Part 61 – Washouts and Landslides

“Disconnection from our heartland communities will only deepen unless they can look to Labour and see a party with clear, bold policies that understands and speaks to them ” (Len McClusky)

Washout Monday

Haiga – After the Rain

Still feeling dizzy on a cold, grey Monday morning, I wobbled down for a cuppa and decided porridge would warm us up.  Later, I bathed, fetched coffee, reading material and the laptop and ensconced myself in bed to post blogs and read Valley Life.  Only flicking through the spring edition at Easter, I hadn’t noticed my piece got a mention on the cover and in the editorial!  An article on the flood relief works revealed a walk further down the canal was needed to see their full extent.  Phil worked downstairs and brought me a tasty lunch butty.  I remarked it felt like any other Monday.  As if to underline the point, the heavens opened, putting paid to May Day bank holiday frolics.  If there was a street party at the local labour club, it would be a washout but at least the dirty hippies could have a nice shower!  Elsewhere over the weekend, 5,000 Scousers went to a test gig in Sefton Park and Cambridge students had a rave on Jesus Green for Caesarean Sunday.  A bright interval early evening tempted swifts to dart about the valley catching insects.  Attempts to capture them on my phone camera were futile.

A sole death from coronavirus recorded, vaccines reached 50m of which 15m were second jabs.  Moderna committed 500m doses to Covax but the WHO programme wouldn’t start until late 2021, with most delivered 2022.  Why so slow?  On his third campaign visit to Hartlepool, The Bumbler hinted at scrapping social distancing when pubs fully re-opened.  Thinking mid-May a bit early, I exclaimed: “they should at least wait until us oldies are fully immunised!”  Indoor activities opened in Wales and the EU revealed proposals “to allow entry to the EU not only for all persons coming from countries with a good situation but also to all people who have received the last recommended dose of an EU-authorised vaccine.”  A decision likely by the end of the month, they expected reciprocity.  Several countries were muted to be green-lighted for travel from the UK.  But following the ISU’s warnings of airports being breeding grounds, Layla Moran spluttered: “It’s staggering to think the government is even contemplating encouraging overseas holidays when airports are already struggling to keep the virus and new variants at bay…Urgent measures are needed to better detect fake Covid test certificates, reduce overcrowding in arrival halls and separate out those arriving from red and amber list countries.”  Prof. Ferguson Inaccurately predicted Italy and France would get the green light if infections fell and agreed with Boris’ tweet that it would be a ‘Great British summer’, saying: “life will feel a lot more like normal.”  He added that the move to scrap social-distancing would inevitably lead to more infections and fatalities but it was ‘a political decision’ to determine how many deaths were acceptable.  It was my turn to splutter!

In the aftermath of the Super league failure, the Premier League introduced a charter committing football club owners to ‘the core principles’ of the competition, while a capacity audience watched the boring snooker final.

During the night, I awoke with a coughing fit.  A drink of water and a throat pastille soon calmed it down, but I slept fitfully afterwards, with Covid dreams involving pub mates.

Deluged

Bright Interval

Respite from the engineering works over the bank holiday, they woke me at 8.00 a.m. Tuesday.  Slightly better and the cough not persistent, I stopped worrying I had Covid.  Still chronically fatigued, I stayed in bed for the next few days.  While Phil took care of chores and errands, I worked on the next journal instalment.  The deluge of news stories meant it took all week.

According to ONS figures, infections in secondary schools were 0.3%, a big drop from December and on a par with the wider population.  Polls showing the tory lead down from 11 to 5%, but 50% ahead in Hartlepool, Keir foresaw defeat, saying on BBC Breakfast that he took ‘full responsibility’ for the outcome of the by-election.  Holding onto the Labour stronghold in 2019, Brexit-voting Hartlepool was still a red brick in the blue wall.  Referring to allegations of Boris’ misconduct in office, he said: ”Being the PM…is an incredible honour…and it shouldn’t be ‘priced in’ that (he’s) not going to be straight (with us)…this idea that some of the top government seem to have that the rules don’t really apply to them…is completely wrong.”  The hospitality industry whinged they couldn’t recruit enough staff for 17^th May as loads had gone off to be delivery drivers.  ‘Well, pay more than minimum wage then!’ I advised.

Wednesday, I tried to expunge nasty black marks from my fingers.  I’d only just noticed the ingrained muck from last week’s DIY.  I worked on the journal until head fug set in, backed up computer files and put a pile of clothes away.  During ‘quiet time’, I got absolutely no rest at all with so much noise outside.  Besides works on the canal, builders clattered, trains screeched and traffic beeped.

As it was muted the NHS App may not be ready in time for travel, Portugal said come anyway.  Having already booked 60m Pfizer boosters for autumn, Uncleverly told us Van Dam was leading ‘Covboost’ – a trial to look at “which vaccine delivers the best boost.”  The Cock announced capacity for blood testing at Porton Down would double, to detect anti-bodies and “future-proof the country from the threat of new variants.”  Nads Zahawi said the UK conducted 50% of the worlds’ genome sequencing of coronavirus and mutants, adding that as the situation moved from pandemic to endemic, they’d deal with it in the same way as ‘flu.  Adam Finn of JCVI warned that as the virus circulated throughout the world without being properly tested, there would definitely be viral evolution, possibly undetected.  “As more and more of the world’s population become immune to the virus through infection or through immunisation, the speed of that is likely to go up so it’s certainly a problem now and it’s likely to be an increasing problem going forward.”  With some scientists saying more spread equalled faster mutations, while others said the opposite, I was left confused.

