Part 61 – Washouts and Landslides

“Disconnection from our heartland communities will only deepen unless they can look to Labour and see a party with clear, bold policies that understands and speaks to them ” (Len McClusky)

Washout Monday

Haiga – After the Rain

Still feeling dizzy on a cold, grey Monday morning, I wobbled down for a cuppa and decided porridge would warm us up.  Later, I bathed, fetched coffee, reading material and the laptop and ensconced myself in bed to post blogs and read Valley Life.  Only flicking through the spring edition at Easter, I hadn’t noticed my piece got a mention on the cover and in the editorial!  An article on the flood relief works revealed a walk further down the canal was needed to see their full extent.  Phil worked downstairs and brought me a tasty lunch butty.  I remarked it felt like any other Monday.  As if to underline the point, the heavens opened, putting paid to May Day bank holiday frolics.  If there was a street party at the local labour club, it would be a washout but at least the dirty hippies could have a nice shower!  Elsewhere over the weekend, 5,000 Scousers went to a test gig in Sefton Park and Cambridge students had a rave on Jesus Green for Caesarean Sunday.  A bright interval early evening tempted swifts to dart about the valley catching insects.  Attempts to capture them on my phone camera were futile.

A sole death from coronavirus recorded, vaccines reached 50m of which 15m were second jabs.  Moderna committed 500m doses to Covax but the WHO programme wouldn’t start until late 2021, with most delivered 2022.  Why so slow?  On his third campaign visit to Hartlepool, The Bumbler hinted at scrapping social distancing when pubs fully re-opened.  Thinking mid-May a bit early, I exclaimed: “they should at least wait until us oldies are fully immunised!”  Indoor activities opened in Wales and the EU revealed proposals “to allow entry to the EU not only for all persons coming from countries with a good situation but also to all people who have received the last recommended dose of an EU-authorised vaccine.”  A decision likely by the end of the month, they expected reciprocity.  Several countries were muted to be green-lighted for travel from the UK.  But following the ISU’s warnings of airports being breeding grounds, Layla Moran spluttered: “It’s staggering to think the government is even contemplating encouraging overseas holidays when airports are already struggling to keep the virus and new variants at bay…Urgent measures are needed to better detect fake Covid test certificates, reduce overcrowding in arrival halls and separate out those arriving from red and amber list countries.”  Prof. Ferguson Inaccurately predicted Italy and France would get the green light if infections fell and agreed with Boris’ tweet that it would be a ‘Great British summer’, saying: “life will feel a lot more like normal.”  He added that the move to scrap social-distancing would inevitably lead to more infections and fatalities but it was ‘a political decision’ to determine how many deaths were acceptable.  It was my turn to splutter!

In the aftermath of the Super league failure, the Premier League introduced a charter committing football club owners to ‘the core principles’ of the competition, while a capacity audience watched the boring snooker final.

During the night, I awoke with a coughing fit.  A drink of water and a throat pastille soon calmed it down, but I slept fitfully afterwards, with Covid dreams involving pub mates.

Deluged

Bright Interval

Respite from the engineering works over the bank holiday, they woke me at 8.00 a.m. Tuesday.  Slightly better and the cough not persistent, I stopped worrying I had Covid.  Still chronically fatigued, I stayed in bed for the next few days.  While Phil took care of chores and errands, I worked on the next journal instalment.  The deluge of news stories meant it took all week.

According to ONS figures, infections in secondary schools were 0.3%, a big drop from December and on a par with the wider population.  Polls showing the tory lead down from 11 to 5%, but 50% ahead in Hartlepool, Keir foresaw defeat, saying on BBC Breakfast that he took ‘full responsibility’ for the outcome of the by-election.  Holding onto the Labour stronghold in 2019, Brexit-voting Hartlepool was still a red brick in the blue wall.  Referring to allegations of Boris’ misconduct in office, he said: ”Being the PM…is an incredible honour…and it shouldn’t be ‘priced in’ that (he’s) not going to be straight (with us)…this idea that some of the top government seem to have that the rules don’t really apply to them…is completely wrong.”  The hospitality industry whinged they couldn’t recruit enough staff for 17th May as loads had gone off to be delivery drivers.  ‘Well, pay more than minimum wage then!’ I advised.

