The Corvus Papers 4: Permacrisis

“(Permacrisis*) sums up quite succinctly how truly awful 2022 has been for so many people” (Alex Beecroft)

Highway To Hell

Woodland 1

Suffering a bad cold at the start of November, I’d forgot the practice nurse call.  She proffered more questions, a mammogram re-invite and directed me to the ‘Menopause Matters’ website before a follow-up call.  Unable to go for covid boosters, I re-booked but still snotty the next week and no more clinics available, was told to ring back when our colds had gone.  Phil shopped and cooked, having a trauma as the gas ring set fire to a baking sheet.  I’d just gone back to bed Thursday morning when the postie loudly knocked on the door, bearing a small parcel (1 of 2 items from Natures Best, the other came the next day – why on earth were they sent separately?)  I made a big effort to do chores, frustrated by not finding a washed tablecloth; buried in a basket.  Brighter following heavy overnight rain, I moved still sopping laundry into the sun, opened the window for fresh air and posted a Cool Places blogi.  After work, Phil rushed to the bathroom with a heavy sigh.  “What’s up?” “I served a customer with covid outside The Store.” “You might have covid.” “Yes, but he really did.”  Shivering, I noted moisture on windows even though I’d wiped them, conceded it was proper cold and put the heating on.  Watching QT, Phil asked: “What’s Patrick Bateman said?” He meant Psycho Chris Philp.  I hadn’t heard him leave Friday morning and dozed to traffic sounds; always noisier after October half-term.  A sizzling frosty start was obscured by more condensation!  Getting exhausted trying to clean, I returned to bed and battled brightness to use the laptop and browse Menopause Matters.  Confused by a variety of HRT, I dawdled to the co-op, enjoying every moment of sunshine and a smile from Scottish ex-neighbour on the way.  I scored the free trolley and saw The Widower.  Having dithered over wearing a face-mask in case of covid, I didn’t and guiltily kept my distance asking after his health, then got more uneasy as an old man in front of me at the till dropped his walking stick and politely declined my offer of help.  Knackered by the exertion, I took a cuppa to bed and edited my Christmas card.  The sun already behind the hill when Phil got back, a spooky ¾ moon rose prettily below a shiny Jupiter.  Saturday, I woke with remnants of an intricate dream in my head inspired by the fantasy film The Wanting Mare.  Slightly better, I retrieved winter clobber, donned a woolly jumper and sat in the chilly living room. 

As Musk realised he’d paid over the odds for loss-making Twitter, he requested $20 per celeb to keep their blue tick.  Stephen King tweeted Musk should be paying him, to which Musk replied, what about $8?  A wave of fake blue tick accounts including his, hilariously ensued.  Putting profit above people, he brutally sacked half his staff via 3.00 a.m. e-mails.  Paid up to February – not bad! – the human rights team the first to go.  A class action was brought.  Later in the month, staff told to sign up for high intensity long hours or leave, quit.  Musk shut the offices for a week. 1m tweeters closed or deactivated their accounts and Mastodon reported 70,000 new users.  Too confusing and unable to join the UK ‘instance’, I gave up doing likewise.  Photoshop failing to save the latest Christmas card edit, I started again, then it crashed, losing 2 days’ work!  Phil offered to help. “No! It’s secret!”  Making dinner, I jumped every time a firework went off outside. Phil tutted: “That’ll happen all night.” “Yes, but it still makes me jump.”  Muted colours in soft sunlight disappeared into the grey Sunday.  Waking early full of gunk, I gave up sleeping, struggled down and started the Christmas card from scratch until Phil returned with Tales From The Store.  Colleagues totally avoiding veggie food, one referred to chickpeas as dirt.  It reminded me of Walking Friend’s violent aversion to coriander when we discussed spicy recipes the other week.  A sore throat overnight extended into my nose and cheeks Monday.  I took echinacea and battled on.

More hospitalisations for flu, covid infections fell. Compass Pathways found psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms lifted depression in 1/3 of severe cases.  According to the downloadable bio ‘out of the blue’, Truss ate a pork pie with her favoured tipple the night before resigning – still no mention of Melton Mowbray’s demise!  The Cock entered the jungle, ostensibly to promote dyslexia awareness.  Called a skiver, embarrassing and disingenuous, incensed constituents weren’t mollified by a hotline to their MP.  The whip withdrawn, Bereaved Families’ Lobby Akinnola said the former health sec should focus on the covid inquiry, not ‘a shameless attempt to revamp his image.’  He ambled in to beg forgiveness of gaping contestants and predictably be first in line for bushtucker trials.  Those poor animals!  On Laura K., Ed Millipede said we hadn’t done enough since the last COP, Diane Johnson said the immigration system was a mess and Oliver Dowdy defended Swellen and agreed The Salesman’s expletive-laden texts to Wendy Morton were unacceptable, but excused them for being sent at a ‘difficult time’.  Jerk Berry informed Rishi about the texts the day before he made Gavin ‘Minister without Portfolio’.  Standards obviously only applying in good times, Morton referred him to the Independent Complaints & Grievance Scheme.  A 10 year old hack told Andrew Neil he was brought in as a fixer as he was good at ‘behind the scenes dark arts stuff’.  Transport minister Dick Holden evaded questions on scrapping Northern Poorhouse Rail, saying they had to cut their cloth.  As ‘furious as everyone else’ about illegal immigration, he parroted lame excuses for 12 years’ failure.

John Swinney made massive Scottish budget cuts and Morrisons were shutting 132 McColls stores.  Slow global growth led to tech job losses.  With competition from TikTok, Apple privacy changes and loss of investor confidence concerning decade-long Metaverse plans, Meta would lay off 13% of staff with the recruitment team hardest hit.  E-mails told us we could no longer revert to ‘classic’ Facebook and MS would charge for attachment storage – time to purge that in-box!  Octopus energy already paying customers to cut peak-time gas use, National Grid started a trial for smart meter customers.  BP profits £7bn July-Aug, Just Stop Oil threw orange paint at the Home Office, M15, BOE, and News Corp HQ: the ‘4 pillars that support and maintain the power of a fossil fuel economy – government, security, finance and media’.  Trussed-Up having ruined the UK’s reputation and taking longer to regain it, the worst recession for a century was likely to last into 2023.  BOE hiked interest to 3%, the most since 1987.  Former gov Mark Carney said sterling’s fall and a shrinking economy after Brexit added to ‘inflationary pressure’.  Rees-Moggy railed: “To blame…Brexit Is bizarre and only an ultra Remainiac would make such a bogus argument.”  No, Moggy, you’re the maniac!  Rishi promised a new budget would reveal him as Santa, not scrooge. Yeah, for the rich!  On QT, Lord Stuart Rose thought it too late to avoid a long recession.  Predicting the new budget would dish out pain, economist Zanny Minton-Bedoes called discounting tax rises and scrapping of the triple-lock mad; everything should be on the table.  60% of the public with a £60 monthly deficit, and 20% with no savings or resilience after 12 years of tory rule, Peter Kyle said it’d be long and painful.  The Psycho prated about the wealthiest 1% paying 28% of all tax, thresholds and the minimum wage going up.  The audience threw out questions on hungry kids, windfall taxes and the futility of raising interest so we wouldn’t buy stuff that we had no money for anyway.  55% of consumers using credit for Christmas tat, 20% for the first time, 2/5 taking out loans to pay off HP seemed like a bad idea!  More talks agreed, rail strikes due early November were called off too late for normal service to resume Saturday or even the next week.  With a new offer, the Hull Stagecoach strike was suspended.  Scrapping Boris’ daft royal yacht project, Ben Wally said they’d build the MROSS defence ship instead.

Highway To Hell

In his first interview since resigning, The Bumbler told Sky Vlad would be mad to use nuclear weapons.  Attending COP27, Rishi decided to go, allegedly because they’d made good progress on their budget.  Not going to Egypt, Kingy held an audience at Buck House.  Storm Claudio brought yellow wind and rain from France and flooding round London.

As South East commuters also contended with protestors on M25 gantries, Rishi and Boris arrived in sunny Sharm, the latter with a bevy of teenage girls – did they write his policy?  Guterres warned conference action on the ‘defining issue of our times’ was woeful, the clock was ticking and we were on “the last stages of the highway to climate hell, with our foot still on the accelerator.”  Activists in Rome showered Van Gogh’s The Sower with pea soup.

Migrants bussed out of Manston described inhuman conditions as some were left at Victoria Coach Station coatless and shod in flip-flops.  A kid threw a letter over the fence addressed to journalists. Children’s commissioner Rachel de Souza asked Swellen how many unaccompanied children were in the camp and how were they treated?  A ‘deeply concerned’ Diane Johnson (home affairs cttee chair) and 14 council heads wrote to Swellen complaining of its use as an ‘easy fix for a national strategic issue’.  Tensions mounting, protestors brandished placards reading ‘Suella’s shame’ and a right-wing backlash threatened.  Albanian MP Edi Rama tweeted it was ‘easy rhetoric’ blaming them and on Newsnight, accused the UK of scapegoating, while Rachel Maclean cited ‘unintended consequences’ of the Modern Slavery Act for more boat crossings – err, most victims were British!  Ignoring a power outage at Harmondsworth immigrant removal centre where detainees with ‘various weaponry’ ‘rioting’ in the courtyard, met riot police, the BBC alleged Kurdish criminal gangs controlled French camps and paid Albanians to channel-cross to work in the ‘drugs trade’.  UK pay 10 times higher, they left their home towns empty.  What clap-trap – drug dealers weren’t on regular wages!  Minister Graham Stuart admitted Swellen used ‘unfortunate language’.  Spotting his nephew on Metro’s front cover, Albanian Arben Halili, travelled from Oxford, tried to get into Manston and blocked a coach leaving the site.  Landing in a chinook Thursday, Swellen was booed and journos were banned.  Legal action was brought by Detention Action and a woman ‘from outside Europe’ allegedly left at Manston in ‘egregiously defective conditions’ for 3 weeks until allowed to stay with family in the UK.

At PMQs, Rishi was asked what Swellen had to do to resign and who broke the asylum system?  Always shifting blame, it could only be the tories after 12 years’ power.  Rishi told Keir they were getting a grip but he’d voted against the bill and couldn’t attack a plan and not have one himself.  Keir leered, let’s look at that plan: Manston nor Rwanda were working.  He’d prosecuted people-traffickers, they couldn’t even process migrants.  It was time to scrap gimmicks, get a proper home sec, and get a grip.  Rishi wittered about Keir supporting national security risk Corbyn.  Blackford harped on about the triple-lock and political choices hitting the poorest hardest – why not take the easy decisions, raise windfall taxes, scrap non-doms, and help the vulnerable?  Rishi insisted they supported oil companies to invest.  Furious at money spent on housing illegals, a backbencher wondered when it’d be sorted out.  Rishi parroted ‘we will defend our borders’.  Alba asked if Scotland was a territorial British colony; the argument rumbled on all month.

After Baroness Casey called her report ‘a line in the sand’ and Mark Rowley said it was clear hundreds of Met officers should be sacked, HMICFRS** published findings of sexism and misogyny in several police forces.  Inadequate vetting made it too easy for the wrong people to join.  Rowley later complained he couldn’t get rid of cops not trusted to speak to the public.  Fireworks were thrown at police vans in Leeds and a 17 year old Halifax lad being chased by cops, crashed into a greenhouse and died.  Rallying for early elections, ex Pakistan PM Imran Khan was shot in the leg.  An alleged assassination attempt, further demos followed.

In a major shake-up, The Arts Council shifted £50m from London to the provinces.  ENO funding cut, a restructuring grant helped them relocate to Manchester and Blackpool illuminations got money for the first time – those Red Indians did need replacing!  As non-Americans googled it to do a wordle, Cambridge dictionary named ‘homer’ word of the year.  ‘Permacrisis’ topped Collins’ list which also included ‘sportswashing’, ‘warm bank’, ‘partygate’, ‘vibe shift’, ‘lawfare’, ‘quiet quitting’, ‘Carolean’ and ‘splooting’.