At a G7 meeting in London, the USA proposed intellectual property exemption for vaccines, to allow a global response.  2 Indian delegates travelled infected and self-isolated, to be closely followed by the whole deputation.  Organisers claimed it was due to strict procedures that Covid had been detected and Boris denied it was a mistake to meet in person.  For the first time ever, I agreed with Dawn Brexit on Jeremey Vine who asked why were they let in when we couldn’t go anywhere?  But I soon disagreed again as she went onto to say it wasn’t mad to go to India on holiday even with 20m cases and 220,000 deaths – crazy!  In the meantime, The Bumbler had a zoom call with Nodi to agree pledges on health, climate, education, science & technology, defence and trade which he called a ‘quantum leap’.  Evil Musk sent more satellites into space and a SpaceX test didn’t end in a crash for once.  Meanwhile, a Chinese rocket that took the Tianhe space station up, hurtled towards earth.  The descent uncontrolled, no one knew when or where it would land.

Following Newsnight, a cop doc featured a murder in my home town.  One street over from where I grew up, it housed a decent pub back then; a favourite haunt of my dad’s.  The pub now gone, the area was haunted by drug gangs with guns.

Super Thursday

Boris With His Blimp

Election day was cold with heavy showers, including hail.  Apparently brought by an arctic blast, it snowed elsewhere and didn’t bode well for Labour.  Still ailing, I had to get out of bed so we could change the sheets.  I got straight back in to work on the laptop.  Late afternoon, Phil went to the polling station, equipped with mask and pen.  Getting wet, at least he missed the hailstones.  He handed my ballot in and completed his own.  Not gone long, I asked: “not busy then?”  “No, ”he chuckled, “just one hippy.”  He then complained: “you didn’t tell me there were 2 votes.”  “What?“  “For the mayor; there was a second choice.”

“I did tell you, and there was a leaflet explaining it all. Anyway, I’m not your electoral advisement officer.”  “Yes you are.”  “Hmm. I didn’t bother. I didn’t want to split the vote and it’s not mandatory.”  “Oh.”  “Who did you vote for?”  “One of the weirdos.”*  “God help us!”

At least he hadn’t drawn a cock and balls on the papers, as he’d threatened, in retribution for the council putting new led street-lighting up.  Mayoral candidate Tracy Brabin off Corrie, was churlishly spragged up for giving out free brownies, but as party workers ate them, she broke no rules.  Someone obviously predicted she’d win.  In London, serious candidates headed off a mind-boggling array of minority parties, independent nutters and Covid-deniers, including Piers Corbyn, Psycho Fox, Count Binface, and the hilariously-named Peter Gammon of UKIP.

I later spotted a missed message from Walking Friend.  On her way to vote, she’d wanted to meet for coffee.  I thanked her for the thought and said I’d get in touch when I felt better.

Young adults took part in trials of a plant-based vaccine in York. Canadian pharma Medicago cleverly grew the virus protein on leaves.  The ONS revealed a shocking 19.6% hike in alcohol-related deaths.  The rise starting in March 2020, it coincided with the start of the first lockdown.

Wednesday, 2 French boats blocked the port of St. Helier and French maritime minister Annick Girardin threatened to cut off Jersey’s electricity supply, in retaliation for a requirement that fishers submit evidence of past activities in the island’s waters to get a continuance licence.  Lambasted as ‘disproportionate’, naval ships were disproportionately dispatched, closely pursued by the French military on a ‘patrol mission’.  A 15 hour stand-off ensued, involving up to 100 French fishing boats, the loosing of flares, ramming of a pleasure-craft, musket fire from a re-enactor, and a fisherman called Popeye declaring ‘war’.  The French then sailed away Thursday teatime, saying they’d made their point.  Brussels complained to Westminster that the new rules broke the Brexit agreement.  After speaking to the protestors, Jersey Senator Ian Gorst said the licence requirements had been ‘lost in translation’ and Chief Minister John Le Fronde added the ‘very good discussions’ highlighted issues that could easily be resolved.  Amid concerns the situation could escalate if unsettled, John Bercow on QT called it ‘jingoistic sabre rattling,’ not unconnected to the elections.

Fallout Friday

Green Sheep

Slightly improved Friday, I stayed in bed writing and replied to an e-mail from the researcher, confirming our upcoming meeting.  That evening, Have I Got News For You featured the community library in the Hants village of Hurstbourne Tarrant, also containing porn.  Was it a national phenomenon?  The Cornholme incident got a mention, bringing more unwelcome attention to the area.

PHE said inoculations had averted 10,000 deaths and with Jansen set to be approved (requiring only 1 jab), the under 40’s were to be offered alternatives to AZ.  Traffic lights revealed only 12 green countries including Portugal, Gibraltar, Israel and Iceland.  France, Italy, Spain and Greece were on the amber list and Turkey, The Maldives and Nepal added to the red.   Shats now said the NHS app would be ready for use to prove you’d had 2 injections, or you could get a letter before travelling.  TUI offered holidaymakers the required tests at a bargain £20.  A fire at the New Providence Wharf tower block, where cladding replacement was underway, led Grenfell United to shout “enough is enough!”

Tories crowing over a landslide victory in the Hartlepool by-election, Boris went to pose with a blimp of himself.  They also gained control of 13 councils, although it took several days for all ballots to be counted, as it did for metro mayors. Bemoaning the losses, Keir bleated: “we have not made a strong enough case to the country.”  John McDonnell accused him of being ‘almost policy-less’ and Len McClusky warned disconnection would deepen unless Labour had clear, relevant policies.

In a weird dream, I inexplicably volunteered at an undefined government-sponsored conference, along with some people I knew.  Clueless as to the theme, we succeeded in winging it, wondered what it was all about and concluded it was a cronyism scam.  “Now we have insider knowledge. We could be proper whistle-blowers!” I whooped.  Telling Phil the next day, he said I obviously missed coffee-cupping but as my conference days were far behind me, I thought it more likely a mixture of TV exposure, awful election results and wanting to bring the government down.

Saturday morning, I felt well enough to have breakfast downstairs but returned upstairs with aches and pains.  Grey skies and rain didn’t help.  Planning to mend holes in the newly-washed bedspread, it was so cold I ended up putting it back on the bed – in May!  I rallied sufficiently to go back down late afternoon.