Wednesday, I tried to expunge nasty black marks from my fingers.  I’d only just noticed the ingrained muck from last week’s DIY.  I worked on the journal until head fug set in, backed up computer files and put a pile of clothes away.  During ‘quiet time’, I got absolutely no rest at all with so much noise outside.  Besides works on the canal, builders clattered, trains screeched and traffic beeped.

As it was muted the NHS App may not be ready in time for travel, Portugal said come anyway.  Having already booked 60m Pfizer boosters for autumn, Uncleverly told us Van Dam was leading ‘Covboost’ – a trial to look at “which vaccine delivers the best boost.”  The Cock announced capacity for blood testing at Porton Down would double, to detect anti-bodies and “future-proof the country from the threat of new variants.”  Nads Zahawi said the UK conducted 50% of the worlds’ genome sequencing of coronavirus and mutants, adding that as the situation moved from pandemic to endemic, they’d deal with it in the same way as ‘flu.  Adam Finn of JCVI warned that as the virus circulated throughout the world without being properly tested, there would definitely be viral evolution, possibly undetected.  “As more and more of the world’s population become immune to the virus through infection or through immunisation, the speed of that is likely to go up so it’s certainly a problem now and it’s likely to be an increasing problem going forward.”  With some scientists saying more spread equalled faster mutations, while others said the opposite, I was left confused.

At a G7 meeting in London, the USA proposed intellectual property exemption for vaccines, to allow a global response.  2 Indian delegates travelled infected and self-isolated, to be closely followed by the whole deputation.  Organisers claimed it was due to strict procedures that Covid had been detected and Boris denied it was a mistake to meet in person.  For the first time ever, I agreed with Dawn Brexit on Jeremey Vine who asked why were they let in when we couldn’t go anywhere?  But I soon disagreed again as she went onto to say it wasn’t mad to go to India on holiday even with 20m cases and 220,000 deaths – crazy!  In the meantime, The Bumbler had a zoom call with Nodi to agree pledges on health, climate, education, science & technology, defence and trade which he called a ‘quantum leap’.  Evil Musk sent more satellites into space and a SpaceX test didn’t end in a crash for once.  Meanwhile, a Chinese rocket that took the Tianhe space station up, hurtled towards earth.  The descent uncontrolled, no one knew when or where it would land.

Following Newsnight, a cop doc featured a murder in my home town.  One street over from where I grew up, it housed a decent pub back then; a favourite haunt of my dad’s.  The pub now gone, the area was haunted by drug gangs with guns.

Super Thursday

Boris With His Blimp

Election day was cold with heavy showers, including hail.  Apparently brought by an arctic blast, it snowed elsewhere and didn’t bode well for Labour.  Still ailing, I had to get out of bed so we could change the sheets.  I got straight back in to work on the laptop.  Late afternoon, Phil went to the polling station, equipped with mask and pen.  Getting wet, at least he missed the hailstones.  He handed my ballot in and completed his own.  Not gone long, I asked: “not busy then?”  “No, ”he chuckled, “just one hippy.”  He then complained: “you didn’t tell me there were 2 votes.”  “What?“  “For the mayor; there was a second choice.”

“I did tell you, and there was a leaflet explaining it all. Anyway, I’m not your electoral advisement officer.”  “Yes you are.”  “Hmm. I didn’t bother. I didn’t want to split the vote and it’s not mandatory.”  “Oh.”  “Who did you vote for?”  “One of the weirdos.”*  “God help us!”

