Part 61 – Washouts and Landslides

“Disconnection from our heartland communities will only deepen unless they can look to Labour and see a party with clear, bold policies that understands and speaks to them ” (Len McClusky)

Washout Monday

Haiga – After the Rain

Still feeling dizzy on a cold, grey Monday morning, I wobbled down for a cuppa and decided porridge would warm us up.  Later, I bathed, fetched coffee, reading material and the laptop and ensconced myself in bed to post blogs and read Valley Life.  Only flicking through the spring edition at Easter, I hadn’t noticed my piece got a mention on the cover and in the editorial!  An article on the flood relief works revealed a walk further down the canal was needed to see their full extent.  Phil worked downstairs and brought me a tasty lunch butty.  I remarked it felt like any other Monday.  As if to underline the point, the heavens opened, putting paid to May Day bank holiday frolics.  If there was a street party at the local labour club, it would be a washout but at least the dirty hippies could have a nice shower!  Elsewhere over the weekend, 5,000 Scousers went to a test gig in Sefton Park and Cambridge students had a rave on Jesus Green for Caesarean Sunday.  A bright interval early evening tempted swifts to dart about the valley catching insects.  Attempts to capture them on my phone camera were futile.

A sole death from coronavirus recorded, vaccines reached 50m of which 15m were second jabs.  Moderna committed 500m doses to Covax but the WHO programme wouldn’t start until late 2021, with most delivered 2022.  Why so slow?  On his third campaign visit to Hartlepool, The Bumbler hinted at scrapping social distancing when pubs fully re-opened.  Thinking mid-May a bit early, I exclaimed: “they should at least wait until us oldies are fully immunised!”  Indoor activities opened in Wales and the EU revealed proposals “to allow entry to the EU not only for all persons coming from countries with a good situation but also to all people who have received the last recommended dose of an EU-authorised vaccine.”  A decision likely by the end of the month, they expected reciprocity.  Several countries were muted to be green-lighted for travel from the UK.  But following the ISU’s warnings of airports being breeding grounds, Layla Moran spluttered: “It’s staggering to think the government is even contemplating encouraging overseas holidays when airports are already struggling to keep the virus and new variants at bay…Urgent measures are needed to better detect fake Covid test certificates, reduce overcrowding in arrival halls and separate out those arriving from red and amber list countries.”  Prof. Ferguson Inaccurately predicted Italy and France would get the green light if infections fell and agreed with Boris’ tweet that it would be a ‘Great British summer’, saying: “life will feel a lot more like normal.”  He added that the move to scrap social-distancing would inevitably lead to more infections and fatalities but it was ‘a political decision’ to determine how many deaths were acceptable.  It was my turn to splutter!

In the aftermath of the Super league failure, the Premier League introduced a charter committing football club owners to ‘the core principles’ of the competition, while a capacity audience watched the boring snooker final.

During the night, I awoke with a coughing fit.  A drink of water and a throat pastille soon calmed it down, but I slept fitfully afterwards, with Covid dreams involving pub mates.

Deluged

Bright Interval

Respite from the engineering works over the bank holiday, they woke me at 8.00 a.m. Tuesday.  Slightly better and the cough not persistent, I stopped worrying I had Covid.  Still chronically fatigued, I stayed in bed for the next few days.  While Phil took care of chores and errands, I worked on the next journal instalment.  The deluge of news stories meant it took all week.

According to ONS figures, infections in secondary schools were 0.3%, a big drop from December and on a par with the wider population.  Polls showing the tory lead down from 11 to 5%, but 50% ahead in Hartlepool, Keir foresaw defeat, saying on BBC Breakfast that he took ‘full responsibility’ for the outcome of the by-election.  Holding onto the Labour stronghold in 2019, Brexit-voting Hartlepool was still a red brick in the blue wall.  Referring to allegations of Boris’ misconduct in office, he said: ”Being the PM…is an incredible honour…and it shouldn’t be ‘priced in’ that (he’s) not going to be straight (with us)…this idea that some of the top government seem to have that the rules don’t really apply to them…is completely wrong.”  The hospitality industry whinged they couldn’t recruit enough staff for 17th May as loads had gone off to be delivery drivers.  ‘Well, pay more than minimum wage then!’ I advised.

