“The prime minister brought a fantasist and a liar into the heart of Downing Street” (Jonathan Ashworth)
Under Duress
In the midst of Monday chores, a small glass bottle stopper went up the hoover. I emptied the thing and scoured through dust to retrieve it. Worn out, I lay on the bed to enjoy a good half hour feeling warm and drowsy. The moon almost full, we watched it cross the darkening sky but by the time Phil went out to take photos at 11 o’clock, it was raining.
Medical Detection Dogs spotted coronavirus with 94.3% accuracy. Reading about them a year ago, I wondered what took so long? Mini Macron and The Merkel pledged the WHO more support to enable better pandemic future planning and suggested a global health threat council. An extra 10,000 in the past month, Indian deaths hit 300,000. Japan launched 2 centres as part of a mass vaccination drive before the Olympics. Unenthusiastic citizens called it too little too late. Nasty Patel launched the Electronic Travel Authorisation (ETA) for UK visitors who didn’t hold a visa or immigration status, and promised a ‘fully digital border’ within 5 years. Roman Protasevich appeared on video to lie, under duress, about being well-treated. Rabid Raab instructed airlines not to fly over Belarus and suspended Belavia’s operating permit. The EU followed suit. TUI cancelled holidays to amber countries. After the collapse of Greensill Capital, Liberty Steel were closing 7 plants and jobseekers searched vacancies in social care as existing staff resigned.
Waking in the early hours Tuesday, I recalled a solitary detail from many dreams. Was telling someone the journal was ‘really important’ hubris or a message from the gods? Mostly cold and grey, I spent all morning writing and invented a new sandwich for lunch. Pitta filled with spam, tomato, camembert and red onion, and sprinkled with pea-shoots, was rather good! The cacophonous flood alarm sirens were tested several times causing severe disturbance in the afternoon. I went to the co-op to find gaps on the shelves, busy aisles and a mate mulling over flatbread. During a brief chat, he told me he’d also had 2 jabs and didn’t fancy a third so wouldn’t be volunteering for the Covboost trial. Taking groceries to the kitchen, I discovered Phil had washed up but annoyingly left the bowl full of water and the draining board stacked. A second kitchen trauma ensued later when I opened the freezer to find a split bag of sweetcorn. In the process of rescuing what I could, I made a bigger rip so the pesky tiny veg went all over the place and I had to sweep it into the bin. Inordinately upset, I collapsed on the sofa. Hearing my screams from upstairs, Phil came to sympathise.
Will Shakespeare, the first man to get the Pfizer vaccine, died of an ‘unrelated illness’. One the of busiest days ever at Bolton ED saw 41 admissions and 8 in critical care. With only 15 positive cases out of 58,000 participants, Oliver Dowdy hailed the test event pilots a success.
ONS data showed trade between the UK and the EU fell 23% Jan-March. Mainly due to Brexit, the ongoing recession and pandemic also played a part. One year since the murder of George Floyd, his family went to the Whitehouse and Biden gave his daughter ice-cream.
The Cabinet Office were accused of ‘local lockdown by stealth’ as It emerged they extended measures on Friday night for Kirklees, Bedford, Burnley, Leicester, Hounslow, North Tyneside, Bolton and Blackburn . Not mentioned in any formal announcements or ministerial briefings, local authorities complained of no consultation and finding out by accident. Tracy Brabin came on BBC Breakfast to call it ‘a bit shabby’ and Yasmin Qureshi was ‘gobsmacked’. Residents of affected zones were advised not to meet inside, keep 2 metres apart and avoid non-essential travel out of area. In urgent questions, Jon Ashworth called on ministers to “withdraw the guidance now…(The Cock) doesn’t even have the courtesy to tell us.” Under duress, Nads Zahawi defended the government: “we want the country to move out of these restrictions together and we’re trusting people to be responsible and to act with caution and common sense.” They argued the recommendations were first issued 14th May when Boris told us to be ‘extra cautious’ before formal web publishing a week later. The site stated the rules were ‘underpinned by law’ but The Cock said the guidance was ‘not statutory’. I tweeted to ask him to explain the contradiction but got no answer. The guidance was later changed to ‘advice’.