At least he hadn’t drawn a cock and balls on the papers, as he’d threatened, in retribution for the council putting new led street-lighting up.  Mayoral candidate Tracy Brabin off Corrie, was churlishly spragged up for giving out free brownies, but as party workers ate them, she broke no rules.  Someone obviously predicted she’d win.  In London, serious candidates headed off a mind-boggling array of minority parties, independent nutters and Covid-deniers, including Piers Corbyn, Psycho Fox, Count Binface, and the hilariously-named Peter Gammon of UKIP.

I later spotted a missed message from Walking Friend.  On her way to vote, she’d wanted to meet for coffee.  I thanked her for the thought and said I’d get in touch when I felt better.

Young adults took part in trials of a plant-based vaccine in York. Canadian pharma Medicago cleverly grew the virus protein on leaves.  The ONS revealed a shocking 19.6% hike in alcohol-related deaths.  The rise starting in March 2020, it coincided with the start of the first lockdown.

Wednesday, 2 French boats blocked the port of St. Helier and French maritime minister Annick Girardin threatened to cut off Jersey’s electricity supply, in retaliation for a requirement that fishers submit evidence of past activities in the island’s waters to get a continuance licence.  Lambasted as ‘disproportionate’, naval ships were disproportionately dispatched, closely pursued by the French military on a ‘patrol mission’.  A 15 hour stand-off ensued, involving up to 100 French fishing boats, the loosing of flares, ramming of a pleasure-craft, musket fire from a re-enactor, and a fisherman called Popeye declaring ‘war’.  The French then sailed away Thursday teatime, saying they’d made their point.  Brussels complained to Westminster that the new rules broke the Brexit agreement.  After speaking to the protestors, Jersey Senator Ian Gorst said the licence requirements had been ‘lost in translation’ and Chief Minister John Le Fronde added the ‘very good discussions’ highlighted issues that could easily be resolved.  Amid concerns the situation could escalate if unsettled, John Bercow on QT called it ‘jingoistic sabre rattling,’ not unconnected to the elections.

Fallout Friday

Green Sheep

Slightly improved Friday, I stayed in bed writing and replied to an e-mail from the researcher, confirming our upcoming meeting.  That evening, Have I Got News For You featured the community library in the Hants village of Hurstbourne Tarrant, also containing porn.  Was it a national phenomenon?  The Cornholme incident got a mention, bringing more unwelcome attention to the area.

PHE said inoculations had averted 10,000 deaths and with Jansen set to be approved (requiring only 1 jab), the under 40’s were to be offered alternatives to AZ.  Traffic lights revealed only 12 green countries including Portugal, Gibraltar, Israel and Iceland.  France, Italy, Spain and Greece were on the amber list and Turkey, The Maldives and Nepal added to the red.   Shats now said the NHS app would be ready for use to prove you’d had 2 injections, or you could get a letter before travelling.  TUI offered holidaymakers the required tests at a bargain £20.  A fire at the New Providence Wharf tower block, where cladding replacement was underway, led Grenfell United to shout “enough is enough!”

Tories crowing over a landslide victory in the Hartlepool by-election, Boris went to pose with a blimp of himself.  They also gained control of 13 councils, although it took several days for all ballots to be counted, as it did for metro mayors. Bemoaning the losses, Keir bleated: “we have not made a strong enough case to the country.”  John McDonnell accused him of being ‘almost policy-less’ and Len McClusky warned disconnection would deepen unless Labour had clear, relevant policies.

In a weird dream, I inexplicably volunteered at an undefined government-sponsored conference, along with some people I knew.  Clueless as to the theme, we succeeded in winging it, wondered what it was all about and concluded it was a cronyism scam.  “Now we have insider knowledge. We could be proper whistle-blowers!” I whooped.  Telling Phil the next day, he said I obviously missed coffee-cupping but as my conference days were far behind me, I thought it more likely a mixture of TV exposure, awful election results and wanting to bring the government down.

Saturday morning, I felt well enough to have breakfast downstairs but returned upstairs with aches and pains.  Grey skies and rain didn’t help.  Planning to mend holes in the newly-washed bedspread, it was so cold I ended up putting it back on the bed – in May!  I rallied sufficiently to go back down late afternoon.