Much perkier following a relatively good sleep, I itched to get out of the house on Sunday.  We set off in fine weather for the nearest wood.  Climbing up, an earthy scent rose from the churned up track scattered with dislodged wall blocks – caused by a vehicle or the recent rain?  In the wood, the mysterious stones appeared green rather than blue as did stained sheep in the adjacent field.  Corvids  squawked above as if to say ‘get off our land!’  We slogged up to the top wall, expecting to keep in alignment with it, but the path veered down and we emerged onto a nasty stony path.  We crossed onto softer ground for a much easier ascent to familiar territory..  Afternoon showers put paid to our usual rest stop.  We squatted under a large tree near the waterfall, teeming for once.  “It’s like camping,” Phil said, “imagine waiting 40 minutes for the kettle to boil.”  “No thanks!”  The quarry similarly transformed by increased water, we navigated paths resembling streams on the shorter route down (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱ)

Although we didn’t get far, the uphill climbs and a ‘shortcut’ which added 45 minutes to the walk, was enough for me.  Back home, I edited photos and was inspired by zinging greenery after the rain to write a haigaⁱⁱ.

2/3 of adults were inoculated, 1/3 with 2 doses.  The ‘key tests’ met, an announcement Monday was predicted to confirm the next stage of the waymark, and permit hugging.  “What I want to know is, will face-licking be allowed?” Phil joked.  A curfew in Spain ended, excepting Navarra, Valencia, the Balearics, and the Canaries.  The Chinese rocket splashed down in the Indian Ocean.

Counting for the West Yorkshire mayor finally took place.  Tracy Brabin celebrated her 60^th birthday with a win.  Watching the weekend’s extensive election coverage, I only heard national media even mention it twice until the declaration.  The Yorkshire Party came third which was funny but Tracy’s roles as mayor and PCC meant a by-election in Batley & Spen, which wasn’t.  Despite tory gains, the majority of metro mayors were labour (a fact also omitted by the mainstream) and they held onto some Lancashire and Yorkshire councils including ours.  Rather than a red wall, the map looked more like a red fence with holes in it.

Labour also kept control of the Welsh Senedd, and the SNP held onto Holyrood.  The fourth successive victory led Sturgeon to say it was ‘when not if’ for Scottish independence.  Boris told her to stick to tackling the virus and invited devolved leaders to a Team UK summit on the pandemic.

Thinking Angela Rayner would make a good party leader (and not just because she represented my hometown), Kier sacked her as party chair and campaign manager to inevitable accusations of scapegoating.  Was that what he called taking full responsibility for his own mistakes?  Saying she’d retain her deputy leader role because of her ‘working class appeal’, we were flummoxed seeing as she was elected by members.  A hasty shadow cabinet re-shuffle over the weekend moved her to shadow cabinet minister.  Meanwhile, Dodds was out and Reeves in as shadow chancellor.

Developing a painful stiff neck in the evening, a massage helped the pain but not sleep.  Tossing and turning in a luminous night, I looked through the curtains at a solitary bright star.  With the help of the meditation tape, I dropped in and out of sleep to be disturbed at 5.45 a.m. by loud industrial vehicles – grr!

* I think Phil placed his second choice mayoral vote for The Yorkshire Party; not that weird!

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 60 – Curtain Gate

“I really believe that if the political leaders of the planet could see their world from a distance of, let’s say 100,000 miles, their outlook would be fundamentally changed.  The all-important border would be invisible, that noisy argument suddenly silenced”  (Michael Collins)

Papering Over The Cracks

Haiga – Do Not Touch

I awoke Monday morning to the engineering racket.  Attesting to how many weeks it’d been going on, I could tell it was a crane from the noise!  After nasty chores, I put a picture on Facebook for my nephew’s birthday then posted blogs.  I set about painting the pink table after lunch.  Needing undercoating, it inevitably took longer to sand the wood, find plain white paint, and open tins than to apply it.  Drying quickly but patchily, I painted a second coat before dinner.  Turps stung an invisible cut on my hand.  Phil dismissed my profanities of pain.  “You’re always swearing.”  “How very dare you!”  Taking a breather outside, it was colder than the sunshine suggested.  I went back in to get warm.  The full moon barely visible behind cloud and the generator barely audible, I still needed help getting to sleep that night.

Boris warned another wave might come and urged vaccine take-up.  As 44 year olds were invited, a TV ad encouraged under 50’s to get a first dose and over 50’s a second.  The Bumbler naysaid the latest chat from the rat, that he ranted he’d rather let ‘effing bodies pile high in their thousands’ than have a second lockdown.  Margaret Hodge asked: “How many more times will government ministers accept their leader, our PM, has misled the public, the press and parliament before they declare him unfit for office?”  Phil answered: “the same number of times the public won’t – umpteen. Because he’s got funny hair!”  “Yes, and then there’s Brexit.” I added.  Widely believed to be the proponent of herd immunity in the early days of the pandemic and now apparently leaking shocking quotes, it seemed The Scumbag lived up to his moniker, storing up dirt to dish out later (although he wasn’t the only source of the latest exposé).

In a 6-page reply to the Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice request for a public inquiry, government said that with those involved ‘working round the clock’ at this ‘critical phase’, they had ‘no capacity’ to launch one.  Jo Goodman asked: “how long will grieving families be left without answers, without assurance that the mistakes that led to our loved ones’ deaths are not repeated?  We are still living through the pandemic – procrastination is … an insult to the bereaved (and) prevents the government from protecting future lives…”  As expected, Scotland moved down to level 3.  Cafes, beer gardens, non-essential shops, salons, gyms, pools, museums and holiday lets re-opened.  Travel to England and Wales was permitted and 6 people could meet indoors but could only drink alcohol outdoors.  In Wales, outdoor hospitality opened up and up to 30 people could partake in activities.