Phantasmagorical
Wednesday morning, I really struggled to come round. Getting up and bathed required a huge effort. A pile of mail prompted me into boring life admin while watching PMQs. After lunch, I worked on the journal then sorted winter coats. Planning to put them away, I discovered 2 needed a wash first and stuck them in the machine before steaming woollens. Seeming quick and easy at the time, the task rendered me breathless. The evening Ocado delivery was badly packed and I got cheated out of 2 bags – no joke now they cost 10p each. Panorama featured AI and informed us Alexa used to be a British robot called Evie – another example of Brits selling stuff to the Yanks for peanuts!
ONS data based on sample blood test results, suggested over 75% of adults had covid anti-bodies. The UK leaders’ covid summit was postponed as Sturgeon and Drakeford wanted more time to prepare so it would be ‘meaningful’ and dismissed a rough agenda from Number 10 before key topics were agreed. Exactly a year since his trip to Barnard Castle and ahead of appearing before 2 commons committees (Health & Social Care and Science & Technology), The Scumbag posted around 50 tweets, including barely legible scribbles on a whiteboard outlining ‘Plan B’, suggesting ditching ‘herd immunity’ was all down to him when general opinion last year was he pushed for it. He told MPs that The Bumbler dismissed the pandemic as a scare story, said it only killed 80-year-olds, and volunteered to be jabbed with covid on live TV by Chris Witless. One of the more bizarre claims was that cobra had been derailed 12th March 2020 by trump asking them to bomb Iraq and Carrie Antionette having a fit over her dog, comparing the scene to the film Independence Day. Other statements echoed what we all knew; that failures cost thousands of lives and ministers ignored scientific advice in September due to economic concerns. In scathing attacks, he criticised The Cock’s policies on care homes, PPE, and testing targets leading to disruption in Whitehall, and said he should have been sacked 15-20 times for persistent lying.
On PMQs, Keir used all 3 questions on the row between Boris and his former aide and concluded that if The Scumbag was fibbing, it showed poor judgement by the PM. Meanwhile, York MP Rachael Maskell asked about reneging on help for charities. The government decision not to match public donations also featured on Newsnight where on behalf of War Child, actress Carey Mulligan said it meant 3,000 Afghani children were at risk of being trafficked.
The next day, The Cock went to the commons to answer urgent questions and deny Scumbag’s claims. Quizzed on care homes, he admitted testing capacity wasn’t in place when he promised a ‘protective ring’, but insisted he’d gone away to work on it. Jon Ashworth said if the allegations of lying were true, they broke the ministerial code, and if false, Boris brought ‘a fantasist and a liar’ into Downing Street. Jeremy C**t pointed out the accusations were unproven and Boris maintained his actions hadn’t caused more deaths: “Some of the commentary…doesn’t bear any relation to reality…At every stage we have been governed by a determination to protect life, to save life, to ensure our NHS is not overwhelmed and followed the data and guidance we had.” But on radio 4, Prof. Ferguson said it was ‘unarguable’ that the delay in imposing the first lockdown caused 30,000 extra deaths: “The epidemic doubled every 3 or 4 days in weeks March 13 to 23. Had we moved the interventions back a week we would have saved many lives.” Prof. Susan Michie of sage said the change from the 2m to 1m plus rule was one of “several examples where scientific advice wasn’t followed.” She echoed Keir’s calls for the public inquiry to be brought forward.
Discussing the Scumbag’s revelations later, Phil thought he might have partially told the truth. “Yeah. The bits we already knew and he’s still a scumbag. They’re all as bad as each other. If people were more engaged in politics, they wouldn’t put up with useless leaders!”