Much perkier following a relatively good sleep, I itched to get out of the house on Sunday.  We set off in fine weather for the nearest wood.  Climbing up, an earthy scent rose from the churned up track scattered with dislodged wall blocks – caused by a vehicle or the recent rain?  In the wood, the mysterious stones appeared green rather than blue as did stained sheep in the adjacent field.  Corvids  squawked above as if to say ‘get off our land!’  We slogged up to the top wall, expecting to keep in alignment with it, but the path veered down and we emerged onto a nasty stony path.  We crossed onto softer ground for a much easier ascent to familiar territory..  Afternoon showers put paid to our usual rest stop.  We squatted under a large tree near the waterfall, teeming for once.  “It’s like camping,” Phil said, “imagine waiting 40 minutes for the kettle to boil.”  “No thanks!”  The quarry similarly transformed by increased water, we navigated paths resembling streams on the shorter route down (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesi)

Although we didn’t get far, the uphill climbs and a ‘shortcut’ which added 45 minutes to the walk, was enough for me.  Back home, I edited photos and was inspired by zinging greenery after the rain to write a haigaii.

2/3 of adults were inoculated, 1/3 with 2 doses.  The ‘key tests’ met, an announcement Monday was predicted to confirm the next stage of the waymark, and permit hugging.  “What I want to know is, will face-licking be allowed?” Phil joked.  A curfew in Spain ended, excepting Navarra, Valencia, the Balearics, and the Canaries.  The Chinese rocket splashed down in the Indian Ocean.

Counting for the West Yorkshire mayor finally took place.  Tracy Brabin celebrated her 60th birthday with a win.  Watching the weekend’s extensive election coverage, I only heard national media even mention it twice until the declaration.  The Yorkshire Party came third which was funny but Tracy’s roles as mayor and PCC meant a by-election in Batley & Spen, which wasn’t.  Despite tory gains, the majority of metro mayors were labour (a fact also omitted by the mainstream) and they held onto some Lancashire and Yorkshire councils including ours.  Rather than a red wall, the map looked more like a red fence with holes in it.

Labour also kept control of the Welsh Senedd, and the SNP held onto Holyrood.  The fourth successive victory led Sturgeon to say it was ‘when not if’ for Scottish independence.  Boris told her to stick to tackling the virus and invited devolved leaders to a Team UK summit on the pandemic.

Thinking Angela Rayner would make a good party leader (and not just because she represented my hometown), Kier sacked her as party chair and campaign manager to inevitable accusations of scapegoating.  Was that what he called taking full responsibility for his own mistakes?  Saying she’d retain her deputy leader role because of her ‘working class appeal’, we were flummoxed seeing as she was elected by members.  A hasty shadow cabinet re-shuffle over the weekend moved her to shadow cabinet minister.  Meanwhile, Dodds was out and Reeves in as shadow chancellor.

Developing a painful stiff neck in the evening, a massage helped the pain but not sleep.  Tossing and turning in a luminous night, I looked through the curtains at a solitary bright star.  With the help of the meditation tape, I dropped in and out of sleep to be disturbed at 5.45 a.m. by loud industrial vehicles – grr!

* I think Phil placed his second choice mayoral vote for The Yorkshire Party; not that weird!

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 59 – The English Game

“A good news story at last…struggling Westminster family rescued from ‘John Lewis nightmare’ by generous anonymous donor” (Barry Sheerman)

The English Langwage

Haiga – Timeless

Waking in the bright early dawn Monday, I turned over and slept ‘til 9.  Jeremy Vine featured a campaign to make English words easier to spell.  It had us in stitches.  Examples included ‘wosh’, ‘Receev’ and ‘guud iedei’.  Wondering who’d come up with this guff, it turned out to be the result of 3 years intense coffee-cupping by The Spelling Societyi.  Inspired, we came up with our own, without the need for umpteen focus groups.  E.g.: langwage; alfabet; soop; shop-bort; komershull; vakseen; actchewal; dementure.