Tuesday, I painted the Ikea table to match the woodwork in the living room.  Purchased in more affluent times, the posh Farrow & Ball paint revived after a stir.  I managed to keep the oily stuff off my hands until right at the end when cleaning up – typical!  I sent Phil to the shop for cheddar cheese.  Returning with red Leicester, he claimed I said there was no difference.  “I doubt that. But Nadiya Hussain is a fan so I might re-appraise it.”  It proved to make rather tasty cheese on toast.  Having been quiet so far, the engineering works re-started late afternoon.  My siesta disturbed, the beeping noise of dumper trucks reversing was more intrusive than the actual doings!

Covid deaths were down 97% since 22^nd Jan.  Attributed to lockdowns and vaccine take-up, the ONS said 90% of those required to self-isolate, did.  The Downing Street flat renovation controversy continued.  Therese Coffee-cup trolled out the party line and gave no real answers to the alleged donor payment, or her boss’ comments about letting the virus ‘rip’.   PM spokesmen later insisted he said no such thing and also that the UK had no spare vaccine to send to India, even though 5m doses were due to come the other way.  Instead, the government sent 200 ventilators and 95 air converters.  Lambasted as a drop in the ocean, the USA donated spare AZ vaccines and the WHO dispatched more help but cited mass gatherings as one of the causes of the surge of B1.617.  Ridiculously, election rallies still went on.  Trying to defend the situation, the leader of the ruling party sounded like an idiot on Newsnight, twittering about twittering.  In a reference to the unilateral extension of the grace period, Adolf Von Der Leyen warned Boris not to breach terms of the Brexit deal before a retrospective vote by MEPs.

I painted a second coat on the Ikea table before elevenses Wednesday morning.  By lunchtime, it was dry enough to touch up streaky patches.  I then made a mess of the sink cleaning the brushes and got annoyed that I’d created more work for myself.  The co-op busy that afternoon, kids ran amok and a young man behind me at the till edged too close as he stared at his phone.  I told him to move back.  Putting groceries on the conveyer, I saw the bread wrapping was ripped.  The nice cashier waited while I fetched a replacement.  “How are you?” she asked “Okay.”  “That didn’t sound convincing.”  “It’s paint fumes. I need fresh air!”  I hurried out the back door, removed my mask and took a deep breath.  Back home, I had a faff sorting veg, discovering tomatoes already going squishy and dropping spuds all over the floor.

Stonewalling

Keir Choosing Wallpaper

With ‘reasonable grounds to suspect that an offence had been committed’, The Electoral Commission were investigating Curtain Gate.  Tories insisted Boris had now paid for the refurb, but didn’t say who forked out in the first place.  On Politics Live, Stella Creasy and Daisy Cooper agreed that as Number 10 hadn’t come clean, questions were raised and it mattered to folk who couldn’t pay their bills, while Carrie Antionette chose wallpaper.  When asked directly by Kier at PMQs who stumped up the cash, The Bumbler stonewalled and rambled about ventilators, housing costs and lauded the success (sic) of the EU approving the Brexit deal – what a moron!  Countering the Captain Hindsight handle, Keir came up with Major Sleaze.  Quizzed on the ‘bodies piling up’ quote, Boris gave a flat “No.”  “I’ll leave it there for now,” lawyer Keir said; a marker for later or to ensure the answer was on record?  Fast losing his shit, a frit Boris immediately went to the Westminster tearoom to rally his troops.  The Glove-Puppet’s missus Sarah Vine was on Radio 4 saying: “The Prime Minister can’t be expected to live in a skip.”  I’d be delighted to find a skip full of John Lewis décor!

On Newsnight, we learned designer Lulu Lytle of Soane Britain supplied golden paper at a cost of £80,000.  The PM’s decorating allowance £30,000, it was revealed in a leaked e-mail that the donor of the extra money was Lord Brownlow.  The tory peer reportedly asked for it to be attributed to a ‘soon-to-be-formed Downing Street Trust’ to which others were asked to contribute.  Thangam Debonnaire mentioned “8 inquiries and counting…” into sleaze.  ‘Yes’, I thought, ‘and yet they say there aren’t resources for a proper inquiry into covid deaths’.

A day after MPs demanded another inquiry into why the independent adviser on ministerial standards hadn’t yet been replaced, FDA (the Civil Service union) were granted a full court hearing on Boris’ dismissal of the report into bullying by Nasty Patel (which led to Alex Allan’s resignation last November).  The queen’s former PS Lord Geidt was appointed to fill the vacancy.  Paving the way for publication of the register of ministerial interests and possibly details of donations to fund the flat refurb, he was only allowed to investigate at the behest of the PM – hardly independent!  The traffic lights system and list of countries deemed safe expected early May, Shats said the NHS app would be used to prove covid status for travel, pending a meeting with his G7 equivalents next week.  Last month’s Barcelona gig was declared a success with only 6 people testing positive 14 days later, lower than the Spanish average.  Arlene Foster lost a vote of no confidence and resigned as NI first minister and leader of the DUP.  The main issues were the Brexit deal and gay conversion therapy.  Good grief!  What century were they in?

Global food producer Nestlé were axing 600 UK jobs with closure of the Newcastle Fawdon factory and more efficient processes, aka cuts, at the York plant.  While there’d be investment and more production in Halifax, some was moving to Europe, including easter eggs.  Unions vowed to fight for ‘every job’.  Ross Murdoch rallied: “To ruin hundreds of lives in a ruthless pursuit of profits, to the very workers who’ve kept the company going during a global pandemic, is sickening…it’s corporate greed at its worst.”

Michael Collins, the one who didn’t walk on the moon during the Apollo 11 mission, died.  “It’s a fragile little thing,” he’d observed whilst orbiting and taking a photos of the earth.

