“Ministers mix messages, change approach and water down proposals when the public and businesses need clarity and certainty” (Justin Madders)
#Freedumbday
The heatwave continued. Determined not to be rushed Monday morning, I took my time even as Phil took the breakfast tray away but with washing and rubbish to take down, wished he hadn’t disappeared. Internet issues persisted the whole week and beyond. I managed to post blogs working round the signal drops. Phil checked all our telecoms equipment before ringing Talk-Talk again. On repeating they’d monitor it, I exclaimed: “They said that on Saturday. They’ll say anything to not fix it!” “Yep. That’s what they do.” Taking recycling out, elderly Neighbour came up to chat. Finding it hard to follow her stream of consciousness, I nodded politely. In the co-op later, the aisles were now both salad-free and markings-free. Face-coverings optional, I wore one.
Unlike some on ‘Freedom Day’ or #Freedumbday. Clubbers queued from midnight. Heaven looked like hell on a video posted by party-loving journo Benjamin Button. Alarm bells sounding, The Bumbler warned proof of 2 jabs may be required for entry to crowded indoor spaces from September. Scotland cautiously moved to Level 0. Social distancing was reduced to 1 metre but nightclubs wouldn’t open, bars had to shut at midnight, only 15 people could mix outdoors, masks stayed mandatory and the order to work from home continued. JCVI said there’d be no mass vaccination of kids as the benefits didn’t outweigh the risks of myocarditis. Pfizer would be offered to immunocompromised 12-15 year olds (or those living with vulnerable people) ‘as soon as possible’.
A long-overdue Ocado order impossible on the crap internet, we searched town Tuesday afternoon for salad items. The convenience store surprisingly had some, but no cucumber. Would we ever see it again? As a queue outside the sweet shop died down, I hovered until deeming it safe to buy pop. We refreshed on a shady riverside bench. Ducks sheltering from the boiling sun resembled rocks until they scarpered from the heron. On the way home, we waved to The Biker outside the corner pub and noted BT engineers fiddling with telegraph wires on the street below, hoping they were fixing the internet. “How come nobody else ever reports problems?“ I asked Phil. “God knows. I went door-knocking once and no one knew what I was on about. One neighbour even asked was it the same as the telly?!” Unfortunately the problem persisted so whatever they did hadn’t done the trick. I’d forgotten to get exterior primer from the hardware store but Phil said melamine primer I found in the cupboard would work. The ancient stuff dried almost on contact with the repaired planter. Grubby and sweaty, we freshened up with bedtime baths but they didn’t help with sleep in the sweltering heat.
Cases rising nationally 40% week-on-week, the average in Yorkshire was 60%. Daily cases reached 46,558 and deaths 96. A million school pupils were absent in the last week, the highest since March. ALW’s Cinderella show was cancelled when a staff member got covid and the rest had to self-isolate. Inevitable whingeing ensued, even though it negated his arguments. I’d shut up if I was him. Business minister Paul Scuzz-ball said it was up to individuals and employers whether to isolate if pinged. Downing Street scrambled out a message it was ‘crucial’ to do so. Shadow health minister Justin Madders accused the government of making it up as they went along, saying we were in the realms of ‘dangerous farce’. Some exemptions granted for ‘essential workers’, criteria were unclear.
Laura K, interviewed The Scumbag who declared his mission to bring down the government and claimed he stopped Boris going to see the queen in case he killed her. Unbelievably, he admitted he wasn’t sure if Brexit was a good idea! 400 yesterday brought the total of migrants crossing the Channel since January to 8,000, almost as many as the whole of 2020.
Hours after Nasty Patel bribed Paris to increase patrols, Mini Macron no doubt had a good laugh as a French navy gunboat forced a dinghy into UK waters. She told the home affairs committee the agreement wasn’t meaningless and border policy failure wasn’t responsible for letting in the Delta variant.
Newsnight mentioned a suggested extra 1% on National Insurance to fund social care. Ministers maintained it was unpopular but many people thought it sensible. Maybe Boris and Rishi believed it would go against them in the next election or was it yet another example of pandering to backbenchers? Jeff Bezos outdid Branston in the billionaire space race. New Shepard rocket went up 66 miles. Unimpressed with him thanking Amazon staff and customers who got him to the edge of space, critics screamed ‘pay your bloody taxes!’
