Part 63 – Ready, Steady…?

“I don’t know how much more I’ve got to give to the NHS. We’re not getting the respect and now pay that we deserve. I’m just sick of it” (Jenny McGee)

Proceed with Caution

Haiga – Bejewelled i

During a tidy up Monday morning, I searched bags for masks.  5 out of 10 still missing, it remained a mystery where half had gone.  After posting blogs and starting a draft of the next episode of the journal, I went to the co-op, dodging busy traffic on the main road and screeching kids cluttering up the shopfloor.  Waiting at the kiosk, I turned round to ask a young man standing close behind me to move back when the cash-desk suddenly looked free.  But on approaching, my mate said he was still serving.  Oops!  Phil had disposed of all the rubbish while I was out.  Chores done, I sat in a patch of sun on the garden wall, admiring bluebells and raindrops on leaves.  Sleep was mediocre that night even with the meditation soundtrack.

The next step of the waymark reached, pub sales promptly jumped (2% higher than the same day 2020).  Train companies added 2,500 services and bus capacity increased to 60 passengers.  Additional ‘freedoms’ enabled trips to museums, cinemas, and foreign lands, albeit a limited number.  BBC breakfast showed planes queueing on the runway to fly to Portugal, while metro reported airports were quiet.  Go figure!  In the familiar mantra of pushing responsibility onto the public, the government instructed us to ‘proceed with common sense’ and ‘a heavy dose of caution’, said we shouldn’t be going to amber countries and condemned tour operators for putting on extra flights.  So why was it legal then?  In Wales, indoor hospitality and entertainment were allowed as the alert level dropped to 2.  In Scotland, 6 people could meet, except in Glasgow and Moray.  The NAO cost-tracker revealed £172bn was spent on dealing with the pandemic so far (the total forecast was £372bn).  Of 2,322 instances of the Indian variant, 483 were in Bolton and Blackburn.  Newsnight discussed the upsurge with 2 local MPs.  Yasmin Qureshi, Labour MP for Bolton SE, said people weren’t ‘choosing’ not to have the vaccine as The Cock irresponsibly suggested; the issue was access.  Originally only 1 hub in the town centre with 6 vaccinators, she’d asked ages ago for community facilities.  Mark Logan, Tory MP for Bolton NE agreed take-up wasn’t the problem as transmission occurred in younger people.  Both lauded the recently introduced mobile unit which administered 6.200 extra jabs over the weekend.  A 100 extra testing volunteers were also welcomed but local lockdown measures weren’t.  Adam Finn of JCVI warned immunisation didn’t have an immediate effect and was no good for firefighting; they needed to think about the whole country and stick to the vaccination strategy.  So, I wondered, how come they stuck to the age groups in Bolton but reportedly immunised all over 18’s in Blackburn?  Poet Laureate Simon Armitages appeared at the end of the programme.  He’d obviously spent lockdown eating pies!

Further to The Cock’s comments, metro’s ‘refuseniks’ headline and Andrew Lloyd-Webber calling people selfish for not being vaccinated, had me spluttering into my morning cuppa on Tuesday.  The privileged git seemed to think his tawdry shows were the most important thing in the world!  Receiving reminders for our second jabs, Phil said he’d be less worried afterwards. “It will take a few weeks to be effective,” I warned.  “True. And rates will still go up, especially with young people  doing that silly thing again.”  “What? going to the pub for face-licking?”

I worked on the journal until 3, when I decided we needed to get outdoors in the warm sunshine and suggested a spot of gardening.  I  tore bindweeds out, hacked at brambles and filled another pot with soil from the old compost bin (itself turning into compost) to plant more wild garlic bulbs.  Meanwhile, Phil poked at worms and planted the Christmas tree seeds I gave him (second time lucky?)  In the evening, I left him watching highlights of Leeds United winning on MOTD to have a bath and set the alarm for 8.00 a.m.   On a still night, I drifted slowly into slumber.