Wednesday, I tried to expunge nasty black marks from my fingers.  I’d only just noticed the ingrained muck from last week’s DIY.  I worked on the journal until head fug set in, backed up computer files and put a pile of clothes away.  During ‘quiet time’, I got absolutely no rest at all with so much noise outside.  Besides works on the canal, builders clattered, trains screeched and traffic beeped.

As it was muted the NHS App may not be ready in time for travel, Portugal said come anyway.  Having already booked 60m Pfizer boosters for autumn, Uncleverly told us Van Dam was leading ‘Covboost’ – a trial to look at “which vaccine delivers the best boost.”  The Cock announced capacity for blood testing at Porton Down would double, to detect anti-bodies and “future-proof the country from the threat of new variants.”  Nads Zahawi said the UK conducted 50% of the worlds’ genome sequencing of coronavirus and mutants, adding that as the situation moved from pandemic to endemic, they’d deal with it in the same way as ‘flu.  Adam Finn of JCVI warned that as the virus circulated throughout the world without being properly tested, there would definitely be viral evolution, possibly undetected.  “As more and more of the world’s population become immune to the virus through infection or through immunisation, the speed of that is likely to go up so it’s certainly a problem now and it’s likely to be an increasing problem going forward.”  With some scientists saying more spread equalled faster mutations, while others said the opposite, I was left confused.

At a G7 meeting in London, the USA proposed intellectual property exemption for vaccines, to allow a global response.  2 Indian delegates travelled infected and self-isolated, to be closely followed by the whole deputation.  Organisers claimed it was due to strict procedures that Covid had been detected and Boris denied it was a mistake to meet in person.  For the first time ever, I agreed with Dawn Brexit on Jeremey Vine who asked why were they let in when we couldn’t go anywhere?  But I soon disagreed again as she went onto to say it wasn’t mad to go to India on holiday even with 20m cases and 220,000 deaths – crazy!  In the meantime, The Bumbler had a zoom call with Nodi to agree pledges on health, climate, education, science & technology, defence and trade which he called a ‘quantum leap’.  Evil Musk sent more satellites into space and a SpaceX test didn’t end in a crash for once.  Meanwhile, a Chinese rocket that took the Tianhe space station up, hurtled towards earth.  The descent uncontrolled, no one knew when or where it would land.

Following Newsnight, a cop doc featured a murder in my home town.  One street over from where I grew up, it housed a decent pub back then; a favourite haunt of my dad’s.  The pub now gone, the area was haunted by drug gangs with guns.

Super Thursday

Boris With His Blimp

Election day was cold with heavy showers, including hail.  Apparently brought by an arctic blast, it snowed elsewhere and didn’t bode well for Labour.  Still ailing, I had to get out of bed so we could change the sheets.  I got straight back in to work on the laptop.  Late afternoon, Phil went to the polling station, equipped with mask and pen.  Getting wet, at least he missed the hailstones.  He handed my ballot in and completed his own.  Not gone long, I asked: “not busy then?”  “No, ”he chuckled, “just one hippy.”  He then complained: “you didn’t tell me there were 2 votes.”  “What?“  “For the mayor; there was a second choice.”

“I did tell you, and there was a leaflet explaining it all. Anyway, I’m not your electoral advisement officer.”  “Yes you are.”  “Hmm. I didn’t bother. I didn’t want to split the vote and it’s not mandatory.”  “Oh.”  “Who did you vote for?”  “One of the weirdos.”*  “God help us!”

At least he hadn’t drawn a cock and balls on the papers, as he’d threatened, in retribution for the council putting new led street-lighting up.  Mayoral candidate Tracy Brabin off Corrie, was churlishly spragged up for giving out free brownies, but as party workers ate them, she broke no rules.  Someone obviously predicted she’d win.  In London, serious candidates headed off a mind-boggling array of minority parties, independent nutters and Covid-deniers, including Piers Corbyn, Psycho Fox, Count Binface, and the hilariously-named Peter Gammon of UKIP.