Fail, And Fail Again
On a humid Wednesday, we took another rail trip – to Brighouse. Market day created lunchtime bustle. Phil got fish and chips from Blakely’s while I found seats on attractive new decking overlooking the Calder & Hebble Navigation. Facing towards sun so he’d spot me, I planned to move round when a pair of elderly women plonked themselves behind us; their coughing and their dog’s begging slightly spoiling the treat. We shifted to a further bench under cover of trees to gaze on water and pick herbs from incredible edible boxes. Further exploration of the shopping area revealed old buildings, squares and mainly independent shops selling everything you could need. We chatted to a lovely old man about architecture, craftsmanship and people not appreciating what was on their doorstep before buying elusive items including hammarite paint, cucumber and pasties for an easy tea. We walked to the beautiful canal basin, drank pop and strolled round. Industrial-looking craft from two years ago were replaced by trip barges, cabin cruisers, twee houseboats and what appeared to be a submarine conversion. After-school teenagers congregated at the dangerous confluence of the canal and river. Almost crawling back up to the station, it was 20 minutes ‘til the next train. We retreated to the shade of the old co-op building where Phil espied an engraving of a skep above the door, recalling pictures from the Pioneer’s Museum. Back home, I took food to the kitchen. Phil searched his bag and cried: “where are the pies?” “Don’t panic! I’ve got the pies, you’ve got the paint.” (For a fuller description, see Cool Places 2i)
As I collapsed on the sofa, Phil plugged the router straight into the socket without the extension. The internet signal seemed to improve, then failed again. He picked up the phone to Talk-Talk, but feeling hot and bothered, realised he’d lose his grip so left it until morning. We managed to watch Netflix by pausing when the red light came on the router (approximately every 20 minutes) and re-starting.
The retail and haulier sectors again warned the pingdemic meant empty shelves. British Meat Processors Association CE Nick Allen said food supply chains were ‘starting to fail’ and criticised minister’s ‘confusing messages’. At PMQs, Keir mocked the latest government slogan ‘Keep Life Moving’ and suggested it be replaced with ‘Get A Grip’. He went onto accuse a virtual Boris of superspreading confusion on the rules then immediately isolated himself after his sprog tested positive for coronavirus, although he’d tested negative. The NHS pay review body recommended a 3% rise. Minister Helen Waffle failing to tell the commons, the government later said they’d pay it to most staff. As the EU refused to renegotiate the Northern Ireland protocol, Lord Frost complained ‘we can’t go like this’. So what now, you idiot? Liverpool lost its UNESCO World Heritage Status. City councillors were surprised but no-one else was. We thought Brighouse had a better claim. Severe floods in China left 25 dead including 12 trapped in tube trains.
After another uncomfortable and fractious night, I felt wobbly and unable to focus my eyes Thursday morning. I forced myself to perform a few stretches which must have got some endorphins going because my mood improved. I took my time over the morning cuppa, even as Phil made to take the tray away, and asked for help with the washing. I went to the market, finding fish and a few veg but no toiletries again. German Friend dawdled up the steps ahead of me on the way back. As I caught up, I joked “is it hot enough for you?” We strolled to her front door where I gave her tips on fixing her bench. Phil had been on the phone to Talk-Talk. After a rant, they promised to send engineers the next day – pointless but maybe they’d establish the issue wasn’t in the house. Later, I saw discussion on a local Facebook group confirming the intermittent service affected the whole town. I proclaimed Talk-Talk lying bastards’ Phil’s anger resurfaced. “I thought it would reassure you that you weren’t going mad.” “Can I have that in writing?” “Yes, I’ll make you a certificate!” But I agreed it was frustrating that people posted on comment pages rather than reporting the problem. During a spell outside, Phil continued with his tiny work while I applied waterproof paint to the planters. Having located a website on exciting days out on the Calder & Hebble navigation, I asked him where next? Just then, the hippy who lived on a barge emerged from next door. I told him of our excursion to Brighouse on which he shared interesting snippets, and picked his brains on other waterway locations worth visiting. Early evening, rain started to fall. Initially light, it soon turned into a deluge. BBC 4 showed decent films so we didn’t have to endure interrupted streaming for our evening’s viewing. Eyes shutting while reading, I dropped off quickly only to wake in the early hours.
Reports that 9 out of 10 people had coronavirus antibodies but weren’t all immune, did not compute. 618,903 pinged by TIT in the previous week, 1.77m self-isolated. Jeremy C**t again called for government to bring forward rule changes or they’d lose “social consent for this very, very important weapon against the virus.” The BMA maintained that more pings indicated very high infection rates and deleting the app was like disabling the fire alarm. Ravi Gupta of Nervtag said the ‘mixed bag of measures’ created ‘confusion and havoc’ by making individuals isolate when large crowds attended sporting events. Kwasi Kwarteng promised a longer list of exempt sectors soon and urged firms to stick to the rules but food distribution company Bidfood told staff to take tests and carry on working while Iceland advised customers not to panic over food shortages (it should be ministers panicking). Tobias Ellwood wanted Cobra to enlist the army.
The Boardman report on Greensill, said Lex enjoyed an ‘extraordinarily privileged’ relationship with Camoron who could have been clearer but didn’t break current lobbying rules so ‘his actions were not unlawful’. Angela Rayner called it a classic whitewash. Dawn Butler had to leave the commons for naming Boris a liar – apparently not allowed even when blatantly true. Australia and NZ withdrew from the rugby world cup due to safety concerns. A day before the official start of Shonkyo 2020, the opening ceremony director was sacked. Kentaro Kobayashi made jokes about the holocaust when he was a comic. This followed creative chief Horishi Sasaki resigning in March after apologising for calling large lady Naomi Watanabe ‘Olympig’ and a composer quitting earlier in the week when it emerged he’d bullied schoolkids.
Yes, We Have No Tomatoes!
