The Corvus Papers 3: The Rocky Horror Show

“To use a non-technical term, that’s pretty much bollocks” (Gillian Tett)

Unknowable

Windfall

Saturday breakfast stressful, Phil took over.  Accusations of inefficiency were a tad unfair given his new job.  Still doing extra hours, he didn’t know for how long, but at least he enjoyed my lamb tagine after late weekend shifts. “I should hope so! I made it special so you’d have something tasty and warm.”  Unfortunately, I couldn’t help with fatigue.  Tired for different reasons, I pushed myself along the canal and round the park Sunday, found flowers and foliage, an edible apple among munched windfall and the squat boarded up.  They Anarchists were gone by November.  In the co-op, I got reduced items and a cheery greeting from Geordie ex-neighbour.  Back home, I developed a headache but at least I’d had fresh air.

About to bathe Monday morning, Phil said I should’ve done so an hour ago. “Fascist!”  I wrote until unable to focus and fuggy-headed and did yoga.  Waking lots early Tuesday, I ended up oversleeping and became despondent at so many chores to do.  Needing supplies again, I headed out.  The alt therapy woman walked a few paces ahead, engrossed on her mobile and waving imperiously.  In the co-op, she curated her basket in a way suggesting she wasn’t struggling like some of us – strawberries in October, FFS!  A man fiddling under chiller shelves meant I couldn’t even get basic veg but did find a large bottle of cooking oil cheaper.  Calling the surgery again, the answerphone said they were shut for staff training with no info as to when they’d re-open.  Phil got home for a late lunch, saying he’d brought the rain with him.  “Don’t sing another song!”  Radio 2 on all day in The Store, he couldn’t help himself.

Pouring all night, low mood made it hard to be bothered about anything on a damp Wednesday.  Phil again harassed me into bathing then interrupted my writing to say he’d better get ready for work.  I’d forgot he was starting early, hastened lunch, and visited Walking Friend.  The pretty fallen leaves made the steep steps slippy even in sturdy boots.  I found her knitting, handed over the clean scrunchy and listened to her work woes over a cup of Earl Grey.  Martin Green of Care England said without a complete restructure of the social care system, millions could be left without support and the NHS would be ‘on its knees’, so I wasn’t surprised to hear of low morale, exacerbated by increased workloads and pointless online training.  I made suggestions and diverted her with other topics, when a text arrived saying she had a staff meeting on her day off.  “You always have a choice, you could walk into another job tomorrow if you wanted.”  I shared what I’d learnt about state pension eligibility to discover she wasn’t paying National Insurance. Now also on a low wage, Phil agreed the system was rigged to disenfranchise people and she should opt back in.  Feeling sleepy, I accepted a second cuppa before dodging dog-walkers on the steps.  Phil slept in the next 2 days.  I took over breakfast apple art.  Gracious about the browning butterflies Thursday, he unkindly laughed at Friday’s effort.

Having arranged to meet at The Tearooms, Walking Friend cancelled to hike with The Poet.  We decided to go out anyway.  I went ahead to buy cinema tickets for the first time in 3 years.  Unable to process an extra discount at the box-office, they said they no longer recognised the PTL orange dot.  Who knew what it was good for now?  They kindly granted me the concession and gave me a CCA form for next time but I was ineligible – quelle surprise!  I hung around for Phil and we perused the Greasy Spoon menu.  Unsure if they served all-day brekkie, we opted for pies instead, listening sympathetically to Deli Woman’s travails of filling a vacancy.  You just couldn’t get the staff nowadays!  We ate in the park and ascended to woodland.  A bumper year for conkers, we found none but plenty of toadstools (see Cool Placesi).  On a wet and grey Friday, I did boring admin and the weekend shop.  Phil went to the kiosk while I paid at the till.  The reader wouldn’t scan my MasterCard or accept the PIN for some unknown reason.  As a man stood right behind me, I got flustered, lost confidence in knowing the number and used a different card.  In my panic, I missed Phil sneakily picking up all the bags which he insisted on carrying as practice for work.

Boarded Up Squat

Baroness Halibut promised victims would be at the heart of the covid public inquiry.  Rising 14% in a week, it was unknown if 1.3m cases was a winter wave.  Increasing among over 70’s, we should avoid the vulnerable and get boosted.  Of 1 million Brits with long-covid, 514,000 had it for 2 years.  Growing since lockdowns, Councillor Friend told Look North there’d be changes to hazardous street furniture in Toy Town.  Ostensibly turning pink for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Girls Aloud launched Primark nightwear.

Larry the cat eschewed a stroking from Trussed-Up as she met the Danish PM outside Number 10.  In Brum for the tory conference, she admitted to Laura K the kamikaze budget caused disruption, and shock announcements could’ve been handled better but repeated it was everyone else’s fault, threw Kwasi Modo under the bus saying he decided to scrap the top income tax rate and attend a hedge fund managers’ champagne reception the evening before the pound tanked: ‘I don’t control his diary’.  She didn’t mention Melton Mowbray pork pies going under.  NOT taking back control of pork markets?  That. Is. A. Disgrace! 

Noncommittal on benefit cuts, she said Coffee-Cup was looking at it and Kwasi was sorting everything else.  The Glove-puppet and Shatts both lambasted ‘Trussonomics’; the latter predicting a commons revolt.  A U-turn on the top tax rate and release of forecasts came after a late-night meeting.  Only knocking £2bn off the bill and other unknowns in the pipeline, markets remained jittery.  Having a tough Monday, Kwasi reiterated commitment to growth, evaded a direct apology but ‘humbly’ accepted cutting high earner’s taxes was ill-judged.  Meanwhile, Tory chair Jake Berry told Sky News the answer to soaring bills was to ‘either cut consumption, get a higher salary or go out there and get that new job.’  Chris Bryant retorted: ‘Do tories think people haven’t tried this?’  Division in the ranks, Mordor said benefits should go up with inflation rather than wages, Swellen accused them of coup-plotting and Trussed-Up repeated they hadn’t decided before posing in a hard hat and Hi-Viz at a Selly Oak factory.  At fringe meetings, Swellen couldn’t wait to deny migrants arriving in dinghies the right to seek asylum: it was her dream to see a plane-load heading for Rwanda on The Torygraph cover before Christmas!  POA called Manston processing centre a ‘pressure cooker’, with channel-crossers illegally held for a week rather than 48 hours, running out of food and water and police called.  Rees-Moggy urged shoppers to ignore a new law banning sweets near supermarket tills to save the choc orange.  Good to see him focused on important issues, he probably disapproved of Quality Street ditching iconic plastic wrappers too!

Striking Post office staff were joined later in the week by 999 call-handlers.  Yorkshire bus services cut, government capitulated on Northern Poorhouse rail going to Bradford.  South Eastern would axe first-class carriages and water jets would clear pesky autumn leaves from Northern Rail lines in Yorkshire but not here.  Warned it needed to ‘drastically improve services’, Avanti West Coast was given a 6-month extension.  How bad did they have to be to lose the franchise?  Tories left Brum early Wednesday before Trussed-Up’s address.  Allegedly due to the biggest rail strike yet, postponed from September, or because they were fed up of the febrile atmosphere.  Playing dress-up in a red frock like Emma Thompson’s Years and Years right-wing PM, Truss said she was willing to take difficult decisions to get the economy moving and change meant disruption but would benefit everyone.  The short-lived abolition of the top tax rate a ‘distraction’, she’d listened to people and wouldn’t allow the ‘anti-growth coalition’ to hold her back.  She sounded like a right tin-foiler, lumping together Labour, Lid Dems, ‘militant’ unions, Brexit-deniers, XR and Greenpeace (who were ejected for intrusion) and aped Thatcher saying they were ‘wrong, wrong, wrong’. Cabinet ministers cock-a-hoop, M People founder Mike Pickering was ‘livid’ at her entrance to Moving On Up, advising she heed the lyrics: ‘go and pack your bags and get out.’  Jeffrey Archer told Jeremy Vine she picked ministers based on friendship not talent, unlike Thatcher who only had 4 mates in Cabinet.  Conor Burns was sacked as trade minister for serious misconduct (inappropriate behaviour towards a young man at conference).  He’d ‘fully co-operate’ with an inquiry to clear his name.  Spice Girl Mel B tweeted: ‘Really?? Your shocked about this complaint??? Let me remind you what you said me in lift…’  Not knowing if it was arrogance or disrespect, Nicola Sturgeon complained it was ‘absurd’ Truss hadn’t rung a month into the job.

Dropping over summer, Fareshare urged supermarkets to donate more surplus food.  It’d be better if government faced the fact that people couldn’t afford groceries.  Prices soaring, service sector growth stalled, Tesco half-year profits fell 10% and average mortgage interest reached a 14 year high 6.07%.  The IFS predicting Trussonomics would make 99% worse off, Shell boss Ben van Beurden wanted to be taxed more to prevent damage to ‘significant parts of society’.  Later revealing last quarter profits of £8.2bn (a £26bn total for 2022 so far), they’d paid no windfall tax as profits weren’t technically made in the UK.  Amidst unknown variables, Ofgem warned of a winter gas emergency and prepared scenarios (rationing and blackouts).  National Grid later said it’d probably be alright and On QT, Nads Zahawi said 3-hour outages were a worst case scenario.  Why scaremonger then?  Not wishing to tell us what to do, Downing Street refused to launch a public info campaign, but telly ads appeared the following week.  Northern PowerGrid e-mailed a priority list and onesie sales rocketed.  As Nads said inflation was all Putin’s fault, Piers Morgan had heard it all; even the dead queen was more culpable of crashing the economy than tories!  Also delayed by Queenie dying, Kingy and Camilla went to Dunblane as the erstwhile Scottish capital was belatedly conferred city status.  Despite the sham poll, Ukrainians retook the town of Lyman in Donetsk.  Bags of drugs labelled Dior turned up on a Welsh beach.  Cocaine galore!

Trick or Cheat?

Woodland Toadstool

Overnight rain led to window condensation Saturday. Not dispersing in sunshine, the chamois turned black doing the box room.  Phil admitted it needed a proper clean.  Despite moderate drinking, I had a slight headache.  After coffee, Phil asked had I got over my binge – ha, ha!  He agreed it wasn’t ideal working weekends but it did get us out of the habit of wine-drinking every Friday and feeling crap Saturdays. Taking an age to do blogs amid brightness and interruptions, I lost my thread, got angry, developed head fug and considered gardening when a cool wind arrived.  Phil’s haircutting stalled when the clippers broke again.  We thought we might need a trip to Big Town for new ones.  We ate a hasty dinner to find the cinema had tricked us on the start time.  I bought tiny cans of beer from The Oil Painter, remarking on artists resorting to menial jobs – It’s a shit business!  We took our booked seats to watch a parade of ads and trailers before the main feature, Moonage Daydream.  While some montages were a bit weird and tracks truncated, the David Bowie doc wasn’t the mish-mash Phil expected.  I advised he stop reading Guardian reviews. Unseen footage featured La La La Human Steps practicing dance moves.  Phil reckoned Bowie turned up to play 2 notes at their performance we saw years ago.  So I had seen Bowie live and didn’t know it.  “Now you tell me!”  It was Phil’s turn to feel fuzzy Sunday.  Was it the small beer or the brightly-colourful cinematic experience messing with his head?  As he prepared for a late shift, I headed to town, hailed The Woman Next Door with a man near the old bridge, collected fallen leaves and went to an art exhibition.  Hoping to see Welsh Art Friend, I saw only The Printer.  We discussed her seaside prints until some of her mates turned up.  I went charity shopping for books, DVDs and a throw.  Phil brought home out-of-date bread destined for the bin.

Waking with a claggy throat Monday, I made soothing porridge, forgot spoons and irritated Phil straightening out bedding.  A bad start to the week, I soldiered on, washed the throw to dry quickly on the line, getting knackered clambering up and down stairs.  Tuesday, I cleaned rusty marks from plumbing tools on the landing windowsill.  I left them upstairs to adjust the stiff bath tap but when Phil returned from an early shift, he tetchily blamed my technique. “Don’t talk to me like that!” “Okay, I’ll have a look.”  A cricket landed on me at the co-op ATM.  As I attempted a rescue, the small queue crowded round.  “Is it a grasshopper?” Only in Toy Town – I’d be tutted at in the city!  Inside, my namesake hunted for reduced face cream when a colleague said she’d bought it all.  What a mean trick!  A group of lanyard-wearing teenagers laughed in the aisles, ironically singing ‘praise Jesus’.  I lugged the heavy, pricey items home as Phil got back, yawning and sighing: “I’m tired.” “Really? I wasn’t getting that!”

Early Wednesday, a niggly nose joined the sore throat.  Succumbing to illness, I took Echinacea and sucked a pastille.  Phil eventually asked what was wrong. “It could be the cold you’ve been in denial about all week.” “It’s not a cold, it’s a cough.” “Well, it could be the usual sinus lark. I haven’t had it for 3 months.”  I wondered if the record gap was due to more antibodies, the hot dry summer, or DIY.  “Doing stuff is good.” “Yeah, but I’ve felt iffy a few times since. Maybe it was bubbling under. I’m staying abed so don’t hassle me, but I need a bath.” “You’ll have to get up for that.”  Cleansed, I fetched coffee and the laptop and watched PMQs. Absurdly only Trussed-Up’s second began with tributes to David Amess a year since his murder and 10 victims of a petrol station explosion in Creeslough Donegal.  A backbencher guessed spooking the markets was incompetent not malevolent, but reneging on no-fault evictions was vicious.  A less forgiving Keir asked if Truss agreed with Rees-Moggy telling us the crisis was nowt to do with her fiscal plans.  She replied with the usual guff on taking decisive action, protecting the economy, higher growth and lower inflation.  Kier spluttered she was lost in denial, with mortgages sky-rocketing, the public wouldn’t forgive or forget and nor should they; it was time to stop the kamikaze budget causing so much pain.  After parroting herself, she blamed Vlad for global price rises, Keir for not supporting the energy price guarantee (he reminded her it was initially labour’s idea) and said he had a Damascus moment supporting the National Insurance reversal (which he always opposed).  Asked if she’d stick to no cuts, she promised to spend wisely instead.  One step behind the Shell boss on windfall taxes, he wondered why she insisted on tax cuts for the rich?  After more resay, she whinged his union mates stopped people getting to work.  Ian Blackford asked if the incompetent PM would give up her plan to save the chancellor by scapegoating the BOE – completely losing control, the only things growing were mortgages, rents and bills; was that what she meant by growing the economy?  As she threw queries back (unchallenged by The Speaker who scolded Boris all the time for that), Blackford sniped if she wanted to ask him questions, they could swap places, to much mirth.

Phil fed me cute cheese on toast faces, like a nursery tea.  Unable to go to Big Town, I spent ages ordering from the cranky Boots website  A singing Phil irksomely woke me at 5.50 a.m. Thursday.  I slept fitfully until 9, cleaned the bedroom and doubled up the long and narrow new throw into a bedspread.  Hot, tired and legs leaden, I worked on blogs.  About to upload, the laptop decided there was no internet.  I turned it off and waited eons for stupid MS to update and re-start, only to be bugged again the next day.  Phil returned from a shelf- stacking shift wearing his lovely new logoed sweatshirt (he had a fleece too).  After resting, he asked if he’d missed any news.  “Tories saying we’re all doomed!”  Friday, lovely orangey-pink dawn clouds tempted me up.  Phil offered to help with the weekend shop.  With a short list, I said I’d be ok, but it was an ordeal with heavy bags and the reader not authorising my card again.  Oblivious to my huffing and puffing, Phil went to work and I went back to bed.  Getting home promptly from the late shift, he didn’t know why they bothered for a few drunks and stoners.

Gamma Ray Afterglow

Kuoni’s Thai bookings 87% higher than pre-pandemic levels, covid tripled during a week-long Chinese holiday, meaning more lockdowns and travel restrictions.  1.7m infected by the UK’s 4th wave this year, admissions increased 76% and 30% caught it in hospital, like in 2020.  Stephen Griffin of Indy Sage fretted about NHS pressure.  Reasonable uptake of autumn boosters, all over 50’s could book one (in theory) but Griffin wanted more eligibility.

NAO’s latest assessment put covid support losses at £4.5bn.  PAC chair Meg Hillier urged government ‘get a grip‘ on fraud and loose controls.  David Jason revealed he couldn’t move his limbs when he collapsed with covid during the summer.

