Eye

Both ailing on Thursday, I managed a few exercises, skipping ones that hurt my arm and took Echinacea, with no idea if it would do any good.  Checking the NHS website for booster side-effects, ours were all normal apart from Phil’s mouth tasting of rusty nails. They suggested he might actually have covid.  It soon became apparent he didn’t.  I braved the cold to open the window and shake blankets out before changing sheets.  I then worked on the laptop until I felt very ropey with a raised temperature.  During a longer siesta than usual, I had a ½ hour with my eyes shut and struggled to rise.  After dinner, the symptoms felt decidedly flu-like.  Unable to keep my head up, I went to bed to watch a crap telly film.

At 53,945, UK daily cases were the highest for 4 months.  73,000 new infections in Germany, the unvaccinated were banned from public places such as non-essential shops.  JVCI bod Prof Finn awaited approval from MHRA on jabs for 5-12 year olds.  Dr. Albert Bourla of Pfizer said it was a good idea.  Well, he would, wouldn’t he?  On top of 35m extra doses of Pfizer, 60m Novavax and 7.5m GSK/Sanofi, government ordered another 114 m doses of Pfizer and Moderna in preparation for annual jabs during the next 2 years.  Contracts allowed modification to tackle new mutants.  79% effective against serious illness, GSK’s anti-viral drug Sotrovimb was approved for use on the obese and diabetics over 60.  Therese Coffee-cup advised against ‘snogging under the mistletoe’ and George Freeman suggested we keep Christmas parties small.  Downing Street responded that wasn’t in the guidance.  Anger mounted at reports Micron called Boris a clown and a knucklehead.  They wouldn’t be snogging under the mistletoe, then!  On Newscast, Sadiq Kahn defended the trad fir tree gift from Norway against complaints of scrawniness.  He wouldn’t have ‘a word said against it’.  Meanwhile, the Tesco Covid Pass Santa ad was deemed okay.

Phil still struggling Friday, my flu-like symptoms had gone apart from a snuffle.  The jabbed arm less sore, I did exercise and went to the co-op.  Gaps in the chiller sections persisted after the power cut but I found what we needed before Phil caught me up at the till to help with carrying.  During lunch, I knocked a glassful of water all over the small coffee table and dug out a Christmas-themed lampshade cover to replace the one that got wet.  While Phil cut his hair, I fruitlessly searched the internet for gifts.

After the BMA encouraged people to ‘avoid large groups’ and Prof Openshaw said he wouldn’t feel comfortable going to Christmas parties, labour cancelled theirs but tories didn’t.  Oliver Dowdy advised: ‘keep calm and carry on’.  So, you had to wear a mask travelling in a bus or taxi to a party, but you could snog a complete stranger under the mistletoe when you got there!

A South African study showed reinfection with Omicron was possible but weren’t sure if that was the case among a heavily-vaccinated population.  CovBoost found that the body’s T cell immune response after a booster could offer good protection from hospitalisation and death although it wasn’t yet tested on Omicron.  Moderna came out top.  Obviously that Spikevax!  Homes still without power a week after Storm Arwen, the army were sent to help households in North East Scotland and County Durham and Ofgem launched an urgent review into the response of power suppliers.  From the metro news quiz, we learnt young female Afghan footballers rescued by Kim Kardashian, practiced at Elland Road.  “I won’t have a word said against her now,” declared Phil. “Yes, she’s not completely useless!”

Dark, cold and wet with wintry showers Saturday, I stayed in, finished the Christmas card and sorted the spice cupboard.  I combined duplicates, expunged mystery bits, and told Phil which to buy from the shop.  Town deserted for once, he found no fresh stuff and got another duplicate dried condiment instead.  The first taste of German gingerbread took me right back to childhood and I moronically crooned: “It’s beginning to taste a bit like Christmas.”