Thursday morning, I drafted an article for the summer issue of Valley Life magazine before preparing to go out. Lunchtime by the time dithering was done, we hurried into town and dodged the market day throngs to get pies from the bakers. We crossed over to the park, also busy, where Phil found a free patch of grass while I bought pop from the café, baulking at the cost; they could at least provide tables for that price. More of a take-away with café prices! After eating our pastries, we walked east on the canal to see verges carpeted with daisies and hawthorn blooming at long last. Among gaggles of geese, sizeable goslings were already losing their fluff. Beyond the next village, attractive flood alleviation works were integrated with a new wetland nature reserve and the football pitch which always flooded, had been moved and protected by levees. We rested at a pretty lock and watched gammons on a barge navigate through. Phil overheard them complaining about unpainted houseboats. “Said them on their expensive rental cruiser. Snobs!” Rather tired, we decided to continue to the next town and catch a bus. The stifling journey back was prolonged by roadworks but at least the bus took us all the way home. While I didn’t find weariness unexpected, Phil complained of the vaccine making him post-virally weak. (For a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’i).
Daily Covid infections hit 3,180, the highest since 2nd April but The Cock said inoculation severed the link to hospitalisation and death . As Indian variant cases rose to 5,000, Prof. Ferguson cited it as the dominant strain and hinted full re-opening on 21st June hung in the balance. The Bumbler gainsaid: ”I don’t see anything currently in the data to suggest that we have to deviate from the roadmap.” After administering over 17,000 jabs in a week, there were signs the surge in Bolton was capping off. The Cock called it ‘phenomenal’. That didn’t stop Yasmin Qureshi calling for the government to be investigated for corporate manslaughter.
Thousands flocked to the Westminster vaccine bus in London’s Chinatown where no ID was required (how did they know who’d been done?) The Glove-Puppet told the commons public admin committee the covid pass might be delayed or not happen at all while France imposed a 7 day quarantine for arrivals, excepting hauliers. Grant Shats confirmed HS2 would go all the way to Leeds. Beloved children’s author Eric Carle died, aged 91.
In the evening, we watched a telly film and newsy stuff. Appearing on Newscast, Arlene Foster proved much jollier in real life. It prompted us to return to earlier discussions on politicisation and apathy. I thought putting up with useless leaders was particularly an issue in England. Citizens of NI and Scotland tended to be more engaged, probably for historical reasons. At bed-time, I was assailed by the noise of the droning generator and a shouting chav. Even with earplugs, it took ages to get any sleep.
Layers of Lies
The crap night led to a later start Friday. Taking the breakfast tray down, I balanced it a moment on the way to the kitchen, when the whole thing tipped up. The handle on Phil’s ‘winter wonderland’ mug broke in half and dregs spilt all over the throws. I chucked them in the wash and dug out old cups with pleasing olive designs, not sure why they were consigned to a cupboard. Appearing after the mess was cleared, Phil asked what the crash was. “Spot the difference.” “With my eye sight! You’ll have to tell me,” he chortled. Indicating the changed throw and olive mugs, I braced for a telling off but he continued laughing. “I never get annoyed.” “Liar!” “I hate breaking things but I don’t get annoyed.” “Breaking stuff is part of life and it’s been one of those weeks.” Still fatigued, he struggled to come round. I went to the co-op, not noticing the drizzle until I got out the door. Copious traffic suggested people taking advantage of the good weather forecast and upcoming spring bank holiday weekend. A less bustling supermarket confirmed the assumption. My mate let me pay for a trolley-load at the kiosk, which was nice. Phil asked why I hadn’t requested help with the shopping but agreed I’d have been stood waiting in the rain and I was quicker doing it myself. He then offered to carry bags to the kitchen but disappeared upstairs, not coming to my aid until groceries were all-but sorted. Slicing cabbage for slaw that evening, I managed to slice my thumb. I screamed in shock and pain and collapsed on a chair. As I ranted, Phil told me to calm down. “What part of being in shock don’t you get?” “Never had it.” “More lies!” I eventually settled down but dropped my fork during dinner making me fume again. It really had been a crap week!