After blog posting and grotty chores, I grouted the tiles on the bathroom cube and planted wild garlic bulbs.  Uprooted by accident when picking, we now had 6 plants in tubs.  I’d forgotten I’d made a  pile of detritus 2 weeks ago and filled a black bag with it, while a wasp annoyingly buzzed round my head.  Hot and thirsty, I retreated indoors for water and a lie down.

Vaccinations reached 43m, of which 33m were first and 10m second jabs.  As cases in India still soared and the majority of the 103 variant cases in the UK were linked to travel, New Delhi went into a week’s lockdown and the whole country went onto the travel red list.  Effective from 4.00 a.m. Friday, Boris was forced to cancel his trade trip.  The European Super League confirmed late Sunday night, the big 6 English clubs were set to join along with 3 Italian and 3 Spanish teams.  Much condemnation and consternation ensued.  Greedy owners were lambasted by ‘legacy’ fans.  UEFA called it ‘disgraceful’ and ‘self-serving’.  JP Morgan underwrote loans for The Super League Company who instigated legal action so UEFA couldn’t stop players partaking in other international competitions.  Number 10 looked at options such as fan ownership or clawing back Covid loans and Jose Mourinho was sacked from Spurs.  Rishi Rich announced a digital currency taskforce, denying it meant the end of English cash.  Perseverance flew the Ingenuity helicopter on Mars.  The two NASA bots endearingly took photos of each other.

Phil had struggled with his vision all day making him quite depressed but perked up in the evening.  Watching our customary Monday night film, I could hardly keep my peepers open.  Hoping for a decent night, the droning generator meant it took ages to get any sleep, even with earplugs and the meditation tape.  Wakened by an almighty crashing and clanging at 4. 50 a.m., I was absolutely furious.  And then it was only 3 hours until the engineering works re-commenced!

Tuesday morning, I felt back at square one with extreme fatigue and a headache.  At the end of my tether, I fumed in bed while Phil fetched breakfast and tried to cheer me up.  I forced a chuckle as he pulled funny faces.  Wobbling downstairs for chores and writing, I opened the living room window for fresh air to promptly re-close it as the incessant din reached a crescendo.  The forecast good, we’d planned a walk but the sun disappeared and I wasn’t up to it anyway.  Desperate for respite, I took valerian before a siesta.  Slightly chilled out, I didn’t fully relax, gave up and placed an Ocado order.

On the campaign trail Monday, Keir was invited to the Raven in Bath by one of the co-owners.  In a rage that Labour hadn’t opposed lockdowns, the other owner, Rod Humphris, screamed: “get out of my pub!”  The sociopath came on Jeremy Vine Tuesday morning saying ‘look at Sweden’.  It was incredulous the likes of him still got a platform to spout their nonsense after a year of suffering and death!  Lucy Moreton of the Immigration Services Union said 100 fake covid passes were detected at UK borders every day, airports were breeding grounds as arrivals from different countries were confined indoors and mixed in queues with no social-distancing, and there was no way to know if they quarantined as required.

English Pastimes

Free Sage

The night quieter, I anticipated noise disturbance any minute but it didn’t come until 8.20 Wednesday morning; mercifully not as loud as the previous day.  A communique on the mayoral elections did nothing to change my opinion of the motley crew.  Most were Leeds-based, the English Democrat candidate’s address wasn’t even in Yorkshire, and Reform UK (nee The Brexit Party) were anti-lockdown nutters (no wonder Anne Widdecombe was in it!)  Similarly, the fruit-loop Freedom Alliance standing for the local council, spouted a load of conspiracy guff.  A leaflet pushed through the letterbox later in the week had literally been hand-rolled on a Gestetner.  The reek of old-fashioned ink took me back to early anarchist group days!