Nasty Business

The Grand

Woken prematurely by Phil Tuesday 8th, I grumbled, dozed, exercised, cleaned and began an Ocado order when the nurse rang an hour early.  I griped of complex info on Menopause Matters, and more generally, of having to do it all yourself these days.  After clarifying some points. we agreed on low-dose HRT patches, ready to collect next week.  Phil hoped I didn’t go loopy like Carole Gammone.  “It’s meant to improve your mood; I bet she’s on a high dosage from a dodgy source.”  Early Wednesday, I realised the bathroom light was left on overnight, switched it off, then Phil fumbled to the loo, turning it back on.  Forecasters repeated it was mild for the time of year but omitted to mention rain.  Together with a heavy head and tummy ache, it mitigated against an outing.  Phil popped to the shop just in time for a sharp shower.  Thursday even wetter, I felt cold.  Exhausted from vacuuming when Ocado came, I wryly observed I’d fallen into the trap of buying tiny packs again (I thought the juice trio was cheap!)  I shelved a trip to the market and booked a BG service – amazingly lots of slots available, for next Monday.  Receiving a letter from the dole saying I qualified for an extra warm homes grant and still diddled out of the full energy rebate, I went round in circles trying to fathom the new Evolve site.  Newsnight had featured Evolv’s crap AI weapons detection – was it the same thing?  Phil had a funny do with his right eye at work; annoying just as his left one improved. “Do you need an ambulance?” “No; I’ll ring doctors if it gets worse.” “It already is.” “I mean if there are signs of a detached retina.”  The Store had finally recruited an assistant manager, meaning a 3-day week – in the short-term.  December rosters unset, he was unsure of Christmas shifts, pondered taking leave, but there was no need.  Untangling last month’s Westminster shit-show for the journal, I got head fug and turned the laptop off for a 3rd update in 2 days.  Struggling to sleep, I enjoyed hooting owls; much nicer than squawking geese Friday morning.  Going to the co-op, a cat scuttling in the undergrowth on the steps startled me.  I revelled in mild, fresh air scented by late-blooming Japanese Jasmine until assailed by traffic fumes on the main road.  Several items missing from shelves, I asked My Mate could I pay at the kiosk.  He advised using the conveyors but asked if I wanted baccy. “Just filters.” “I’m disappointed.” “I got baccy already and meant to buy filters on the market, but the weather was too horrid and I wasn’t up to it after a bad cold. I’ve been nowhere but here for 2 weeks – so depressing!”  He sympathised and hoped I’d soon be better.  Phil got home to relate previous occupations of store co-workers, including an ex-binman who weirdly started early Thursdays for unpaid work, 2 pub landlords and a video shop owner.  “It’s a shit business! Any failed artists?” “I’m not failed.” “It’s a joke! After all, you did sell a print.”

Lenny Henry promoted his new kid’s book on BBC Breakfast Saturday.  Asked what advice he’d give aspiring authors, he said if there’s an unwritten book, write it, send it to your favourite publisher, you’re never too old and keep going.  I should get back to my novel!  Desperate for a walk, we headed through the busy town and through woodlands, buying eggs from a farm in-between.  An official egg shortage explained a dearth of them in the shops.  Allegedly due to bird flu, supermarkets refused to pay more so farmers chucked them away.  I said wasting food in straitened times should be a crime.  “What are they meant to do?” “Give them to food banks, take them to market…“ “Some do, hence the honesty box.”i.  As Lidl and Asda rationed eggs, BRC said there were plenty.  Phil disturbed my recovery with news of a historic Bradford pub office conversion and Nik Turner dying. “Shit! No more Space Ritual! But I bet the other half of Hawkwind are cheering ‘we got all the money’!”  The world hidden behind a nasty fog and condensation combo Sunday, I wiped the dripping windows and researched DIY dehumidifiers. “What about Do Not Eat?” “You’d need tons of it.”  Groggy and achy, I amended the Christmas card while Phil went to work.  Monday, the fog didn’t lift.  Conscious of the BG service, I sprung out of bed and chivvied Phil to help clear passageways.  New to BG, the engineer arrived with a mentoring colleague.  After 1½ hours poking, they said it did well for an old boiler, advised getting a new carbon monoxide detector and pointlessly adjusting an external pipe – any overflow would go straight down the drain.  Getting colder, I changed the boiler settings but having no heat or hot water, thought I’d messed it up.  Nope: the stupid men had turned the main switch off!

Covid infections rose in Australia.  800 on the Majestic Princess tested positive.  Cases mild or asymptomatic, the cruise ship docked in Sydney while isolated passengers made private travel arrangements.

Tuesday, it emerged The Salesman told a civil servant to ‘slit your throat’.  As a Downing Street informal inquiry into the nasty business began, he was gone by evening.  Already sacked twice from ministerial posts, this time he jumped before pushed.  Laying into Rishi’s ‘poor judgement and weak leadership’, Rayner said it was clear he was ‘strapped by the grubby backroom deals he made to dodge a vote’.  Wednesday, Gill Keegan said he had great judgement.  At PMQs, Keir asked how bullying victims would feel about the PM’s ‘great sadness’ at losing The Salesman?  Rishi insisted he didn’t know specifics and Gavin was right to go.  Keir persisted; Rishi normalised bullying by giving Gavin a job and he wouldn’t have got away with it if a weak boss hadn’t handed him power.  Did he regret the appointment?  Rishi replied ’of course’ he regretted appointing someone who resigned ‘in these circumstances’, adding integrity characterised his government, hence a rigorous process, but also important to deliver for the whole country, he listed his daft priorities.  Keir mocked, he couldn’t stand up to a run-of-the mill bully, so he couldn’t stand up to anyone, like Shell, who paid no windfall tax.  Rishi itemised Keir’s nay votes, to which Keir said he was against all chaos-creators including those on government benches.  On QT, Caroline Green said nurses struck for a better NHS, thus for us all.  Steph Flanders added, still experiencing the covid emergency, we must understand their long-term needs.  Questioned on the Cock’s bug-eating antics, Emily Thornberry said complacency led tories to think they deserved to rule.  Although not self-serving like them and entering public life to make the world a better place, all MPs were tarred with the same brush.  Held to account by Ant & Dec instead of the public, evading the covid inquiry and no ethics adviser, Mark Harper promised one soon but admitted they should consider how their conduct looked.  Asked if COP was realistic when big emitters weren’t there (i.e., India and China; while gas companies lobbied to be considered green!) Caroline said it was the only game in town and Steph didn’t want to give into fatalism.

Concluding the Grenfell inquiry, KCs highlighted startling government ignorance, incompetence and disregard for social housing tenants.  Arconic, Studio E., Exova, Centrex, Kingspan, Kensington Council (failing to inspect door closers), the Levelling Up sec and London mayor making up a rogues gallery, Richard Millett attacked the merry-go-round of buck-passing.  Uncleverly called the Aussie trade deal rubbish.  Truss-Up obviously the latest scapegoat, he had a point – where were our tim-tams?  Also blaming Truss, Kwasi Modo told Talk Radio he warned her she moved at breakneck speed.  So much for being in ‘lockstep’!  Amazon planned to sack 10,000, including Alexa staff  and Tim Martin was shutting 7 more Wetherspoons.  Phil and Julie Fox vowed to visit doomed pubs to add to the 295 they’d already patronised including their Halifax local, The Percy Shaw.  Fellow Brexiteer Next boss Simon Wolfson said it wasn’t the Brexit he wanted.  Tough shit, mister! (see Brexit Islandii).  Doing well under lockdown, Made.com struggled with supply issues and went bust.  Next bought the brand but not stock leaving customers with unfulfilled orders and no refunds.  Next also later teamed up with founder Tom Joules to rescue the colourful clothes brand.

Calling Blighty

Evil energy companies remotely switched 60,000 to pre-payment without notice.  Unaware customers failing to top-up could be disconnection by default – another reason not to have a smart meter! 

1.3m using food banks, The Trussell Trust launched their first emergency appeal.  A ‘sticking plaster’, they urged government to budget for long-term measures.  GDP down 0.2% July-Sept., The C**t harped on about global factors and admitted there’d be a slump, which could be short and shallow if interest stayed low.  Refusing to be drawn by Laura K. on its contents, he promised us all pain with his ‘horrible decisions’.  Swerving questions on Brexit, an FT economist called it the elephant in the room.  Simon Sharma cited rotting cabbages and NHS staff shortages.  As they segued into the Remembrance Sunday lark, a Lord Army Major said ceremonies took place in towns and cities around the globe.  Port Stanley was hardly an empire!  Steve Hawley unearthed ‘Calling Blighty’.  The wartime messages from soldiers to families back home, were screened to descendants in Penis Town’s quaint cinema.  Doc film ‘A Bunch of Amateurs’ premiered at Pictureville to rave reviews.  Why’d we not heard of Bradford Movie Makers, established 1932, when we lived in The City?

The UK-wide RCN ballot closed.  The vote not unanimous, nurses in half of English trusts, all in Scotland and NI and all but 7 in Wales, would strike December, not affecting emergency services.  Laughingly preparing ‘contingencies’, Steve Barclay said his door was always open for talks.  That was the first they’d heard!  Gill Keegan helpfully claimed nurses only used foodbanks if they had a broken relationship or boiler.  100,000 PCS Civil servants voting to strike, according to the TUC, 1.5m public sector workers considered doing likewise.  M25 protests into a third day, a lorry crashing into a rolling roadblock hurt a cop.  On the fourth day, London commuters also contended with no tubes and bus queues.  TFL advised travel outside peak times, incredibly starting at 5.45 a.m. (was that all the Deliveroo?) and issued a walking tube map, saying stations were only 10 mins apart; 2 mins in central London, more like.  Just Stop Oil ended the protest Friday.  Amidst reports of buffet shortages, Uncle Joe told COP27 delegates the “science is devastatingly clear – we have to make progress by the end of this decade.”  They agreed a deal to fund climate change damage but not to cut emissions or fossils fuels.  Martin Kaiser, Greenpeace Germany, called it a ‘sticking plaster on a huge, gaping wound’.  Canberra activists threw blue paint at ‘symbol of capitalism‘, Warhol’s Campbell’s soup cans.  Talk about missing the point!  Rishi went to Bali for the G20.  Fearing assassination for weakness, Vlad sent Sergei Lavrov.  Vlod pointedly addressed the G19, China criticised the weaponization of food and fuel, and the Cambodian leader tested positive for covid.  Meanwhile, Top CIA man Bill Burns met his Russian counterpart Sergei Naryshkin in Ankara, to discuss Yanks held in detention and convey ‘a message on the consequences of the use of nuclear weapons’.

Swellen gave France £8m extra a year for more beach patrols and UK immigration officers in their control rooms.  Nitwit Elphicke carped it fell short of what was needed.  Admitting it wouldn’t solve the crisis of 40,000 channel crossings, Swellen said it was part of a multi-dimensional approach.  Albanian migrants held a demo Sunday, demanding the nasty bitch resign.  After Uncleverly told LGBTQ fans to respect Qatari laws at the World Cup, as a ‘massive gay’, Luke Pollard urged he apologise.  An official ambassador then said homosexuality damaged the mind.  Reports of safehouses being set up, disgraced ex-FIFA boss Sepp Blatter was more concerned Qatar was too tiny to host the competition than human rights or migrant construction worker deaths.  Russian troops withdrew from Kherson, destroying comms on the way out of the only regional capital they’d captured during the war.  Republicans not faring as expected in US midterms, The Trump said if they did well, it was down to him but if not, it was everyone else’s fault and blamed Melania for advising him to back a loser.  This didn’t deter a ‘big announcement’ that he’d re-run for president.

Kingy and Camilla’s cut-price coronation would take place 6th May 2023, with a third May bank holiday Monday 8th.  On a 2-day Yorkshire tour, they visited Bradford, Leeds, Doncaster and York, where a man shouted this country was built on slavery and chucked eggs at them.  On his 74th birthday, Kingy leant on an oak tree for dumb selfies.  Nobody knew if he’d continue the tradition of an official summer birthday.  Tuesday, 3 British actors (Tom Owen, Bill Treacher and Leslie Philips) died, as did swingometer inventor David Butler.  Paying tribute, Michael Crick said: “For decades (he) was the foremost psephologist in Britain and around the world.”  Premier Inn was voted best chain hotel and tatty with a ‘rough and ready feel’,  Britannia the worst.  Simon Calder rightly argued you could stay in ace places like Scarborough’s Grand.

Unhinged

Woodland 2

The bedroom telly came on at 6 a.m. Tuesday 15th.  Jolted awake by the Milkshake theme, I could never find the auto-alarm feature to switch it off but tuned to BBC, it was less raucous when it happened again the next week.  Phil learnt on google his hot flush could be down to lifestyle changes. “Doing a work! Your body’s in overdrive trying to make testosterone. Maybe you need HRT too. I’ll ask when I get mine.”  I forgot, but bought a few essentials in the chemist, later realising I’d got conditioner instead of shampoo again and spotted hair clippers on an-aisle end.  Later in the week, Phil successfully exchanged the hair gunk and bought clippers with myriad attachments.  I went home to tut at mill redevelopers messing about on a trial trike – were they unhinged? – and read the HRT leaflet to fret over side-effects.  Phil subsequently persuaded me to try it.  He agreed opening a window to dispel moisture in Wednesday sunshine was a good idea until the temperature dropped.  Cleaning the landing, the tripod stand fell apart.  Swearing loudly, I left it in bits and asked Phil if he’d  heard me. “Yes; what was it?” “Guess. I think there’s a screw missing.” “I think a screw is missing.” “I just said that!”  We discussed a cut-price Christmas and going to Lidl for German treats. “And lobsters,” he offered. “I’m not buying them. Too much faff and we don’t know your shifts. I’m cooking nowt that takes half a day to prepare.”