A Bout de Souffle

Note By Incensed of Cornholme

Thursday, the engineers on the canal started at 8.  Good job I needed to be up.  I rushed chores and writing tasks, scoffed an early lunch and ran to the market.  No queues allowed a bit of banter at the fish van and a joke at the cheap veg stall.  “I’ll have 4 pears,” a fellow customer said. “4 pears of what? Ha, ha!”  Horrifyingly, the toiletries stall was absent.  German friend hovered in front of the pub where she’d booked us a table – the same one we sat at last week.  Chilly and showery, we sheltered under the awning and she pressed a button for hot puffs of air.  A bit early for me, I drank juice while she had lager.  I provided her with tips based on changes I’d made to avoid diabetes but advised: “If you stop drinking, I bet your blood sugar will drop within weeks.”  Sharing tales of encounters with neighbours and gardening, she related a funny story about Deborah Bonkers trying to get her to clean the converted mill apartments’ bin store.  I offered her some of my pile of crock pots, saving her a trip to buy gravel.  As she awaited a couple of pub mates, I thought I’d stay until they arrived.  I went inside to use the loo, finding the water freezing cold and the air hand drier only working in 10 second bursts.  I was about to give up waiting when one of the pub mates turned up.  I had a few words before taking my leave.  Phil hoovered the living room while I was out.  I moved the painted table back into the corner.  Still a bit patchy, at least it matched.

Boris called Curtain Gate a ‘farrago of nonsense’ – Ironic coming from him!  Total costs of the refurb reportedly £200,000, you could buy a house for that!  As Keir went to Manchester and posed choosing wallpaper in John Lewis, The Bumbler said he had nothing against the go-to shop of the affluent middle class.  Was he leaving his girlfriend to ‘Carrie the Can’?

Now 3 investigations – The Electoral Commission, Lord Geidt and Simon Case (at Boris’ behest), it later transpired his contact details were public for the last 15 years.  Indian variant cases in the UK rose to 132, most linked to travel and 3 in a Leicester school.  On QT, Oxfam CEO Danny Sriskandarajah said it wasn’t a wave, but a tsunami.  Daisy Cooper advocated sending spare vaccines to India before the virus mutated again and ‘washed up on our shores’.  A memo leaked to The Torygraph from FCDO* revealed an 80% cut in aid for clean water.  Water Aid called it ‘savage’ in a time of Covid.  The Grenfell group denounced the passing of the Fire Safety Law; loans meant leaseholder debts of up to £80,000.

The co-op busy again Friday, I had problems swiping my card, holding the queue up.  My mate at the kiosk whinged about the price of filters compared to the market.  I wasn’t the only one who missed the toiletries stall yesterday!  With elections for councils (postponed from last year), plus mayors, PCCs, the London Assembly, Holyrood, the Sennedd and the constituency of Hartlepool, Newscast dubbed 6^th May ‘Super Thursday’.  I mislaid my postal ballot papers, causing mild panic until Phil found them under a pile of paperwork.  Mercifully only having 2 to do, I filled them in then realised, because of the bank holiday, they’d need hand-delivering at the polling station anyway.  Seeing the Freedom Alliance candidate was a local ageing hippie, we again reflected nothing had really changed since the olden days.  In the 1980’s, the focus of their conspiracy theories was the Illuminati, Opus Dei and the Eye of Providence on the dollar bill, rather than viruses, Bill Gates and 5g.  “The modern world must be bewildering to them. I’m surprised they’re even on social media!“

In the first week there’d be evidence that relaxations on 12^th April had a negative impact, infections fell 40%, but were up in Yorkshire & The Humber and Eastern England.  Tim Spector of Kings College said: “we’re past that pandemic period and we’re moving into…the endemic period where we get low levels of infection and occasional outbreaks, but they don’t spread to the rest of the population.”  Vaccinations reached 34m with over 40’s next to be invited.  Germany delivered 1.1m but cases remained high.  As part of the ERP, 6,000 Liverpudlians went clubbing.  They had a lot more fun than people at the all-night Jewish orthodox Lag B’omer festival. A stampede at the tomb of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai led to 45 deaths.  Cause unknown, Netanyahu promised a full investigation.

A note on a nearby village community library went viral.  As someone put salacious material in the box, an incensed resident wrote: ‘Whoever is placing…(porno)…here, stop! Cornholme is a god-fearing, Christian village. If this filth is to your liking may we suggest that you move to the cesspit that is Hebden Bridge.’  Phil looked aghast at the slur.  I commented on Manchester Friend’s Facebook post that I resented the cesspit comment.  Harangued by national media on twitter, Vegan Friend told The Sun she didn’t want her name in the rag.  Doubting a Jon I used to work with who once lived in the village was a god-fearing Christian, a tweet suggested a guy with the same name had snuck back to put the filth in the box – was it a coincidence? 

In light of recent events, Alex Salmon said: “People keep telling me what an immovable object Boris Johnson will be. I think a puff of wind would blow him over at the present moment.”

The Final Curtain

Ted Hastings In Front Of A Curtain

On a cold and grey Saturday, I stayed in front of the telly, writing Cool Places all dayⁱ.  Leeds United looked very tired losing to Burnley.  Shown on Prime, It was a novelty seeing an actual live premier league match for once, although the bizarre ticker tape at the bottom of the screen did our heads in with nonsensical ramblings. I slept badly and struggled downstairs for a cuppa Sunday. The morning starting bright, we planned to go looking for bluebells when it started to rain.  Reasoning the crap weather might put off the coffee-cuppers, I went to the market instead.  No such luck!  Town rammed, people dawdled in the square, telling strangers how cute their tiny dogs were.  I dodged long leads to get to the wobbly veg stall, finding a paltry selection. 