After the inevitable happy birthday to the queen, Keir led PMQ’s by referencing texts from the Bumbler to James Brexit Dyson.  In response to Dyson’s lobbying, the PM personally promised he’d fix an issue over the tax status of workers returning to make ventilators at the start of the pandemic (which never materialised).  Days later, Rishi announced workers coming to the UK wouldn’t have their tax status changed.  “One rule for those that have got the prime ministers’ phone number, another for everybody else.” Keir railed, “if a nurse had (his) phone number would they get the 4% pay rise?”  Boris replied: “I make absolutely no apology at all for shifting heaven and earth…to secure ventilators for the people of this country.”  Keir batted back with accusations of tax breaks for tory chums, pushing colleagues to help Greensill and dodgy PPE deals.  With new allegations every day, it was “sleaze, sleaze, sleaze…all on his watch!”  Boris typically evasive, played the old Captain Hindsight card.  A labour spokesman later said there was evidence the ministerial code was breached and further ammunition came from Transparency International UK who identified 73 crony contracts, and possible criminality.

For the first time since cafes and pubs were allowed to have seating, we had lunch out.  It looked pleasant from indoors but as we set off, the sun hid behind clouds and a cool breeze whipped up.  We sat outside the Turkish café for a chilly al-fresco lunch – a very English pastime!  German Friend came by and asked me to share pre-diabetic tips sometime.  She’d booked a table at the pub on the square for herself and a mutual friend (whom we’d last seen March 2020; just before she went into hospital at the start of lockdown #1).  I went in the sweet shop for some non-essential shopping while Phil loitered outside the animal charity shop.  We perused a seemingly interesting display of kitchen gadgets but came away empty-handed.

Stopping to say hello to our friends outside the pub, they persuaded us to join them.  The two women sat opposite each other at the far end while an old fellow pub mate sat at the other end, leaving plenty of space for us.  Before getting stuck into a one-time regular pastime of supping ale, I nipped across the square to finish errands before enjoying an hour in company.  Although fun, it felt odd being with other people and the staff flitted between tables far too much for my liking.  Comparing notes on the various lockdowns, we  had a laugh at the geese and corvids taking over during the first one.

After 1 pint, we felt really cold and said our goodbyes.  Phil still had one more purchase to make.  I strolled homewards until he caught me up and persuaded me to take a bunch of free sage from a table in the lower street  a very English herb.

Daily press conferences by Boris scrapped, Oliver Dowdy was wheeled out to defend the decision to use the room in Downing Street, specially refurbished at tax-payers’ expense, for ministerial press conferences instead.  Indian cases and deaths still rising, hospitals were full, the number of variant cases in the UK doubled, and 200 people a day arrived to beat the Qs before Friday.  Boris announced a Covid-19 taskforce to find effective anti-virals.  More legislation muted to foil the European Super League such as changing competition laws, the big 6 English teams all pulled out, as did Inter Milan.  Was the move in anticipation of changes to the Champions League which the big clubs didn’t think went far enough, or a ruse to get more money out of the FA?  John Barnes appeared on BBC Breakfast to say it was.  As Derek Chauvin was rightly convicted of the George Floyd murder, it emerged teenager Ma’Khia Bryant was shot by a cop minutes before the verdict.  Would anything ever change?  After a Tesla car missed a turning, crashed into a tree and burst into flames killing the 2 occupants, police said no one was driving.  Evil Musk tweeted: “Data logs recovered so far show autopilot was not enabled”  A likely story seeing as 27 crashes in the past month were being investigated in the USA.

English Mythology

Obscured Standing Stone

Frost gave way to sunshine on Thursday.  Phil wanted to find more mythical archaeology and I agreed to go in search of a standing stone near the hilltop village.  We caught a bus up to the boundary with the next hamlet, utilised a picturesque bench to eat a pasty lunch and consulted directions before looking for the mystical stone.  On eventually finding it, we realised we’d past it several times on the way to the crags.  How did we miss those huge holly bushes?  Inaccessibly set into a wall and obscured by barbed wire, we peered over to realise a line of stones crossing a horse field led directly to it and mused on possible links to structures on the moor.  Continuing down, a trio ascending considerately attached their dog’s lead.  At the bottom, we turned onto the leafy road for an easy walk back.  The trio with the dog re-appeared and asked for directions to town.  Near home, we chatted to my old art teacher.  He’d had a family holiday in Cornwall the previous week.  Postponed from last year, they’d had a good time but found it impossible to eat out in the evenings.  (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesii).