ONS data showed wages fell 2.9% in real terms.  Banker’s bonuses rising twice as fast since the 2008 crash, The TUC said government should raise the minimum wage to £15, give public sector workers more and encourage fair pay deals for others.  Acknowledging the gap, a wheeled out Coffee-Cup repeated the hollow mantra of helping families with the cost of living.  Unemployment at 3.5% but record vacancies, people were too ill or stopped applying for hard low-wage jobs like social care.  CQC found 300,000 empty posts, leaving 1 million needy adults without care and 3 in 5 blocking hospital beds.  As the economy shrank, consumers bought wonky fruit and veg, air fryers, electric dryers and candles, cutting bills and risking fire.  School meal costs up 30% and 91% of providers experiencing food shortages, Laca wanted more money for a sector ‘on its knees’.  Promising ideas on how and support, Ofgem ridiculously advised we reduce energy consumption.  French EDF and Total workers on strike, Micron said they should be paid more.  While M&S sped up closure of 110 larger stores, Pret A Manger staff would get a third pay rise of 5% in December.  Strikes into a second week, Hull Stagecoach drivers paid less than colleagues in other regions were offered 14%,  They wanted 17%.  ACAS fruitlessly stepped in but Network Rail’s Tim Shovellor saw a glimmer of hope in talks with unions.  Rejecting 2% and a £345 lump sum, Environment Agency staff were balloted.

In Scotland for the SNP conference, ex-chancellor Alistair Darling told Laura K. the government’s actions were ‘a textbook example of everything you shouldn’t do in difficult times’, economic turmoil was self-inflicted, they trashed the UK’s reputation and cost us dear.  Nads Zahawi called Sturgeon saying she detested tories and everything they stood for, ‘really dangerous language’.  Good grief!  It’d be hate speech to hate Fascists next!  He advised the ranks unite behind Truss, or risk a hideous labour/SNP coalition.  Jon Ashworth spluttered that was ‘complete and utter nonsense and desperate.’  Vowing to hold a ref 19th October 2023, Sturgeon told conference independence was vital with labour: “willing to chuck Scotland under Boris Johnson’s Brexit bus to get the keys to Downing Street.”  In The House, the government won the National Insurance vote but select committee chair Mel Stride, warned Kwasi Modo he had to win over MPs to prevent more alarm.  Dubbed ’Operation Re-assurance’, Modo’s growth plan and the OBR’s economic assessment were forwarded a month to 31st October.  Halloween too late to settle spooked markets, Rayner tweeted it was more like Trick or Cheat: ‘the tory horror show rattles on’.  IFS reckoned they needed £60bn in spending cuts, Citigroup predicted a worse crisis than 1976 and we observed tories were always in power when the lights went out!  Meanwhile, Trussed-Up went to play footie with the Lionesses.

Accepting the global energy crisis affected Europe more, the IMF again criticised Modo’s plans as a slow-down would follow any short-term growth, and likened the UK government and BOE to 2 drivers ‘trying to steer the car in different directions’.  Aides combing through the mini-budget line by line to see what could be changed, a cap on renewable energy firm revenues was mooted – not a windfall tax thus not a U-turn. Phil reckoned non-renewables weren’t covered as a sop to their rich mates.  BOE bought more gilts to prop up the shambling economy but wouldn’t extend the scheme beyond Friday.  The pound plummeted.  Modo blamed the war and pension funds for risky purchases.  Err, that’d be dodgy government bonds then, you moron!  Rachel Reeves hit back: “This is a British crisis made in Downing Street. No other government is sabotaging their own country’s economic credibility…”

Rees-Moggy accused Michal Hussein of breaching BBC impartiality saying the mini-budget crashed the economy and gaslighted the BOE for not raising interest rates enough.  FT journalist Gillian Tett told Channel 4 news: “‘to use a non-technical term, that’s pretty much bollocks.”  He was also contradicted by Kwasi Modo at the IMF in Washington Thursday.  Admitting he’d made markets nervous, he wasn’t going anywhere as the G7 all had similar problems.  IMF MD Kristalina Georgieva told him and Andrew Bailey they needed clear policy coherence and communication to prevent more jitters in a jittery environment: “fiscal policy should not undermine monetary policy…(or) the task of monetary policy…becomes harder and it translates into…further increases of rates and tightening of financial conditions…If the evidence is that you need to recalibrate, don’t prolong the pain.”  A cacophony of backbenchers screaming: ‘it’s checkmate’, ‘we’re stuffed’, ‘it’s dire’, ‘we’re done for’ and frantic calls across the pond, Modo hid in the toilet then flew back to London.  Traders betted on a U-turn, Kwasi gone by the weekend and Trussed-Up finished within weeks.  James Uncleverly said it’d be a bad idea and Alistair Campbell said an out-of-depth Truss couldn’t do the job.  She went to see Kingy, who chortled: ‘Back again? Dear, oh dear!’ and sacked Modo Friday, making The C**t the fourth chancellor since July.  Saying they’d moved too fast, they kept the corporation tax rise, as Rishi planned.  Spreadsheet Phil reproached them for throwing away years of hard work and Reeves said: “Another change isn’t the answer…it’s time for a labour government.”

On a lighter note, Coffee-Cup evaded questions on scrapping smoke free targets, saying she was concentrating on her ABCD.  Blood transfusion levels critical, B should stand for ‘blood’.  Wes Streeting called her ‘clueless and hopeless’.  Artist robot Ai-Da answered pre-prepared questions in The Lords saying AI in creative industries were a threat and an opportunity.  NZ proposed a tax on animal burps and pee.  Did they not want food production?  Farmers later held street demos.  Staid conservation groups the National Trust, RSPB and Wildlife Trusts united to protest violation of the countryside, write letters and ‘all options on the table’, didn’t rule out direct action.  Motorists dragged Just Stop Oil protestors off London roads, 24 were arrested and 1 went to hospital.  300 involved by the 11th day of action, an irate electric taxi driver told road-blockers he was doing his bit.  As they blocked The Mall, Mark Rowley said they’d not yet caused sufficient ‘serious disruption’ to warrant forcible removal.  Anglian Water planned to build the UK’s first new reservoir in 30 years.  About bloody time!

Cops co-ordinated operations to smash 172 county lines, find 321 weapons and £2.7m in drugs and make 1.360 arrests, including for modern slavery.  The Met investigated 625 sex and domestic abuse claims.  Ahead of Asylum Aid’s Rwanda High Court hearing, 1,604 channel crossings Sunday-Monday made 2,232 for the month and 35,000 for the year.  In a dig at Giorgio Melon, Popeye called the exclusion of migrants ‘scandalous, disgusting and sinful’.  Saturday, The Kerch Bridge linking Russia to Crimea, blew up when an exploding lorry set oil tankers alight.  Vlad ordered a full investigation and Russian media blamed Ukrainian ‘terrorists’.  Err, there’s a war on!  Retaliative shelling of Ukrainian cities including Kyiv and memes of battle dolphins ensued.  The bridge was fixed by Wednesday and 8 suspects detained.  Japan’s Epsilon 6 rocket was ordered to self-destruct after launch.  JAXA apologised and investigated.  X-ray radiation from a gamma ray, the brightest ever discovered, still emitted an afterglow of rings weeks later.  One-time WRP member Vanessa REDrgave became a dame, Ant & Dec missed yet another NTA due to covid, and Gaslight inventor Angela Lansbury died. Glasgow cheated, Liverpool would host Eurovision 2023.

Jokers and Wasters

Autumnal Window Scene

Saturday, Phil joked: “Is she gone yet?” “No, but The C**t was on BBC Breakfast.”  Marking an end to Trussonomics, he said they’d be judged on the next 18 months, not the past 18 weeks, blamed the usual culprits of the war and energy meaning no fast tax cuts or increased spending and all departments making efficiency savings.  4 chancellors since July (Saj, Nads, Kwasi Modo, The C**t), resembled the 4 stooges.  “They’re running out of credible people. If it goes on like this, I envisage a crap Netflix.” “Yep. The Downfall UK. A satirical comedy with fake ‘where are they now’s’ at the end: in a loony bin; in the sea; in an Amazon warehouse; working for Deliveroo!” “I bet lots of them red-wallers want it to end so they can go back to sane jobs.”  Still ailing, I tried not to be depressed as sun chased away a watery chill to reveal a lovely autumn window scene, posted the final Scarborough blog and figured a way to share it on Insta (see Cool Places 2ii).  Wearier and achier Sunday, I stayed abed reading and writing.  My Valley Life article buried among the ads, kind words from Phil and Decorating neighbour dissuaded me from packing it in next year.  Phil returned from the late shift with sausages and mini brownies.  Tussling brightness and indigestion, I took Gaviscon, drew curtains left open by Phil and used the meditation soundtrack to drift into bad sleep.

Monday, I felt like I’d been hit round the head.  Ignoring my pleas to delay chores, Phil accepted the Boots delivery and assembled rubbish.  I unpacked toiletries, added cardboard to the pile and went back to bed.  He brought me brownies with the coffee.  “I don’t want them,” I snapped.  As he took them away, I apologised: “It’s not you, it’s depression at still being ill, especially in nice weather.”  I posted September’s journal entry while he went to the co-op and work, bringing home food rescued from waste.  Grateful for any freebies, I could’ve done with the ready salads earlier.  Hot flushes added to another crap night.  My nose running Tuesday, Phil asked: “Are you still sniffly?” “Yes, but the fatigue is worse.” “Cheer up.” “No!” “I’ll pull funny faces.” “God no!”  My mind wandering until he made moves, I leapt up to sort washing for him to add work clothes, bathed, ignored kitchen clutter and plodded back up with coffee.  Too hot and bright to write with sun streaming in, I’d had enough of being bedbound, opened the window, put a dress on and went down for lunch.  Phil related tales from The Store, explaining how well-packed herbs sometimes arrived damaged.  Otherwise, there was little waste. I thought it’d reduced loads over the past 2 years, but declared it enough shop talk. “I literally am talking shop!”  I joined him on a short canal walk in mellowing light, returning with backache and jelly-legs but cheerier i.

Woken Wednesday by Phil rising for work and noisy traffic, I ignored aches and fatigue for some exercise and tidying before PMQs.  Going on errands, I noted an unlocked front door and a felled trellis, hastened to town in a nithering wind and spotted Phil leaving The Store.  As I tried catching up, he moved uncannily fast after a long shift, into the sweet shop.  “Gotcher!” “No you haven’t. It’s for someone else.”  Walking home, I imparted the bad trellis news. “Pah! Call that bad news?”  He tied it up, then panicked over his mislaid phone “You need to eat.” “I can’t think about that now!” “I’ll ring it for you.” “It’s on silent so that’s no good.”  I called the number.  It vibrated. “See, no need for all that stress!”  Thursday, I dithered over shopping.  Trees across the valley making rain clouds, it was too foul for the market, so it was the co-op again.  Having noticed the microwave clock at zero for the second time that week, a short power-cut was confirmed by half-empty shelves.  You’d never get that level of waste in the Store!  I eschewed outrageously-priced toiletries, miserably slogged home and went back to bed.

Text reminders told us to book covid boosters with a GP or local pharmacy.  Finally getting his shift patterns, I rang Friday.  6th in the queue, I actually managed to get slots early November but we couldn’t go due to colds.  I also asked about HRT.  The nice receptionist sent the doctor a ‘task’, advising I call back Monday.  Waitrose reported increased fish-head and lamb neck sales for use in slow cookers.  We couldn’t decide whether to buy one.  Eating the last of my birthday chocolates, Phil whined that he’d not had as many. “Excuse me. You can’t buy me chocs then whinge you’ve been diddled!”  But I gave him the last one.

Mellowing Canal

High covid levels peaked but deaths were up to 400 week ending October 7th, ahead of winter, adding to NHS pressure.  The Moderna bivalent vaccine was found to be ‘good’ for a mere 3 months.  Speaking to Laura K., the couple who developed the BioNTech version, still wore masks and advised we all did, especially if mixing with travellers.  Building on what they’d learnt, they hoped for a cancer vaccine by 2030.

Laura asked The Cock if Truss should go.  He replied a reshuffle was needed to make use of backbench ‘talent’(!) but nobody wanted another protracted leadership race.  No: some wanted Rishi, some wanted Boris and Unison’s Christina McAnea wanted a general election.  Depressed public sector pay could mean 1 million taking co-ordinated action.  Nasty rhetoric and Therese Coffee-Cup telling nurses fed-up of the NHS to leave, didn’t help.  If they got more, they’d spend it in local shops and Tesco.  UK GDP 30 places behind Ireland, Tesco Boss did what he could to help customers and 300,000 shopfloor staff.  Uncle Joe licked ice cream in Oregon.  ‘Sick and tired’ of trickle-down economics, he disagreed with tax cuts for the super-wealthy but that was up to Britain.  EU newspapers compared the UK to loser countries and Rob Halfon accused government of acting like ‘Libertarian Jihadists’ with us as guinea pigs.  Yes, in an experiment based on ‘Britannia Unchained’ by Truss et al of the Thatcherite Free Enterprise Group.  No costings or income streams apart from borrowing, made it a wish list, not a budget.  Post-Brexit, post-covid, soaring energy costs, rampant inflation and a recession looming, it was the worst time for their madcap free market drivel*.

After a weekend ensconced at Chequers, Truss tried to shore up ministerial support and The C**t tried settling markets by scrapping all Kwasi’s measures except National Insurance and stamp duty cuts, bigger bankers’ bonuses, and, irresponsible to expose government to price volatility, muted an end to the energy cap in April.  No benefit increases until then, ‘eye-watering’ cost-savings and more ‘difficult decisions’ on spending to come, everything was on the table.  Borrowing still higher than before the kamikaze budget, the IFS and Sturgeon feared a return to austerity and Keir attempted to haul Truss in for urgent questions over long-term damage.  Sent in her stead, Mordor said through gritted teeth, her boss was ‘detained on urgent business’.  Amid the derision, Stella Creasy joked she hid under the desk.  She actually met Graham Brady then shuffled onto the frontbench at 4.30.  It wouldn’t be long ‘til she shuffled off again.  Chris Mason asked was Rishi right?  She replied she was sorry, had to reflect, ensure economic stability and advised fellow tories to not spend tough times talking about the party.

At PMQs, Justin Madders wondered why Truss sacked Kwasi Modo and not herself?  She parroted an apology and guff on delivery.  Keir wittily cited a Truss biography.  Out by Christmas, was that the release date or the title?  In fact, she was out by November**.  Spouting crap, she said she’d taken more action than him after 2½ years in the job (err, he wasn’t the PM!)  He queried how she could be held to account when she wasn’t in charge and the point of making promises that didn’t last a week – cuts loomed for one reason only; they crashed the economy but her only response was to say sorry.  She said he backed strikers, she backed strivers.  He retorted, with a mandate based on nothing and credibility gone, why was she still here?  She screeched “I’m a fighter, not a quitter,” acting in the interests of the nation while he presented no alternative.  After 10 U-turns in 2 weeks, Ian Blackford feared pensioners were in the tory cut frontline. Thinking it better seeing the PM behind a desk rather than under it, Stella Creasy asked a daft question on rights to watch sport, leaving Philippa Whitford and Sarah Owen to suggest she do the decent thing.  An economist on Daily Politics said the growth plan was gone and a labour government meant even higher spending.  Lisa Nandy replied theirs was growth plan, they’d be careful with every penny of public money and put more in people’s pockets.  Stephen Baker denied they’d wrecked the economy and ignored Lisa’s quizzing on listening to the OBR.  She spluttered, how dare you talk about waste when this government wasted billions, set fire to unusable PPE and wrote off covid fraud?  As he spewed more lies that society was to blame and nowt to do with 12 years of the tories, Lisa couldn’t believe what she heard.  After an interview with Baker, Channel 4 news anchor Kris Guru-Murthy muttered “what a cunt.”  Taken off air for a week, Baker said sacking him would be a public service but then accepted an apology.