The R rate up to 1-1.1, there were 10 deaths and 4,182 new infections – an increase of 25% in a week and the highest since 1st April. Hospitalisations rising in some areas, PHE said only 3% of those infected by the Indian variant and 5 out of 201 who went to A&E, were inoculated. Kwasi Kwarteng saw no reason not to re-open on 21st June, but warned data could change warranting ‘flexibility’. Kate Nicholls of UK Hospitality said it was ‘absolutely critical’ to stick to the date, yet Christina Pagel of indy sage wanted to wait: “If we can just delay international travel, delay stage 4 of the road map until…(more people are) vaccinated with 2 doses, we’re in a much, much better position. We’re only 2 months away from that, it’s not long to wait. What I don’t want is for us to have new restrictions.” A young woman died from a blood clot after one jab of AZ and the MHRA approved the one-shot Janssen. 20m doses on order and due to arrive by the end of 2021, JCVI would provide guidance on who should get it; likely proposing hard-to-reach groups. After months of delay, Lord Geidt released his first report on minister’s interests. He said Boris was ‘unaware’ that tory donor Lord Brownlow settled the bill for the flat refurb, and ‘unwisely’ let it go ahead without ‘more rigorous regard’ for how it would be funded. More care should have been taken over the financial arrangements and officials weren’t rigorous enough in examining the proposed Downing Street Trust’s ability to pay, but this was a ‘minor breach’ of the ministerial code. I remained puzzled that the trust was legal in the first place.
Fatigue caught up with me the next day. I spent a typical Saturday at home, draft-posted the journal, and got rid of loads of recycling and more of the creeping buttercup in the garden until the small stone path emerged from the undergrowth. I exchanged pleasantries with neighbours and re-directed a couple about to climb steps into private gardens. I had to stop my labours when the sun emerged from behind clouds, sweat dripping down my face in the rising heat. I gulped water and started to clean up the debris. Phil returned from the shop to report town predictably heaving. He squatted on the kerb to chat and I recalled an article in Metro about rich Californian cyber-geeks spending millions on implants thinking they’d live forever. For dinner he made kofta for the first time – another delicious meal invented. That night I dropped off, book in hand and bedside lamp still on, to wake a few minutes later and sleep fractiously thereafter.
The Bumbler married Carrie Antionette in Westminster Cathedral. Twice divorced, permission was granted because his previous marriages weren’t catholic ceremonies so didn’t count. Technically, that made his elder kids bastards. The obvious distraction ploy by the duplicitous Papist git outraged Catholics and those who’d had to put their weddings on hold during the pandemic in equal measure.
Early mist soon burned off Sunday to be replaced by warm sunshine. Layers of tory lies persisted as Nads Zahawi told Marr a pile of untruths trying to defend The Cock’s claims of ‘putting a ring around care homes’.
Setting off for a walk, I popped in the co-op for packed lunches. The scrum in front of the meal deal shelf suggested it wasn’t an original idea. From the opposite bank, the riverside steps were as crowded as the beach! We continued upstream, assailed by scents of baking loam and wild flowers. Creeping buttercup looked much better in verges than in the garden. Dappled light made arty shadows on the weir. Yet more families pretended it was the seaside. We climbed onto tarmac then into a lush clough. As we descended to a brook, felled trees cluttered a shingled shore we’d hoped to rest on. We squatted on a low bridge to eat and check the map for a route up to a monument. Unable to see a path, we proceeded upwards and glanced back to see the structure emerge below. Disinclined to back-track, we continued up the road to a hamlet and found a free bench outside the local pub. As we supped pints, traffic continually streamed in both directions. The cycling couple on the adjacent table made a move and we wondered how their small dog rode a bike. They then put the pooch in a bag. ‘Doggy bag!’ We struck up a conversation encompassing the joys of pet ownership, the state of the world and limited travel options, concluding there were worse places to be stuck. Taking roadway down was tricky with speeding vehicles and no pavement but shaded by extensive woodland. At the edge of town, a long flight of steps provided a short-cut. I’d always assumed unusual roofs on terraces were dormers added later but Phil informed me they were Dutch houses. The longer day out in extended sunshine had been very enjoyable while stops for sustenance ensured against severe fatigue – or so it seemed at the time. (For a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’i).
I even managed to edit photos and write a haiku after dinnerii. Mind you, I had a crap night. Unable to sleep, I looked out to see hundreds of stars including rarely spotted feinter ones. I eventually dropped off with the help of the meditation tape.
References:
i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/
ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com
The Corvus Diaries 