Due to intimidation and throwing tomatoes at them, civil servants avoided working with Rabid Raab in his previous cabinet roles.  Facing two formal bullying complaints, he wrote to Rishi requesting an independent inquiry, then faced Rayner.  PMQs covered by a new ‘talking politics’ segment on channel 5, we listened to host Storm trying to be serious and an unhinged Carole Gammone saying such claims were normal in a working environment (in her nasty world!) then tuned to BBC for actual debate.  Clive Betts asked if the PM (hobnobbing in Bali) should allow Raab to serve to which he parroted he’d comply fully.  Rayner not on top form, asked a question worthy of a toady then followed up with: the G20 supposedly addressing global economics, why did the government drag its feet on taxing massive profits?  He spouted the usual codswallop on lower tax gaps and stricter non-dom regs.  She retorted the truth was, working people paid the price for tory choices.  Where was the UK in the list of the 38 growth countries?  As Raab kept schtum, she told him: 38th; thanks to wrong people making wrong choices.  No ethics, no integrity and no mandate, when would a new ethics adviser drain the swamp?  Raab refuted all bullying claims including flying tomatoes and said the ’mud-slinging’ was because labour didn’t have a plan.  Rees-Moggy chimed in that labour’s bullying record was second to none.  On Daily Politics, Bridget Philipson complained Raab ignored labour’s plans  for growth and to help with inflation and suppressed wages.

A rogue missile hit Poland, killing 2.  Vlod blamed Vlad.  In urgent G20 talks, Biden gave Duda’s investigation his ‘full support’ but rather than coming from Russia, was likely shot down by a Soviet-era S300; part of Ukrainian air defences.  No indication it was deliberate, paying for a top-up at the co-op kiosk, I overheard a colleague telling someone that was how WW2 started  “Let’s not get carried away; it was an accident.” I told My Mate. “On a lighter note, have a good day.” “See you in the bomb shelter.” “Eff off! Pardon my French.”  Head fuggy writing, I picked up the guitar for the first time in months.  Barely able to remember simple chords, they gradually came back to me.  Phil returned with Pueblo baccy – worthy, organic, made by native Americans, bought by woke hippies, and now, him.

Still raining after overnight rain Thursday, I guessed a swollen river would cause consternation.  As did The C**t’s budget.  Glossing over council tax hikes, he focussed on frozen income tax thresholds costing earners more over time, less help with energy bills from April, windfall tax rising to 35% and extended to 2028, slower public spending rises but more for health, social care and education for the next 2 years (excluding early years, 6th form and HE), a 10.1% rise in benefits rise and the national living wage to £12.42 from April, and some guff on wind turbines and broadband.  Reeves whinged in the ‘Bobby Ewing strategy’ of denying past chaos, ‘old cast members returned as if nothing had happened and it was time the series was cancelled’.  Sturgeon griped that austerity had returned.  Energy help well short of what was needed, the End Fuel Poverty Coalition predicted 7m still in fuel poverty would be joined by an extra 1.6m.  Simon Francis said: “we are already seeing the horrific impact of living in cold damp homes and children…Without the financial support…this winter…the NHS will be overwhelmed and millions will suffer.”  Interviewed by Chris Mason, The C**t denied ducking difficult decisions until after the next election.  He faced them in a ‘balanced way’, given an upcoming 2 years of recession, but there was a plan and there was hope to ‘get us back to normality’.  He’d obviously listened to the BOE who said we’d start ‘getting back to normal’ after the winter gas crisis.  Phil laughed at the persistent misguided belief: “Everyone, the IMF etc., say things will never return to normal.”  Friday, I discovered a strike by Jacob’s workers.  Phil reckoned loads of industrial action wasn’t reported by ‘Pravda’ (aka the BBC).  Hunting for Christmas treats in the co-op, random stock occupied the diminished cracker shelf.  Amid a tinned peach shortage (nowt to do with Brexit!) I regretted eating one last month, and opted for retro fruit cocktail.  Phil rang at the end of his shift.  Dank as the sun dipped behind the hill, I eschewed the pub.  His latest ‘how shops work’ tutorial entailed the air con system clarting shelves in dust. “You can tell as soon as you walk in if it’s a decent shop or not. “Like the awful Sainsbury’s in the next village?” “Yep. And their new co-op will be Asda soon as they sold them with the forecourts.”  Store people from Preston brought new snacks.  He bought cheese savouries. “What else did they bring?” “Loads of sweets and salt n vinegar savouries. I pulled a face: “Ooh no!” “You sound like a granny.” “I am 60 you know!” “Join the gammon grannies, saying everything’s disgusting!” “If I do get like that, shoot me.” “I will!” A slight hangover Saturday, I slept in shockingly late (like the old days), posted a blog and considered the Omaze house prize draw.  Too pricey, I decided Marbella was full of gangsters anyway and edited the Christmas card while Phil cut his hair.  Struggling to settle with a whirring mind at bedtime, I finally dropped off to be roused by him coughing at 3.45.  Exhausted and tearful, I blocked out bright light and eventually got a few hours.  Despite insomnia and low mood, I gave up lying-in Sunday and found a tumbler stained yellow from Phil drinking turmeric. I complained it hadn’t stopped his cough.  About to go for a wander, he was asked to do an extra shift.  I whinged of short notice but he countered it was more money with no lifting, and the weather wasn’t great.  To be fair, it rained soon after.  I went for knobbly market veg and browsed charity shops, getting myself a handbag and him chinos for work (perfect except unhemmed, they needed altering) then nipped in the co-op to wait at the till as a woman filled her bag with luxury items like avocado and prawns.  I finished the Christmas card before Phil got home.  Entering and exiting the living room several times, he stood peering at the wall calendar.  The shifts I’d scribbled on not tallying with the office chart, he decided he was on a late Monday and looked forward to a lie-in.  Aware of movement at 7.00 a.m., I rose to find a note saying he was on an early after all.  Putting my first HRT patch on, I immediately had a hot flush.  Probably not weird, I got on with writing and chores.  Shivering all day even in extra layers, when Phil got in, I battened down the hatches and put the heating on.  Well, it was 4 degrees out.  Work on the journal was interrupted by Tales from The Store.  The new assistant manager blobbed twice, then left.  Giving some hogwash about the work causing anxiety, they suspected she had 2 jobs.  Possibly unhinged, I wondered if they checked references.  Phil said hardly anyone did now.  “How Stupid!” “Penny wise, pound foolish, that’s today’s capitalists.” “Tell your boss I’ve got a background in personnel and am available for a reasonable consultancy fee!” Back to 4-day weeks, Phil got crumpets with jam as a sop.  He asked was I watching the World Cup. “I’m boycotting it.” “I’m not boycotting England games.” “They gave into the armband lark, and those rich pundits complaining of human rights abuses, still taking millions to be there. It’s awful!” “How do you know all that if you’re not watching it?” “From the news. I’m keeping up with the antics. I might change my mind if England reach the final.”  I actually caved in before then, which was just as well.

Protesting David Beckham’s £10m ambassador deal, Joe Lycett shredded £10,000 in fake notes.  2 days before Kick-off, Qatar banned venue alcohol sales.  Bud tweeted, ‘this is awkward’.  At the last minute, FIFA forbid captains to wear ‘one love’ armbands, threatening yellow cards and fines.  Home nation fans left at half-time during the first match but official attendance figures exceeded stadium capacity.  In support of protestors, Iranian players refused to sing their national anthem.  England beat them 6-2, the highest score ever for an opening game.  Thousands were locked out due to a FIFA app malfunction.  Rainbow bucket hats were taken off Welsh fans and a reporter clad in a rainbow tee was denied entry.  FIFA said confiscation of clothing would end Thursday.

Get Out!

New drug Teplizumab could delay the onset of type 1 diabetes for 3 years and lead to better treatments.  As a banner flew over the jungle reading: ‘Covid bereaved say get out of here’, crocodile tears had the desired effect and people stopped voting for The Cock to do bushtucker trials.  The QT audience wondered if we’d survive 2 years’ austerity.  Thicky Atkins disingenuously claimed the effects of Trussonomics had flushed through the system, according to the OBR.

Queried on when they’d re-join the single market and tax the likes of Amazon who’d made a mint during covid, Thicky denied Brexit was to blame, said we should look forward and all countries had the same pressures.  Ian Blackford reckoned taxing big companies could raise £11 bn; it was a political choice to make the poor pay.  At the CBI conference in Brum, Tony Danker wanted ‘part 2’ of the budget statement, to encourage investment in UK and spark growth.  Rishi said ‘wait and see’.  He also quashed rumours of a ‘Swiss style’ EU deal, saying Brexit was delivering for the country.  His unhinged speech slayed me: “I voted for Brexit, I believe in Brexit…already delivering enormous benefits and opportunities for the country – migration being an immediate one…proper control of our borders…(we can)…have a conversation with the country about the type of migration that we want and need…We weren’t able to do that inside the European Union…” (Yep, that’s going well!) “When it comes to trade…we can open up our country to the world’s fastest-growing markets…I’ve just got back from the G20…talking about signing CPTPP…(becoming) part of that trading bloc, that’s a fantastic opportunity…” (See ‘Brexit island’ii).  Guardianistas incensed that Keir wouldn’t reverse Brexit either, the next day, he told business leaders the UK must end dependency on cheap immigrant labour and train our own.

Average pay rises of 5.7% (6.6% for the private sector and 2.2% for the public), didn’t keep pace with the highest inflation for 40 years.  11.1% in October, 11.9% for those on low incomes and 16.2% for food, we couldn’t avoid staples like milk and eggs but we could shun extortionate Heinz ketchup.  Hull suffered higher inflation and excess deaths – due to draughtier homes, lower wages, or lower prices to start with?  In first-ever talks with the RCN, The health sec swerved pay talk in favour of body-cams and care funding.  Pat Cullen retorted: “By refusing my requests for negotiations, Steve Barclay is directly responsible for the strike action this month…Nursing staff don’t want to be outside their hospitals, they want to be inside – feeling respected and able to provide safe care to patients.”  Heathrow baggage handlers struck and PO workers announced 10 days’ further action Nov-Dec, including Black Friday and Christmas Eve.  Half-year losses £219m, Royal Mail asked government if they could stop Saturday letter deliveries, as the public were indifferent (we couldn’t afford the stamps!) and concentrate on packages; maybe planning to capitalise on Evri (formerly Hermes), again voted worst parcel service.  A coroner concluded toddler Awaab Ishaq died from an untreated severe respiratory condition caused by prolonged exposure to mould in his home.  The family accused Rochdale Boroughwide Housing of racism.  CE Gareth Swarbrick resigned, Gove withdrew funding (how did that help?) and a week later, said sorry to tenants still living with fungi.  Greenpeace projected a video highlighting fuel poverty onto Rishi’s North Yorks Georgian mansion.  Heavy rain brought mayhem to southern villages and roads, Aberdeenshire flooding swept someone into the River Don and Russian shelling left half of Kyiv without power.  Finding evidence of explosives near Nord Stream 1 & 2, Swedish prosecutors called September’s leaks ‘gross sabotage’.  A major gas supplier to the UK and EU, Norway stepped up surveillance.  A 5.6 shallow earthquake along Indonesia’s ring of fire felled houses, blocked roads and killed at least 162.  Hundreds of injured were treated amid aftershocks in Java.  Artemis 1 finally took off to take a moonikin to the moon.  Both Brian Cox’s on BBC breakfast, the actor promoted his new show on how the other half lived and the physicist touted his new book.  Building on Stephen Hawking’s work, it was an idiot’s guide to black holes – The universe for dummies!

Broken Britain

Broken Britain

Tuesday lunchtime, I proffered Phil a spare finger roll.  Mishearing me, he asked was it a fancy foreign thing like Remainers bought in The Store? “Yes, fingerorle authentico!”  Falling asleep faster at night, I actually dropped off for 5 mins during a siesta – was it the hormones?  As we waited at the sunny bus stop Wednesday, the geese squawked and waddled off the church lawn in unison.  Phil laughed at their peculiar communication and related an anecdote of one flying down to the river and unable to fly back up, getting stuck.  A quick ride to the next town, all-day brekkies at the market café ate into the time as they were short-staffed and Phil ordered the biggest, which took ages to cook.  Disappointingly no thermal socks in Age UK, Phil found a book and DVD.  Paying for them to hide for yule, I spotted a tin of smelly miniatures for myself.  The discount store and the German supermarket provided the best seasonal goody mission for 3 years.  Pleased with our haul, we headed for the bus, letting a polite schoolboy on first.  The fast journey back juddery, we thought a spring was broke or, as Phil sang: “the wheels on the bus are  not  round!”