Sunday drier and brighter, I rose early and waited impatiently for Phil to wake.  The geese had recently taken to wandering onto the street below to peck at moss and eye the lovely grass of the flat’s garden.  Thwarted by the gate, there was lots of squawking.  Phil seemed amazed when they went down the steps.  “Why not?” I asked, “they’re not daleks.” “They are a bit like daleks.” “Yes, Exterminate! Exterminate!”  I put recycling out, swore at neighbours parked right outside the door, and went to town.  People stuffing food in their gobs made the farmer’s market resemble a food court, but then the whole town was like that most weekends.  Not heaving, the knobbly veg stall-holders said it was at 9.00 a.m.  Go figure!  The Winter Art Fair also quiet, arty mates agreed the lack of punters was weird.  In the Art Mill, I chatted to Photography Friend and her partner.  Verging on adulthood, she’d reluctantly let her son to go to a party in Huddersfield.  Phil came to join us and we perused an exhibition.  He was quite taken by techniques used on the expensive monochrome photos.  On the way home, beady-eyed jackdaws coveted a pie being eaten on a riverside bench, inspiring a haigaⁱ.  While the corner pub was deserted, the pavements on the main road were oddly crammed.  Twilight glowing orange through the living room window, Phil called it ‘lambent light’.  A new one on me, it sounded like a clever photographer’s term.  I blamed the posh exhibition.

Omicron Death Star

86 new cases of Omicron in the UK, the 246 total were concentrated in London and Scotland where they were linked to a Steps concert.  More travel restrictions required pre-departure tests for incoming travellers from Tuesday and Nigeria was added to the red list.  They called it ‘travel apartheid’.  The Observer depicted Omicron as a Death Star.  Molnupiravir aka Lagevria, was approved for vulnerable people with severe symptoms to take at home.

On the Marr, South African scientist Willem Hanekom confirmed the mutant spread very fast, was now dominant, caused re-infection but milder illness, and mainly affected unvaccinated younger people.  UK scientific adviser Mark Woolhouse said the travel rules were “shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted’.  Willem agreed it was a waste of time and damaging to the South African economy.  The Pope went to Lesbos to meet migrants and criticise Europe for indifference to the suffering of desperate people.

*the catchily re-named Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 88 –Off The Rails

“This was the first test of ‘levelling up’ and the government has completely failed and let down everybody in the north” (Keir Starmer)

Hitting The Buffers

Haiga – Sitting Pretty

No way I could do anything Monday morning, I crawled back in bed.  Frustrated at hitting the buffers again, I kept occupied posting blogs and writing, until the inevitable head fug set in. Phil’s crafty homemade bread looked hefty.  Very tasty, it got eaten before becoming a Midsomer murders weapon!  After dinner, we watched part of the World Cup qualifier.  England slaughtered San Marino 10-0 in a ridiculous match.  Why were the tiny team even in the running?

16-17 year olds to get a second dose, Goblin Saj said he’d take advice on boosters for the under 40’s.  Boris repeated “storm clouds were gathering over Europe” and Oliver Dowdy said it was up to us to prevent a lockdown Christmas.  But festive dinners were back on the menu as thousands of foreign workers were recruited.  Only half the available visas taken up before the deadline, it was judged enough to kill turkeys.  Labour called for publication of papers on Owen Paterson’s advocacy for Randox and details of government contracts awarded.  They also planned to investigate time spent on second jobs and force a vote to ban MPs from paid consultancies or directorships.  Boris later copied them.  Keir hailed it as a victory.  A PM spokesman called Belarus forcing a migrant crisis and trying to undermine the EU ‘abhorrent’ and vowed to hold the Lukashenko regime accountable.  After a taxi exploded outside Liverpool women’s hospital Sunday, cobra raised the terror threat level to severe.  The passenger asked to be driven to the hospital just before 11 a.m., when remembrance services took place.  Later named as Emad Al Swealmeen, he blew himself up.  Driver David Perry escaped uninjured. Anti-terror officers questioned 4 people and conducted forensic searches.  It emerged the bomb contained ball bearings which could have inflicted serious injury.

I slept deeply well into Tuesday morning until roused by Phil.  “Is it late?” “Yes. Shall I open the budgie curtains?” “No, I can do it. You shouldn’t really wake me when I’m ill. “Sorry; just making sure you’re alright.”  Less fatigued but sneezy, I worked on the journal all morning.  While Phil went to the co-op, I took washing out the of machine, struggled taking the basket upstairs and collapsed on the bed to read the nature trail booklet I got in the charity shop last week, when the phone rang.  A very nice Dr. Jekyll arranged for a self-test kit to be left at the surgery reception for me.  Quiet time wasn’t quiet at all as the chainsaws predictably started up at dusk.  It was also a struggle to sleep at night-time.