Friday morning, an exhausted Phil fell briefly back to sleep after brekkie. I drafted blog entries for Cool Places 2 but posting was impossible. ‘Bright Sparks’ engineers rang Phil saying they were on the way. Two men arrived in separate vans, blocking the road. Phil explained the problem didn’t affect just us. I chimed in with gen from social media, noted one of them wore a mask over his mouth but not his nose, and left them to it for the weekend shop. Still very little veg, signs on shelves promised supply issues would be resolved shortly. At the kiosk, I repeated what I wanted 3 times to a new staff member and she still got it wrong! On returning, the engineers departed. They’d replaced the router and all the wiring, thus eliminating any possibility of problems in the house. The internet worked for an hour before bombing. Barely keeping a grip, Phil again rang Talk-Talk who eventually said a BT van would come next Tuesday. “Not good enough!” I railed. I later noticed the red light didn’t come on the new router when the signal dropped. “They’ve fixed if then, ha, ha!” Phil went to the other shop and I asked him to look for salad stuff. He returned singing: “Yes, we have no tomatoes!” Watching old films on DVD, we managed not to drink too much wine and had quite an early night for a Friday.
Train services and petrol stations joined the list of services hit by the pingdemic. Useless George said exemptions for critical workers meant 10,000 could carry on working in food and other key industries. Dr. Chaand Nagpaul of BMA called it a “desperate and potentially unsafe policy that does not address the root problem…(exceptions) should only happen in the absolute rarest of cases and with rigorous infection control measures and assurances of safety.” 30 drownings in British waterways over the week included a mother and son in Loch Lomond, a 16 year old boxer in the River Dee at Chester, a young footballer in Salford Quays, and 6 men and boys in Yorkshire.
Suspecting the jolly veg man had cheated me, I weighed the mushrooms before cooking Saturday breakfast. The alleged half-pound came to 5.7 oz. Phil suggested they’d shrunk but if not, he should be put in the stocks for deceiving customers. Phil managed to do some uploading but I avoided the internet completely, writing and photo-editing. Brighouse shots lent themselves to monochrome and inspired the weekly haigaii. I also took a pile of recycling out, having to sort neighbours’ detritus. Phil popped to the co-op to find no beer as mask-less 30 somethings wandered the aisles.
A mere 20oC on Sunday, I braved the market for knobbly veg and got quite a selection, including the last 4 tomatoes. Town packed, visitors cluttered the streets, queues snaked from charity shops, and kids and dogs paddled under the old bridge where a low dam had been constructed. Phil considering joining me, I rang to say don’t bother. On the way home, I saw The Poet and suggested he avoid the centre as it was full of bloody tourists. “Don’t worry, I’m going straight to the bus stop.” Noting the leafy stalks sticking out of my bag, he commented, “I can’t remember the last time I ate celery.”
Wanting to finish painting the planters, I noticed gaps in the bottom allowing soil to escape. I sawed a small piece of wood to size and hammered it on. Phil looked impressed as he watched. “I can do things, you know!” Decorating Neighbour came to see what the noise was and shared notes on the trials of painting, overhanging bushes messing his car up, and parking disputes. Phil found another small bit of wood to finish the bodge. I applied primer to the additions and paint to a plastic planter that now housed a rose.
Look North featured a local family we knew. The now very tall 11 year old son started walking to Westminster for the Zero Carbon petition, accompanied by parents in a campervan. At 10 miles per day it would take him 3 weeks.
No data on deaths released for a second day running due to tech issues, Goblin Saj tweeted ‘don’t cower from the virus’. Covid Bereaved Families for Justice incensed at the insensitivity, The Goblin deleted the tweet and apologised for a ‘poor choice of words’. What a cock! PAC reported dealing with the pandemic cost £370bn so far. £10bn wasted on PPE ‘not fit for purpose’, £6.7m per week was still being spent on storage. Phil came up with a solution: “Burn it!” At a rally in Trafalgar Square Saturday, covid-denier Kate Shemerani likened NHS staff to Nazis. The ex-nurse had been struck off for dangerous views on vaccines, social distancing and PPE. PHE said vaccines prevented at least 52.600 deaths (later revised to 60,000).
Mr. Ben claimed the Latitude festival was the safest place on the planet. Revellers required to show proof of 2 jabs or a negative test result, we wondered why on earth that couldn’t be the case all round. Public opinion increasingly in favour of Covid Passes, The Bumbler shied away from them and instead urged common sense. How was it ‘common sense’ to allow hundreds of people to cram into discos, possibly infecting each other, rather than proving they didn’t have the disease? Answer: Boris didn’t want to upset so-called libertarian backbenchers and in doing so, mis-read the public mood.
Unable to settle, the meditation soundtrack enabled a few hours’ sleep. Musings of a possible birthday trip in September led to dreaming of a train journey to the seaside. I stared out the window at a dark and rainy scene while Phil concentrated on his phone. Elder Sis and Youngest Brother materialised. He pressed a guide book on me as we alighted intoning: “You’ll need this.” Out on the road, other people surrounded us. Striving to outpace them, I lost sight of Phil. I awoke wondering if it was a message. Dropping off again, I had a follow-up dream; too indistinct to get a grip on details.
References:
i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com
ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com
The Corvus Diaries 