The Corvus Papers 4: Permacrisis

“(Permacrisis*) sums up quite succinctly how truly awful 2022 has been for so many people” (Alex Beecroft)

Highway To Hell

Woodland 1

Suffering a bad cold at the start of November, I’d forgot the practice nurse call.  She proffered more questions, a mammogram re-invite and directed me to the ‘Menopause Matters’ website before a follow-up call.  Unable to go for covid boosters, I re-booked but still snotty the next week and no more clinics available, was told to ring back when our colds had gone.  Phil shopped and cooked, having a trauma as the gas ring set fire to a baking sheet.  I’d just gone back to bed Thursday morning when the postie loudly knocked on the door, bearing a small parcel (1 of 2 items from Natures Best, the other came the next day – why on earth were they sent separately?)  I made a big effort to do chores, frustrated by not finding a washed tablecloth; buried in a basket.  Brighter following heavy overnight rain, I moved still sopping laundry into the sun, opened the window for fresh air and posted a Cool Places blogi.  After work, Phil rushed to the bathroom with a heavy sigh.  “What’s up?” “I served a customer with covid outside The Store.” “You might have covid.” “Yes, but he really did.”  Shivering, I noted moisture on windows even though I’d wiped them, conceded it was proper cold and put the heating on.  Watching QT, Phil asked: “What’s Patrick Bateman said?” He meant Psycho Chris Philp.  I hadn’t heard him leave Friday morning and dozed to traffic sounds; always noisier after October half-term.  A sizzling frosty start was obscured by more condensation!  Getting exhausted trying to clean, I returned to bed and battled brightness to use the laptop and browse Menopause Matters.  Confused by a variety of HRT, I dawdled to the co-op, enjoying every moment of sunshine and a smile from Scottish ex-neighbour on the way.  I scored the free trolley and saw The Widower.  Having dithered over wearing a face-mask in case of covid, I didn’t and guiltily kept my distance asking after his health, then got more uneasy as an old man in front of me at the till dropped his walking stick and politely declined my offer of help.  Knackered by the exertion, I took a cuppa to bed and edited my Christmas card.  The sun already behind the hill when Phil got back, a spooky ¾ moon rose prettily below a shiny Jupiter.  Saturday, I woke with remnants of an intricate dream in my head inspired by the fantasy film The Wanting Mare.  Slightly better, I retrieved winter clobber, donned a woolly jumper and sat in the chilly living room. 

As Musk realised he’d paid over the odds for loss-making Twitter, he requested $20 per celeb to keep their blue tick.  Stephen King tweeted Musk should be paying him, to which Musk replied, what about $8?  A wave of fake blue tick accounts including his, hilariously ensued.  Putting profit above people, he brutally sacked half his staff via 3.00 a.m. e-mails.  Paid up to February – not bad! – the human rights team the first to go.  A class action was brought.  Later in the month, staff told to sign up for high intensity long hours or leave, quit.  Musk shut the offices for a week. 1m tweeters closed or deactivated their accounts and Mastodon reported 70,000 new users.  Too confusing and unable to join the UK ‘instance’, I gave up doing likewise.  Photoshop failing to save the latest Christmas card edit, I started again, then it crashed, losing 2 days’ work!  Phil offered to help. “No! It’s secret!”  Making dinner, I jumped every time a firework went off outside. Phil tutted: “That’ll happen all night.” “Yes, but it still makes me jump.”  Muted colours in soft sunlight disappeared into the grey Sunday.  Waking early full of gunk, I gave up sleeping, struggled down and started the Christmas card from scratch until Phil returned with Tales From The Store.  Colleagues totally avoiding veggie food, one referred to chickpeas as dirt.  It reminded me of Walking Friend’s violent aversion to coriander when we discussed spicy recipes the other week.  A sore throat overnight extended into my nose and cheeks Monday.  I took echinacea and battled on.

More hospitalisations for flu, covid infections fell. Compass Pathways found psilocybin (aka magic mushrooms lifted depression in 1/3 of severe cases.  According to the downloadable bio ‘out of the blue’, Truss ate a pork pie with her favoured tipple the night before resigning – still no mention of Melton Mowbray’s demise!  The Cock entered the jungle, ostensibly to promote dyslexia awareness.  Called a skiver, embarrassing and disingenuous, incensed constituents weren’t mollified by a hotline to their MP.  The whip withdrawn, Bereaved Families’ Lobby Akinnola said the former health sec should focus on the covid inquiry, not ‘a shameless attempt to revamp his image.’  He ambled in to beg forgiveness of gaping contestants and predictably be first in line for bushtucker trials.  Those poor animals!  On Laura K., Ed Millipede said we hadn’t done enough since the last COP, Diane Johnson said the immigration system was a mess and Oliver Dowdy defended Swellen and agreed The Salesman’s expletive-laden texts to Wendy Morton were unacceptable, but excused them for being sent at a ‘difficult time’.  Jerk Berry informed Rishi about the texts the day before he made Gavin ‘Minister without Portfolio’.  Standards obviously only applying in good times, Morton referred him to the Independent Complaints & Grievance Scheme.  A 10 year old hack told Andrew Neil he was brought in as a fixer as he was good at ‘behind the scenes dark arts stuff’.  Transport minister Dick Holden evaded questions on scrapping Northern Poorhouse Rail, saying they had to cut their cloth.  As ‘furious as everyone else’ about illegal immigration, he parroted lame excuses for 12 years’ failure.

John Swinney made massive Scottish budget cuts and Morrisons were shutting 132 McColls stores.  Slow global growth led to tech job losses.  With competition from TikTok, Apple privacy changes and loss of investor confidence concerning decade-long Metaverse plans, Meta would lay off 13% of staff with the recruitment team hardest hit.  E-mails told us we could no longer revert to ‘classic’ Facebook and MS would charge for attachment storage – time to purge that in-box!  Octopus energy already paying customers to cut peak-time gas use, National Grid started a trial for smart meter customers.  BP profits £7bn July-Aug, Just Stop Oil threw orange paint at the Home Office, M15, BOE, and News Corp HQ: the ‘4 pillars that support and maintain the power of a fossil fuel economy – government, security, finance and media’.  Trussed-Up having ruined the UK’s reputation and taking longer to regain it, the worst recession for a century was likely to last into 2023.  BOE hiked interest to 3%, the most since 1987.  Former gov Mark Carney said sterling’s fall and a shrinking economy after Brexit added to ‘inflationary pressure’.  Rees-Moggy railed: “To blame…Brexit Is bizarre and only an ultra Remainiac would make such a bogus argument.”  No, Moggy, you’re the maniac!  Rishi promised a new budget would reveal him as Santa, not scrooge. Yeah, for the rich!  On QT, Lord Stuart Rose thought it too late to avoid a long recession.  Predicting the new budget would dish out pain, economist Zanny Minton-Bedoes called discounting tax rises and scrapping of the triple-lock mad; everything should be on the table.  60% of the public with a £60 monthly deficit, and 20% with no savings or resilience after 12 years of tory rule, Peter Kyle said it’d be long and painful.  The Psycho prated about the wealthiest 1% paying 28% of all tax, thresholds and the minimum wage going up.  The audience threw out questions on hungry kids, windfall taxes and the futility of raising interest so we wouldn’t buy stuff that we had no money for anyway.  55% of consumers using credit for Christmas tat, 20% for the first time, 2/5 taking out loans to pay off HP seemed like a bad idea!  More talks agreed, rail strikes due early November were called off too late for normal service to resume Saturday or even the next week.  With a new offer, the Hull Stagecoach strike was suspended.  Scrapping Boris’ daft royal yacht project, Ben Wally said they’d build the MROSS defence ship instead.

Highway To Hell

In his first interview since resigning, The Bumbler told Sky Vlad would be mad to use nuclear weapons.  Attending COP27, Rishi decided to go, allegedly because they’d made good progress on their budget.  Not going to Egypt, Kingy held an audience at Buck House.  Storm Claudio brought yellow wind and rain from France and flooding round London.

As South East commuters also contended with protestors on M25 gantries, Rishi and Boris arrived in sunny Sharm, the latter with a bevy of teenage girls – did they write his policy?  Guterres warned conference action on the ‘defining issue of our times’ was woeful, the clock was ticking and we were on “the last stages of the highway to climate hell, with our foot still on the accelerator.”  Activists in Rome showered Van Gogh’s The Sower with pea soup.

Migrants bussed out of Manston described inhuman conditions as some were left at Victoria Coach Station coatless and shod in flip-flops.  A kid threw a letter over the fence addressed to journalists. Children’s commissioner Rachel de Souza asked Swellen how many unaccompanied children were in the camp and how were they treated?  A ‘deeply concerned’ Diane Johnson (home affairs cttee chair) and 14 council heads wrote to Swellen complaining of its use as an ‘easy fix for a national strategic issue’.  Tensions mounting, protestors brandished placards reading ‘Suella’s shame’ and a right-wing backlash threatened.  Albanian MP Edi Rama tweeted it was ‘easy rhetoric’ blaming them and on Newsnight, accused the UK of scapegoating, while Rachel Maclean cited ‘unintended consequences’ of the Modern Slavery Act for more boat crossings – err, most victims were British!  Ignoring a power outage at Harmondsworth immigrant removal centre where detainees with ‘various weaponry’ ‘rioting’ in the courtyard, met riot police, the BBC alleged Kurdish criminal gangs controlled French camps and paid Albanians to channel-cross to work in the ‘drugs trade’.  UK pay 10 times higher, they left their home towns empty.  What clap-trap – drug dealers weren’t on regular wages!  Minister Graham Stuart admitted Swellen used ‘unfortunate language’.  Spotting his nephew on Metro’s front cover, Albanian Arben Halili, travelled from Oxford, tried to get into Manston and blocked a coach leaving the site.  Landing in a chinook Thursday, Swellen was booed and journos were banned.  Legal action was brought by Detention Action and a woman ‘from outside Europe’ allegedly left at Manston in ‘egregiously defective conditions’ for 3 weeks until allowed to stay with family in the UK.

At PMQs, Rishi was asked what Swellen had to do to resign and who broke the asylum system?  Always shifting blame, it could only be the tories after 12 years’ power.  Rishi told Keir they were getting a grip but he’d voted against the bill and couldn’t attack a plan and not have one himself.  Keir leered, let’s look at that plan: Manston nor Rwanda were working.  He’d prosecuted people-traffickers, they couldn’t even process migrants.  It was time to scrap gimmicks, get a proper home sec, and get a grip.  Rishi wittered about Keir supporting national security risk Corbyn.  Blackford harped on about the triple-lock and political choices hitting the poorest hardest – why not take the easy decisions, raise windfall taxes, scrap non-doms, and help the vulnerable?  Rishi insisted they supported oil companies to invest.  Furious at money spent on housing illegals, a backbencher wondered when it’d be sorted out.  Rishi parroted ‘we will defend our borders’.  Alba asked if Scotland was a territorial British colony; the argument rumbled on all month.

After Baroness Casey called her report ‘a line in the sand’ and Mark Rowley said it was clear hundreds of Met officers should be sacked, HMICFRS** published findings of sexism and misogyny in several police forces.  Inadequate vetting made it too easy for the wrong people to join.  Rowley later complained he couldn’t get rid of cops not trusted to speak to the public.  Fireworks were thrown at police vans in Leeds and a 17 year old Halifax lad being chased by cops, crashed into a greenhouse and died.  Rallying for early elections, ex Pakistan PM Imran Khan was shot in the leg.  An alleged assassination attempt, further demos followed.

In a major shake-up, The Arts Council shifted £50m from London to the provinces.  ENO funding cut, a restructuring grant helped them relocate to Manchester and Blackpool illuminations got money for the first time – those Red Indians did need replacing!  As non-Americans googled it to do a wordle, Cambridge dictionary named ‘homer’ word of the year.  ‘Permacrisis’ topped Collins’ list which also included ‘sportswashing’, ‘warm bank’, ‘partygate’, ‘vibe shift’, ‘lawfare’, ‘quiet quitting’, ‘Carolean’ and ‘splooting’.

Nasty Business

The Grand

Woken prematurely by Phil Tuesday 8th, I grumbled, dozed, exercised, cleaned and began an Ocado order when the nurse rang an hour early.  I griped of complex info on Menopause Matters, and more generally, of having to do it all yourself these days.  After clarifying some points. we agreed on low-dose HRT patches, ready to collect next week.  Phil hoped I didn’t go loopy like Carole Gammone.  “It’s meant to improve your mood; I bet she’s on a high dosage from a dodgy source.”  Early Wednesday, I realised the bathroom light was left on overnight, switched it off, then Phil fumbled to the loo, turning it back on.  Forecasters repeated it was mild for the time of year but omitted to mention rain.  Together with a heavy head and tummy ache, it mitigated against an outing.  Phil popped to the shop just in time for a sharp shower.  Thursday even wetter, I felt cold.  Exhausted from vacuuming when Ocado came, I wryly observed I’d fallen into the trap of buying tiny packs again (I thought the juice trio was cheap!)  I shelved a trip to the market and booked a BG service – amazingly lots of slots available, for next Monday.  Receiving a letter from the dole saying I qualified for an extra warm homes grant and still diddled out of the full energy rebate, I went round in circles trying to fathom the new Evolve site.  Newsnight had featured Evolv’s crap AI weapons detection – was it the same thing?  Phil had a funny do with his right eye at work; annoying just as his left one improved. “Do you need an ambulance?” “No; I’ll ring doctors if it gets worse.” “It already is.” “I mean if there are signs of a detached retina.”  The Store had finally recruited an assistant manager, meaning a 3-day week – in the short-term.  December rosters unset, he was unsure of Christmas shifts, pondered taking leave, but there was no need.  Untangling last month’s Westminster shit-show for the journal, I got head fug and turned the laptop off for a 3rd update in 2 days.  Struggling to sleep, I enjoyed hooting owls; much nicer than squawking geese Friday morning.  Going to the co-op, a cat scuttling in the undergrowth on the steps startled me.  I revelled in mild, fresh air scented by late-blooming Japanese Jasmine until assailed by traffic fumes on the main road.  Several items missing from shelves, I asked My Mate could I pay at the kiosk.  He advised using the conveyors but asked if I wanted baccy. “Just filters.” “I’m disappointed.” “I got baccy already and meant to buy filters on the market, but the weather was too horrid and I wasn’t up to it after a bad cold. I’ve been nowhere but here for 2 weeks – so depressing!”  He sympathised and hoped I’d soon be better.  Phil got home to relate previous occupations of store co-workers, including an ex-binman who weirdly started early Thursdays for unpaid work, 2 pub landlords and a video shop owner.  “It’s a shit business! Any failed artists?” “I’m not failed.” “It’s a joke! After all, you did sell a print.”

Lenny Henry promoted his new kid’s book on BBC Breakfast Saturday.  Asked what advice he’d give aspiring authors, he said if there’s an unwritten book, write it, send it to your favourite publisher, you’re never too old and keep going.  I should get back to my novel!  Desperate for a walk, we headed through the busy town and through woodlands, buying eggs from a farm in-between.  An official egg shortage explained a dearth of them in the shops.  Allegedly due to bird flu, supermarkets refused to pay more so farmers chucked them away.  I said wasting food in straitened times should be a crime.  “What are they meant to do?” “Give them to food banks, take them to market…“ “Some do, hence the honesty box.”i.  As Lidl and Asda rationed eggs, BRC said there were plenty.  Phil disturbed my recovery with news of a historic Bradford pub office conversion and Nik Turner dying. “Shit! No more Space Ritual! But I bet the other half of Hawkwind are cheering ‘we got all the money’!”  The world hidden behind a nasty fog and condensation combo Sunday, I wiped the dripping windows and researched DIY dehumidifiers. “What about Do Not Eat?” “You’d need tons of it.”  Groggy and achy, I amended the Christmas card while Phil went to work.  Monday, the fog didn’t lift.  Conscious of the BG service, I sprung out of bed and chivvied Phil to help clear passageways.  New to BG, the engineer arrived with a mentoring colleague.  After 1½ hours poking, they said it did well for an old boiler, advised getting a new carbon monoxide detector and pointlessly adjusting an external pipe – any overflow would go straight down the drain.  Getting colder, I changed the boiler settings but having no heat or hot water, thought I’d messed it up.  Nope: the stupid men had turned the main switch off!

Covid infections rose in Australia.  800 on the Majestic Princess tested positive.  Cases mild or asymptomatic, the cruise ship docked in Sydney while isolated passengers made private travel arrangements.

Tuesday, it emerged The Salesman told a civil servant to ‘slit your throat’.  As a Downing Street informal inquiry into the nasty business began, he was gone by evening.  Already sacked twice from ministerial posts, this time he jumped before pushed.  Laying into Rishi’s ‘poor judgement and weak leadership’, Rayner said it was clear he was ‘strapped by the grubby backroom deals he made to dodge a vote’.  Wednesday, Gill Keegan said he had great judgement.  At PMQs, Keir asked how bullying victims would feel about the PM’s ‘great sadness’ at losing The Salesman?  Rishi insisted he didn’t know specifics and Gavin was right to go.  Keir persisted; Rishi normalised bullying by giving Gavin a job and he wouldn’t have got away with it if a weak boss hadn’t handed him power.  Did he regret the appointment?  Rishi replied ’of course’ he regretted appointing someone who resigned ‘in these circumstances’, adding integrity characterised his government, hence a rigorous process, but also important to deliver for the whole country, he listed his daft priorities.  Keir mocked, he couldn’t stand up to a run-of-the mill bully, so he couldn’t stand up to anyone, like Shell, who paid no windfall tax.  Rishi itemised Keir’s nay votes, to which Keir said he was against all chaos-creators including those on government benches.  On QT, Caroline Green said nurses struck for a better NHS, thus for us all.  Steph Flanders added, still experiencing the covid emergency, we must understand their long-term needs.  Questioned on the Cock’s bug-eating antics, Emily Thornberry said complacency led tories to think they deserved to rule.  Although not self-serving like them and entering public life to make the world a better place, all MPs were tarred with the same brush.  Held to account by Ant & Dec instead of the public, evading the covid inquiry and no ethics adviser, Mark Harper promised one soon but admitted they should consider how their conduct looked.  Asked if COP was realistic when big emitters weren’t there (i.e., India and China; while gas companies lobbied to be considered green!) Caroline said it was the only game in town and Steph didn’t want to give into fatalism.

Concluding the Grenfell inquiry, KCs highlighted startling government ignorance, incompetence and disregard for social housing tenants.  Arconic, Studio E., Exova, Centrex, Kingspan, Kensington Council (failing to inspect door closers), the Levelling Up sec and London mayor making up a rogues gallery, Richard Millett attacked the merry-go-round of buck-passing.  Uncleverly called the Aussie trade deal rubbish.  Truss-Up obviously the latest scapegoat, he had a point – where were our tim-tams?  Also blaming Truss, Kwasi Modo told Talk Radio he warned her she moved at breakneck speed.  So much for being in ‘lockstep’!  Amazon planned to sack 10,000, including Alexa staff  and Tim Martin was shutting 7 more Wetherspoons.  Phil and Julie Fox vowed to visit doomed pubs to add to the 295 they’d already patronised including their Halifax local, The Percy Shaw.  Fellow Brexiteer Next boss Simon Wolfson said it wasn’t the Brexit he wanted.  Tough shit, mister! (see Brexit Islandii).  Doing well under lockdown, Made.com struggled with supply issues and went bust.  Next bought the brand but not stock leaving customers with unfulfilled orders and no refunds.  Next also later teamed up with founder Tom Joules to rescue the colourful clothes brand.

Calling Blighty

Evil energy companies remotely switched 60,000 to pre-payment without notice.  Unaware customers failing to top-up could be disconnection by default – another reason not to have a smart meter! 

1.3m using food banks, The Trussell Trust launched their first emergency appeal.  A ‘sticking plaster’, they urged government to budget for long-term measures.  GDP down 0.2% July-Sept., The C**t harped on about global factors and admitted there’d be a slump, which could be short and shallow if interest stayed low.  Refusing to be drawn by Laura K. on its contents, he promised us all pain with his ‘horrible decisions’.  Swerving questions on Brexit, an FT economist called it the elephant in the room.  Simon Sharma cited rotting cabbages and NHS staff shortages.  As they segued into the Remembrance Sunday lark, a Lord Army Major said ceremonies took place in towns and cities around the globe.  Port Stanley was hardly an empire!  Steve Hawley unearthed ‘Calling Blighty’.  The wartime messages from soldiers to families back home, were screened to descendants in Penis Town’s quaint cinema.  Doc film ‘A Bunch of Amateurs’ premiered at Pictureville to rave reviews.  Why’d we not heard of Bradford Movie Makers, established 1932, when we lived in The City?

The UK-wide RCN ballot closed.  The vote not unanimous, nurses in half of English trusts, all in Scotland and NI and all but 7 in Wales, would strike December, not affecting emergency services.  Laughingly preparing ‘contingencies’, Steve Barclay said his door was always open for talks.  That was the first they’d heard!  Gill Keegan helpfully claimed nurses only used foodbanks if they had a broken relationship or boiler.  100,000 PCS Civil servants voting to strike, according to the TUC, 1.5m public sector workers considered doing likewise.  M25 protests into a third day, a lorry crashing into a rolling roadblock hurt a cop.  On the fourth day, London commuters also contended with no tubes and bus queues.  TFL advised travel outside peak times, incredibly starting at 5.45 a.m. (was that all the Deliveroo?) and issued a walking tube map, saying stations were only 10 mins apart; 2 mins in central London, more like.  Just Stop Oil ended the protest Friday.  Amidst reports of buffet shortages, Uncle Joe told COP27 delegates the “science is devastatingly clear – we have to make progress by the end of this decade.”  They agreed a deal to fund climate change damage but not to cut emissions or fossils fuels.  Martin Kaiser, Greenpeace Germany, called it a ‘sticking plaster on a huge, gaping wound’.  Canberra activists threw blue paint at ‘symbol of capitalism‘, Warhol’s Campbell’s soup cans.  Talk about missing the point!  Rishi went to Bali for the G20.  Fearing assassination for weakness, Vlad sent Sergei Lavrov.  Vlod pointedly addressed the G19, China criticised the weaponization of food and fuel, and the Cambodian leader tested positive for covid.  Meanwhile, Top CIA man Bill Burns met his Russian counterpart Sergei Naryshkin in Ankara, to discuss Yanks held in detention and convey ‘a message on the consequences of the use of nuclear weapons’.

Swellen gave France £8m extra a year for more beach patrols and UK immigration officers in their control rooms.  Nitwit Elphicke carped it fell short of what was needed.  Admitting it wouldn’t solve the crisis of 40,000 channel crossings, Swellen said it was part of a multi-dimensional approach.  Albanian migrants held a demo Sunday, demanding the nasty bitch resign.  After Uncleverly told LGBTQ fans to respect Qatari laws at the World Cup, as a ‘massive gay’, Luke Pollard urged he apologise.  An official ambassador then said homosexuality damaged the mind.  Reports of safehouses being set up, disgraced ex-FIFA boss Sepp Blatter was more concerned Qatar was too tiny to host the competition than human rights or migrant construction worker deaths.  Russian troops withdrew from Kherson, destroying comms on the way out of the only regional capital they’d captured during the war.  Republicans not faring as expected in US midterms, The Trump said if they did well, it was down to him but if not, it was everyone else’s fault and blamed Melania for advising him to back a loser.  This didn’t deter a ‘big announcement’ that he’d re-run for president.

Kingy and Camilla’s cut-price coronation would take place 6th May 2023, with a third May bank holiday Monday 8th.  On a 2-day Yorkshire tour, they visited Bradford, Leeds, Doncaster and York, where a man shouted this country was built on slavery and chucked eggs at them.  On his 74th birthday, Kingy leant on an oak tree for dumb selfies.  Nobody knew if he’d continue the tradition of an official summer birthday.  Tuesday, 3 British actors (Tom Owen, Bill Treacher and Leslie Philips) died, as did swingometer inventor David Butler.  Paying tribute, Michael Crick said: “For decades (he) was the foremost psephologist in Britain and around the world.”  Premier Inn was voted best chain hotel and tatty with a ‘rough and ready feel’,  Britannia the worst.  Simon Calder rightly argued you could stay in ace places like Scarborough’s Grand.

Unhinged

Woodland 2

The bedroom telly came on at 6 a.m. Tuesday 15th.  Jolted awake by the Milkshake theme, I could never find the auto-alarm feature to switch it off but tuned to BBC, it was less raucous when it happened again the next week.  Phil learnt on google his hot flush could be down to lifestyle changes. “Doing a work! Your body’s in overdrive trying to make testosterone. Maybe you need HRT too. I’ll ask when I get mine.”  I forgot, but bought a few essentials in the chemist, later realising I’d got conditioner instead of shampoo again and spotted hair clippers on an-aisle end.  Later in the week, Phil successfully exchanged the hair gunk and bought clippers with myriad attachments.  I went home to tut at mill redevelopers messing about on a trial trike – were they unhinged? – and read the HRT leaflet to fret over side-effects.  Phil subsequently persuaded me to try it.  He agreed opening a window to dispel moisture in Wednesday sunshine was a good idea until the temperature dropped.  Cleaning the landing, the tripod stand fell apart.  Swearing loudly, I left it in bits and asked Phil if he’d  heard me. “Yes; what was it?” “Guess. I think there’s a screw missing.” “I think a screw is missing.” “I just said that!”  We discussed a cut-price Christmas and going to Lidl for German treats. “And lobsters,” he offered. “I’m not buying them. Too much faff and we don’t know your shifts. I’m cooking nowt that takes half a day to prepare.”

Due to intimidation and throwing tomatoes at them, civil servants avoided working with Rabid Raab in his previous cabinet roles.  Facing two formal bullying complaints, he wrote to Rishi requesting an independent inquiry, then faced Rayner.  PMQs covered by a new ‘talking politics’ segment on channel 5, we listened to host Storm trying to be serious and an unhinged Carole Gammone saying such claims were normal in a working environment (in her nasty world!) then tuned to BBC for actual debate.  Clive Betts asked if the PM (hobnobbing in Bali) should allow Raab to serve to which he parroted he’d comply fully.  Rayner not on top form, asked a question worthy of a toady then followed up with: the G20 supposedly addressing global economics, why did the government drag its feet on taxing massive profits?  He spouted the usual codswallop on lower tax gaps and stricter non-dom regs.  She retorted the truth was, working people paid the price for tory choices.  Where was the UK in the list of the 38 growth countries?  As Raab kept schtum, she told him: 38th; thanks to wrong people making wrong choices.  No ethics, no integrity and no mandate, when would a new ethics adviser drain the swamp?  Raab refuted all bullying claims including flying tomatoes and said the ’mud-slinging’ was because labour didn’t have a plan.  Rees-Moggy chimed in that labour’s bullying record was second to none.  On Daily Politics, Bridget Philipson complained Raab ignored labour’s plans  for growth and to help with inflation and suppressed wages.

A rogue missile hit Poland, killing 2.  Vlod blamed Vlad.  In urgent G20 talks, Biden gave Duda’s investigation his ‘full support’ but rather than coming from Russia, was likely shot down by a Soviet-era S300; part of Ukrainian air defences.  No indication it was deliberate, paying for a top-up at the co-op kiosk, I overheard a colleague telling someone that was how WW2 started  “Let’s not get carried away; it was an accident.” I told My Mate. “On a lighter note, have a good day.” “See you in the bomb shelter.” “Eff off! Pardon my French.”  Head fuggy writing, I picked up the guitar for the first time in months.  Barely able to remember simple chords, they gradually came back to me.  Phil returned with Pueblo baccy – worthy, organic, made by native Americans, bought by woke hippies, and now, him.

Still raining after overnight rain Thursday, I guessed a swollen river would cause consternation.  As did The C**t’s budget.  Glossing over council tax hikes, he focussed on frozen income tax thresholds costing earners more over time, less help with energy bills from April, windfall tax rising to 35% and extended to 2028, slower public spending rises but more for health, social care and education for the next 2 years (excluding early years, 6th form and HE), a 10.1% rise in benefits rise and the national living wage to £12.42 from April, and some guff on wind turbines and broadband.  Reeves whinged in the ‘Bobby Ewing strategy’ of denying past chaos, ‘old cast members returned as if nothing had happened and it was time the series was cancelled’.  Sturgeon griped that austerity had returned.  Energy help well short of what was needed, the End Fuel Poverty Coalition predicted 7m still in fuel poverty would be joined by an extra 1.6m.  Simon Francis said: “we are already seeing the horrific impact of living in cold damp homes and children…Without the financial support…this winter…the NHS will be overwhelmed and millions will suffer.”  Interviewed by Chris Mason, The C**t denied ducking difficult decisions until after the next election.  He faced them in a ‘balanced way’, given an upcoming 2 years of recession, but there was a plan and there was hope to ‘get us back to normality’.  He’d obviously listened to the BOE who said we’d start ‘getting back to normal’ after the winter gas crisis.  Phil laughed at the persistent misguided belief: “Everyone, the IMF etc., say things will never return to normal.”  Friday, I discovered a strike by Jacob’s workers.  Phil reckoned loads of industrial action wasn’t reported by ‘Pravda’ (aka the BBC).  Hunting for Christmas treats in the co-op, random stock occupied the diminished cracker shelf.  Amid a tinned peach shortage (nowt to do with Brexit!) I regretted eating one last month, and opted for retro fruit cocktail.  Phil rang at the end of his shift.  Dank as the sun dipped behind the hill, I eschewed the pub.  His latest ‘how shops work’ tutorial entailed the air con system clarting shelves in dust. “You can tell as soon as you walk in if it’s a decent shop or not. “Like the awful Sainsbury’s in the next village?” “Yep. And their new co-op will be Asda soon as they sold them with the forecourts.”  Store people from Preston brought new snacks.  He bought cheese savouries. “What else did they bring?” “Loads of sweets and salt n vinegar savouries. I pulled a face: “Ooh no!” “You sound like a granny.” “I am 60 you know!” “Join the gammon grannies, saying everything’s disgusting!” “If I do get like that, shoot me.” “I will!” A slight hangover Saturday, I slept in shockingly late (like the old days), posted a blog and considered the Omaze house prize draw.  Too pricey, I decided Marbella was full of gangsters anyway and edited the Christmas card while Phil cut his hair.  Struggling to settle with a whirring mind at bedtime, I finally dropped off to be roused by him coughing at 3.45.  Exhausted and tearful, I blocked out bright light and eventually got a few hours.  Despite insomnia and low mood, I gave up lying-in Sunday and found a tumbler stained yellow from Phil drinking turmeric. I complained it hadn’t stopped his cough.  About to go for a wander, he was asked to do an extra shift.  I whinged of short notice but he countered it was more money with no lifting, and the weather wasn’t great.  To be fair, it rained soon after.  I went for knobbly market veg and browsed charity shops, getting myself a handbag and him chinos for work (perfect except unhemmed, they needed altering) then nipped in the co-op to wait at the till as a woman filled her bag with luxury items like avocado and prawns.  I finished the Christmas card before Phil got home.  Entering and exiting the living room several times, he stood peering at the wall calendar.  The shifts I’d scribbled on not tallying with the office chart, he decided he was on a late Monday and looked forward to a lie-in.  Aware of movement at 7.00 a.m., I rose to find a note saying he was on an early after all.  Putting my first HRT patch on, I immediately had a hot flush.  Probably not weird, I got on with writing and chores.  Shivering all day even in extra layers, when Phil got in, I battened down the hatches and put the heating on.  Well, it was 4 degrees out.  Work on the journal was interrupted by Tales from The Store.  The new assistant manager blobbed twice, then left.  Giving some hogwash about the work causing anxiety, they suspected she had 2 jobs.  Possibly unhinged, I wondered if they checked references.  Phil said hardly anyone did now.  “How Stupid!” “Penny wise, pound foolish, that’s today’s capitalists.” “Tell your boss I’ve got a background in personnel and am available for a reasonable consultancy fee!” Back to 4-day weeks, Phil got crumpets with jam as a sop.  He asked was I watching the World Cup. “I’m boycotting it.” “I’m not boycotting England games.” “They gave into the armband lark, and those rich pundits complaining of human rights abuses, still taking millions to be there. It’s awful!” “How do you know all that if you’re not watching it?” “From the news. I’m keeping up with the antics. I might change my mind if England reach the final.”  I actually caved in before then, which was just as well.

Protesting David Beckham’s £10m ambassador deal, Joe Lycett shredded £10,000 in fake notes.  2 days before Kick-off, Qatar banned venue alcohol sales.  Bud tweeted, ‘this is awkward’.  At the last minute, FIFA forbid captains to wear ‘one love’ armbands, threatening yellow cards and fines.  Home nation fans left at half-time during the first match but official attendance figures exceeded stadium capacity.  In support of protestors, Iranian players refused to sing their national anthem.  England beat them 6-2, the highest score ever for an opening game.  Thousands were locked out due to a FIFA app malfunction.  Rainbow bucket hats were taken off Welsh fans and a reporter clad in a rainbow tee was denied entry.  FIFA said confiscation of clothing would end Thursday.

Get Out!

New drug Teplizumab could delay the onset of type 1 diabetes for 3 years and lead to better treatments.  As a banner flew over the jungle reading: ‘Covid bereaved say get out of here’, crocodile tears had the desired effect and people stopped voting for The Cock to do bushtucker trials.  The QT audience wondered if we’d survive 2 years’ austerity.  Thicky Atkins disingenuously claimed the effects of Trussonomics had flushed through the system, according to the OBR.

Queried on when they’d re-join the single market and tax the likes of Amazon who’d made a mint during covid, Thicky denied Brexit was to blame, said we should look forward and all countries had the same pressures.  Ian Blackford reckoned taxing big companies could raise £11 bn; it was a political choice to make the poor pay.  At the CBI conference in Brum, Tony Danker wanted ‘part 2’ of the budget statement, to encourage investment in UK and spark growth.  Rishi said ‘wait and see’.  He also quashed rumours of a ‘Swiss style’ EU deal, saying Brexit was delivering for the country.  His unhinged speech slayed me: “I voted for Brexit, I believe in Brexit…already delivering enormous benefits and opportunities for the country – migration being an immediate one…proper control of our borders…(we can)…have a conversation with the country about the type of migration that we want and need…We weren’t able to do that inside the European Union…” (Yep, that’s going well!) “When it comes to trade…we can open up our country to the world’s fastest-growing markets…I’ve just got back from the G20…talking about signing CPTPP…(becoming) part of that trading bloc, that’s a fantastic opportunity…” (See ‘Brexit island’ii).  Guardianistas incensed that Keir wouldn’t reverse Brexit either, the next day, he told business leaders the UK must end dependency on cheap immigrant labour and train our own.