Following reports of 150 flights to France, Greece, Spain and America on Monday, the PM’s official spokesman briefed the press that travel to amber countries was only permitted for strictly limited purposes (work, essential services or compassionate reasons) and underlined the message of shifting the onus: “we are moving to a situation where the public can take responsibility for their actions.”  But Useless George told us while we shouldn’t go on holiday, we could go to see family and friends, as long as we observed quarantine rules.  Nick Thomas-Symonds retorted that borders had ‘unravelled into dangerous chaos’ within hours, with “a lack of strategy, which has meant the UK government, and their own ministers, are giving out conflicting advice.”  Total relaxation on 21st June looked uncertain.  The Bumbler said as vaccines built a ‘wall of defences’, he didn’t “see anything conclusive at the moment to say that we need to deviate from the road map.”  But caution was required, the situation would be ‘closely observed’ and we’d know more in a few days.  However, a source reported the chances of restrictions being lifted as planned were ‘next to nil’.  Speculation mounted that if outbreaks were limited to specific areas, local measures might return.  When would they learn that didn’t work!  The nurse who looked after Boris when he had Covid last year, resigned.  Jenny McGee cited a lack of respect for the NHS.

Indoculation

Syringes by Phil

The volume too low, I didn’t hear the alarm Wednesday morning.  I leapt up in panic, to be told by Phil I was ‘daft’.  “There’s no need to be nasty!” I snapped.  A hasty breakfast, coffee and cursory wipe of coffee tables preceded checking bus times and going for one due at 11.29.  The bugger sailed past displaying a ‘not in service’ sign.  As we awaited the next one, rain showers came, not becoming heavy until it arrived.  A bit full for my liking, I huddled in my seat until we reached our stop.  Thankfully, the rain had stopped too.  At the health centre, we waited briefly before being admitted to the consulting room together.  The staff friendlier than the previous visit, my arm hurt immediately after the injection.  The doctor laughed and said it was quite normal.  Unlike the first time, the HCA wrote our names on the cards.  They let Phil take photos of syringes and me take tissues, which I’d forgotten in my haste to leave the house.  We stood outside the exit door to assess symptoms.  Phil agreed the jab had been more stabby but felt okay.  We lingered in the carpark decorated with small apple trees in blossom (see below), then went in B&M for secateurs and came out with a basket-full.  On the way to the market, Phil searched for a cash machine, finding only 1 where there the used to be 3, no longer attached to a bank.  In fact, there was no longer a single branch in the whole valley!  We stopped to chat to The Biker and his partner outside a small pub.  “Are you coming in?” he asked.  “No, we’re still being careful. We’ve just had our second dose.”  Theirs due next week, we compared notes on side-effects.  Word on the street was they could be worse after the booster shot, but we found the opposite.  On parting, I again promised to pass on photos of his barge when we next walked up the canal.  In the market hall, the excellent café was open and still cheap.

After ordering, Phil started to feel weird and went to spend 20p at the public convenience.  Gone awhile, I fretted in case he’d passed out but the delay was caused by trying to navigate doors without touching anything.  Putting masks back on for 10 seconds to get outside, we rested in the community garden, noting fat jackdaws gadding on lush grass studded with dandelions.  Graffiti etched into the picnic table featured acrostics made of the word COVID – Cunts On Various Indoculation Drugs and similar witticisms.  We took the back streets to Lidl, sped round and I used the free loo before going back to the bus stop.  Less packed, we sat well away from 3 women who wore masks as chinstraps as they gassed.

Back home, Phil carried bags to the kitchen and went straight out again for baccy while I sorted groceries.  We reflected we’d achieved a lot during our outing but hated the continual donning and shedding of masks.  “I don’t fancy that just to go in a pub!”  Inevitably tired, I dossed on the sofa and then in bed.  Phil still spacey after a lie down, he threatened to have a pill to feel more weird.  During a disturbed night, I shifted around to prevent lying on my achy arm.  The sounds of chainsaws suggested yet more tree-felling on the railway.  I dropped off when there was a pause in the noise, but it annoyingly re-started in the early hours.