In a fatal blow, Swellen resigned over sending official docs from her private e-mail and wrote she owned her mistake, unlike the PM: “pretending we haven’t made mistakes, carrying on as if everyone can’t see we have made them…hoping things magically come right is not serious politics.”  Phil erroneously thought it showed integrity.  43 days as Home Sec the least since the Duke of Wellington, Grant Shats, who’d criticised Truss 2 days before, stepped in.  Seen as a confidence vote, tories were whipped to oppose a labour bill banning fracking Wednesday evening.  Amid fracking chaos, Rees-Moggy marched MPs through the ‘no’ lane.  Chris Bryant accused him of bullying.  Chief whip Wendy Morton and deputy Craigy Babe (declaring “I don’t give a fuck anymore”) resigned.  On Jeremy Vine Thursday, 13-year old Casper grasped politics better than grown-ups saying: “If you don’t have a government with integrity, how can they govern properly?”  The fracas culminated in Truss standing at the lectern at 1.00 p.m.  Unable to deliver the mandate members elected her to deliver, she’d spoken to Kingy and resigned.  So much for fighting, not quitting!  ‘To maintain stability and continuity’(sic), she and Graham Brady agreed an expediated leadership election within a week – the shortest-serving PM ever didn’t even last that long.  Asked was it a dog’s dinner, Brady stammered, “Well, it’s certainly not a circumstance I would wish to see.”  Candidates needing at least 100 backers, there’d be only 2 by Monday.  Truss’ popularity at -70%, realising what a fuck-up they’d made, it was just as well members didn’t get to vote with 1/3 braying for Boris (whose popularity low was -55%).  International leaders had a good laugh and QT was shown live.  Rachel Johnson observed the Jeremy Vine lettuce outlived Truss.  Even the carefully-curated audience called for a general election except 4 calling for Boris, who had a proper mandate and was ‘hounded out’.  Tony Danker said if tories put country and economy first and stuck to C**t’s plan (which we didn’t yet know), they might have a chance.  Camilla Cavendish, FT, favoured Rishi as he went all the way with Truss!  All agreeing Keir was credible, he’d have no money to implement bold plans which Graham Stuart called unaffordable and unrealistic.  Jess Philips was flabbergasted a minister said labour would crash the economy when they’d just crashed the economy.  While true they didn’t know what they could afford thanks to Truss, they’d borrow to invest, not to cut the rich’s taxes.

Government loan interest at £7.7bn, inflation was back at 10.1%.  Food up 14.5%, it’d be more if it weren’t for petrol.  Shop sales dipped below pre-pandemic levels.  Calling it junk food, The Guardian featured web sellers of discounted out-of-date groceriesiii.  Wittily alluding to Swellen whingeing about support for strikers, they asked for money from ‘tofu-eating workerati’ (obviously part of the anti-growth coalition!)  At her last TUC conference, Frances O’Grady was angry at toxic tories, aka ‘Robin Hood in reverse’.  NHS and care workers leaving for better-paid jobs, those left couldn’t cope and were balloted.  More rail and tube strikes were announced for early November.  Anne-Marie Trevelyan wheeled out ostensibly to discuss laws enforcing minimum service on strike days, Mick Lynch advised she get on with sorting out the dispute.  CWU said PO strikes weren’t about pay but T&C changes, ‘uberising’ staff in secure, well-paid jobs into a ‘casualised, financially precarious workforce overnight’.  CGT asking for 10% rises, French oil, rail, teaching and hospital workers struck.  South Yorks trams would revert to public control in 2024.  6 towns already writing bids, drafting of the Great British Railways bill stopped – delayed or cancelled?   Keighley trialled noise-detecting cameras to spot needless engine revving and a joker chucked a microwave at a car in Gainsborough.  A crackdown on protests planned, TfL sought injunctions when Just Stop Oil blocked Park Lane Sunday and 2 protestors climbed up the QE bridge above the M25 Tuesday, to have fireworks thrown at them and get arrested when they descended, making a total of 150 during 2 weeks’ action.  On Jeremy Vine, Anne Widdecombe was in favour of running them over rather than shutting the road.  Friday, Harrods was sprayed orange and it was revealed Aileen Getty donated £900,000 to a Climate Emergency Fund giving some activists a ‘small income’.

The Pentagon wavering on funding Starlink, Elon Musk still gave the Ukrainian internet service £17.8m a month.  23 Iranian kamikaze drones shot down over Kyiv, 5 hit the ground.  The EU were ‘following closely’ as it may have broken the Iran nuclear deal.  30% of Ukrainian power stations hit, Vlod said negotiating with Vlad was no longer an option.  Martial law was declared in the 4 ‘Russian’ regions and civilians evacuated as Ukrainians advanced.  Suspended for sexual misconduct, labour MP Christian Matheson resigned.  Kevin Spacey was cleared in a civil case and faced a legal prosecution.  Daniel Craig became a Champion of The Order of St Michael & St George, emulating Ian Fleming – he’d come a long way from the feckless Geordie in Our Friends in the North.  An artisan at the National Glass Centre, Sunderland made a glass pumpkin.  Much better than firing real ones from a canon, like Essex farmer Ross McGowan.  What a waste!

Scary Monsters, Super Creeps

Colourful Woods

A stunning morning, wet roofs glistened and trees echoed an orange-yellow dawn Saturday 22nd.  Phil finished an early shift in time for a colourful woods walki.  Knackered after a total 20,000 steps, he rested.  Aching all over, I could’ve used one too but instead, edited photos and read family WhatsApp messages which crashed my phone.  A headache unfair after moderate drinking, I cheered up Sunday laughing at creepy Rees-Moggy living in the 18th century.  More overnight rain led to a dank day.  Disinclined to visit the pumpkin festival, I installed the Halloween tree and devised a Christmas card while Phil worked.  I had to shield him 3 times from spoilers of the feature-length Dr. Who until he’d watched it on iPlayer.

dull Monday spent on the phone to the surgery and British Gas, I haggled and stripped down the cover to halve the homecare quote.  Head done in by admin, I ironed piles of summer clothes.  The Metro app failed to load Tuesday, then updated to resemble all the other crap news sites.  Phil found a way to access puzzles but the dimensions were all wrong.  He disrupted kitchen chores bounding down the stairs shouting “there’s a chunk out the sun!”  No forewarning of an eclipse, I hurried up to view a semi-circular disc like a Pac-man bite.  Despite clouds and lens filters, my eyes became sore.  I switched to infra-red turning the sky magenta.  I left Phil preparing for work and ambled to the surgery wearing too many layers in unexpected warmth.  The GP had advised I see a nurse before a tele-appointment, but I got a different story from the receptionist.  The follow-up to discuss HRT would be with another nurse.  God knew how you got to actually see a GP nowadays!  Wearing a mask in the waiting room, no other patients did.  When the nurse eventually appeared, she informed me they were only compulsory for staff, asked a few questions and took my vitals.  Weighing less than last time, I said I’d been good, unlike with smoking.  My only worrying vice and not causing a cough, she posited “if you stop, you might get one.” “You’re not supposed to say that. You should encourage me!”  As she babbled on, I wasn’t surprised there’d been a delay – she could talk for England.  I dawdled to the co-op where gaps included the fab cheap exotic stuff -had it run out?  Paying at the kiosk, a fly crept along the counter.  “That came out of your wallet.” My Mate jibed. “Cheeky! What are you saying!”  Back home, I was startled by an e-mail from Valley Life.  The next deadline in a week’s time, it didn’t seem 5 mins since the last one.  Phil returned with a huge goody bag as the Ex-Landlady had stuffed in extras.  “She must think you need feeding up!”  We decadently ate some of the cream glut with tinned peaches.

Planning an earlier start, I’d set the alarm to be jolted from disturbed sleep Wednesday.  The trees glowed gold above parched fields.  Lolling on the couch, Phil whinged Shutterstock used the AI pic generator to mash up his photos then was magically ready – irksome as I’d rushed round all morning preparing for an outing.  We swerved roadworks where the workman was hard at it, drinking Lucozade and tapping his phone, crossed to the bus stop, paid £2 flat fares and chatted on the ride Up Tops.  Observing we’d miss the new PM’s first PMQs, we predicted a disparate cabinet descending into chaos, a reshuffle consisting of arse-licking creeps and another coup – watch this space!  We alighted to walk into The Crags, admire effervescent woodland, bag almost-free apples and see a heron catching a fishi.  The longest jaunt for some time left us footsore, achy and muddy.  As I removed clarted jeans, I feared mucky bits on the rug came off me.  I  was glad of leftovers and more peaches and cream for dinner.

Effervescence

Blissfully asleep until Phil rose early Thursday, I dozed, felt iffy, changed bedding, recovered with coffee, edited the Valley Life article and went out with Walking Friend, dissuading her from heron-spotting in favour of the market.  A waste of time, I found a mere 2 of the sought toiletry items and was piqued by the man taking ages serving a couple.  In the Med Café, busy with half-term families, we discussed spice preferences and recent walks, including her misadventures with The Poet, over versions of brekkie.

Phil rang after work to see where we were and pull faces through the window.  His brekkie came quick and disappeared in his gob quick.  Doing more errands, we saw a heron on the weir – no need to go hunting after all!  In the large charity shop, we found a monopod and Armani jeans.  A tired Phil took then home.  My friend and I visited more charity shops and laughed at Noir crap.  “I can’t look. It hurts my eyes. People buy that shit. Scary!”  Walking her to the bus stop, I advised she opted into NI payments.  Overwhelmed by stuff to do Friday, I got upset struggling with the bath tap.  Phil came to help: “I thought you were actually crying.” “I was!”  Doing admin after lunch got fractious.  Trying to log onto online banking, the annoyingly hot, slow laptop found no internet.  I gave up and stomped to the kitchen to make apple cake and chutney.  Phil came to stir it up and prep jars.  Feeling calmer, we totted up household outgoings, freaked by the unavoidable sums.

Wobbly during the last weekend of October, I stayed in.  Saturday, we made butter from souring cream, taking turns shaking a jar until a butterball formed.  I left buttermilk straining through a filter paper to use for Yorkshire pud batter, while Phil did my hair.  Lunch involved a veritable country kitchen of 4 homemade items!  Sniffy all day, Phil took a hot lemon drink up for an afternoon rest before a seasonal dinner and creepy films.  Rain put me off going for knobbly veg Sunday.  Instead, I edited photos, worked on the Valley Life article, got head fug and cleaned the bathroom in fading light as the stupid bulb popped.  Phil got home from The Store with another bag of stuff – the benefits of working a late Sunday shift!

On Halloween, BBC breakfast said we should’ve got the first £66 under the energy bills support scheme.  Many on pre-paid meters hadn’t received vouchers, but I couldn’t fathom ours.  I re-checked accounts and rang BG to be in a 1½ hour queue.  On the 3rd attempt, an unintelligible Asian woman said I’d been transferred to BG evolve whatever that was.  On hold again, this time with no clue for how long, I conceded defeat, sent off the Valley Life article and posted blogs.  Then we both went out, him to work, me to the co-op.  Barely able to think with a cacophony of screeching kids, I raced out the back door.  A two-way traffic jam round the roadworks had cleared leaving an eerily empty road.  With no trick or treaters, I ate a lolly from a selection bag.  Late evening, my nose clogged and head drooped.  Phil asked why I pulled faces.  “I’m getting a cold. Your cold!”  Expunging nasty gunk overnight, proved me right this time.

Numbers stable, hospital admissions fell, 10 million had autumn boosters and statins reduced deaths from severe covid by 37%.  Flu down the last 2 years due to less face-licking, the 2022 season started early.  High rates for under 5’s. those eligible were urged to get jabs. Taking over Llandudno and evading contraception during covid restrictions, the increased goat population ate hedges, slept in bus shelters and brawled in carparks.  The council set up a task force to move them back up the Great Orme but they clearly preferred town life.  30 new cases this month, 2.3m farm birds infected with Avian flu by their wild cousins were culled, a nationwide prevention zone imposed and vaccines researched.

Boris flew back from yet another Caribbean holiday Monday 24th to drop out of the leaders race, saying he had support but it wasn’t the right time and he couldn’t unite the party.  Yeah right! Nowt to do with the privileges committee inquiry!  Rishi became the first British Asian PM by default on Diwali.  Mainstream media didn’t mention the partial solar eclipse (another bad omen) as Trussed-UP inanely spoke Tuesday, not ruing dragging us to the brink: ‘I’m right you’re all wrong’.  Off to the funny farm, Liz!

Heron Fishing

Rishi met Kingy.  Orating on unity and stability in tough times, he ‘fully appreciated’ how hard things were, pledged “a stronger NHS, better schools, safer streets, control of our borders, protecting our environment, supporting our armed forces and levelling up.”  David Farquharson made a Truss dog toy.  Shipped at a cost of £3,500 after she resigned, it served him right for getting them from China!  He hoped ‘politically incorrect’ retailers would buy them.

Brexiteers on Romford market wanted Boris back and Scarborough chippies whinged staff shortages curbed opening hours, even in peak season.

The C**t, Wally, Babadook and Uncleverly stayed in post, Glove-Puppet returned to level up, Steve Barclay became health sec and Coffee-Cup moved to environment.  Rees-Moggy was replaced by Shats, Dowdy became cabinet sec, Gillian Keegan ed sec, and Rabid Raab deputy PM and justice sec- replacing Swiss Toni who sorted out the barristers dispute created by Raab (not widely reported, they got the 15% pay rise) and Swellen returned as home sec.  Labour crowed, Boris might not be back but his cabinet was.  Accused of doing a grubby deal, Rishi defended her re-appointment.  As Jake Berry revealed she broke the code lots, labour called on Simon Case to investigate.  On QT, David Lammy said Rishi had no mandate, awful Hartley-Brewer said the NHS couldn’t save lives, and Lucy Fraser lied there were 46 new hospitals.  A nurse in the audience wanted better facilities not more hospitals.  Armand Iannucci wondered where the social care plan Boris had at the start of his tenure was, blamed Brexit for staff shortages and 16-year-old interns for writing bad policy.  Newscast replaced by another programme of nattering men in suits, I watched last week’s on iPlayer wherein Keir said it was better to be boring rather than exciting and create a scary Truss-like mess.

The Glove-puppet took a weekend off clubbing to tell Laura K. Swellen had integrity, would be great at her job, and make promises on extra help for households.  Excerpts from the biography revealed that as foreign sec, Trussed-Up was more interested in selfies for socials than being briefed before meetings.  Laughing at her rider comprising posh espresso, chilled Sauvignon Blanc and no mayo, Spreadsheet Phil preferred to go with the flow.  At a special Stormont sitting on deadline day, Michelle O’Neil complained Jeffrey Donaldson’s refusal to power-share ‘til the Northern Ireland protocol was scrapped, a ‘failure of leadership’.

The Halloween fiscal statement delayed, the Beeb went to Creepy Crawley and Rabid Raab insisted it’d ensure it ‘stood the test of time’ and OBR forecast accuracy.  They predicted the total cost of the government bail-out would’ve been £2.2 bn.  On the day Kingy 50p coins were minted, former BOE boss Lord Mervyn King blamed the bigger boys, i.e., global banks, for printing money and over-borrowing during the pandemic.  In favour of slow growth, he feared cuts worsening the situation.  Octopus bought Bulb which collapsed last November.  Ofcom encouraged internet providers to put customers before profits.  Dipping into reserves for day-to-day costs, schools were running out of money.  Threatened with legal action by South Yorks mayor for asset-stripping Robin Hood airport, Peel Group denied claims of a ‘credible buyer’.  Ambulance workers joined nurse ballots, while an NHS recruitment drive aimed to replace 40,000 who quit last year.  2,000 Scotrail drivers and Avanti managers struck over rosters, Stagecoach staged more talks in Hull, Co-op Funeralcare coffin-makers in Glasgow started a week’s strike and announced more in November.

Only 29 of 193 countries meeting COP26 commitments, Guterres feared global catastrophe but was optimistic rumours of UK targets being ditched weren’t true.  Rishi said he wouldn’t go to COP27 due to more ‘pressing domestic commitments’.  What on earth was more important?  Labour called ousting Alok Sharma from cabinet, despite going to hand over the presidency, a failure of leadership, and Caroline Green said it made a mockery of government claims on climate leadership.  Coffee-cup disrespectfully told LBC: “The UK continues to show global leadership as opposed to just a gathering of people in Egypt.”  Dead crustaceans littered the North East coast (was it algae or pollution?) and Southern Water spewed sewage into the sea at St. Agnes, Cornwall.  Frank Spencer spewed platitudes on making progress.