Phil due to meet me for charity shopping, I rang and told him not to bother.   Stressed and exhausted when I got home, I collapsed on the sofa and tried to compose a haiga.  As the sun briefly re-merged, Phil interrupted my flow to ask if I wanted to go out again. “No, I’m tired and I’m doing something.” He persisted. “I’m trying to think of a word.”  “Discombobulation.”  “Shut up!” I fumed, storming off.  Calmer but with a headache and unable to concentrate, I cleared mucky bits in the living room and ate lunch until I felt able to complete the haigaⁱⁱ . The altercation made us both sad.  We cheered up with a cuddle, a funny film and TV dramas.  The curtain came down on Line of Duty series 6.  The lowkey but logical and conclusive finale garnered complaints from some of the record 12.8 million viewers.  Not sure why.  The scourge of bent coppers, Ted Hastings, definately wouldn’t have been H!

The death toll in the UK over the past week fell to a daily average of 16.  New infections in India reached 400,000 a day, variant cases in the UK doubled and 1,000 more ventilators were sent.  On the Marr, Prof. Openshaw and Lisa Nandy both said we needed a global response to the crisis, i.e., not unilaterally send vaccines.  Uncertain that was the right message, Phil discovered how bad things really were.  The Indian health service dismantled, there was no way of distributing it.  A pitch invasion at Old Trafford in protest against rich American owners, lead to 2 cop injuries and curtains for Man Utd’s game against Liverpool.

Hardly able to keep my head up at bedtime,  I awoke during the night with a scratchy throat, an itchy nose, a raging thirst and an odd dizzy feeling.

*FCDO – Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 49 – Rocky Road

“When you’re stuck in a tunnel and you can’t find your way out, thank god there’s a Jackie Weaver about.  Jackie is our saviour, she’ll know what to do, in the nick of time she’ll rescue you” (Don Black)

Cold Comfort

haiga – Polarised

Storm Darcy brought officially the coldest spell since the Beast from the East in 2018, with a bitterly icy easterly wind and yet more snow. Worse in the south for once, trains stopped and jab centres shut. Warming up with porridge and a fluffy bath, tedious Monday chores ensued, the trip to the bins particularly nithering.  Decorating Neighbour chatted with a mate in the street.  Referring to new arrivals’ makeshift ‘private parking’ sign, he asked: “Is this a private street?” “Of course not. I would have cordoned off my bit 20 years ago if it was.”  We went on to discuss similar misguided beliefs on the street below and Covid larks.  “I’m getting the jab this week,” he informed me. “Is it because of your age?” “Yes, I’m old. and special!”  That made 4 immunised people I knew first-hand as opposed to none with coronavirus.  Weary in the afternoon, I considered doing yoga but got stuck on Photoshop instead then tried to warm up in bed – futile even wearing 3 pairs of socks.  Phil still struggled with back pain but rallied after a rest and more happy pills.  “You’re turning into a right junkie!” I laughed.

The Cock urged the over 70’s not yet invited to contact the NHS.  French health minister Olivier Veran got the AZ jab, derided by Macron.  Boris insisted it would lower the death rate despite fears over resistance of the SA strain, while Van Dam said it wasn’t a major concern as the Kent variant was the most virulent. Surge testing widened to other areas and Mike Tildesley (of Warwick Uni and SPI-M*) cautioned it could be even more widespread and thus delay lockdown easing.

Rocky sleep for two successive nights prompted me to take a sleeping pill.  Eyes shutting while reading, I lay in the comfy chilled-out place between wakefulness and sleep before gently sinking into unconsciousness.  Much less fatigued Tuesday, I performed a full morning exercise routine for the first time in 2 weeks.

Brightness was suddenly obliterated by snow, flying in our faces as we walked east on the towpath.  Plans to climb a hill abandoned, we circumnavigated the park and trod gleefully on the white stuff, some squeaky, some crunchy.  Observing the prints of others who’d preceded us, it turned out Phil was an expert at sole tread identification – who knew?  Attempting to take photos, flakes fell like delicate chains, settling softly on shrubs.  We returned to the canal, where fine particles lay dust-like on frozen patches.  Chilled to the bone, we veered onto tarmac.  Gulls sat expectantly in a neat row atop a roof gable behind the school.  Boys dangerously played football on uneven cobbles.  A café still advertised mulled wine but looked closed, even for take-a-away.  Unable to rest in the afternoon, I had a really good night, even better than the one before.  Was it a knock-on effect of the pill or the refreshing icy walk?

The Cock announced plans for traveller quarantine.  From Mon 15^th Feb, all arrivals must isolate for 10 days and have 2 tests at their own expense.  Those from ‘red list’ countries would be bussed to designated hotels (the list of 16 undisclosed due to security, apparently) at a cost of £1,750 including transfer and testing.  Paul Brand of ITV news tweeted ‘a large whack’ of the money went to G4S (i.e., more tory chums).  A plethora of fines could be issued for non-compliance and a staggering 10 years in prison levied for concealing your country of origin!  Scotland required all travellers to go to Q hotels.  The WHO Wuhan verdict inconclusive, they said the virus hadn’t escaped from a lab and that it may have come from imported frozen fish rather than local fresh produce, raising queries about endorsing the official Chinese version.  A week on, they called for more evidence dating back to the original outbreak.  Brexiteer JD Sports boss Peter Cowgill carped that Brexit red tape was worse than expected and planned to open a distribution centre in Europe, taking jobs away from the UK – twat!  Useless George said there was ‘no legal barrier’ to the EU blockade of shellfish exports and they’d changed the rules within the last week.

Wednesday, we were occupied with domestic-based work.  On PMQ, Keir complained of no decisions on business rates, furlough or eviction ban extensions to which Boris trolled out the same old lines.  Ian Blackford called him ‘pathetic’.  Answering a question from Plaid Cymru, The Bumbler referred to battery manufacture in Bridgend, at possibly the biggest factory in the world.  Was that meant to compensate for the loss of car manufacture?  It reminded me of Soviet-era Radio Tirana which used to trumpet weekly Albanian tractor production figures.