Cases rose by 2,696 but only 3 deaths were recorded.  Amidst the confusion over travel rules, 150 departures a day flew to amber list countries and the EU looked likely to say we could go to the continent if we’d had 2 jabs.  Covboost planned to use 7 different vaccines in trials on 3,000 randomly selected volunteers.  Phil considered applying for Leeds or Bradford but didn’t get round to it.  An entire tower block in Velbert, Germany was quarantined due to some residents testing positive for the Indian variant.  The inflation rate doubled in April thanks to price hikes in fuel and clothes.  10 days since the start of hostilities, the latest death toll stood at 219 Palestinians versus 12 Israelis.  Biden told Israel to ‘de-escalate’, while anti-Semitic vitriol and attacks included a Rabbi being bricked in London.

Waking early on Thursday, I wondered why that hadn’t happened the previous morning when I had to be up!  Wary of my achy arm, I did some exercise and helped Phil change bedding before bathing and working on the journal.  Cold and rainy all day, I put on extra layers but still needed the central heating.  Unable to focus on any more writing, I pottered about before going for a lie down.  Barely able to keep my eyes open while reading, I enjoyed feeling dozy and cosy when Phil made a racket coming up; banging doors, stomping upstairs and singing in the loo!  Irked, I made allowances for the space-headedness making him less conscious of his actions.

Covid dropped to 9th place in the cause of death league even with 2,874 new cases and 7 more deaths.  Andrew Hayward was ‘very concerned’ about the spreadability of the Indian variant and warned of a third wave: “this strain can circulate very effectively…it’s more transmissible than the previous variant.”  He urged  the UK not to ‘waste the opportunity’ vaccines provided by allowing widespread travel.  As 34-35 year olds were invited for a jab, Van Dam said the rate of injections would determine the feasibility of lifting restrictions on 21st June.  Variant case went undetected for 3 weeks (21st April-11th May) in 8 local authority areas, resulting in people self-isolating rather than quarantining, due to a software upgrade of the TIT system.  Equating to 800 cases across the UK, Blackburn was worst affected with 294 cases, followed by Blackpool, York, Bath, NE Somerset, Southend and Thurrock.  Downing Street denied the glitch was linked to surges.  Jeremy Hunt called for test and trace to be local and a surge of 32% in cases in Huddersfield (not all caused by the Indian variant) led to it being declared an ‘area of concern’, targeted testing and a vaccine drive.

Three years since the timetable debacle, Shats finally announced changes to the rail network.  GBR (Great British Railways) would control infrastructure and private operators awarded concessions.  “Delete ‘Great’, seeing as we’re not, take ‘ways’ off the end, and what have you got?” asked Phil.  “British Rail! It’s not nationalisation though!”  Flexi-tickets such as season tickets allowing travel 2 days a week and oyster-type cards were muted but mayn’t necessarily be cheaper.  He echoed pleas to not holiday in amber countries, saying it was a lot of costly hassle.  A vigil in Swansea turned into a riot and was branded ‘disgraceful’ by Nasty Patel.  Peace broke out between Israel and Palestine but how long would the ceasefire last?

QT discussed ‘should we go on holiday?’  Nick Thomas-Symonds parroted the ‘slow, slow, slow’ line.  Nads Zahawi tried to defend the government position.  The Man from Iceland, Richard Walker, was perversely planning a trip to Greenland but wasn’t sure now.  Most of the panel agreed unclear messages caused confusion over the amber list, some wanted red and green only while Devi Sridhar said the traffic lights didn’t work at all.  She pleaded instead for patience until October when everyone was fully vaccinated and had Covid Passes, as happened in other countries (without specifying which ones).

Waxing Lyrical

Apple Blossom

Phil still felt weird Friday morning but improved later in the day.  My arm not as painful, I managed a fair few exercises.  Computing slow, Phil resorted to turning the internet off and on again while I went to the co-op.  Staff re-stocking shelves ludicrously obstructed every aisle, oblivious to teenagers puzzling over the coffee machine let alone those of us just trying to get groceries.  Although not a big shop, I couldn’t even lift the bags with my bad arm.  I waited outside with a laden trolley for Phil to come and help as yet another shower descended from the leaden sky.  Still no sign, I rang to prompt him to get a shift on.  In the afternoon, I whizzed through the Eurovision songs.  The Slovenian entry was so Euro I had no idea how it didn’t make the final.  Strong competition from Lithuania, Serbia, Moldova, Italy and France, gave the UK no chance.