More of the foreign aid budget spent on refugees in the UK than abroad, none of the 38,000 channel-crossers had asylum decisions.  The Home Office unable to cope, conditions at Manston processing centre left inspector David Neal ‘speechless’.  66 year-old Andrew Leak threw petrol bombs and fireworks at the Western Jet Foil camp in Dover then killed himself.  Islamophobic rants found on his Facebook page, terror police investigated.  Amid fire damage, 700 were bussed to Manston, plagued by MRSA, scabies and diphtheria.  Children screamed ‘freedom!’ over the fence.  In the Commons, Yvette Coop accused Swellen of ‘working outside the law’ not providing extra hotel accommodation. Swellen retorted we needed to know which party was serious about stopping the ‘invasion’.  Many of them allegedly recruited by criminal gangs in French camps, we should ‘stop pretending’ they were refugees in distress.  How did she know if they weren’t processed?  Swellen promised the 10,000 Albanians would be dealt with ‘within days’.  The system broken and illegal migration ‘out of control’, she was on the side of getting a grip.  The opposition guffawed at her incompetence.  Also quizzed on breaking the ministerial code, Tulip Siddiq referred Swellen to FCA.

Xi Jinping became the first Chinese leader re-elected for a third term since Mao. Sergey Naryshkin of the Russian spy service denied Kremlin nuclear bombast, saying it was all Western rhetoric.  He’d warned colleagues in Turkey, USA and France of Ukrainian plans to use ‘dirty bombs’.  With no evidence, it was an obvious red flag.  A huge Israeli raid in Nablus, West Bank wounded 21 Palestinians and killed 5.  3 were members of The Lion’s Den independent militia.  Trump was subpoenaed over the Capitol Hill debacle, 6th January 2021.  Bolsonaro lost the Brazil presidency to Da Silva but didn’t concede defeat, a la Trump.  At the biggest Halloween fest since before the pandemic in Seoul, 150,000 including a K-Pop star, died crushing to see a celeb.  Riots and fireworks set Dundee on fire.  Great Balls of Fire crooner Jerry Lee Lewis died.  The dirtiest man in the world perished after having a wash.  Villagers in Dejgah, Iran, persuaded 94 year old hermit ‘Amou Haji’ who ate roadkill and smoked animal poo, to shower.  Musk’s Twitter take-over complete, he sacked execs and promised radical change (i.e., allowing toxic ‘free speech’ and charging for blue ticks).  Adidas ended their deal with Ye over antisemitism.  Losing his billionaire status, he was worth a mere £400m.  Yesus! My heart bleeds!

Notes:

*Britannia Unchained: Global Lessons For Growth And Prosperity. Kwasi Kwarteng, Pritti Patel, Dominic Raab, Chris Skidmore & Liz Truss

**Out of The Blue: The Inside Story of the Unexpected Rise and Rapid Fall of Liz Truss. Harry Cole & James Heale

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iii. Cheap food links: https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2022/oct/15/cheap-deli9cious-and-only-three-years-out-of-date-my-week-of-eating-food-past-its-best-before; https://cheapfood.co.uk/; https://www.rogerswholesalefoods.co.uk/

Part 103 – Ship Of Fools

“(They) broke the law and took us all for mugs. If they had any decency they would be gone by tonight” (Lobby Akinnola)

April Fools

Haiga – Threshold

The world ran by a bunch of fools, we didn’t mark the 1st of the month with April Fools jokes.  The grocery bill was mercifully not too hefty but the bags were.  I cursed not asking for Phil’s help lugging them home.  Motivated by persons unknown sweeping the steps at the side of the house, I cleared the gutter Saturday, failing to unblock the end.  Cloudy all weekend, at least it didn’t rain during the free Crossings walk and workshop Sunday.  In the art shed carpark, The Leader made introductions and dished out notebooks.  We set off on familiar paths, noting a profusion of daffodils absent from the riverside 2 weeks ago, along with wood anemones.  Returning on the lesser-travelled Crows path, a walker’s action volunteer related its rescue from developers by residents 12 years ago.  Back at base, we got free tea and cake.  Amazed such project funding still existed, Phil ate 3 pieces.  The workshop proved inspiring although I remained sceptical about the over-use of descriptions.  Featuring heavily in creative writing these days, I suspected it featured in university courses.  Later, I selected photos for the project showcase including a haiga.i

The covid rate at 1:13, Prof Naismith said we were all likely to have BA.2 by summer.  Easter hols starting for some, chaos ensued at ferry terminals and airports.  Officially blamed on absence and covid checks, the shortages were also due to furloughed staff leaving.  Security checks on 220 new recruits awaited, passengers missed flights at Manchester airport and boss Karen Not-So-Smart resigned.  45 buses and 2 Red Cross trucks headed to besieged Mariupol.  Evacuation underway at last, a photo-journalist got shot.  The Pope criticised ‘dictatorial leaders’ and said the world couldn’t ignore the migrant crisis.  As the Oscars academy continued with disciplinary procedures, Will Smith resigned.

Barely able to move Monday morning, after 10 minutes stretching, I got back in bed.  Phil looked offended when I didn’t laugh at his larks but I felt too awful.  I made a big effort to fetch coffee and the laptop.  Going up and downstairs exhausting, pains shot through my head and I became tearful.  Covid infections still rising, the list of symptoms now included fatigue, exhaustion, aching, headaches, sore throats, shortness of breath, blocked or runny nose, loss of appetite, diarrhoea and nausea.  So all of them!  Wondering if I had it, Phil reckoned they were symptoms of living in England.  In fact, additions were to stop people going to work with flu.  Feeling overwhelmed by a ‘to do’ list, I posted the haiga, dispatched photos for the showcase, and worked on blogs.  Except mealtimes, I stayed abed for 3 dull days.

5-11 year olds were offered low dose jabs.  Oil terminal blockades by Just Stop Oil and XR into a third day, 100 protestors were arrested in Kingsbury.  Lucy Powell called the privatisation of Channel 4 ‘cultural vandalism’.  Tracy Brabin feared for Leeds jobs and ‘We Own It’ told Dreadful Doris to keep her hands off.

Less head pain and a bit cheerier Tuesday, I posted an entry on Cool Placesii , stopping writing when head fug set in.  Phil went to the co-op.  Another power cut meant no fresh milk or veg.

The covid Situation in Shanghai ‘extremely grim’, citizens suffered lockdowns and online food shortages.  After visiting Bucha, Vlod addressed the UN security council, saying the worst war crimes since WW2 merited Nuremberg-style trials.  Russian rep Vasily Nebenzya dismissed footage as fake and pro-Putin broadcaster Vlad Solovyov said they chose the name because it sounded like butcher.  Red paint was poured in the propagandist’s Italian villa pools.  Back after a glitch, Jeremy Vine appeared with hand-written signs. As Cuadrilla were given another year to explore fracking in Lancashire, Mike Gammon claimed reports of tremors were Russian propaganda.  Err, no, it’s you believing in conspiracy nonsense!

Eking the last of the fresh milk, Phil made porridge on Wednesday and went to the other shop.  Working on ‘Home from Home’ (see Cool Places 2iii) took most of my day.  After ineffectual quiet time, I went to the kitchen and panicked when I saw no milk, then spotted it in a bag.  Prepping dinner together a bit fraught, I left him to it and dossed on the sofa.  As he sent off photos for the showcase, he asked me to check details but I said it was far too late to think and went back to bed.

While Boris defended the National Insurance rise to fund the NHS and Goblin Saj pressed patients to return, 6 Yorkshire hospitals warned them to stay away from A&E, unless dying.  In the latest sanctions, the UK added 8 Russian oligarchs to the list, froze Sberbank and Credit Bank of Moscow’s assets, banned outward investment and iron and steel imports, and vowed to stop coal imports by the end of the year.  Sanctioning Russian PM Mikhail Mishustin and Putin’s 2 daughters Maryia Putina and Katerina Tikhonova, the US also cut off links with Sberbank as well as Alfa Bank.

Better but lacking energy Thursday, we were sat on the sofa when Phil noticed a reply from the Crossings workshop leader, even though he’d only sent his photos the night before.  I was incensed until I saw she’d e-mailed me too.  Supplies low, I headed to the market in the nithering wind.  What a load of rubbish!  No loo roll or fish, I got a few veg and went in the convenience store to find reduced chicken and bacon, so not a completely wasted trip.

The energy strategy mainly featured hydrogen, offshore wind and nuclear power.  Great British Nuclear had a target to fulfil 25% of demand by 2060, building a power station a year.  There was a £30m competition to make heat pumps, and a new round of licensing for north sea oil and gas from autumn, despite UN calls for rapid cuts in fossil fuel use.  Onshore wind unpopular, it was encouraged with discounts for affected communities.  Keir called it too little too late and: “a cobbled together list of things that should have been done over the last 10 to 12 years…(and) doesn’t even tackle important things like insulating homes…”  Kwarteng had already ordered a report into the science and impact of fracking, but said the pause in extraction would stay unless new evidence showed it was ‘safe, sustainable and of minimal disturbance…’  A 23-mile lorry queue at Dover caused chaos on roads surrounding the M20.  Suspended P&O crossings were blamed – nowt to do with Brexit!  UNHRC threw Russia out.  Ukrainian Foreign minister Dmytro Kuleba begged for weapons to save lives and prevent the war spilling over into other territories.  Beloved Mr Ben creator David McKee died.  My tiny kid-fish brain never clocked there were only 13 episodes!

No Joke

Haiga – The Artist

Friday, I worked on the journal and waited impatiently in the co-op for a man dithering and a cashier fiddling with buttons.  Coming to help, Phil had a cheeky search for long-gone chocolate slabs on the easter display.  Finding none, he said he’d have to go elsewhere but with 3 bars at home, I told him not to bother.  Rising from a siesta, a marked drop in temperature presaged a loud crack of thunder followed by large balls of ice – thunder hail!  It soon turned to rain.  Enjoyment of dinner was marred by Phil telling me Rishi Rich was technically a US resident until recently, thus not paying UK tax.  The scum held a Green Card until October 2021!  He demanded an enquiry into the source of the leak.  The opposition demanded ministers declared their residency status.  Meanwhile, Ms. Murthy said she “understood the British sense of fairness”, coughed up UK tax on her income but remained a non-dom.

Covid rates still high across the UK, they rose in the Yorkshire region to 1:12, but fell slightly in Scotland.  Thousands in hospital but not on ventilators, ONS said it was too soon to say infections were levelling off.  A Russian missile hit a train station in Kramatorsk, killing 50 trying to evacuate before a full-scale offensive.

Phil answered a door knock early Saturday to be handed an easter ‘goody bag’ from the local carers’ group.  Containing a fleece blanket, thermometer, first aid kit, jelly sweets, greetings card, fluffy chick and chocolate bar (making 4 in total), it resembled an elderly care package.  Phil joked about sticking the thermometer up his bum.  I cleaned the living room and he overhauled the kitchen lights, then rested in a bid to ease tummy ache.  His discomfort persisted into Sunday.  That didn’t stop him coming foraging in nearby woods.  At the wild garlic patch, two women approached from below.  Fearing competition, I pretended to take aim but they didn’t stop.  Celandine nestled among the extended crop, creating a salad of yellow and green.  After filling a bag, I picked up a couple of excellent twisty red branches, perfect for hanging decorative easter eggs.  Keeping to the lower meandering path, we magically saw a couple of deer chasing each other.  The Victorian stairways carpeted with crunchy leaves inspired the week’s haiga (for a fuller description, see Cool Places).

P&O said there’d be no Dover ferries until at least Friday.  Stuck in queues and losing thousands a day, meat exporters called for the prioritisation of fresh produce.  Boris went to walk the streets with Vlod and wave – why was he so popular in Kyiv?  As he travelled by car, helicopter, military plane and train, a convoy of Russian tanks headed for Donbas.  The Oscars harshly banned Will Smith for 10 years.

After posting the haiga Monday,  Phil helped evict a mini zoo of larvae and spiders from the bathroom.  Having not fixed the mini mixer, he made wild garlic pesto in the pestle and mortar.

High infection rates having a ‘major impact’, The NHS Confederation felt abandoned and urged government to rethink the ‘living with covid’ plan, reintroduce mitigation, and reinvigorate the public info campaign with renewed focus on mask-wearing and gathering outdoors.  A Number 10 spokesperson said no; thanks to vaccinations, treatments and better understanding, it could be managed similarly to other viruses.

The Tuesday top-up shop was astronomical again.  Was it due to small seasonal additions or rampant inflation?  The Widower looked bemused by easter eggs.  I advised on vegan options for his granddaughter.  The weighty bags made my shoulder ache but it eased off after an unusual 5 minutes afternoon kip.

Smart Energy GB found rising costs led to habit changes and a UCL survey found us more worried by money (38%) than covid (33%).  Anxiety and depression levels the highest for 11 months, 51% didn’t feel in control of their mental health.  Unemployment fell to 3.8%, but with 76,000 economically inactive, there weren’t more jobs.  The Met issued 30 more Partygate FPNs – Boris, Rishi and Carrie Antoinette were included for The Bumbler’s birthday bash.  Apologising, he said he only went for 10 minutes and didn’t know it was a party.  “He should contest the fine then,” advised Phil, “that would be hilarious in court!”  The first sitting PM ever to be exposed breaking the law, the most Covid fines issued in a single street or workplace and more to come, it confirmed Downing Street was full of crooks.  Keir said they’d broken the law, repeatedly lied to the British public, were totally unfit to govern and should resign.  Lobby Akinnola of Bereaved Families agreed they had no authority, took us all for mugs and would be gone by nightfall if they had any decency.  Approval ratings plummeting, Boris reportedly begged Rishi to stay to save Big Dog.  Operation Red Meat looked more like mincemeat!  Evil kids cartoon villain Michael Fabricant subsequently compared it to nurses having a cheeky post-shift drink, justice minister Lord Wolfson resigned and our MP Craigy Babe said they must go.  They didn’t.

Wednesday, I baked an easter cake and wrote.  Not seeming long since the last submission, a message from Valley Life had taken me by surprise.  I considered the feature almost finished but sifting e-mails later in the week, noticed a word limit increase.  How had I missed that for a whole year?  I checked with The Owner who also passed on lovely feedback from ‘a neighbour’.  Probing revealed it to be The Widower.  As earlier rain cleared, I’d have loved an evening walk if I wasn’t dead tired.  Instead, we watched a programme on BBC4 about Stonehenge’s removal from Wales – not stolen as the Welsh claimed, but taken by migrants.

Inflation rose to 7%.  With pre-tax profits of £2.03 billion, Tesco gave staff 1.5% ‘thank you’ bonuses for coping with pandemic, supply chain and inflation challenges.  Pay rises would come in July.  Uncle Joe accused Putin of genocide and the presidents of Poland, Lithuania, Latvia and Estonia visited Vlod.

Waking with a scratchy throat for the third morning running Thursday, Echinacea banished it.  Opening the bedroom window, I heard then saw 2 typhoon jets zig-zagging over the next hill.  The laptop misbehaving even after a restart, I persevered with writing but got head fug and hung washing on the line.  Decorating Neighbour was sweeping the street.  I asked if he’d done the steps.  “I don’t go that far.” The co-op bustling, I forgot essential items.  Counsellor Friend was stocking up before joining the great easter getaway.  With no P&O ferries, railway engineering and airport queues, I wished her luck!  Having a nightmare with veg falling on the floor and a cluttered sink, Phil eventually helped.  Knackered, I bemoaned an almost-gone afternoon.  An item in metro on easter laughter disappointingly contained no actual jokes.

UK covid infections fell except Wales, for the first time in 6 weeks, suggesting the surge of BA.2 had passed the peak.  Bonnie Prince Charlie gave out Maundy Money on behalf of the queen.  The latest madcap scheme to deal with dinghy crossings involved putting the navy in charge of the channel and sending migrants to Rwanda.  Copied off Denmark, there were only 100 places under the ‘migration and economic development partnership’ aka offshoring single black men.  Boris said the plan was possible because of Brexit freedoms but conceded it could be legally challenged.  Keir called it unworkable, extortionate and an attempt to distract from Partygate.  Phil mused it might not put people off: “After all, we’re always being told to ‘Visit Rwanda’ on the footie!”  However, interviewees in a Dunkirk camp maintained the crossing was risky but they’d risked much already and pointed out accepting Ukrainians into our homes was double-standards – touché!  The First of stricter UK reception centres at RAF Linton-on-Ouse slated to ‘open soon’, bewildered villagers were up in arms at no consultation.  More sanctions were announced by the UK and EU, against Russian oligarchs who propped up the so-called Donetsk and Luhansk People’s Republic. Imports of iron and steel and exports of quantum tech were banned.