Brexit putting investors off, OECD forecast the UK as the worst-performing country in the G20 2023 and possibly 2024.  Rishi told cabinet we faced ‘a challenging winter’ of strikes, high costs and NHS backlogs.  Labour said he took ‘people for fools’ blaming winter and not a ‘decade of tory mismanagement’ for the challenges.  Watching PMQs on iPlayer, Keir failed to mention this, declared ‘shame on FIFA’ and asked why we had the lowest growth? Rishi insisted it was the highest since 2010 and the fastest this year, and selected 3 ‘important points’ from the OECD report: growth, international challenges, and support for his fiscal plan, then bragged about putting more into the NHS.  An unconvinced Keir railed total denial wouldn’t wash and due to 12 years’ inaction, weeks of chaos and Rishi’s changes, ordinary people had £1400 tax hikes.  Ducking queries on how much super- wealthy non-doms were expected to pay, Rishi said labour had years to sort it out, and while they peddled fairy tales and gesture politics, tories protected pensioners.  As the Guardian alleged Rishi registered with a private GP, Keir dug in; he’d scrap non-doms to fund doctors so they wouldn’t have to go private.  Rishi didn’t gainsay the claim until January 2023.  The Supreme Court ruling Scotland couldn’t hold an indy ref without Westminster consent, Ian Blackford maintained with a mandate to deliver a referendum, democracy couldn’t be denied and urged Rishi be honest and admit the idea of the UK union as voluntary, was dead and buried.  Now the time to stick together, Rishi respected the court’s decision.  Blackford countered, he couldn’t claim to respect the rule of law and deny democracy.  Quite! Was Scotland a colony?  Would they go to the European court?  Olivia Blake asked why an investigation into lives lost in The Channel took so long, adding it wouldn’t have happened if there were safe, legal routes.  Rishi inanely said every life lost was a tragedy which was why Swellen was tackling illegal migration (splutter!)

Woken early Thursday by machinery and Phil, I changed the HRT patch, got a hot flush, burps and nausea.  After ridding windows of ice-like moisture, I tried expunging mould caused by bathroom condensation with mixed results.  Shaking rugs out, a soft toy flew out the window.  Luckily, it was retrievable from behind the shed-house.  On QT, Andy Bunman advocated local control of skills and a personal approach to getting the inactive back to work.  Saying work must pay, Ben Habib (aka Asian Farage) blamed dependency culture and defended Truss as having the right idea on growth but was ‘defenestrated’ by The Treasury and BOE.  Citing the Avanti debacle, Bunman said performance had fallen off a cliff and agreed with Rapper Darren McGarvey who likened denouncing the RMT for destroying Christmas to spin on Scargill – it was a tory tactic to always blame workers.  The Scottish government allegedly considering making the rich to pay for NHS treatment, Bunman sought properly integrated health & social care and workforce plans to stop agency use and pay staff more.  Transport minister Richard Holden backed Rishi going private as he paid tax and could opt back into the NHS – that wasn’t the point!  Despite the chair of ACOBA Lord Pickles finding The Cock’s jungle jaunt broke regs (but disciplinary action ‘disproportionate’), they all thought his normality bid had won the public over – Bunman said The Cock wasn’t a bad guy but tories always put themselves first.

Going to the co-op Friday, I swapped updates on a neighbour’s community carers’ job with Phil’s work, over-sharing shop gossip.  Using a discount coupon from a leaflet posted through the door, I panicked at the till as a woman breathed down my neck.  After extensive research, Phil found the ideal freezer.  The search not working on my browser, he sent me a link, then it wouldn’t log me in.  Eventually buying the thing, my card was subsequently declined.  Satan’s Bank had changed the card so the expiry date was the same but the number different.  The microwave clock at zero revealing a power cut, Phil discovered the entire Halifax area was out for 2 hours early Saturday. “Broken Britain! I can’t believe gammons still don’t think tories are incompetent,” he observed. I countered: “They can’t really believe that anymore, but can’t admit they’re wrong and in denial, say it’s better than the coalition of chaos!”  Installing advent gubbins, I found a broken candle holder, then hoovered and disposed of recycling, needing to rest before visiting the unadvertised Christmas market – oddly on the same street as The Store, where Phil heard about it.  Seeing Counsellor Friend and partner, we joined them to peruse crap crafts and catch up.  I learnt her mum died last month (Phil knew and assuming I did, never mentioned it), they were buying a house in the next town and she was planning to top up her pension pot; I advised she didn’t.  We waved bye and munched greasy Serbian pies.  Past the lit tree in the square and up the pedestrian street, we spotted vacant seats outside The Pub.  While ordering, I observed changes since our last visit, pre-covid.  Tasty-looking nuts in jars replaced pies on the bar.  The servers said the butcher who used to make them, mysteriously stopped and asked if the Serbian ones were good – they weren’t keen on the lubricious aspect.  Supping ale, I remarked Counsellor Friend had progressed from being skint to house-buying while we seemed to go backwards.  Nothing personal intended, Phil got defensive.  I changed tack to muse over people either having no job or three, and the state of the world.  Dozy in the gloaming, we went home.

On Laura K Sunday, Jerk Berry concurred with Mark Harper’s ‘getting a grip’ drivel.  Hoping the RMT would get a letter Monday, Frances O’Grady welcomed the government’s altered tone, but railed against Broken Britain.  After the Barclay debacle, Pat Cullen repeated it was ‘negotiation or nothing’.  Prof Hannah Fry agreed problems went back much further than the war or covid.

Phil dreaded a 5-day week.  Covering for a colleague’s hospital appointment, he had a late followed by an early again,  Not ideal with shifts playing havoc with his body clock, I suggested eschewing more hours but as they forgot he’d volunteered for extra work, he hoped it was a one-off.  Trees emitting steam in the cold grey, I stayed in to be disturbed by noisy stone-cutting on the street below, unceasing till dark.  I placed an Ocado order and made granola bars. Chopping cranberries and nuts interminable, the stupid electronic scales kept turning off.  Exhausted with backache, I checked commemorative coin values to discover we actually had a Brexit 50p – sadly only worth 50p. thanks to the queen dying, Paddington was worth a bit more.  Despite a sunny Monday, there was more condensation to deal with.  Orange barriers blocking the small steps, explaining the stone-cutting, I took the longer way to the co-op.  Very busy for the time of day, a miserable woman shelf-stacking gave me a dirty look.  I asked her kinder colleague to pass me an item, grabbed clearance stuff and queued at the till.  Phil brought home 2 bagful’s of Milk Tray.  Sold to outlet staff for a charitable donation, he planned to eat them, I proposed giving them away – a compromise was made.  Accepting the idea of working Christmas and looking forward to a bonus Amazon voucher and mince pies, the manager who hadn’t had a day off for 6 weeks, understandably refused to open.  I put  his shift pattern on the calendar, and ordered Christmas gifts under his nose.  The next two days cold and foggy, Tuesday, it didn’t lift.  Just after I heard Phil going to work, the landline rang.  Drowsy, I vaguely realised it’d be the freezer.  At a loud door knock, I shouted and donned a dressing gown, badly.  Telling them they were early, the nice delivery men said someone had to be first.  I meant by 2 days, not 2 hours!  “Where do you want it?” They asked.  I indicated the kitchen steps: “Down here if you don’t mind,” “Ok.” “Thanks. The men who delivered our fridge wouldn’t take it down.” “Well, they weren’t as nice as us! You can give us a 5-star rating!!”  I forgot to do so.  Placing it exactly in the spot I’d cleared, unpacking was a doddle except removing the polystyrene stand.  I got an endorphin rush at the shiny smell.  Sad I know, but when did I last have anything brand new? 

When Phil returned, I asked did he notice anything?  “A freezer.” “Well, a box.” “You mean I don’t have to lug it down?” “No. Are you impressed?” “Yes, did you do it.” “Yes, ha, ha!”  He settled on the sofa with a groan. “You’re tired. Thought you were finishing at 2 didn’t you?” “Yep.” “I did wonder when you asked last night. How did the granola bar work out?” “Much easier at 6 in the morning.”  Siestas disturbed by chainsaws, I stuck earplugs in then they stopped!  Channel-hopping to avoid the match build-up, Phil asked: “What’s this crap?” Boycotting among the sportswashing lasting almost 1½ weeks, I relented to watch England beat Wales.  Dullness joined by nasty stuff falling out of the sky Wednesday 30th, Phil thought we were going to The City. “No way! It’s too horrid and I’m knackered from sorting the freezer.”  He played with polystyrene packaging and I repurposed it as makeshift insulation against the coldest walls.  Keir inexplicably led PMQs on private school donations and blocking new homes.  Rishi replied they were aspirational and wittered about labour joining picket lines.  Keir went on, every week, the PM handed money to those who didn’t need it, buckled under pressure, and got weaker.  Rishi countered he had the same old labour ideas, with more debt, strikes and migration, and was laughed at mentioning control of borders.  Ian Blackford wished all a happy St. Andrews Day and 56% polled by YouGov saying it was wrong to leave Europe, fumed about a bill to rip up EU laws racing through, labour trying to outrun tories on Brexit the bugbear of Scottish independence.

At 741, homeless deaths in 2021 reverted to pre-pandemic levels.  Immensa’s Wolverhampton lab incorrectly gave 39,000 negative covid results September/October 2021.  UKHSA estimated this led to an extra 55,000 infections, 680 hospitalisations and 23 deaths.  No immunity and toddlers good at spreading germs, kiddie flu rose 70%.  Parents were urged to get them nasal vaccines.  China’s zero-covid policy may have led to few fatalities and more growth (at least ‘til this year), but hampering rescues, 10 died in an Urumqi flat fire Thursday.  Demos across the country over the weekend, BBC cameraman Ed Lawrence was beaten and arrested during a clampdown Monday.  Chinese authorities said he didn’t show his press pass and it was for his own safety so he didn’t catch covid off the masses.  UK media described protestors as brave, unlike our own, who were nutters!  The Met assuring Londoners they were ready to deal with disruption in the yuletide run-up, Just Stop Oil marched round Trafalgar Square stopping commuters getting to the station.  German and English scientists grew a coronavirus in a lab to watch it mutate and American boffins made a universal flu vaccine to blunt the impact of future pandemics.  Lecanemab, a new early Alzheimer’s treatment, attacked beta amyloid (sticky gunge build-up in the brain).  Costing tens of thousands a pop, it was hailed as a momentous breakthrough.  Liam Smith was found shot and covered in acid in Shevington, Wigan.  Triggering a health alert, the GMP later told the public there was no risk.  Using the Vaccine Taskforce blueprint, Rishi announced £113m for 4 research ‘missions’: cancer, obesity, mental health and addiction.  He then told Mansion House he wished to develop the ‘quality and depth of partnerships with like-minded countries’ (USA, Israel, Gulf and Commonwealth states, but not the EU!)

Blast Furnace Blast

The Warm Homes Prescription Pilot launched December 2021, was extended for patients who got sicker in the cold.  Redcar blast furnace was blown up live on BBC Breakfast, making way for a freeport.  National Grid immediately cancelled blackout warnings.  RAC finding retailers not passing on lower petrol costs, Grant Shatts asked supermarkets to cheapen it.  Peter Smith of NEA was ‘disturbed’ utility direct debits went up when customers made huge efforts to reduce use.

E.On admitted it’d be a year ‘til economies were reflected in bills.  Food inflation now 12.4%, (14.3% for fresh food), 3 in 10 single parents skipped meals to feed their kids, 3 in 5 students cut back and Oxfam found 35% spent less on Christmas gifts.  Cheddar sales falling by £31m, Richard Clothier of Wyke Cheese was ‘extremely worried’.  A shortfall of 1m turkeys, 1,840 domestic chickens were abandoned – why not stick them in the freezer to roast?  Diggle Village Association defended spending £1,450 installing a tiny living firtree as it worked out cheaper than buying one a year.

GMB said few toilet breaks at Amazon’s new ‘fulfilment centre’ in Wakefield, caused stress to 1,000 workers.  No buyer found, Martin Wilkinson Jewellers in Mansfield, likely the oldest in the UK at 228, would shut.  According to Link, 114 HSBC branch closures made the total 600.  100 jobs lost and customers forsaken, Unite’s Dom Hook railed, without corporate social responsibility requiring banks to stay on the high street helping the elderly and vulnerable, access to cash and banking would be lost forever.  The union were disappointed ambulance staff at only 8 trusts voted to strike.  During the latest CWU action, Dave Ward claimed an out-of-depth Royal Mail CE Simon Thompson, not interested in providing a universal postal service, was destroying it.  8% of Avanti and 5.8% TPE trains cancelled on non-strike days, en route to see 5 northern mayors, Mark Harper harped on about modernisation and sorting out the row.  Mayors said the meeting was constructive but they needed investment, not warm words.  After 2 weeks of talks, the Rail Delivery Group said real progress was made.  Not hearing the desired proposals, the RMT announced four 48-hour strikes December-January plus overtime bans over the festive period.  Lynch blamed ‘the dead hand of government’ and The Sun headlined ‘The Lynch Who Stole Christmas’.  Lynch met Harper Thursday, who said there was ‘common ground’.  Scottish teachers and English lecturers walked out.  Formal negotiations ongoing in Scotland, Westminster rejected them, so the first 2 NHS strike days were announced as 15th & 20th December.  Bestfood (owned by Tesco and Booker) workers in Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, Wagamama, Zizzi and Pizza Express, were balloted.  National Coalmining Museum staff accepted a new pay offer, meaning no more strikes after one in October (another hidden dispute!)