Miffed at being stuck indoors during sunny daylight, Phil said I should have suggested a walk. But already approaching dusk, it became colder and more persistent snow fell.

The WHO advised the AZ vaccine was used for all adults, in all countries, on all variants, and greater efficacy was elicited when the booster was administered at 8-12 weeks. In the UK, take-up remained lower in the BAME community and a third of care home staff hadn’t been inoculated for a variety of reasons, many spurious.  Van Dam raged at mis-information and “nasty pernicious scare stories on social media.”  Quite – stop looking at it, you dickwads!  An Imperial College React study added chills, headaches, muscle aches and loss of appetite to Covid symptoms.  In contrast to Cock‘s claim last month that it would be a ‘Great British Summer,’ Shatts said: “people shouldn’t be booking holidays now…domestically or internationally.”  And the holiday ban would remain until everyone was vaccinated.  Did he mean the whole world?  Had they told BoE chief Andrew Bailey?  Braced to write off summer, Brian Strutton of BALPA whinged: “airlines are drowning but rather than throwing us a life raft, the transport secretary has just thrown a bucket of cold water at us.”

Amongst mounting pressure, housing minister Robber Jenrick announced ‘a clear plan’ to remove dangerous cladding from tower blocks, with an extra £3.5bn and a levy for new-builds.  An MPs’ report in 2020 concluding £15bn was needed, shadow minister Thangam Debbonnaire said: “(the government) still don’t know how many buildings are unsafe…inaction and delay has caused the building safety crisis to spiral.”  Grenfell United called it ‘too little too late’.  Rebecca from the excellently-named Manchester Cladiators told BBC Breakfast it was cold comfort for people living in unsellable flats, failed to take into account other underlying safety issues and that the 17.5 storey limit determining whether you got a grant or a loan, was arbitrary.

Jackie Weaver had become the most famous coffee-cupper in the land, hosting a Handforth (Cheshire) Parish Council planning meeting on zoom.  In the face of male aggression, she kept her cool to remove the chair who yelled: “you have no authority here, Jackie Weaver!” The VC stormed off shouting: “read the standing orders. Read them and understand them!”  Glad for the power of the mute button, she became an unlikely hero.  ALW penned an ode with Don Black, released on insta.  Would a musical be next?

Polar Trek

Icy Track

The storm passed, but temperatures stayed below zero.  Jeremy C**t hilariously slipped when jogging and broke his arm.  Overnight temperatures plummeted to the lowest for decades.  In the Cairngorms, it hit -23 in Braemar and a man from Boat in Garten performed the Siberian trick of freezing boiling water mid-air.

Very bright and cold again Thursday, we didn’t miss another opportunity for a wintry walk.  Leaving the house just before lunch, Phil bought pasties from the hipster bakers.  “It’s like going to the dystopian future in there, with all the PPE and distancing measures!”  We walked west on the main road, turning right to a nearby clough.  Extremely icy on the rocky track, the going was glacially slow.  At the old mill site, snowy water and icicles shone.  We stood to eat the pasties then clambered over a frozen tributary and up slippery steps onto a Path. We spotted an old quarry with massive icicles resembling stalactite.  Warily avoiding squelchy patches and falling spikes, we ascended to explore.   Photos later revealed a miniature snow horse in the rockface.  Back on the path, we weren’t quite where expected.  At a loss as to how we went wrong, we ended up climbing a ridiculously long stairway, emerged at a junction, turned right again and kept to the higher route until the path ran out.  A pair of men changed a van wheel in middle of the narrow lane, requiring us to squeeze past.  Reaching the village, we paused to peruse a veg stall outside the inn.  As the landlord emerged, we nodded politely and moved on, reasoning he would probably charge us non-local rates!  On the last stretch, I felt achy, exhausted and grumpy.  It was incredulous how long and hard the walk was even though we hadn’t got far – like a polar trek!  (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱ)

Back home, we slumped on the sofa.  Shopping not done, I thought of an alternative dinner option from meagre supplies.  Phil said he had to go to the co-op anyway.  Expecting him to be back in time to help, I started cooking and was almost finished when he returned, by which time I was achy and moody again.

Jeremy Farra of sage referred to the Rocky Road Map as ‘arbitrary’ but with calls to open up the economy, John Edmunds said we would be ‘more or less free’ by the end of the year, albeit still with masks and social distancing.  Wales was the first home nation to declare all top 4 priority groups vaccinated.  The Q hotel website crashed minutes after going live.  Sharon Peacock, Cog-UK said the Kent variant, now in 50 countries, was becoming dominant.  By persistence, door-knocking and offering help, York’s local system reached two thirds of positive cases uncontactable by Dildo’s TIT.  Von Der Leyen admitted to MEPs that they were late authorising vaccines and over-optimistic on mass production.  Prezzo were closing 22 ‘non-viable’ restaurants’ and losing 216 posts.  Heineken were shedding 8,000 jobs worldwide.  The Post Office announced record profits (all those cardboard packages obviously) while Uber prepared to offer parcel delivery at the same price as a cab ride.  With staff exhausted, Jon Ashworth questioned the timing of The Cock’s planned overhaul of the NHS.  A We Own It petition claimed it would lead to more privatisation.

In an argument on QT concerning the daft rules on exporting fish, the SNP woman correctly told Michael Forsythe it was the deal.  The idiot tory persisted in banging on about balancing public health and the economy during the pandemic, to which she echoed my views that there wouldn’t be an economy without people to work and spend.  You had to prioritise one or the other, for the millionth time!

In contrast to the previous two, I had a fractious night.  Unable to relax, I used the meditation tape to drop in and out of sleep several times until I eventually got a few hours.