Average pay rises of 5.7% (6.6% for the private sector and 2.2% for the public), didn’t keep pace with the highest inflation for 40 years.  11.1% in October, 11.9% for those on low incomes and 16.2% for food, we couldn’t avoid staples like milk and eggs but we could shun extortionate Heinz ketchup.  Hull suffered higher inflation and excess deaths – due to draughtier homes, lower wages, or lower prices to start with?  In first-ever talks with the RCN, The health sec swerved pay talk in favour of body-cams and care funding.  Pat Cullen retorted: “By refusing my requests for negotiations, Steve Barclay is directly responsible for the strike action this month…Nursing staff don’t want to be outside their hospitals, they want to be inside – feeling respected and able to provide safe care to patients.”  Heathrow baggage handlers struck and PO workers announced 10 days’ further action Nov-Dec, including Black Friday and Christmas Eve.  Half-year losses £219m, Royal Mail asked government if they could stop Saturday letter deliveries, as the public were indifferent (we couldn’t afford the stamps!) and concentrate on packages; maybe planning to capitalise on Evri (formerly Hermes), again voted worst parcel service.  A coroner concluded toddler Awaab Ishaq died from an untreated severe respiratory condition caused by prolonged exposure to mould in his home.  The family accused Rochdale Boroughwide Housing of racism.  CE Gareth Swarbrick resigned, Gove withdrew funding (how did that help?) and a week later, said sorry to tenants still living with fungi.  Greenpeace projected a video highlighting fuel poverty onto Rishi’s North Yorks Georgian mansion.  Heavy rain brought mayhem to southern villages and roads, Aberdeenshire flooding swept someone into the River Don and Russian shelling left half of Kyiv without power.  Finding evidence of explosives near Nord Stream 1 & 2, Swedish prosecutors called September’s leaks ‘gross sabotage’.  A major gas supplier to the UK and EU, Norway stepped up surveillance.  A 5.6 shallow earthquake along Indonesia’s ring of fire felled houses, blocked roads and killed at least 162.  Hundreds of injured were treated amid aftershocks in Java.  Artemis 1 finally took off to take a moonikin to the moon.  Both Brian Cox’s on BBC breakfast, the actor promoted his new show on how the other half lived and the physicist touted his new book.  Building on Stephen Hawking’s work, it was an idiot’s guide to black holes – The universe for dummies!

Broken Britain

Broken Britain

Tuesday lunchtime, I proffered Phil a spare finger roll.  Mishearing me, he asked was it a fancy foreign thing like Remainers bought in The Store? “Yes, fingerorle authentico!”  Falling asleep faster at night, I actually dropped off for 5 mins during a siesta – was it the hormones?  As we waited at the sunny bus stop Wednesday, the geese squawked and waddled off the church lawn in unison.  Phil laughed at their peculiar communication and related an anecdote of one flying down to the river and unable to fly back up, getting stuck.  A quick ride to the next town, all-day brekkies at the market café ate into the time as they were short-staffed and Phil ordered the biggest, which took ages to cook.  Disappointingly no thermal socks in Age UK, Phil found a book and DVD.  Paying for them to hide for yule, I spotted a tin of smelly miniatures for myself.  The discount store and the German supermarket provided the best seasonal goody mission for 3 years.  Pleased with our haul, we headed for the bus, letting a polite schoolboy on first.  The fast journey back juddery, we thought a spring was broke or, as Phil sang: “the wheels on the bus are  not  round!”

Brexit putting investors off, OECD forecast the UK as the worst-performing country in the G20 2023 and possibly 2024.  Rishi told cabinet we faced ‘a challenging winter’ of strikes, high costs and NHS backlogs.  Labour said he took ‘people for fools’ blaming winter and not a ‘decade of tory mismanagement’ for the challenges.  Watching PMQs on iPlayer, Keir failed to mention this, declared ‘shame on FIFA’ and asked why we had the lowest growth? Rishi insisted it was the highest since 2010 and the fastest this year, and selected 3 ‘important points’ from the OECD report: growth, international challenges, and support for his fiscal plan, then bragged about putting more into the NHS.  An unconvinced Keir railed total denial wouldn’t wash and due to 12 years’ inaction, weeks of chaos and Rishi’s changes, ordinary people had £1400 tax hikes.  Ducking queries on how much super- wealthy non-doms were expected to pay, Rishi said labour had years to sort it out, and while they peddled fairy tales and gesture politics, tories protected pensioners.  As the Guardian alleged Rishi registered with a private GP, Keir dug in; he’d scrap non-doms to fund doctors so they wouldn’t have to go private.  Rishi didn’t gainsay the claim until January 2023.  The Supreme Court ruling Scotland couldn’t hold an indy ref without Westminster consent, Ian Blackford maintained with a mandate to deliver a referendum, democracy couldn’t be denied and urged Rishi be honest and admit the idea of the UK union as voluntary, was dead and buried.  Now the time to stick together, Rishi respected the court’s decision.  Blackford countered, he couldn’t claim to respect the rule of law and deny democracy.  Quite! Was Scotland a colony?  Would they go to the European court?  Olivia Blake asked why an investigation into lives lost in The Channel took so long, adding it wouldn’t have happened if there were safe, legal routes.  Rishi inanely said every life lost was a tragedy which was why Swellen was tackling illegal migration (splutter!)

Woken early Thursday by machinery and Phil, I changed the HRT patch, got a hot flush, burps and nausea.  After ridding windows of ice-like moisture, I tried expunging mould caused by bathroom condensation with mixed results.  Shaking rugs out, a soft toy flew out the window.  Luckily, it was retrievable from behind the shed-house.  On QT, Andy Bunman advocated local control of skills and a personal approach to getting the inactive back to work.  Saying work must pay, Ben Habib (aka Asian Farage) blamed dependency culture and defended Truss as having the right idea on growth but was ‘defenestrated’ by The Treasury and BOE.  Citing the Avanti debacle, Bunman said performance had fallen off a cliff and agreed with Rapper Darren McGarvey who likened denouncing the RMT for destroying Christmas to spin on Scargill – it was a tory tactic to always blame workers.  The Scottish government allegedly considering making the rich to pay for NHS treatment, Bunman sought properly integrated health & social care and workforce plans to stop agency use and pay staff more.  Transport minister Richard Holden backed Rishi going private as he paid tax and could opt back into the NHS – that wasn’t the point!  Despite the chair of ACOBA Lord Pickles finding The Cock’s jungle jaunt broke regs (but disciplinary action ‘disproportionate’), they all thought his normality bid had won the public over – Bunman said The Cock wasn’t a bad guy but tories always put themselves first.

Going to the co-op Friday, I swapped updates on a neighbour’s community carers’ job with Phil’s work, over-sharing shop gossip.  Using a discount coupon from a leaflet posted through the door, I panicked at the till as a woman breathed down my neck.  After extensive research, Phil found the ideal freezer.  The search not working on my browser, he sent me a link, then it wouldn’t log me in.  Eventually buying the thing, my card was subsequently declined.  Satan’s Bank had changed the card so the expiry date was the same but the number different.  The microwave clock at zero revealing a power cut, Phil discovered the entire Halifax area was out for 2 hours early Saturday. “Broken Britain! I can’t believe gammons still don’t think tories are incompetent,” he observed. I countered: “They can’t really believe that anymore, but can’t admit they’re wrong and in denial, say it’s better than the coalition of chaos!”  Installing advent gubbins, I found a broken candle holder, then hoovered and disposed of recycling, needing to rest before visiting the unadvertised Christmas market – oddly on the same street as The Store, where Phil heard about it.  Seeing Counsellor Friend and partner, we joined them to peruse crap crafts and catch up.  I learnt her mum died last month (Phil knew and assuming I did, never mentioned it), they were buying a house in the next town and she was planning to top up her pension pot; I advised she didn’t.  We waved bye and munched greasy Serbian pies.  Past the lit tree in the square and up the pedestrian street, we spotted vacant seats outside The Pub.  While ordering, I observed changes since our last visit, pre-covid.  Tasty-looking nuts in jars replaced pies on the bar.  The servers said the butcher who used to make them, mysteriously stopped and asked if the Serbian ones were good – they weren’t keen on the lubricious aspect.  Supping ale, I remarked Counsellor Friend had progressed from being skint to house-buying while we seemed to go backwards.  Nothing personal intended, Phil got defensive.  I changed tack to muse over people either having no job or three, and the state of the world.  Dozy in the gloaming, we went home.

On Laura K Sunday, Jerk Berry concurred with Mark Harper’s ‘getting a grip’ drivel.  Hoping the RMT would get a letter Monday, Frances O’Grady welcomed the government’s altered tone, but railed against Broken Britain.  After the Barclay debacle, Pat Cullen repeated it was ‘negotiation or nothing’.  Prof Hannah Fry agreed problems went back much further than the war or covid.

Phil dreaded a 5-day week.  Covering for a colleague’s hospital appointment, he had a late followed by an early again,  Not ideal with shifts playing havoc with his body clock, I suggested eschewing more hours but as they forgot he’d volunteered for extra work, he hoped it was a one-off.  Trees emitting steam in the cold grey, I stayed in to be disturbed by noisy stone-cutting on the street below, unceasing till dark.  I placed an Ocado order and made granola bars. Chopping cranberries and nuts interminable, the stupid electronic scales kept turning off.  Exhausted with backache, I checked commemorative coin values to discover we actually had a Brexit 50p – sadly only worth 50p. thanks to the queen dying, Paddington was worth a bit more.  Despite a sunny Monday, there was more condensation to deal with.  Orange barriers blocking the small steps, explaining the stone-cutting, I took the longer way to the co-op.  Very busy for the time of day, a miserable woman shelf-stacking gave me a dirty look.  I asked her kinder colleague to pass me an item, grabbed clearance stuff and queued at the till.  Phil brought home 2 bagful’s of Milk Tray.  Sold to outlet staff for a charitable donation, he planned to eat them, I proposed giving them away – a compromise was made.  Accepting the idea of working Christmas and looking forward to a bonus Amazon voucher and mince pies, the manager who hadn’t had a day off for 6 weeks, understandably refused to open.  I put  his shift pattern on the calendar, and ordered Christmas gifts under his nose.  The next two days cold and foggy, Tuesday, it didn’t lift.  Just after I heard Phil going to work, the landline rang.  Drowsy, I vaguely realised it’d be the freezer.  At a loud door knock, I shouted and donned a dressing gown, badly.  Telling them they were early, the nice delivery men said someone had to be first.  I meant by 2 days, not 2 hours!  “Where do you want it?” They asked.  I indicated the kitchen steps: “Down here if you don’t mind,” “Ok.” “Thanks. The men who delivered our fridge wouldn’t take it down.” “Well, they weren’t as nice as us! You can give us a 5-star rating!!”  I forgot to do so.  Placing it exactly in the spot I’d cleared, unpacking was a doddle except removing the polystyrene stand.  I got an endorphin rush at the shiny smell.  Sad I know, but when did I last have anything brand new? 

When Phil returned, I asked did he notice anything?  “A freezer.” “Well, a box.” “You mean I don’t have to lug it down?” “No. Are you impressed?” “Yes, did you do it.” “Yes, ha, ha!”  He settled on the sofa with a groan. “You’re tired. Thought you were finishing at 2 didn’t you?” “Yep.” “I did wonder when you asked last night. How did the granola bar work out?” “Much easier at 6 in the morning.”  Siestas disturbed by chainsaws, I stuck earplugs in then they stopped!  Channel-hopping to avoid the match build-up, Phil asked: “What’s this crap?” Boycotting among the sportswashing lasting almost 1½ weeks, I relented to watch England beat Wales.  Dullness joined by nasty stuff falling out of the sky Wednesday 30th, Phil thought we were going to The City. “No way! It’s too horrid and I’m knackered from sorting the freezer.”  He played with polystyrene packaging and I repurposed it as makeshift insulation against the coldest walls.  Keir inexplicably led PMQs on private school donations and blocking new homes.  Rishi replied they were aspirational and wittered about labour joining picket lines.  Keir went on, every week, the PM handed money to those who didn’t need it, buckled under pressure, and got weaker.  Rishi countered he had the same old labour ideas, with more debt, strikes and migration, and was laughed at mentioning control of borders.  Ian Blackford wished all a happy St. Andrews Day and 56% polled by YouGov saying it was wrong to leave Europe, fumed about a bill to rip up EU laws racing through, labour trying to outrun tories on Brexit the bugbear of Scottish independence.

At 741, homeless deaths in 2021 reverted to pre-pandemic levels.  Immensa’s Wolverhampton lab incorrectly gave 39,000 negative covid results September/October 2021.  UKHSA estimated this led to an extra 55,000 infections, 680 hospitalisations and 23 deaths.  No immunity and toddlers good at spreading germs, kiddie flu rose 70%.  Parents were urged to get them nasal vaccines.  China’s zero-covid policy may have led to few fatalities and more growth (at least ‘til this year), but hampering rescues, 10 died in an Urumqi flat fire Thursday.  Demos across the country over the weekend, BBC cameraman Ed Lawrence was beaten and arrested during a clampdown Monday.  Chinese authorities said he didn’t show his press pass and it was for his own safety so he didn’t catch covid off the masses.  UK media described protestors as brave, unlike our own, who were nutters!  The Met assuring Londoners they were ready to deal with disruption in the yuletide run-up, Just Stop Oil marched round Trafalgar Square stopping commuters getting to the station.  German and English scientists grew a coronavirus in a lab to watch it mutate and American boffins made a universal flu vaccine to blunt the impact of future pandemics.  Lecanemab, a new early Alzheimer’s treatment, attacked beta amyloid (sticky gunge build-up in the brain).  Costing tens of thousands a pop, it was hailed as a momentous breakthrough.  Liam Smith was found shot and covered in acid in Shevington, Wigan.  Triggering a health alert, the GMP later told the public there was no risk.  Using the Vaccine Taskforce blueprint, Rishi announced £113m for 4 research ‘missions’: cancer, obesity, mental health and addiction.  He then told Mansion House he wished to develop the ‘quality and depth of partnerships with like-minded countries’ (USA, Israel, Gulf and Commonwealth states, but not the EU!)

Blast Furnace Blast

The Warm Homes Prescription Pilot launched December 2021, was extended for patients who got sicker in the cold.  Redcar blast furnace was blown up live on BBC Breakfast, making way for a freeport.  National Grid immediately cancelled blackout warnings.  RAC finding retailers not passing on lower petrol costs, Grant Shatts asked supermarkets to cheapen it.  Peter Smith of NEA was ‘disturbed’ utility direct debits went up when customers made huge efforts to reduce use.

E.On admitted it’d be a year ‘til economies were reflected in bills.  Food inflation now 12.4%, (14.3% for fresh food), 3 in 10 single parents skipped meals to feed their kids, 3 in 5 students cut back and Oxfam found 35% spent less on Christmas gifts.  Cheddar sales falling by £31m, Richard Clothier of Wyke Cheese was ‘extremely worried’.  A shortfall of 1m turkeys, 1,840 domestic chickens were abandoned – why not stick them in the freezer to roast?  Diggle Village Association defended spending £1,450 installing a tiny living firtree as it worked out cheaper than buying one a year.

GMB said few toilet breaks at Amazon’s new ‘fulfilment centre’ in Wakefield, caused stress to 1,000 workers.  No buyer found, Martin Wilkinson Jewellers in Mansfield, likely the oldest in the UK at 228, would shut.  According to Link, 114 HSBC branch closures made the total 600.  100 jobs lost and customers forsaken, Unite’s Dom Hook railed, without corporate social responsibility requiring banks to stay on the high street helping the elderly and vulnerable, access to cash and banking would be lost forever.  The union were disappointed ambulance staff at only 8 trusts voted to strike.  During the latest CWU action, Dave Ward claimed an out-of-depth Royal Mail CE Simon Thompson, not interested in providing a universal postal service, was destroying it.  8% of Avanti and 5.8% TPE trains cancelled on non-strike days, en route to see 5 northern mayors, Mark Harper harped on about modernisation and sorting out the row.  Mayors said the meeting was constructive but they needed investment, not warm words.  After 2 weeks of talks, the Rail Delivery Group said real progress was made.  Not hearing the desired proposals, the RMT announced four 48-hour strikes December-January plus overtime bans over the festive period.  Lynch blamed ‘the dead hand of government’ and The Sun headlined ‘The Lynch Who Stole Christmas’.  Lynch met Harper Thursday, who said there was ‘common ground’.  Scottish teachers and English lecturers walked out.  Formal negotiations ongoing in Scotland, Westminster rejected them, so the first 2 NHS strike days were announced as 15th & 20th December.  Bestfood (owned by Tesco and Booker) workers in Burger King, KFC, Pizza Hut, Wagamama, Zizzi and Pizza Express, were balloted.  National Coalmining Museum staff accepted a new pay offer, meaning no more strikes after one in October (another hidden dispute!)

Net migration a record ½m, more EU nationals left but 509,000 others included Ukrainians and Hongkongers on bespoke visas, and students.  Downing Street declined to give a timespan on reducing numbers.  After an inmate died in hospital, Manston processing centre was emptied and detainees moved to hotels across the country.  40,000 living in hotels, HO compulsorily moved others out.  PS Matt Rycroft couldn’t tell the home affairs select committee if paying Rwanda £140m was good value. Blaming migrants and traffickers, Swellen admitted they’d lost control of borders and vowed to make ‘sustainable changes’ with 3 decisions per worker per week by next year – currently 0.6 a week, it wasn’t feasible.  Unable to describe legal routes, she stammered that if you arrived in the UK you could apply for asylum.  Having to step in, Matt said people could apply to UNCHR but this option wasn’t available in all countries.  Coop spluttered that an out-of-depth Swellen didn’t even know her own policies.  Harem Ahmad Abwbaker was arrested for 27 channel drownings November 2021.  The Marine Accident Investigation Branch found they’d reached UK waters.  3 stowaways from Nigeria were discovered on a ship’s rudder in The Canaries.

After beating Argentina at the World Cup, Saudi Arabia declared a national holiday.  The favourites were out by the end of week.  About to play Japan, the German team covered their mouths to signify they’d been silenced.  Home-nation Qatar were eliminated, Iran were booed singing their national anthem, but after goalie Wayne Henderson got the first red card of the tournament, beat Wales.  World Cup chief Hassan al-Thawali estimated 500 workers died building stadia.  Officially 3, we’d never know the real figure.  Round-the-clock efforts reconnected 80% of Ukraine to essential water, electricity and heating.  Olena Zelenska got a standing ovation as she thanked the UK parliament for support and asked them to lead a special tribunal.  The EU wanted the UN to head the tribunal.  Stewart Rhodes of right-wing Oath Keepers was convicted of sedition for the Washington Capitol attack 6th Jan 2021.  A Walmart manager killed 7 colleagues and himself in Chesapeake, Florida.

Christine McVie of Fleetwood Mac and Wilko Johnson died, for real this time.  Irene Cara known for singing ‘I’m Gonna Live Forever’, didn’t.  In UK census results, only 41% of Leicesterians identified as white.  Christians a minority for the first time, more people had no religion, and an extra 1m were Moslem.  A fungi project found rare species in fields at The Crags.  A 3rd-5th century Roman villa complete with ash in the fireplace and mosaics depicting Homer’s Iliad, was unearthed in a Rutland field.  Resembling Toy Town on a bigger scale, York traders complained the St Nicholas fair took their business away.  We noted the Christmas market mark-up.  A car drove through Kake temptations’ window in Batley.  The driver really needed cake!

*Permacrisis – an extended period of instability and insecurity

**HMICFRS – His Majesty’s Inspectorate of Constabulary and Fire & Rescue Services

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: Hepdene Rose | Cool Places – Our Back Yard (wordpress.com)

ii. Brexit Island: Brexit Island – Home | Facebook

The Corvus Papers 3: The Rocky Horror Show

“To use a non-technical term, that’s pretty much bollocks” (Gillian Tett)

Unknowable

Windfall

Saturday breakfast stressful, Phil took over.  Accusations of inefficiency were a tad unfair given his new job.  Still doing extra hours, he didn’t know for how long, but at least he enjoyed my lamb tagine after late weekend shifts. “I should hope so! I made it special so you’d have something tasty and warm.”  Unfortunately, I couldn’t help with fatigue.  Tired for different reasons, I pushed myself along the canal and round the park Sunday, found flowers and foliage, an edible apple among munched windfall and the squat boarded up.  They Anarchists were gone by November.  In the co-op, I got reduced items and a cheery greeting from Geordie ex-neighbour.  Back home, I developed a headache but at least I’d had fresh air.

About to bathe Monday morning, Phil said I should’ve done so an hour ago. “Fascist!”  I wrote until unable to focus and fuggy-headed and did yoga.  Waking lots early Tuesday, I ended up oversleeping and became despondent at so many chores to do.  Needing supplies again, I headed out.  The alt therapy woman walked a few paces ahead, engrossed on her mobile and waving imperiously.  In the co-op, she curated her basket in a way suggesting she wasn’t struggling like some of us – strawberries in October, FFS!  A man fiddling under chiller shelves meant I couldn’t even get basic veg but did find a large bottle of cooking oil cheaper.  Calling the surgery again, the answerphone said they were shut for staff training with no info as to when they’d re-open.  Phil got home for a late lunch, saying he’d brought the rain with him.  “Don’t sing another song!”  Radio 2 on all day in The Store, he couldn’t help himself.

Pouring all night, low mood made it hard to be bothered about anything on a damp Wednesday.  Phil again harassed me into bathing then interrupted my writing to say he’d better get ready for work.  I’d forgot he was starting early, hastened lunch, and visited Walking Friend.  The pretty fallen leaves made the steep steps slippy even in sturdy boots.  I found her knitting, handed over the clean scrunchy and listened to her work woes over a cup of Earl Grey.  Martin Green of Care England said without a complete restructure of the social care system, millions could be left without support and the NHS would be ‘on its knees’, so I wasn’t surprised to hear of low morale, exacerbated by increased workloads and pointless online training.  I made suggestions and diverted her with other topics, when a text arrived saying she had a staff meeting on her day off.  “You always have a choice, you could walk into another job tomorrow if you wanted.”  I shared what I’d learnt about state pension eligibility to discover she wasn’t paying National Insurance. Now also on a low wage, Phil agreed the system was rigged to disenfranchise people and she should opt back in.  Feeling sleepy, I accepted a second cuppa before dodging dog-walkers on the steps.  Phil slept in the next 2 days.  I took over breakfast apple art.  Gracious about the browning butterflies Thursday, he unkindly laughed at Friday’s effort.

Having arranged to meet at The Tearooms, Walking Friend cancelled to hike with The Poet.  We decided to go out anyway.  I went ahead to buy cinema tickets for the first time in 3 years.  Unable to process an extra discount at the box-office, they said they no longer recognised the PTL orange dot.  Who knew what it was good for now?  They kindly granted me the concession and gave me a CCA form for next time but I was ineligible – quelle surprise!  I hung around for Phil and we perused the Greasy Spoon menu.  Unsure if they served all-day brekkie, we opted for pies instead, listening sympathetically to Deli Woman’s travails of filling a vacancy.  You just couldn’t get the staff nowadays!  We ate in the park and ascended to woodland.  A bumper year for conkers, we found none but plenty of toadstools (see Cool Placesi).  On a wet and grey Friday, I did boring admin and the weekend shop.  Phil went to the kiosk while I paid at the till.  The reader wouldn’t scan my MasterCard or accept the PIN for some unknown reason.  As a man stood right behind me, I got flustered, lost confidence in knowing the number and used a different card.  In my panic, I missed Phil sneakily picking up all the bags which he insisted on carrying as practice for work.

Boarded Up Squat

Baroness Halibut promised victims would be at the heart of the covid public inquiry.  Rising 14% in a week, it was unknown if 1.3m cases was a winter wave.  Increasing among over 70’s, we should avoid the vulnerable and get boosted.  Of 1 million Brits with long-covid, 514,000 had it for 2 years.  Growing since lockdowns, Councillor Friend told Look North there’d be changes to hazardous street furniture in Toy Town.  Ostensibly turning pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Girls Aloud launched Primark nightwear.

Larry the cat eschewed a stroking from Trussed-Up as she met the Danish PM outside Number 10.  In Brum for the tory conference, she admitted to Laura K the kamikaze budget caused disruption, and shock announcements could’ve been handled better but repeated it was everyone else’s fault, threw Kwasi Modo under the bus saying he decided to scrap the top income tax rate and attend a hedge fund managers’ champagne reception the evening before the pound tanked: ‘I don’t control his diary’.  She didn’t mention Melton Mowbray pork pies going under.  NOT taking back control of pork markets?  That. Is. A. Disgrace! 

Noncommittal on benefit cuts, she said Coffee-Cup was looking at it and Kwasi was sorting everything else.  The Glove-puppet and Shatts both lambasted ‘Trussonomics’; the latter predicting a commons revolt.  A U-turn on the top tax rate and release of forecasts came after a late-night meeting.  Only knocking £2bn off the bill and other unknowns in the pipeline, markets remained jittery.  Having a tough Monday, Kwasi reiterated commitment to growth, evaded a direct apology but ‘humbly’ accepted cutting high earner’s taxes was ill-judged.  Meanwhile, Tory chair Jake Berry told Sky News the answer to soaring bills was to ‘either cut consumption, get a higher salary or go out there and get that new job.’  Chris Bryant retorted: ‘Do tories think people haven’t tried this?’  Division in the ranks, Mordor said benefits should go up with inflation rather than wages, Swellen accused them of coup-plotting and Trussed-Up repeated they hadn’t decided before posing in a hard hat and Hi-Viz at a Selly Oak factory.  At fringe meetings, Swellen couldn’t wait to deny migrants arriving in dinghies the right to seek asylum: it was her dream to see a plane-load heading for Rwanda on The Torygraph cover before Christmas!  POA called Manston processing centre a ‘pressure cooker’, with channel-crossers illegally held for a week rather than 48 hours, running out of food and water and police called.  Rees-Moggy urged shoppers to ignore a new law banning sweets near supermarket tills to save the choc orange.  Good to see him focused on important issues, he probably disapproved of Quality Street ditching iconic plastic wrappers too!

Striking Post office staff were joined later in the week by 999 call-handlers.  Yorkshire bus services cut, government capitulated on Northern Poorhouse rail going to Bradford.  South Eastern would axe first-class carriages and water jets would clear pesky autumn leaves from Northern Rail lines in Yorkshire but not here.  Warned it needed to ‘drastically improve services’, Avanti West Coast was given a 6-month extension.  How bad did they have to be to lose the franchise?  Tories left Brum early Wednesday before Trussed-Up’s address.  Allegedly due to the biggest rail strike yet, postponed from September, or because they were fed up of the febrile atmosphere.  Playing dress-up in a red frock like Emma Thompson’s Years and Years right-wing PM, Truss said she was willing to take difficult decisions to get the economy moving and change meant disruption but would benefit everyone.  The short-lived abolition of the top tax rate a ‘distraction’, she’d listened to people and wouldn’t allow the ‘anti-growth coalition’ to hold her back.  She sounded like a right tin-foiler, lumping together Labour, Lid Dems, ‘militant’ unions, Brexit-deniers, XR and Greenpeace (who were ejected for intrusion) and aped Thatcher saying they were ‘wrong, wrong, wrong’. Cabinet ministers cock-a-hoop, M People founder Mike Pickering was ‘livid’ at her entrance to Moving On Up, advising she heed the lyrics: ‘go and pack your bags and get out.’  Jeffrey Archer told Jeremy Vine she picked ministers based on friendship not talent, unlike Thatcher who only had 4 mates in Cabinet.  Conor Burns was sacked as trade minister for serious misconduct (inappropriate behaviour towards a young man at conference).  He’d ‘fully co-operate’ with an inquiry to clear his name.  Spice Girl Mel B tweeted: ‘Really?? Your shocked about this complaint??? Let me remind you what you said me in lift…’  Not knowing if it was arrogance or disrespect, Nicola Sturgeon complained it was ‘absurd’ Truss hadn’t rung a month into the job.

Dropping over summer, Fareshare urged supermarkets to donate more surplus food.  It’d be better if government faced the fact that people couldn’t afford groceries.  Prices soaring, service sector growth stalled, Tesco half-year profits fell 10% and average mortgage interest reached a 14 year high 6.07%.  The IFS predicting Trussonomics would make 99% worse off, Shell boss Ben van Beurden wanted to be taxed more to prevent damage to ‘significant parts of society’.  Later revealing last quarter profits of £8.2bn (a £26bn total for 2022 so far), they’d paid no windfall tax as profits weren’t technically made in the UK.  Amidst unknown variables, Ofgem warned of a winter gas emergency and prepared scenarios (rationing and blackouts).  National Grid later said it’d probably be alright and On QT, Nads Zahawi said 3-hour outages were a worst case scenario.  Why scaremonger then?  Not wishing to tell us what to do, Downing Street refused to launch a public info campaign, but telly ads appeared the following week.  Northern PowerGrid e-mailed a priority list and onesie sales rocketed.  As Nads said inflation was all Putin’s fault, Piers Morgan had heard it all; even the dead queen was more culpable of crashing the economy than tories!  Also delayed by Queenie dying, Kingy and Camilla went to Dunblane as the erstwhile Scottish capital was belatedly conferred city status.  Despite the sham poll, Ukrainians retook the town of Lyman in Donetsk.  Bags of drugs labelled Dior turned up on a Welsh beach.  Cocaine galore!

Trick or Cheat?

Woodland Toadstool

Overnight rain led to window condensation Saturday. Not dispersing in sunshine, the chamois turned black doing the box room.  Phil admitted it needed a proper clean.  Despite moderate drinking, I had a slight headache.  After coffee, Phil asked had I got over my binge – ha, ha!  He agreed it wasn’t ideal working weekends but it did get us out of the habit of wine-drinking every Friday and feeling crap Saturdays. Taking an age to do blogs amid brightness and interruptions, I lost my thread, got angry, developed head fug and considered gardening when a cool wind arrived.  Phil’s haircutting stalled when the clippers broke again.  We thought we might need a trip to Big Town for new ones.  We ate a hasty dinner to find the cinema had tricked us on the start time.  I bought tiny cans of beer from The Oil Painter, remarking on artists resorting to menial jobs – It’s a shit business!  We took our booked seats to watch a parade of ads and trailers before the main feature, Moonage Daydream.  While some montages were a bit weird and tracks truncated, the David Bowie doc wasn’t the mish-mash Phil expected.  I advised he stop reading Guardian reviews. Unseen footage featured La La La Human Steps practicing dance moves.  Phil reckoned Bowie turned up to play 2 notes at their performance we saw years ago.  So I had seen Bowie live and didn’t know it.  “Now you tell me!”  It was Phil’s turn to feel fuzzy Sunday.  Was it the small beer or the brightly-colourful cinematic experience messing with his head?  As he prepared for a late shift, I headed to town, hailed The Woman Next Door with a man near the old bridge, collected fallen leaves and went to an art exhibition.  Hoping to see Welsh Art Friend, I saw only The Printer.  We discussed her seaside prints until some of her mates turned up.  I went charity shopping for books, DVDs and a throw.  Phil brought home out-of-date bread destined for the bin.

Waking with a claggy throat Monday, I made soothing porridge, forgot spoons and irritated Phil straightening out bedding.  A bad start to the week, I soldiered on, washed the throw to dry quickly on the line, getting knackered clambering up and down stairs.  Tuesday, I cleaned rusty marks from plumbing tools on the landing windowsill.  I left them upstairs to adjust the stiff bath tap but when Phil returned from an early shift, he tetchily blamed my technique. “Don’t talk to me like that!” “Okay, I’ll have a look.”  A cricket landed on me at the co-op ATM.  As I attempted a rescue, the small queue crowded round.  “Is it a grasshopper?” Only in Toy Town – I’d be tutted at in the city!  Inside, my namesake hunted for reduced face cream when a colleague said she’d bought it all.  What a mean trick!  A group of lanyard-wearing teenagers laughed in the aisles, ironically singing ‘praise Jesus’.  I lugged the heavy, pricey items home as Phil got back, yawning and sighing: “I’m tired.” “Really? I wasn’t getting that!”

Early Wednesday, a niggly nose joined the sore throat.  Succumbing to illness, I took Echinacea and sucked a pastille.  Phil eventually asked what was wrong. “It could be the cold you’ve been in denial about all week.” “It’s not a cold, it’s a cough.” “Well, it could be the usual sinus lark. I haven’t had it for 3 months.”  I wondered if the record gap was due to more antibodies, the hot dry summer, or DIY.  “Doing stuff is good.” “Yeah, but I’ve felt iffy a few times since. Maybe it was bubbling under. I’m staying abed so don’t hassle me, but I need a bath.” “You’ll have to get up for that.”  Cleansed, I fetched coffee and the laptop and watched PMQs. Absurdly only Trussed-Up’s second began with tributes to David Amess a year since his murder and 10 victims of a petrol station explosion in Creeslough Donegal.  A backbencher guessed spooking the markets was incompetent not malevolent, but reneging on no-fault evictions was vicious.  A less forgiving Keir asked if Truss agreed with Rees-Moggy telling us the crisis was nowt to do with her fiscal plans.  She replied with the usual guff on taking decisive action, protecting the economy, higher growth and lower inflation.  Kier spluttered she was lost in denial, with mortgages sky-rocketing, the public wouldn’t forgive or forget and nor should they; it was time to stop the kamikaze budget causing so much pain.  After parroting herself, she blamed Vlad for global price rises, Keir for not supporting the energy price guarantee (he reminded her it was initially labour’s idea) and said he had a Damascus moment supporting the National Insurance reversal (which he always opposed).  Asked if she’d stick to no cuts, she promised to spend wisely instead.  One step behind the Shell boss on windfall taxes, he wondered why she insisted on tax cuts for the rich?  After more resay, she whinged his union mates stopped people getting to work.  Ian Blackford asked if the incompetent PM would give up her plan to save the chancellor by scapegoating the BOE – completely losing control, the only things growing were mortgages, rents and bills; was that what she meant by growing the economy?  As she threw queries back (unchallenged by The Speaker who scolded Boris all the time for that), Blackford sniped if she wanted to ask him questions, they could swap places, to much mirth.

Phil fed me cute cheese on toast faces, like a nursery tea.  Unable to go to Big Town, I spent ages ordering from the cranky Boots website  A singing Phil irksomely woke me at 5.50 a.m. Thursday.  I slept fitfully until 9, cleaned the bedroom and doubled up the long and narrow new throw into a bedspread.  Hot, tired and legs leaden, I worked on blogs.  About to upload, the laptop decided there was no internet.  I turned it off and waited eons for stupid MS to update and re-start, only to be bugged again the next day.  Phil returned from a shelf- stacking shift wearing his lovely new logoed sweatshirt (he had a fleece too).  After resting, he asked if he’d missed any news.  “Tories saying we’re all doomed!”  Friday, lovely orangey-pink dawn clouds tempted me up.  Phil offered to help with the weekend shop.  With a short list, I said I’d be ok, but it was an ordeal with heavy bags and the reader not authorising my card again.  Oblivious to my huffing and puffing, Phil went to work and I went back to bed.  Getting home promptly from the late shift, he didn’t know why they bothered for a few drunks and stoners.