Net migration a record ½m, more EU nationals left but 509,000 others included Ukrainians and Hongkongers on bespoke visas, and students.  Downing Street declined to give a timespan on reducing numbers.  After an inmate died in hospital, Manston processing centre was emptied and detainees moved to hotels across the country.  40,000 living in hotels, HO compulsorily moved others out.  PS Matt Rycroft couldn’t tell the home affairs select committee if paying Rwanda £140m was good value. Blaming migrants and traffickers, Swellen admitted they’d lost control of borders and vowed to make ‘sustainable changes’ with 3 decisions per worker per week by next year – currently 0.6 a week, it wasn’t feasible.  Unable to describe legal routes, she stammered that if you arrived in the UK you could apply for asylum.  Having to step in, Matt said people could apply to UNCHR but this option wasn’t available in all countries.  Coop spluttered that an out-of-depth Swellen didn’t even know her own policies.  Harem Ahmad Abwbaker was arrested for 27 channel drownings November 2021.  The Marine Accident Investigation Branch found they’d reached UK waters.  3 stowaways from Nigeria were discovered on a ship’s rudder in The Canaries.

After beating Argentina at the World Cup, Saudi Arabia declared a national holiday.  The favourites were out by the end of week.  About to play Japan, the German team covered their mouths to signify they’d been silenced.  Home-nation Qatar were eliminated, Iran were booed singing their national anthem, but after goalie Wayne Henderson got the first red card of the tournament, beat Wales.  World Cup chief Hassan al-Thawali estimated 500 workers died building stadia.  Officially 3, we’d never know the real figure.  Round-the-clock efforts reconnected 80% of Ukraine to essential water, electricity and heating.  Olena Zelenska got a standing ovation as she thanked the UK parliament for support and asked them to lead a special tribunal.  The EU wanted the UN to head the tribunal.  Stewart Rhodes of right-wing Oath Keepers was convicted of sedition for the Washington Capitol attack 6th Jan 2021.  A Walmart manager killed 7 colleagues and himself in Chesapeake, Florida.

Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac and Wilko Johnson died, for real this time.  Irene Cara known for singing ‘I’m Gonna Live Forever’, didn’t.  In UK census results, only 41% of Leicesterians identified as white.  Christians a minority for the first time, more people had no religion, and an extra 1m were Moslem.  A fungi project found rare species in fields at The Crags.  A 3rd-5th century Roman villa complete with ash in the fireplace and mosaics depicting Homer’s Iliad, was unearthed in a Rutland field.  Resembling Toy Town on a bigger scale, York traders complained the St Nicholas fair took their business away.  We noted the Christmas market mark-up.  A car drove through Kake temptations’ window in Batley.  The driver really needed cake!

*Permacrisis – an extended period of instability and insecurity

**HMICFRS – His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: Hepdene Rose | Cool Places – Our Back Yard (wordpress.com)

ii. Brexit Island: Brexit Island – Home | Facebook

Part 59 – The English Game

“A good news story at last…struggling Westminster family rescued from ‘John Lewis nightmare’ by generous anonymous donor” (Barry Sheerman)

The English Langwage

Haiga – Timeless

Waking in the bright early dawn Monday, I turned over and slept ‘til 9.  Jeremy Vine featured a campaign to make English words easier to spell.  It had us in stitches.  Examples included ‘wosh’, ‘Receev’ and ‘guud iedei’.  Wondering who’d come up with this guff, it turned out to be the result of 3 years intense coffee-cupping by The Spelling Societyi.  Inspired, we came up with our own, without the need for umpteen focus groups.  E.g.: langwage; alfabet; soop; shop-bort; komershull; vakseen; actchewal; dementure.

After blog posting and grotty chores, I grouted the tiles on the bathroom cube and planted wild garlic bulbs.  Uprooted by accident when picking, we now had 6 plants in tubs.  I’d forgotten I’d made a  pile of detritus 2 weeks ago and filled a black bag with it, while a wasp annoyingly buzzed round my head.  Hot and thirsty, I retreated indoors for water and a lie down.

Vaccinations reached 43m, of which 33m were first and 10m second jabs.  As cases in India still soared and the majority of the 103 variant cases in the UK were linked to travel, New Delhi went into a week’s lockdown and the whole country went onto the travel red list.  Effective from 4.00 a.m. Friday, Boris was forced to cancel his trade trip.  The European Super League confirmed late Sunday night, the big 6 English clubs were set to join along with 3 Italian and 3 Spanish teams.  Much condemnation and consternation ensued.  Greedy owners were lambasted by ‘legacy’ fans.  UEFA called it ‘disgraceful’ and ‘self-serving’.  JP Morgan underwrote loans for The Super League Company who instigated legal action so UEFA couldn’t stop players partaking in other international competitions.  Number 10 looked at options such as fan ownership or clawing back Covid loans and Jose Mourinho was sacked from Spurs.  Rishi Rich announced a digital currency taskforce, denying it meant the end of English cash.  Perseverance flew the Ingenuity helicopter on Mars.  The two NASA bots endearingly took photos of each other.

Phil had struggled with his vision all day making him quite depressed but perked up in the evening.  Watching our customary Monday night film, I could hardly keep my peepers open.  Hoping for a decent night, the droning generator meant it took ages to get any sleep, even with earplugs and the meditation tape.  Wakened by an almighty crashing and clanging at 4. 50 a.m., I was absolutely furious.  And then it was only 3 hours until the engineering works re-commenced!

Tuesday morning, I felt back at square one with extreme fatigue and a headache.  At the end of my tether, I fumed in bed while Phil fetched breakfast and tried to cheer me up.  I forced a chuckle as he pulled funny faces.  Wobbling downstairs for chores and writing, I opened the living room window for fresh air to promptly re-close it as the incessant din reached a crescendo.  The forecast good, we’d planned a walk but the sun disappeared and I wasn’t up to it anyway.  Desperate for respite, I took valerian before a siesta.  Slightly chilled out, I didn’t fully relax, gave up and placed an Ocado order.

On the campaign trail Monday, Keir was invited to the Raven in Bath by one of the co-owners.  In a rage that Labour hadn’t opposed lockdowns, the other owner, Rod Humphris, screamed: “get out of my pub!”  The sociopath came on Jeremy Vine Tuesday morning saying ‘look at Sweden’.  It was incredulous the likes of him still got a platform to spout their nonsense after a year of suffering and death!  Lucy Moreton of the Immigration Services Union said 100 fake covid passes were detected at UK borders every day, airports were breeding grounds as arrivals from different countries were confined indoors and mixed in queues with no social-distancing, and there was no way to know if they quarantined as required.

English Pastimes

Free Sage

The night quieter, I anticipated noise disturbance any minute but it didn’t come until 8.20 Wednesday morning; mercifully not as loud as the previous day.  A communique on the mayoral elections did nothing to change my opinion of the motley crew.  Most were Leeds-based, the English Democrat candidate’s address wasn’t even in Yorkshire, and Reform UK (nee The Brexit Party) were anti-lockdown nutters (no wonder Anne Widdecombe was in it!)  Similarly, the fruit-loop Freedom Alliance standing for the local council, spouted a load of conspiracy guff.  A leaflet pushed through the letterbox later in the week had literally been hand-rolled on a Gestetner.  The reek of old-fashioned ink took me back to early anarchist group days!

After the inevitable happy birthday to the queen, Keir led PMQ’s by referencing texts from the Bumbler to James Brexit Dyson.  In response to Dyson’s lobbying, the PM personally promised he’d fix an issue over the tax status of workers returning to make ventilators at the start of the pandemic (which never materialised).  Days later, Rishi announced workers coming to the UK wouldn’t have their tax status changed.  “One rule for those that have got the prime ministers’ phone number, another for everybody else.” Keir railed, “if a nurse had (his) phone number would they get the 4% pay rise?”  Boris replied: “I make absolutely no apology at all for shifting heaven and earth…to secure ventilators for the people of this country.”  Keir batted back with accusations of tax breaks for tory chums, pushing colleagues to help Greensill and dodgy PPE deals.  With new allegations every day, it was “sleaze, sleaze, sleaze…all on his watch!”  Boris typically evasive, played the old Captain Hindsight card.  A labour spokesman later said there was evidence the ministerial code was breached and further ammunition came from Transparency International UK who identified 73 crony contracts, and possible criminality.

For the first time since cafes and pubs were allowed to have seating, we had lunch out.  It looked pleasant from indoors but as we set off, the sun hid behind clouds and a cool breeze whipped up.  We sat outside the Turkish café for a chilly al-fresco lunch – a very English pastime!  German Friend came by and asked me to share pre-diabetic tips sometime.  She’d booked a table at the pub on the square for herself and a mutual friend (whom we’d last seen March 2020; just before she went into hospital at the start of lockdown #1).  I went in the sweet shop for some non-essential shopping while Phil loitered outside the animal charity shop.  We perused a seemingly interesting display of kitchen gadgets but came away empty-handed.

Stopping to say hello to our friends outside the pub, they persuaded us to join them.  The two women sat opposite each other at the far end while an old fellow pub mate sat at the other end, leaving plenty of space for us.  Before getting stuck into a one-time regular pastime of supping ale, I nipped across the square to finish errands before enjoying an hour in company.  Although fun, it felt odd being with other people and the staff flitted between tables far too much for my liking.  Comparing notes on the various lockdowns, we  had a laugh at the geese and corvids taking over during the first one.

After 1 pint, we felt really cold and said our goodbyes.  Phil still had one more purchase to make.  I strolled homewards until he caught me up and persuaded me to take a bunch of free sage from a table in the lower street  a very English herb.

Daily press conferences by Boris scrapped, Oliver Dowdy was wheeled out to defend the decision to use the room in Downing Street, specially refurbished at tax-payers’ expense, for ministerial press conferences instead.  Indian cases and deaths still rising, hospitals were full, the number of variant cases in the UK doubled, and 200 people a day arrived to beat the Qs before Friday.  Boris announced a Covid-19 taskforce to find effective anti-virals.  More legislation muted to foil the European Super League such as changing competition laws, the big 6 English teams all pulled out, as did Inter Milan.  Was the move in anticipation of changes to the Champions League which the big clubs didn’t think went far enough, or a ruse to get more money out of the FA?  John Barnes appeared on BBC Breakfast to say it was.  As Derek Chauvin was rightly convicted of the George Floyd murder, it emerged teenager Ma’Khia Bryant was shot by a cop minutes before the verdict.  Would anything ever change?  After a Tesla car missed a turning, crashed into a tree and burst into flames killing the 2 occupants, police said no one was driving.  Evil Musk tweeted: “Data logs recovered so far show autopilot was not enabled”  A likely story seeing as 27 crashes in the past month were being investigated in the USA.

English Mythology

Obscured Standing Stone

Frost gave way to sunshine on Thursday.  Phil wanted to find more mythical archaeology and I agreed to go in search of a standing stone near the hilltop village.  We caught a bus up to the boundary with the next hamlet, utilised a picturesque bench to eat a pasty lunch and consulted directions before looking for the mystical stone.  On eventually finding it, we realised we’d past it several times on the way to the crags.  How did we miss those huge holly bushes?  Inaccessibly set into a wall and obscured by barbed wire, we peered over to realise a line of stones crossing a horse field led directly to it and mused on possible links to structures on the moor.  Continuing down, a trio ascending considerately attached their dog’s lead.  At the bottom, we turned onto the leafy road for an easy walk back.  The trio with the dog re-appeared and asked for directions to town.  Near home, we chatted to my old art teacher.  He’d had a family holiday in Cornwall the previous week.  Postponed from last year, they’d had a good time but found it impossible to eat out in the evenings.  (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesii).

On another quiet night, I struggled to sleep.  My mind full of the day’s findings, I recalled a neighbour once told us the whole town was surrounded by a stone circle.  Was it true?  Was that why we kept finding mysterious stones?  It would be awesome if so – like the mythical Wiltshire village of Avebury!

95% of over 50’s now vaccinated, Margaret Keenan looked forward to a jolly.  Covid passports promised soon, she could go to desperado Spain and wear a mask on the beach.  The Cabinet Office were probing the source of the leaky texts between Boris and Dyson.  Labour wanted a Commons Liaison Committee enquiry.  The Good Law Project court hearing on PPE scams unveiled a VIP route to the PM.  Civil Servants had complained of drowning in a quagmire of contract requests that didn’t pass due diligence.  Hapless drug dealer Ali Hilmi was hilariously convicted after trying to get into the Projekt Nightclub, Burnley with fake £20 notes that said Poond.  Phil discovered they could be bought on Amazon but had sold out.  The misspellings harked back to the daft spelling society campaign, but the English pronunciation was Pownd, wasn’t it?  Maybe he was Scottish, like Les McKeown of the Bay City Rollers who died suddenly.