Glacial Pace

Haiga – Glacial

Friday, I wearily ran a bath and discovered spilt goo making a mess.  Downstairs, I discovered an even bigger mess due to an overturned ashtray, not seeing how bad it was in the dark of the previous night.  Trying to ignore it, I settled down with coffee and tried to work on the laptop.  Glacially slow, I eventually got a MS update message – why was it always on a Friday?  With no chance of achieving anything substantial, I did a few small tasks and posted a picture for my nephew’s 18^th birthday.  All the nieces and nephews now officially adults, I felt old!  Leaving the machine to update, I went to the co-op for weekend supplies including the Valentines meal deal, which proved excellent value as we got 2 dinners and a lunch out of it.  I waited patiently at the tills for space on the conveyor.  Before I knew it, the pace quickened and the cashier started putting my items through.  The couple in front intervened and I rushed to separate my groceries from theirs, commenting I didn’t know how it happened.  The shirty cow said it was my fault for placing my stuff too close.  A friendlier colleague behind me in the queue asked: “are you being told off?” “Yes, and it’s not right. I’ve done nothing wrong!”  The shirty one indicated the social distancing signs.  Aghast, I railed: “you’ve only just put those signs up. I’ve been doing social distancing for a year!”  Meanwhile, Phil had arrived unnoticed to help carry the shopping.  Shaking his head, he told me to calm down, which was the worst thing to say.  Nevertheless, as we departed, I made a conciliatory gesture by informing the shirty cow we had things in common and perhaps we should get on rather than argue.  I later reflected that I the last 2 trips to the co-op between bouts of illness, were both stressful.  Perhaps I should take my custom elsewhere.  Or complain to head office, although the last time I did, they responded at a snail’s pace.

I spent the rest of the day tweaking photos and writing haigas, inspired by the polar trekⁱⁱ.  Phil cleaned the bathroom.  I sent him back up for the hoover to clean his pile of ash still lying on the living room floor.

The R number now 0.7-0.9, eggheads still referred to the infection rate as high.  The economy shrunk by 9.9% in 2020.  Dodds said “…not only has the UK had the worst death toll in Europe, we’re experiencing the worst economic crisis of any major economy.”  She wanted a ‘smarter furlough scheme’ and extensions to the business rate holiday and low VAT for hospitality and tourism.  Metro called it the greatest decrease since 1921, the BBC since three centuries ago.  Confused, Phil related details of the 1706 recession, during Isaac Newton’s tenure as Master of the Mint.  Evidence emerged that Stonehenge was moved from Waun Mawn in the Welsh hills of Preseli.  Similarities of size and rock type at the site made the theory plausible.

Hearts in Siberia

Zany Valentines Card

Although most of the snow had gone by Saturday, it was literally freezing all day.  Phil appeared far too jolly first thing.  I lowered the mood by indicating my red-raw hands; not another imaginary plague symptom but due to the cold.  I applied copious amounts of cream and healing balm.  While I turned the Photoshop collage into a mad Valentine’s card, he went to the convenience store, reporting the side streets lethal but still awash with coffee-cuppers in the arctic conditions!  Enjoying our bargainous dinner complete with pink prosecco and posh dessert, we guffawed at mugs featured on telly who paid a fortune for fancy restaurant take-aways, wearing make-up and dresses as they hadn’t for ages.  Phil said “I’m going to wear shorts and a snorkel because I haven’t for ages.”  “No you won’t. You’ll freeze!”

Finally above zero, Sunday remained cold and grey.  I presented the zany card to Phil, querying: “where’s my art, or roses, or anything…?” Answer: nowhere.  No surprise seeing as he’d only ever given me Valentines gifts 3 times in almost 4 decades.  Not that he had a heart as cold as Siberia, but he maintained it was a ‘made up card day’ (which is isn’t, unlike some others).  “Why do I bother?”  I asked.  Because you enjoy it.” “Hmm.”  I stayed in, wrote and watched telly.  He went to the shop again in the late inky blackness.  Daring to hope he might yet surprise me with a bouquet, he returned empty-handed.  “No flowers; only a manky cauliflower.” “Well, it has flower in the name. You could have got it as a joke.”  After dinner, we finished off a bottle of fizz which made me very sleepy, but I stayed up to watch Leeds United lose to Arsenal, in a characteristically goal-packed match.

The Cock appeared to fudge the target of reaching 15m priority people when he referred to them being ‘offered’ the vaccine, rather than getting it.  As the deadline loomed, it was actually reached, but only 500,000 had the second jab.  A 90% uptake among the over 70’s boded well for ‘herd immunity’ if replicated for all adults.  The Bumbler hailed ‘a truly national effort’: “they have been delivered by the most extraordinary army of vaccinators who jabbed like there’s no tomorrow.”  If there was no tomorrow, we wouldn’t need them you wanker!  Due to the backlog of booster jabs and supply issues, roll-out to the over 65’s and clinically vulnerable would be slower.  Still confused as to when carers would get it, I clarified we were in priority group 8 so may be immunised sooner than April.  David Davies said we had to get to a point where we lived with the virus like it was flu.  What made him an expert

A tunnel from Stranraer to Larne, dubbed ‘Boris’ Burrow’, was lauded as the answer to NI import woes, but the pie in the sky project would take 10 years to build.  Backbencher Simon Hoare jibed: “The trains could be pulled by an inexhaustible herd of unicorns overseen by stern, officious dodos…A pushme-pullyou could be the senior guard and Puff the Magic Dragon the inspector. Let’s concentrate on making the protocol work and put the hallucinogenics down.”  Perhaps the burrowers might need rescuing by Jackie Weaver! 

Russian Heart

Trump predictably acquitted of spreading hatred and violence in the USA at his impeachment trial, heart vigils in support of Navalny spread the love across Russia, from St. Petersburg to Siberia.

Snotty again at bedtime, I hoped another relapse wasn’t looming…

*Note – SPI-M – Scientific pandemic influenza group on modelling

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com