Gamma Ray Afterglow

Kuoni’s Thai bookings 87% higher than pre-pandemic levels, covid tripled during a week-long Chinese holiday, meaning more lockdowns and travel restrictions.  1.7m infected by the UK’s 4th wave this year, admissions increased 76% and 30% caught it in hospital, like in 2020.  Stephen Griffin of Indy Sage fretted about NHS pressure.  Reasonable uptake of autumn boosters, all over 50’s could book one (in theory) but Griffin wanted more eligibility.

NAO’s latest assessment put covid support losses at £4.5bn.  PAC chair Meg Hillier urged government ‘get a grip‘ on fraud and loose controls.  David Jason revealed he couldn’t move his limbs when he collapsed with covid during the summer.

ONS data showed wages fell 2.9% in real terms.  Banker’s bonuses rising twice as fast since the 2008 crash, The TUC said government should raise the minimum wage to £15, give public sector workers more and encourage fair pay deals for others.  Acknowledging the gap, a wheeled out Coffee-Cup repeated the hollow mantra of helping families with the cost of living.  Unemployment at 3.5% but record vacancies, people were too ill or stopped applying for hard low-wage jobs like social care.  CQC found 300,000 empty posts, leaving 1 million needy adults without care and 3 in 5 blocking hospital beds.  As the economy shrank, consumers bought wonky fruit and veg, air fryers, electric dryers and candles, cutting bills and risking fire.  School meal costs up 30% and 91% of providers experiencing food shortages, Laca wanted more money for a sector ‘on its knees’.  Promising ideas on how and support, Ofgem ridiculously advised we reduce energy consumption.  French EDF and Total workers on strike, Micron said they should be paid more.  While M&S sped up closure of 110 larger stores, Pret A Manger staff would get a third pay rise of 5% in December.  Strikes into a second week, Hull Stagecoach drivers paid less than colleagues in other regions were offered 14%,  They wanted 17%.  ACAS fruitlessly stepped in but Network Rail’s Tim Shovellor saw a glimmer of hope in talks with unions.  Rejecting 2% and a £345 lump sum, Environment Agency staff were balloted.

In Scotland for the SNP conference, ex-chancellor Alistair Darling told Laura K. the government’s actions were ‘a textbook example of everything you shouldn’t do in difficult times’, economic turmoil was self-inflicted, they trashed the UK’s reputation and cost us dear.  Nads Zahawi called Sturgeon saying she detested tories and everything they stood for, ‘really dangerous language’.  Good grief!  It’d be hate speech to hate Fascists next!  He advised the ranks unite behind Truss, or risk a hideous labour/SNP coalition.  Jon Ashworth spluttered that was ‘complete and utter nonsense and desperate.’  Vowing to hold a ref 19th October 2023, Sturgeon told conference independence was vital with labour: “willing to chuck Scotland under Boris Johnson’s Brexit bus to get the keys to Downing Street.”  In The House, the government won the National Insurance vote but select committee chair Mel Stride, warned Kwasi Modo he had to win over MPs to prevent more alarm.  Dubbed ’Operation Re-assurance’, Modo’s growth plan and the OBR’s economic assessment were forwarded a month to 31st October.  Halloween too late to settle spooked markets, Rayner tweeted it was more like Trick or Cheat: ‘the tory horror show rattles on’.  IFS reckoned they needed £60bn in spending cuts, Citigroup predicted a worse crisis than 1976 and we observed tories were always in power when the lights went out!  Meanwhile, Trussed-Up went to play footie with the Lionesses.

Accepting the global energy crisis affected Europe more, the IMF again criticised Modo’s plans as a slow-down would follow any short-term growth, and likened the UK government and BOE to 2 drivers ‘trying to steer the car in different directions’.  Aides combing through the mini-budget line by line to see what could be changed, a cap on renewable energy firm revenues was mooted – not a windfall tax thus not a U-turn. Phil reckoned non-renewables weren’t covered as a sop to their rich mates.  BOE bought more gilts to prop up the shambling economy but wouldn’t extend the scheme beyond Friday.  The pound plummeted.  Modo blamed the war and pension funds for risky purchases.  Err, that’d be dodgy government bonds then, you moron!  Rachel Reeves hit back: “This is a British crisis made in Downing Street. No other government is sabotaging their own country’s economic credibility…”

Rees-Moggy accused Michal Hussein of breaching BBC impartiality saying the mini-budget crashed the economy and gaslighted the BOE for not raising interest rates enough.  FT journalist Gillian Tett told Channel 4 news: “‘to use a non-technical term, that’s pretty much bollocks.”  He was also contradicted by Kwasi Modo at the IMF in Washington Thursday.  Admitting he’d made markets nervous, he wasn’t going anywhere as the G7 all had similar problems.  IMF MD Kristalina Georgieva told him and Andrew Bailey they needed clear policy coherence and communication to prevent more jitters in a jittery environment: “fiscal policy should not undermine monetary policy…(or) the task of monetary policy…becomes harder and it translates into…further increases of rates and tightening of financial conditions…If the evidence is that you need to recalibrate, don’t prolong the pain.”  A cacophony of backbenchers screaming: ‘it’s checkmate’, ‘we’re stuffed’, ‘it’s dire’, ‘we’re done for’ and frantic calls across the pond, Modo hid in the toilet then flew back to London.  Traders betted on a U-turn, Kwasi gone by the weekend and Trussed-Up finished within weeks.  James Uncleverly said it’d be a bad idea and Alistair Campbell said an out-of-depth Truss couldn’t do the job.  She went to see Kingy, who chortled: ‘Back again? Dear, oh dear!’ and sacked Modo Friday, making The C**t the fourth chancellor since July.  Saying they’d moved too fast, they kept the corporation tax rise, as Rishi planned.  Spreadsheet Phil reproached them for throwing away years of hard work and Reeves said: “Another change isn’t the answer…it’s time for a labour government.”

On a lighter note, Coffee-Cup evaded questions on scrapping smoke free targets, saying she was concentrating on her ABCD.  Blood transfusion levels critical, B should stand for ‘blood’.  Wes Streeting called her ‘clueless and hopeless’.  Artist robot Ai-Da answered pre-prepared questions in The Lords saying AI in creative industries were a threat and an opportunity.  NZ proposed a tax on animal burps and pee.  Did they not want food production?  Farmers later held street demos.  Staid conservation groups the National Trust, RSPB and Wildlife Trusts united to protest violation of the countryside, write letters and ‘all options on the table’, didn’t rule out direct action.  Motorists dragged Just Stop Oil protestors off London roads, 24 were arrested and 1 went to hospital.  300 involved by the 11th day of action, an irate electric taxi driver told road-blockers he was doing his bit.  As they blocked The Mall, Mark Rowley said they’d not yet caused sufficient ‘serious disruption’ to warrant forcible removal.  Anglian Water planned to build the UK’s first new reservoir in 30 years.  About bloody time!

Cops co-ordinated operations to smash 172 county lines, find 321 weapons and £2.7m in drugs and make 1.360 arrests, including for modern slavery.  The Met investigated 625 sex and domestic abuse claims.  Ahead of Asylum Aid’s Rwanda High Court hearing, 1,604 channel crossings Sunday-Monday made 2,232 for the month and 35,000 for the year.  In a dig at Giorgio Melon, Popeye called the exclusion of migrants ‘scandalous, disgusting and sinful’.  Saturday, The Kerch Bridge linking Russia to Crimea, blew up when an exploding lorry set oil tankers alight.  Vlad ordered a full investigation and Russian media blamed Ukrainian ‘terrorists’.  Err, there’s a war on!  Retaliative shelling of Ukrainian cities including Kyiv and memes of battle dolphins ensued.  The bridge was fixed by Wednesday and 8 suspects detained.  Japan’s Epsilon 6 rocket was ordered to self-destruct after launch.  JAXA apologised and investigated.  X-ray radiation from a gamma ray, the brightest ever discovered, still emitted an afterglow of rings weeks later.  One-time WRP member Vanessa REDrgave became a dame, Ant & Dec missed yet another NTA due to covid, and Gaslight inventor Angela Lansbury died. Glasgow cheated, Liverpool would host Eurovision 2023.

Jokers and Wasters

Autumnal Window Scene

Saturday, Phil joked: “Is she gone yet?” “No, but The C**t was on BBC Breakfast.”  Marking an end to Trussonomics, he said they’d be judged on the next 18 months, not the past 18 weeks, blamed the usual culprits of the war and energy meaning no fast tax cuts or increased spending and all departments making efficiency savings.  4 chancellors since July (Saj, Nads, Kwasi Modo, The C**t), resembled the 4 stooges.  “They’re running out of credible people. If it goes on like this, I envisage a crap Netflix.” “Yep. The Downfall UK. A satirical comedy with fake ‘where are they now’s’ at the end: in a loony bin; in the sea; in an Amazon warehouse; working for Deliveroo!” “I bet lots of them red-wallers want it to end so they can go back to sane jobs.”  Still ailing, I tried not to be depressed as sun chased away a watery chill to reveal a lovely autumn window scene, posted the final Scarborough blog and figured a way to share it on Insta (see Cool Places 2ii).  Wearier and achier Sunday, I stayed abed reading and writing.  My Valley Life article buried among the ads, kind words from Phil and Decorating neighbour dissuaded me from packing it in next year.  Phil returned from the late shift with sausages and mini brownies.  Tussling brightness and indigestion, I took Gaviscon, drew curtains left open by Phil and used the meditation soundtrack to drift into bad sleep.

Monday, I felt like I’d been hit round the head.  Ignoring my pleas to delay chores, Phil accepted the Boots delivery and assembled rubbish.  I unpacked toiletries, added cardboard to the pile and went back to bed.  He brought me brownies with the coffee.  “I don’t want them,” I snapped.  As he took them away, I apologised: “It’s not you, it’s depression at still being ill, especially in nice weather.”  I posted September’s journal entry while he went to the co-op and work, bringing home food rescued from waste.  Grateful for any freebies, I could’ve done with the ready salads earlier.  Hot flushes added to another crap night.  My nose running Tuesday, Phil asked: “Are you still sniffly?” “Yes, but the fatigue is worse.” “Cheer up.” “No!” “I’ll pull funny faces.” “God no!”  My mind wandering until he made moves, I leapt up to sort washing for him to add work clothes, bathed, ignored kitchen clutter and plodded back up with coffee.  Too hot and bright to write with sun streaming in, I’d had enough of being bedbound, opened the window, put a dress on and went down for lunch.  Phil related tales from The Store, explaining how well-packed herbs sometimes arrived damaged.  Otherwise, there was little waste. I thought it’d reduced loads over the past 2 years, but declared it enough shop talk. “I literally am talking shop!”  I joined him on a short canal walk in mellowing light, returning with backache and jelly-legs but cheerier i.

Woken Wednesday by Phil rising for work and noisy traffic, I ignored aches and fatigue for some exercise and tidying before PMQs.  Going on errands, I noted an unlocked front door and a felled trellis, hastened to town in a nithering wind and spotted Phil leaving The Store.  As I tried catching up, he moved uncannily fast after a long shift, into the sweet shop.  “Gotcher!” “No you haven’t. It’s for someone else.”  Walking home, I imparted the bad trellis news. “Pah! Call that bad news?”  He tied it up, then panicked over his mislaid phone “You need to eat.” “I can’t think about that now!” “I’ll ring it for you.” “It’s on silent so that’s no good.”  I called the number.  It vibrated. “See, no need for all that stress!”  Thursday, I dithered over shopping.  Trees across the valley making rain clouds, it was too foul for the market, so it was the co-op again.  Having noticed the microwave clock at zero for the second time that week, a short power-cut was confirmed by half-empty shelves.  You’d never get that level of waste in the Store!  I eschewed outrageously-priced toiletries, miserably slogged home and went back to bed.

Text reminders told us to book covid boosters with a GP or local pharmacy.  Finally getting his shift patterns, I rang Friday.  6th in the queue, I actually managed to get slots early November but we couldn’t go due to colds.  I also asked about HRT.  The nice receptionist sent the doctor a ‘task’, advising I call back Monday.  Waitrose reported increased fish-head and lamb neck sales for use in slow cookers.  We couldn’t decide whether to buy one.  Eating the last of my birthday chocolates, Phil whined that he’d not had as many. “Excuse me. You can’t buy me chocs then whinge you’ve been diddled!”  But I gave him the last one.

Mellowing Canal

High covid levels peaked but deaths were up to 400 week ending October 7th, ahead of winter, adding to NHS pressure.  The Moderna bivalent vaccine was found to be ‘good’ for a mere 3 months.  Speaking to Laura K., the couple who developed the BioNTech version, still wore masks and advised we all did, especially if mixing with travellers.  Building on what they’d learnt, they hoped for a cancer vaccine by 2030.

Laura asked The Cock if Truss should go.  He replied a reshuffle was needed to make use of backbench ‘talent’(!) but nobody wanted another protracted leadership race.  No: some wanted Rishi, some wanted Boris and Unison’s Christina McAnea wanted a general election.  Depressed public sector pay could mean 1 million taking co-ordinated action.  Nasty rhetoric and Therese Coffee-Cup telling nurses fed-up of the NHS to leave, didn’t help.  If they got more, they’d spend it in local shops and Tesco.  UK GDP 30 places behind Ireland, Tesco Boss did what he could to help customers and 300,000 shopfloor staff.  Uncle Joe licked ice cream in Oregon.  ‘Sick and tired’ of trickle-down economics, he disagreed with tax cuts for the super-wealthy but that was up to Britain.  EU newspapers compared the UK to loser countries and Rob Halfon accused government of acting like ‘Libertarian Jihadists’ with us as guinea pigs.  Yes, in an experiment based on ‘Britannia Unchained’ by Truss et al of the Thatcherite Free Enterprise Group.  No costings or income streams apart from borrowing, made it a wish list, not a budget.  Post-Brexit, post-covid, soaring energy costs, rampant inflation and a recession looming, it was the worst time for their madcap free market drivel*.

After a weekend ensconced at Chequers, Truss tried to shore up ministerial support and The C**t tried settling markets by scrapping all Kwasi’s measures except National Insurance and stamp duty cuts, bigger bankers’ bonuses, and, irresponsible to expose government to price volatility, muted an end to the energy cap in April.  No benefit increases until then, ‘eye-watering’ cost-savings and more ‘difficult decisions’ on spending to come, everything was on the table.  Borrowing still higher than before the kamikaze budget, the IFS and Sturgeon feared a return to austerity and Keir attempted to haul Truss in for urgent questions over long-term damage.  Sent in her stead, Mordor said through gritted teeth, her boss was ‘detained on urgent business’.  Amid the derision, Stella Creasy joked she hid under the desk.  She actually met Graham Brady then shuffled onto the frontbench at 4.30.  It wouldn’t be long ‘til she shuffled off again.  Chris Mason asked was Rishi right?  She replied she was sorry, had to reflect, ensure economic stability and advised fellow tories to not spend tough times talking about the party.

At PMQs, Justin Madders wondered why Truss sacked Kwasi Modo and not herself?  She parroted an apology and guff on delivery.  Keir wittily cited a Truss biography.  Out by Christmas, was that the release date or the title?  In fact, she was out by November**.  Spouting crap, she said she’d taken more action than him after 2½ years in the job (err, he wasn’t the PM!)  He queried how she could be held to account when she wasn’t in charge and the point of making promises that didn’t last a week – cuts loomed for one reason only; they crashed the economy but her only response was to say sorry.  She said he backed strikers, she backed strivers.  He retorted, with a mandate based on nothing and credibility gone, why was she still here?  She screeched “I’m a fighter, not a quitter,” acting in the interests of the nation while he presented no alternative.  After 10 U-turns in 2 weeks, Ian Blackford feared pensioners were in the tory cut frontline. Thinking it better seeing the PM behind a desk rather than under it, Stella Creasy asked a daft question on rights to watch sport, leaving Philippa Whitford and Sarah Owen to suggest she do the decent thing.  An economist on Daily Politics said the growth plan was gone and a labour government meant even higher spending.  Lisa Nandy replied theirs was growth plan, they’d be careful with every penny of public money and put more in people’s pockets.  Stephen Baker denied they’d wrecked the economy and ignored Lisa’s quizzing on listening to the OBR.  She spluttered, how dare you talk about waste when this government wasted billions, set fire to unusable PPE and wrote off covid fraud?  As he spewed more lies that society was to blame and nowt to do with 12 years of the tories, Lisa couldn’t believe what she heard.  After an interview with Baker, Channel 4 news anchor Kris Guru-Murthy muttered “what a cunt.”  Taken off air for a week, Baker said sacking him would be a public service but then accepted an apology.

In a fatal blow, Swellen resigned over sending official docs from her private e-mail and wrote she owned her mistake, unlike the PM: “pretending we haven’t made mistakes, carrying on as if everyone can’t see we have made them…hoping things magically come right is not serious politics.”  Phil erroneously thought it showed integrity.  43 days as Home Sec the least since the Duke of Wellington, Grant Shats, who’d criticised Truss 2 days before, stepped in.  Seen as a confidence vote, tories were whipped to oppose a labour bill banning fracking Wednesday evening.  Amid fracking chaos, Rees-Moggy marched MPs through the ‘no’ lane.  Chris Bryant accused him of bullying.  Chief whip Wendy Morton and deputy Craigy Babe (declaring “I don’t give a fuck anymore”) resigned.  On Jeremy Vine Thursday, 13-year old Casper grasped politics better than grown-ups saying: “If you don’t have a government with integrity, how can they govern properly?”  The fracas culminated in Truss standing at the lectern at 1.00 p.m.  Unable to deliver the mandate members elected her to deliver, she’d spoken to Kingy and resigned.  So much for fighting, not quitting!  ‘To maintain stability and continuity’(sic), she and Graham Brady agreed an expediated leadership election within a week – the shortest-serving PM ever didn’t even last that long.  Asked was it a dog’s dinner, Brady stammered, “Well, it’s certainly not a circumstance I would wish to see.”  Candidates needing at least 100 backers, there’d be only 2 by Monday.  Truss’ popularity at -70%, realising what a fuck-up they’d made, it was just as well members didn’t get to vote with 1/3 braying for Boris (whose popularity low was -55%).  International leaders had a good laugh and QT was shown live.  Rachel Johnson observed the Jeremy Vine lettuce outlived Truss.  Even the carefully-curated audience called for a general election except 4 calling for Boris, who had a proper mandate and was ‘hounded out’.  Tony Danker said if tories put country and economy first and stuck to C**t’s plan (which we didn’t yet know), they might have a chance.  Camilla Cavendish, FT, favoured Rishi as he went all the way with Truss!  All agreeing Keir was credible, he’d have no money to implement bold plans which Graham Stuart called unaffordable and unrealistic.  Jess Philips was flabbergasted a minister said labour would crash the economy when they’d just crashed the economy.  While true they didn’t know what they could afford thanks to Truss, they’d borrow to invest, not to cut the rich’s taxes.

Government loan interest at £7.7bn, inflation was back at 10.1%.  Food up 14.5%, it’d be more if it weren’t for petrol.  Shop sales dipped below pre-pandemic levels.  Calling it junk food, The Guardian featured web sellers of discounted out-of-date groceriesiii.  Wittily alluding to Swellen whingeing about support for strikers, they asked for money from ‘tofu-eating workerati’ (obviously part of the anti-growth coalition!)  At her last TUC conference, Frances O’Grady was angry at toxic tories, aka ‘Robin Hood in reverse’.  NHS and care workers leaving for better-paid jobs, those left couldn’t cope and were balloted.  More rail and tube strikes were announced for early November.  Anne-Marie Trevelyan wheeled out ostensibly to discuss laws enforcing minimum service on strike days, Mick Lynch advised she get on with sorting out the dispute.  CWU said PO strikes weren’t about pay but T&C changes, ‘uberising’ staff in secure, well-paid jobs into a ‘casualised, financially precarious workforce overnight’.  CGT asking for 10% rises, French oil, rail, teaching and hospital workers struck.  South Yorks trams would revert to public control in 2024.  6 towns already writing bids, drafting of the Great British Railways bill stopped – delayed or cancelled?   Keighley trialled noise-detecting cameras to spot needless engine revving and a joker chucked a microwave at a car in Gainsborough.  A crackdown on protests planned, TfL sought injunctions when Just Stop Oil blocked Park Lane Sunday and 2 protestors climbed up the QE bridge above the M25 Tuesday, to have fireworks thrown at them and get arrested when they descended, making a total of 150 during 2 weeks’ action.  On Jeremy Vine, Anne Widdecombe was in favour of running them over rather than shutting the road.  Friday, Harrods was sprayed orange and it was revealed Aileen Getty donated £900,000 to a Climate Emergency Fund giving some activists a ‘small income’.

The Pentagon wavering on funding Starlink, Elon Musk still gave the Ukrainian internet service £17.8m a month.  23 Iranian kamikaze drones shot down over Kyiv, 5 hit the ground.  The EU were ‘following closely’ as it may have broken the Iran nuclear deal.  30% of Ukrainian power stations hit, Vlod said negotiating with Vlad was no longer an option.  Martial law was declared in the 4 ‘Russian’ regions and civilians evacuated as Ukrainians advanced.  Suspended for sexual misconduct, labour MP Christian Matheson resigned.  Kevin Spacey was cleared in a civil case and faced a legal prosecution.  Daniel Craig became a Champion of The Order of St Michael & St George, emulating Ian Fleming – he’d come a long way from the feckless Geordie in Our Friends in the North.  An artisan at the National Glass Centre, Sunderland made a glass pumpkin.  Much better than firing real ones from a canon, like Essex farmer Ross McGowan.  What a waste!

Scary Monsters, Super Creeps

Colourful Woods

A stunning morning, wet roofs glistened and trees echoed an orange-yellow dawn Saturday 22nd.  Phil finished an early shift in time for a colourful woods walki.  Knackered after a total 20,000 steps, he rested.  Aching all over, I could’ve used one too but instead, edited photos and read family WhatsApp messages which crashed my phone.  A headache unfair after moderate drinking, I cheered up Sunday laughing at creepy Rees-Moggy living in the 18th century.  More overnight rain led to a dank day.  Disinclined to visit the pumpkin festival, I installed the Halloween tree and devised a Christmas card while Phil worked.  I had to shield him 3 times from spoilers of the feature-length Dr. Who until he’d watched it on iPlayer.

dull Monday spent on the phone to the surgery and British Gas, I haggled and stripped down the cover to halve the homecare quote.  Head done in by admin, I ironed piles of summer clothes.  The Metro app failed to load Tuesday, then updated to resemble all the other crap news sites.  Phil found a way to access puzzles but the dimensions were all wrong.  He disrupted kitchen chores bounding down the stairs shouting “there’s a chunk out the sun!”  No forewarning of an eclipse, I hurried up to view a semi-circular disc like a Pac-man bite.  Despite clouds and lens filters, my eyes became sore.  I switched to infra-red turning the sky magenta.  I left Phil preparing for work and ambled to the surgery wearing too many layers in unexpected warmth.  The GP had advised I see a nurse before a tele-appointment, but I got a different story from the receptionist.  The follow-up to discuss HRT would be with another nurse.  God knew how you got to actually see a GP nowadays!  Wearing a mask in the waiting room, no other patients did.  When the nurse eventually appeared, she informed me they were only compulsory for staff, asked a few questions and took my vitals.  Weighing less than last time, I said I’d been good, unlike with smoking.  My only worrying vice and not causing a cough, she posited “if you stop, you might get one.” “You’re not supposed to say that. You should encourage me!”  As she babbled on, I wasn’t surprised there’d been a delay – she could talk for England.  I dawdled to the co-op where gaps included the fab cheap exotic stuff -had it run out?  Paying at the kiosk, a fly crept along the counter.  “That came out of your wallet.” My Mate jibed. “Cheeky! What are you saying!”  Back home, I was startled by an e-mail from Valley Life.  The next deadline in a week’s time, it didn’t seem 5 mins since the last one.  Phil returned with a huge goody bag as the Ex-Landlady had stuffed in extras.  “She must think you need feeding up!”  We decadently ate some of the cream glut with tinned peaches.

Planning an earlier start, I’d set the alarm to be jolted from disturbed sleep Wednesday.  The trees glowed gold above parched fields.  Lolling on the couch, Phil whinged Shutterstock used the AI pic generator to mash up his photos then was magically ready – irksome as I’d rushed round all morning preparing for an outing.  We swerved roadworks where the workman was hard at it, drinking Lucozade and tapping his phone, crossed to the bus stop, paid £2 flat fares and chatted on the ride Up Tops.  Observing we’d miss the new PM’s first PMQs, we predicted a disparate cabinet descending into chaos, a reshuffle consisting of arse-licking creeps and another coup – watch this space!  We alighted to walk into The Crags, admire effervescent woodland, bag almost-free apples and see a heron catching a fishi.  The longest jaunt for some time left us footsore, achy and muddy.  As I removed clarted jeans, I feared mucky bits on the rug came off me.  I  was glad of leftovers and more peaches and cream for dinner.

Effervescence

Blissfully asleep until Phil rose early Thursday, I dozed, felt iffy, changed bedding, recovered with coffee, edited the Valley Life article and went out with Walking Friend, dissuading her from heron-spotting in favour of the market.  A waste of time, I found a mere 2 of the sought toiletry items and was piqued by the man taking ages serving a couple.  In the Med Café, busy with half-term families, we discussed spice preferences and recent walks, including her misadventures with The Poet, over versions of brekkie.

Phil rang after work to see where we were and pull faces through the window.  His brekkie came quick and disappeared in his gob quick.  Doing more errands, we saw a heron on the weir – no need to go hunting after all!  In the large charity shop, we found a monopod and Armani jeans.  A tired Phil took then home.  My friend and I visited more charity shops and laughed at Noir crap.  “I can’t look. It hurts my eyes. People buy that shit. Scary!”  Walking her to the bus stop, I advised she opted into NI payments.  Overwhelmed by stuff to do Friday, I got upset struggling with the bath tap.  Phil came to help: “I thought you were actually crying.” “I was!”  Doing admin after lunch got fractious.  Trying to log onto online banking, the annoyingly hot, slow laptop found no internet.  I gave up and stomped to the kitchen to make apple cake and chutney.  Phil came to stir it up and prep jars.  Feeling calmer, we totted up household outgoings, freaked by the unavoidable sums.

Wobbly during the last weekend of October, I stayed in.  Saturday, we made butter from souring cream, taking turns shaking a jar until a butterball formed.  I left buttermilk straining through a filter paper to use for Yorkshire pud batter, while Phil did my hair.  Lunch involved a veritable country kitchen of 4 homemade items!  Sniffy all day, Phil took a hot lemon drink up for an afternoon rest before a seasonal dinner and creepy films.  Rain put me off going for knobbly veg Sunday.  Instead, I edited photos, worked on the Valley Life article, got head fug and cleaned the bathroom in fading light as the stupid bulb popped.  Phil got home from The Store with another bag of stuff – the benefits of working a late Sunday shift!

On Halloween, BBC breakfast said we should’ve got the first £66 under the energy bills support scheme.  Many on pre-paid meters hadn’t received vouchers, but I couldn’t fathom ours.  I re-checked accounts and rang BG to be in a 1½ hour queue.  On the 3rd attempt, an unintelligible Asian woman said I’d been transferred to BG evolve whatever that was.  On hold again, this time with no clue for how long, I conceded defeat, sent off the Valley Life article and posted blogs.  Then we both went out, him to work, me to the co-op.  Barely able to think with a cacophony of screeching kids, I raced out the back door.  A two-way traffic jam round the roadworks had cleared leaving an eerily empty road.  With no trick or treaters, I ate a lolly from a selection bag.  Late evening, my nose clogged and head drooped.  Phil asked why I pulled faces.  “I’m getting a cold. Your cold!”  Expunging nasty gunk overnight, proved me right this time.

Numbers stable, hospital admissions fell, 10 million had autumn boosters and statins reduced deaths from severe covid by 37%.  Flu down the last 2 years due to less face-licking, the 2022 season started early.  High rates for under 5’s. those eligible were urged to get jabs. Taking over Llandudno and evading contraception during covid restrictions, the increased goat population ate hedges, slept in bus shelters and brawled in carparks.  The council set up a task force to move them back up the Great Orme but they clearly preferred town life.  30 new cases this month, 2.3m farm birds infected with Avian flu by their wild cousins were culled, a nationwide prevention zone imposed and vaccines researched.

Boris flew back from yet another Caribbean holiday Monday 24th to drop out of the leaders race, saying he had support but it wasn’t the right time and he couldn’t unite the party.  Yeah right! Nowt to do with the privileges committee inquiry!  Rishi became the first British Asian PM by default on Diwali.  Mainstream media didn’t mention the partial solar eclipse (another bad omen) as Trussed-UP inanely spoke Tuesday, not ruing dragging us to the brink: ‘I’m right you’re all wrong’.  Off to the funny farm, Liz!

Heron Fishing

Rishi met Kingy.  Orating on unity and stability in tough times, he ‘fully appreciated’ how hard things were, pledged “a stronger NHS, better schools, safer streets, control of our borders, protecting our environment, supporting our armed forces and levelling up.”  David Farquharson made a Truss dog toy.  Shipped at a cost of £3,500 after she resigned, it served him right for getting them from China!  He hoped ‘politically incorrect’ retailers would buy them.

Brexiteers on Romford market wanted Boris back and Scarborough chippies whinged staff shortages curbed opening hours, even in peak season.

The C**t, Wally, Babadook and Uncleverly stayed in post, Glove-Puppet returned to level up, Steve Barclay became health sec and Coffee-Cup moved to environment.  Rees-Moggy was replaced by Shats, Dowdy became cabinet sec, Gillian Keegan ed sec, and Rabid Raab deputy PM and justice sec- replacing Swiss Toni who sorted out the barristers dispute created by Raab (not widely reported, they got the 15% pay rise) and Swellen returned as home sec.  Labour crowed, Boris might not be back but his cabinet was.  Accused of doing a grubby deal, Rishi defended her re-appointment.  As Jake Berry revealed she broke the code lots, labour called on Simon Case to investigate.  On QT, David Lammy said Rishi had no mandate, awful Hartley-Brewer said the NHS couldn’t save lives, and Lucy Fraser lied there were 46 new hospitals.  A nurse in the audience wanted better facilities not more hospitals.  Armand Iannucci wondered where the social care plan Boris had at the start of his tenure was, blamed Brexit for staff shortages and 16-year-old interns for writing bad policy.  Newscast replaced by another programme of nattering men in suits, I watched last week’s on iPlayer wherein Keir said it was better to be boring rather than exciting and create a scary Truss-like mess.

The Glove-puppet took a weekend off clubbing to tell Laura K. Swellen had integrity, would be great at her job, and make promises on extra help for households.  Excerpts from the biography revealed that as foreign sec, Trussed-Up was more interested in selfies for socials than being briefed before meetings.  Laughing at her rider comprising posh espresso, chilled Sauvignon Blanc and no mayo, Spreadsheet Phil preferred to go with the flow.  At a special Stormont sitting on deadline day, Michelle O’Neil complained Jeffrey Donaldson’s refusal to power-share ‘til the Northern Ireland protocol was scrapped, a ‘failure of leadership’.

The Halloween fiscal statement delayed, the Beeb went to Creepy Crawley and Rabid Raab insisted it’d ensure it ‘stood the test of time’ and OBR forecast accuracy.  They predicted the total cost of the government bail-out would’ve been £2.2 bn.  On the day Kingy 50p coins were minted, former BOE boss Lord Mervyn King blamed the bigger boys, i.e., global banks, for printing money and over-borrowing during the pandemic.  In favour of slow growth, he feared cuts worsening the situation.  Octopus bought Bulb which collapsed last November.  Ofcom encouraged internet providers to put customers before profits.  Dipping into reserves for day-to-day costs, schools were running out of money.  Threatened with legal action by South Yorks mayor for asset-stripping Robin Hood airport, Peel Group denied claims of a ‘credible buyer’.  Ambulance workers joined nurse ballots, while an NHS recruitment drive aimed to replace 40,000 who quit last year.  2,000 Scotrail drivers and Avanti managers struck over rosters, Stagecoach staged more talks in Hull, Co-op Funeralcare coffin-makers in Glasgow started a week’s strike and announced more in November.

Only 29 of 193 countries meeting COP26 commitments, Guterres feared global catastrophe but was optimistic rumours of UK targets being ditched weren’t true.  Rishi said he wouldn’t go to COP27 due to more ‘pressing domestic commitments’.  What on earth was more important?  Labour called ousting Alok Sharma from cabinet, despite going to hand over the presidency, a failure of leadership, and Caroline Green said it made a mockery of government claims on climate leadership.  Coffee-cup disrespectfully told LBC: “The UK continues to show global leadership as opposed to just a gathering of people in Egypt.”  Dead crustaceans littered the North East coast (was it algae or pollution?) and Southern Water spewed sewage into the sea at St. Agnes, Cornwall.  Frank Spencer spewed platitudes on making progress.

More of the foreign aid budget spent on refugees in the UK than abroad, none of the 38,000 channel-crossers had asylum decisions.  The Home Office unable to cope, conditions at Manston processing centre left inspector David Neal ‘speechless’.  66 year-old Andrew Leak threw petrol bombs and fireworks at the Western Jet Foil camp in Dover then killed himself.  Islamophobic rants found on his Facebook page, terror police investigated.  Amid fire damage, 700 were bussed to Manston, plagued by MRSA, scabies and diphtheria.  Children screamed ‘freedom!’ over the fence.  In the Commons, Yvette Coop accused Swellen of ‘working outside the law’ not providing extra hotel accommodation. Swellen retorted we needed to know which party was serious about stopping the ‘invasion’.  Many of them allegedly recruited by criminal gangs in French camps, we should ‘stop pretending’ they were refugees in distress.  How did she know if they weren’t processed?  Swellen promised the 10,000 Albanians would be dealt with ‘within days’.  The system broken and illegal migration ‘out of control’, she was on the side of getting a grip.  The opposition guffawed at her incompetence.  Also quizzed on breaking the ministerial code, Tulip Siddiq referred Swellen to FCA.

Xi Jinping became the first Chinese leader re-elected for a third term since Mao. Sergey Naryshkin of the Russian spy service denied Kremlin nuclear bombast, saying it was all Western rhetoric.  He’d warned colleagues in Turkey, USA and France of Ukrainian plans to use ‘dirty bombs’.  With no evidence, it was an obvious red flag.  A huge Israeli raid in Nablus, West Bank wounded 21 Palestinians and killed 5.  3 were members of The Lion’s Den independent militia.  Trump was subpoenaed over the Capitol Hill debacle, 6th January 2021.  Bolsonaro lost the Brazil presidency to Da Silva but didn’t concede defeat, a la Trump.  At the biggest Halloween fest since before the pandemic in Seoul, 150,000 including a K-Pop star, died crushing to see a celeb.  Riots and fireworks set Dundee on fire.  Great Balls of Fire crooner Jerry Lee Lewis died.  The dirtiest man in the world perished after having a wash.  Villagers in Dejgah, Iran, persuaded 94 year old hermit ‘Amou Haji’ who ate roadkill and smoked animal poo, to shower.  Musk’s Twitter take-over complete, he sacked execs and promised radical change (i.e., allowing toxic ‘free speech’ and charging for blue ticks).  Adidas ended their deal with Ye over antisemitism.  Losing his billionaire status, he was worth a mere £400m.  Yesus! My heart bleeds!