Bridge of Sighs

Haiga – Inner Voice

After I was asked if the photos I sent for the Crossings expo were mine even with my name on, Good Friday, Phil was asked which object he’d written about.  “Can that writing woman not read?” I sighed.  He went shopping for the items I’d forgotten and flowers.  As he tried to put them in a vase, I took over while he toasted hot cross buns for a hasty lunch.  The beautiful roses stayed fresh-looking for over 2 weeks.  Wending up to the upland village, we stopped in the playing fields where Phil allowed a rare snap, later garnering several ‘likes’ on FB.  In time for a mid-afternoon performance, It was lovely to see the Pace Egg play after a 2-year absence, and also the kids and grandkids of Deceased Friend, for their traditional family get-together.  Viewing obstructed, hearing became impossible during the final act because of the chattering classes.  What was the point of going if they were more interested in bragging about themselves than listening?  We made a hasty getaway and were heading downhill when Phil decided he needed a snack from the burger stall outside the pub.  Hearing music, we wandered into the beer garden.  Phil commandeered the one free table while I got the second pints of the day.  As the novelty act doing bad cover versions wore thin, we retreated to the penfold.  A man with 2 dogs hovered at the entrance before letting one loose to run round in an ellipse.  He denied that explained rutted soil beneath a picnic bench.  Methinks he lied!  Despite extreme tiredness, night-time sleep was mediocre.

The next day, the Crossings expo preview invite landed in my in-box but not Phil’s.  Narked at doing ‘work’ at the weekend, Phil said it wasn’t work. “It is for them, and on Easter Saturday to boot!”  Still tired, I stayed home, hung sheets on the line and cleaned.  Meaning to garden in the nice weather, I seemed to run out of time and mislaid flower seed packets.  Phil popped to the shops.  Town rammed with drinkers but no more than expected, we didn’t understand why this weekend was picked to hold a hipster beer festival.  While he was out, I hastily made him a card featuring early spring blooms.

Spring Blooms Card

Birds tweeted in grey pre-dawn light Sunday.  I sighed grumpily, wondering what they had to be so cheerful about and turned over until hazy sunlight made sleeping impossible.  Dull-headed, I forgot it was easter, then remembered to print the card and give it to Phil with a pack of Haribo’s.  He felt bad getting me no confectionary until I reminded him we had stacks of chocolate and he got me flowers.

To refresh fuddled brains, we took a leisurely stroll west on the canal, avoiding squawking geese protecting their nests, admiring showy tulips and chatting to The Biker outside his houseboat.  Complementing the restoration of his granddad’s plane, we agreed they didn’t make tools like that anymore.  A sign on the chicken farm honesty box helpfully informed us turkey eggs were like hens eggs but bigger!  Tempted by a promise of refreshments in the pavilion, we stepped onto the diminutive stone bridge to the cricket club.  No match on, it was closed.  We rested on an equally picturesque bridge near the lock.  Serving also as a crossing point, an arrow indicating Warland, prompted Phil to invent a film plot wherein puritan villagers refused to accept the civil war was over.

Archbishop Welby called the Rwanda ploy ‘ungodly’.  Responding in The Times, Nasty Patel said it was ‘bold and innovative’ and challenged anyone to come up with a better idea.  How about opening safe, legal routes for migrants?  Charities lambasted the Nationality and Borders Bill for not preventing child trafficking.  Theresa May later added she couldn’t support the policy on the grounds of ‘legality, practicality and efficacy’ as it split families and encouraged trafficking of women and children.  Patel refused to reveal eligibility criteria.  Gammons were incensed at small print allowing Rwandans to come to the UK in exchange.

The laptop very noisy Monday, Phil stopped the daft MS newsfeed.  Accompanied by music, I started spring cleaning the study, finding the mislaid wildflower seeds behind the desk.  Outside planting one in a pot, a neighbour from across the way asked if I knew which cat visited her garden.  “They all look the same to me!”  Unbelievably, The Great Escape was the best bank holiday film on telly all weekend, apart from Barabbas.

Face-masks no longer mandatory but ‘strongly advised’ in Scotland, spotted without one at a barbers, Sturgeon was again called a hypocrite.  Police had words.  In their latest covid wave, Shanghai reported 3 deaths bringing the overall total to 4,641 – still lots less than the UK.  Shats launched the gimmicky half-price rail tickets wheeze with a cheesy YouTube videoiv.

Tuesday a boring round of chores, writing and shopping, in the evening, I returned a missed call from Aunty.  She liked the old postcards of her locality I’d sent her with easter greetings.  Found in a charity shop, I promised to send more if they turned up.  Using the last of the bargain chicken to make soup, we’d got 4 dinners for £2.50  (and a lunch).  The affordable alternative to veganism!

Swiss Toni said Boris’ FPN was like getting a speeding ticket.  Ed Davey spluttered that was ‘an insult to bereaved families’.  Alastair Campbell contested the claim Blair got a speeding fine while in office, pointing out security disallowed driving.  It later emerged The Bumbler racked up £4,000 in speeding tickets while at GQ magazine.  In the commons, he repeatedly apologised to MPs, acknowledged the ‘hurt and anger caused’, but insisted it didn’t occur to him it breached rules.  Keir said he dragged everyone down to his level.  Saying he wasn’t worthy of holding office, Mark Harper publicised a letter to the 1922 committee.  Referral to the Privileges Committee and more fines imminent, ministers repeated pleas to await the full Sue Gray report.  The economic forecast bleak with the war and covid, the IMF judged the impact on the UK particularly severe with growth down to 1.2% in 2023 because of the ‘triple whammy’ of fuel, food and tax rises.  ¾ of civil servants still working from home, Rees Moggy told them to go back to the office.  The missive including tables of who was working where, FDA union’s Dave Penman said ministers were ‘vindictive’ and behaving like luddites’, when the private sector embraced flexible working.

On PMQs Wednesday, Boris conveyed 96th birthday greetings to the queen and informed us he was going to India.  Keir said once the cameras were off for the public apology, Boris went to his backbenchers to privately blame everyone else and say Welby wasn’t critical enough of Putin, when actually the archbishop said the Ukraine invasion was ‘an act of great evil’.  He invited the PM to apologise for slander, getting a flat ‘no’ in response.   Ian Blackford claimed 82% of Scots thought Boris lied.  While the commons debated the Buildings Safety Bill, protestors complained it didn’t help everyone affected by the cladding scandal.

The NOA found government departments uncoordinated on foreign travel rules with no assessment of the impact on the industry.  1:9 workers in insecure jobs, Frances O’Grady joined Zero Hours Justice’s Julian Richer and Living Wage Foundation’s Katharine Chapman to criticise delaying the Employment Bill announced in 2019: “Boris Johnson has done nothing to show he is serious about upgrading workers’ rights,” she said.  1.5 million cancelled streaming subs.  Prime and Netflix the last to go, did it explain splitting the current season of popular Ozark?  Just Eat and gambling firm 888 also haemorrhaged customers. A longitudinal study confirmed what I already knew – anti-depressants didn’t improve long-term quality of life.

Holed up in the Azovstal Steel works, Mariupol die-hards worried they were in their final hours and Vlod offered to exchange them for captured Russian soldiers.  The next day, Putin claimed victory in the city and ordered a ring around the steel plant.  Moscow tested a new ICBM to make anyone threatening them ‘think twice’.  Satan 2 wasn’t yet ready for deployment.  The Inflow of oil and gas profits bolstering the Rouble, Germany planned to stop using Russian energy products by the end of the year.  Wimbledon banned Russian and Belarussian tennis players.

Thursday, I tweaked the Valley Life article, cleaned the bedroom and hung sheets on the line.  Bright and breezy, they twisted up but dried quick.  Phil went to Leeds just after I went to town for a whizz round shops.  Picking up bin-end wine and a ½-price easter egg, I waited in the convenience store for a man chucking stuff in a sack.  What looked like a big shop, was actually parcels for delivery.  Wanting to linger in sun, pedestrian areas were fully occupied thanks to school hols.  A dumb couple stood on the bridge, commenting on the number of bridges.  ‘Err, there are rivers, you morons!’ I muttered.  I went home to weed the garden.  The Widower walked his dog past.  Enquiring how he was coping, he replied ‘okay’.  The underlying sigh belied his brave face. Thanking him for his nice words to Valley Life, he said they weren’t ‘nice’, but true.  How lovely!  Out of breath and fatigued, I went to lie down and retired early for a bath that night.  Suffering insomnia, the meditation tape eventually sent me into unrefreshing sleep.

The Valneva vaccine was approved for UK use, making 6 in total.  A man tested covid-positive on 505 consecutive days before dying, suggesting variants could evolve in persistent cases.  Medics wanted better treatments for the vulnerable.  While Boris posed in a turban, William Wragg echoed other back-benchers sick of defending the indefensible.  A motion to refer Boris to the Privileges Committee carried without a vote.  Designs to put the investigation on hold until police inquires concluded, were scrapped.  The Met said no fines would be issued before elections 5th May because of ‘restrictions around communicating’.  Local candidates included Freedom Alliance – Stop the Great Reset.  Their concerns of a global public-private partnership had some validity but not the conspiracy view that covid was a mechanism to control us all!

Sinking Ships

Crossings Exhibit – Installation

Phil had even less shuteye so we both felt unrest Friday.  Rushing out, we barely paused to greet new people on the street or admire profusive spring flowers.  At the Crossings show preview, project workers and the workshop leader directed us to our group’s work on the outer walls of small sheds.  We acknowledged fellow participants and extricated ourselves from an over-friendly acquaintance.  Of other exhibits, children’s print work stood out.  One kid made a print of Blackpool, cos nothing says nature like Blackpool!

Crossings Exhibit – Blackpool Print

We congratulated the friendly printer responsible on training the next generation.  Outdoor displays featuring wood, natural paint and ceramics, were much easier to photograph than indoors where pictures were defaced by reflections.

Art appreciation over, we followed a sign to ‘The Crags’.  Previously unexplored, we climbed the curated curious before a protracted return route.  A flagging Phil griped of miles to go so we switched to an upper path.  I went home to unshod hot, tired feet.  He went to the shop, ran into the over-friendly acquaintance again and got yet more ½-price easter eggs (for a fuller description, see Cool Places).

Wanting a trade deal by Diwali, Boris hinted at more immigration from India into high skilled jobs in return for reduced tariffs on British machinery.  He also pledged to help them build fighter jets to lessen reliance on Russia but didn’t push Nodi on neutrality.  At the JCB plant in Gujarat, owned by tory donor Lord Bamford, he didn’t mention the destruction of Muslim’s homes by their bulldozers.

Drained after a long afternoon out, I stayed home Saturday apart from a trip to the co-op.  Very quiet for a weekend, there was hardly any veg but plenty of oil, despite reports of rationing.  Along with potatoes, cereal and chicken feed, it apparently all came from Ukraine.  Nowt to do with Brexit or P&O ferries!  Was the war also responsible for HRT shortages?  At the kiosk, my mate’s eyebrows shot up as a colleague told him his pregnant partner wanted a gender reveal party.  I observed: “but what if it doesn’t want to be that gender? ‘How very dare you assume my gender before I’m even born?’ It would say.”  An eavesdropping woman added: “Nothing surprises me anymore!”(see Tales from the Co-opv).

On Sunday Morning, the hideous Piers Morgan said firms had a dilemma balancing staff being in offices and at home.  Oliver Dowdy maintained Boris gave a ‘clear explanation’ of events leading to fines and we should balance that with other matters.  In an unfortunate analogy, he said the PM still had ‘fuel in the tank to deliver for this country’.  Asked how much more of the ‘drip, drip’ they could withstand, he blathered about focusing on the national security crisis.  What was he on about? The war was in Ukraine not the UK!

We went in search of blossom in the park.  At various stages of growth, some had already blown off and dandelions outnumbered the cherry.  Having noted the music café was rebranded ‘Charlie’s – not attracting the young hip crowd, but OAPs supping a nice cup of tea – we investigated other changes in town.  With a closed bank now a daft pub, several ice cream sellers and a pointless melts outlet, Phil remarked: “It’s full of people from out of town selling crap to people from out of town – like a northern Cotswolds!”  However, we got more bin-end wine and bargain easter eggs (the most I’d ever had, even in childhood).  Coming back, we came across German Friend and empathised on the struggles of processing the passing of friends.

Some tories told MOS that Rayner, lacking Boris’ Etonian debating skills, distracted him by crossing and uncrossing her legs at PMQs.  What tripe!  She could make mincemeat of him!  She tweeted: ‘Women in politics face sexism and misogyny every day…This is the latest dose of gutter journalism..”  She later added it was classist too.  A colleague said: “Just when you think the Conservative party can’t get any lower they outdo themselves. (They) clearly have a problem with women in public life.”  Even Boris decried the piece.  Meanwhile, 56 sex misconduct allegations included 3 cabinet ministers and 2 shadows.  As ship Albatroz sunk, 47 barrels of diesel created  a slick, threatening The Galapagos’ giant turtles.

Haiga – Impressions

Wobbly and heavy headed, I started to exercise Monday morning, when a throat niggle progressed to my ear and nose.  Annoyed at a second bout of illness that month, Phil reckoned I’d caught covid at the art show.  Feasible, seeing as the last one immediately followed the workshop, but vile phlegm implied the usual sinus lark. 

Either way, it rendered me bed-ridden for much of the week, apart from essential chores and spells on the sofa. 

After posting a haiga and Cool Places updates, I got head fug and settled down with a book when Phil noisily announced he was going for a rest.  I ask you!  I slept for 1 minute.

Idiot Epstein informed Jeremy Vine that Rishi was rich because he was good with money.  Hmm – It’s easy to be good with money when you have piles to start with!  Rees-Moggy put memos on empty Whitehall desks saying ‘I look forward to seeing you in the office soon’.  In a rare moment of not talking claptrap, Dreadful Doris called the passive-aggressive bullying ‘Dickensian’.  Life expectancy down in deprived areas over the last 3 years, covid was partly blamed.  In Kyiv, Lloyd Austin and Anthony Blinken said ‘Ukraine is succeeding’ and promised more munitions.  Following weekend attacks on the Azovstal steel plant, Russian strikes targeted fuel and rail facilities.  After Micron was re-elected president of France, cops killed 3 protestors.

Tuesday, I okayed the Valley Life proof and worked on blogs.  Suffering brain fog, I stopped writing and submitted photos to the larger arts festival exhibition.  Phil went to the co-op.  Disturbed by the door slamming on his return and loud talking on the street below, so-called ‘quiet time’ was a write-off.  As he’d bought 3 kinds of spuds, I cooked loads for dinner, getting backache and narky.

The Bumbler convened Cabinet to invent ideas to address the cost of living crisis without spending extra money.  They came up with encouraging more uptake of child and pension credits, cutting import tariffs and childcare ratios and extending MOT’s to 2 years.  The Guardian accused them of trashing health and safety.  Boris threatened to privatise DVLA and the passport office.  Delightfully-named Ian Snowball, landlord of the Showtime bar, Huddersfield, faced a £6,000 fine for allowing a punter to sip ale while standing to play beer pong during restrictions.  Talk about disproportionality!  IPPR reported 400,000 quitting work due to ill health, leading to ‘terminally low productivity’.  Elon Musk bought twitter for $44 bn.  Right-wingers thrilled by the promise of less moderation, others feared more fake news, bigotry and conspiracy drivel.  After The Insolvency Service began criminal and civil proceedings over redundancies, shit-show P&O failed to further reduce wages.  Intending to restart the Dover-Calais ferry Spirit of Britain for freight from Wednesday, The European Causeway lost power half an hour from Larne and limped back.  As more weapons were sent to Ukraine, Serge warned of ‘world war by proxy’ and again raised the prospect of nuclear attacks.  Antonio Guterres went to Moscow, incensing Vlod by not visiting Kyiv first.

Barrels of Fun

Unappreciated Dandelions

Wednesday, I fetched the coffee, for which Phil tossed me 10p.  It disappeared like a crap magic trick.  At PMQs, Keir attacked the government’s approach to the cost of living crisis.  Boris threw out figures and metaphors.  Keir quipped that was his fab debating skills we’d heard about!  He then asked ironically if being the only country to raise taxes had made things better or worse?  Ian Blackford cited Trussell Trust research that 830,000 children depended on food parcels and urged him to look for ideas beyond the cabinet, such as raising child payments like in Scotland.  He could also have cited food parcel demand (up 44% in Yorkshire), 59% of the population making lifestyle changes to cut spending and 18% having no disposable income.  Cathy Gardner and Fay Harris won a high court case against PHE and The Cock for discharging untested patients to care homes where their dads’ died of covid.  Invited by Daisy Cooper to apologise, Boris insisted they didn’t know the virus was transmitted asymptomatically.  Court evidence proved otherwise.  A PHE paper passed to Sage early 2020 concluded ‘asymptomatic transmission cannot be ruled out’, another warned ‘pre-symptomatic transmission…constituted a very substantial proportion of all transmission,’ and top medic Pat Vallance said likewise on the Today Programme, 13th March.