ONS data showed Covid infections going up, but not alarmingly (yet).  Rates were highest in Yorkshire & The Humber, the North East and South East, and lowest in the South West.  49 cases of a new variant detected mainly in Yorkshire & Humber, were ‘under investigation’.  On Look North, Kev Smith of PHE said there were about 3,000 mutants worldwide but only a few merited concern.  The Indian variant thought to be 30% more infectious, the NHS aimed to administer a first dose to all adults by the end of June, a month ahead of schedule.  The WHO found all vaccines worked on all strains but said social-distancing remained important. Dr. Hans Kluge warned: “Vaccines may be the light at the end of the tunnel but we cannot be blinded by that light.”  Boris pledged to join the WHO’s Global Pandemic Radar; setting up a network of surveillance hubs by the end of the year, to ensure the world wasn’t “caught unawares again by a virus spreading among us unchecked.”  Having warned of thousands of deaths, sage scientists now said a third wave was unlikely to overwhelm the NHS.  Mobile vaccination centres moved into Blackburn and Bedford.  The EU set to introduce covid travel certificates for its citizens by 1st July, Spain would welcome tourists from Monday even though it was on the UK’s amber list.

Starting grey on Saturday, the weather remained fine and the sun re-appeared late afternoon.  Phil went to town for shopping and photography.  I took a pile of recycling out, greeted a couple of neighbours and was busy pruning when he got back.  The new secateurs proved effective on the shrubs at the back of garden which had gone rampant, as too had the creeping buttercup.  Lovely yellow flowers they may be, especially in the wild, but the root tubers were a nuisance.  I hacked at the worst of it until I got hot and tired.

Phil broke the cafetiere jug while washing up.  The protective rubber rings long since lost from the tap, it was an accident waiting to happen.  In the evening, we watched the shiny waxing moon cross the sky and the Eurovision Song Contest.  My opinions altered slightly on a second hearing and San Marino gained cred points with guest artist Flo Rida waxing lyrical.  Switching to Netflix when the interminable voting started, we subsequently discovered Italy won, France came second and the UK were bottom with nil points.  Nothing to do with Brexit!

Rising late Sunday morning, I helped Phil find a replacement jug for the cafetiere and placed an Ocado order before drafting a haiku.  The weather changeable all day, there was a brief bright spell late afternoon.  I considered going out when it became cold and rainy again.  Instead, I patched another pair of jeans while Phil rooted out a handy repair kit to put rubber rings on the end of the kitchen tap to guard against further breakages.  On a manic last day of the football season, Leeds finished a creditable 9th in the table.

72% of adults now had 1 dose and 43% had 2 vaccine doses.  Over the weekend, discovery of the Indian variant in more places led to surge testing in West London and over 18’s being offered jabs in Rochdale.  Self-isolation pilots were coming to Newham, Hackney, Yorkshire & Humber, Cheshire, Merseyside, Manchester, Peterborough and Somerset.  A PHE study demonstrated protection of up to 80% after 2 doses of AZ or Pfizer.  Even so, Germany called the UK an ‘area of variant concern’ and banned travel, effective Sunday midnight.  The Scumbag blogged that ‘herd immunity’ was the Plan A government strategy at the start of the pandemic and Plan B was “bodged amid utter and total chaos.”  Nasty Patel came on the Marr to repudiate.  The plot was to thicken in the coming days.  Belarus effectively hijacked a civilian Ryanair plane flying from Athens to Vilnius.  They told the crew there was a bomb on board, scrambled a MiG-26 fighter jet and ordered them to land at Minsk.  Activist Journalist Roman Protasevich and his girlfriend Sofia Sepaga were promptly arrested.  As Mike O’Leary claimed there were KGB agents on board, western leaders expressed outrage.  But what action would they take against the sky piracy of the despot Lukashenko?