ONS reported 995 deaths w/e 5^th November, the highest since w/e 12^th March.  Jeremy Vine said 94% of Singaporeans were vaccinated and estimated 5 million refuseniks in the UK.  Where did he get that from?  The Tesco Christmas ad garnered 3,000 complaints as Santa brandished a Covid Pass. Politico revealed 47 companies got PPE contracts via the ‘VIP lane’ as recommendations from ministers and top civil servants were seen as ‘more credible’.  Russia blew up a satellite, ISS astronauts had to shelter and the USA said they were weaponising space.  Unemployment down to 4.3%, employment and vacancies were up.  How come?  Were they made up jobs?  The Nord Stream 2 Pipeline was held up by a need to be registered as a German company.  Recalling Phil’s experience of trying to navigate their complicated system, I exclaimed: “Mein got! Good luck with that!”  Phil chuckled: “You must go to the post office in Stuttgart…”

The Great Train Robbery

The Great Train Robbery

Forced up after hardly any sleep Wednesday, I felt really crap.  Phil half asleep, I fetched brekkie from a freezing kitchen, got back in bed, wrote ‘Autumn Medley’ for Cool Placesⁱ and watched PMQs.

The tory MPs who bothered to turn up, appeared in masks.  Keir asked had Boris broken his promise on Crossrail for the North?  Boris replied: ‘wait and see’, as the IRP* signalled ‘the biggest programme of investment in rail for a century’ and levelling up across the UK.  Turning to another broken promise, Keir asked the PM to confirm scrapping the eastern leg of HS2.  Boris blathered that northern people would benefit massively.  Keir noted he’d still not said yes.  Going onto Owen Paterson, he advised the PM to do the decent thing and say sorry for giving the green light to corruption.  Boris reiterated the need for a cross-party approach to ensure nobody exploited their position and asked Kier how he earned money from law firm Mishcon de Reya before becoming leader.  Lindsay Hoyle admonished, it was for him to answer, not ask questions.  Keir called him “a coward, not a leader.”  Spending weeks defending sleaze, “waving one white flag won’t be enough to restore trust.” (he subsequently retracted ‘coward’ as unparliamentary language).  Boris went on about working together, addressing the appeals process and accused Keir of trying to prosecute others for actions he’d taken himself.  Hoyle waded in again: “We play by the rules, don’t we?” and Keir added: “Upholding standards didn’t last long…when someone in my party breaks the rules, I kick them out. He tries to get them off the hook.”  A full independent investigation was the only way to get to the bottom of how Paterson helped Randox get £600 million in contracts.  Boris later told the commons liaison committee it was a mistake to try to save Paterson and suggested he was misled by colleagues.

Unable to get to shops, I placed an Ocado order, adding some Christmas stuff, and bought a couple of things from evil Amazon.  The café owner texted asking Phil to take his pictures down.  “Maybe you’re not the best artist in town after all!” I jibed.  Actually, it was to make space for tinsel.  He also received an invite for a  booster.  Where was mine?  Had it failed to come because my phone was updating all day?  I looked on the NHS central system but the local health centre not an option, I left it.

Due to energy, fuel, food and hospitality costs, inflation reached 2% in October, twice the BOE target and the highest in a decade.  Lidl to increase wages by 6% from March, they’d be the best-paying supermarket.  BBC news went to Belfast where Lord Frosty Gammon was after an agreement to alter the protocol.  If that wasn’t possible, he’d use article 16 to suspend the parts he didn’t like.  Acknowledging difficulties, the EU had already come up with a ‘reasonable package’ but Frosty wanted more radical change.  Nasty Patel said a ‘dysfunctional asylum system’ allowed the likes of Al Swealmeen to remain and carry out terror attacks.  That’s your fault!  As Thangam Debonnaire pointed out, tories had been in charge for 11 years!