I later spotted a missed message from Walking Friend.  On her way to vote, she’d wanted to meet for coffee.  I thanked her for the thought and said I’d get in touch when I felt better.

Young adults took part in trials of a plant-based vaccine in York. Canadian pharma Medicago cleverly grew the virus protein on leaves.  The ONS revealed a shocking 19.6% hike in alcohol-related deaths.  The rise starting in March 2020, it coincided with the start of the first lockdown.

Wednesday, 2 French boats blocked the port of St. Helier and French maritime minister Annick Girardin threatened to cut off Jersey’s electricity supply, in retaliation for a requirement that fishers submit evidence of past activities in the island’s waters to get a continuance licence.  Lambasted as ‘disproportionate’, naval ships were disproportionately dispatched, closely pursued by the French military on a ‘patrol mission’.  A 15 hour stand-off ensued, involving up to 100 French fishing boats, the loosing of flares, ramming of a pleasure-craft, musket fire from a re-enactor, and a fisherman called Popeye declaring ‘war’.  The French then sailed away Thursday teatime, saying they’d made their point.  Brussels complained to Westminster that the new rules broke the Brexit agreement.  After speaking to the protestors, Jersey Senator Ian Gorst said the licence requirements had been ‘lost in translation’ and Chief Minister John Le Fronde added the ‘very good discussions’ highlighted issues that could easily be resolved.  Amid concerns the situation could escalate if unsettled, John Bercow on QT called it ‘jingoistic sabre rattling,’ not unconnected to the elections.

Fallout Friday

Green Sheep

Slightly improved Friday, I stayed in bed writing and replied to an e-mail from the researcher, confirming our upcoming meeting.  That evening, Have I Got News For You featured the community library in the Hants village of Hurstbourne Tarrant, also containing porn.  Was it a national phenomenon?  The Cornholme incident got a mention, bringing more unwelcome attention to the area.

PHE said inoculations had averted 10,000 deaths and with Jansen set to be approved (requiring only 1 jab), the under 40’s were to be offered alternatives to AZ.  Traffic lights revealed only 12 green countries including Portugal, Gibraltar, Israel and Iceland.  France, Italy, Spain and Greece were on the amber list and Turkey, The Maldives and Nepal added to the red.   Shats now said the NHS app would be ready for use to prove you’d had 2 injections, or you could get a letter before travelling.  TUI offered holidaymakers the required tests at a bargain £20.  A fire at the New Providence Wharf tower block, where cladding replacement was underway, led Grenfell United to shout “enough is enough!”

Tories crowing over a landslide victory in the Hartlepool by-election, Boris went to pose with a blimp of himself.  They also gained control of 13 councils, although it took several days for all ballots to be counted, as it did for metro mayors. Bemoaning the losses, Keir bleated: “we have not made a strong enough case to the country.”  John McDonnell accused him of being ‘almost policy-less’ and Len McClusky warned disconnection would deepen unless Labour had clear, relevant policies.

In a weird dream, I inexplicably volunteered at an undefined government-sponsored conference, along with some people I knew.  Clueless as to the theme, we succeeded in winging it, wondered what it was all about and concluded it was a cronyism scam.  “Now we have insider knowledge. We could be proper whistle-blowers!” I whooped.  Telling Phil the next day, he said I obviously missed coffee-cupping but as my conference days were far behind me, I thought it more likely a mixture of TV exposure, awful election results and wanting to bring the government down.

Saturday morning, I felt well enough to have breakfast downstairs but returned upstairs with aches and pains.  Grey skies and rain didn’t help.  Planning to mend holes in the newly-washed bedspread, it was so cold I ended up putting it back on the bed – in May!  I rallied sufficiently to go back down late afternoon.