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 59 – The English Game

“A good news story at last…struggling Westminster family rescued from ‘John Lewis nightmare’ by generous anonymous donor” (Barry Sheerman)

The English Langwage

Haiga – Timeless

Waking in the bright early dawn Monday, I turned over and slept ‘til 9.  Jeremy Vine featured a campaign to make English words easier to spell.  It had us in stitches.  Examples included ‘wosh’, ‘Receev’ and ‘guud iedei’.  Wondering who’d come up with this guff, it turned out to be the result of 3 years intense coffee-cupping by The Spelling Societyi.  Inspired, we came up with our own, without the need for umpteen focus groups.  E.g.: langwage; alfabet; soop; shop-bort; komershull; vakseen; actchewal; dementure.

After blog posting and grotty chores, I grouted the tiles on the bathroom cube and planted wild garlic bulbs.  Uprooted by accident when picking, we now had 6 plants in tubs.  I’d forgotten I’d made a  pile of detritus 2 weeks ago and filled a black bag with it, while a wasp annoyingly buzzed round my head.  Hot and thirsty, I retreated indoors for water and a lie down.

Vaccinations reached 43m, of which 33m were first and 10m second jabs.  As cases in India still soared and the majority of the 103 variant cases in the UK were linked to travel, New Delhi went into a week’s lockdown and the whole country went onto the travel red list.  Effective from 4.00 a.m. Friday, Boris was forced to cancel his trade trip.  The European Super League confirmed late Sunday night, the big 6 English clubs were set to join along with 3 Italian and 3 Spanish teams.  Much condemnation and consternation ensued.  Greedy owners were lambasted by ‘legacy’ fans.  UEFA called it ‘disgraceful’ and ‘self-serving’.  JP Morgan underwrote loans for The Super League Company who instigated legal action so UEFA couldn’t stop players partaking in other international competitions.  Number 10 looked at options such as fan ownership or clawing back Covid loans and Jose Mourinho was sacked from Spurs.  Rishi Rich announced a digital currency taskforce, denying it meant the end of English cash.  Perseverance flew the Ingenuity helicopter on Mars.  The two NASA bots endearingly took photos of each other.

Phil had struggled with his vision all day making him quite depressed but perked up in the evening.  Watching our customary Monday night film, I could hardly keep my peepers open.  Hoping for a decent night, the droning generator meant it took ages to get any sleep, even with earplugs and the meditation tape.  Wakened by an almighty crashing and clanging at 4. 50 a.m., I was absolutely furious.  And then it was only 3 hours until the engineering works re-commenced!

Tuesday morning, I felt back at square one with extreme fatigue and a headache.  At the end of my tether, I fumed in bed while Phil fetched breakfast and tried to cheer me up.  I forced a chuckle as he pulled funny faces.  Wobbling downstairs for chores and writing, I opened the living room window for fresh air to promptly re-close it as the incessant din reached a crescendo.  The forecast good, we’d planned a walk but the sun disappeared and I wasn’t up to it anyway.  Desperate for respite, I took valerian before a siesta.  Slightly chilled out, I didn’t fully relax, gave up and placed an Ocado order.

On the campaign trail Monday, Keir was invited to the Raven in Bath by one of the co-owners.  In a rage that Labour hadn’t opposed lockdowns, the other owner, Rod Humphris, screamed: “get out of my pub!”  The sociopath came on Jeremy Vine Tuesday morning saying ‘look at Sweden’.  It was incredulous the likes of him still got a platform to spout their nonsense after a year of suffering and death!  Lucy Moreton of the Immigration Services Union said 100 fake covid passes were detected at UK borders every day, airports were breeding grounds as arrivals from different countries were confined indoors and mixed in queues with no social-distancing, and there was no way to know if they quarantined as required.

English Pastimes

Free Sage

The night quieter, I anticipated noise disturbance any minute but it didn’t come until 8.20 Wednesday morning; mercifully not as loud as the previous day.  A communique on the mayoral elections did nothing to change my opinion of the motley crew.  Most were Leeds-based, the English Democrat candidate’s address wasn’t even in Yorkshire, and Reform UK (nee The Brexit Party) were anti-lockdown nutters (no wonder Anne Widdecombe was in it!)  Similarly, the fruit-loop Freedom Alliance standing for the local council, spouted a load of conspiracy guff.  A leaflet pushed through the letterbox later in the week had literally been hand-rolled on a Gestetner.  The reek of old-fashioned ink took me back to early anarchist group days!