Notes:

*Britannia Unchained: Global Lessons For Growth And Prosperity. Kwasi Kwarteng, Pritti Patel, Dominic Raab, Chris Skidmore & Liz Truss

**Out of The Blue: The Inside Story of the Unexpected Rise and Rapid Fall of Liz Truss. Harry Cole & James Heale

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iii. Cheap food links: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2022/oct/15/cheap-deli9cious-and-only-three-years-out-of-date-my-week-of-eating-food-past-its-best-before; https://cheapfood.co.uk/; https://www.rogerswholesalefoods.co.uk/

Part 106 – Clownfall

“Too many people are losing the battle to keep a roof over their heads – struggling to pay rent and put food in their mouths…the next Prime Minister needs to get a grip on this crisis, and fast” (Polly Neate)

Liar, Liar!

Haiga – Disrupter

July 1st, I managed a full day out of bed, hung washing in sunshine and nipped in the art shop for an open studios brochure on the way to the co-op.  As I danced in the aisles to ‘The Chelsea Song’*, someone said “nice moves, Mary!”  I turned and smiled before recognising Bully Ex-neighbour.  That was the end of blanking her, then!  A rain shower eased as I walked back alongside Irish Neighbour who predicted it’d stop altogether when we got home.  Alas, it didn’t.  As it got wetter, Phil dashed out to fetch the laundry.  Sun returning, I started to peg it back, but darkening skies made me abandon the idea.  The Widower chatted to The Woman Next Door.  His unleashed dog roamed the street, weed near our door and jumped up to plant 2 matching muddy paw prints on my light summer jeans.  The Widower apologised and offered to wash them.  I said it was okay, then went in to rant and soak the jeans.

ONS estimated covid went up another 32%, with 1:35 infected in Yorkshire and 1:25 in Calderdale.  Prof Linda Bauld blamed holidaymakers returning from Portugal.  Shats unveiled a 22 point plan for air flights.  Scottish cops withdrew ‘goodwill’.  The work to rule was triggered by a ‘derisory’ offer of £564 extra pay.

Waking early with a cough Saturday, I sucked a pastille and fell back asleep.  Both tired, we stayed in.  Phil cut my hair and tackled the greasy kitchen then rested while I cleaned floors and went to the co-op for beer.  Bantering with My Mate at the kiosk, a woman randomly mentioned Crackerjack.  “It’s Friday, it’s 5 to 5…” I quoted. “Oops! I’m showing my age. I know I don’t look it!”  Hitherto cloudy, I strolled back in the gorgeous evening and stopped to chat with German Friend warming in sunshine outside her house.  Her next-door’s makeshift patio an improvement on the caravan, I desisted in calling it a bit gammon when she said they were nice neighbours.  Bemoaning a lack of parking space, set to worsen with the mill development, she planned to bring it up at their upcoming street party.  Wondering what good that would do, Phil agreed the fallacy it was a private street gave them delusions of authority!  The Woman Next Door had parked in the middle of our street.  When End Neighbour arrived, I banged on next door and faked fear of being run over as she backed up.  The Widower similarly struggled to park then discovered he’d brought the wrong keys out and had to enter a daft code to get spares from a box.  I stayed out to soak up rays, swept cobwebs off the window and lopped the rosebush to prevent eye pokes.

Arriva bus services resumed during talks but the strike was back on a week later.  1,000 confirmed cases, mostly in London, Pride revellers were told to stay home if they had monkeypox symptoms and vaccine was offered to contacts.

Quorn sausage instead of meat Sunday, felt like a treat.  That mightn’t last as farmers losing £30 per pig threatened to stop production.  Phil said “The government can’t admit Brexit’s a mess and there’s no money coming in through trade.” “What about VAT? If they don’t do something, it’ll be more costly when we all die of malnutrition!”  Bunman reckoned this was more of a health risk than the pandemic.

Bikers and Motley Folk

Phil having no luck job-hunting, I proposed offering IT skills to artists.  Open Studios a good place to start, we visited the main venues.  In the first, a woman created charming bird paintings and inspiring collages.  Phil offered to take photos of her pictures so she could sell prints online.  Mysteriously seeing nobody we knew in the next studio, we climbed steep steps to the upper art mill floors where Photography Friend chuckled: “About time you showed up!”  We discussed selling her greetings cards online and the trials of videoing.  Browsing jewellery, I was greeted by the silversmith who turned out to be End Neighbour’s daughter.

After visiting a couple of charity shops, we crossed a square busy with bikers and other motley folk to get pop, and supped it near the wavy steps.  Lads built a fort on duck island, a boy disgustingly picked up birdseed to hand-feed pigeons, and a misfit black and white mallard mixed with waterfowl until a dog splashed into the water.

It emerged Boris used a government jet to holiday in Cornwall last month.  An ill-briefed Thérèse Coffee-Cup was wheeled out to parrot Number 10 press office lines.  Most covid infections caused by the BA.5 Omicron subvariant, Thicko Dr. Jenny Harries resurrected the old ‘hands, face, space’ mantra, advised face-masks in busy indoor places and those with respiratory illnesses stayed home.  As Russia took control of Lysychansk and accused Ukraine of missile strikes on Belgorod, Gen Mark Milley made parallels between Russian invasions and Nazi Germany but NATO stronger than ever, didn’t think we were on the road to war.  Lord Brownnose allegedly got his knighthood for rescuing Bonny Prince Charlie’s daft Dumfries eco homes plan.

Iffy with twinges Monday, I resolved to not stay abed, posted a haiga, drafted blogs, and went to the co-op.  The Bonkers woman fretted with a friend over what she could afford for tea.  Things were bad if the middle classes were worried!  I eschewed pricey items for a low-cost top-up.  The young cashier very fast, I asked did he work at Lidl before? “No, kitchens.”  I dumped bags near the front door, filled the watering can from the outside tap and jumped at a “Hello Mary.”  I hadn’t seen The Woman Next Door on her doorstep.  It was hard to keep a straight face as she held a bonger in one hand and traced circles round her face with a tuning fork in the other.  Phil guessed it was some zen shit.  DIY tuning fork therapy, actually.  He was in stiches at a woman on Look North who clearly bought her furnishings from Noir: “And look at that gammon tan!”  Thinking he said ‘Gammantine’, I asked if that was a new décor style.

Having said they had no evidence, the BBC admitted 6 complaints against DJ Tim Westwood who police spoke to once.  Downing Street stated that aware of ‘reports and speculation’, Boris referred to the ex-whip as ‘Pincher by name, Pincher by nature’, but didn’t know of any substantiated allegations.  The National Gallery was evacuated when Just Stop Oil protesters superimposed an apocalyptic future vision onto Constable’s Haywain and glued themselves to the frame.  The next day, they augmented The Last Supper at the Royal Academy.  Motorists staged country-wide motorway go-slows.  Yorkshire cops deployed stingers and chilled-out Bristol cops provided an escort, but arrested 12 for blocking the Prince of Wales Bridge.  Due to local food costs, school caterers switched from chicken to turkey and beef to gammon, largely imported.  No fuel for teachers, Sri Lanka extended school closures another week.  Suspecting bird flu killed chicks on the Farne Isles, NT banned boat trips.  6 were massacred and 36 injured during a Chicago Independence Day parade.  Culprit and wannabee rapper Robert E. Crimo III posted cartoons of himself doing the shooting.

Waking frequently, I ended up oversleeping Tuesday.  Phil sorted stuff still in bags from Leeds and gave me a posh ruler for to-scale measuring: handy for all that model-building I did!  Feeling sleepy, I quit writing for active chores to be stymied by him nabbing the hoover.

Wage growth below inflation, The Resolution Foundation warned 1:4 people’s savings wouldn’t last a month if they lost their job.  Lynch told the RMT conference the current strike was the fight of a lifetime.  Offered 6%, Bosch Rexworth factory workers in Fife walked out.  High street coffee almost £3 a cup, Pret a Manger returned to profit.  Hundreds of BA flights cancelled, EasyJet COO Peter Bellew quit over chaos.  40% of travel insurance policies gave insufficient strike or covid cover.  At 7.00 a.m., former top FCO civil servant Lord Simon McDonald, published a letter telling Kathryn Stone Boris knew about The Pincher in 2019, belying claims allegations were ‘unsubstantiated’.  It was news to ex-foreign minister Rabid Raab.  Boris blathered to Chris Mason it was a mistake to make The Pincher a whip.  Barely sensical, he ‘tried to explain’ he was ‘focused on other things’.  Yeah! Saving your own skin!  MPs in constituencies over the weekend asked how many boys they’d touched up and ministers sick of looking stupid fire-fighting for their boss, Rishi and Goblin Saj resigned early evening.  The Goblin said: “I can no longer, in good conscience, continue to serve in this government.”  Rishi wrote: “The public rightly expect government to be conducted properly, competently and seriously.”  Nads Zahawi hilariously became Chancellor on the spot.  Tarzan Heseltine told Newsnight it was the end.  Instrumental in ousting Thatcher, he should know.  12 overnight resignations included solicitor general Alex Chalk.  Boris predictably phoned Vlod.

Again up late Wednesday, I worked on the journal and watched PMQs.  Keir said promoting The Pincher despite known predatory behaviour was serious; the PM handed him power and was propped up by a party defending the indefensible.  A ‘charge of the very light brigade’, we needed rid of the ‘zed list cast of nodding dogs’.  Boris reiterated labour had no plan, rudely pointed at the shadow cabinet and disbelieved Keir’s vow to not re-join the EU against the will of the people which had incensed Guardianistas.  Ian Blackford guffawed at Boris’ hope of 3 terms in office: “If a week is a long time in politics, 10 days is a lifetime.”  Instead of discussing the cost of living and Brexit, as usual, it was all about Boris.  Rather than the Monty Python Black Knight, he was the dead parrot.  Liz Saville said as the PM always put his political survival before the country’s interests, he was the best recruitment sergeant for independence they could wish for.  Tory backbenchers on the attack, was it time to do the decent thing and resign?  Lindsay Hoyle told applauding MPs they should be ashamed.  Delivering a resignation statement, Goblin Saj said he wasn’t one of life’s quitters, cared deeply about public service, it was a privilege to be trusted in a tough role, nothing mattered more than people’s health, and paid tribute to all in health and social care motivated by the national interest.  But they couldn’t allow division to become entrenched, treading a tightrope between loyalty and integrity was now impossible and it was unfair to be made to defend ‘lies’.  He’d given the benefit of the doubt over Partygate but enough was enough, problems started at the top, that wouldn’t change, and the choice to stay in the cabinet was an active decision.

Phil headed for Leeds and I for errands in nasty drizzle, getting inflated cough sweets and PJs, £1 crop pants to use for patches on worn-out ones, and DVDs in charity shops.  I stopped to reminisce with New Gran and Partner babysitting outside Corner Pub about when it resembled an after-school club.

The RCN said the end of special NHS covid leave showed how little the government cared about staff.  Hospitals re-introduced mask-wearing.  Unaware it’d gone away, did it explain last months’ dream?  On the day of the NI threshold rise, the pound dropped against the dollar.  38 resignations by teatime the most within 24 hours in history, a cabinet delegation plus Graham Brady, waited to tell the PM time was up, as he told the public liaison committee he was getting on with governing the country.  Refusing to go, he called the Glove-Puppet a snake and sacked him.  Reporters stood in Downing Street battling chants of ‘Boris out!’

On the market Thursday, a customer discussed lobsters with the fishmonger.  ”What about langoustines?” I asked, to get a tirade about the only Fleetwood trawler being foreign-owned.  I didn’t ask did he vote Brexit!  I continued onto the co-op after lunch, gardened in warm sun when Walking Friend came by on her way to town and invited me for a drink.  She sat on the bench while I cleared up and The Widower walked his shorn dog past.  “Has she had a haircut?”  In reply, he removed his hat to display a buzzcut. “That’s dramatic!”  I waited outside the pet shop then in a seething square while she erranded.  Cafés shutting, I consented to Corner Pub where New Gran and Partner promptly left.  “Typical! The one time I’m stopping!” I joked.  Walking Friend bought us pints and herself a nibble.  Saying she often sat home alone when not working or walking, I invited her for coffee anytime.  We’d left Phil doing a work for Alexa.  I texted ‘3 guesses’ to which he replied: ‘I only need 1!’  When he arrived, she insisted on buying another round while he ate her congealed garlic bread and made friends with a dog.  Behind on the drinking, he wanted another pint, then got hungry.  Her bus due, we bade thanks and goodbye.  Drowsy after the beer, sleep eluded me until tinnitus suddenly stopped and the world went quiet.

Reporters had reason to stand in Downing Street for once.  After a tsunami of 60 government resignations, Boris finally quit, as party leader, not PM.  Deflecting blame onto his colleagues, he hastily reshuffled cabinet into a ‘caretaker government’, promising no ‘major change of direction’ ‘til election of a new leader.  Phil remarked on the typical Britishness of The Pincher being the final straw after a tsunami of lies!  Andrea Jenkyns gave the finger on her way to become education minister.  “What a great example to young people!” I exclaimed. “It’s like a corrupt government of a loser country. They all need shoving against the wall!”  John Major said the PM should go immediately and Keir threatened a confidence vote if he didn’t. Leadership contenders reaching 11 within days, Boris didn’t endorse any in case it scuppered their chances.  Vlod sad, the EU were glad and hoped to ‘reset’ the relationship with the UK.  NCA arrested people-traffickers and seized dinghies and paraphernalia from warehouses across Europe.  Foreigners allowed at Hajj for the first time in 2 years, 1 million selected by lottery had to be under 65, vaccinated and test negative for covid.  Former Japanese PM Shinzo Abe was assassinated while campaigning and Rollerball legend James Khan died.

Erase and Rewind?

Haiga – Atmospherics

A knock on the door Friday signalled Walking Friend dropping off a promised item.  She asked was I alright after the pub.  “Yes and no; it was lovely but there was loads of stuff I didn’t get done.” “I know. We’ll plan it next time.”  Intending to go for a walk after I‘d draft-posted the journal, it was rather late and I still felt tired.  Instead, I raked leaves and helped Phil rescue confused bees.  Among the comings and goings, Decorating Neighbour asked if we knew anything about End Neighbour.  Meant to be holidaying, she had covid.  “I’ve no idea. Her daughter said nothing when we saw her Sunday”  After drinking rather a lot of wine, I slept reasonably well and had a long episodic dream involving weird office-related crap.

NatWest staff on under £32,000 offered a 4% rise, Unite said it was better than a one-off payment.  Oil prices up again, wind power was the cheapest ever.  Keir and Rayner were cleared of breaking covid laws during beergate.  Gammons whinged about woke Durham cops.  Yep, just like Bristol!

Woken by mild leg cramp and loud talking outside, I rose drowsily Saturday.  Making brekkie stressful in a cluttered kitchen even though I’d washed up Friday night, I wondered where the hell it all came from?  Phil related a mildly racist joke (actually tweeted by Alistair Campbell in April): An Englishman, an American and an Indian walk into a bar. The barman says, ‘the usual Mr. Sunak?’  Putting recycling out, Welsh Art Friend was collecting the baby from young neighbours’ house for an outing.  A recent operation explained her absence from Open Studios but she was recovering well.  Other artists we’d expected to see all had covid apparently.  We got lucky there after all the art events we’d attended recently!  She offered to put fliers up to promote Phil’s IT services when we got round to doing them.  A bit of a breeze made the warmth bearable enough to repeat my birthday walk during which we admired bright skies and blooms, ate pasties at the farm shop and gathered a few wimberries (see Cool Placesii).

Hardly any breeze, Sunday became hot.  Suffering dodgy guts, I wondered was it caused by the beer?  The cheap bacon tasty but 2 rashers short of a weekend, Phil said it sounded like I’d devised an expression.  Not the first neologism we’d invented.  The laptop proclaimed no internet.  I waited ages to send birthday greetings to a cousin, edit photos and write a haiga.  On the way back from the co-op, a couple of women on the street below who’d put water out for geese, were surrounded.  “You’ll never get rid of them now!” I chuckled.  Sitting on the garden bench, I saw a plate of mushrooms in front of the mini-greenhouse and asked The Woman Next Door on her step were they hers?  “Yes.” “What are they doing there?” “Drying.” “Well, I need access and they’re not in the sun.”  She moved them to her wall.  The way clear, I checked the celery to discover munched leaves and placed shards round the stalks to put the slugs off.  It didn’t.  Phil brought ancient chilli seeds out to pot and helped clear up.  A strange man laden with eggs and berries, visited The Woman Next Door.  He’d parked in the middle of street but guided him into a space before they went out.  “Who’s that?” asked Phil. “How the hell should I know?”  Seeing him early the next day, I speculated it was a boyfriend.  We ate lunch outside, dozed, and moved from shade to sun but still hot at 6, retreated indoors.  Exhausted, I wrestled with sleep in the hot, bright night and got up to gaze at stars, minimise the light, then tossed and turned to the meditation soundtrack.

On Politics North, new Levelling Up minister Lia Nici repeated the misogynistic slur that Rayner opened her legs in The House, leading to a row with Naz Shah.  Widely condemned, why hadn’t the presenter called Nasty Nici out on the spot?  Anticipating summer travel chaos, Operation Brock restarted in Kent.  After an interminable 2 weeks, Novax won the tennis.

Already sunny at 6.30 a.m. Monday, I opened the bathroom window to let a bug out and went back to bed.  interrupted my writing for a counter-signature on his high street store contract.  Assuring me scribing with the laptop touchpad was easy, my signature came out as a worse scrawl than usual!  We had better luck using the ipad.  I performed niggly chores, greeted Next Door and Strange Man and suppressed annoyance at a lack of help (Monday was often busy for Phil too).  Assembling various materials to clean a kitchen chair outside, whatever I tried, the blotches kept re-appearing.  Phil had a go during a break in google work but it looked worse than ever.  I decided the posh paint had gone funny, found nothing suitable in the coal-hole, searched fruitlessly online for new, and said I’d try locally.  Falling asleep outside during the longest heatwave for 50 years, I showered and rested on the bed.   Although muggy, I slept well that night.

Scotrail drivers agreed on 5% but Aslef voted for summer strikes.  A 24 hour Post Office strike with more predicted, bosses whinged they lost £1m a day due to bad relations.  Migrants carried a dinghy across a French beach and 442 later arrived in Kent.  Sick of criticism for providing a taxi service, the navy didn’t want to take the lead in dealing with channel crossings.  A covid lockdown shut all casinos in the Chinese gambling enclave of Macau.  The 1922 committee drew up leadership race rules.  Candidates needed the backing of 20 MPs and there’d be a new PM by 5th September.  Steve Barclay, tory party favourite Ben Wally, Goblin Saj (amidst tax evasion allegations), Grant Shats and unheard-of Rehman Chisti, dropped out, leaving 8 in the race Tuesday: Rishi Rich (releasing slick video Friday), Trussed-Up Liz, Tom Tughat, Penny Mordar (who withdrew her video when Johnny Peacock objected to inclusion), Kemi Babadook (who wanted to abolish teaching assistants because proles didn’t need educating), Swellen (saying she’d cut taxes as there were too many able people on benefits), The C**t and Nads Zahawi (amid yet more scandal).

Overcast but still warm, writing was hard Tuesday.  As head fug and achy eyes set in, I called a halt and went to town for errands and a boogie to radio 2 in the convenience store.  Two women queuing in front of me also jigged, remarking we didn’t go out dancing anymore.  Heading for what used to be the paint shop, I realised it was now an Asian food store.  I thought the fresh air would be invigorating but possibly due to mugginess, my head drooped as I plodded home.  Noisy all day, canal works finally packed in for 10 mins peace.  I measured the crop pants, cut material off the legs and made PJ patches.  Still fatigued, as the sun emerged early evening, we nipped outside for some vit. D and midge bites!

Every ambulance service on red alert, trusts declared a state of emergency due to covid admissions and the heatwave.  Meanwhile, Queenie awarded the NHS the George Cross.  May Parsons who administered the first covid jab, was among representatives from all 4 UK nations.  Heathrow told airlines to ‘stop selling summer tickets’.  Now lasting until 11th September, no wonder we could never find cheap deals anymore.  Mo Farah was praised for revealing he wasn’t a child refugee but a trafficked domestic slave.  The home office graciously announced they’d take no action but would investigate.  £1 now worth $1.19, the Euro fell to just below $1.  The war was blamed.  NASA showcased cosmic pictures by the James Webb space telescope.  The next day, the Chinese said they’d detected a FRB** like a heartbeat, in space.

Wednesday, Phil had an appointment for someone to collect his Leeds studio fridge.  I made him a bottle of pop to take and myself coffee and watched shenanigans.  On Daily Politics, Tony Danker, CBI wanted less business tax and Heather WTF Whately came out with the same old rubbish: ’I love Rishi!’  Pandemonium at the start of PMQs, Lindsay Hoyle shouted: ‘shut up! order, order!’  Alba MPs Neale Hanvey and Kenny Macaskill were marched out of the chamber to murmurs of insurrection.  Keir suggested a demob happy PM free of shackles, could say what he truly thought and forget about following the rules, so was it time to scrap non-dom status?  Boris not changing his response, Keir went onto a ‘simpler question’ concerning offshore schemes letting people avoid tax.  The Bumbler bizarrely responded any of the leadership candidates could wipe the floor with ‘captain crasherooney snoozefest‘.  What was the clown on?  Keir persisting on the tories benefiting from tax scams, Boris spouted lies about tax and benefits to a line of nodding dogs on the front bench wearing white and green Srebrenica flowers.  Ian Blackford boringly made no jokes.

Warmth tempered by a breeze, I ate lunch outside, cleaned under the garden bench and chatted to a woman walking her elderly cat.  Interminable beeping stopped just in time for a rest.  Considering going outside again, Phil’s head loomed at the window.  I opened the door and replenished the coffee.  He followed me to the kitchen, doing my head in jabbering excitedly about his new mate and using the music studio for his photography.  About to work on the journal, he asked for assistance making videos for a google work, set up a white screen, screwed his phone on a large tripod and taught me how to record.  Quick when it worked, a faff when it didn’t, we called a halt for dinner.

Bereaved families called 200,000 covid deaths ‘a damning milestone’.  Resolution Foundation found the richest 10% of Brits owned 29% of disposable income.  Only Greece and Cyprus had worse economic deterioration.  BOE told banks to double the buffer in case of hardship.  Wetherspoons lost £30m – nowt to do with Brexit, eh Tim!  The SCE monster was installed in an old lido on Weston beach as part of Unboxed.  Formerly known as the Festival of Brexit, there was no mention of Brexit!  An extreme weather warning extended to next Tuesday, the army set fire to Salisbury Plain, competing with French and Iberian wildfires.  Official buildings and posh homes invaded, instead of resigning, the Sri Lankan president fled, appointed the PM acting president, declared a state of emergency, and a curfew in the western region encompassing Colombo.  Protestors then overtook the PM’s compound as grim-faced police fired tear gas and water cannons.  The gold walls of a politician interviewed on Newsnight looked pricey enough to cover the national debt.  A French inquiry concluded Liverpool fans weren’t to blame for the Paris match debacle 28th May.

Blooming Buddleia

In the co-op Thursday, a few extras brought me above budget but I got free redcurrants from the community garden wall and saw a ringed butterfly for the first time.  Storing groceries, I noticed we were low on essentials which I should’ve bought instead of luxuries.  Irked by another Windows update leading to lack of productiveness and being indoors on a sunny afternoon, I announced I was going to the park.

Descending the steps reminded Phil he’d seen geese ascend the previous evening.  I thought they used the zebra crossing!  Today, they were all on the church lawn.  We walked along the blooming towpath, where even the island below the aqueduct was festooned.  The park busy after school, we bought café ice creams and squatted on stools to munch and watch an entourage of kids pursuing cyclists dressed as sloths.  AS they packed up, I discovered they were advertising for festival work.  Taking a long route home, we stopped to admire a buddleia when an old art classmate walked by.  She stopped to chat further up.  Back home, we took coffee outside and Phil fixed pegs while I faffed with a rickety folding chair before extricating broken pots from overgrown ivy.  Next Door But One put currants on Next Door’s folding table, explaining the mystery.  The Woman Next Door told me about the new age therapy stuff she was studying and the value of ‘precious’ wimberries and came to look at a frog on the edge of the open compost bin.  I called Phil to do a rescue but it disappeared in the ivy.

Hit the Ground

Haiga – Sky Dancer

Having given up the night before, editing photos and blogging was thankfully faster Friday.  As I prepared to clean the bathroom, Phil nabbed the hoover for the attic.  Sick of tripping over photography gear, I offered to help sort the clutter but he insisted on doing some cleaning first.  Dumping dead flowers in warm drizzle (did that count as rain on St Swithin’s?), the sun came out when I went back in.

1:18 infected, JCVI advised autumn boosters be offered to the clinically vulnerable, health & care workers and the over 50’s.  About time!  A TUC study revealed the UK had the worst ‘real wage squeeze’ of all G7 countries.  Unite’s Sharon Graham said employers making huge profits must pay workers more.  On the first televised tory leadership debate, Tom Tughat was the only one who agreed Boris wasn’t honest.  The others evaded the question.  Asked did they trust politicians, not one audience member raised a hand.  Not from Bury market then!  Accused of lying over self-ID by Babadook, Mordor got in a muddle.  Only capable of working from script, she proved to be quite thick beneath the veneer, supporting  Lord Frosty’s claim she was useless!  A red ‘extreme heat’ weather warning prompted Downing Street to declare a national emergency for next week.  Phil snorted: “this country is lame!”

He got to the kitchen after I’d broken my Saturday brekkie egg and commented cooking eggs was quick.  Yeah, when someone else has done all the work! I thought.  Warm sun tempered by  a breeze, we went on a foraging walk before the dangerous red heat arrived.  Popping in the co-op, we stalked the aisles for 3 for 2 snack food which had moved.  My Mate at the kiosk said something derogatory about an old man who always wore cowboy gear.  “Be nice!” I admonished and let him serve The Cowboy first before he whinged about the coming heatwave.  “Are you working? It’s cool in here.”  “Yes but it’s getting here.”  We ascended fields to a lane lined with wimberry shrubs, picked, munched pastries and admired views before discovering an easier way down (See Cool Placesii).  Recovering from the exertions, Phil complained he was too hot.  “What do you expect?” I admonished, “You don’t drink water or wear a hat or shades.”

An effort to get going Sunday, I composed a haiga and improvised redcurrant relish.  Phil sorted attic stuff.  Allegedly still too cluttered for me to go up, I helped dispose of boxes.  Cooler and cloudy to start, he reiterated the red heat warning was a load of pants but it became fiercely sunny in the afternoon.  We ate lunch al fresco and stayed out a couple of hours, avoiding buzzing bees.  An old art teacher came past with his dog.  He’d semi-retired and passed on event co-ordination to The Printer, and admin to Welsh Art Friend.  As he knew them both, it was definitely worth Phil sticking up fliers.

Boris accused of partying and going up in an RAF tornado instead of chairing cobra meetings, Rayner said he should step down now.  The home office select committee found the Rwanda ploy no deterrent.  Labour shortages predicted to cost the economy £30bn a year, there were calls to reset Brexit.  How did that work?  2 billion vaccinated, covid cases rose in India to a 4-month high of 20,528.  The second leadership debate on ITV an hour of in-fighting, the third due to air on Sky was cancelled when Rishi Rich and Trussed-Up declined to take part.  10 armed robbers raided the Apple store in Covent Garden.

After an unusually good night’s sleep, I donned minimal clothing Monday, did small chores, saved dumped items near the recycling and undrunk tea (very nice with ice and lemon on the very hot day), and posted the haiga.  The co-op top-up cheap, My Mate was keeping cool but feared travelling home.  Phil interrupted my afternoon writing by melodramatically declaring a sink blockage.  Fizzing the crud of limited effect, a plunger worked marvellously.  Still boiling after a cold shower, resting was impossible but it was comfortable enough to sit out by 7.  I asked The Widower how he was faring.  Okay so far, he dreaded grandchild’s grad ceremony in Manchester the next day.

ONS data showed when 9.4% inflation was taken into account, pay fell the fastest March-May since records began.  Wages grew in the public sector by only 1.5% as opposed to 7.2% in the private sector.  Public sector pay offers between 4 and 5%, and no extra cash for the NHS, doctors, dentists and cops would get the most.  The labour motion rejected as it would’ve forced tories to state they had confidence in Boris to avoid a general election, the government won another, strangely brought by themselves.  Boris accused Keir and ‘the deep state’ of plotting to reverse Brexit.  What conspiracy site had he been on?  Keir said the delusion was never-ending.  On the 10th day of temperatures above 400C, forest fires surrounded a train in Zamora, Spain.  The UK heatwave brought record highs to Wales, slower trains on buckled rails, car breakdowns, power cuts, grounded RAF jets at Brize Norton and planes at Luton due to a ‘heat incident’ (aka melting tarmac).  The ‘common sense’ brigade on Jeremy Vine joined by Charlie Mullet from his Spanish villa, guffawed at TUC advice to work from home.  Notts cop chief Caroline Henry was banned from driving.  Vlod sacked 60 alleged spies from the Ukrainian security service and SBU.

25.90C overnight on Emley Moor, Tuesday started hot.  Glare making computer work hard, I climbed step ladders to tape a space blanket over the window.  Ineffective, Phil’s reflector worked better.  A sirocco-type wind hit me as I opened the door; so scorching I needed a hat to put washing out!  It was bone-dry by early afternoon.  Phil stood in the full-on heat then sat on the bench and played plinky holiday music on his phone while I squatted on the doorstep enjoying a breeze on my neck until sweating, I retreated indoors.  Phil declared even the shade too hot and pinned up the crops for me to make shorts.  As the sun disappeared, the temperature dropped a few degrees but still warm and oppressive, southern showers freakily evaporated before reaching the ground.

Unsurprisingly, records were smashed all over.  370C here, Bramham recorded 400C, Coningsby, Lincs. 40.3 and Aysgarth Falls ran dry.  Wildfires sparked major incidents in Sheffield and London where the fire service had their busiest day since WW2 and combusted horse poo in a compost heap engulfed houses in Wennington.  Felled overhead powerlines at Peterborough halted East Coast mainline trains.  Shats admitted the network couldn’t cope.  Temperatures in Spain down to 390C, they reached 41 in France.  Tughat was knocked out of the leadership race in the third round of voting and Babadook in the fourth.  At his last cabinet meeting, Boris got a leaving gift of Winston Churchill war books and declared himself great.  Keir called him a ‘bullshitter’.

Having coped with the mega heatwave, hot flushes and sweats woke me at 5 a.m. Wednesday.  It took a while to shake off wooziness.  Contrary to predictions, Boris turned up for the last PMQs before summer jollies.  Confidence in politicians at an all-time low, Kim Leadbeater wanted to know what advice he’d give to his successor?  Boris replied he’d use the next few weeks to drive forward the agenda of uniting and levelling up and that was why they’d win again. Staying on to party and holiday more like!  Keir followed up with another question of trust to which Boris waved his arms like a loon and called labour pointless plastic bollards round roadworks, with no plans of their own while the tories were outlawing wildcat strikes.  Eh? They were already illegal!  After falsely bragging of the ‘fastest economic growth in the G7’, his parting words were ‘hasta la vista, baby’.  Heaven forfend!

Misfit Mallard

Extreme heat over but still warm, we went out for fresh air, unintentionally retraced the Crossings Workshop walk and caught a glimpse of the misfit mallard (See Cool Placesii).

A women’s health strategy intended to address a range of issues with no money.  Shats advised Doncaster council took over Robin Hood airport from Peel Group like in Teesside.  As EDF got the go-ahead to build Sizewell C, five Just Stop Oil protestors who climbed gantries on the M25 were arrested.  Mordor dropped, 160,000 tory members would choose between Rishi and Trussed-Up Liz.  36% aged 50-64 and 39% over 65, a tribe of ageing gammons would decide our next PM.  Trussed-Up said she’d ‘hit the ground’.  If only!

Fine drizzle late evening made for a fresher start Thursday.  Leaden skies presaged fine afternoon sprinkles.  By 5 p.m., it was as dark as winter.  I drafted blogs and headed to the co-op, spotting an old pub mate for the 3rd time in 2 weeks and scored the free trolley.  Fridge failures during the heatwave meant literally not a sausage in the reduced meat section.  I weaved past geese pecking at the odd green shoot amid still-dry moss between cobbles on the street below.  I could only discern the youngers by dark patches on burgeoning wings and a squeak rather than a squawk.  Walking Friend came round as arranged.  We perused the old maps we’d found on a street corner, discussed the heatwave and Phil offered to look at her maintenance issues next week.  She proposed drinks at the community pub afterwards.  When she spotted our wall clock still showed GMT, Phil decided to alter it.  She took her leave and I apologised for being boring.  “You’re not boring.” “Yes we are. Doing domestics!”  Rest impossible with beeping machinery, revving engines and screeching kids, exhaustion, tummy ache and hot flushes made me thoroughly miserable by bedtime, leading to fitful sleep and hazy dreams.

Baroness Harlot promised lessons would be learnt to inform future pandemics, in a ‘fair and robust’ covid inquiry.  Witnesses compelled to submit evidence from September, public hearings would start next spring.  Did she want satirical qualitative data?  Testing positive for covid, Uncle Joe was doing ‘well’ isolated in the White House and taking anti-viral Paxlovid.  State borrowing at an all-time high and consumer Tory leadership contenders focused on the economy.  Rishi concentrated on balancing the books but Trussed-Up promised a different path, saying he and previous chancellors didn’t deliver growth, even though she’d previously endorsed their policies.  Examining her pledges against a backdrop of inflation, low growth and high taxes, IFS found reversing the NI rise, cancelling the planned corporation tax rise and a moratorium on the green energy levy would cost a total of £34bn; (£4bn above current budget targets).  A report by chief inspector of borders and immigration David Neel, said the home office response to the surge in channel crossings was poor, 200 absconded within 4 months of arrival and vulnerable migrants were left at risk in processing centres.  As the government published its critical minerals strategy and gave Pensana £850m from the automotive transformation fund, Kwasi Modo visited the Salt End rare earth plant in Hull.  Netflix lost 970,000 subscribers April-June.  Subs up, maybe they shouldn’t have made their most expensive film ever, The Grey Man, wherein Ryan Gosling globe-trots and wrecks Prague.

Pride Comes Before A Fall

Haiga – Way Off Course

After cold showers all week, we luxuriated in baths Friday.  I blogged while Phil spent an age getting through to Vodaphone.  It was worth the wait to get unlimited texts, calls and data, for less money.  Head fug setting in, I abandoned writing for a spot of housework.  Chilly and darkly grey, fine rain made the crows soggy and us chilly by early evening.