Much perkier following a relatively good sleep, I itched to get out of the house on Sunday.  We set off in fine weather for the nearest wood.  Climbing up, an earthy scent rose from the churned up track scattered with dislodged wall blocks – caused by a vehicle or the recent rain?  In the wood, the mysterious stones appeared green rather than blue as did stained sheep in the adjacent field.  Corvids  squawked above as if to say ‘get off our land!’  We slogged up to the top wall, expecting to keep in alignment with it, but the path veered down and we emerged onto a nasty stony path.  We crossed onto softer ground for a much easier ascent to familiar territory..  Afternoon showers put paid to our usual rest stop.  We squatted under a large tree near the waterfall, teeming for once.  “It’s like camping,” Phil said, “imagine waiting 40 minutes for the kettle to boil.”  “No thanks!”  The quarry similarly transformed by increased water, we navigated paths resembling streams on the shorter route down (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesi)

Although we didn’t get far, the uphill climbs and a ‘shortcut’ which added 45 minutes to the walk, was enough for me.  Back home, I edited photos and was inspired by zinging greenery after the rain to write a haigaii.

2/3 of adults were inoculated, 1/3 with 2 doses.  The ‘key tests’ met, an announcement Monday was predicted to confirm the next stage of the waymark, and permit hugging.  “What I want to know is, will face-licking be allowed?” Phil joked.  A curfew in Spain ended, excepting Navarra, Valencia, the Balearics, and the Canaries.  The Chinese rocket splashed down in the Indian Ocean.

Counting for the West Yorkshire mayor finally took place.  Tracy Brabin celebrated her 60th birthday with a win.  Watching the weekend’s extensive election coverage, I only heard national media even mention it twice until the declaration.  The Yorkshire Party came third which was funny but Tracy’s roles as mayor and PCC meant a by-election in Batley & Spen, which wasn’t.  Despite tory gains, the majority of metro mayors were labour (a fact also omitted by the mainstream) and they held onto some Lancashire and Yorkshire councils including ours.  Rather than a red wall, the map looked more like a red fence with holes in it.

Labour also kept control of the Welsh Senedd, and the SNP held onto Holyrood.  The fourth successive victory led Sturgeon to say it was ‘when not if’ for Scottish independence.  Boris told her to stick to tackling the virus and invited devolved leaders to a Team UK summit on the pandemic.

Thinking Angela Rayner would make a good party leader (and not just because she represented my hometown), Kier sacked her as party chair and campaign manager to inevitable accusations of scapegoating.  Was that what he called taking full responsibility for his own mistakes?  Saying she’d retain her deputy leader role because of her ‘working class appeal’, we were flummoxed seeing as she was elected by members.  A hasty shadow cabinet re-shuffle over the weekend moved her to shadow cabinet minister.  Meanwhile, Dodds was out and Reeves in as shadow chancellor.

Developing a painful stiff neck in the evening, a massage helped the pain but not sleep.  Tossing and turning in a luminous night, I looked through the curtains at a solitary bright star.  With the help of the meditation tape, I dropped in and out of sleep to be disturbed at 5.45 a.m. by loud industrial vehicles – grr!

* I think Phil placed his second choice mayoral vote for The Yorkshire Party; not that weird!

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 56 – Whitewash and Sleaze

“Comments about the slave trade being a ‘Caribbean experience’, as though it’s some kind of holiday… (is) completely out of kilter with where British society is” (Halima Begum)

Coming Unstuck

Mythical Stone

A return of the stiff neck made it hard to get going Monday morning. However, I persevered with exercise, blogging and chores.  Taking the recycling out, I exchanged pleasantries with neighbours.  The young mum in the next terrace was in the community garden.  I complemented her efforts to clear it up after 2 years of neglect.  A woman from across the street joined me at the bins, commenting on the strong wind.  I agreed it was rather blustery in spite of the sunshine.  As the wind dropped mid-afternoon, I pottered in the garden.  Three old pals I didn’t know were mutually acquainted, came walking past.  We compared thoughts on coping with lockdowns, vaccines and the self-entitled government.  “We’ll never get rid of them now!” we concurred.  In the evening, an Ocado delivery arrived bang on time.  It was good to be able to return carrier bags but they gave me a ridiculous number back, including 2 containing 1 item each!