On another quiet night, I struggled to sleep.  My mind full of the day’s findings, I recalled a neighbour once told us the whole town was surrounded by a stone circle.  Was it true?  Was that why we kept finding mysterious stones?  It would be awesome if so – like the mythical Wiltshire village of Avebury!

95% of over 50’s now vaccinated, Margaret Keenan looked forward to a jolly.  Covid passports promised soon, she could go to desperado Spain and wear a mask on the beach.  The Cabinet Office were probing the source of the leaky texts between Boris and Dyson.  Labour wanted a Commons Liaison Committee enquiry.  The Good Law Project court hearing on PPE scams unveiled a VIP route to the PM.  Civil Servants had complained of drowning in a quagmire of contract requests that didn’t pass due diligence.  Hapless drug dealer Ali Hilmi was hilariously convicted after trying to get into the Projekt Nightclub, Burnley with fake £20 notes that said Poond.  Phil discovered they could be bought on Amazon but had sold out.  The misspellings harked back to the daft spelling society campaign, but the English pronunciation was Pownd, wasn’t it?  Maybe he was Scottish, like Les McKeown of the Bay City Rollers who died suddenly.

The English Saint

Gnarly Trees

Woken again by engineering work Friday morning, I battled heavy limbs and a headache for a trip to the co-op, luckily quiet and stressless.  I took a break from writing in the afternoon to embark on a ‘deep clean’ of the bathroom, expunging mould from the back window and evicting a family of spiders from beneath the back cupboard.  Through the open window, I heard a child calling “pappa!”  Not even the English middle-class used that word.  They must have been proper posh!  I suspected they might be slumming it in a camper van recently parked up on the street below.  That evening, we spotted the shed people returning from a game of golf – no-one knew why that was a popular pastime!

Local news wished us happy St. George’s Day.  Rather pointlessly, seeing as no special events were allowed and he wasn’t even English.  Some sage bods said vaccines did a lot of the ‘heavy lifting’ so we could forgo face-masks over summer but may need them come autumn.  1 dose of AZ or Pfizer gave 74% protection according to the latest study, while the EU planned to sue AZ over ‘contract failure’.  The PAC inquiry into supply chain financing revealed that Camoron bombarded BOE gov John Cunliffe with letters.  Treasury PS Tom Scholar said he arranged 9 meetings with Charles Roxburgh as it was ‘natural’ to talk to an ex-PM.  ONS figures showed the public deficit was 14.5% in the last fiscal year, the highest since 1946.  A computer chip shortage caused by people working at home halted car production.  Post Masters were acquitted of theft convictions as crap Fujitsu Horizon computers were proven to be responsible for discrepancies.  Having covered up the scandal for years, and not telling the accused they weren’t alone, former PO chief Paula Vennells belatedly apologised, resigning from her roles on the boards of Morrisons and Dunelm and as a church minister.

Getting clean clothes out Saturday morning, a drawer in the fitted cupboard collapsed.  Annoyed at taking everything out to find the cardi I wanted wasn’t even there, I bad-temperedly hurled woollens on the bed and covered them with a dust sheet before Phil fixed the offending article with glue and screws.  It seemed a good time to wash bedroom rugs and I hung them outside to take advantage of fine, breezy weather.  Young student neighbour appeared, seemingly overdressed but denied being hot.  She was returning to uni soon.  Due to royal charter, Cambridge had special term-times over which the government had no authority.  I popped to the co-op for a couple of items to find the shelves stripped of salads and dips.  Maybe everyone was having barbecues to belatedly celebrate the not-English patron saint.  Next-Door-But One’s fella waited for me to come back up the steps.  Conversing for the first time ever, he turned out to be even more neurotic than me about the effectiveness of vaccines and said the whole household had shielded and not even entered a shop for over a year.  I didn’t mention spotting them going places in the car.  Young Student came by and declared “I’m off to the pub,” marking a dramatic change in attitude.  Maybe she believed herd immunity was now sufficient to protect us oldies.  I scrubbed the bathroom floor and installed the newly-tiled cube, then set about upcycling an old Ikea table.  Found a couple of years ago, the garish pink thing spent a summer outside until it became warped in the rain.  After some bodging, it occupied a corner of the living room, covered with a cloth.  More fixing required, Phil got the glue and screws back out.  I considered tiling the top for outdoor use but calculated I’d need loads and decided painting would be easier.  By then, my back ached and I’d had enough so.