As it was revealed he paid himself via tax haven assets from his hedge fund, Rishi faced more questions over his finances.  Meanwhile, Trussed-Up said being a Lib Dem and supporting remain was a mistake and leaving the EU had been a huge success.  The start of the summer holidays, BA staff offered an 8% rise called off industrial action, an accident on the M20 led to 14-hour queues and The Port of Dover declared a ‘critical incident’.  The French blamed for ‘woefully inadequately resourcing’ 100% checks leading to 4-hour waits to clear customs, they in turn blamed a glitch in the Eurotunnel.  Authorities there said it had nowt to do with it.  The benefits of Brexit, eh, Liz?  An ‘emotional’ Antonio Guterres brokered a deal between Russia and Ukraine to alleviate the grain crisis.  Hours later, Russian missiles hit Odesa.  Ukraine vowed to get the grain out regardless.  Gazprom re-started Nord Stream 2 gas deliveries, at 30% of previous levels.

Saturday morning, I wasn’t sure if vertigo was from moderate drinking, a manifestation of fatigue or illness.  Both flaky, we stayed home watching Midsomer Murders as there was nowt else on telly.  I took recycling out and shared health issues with Decorating Neighbour who sympathised with me.  Better himself, he was back working which was good.  I worked on the new shorts until my fingers became sore from sewing.  After dinner, Phil ran to the shop for tonic, only finding lemonade to go with gin.

A rise of 7% rather than 30%, marked the start of a dip in the latest covid wave.  On BBC Breakfast, Doctors Bauld and Smith told us 1/3 were reinfections.  According to the WHO, subvariants BA.4 and 5 had been rising since June.  Figures released later exposed 810 covid deaths the last week of July, the smallest increase since June.  An Antipodean flu epidemic was unsurprising after their extended lockdowns.

Fine rain interspersed with sun Sunday, I searched for rainbows.  Seeing none, I got knobbly veg and joked with a fellow punter my cabbage would be a good Midsomer Murder weapon: “You could eat the evidence! I watch far too much of them.”  “I’m not judging!” chuckled the young server.  Stopping to redistribute heavy bags on the way home, I risked being run over when an onion rolled behind a reversing car and saw a ‘we are open’ sign at the erstwhile grocers.  Sure I heard voices, Phil went out early evening to be offered a sausage roll by crusty vegans.  Opinions divided on the local Facebook page, some said the squat was earmarked as a café bar or ice cream parlour, and others that disturbed asbestos made it unsafe.

Queuing to enter the Eurotunnel, 600 lorries waited for up to 15 hours.  A fire on Lenham Heath was visible from the M20.  Bill Alexander bravely ploughed a firebreak in a fellow farmer’s spring barley crop to stop the flames getting any further.  Trussed-Up and Rishi Rich (in Grantham) said the Rwanda ploy was a good idea.  Both seeking to emulate Thatcher, albeit from different eras, Keir laughed at ‘Thatcherite Cosplay’.

Still wobbly Monday, I posted a haiga and blocked a heap of American military trolls stacked up in Facebook ‘friend requests’.  Taking rubbish out, the trellis had collapsed again and fell to bits when I picked it up.  I yelled for Phil to do a quick bodge.  Carrying the lunch tray, I tripped and fell forward on the kitchen steps.  Screaming, I managed to keep hold and avoid breakage.  Phil asked if it was a flip-flop related incident. “It’s a first if it is.”  Fuming he hadn’t asked if I was hurt, I said I hated Mondays.  “Why?” “They’re shit! There’s always loads to do and then even more on top of that!” ”I don’t like them either.” “So why are you asking?” “Trying to be helpful.” “Well, its’ not!”  I wiped a splotch off my jeans and rolled the leg up.  Expecting a bruised knee, I found an angry graze which bled when cleaned it.

A health & social care committee workforce report said with over 99,000 vacancies in the NHS and 105,000 in social care, the government failed to plan or take decisive action.  A rise in childhood hepatitis in 35 countries was linked to covid lockdowns as kids hadn’t built up immunity to 2 common viruses.  OBR calculated Brexit cost the economy £50 billion so far.  Still in denial, Brexiteers on Jeremy Vine claimed we already had to get passport stamps when we were in the EU.  Not for France we didn’t!  The C**t said it was revenge for mucking up plans of a united Europe.  As Tory gammons called for Boris to be put on the ballot paper, the BBC staged a head-to-head debate in red wall Stoke.  Rishi criticised Trussed-Up’s idea to delay tax rises by not paying off covid debts for 3 years, as it’d lose them the next election.  Keir seemed to agree, calling Trussed-Up the latest graduate from the school of ‘magic money tree economics’ and pledged a new Industrial Strategy Council to bring economic growth, proving he was just as much a global capitalist as the rest of the wankers.  Confusion over whether this meant they’d ditch nationalisation, shadow ministers Rachel Reeves and Sam Tarry waded in.  Keir later confirmed rail would become public as contracts ran out, but not utilities, as that meant paying compensation, according to We Own It.  If you thought it was bad the Blackpool illumination red Indian display was only just junked, an arcade game allowed players to sit on a horse and shoot them.  Calling it a ‘legacy piece’, it was removed from Weston’s Grand Pier after Emily Crossing complained.   Eurovision 2023 would be staged in the UK.  Quite right, seeing as we should’ve won!

Feeling thoroughly crap and tearful Tuesday, Phil commiserated and agreed HRT might be a good idea.  Menopause symptoms compounded by money worries, it was hard to concentrate and after snapping at him over a daft niggle, I admitted the anger was really about the dire financial situation.  After some harsh words, we managed to calm down to share thoughts and feelings, discuss options, laugh and hug.  Seeing a payment from BG on a bank statement, I checked the energy account to find the small amount was for leccy and DD was slightly reduced, but gas payments were set to treble!  I called and spoke to a barely intelligible man, eventually getting it down to double.  The GP surgery only taking emergency calls in the morning, I rang after lunch and was offered an appointment next week 4 miles away.  I didn’t even know the place!  An ‘embargo’ on local appointments, I asked what did I need to do to get one?  Phone at 8 and ‘pretend’ it’s urgent!  Thinking intense night-time itching was an insect bite, the discomfort extended to other areas which felt hot even though I couldn’t see anything.

The driest summer since 1976 and the driest July since 1836 in the South East, the National Drought Group met urgently and asked customers to use less water to avoid restrictions.  Another head-to-head leaders’ debate on Talk TV was halted when host Kate McCann feinted; or fell into a coma at the sheer inanity of Truss and Rishi!  He later hinted at a U-turn on energy VAT.  IMF growth forecasts were downgraded to 2.9% globally, 1.2% for the Eurozone, 1% in the USA and .5% in the UK because of gas prices and ‘lack of investment in skills and infrastructure’.  Only Russia worse, so much for Boris’ hubris!  As Italy planned to spend an extra £12bn shielding consumers from energy costs, the EU rationed gas.

Hearing a moth waking early Wednesday, I saw no sign of it.  Itchiness persisting, Phil said that was why he never lied about medical urgency in case it came true!  I fetched brekkie and rang the GPs.  19th in the queue, I eventually spoke to a receptionist.  About to book me the last slot at the local surgery, he exclaimed: “Oh, it’s just gone!” and arranged an advice call.  The duty doctor agreed the symptoms may be menopausal but advised blood tests to rule out anything else before considering HRT.  Which of course meant ringing back after 2.  Being told to use antihistamines and cream, I took a pill, applied E45 (of limited help) and caught up on housework.  I helped Phil design a flier for his artist’s services.  “I enjoyed that,” I said. “What?” “Working together on something. Far more constructive than arguing.” “True.”  Walking Friend not replying to a text, I called her to hear strange noises.  About to go up regardless, my mobile rang but there was nothing at the other end.  She then phoned from her landline.  Informed she’d have no internet all day, that evidently meant no service at all.  At her house, me and her chatted while Phil sorted maintenance issues.  She asked if we wanted to go for beer.  Too weary for the pub, instead, we drank freshly-ground espresso and arranged tea at ours followed by a pint Sunday.  Bedtime reading was disturbed by noisy drunkards and a large moth fluttering on the lamp.  The pesky blighter must’ve been there all day!

Spending not tracked and only 2% of international arrivals quarantined having covid, The PAC found it was impossible to know if the traffic lights system was worth £486m of taxpayers’ money.  They also reported that £777m covid testing contracts awarded to Randox didn’t follow basic procedures and officials did nothing to address potential conflicts of interest even though they knew Owen Pattycake had direct contact with The Cock.  Randox called their conclusions ‘deeply flawed and wrong’.  Joining RMT pickets in the latest rail strikes, shadow transport minister Sam Tarry was sacked.  Keir claimed it was over unauthorised media appearances.  Owen Jones spluttered he’d had enough of Waitrose Boy Keir and John McDonnell said it was time for co-ordinated action (aka a national strike).  People incensed at Maccy D price rises, I thought they were far too cheap anyway and we had bigger things to worry about, such as the practice of deducting money from UC payments to pay off debts which the Joseph Rowntree Foundation wanted scrapped.

Let Them Drink Boke!

Knackered and sweaty from cleaning the bedroom Thursday, I was forced to go to the co-op to replenish basics, where the usual foray proved even more stressful and time-consuming as they’d shifted stock and hid gaps with beer and cola – let them drink boke!  The freezer deal costing more than expected, on the way out, I realised it was now 6 items for a fiver.  Only 5 in the cabinet, I returned to the till and was told with carte d’or sold out, I was meant to have 2 Vienetta.  “I’ll take it!”  A palaver ensued of scanning for a refund, then again with the 6 items.  Having seen the window cleaners’ van, I thought ours weren’t due but on slogging home, the house front was dripping.  Phil said they insisted it was our turn.  I raged at the inconvenience and he said I was hangry. 

We ate a hasty lunch, then Walking Friend rang to say she had a problem Sunday.  “Oh. I’ve just bought the stuff.” “I can still come for tea, but not the pub.” {What a shame – not!} “Come eat Vienetta!”  After lodging a complaint to the co-op about shifting stock and amending it for a ‘Tales’ blogiii, I railed at lack of productiveness and looked for a late summer holiday let, eventually finding a bargain.  Paying a low deposit, they cheekily took the balance the next day.  Trying to rest, it dawned on me the window cleaners were right.  Aware it was daft, I couldn’t stop fretting and sent them a straight-forward apology via Facebook.  Their reply shirty, I reiterated it was a genuine mistake on our part and added a smiley face.  Very itchy at bedtime, I researched DIY treatments and tried intensive hand cream containing glycerine which worked immediately.  I later discovered sensitive bodywash helped too.

2 separate scientific studies found ‘compelling evidence’ 2 coronavirus variants originated at the Wuhan fish market late 2019.  With 4 asymptomatic cases, Jiangxi district re-entered lockdown.  Announcing £5.1bn quarterly revenue on the eve of a 2-day strike, CWU accused BT of ‘gaslighting’.  Of 74,230 households homeless or at risk, 10,560 worked fulltime.  Shelter’s Polly Neate said record-high rents and crippling bills sent people working every hour, ‘over the edge’.  She called on the new PM to ‘get a grip,’ unfreeze housing benefit and build decent social homes with rents pegged to local incomes, to end homelessness for good.  Maybe they could live in the Saudi Line – the vertical city to house 9 million resembled a dystopian sci-fi.

Sleep disrupted by anxiety and discomfort, I was on the verge of tears Friday.  Sure the itchiness was menopausal, Phil said I should’ve had HRT years ago. “Look who’s talking, Captain Hindsight!“  I added graphics to Phil’s flier and printed a draft.  Puzzled by sizing issues, we gave up and went to town, finding cough drops had gone up again, as had sweet bags.  Sweet Shop Man explained the bags were bigger to fit labels on, for which the printer cost a staggering 3 grand.  Phil loitered while I stood in a slow Boots queue.  2 crusties (perhaps from the squat) mocked middle-class vegans (look who’s talking!)  The cashier served 1 customer and handed over change at snail’s pace.  I abandoned my items and stormed out.  “Surprised you lasted that long!” Laughed Phil.  Sitting riverside, we discussed posters on the old grocers inciting the squatting of Air BnB’s.  Town awash with 200, was it practical?  Were they businesses or residential?  Back home, we solved the flier misprint by converting the file format.  Flitting between laptop and printer, the pocket of my combats ripped when it caught on the sofa arm.  Just as I’d finished a pile of stitching!

ONS estimated 1:20 people had coronavirus in the week up to 20 July, compared to 1:17 the week before.  Hospital admissions decreased from 18.2 per 100,000 to 16.3.  Centrica profits 1.3bn, Shell £11.5bn and BP £6.9bn, details of fuel bill rebates revealed we’d get £66 off direct debits October and November, then £67 until March.  Martin Lewis said the zombie government should do more and the rich bragged about the size of their bills.  AQA began strike action, potentially affecting the release of exam results.

Saturday greyly mizzly, we predicted soggy dressing up at Pride Party in the Park.  Otherwise, we’d have gone to see the Kate Bush tribute.  Instead, I cleared piles of clutter in the kitchen and stitched the combats.

Sleep interrupted by raucous drunks at 3 a.m. Sunday, I stuck earplugs in, rose flushed and crampy, fetched tea and noted chilli plants on the kitchen windowsill needed thinning out.  Looking for space to put them, I saw paper peeling from the living room ceiling and chunks of plaster on the sofa.  I yelled up to Phil who cleared the plaster lumps, googled DIY fixes, ruminated over supplies and made the ceiling safe until he could get to a trad hardware shop in the next village .  I moved furniture so we could sit on the sofa, washed and air-dried a stinky throw and picked crocosmia for a kitchen vase before a trip to the co-op.  The normal scant affair, I searched for wines to use a member discount.  Seeing none, I got cheap plonk.  I swept up dust, showered and changed and reinstalled the throw, enjoying the late sun’s warmth before a lovely evening with Walking Friend during which we ate, drank and exhausted our 1970’s CD music collection.

Rishi Stabbing Boris

Resignation honours a list of donors, JCB tory donor Lord Bamford hosted a belated wedding party for Boris and Carrie.  Steve Bray stood outside Daylesford House with a banner reading: ‘corrupt tory government’.  Dreadful Doris was lambasted for re-tweeting a pic of Rishi stabbing Boris in the back.

It was revealed the Prince of Wales charitable trust accepted donations from the Bin Laden family, leading to more questions.  Giving no details of how they’d violated conditions of purchase, Gazprom suspended Latvia’s gas supply.  England beat Germany 2-1 in the Women’s Euro Final.  Winland academy advertised jobs on LinkedIn to write applications for Chinese students.  A shame they were caught; I could do that!

Thanks for reading Corvus Diaries. Updates will follow later in the year.

Hasta La Vista!

*The Liquidator, Harry J Allstars

**Frequent Radio Burst

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. Tales From The Co-op Notes on life, the universe and stuff that sucks: Tales from the Co-op Vol 5 (maryc1000.blogspot.com)

Part 105 – Jubilation?

“The PM has repeatedly shown he is unable to uphold (British) values and the reaction of the public at St Paul’s showed they know it too” (Lucy Powell)

Imperial Nonsense

Haiga – Reflections

The wee hours of 1st June, I dreamt of sitting in an ambulance wearing a face-mask.  Odd having a covid dream after so long, was it a premonition of another wave?  OneDrive did 500,000 ‘processes’.  No idea what the heck they were, Phil managed to stop them so I could use the laptop.  Bank statements revealed my benefit increased mid-April by a mega £3.50 a week – not even enough for a pint!  Putting stuff in cupboards, a small pot fell out to land in the cafetiere.  Another one bites the dust!  Thank god for the spare.

In his annual report, Lord Geidt said whether Boris’ fine broke the ministerial code, was a ‘legitimate question’.  The Bumbler replied he took full responsibility, had apologised to The House, there was no intent to break rules, paying a FPN wasn’t a criminal offence and quitting over ‘miserable’ Partygate was irresponsible amid ‘huge pressure’ on the economy, war and a ‘massive agenda’ he was elected to deliver.  Did he mean Brexit?  Rabid Raab insisted a confidence vote wasn’t imminent.  Lisa Nandy called it ‘a damning indictment’ of the PMs leadership: “that successive ethics advisers…feel they can’t trust (his) integrity…This is a government that is rotten to the core, that the rot (sic) starts from the top.”  Airport chaos worse during half-term, Tui cancelled 200 Manchester flights.  Sharon Graham said aviation bosses slashing wages and sacking staff during the pandemic, got rich on high profits and low pay.  Reaping what they’d sown, they should hang their heads in shame.  Quite!  Why book people on holidays they couldn’t get to?  In defence, Airlines UK said they didn’t know exactly when all restrictions would be lifted nor how much travel would be possible by summer.  Raab demanded airlines, airports and ground handlers met him to discuss over-booking and ill-preparedness.  Dreadful Doris announced Bradford as UK City of Culture 2025.  Maybe they’d clean up the Odeon and fill in the big hole for the festival of dire youff poetry.

Sun tempted me to don the new dress and open windows Thursday.  News stopped for Platty Joobs, we joked the so-called pageant would be the largest handmade parade in history, remembered jubblys (still available) and invented retro 1950’s dishes such as jubilee potato – just potato.  YouGov found only 9% of young people thought the royals relevant.  Nevertheless, we broke the rule of no lunchtime telly for the flypast.  Definitely the highlight of the day’s celebrations with all the planes and helicopters, Queenie with selected family on Buck House’s balcony, seemed impressed by the forming of a ‘70’ in the sky.   Enough nonsense, I hung washing out.  The Woman Next Door assured me it wouldn’t rain but the day didn’t live up to the billing of wall-to-wall sunshine.  Increasingly convinced the forecast was a conspiracy, maybe I shouldn’t have told her that!  The only sign of royalism in the co-op a woman wearing a cheap t-shirt emblazoned with ‘happy jubilee’, Phil found an infestation of red gammons in town.  They didn’t need sun, just beer!  Making a courgette and lemon cake was easy except I grated my thumb knuckle.  Icing it the next day, I wished I’d remembered the unopened Sicilian lemon essence earlier.

Oldies at a Jeremy Vine jubilee party Friday, I guffawed at an engrossed Phil but agreed their reminiscences were sociologically interesting.  Putting the telly back on for St Paul’s chimes, we mistimed it to see Boris speaking.  He and Carrie got booed going to the thanksgiving service.  Too much after the excitement of the flypast, Queenie missed it.  Justin Welby and Randy Andy missed it as they had covid – ha! ha!  We left the bells ringing for 4 hours to visit a favoured clough.  Coming back, we found a roll of old maps at a street corner and the town centre chocka; like any weekend except for the odd bit of bunting and flags in shop windows creating a patriotic enclave near the micro pub (see Cool Placesi).

A consultation began on restoring the crown to pint glasses and pounds and ounces in shops.  Chris Philp ((aka American Psycho Patrick Bateman) said imperial measures were universally understood and would bring ‘a bit of our national culture and heritage back on the top shelf’.  Alicia Kearns called it a load of imperial nonsense, Asda boss Lord Rose called it ‘utter nonsense’, National Market Traders Fed said it’d just create hassle and historian Mary Beard termed the debate a ‘nostalgia war’.  Harry Styles at number 1, the Sex Pistols didn’t get in the top 10.  We didn’t bother digging out those Stuff The Jubilee badges!  100 days since the invasion, Russia controlled 1/5 of Ukraine.  Uncle Joe pledged more weapons and urged a change in US gun laws after mass shootings in May killed Texan primary schoolkids.

Saturday, we investigated the route of Younger Brothers’ sponsored Leeds-Liverpool canal bike ride next weekend.  Doubting we’d be up on time to cheer him, Phil was keen to visit the wonder of the ‘straight mile’ sometime.  The smattering of stalls and displays at the art launch rather underwhelming, it did include our crossings workshop poems. 

Ben The Caterpillar

We had a bash at Tetra Pak printing with The Printer.  No tracing option, I called over to my old drawing teacher nearby: “You know how rubbish my drawing is!”  She chuckled.  Using styli, I etched a lopsided butterfly and Phil a very detailed bee, the antenna drooping as he ran out of space.  He again whinged kids’ efforts were better, especially Ben The Caterpillar.  We washed ink off our hands and wandered up the riverside.

Rippling with colour, tiny bugs with transparent wings hid on leafy stems; only visible on zoomed-in photos.  Surprised to see the crap market on, we battled through a packed square to ask for lavender oil at the aromatherapy stall.  The price almost doubled in 2 years, I gave it a miss.  We found a few bargains in convenience stores, browsed the new witch bookshop (aka Harry Potter emporium) and waylaid an erstwhile pub mate going to a trad pub for a Jive Bunny disco.

Phil’s back pain worse Sunday, I thought it maybe from hunching over the etching or going out the house 2 days running.  Cold, grey and damp, we stayed in.  20 years ago we might have gone for Gin and Pimm’s at the canalside pub before nicking cake at the parish church garden party.  More sedate these days, I wrote a haigaii and tackled the landing.  Planning to clean the rug, by the time I’d hoovered and rebuilt a tripod storage basket which predictably collapsed, I was knackered.  A blissfully unaware Phil didn’t hear the clattering and swearing!  Sleep mediocre, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a decent night.

Shats told Sophie Raworth other countries had airport staff shortages.  Nowt to do with Brexit, there’d be no special visas for foreign workers.  Touring with Jeff Beck, a ‘humble’ Johnny Depp spent £50,000 on a Brummie curry.  After 4 days’ hard toadying by her subjects, Queenie appeared on Buck House’ balcony.  Saying she was ‘humbled’, took the biscuit!  Lucy Powell wrote in The Guardian that as labour captured British values, cherished institutions and believed our best days were ahead, they enshrined patriotic principles more than tories.  Short-term ‘red meat’ policies like selling Channel 4 and reverting to imperial measures, diminished our global reputation, cost jobs and denied us ‘moments of togetherness’.  Grimsby Town returned to league football and Wales beat Ukraine to reach the world cup.  A jubilant Gareth Bale said the ‘crazy journey’ was ‘literally what dreams are made of’.

Monday mostly spent on admin, I thanked The Researcher for posting my takeover blog and discovered the main Crossings expo was at the town hall next Saturday, for one day only until it moved elsewhere. Why such short notice?  I read a letter from NHS pensions and registered to access details online.  Unsure if getting the paltry amount now would affect my benefit, I rang and spoke to a nice Geordie.  He didn’t know but clarified I could draw on it anytime after my next birthday.  As it would go up with inflation, I decided to leave it ‘til I really needed it, which might not be long the way things were going!

Thousands stranded by cancelled flights at the end of half-term and Platty Joobs, those who made it back faced Yorkshire bus and London tube strikes.  Jesse Norman published his letter to Boris saying the Gray report showed he ‘presided over a culture of casual law-breaking’ and to describe himself as ‘vindicated’ was ‘grotesque’.  He also lambasted the Rwanda policy, selling channel 4, the ‘foolhardy and illegal’ Northern Ireland policy, banning noisy protests and no ‘sense of mission’.  In letters to the 1922 committee, MPs cited the St Pauls booing and jitters before 2 byelections.  Some post-dated until after the long weekend, the threshold of 54 was reached.  Hoping to ‘draw a line’ under it, Boris wrote to all his MPs and addressed the committee before the evening’s confidence vote.  He won by a mere 68.  As reporters stupidly stood in Downing Street at teatime, they ignored a woman in a taffeta dress posing at the shiny door and in the evening, Bella Ciao blasting in the background.  Pressure Drop Brewery reduced staff work time from 5 to 4 days for the same pay.  ONS reckoned UK coronavirus restrictions led to £140bn ‘forced savings’.  I bet tories hated that!  Twitter failing to supply fake account info, Elon Musk threatened to pull out of the deal.

Waking with a claggy throat Tuesday, I moped and almost stayed abed but didn’t.  Opening a pack of coffee, I discovered Ocado sent beans instead of granules.  Grinding them tedious, I dossed with a cuppa and started draft-posting the journal before going to the co-op.  Previously just grabbing essential milk, I red shelf labels to note a 4-pinter was almost ½ price by volume.  How had I missed that money saver?

Heartless tory Brendan Clark-Smith moaned to Jeremy Vine that people used ‘personal tragedy’ to try ousting the PM.  Speculation continuing on his future, Boris thanked cabinet for their support and vowed to get on with the people’s business, level up, cut government spending and taxes.  He told them to look at ways to reduce costs and drive reform.  PAC reported Levelling Up decisions gambled taxpayers’ money on slogans.  Will Haigh likened the PM to a mad pilot who’d locked himself in the cockpit and being inducted into the Order of the Bath, Pat Vallance was ‘disappointed’ by the rule-flouting.  Labour urged The House to vote for committee for standards in public life recommendations giving Geidt powers to initiate investigations into ministerial code breaches.  79 migrants brought ashore, 10,000 made dodgy channel crossings so far this year.  Russia in control of ½ Donbas, Vlod said ‘heroic’ defence of the region continued.  Calling him a concrete friend to Ukraine, he was jubilant Boris survived the confidence vote.  Talks failing, RMT announced another tube strike 21st June and the first national action in 30 years affecting Network Rail and 13 TOCs on 3 days later in June.  Monkeypox became a notifiable disease.

Downward Spiral

Haiga – Showtime

Overnight indigestion persisting into Wednesday, I exercised through discomfort, moved tons of clothes (drying ridiculously slowly for June) and vacuumed the living room, finding an easter chick beneath the sofa and a wine stain on the throw.  On the front bench at PMQs, Trussed-Up Liz resembled a corpse.  Saying the confidence vote showed his own party loathed the PM, Angela Eagle asked if they didn’t trust him, why should we?  Boris harped on about those imaginary high-wage, high-skilled jobs.  Ian Blackford referenced Monty Python’s Black Knight: ‘it’s only a flesh wound’.  Rather than laying into the PM, Keir dwelt on the NHS’s GP shortage, decrepit buildings, waiting times and ambulances arriving after patients died.  I hated to agree with Boris that the line of attack wasn’t working.  Goblin Saj later waded into a row on NHS Digital removing the word ‘woman’ from advice on cervical and ovarian cancer.  As if there weren’t bigger things to worry about!  Costs spiralling out of control, the HS2 West Coast mainline link was cancelled, thus rendering the project an expensive Brummie commuter line.  Esther McVey wanted it scrapped altogether.

Buzzing Flowers

I posted a journal entry and again baffled by the short notice, shared a Crossings expo poster attached to an e-mail.  Fatigue, aches and pains mitigated against a planned trip to Shopping Town but Phil wanted gentle back exercise.  Strolling down the street, he photographed doors.  A neighbour entered her house as he took a snap.  “Do you like my door?”  Noting the lovely entrance tiles, she asked did he want another pic?  “No, just the door!”  She didn’t think we were nuts at all!

We wandered terraced backstreets for more doors and spectacular grasses until needing refreshment, we got pop from the shop and sat on the riverside.  On the way back, we chatted over the wall to New Gran drinking outside the corner pub, about jubilee weekend antics and her recent birthday.  Having disappeared from her profile, I wasn’t sure of the exact date.

UK GDP stagnating, the OECD growth forecast dropped to 3.64% for 2022 and 0% for 2023. Minimum pricing in Scotland backfired as drinkers stinted on food to buy alcohol.  Was that what pub-goers round here did?  Network Rail contingency planning, the RMT said they were open to ‘meaningful discussions’.  Admitting a vacancy freeze, TfL insisted there’d be no redundancies or pension changes.  The WTO warned of a global food crisis due to the blockade.  The UN held talks in Turkey for a grain corridor and Russia demanded Ukraine removed mines first.

Shopping on Thursday, even reduced stuff was beyond budget.  I wasn’t surprised hard-up families skipped meals, according to charities.  I jested with My Mate at the till that Phil’s back problem conveniently meant he couldn’t carry shopping.  On the way back, 3 geese waddled down the road with a pair of adorable fluffy yellow goslings.  Unconsciously exclaiming ‘aww!’ I observed nobody else stopped to look – miserable gits!

Speaking in Blackpool, Boris maintained we couldn’t spend our way out of the cost of living crisis and higher wages would push up prices, leading to a 1970’s-style spiral of stagflation.  Unions decried abandonment of the high-wage, high-skilled economy pledge.  The latest wheeze to shore up support was extending ‘right to buy’.  Including housing associations, housing benefit could be used to pay off or apply for mortgages, with a ‘help to buy ISA’ – good luck saving a deposit on the crap interest rate!  He vowed a house would be built for everyone sold.  Not the 30,000 formerly promised, Keir cited a pilot in Small Heath where homes weren’t rebuilt as it cost more than what they sold for.  The re-hashed plans ‘baffling, unworkable and a dangerous gimmick’, Shelter’s Polly Neafe predicted we’d be “stuck in the same destructive cycle of selling off and knocking down 1,000s more social homes than get built.”  On QT, Psycho Bateman said every house sold meant a family off the waiting list.  Care4Calais, Detention Action and PCSU* asked the high court for an injunction to stop the first Rwanda flight.  Bonnie Prince Charlie called the policy ‘appalling’ and a caller to Jeremy Vine advocated unused boats intercept and process migrants in The Channel and blow them up!  The case lost, an appeal was due Monday.  Aslef drivers striking on different dates late June, TSSA balloted Avanti West Coast staff.  PAC criticised DHSC for burning unused PPE from the start of the pandemic.  Europe’s largest Spinosaurus was discovered on the Isle Of Wight.

Worried a headache presaged illness Friday morning, I minimised exercise and chores, posted a blog and managed an afternoon walk.  We crossed to the church garden where one gosling slept and the other hid beneath an adult’s wing, before heading up to woods and farmland (see Cool Places).  Coming back on the towpath, the Canal Dweller loudly declared he loved my Valley Life articles and a man resembling Dave Angel walked ahead of us, prompting a chorus of Moonlight Shadow.

Due to increased transmissibility of the 2 newest Omicron variants (BA.4 and BA.5), covid rates in England went up for the first time since April.  Unable to wait for council tax rebate cheques to clear, the hard-up queued to cash them at pawnbrokers, losing £15 if not turned away.  ONS found 52% used less domestic energy, 46%, bought less food and 40% made less non-essential car journeys – not such a bad thing.  Minister Heather Wheeler apologised for calling Birmingham and Blackpool godawful places, saying the comment didn’t reflect her actual views.

About to leave the house Saturday, a sudden downpour necessitated the anorak.  At the Crossings expo, we spoke to Drawing Teacher at the door and watched the photo slideshow.  Overlong with too many from organisers, Phil fidgeted as we waited for mine appear.  After seeing all but one, the laptop froze.  We left Drawing Teacher and co-volunteers fiddling with it.  The square packed with al fresco quaffers, I quipped: “the cost of living crisis biting hard!”  Phil said it felt ominous.  Did he mean the pub vibe?  No, the air.  Sure enough, another sharp shower descended.  Finding the cake I made last weekend mouldy, I sulked.  Phil fed the green stuff to crows and the pigeon squatters and bought one from the co-op to cheer me up.

Loud voices and a revving car woke me early Sunday.  Brekkie should’ve been a breeze but a splattered tomato, broken egg, blinding sun and a crashing lid stressed me out.  Phil came to the rescue.  I insisted we prioritise incomplete chores that he offered to do Thursday, then edited photos, added to the ‘spring animals’ Facebook album, made one of orange and pink flowers and watched telly.  Deciding we still liked Waterworld, we wondered if the film got panned 30 years ago because it was ahead of its time.

Commentators all agreeing everything was going to shit, CBI boss Tony Danker said households were going into recession this year; i.e., buying less shit.  Leaked before publication Monday, the food strategy contained vague words like ‘initiative’ and ‘liaison’ and no direct interventions such as sugar tax.  Getting us to eat venison was the only concrete idea.  Schools were ‘deeply disappointed’ at no extension of free meals.  22% of kids eligible, Julie McCulloch of the Assoc. of School and College Leaders said poverty affected closer to 30%.  McDonalds re-opened in Russia as Tasty: That’s It.  In the US, demos demanded gun law changes to stop the murder of kids and Google engineer Blake Lemoine claimed his AI Lamda was sentient.  It considered itself human and feared being turned off, comparing it to death.  Accused of anthropomorphism, Lemoine was suspended, but what if he was right?

Relaxation techniques failing to distract me from tummy ache, I slept fitfully and still felt iffy on Monday.  Hanging damp towels out in a breeze, neighbours sympathised with the travails of drying laundry in the unheated indoors.  Tired from activity, I dossed before posting the haiga and writing.  In the co-op later, I could hardly hear myself think – I’d forgotten how noisy it was after school!  Using leftover lentils to make surprisingly good pâté, we reminisced about hippy cafés and Phil posted a 1970’s-style art.

The UK economy shrank in April for the second month in a row, further risking recession.  The government blamed the negative -0.3% on covid recovery and extra spending.  As the Northern Ireland protocol bill was published, Boris went to wear a Hi-Viz and drive a tractor at a farm in Hayle, Cornwall and Micheal Teashop called it a new low point.  After all the palaver and whingeing last year, ALW sent a message to the last stage performance of Cinderella that it was a ‘costly mistake.’

After I wasted Tuesday morning applying hot water and defrosting spray to an ice lump in the fridge, Phil hacked it off.   Going to the garden, I tripped over the empty dustbin left at the front door and waited for the window cleaner to move his hose, snaking round the corner, so I could put the bin back.  I planted sprouted veg ends then attacked overgrown shrubs and creeping weeds.  Warmer than it looked from inside, I was about to give up with a hot thirst when Phil emerged wearing a jacket.  “Are you off somewhere?” “No.”  Realising it wasn’t cold, he took it off and helped sweep debris.  Yorkshire ostensibly the best place to see the full Strawberry Supermoon, it was so low here that it hid behind hills.

Wages fell 4.5% in the last quarter when 9% inflation was taken into account.  Unemployment was up slightly but vacancies reached a record 1.3 million.  8.8 million inactive due to older workers retiring early during the pandemic, Jon Ashworth accused ministers of ‘utter complacency’.  As persistent staff shortages fated airports to more chaos, DfT and CAA instructed airlines to cancel summer flights.  Which? told the commons business committee the industry and government must jointly shoulder blame.  Petrol at a record high 191.2p per litre, government pulled the plug on the electric car discount.  Losing their appeal, Detention Action and PCSU called sending people to Rwanda before a full judicial review in July ‘scandalous’ and the UN High Commission for Refugees said it was ‘all wrong’.  Judges assessing the move necessary to deter dangerous crossings could be construed as political.  Boris cited criticism from Charlie and CofE grandees and reproached lawyers representing migrants for ‘abetting’ criminal gangs.  Instead of the 100 deportations originally planned, Individual case hearings brought the figure down to 12, then 7 then 1.  The ECHR stepped in to completely ground the Tuesday night flight to Kigali, saying before establishing legitimacy, there was no legal route back.  Undeterred, Rwanda stood ready to welcome migrants and the UK started planning another flight.  Two refugees later claimed to have been beaten up and dragged to the plane.  Meanwhile, 440 arrived in dinghies.  Whitby council banned second homes and the unearthed Blue Peter time capsule from 1981 was opened live on This Morning to reveal a pile of slime – slime capsule!