The Daily Plague briefing was broadcast from the new press office, complete with union flags.  Pat Valance presented data showing a drop in Covid hospitalisations from 30 to 6 per 100,000.  The ‘stay at home order’ for England was replaced by ‘stay local’.  We could meet in groups of 6 and do sport outdoors.  Cock didn’t rule out foreign travel in summer even though he’d already booked his UK holiday.  Scientists weren’t keen.  Prof. Dame Anne Johnson, UCL said: “I’m for staycations.”  Prof. Sir Mark Walport of UKRI* intoned: “the numbers (in Europe) speak for themselves.”  A Panorama report on the Milton Keynes Lighthouse mega-lab discovered PCR tests in a gloopy mess.  Belying predictions it would be there for weeks, the Ever Given came unstuck from the mud thus unblocking the Suez Canal..  Nevertheless, they’re gonna need a bigger canal!

The thermometer reached 25 Celsius, making Tuesday officially the hottest March day since 1968.  Struggling to come round, I took it slow with gentle exercise and a bath before we set off on a rare trip to the nearest moor, via town for pasties from the bakers and to catch a bus up.  Although we’d not visited for some years, we remembered the route and soon reached the ridge dotted with mysterious archaeology.  Sitting near a standing stone to eat our pasties, huge sheep approached and stared us out so we didn’t linger.  After exploring the landscape, we were fairly certain of the way down but double-checked with an energetic-looking couple striding along.  When it looked like our path was barred, Phil insisted we had to climb further up.  As we huffed and puffed, a Tornado jet came so close I ducked!  I then spotted a jogger jumping a stile below and gleefully headed down the slope.  As we reached the road, a bus sped past.  We continued down to the country inn, looked into a friend’s garden to see if she was home and fell into conversation with the couple we’d seen on the moor.  It turned out they now ran the inn and gave some gen on arrangements for re-opening and using the erstwhile pig field for extra outdoor seating.  On telling us where the pigs had gone, we said “They’ve probably been turned into sausages!”  Very thirsty, we squatted on the wall opposite to drink from our bottles.

“Is this the right place for the bus?”  asked Phil.  “No. I don’t know when the next one is. We can go up to the corner if you want.”  At that moment, one trundled along the road.  “Shit!”  We gathered our stuff and tried to run but it was useless.  Moodily, we walked down.  In spite of being tired, dehydrated and at risk of heatstroke, we quickly reached town.  An old biker we knew drank tinnies with a mate near the closed market.  He asked us for prints of photos we’d taken of his barge adornments the other week.

After a  quick call to the convenience store, we wearily trudged home.  My bad ankle had been playing up on the tussocky moors and I subsequently developed sharp knee pains. Still in a huff, Phil blamed me for missing the even though I didn’t know the times back.  I made a mental note to check next time so we didn’t come unstuck.  (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesi).

That night, I dreamt we went on holiday to a gammon hotel where I had swimsuit dilemmas.  I took it as a message to check my old ones still fit.  Having lost weight in the 2 years since I last wore one, I could come unstuck in the pool!

A Nice Day for a Whitewash

Black and White Blossom

The milestone of 150,000 Covid deaths in the UK, actually reached 18th March, was only just released by the ONS due to a ‘data lag’.  However, half the population now had antibodies.  A much-anticipated WHO report on the origin of the Wuhan outbreak concluded the virus most likely jumped from bats to another animal, but didn’t specify the pangolin.  To guard against global supply issues, Novavax would be processed in County Durham, while 24 countries committed to the idea of a treaty for the next pandemic, based on WHO principles.  China and the USA notably absent, Dr. Tedros expected all to sign up during negotiations.  The Met unsurprisingly exonerated after an investigation by the police into the Clapham Common debacle, they admitted it was a PR disaster.  The report revealed 1,500 anti-lockdowners turned up at the vigil including Piers Corbyn.  Brexit pub chain Wetherspoons planned to invest £145m on new pubs and upgrades after lockdown, including Newport Pagnell.  Was there anything there apart from a motorway service station?  Melvin Bean was adamant the Leeds festival would go ahead: “I’m  taking the PM at his word.”  We’ll see about that, Mr. Bean!