Fallout from the fast-failing Euro Super League continued.  Pundits from across Europe on Football Focus said football wasn’t viewed the same on the continent.  To them, it was just 90 minutes whereas the English saw the game as essential to life.  Apparent that rich owners didn’t understand its cultural importance, player and fan involvement was seen as the only way forward.  Former PM Gordy Brown called the episode a turning point, after which “people will not support greed.”

In spite of backache, Phil consented to a Sunday forage.  Pretty sure the garlic patch our Walking Friend mentioned was the place we visited a year ago, we climbed up the ridge.  I tried to trace likely lines of the fabled stone circle surrounding town.  “But why would anyone bother?” asked Phil, “it was a muddy bog in ancient times.”  “Good point.”  In the dark wood, we found the crop larger than last April, but top leaves looked dusty.  We each filled a bag and rested on a mossy rock beside a twisty path and walked between gnarly trees to arrive at a path last trodden in autumn.  Now both flagging with back pain, we had to stop again on the way home.  I began to give the leaves a thoroughly good rinse to find Phil’s haul full of grit and left it for him to tackle.  Over coffee and cake, I came up with a haiga based on Thursday’s walkiii.

Whingeing on the Marr about Brexit, Sturgeon promised no border if Scotland became independent – well, we all knew how well that went in Ireland!  The Indian crisis worsened: the number of infections broke the world record 4 days in a row, hospitals ran out of oxygen and Modi was blamed for slow vaccine roll-out even though they made loads.  Stephen Reicher criticised a group of ‘siren scientists’ calling for lifting of measures while in Germany, restrictions would last ‘til June.  Anti-lockdown demos in London were attended by mayoral candidate and all-round wanker Lawrence Fox.  Clashes led to 2 cop injuries and 5 arrests.  Hard to figure what they hoped to achieve with lockdown almost over, on Jeremy Vine the next morning, Beverly Swivel-insisted protestors acted responsibly unlike pub-goers in Soho – I rest my case!

The Scumbag reported to be the Chatty Rat who leaked the Bumbler/Dyson texts, he denied it.  He also refuted claims he’d leaked full details of lockdown mark 2 before the official announcement, via a WhatsApp message from Downing Street and accused Boris of wanting to stop an ‘embarrassing’ inquiry into the real source.  Boris phoned news bosses to sprag on his former spin doctor, a move destined to backfire.  Allegations that The Bumbler used tory donors to pay for renovations to his flat were dismissed by Liz Truss as ‘tittle-tattle’.  She was more concerned with trade deals than this petty stuff.  Apparently Carrie Antionette insisted on a revamp after Theresa May left ‘a John Lewis nightmare’.  Most people considering John Lewis upmarket, not to mention it smacked of yet another piece in the cronyism jigsaw, the comments showed how out of touch they really were.  Barry Sheerman joked on twitter: “A good news story at last!”

The night quiet but bright with an almost-full moon, I revelled in a semi-stupor until I fell into a deep slumber only to wake 2 hours later with snippets of dreams flitting through my mind.

References:

i. The Spelling Society: https://www.spellingsociety.org/; http://spellingsociety.org/uploaded_views/traditional-spelling-revised-personal-view.pdf

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com