Coronation Chicken Kiev

Haiga – Pasture-ised

The next day starting better than the last few, we made the twice-postponed trip to Shopping Town (see Cool Places 2iii).  A shame we missed PMQs, as data showing the UK had the second lowest growth rate globally with only Russia worse, Keir went on the attack.  He obviously took Rayner’s advice to ‘put more welly into it’!  Boris was rebuked for claiming labour were on the side of people traffickers.  Nasty Patel Believed the Rwanda plot was fully compliant with domestic and international obligations.  Disappointed and surprised by the ECHR decision, she blamed the ‘usual suspects’ and the opposition for thwarting her efforts against the willy of the people.  She told MPs prohibitions on flights to Kigali wasn’t an absolute bar and those ordered to be freed would be tagged while relocation was ‘progressed’.  Furious tories called for secession from the meddling ECHR.  Did they not know The Council of Europe was set up after WWII and had nowt to do with the EU?  And I bet they didn’t mind the ECHR intervening in the case of captured Brits fighting in the Donbas sentenced to death!  Yvette Coop called it ‘government by gimmick’.  Yep, gimmicks for gammons!  Lord Geidt resigned.  Not saying why in a short public statement, a letter to Boris disclosed later, indicated the final straw wasn’t Partygate but being asked to offer a view on government measures risking ‘a deliberate and purposeful breach of the ministerial code’.  Deemed to concern tariffs on Chinese steel, Phil thought it bogus.  A fortnight later, government extended the tariffs for 2 years, against WTO rules.  The EU triggered further legal action over the NI protocol.  Maros Sefcovic said the UK’s unilateral act had ‘no legal nor political justification’.  One of the biggest Anglo-Saxon burial sites was uncovered on the HS2 route.  At least some good came out of the glorified commuter line!

Cleaning the bedroom Thursday, Phil crawled under the bed to screw a detached leg in place, despite his back. After hoovering, I worked on the journal and pegged bedding out.  The Woman Next Door and a friend chatted on her doorstep then promptly went inside –  did they fear eavesdropping?  In the quiet co-op, my basket totalled just short to use a coupon.  The cashier let me grab one more thing for a low-cost shop.  I trudged home in blazing sun and persuaded Phil out to the garden.  Clearing another debris pile, we observed the myriad life including what he called springtails.  Sure they were to blame for my bites, he thought it unlikely as they were a kind of shrimp.  Fatigued and overheated again, I lay down.

Expecting GDP to drop by 0.3% this quarter, BOE sent a letter to Rishi stating the obvious on a succession of large economic shocks and raised the interest rate to 1.25%.  British Chambers of Commerce moaned it wouldn’t address the global causes of increased business costs and labour worried of the impact on families.  Shutting down ½ the rail network, Shats said strikes endangered thousands of jobs and promised legislation to enable the use of agency workers.  Unions said that was unsafe and recruitment firms fretted they’d be held responsible for putting temps crossing pickets in harm’s way.  On QT, the useless red wall tory said nowt and Thangam Debonnaire claimed the Rwanda ploy already wasn’t working as it didn’t deter dangerous channel crossings.  Former ethics adviser Alex Allen told Newscast failure to sack Patel wasn’t the reason he resigned but didn’t explain what was.  Sad his mate Geidt was put in a difficult position, he had no plans to re-apply for the post – currently on hold.

The laptop excruciatingly slow after a restart Friday, I didn’t get very far drafting blogs.  As I hung another load on the line, The Woman Next Door outside reading, remarked I was always washing.  “No; just making use of the good weather.”  We walked up to a hillside settlement, enjoying a picnic en route (See Cool Places) and returned via the predictably rammed town centre.  Boozing gammons deterred us from a pint.  Sweaty and smelly, I showered and lay down to rest.  Officially a heatwave, it was greyly muggy when I fetched the laundry in.  A dog-walking neighbour agreed it felt like it might rain – it didn’t; for almost a week.

The jubilee bank holiday was blamed for coronavirus spreading across the UK.  More hospitalisations but low ICU cases and death, total fatalities stood at 179,363.  Boris avoided a conference organised by red wall tories in Doncaster by going to Ukraine, prompting the moniker Chicken Kiev.  Newspaper ‘I’ aligned his calls to Vlod with dates bad news broke including Partygate and the confidence vote.  Paul Scuzzball said airport staff should work longer hours.  Kate Bush’s Running Up That Hill knocked Harry Styles off number 1 thanks to Stranger Things.  Phil advocated burning a gannet colony infested with bird flu on Bass Rock.

Listening to music Saturday, Black Star made me sad.  Not because it was Bowie’s last album but because it was 6 years since the Brexit vote, Jo Cox’s murder, the death of Eldest Brother and Mum going into hospital.  I put something cheerier on, edited photos and went to the co-op, spotting a reduced chicken and an old pub mate for the third time in as many weeks after not doing so for years.  He did say that would keep happening!  Served by a young man at the kiosk, My Mate on the adjacent till stared into space.  Not bored, but having a moment.  A merc indicating to turn right stopped for me at the zebra and parked on the street below.  As I caught up, Councillor Friend got out.  “I didn’t recognise you in that posh car!”  It was her boss’, who lived in Spain.  She’d given it a run to go canvassing in sunny Wakefield (unlike the overcast upper valley).

Plans to tag migrants arriving by boat was condemned for treating those fleeing persecution as criminals. New ambassador for women’s health, Dame Lesley Regan wanted one-stop community hubs and new cost of living tsar David Buttress said private companies must help with rising prices.  Saying they did what they could, nice capitalist Richard Walker couldn’t increase wages but gave staff an ‘unprecedented’ 15% discount on Iceland products.

Although wobbly first thing Sunday, I arrived at the market slightly earlier than usual.  Stopping to chat with a neighbour untangling roots from a large pot, we had no idea why her normally friendly dog ferociously barked at me.  Besides knobbly veg, I found 2 books in the phone-box and bargain herbs in the convenience store.  After washing the filthy veg, I collapsed on the sofa to recover and write.

Told on Sunday Morning airline bosses said he didn’t know what he was talking about, Shats sniggered and side-stepped blame for opening and closing borders during the pandemic.  After accusing unions of bribing rail workers to strike, he took no responsibility even though he’d not spoken to them for a month, erroneously griped they’d gone on a demo instead of meeting bosses, refused to intervene, dismissed RMT calls for him to do so as a stunt and said there was no class war.  Keir reckoned he ‘fed off’ the division.  TSSA complained TOCs hadn’t shared plans to shut ticket offices.  New army boss Gen Sanders wrote to all soldiers that we needed an army ready to fight Russia.  Heatwaves saw 400C temperatures in Europe and monsoon floods killed at least 70 in Bangladesh.  US kids aged over 6 months ridiculously qualified for covid jabs.

Chilly after a cold night, Monday became warm and sunny.  I ignored a slight headache to strip the chicken carcass before putting food waste out.  B&B Man stood on the communal wall pegging sheets, hampering recycling bin access.  Still struggling after lunch, Phil suggested sitting in the sun.  I snapped back shopping needed doing and some help would be good.  He hung washing up while I went to the co-op for a heavy load and recovered with a cuppa outside.  Phil joined me the garden bench, made gazebo-like by overhanging freesia.  I lazily pulled at weeds and pruned, almost bumping into The Widower on his fourth walk-past.  I then attacked an overgrown buddleia on the adjacent steps.  Phil helped sweep before a doze amid the sounds of birds and bees, interrupted by Phil chuntering and Walking Friend’s hello, on her way to meet The Poet.  I sleepily lay on the bed and briefly nodded off with book in hand.  Phil sighing loudly in the evening, I asked what was up.  He wasn’t making enough money.  The war actually partly responsible for Shitterstock work drying up, he decided to give up the Leeds studio.  With hindsight, he could’ve done so ages ago but who knew things would be this shit 2 years on?  He rang the council next morning to arrange to vacate within 3 months.  Coronation Chicken was a couple of weeks late but made a delicious retro dinner.

2 million with long-covid, Kings College found 50% less chance from Omicron as opposed to Delta.  Sufferer Terence Burke won a case to be classed as disabled, clearing the way for an unfair dismissal claim.  Last ditch talks to avert strikes fruitless, Psycho Patrick Bateman defended Boris on Newsnight, calling rail practices Spanish and 19th century.  Still refusing to intervene, banging on about modernisation could be seen as incitement.  Halfords offered free bike hire.  Luggage piling up, Heathrow imposed a cap.  EasyJet cut summer flights by 10% and Ryanair promised rescue flights.  Their Stanstead base not as badly hit, O’Leary attributed ground staff shortages to Brexit.

Slightly more sleep led to a better start Tuesday.  A waning half-moon and sun blazing through the landing window, I wondered was it a solstice phenomenon?  English Heritage ludicrously placed netting on Stonehenge to bar nesting jackdaws.  We researched local standing stones for our own midsummer jaunt but went to a clough instead.  Even in the shade, we struggled with heat and dehydration (see Cool Places).

On the first day of the strike, Keir wrote to shadow ministers telling them not to join RMT picket lines.  Diane Abbot was one of several labour MPs to defy him.  A Cloudflare crash affected millions of coffee-cuppers working from home.  Metro reported on Londoners struggling to work on buses.  Lucky for them they weren’t Arriva, in the 3rd week of striking up north.  NEU to ballot teachers on possible industrial action in the autumn unless offered a pay rise above 3%, NHS, fire and postal workers could also strike, after new inflation figures Wednesday and Boris babbling about ‘staying the course’ but promising a return to triple lock pensions meaning a 9.1% increase.  Where was the parity?  Unite said ‘cost of living’ bonuses up to £3,000 offered to Lloyds and Rolls Royce staff, fell short of what was needed.

No Reasons To Be Cheerful

Haiga – High Summer

After lengthily cleaning the kitchen Wednesday, I collapsed on the sofa for PMQs.  Not answering a question on allegedly requesting an official appointment for Carrie, Boris wittered about high employment.  Keir wanted to know how many meetings ministers held to avert strikes?  An evasive PM insisted they were the party of the railways.  Keir answered the question – none – yet Boris had time to attend a lavish do and sell a £120,000 meeting.  To claims the government blamed everyone else, contradicted each other on pay rises and cuts, rolled over on banker’s bonuses and slashed nurses’ pay, Boris attacked picketing labour MPs and spouted the usual crud on taking tough decisions.

Hanging upstairs rugs on the line to expunge dust, The Widower happened to pass.  “Do you have a carpet-beater?” “Somewhere.”  While he looked, I used a telescopic duster and Phil used his fists.  The Widower not finding the beater, I said: “We’re improvising. Phil’s pretending it’s Boris Johnson, or any other tory of your choice!”  Old upholstery spray cleaner meant for cars was effective and quick-drying in the hot sun.  Refreshing with homemade pop, I greeted The Decorator backing into the last parking space.  The Woman Next Door then stopped right in front of us.  In the middle of doing stuff, I politely asked her not to.  She said she’d just unload and left the engine running, forcing me to move from the bench.  A lovely early evening, the sun briefly reached the nearer bench.  I sat with the Kindle watching news until the sun moved out of range and BBC London came on.  Planning mushroom pasta for dinner, 2/3 of a value box had gone fuzzy.  Not a bargain if you chucked most of them!  I thought substitute chilli was ample for 2 days but there wasn’t much left.  Phil denied being a greedy git.

NAO reckoned Ofgem added £94 to every household gas bill by letting weak suppliers into the market, leading to collapse.  After accusing the government of lying on Newsnight, Mick Lynch asked Carole Gammone on Jeremy Vine ‘what are you even saying?’  Quite!  She was in favour of the pensions rise as nobody could live on £250 a week.  They and me, lived on half that!  Only 50% of northern trains running between strike days, TSSA settled for an extra 7.2% but RMT talks broke down. Lynch said Shats wrecked negotiations ‘by not allowing Network Rail to withdraw their letter threatening redundancy for 2,900 of our members’.  Until the government unshackled them and TOCs, there’d be no settlement.  Delightfully-named Network Rail negotiator Tim Shovellor insisted the majority of job losses would come from ‘voluntary redundancy and natural wastage’.  Were his ancestors steam engine firemen?  A clause was hastily added to the Bill of Rights to ignore ECHR injunctions before Rabid Raab presented it to the commons (ref Rwanda).  Vaccine-derived polio virus detected in London sewers sparked a nationwide hunt for the culprit and calls for parents to get their sprogs immunised.  An Afghanistan earthquake killed 1,000.  The useless Taliban halted a search for survivors the next day.

Though warm and still Thursday, cloudy skies deterred me from painting windowsills.  Hefting shopping back from the co-op, I was startled by a dog behind a hippy van on the street below barking.  Not at me but Next-Door-But-One ahead of me on the steps.  Already nervy, my bad mood intensified when the handle on the so-called bag for life broke, tumbling loose mushrooms to the floor.  Rain came in the form of a light shower at siesta time, lulling me into a 15 minute snooze.

Brexit Day Cartoon

On the 2nd day of the rail strike, the local mill café owner whinged of no customers to Look North and Kwasi Modo said using agency staff wouldn’t undermine safety.  Unions disagreed.  BA check-in staff threatened peak season strikes at Heathrow if pay reductions made during covid restrictions weren’t reinstated.  Not even asking for an increase, bosses claimed some staff were offered the 10% back – yeah, managers! 

No bunting or parties to celebrate 6 years since the referendum results were declared, I turned off Newscast when Nasty Nigel appeared and found an apt cartoon for Brexit Island asking: how’s that going?  Meanwhile, the EU started a 10-year process to admit Ukraine.  A UK rise in racially-aggravated assault was attributed to Euro 2020.  Over the pond, Owen Diaz turned down $12m compensation for racism at Tesla.

Friday, I tackled the kitchen runner.  The spray ineffective, woven chickens re-appeared after applying liquid cleaner.  I went outside in sultry afternoon warmth before more rain came (fine drizzle rather than predicted yellow thunder, a distant rumble was heard) and hacked at rhododendron near the back wall, accidentally lopping off quince branches.  Resting was disturbed by Shed Boy and  mate communicating unintelligibly.

An estimated 23% rise on the previous week, 1:35 with covid worried health experts.  The unjabbed were urged to get one, the elderly to be boosted, and the infected to not spread it.  Imperial College found vaccines saved 19.8 million lives; in rich countries.  The tories lost by-elections in Wakefield to Labour and Tiverton where Lib Dems overturned a seismic 24,000 margin.  A ‘distressed and disappointed’ Oliver Dowdy resigned as party chair at 5.30 a.m.  Hobnobbing at CHOGM** in Kigali while Carrie and Camilla had a nice chat, Boris said he’d keep going and address concerns of voters who wanted him to get on with the job.  Err, no; they wanted you to jog on!  Dreadful Doris tweeted he faced the worst cost of living crisis since WW11.  Perhaps that was the one preceding Halo.  Reviewing the new Paramount+ series, Jeremy Vine queried why in futuristic sci-fi’s, the world was always a desert – duh!  National debt interest reached a record £7.6 billion.  Outgoing CBI chair Bilimoria advised tax cuts.  The US supreme court ended the constitutional right to abortion.  Pro-lifers rejoiced, others warned of back-street terminations and death.  Together with allowing gun-toting in the streets and coalpits to choke the air, The Trump might as well still be in charge.  A choked Amy Garcia announced the sudden death of former Look North colleague Harry Gration.

Shed Boy noisily scraping out weeds woke me early Saturday.  Inevitably followed by pressure washing, we’d wondered how long they’d let the joyful blooms flourish!  At The Great Get-Together in the park, we perused stalls, picked up worthy freebies and joked with Councillor Friend and her Partner that a unit of beer on alcohol measuring cups wasn’t even a ½ pint.  When did that happen?  Maybe the cup should be expandable or telescopic!  Not much for adults, no free cake left and music deafening, we headed to the quiet of a riverside bench and searched for fish, espying piles of rubbish instead.  Gusts of wind and spots of rain ominous, we went home along the canal.  At the river bridge, trout swam in the languorous shallows topped by car pollution.  Shed Boy sweeping up, I asked if he’d take detritus I’d cleared from the steps along with his stuff to the tip.  He said yes, if he got someone to take him.  Thanking him, I silently queried why he couldn’t use his own transport.  As the sun re-emerged, I topped up the binbags with more veg matter from the steps.

On Sunday Morning, Swiss Toni spouted the usual tory crap.  Sharon Graham called David Lammy refusing to support BA strikes a new low for labour.  Politics North extrapolated from the Wakefield by-election, most Yorkshire seats turning red.  The laptop inexplicably turning itself off overnight, I restarted to post my brother’s birthday card on Facebook and write a haiga.  Sewing the rest of the day made my fingers sore.

As Russia resumed bombing Kyiv, the G7 meeting in Bavaria put a price cap on their oil, banned their gold and joked about emulating Putin’s posing.  Putin advised working on themselves before baring all.  Boris bantered with Justin on who had the bigger plane.  Chris Bryant called his hubris deranged.  Prince Charlie accepting $3m cash donations in carrier bags from Qatar raised questions of undue influence.  A suspected terrorist attack killed 2 men in Oslo.  Pride events cancelled, some defiantly marched a couple of days later.

Barely able to keep my eyes open, it took a while to sleep and I woke after 2 hours feeling woozy and my Monday morning, I had pain across my forehead.  I managed to fetch the laptop to post the haiga and write in bed.  Depressed by debilitation, maybe it wasn’t such a surprise as I’d done many different things in the 6 weeks since the last bout, which was quite good-going.  Fetching my lunch, an empty cereal box balancing on the tray for the recycling pile, fell under my feet on the stairs.  Unable to move, I shouted for Phil’s help and fell back in bed exhausted.  He disposed of rubbish and went to the co-op for basics plus reduced ham.  Repose disturbed by the now daily ritual of geese in the street below, I looked out to see the growing goslings picking at moss between cobbles, as adults kept watch for cats and cars and Shed Girl tried to tempt them with grass for phone pics.

A recommended 15% rise in legal aid fees not implemented, barristers went on strike.  A juniors salary of £12,000 more like that of a barista, did they mix up the job descriptions?  Cruise missiles killed at least 20 when they hit a shopping centre in Kremenchuk.  Decrying a war crime, Vlod asked G7 for more defence systems.  In response to Russian aggression, relevant leaders went straight from Bavaria to Madrid to agree a boost to NATO’s Allied Reaction Force on the eastern flank.  Boris pledged UK military spending would increase to 2.5% of GDP by 2028.  In Westminster, the NI protocol bill passed the first commons vote and Dreadful Doris hosted a summit of broadband and mobile providers who made ‘stay connected’ pledges.  A man shot dead an Atlanta Subway worker over too much mayo on his butty and 48 migrants boiled to death in an abandoned truck outside San Antonio.  Another 2 later died in hospital and 3 men were arrested.

Rarely rising from my sickbed Tuesday, diggers beeping ‘stand clear’ and sirens screeching down the valley joined the squawking geese to hamper rest.  Phil catered.  His special omelette with ham, mushrooms and cheese was reminiscent of Greek holiday lunches!

2021 Census results showed the population in England and Wales grew 6%, less than expected, with 1:6 over 65.  Baroness Heather Hallett began the delayed Covid-19 public inquiry.  7,000 in hospital, Jeremy Vine and Storm both had covid.  Stand-ins asked was it time to reintroduce measures?  Nobody would take any notice!  Doctor Sarah advised face-masks in crowded places.  MP/barrister turned commentator Gerry Hayes said the court system had ‘fallen apart’ and the cabinet were spineless.  With ‘substantial and persistent concerns’ The Met were on special measures.  That didn’t stop 20 cops arresting Stop Brexit man Steve Bray, on the day the Police, Crime, Sentencing & Courts Act came into force.  BMA members urged to ‘channel their inner Mick Lynch’, it was hard to sympathise with GPs on £100k demanding an extra 30%.

After a bad night, I watched PMQs in bed Wednesday.  The Bumbler still galivanting, Rabid Raab faced Rayner in Kung Fu Panda heels.  Spouting the usual codswallop, he cheekily winked and jibed at her.  She asked, with Boris vowing to stay on until 2030, would the party prop him up that long?  Raab quipped he’d last longer than her leader to which she retorted, we couldn’t stomach him for 8 minutes, never mind 8 years.  She was closer to the truth, as it turned out.

Unexpectedly charged another month’s studio rent, Phil stopped the direct debit and headed for Leeds. I thought it’d do him good to feel active, but he was so skint I had to give him the train fare.  Seeing him off, the trellis strew the pavement again.  It wasn’t even windy!  I shooed him away and went out in my dressing gown to prop the dam thing up, glad the weather was slightly better than the previous two days.  Left to my own devices, I brooded on the dire financial situation to be interrupted by Phil phoning to ask if I needed anything from Wilkos.  I told him to get glue to fix a fragile old book I was reading.  Stocks so low customers asked were they closing down and a 9 week wait for supplies, was it from Ukraine?  Fuzzy from another short afternoon sleep, I juggled with dinner, irked when Phil rang from the return train.  Forgetting to eat and drink all day, he scoffed food and gulped liquids.  He’d made friends with a guy from an old Leeds rock band who took loads of the pesky furniture for his music studio.

After 6 months suspension on full pay, a written warning and a FPN for partying during lockdown, Sheffield council boss Kate Josephs apologised and returned to work.  Harriet Harman would lead the Privileges Committee investigation into Boris’ lies.

During a terrible night, external humming and brightness vied with the stupid flashing laptop.  Mediation led to fitful sleep.  Thus Thursday started badly.  Phil was also tired, from lugging furniture.  Off to Leeds again, I griped at lack of communication and not being told anything until reaching crisis point. “I didn’t want to worry you.”  No warning even more stressful, I asked: “Were you going to wait ‘til we were literally choosing between heating and eating?”  Considering options, he searched for local part-time jobs.  What the hell was a food production operative?  Depressed because he’d tried hard to make self-employment work, he declared himself a loser.  “No you’re not. You couldn’t know about covid or the war.”  I made him a butty to take, nipped out to peg fusty towels on the line and went back to bed.  Very warm, I opened the window as the racket which had plagued me since Monday abated and picked up the laptop when Phil called from Leeds, panicking he’d left an empty wheelie case in the park.  Irked I’d have to go for it, I saw it near the door and rang him back. “Sorry, my mind’s all over the place.” “Calm down,” I screamed ironically.  Mollified by an apology, I said at least he hadn’t lost the case.  Too jittery to write, I hoovered the bedroom and brought the towels in as a woman walked a beautiful shiny black Labrador ‘puppy in training’ past.

Chris The Pincher resigned as tory whip after getting pissed and groping men at the Carlton Club.  Labelled a Pound Shop Harvey Weinstein in 2017 by Alex Story, an official complaint and suspension from the party came the next day.  Piers Corbyn got a fine for organising the Trafalgar Square anti-lockdown demos.  An upgrade to the Trans-Pennine line between Huddersfield and Dewsbury was finally announced – already pretty good, what about the crap line we relied on?  Ukraine claimed to have re-taken the tiny but strategic Black Sea Snake Island.  Russia said they withdrew as a gesture of goodwill.  Unlikely to alleviate the grain crisis, nobody was jubilant.

* PCSU – Public Communications Service Union

**CHOGM – Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

iii. My Cool Places 2 blog:: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

Part 83 – Truth Washing

“What a surprise: a committee led by the previous health secretary and which exclusively spoke to his friends in government, found that the deaths of 150,000 people were ‘redeemed’ by the vaccine roll-out” (Hannah Brady)

No Surprises

Haiga – Altered Carbon

Unrested after a bitty night, I forced myself up Monday and got through the routine chores with remarkable efficiency.  I then started putting decorating stuff back in the coal hole when a tin of white paint leaked all over, creating more work, backache and ill humour.  After posting blogs, I hung sheets on the line.  Although the sun didn’t reach that side of the house, a warm breeze dried them quickly and made them less smelly.  For dinner we made use of discounted hot dogs and spare lentils to make a casserole.  Phil said it was no surprise it was a triumph!

The Welsh Covid Pass was introduced for access to events and clubs.  Other places such as care homes could follow.  Damian Hinds said Boris’ holiday was important for the country; he needed time to relax and unwind but not too much as he was constantly in touch, being briefed and still in charge.  Shadow minister Pat McFadden retorted he didn’t care where The Bumbler was as it was just as chaotic when he was here: “What I want is grip from the government and we haven’t got that at the moment.”  A spokesman insisted government departments were working together on how to support business through the energy crisis.  A freedom of information request revealed that of 750 cops accused of sexual misconduct in the past 5 years (excluding The Met), only 34 were dismissed.  The Draconid meteor shower lit up Northumberland skies and Airbus tested Zephyr.  The solar-powered aircraft intended to bring internet to unconnected areas, flew for 18 days in the stratosphere.  Meanwhile, scientists got excited that radio waves from distant stars detected by the LOFAR telescope, could lead to the discovery of habitable planets in the goldilocks zone.

Midweek turned grey and I turned ropey.  Tuesday, I persevered with housework, writing and shopping.  As meandering high school kids cluttered up the co-op, I scarpered out the back door.  Skirting two white vans blocking the street below on the way back, I was about to swear when a delivery man politely asked did I live there.  The other van belonged to the window cleaner.  His son smiled at me from the passenger seat while his dad nattered with Poet Neighbour.  After sorting the load, I attempted more writing but got sharp pains in my head and had a lie down.

AZD7442 antibody shots was found to halve the risk of severe covid in people who couldn’t take vaccine.  As Brian Madderson of the Petrol Retailers Association said there were still shortages due to tankers not being in the right place, CF Industries found a longer-term solution to the crisis that halted production last month.  Gareth Stace of UK Steel called the expected help for other power-hungry industries in the form of taxpayer-backed loans, a sticking plaster.  ONS reported workers on payroll rose to a record 29.2 million August-September but vacancies rose to 1.2 million.  In a bid to restore public trust, all police forces would review alleged violence against women, incidents of indecent exposure and vetting practices.  Maggie Blyth would lead the NPCC’s work and co-ordinate action across England and Wales.  Swampy and fellow eco-warriors planned to stay in tunnels under the path of HS2 at Aylesbury until Christmas.

A report by the S&T and H&SC committees into government’s handling of the pandemic said nothing we didn’t already know or that I hadn’t been saying since March 2020.  It labelled the early response ‘one of the most important public health failures the UK has ever experienced’ but said the situation improved with vaccine development and treatments.  Doing the media rounds, minister Stephen Barclay refused to acknowledge mistakes or apologise to bereaved families, reiterating the idiotic mantras about learning lessons and knowing things now that we didn’t then.  Hannah Brady of Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice called the report ‘laughable’ and wryly observed it was no surprise that they found 150,000 deaths were ‘redeemed’ by the vaccine, adding: “this is an attempt to ignore and gaslight bereaved families.”  Fellow campaigner Fran Hall came on Newsnight to ask Aaron Bell what lessons had been learnt?  The Bell-end blathered about being prepared for flu (which they weren’t), following official scientific advice and criticism being all very well with the benefit of hindsight.  Rory Stewart revealed he was accused of populism by Jenny Harries for suggesting simple measures such as masks early on.  Fran wanted someone to take responsibility.  Bell-end admitted the PM was ultimately accountable but said it wasn’t about pointing fingers; systems needed to be interrogated.  Rory retorted it wasn’t enough and should be a massive wake up call for a “smug, closed government that doesn’t accept any external challenge.”

Trust Issues

An Emotional Captain Kirk

Sleep mediocre, it was again an effort to rise Wednesday.  I posted ‘Wonders of Ulverston’ on Cool Places 2i and tried to draft a guest blog for The Researcher.  Looking at other contributions, I was fairly sure a friend had written two of them (an artist, TV star and writer to boot!)  Slowness and glitching presaged a software update while a glitch on the NHS app caused chaos for travellers unable to get a QR code.

Two more unheard-off energy companies went bust and rail freighters reverted to diesel because electric was too expensive.  Amid HGV driver shortages, containers backed up at Felixstowe and Maersk re-directed ships to European ports.  Port bosses and toy retailers told consumers to stock up on Christmas tat, but Rishi Rich and Tim Morris of UK Major Ports Group said don’t panic buy.  After Lord Frosty Gammon complained the Northern Ireland protocol wasn’t working and had to change, the EU proposed to significantly reduce red tape, address looming bans on products like sausages and give Westminster a more consultative role.  Refusing to extricate the European Court of Justice, Maros Sefcovic said their role was essential for the province to retain single-market access.  A new round of talks was expected in the coming weeks.  While Lord Frosty insisted everyone in government knew what they were signing, The Scumbag unsurprisingly said Boris didn’t, Jenny Chapman claimed they were using a spat with Brussels to distract from their own failures and Leo Varadkar said it showed you couldn’t trust the Brits.  11 EU countries backed France in calling on the UK to abide by the agreement for continuity of fishing round Jersey.  Hate crime up 9% in the year to March 2021, 12% for racially-motivated crime, The Home Office cited ‘trigger events’ such as BLM protests but campaigners blamed misinformation and conspiracy theories linked to the pandemic.  Will Shatner aka Captain Kirk, went to the edge of space in Bezos’ New Shepard rocket. After spending 10 minutes going to 350,000 feet, the oldest man to leave earth became emotional.  Prince Wills criticised space tourism, saying we should make this planet better rather than blasting off elsewhere.

After a fretful night,Istole myself Thursday to read information for an appointment the next day, sorted logistics and chatted through anxieties with Phil.  Despite reassurances, I couldn’t concentrate on writing.  About to go shopping, Phil asked should he come?  It was a good job he did; even with gaps on shelves, I loaded a trolley thanks to reduced items and practically the last ‘5 for a fiver’ deal from an almost-empty cabinet.  Attempts to compartmentalise a failure, I took a mild valerian to calm my brain and tried to rest.  My body relaxed but I couldn’t stop my thoughts wandering.  A similar story at bedtime, I had a truly dreadful night – neither the chill pill nor the meditation soundtrack aided sleep.

Up 13% in a week, 45,606 new daily covid cases was the highest since July.  With 7,024 hospitalised, Witless said it’d be a tricky winter and GPs were instructed to see people face-to-face to ease pressure on A&E.  More money was pledged for locums who didn’t exist and ‘league tables’ would show up those who didn’t.  Many countered that patients liked zoom consultations and The C**T said it wouldn’t turn the tide.  Obviously expecting a grilling from doctors, Goblin Saj missed the RCGP conference*, saying he was clearing his diary to fight for the NHS.  While doing a round of media interviews, he apparently didn’t have time to read the damning report – obviously 150 pages was too much for him.  Pig farmers and processors welcomed help with storage and temporary 6-month visas for butchers but warned it needed to happen quickly to be any use.   Customer’s bills to go up another £45 because of bombed companies, National Express had enough fuel until 2023 but not enough drivers.  Wednesday, Insulate Britain blocked roads, got dragged off by motorists and unglued and arrested by police.  They then suspended protests until 25th October to hand-deliver a letter to Number 10.  After staff allegations and a vote of no confidence, North Yorkshire PCC Philip Allott said he wouldn’t resign and hoped to rebuild trust.  By evening, he’d stepped down, saying it was the honourable thing.  Well, it would have been if he’d gone straight away!

On Question Time, Prof Rob Winston said scientists shouldn’t be blamed for failures during the early stages of the pandemic and none of the evidence presented to the Lords S&T committee was made public.  Criticising the last 2 health minister, he told us the Lords asked The Cock questions every day and got no answers and The C**t left the department in a mess ‘with no remorse’.  Tory Penny Mordaunt maintained people did their best at the time, but the report flagged up important lessons which needed to be learnt as we weren’t through it yet.  Labour’s Alison McGovern lamented a lack of cross-party discussions and former aide Sam Kusumo admitted government was accountable and should have included local and international leaders in decision-making.  Economist Anne McElvoy wanted Saj to apologise for not reading the short, clear report: “mistakes in England were on a scale that is not acceptable.”  She trusted a public inquiry would reveal  the trade-offs made between public health and the economy.  Moving on to the fudge over an ‘oven-ready’ Brexit, she called the Northern Ireland protocol a bodge but hoped ‘tweaks’ would make it work.  Penny insisted the agreement was signed in good faith, wasn’t meant to impact negatively on the people of Northern Ireland and the EU now realised change was needed to eliminate trade friction.

Sportswashing

Buzzing Fuchsia

Hardly sleeping all night, there was no way I could go anywhere Friday.  Exhausted and distressed, I lay dozing until Phil made moves.  I fetched tea and opened the curtains to view the colourful pre-dawn sky adorned with a bright star (or was it a planet?)  We again discussed my worries before I phoned to cancel the appointment.  Phil left me to rest but it was futile as streaming sunlight replaced darkness.  Giving up, I ventured down for coffee and a short spell on the laptop.  Head drooping after lunch, I went back to bed, alternately reading and trying to sleep; impossible with an ultra-bright sun and whirring mind.  Slightly less fatigued by evening, we indulged in pizza, wine and escapist films.

43,000 incorrect PCR results 8th September-12th October, halted test analysis at the Immensa Health Clinic Ltd. Lab in Wolverhampton.  Jenny Harries of UKHSA trusted only a few thousand were infectious.  Travellers returning from red list countries would only need a LFT from 24th October and the fully-vaccinated could go to the USA from 8th November.  Shats announced the limit on the number of deliveries foreign lorry drivers could make while in the UK would be lifted for up to 6 months.  Popular Southend MP David Amess was stabbed to death at his surgery in Leigh-on-Sea.  25 year old Ali Harbi Ali was arrested.  Another success for the ‘prevent’ agenda – not!  I predicted calls for protection for MPs out in the community would finally be acted on because he was a tory, albeit a nice one.

Extreme tiredness led to improved sleep over the weekend but insufficient to make up the deficit, I stayed home.  Saturday, I cleared overgrowth near the garden.  Phil went to the shop and reported the corner pub heaving with punters wedged like sardines.  Sunday, I installed the Halloween tree, wrote a haiga using a picture from last week’s visit to the cloughii and took photos of our fuchsia – still blooming and buzzing with bees.

As anticipated, Patel came on Marr to say there would be measures to protect MPs in their constituencies, after a review overseen by Lindsay Hoyle.  Ambassador Andrei Kelin told him Russia could do more to help with the gas crisis if their Nord Stream 2 pipeline was approved.  He didn’t mention that with only 29% vaccinated, Russia experienced a record number of covid cases and around 1,000 deaths per day over the weekend.  At Newcastle United’s first game since a Saudi take-over earlier in the month, human rights activists parked a van displaying murdered Jamal Khashoggi outside St. James’ Park. Toon fans may have thought anyone was better than Rick Astley, but others saw it as sports-washing.