Achy after Tuesday’s walk, we stayed round the house on Wednesday.  Warm with sunny spells, it was a nice day to hang washing on the line, which I did for the first time this year.  After lunch, I got stuck trying to come up with titles for the next journal entry, developed head fug and had to stop.  Looking grimy in sunlight, we dusted the living room and Phil fetched the analogue clock down from behind the telly to get it going again.  Stopped for months, it was strange to hear the tick again.  I arranged some twigs to hang Eastern European eggs on and placed mad chickens round the hearth.

The number of second jabs given in a day exceeded first doses.  How long immunity lasted, the chances of re-infection and the impact of variants, were all still unclear.  However, scientists said the vaccine provided ‘optimal chance’ of effective anti-bodies.  Germany allowed use of AZ on over 60’s only while Macron apparently ignored scientists, considering himself an ‘expert’.  Spain announced that masks were required on all beaches throughout the country (count me out!)  UK citizens wasted no time enjoying the spring heatwave, descending on public spaces and leaving piles of litter in their wake.  Councils closed parks.  Launching on the LSE, Deliveroo shares tanked by 30%.  Leading fund managers such as Legal & General and Aviva rejected the listing over issues with the company’s business model, workers’ rights and regulatory concerns.  A scrap metal yard fire in Sheffield would rage for days.  How on earth did metal set ablaze?

The Commission for Race and Ethnic Disparities (Crud) report led by Tony Sewage, was a complete whitewash.  It found the UK was an integrated society with no institutional racism and the system not rigged against minorities.  No surprise with the Crud team hand-picked by fellow denier Munira Mirza.  Among its recommendations were increased scrutiny of police footage of stop and search, more ethnic minority recruits and training.  Roundly condemned, Halima Begum of Runnymede Trust railed: “Frankly, by denying the evidence of institutional racism and tinkering with issues like unconscious bias training and use of the term ‘BAME’…they’ve insulted every ethnic minority in this country – the people who continue to experience racism on a daily basis.”  She added: “comments about the slave trade being a ‘Caribbean experience’, as though it’s some kind of holiday… (is) completely out of kilter with where British society is.”  Dr. Sewage responded that suggesting the report was “trying to downplay the evil of the slave trade (was) absurd.”

Labour said the conclusions were a ‘divisive polemic’ and downplayed institutional racism.  Unions called it ‘deeply cynical’ and said it denied black workers’ experiences.  NHS providers claimed there was ‘clear and unmistakable’ evidence that minority ethnic staff had worse experiences and faced more barriers than whites and that denying links between structural racism and health inequalities was ‘damaging.’  They demanded concrete action to tackle bias and discrimination across public services.  Sam Kasumo resigned as a top government ethnic minority adviser; Downing Street of course downplayed  a connection.

No Jokes, Sleaze; We’re British

Pussy Willow

The Guardian’s report of building another Suez Canal sounded like a great idea.  We had visions of a holiday pootling about on small boats while container ships used the bigger one.  Alas, it was an April Fool’s joke.  The weather was no joke.  Grey and cold, a nithering easterly made it feel like winter again.  I hurried to town where pussy willow hung over steely waters near the old bridge.  The market packed with wandering hippies and not distanced gammons, I waited ages at the fish van and almost kicked a wanker behind in the queue as he edged uncomfortably close.  At the toiletries stall, a woman gassed to the stallholders, making paying awkward.  On the way home, I paused to take pictures of a beautiful white cherry tree in the carpark.  A passing old man smiled at me: “Isn’t it lovely!”  “Yes, but I’m not sure it’ll come out on my photos.”  Actually, they weren’t too bad and leant themselves to monochrome rather well (see above).  Working on the journal, I came up with headings and declared the first draft done at long last.  I experienced another odd night, struggling to get to sleep for ages and then waking very early.