Fatigued by the antics, I rested.  At least external noise was more ambient this time.  At coffee time, Phil cadged from my depleting filter supplies, saying he’d buy me more if I gave him 50p.  A bargain, I said he could have the 10p back, which had turned up among the sheets.

Rayner called Lord Geidt clearing Rishi of any wrongdoing an ‘utter whitewash’.  Editor David Dillon refused to meet Lindsay Hoyle.  Carol Brexit informed Jeremy Vine that 4 tories heard the Ashton MP jest about using her legs to distract Boris.  The Chief Whip promised action against a tory caught watching porn.  After letting rumours accusing others to circulate, Neil Parish was suspended Friday, said he got onto the porn site by accident looking for tractors but re-visited it, then resigned Saturday.  Following more EU sanctions against 50 oligarchs and companies including Gazprom, Russia cut the gas off to Bulgaria and Poland.  How did you sanction a company you traded with?  Greenpeace called imports of 1.9 million oil barrels since the start of the war, ‘utterly disingenuous’ when the UK vowed less reliance on Russian supplies.  GSK reported a £9.8 billion turnover in the first quarter, thanks in part to anti-viral drug Xevudy.  Meanwhile, treatments for tremors involved zapping neurons and the first person treated for Parkinson’s with a Deep Brain Stimulation implant, declared a miracle.  York councillors divested Prince Andy of Freedom of the City.

Eyes shutting while reading, I hoped to be less fatigued Thursday.  Sadly not.  Phil went to the market for bog paper (only loose rolls available) and fishy bits.  The shrimps were from Holland.  Full import checks on European goods further delayed, supermarkets were happy, but exporters facing red tape and ports having built unnecessary infrastructure, weren’t.  The benefits of Brexit eh, Moggy?  Was that taking back control?

A tweeter thought it fun to relabel BA ‘British Wokeways’ for refusing to fly migrants to Rwanda over fears of a backlash.  Charter flights would add to an already astronomical £120 million for the scheme.  A whopping £30,000 each, Phil reckoned it’d be cheaper to give people the money to go home.  In more commons sleaze, Jamie Wallis was charged with a hit and run, Imran Khan belatedly submitted a resignation letter (after getting another full month’s pay), Liam Byrne was suspended for 2 days, and a female MP was called ‘a secret weapon’ as all the men wanted to sleep with her.  Ben Wally said they should avoid ‘toxic bars’ and Sue Braverman claimed there wasn’t a ‘pervasive culture’ of misogyny but some bad apples.  Yes, but it only took one to rot the whole barrel!  Keir said he took all allegations seriously and hoped colleagues had confidence in the complaints procedure.  On QT, Jon Ashworth agreed the cost of living was the most important issue but connected to Partygate because tories were disconnected and dismissed people’s real concerns as ‘silly’.  Mims Davies wittered about jobs and floundered trying the defend the migrant policy against accusations of being ‘pick and choose’.  After telling Iain Dale Channel 5 had thrived when it was privatised (it was never public!) an unusually sober Dreadful Doris came on Newscast to prate about impartiality and privatising Channel 4 even though 96% were against it.

Friday, Phil said he needed a haircut: “I look like I’m from a Britpop band.” “No you don’t. Mines’ worse.” “It does need colouring in.” “Thanks!” I sat abed writing until hungry and hot, considered getting lunch but he brought it to me.  Perhaps staying put was a good thing, because I felt much better on a bright Saturday.  I went to the rag market to buy haberdashery from friendly stall-holders then waited for Phil to come to an exhibition of historic photos by a local celeb.  On the way, we were waylaid by falling blossom and dandelions.  I later created a Facebook album but the dazzling yellow blooms went unappreciated.  Balking at a £5 suggested donation, we contributed by purchasing juice.  Phil’s photography mate had planned the showing for 2020.  They bemoaned work being on hold since covid and I sympathised with his travails being interviewed for a documentary.  I could talk for England but stick me in front of camera, I was dumbstruck!

550 Network Rail upgrade projects over the bank holiday weekend, cleaners and conductors’ strikes meant TPE only ran a small number of (dirty) services.  Roads were predicted to be quiet.  A good job with herds of animals on the M62 at Eccles and Brighouse.  Madelaine McTernan who worked on the covid vaccine rollout, was appointed HRT tsar.  Demand up thanks to The Davina Effect, I felt I was missing out not taking it.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

iii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iv. Shat’s gimmicky rail sale video:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iheo0km3xHE

v. Tales from the Co-op: Notes on life, the universe and stuff that sucks: Tales from the Co-op Vol 5 (maryc1000.blogspot.com)

Part 76 – Selective Truths

“To suggest it was too late to stop the capital falling to the Taliban is not a defence, but a shameful admission of his own failure to act sooner” (Lisa Nandy)

Unpleasant Discoveries

Parcel on Doorstep

Somewhat better Monday morning, Phil listened out for an expected delivery while I bathed and dressed.  Loud rapping signalled its arrival soon after I emerged.  The courier whose white van often blocked the street had reason to be in front of our house for once.  He indicated the parcel on the step and left.  I then found an e-mail from Hermes with a photo attachment of the package, in case I didn’t recognise it obvs!  I posted blogs and hung washing out.  Grey but fine and breezy, it was a good drying day.  Emptying the food recycling, something nasty and unidentifiable required several rinses.  On the anniversary of the 1819 massacre, Film 4 showed the movie Peterloo, rather long for a Monday night.  We guffawed at the accents throughout.  Talk about laying it on thick!  It was a good job we weren’t at the pictures.

Additional bribes to get jabs were offered to young people in the form of vouchers from Asda, M&S, holiday companies and leisure centres.  Amid mayhem at Kabul airport, people scrambled to leave and 5 died trying to stowaway on a US plane.  Ben Wally burst into tears on LBC and Uncle Joe Biden blamed Afghan leaders for giving up.  That and other insensitive comments angered Americans.  Geronimo the alpaca got a short-lived stay of execution.

In a week of unpleasant discoveries, Tuesday, I fouIn a week of unpleasant discoveries, on Tuesday I found a lump of ice and gunk at the bottom of the fridge.  Checking the reservoir at the back, I unearthed a desiccated half-munched banana.  In the co-op, I paid for a sizeable shop at the kiosk, chatted to my mate, struggled home slowly and dropped my purse at the front door spilling change all over the pavement.  Knackered, I lay down and managed 10 minutes in an almost-slumber, feeling snuggly and warm.  Watching evening news, Phil remarked: “so, they’re still doing daily covid stats.”  “Yes, they talked about stopping, but here we are.”  For dinner, I cooked borscht using wrinkled beetroots.  The purple soup looked great but lacked flavour.

Steve Reicher said summer rates weren’t as high as feared because people were being ‘sensible’ but Neil Ferguson predicted a fourth wave in autumn, with 1,000 covid patients per day admitted to hospital.  MHRA approved Moderna for 12-17 year olds; JCVI advice was still awaited.  A plague vaccine developed in Oxford was trialled on 40 volunteers.  One case in NZ led to a 3-day lockdown nationwide, 7 days in Auckland and Coromandel.  Jobcentre figures revealed unemployment 4.7% in July, wages up 7.4% and 1 million vacancies.  Workers doing long shifts for minimum wage discovered their transferable skills and left.  Official Taliban spokesman Zabiullah Mujahid held a press conference (he may have kept a low profile thus far but did have a twitter account).  Being selective with the truth, he promised amnesty for those who’d worked for the former regime and women the ability to work and study, albeit under ‘sharia’ whatever that meant.  While gunmen rolled into Kabul and had fun on the dodgems, Bumbling Boris and Rabid Raab were holidaying.  Raab said he’d been taken by surprise, as had people who found him lounging on a Cretan beach.  He maintained it didn’t make any difference as he’d liaised with cobra and promised ‘bespoke arrangements’ for Afghans wanting to settle in the UK.  The Afghan Citizens Resettlement Scheme was criticised for being too slow.

It later transpired he refused to call foreign minister Harif Almar Friday, delegating the task to a junior minister, who also never rang.  On Newsnight, Tom Tughat and Stella Creasy agreed plans were meaningless if the Taliban blocked access to Kabul airport.  Not believing a word they said, they accused the Taliban of using fancy words by day and death squads by night to hunt down people who worked for the former regime.  The size of the Afghan army grossly over-estimated, they wanted to know where the dollars had gone.  In the Panjshir Valley, vice president Amrullah Saleh, the only one who hadn’t scarpered, held out, declared himself ‘legitimate caretaker president’ (technically correct under the constitution) and teamed up with Ahmad Massoud to assemble a counter-attack.

Shameless Acts

Splendid Clock

Wednesday, we ventured to Halifax.  The roads busy, I twisted my ankle on the kerb trying to cross near an illegally parked car.  I screamed in agony, felt sick and dizzy and thought I should go home.  But after sitting on a low wall and gulping water, the pain eased and I decided to continue.  At the station, the train arrived almost immediately.  A bit full, we stood near the doors, thankful it was a fast service.  I wasn’t surprised to learn passenger numbers on all transport networks had reached post-pandemic highs.  We went in a couple of discount stores, waiting in stupidly long queues for a few purchases, before entering the Market Hall.  The tall clock provided a splendid focal point.  A strange abandoned section hid previously unseen eateries and an unfinished concourse but no seating.  We settled on Coletta’s Café for filling fry-ups.  Out on Corn Market, Phil commandeered a bench while I nipped in Wilko’s.  Not seeing any insect spray, an assistant caught my eye and indicated the gardening section.  “No, to spray on me, not the garden.” “Oh a general spray? For clothes?  “No! for the body!”  Eventually cottoning on, she directed me to a woefully scant selection.  Amongst a row of self-service tills only 1 was staffed.  As I queued again, the cashier ridiculously wandered off!  We spent the rest of the afternoon scanning the town for carvings, plaques and inscriptions on once-grand buildings.  Looking for a shortcut through to the Woolshops, we found the route blocked by a hideous new sixth form college.  In the precinct, visitors were invited to sit in a giant deckchair and post a snap on Instagram.  Phil refused to comply but it inspired my next haigai. We wandered through the magnificent Piece Hall and into the library, 5 minutes before closing.  A librarian suggested we go up a floor for a better view of the rose window and thoughtfully gave me a leaflet on the way out, which I later lost.  We squatted on a concrete block near the exit to check return trains.  A woman who’d stalked Phil a couple of years back emerged, glanced at me then quickly away.  “Don’t look now.” I told Phil.  As he caught a glimpse of the back of her head, he chortled: “She my wife!”  The slightly delayed train stopped everywhere but was thankfully less full.  (For a fuller description, see Cool Places 2ii)

On alighting my ankle really hurt. Phil popped in the co-op while I limped home to examine the damage.  I applied freeze spray to the swelling but it did nothing.  Phil made coffee and reverted to tiny work.  I moaned until he fetched ice cubes wrapped in a flannel to apply.  Glad we didn’t have to cook dinner, Phil added extra herbs to improve leftover borscht.  At bedtime, I tried to keep the bad ankle elevated on a pillow which worked until I turned over.  I used the meditation soundtrack to distract myself from the pain and get some sleep.

The Newquay Boardmaster festival was blamed for Cornwall becoming a covid hotspots.  Just Eat orders went up 700% in the first half of the year.  A chicken peri-peri shortage caused by staff isolating, EU worker rules and HGV logistics issues, forced Nando’s to shut numerous branches. Nasty Patel announced additional statutory guidance for issuing gun licences; doctors had to tell police of applicant’s ‘relevant medical conditions’.  Austin Haddock Mitchel died and a last-ditch High Court bid failure meant Geronimo the alpaca would be put down.

General Sir Nick Carter did the rounds on breakfast telly to advise the Taliban were keeping the streets of Afghanistan calm and safe and we should ‘wait and see’ if they meant what they said.  What was he on with his fancy shirt?  While ambassador Laurie Bristow said there were mere days left to rescue people, flights left almost empty from a chaotic Kabul airport.  In a packed commons, The Bumbler was slated.  Ex-PM May asked: “where is global Britain on the streets of Kabul?” She warned Russia and China wouldn’t be blind to the implications of the withdraw decision.  Boris insisted there was no choice after the USA left.  Announcing an extra £286m in aid he didn’t say who’d get it and wouldn’t be drawn on recognising a Taliban regime.  Downing Street later said the situation needed an ‘international unified response’.  Tom Tughat called Uncle Joe’s blaming of the Afghan army ‘shameful’.  Nick Thomas-Symonds accused Boris and Rabid Raab of a ‘dereliction of duty’ going on holiday and Keir added: “You cannot co-ordinate an international response from the beach.”  It subsequently transpired nobody rang the Afghan foreign minister last week, prompting Ian Blackford to call Raab’s position “completely untenable.”  The Times later reported the permanent secretaries were simultaneously on leave.  Rabid Raab defended not making the phone call, saying it would have been too late because of the ‘rapidly deteriorating situation’.  He’d prioritised keeping Kabul airport open and worked ‘tirelessly’ to get people out.  Nandy said his comments ‘didn’t stack up’.  Amidst a series of pointless cobra meetings, Tobias Ellwood complained of a reactive rather than proactive approach and lack of co-ordination across Whitehall.  Calderdale known for taking in refugees, we must have missed BBC news in Halifax speaking to the council leader.  He said they’d house Afghans but needed support.  On a QT special, panel members all insisted they were right and everyone else was wrong.

I managed 10 minutes exercise Thursday morning, being careful not to put weight on the bad ankle.  The pain now more of an ache, it remained inflamed for a few days.  A sleepy Phil discovered a lump on the back of his hand resembling a mosquito bite.  I prescribed running it under hot water which helped.  Sick of metro not downloading on the ipad, I installed it on my phone.  The tablet too old to update, I mainly used it to play games but crammed with arty apps, thought I should revisit them before declaring it obsolete.  Still unsafe for me to carry the tray down, Phil did the honours and made coffee.  I arranged a meeting with the owner of Valley Life and read a project update from the researcher.  The now-live blog included an extract of one of my covid dreams and a photo credit under the politics sectioniii.  I  mulled over ideas to send her later.  Working on the journal, I developed head fug and went for a rest.  As irritating dying alarm noises, going since mid-morning finally stopped, music started up.  I put earplugs in and managed a few minutes with my eyes shut.

36,572 new cases, 6,379 in hospital, and 113 deaths hadn’t prompted 2.5m 18-29 year olds to get vaccinated.  ONS research found antibodies declined in older age groups, yet JCVI were unlikely to advise boosters for all over 50’s.  Astra-Zeneca and Pfizer both effective, Pfizer had a stronger initial immune response against the Delta variant but degraded quicker.  DVLA blamed strikes and social distancing for a 10 week wait for licences.  A five year old Afghan refugee died when he fell from a window of the Hotel Metropolitan, Sheffield.

Empty Promises

Haiga – Landlocked

Friday, I donned a support bandage on the stiff ankle before going to the co-op.  Phil joined me at the till to help pack and carry, which was just as well as my ankle hurt by then.  I posted ‘Light and Dark’ on Cool Placesiv before a siesta.  As I read metro on the phone, I joked today’s wallpaper of a tree in the desert resembled one Phil made yesterday of the moor with an incongruous tree, moon and sky.  “I was inspired by art in Halifax market. To hell with that highbrow stuff. I’m going for the populist approach.”

The ‘R’ number up to 0.9-1.2, ONS data showed rates still high in the UK and rising in Wales and Northern Ireland.  PHE said 55% of those ill with the Delta variant (74% for the under 50’s) hadn’t had a jab and inoculations prevented 24.4 million covid cases, 98,700 deaths and 82,1000 hospitalisations.  During 4 weeks on a covid ward, Chris witless found it ‘stark’ how many unvaccinated people were admitted.  Over a year since Donald Trump was given monoclonal antibody Ronapreve to cure his covid, it was approved by MHRA.  What took so long?  Astra-Zeneca said a new ‘antibody cocktail’ for people unable to be vaccinated was 77% effective in reducing the risk of developing symptomatic disease.  Gurkhas ended their hunger strike on the 13th day after promises of government talks.