Still crap Thursday, I became exhausted after bathing, changing sheets and fetching coffee and dossed in bed before working on the takeover blog for The Researcher.  It looked better than I remembered since leaving it when overtaken by life events last month.  Phi went to the co-op and noticed the front door had been washed.  From the landing window I saw the window cleaner’s van and advised Phil to be ready for the knock.  He went to the kitchen but sure enough, the window cleaner rapped on the door.  I shouted down, to be answered by the window cleaner.  Eventually Phil heard me, paid and went back to making lunch.  Getting afternoon coffee, I noted Phil had scrubbed the washing up bowl to blinding effect.

Saj promised the NHS Federation they’d get what they needed.  The Environment Agency were investigating 2,000 sewage treatment works with findings possibly leading to prosecution and fines.  Shats announced the IRP aka The Great Train Robbery.  As expected, he scrapped HS2 to Leeds and Northern Powerhouse Rail (NPR).  Instead, there’d be £96bn to upgrade the East Coast mainline and improve existing track (£42bn of which was already committed to HS2 between London and Birmingham).  Tracy Brabin at Leeds station said it wasn’t what was promised.  Anger from the Northern Research Group and in the commons, Keir said Boris had ripped up promises and failed the north: “You can’t believe a word the PM says.”  Idiotically dressed up in orange at a Network Rail logistics hub near Selby, Boris retorted that was ‘total rubbish’: “Those extra high-speed lines take decades, and they don’t deliver the commuter benefits…we will eventually do them.”  Money for Leeds super-tram was confirmed and Khan asked for another £1.9 bn for TfL.

On Question Time, Stephen Flynn, SNP labelled the debacle just another broken promise to add to a long list: ‘just look at the record’.  Tory Mims Davies insisted they’d been honest.  Stella Creasey guffawed, her own backbenchers were red-faced with shame.  Creasey criticised Nasty Patel’s’ divisive immigration language and said we didn’t know if those arriving on boats were ‘illegal’.  As 125,000 asylum-seekers awaited decisions, they always looked for someone else to blame.  Mims asked Steve why Scotland didn’t take refugees.  He snapped back, because they didn’t get any money to pay for it, adding the swell of refugees was our fault for warring in the Middle East and we had a duty to look after them.  Discussing MPs second jobs, lawyer Nazi Afzal suggested they pick fruit and stack shelves.  Good idea!  I’d add clean toilets!  A brainless Canadian psychologist said only 3% of the population were psychopathic and being corrupt was counter-productive.  An audience member shouted: “why are the 3% in charge then?” creating much mirth.

Laura K interviewed Irish PM Micheal Martin for Newscast.  He blamed all the problems on Brexit.  The agreement signed in good faith, there weren’t ‘an abundance of checks’ at the border and the EU sincerely wanted to engage and get a solution; possible with goodwill on both sides.  Previously saying it’d be ‘reckless’ to trigger article 16, he was encouraged by dialogue between Frosty and Maros Sefcovic and diplomatically pleaded: ‘don’t make it another nightmare Christmas!’

Backtracking

Yellow Trees

Very bright early Friday morning, I peeped through the curtains to view a bright dawn with blue sky and arty clouds, but the sun didn’t last long.  Feeling slightly better but still fatigued, it took a while to come round.  I worked on blogs and spotted a message saying the amazon package would arrive later.  I told Phil not to answer the door.  “Why? Is it a nutter?”  It came when he was at the co-op, disturbing my quiet time.  I stuck a hoodie to stand at the bottom of the stairs while a young man handed me the parcel.  I faffed with packaging, hid the contents, lay back down again, then Phil returned, rousing me again.  In the evening, we drank wine moderately, watched films and the first episode of the big new Prime release.  We spent the first half hour of Wheel of Time laughing at hammy acting but it was suitable viewing after a few glasses.

Keir came on BBC Breakfast to complain the betrayal of the north proved ‘levelling up’ was just words.  Re-announcing NPR 60 times, everything was a mess under this government.  Holyrood was to crack down on mask-wearing while a plethora of measures continued to be implemented across Europe.  Over 65,000 covid cases reported in a day, Germany banned communal working for those without antibodies and Belgians had to work at home 4 days a week.  Upper Austria and Salzburg imposed lockdowns, followed Monday by the whole country for 20 days.  Vaccinations would be compulsory from February.  Chancellor Schallenberg called it ‘very painful’. Doctors welcomed the move.  A demo against proposed mandatory vaccines and a ban on New Year fireworks turned into a riot in Rotterdam.  Protestors threw rocks and fireworks and set cop cars on fire.  Seven were injured including at least 2 shot by police.  The Czechia and Slovakia locked down the unvaccinated.  National news asked: was the UK on a different track?  1:65 infected, the trend was down on the previous week. Lukashenko admitted troops were helping migrants to the Polish border and refused to stop the flow.  He didn’t give a shit!  New culture sec Nads Doris said social media was hijacked by left-wing snowflakes.