Mainly immunised, vulnerable groups no longer needed to shield.  A BMJ report found only 1 in 5 people with symptoms requested a test, and the effect of TIT ‘limited’.  Matt Cock was ‘very worried’ that 13.7% of those affected by the virus had long Covid.  Layla Moran said it should be treated as an occupational disease and appropriate support given.  Vaccine hesitancy dropped from 44% to 22% among ethnic minorities in spite of claims it broke upcoming Ramadan fasting rules (it didn’t); possibly thanks to campaigning by Lenny Henry and other celebs.  France shut down schools, shops and non-local travel.  Brazil borrowed £665m for vaccines and health care.  Trials in the USA declared the Pfizer inoculation 100% effective on 12-15 year olds.  It was later found equally effective in South Africa and to prompt a huge immune response on all variants.

Liberty Steel boss Sanjeev Gupta insisted he wasn’t closing plants.  Owing billions to now-failed Greensill Capital, he was refused a government loan – they reportedly hadn’t ruled out nationalisation.  Links to David Cameron emerged.  Lex Greensill acted as an adviser to the former PM and subsequently, Cameron worked for Greensill, lobbying for Covid contracts on his behalf.  The Office of Registrar of Consultant Lobbyists cleared him of wrongdoing because as an employee, it didn’t formally constitute lobbying.  Labour’s Dodds and Reeves repeated demands for an inquiry.  In the olden days, we called that type of thing sleaze.

Easter in White

Easter White Cherry by Phil Openshaw

Good Friday started cool but as the sun re-appeared, became much nicer than forecast.  I failed to sleep in to make up for crappy nights and did free puzzles provided by Metro in lieu of news.  No Pace Egg play for the second year running, Phil declared it a normal workday and was kept busy for much of it (strangely,  a lot of gig work seemed to come on a Friday). Concocting a slightly different version of Aussie chocolate fruit cake, I almost forgot to add eggs and made a right mess spooning the gloopy batter out of the tin to re-mix it.  But it turned out okay.  While it was baking, I worked on a very slow computer, had coffee and stuffed a fig roll in my gob when there was a knock at the door.  A volunteer from the local covid support group stood outside with an Easter treat bag of yellow and white daffodils, a chocolate egg and a cute card courtesy of school kids.  How nice!  Expressing thanks, I apologised for talking with my mouth full.  “That’s alright. Fig rolls are my favourite.”  “Sorry, it’s my last one.  If I’d known you were coming…”  “You’d have baked a cake.”  “I’ve got one in the oven right now. Come back later!”  I wrote up Tuesday’s walk for Cool Places and watched a suitably seasonal film.  King of Kings was now so ubiquitous I could recite the dialogue.  Phil cut his hair and cleaned the bathroom while I coated the cake with chocolate, properly melted this time,  buttons, jazzies and mini eggs.  On sampling, I asked Phil how it compared to the one I made for his birthday “I like marzipan.”  Hmm!

As the Scottish ‘stay at home’ order was replaced by ‘stay local’. National Clinical Director Jason Leitch rambled on BBC Breakfast about the different rules of the 4 nations and dithered over answers on when we could travel freely around the UK.  It was no surprise the so-called expert struggled with a maze of regulations across the UK.  In Scotland, 4 people from 2 households could meet, outdoor non-contact sport, group exercise and communal worship (by up to 50) was already allowed.  In Wales, the ‘stay local’ order was lifted on 27th March permitting travel across Wales for the Welsh only, 4 people from 2 households were already allowed to meet and outdoor sports facilities had been open since 13th March.  In Northern Ireland, 6 people from 2 households could meet outdoors and 10 from no more than 2 households could do outdoor sport (including golf but not go into club houses).  I doubted the Belfast rioters took any notice.

3 p.m. by the time I’d finished a series of niggly jobs Saturday, I felt glum being stuck indoors.  For the second day running, it was much sunnier and warmer than expected, although some areas did experience a white Easter.  At least I caught a some rays with a trip the co-op.  As I headed back, Phil headed out to the convenience store.  Differing requirements meant we’d had to split the shopping which irked me until he returned with an armful of roses!.  It prompted us to finish cleaning the living room to make room for a vase and more mad chickens.  Afternoon telly dreadful, we listened to music instead.  I finally finished the Easter card I’d made him, but had a right faff printing it out.