After the inevitable happy birthday to the queen, Keir led PMQ’s by referencing texts from the Bumbler to James Brexit Dyson.  In response to Dyson’s lobbying, the PM personally promised he’d fix an issue over the tax status of workers returning to make ventilators at the start of the pandemic (which never materialised).  Days later, Rishi announced workers coming to the UK wouldn’t have their tax status changed.  “One rule for those that have got the prime ministers’ phone number, another for everybody else.” Keir railed, “if a nurse had (his) phone number would they get the 4% pay rise?”  Boris replied: “I make absolutely no apology at all for shifting heaven and earth…to secure ventilators for the people of this country.”  Keir batted back with accusations of tax breaks for tory chums, pushing colleagues to help Greensill and dodgy PPE deals.  With new allegations every day, it was “sleaze, sleaze, sleaze…all on his watch!”  Boris typically evasive, played the old Captain Hindsight card.  A labour spokesman later said there was evidence the ministerial code was breached and further ammunition came from Transparency International UK who identified 73 crony contracts, and possible criminality.

For the first time since cafes and pubs were allowed to have seating, we had lunch out.  It looked pleasant from indoors but as we set off, the sun hid behind clouds and a cool breeze whipped up.  We sat outside the Turkish café for a chilly al-fresco lunch – a very English pastime!  German Friend came by and asked me to share pre-diabetic tips sometime.  She’d booked a table at the pub on the square for herself and a mutual friend (whom we’d last seen March 2020; just before she went into hospital at the start of lockdown #1).  I went in the sweet shop for some non-essential shopping while Phil loitered outside the animal charity shop.  We perused a seemingly interesting display of kitchen gadgets but came away empty-handed.

Stopping to say hello to our friends outside the pub, they persuaded us to join them.  The two women sat opposite each other at the far end while an old fellow pub mate sat at the other end, leaving plenty of space for us.  Before getting stuck into a one-time regular pastime of supping ale, I nipped across the square to finish errands before enjoying an hour in company.  Although fun, it felt odd being with other people and the staff flitted between tables far too much for my liking.  Comparing notes on the various lockdowns, we  had a laugh at the geese and corvids taking over during the first one.

After 1 pint, we felt really cold and said our goodbyes.  Phil still had one more purchase to make.  I strolled homewards until he caught me up and persuaded me to take a bunch of free sage from a table in the lower street  a very English herb.

Daily press conferences by Boris scrapped, Oliver Dowdy was wheeled out to defend the decision to use the room in Downing Street, specially refurbished at tax-payers’ expense, for ministerial press conferences instead.  Indian cases and deaths still rising, hospitals were full, the number of variant cases in the UK doubled, and 200 people a day arrived to beat the Qs before Friday.  Boris announced a Covid-19 taskforce to find effective anti-virals.  More legislation muted to foil the European Super League such as changing competition laws, the big 6 English teams all pulled out, as did Inter Milan.  Was the move in anticipation of changes to the Champions League which the big clubs didn’t think went far enough, or a ruse to get more money out of the FA?  John Barnes appeared on BBC Breakfast to say it was.  As Derek Chauvin was rightly convicted of the George Floyd murder, it emerged teenager Ma’Khia Bryant was shot by a cop minutes before the verdict.  Would anything ever change?  After a Tesla car missed a turning, crashed into a tree and burst into flames killing the 2 occupants, police said no one was driving.  Evil Musk tweeted: “Data logs recovered so far show autopilot was not enabled”  A likely story seeing as 27 crashes in the past month were being investigated in the USA.