Saturday morning I could carry a tray upstairs.  A door knock interrupted my first morning cuppa.  I trudged back down to find Snooty Neighbour on the doorstep.  He informed me a van was coming to fetch their piano next Tuesday, ahead of their move to Barnard Castle.  Probably showing off, but I appreciated the advance notice.  On BBC Breakfast, David Morrisey gave nothing away about Britannia III.  We reckoned there was a ban on clips and with no access to Sky Atlantic, it would be some time before we got to see it.  Less confident taking the tray downstairs, I left Phil to bring it and made breakfast.  Phil tried to get the telly box back on the internet.  Discovering it couldn’t be done over wi-fi, he fiddled with wires but the string from the router wasn’t long enough.  “We’re gonna need a bigger string.” I took the opportunity to tidy wires under the corner table before Phil cut my hair.  I dyed some faded clothes in the machine and applied another coat of aluminium paint to the old cutlery caddy.  Phil went to the shop, finding town busy despite nasty showers.  Cooking dinner, I had a funny turn.  Becoming hot and hardly able to stand, I slumped on a chair and wondered if it was covid.  Cooling down but still wobbly, I decided hunger had coincided with a hot flush.  We watched films on DVD bought in charity shops last week.  An interval to prepare pudding made the evening rather long.

Sunday morning, my ankle didn’t hurt at first but my buttocks did.  I must have slept funny.  The injury pain returning later, a bandage helped until I stood on Phil’s foot by accident.  He yelped in alarm.  “That hurt me more than it hurt you!” I assured him.  Unable to go walking, I considered gardening when brightness turned to rain.  Phil similarly abandoned leaf-hunting plans.  More storm warnings Saturday for Northern Ireland and SW England, the predicted move north brought only showers.  Depressed at being stuck indoors, I wrote a haiga, draft-posted the journal, put things in Phil’s amazon basket including a long ethernet cable, and rifled through drawers looking for connectors.  Not finding any of the right sort, I discovered a bunch of fuzzy batteries.  Watching the last episode of The Handmaid’s Tale, I thought a visceral scene signalled the end and turned over when ads appeared.  It wasn’t.  Apparently, people had complained the series was too grim and violent.

North Yorkshire now without TV for a fortnight, a temporary mast was promised by next weekend but ran into problems with a narky landowner.   The government said they’d rescued 4,000 so far from a calmer Kabul airport.  Tony Blair called the withdrawal ‘tragic, dangerous and unnecessary’ and ‘a serious mistake’.  Saying it wasn’t yet over, he thought Afghanistan still had a chance.  Had he forgotten his selective truths dragged us into Middle Eastern wars in the first place?  Hailed as braver than the army or government, resisting women made former MP Fawzi Koofi proud.  However, fears of a return to repression left many scared to go out let alone protest.  Wondering why mainstream media had so far chosen to ignore the Hindu Kush enclave, they reported fighting in Panjshir Valley between the Taliban and former VP.

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

iii. Covid Diary Research Project blog: https://www.ruraldiaryproject.uk/

iv. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 64 – Liars and Fantasists

“The prime minister brought a fantasist and a liar into the heart of Downing Street” (Jonathan Ashworth)

Under Duress

Haiga – Sunburst

In the midst of Monday chores, a small glass bottle stopper went up the hoover.  I emptied the thing and scoured through dust to retrieve it.  Worn out, I lay on the bed to enjoy a good half hour feeling warm and drowsy.  The moon almost full, we watched it cross the darkening sky but by the time Phil went out to take photos at 11 o’clock, it was raining.

Medical Detection Dogs spotted coronavirus with 94.3% accuracy.  Reading about them a year ago, I wondered what took so long?   Mini Macron and The Merkel pledged the WHO more support to enable better pandemic future planning and suggested a global health threat council.  An extra 10,000 in the past month, Indian deaths hit 300,000.  Japan launched 2 centres as part of a mass vaccination drive before the Olympics.  Unenthusiastic citizens called it too little too late.  Nasty Patel launched the Electronic Travel Authorisation (ETA) for UK visitors who didn’t hold a visa or immigration status, and promised a ‘fully digital border’ within 5 years.  Roman Protasevich appeared on video to lie, under duress, about being well-treated.  Rabid Raab instructed airlines not to fly over Belarus and suspended Belavia’s operating permit. The EU followed suit.  TUI cancelled holidays to amber countries.  After the collapse of Greensill Capital, Liberty Steel were closing 7 plants and jobseekers searched vacancies in social care as existing staff resigned.

Spam Invention

Waking in the early hours Tuesday, I recalled a solitary detail from many dreams.  Was telling someone the journal was ‘really important’ hubris or a message from the gods?  Mostly cold and grey, I spent all morning writing and invented a new sandwich for lunch.  Pitta filled with spam, tomato, camembert and red onion, and sprinkled with pea-shoots, was rather good!  The cacophonous flood alarm sirens were tested several times causing severe disturbance in the afternoon.  I went to the co-op to find gaps on the shelves, busy aisles and a mate mulling over flatbread.  During a brief chat, he told me he’d also had 2 jabs and didn’t fancy a third so wouldn’t be volunteering for the Covboost trial.  Taking groceries to the kitchen, I discovered Phil had washed up but annoyingly left the bowl full of water and the draining board stacked.  A second kitchen trauma ensued later when I opened the freezer to find a split bag of sweetcorn.  In the process of rescuing what I could, I made a bigger rip so the pesky tiny veg went all over the place and I had to sweep it into the bin.  Inordinately upset, I collapsed on the sofa.  Hearing my screams from upstairs, Phil came to sympathise.

Will Shakespeare, the first man to get the Pfizer vaccine, died of an ‘unrelated illness’.  One the of busiest days ever at Bolton ED saw 41 admissions and 8 in critical care.  With only 15 positive cases out of 58,000 participants, Oliver Dowdy hailed the test event pilots a success.

ONS data showed trade between the UK and the EU fell 23% Jan-March.  Mainly due to Brexit, the ongoing recession and pandemic also played a part.  One year since the murder of George Floyd, his family went to the Whitehouse and Biden gave his daughter ice-cream.

The Cabinet Office were accused of ‘local lockdown by stealth’ as It emerged they extended measures on Friday night for Kirklees, Bedford, Burnley, Leicester, Hounslow, North Tyneside, Bolton and Blackburn .  Not mentioned in any formal announcements or ministerial briefings, local authorities complained of no consultation and finding out by accident.  Tracy Brabin came on BBC Breakfast to call it ‘a bit shabby’ and Yasmin Qureshi was ‘gobsmacked’.  Residents of affected zones were advised not to meet inside, keep 2 metres apart and avoid non-essential travel out of area.  In urgent questions, Jon Ashworth called on ministers to “withdraw the guidance now…(The Cock) doesn’t even have the courtesy to tell us.”  Under duress, Nads Zahawi defended the government: “we want the country to move out of these restrictions together and we’re trusting people to be responsible and to act with caution and common sense.”  They argued the recommendations were first issued 14th May when Boris told us to be ‘extra cautious’ before formal web publishing a week later.  The site stated the rules were ‘underpinned by law’ but The Cock said the guidance was ‘not statutory’. I tweeted to ask him to explain the contradiction but got no answer.  The guidance was later changed to ‘advice’.

Phantasmagorical

Plan B Whiteboard

Wednesday morning, I really struggled to come round.  Getting up and bathed required a huge effort.  A pile of mail prompted me into boring life admin while watching PMQs.  After lunch, I worked on the journal then sorted winter coats.  Planning to put them away, I discovered 2 needed a wash first and stuck them in the machine before steaming woollens.  Seeming quick and easy at the time, the task rendered me breathless.  The evening Ocado delivery was badly packed and I got cheated out of 2 bags – no joke now they cost 10p each.  Panorama featured AI and informed us Alexa used to be a British robot called Evie – another example of Brits selling stuff to the Yanks for peanuts!

ONS data based on sample blood test results, suggested over 75% of adults had covid anti-bodies.  The UK leaders’ covid summit was postponed as Sturgeon and Drakeford wanted more time to prepare so it would be ‘meaningful’ and dismissed a rough agenda from Number 10 before key topics were agreed.  Exactly a year since his trip to Barnard Castle and ahead of appearing before 2 commons committees (Health & Social Care and Science & Technology), The Scumbag posted around 50 tweets, including barely legible scribbles on a whiteboard outlining ‘Plan B’, suggesting ditching ‘herd immunity’ was all down to him when general opinion last year was he pushed for it.  He told MPs that The Bumbler dismissed the pandemic as a scare story, said it only killed 80-year-olds, and volunteered to be jabbed with covid on live TV by Chris Witless.  One of the more bizarre claims was that cobra had been derailed 12th March 2020 by trump asking them to bomb Iraq and Carrie Antionette having a fit over her dog, comparing the scene to the film Independence Day. Other statements echoed what we all knew; that failures cost thousands of lives and ministers ignored scientific advice in September due to economic concerns.  In scathing attacks, he criticised The Cock’s policies on care homes, PPE, and testing targets leading to disruption in Whitehall, and said he should have been sacked 15-20 times for persistent lying.

On PMQs, Keir used all 3 questions on the row between Boris and his former aide and concluded that if The Scumbag was fibbing, it showed poor judgement by the PM.  Meanwhile, York MP Rachael Maskell asked about reneging on help for charities.  The government decision not to match public donations also featured on Newsnight where on behalf of War Child, actress Carey Mulligan said it meant 3,000 Afghani children were at risk of being trafficked.

The next day, The Cock went to the commons to answer urgent questions and deny Scumbag’s claims.  Quizzed on care homes, he admitted testing capacity wasn’t in place when he promised a ‘protective ring’, but insisted he’d gone away to work on it.  Jon Ashworth said if the allegations of lying were true, they broke the ministerial code, and if false, Boris brought ‘a fantasist and a liar’ into Downing Street.  Jeremy C**t pointed out the accusations were unproven and Boris maintained his actions hadn’t caused more deaths: “Some of the commentary…doesn’t bear any relation to reality…At every stage we have been governed by a determination to protect life, to save life, to ensure our NHS is not overwhelmed and followed the data and guidance we had.”  But on radio 4, Prof. Ferguson said it was ‘unarguable’ that the delay in imposing the first lockdown caused 30,000 extra deaths: “The epidemic doubled every 3 or 4 days in weeks March 13 to 23.  Had we moved the interventions back a week we would have saved many lives.”  Prof. Susan Michie of sage said the change from the 2m to 1m plus rule was one of “several examples where scientific advice wasn’t followed.”  She echoed Keir’s calls for  the public inquiry to be brought forward.

Discussing the Scumbag’s revelations later, Phil thought he might have partially told the truth.  “Yeah. The bits we already knew and he’s still a scumbag. They’re all as bad as each other. If people were more engaged in politics, they wouldn’t put up with useless leaders!”

Thursday morning, I  drafted an article for the summer issue of Valley Life magazine before preparing to go out.  Lunchtime by the time dithering was done, we hurried into town and dodged the market day throngs to get pies from the bakers.  We crossed over to the park, also busy, where Phil found a free patch of grass while I bought pop from the café, baulking at the cost; they could at least provide tables for that price.  More of a take-away with café prices!  After eating our pastries, we walked east on the canal to see verges carpeted with daisies and hawthorn blooming at long last.  Among gaggles of geese, sizeable goslings were already losing their fluff.  Beyond the next village, attractive flood alleviation works were integrated with a new wetland nature reserve and the football pitch which always flooded, had been moved and protected by levees.  We rested at a pretty lock and watched gammons on a barge navigate through.  Phil overheard them complaining about unpainted houseboats.  “Said them on their expensive rental cruiser. Snobs!”  Rather tired, we decided to continue to the next town and catch a bus.  The stifling journey back was prolonged by roadworks but at least the bus took us all the way home.  While I didn’t find weariness unexpected, Phil complained of the vaccine making him post-virally weak.  (For a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’i).

Daily Covid infections hit 3,180, the highest since 2nd April but The Cock said inoculation severed the link to hospitalisation and death .  As Indian variant cases rose to 5,000, Prof. Ferguson cited it as the dominant strain and hinted full re-opening on 21st June hung in the balance.  The Bumbler gainsaid: ”I don’t see anything currently in the data to suggest that we have to deviate from the roadmap.”  After administering over 17,000 jabs in a week, there were signs the surge in Bolton was capping off.  The Cock called it ‘phenomenal’.  That didn’t stop Yasmin Qureshi calling for the government to be investigated for corporate manslaughter.

Thousands flocked to the Westminster vaccine bus in London’s Chinatown where no ID was required (how did they know who’d been done?)  The Glove-Puppet told the commons public admin committee the covid pass might be delayed or not happen at all while France imposed a 7 day quarantine for arrivals, excepting hauliers.  Grant Shats confirmed HS2 would go all the way to Leeds.  Beloved children’s author Eric Carle died, aged 91.

In the evening, we watched a telly film and newsy stuff.  Appearing on Newscast, Arlene Foster proved much jollier in real life.  It prompted us to return to earlier discussions on politicisation and apathy.  I thought putting up with useless leaders was particularly an issue in England.  Citizens of NI and Scotland tended to be more engaged, probably for historical reasons.  At bed-time, I was assailed by the noise of the droning generator and a shouting chav.  Even with earplugs, it took ages to get any sleep.

Layers of Lies

Dappled Weir

The crap night led to a later start Friday.  Taking the breakfast tray down, I balanced it a moment on the way to the kitchen, when the whole thing tipped up.  The handle on Phil’s ‘winter wonderland’ mug broke in half and dregs spilt all over the throws.  I chucked them in the wash and dug out old cups with pleasing olive designs, not sure why they were consigned to a cupboard.  Appearing after the mess was cleared,  Phil asked what the crash was. “Spot the difference.”  “With my eye sight! You’ll have to tell me,” he chortled.  Indicating the changed throw and olive mugs, I braced for a telling off but he continued laughing.  “I never get annoyed.”  “Liar!”  “I hate breaking things but I don’t get annoyed.”  “Breaking stuff is part of life and it’s been one of those weeks.”  Still fatigued, he struggled to come round.  I went to the co-op, not noticing the drizzle until I got out the door.  Copious traffic suggested people taking advantage of the good weather forecast and upcoming spring bank holiday weekend.  A less bustling supermarket confirmed the assumption.  My mate let me pay for a trolley-load at the kiosk, which was nice.  Phil asked why I hadn’t requested help with the shopping but agreed I’d have been stood waiting in the rain and I was quicker doing it myself.  He then offered to carry bags to the kitchen but disappeared upstairs, not coming to my aid until groceries were all-but sorted.  Slicing cabbage for slaw that evening, I managed to slice my thumb.  I screamed in shock and pain and collapsed on a chair.  As I ranted, Phil told me to calm down.  “What part of being in shock don’t you get?”  “Never had it.”  “More lies!”  I eventually settled down but dropped my fork during dinner making me fume again.  It really had been a crap week!

The R rate up to 1-1.1, there were 10 deaths and 4,182 new infections – an increase of 25% in a week and the highest since 1st April.  Hospitalisations rising in some areas, PHE said only 3% of those infected by the Indian variant and 5 out of 201 who went to A&E, were inoculated.  Kwasi Kwarteng saw no reason not to re-open on 21st June, but warned data could change warranting ‘flexibility’.  Kate Nicholls of UK Hospitality said it was ‘absolutely critical’ to stick to the date, yet Christina Pagel of indy sage wanted to wait: “If we can just delay international travel, delay stage 4 of the road map until…(more people are) vaccinated with 2 doses, we’re in a much, much better position. We’re only 2 months away from that, it’s not long to wait. What I don’t want is for us to have new restrictions.”  A young woman died from a blood clot after one jab of AZ and the MHRA approved the one-shot Janssen.  20m doses on order and due to arrive by the end of 2021, JCVI would provide guidance on who should get it; likely proposing hard-to-reach groups.  After months of delay, Lord Geidt released his first report on minister’s interests.  He said Boris was ‘unaware’ that tory donor Lord Brownlow settled the bill for the flat refurb, and ‘unwisely’ let it go ahead without ‘more rigorous regard’ for how it would be funded.  More care should have been taken over the financial arrangements and officials weren’t rigorous enough in examining the proposed Downing Street Trust’s ability to pay, but this was a ‘minor breach’ of the ministerial code.  I remained puzzled that the trust was legal in the first place.