Bunting for Jesus

Sunday started badly with a coffee pot disaster.  The plunger of the cafetiere fell apart, promptly sinking into the hot liquid.  What a palaver!  Thankfully, Phil came to the rescue.  Things improved as we exchanged gifts.  I gave him the homemade card and an egg containing a mini bunny.  On top of the roses, he’d got me prosecco truffles and made me a digital art.  ‘Easter White Cherry’ represented a much better version of the blossom in the carpark than I’d managed.  Early sun consumed by cloud, we ventured out regardless to pursue Phil’s mission to photograph more blossom.

Out on the street, a young neighbour washed his car after it got egged by kids.  “The only egg I’ve had,” he wailed, “but I was a little bastard myself once.”  “Well,” I observed, “there’s not much entertainment at the moment. They have to make their own.”

We crossed the main road, amused by bunting hanging in the Methodist church’s garden.  “It was only a matter of time before Jesus and the egg came together,” Laughed Phil.  Climbing above the canal, we espied angry geese chasing an interloper, a disturbing leprechaun effigy and a family trying to navigate ruined houses.  Further up, a woman and girl looked for a celeb grave.  “You’re on the wrong side of the valley.”  As I gave directions, their dog barked ferociously and strained at the leash at the sight of a cat.  Grateful it was on a lead, we continued to find colourful spring flowers, blossom and fencing.  A group chatting took up the pavement and half the road, forcing us to cross.  Descending near the station, the catkins of a tree growing out of a wall turned from furry to fuzzy.  In the park, a delighted family posed below cherry trees.  “They’ll be on Insta pretending they’re in Japan rather than West Yorkshire!” I joked.   The delicate petals waved about in gusty draughts, making them very difficult to photograph.  Phil berated himself: “what a stupid day to suggest a blossom mission. I might come back on a less windy day.” “You’d better be quick. It doesn’t last long.”  In front of the café, families picnicked very close to the path as a large line snaked towards the serving hatch.  We popped in the town centre shop, warily approached the white cherry in the carpark and gawped at people queueing at a plethora of smoky street food stalls, dawdling coffee-cuppers and a crowd in the middle of the pedestrian street dancing and singing along to a busker.  “That’s all you need for a festival – a man with guitar, a kebab and a can of beer!”  “It’s such a contrast to last Easter during lockdown 1. Do you remember dancing in traffic-free streets?”  Meanwhile, Elder Sis posted pictures of her walk through a deserted central London.  Thinking the world had descended on our little town, I later discovered there’d been a Kill the Bill demo (and also in Birmingham and  Bristol, with inevitable crowds and arrests), so maybe all the Cockneys were in Finsbury Park.

Back home, Phil wrangled the bread without touching the wrapping at all like a total ninja so we could have butties for lunch.  I was shocked that I’d taken tons more photos than on a country walk.  Many featured blurry blossom and went straight in the bin but I found inspiration for a haigaii.  At bedtime, an incredibly loud wind whipped up the second my head hit the pillow.  It took some time to drop off.  I dreamt I was pregnant but in denial.  On waking I recalled this was often a metaphor for new projects then realised it was probably because the book I was reading featured a pregnant girl!

In his Easter message from Canterbury cathedral with a distanced choir, arch Welby said we could go with the light of Jesus and choose a better future for all.  St. Peter’s square eerily empty, The Pope took mass inside the basilica.  Vaccines reached 31.5m and 5.3m had a second dose.  On the eve of a cabinet meeting and a Boris briefing there was speculation on traffic lights for travel and Covid passport trials (at events later in April including the FA cup final and Snooker). Tory MP Nigel Huddle said it may enable venues to open without social distancing but David Daves moaned it wasn’t ‘freedom to have a normal life’ – whatever that was…

Haiga – Delusion

*UK Research and Innovation

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com