I’d hoped to be better by the weekend but alas, I not much.  After a mediocre night, I failed to lie in Saturday.  Really bright again, the first frost of the season amplified brilliant sunlight.  I went down for  brekkie then returned to bed and worked on the laptop until head fug set in.

Breakfast a palaver Sunday, I got stressed, and a series of niggles led to harsh words and foul moods.  When Phil asked if I wanted to go for a walk, I yelled “I’m not well!” and stomped off back to bed.  Upset and fed up still being stuck indoors, I wanted to simultaneously cry and scream but forced myself to write.  He came to make amends, apologised for rowing and managed to make me laugh.  He then stood at the foot of the bed in distracting fashion.  I told him to go out.   I read the winter issue of Valley Life Magazine, took photos through the window of yellow trees across the valley, wrote a haiga using a photo of a late hawkweedⁱⁱ, and worked on the Christmas card.  Bad feelings gradually waned but I was still depressed.  Phil went in search of inspiration and came back with bargain mincemeat.  The town centre was rammed of course, as I’d guessed from parked cars snaking up the road opposite.  Loads of Christmas markets cancelled, I joked: “That’s because they’re all here!”  Phil agreed: “It’s already like one out there!”

Boris caught mask-less on trains again, Mick Lynch of RMT said he sent ‘all the wrong signals’.  Riots in Brussels, Vienna and across Holland led to injuries, 3 bullet wounds and 51 arrests in Rotterdam.  WHO worried about the situation in Europe.  Prof Pollard told Marr it was unlikely we’d see the same sharp rise as UK rates had been climbing since summer and boosters would reduce transmission.  But as people in poorer countries still weren’t vaccinated, it remained a ‘major global public health problem’.  Goblin Saj spouted a load of numbers, including claims protection increased from 50-90% with boosters; the key to us not going the way of Europe.  Extended to 40-49 year olds in the coming week, I still didn’t have my invite.  Maros Sefcovic said the EU was trying to help curb spiralling infections by encouraging vaccine take-up and thought hesitancy was caused by problems at the start of year, followed by a better picture in summer, leading to a sense of complacency.  On Brexit, he felt some progress was made but not on process.  While implying urgency, Lord Frosty made no counter-proposals to the ones from the EU in June.

Tesla drivers were locked out of their own cars and as the wheels came off Manchester United, Phil laughed at yet another heavy defeat.  A sacked Ole Gunnar Solskjaer gave the ‘we’ve let ourselves down’ speech.

* IRP – Integrated Rail Plan

Reference:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 82 –People Just Do Nothing

“As ever, this political jester came up with nothing but hot air” (Manuel Cortes)

Hear Nothing

Haiga – Shadow Play

After posting blogs Monday, I succeeded in entering meter readings and book a service on the British Gas website.  Unable to get a date before the year’s homecare cover expired, I subsequently rang to negotiate a refund and reduction for next year, with added drainage and leccy cover we’d probably never use.  Disturbed by scraping noises under the window in the afternoon and by night-time fretting, I had little rest.

Refusing to resign, Caressa Dick promised to review police standards and culture and investigate specific issues in the Parliamentary and Diplomatic Protection Command.  Yvette Coop said it wasn’t enough.  In Manchester, Boris claimed there was no need to make misogyny a crime as there were enough laws already, and Patel announced an independent inquiry into the ‘systematic failures’ allowing Couzens to be a cop.  Rishi Rich told conference there’d be more help for AI jobs, no chance of tax cuts until we’d recovered from the pandemic and ‘managing the cost of living’ wasn’t a soundbite.  You could have fooled me!  Helen Waffle then waffled on Newsnight about bootcamps getting people into jobs.  Facebook, Insta and WhatsApp went down for 6 hours.  Cause unknown, shares plummeted and Mark Zuckerberg lost £4.3 billion.  Ex-executive Frances Haugen informed senators he cared more about profits than kids.