*RCGP – Royal College of General Practitioners, not the Revolutionary Communist Party (if they’re still a thing)

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 68 – Smash and Grab

“The point is that 60,000 people at the match sends a message to 60m, which is, ‘well, if they can meet together, why can’t we? If they’re rammed together and leaping up and down and hugging each other when a goal is scored, why shouldn’t we?” (Stephen Reicher)

Moody Moon

As befitted the summer solstice, Monday was cold, grey and drizzly.  The live-feed from Stonehenge was pulled as hundreds ignored advice not to go.  I slept late until I heard Phil in the bathroom, did a few exercises and developed a strange muscle spasm in my back.  When it eased off, we hugged and joked about his scratchy flowing locks.  After chores and blog-posting, I darted round a strangely quiet co-op.  Even though Phil had cleared kitchen surfaces, it took a while to sort groceries.  Knackered, I collapsed on the sofa when there was a knock at the door.  A man tried to flog us cavity insulation.  I informed him we didn’t have cavities to fill.  Phil cut his hair into a severe buzzcut. “You should have done that yesterday, tattooed runes on your forehead and danced on a hill at sunrise. That would scare people!”

Posing like a knob in a white coat at a vaccination centre, The Bumbler said 19th July looked good for ‘Freedom Day’ thanks to vaccines.  Covboost results expected by the end of August, plans for autumn boosters would come soon. Many questions arose: what age groups? were children included? which brands? could they be combined with flu jabs?  Chris Hopson expressed ‘increasing optimism’ that inoculation had broken the chain between infection and hospitalisation.  But queries over future variants remained.  Not happy with a travel ban from Scotland to the North West without consultation, The Burnman whinged the whole world would hear Manchester and Salford weren’t safe and demanded compo.  Sturgeon retorted she wasn’t interested in a spat and he could just pick up the phone.  A meeting of social care leaders with Boris, The Cock and Rishi Rich reportedly postponed, they called for publication of proposed reforms before the summer recess, immediate cash ‘to avoid serious risks to support’ and further investment to be hastened.

Backache replaced by tummy ache Tuesday, it was an effort to get off the bed.  I wrote off a planned extended outing and got depressed at missing a bright day.  I worked on the journal and cleaned the kitchen.  As I tackled the sink overflow, Phil came to disparage my methods.  “When you do most of the cleaning, then you can criticise!” I yelled.  “Tell me what needs doing and I’ll do it.”  Not wanting to escalate the argument, I kept schtum.  Phil had suggested a short walk but no improvement in my mood or fatigue, I dismissed the idea of going anywhere.  “You’re enervated,” he observed.  “Is that right?  It’s one of them words that sounds the opposite of its meaning.”  A min-update from the researcher revealed she’d indulged in ‘ethnographic noticing’ during 2 weeks off.  “Staring out the window?” Phil chortled, “I do that a lot!”

We rushed dinner to watch the footie.  Rahim Sterling scored the only legal goal.  England beat the Czechs and finished top of the group.  Meanwhile, Scotland lost to Croatia 3-1 and were going home.  England would face Germany, France or Portugal from ‘the group of death’ in the first knock-out stage at Wembley a week hence.  Trying to work out third place permutations defeated me.  Some clever coffee-cupper likely responsible, it would be much simpler with 8 groups rather than 6.  Phil suggested I tell UEFA.  “Yeah, cos everyone’s a football manager! They’re probably inundated with that crap all the time.”

The almost-full moon rose above the treeline.  We nipped out to take photos as the hippy with the dog (who now came to sniff us instead of barking) came by.  A young neighbour gripping a brace of beer bottles slurred: “I can never take decent pictures of the moon on my phone.”  I deduced he was smashed from celebrating the footie win.  As Phil went back inside, atmospheric clouds lent a moody aspect to my final shots.

PCR tests in Yorkshire were extended to Sowerby Bridge, parts of Halifax and Leeds.  Wakefield was added later.  Authorities in Calderdale said they were almost top of the county league table as they tested more than other areas.  The Cock promised pilots to scrap 10-day quarantine for the double-jabbed who’d been in contact with infected persons and for travellers from amber list countries (using daily testing instead) as soon as ‘reasonable to do so’.  Not yet ‘clinically advised’, he couldn’t give a date.  The Scumbag held a Q&A for paying subscribers on Substack.  He said Boris saw ‘focus’ as a menace to his own freedom and we’d all head for bunkers in the hills if we knew how bad it was.  So why didn’t he stay in the one on his in-laws’ Barnard Castle estate last year?  Ahead of the Euro 2020 games, a member of the Scottish squad tested positive for covid and missed the match.  His teammates weren’t required to isolate but 2 English players did because they chinwagged with him in the tunnel.  Arguments ensued as to why football wasn’t defined as a ‘close contact’ sport.  What about the sweaty dressing rooms?  In Scotland, a move down to the lowest tier was delayed to at least 19th July with possible lifting of restrictions by 9th August, if vaccination milestones and other criteria were met.  Lord Frost accused the EU of a lack of ‘pragmatism’ to make the Northern Ireland protocol work.  DUP in-fighting led to leader Edwin Poots being forced out after 21 days, to be replaced by the only candidate, Jeffrey Donaldson.

Smashing It

Heron

Somewhat better but still fatigued Wednesday, I spent ages expunging dust in the living room.  Preparing to go out in the Somewhat better but still fatigued Wednesday, I spent ages expunging dust in the living room.  Preparing to go out in the afternoon also took ages and we were only going to town!  Phil stood fiddling with his phone in the middle of the street.  Waving ‘bye!’ I walked on and greeted an elderly neighbour.  From the opposite riverbank, we heard the familiar sounds of busking.  “What’s on the acoustic stage today?” quipped Phil.  The hipster guitarist who’d disturbed our Saturday night, played to a small group by the water.  Was it an exclusive backstage gig for groupies?  After-school kids prowled the streets.  Getting essentials in the convenience store, we danced to the radio.  An Agatha Christie look-a-like ignoring the one-way system came and straight at us.  Phil said she was a ghost.  “How come we both saw her?”  “Magic conjured by wandering teenagers!”  Heading home via the main road, a heron landed under the bridge.  Taking pictures, my phone did some weird multi-shot thing unbidden.  God knew what of!  In Oxfam, we danced some more and found socks for Phil.  About to buy a DVD, I checked the condition to discover it scratched to nothing and fit only for smashing to bits.

New daily cases reached 16,135, the most since 6th Feb.  82.5% of adults had a jab; 60% 2 doses.  BBC Breakfast reported school absences due to covid trebled in a week and were the highest since schools resumed in March.  Van Dam was chased by anti-vaxxer Geza Tarjanyi and a Taliban missile hit an Afghan hospital destroying crucial vaccine stocks.  Rainbows lit up buildings in Munich for the last games in the ‘group of death’ and spectators cheered a man running onto the pitch brandishing a rainbow flag. Germany beat Hungary thus England would face their bitter rivals in the first knock-out round – of course!  Although 60% of UK adults were immunised as opposed to only 30% of Europeans, Merkel said all Brits entering any EU country should quarantine (at least until Germans got their towels on sun loungers!) Would they be welcomed in London next week without having to do so?

Different rules in Holland saw a 5-day quarantine for Italy and Welsh fans turned away from Amsterdam airport.  Ministers thrashed out a deal with UEFA to allow 60,000 spectators at Wembley.  Cue more complaints of ‘mixed messaging’ and unfairness.  While parents couldn’t even go to school sports day, culture minister John Whittingdale said it was legitimate under ERP and the ‘right time’ to test bigger events.  Steve Reicher railed that 60,000 people crowded together at the match sent a message to 60m; if they can do it, why can’t we?  Talks continued on VIPs not quarantining. Tui joined Virgin Atlantic, BA, Ryanair and Manchester Airport Group in legal action against travel restrictions and went to Westminster on a day of action to pressurise the government to reopen travel and provide targeted financial support.  They were told they could access furlough and would have to wait for changes to travel rules.  Grant Shats was hopeful the world could open up when they caught up on vaccines.  According to my calculations, that was the end of 2022.  So be it…

John Bercow defected to labour.  Denying it was to be a lord, The Torygraph reported he lobbied Jeremy Corbyn for a peJohn Bercow defected to labour.  Denying it was to be a lord, The Torygraph reported he lobbied Jeremy Corbyn for a peerage.  Exactly 5 years after the Brexit referendum, Doncastrians (of whom 69% voted leave, the highest in the UK), couldn’t remember what day it was according to a Look North Vox pop.  Following speculation that HS3 could be scrapped, tory toff woman on Daily Politics mouthed platitudes on Northern Powerhouse rail, triple-lock pensions and their recent by-election fail.  Boris opened PMQs listing reasons why Brexit was great and thanking the armed forces.  Local MP Craig Whittaker asked about ‘levelling up’ to get a curt reply that Calderdale Council needed to listen.  Ian Blackford renewed calls for a public inquiry on how the tories dealt with the pandemic, claiming they used emergency covid contracts to commission political research from their mates on the future of the union and sanctioned corrupt campaigning, instead of to acquire PPE.

Awoken by loud doings from the canal works Thursday, I rose grumpily.  I put on a summer dress for the first time this year to cheer myself up.  On Jeremy Vine, snowflake and so-called commentator Dominque Samuels repeated her cretinous view that she should be allowed to go out and mix while those that didn’t like it stayed home and said she thought differently to other people.  Maybe, but obviously not very deeply if the thing she’d choose to protest against was supermarket sarnies!  As I tried to work on a frustratingly slow laptop, a different noise assailed my ears.  I looked out the window to see the latest antics of DIY Don’t Guy on the street below.  In recent months, his exploits included taking floorboards up and washing them with soap and water and using a massive axe to chop firewood.  The stupidest yet, he and a mate smashed up a flimsy plywood desk with said axe.  Mission complete, they cheered and whooped ‘smashed it!’ like they’d achieved an amazing feat and he raised the axe above his head.  “I’d laugh if it fell on him.”  “Yes, as you called the ambulance!”  Phil added.

Walking Friend arrived mid-afternoon to pick up books and DVDs I thought she’d like.  One a Disney cartoon, she good-naturedly told me to ‘eff off!’ but kept it.  I made her coffee and we stayed outside to exchange news and views on health issues and the plague.  Initially saying she was sick of people being careful, she later conceded rising infection rates indicated it wasn’t yet over.  Phil joined us to discuss druids, standing stones and the right to roam.  He took photos of clouds as a goldfinch chick hopped across the street to stop just behind his heel.  Scared he’d step on it, I exclaimed: “Look behind you!”  Obviously something wrong with the tiny thing, we dithered over what to do, rang a local vegan animal sanctuary, got no answer and consulted the elderly neighbour who advised against touching it as our scent would mean the brood wouldn’t accept it.  His wife melodramatically exclaimed: “everything’s dying today!”  I fetched gloves and a box to fashion a makeshift nest, when Phil got through to the animal lovers who arrived a few minutes later.

Bare-handedly picking the chick up, they said the smell thing was rubbish.  It would be homed with birds of a similar age until fit to fly.  Insisting we name it, I came up with the highly original Goldie.   I assured the upset neighbour “It’s not going to die. The nice animal people took it.”  Decorating Neighbour who’d just parked up quipped: “For a pie.”  “Don’t be daft! They’re vegans!”  (see below for photo). 

Exhausted after another missed siesta, I faffed over Walking Friend’s coffee paraphernalia and made us a pot. In the evening, we failed to see the Strawberry Supermoon in a cloudy sky.  At least we got some pictures earlier in the week.  QT and Brexitcast mostly boring, Katya Adler revealed the German phrase for banger wars.  ‘Wursthall Stillstand’ actually meant sausage standstill; sausage wars literally translated to Wurstkreig.  All sorts churning round my head that night, the meditation soundtrack was of limited help.

Senior ministers signalled all legal restrictions would end 19th July, Useless George looked forward to ditching his mask, but experts advised continuing measures to manage virus levels.  Downing Street said they were still studying the data before a final decision.  ALW joined others in the entertainment industry in legal action to make the government to share ERP findings.  Rejecting a last-minute offer to include Cinderella as a test event, he accused Boris of ‘cherry-picking’ high profile sports.  As if to prove his point, it was announced that Silverstone would host a capacity crowd for F1 on 17th July.  Mind you, outside sport was a different prospect than indoor theatre.  He also wanted government-backed insurance, new rules on quarantine and clearer guidance for future operations.  In limited changes to traffic lights, Malta, The Balearics, Madeira, Barbados, Bermuda and Grenada went green.  Tour operators predictably wailed it wasn’t enough and holiday bookings surged even though the lights could change again at short notice.  Unite called Lloyds bank closing 44 branches ‘baffling’.

Grab a Snog

Goldie by Phil

Waking early Friday morning, I was too hungry to sleep more and also felt slightly ill.  We laughed at people swimming in East London docks.  Orange markers made them resemble bobbing buoys.  Phil cleaned the bathroom while I made a start on decluttering the small room.  I arrived at the co-op to realise I’d forgotten the list, rang Phil to read it to me then waited for him to help carry the shopping.  Both starving and cranky by now, we ate a hasty lunch.  I’d wanted to see how Goldie was getting on with the lovely vegans but was too tired to visit.  Packaging still strewn around the kitchen floor late afternoon, I bit down my anger, cleared it up and relaxed with coffee. Courtesy of the £5 freezer deal, dinner was a pizza feast.  I was about to ask for help switching stuff round in the oven when Phil scarpered.  Struggling by myself, I shouted in frustration.  He returned testily to the kitchen for me to berate him on a lack of help and cried: “You asked the other day to tell you what needs doing. You shouldn’t have to ask. You’re in the house as much as me!“  He shouted back “don’t shout!” and said he had to do “this thing called work.”  “I know but not all the time!”  Feeling awful after the row, I should’ve known on Tuesday it was only a matter of time before my frustrations boiled over.  We calmed down with wine and films.

Days after hitting a grim 500,000 deaths, Brazil recorded 115,228 cases in a day.  UK infections were up 46% in a week, 95% due to the Delta variant.  Fast spread of the mutant led to a sudden third wave in Euro 2020 host city St. Petersburg.  Streets packed, amid calls for a total lockdown, officials said get a jab of the ‘world beating’ Sputnik (only 11% of Russians had one so far).  Results of ERP finally revealed, they showed 28 covid cases detected from 9 large-scale events April-May.  Metro mentioned high compliance with mask-wearing and social distancing but not take-up of PCR testing before and after, which The Independent reported as low.  Scientists advised treating the findings with ‘extreme caution’ as a result.  How could it be a properly controlled scientific experiment if testing wasn’t mandatory for the 58,000 attendees? Chief advisers Nicholas Hytner and David Ross made no ‘conclusive public health recommendations on the reopening of events’.  Kromek innovation detected virus in the air at Teesside airport.  Why not elsewhere?

CCTV film of The Cock snogging close university friend Gina Coladangelo while grabbing her arse covered The Sun’s front page.  Taken before lockdown easing in May, he was accused of hypocritically breaking social distancing.  Amid calls to stand down, he apologised.  Rather than sack him, Boris said he still had faith and considered the matter closed.  Annalise Dodds exclaimed: “He set the rules, he admits he broke them. He has to go.”  A labour spokesman added: “The PM recently described him as ‘useless’ – the fact that even now he still can’t sack him shows how spineless he is.”  They were right but was it a worse crime than lying about PPE failures and elderly care deaths?  Questions ensued on how the girlfriend got jobs as an aide and a non-exec director at DoH.

Grab a Jab

Haiga – Crossroads

Youngest Brother turned 50 on Saturday.  I posted an arty photo and joked he was catching up!  Phil cut my hair, I draft-posted the journal, and nipped out to plant celery in the mini-greenhouse.  Watering parched Christmas trees, I got covered in sticky plant seeds. The pesky embedded things took ages to pluck off my clothes.  As Gran emerged from her daughter’s house, I went over to chat.  She was sceptical the seeds were forget-me-nots but I couldn’t think what else they’d be.  She updated me on her recent injury, feelings of malaise, and a return of our old local.  “You should come down.”  “Not sure I’m ready for that yet.  We stick to pubs with more space.  And as for the price of beer…”  She went back in for gin and to watch her home nation In the first knock-out match of Euro 2020.  Spattered with green plant goo, I washed the dress and got changed before sitting down.  A totally outclassed Wales lost to Denmark 4-0.  For dinner, Phil cooked the main course and I made a crumble for dessert, using up fruit past its best.

Unable to sleep late Sunday, I turned on the telly for the inevitable news. I considered going to the market, decided not to bother, took empty bottles to the recycling bin and saw a folder atop the community garden wall.  Was it a leaked Whitehall file? (see below).  I listened to music, did more de-cluttering in the small room and wrote a haiga.  Phil made austerity roast for dinner, slightly different to last time.  He had trouble cooking cabbage leading to interminable microwave pings.  As I opened the door to heat up leftover crumble, a waft of fiery air hit me in the face and I discovered the metal side was red-hot.   Scared to use it, I left him to put the pudding under the grill, which turned out to be a waste of time.  Annoyed at profligate use of fuel, I fumed, while he sulked until we felt able to speak to each other again.  I fell asleep quickly but woke in the early hours, absolutely parched.

Young people were urged to ‘Grab a Jab’ at walk-in centres for all adults not yet vaccinated.  Stephen Powis stood outside the Emirates stadium to say only 10% of cases were now hospitalised.  Mobile units also targeted hesitant groups.  The extra capacity led to half of 18-29 year olds being inoculated by the end of the weekend.  Just as well, seeing as hundreds of Leeds students partied in the streets of Hyde Park, dubbed Covid Central due to having the highest rate in the country.

Spineless Boris lacking the guts to sack him, The Cock resigned.  The PM later claimed credit for the move.  I agreed with Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice that he should have been ditched months ago for incompetence but thought reporting it to the police was pointless, even with the backing of Fleur Anderson.  We subsequently learnt he used a private e-mail account for official business (why, if there was nothing to hide?) and left his wife the night before the story broke – what a coward!  The Cock unaware of CCTV in his office, it emerged an anti-lockdown Whitehall whistle-blower handed footage to the press.  Cameras subsequently disabled, Brandon Lewis pledged an internal inquiry into the leak’s source.  Sajid Javid filled the vacancy.  The Scumbag tweeted he’d ‘tricked the PM’ into sacking Saj from the Treasury.  Otherwise there’d have been chaos.

Andrew Marr informed Sir Peter Horby (of Nervtag and Oxford Uni) he had covid last week, which explained his absence.  Likely contracted at the G7 in spite of 2 jabs, Sir Peter told him he was unlucky and went onto suggest the data looked good for unlocking 19th July.  However, rises in Sydney and Israel due to the Delta variant led to lockdown in the former and a return to mask-wearing in the latter and should be a lesson.  Warning of a double or triple whammy in winter with covid, flu and something else, he urged us all to get flu jabs.  Other medics also predicted more winter flu because of less immunity.  Again I thought, make your minds up!  What if we all stuck to face- masks and social distancing?  Witless looked like a frightened rabbit as he was accosted in St. James’ Park.  An outraged Met investigated but made no arrests yet.  Confidential MOD files were found at a bus stop in Kent, detailing the willy-waving mission of HMS Defender versus Russia in the Crimea earlier in the week.  Labour said it showed the government didn’t do its job and could have jeopardised operations.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 62 – It’s Grim Up North

“If it’s good enough for London, it’s good enough for us” (Tracy Brabin)

Rude Blokes

Haiga – Avenue i

After the rude awakening in the early hours, I dropped back into deep sleep when Phil woke me Monday morning saying it was late.  Exhausted after a crap night, I considered a curt retort but thought better of it.  Barely able to move my neck, a few painful exercises eased it slightly.  I’d only just finished my cuppa when Phil announced he was taking the tray away. “Don’t rush me!”  “Sorry, I’m trying to be helpful.”  “I know, but I feel harassed.”  The usual round of Monday chores and blog posting ensued.  Unable to add photos to the journal, turning the laptop off and on again fixed the issue but the process remained slow.  The co-op quiet that afternoon, an ignoramus threw his shopping on the conveyer before I’d moved forward at the checkout.  “Do you mind?”  I asked pointedly, to which I got a blank look in response.  How rude!  Changeable all day with some thunder, for once I’d managed to run the errand in a sunny spell.  I lingered at the doorstep to chat to the rarely seen next-door neighbour.  She’d recently married and invited us to a post-covid party in July.  I got rid of a pile of recycling before the heavens opened again.  In the evening I set about repairing a new rip in my favourite jeans but the patch of old denim I found was too light.  My neck still painful and stiff, some yoga stretches and a massage at bedtime aided sleep.

Consistent falls in cases, hospitalisations and deaths saw the Covid-19 alert level downgraded to 3 for the first time since mid-September.  The Bumbler announced the next stage of the roadmap would go ahead as expected on 17th May, allowing indoor hospitality, entertainment and activities, including soft play centres and hotels.  Students would return to uni and secondary pupils didn’t have to wear masks.  Calls to use ‘common sense’ and ‘caution’ were back, as was the rule of 6 for private houses and overnight stays (or 2 households).  Officially allowed to hug, there was no mention of face-licking.

Keir told the first meeting of the re-shuffled cabinet he wasn’t shifting blame. The parliamentary commissioner for standards set to investigate Boris’ trip to Mustique 16 months ago, ‘facilitated’ by Carphone Warehouse tycoon David Ross, newly-promoted Angela Rayner said: “The public have a right to know who paid for (his) luxury Caribbean holiday and the renovation of his flat.  Most importantly, we need to know what these donors were promised or expected in return for their generosity…(he) needs to stop using the office of PM as an opportunity to fund his lavish lifestyle and enrich his mates.”  New mayor Tracy Brabin spoke on Look North of not taking anything for granted and working hard for ‘the people I grew up with’.  On a ‘tap in, tap out’ system for public transport, she stated: “If it’s good enough for London, it’s good enough for us.”  Quite!

Northern Soaks

Flooded then Infested

Tuesday morning, I woke at 8 and got revenge on Phil by rousing him from sleep.  Neck improved, my right shoulder had gone stiff.  Exercise and bathing helped somewhat.  Following a spot of cleaning and writing, I set off for the main square to meet The Researcher.  As she approached, I recognised her immediately from her profile photo.   It was so lovely to meet in person after a year of on-line correspondence!  Commenting on the busyness of the place in spite of the grey midweek conditions, we shared anecdotes on the trials of shopping, washing money and quarantining purses.  “I still do that,” I confessed, “no-one has yet told me it doesn’t make any difference.”  “Shall we get out of here?”

Talking and walking to the nearby clough, we discussed love of place, our backgrounds and assorted issues.  Wanting to give her a flavour of my frequent visits, we climbed over the small wall to look at ‘the swamp’, flooded after copious rainfall.  Heading for the ‘islands’, a tribe of kids clutching fishing nets and accompanied by a few adults, descended to infest them.  Rather ragamuffin to be on a school outing, and the grown-ups rather ‘yummy mummy’ I deduced they were from the nearby free school.  Giving them a wide berth, we continued up the top path and turned left onto cobbles.  It started raining and a matter of minutes before heavy showers caught us so we agreed to return to the shelter of trees.  Loud thunder cracks tore through the clouds as sizeable hailstones assailed us.  Hastily making our way back down the clough, we noted the ragamuffins had scarpered.  Back in town, we bade farewell and pledged to meet again.  I hurried home to get warm with a change of clothes and a cuppa.  Editing photos, the laptop played up again so I turned it off and went for a lie down.  Phil had gone to Leeds for the first time this year.  Just as I was about to make dinner, another downpour descended and he returned predictably tired and soaking wet.  Letting him recover, I didn’t begrudge the lack of help cooking or clearing a sinkful of dishes, but became slightly irked when he came down to stand around in the middle of the kitchen.  That night, I lay listening to yet more thunderstorms until eventually falling asleep.

Pomp scaled back, the Queen’s speech boasted of plans for ‘unleashing our nation’s full potential’.  Promised legislation included a pile of stuff nobody cared about like voter ID, or wanted, such as scrapping the fixed-term parliament, the police bill and the HS2 line from Crewe to Manchester, while the Health and Social Care Bill to integrate NHS and social care, was delayed again, even though Boris said he had a plan ready on the day he became PM 2 years ago.  Martin Green of Care England asked: ‘How long can the care system limp on like this?’  The CBI lauded the speech as good for jobs and connectivity but Keir said it was full of ‘short-term gimmicks’, ‘distant promises’ and papered ‘over the cracks’.

The commons treasury committee released details of 45 messages from Camoron to ministers and officials concerning Greensill.  As allegations relating to its collapse were ‘potentially criminal in nature’, the FCA were also investigating the company.  Media descended on Batley to discuss ‘levelling up’.  Focussing on the upcoming by-election, they failed to mention the vacancy was due to the current Labour MP becoming mayor.  Golden-haired boy Jordan Banks was struck by lightning playing football in Blackpool.  His organs were donated to 3 other children after his death.

Attempting to post for my nieces’ birthday Wednesday morning, she’d disappeared from social media.  I messaged Elder Sis to send on best wishes.  She reported back that the family were fine and my nephew was back in Wuhan, having a more ‘normal life’ than they were in London!  Walking Friend called round as arranged.  She commented on the plethora of bluebells in the gardens (of blue and white), which made me appreciate them anew.

We gravitated into the square.  “What are we doing?”  “Looking for somewhere to eat.”  “Not here.”  We settled on the Turkish café.  Starting fine but rain likely, we sat under an awning for different versions of breakfast and a catch-up.  She said there’d been no hail on the moors yesterday, unlike the valley.  When the showers came they thankfully weren’t as heavy as Tuesday.  Browsing the charity shops, I found nothing I wanted but curated films for her to play on her new DVD player and showed her how to check the condition.  “Like records” “Yes. You can wash them like vinyl too. But don’t dunk them in the sink!”  We sheltered in a doorway for a smoke, said cheerio and went our separate ways.  Phil had cleaned the kitchen floor and hung washing up while I was out which was nice, especially since I’d felt overwhelmed by day-to-day chores after a week in bed and 2 days out.  At bed-time, pouring rain and the generator competed to be loudest.  Using earplugs and the meditation tape, I dropped in and out of slumber.

A month ahead of schedule, we were asked to make appointments for second vaccine doses, while 38-39 year olds were invited for a first.  Amid warnings of circulating mutants, scientists called a new strain of the Indian variant ‘very concerning’.  A surge of B.1.617.2 led to the highest number country-wide in Erewash, Derbyshire, followed by Bolton where targeted testing and a vaccination bus were introduced. A WHO report commissioned from the Independent Panel for Pandemic Preparedness and Response said a quicker international reaction to the Wuhan outbreak would’ve prevented a global catastrophe, it took too long for a public health emergency to be declared, and February 2020 was a ‘lost month’ when many more countries could have acted to prevent the spread.  The Bumbler announced a covid commemoration commission with a memorial at St. Paul’s cathedral and an independent public inquiry into the government’s handling of the crisis, spring 2022.  Keir asked why it couldn’t happen sooner and Jo Goodman said it was far too late: “It sounds like common sense when the PM says that an inquiry can wait until the pandemic is over, but lives are at stake with health experts and scientists warning of a third wave later this year.”  Private Eye reported on a CCJ issued to Boris for an unpaid debt of £535.  Dated during the time of the flat refurb it created much speculation but turned out to be a claim for defamation by conspiracy-theorist nutter Yvonne Hobbs  South Yorkshire police investigated reports of 9 female cops posting images of face-licking at a party on Snapchat with the caption ‘Covid Who?’

Fighting between Israel and Palestine intensified.  Police blocking access to the Al-Aqsa mosque on the eve of Eid and a Jerusalem Day march on Monday were seen as ‘provocation’.  Rockets fired from Gaza were answered by airstrikes from Israel.  A tower block hit, the Gaza death toll disproportionately rose to 48 including 14 children and sporadic violence broke out between Israeli and Palestinian citizens.  UN special envoy Tor Wennesland warned: “we’re escalating towards a full-scale war.”

Yorkshire Jokes

Bells of White

Waking early again Thursday, I enjoyed coming round at a leisurely pace.  Phil accused me of wasting the hours gained but I didn’t care.  Sunny and warm, I opened the window to shake rugs out when cleaning the bedroom and heard a helicopter heading west.  Was it going to Bolton?  I wrote up Sunday’s walk for Cool Placesii and we had fun taking the ‘are you posh?’ quiz featured on Jeremy Vine.  Answer: not very.  We thought ‘laughing loudly’ referred to a horsey snort rather than a raucous northern bark.  Becoming cold and wet again, we derided the Yorkshire weather: “it’s shit!”

Phil went to clean the bathroom but got distracted by a shoelace going up the vacuum.  Meanwhile, I sat on the sofa relaxing to the ambient sounds of the humming hoover from the first floor, the ticking clock, and traffic splashing through the rain.  I then played guitar.  A bit rusty after a lengthy hiatus, I eventually recalled the scales I knew and 7 songs without looking up chords.

PHE data showed cases of the Indian variant tripled in a week.  Spreading faster than the Kent version, especially in the under 25’s, rates increased in London, Sefton, Bedford and Blackburn, but the media spotlight was still on Bolton.  Prof. James Naismith of Oxford University predicted it would ‘get everywhere’, local restrictions wouldn’t contain it and advocated a country-wide approach.  An urgent sage meeting led to speculation on delaying the next stage of the waymark due 21st June.  Uncleverly said: “sage will make their assessments…report (to government), and we will make decisions based on the data and the evidence…”  Boris ruled nothing out.  Camoron was grilled on Greensill by the commons treasury committee.  He insisted he’d had a ‘really good idea’ and there was ‘absolutely no wrongdoing’ but accepted ex-PMs should ‘think differently and act differently’ and conceded a single e-mail would be better than a barrage of messages, which Angela Eagle described as ‘more like stalking than lobbying’.  Refusing to say how much he earned, he admitted to a ‘large economic interest’, holding shares and flying to Cornwall in a private jet.  However, he called claims he could gain £60m ‘completely absurd’.  Portugal supposedly welcomed Brits but we could currently only go to Madeira.  Of others on the green list, the nation of Iceland and the dependencies of Gibraltar and the Faroe Islands, were the only ones not requiring quarantine. London City Airport said business trips would come back as they were essential while the French threatened to scupper the EU financial services agreement over the Jersey fish dispute.  In spite of Egyptian attempts at mediation, violence between Israel and Palestine escalated.

On QT, Paul Mason said we were ‘ruled by crooks’.  Tory Rob Bucket retorted that was untrue and insulting.  Lisa Nandy admitted they needed to work to win back votes and persuade people Labour were for them and Brexiteer Michelle Dewberry called it daft to stick a remainer candidate up in Hartlepool.  I’d already said this was the biggest issue in the by-election, but surely it was about time we got past this?

Turned Out Shite Again

Delightful Cut-offs

Friday morning, we both felt a bit off; me with a scratchy throat and achy shoulders, Phil with aches everywhere.  Probably down to the grey, damp weather it was also far too cold for the time of year.  Hugging to console each other, our hair got in the way.  Haircuts were definitely required.  After some life admin and writing, I set off for the co-op.  Rather busy with gaps on the shelves, I didn’t get too stressed as I grabbed the essentials.

Now located in 15 areas, Bolton gained top spot with B.1.617.2 on the rise.  Burnman appeared on BBC breakfast to plead for inoculation of all over 16’s in affected Manchester boroughs and help for people to self-isolate (still an issue after a year).  Evening news revealed cases tripled nationally in a week to 1,313 and 17 deaths were recorded.  Transmissibility possibly higher than the Kent virus and growing at a faster rate, PHE responded to reports of reinfections as ‘to be expected’.  Arguments arose on whether measures should include immunisation of entire multi-generational households or local restrictions (even though they didn’t work last time).  Prof Paul Hunter of UEA said: “if the Indian variant…continues to increase at the same rate as it has…we’re going to have a huge number of cases by June,” but as it affected younger people, might not put extra pressure on the NHS.  Nads Zahawi urged people to get tested, isolate if it proved positive and said lockdown easing wouldn’t have to be paused if everyone did their bit: “by taking the 2 tests a week, doing your PCR test in those areas, and isolate, isolate, isolate…the 4 tests have to be met.”

But then, The Bumbler briefed us that the surge could threaten the roadmap and: “pose a serious disruption to our progress and could make it much more difficult to move to step 4 in June.”  The announcement that the gap between doses was being shortened for the over 50’s from 12 to 8 weeks, explained why we’d been called up a month ahead of schedule.

Portugal now said we could go on holiday from Monday, even though restrictions in the country were extended to 30th May.  Foreign travel to be permitted from Scotland on 24th May and travel from NI within the CTA*, but not from Wales, Mark Drakeford said he couldn’t stop people going abroad via England, but would prefer they didn’t.

Saturday grey and drizzly, we declared it too shite for walking.  That didn’t stop people coffee-cupping and pubbing, as Phil discovered when he nipped to town.   I took recycling to the bins and found the outdoor air quite pleasant apart from the damp.  I draft-posted the journal and rooted out old denims in search of a darker patch for my favourite jeans.  My old Wranglers now fit Phil while another pair had a massive rip near the crotch.  Chopping the legs off, I joked: “I’ve made you a delightful pair of cut-offs!”  Phil donned them on top of the jeans he was wearing to parade around the living room.  When I finally stopped laughing, I fashioned a section of leg into a patch and stitched in front of the telly (avoiding the FA cup final, complete with a crowd) while Phil cut his hair.  Raining all night, the weather remained changeable on Sunday.  It was my turn for a hair do.  Decanting dyeing accoutrements, the disposable gloves stank of germolene.  Were they PPE rejects?

On the Marr, Yvette Coop said Tracy Brabin was ace and labour would do everything they could to keep hold of Batley & Spen.  The Cock wittered about controlling variants and cited evidence of vaccine effectiveness, based on a sole clinical trial by Oxford University.  When quizzed on travel quarantine not working, he didn’t even know who the ISU was!  Things got grimmer north of the border when Glasgow Rangers fans celebrated victory by marching from the Ibrox Stadium to the city centre.  Mayhem, violence and anti-Catholic chants resulted in 5 cop injuries and 28 arrests.  Sturgeon tweeted she was ‘utterly disgusted.’

*CTA – Common Travel Area – UK, ROI, Channel isles, IOM

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 60 – Curtain Gate

“I really believe that if the political leaders of the planet could see their world from a distance of, let’s say 100,000 miles, their outlook would be fundamentally changed.  The all-important border would be invisible, that noisy argument suddenly silenced”  (Michael Collins)

Papering Over The Cracks

Haiga – Do Not Touch

I awoke Monday morning to the engineering racket.  Attesting to how many weeks it’d been going on, I could tell it was a crane from the noise!  After nasty chores, I put a picture on Facebook for my nephew’s birthday then posted blogs.  I set about painting the pink table after lunch.  Needing undercoating, it inevitably took longer to sand the wood, find plain white paint, and open tins than to apply it.  Drying quickly but patchily, I painted a second coat before dinner.  Turps stung an invisible cut on my hand.  Phil dismissed my profanities of pain.  “You’re always swearing.”  “How very dare you!”  Taking a breather outside, it was colder than the sunshine suggested.  I went back in to get warm.  The full moon barely visible behind cloud and the generator barely audible, I still needed help getting to sleep that night.