The English Saint

Gnarly Trees

Woken again by engineering work Friday morning, I battled heavy limbs and a headache for a trip to the co-op, luckily quiet and stressless.  I took a break from writing in the afternoon to embark on a ‘deep clean’ of the bathroom, expunging mould from the back window and evicting a family of spiders from beneath the back cupboard.  Through the open window, I heard a child calling “pappa!”  Not even the English middle-class used that word.  They must have been proper posh!  I suspected they might be slumming it in a camper van recently parked up on the street below.  That evening, we spotted the shed people returning from a game of golf – no-one knew why that was a popular pastime!

Local news wished us happy St. George’s Day.  Rather pointlessly, seeing as no special events were allowed and he wasn’t even English.  Some sage bods said vaccines did a lot of the ‘heavy lifting’ so we could forgo face-masks over summer but may need them come autumn.  1 dose of AZ or Pfizer gave 74% protection according to the latest study, while the EU planned to sue AZ over ‘contract failure’.  The PAC inquiry into supply chain financing revealed that Camoron bombarded BOE gov John Cunliffe with letters.  Treasury PS Tom Scholar said he arranged 9 meetings with Charles Roxburgh as it was ‘natural’ to talk to an ex-PM.  ONS figures showed the public deficit was 14.5% in the last fiscal year, the highest since 1946.  A computer chip shortage caused by people working at home halted car production.  Post Masters were acquitted of theft convictions as crap Fujitsu Horizon computers were proven to be responsible for discrepancies.  Having covered up the scandal for years, and not telling the accused they weren’t alone, former PO chief Paula Vennells belatedly apologised, resigning from her roles on the boards of Morrisons and Dunelm and as a church minister.

Getting clean clothes out Saturday morning, a drawer in the fitted cupboard collapsed.  Annoyed at taking everything out to find the cardi I wanted wasn’t even there, I bad-temperedly hurled woollens on the bed and covered them with a dust sheet before Phil fixed the offending article with glue and screws.  It seemed a good time to wash bedroom rugs and I hung them outside to take advantage of fine, breezy weather.  Young student neighbour appeared, seemingly overdressed but denied being hot.  She was returning to uni soon.  Due to royal charter, Cambridge had special term-times over which the government had no authority.  I popped to the co-op for a couple of items to find the shelves stripped of salads and dips.  Maybe everyone was having barbecues to belatedly celebrate the not-English patron saint.  Next-Door-But One’s fella waited for me to come back up the steps.  Conversing for the first time ever, he turned out to be even more neurotic than me about the effectiveness of vaccines and said the whole household had shielded and not even entered a shop for over a year.  I didn’t mention spotting them going places in the car.  Young Student came by and declared “I’m off to the pub,” marking a dramatic change in attitude.  Maybe she believed herd immunity was now sufficient to protect us oldies.  I scrubbed the bathroom floor and installed the newly-tiled cube, then set about upcycling an old Ikea table.  Found a couple of years ago, the garish pink thing spent a summer outside until it became warped in the rain.  After some bodging, it occupied a corner of the living room, covered with a cloth.  More fixing required, Phil got the glue and screws back out.  I considered tiling the top for outdoor use but calculated I’d need loads and decided painting would be easier.  By then, my back ached and I’d had enough so.

Fallout from the fast-failing Euro Super League continued.  Pundits from across Europe on Football Focus said football wasn’t viewed the same on the continent.  To them, it was just 90 minutes whereas the English saw the game as essential to life.  Apparent that rich owners didn’t understand its cultural importance, player and fan involvement was seen as the only way forward.  Former PM Gordy Brown called the episode a turning point, after which “people will not support greed.”

In spite of backache, Phil consented to a Sunday forage.  Pretty sure the garlic patch our Walking Friend mentioned was the place we visited a year ago, we climbed up the ridge.  I tried to trace likely lines of the fabled stone circle surrounding town.  “But why would anyone bother?” asked Phil, “it was a muddy bog in ancient times.”  “Good point.”  In the dark wood, we found the crop larger than last April, but top leaves looked dusty.  We each filled a bag and rested on a mossy rock beside a twisty path and walked between gnarly trees to arrive at a path last trodden in autumn.  Now both flagging with back pain, we had to stop again on the way home.  I began to give the leaves a thoroughly good rinse to find Phil’s haul full of grit and left it for him to tackle.  Over coffee and cake, I came up with a haiga based on Thursday’s walkiii.

Whingeing on the Marr about Brexit, Sturgeon promised no border if Scotland became independent – well, we all knew how well that went in Ireland!  The Indian crisis worsened: the number of infections broke the world record 4 days in a row, hospitals ran out of oxygen and Modi was blamed for slow vaccine roll-out even though they made loads.  Stephen Reicher criticised a group of ‘siren scientists’ calling for lifting of measures while in Germany, restrictions would last ‘til June.  Anti-lockdown demos in London were attended by mayoral candidate and all-round wanker Lawrence Fox.  Clashes led to 2 cop injuries and 5 arrests.  Hard to figure what they hoped to achieve with lockdown almost over, on Jeremy Vine the next morning, Beverly Swivel-insisted protestors acted responsibly unlike pub-goers in Soho – I rest my case!

The Scumbag reported to be the Chatty Rat who leaked the Bumbler/Dyson texts, he denied it.  He also refuted claims he’d leaked full details of lockdown mark 2 before the official announcement, via a WhatsApp message from Downing Street and accused Boris of wanting to stop an ‘embarrassing’ inquiry into the real source.  Boris phoned news bosses to sprag on his former spin doctor, a move destined to backfire.  Allegations that The Bumbler used tory donors to pay for renovations to his flat were dismissed by Liz Truss as ‘tittle-tattle’.  She was more concerned with trade deals than this petty stuff.  Apparently Carrie Antionette insisted on a revamp after Theresa May left ‘a John Lewis nightmare’.  Most people considering John Lewis upmarket, not to mention it smacked of yet another piece in the cronyism jigsaw, the comments showed how out of touch they really were.  Barry Sheerman joked on twitter: “A good news story at last!”

The night quiet but bright with an almost-full moon, I revelled in a semi-stupor until I fell into a deep slumber only to wake 2 hours later with snippets of dreams flitting through my mind.

References:

i. The Spelling Society: https://www.spellingsociety.org/; http://spellingsociety.org/uploaded_views/traditional-spelling-revised-personal-view.pdf

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 54 – Have Vax, Don’t Travel

“I squarely believe we ought to be trading liberally around the world.  If we restrict it to countries with ECHR-level standards of human rights, we’re not going to do many trade deals with the growth markets of the future” (Dominic Raab)

Dodgy Manoeuvres

Haiga – Pentangle

After posting blogs Monday, I read updates from the researcher explaining why she’d been quiet lately.  I offered to provide a guest post for her blog and reiterated a willingness to be interviewed.  I started drafting the next instalment of the journal when the window cleaner rapped loudly at the door.  On sitting back down, we were disturbed again; by texts from our GP surgery, offering more local vaccine appointments.  Booking for 2 days hence, I cancelled my slot at the regional centre (not as easy as you’d think) but how did they know I wasn’t double-booked?  A trip to the co-op involved dodging loitering teenagers near the entrance and an uncomfortably close hippy.  Phil cleaned the living room while I was out.  After sorting groceries, I collapsed gratefully on a freshened sofa.

Cases of the SA variant led to surge testing in the London areas of Camberwell, Southwark and Harrow. A suspected link to blood clots found in Norway, the list of countries suspending use of AZ grew to an epidemic from Denmark to Thailand. The WHO, EMA and MHRA all assured us there was no connection.  Prof. Pollard said: “if we have no vaccination and we come out of lockdown in this country, we will expect tens of thousands of more deaths…a number of countries around Europe are now seeing an increase in cases.”  One year on from the start of the pandemic, MP’s reported the government didn’t act early enough – no shit Sherlock!   A record 74 protestors were killed in Myanmar while here, a second demo aimed at The Met took place at Parliament Square but Boris backed Chief Dick.  The Crime and Justice Taskforce promised an extra £20m for street lighting and CCTV.  The Police Bill* giving more powers to cops to stop protests due in parliament. Labour planned to oppose it for being ‘poorly thought out’ and containing lots on statues and hardly anything on protecting women.  Rape cases not tried on merit, the court of appeal defended the ‘bookie’ system.

The EU instigated formal legal action over the UK’s ‘grace period’ decision.  As a letter to government complained allowing shops to open before hospitality was unfair, Phil discovered pubs were fully booked from 12th April indoors and 17th May outdoors for up to 10 weeks.  Puzzled, I pointed out “by then it will be August and they should all be open anyway, if there aren’t any blocks in the stupid road map.  And how do punters know if they’ll need a Covid Pass or not?”

Overnight, I fretted over our pending jabs and possible blood clots.  A chat with Phil Tuesday morning dispelled some anxiety.  “The EU have blown it totally out of proportion – nowt to do with Brexit!”  A couple of days later, the EMA confirmed there was no link between AZ and thrombosis. But the questionably political manoeuvres had already done damage to Europe’s vaccine plans.

A rainy night led to a grey start, becoming warm and sunny later.  After a series of morning chores and tedious life admin, I took advantage of the lovely afternoon to clear dead growth from the garden, surrounded by the sounds of tweety birds as flocks of crows flew over.  Decorating neighbour wandered up and down the street, complaining of bad parking and his broken down car.  “The geese are coming,” he intoned, “I’ve just seen them on the corner.”  “They do like having a wander,” I replied, “even the Canada Geese are doing it now.”  “Yes, I’ve noticed that. They’re very tasty. I had one in Canada.”  “Well, there’s nothing to stop you eating these ones.”  As he looked bemused, I assured him it was perfectly legal.  The elderly couple embarked on an afternoon stroll, pausing to compare health notes.  I informed them Phil was photographing birds at the riverside to add to his current project but he could have stayed home for that.  Sweeping up detritus, I thought I’d dodged dog poo but irritatingly got some on my shoes.  By the time I’d cleaned it off, I was exhausted and slumped on the sofa.

The Prince and Monty

On the anniversary of the first daily plague briefing, a survey found half the population still didn’t wash their hands after going shopping and disgustingly more bacteria on kettle handles, remote controls and door knobs than on toilets!  Despite profit losses, Greggs still planned to open 100 new shops, ‘entering empty spaces with low rent’; I.e., capitalising on the demise of rival high street traders. 

An inquest into the actual cause of Sarah Everard’s death would open on Thursday and Wayne Couzens’ court date was set for October.  Prince Philip emerged from a month in hospital, resembling Monty Burns from The Simpsons.

A year-long study culminating in the ‘most comprehensive’ (and possibly the most long-windedly titled) defence review since the cold war, was presented in the commons. The ‘Integrated Review of Security, Defence, Development and Foreign Policy’ shifted focus to the Indo-Pacific region as ‘increasingly the geopolitical centre of the world’, muted an increase in nuclear warheads, a cyber force move to the North West (likely the shiny GCHQ building in Manchester) and a counter-terrorism operations centre – asserting the main threats were from Islamist, Northern Irish, far-right, far-left and anarchist terrorists.  A lifetime since the Angry Brigades, I wondered did they mean the anti-5g-ers?  I knew no anarchists who bought into that nonsense but thinking back to my youth, there were conspiracy-theorists in the mix who ironically failed to grasp the basic concept of the capitalist conspiracy.

Lightning Speed

Narcissi

I set the alarm for 8.00 a.m. Wednesday but woke at 8.20 to the drone of canal work.  The radio volume too low, I was glad of the interminable workmen for once!  We left the house in good time and laughed at temperamental geese on the church lawn behind the bus-stop.  In the next town, we scooted round the market and scoffed pasties from the bakers stall.  2 people loitered outside a locked health centre.  Nipping in Boots for emergency mouthwash, I waited ages to be served as the staff were all gassing.  Coming out, I found an actual queue.  Phil in the middle of the carpark on his phone, hadn’t saved a place.  It took a couple of minutes for people to cotton on when the centre’s doors opened at 1 o’clock, but the process soon sped up.  Our appointments a ½ hour apart, reception let us proceed together, to wait on adjacent coloured lines.  In the small room, an HCA checked my details until the doctor arrived.  I told her I was unnerved by the blood clot scare.  She mouthed platitudes, fired out some questions then snapped: “are you having it or what?”  “Well, I’m here now.”  After the lightning-quick injection, I followed lines to the back door, waiting in a patch of sun while Phil donned his layers.  “I feel odd,” he said, “but it might be psychological.” “Me too.”  I remarked: “the injection is so speedy you could jab people without them knowing. And the needle is too tiny for a chip.”  He giggled at the idea of going round stabbing hippies. “The latest claim is it contains water.” “What’s the point of that?” “To kill gammons.” “Thousands would be dead already if that was true.”  In Lidl, Phil started to feel worse so we headed over to the bus-stop.  I was thankful for my face-covering on the bus where a mask-less, reeking man dropped his butty on the floor, picked it up and ate it – ugh!