Olive Faces

During exercise Tuesday, a burp gave me backache.  Phil heedlessly sprung into action and I struggled on with chores and writing.  Inspired by Phil’s hilarious creative efforts the day before, I made faces with lunchtime humus and olives.  Somehow, they didn’t engender the same level of hysterics.

Going shopping in nasty cold rain, the co-op was also horrid.  Parents and kids ambled and gabbed all over the shop.  One family edged closer behind me at the till.  I was trying to hurry when a chubby girl pushed my goods down the conveyor.

“Excuse me! Do you mind not touching my stuff?” I snapped.  Shocked at actually being told off, she cowered.  I rushed home where Phil had helpfully hung washing up and cleared kitchen tops for groceries, but I still managed to tip veg on the floor.  Finding wet clothes placed on top of almost-dry stuff on the rack upstairs, I became frustrated by the niggles and lay on the bed.

School absences due to infections went up 2/3 at the end of September.  Neil Ferguson warned the UK had little headroom compared to other countries before the NHS became ‘heavily stressed’ because of the ‘political decision to ‘live with covid’.  He advised Plan B (masks, passes and working from home).  Israelis had to have a third vaccine shot to keep the Green Pass and New Zealand abandoned their ‘zero covid’ strategy.  Phased re-opening would start in Auckland.  As Insulate Britain stopped ambulances getting through and scrapped with motorists, Roger Hallam of XR said they were right to block roads.  Arrogant nob Liam Norton came on Jeremy Vine to not hear what anyone was saying and preach.  He later apologised outside the High Court.  At conference, Boris called them ‘irresponsible crusties’ and Patel announced increased penalties for disrupting a motorway and the criminalisation of interfering with key infrastructure such as roads, airports and railways.  HS2 unlikely to come north, it was estimated tunnelling protestors at Euston last year cost £3.5 million.  Simon Gass met the Taliban in Doha to discuss humanitarian aid, threats of terrorism, safe passage, treatment of minorities and women’s’ rights.  Resulting in no action, it seemed they heard little.

Say Nothing

Ethereal Clouds

Hoovering the living room Wednesday, I felt overwhelmed by housework, got upset and slumped on the sofa.  Phil sympathised and asked how he could help.  I ranted that I never felt on top of chores but that wasn’t the real issue.  Very sunny and warm, he thought lunch at the tearooms would cheer me up.  Among a plethora of wildlife on the patio, a dying wasp stung Phil’s hand.  His jumping and shouting alerted the waitress who asked if he needed anything.  I suggested hot water (but as I later wondered was it cold, he tried both).  A guy I knew from art class and his partner sympathised from the next table.  While eating, we joked about Boris’ speech probably not mentioning Brexit, the latest antics of the French, and speculated on Barnier becoming the next president.  As a trio proudly brandishing the daily express took the place of our acquaintances, I muttered: “What were you saying about gammons?”  I adopted a nonchalant air, gazing up at wispy clouds and falling leaves, to realise the air was swarming with midges.  We escaped from the riverside and visited charity shops.  Buying nothing, we had a laugh at activity building kits including a medieval clock and jousting knights.

Vaccines were sent to scientists in antarctica but Sarah Gilbert warned with only 1.9% of people in poorer countries immunised, nobody was yet safe.  After successful trials, The WHO approved the Mosquirix malaria vaccine.  Quizzed on the pathetic 127 foreign HGV driver applications, The Bumbler ridiculously bigged it up to 137.  He just couldn’t stop lying!  He later declared: “the supply chain problem is caused very largely by the strength of the economic recovery.”  Did he mean buying plastic crap from China, pushing demand and costs up?  Telling Laura Kuensberg supermarkets would manage due to ‘fantastic expertise and logistics’, she said it sounded as though he didn’t hear people’s concerns, took no responsibility, didn’t see it as his problem and would do nothing to help.  Ignoring immediate short-term issues of shortages and spiralling inflation, he prattled about building a different future.  Were the 150 new Greggs shops planned for 2022 part of the plan?