Boris warned another wave might come and urged vaccine take-up.  As 44 year olds were invited, a TV ad encouraged under 50’s to get a first dose and over 50’s a second.  The Bumbler naysaid the latest chat from the rat, that he ranted he’d rather let ‘effing bodies pile high in their thousands’ than have a second lockdown.  Margaret Hodge asked: “How many more times will government ministers accept their leader, our PM, has misled the public, the press and parliament before they declare him unfit for office?”  Phil answered: “the same number of times the public won’t – umpteen. Because he’s got funny hair!”  “Yes, and then there’s Brexit.” I added.  Widely believed to be the proponent of herd immunity in the early days of the pandemic and now apparently leaking shocking quotes, it seemed The Scumbag lived up to his moniker, storing up dirt to dish out later (although he wasn’t the only source of the latest exposé).

In a 6-page reply to the Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice request for a public inquiry, government said that with those involved ‘working round the clock’ at this ‘critical phase’, they had ‘no capacity’ to launch one.  Jo Goodman asked: “how long will grieving families be left without answers, without assurance that the mistakes that led to our loved ones’ deaths are not repeated?  We are still living through the pandemic – procrastination is … an insult to the bereaved (and) prevents the government from protecting future lives…”  As expected, Scotland moved down to level 3.  Cafes, beer gardens, non-essential shops, salons, gyms, pools, museums and holiday lets re-opened.  Travel to England and Wales was permitted and 6 people could meet indoors but could only drink alcohol outdoors.  In Wales, outdoor hospitality opened up and up to 30 people could partake in activities.

Tuesday, I painted the Ikea table to match the woodwork in the living room.  Purchased in more affluent times, the posh Farrow & Ball paint revived after a stir.  I managed to keep the oily stuff off my hands until right at the end when cleaning up – typical!  I sent Phil to the shop for cheddar cheese.  Returning with red Leicester, he claimed I said there was no difference.  “I doubt that. But Nadiya Hussain is a fan so I might re-appraise it.”  It proved to make rather tasty cheese on toast.  Having been quiet so far, the engineering works re-started late afternoon.  My siesta disturbed, the beeping noise of dumper trucks reversing was more intrusive than the actual doings!

Covid deaths were down 97% since 22nd Jan.  Attributed to lockdowns and vaccine take-up, the ONS said 90% of those required to self-isolate, did.  The Downing Street flat renovation controversy continued.  Therese Coffee-cup trolled out the party line and gave no real answers to the alleged donor payment, or her boss’ comments about letting the virus ‘rip’.   PM spokesmen later insisted he said no such thing and also that the UK had no spare vaccine to send to India, even though 5m doses were due to come the other way.  Instead, the government sent 200 ventilators and 95 air converters.  Lambasted as a drop in the ocean, the USA donated spare AZ vaccines and the WHO dispatched more help but cited mass gatherings as one of the causes of the surge of B1.617.  Ridiculously, election rallies still went on.  Trying to defend the situation, the leader of the ruling party sounded like an idiot on Newsnight, twittering about twittering.  In a reference to the unilateral extension of the grace period, Adolf Von Der Leyen warned Boris not to breach terms of the Brexit deal before a retrospective vote by MEPs.

I painted a second coat on the Ikea table before elevenses Wednesday morning.  By lunchtime, it was dry enough to touch up streaky patches.  I then made a mess of the sink cleaning the brushes and got annoyed that I’d created more work for myself.  The co-op busy that afternoon, kids ran amok and a young man behind me at the till edged too close as he stared at his phone.  I told him to move back.  Putting groceries on the conveyer, I saw the bread wrapping was ripped.  The nice cashier waited while I fetched a replacement.  “How are you?” she asked “Okay.”  “That didn’t sound convincing.”  “It’s paint fumes. I need fresh air!”  I hurried out the back door, removed my mask and took a deep breath.  Back home, I had a faff sorting veg, discovering tomatoes already going squishy and dropping spuds all over the floor.

Stonewalling

Keir Choosing Wallpaper

With ‘reasonable grounds to suspect that an offence had been committed’, The Electoral Commission were investigating Curtain Gate.  Tories insisted Boris had now paid for the refurb, but didn’t say who forked out in the first place.  On Politics Live, Stella Creasy and Daisy Cooper agreed that as Number 10 hadn’t come clean, questions were raised and it mattered to folk who couldn’t pay their bills, while Carrie Antionette chose wallpaper.  When asked directly by Kier at PMQs who stumped up the cash, The Bumbler stonewalled and rambled about ventilators, housing costs and lauded the success (sic) of the EU approving the Brexit deal – what a moron!  Countering the Captain Hindsight handle, Keir came up with Major Sleaze.  Quizzed on the ‘bodies piling up’ quote, Boris gave a flat “No.”  “I’ll leave it there for now,” lawyer Keir said; a marker for later or to ensure the answer was on record?  Fast losing his shit, a frit Boris immediately went to the Westminster tearoom to rally his troops.  The Glove-Puppet’s missus Sarah Vine was on Radio 4 saying: “The Prime Minister can’t be expected to live in a skip.”  I’d be delighted to find a skip full of John Lewis décor!

On Newsnight, we learned designer Lulu Lytle of Soane Britain supplied golden paper at a cost of £80,000.  The PM’s decorating allowance £30,000, it was revealed in a leaked e-mail that the donor of the extra money was Lord Brownlow.  The tory peer reportedly asked for it to be attributed to a ‘soon-to-be-formed Downing Street Trust’ to which others were asked to contribute.  Thangam Debonnaire mentioned “8 inquiries and counting…” into sleaze.  ‘Yes’, I thought, ‘and yet they say there aren’t resources for a proper inquiry into covid deaths’.

A day after MPs demanded another inquiry into why the independent adviser on ministerial standards hadn’t yet been replaced, FDA (the Civil Service union) were granted a full court hearing on Boris’ dismissal of the report into bullying by Nasty Patel (which led to Alex Allan’s resignation last November).  The queen’s former PS Lord Geidt was appointed to fill the vacancy.  Paving the way for publication of the register of ministerial interests and possibly details of donations to fund the flat refurb, he was only allowed to investigate at the behest of the PM – hardly independent!  The traffic lights system and list of countries deemed safe expected early May, Shats said the NHS app would be used to prove covid status for travel, pending a meeting with his G7 equivalents next week.  Last month’s Barcelona gig was declared a success with only 6 people testing positive 14 days later, lower than the Spanish average.  Arlene Foster lost a vote of no confidence and resigned as NI first minister and leader of the DUP.  The main issues were the Brexit deal and gay conversion therapy.  Good grief!  What century were they in?

Global food producer Nestlé were axing 600 UK jobs with closure of the Newcastle Fawdon factory and more efficient processes, aka cuts, at the York plant.  While there’d be investment and more production in Halifax, some was moving to Europe, including easter eggs.  Unions vowed to fight for ‘every job’.  Ross Murdoch rallied: “To ruin hundreds of lives in a ruthless pursuit of profits, to the very workers who’ve kept the company going during a global pandemic, is sickening…it’s corporate greed at its worst.”

Michael Collins, the one who didn’t walk on the moon during the Apollo 11 mission, died.  “It’s a fragile little thing,” he’d observed whilst orbiting and taking a photos of the earth.

A Bout de Souffle

Note By Incensed of Cornholme

Thursday, the engineers on the canal started at 8.  Good job I needed to be up.  I rushed chores and writing tasks, scoffed an early lunch and ran to the market.  No queues allowed a bit of banter at the fish van and a joke at the cheap veg stall.  “I’ll have 4 pears,” a fellow customer said. “4 pears of what? Ha, ha!”  Horrifyingly, the toiletries stall was absent.  German friend hovered in front of the pub where she’d booked us a table – the same one we sat at last week.  Chilly and showery, we sheltered under the awning and she pressed a button for hot puffs of air.  A bit early for me, I drank juice while she had lager.  I provided her with tips based on changes I’d made to avoid diabetes but advised: “If you stop drinking, I bet your blood sugar will drop within weeks.”  Sharing tales of encounters with neighbours and gardening, she related a funny story about Deborah Bonkers trying to get her to clean the converted mill apartments’ bin store.  I offered her some of my pile of crock pots, saving her a trip to buy gravel.  As she awaited a couple of pub mates, I thought I’d stay until they arrived.  I went inside to use the loo, finding the water freezing cold and the air hand drier only working in 10 second bursts.  I was about to give up waiting when one of the pub mates turned up.  I had a few words before taking my leave.  Phil hoovered the living room while I was out.  I moved the painted table back into the corner.  Still a bit patchy, at least it matched.

Boris called Curtain Gate a ‘farrago of nonsense’ – Ironic coming from him!  Total costs of the refurb reportedly £200,000, you could buy a house for that!  As Keir went to Manchester and posed choosing wallpaper in John Lewis, The Bumbler said he had nothing against the go-to shop of the affluent middle class.  Was he leaving his girlfriend to ‘Carrie the Can’?

Now 3 investigations – The Electoral Commission, Lord Geidt and Simon Case (at Boris’ behest), it later transpired his contact details were public for the last 15 years.  Indian variant cases in the UK rose to 132, most linked to travel and 3 in a Leicester school.  On QT, Oxfam CEO Danny Sriskandarajah said it wasn’t a wave, but a tsunami.  Daisy Cooper advocated sending spare vaccines to India before the virus mutated again and ‘washed up on our shores’.  A memo leaked to The Torygraph from FCDO* revealed an 80% cut in aid for clean water.  Water Aid called it ‘savage’ in a time of Covid.  The Grenfell group denounced the passing of the Fire Safety Law; loans meant leaseholder debts of up to £80,000.

The co-op busy again Friday, I had problems swiping my card, holding the queue up.  My mate at the kiosk whinged about the price of filters compared to the market.  I wasn’t the only one who missed the toiletries stall yesterday!  With elections for councils (postponed from last year), plus mayors, PCCs, the London Assembly, Holyrood, the Sennedd and the constituency of Hartlepool, Newscast dubbed 6th May ‘Super Thursday’.  I mislaid my postal ballot papers, causing mild panic until Phil found them under a pile of paperwork.  Mercifully only having 2 to do, I filled them in then realised, because of the bank holiday, they’d need hand-delivering at the polling station anyway.  Seeing the Freedom Alliance candidate was a local ageing hippie, we again reflected nothing had really changed since the olden days.  In the 1980’s, the focus of their conspiracy theories was the Illuminati, Opus Dei and the Eye of Providence on the dollar bill, rather than viruses, Bill Gates and 5g.  “The modern world must be bewildering to them. I’m surprised they’re even on social media!“

In the first week there’d be evidence that relaxations on 12th April had a negative impact, infections fell 40%, but were up in Yorkshire & The Humber and Eastern England.  Tim Spector of Kings College said: “we’re past that pandemic period and we’re moving into…the endemic period where we get low levels of infection and occasional outbreaks, but they don’t spread to the rest of the population.”  Vaccinations reached 34m with over 40’s next to be invited.  Germany delivered 1.1m but cases remained high.  As part of the ERP, 6,000 Liverpudlians went clubbing.  They had a lot more fun than people at the all-night Jewish orthodox Lag B’omer festival. A stampede at the tomb of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai led to 45 deaths.  Cause unknown, Netanyahu promised a full investigation.

A note on a nearby village community library went viral.  As someone put salacious material in the box, an incensed resident wrote: ‘Whoever is placing…(porno)…here, stop! Cornholme is a god-fearing, Christian village. If this filth is to your liking may we suggest that you move to the cesspit that is Hebden Bridge.’  Phil looked aghast at the slur.  I commented on Manchester Friend’s Facebook post that I resented the cesspit comment.  Harangued by national media on twitter, Vegan Friend told The Sun she didn’t want her name in the rag.  Doubting a Jon I used to work with who once lived in the village was a god-fearing Christian, a tweet suggested a guy with the same name had snuck back to put the filth in the box – was it a coincidence? 

In light of recent events, Alex Salmon said: “People keep telling me what an immovable object Boris Johnson will be. I think a puff of wind would blow him over at the present moment.”

The Final Curtain

Ted Hastings In Front Of A Curtain

On a cold and grey Saturday, I stayed in front of the telly, writing Cool Places all dayi.  Leeds United looked very tired losing to Burnley.  Shown on Prime, It was a novelty seeing an actual live premier league match for once, although the bizarre ticker tape at the bottom of the screen did our heads in with nonsensical ramblings. I slept badly and struggled downstairs for a cuppa Sunday. The morning starting bright, we planned to go looking for bluebells when it started to rain.  Reasoning the crap weather might put off the coffee-cuppers, I went to the market instead.  No such luck!  Town rammed, people dawdled in the square, telling strangers how cute their tiny dogs were.  I dodged long leads to get to the wobbly veg stall, finding a paltry selection. 

Phil due to meet me for charity shopping, I rang and told him not to bother.   Stressed and exhausted when I got home, I collapsed on the sofa and tried to compose a haiga.  As the sun briefly re-merged, Phil interrupted my flow to ask if I wanted to go out again. “No, I’m tired and I’m doing something.” He persisted. “I’m trying to think of a word.”  “Discombobulation.”  “Shut up!” I fumed, storming off.  Calmer but with a headache and unable to concentrate, I cleared mucky bits in the living room and ate lunch until I felt able to complete the haigaii . The altercation made us both sad.  We cheered up with a cuddle, a funny film and TV dramas.  The curtain came down on Line of Duty series 6.  The lowkey but logical and conclusive finale garnered complaints from some of the record 12.8 million viewers.  Not sure why.  The scourge of bent coppers, Ted Hastings, definately wouldn’t have been H!

The death toll in the UK over the past week fell to a daily average of 16.  New infections in India reached 400,000 a day, variant cases in the UK doubled and 1,000 more ventilators were sent.  On the Marr, Prof. Openshaw and Lisa Nandy both said we needed a global response to the crisis, i.e., not unilaterally send vaccines.  Uncertain that was the right message, Phil discovered how bad things really were.  The Indian health service dismantled, there was no way of distributing it.  A pitch invasion at Old Trafford in protest against rich American owners, lead to 2 cop injuries and curtains for Man Utd’s game against Liverpool.

Hardly able to keep my head up at bedtime,  I awoke during the night with a scratchy throat, an itchy nose, a raging thirst and an odd dizzy feeling.

*FCDO – Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 30 – Stormy Weather

Choppy Waters

Haiga – The Fall i

Even tempers and co-operation persisted into the last days of September.  As usual, blog posting and chores took most of Monday morning.  In the afternoon, Phil composed restful tunes on his ipad.  They made me sleepy but this didn’t mean the  siesta was any better, thanks to untuneful noisy workmen outside.

Reports of weekend mayhem caused by the 10.00 p.m. pub curfew were greatly exaggerated as young people milled about in the street.  What did they expect?  Calls for the policy to be abandoned fell on deaf ears.  New restrictions made it illegal to meet indoors from Wednesday in the North East, punishable with fines.  Scottish students were now allowed to go home as long as they stayed there.

Tuesday morning fog lingered in the valley bottom.  Clouds visibly floated off above the hills, to reveal the sun.  BBC Breakfast weather featured a posh stately home, where flowers from the estate were donated to a food bank.  We couldn’t see the residents of the council estate down the road jumping for joy.  To paraphrase Marie Antionette: “let them eat flowers!  In the kitchen, I was overwhelmed by grease and left the cleaning half done to work on the journal and ring the printers, ensuring it was okay to collect the calendars.  My phone mysteriously had no signal requiring use of the land-line.  Phil later used his ‘phone whispering’ skills to get it working again but said “It’s gone a bit flaky hasn’t it?”  Guiltily hiding my face in my hands, I agreed.  “I might have to ask Father Christmas for a new one.” (i.e., Phil).

I took the shopping trolley to town, faffed with hand-gel and face-mask outside the printers saw a TIT QR poster for the first time and decided it didn’t apply to me.  Calendars weighing heavy in the trolley, I wheeled round to Boots.  As I waited to enter behind a woman, a pair of schoolgirls brazenly barged past us both.  When they came out, I said: “next time you go in a shop, check there isn’t a queue, will you?”  I tipped the contents of two needless delivery boxes into the trolley.  Now too heavy to lift up steps, I took the long route home, greeting an old friend on the way.  Exhausted, I collapsed on the sofa listening to another of Phil’s plinky ipad tunes.  Again, it made my eyes close but when I went up for a lie down, I failed to relax.

Boris claimed he ‘misspoke’ concerning the regional measures in the North East, causing confusion over beer gardens and the ‘Rule of Six’.  Angela Rayner called him ‘incompetent’ as he didn’t even understand his own rules!  Amidst chaos on campus, Gavin Salesman finally spoke to say English students could go home for Christmas but might have to self-isolate for a fortnight.  A rave at Coventry University was condemned but I couldn’t help sympathising – what an awful time to be a teenager!

It was an eventful Wednesday in Westminster.  The Speaker of the House stated the PM had contempt for the commons in passing Coronavirus Laws without consultation, let alone votes.  But he stopped short of allowing the Tory backbenchers’ amendment to be debated due to a lack of time, danger of more confusion and ‘undermining the rule of law’.  The Cock conceded to allow MPs a vote before further changes were introduced ‘where possible’.  At PMQ’s Keir criticised Rishi for calling jobs affected by the pandemic ‘unviable’.  In the 100th plague briefing, Boris was flanked by his pet scientists who spoke of an ‘uptick’ in new cases among young and older people, including hospitalisation and intensive care.  Rises of 15%  in the North East and North West, were the biggest.  Why was the former undergoing stricter curbs on freedom than the latter?  And of course, no added restrictions at all in the South, below what Phil called ‘The Waitrose Line’.  The Bumbler bragged about numbers of tests, Nightingale bed capacity, ventilators and PPE (the majority now sourced within the UK which was something).  He said ‘more costly’ restrictions would come if the escalation continued, but insisted a second national lockdown wasn’t planned.  TSB planned the loss of 900 staff and 164 branches due to ‘remodelling’

The Bean Book by Rose Eliot

The most exciting event of my day was inventing a new dinner.  After the stupid amount of shopping last week, I was determined to make do with what was in cupboards.  The improvised lentil and bulgur wheat gratin, inspired by Ye Olde Bean Book, was very tasty if I say so myself.

On Thursday, we stocked up on the groceries.  Thanks to the re-vamped co-op app, I got a free bar of yummy chocolate!  Back home, we sorted the purchases, Phil declared: “job done, with blistering efficiency!” and went to sit down, only for me to discover several items left in rucksacks.  Efficient my arse!  At least he was still being helpful.

As I rested in the afternoon, it was quiet outside for once but attempts to relax were stymied by my mind churning with random crap, including scenes from the book I was reading.  Set in Germany after the war, flashbacks to horrors of Nazism were deeply affecting.  Not the positive forward-looking story I’d expected, but still good.ii  

In the evening, Phil randomly presented me with a large smelly candle acquired during his recent visit to Leeds.  A gift from a woman who lived in a tent, it sparked discussion on a possible project for him to document the city’s homeless during the plague.  I thought it might be of interest to local libraries, museums or possibly The Big Issue.

Making Waves

Floating Wall

As the government refused demands to withdraw provisions that undermined key elements of the Brexit Withdrawal Agreement from the Internal Markets Bill, the EU started legal proceedings. Nasty Patel apparently instructed civil servants to research madcap schemes for deterring migrants travelling from Europe.  Preposterous ideas included a wave machine to propel dinghies from UK shores (not new) and a floating wall (similar schemes in Greece were lambasted by Amnesty International for risking lives).  Migrant centres were considered on disused ferries, oil rigs, the Isle of Man, Isle of Wight, ‘small Scottish islands’ and Ascension Island 4,00 miles away.  Why not Kent?  Then it really would be Children of Men!

Our elected representatives were caught flouting the rules again.  The bumbler’s dad escaped sanctions for shopping without a mask, but Jeremy Corbyn was fined for going to a dinner party with more than 6 guests.  MP Margaret Farrier took the biscuit.  She felt ill on Saturday, had a Covid test, felt better, took the train to Westminster Monday to talk about Covid, got a positive test result, and went back to Scotland by train!  Amid calls for her to stand down, The Speaker was ‘very angry’ and the SNP withdrew the whip.

The North West underwent the same additional measures as the North East where Hartlepool and Middlesbrough were added.  In the face of lack of consultation with local authorities (counter to Matt Cock’s claims), the mayor said they’d gone too far: “we defy the government.” This sounded like he wouldn’t enforce the local lockdown but when interviewed on Newscast he said he would follow the law.   As areas of North Wales were added to the growing list, up to a third of the UK population were now under tighter restrictions.  Another raft of tiers was muted, with a formal announcement due in a week or so.  ‘Just shut the pubs, dammit!’ I screamed at the telly.  It was as if they’d do anything apart from the obvious!

A cold, windy Friday with some rain, suggested Storm Alex arrived early.  Glad the shopping was done, I spent the morning writing up walks for my Cool Places blog iii.  In the afternoon, we braved the storm to visit the Open Studios preview in the Town Hall (postponed from July, it would be on-line next weekend).  A couple of good works amongst the sample pieces, there were also some horrors.  As we knew quite a few of the artists, it prompted a discussion about peer group validation.  For example, a good photographer switching to painting (mediocre at best) being told the art was great.  Walking through the square, the weekly flea market (which I usually forgot about) was packing up. I scooted round and haggled to knock down the price of a pot (a potential gift).  Meanwhile, Phil spent ages at a camera stall and bought a Nikon lens – apparently all interchangeable since 1959; gotta love the Japanese long-term thinking!   The friendly and knowledgeable stallholder told us his dad had a shop in Nelson until he retired early this year, hence the great selection of models.  As Phil spotted a possible Christmas present, I said I’d be back.

A Lull in the Storm

Insta-Dog

Saturday, the weather was even more horrid with persistent rain.  We stayed in all day, and I continued writing for Cool Places. In a rare appearance on Andrew Marr Sunday morning, The Bumbler mainly spluttered the usual waffle.  He admitted the August meal deal was partly responsible for a surge in cases and said the curfew made no sense if people were then ‘hobnobbing’ in the street at pub chuck out time. You said it, you idiot!

While Storm Alex caused flooding in South East England, Italy and France, the rain stopped in the valley, giving way to sunny spells.  slightly annoyed at lack of help with weekend cooking, I silently fumed over brekkie and took my coffee to drink in front of the telly.  I then heard Phil wash up and take a pile of recycling out – the silent treatment seemed effective!   In the afternoon, we had a short walk to the nearest clough.  A small bulldog looked at us expectantly.  The owner said he’d spotted the camera.  Laughing, I called it “Insta -dog!”  We indulged the attention-seeking animal with portrait shots and asked the owner: “does he have a Facebook page?”  “No, but he should!”  In the clough, the brook had widened, flooding the islands.  Better there than town, I thought.  We took the top path to a stone bridge, arresting in early autumn colours.

Resting briefly on a memorial bench, we discussed replacing those lower down, often deluged.  “I’m sure they’d welcome a donation.” I suggested, to which Phil replied: “I’m not dead yet.”  (For more details see Cool Placesiii)

Although a short spell outdoors, it made us really tired.  I  went to bed early that night but needed the meditation tape to drop off.

5 welders went to work on the Isle of Man, stopped at Tesco for a spot of lunch and got imprisoned for breaching quarantine.  When released, they would be sent straight back to England and banned from the isle for life.  Harsh!  As the latest James Bond movie was postponed again, Cineworld announced ‘temporary’ closures, without informing staff.

Trump Drive-by

It had emerged on Friday that Trump had Covid, later being pumped with Remdesivir in hospital.  Over the weekend, it was revealed he’d also received ventilation and dexamethasone, normally used on patients who’d been ill at least a week, with low oxygen levels.  Amidst speculation the severity of his illness was downplayed, he rose from his hospital bed for a drive-by past adoring fans, thus putting countless more people at risk!  (It later transpired he’d been given the experimental drug Regeneron).

Over here, it turned out that Covid-19 cases were under-reported from 25th September to 2nd October.  15,841 test results hadn’t been input on an Excel spreadsheet.  Thus TIT didn’t happen.  The ‘technical glitch’ was in fact caused by PHE using the file extension .xls.  Dating from 1987 and superseded by .xlsx in 2007, it had a limit of 64,000 lines of data, as any techy worth their salt would know.  Phil pointed out it was “so old, Bill Gates wrote the code!”

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. The Women in the Castle, by Jessica Shattuck

iii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 24 – Omnishambles

Turkeys Voting For Christmas

A Turkey Voting For Christmas

I continued to be mainly bed-ridden for the first half of the week, observing a mainly grey scene occasionally broken up by thunder and rain.  Phil looked better but left exhausted from pain over the weekend.  Monday, I posted blogs and rested in the afternoon, unusually sleeping for 20 minutes.  Feeling marginally better, I was cheered further by another huge government U-turn, on the A level results fiasco – bullied by a bunch of teenagers having a march!  Phil said it boded well for negotiating trade deals with hard-faced Republicans after a no-deal Brexit!  Gavin Salesman didn’t get sacked although rumours circulated that he had tendered his resignation, to be refused by Boris.  I guessed the Bumbler was waiting for more fiascos with the GCSE results and schools re-opening in September: then Gavin would be for the chop ( as already hinted at).  Later in the week, it emerged Ofqual had made the decision on the A level grades, but Gavin claimed it was his idea.  They just couldn’t stop lying!  Pathological!  

The Railcard people asked for screenshots of full-priced tickets I’d purchased. I sent them on Tuesday, hoping for a refund.  While not promised, why else would they ask? 

I’d been annoyed at the lack of help at mealtimes, for which Phil apologised, saying he was busy.  I kept schtum but if he would  keep working all the time…  while I stayed abed in the afternoon, he embarked on errands, which made him wobbly.  I was really fed up and miserable at us both being ill.  A woman from the other end of the street called round.  While she talked to Phil on the doorstep, I eavesdropped out of view at the top of stairs and caught the odd word; ‘old mill development’ ‘ builders’ ‘ asbestos removal’.  He agreed to be on the e-mail list.  At about 10.00 p.m., she circulated a letter from the Street Action Group (SAG) to the developers, requesting comments by 5 p.m. the next day.  Much too late for me, I planned to look in the morning, but forgot.  I sat up watching Prime, then struggled to stand and berated myself for being out of bed so long.  Regardless of fatigue, I tossed and turned with mind-churn.  Thoughts randomly included the neighbour stuff (why were we only being included in the group now?  Were we an afterthought?)  The meditation soundtrack lulled me in and out of sleep but I didn’t settle properly until 4.00 a.m.

The news that PHE was to be abolished had seeped into the press overnight Sunday/Monday.  In a move to deflect blame from the government, Matt Cock said their pandemic activities would merge with TIT in a new National Institute for Health Protection, effective from next month.  And who got to head up this shiny new body?  Yep.  The incompetent posh Tory wife, Dildo Harding!  The Cock denied cronyism, saying she was the best person for the job.  Even the right-wing press proclaimed ‘omnishambles’.  Where next for Gammons?  If they wouldn’t stand for it, would backbench Tories rebel?  Wasn’t that turkeys voting for Christmas? I predicted a resurgence of Brexit parties if the government collapsed and forced another election.

Moonshot

Haiga – Feeding Time i

Wednesday, I really struggled after only a few hours’ sleep, but forced myself to get changed as my PJ’s stank.  I straightened the bed and opened the window for some fresh air but had to close it sharpish as the dismal weather merged into tropical storm Ellen.   I spent the rest of the day working on the laptop including a ‘response’ to StandUpX.  New research showed face coverings reduced exposure to droplets by x10k, providing more ammunition and a useful illustration.  Not that it stopped the hippies and gammons continuing to protest and spread misinformation about mask-wearing. (See image below).

The Cock hit the headlines again, bleating about mass population testing.  The ‘moonshot’ tag made no sense.  What the hell did that mean?  Blair resurfaced to say the government were ‘running out of time’ to avoid a ‘second wave’.  In Greater Manchester, the organiser of a Gorton house party last Saturday claimed only 20 people were invited but she had a massive gazebo in the garden.  A ‘closure order’ banned anyone visiting for 3 months; effectively a ‘house lockdown’.  Oldham faced possible pub closures while the mayor said it was pointless as people would just go to other areas within GMC and Yorks (was that why our town was always packed?)

Warm sun made a brief return on Thursday.  Somewhat recovered and less fatigued after a better night, I performed a few stretching exercises in spite of the persistent achiness and tummy issues.  Phil queried the rules about wearing masks in cinemas but not if eating: “so you could just continuously scoff popcorn.  Then you wouldn’t need to wear one”.   I spent the morning sat on the bed dealing with admin on the laptop.  The Researcher had sent a mini-update on the project to which I replied but heard nothing further.  I jotted down a very short list of presents for my birthday in a few weeks’ time.  The thing about not buying stuff is you realise you don’t need any of it!

Wild Carrot

Lunchtime, I felt up to getting out in the sun and suggested going to a café with outdoor seating.  The town centre inevitably heaved.  We wandered up to the outdoor market.  A dismal affair.  Useful stallholders were absent, the gaps filled with pointless crap – on the one day it was meant to be real stuff!

We found a table outside the Turkish place and basked in sunshine.  Eating al fresco at the med-style café as people strolled up and down in summer garb and buskers played, gave a holiday feel. 

We visited a couple of charity shops. Phil found an old camera and I bought books (I got through novels at break-neck speed this year).  After some aimless wandering, we sat on a bench near the old bridge.  A crop of wild carrots studded with red poppies and yellow flowers attracted my attention, but the stench of dog poo and a fly infestation made me retreat from taking close-ups.  Across the river, kids in baseball caps threw food at ducks.  A small filming crew of a woman and two men came and stood by the railings. “Are we disturbing you?” they asked “No, we were going anyway.” One of the men said: “you don’t have to on our account.  You won’t be in it and if you are, we’ll glam you up with the make-up kit.”  “Are you saying we need glamming up?”  I asked.  “I meant him.” (indicating Phil).  “I meant him too!”   Phil asked what they were filming and the woman told us it was a short film about businesses’ flood resilience.  A good location for that.  Back home, I lay down again but unbale to rest, I went out to potter in the garden and bring flowers in.  An earwig wove round the petals of a hydrangea bloom so I had to take it out again.

U Turn If U Want To…

U Turn

Scientists at UCL claimed contact-tracing apps were unlikely to reduce the spread of coronavirus.  Even if 80% of us used them, other measures were needed such as closure of indoor spaces.   Meanwhile, kids were revealed as silent ‘super-spreaders’.  They carried more virus when apparently healthy than seriously ill adults.  Portugal was removed from the quarantine list but Croatia, Austria and Trinidad & Tobago were added.  The government ignored Simon Calder’s plea to give more notice: effective from 04.00 Sunday, no flights were due to leave Croatia until after that time.  Having been caught out himself, Shatts said things changed quickly and only travel if you are content to be quarantined when you come back.

It was reported that a boy of 16  from Sudan died crossing the channel in a dinghy, with a shovel for an oar. It later transpired he was a man of 26, but still a tragic casualty.  Nasty Patel was accused of heartlessness. Pierre-Henri Dumont, National Assembly representative for the Calais region exclaimed: “How much will it take for the British to regain an ounce of humanity?”  Detention Action, said: “We have repeatedly warned (Patel) it was only a matter of time before her toxic policy to deny safe and legal routes to the UK would cost lives. This death lies firmly at her door.”

Back on the exams front, record high GCSE grades were awarded following yet another U-turn and another reprieve for Gavin Salesman.  Pearson’s delayed BTEC results, allegedly to be in line with higher A level marks.

Friday morning, Phil received a flurry of messages from SAG.  All the neighbours were going outside at 9.30 to berate the developers for placing the asbestos suction machine too far into the road.  What on earth did they expect them to do?  Years ago, we attended a meeting to challenge the old mill development.  The woman now leading the SAG’s main gripe was that people in the proposed flats opposite would see her knickers.  A local expert on the matter informed her this would not be enough to overturn the planning permission, but a lack of infrastructure and parking might.  A few of us agreed to take photos of the street at different times of the day to demonstrate how little space there was.  As far as I know, I was the only one that did.  Anyway, we lost that battle.  I was glad I’d been left out of it this time!   I tackled the worst of the grime in the kitchen and went to the co-op.  We needed quite a big shop so Phil came to help carry stuff back.  Dry when we set off, a ton of rain suddenly threw itself down.  A man just about to exit swore: “where the fuck did that come from?”  “The sky,” Phil giggled.  We waited inside until the deluge abated somewhat and made our soggy way home.  Things got fraught, sorting the purchases, washing bottles, and stuffing things in the fridge.  Exhausted, I collapsed on the sofa.  After lunch, I researched places to stay in Southport for my birthday.  The favoured Clifton Spa was shut until further notice, which was a pain. I’d expected the large hotel to be safely open and anticipated a dip in the pool should the weather be too inclement for walking.  Further searching uncovered a small self-catering apartment which I reserved.

As the R rate increased to as much as 1.1, restrictions were lifted in Wigan, Rossendale, and Darwen, but increased in Oldham, Blackburn and Pendle (no socialising or non-essential travel, but pubs stayed open).  I hoped we didn’t face a similar scenario, disrupting birthday trip plans (at least we could cancel our accommodation for free up to 4th Sept.).  The M&S sandwich factory in Northants shut and The Cock rabbited about fines for non-compliance with quarantine. The tenant eviction ban was extended by 4 weeks; nowhere near enough to avoid an increase in homelessness in time for Christmas.  Government debt reached £2 trillion, more than GDP, while Apple hit a net worth of £1.5 trillion.  Almost enough to buy us out!

A Series of Slightly Unfortunate Events

Response To StandUpX

On a changeable Saturday characterised by miniscule sunny spells amidst squally showers, I stayed home, wrote a haiku and fixed things – dead watches, jewellery and a phone stylus.  Phil joined in the maintenance to replace overhead bulbs in the kitchen so we had light at last, and bodged the bedroom door which kept sticking (taking longer than anticipated of course).  He also popped to the shop amid an alarming shower.  As the rain became heavier, it was positively scary-sounding late into the night.

Sunday, I awoke fuzzy from mediocre sleep and watched aghast as a stupid woman on Sunday Morning Live said not everyone wanted a coronavirus vaccine as they might get tracked.  This reference to the idiotic Bill Gates conspiracy nonsense went unchallenged!

Witless claimed the risks from kids missing school was greater than the adverse effects from coronavirus.  Police reported more than 100 illegal gatherings over the weekend, including a rave in Deighton, Huddersfield.  Boris planned to increase fines of up to £1,000 in time for the bank holiday weekend.  I doubted that would stop them!

Unsure what to do on another wet day, I cleaned the bathroom leading to a series of slightly unfortunate events.  As I shook rugs out the window, bits of hair and grit went everywhere creating another chore, then I managed to drag a scarf under my foot from the bedroom to the bathroom meaning I had to handwash it, then the tap fell to bits!  Exacerbated, I noted the sun momentarily made an appearance and I considered going outdoors, when clouds immediately returned.  I switched to sewing and settled in front of the telly, to be irritated further by an intermittent signal!  Thoroughly fed up, I then developed a nasty stitch in my side just before dinner.  It eased of slightly after eating but I could barely keep my eyes open and went to bed early.  Regardless of the tiredness, sleep eluded me for some time.

Reference:

i. My  haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com