Shopping sorted, we had a cuppa and sugary snack to make up for lack of a lolly (or sticker, for that matter).  Dozing on the sofa, I was unsure if the fatigue was a side-effect of AZ or from the trip which would tire me anyway.  Cleaning the bathroom, I discovered the back window covered in black mould, only a year since I decorated!  Phil struggled to eat dinner, feeling nauseous and spaced out.  I said “it’s a common side effect to have a touch of the flu.”  Although it was only the first dose and would be a while until protection kicked in, I felt psychologically better but the jabbed arm ached at bed-time.  I took ibuprofen and shifted around to prevent putting pressure on it.

Our efforts added to a total of 25m inoculations to date.  Rabid Raab gave the plague briefing to warn of reduced supplies until the end April and no new appointments after 31st March.  Phil worried we wouldn’t get our second one. “I’m sure they’ll have factored that in.”  Adolf Von De Leyen again threatened to block exports to countries with higher coverage rates than the EU, i.e., the UK.  Hazarding that may be the cause of the shortage, the official line was a batch ordered from an AZ factory in India wasn’t coming.  The Scumbag appeared before the S&T committee to claim the mess at the start of the pandemic was because DHSC was a ‘smoking ruin’.  He took credit for the vaccine success as along with Prof. Valance, he’d urged Boris to take it out of the hands of civil servants (whom he hated) and set up a separate Taskforce.  All hail Dominic! (sic).  Downing Street defended the DHSC for establishing ‘one of the biggest diagnostic networks in UK history’ and procurement efforts.  It was hard to determine who told the worst whoppers.  Referring to Aria (Advanced Research and Invention Agency) with a £800m budget to invest in ‘high risk, high reward’ projects, The Scumbag said it needed ‘extreme freedom’ to act with no ‘horrific bureaucracy’ of procurement or Treasury rules.  Not to mention it would mean his mates could get more dosh!  Nasty Patel’s proposal to send asylum seekers awaiting a decision offshore was branded heartless and inhumane.  Processing centres muted on the IOM, IOW and Gibraltar, they said no way, but allegedly Turkey agreed to it.  Liverpudlians celebrated St. Patricks Day with an illegal bash in Sefton Park.

Although recording misogyny as a hate crime was a welcome move, the £45m for Project Vigilante to keep women safe in bars was derided by Jess Philips as cops ‘in skinny jeans’  Reclaim These Streets said it didn’t tackle ‘institutional problems of misogyny and racism’.  While the European Commission discussed their Covid pass, P&O would require confirmation of 2 jabs from patrons.  Sailing round the UK coast with no ports of call, it really was a Brexit Island cruise!  They could at least make stops at interesting docks like Goole and Tilbury.  Uber announced all employees would get the minimum wage, holiday pay and pensions.  Mick Rix, GMB said it: “…opens the door for…better pay and conditions at companies across the gig economy.”  But the TUC wanted it to go further; without full employment rights, there wasn’t parity.

Waking at 8 on Thursday, I railed ‘why didn’t that happen yesterday?’  I completed  the 2021 census on-line.  Postponed in Scotland until 2022, it seemed an odd time to do it.  Allegedly used to plan public services, with everyone working at home, they’d probably conclude we didn’t need any.  Prof. Danny Dorling of Oxford University said it would show up inequalities made stark by the pandemic.  After lunch, I went to the co-op and managed not to get stressed despite half-empty shelves and screeching kids.  On the way back I came across German Friend hoovering her car and stopped to chat.  Vaccinated last week, she also suffered an achy arm.  Classed vulnerable, she’d indignantly rang the GP to complain of not having it sooner and to get a local appointment.  She told me a mutual friend was doing well a year after a serious operation and the friend’s daughter enjoyed her new job as assistant manager at a new supermarket in the next town.  Telling me she met up with a couple of pub mates weekly, I took a breath before asking “are you a bubble?” “Sort of. Well, we’re all elderly.”  “Piss off! You’re the same age as me!”  We shared gripes on the travails in Europe affecting relatives, coffee-cuppers, conspiracy-theorists and tourists infesting the place.  Taking my leave, shed boy and lass hovered on their doorstep.  I gave them a wide berth.  Still ailing, Phil took an extended siesta but had more of an appetite at dinner.

2 days previously, Huff post reported on a leaked q&a session with FCDO staff, wherein Rabid Raab suggested trade deals were more important than human rights (see quote above).  Lisa Nandy said “it is the latest example of a government entirely devoid of a moral compass and riddled with inconsistency; happy to say one thing in public and another behind closed doors”  In the commons, Rees-Moggy claimed the comments had been “shockingly distorted by low-quality journalism.”  Huff Post called it a blatant use of parliamentary privilege, defaming the journalist who was unable to sue.

No stranger to libel cases, Ian Hislop said on QT that the EU’s stance on vaccine nationalism was ‘embarrassing’ for remainers like him and Jess Philips was flummoxed by actions that endangered their own people.  On tackling violence against women, Minister for Safeguarding Thicky Atkins recited a list of crappy measures to which Jess Philips replied you couldn’t just have one meeting and say it was sorted, and she could have told them what to do 10 years ago.  Hislop observed we’d never again believe it when the government told us there’s no money: “why can’t we have it all?”  Discussing the defence review, Ian and Jess found it a strange time to increase stockpiles of WMD when the biggest threat was cyber.  As a Scot living near Faslane, Kirsten Oswald, SNP, was not happy.  Thicky Atkins hilariously replied hi-tech work also took place but we didn’t know about the cyber force because they ‘work in secret.’ Splutter!

Monochrome Walk

Down the Street

Doing exercises Friday morning I skipped those with too much arm movement.  Phil still experienced flu-like symptoms but bravely soldiered on.  I spent the morning on the computer and headed to town in the afternoon.  Stopping on the steps to take photos of daffodils, I checked nobody was coming up but didn’t spot a woman patiently wating at the bottom.  I apologised but she assured me it was no bother.  Hurrying down to the junction, a couple rounding the corner looked like they were about to speak to me.  I hesitated not wanting to get close, when they indicated carrier bags I’d dropped in my haste.  Across the road, a crocodile of small kids streamed out of school.  In Boots to collect an order, I swerved a meandering couple and retreated to the windowfront to decant the delivery.  A member of staff helpfully took the box away for me.  I rushed through a busy square and detoured across the less-populous old bridge to find dinky narcissi nestled at the bottom of a stone wall.  Trying to rest later, shed boy annoyingly conversed loudly outside for a full 10 minutes before getting in his car.  In the evening, I had a funny turn.  Sudden pains and a hot arm sent me into a panic.  I told myself it was a hot flush, then felt really spacey.  As my heart rate increased, I tried to calm down with steady breathing.  Phil assured me I’d be fine.  I was, but still perturbed, I speculated on anti-bodies kicking in.

In the midst of a third wave, European countries went into lockdown including Poland and Italy, but some re-started use of AZ, including French PM Jean Castex.  Prof. Pollard called it: “…reassuring…we’re not really in a battle with each other or the vaccine, we’re battling a ruthless killer that within the European Union has killed 6000,000 people in the past year.”  Excess deaths among over 65’s up 7.7% in 2020, the UK was second only to Bulgaria.  PHE research found travel corridors were to blame for rate rises late summer.  Prof. Ferguson said the SA variant needed to be kept at bay and would be the focus of modified vaccines next winter while Oliver Dowdy hinted at Covid Passes for events with big crowds such as the FA cup final.

Saturday marked the spring solstice but was cold and grey.  I cooked and attempted another creation in Photoshop.  Phil went to the shop, to see the contents of the hippy co-op pub drinking tinnies on the riverside among the coffee-cuppers.  He also came across an old friend, looking healthy since losing a lot of weight.  She’d also had the vaccine but was hesitant about attending the local club’s re-opening night in May.  “I don’t blame her. I might never go there again!””

26m, half the adult UK population, now had one dose of vaccine. Amidst ‘legal uncertainty’ creating a fiasco at the Sarah Everard vigil, 60 MPs wrote a letter about the right to protest.  The government insisted it was illegal but would be allowed from 29th March as ‘small gatherings’.  Mike Tildsley warned foreign summer holidays were still unlikely as Grant Shats told us they’d decide at a Global Travel Taskforce in April.

We consulted world maps to locate the highest number of vaccinations (Israel, UEA, UK, Serbia, with the USA catching up) and the lowest infection rates (NZ, Australia, and most dot islands apart from the Virgin Islands – remember that?)  Commercial breaks full of holiday ads, I said “for Australia fair enough, but Turkey!!! Rates are going up and only yesterday, we were told going there this summer is unlikely. Jet2 and Turkish Airlines should be banned for encouraging and misleading people.”

Starting bright, Sunday soon reverted to grey.  In need of fresh air, we walked west on the renewed towpath to the basin.  My attempts to emulate Phil’s geese portraits were hit and miss but I got a few decent shots of flowers, reflections, barge features and small streets.  A sheep’s head adorned by a pentagram inspired my next haigai while a monochrome terrace got a record number of likes on Instagram.  Returning partly on roadway, I popped in the co-op where my mate at the kiosk whinged about ‘bloody tourists’.

On the Marr, Defence Sec Ben Wally said he hadn’t booked a holiday this year.  He wouldn’t comment much on the defence ‘command paper’ before publication but claimed people voted for an increase in nuclear warheads.  Err, no we didn’t!  Asked about a surveillance ship being built to protect undersea cables, we speculated they could be used to find mines dumped in the sea after WW2, before building the bridge to Northern Ireland.

A peaceful Kill the Bill demo in Bristol turned violent.  Cop shops were besieged, vans set alight, 20 bobbies injured and 7 protestors arrested.  Nasty Patel called it “Thuggery” while the mayor said it didn’t represent the city.

* Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Bill

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 52 – Balancing Act

“Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine. I’m begging of you please don’t hesitate. Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaccine. Because once you’re dead then it’s a bit too late” (Dolly Parton)

A Game of Percentages

Haiga – Force of Nature i

My sleep was disturbed Monday morning by a racket emanating from waste ground near the canal.  The workmen barely discernible beneath cold, grey fog, it seemed the recent spring-like feel was a blip.  Phil made porridge.  It subsequently took half an hour to wash up.  Recovering with coffee, I posted blogs and worked on the next chapter of the journal.  Unable to rest in the afternoon, I considered if random birthday gifts stashed under the bed were adequate.  Inadequate exercise and repose prompted me to do some late yoga, as recommended by the latest research suggesting light to moderate activity an hour before bedtime.  It definitely helped with relaxation and kip.

Hospital admissions for Covid among the over 80’s fell by 80%.  The PA news agency reported falling infection rates across the 4 UK nations although by less in England.  Boris insisted we had “one of the toughest border regimes anywhere in the world.”  Keir disagreed: “(we hadn’t) secured our borders in the way we should have…it demonstrates the slowness of the government to close off even the major routes…(and) unwillingness to confront the fact that the virus doesn’t travel by direct flights.”  Yvette Coop added: “These cases…arrived a month after the Brazil variant was first identified and we were raising with the government the need for stronger action.”  Large queues at Heathrow made me wonder: ‘if it’s like this with travel restrictions, what will it be like in May when holidays are allowed?’  While the EU discussed a ‘digital green passport’, the DoT wanted a common approach.  The Restaurant Group were ‘burning through’ £5.5m per month but ‘strong trading’ for take-away deliveries hiked share prices.  Northern-based restaurant chain Tomahawk Steakhouse asked workers to loan them 10% of their furlough monies.  Was that even legal?  GMB regional sec Neil Derrick said: “It’s never been easier or cheaper for businesses to borrow money…but (they) want it for free and they have solved their cash flow problem by giving a cash flow problem to their staff.”  A week later, Tomahawk gave the dosh back.  Derrick maintained that wouldn’t have happened without attention being brought to the matter.

In the first public sighting since her house arrest, Ang San Suu Kyi appeared in a Myanmar court via video link to have 2 more trumped up charges added to those already levied.  Meanwhile, a meteor was seen whizzing over Barnsley and landed somewhere in Gloucestershire.

Although more rested on Tuesday, I suffered achiness and a sore throat.  Ignoring it, I submitted my article to Valley Life Magazineii and worked on the journal before going to the co-op.  A sizeable shop proved rather stressful with screeching kids and dithering hikers impeding the aisles.  One hit me with his bag as he reached into an adjacent cold cabinet – accidentally on purpose?  I took a deep breath and contained my annoyance.  Cowbag staffed the only open till but we exchanged pleasantries rather than bickering.  Back home, I hid perishable treats and instructed Phil not to nosy around in the kitchen.  He’d cleaned the cooker and floor while I was out which was nice, especially as he’d had an awful day work-wise and had to reset the internet.  Powerless to help, I made sympathetic noises.  The Marcella double-bill finale annoyingly split by ITV news, meant forgoing pre-bed yoga and I awoke several times during an odd night.