In a bombastic keynote speech full of hutzpah and terrible jokes, Boris took credit for the triumphs of Emma Raducanu, UK Paralympians and the Oxford Vaccine, saying the 97% publicly-funded feat was possible because of capitalism.  He said he’d unleash the ‘unique spirit’ of the country by having the guts to reshape society and address previously-dodged issues.  Defending restricting the number of foreign workers and the National Insurance hike, he insisted a new approach would lead to a ‘high wage, high skilled, high productivity and…low tax economy’ which was what people voted for in 2016.  No they didn’t!  He intimated worker and food shortages, and price and wage hikes were a deliberate strategy. Not happy at being branded the bogeymen, capitalists called him ‘economically illiterate’ and Richard Walker said it wasn’t helpful.  Criticism from unions included Manuel Cortes of TSSA saying it was ‘nothing but hot air’ in a time of inflation, cuts, shortages and a climate crisis. The only policy he announced was a ‘levelling up’ premium of £3,000 for maths and science teachers which former education adviser Sam Freedman said was a U-turn on a previously scrapped plan.  Carrie Antoinette watched adoringly, resembling a handmaid minus the bonnet.  On the eve of the Universal Credit cut, Peter Bottom complained an MP’s £82,000 salary was a pittance and Therese Coffee-Cup belted out ‘The Time Of My Life’ at a tory karaoke.  Wes Streeting spluttered: “they just don’t know what life is like for a hell of a lot of people…they make policies that are actively hurting people who are going out, working hard, trying to make the best for their family and are really struggling.”

Do Nothing

Life on a Small Island

Waking late Thursday, Phil helped with chores before I went to the co-op.  Much calmer on a bright day, a woman in front of me at the till asked hipster cashier if he used to work at the club.  He said yes but gave it up as he was too old for the job.  “You can’t be older than the people who go there!” I joked.  He took this as a cue to launch into his life story as a dad of three kids.  Phil had again cleared the kitchen for my return but I still faffed.  In the afternoon, I posted ‘Flash Forage in Arnside on Cool Places 2 ⁱ.

Receiving an honorary degree from Manchester University, Marcus Rashford again called for Universal Credit to not be cut.  In a Refuge campaign launch outside Scotland Yard, Jo Brand and Helena Kennedy QC joined 16 silhouettes with the slogan #EnoughisEnough, representing women killed by serving cops.  Less stocks over summer, infrastructure outages and reduced global supply led to gas prices rocketing 37%.  Russia released more into the market but was accused of blackmail over the Nord Stream 2 pipeline.  French minister Clement Beaune threatened to cut the UK off if fishing wasn’t allowed round jersey.  The EU advised he cool it.  The National Grid assured us lights would stay on over winter thanks to alternative supplies including European gas pipes and shipped natural gas brought.  But Ofgem conceded it was a worrying time and the price hike would be passed onto consumers.

On QT, Rosie Jones said she heard nothing in Boris’ speech and on Newscast, money expert Martin Lewis said ‘do nothing’ about rising bills.  I felt vindicated, having always thought it ludicrous that the onus was on consumers to shop around for the cheapest deals when all our power came from a few sources.  And with only 8 days reserve supply in the UK, it highlighted the idiocy of the ‘just in time’ procurement model.  They didn’t need ex-Tesco boss Dave Lewis, appointed as adviser, to resolve acute supply chain issues and suggest long-term changes, they could just ask me!  Based in the Cabinet Office, he would also co-chair a new supply chain advisory board and industry taskforce.

Glad of no shopping to do on a sunny Friday, I waited in the street for Phil to come on an afternoon walk, spotting a mystery man working on a laptop in the community garden.  We got pop and pies in town and went to the park to eat.  I then waited for Phil to get off his phone.  Earning 4 euros for his first ‘click job’ analysing tweets, he said it paid more than YouGov but less than everything else.  We walked through the park, bemoaned the mowing of wildflower patches, headed up to farmland, and along the top of the old quarry where impromptu streams and nettles made the going tricky.  Striding ahead, Phil came back to help me, getting stung again.  Hot and sweaty, we went down to the shady wood, displaying a few signs of autumn but disappointingly no mushrooms.  On reaching the druid stones, we considered a rest but reasoning we were almost home, continued down the scary rutted last bit of path.  I collapsed on the sofa, feeling slightly out of breath which was meant to be good I believe.