English Mythology

Obscured Standing Stone

Frost gave way to sunshine on Thursday.  Phil wanted to find more mythical archaeology and I agreed to go in search of a standing stone near the hilltop village.  We caught a bus up to the boundary with the next hamlet, utilised a picturesque bench to eat a pasty lunch and consulted directions before looking for the mystical stone.  On eventually finding it, we realised we’d past it several times on the way to the crags.  How did we miss those huge holly bushes?  Inaccessibly set into a wall and obscured by barbed wire, we peered over to realise a line of stones crossing a horse field led directly to it and mused on possible links to structures on the moor.  Continuing down, a trio ascending considerately attached their dog’s lead.  At the bottom, we turned onto the leafy road for an easy walk back.  The trio with the dog re-appeared and asked for directions to town.  Near home, we chatted to my old art teacher.  He’d had a family holiday in Cornwall the previous week.  Postponed from last year, they’d had a good time but found it impossible to eat out in the evenings.  (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesii).

On another quiet night, I struggled to sleep.  My mind full of the day’s findings, I recalled a neighbour once told us the whole town was surrounded by a stone circle.  Was it true?  Was that why we kept finding mysterious stones?  It would be awesome if so – like the mythical Wiltshire village of Avebury!

95% of over 50’s now vaccinated, Margaret Keenan looked forward to a jolly.  Covid passports promised soon, she could go to desperado Spain and wear a mask on the beach.  The Cabinet Office were probing the source of the leaky texts between Boris and Dyson.  Labour wanted a Commons Liaison Committee enquiry.  The Good Law Project court hearing on PPE scams unveiled a VIP route to the PM.  Civil Servants had complained of drowning in a quagmire of contract requests that didn’t pass due diligence.  Hapless drug dealer Ali Hilmi was hilariously convicted after trying to get into the Projekt Nightclub, Burnley with fake £20 notes that said Poond.  Phil discovered they could be bought on Amazon but had sold out.  The misspellings harked back to the daft spelling society campaign, but the English pronunciation was Pownd, wasn’t it?  Maybe he was Scottish, like Les McKeown of the Bay City Rollers who died suddenly.

The English Saint

Gnarly Trees

Woken again by engineering work Friday morning, I battled heavy limbs and a headache for a trip to the co-op, luckily quiet and stressless.  I took a break from writing in the afternoon to embark on a ‘deep clean’ of the bathroom, expunging mould from the back window and evicting a family of spiders from beneath the back cupboard.  Through the open window, I heard a child calling “pappa!”  Not even the English middle-class used that word.  They must have been proper posh!  I suspected they might be slumming it in a camper van recently parked up on the street below.  That evening, we spotted the shed people returning from a game of golf – no-one knew why that was a popular pastime!

Local news wished us happy St. George’s Day.  Rather pointlessly, seeing as no special events were allowed and he wasn’t even English.  Some sage bods said vaccines did a lot of the ‘heavy lifting’ so we could forgo face-masks over summer but may need them come autumn.  1 dose of AZ or Pfizer gave 74% protection according to the latest study, while the EU planned to sue AZ over ‘contract failure’.  The PAC inquiry into supply chain financing revealed that Camoron bombarded BOE gov John Cunliffe with letters.  Treasury PS Tom Scholar said he arranged 9 meetings with Charles Roxburgh as it was ‘natural’ to talk to an ex-PM.  ONS figures showed the public deficit was 14.5% in the last fiscal year, the highest since 1946.  A computer chip shortage caused by people working at home halted car production.  Post Masters were acquitted of theft convictions as crap Fujitsu Horizon computers were proven to be responsible for discrepancies.  Having covered up the scandal for years, and not telling the accused they weren’t alone, former PO chief Paula Vennells belatedly apologised, resigning from her roles on the boards of Morrisons and Dunelm and as a church minister.

