Part 86 – Blah, Blah, Blah

“This devastating milestone reminds us that we are failing much of the world” (Antonio Guterres)

Talking Shop

I slept fitfully through a pouring night until the alarm forced me up on Monday. Guessing a missed call concerned the appointment, the landline rang later. As anticipated by the dream, the slot in Tod wasn’t available due to staff sickness and they directed me to immediately go to Halifax. I negotiated for 3.00 p.m. then stuck an anorak over my head, took garbage out, and found a whole melon in the food bin. Nowt wrong with it apart from being rock hard, I brought it in and washed it thrice to be safe. Were people made of money? Making lunch, the kettle did that weird thing of mentally spewing froth – probably because of the copious rain. I panicked as Phil ineffectually wiped round. It took three boils to expunge the foam. The rain had eased off as we went to the bus stop round the corner. We sat on the top deck to enjoy scenic views of canal reflections and pavements carpeted with leaves. The bus station shut for refurb, we hurried round the corner and just caught the connection. Slightly early, we lingered in the grounds examining chewed conkers and a peculiar mushroom on a mushroom among undergrowth. Again, Phil patiently waited for me while I underwent a slightly less ghastly procedure than the previous week. We went straight home but too late for a siesta, I recovered slightly from the ordeal with coffee and snacks. Phil had to take over chopping veg for dinner when I sliced my thumb. Knackered by bedtime, it took ages to sleep.

Covid deaths reached 5 million world-wide, half in the UK, EU, USA and Brazil even though they represented only 1/8 of the world population. Antonio Guterres called it ‘a global shame’. Walk-in boosters were announced with everyone within 10 miles of a centre. That’s a long walk! Contradicting Boris, Mini Macron said the ball was in the UK’s court and threatened to implement fishing restrictions from Tuesday. Trussed-Up Liz retorted they wouldn’t ‘roll over’ and cave in to French demands. Jersey licensing ‘entirely in accordance with Brexit agreements’ she may trigger dispute resolution measures. Lord Frosty Gammon accused the EU of ‘overly strict enforcement of the Northern Ireland protocol, without regard to the huge political, economic and identity sensitivities’. Loyalists hijacked and torched a bus. 52 private jets flew in celebs to COP26, including Gates and Bezos. The latter lauded his Earth Fund and upped his donation to £1.4 billion. It then emerged CO2 emitted during a single space flight by the greenwashing hypocrite equated to the amount produced by one of the world’s poorest in a lifetime! Greta Thunberg was mobbed outside Glasgow rail station and spoke at a rally opposite SSE where 25,000 delegates went ‘blah, blah, blah’. Activists from the most affected countries sailed into port on Greenpeace’s Rainbow Warrior. Justin Welby said leaders would be cursed if this didn’t prove to be the moment they saved the planet. “That’s some powerful juju!” laughed Phil. On Newsnight, a drug-addled Allegra Stratton, now apparently PM spokesperson on COP26, insisted Nodi’s promise to reduce emissions by 2070 was great, even though it was 20 years too late, and domestic flights were a ‘personal choice’.

COOP Shop

Waking in a cold, bright dawn Tuesday, I felt discombobulated, fatigued and nauseous and griped about my travails. About to clean the kitchen, Phil had made a start and I decided to leave the rest ‘til later. Actually, I didn’t feel up to it. I made an effort to work on the journal and went to the co-op for lunch supplies. They’d got with the zeitgeist displaying ‘COOP 26’ posters. Gaps on shelves meant hardly any British cheese, but bizarrely loads of continental stuff. I paid my mate at the kiosk, hefted bags home and struggled to the kitchen, swallowing annoyance at a lack of help. After lunch, I was falling asleep and struggling to see in bright sunlight, whinged and sympathised with Phil who had migraine. I got a WhatsApp alert, read ‘family group’ in a message, then the app bombed. I rang my brother who provided an update on mum’s headstone and complained everything was still slow and shit. Sharing health notes, he said he’d had covid recently even with 2 jabs, and we had a laugh at the expense of anti-vaxxers. Phil tutted impatiently so I went upstairs to continue the chat. My nephew now at Leeds University, I said he’d have to come and see us. “Does he?” “Well, he doesn’t HAVE to!” My brother chortled at that. I lay down to rest to be disturbed by nasty chainsaws – they loved massacring those trees!