Fatigue caught up with me the next day.  I spent a typical Saturday at home, draft-posted the journal, and got rid of loads of recycling and more of the creeping buttercup in the garden until the small stone path emerged from the undergrowth.  I exchanged pleasantries with neighbours and re-directed a couple about to climb steps into private gardens.  I had to stop my labours when the sun emerged from behind clouds, sweat dripping down my face in the rising heat.  I gulped water and started to clean up the debris.  Phil returned from the shop to report town predictably heaving.  He squatted on the kerb to chat and I recalled an article in Metro about rich Californian cyber-geeks spending millions on implants thinking they’d live forever.  For dinner he made kofta for the first time – another delicious meal invented.  That night I dropped off, book in hand and bedside lamp still on, to wake a few minutes later and sleep fractiously thereafter.

The Bumbler married Carrie Antionette in Westminster Cathedral.  Twice divorced, permission was granted because his previous marriages weren’t catholic ceremonies so didn’t count.  Technically, that made his elder kids bastards.  The obvious distraction ploy by the duplicitous Papist git outraged Catholics and those who’d had to put their weddings on hold during the pandemic in equal measure.

Early mist soon burned off Sunday to be replaced by warm sunshine.  Layers of tory lies persisted as Nads Zahawi told Marr a pile of untruths trying to defend The Cock’s claims of ‘putting a ring around care homes’.

Setting off for a walk, I popped in the co-op for packed lunches.  The scrum in front of the meal deal shelf suggested it wasn’t an original idea.  From the opposite bank, the riverside steps were as crowded as the beach!  We continued upstream, assailed by scents of baking loam and wild flowers.  Creeping buttercup looked much better in verges than in the garden. Dappled light made arty shadows on the weir.  Yet more families pretended it was the seaside.  We climbed onto tarmac then into a lush clough.  As we descended to a brook, felled trees cluttered a shingled shore we’d hoped to rest on.  We squatted on a low bridge to eat and check the map for a route up to a monument.  Unable to see a path, we proceeded upwards and glanced back to see the structure emerge below.  Disinclined to back-track, we continued up the road to a hamlet and found a free bench outside the local pub.  As we supped pints, traffic continually streamed in both directions.  The cycling couple on the adjacent table made a move and we wondered how their small dog rode a bike.  They then put the pooch in a bag.  ‘Doggy bag!’  We struck up a conversation encompassing the joys of pet ownership, the state of the world and limited travel options, concluding there were worse places to be stuck.  Taking roadway down was tricky with speeding vehicles and no pavement but shaded by extensive woodland.  At the edge of town, a long flight of steps provided a short-cut.  I’d always assumed unusual roofs on terraces were dormers added later but Phil informed me they were Dutch houses.  The longer day out in extended sunshine had been very enjoyable while stops for sustenance ensured against severe fatigue – or so it seemed at the time.  (For a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’i).

I even managed to edit photos and write a haiku after dinnerii.  Mind you, I had a crap night.  Unable to sleep, I looked out to see hundreds of stars including rarely spotted feinter ones.  I eventually dropped off with the help of the meditation tape.

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 47 – Silly Games

“There’s no endgame that sees one country succeeding in controlling the virus while the rest of the world is dealing with rampant spread” (Salim Abdool Karim)

Peaky Jabbers

Haiga – Sinking

Exhausted by insomnia Monday morning, I forced myself up and opened the curtains to a sparkling scene of a thin coat of snow and dazzling sun.  Briefly forgetting my woes, I said we should go for a walk, after the essential tasks.

Taking rubbish out, an icy wind blew into my face. I decided it was too cold for walking.  The window cleaner’s hose was wrapped round our dustbin to stop people tripping on the steps.  As he emerged from the higher terrace opposite, we chatted awhile.  A load of crap dumped in the bin required fishing out with biodegrading rubber gloves and a stick, risking frostbite or worse.  By the time I’d cleaned up after the horrid job, it was 2 o’clock and my previous enthusiasm was overtaken by malaise.  Outdoor plans scrapped, I worked on the journal and aimed to do yoga but time ran away with me again.  It was one of those days…

32 new vaccine sites included The Black Country Living Museum used as a film set for Peaky Blinders.  “Peaky Jabbers!” I quipped, though the chances of Cillian Murphy turning up were slim.  ONS figures showed that during 2020, manual workers suffered the most deaths from Covid-19, especially in production, security, chefs, and drivers (men), retail & wholesale, carers and social workers (women).  The TUC said workplace fatalities were ‘vastly unreported’.  The RMT, headteachers, prisons, posties and shopworkers clamoured to be prioritised for immunisation. The Covid Operations Committee, aka COC, met to decide on tighter border controls and quarantine hotels.

Ever the populist, a day after Matt Cock said it was too early, Boris hinted at easing lockdown after vulnerable groups were inoculated.  Mark Harper of CRG called for slackening by early March, starting with schools.  Already sick to death of media coverage on the impact of school closures, teenagers on Newsnight moaning that it was ‘weally hard’ wore down my sympathy for the younger generation.  As if not attending class was the worst thing ever with hospitals full and people dying!

The last 12,000 jobs at Debenhams would go as Boohoo were buying the brand and website but not the shops.  Later acquiring Dorothy Perkins, Wallis and Burtons, and Asos about to purchase Topshop, Topman, Miss Selfridge and HIT, it could be the end of Arcadia on the hight street, apart from possibly the flagship Oxford Street Topshop store.

NGS-SA, a consortium of medics looking into the South African variant, found 23 mutations, of which 20 caused amino acid changes and 8 were in the spike protein.  These allowed greater transmission and replication in the host, leading to quicker spread.  With some evidence of more resistance to natural antibodies, they said it was ‘likely’ vaccines would still work, subject to further research.

Tuesday proved even worse than Monday.  In the damp monochrome afternoon, I set off for Boots.  A woman crouched down to finger practically every item on the shelf, selfishly blocking the aisle, until I politely asked her to shift for me to grab mouthwash.  I collected my online order from the cash-desk and retreated to decant items from the unwieldy box into my rucksack.  Vials spilled out of a hair dye carton, hazardously undone.  Now in a bad mood, I considered skipping the grocery shop but persevered.  Kids running haphazardly in the congested co-op aisles made me swear.  Swerving contact, I sped round for essentials but paused when I saw a product recall notice for seafood we got at Christmas, making a note to return it.  At the kiosk I asked to speak to a manager.  When he appeared, I explained my angst at the busyness of the shopfloor.  Rather than an apology for the stress caused let alone any thanks for bringing the matter to his attention, he defensively said: “we can’t watch the floor all the time.”  Fuming, I stormed out.  Back home, I took toiletries up to the bathroom, got washed and collapsed on the sofa.  Relating the obstacle course to Phil, he said: “it’s those essential coffee-cup worker kids coming out of school, obvs.”  “Yes but why did they have someone on the door during the first lockdown to limit numbers and not now?   And why do those middle class coffee-cuppers still think they are special?”  It made me think again about the hubris of some, when everyone was in the same boat (apart from celebs).  He kindly sorted the groceries so I could go for a rest, but my mind whirred, still perturbed by the shopping experience.  And while there were less comings and goings on the street below, I was disturbed when shed boy returned in his rickety van from no-doubt essential building work (sic).  Reflecting on the trials of the past 2 days, I reasoned at least the errands were done leaving time to do something more enjoyable midweek. In the evening, a fine fog swirled smoke-like beneath the streetlamps.

Dicing with Death

Sorry My Arse!

UK official deaths doubled in 2 months to reach the grim milestone of 100,000, a 3rd of them care home residents.  The highest in Europe, only the US, Brazil, India and Mexico had worse stats.  Sage bod Calum Semple predicted another 50k fatalities before the pandemic ‘burns out’.  Keir, self-isolating for a third time, called it a ‘national tragedy’ and trolled out the old ‘behind the curve at every stage’ line.  Appearing at the briefing, The Bumbler apologised and said he took full responsibility – sorry my arse!  And to think that on this date in 2020, positive tests numbered 50.  Oh, halcyon days!  On a more positive note, over 7m now had the vax and hospital admissions were the lowest since New Year, but there were still more in-patients on ventilators than ever.

200,000 job losses Sept-Nov 2020 led to a 5-year unemployment record of 5% (1.72m).  It would have been much worse without furlough, currently supporting 2.4m posts, down from the May peak of 8.9m, when firms shed staff before it was extended.  Business leaders urged a re-extension of the scheme in Rishi’s March budget.

Rising on Wednesday, I immediately felt wobbly with a clogged nose and had to get back in bed.  Pissed off after only 3 days up and about and reluctant to submit to a relapse, my depression reached a new low.  I told myself I wasn’t missing much as the weather stayed grey, belying the forecast for an improvement.  I hoped the debilitation would be short-lived this time but alas, it proved not to be.  While I wrote on the laptop, Phil cleaned and shopped.

A week after escaping the floods, the Wockhardt factory was evacuated after a suspicious package required the deployment of bomb disposal.  A Chatham man later arrested for sending the parcel, we weren’t told if it was actually a bomb. The Bumbler briefed the nation that 8th March was the earliest date for school re-opening and promised a plan to come out of lockdown week beginning 22nd Feb, dependent on vaccine progress, hospital admissions and fatalities.  Patel finally said going on holiday was illegal and berated social media influencers sun-bathing in Dubai and skiers heading for Kings Cross.  Travellers from certain countries would be bussed to Covid hotels, paying £1,500 for 10 days quarantine.  The ‘red list’ due to come into force next Friday, included South America, Southern Africa, Portugal, UAE and some dot islands.  Best Western’s UK CEO Rob Paterson said the chain could quickly sweep into action, but later expressed dismay at the lack of firm plans.  Was he that rare animal – a businessman who wasn’t in league with the tories?

A virtual Keir appeared at PMQs to repeat’ slow, slow, slow’.  He asked: why was the UK death toll the highest in Europe? why did quarantine only apply to certain countries? and why weren’t all inbound travellers tested and quarantined immediately?  Keir slapped down an evasive Boris for trolling out the worn-out insults, said he had ‘no plan’ and pleaded for the urgent inoculation of keyworkers.  This time able to ask both questions, Ian Blackford berated Boris for not ‘following the science’ as he claimed and called for financial certainty on furlough and UC: “stop the dithering and delays!”  Des Swayne MP (not seen on the green benches) told an anti-lockdown group that stats on the virus “appear to have been manipulated.”  Scolded by the tory chair, Angela Rayner demanded stronger action.

After a week of anti-curfew rioting in the Netherlands, businesses were boarded up and at least 180 arrested.  Fires were lit in the streets of Amsterdam and Den Hague.  No surprise to me, having previously experienced hair-raising New Year trips!  One of their favourite pastimes seemed to be setting fire to cars.  Pfizer found their vaccine effective against the SA variant while Moderna developed a booster for theirs.  Chair of the SA coronavirus advisory panel, Salim Abdool Karim said: “no-one is safe until everyone is safe…There’s no endgame that sees one country succeeding in controlling the virus while the rest of the world is dealing with rampant spread…we all need to stand together.”  Prof. Tulio De Oliviera, the scientist who discovered the variant added that travel restrictions were futile: “I find it almost silly…trying to block a country, because we know how fast this virus spreads and in how many places.”  He called on governments to avoid ‘virus nationalism’ and apply broad quarantine rules to all international travellers.

A good night’s sleep aside, I still felt ill on Thursday. I spent all day in bed writing my novel and collaging.  Phil spent all day on the phone telling people Shutterstock wasn’t working.  The problem persisting into the following week, at least it was earning the dollars.

Paperchase

Euphoria Salon Escapees

In the face of criticism on slow rollout and angry at Astra-Zeneca limiting supplies to the EU, the European Commission had threatened vaccine controls.  Nads Zahawi played down fears imports of Pfizer would be blocked, saying 367m were on order from different sources.  EU health commissioner Stella Keryakides said: “we reject the notion of first come first served.”  Set to approve the AZ vax Friday, Germans found ‘insufficient data’ of effectiveness on the over 65’s.  Nads dismissed the claims.  AZ boss Pascal Soriot advised the UK was doing right delaying the second jab 12 weeks and bragged that all over 50’s would be immunised by the end of February.  Wading into the kerfuffle, Sturgeon threatened to give supply figures to Europe (already available in the form of ‘spin’).  She also criticised Boris for visiting the Valneva lab in Livingston north of the border, maker of yet another vaccine.  Meanwhile, Novavax planned to make 60m doses in Teesside.  Almost 90% effective on the Kent virus and 60% on the SA variant, it was set to be the 4th vaccine to gain approval.

With an upward trend since Christmas week, police had so far issued 42,000 fines, 80% to 18-39 year olds and 250 for mass gatherings including 2 organisers of the Woodhouse Moor snowball fight.  “Why no fines for Londoners sledging on Primrose Hill?” I asked. “Because they weren’t Leeds chavs,” replied Phil. “We were told it was students.” “I doubt it. Not dressed like that.”  Clients escaped from a police raid via the fire exit from the Euphoria salon in Cwmbran.  The owner was fined £1k,  Casa Cruz got a £5k fine for Rita Ora’s birthday bash but she escaped sanctions herself.  The disproportionality was striking.

The issue of ‘vaccine nationalism’ discussed on QT, we were reminded of the EU land border on the island of Ireland.  Was there actually a good side to Brexit?  “I’ve always said the EU is just a giant pile of coffee-cuppers,” declared Phil.  The problems of getting a bunch of nations to agree manifest, maybe the UK government was right to appoint a venture capitalist to head up a taskforce, thus delegating the job to a non-politician.

And oft-derided investors saved the Paperchase chain, including many of the chain’s high street shops.

On a nondescript Friday, I initially felt better after a good sleep, but my sinus symptoms soon returned.  Resigned to bedrest, I continued work on the secret collage, wishing I’d never started, or used paper rather than Photoshop.  It was so fiddly cutting round those pixels!  Phil went to the co-op for a ‘freezer filler’ of pizza and garlic bread.  Again, we didn’t drink too much wine while watching films but overnight, I had two dreams like movie plots.  The first resembled a crap cheap sci-fi with Mars cop robots.  The second featured WW1 soldiers as sooty ghosts.  Relating them to Phil, I complained: “we watch too many sci-fi and war films”.  “It’s good for your imagination,” he countered, “WW1 gets in your head.”  We thought there might be some mileage in the latter idea.

1 year since the first UK case of coronavirus arose in York, paper books chosen for genre or colour rather than content, sold ‘by the yard’ to fill shelves in zoom backgrounds.  The Janssen vaccine showed 60% effectiveness after 1 dose, including on the SA variant. Prof. Paul Heath, leader of the Novavax trial, said the technology existed to deal with new strains with the possibility of ‘bivalent’ vaccines.  The EMU approved the Astra-Zeneca vax for all adults, despite German claims of ineffectiveness on OAPs. Aiming to stop exports from Europe until the end of March, Brussels introduced more paperwork in the form of a ‘vaccine export transparency mechanism’ and planned to invoke Article 16 to stop product crossing from ROI to NI.  After condemnation from London, Belfast and Dublin for breaking the Brexit agreement, it was hastily withdrawn.  Arlene Foster called it “an incredible act of hostility.”  Playing silly beggars, more like!

Over the weekend, I stayed mainly in bed spending far too long on the collage, making my head ache but I eventually finished it.  Brighter on Sunday, we remarked on the noticeable change in light over the last few days, even when grey.  Phil visited the nearby clough to report it totally sodden.  Poaching overripe pears for dessert made my back ache and my mood plummet.  Cheered by the tasty fruit and ice cream, I sat up to watch telly after dinner but had a mediocre sleep.

A record 600k jabs on Saturday brought the total to 9 million.  Discussing overstocks going to less fortunate countries, shadow minister Rachel Reeves said the UK should inoculate its own vulnerable people first – very socialist, I’m sure!  Her erstwhile boss Tony Blair waded into the paperwork row, admonishing the EU for being ‘foolish’.  Macron defied speculation on another lockdown, shutting France’s shopping malls and non-EU borders instead.  Across Russia, protests in support of Alexei Navalny involved dancing on ice and brandishing golden bog brushes – a reference to the Black Sea mansion allegedly owned by Putin.  Liz Truss negotiated to join the Comprehensive & progressive Trans-Pacific Partnership (C&PT-PP).  Emily Thornberry wondered why the country spent over 4 years leaving one trading bloc to join another.  Fun and games!

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com