UK deaths from the virus halved every day and decreased by 25% in the past week- the lowest since January.  As the P1 variant mystery search was narrowed to 379 households in South East England, studies revealed 25%- 61% of Manaus residents were susceptible to re-infection.  Sharon Peacock, Cog-UK, said it was now found in 25 countries but couldn’t speculate on how it would ‘pan out’ and focus was still on the prevalent Kent Virus.  PHE real-world data on the effectiveness of the AZ and Pfizer vaccines showed they provided 60% protection in the over 70’s with 80% less hospitalisations in the over 80’s.  Andrew Pollard of Ox Vax proclaimed it ‘stunning’ and a wake-up call for Europe: “it shows how critical it is to improve public confidence across the continent about the vaccines.”

Rishi Rich reportedly worked 24/7, spoke to the queen and made his own promotional video in the budget run-up.  Previews included a public sector debt of £2.1 trillion and an extension of furlough to 30th September (but with larger employer contributions).  The CBI said it would “keep millions more in work and let businesses catch their breath as we carefully exit lockdown.”  Shadow Treasury Sec Bridget Phillipson countered: “announcing this the night before shows the focus on Rishi Sunak getting his moment in the sun rather than protecting jobs and livelihoods.”  Jon Ashworth tweeted ‘The ego has landed’.

Weighing Things Up

Rishi’s Balancing Act (Cartoon by Guy Venables)

Wednesday morning, I adapted an Australian chocolate fruit cake recipe for Phil’s birthday.  With all the measuring and weighing it took a full hour to get it in the oven.  While it was baking, we watched events in parliament.  On the anniversary of the government publishing a 27-page document insisting the UK was ‘well prepared’ for the pandemic, only to announce lockdown 3 weeks later, Keir started PMQs by asking why the UK sold arms to Saudi and slashed aid to Yemen by half.  In a tory backlash, Jeremy C**t called it ”incredibly disappointing,” and Andrew Mitchell said it was “a strategic mistake with deadly consequences.”  UN Sec Gen Guterres declared the cut a “death sentence” for hungry children amidst possibly the worst humanitarian crisis ever.

The budget presentation ensued.  Rishi dished it out with an additional £65bn for Covid measures, £150m for a community fund (to help locals buy their local), extension of furlough as expected and characteristically complicated help for the self-employed.  The UC uplift would stay for 6 months and the living wage increase to £8.91.  Apprenticeship employer incentives rose to £3,000 and new re-start grants for businesses came in April.  The business rate holiday would end in June, then be discounted by 60% to the end of the fiscal year.  Similarly, the 5% VAT rate would stay until September and then be 12.5% for the next 6 months.  Stamp duty changes were extended and big lenders confirmed they’d offer loans under the mortgage guarantee scheme.

Commitment to green growth included a ‘green bond’ and investment in offshore wind.  Regional growth plans involved more funding for devolved administrations, an infrastructure bank in Leeds, a northern ‘economic campus’ (i.e., Treasury office), and port infrastructure in Teesside and Humberside.  8 freeports with favourable tax and duty rates would be created: East Midlands airport, Felixstowe & Harwich, The Humber (Goole), Liverpool, Plymouth Solent, Thames, and Teesside (Redcar).

Good to see money spent on the north for once, there was a definite ‘blue wall’ bias.  Leeds was dismissed as the location of the Treasury office in favour of Darlington (near to Rishi’s Richmond patch), freeports weren’t evenly spread and of the £1bn new ‘town deal’ areas, 40 out of 45 had tory MPs.  Only 3 of the constituencies covered voted remain in the Brexit referendum.

Other schemes to boost productivity and growth included a retail savings bond, management training, visa reforms to attract scientific and tech migrants, and free digital training and new software discounts for SMEs.  The ambition to be a ‘scientific super-power’ was ‘not hubristic, but realistic’, he claimed, as demonstrated by the success of vaccine roll-out.  Was the extra £1.6 bn to continue this and to ‘improve future preparedness’ part of the £65bn?  What was the rest for?

Counting The Cost

Cute Animal Collage

Reeling off the biggest borrowing figures since WW2, the chancellor warned they’d continue to be high before falling, and Interest rates may not stay low.  Thus he planned to achieve ‘sustainable public finances’ and not borrow to pay for everyday spending but invest in capital projects.  Anticipated tax rises took the form of a freeze on personal tax thresholds in 2022 and a hike in corporation tax to 25% in 2023.  There would be a smaller profits rate of 19% for SMEs, tapers above £50,000 and a business tax ‘super-deduction’ for re-investment, to boost jobs and economic recovery.

He didn’t mention a card swipe limit rise to £100, and while there was no tax hike on fuel, beer or baccy, air passenger duty for long-haul flights would increase.  More significantly, he failed to draw attention to a lack of extra money for schools or a cut in NHS and social care funding.  Responding that it wasn’t a budget for ordinary people, Labour cited an ‘astonishing’ £30.1bn cut in day-to day DOHSC spending ‘buried in the small print’.  Keir said it papered “over the cracks” rather than rebuilding the economy and Rishi totally ignored public sector workers while indulging in social media gimmicks at tax-payers’ expense.  Disregarding a waiting list backlog, Ministers countered they’d put tons of money in during the pandemic.  Boris justified a derisory 1% pay increase for NHS staff by saying most carers worked in the private sector and were covered by the increase in the living wage – splutter!

Head spinning with arithmetic, I got stuck into cleaning.  In spite of mental and physical exhaustion, I had a terrible night.  Unable to settle, I wanted to try a BBC Headroom soundtrack but required to sign in, I had no chance of remembering the password at 1.40 a.m.  I used the meditation soundtrack, and fell in and out of broken sleep.  Phil also struggled and dreamt he went in a rocket.  Thankfully, it wasn’t the evil Musk’s Space X Starship 10 which hilariously blew up on landing later in the week!

In other news, Sturgeon told Scots she’d consider accelerating exit from lockdown, but criteria for moving down the levels would tighten from late April.  Builder Taylor Wimpey pledged £125m to replace dangerous cladding and conduct fire safety work on properties constructed within the last 20 years, including blocks under 59ft tall excluded from the government fund

Achy again on Thursday, I performed morning exercise before turning to writing.  Attempting to solve the ‘blue sandstone’ mystery from the last walk, I researched geological maps but they all cost money – bloody geologists!  I set off to spend a small fortune on Phil’s favourite meaty treats from the butchers, and a bit less on a last-minute gift from the chemist.  He was upstairs on my return so I could hide purchases unseen.  Deciding it was enough presents, I wrapped them before attempting a siesta, to be disturbed by a noisy generator on the waste-ground leaving me tired and stressed.  Phil said: “You don’t have to do all that stuff for my birthday.” “I know, but I feel I should, to make up for not going anywhere.”  He tittered.

An ONS survey suggested 48% of over 80’s who’d had a jab broke lockdown rules by meeting someone outside of their family or bubble.  The MHRA were given permission to fast-track vaccine approval to deal with mutants.  As France, Belgium, Italy and Germany approved AZ for the over 65’s, a German doctor offered Phil a spare via social media.  “Beware of drugs dished out on Facebook!”  Biden said there was enough vaccine for all American adults to be injected by May, and Dolly Parton sang to the tune of Jolene while having hers (see above).

On QT, business minister Kwasi Kwarteng more or less said ‘ never mind the mistakes, we have the vaccines’ and justified the dearth of public sector pay rises by saying the private sector was badly hit by the pandemic.  It would have been even worse if the carers and key workers hadn’t stepped up, you wanker!   Entrepreneur Theo Paphitis called Tit ‘appalling’ and Labour’s Lisa Nandy exclaimed “not learnt the lessons” a lot.

Barmy Birthday Cake

Friday, I went a bit mad decorating the cake.  The cooking chocolate failed to melt properly.  I turned it into lumpy frosting and hid the mess with a melange of crystallized ginger, nut flakes, chocolate bits and candles.  I checked the proof from Valley Life, wrote ‘turning seasons’ for Cool Places and got the co-op’s freezer deal for a birthday eve carb-fest.  Printing the card later, I’d completely forgotten about the cute animal collage I made weeks ago.  Railing against the cost of ink, I was irked the colours didn’t reproduce well in print.  We spent the evening watching the highly anticipated Deutschland ’89 and films, drinking Mateus and toasting Phil’s birthday.

The P1 mystery person was found in Croydon, thankfully in quarantine.  Nads Doris did a round of interviews to defend the 1% NHS pay rise, insisting it was all they could afford.  Unions up in arms, the GMB called it “dismissive and insulting,” Unison were balloting members on industrial action, and the RCN set up a £35m strike fund.  Cyprus and Portugal planned to welcome UK vaccinated vacationers by 1st May, but we weren’t allowed to go until at least the 17th.  40 days after Nasty Patel announced it, fliers were mandated to complete a ‘declaration of travel’.  From Monday, a costly £2,000 fine would ensue for failure to produce the document.

Paying The Price

Along the Sustrans Path

On the big day, I assembled Phil’s birthday gifts and treats and cooked a fat meaty brunch before the unwrapping.  He seemed to like the random selection!  His sister rang him for a chat.  As a teacher in Hull, she had worked throughout in a school never less than 50% full even in total lockdown.  An indication of the demography of the workforce, unsurprisingly leading to a much higher infection rate than the UK average.

Turning back to pleasant distractions, we decided on a walk.  With few options open to us without breaking the law, it was either that or coffee-cupping.  Luckily, appearance of the sun coincided with the mid-afternoon outing to his favourite wood.  Crossing at the traffic lights, we gave a cheery wave to a mate walking her dog, navigated the busy park, and went along the Sustrans path.  Low river waters revealed detritus and mysterious posts sticking out of sandy banks.  On a green bridge, pixie cups sprouted on mossy walls.  Near the farm, robins hopped between garden shrubs.  A man gardening commented on the number of small birds thereabouts.  A lovely grassy lane took us down to the old quarry, where a couple of boys rode mountain bikes.  I prodded an old bottle filled with green growth.  Thinking it could have art potential, I safely used a spare carrier to place it in my rucksack.  We rested at a small waterfall and enjoyed the calm rumble of water underfoot until a cloud of midges emerged!  Continuing through the unpeopled wood, we were serenaded by flocks of finches and yet more robins on the final stretch onto roadway.  Taking steps down to the canal, the lock bridge was crowded, requiring some dodging. (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesiii).

The barmy-looking cake was scrummy.  While out, I received several comments on the photo I’d posted on Facebook.  Referring to the candles, one friend said ‘I see Phil is 6’  ‘Err, 7 actually!’  Barely hungry, we forced ourselves to order an Indian take-away for dinner.  The deliverer rang to say he couldn’t find the house.  I stood on the doorstep and waved at a figure prowling the street.  He’d been looking for a number that didn’t exist.  On approach, he wore a mask on his chin.  Why bother if you took if off your face when you got to the customer’s house?  Not having dealt with a plague era take-away before, I considered the logistics.  I lay all the containers out on the kitchen table, removed the lids then washed my hands for serving, later cleansing the table and containers to put leftovers in the fridge.  Apart from cold bhajis, it tasted great but I wondered if it was worth the money now I could cook a decent curry myself.   Phil said it was, for the variety.  He had seconds but I could hardly move after 1 plateful! We drank cava and watched a DVD movie double-bill.  My Way mad because it’s true, Doomsday because it isn’t.  The Neil Marshall offering from 2008 wrongly predicted how people would act in the midst of a pandemic, lockdown and Brexit but his fictional plague was far more interesting than the real one!

On a cold, grey Sunday, we stayed in.  Feeling whacked, I apologised for being boring but tried to stay upbeat.  Writing and telly-watching was punctuated by eating yummy leftovers.  Despite severe fatigue, I struggled to sleep, doubtless due to the weekend’s excesses.  Night-time brightness didn’t help.  I peeked through the curtains at shiny white clouds, then used the meditation soundtrack to fall into a fractious sleep.

Vaccinations reached 22k.  As part of the over 55 age group, we’d be next.  Susan Hopkins, PHE said the UK was in for a ‘hard winter’ with surges in flu and ‘other respiratory pathogens’ because lack of a recent flu season reduced immunity.  But wouldn’t that slow the spread and reduce the risk of mutations, as they argued for Covid?  NHS workers claimed a higher pay offer was already ‘baked in’, held demos and threatened court action.  Boris still insisted 1% was all the government could afford (but it could change when the offer was considered by the NHS Pay Review Body).  As Europe warned of legal action, Lord Frost wrote in The Torygraph to tell them to stop sulking over the UK’s unilateral decision to extend the ‘grace period’ until October.  Using the EU rule put in place 30th January*, France and Italy churlishly blocked AZ exports to Australia.  A record 2.9m Americans were inoculated on Saturday making a total of 90m.   The Pope spent the weekend in Iraq and held a poignant Sunday mass among the ruins of Mosul.

* Vaccine export transparency mechanism; subsequently extended to the end of June 2021.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. Valley Life Magazine: http://valleylifemagazine.co.uk/

iii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/