Meanwhile, at COP26, Biden said Chinese and Russian leaders made a ‘big mistake’ not coming. 110 countries covering 85% of earth’s forests, pledged to reverse deforestation which Boris called ‘the great chainsaw massacre’. No way did he come up with that himself. FOE said proof would be in action not words and de-funding by big finance. Half the world’s top methane producers pledged to cut emissions by 30%, seen as a significant short-term contribution. XR went to JP Morgan and Scottish Power offices in Glasgow. Four more energy companies tanked. Goblin Saj said he was ‘leaning towards’ mandatory vaccines for the NHS. Chris Hopkins advised he wait until April or they’d lose staff over a ‘very difficult winter’. France suspended punitive action on fishing boats while negotiations continued. Frosty Gammon later met Clemet Bone-Head. No breakthrough, he’d meet Maros Sefcovic. “He’ll probably say ‘go away and stop being silly It’s only fish!’” predicted Phil. North Yorkshire cops began a campaign against bad driving which had worsened since the pandemic. Bereaved families protested smart motorways, the transport select committee counselled a halt to the rollout but Sh**ts said bringing hard shoulders back was less safe – WTF!

Money Talks

A difficult start to Wednesday, I persevered and sent my submission to Valley Life magazine for the next issue before preparing for a walk. Hitherto sunny, the skies went dark indicating rain. Phil declared he was making lunch instead. Only going out of the house for shops and appointments for 1½ weeks, I’d looked forward to a leisure outing and got depressed. I kept busy changing profile pics and passwords. A message in the junk folder implied an unexpected Facebook log-in. I doubted its authenticity but thought it wise to alter details anyway. At dinnertime, I ripped the skin off the sore thumb rinsing a margarine tub. “Should I sue?“ “Yes!” said Phil. “If it was you, you’d use superglue!” “Yes!” I applied a plaster instead.

As a sage bod resigned, Prof Van Dam came on the BBC to evade questions on government not ‘following the science’ and repeat the party lines of caution and getting jabs (1.6 million had boosters in the past week). He said we were ‘running hot’ with high case numbers and the pandemic wasn’t over but prevaricated on face-coverings, refusing to say Rees-Moggy was wrong that MPs didn’t need them in the commons as they all knew each other. Lindsay Hoyle directed them to be worn in both chambers but was largely ignored by tories. MPs narrowly voted for an amendment so Owen Paterson’ suspension for lobbying was put on hold until the rules were reviewed to include a right of appeal. Calling it an ‘absolute disgrace’, Labour, along with the Lib Dems and SNP, spurned the new committee thus it would consist of tory members only. Keir still off with covid, Rayner stood in at PMQs to say: “this is about playing by the rules…when they break the rules Mr Speaker, they just re-make the rules.” Even if you accepted the accused should have a right of appeal, how on earth could you apply that retrospectively, I wondered. Phil remarked Patterson didn’t even think he’d done anything wrong; getting bungs was an everyday part of life as a tory.

The day at COP26 was all about the money. Rishi Rich said developed nations would send the promised £73bn to developing countries in 2023, 3 years behind target, but they also needed private sector dosh. 450 financial institutions signed up to the Glasgow Financial Alliance for Net Zero (Gfanz). Led by Mark Carney, money had to be matched with net zero projects. The Loch Ness debt monster was blocked from being set afloat as it breached ‘maritime restrictions’. XR protested greenwashing. Hundreds marched, chanted and banged drums, some sat down outside SSE, cops were sprayed with paint and 2 activists were arrested. Bony Prince Charlie and Leo Crapio met Stella McCartney showing off her sustainable fashion including mushroom-grown leather bags and vegan football boots. I bet they were cheap, not! ‘Calling out’ the fashion industry, she said: “We’re one of the most harmful industries in the world to the environment” and “I’m trying to provide sustainable solutions and technologies and a better way of doing things.” After chanting ‘stick it up your arse’, Greta declared net zero on swearing – each time she used a bad word, she’d compensate by saying something nice.