Getting clean clothes out Saturday morning, a drawer in the fitted cupboard collapsed.  Annoyed at taking everything out to find the cardi I wanted wasn’t even there, I bad-temperedly hurled woollens on the bed and covered them with a dust sheet before Phil fixed the offending article with glue and screws.  It seemed a good time to wash bedroom rugs and I hung them outside to take advantage of fine, breezy weather.  Young student neighbour appeared, seemingly overdressed but denied being hot.  She was returning to uni soon.  Due to royal charter, Cambridge had special term-times over which the government had no authority.  I popped to the co-op for a couple of items to find the shelves stripped of salads and dips.  Maybe everyone was having barbecues to belatedly celebrate the not-English patron saint.  Next-Door-But One’s fella waited for me to come back up the steps.  Conversing for the first time ever, he turned out to be even more neurotic than me about the effectiveness of vaccines and said the whole household had shielded and not even entered a shop for over a year.  I didn’t mention spotting them going places in the car.  Young Student came by and declared “I’m off to the pub,” marking a dramatic change in attitude.  Maybe she believed herd immunity was now sufficient to protect us oldies.  I scrubbed the bathroom floor and installed the newly-tiled cube, then set about upcycling an old Ikea table.  Found a couple of years ago, the garish pink thing spent a summer outside until it became warped in the rain.  After some bodging, it occupied a corner of the living room, covered with a cloth.  More fixing required, Phil got the glue and screws back out.  I considered tiling the top for outdoor use but calculated I’d need loads and decided painting would be easier.  By then, my back ached and I’d had enough so.

Fallout from the fast-failing Euro Super League continued.  Pundits from across Europe on Football Focus said football wasn’t viewed the same on the continent.  To them, it was just 90 minutes whereas the English saw the game as essential to life.  Apparent that rich owners didn’t understand its cultural importance, player and fan involvement was seen as the only way forward.  Former PM Gordy Brown called the episode a turning point, after which “people will not support greed.”

In spite of backache, Phil consented to a Sunday forage.  Pretty sure the garlic patch our Walking Friend mentioned was the place we visited a year ago, we climbed up the ridge.  I tried to trace likely lines of the fabled stone circle surrounding town.  “But why would anyone bother?” asked Phil, “it was a muddy bog in ancient times.”  “Good point.”  In the dark wood, we found the crop larger than last April, but top leaves looked dusty.  We each filled a bag and rested on a mossy rock beside a twisty path and walked between gnarly trees to arrive at a path last trodden in autumn.  Now both flagging with back pain, we had to stop again on the way home.  I began to give the leaves a thoroughly good rinse to find Phil’s haul full of grit and left it for him to tackle.  Over coffee and cake, I came up with a haiga based on Thursday’s walkiii.

Whingeing on the Marr about Brexit, Sturgeon promised no border if Scotland became independent – well, we all knew how well that went in Ireland!  The Indian crisis worsened: the number of infections broke the world record 4 days in a row, hospitals ran out of oxygen and Modi was blamed for slow vaccine roll-out even though they made loads.  Stephen Reicher criticised a group of ‘siren scientists’ calling for lifting of measures while in Germany, restrictions would last ‘til June.  Anti-lockdown demos in London were attended by mayoral candidate and all-round wanker Lawrence Fox.  Clashes led to 2 cop injuries and 5 arrests.  Hard to figure what they hoped to achieve with lockdown almost over, on Jeremy Vine the next morning, Beverly Swivel-insisted protestors acted responsibly unlike pub-goers in Soho – I rest my case!

The Scumbag reported to be the Chatty Rat who leaked the Bumbler/Dyson texts, he denied it.  He also refuted claims he’d leaked full details of lockdown mark 2 before the official announcement, via a WhatsApp message from Downing Street and accused Boris of wanting to stop an ‘embarrassing’ inquiry into the real source.  Boris phoned news bosses to sprag on his former spin doctor, a move destined to backfire.  Allegations that The Bumbler used tory donors to pay for renovations to his flat were dismissed by Liz Truss as ‘tittle-tattle’.  She was more concerned with trade deals than this petty stuff.  Apparently Carrie Antionette insisted on a revamp after Theresa May left ‘a John Lewis nightmare’.  Most people considering John Lewis upmarket, not to mention it smacked of yet another piece in the cronyism jigsaw, the comments showed how out of touch they really were.  Barry Sheerman joked on twitter: “A good news story at last!”

The night quiet but bright with an almost-full moon, I revelled in a semi-stupor until I fell into a deep slumber only to wake 2 hours later with snippets of dreams flitting through my mind.

References:

i. The Spelling Society: https://www.spellingsociety.org/; http://spellingsociety.org/uploaded_views/traditional-spelling-revised-personal-view.pdf

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com