A day after E-gates at Heathrow, Gatwick and Edinburgh airports failed again, more countries were removed from the red list (leaving just 7), advice against non-essential travel was lifted and the vaccinated didn’t need to quarantine.  Green and amber lists would be abolished Monday.  Change Please converted 2 London buses to offer a one-stop shop for the homeless.  Former Northern Ireland Secretary James Brokenshire died.

Saturday much greyer, I rose on wobbly legs, worked on the laptop, put recycling out and hacked at excessive branches round our Christmas trees.  The medium-sized one now yellower, it was unlikely to recover for the festive season. Phil sold another Leeds-based print from the café expo (the old bus station was now a hipster bar).

Sunday, I discovered ‘likes’ on Brexit Islandⁱⁱ were still climbing, and a cartoon I’d posted a few days ago had been shared.  Followers now including lefties and anarchists as well as right-wing nutters, I shared a link to a review of Barnier’s book.  My Secret Brexit Diary confirmed the EU’s strategy was to sit tight and do nothing until the UK government caved in ⁱⁱⁱ.

As sunshine returned, we went to pootle in the favoured clough.  Oak sprigs scattered the shrunken small islands.  Tiny fish swam beneath layers of decaying leaves.  Rotting mushrooms sprouted from deadwood.  As we rested on a bench, a passing hiking group speculated on creation of the landscape.  I confirmed it was once a millrace.  Walking up to the stone bridge, a thoughtful man with child and dog stepped aside for us.  We then climbed up to the lane, savouring sun and wind in our faces and kicking crunchy leaves in the gutter.  Cutting the corner off via small steps, the same man ascended giving us chance to return the favour.  The old chapel no longer advertised a ‘free school’ but a ‘to let’ sign for the hostel left us wondering how that worked?  Town heaving as ever, we ducked through an arch.  Phil pointed at an old schoolfriend’s shop: “I saw you coming.” ‘That’s my mates’ shop!’  The almost-closed market hosted nothing but ‘I saw you coming’ stalls.  The man in the Thai van yelled to a fellow trader: “have you got any burritos left?” in a broad Yorkshire accent.  There was nothing like authenticity!  We went in the convenience store before going home.  Phil went to the kitchen, sorted shopping and put the kettle on.  I followed to find spills round the draining board, making me fraught.  Calming over coffee and cake, I used a dark woodland picture to compose a haiga^iv.  Fretting returning, I found it hard to sleep that night.

On the Marr, Stephen Fitzpatrick told us Ovo, one of the Big Six, made a nauseating £5bn profits last year.  He said they’d hedged well to ensure winter lights wouldn’t go out but government must act to protect those on low incomes and ensure a long-term strategy for the next generation.  Although the Liberty Steel Rotherham plant would re-open, the boss of British Steel was baffled by a lack of aid from Kwasi Kwarteng, when governments had stepped in elsewhere.  Other gas-guzzling manufacturers warned of stoppages.  Kwarteng told Marr he’d spoken to Rishi’s colleagues about help to be promptly contradicted by a Treasury official insisting no such discussions took place and intimating he ‘misspoke’.  As Boris and family went to stay in Zak Goldsmith’s villa in Marbella, Labour called the situation ‘farcical in-fighting’.  Bridget Phillipson said: “in the teeth of a crisis of its own making, the government has put its out-of-office on. The PM has gone on holiday, no one knows where the chancellor is and…the business secretary has entered the realms of fantasy.”  Jenny Harries (CE of UK Health Security Agency) warned up to 60,000 flu fatalities were possible over winter, with death twice as likely if you got flu and covid at the same time.  Criticising civil servants for still working from home, IDS asked where was their blitz spirit?  It was pointed that WW2 bombings happened at night when not many people were in offices, the internet didn’t exist in the 1940’s and government sold off half of Whitehall leaving only 3 desks per 10 staff in some departments.  Anti-vaxxers visited Jeremy Vine’s house to give his wife a writ while animal cruelty fans went to Chris Packham’s pad and set his gate alight.  He vowed to not give up fighting.

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. Brexit Island on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BrexitIsland/

iii. Barnier’s book: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2021/sep/25/my-secret-brexit-diary-by-michel-barnier-review-a-british-roasting

iv. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com