Thursday, we spent the morning cleaning and working on laptops. I approved the proof from Valley Life before setting off in early afternoon sun on the walk we’d planned the previous day, calling in at the co-op for pastries. Heading up to a favoured copper beech woodland, the trees weren’t as red as usual but leaves already fell. “That’s that then!” laughed Phil. We squatted near an old gatepost to eat pastries then continued up a horrid stony path. Turning right, we proceeded on tarmac almost missing an overgrown stile across fields. Put off by huge sheep, Phil started up a ‘desire path’. I followed to struggle inelegantly over a metal gate. In the village, we looked at a new ‘beer shop’ – actually a TV filming location complete with distressed props. Returning via a different section of the wood, strong sun highlighted autumn golds. “That’s better!” Phil declared. “What are you on about? It’s all been lovely. It’s more yellow and orange this year but you already knew that.” Very warm atop the ridge, by the time we got home, I had backache, fatigue and felt overheated. (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱ)

MHRA approved Molnupiravir to treat covid in patients with at least 1 risk factor. It prevented the virus multiplying so halved the risk of serious illness or death if taken within 5 days of a positive test. Trials of Pfizer’s Paxlovid found similar results (89% effective at reducing serious infection if taken as soon as symptoms appeared by those at high risk). Dr. Kluge of Who said 1.8 million cases across Europe last week due to relaxed measures and low vaccine take-up were of ‘grave concern’. Indians celebrated Diwali as reported cases were a mere 12,000 a day. Surely that was due to low testing rates? Inflation forecast to reach 5% by spring, BOE left interest rates low but said a hike to around 1% would come within months. John Lewis and M&S launched Christmas ads to get us spending. An ethics adviser told Boris yesterday’s vote was a ‘very serious and damaging moment for parliament’. Forced into a U-turn by the opposition’s refusal to join the new committee, Rees-Moggy said he’d now seek cross-party changes to the rules which wouldn’t be applied retrospectively. Saying ‘corrupt’ was the only word for it, Keir still refused to take part. Owen Paterson found out about the latest shenanigans while shopping in Waitrose and resigned meaning a by-election. Would the good folk of North Shropshire vote out sleaze?

At COP26, 23 countries committed to phase out coal power and 46 signed up to transition to clean energy. Jennifer Morgan of Greenpeace International said it was only one nail in the coffin for coal: “without the USA, Australia, China and India, there’s still a very real danger that the end won’t come soon enough.”

War of Words

No sun to temper the chill Friday, the ground looked wet. As it became misty, Phil thought it was thawing frost. The thermometer dropping, we shivered even with extra layers and had to put the heating on advance for the first time of the season. Putting washing in the machine, the detergent compartment was blocked and I called Phil to assist. Irked at the forced work break, I assured him I wouldn’t ask if I could manage unaided. Anyway, he needed a comfort break. In the co-op, I piled the trolley with bargains including a fab freezer deal. I queued at the only open till but when Phil arrived, another one opened. The young cashier extremely efficient, Phil observed: “She’s a bit keen. I bet she worked at Lidl” We celebrated bonfire night with copious helpings of parkin, cinder toffee and wine.

Weekly ONS stats showed stable covid rates except in Northern Ireland where they were up slightly. Greta told young activists in Glasgow COP26 was “a global north greenwash festival, a 2-week-long celebration of business as usual.” The ‘blah, blah, blah’ wasn’t what we needed after 25 years of ‘blah, blah, blah.’ Climate protests in 200 cities across the globe the next day, 50,000 marched in Glasgow.

Breakfast easier on Sunday, I’d done by the time Phil came down. I left him to clear up, worked on the journal and went to town, dodging tourists taking selfies on the old bridge. Busy with coffee-cuppers, I waited ages behind a posh couple on the market for knobbly veg. The stall-holders looked bemused when asked which squash was best for cake. I suggested orange. Cold and grey until then, the sun appeared, so I visited the park. Admiring autumn growth, I suddenly realised my purse was missing, feared I’d been pick-pocketed then spotted it in a flowerbed. Phew! I walked along the towpath in waning sun, washed the filthy veg including a rainbow of heritage carrots and collapsed on the sofa with backache and fatigue. Editing photos, I used one from Thursday for a haigaⁱⁱ and one of late-flowering park peonies to wish my niece a happy birthday.

Saying parliament wasn’t the government’s plaything, John Major labelled the attempt to save Owen Paterson shameful and wrong, said it damaged parliament’s image and the pattern of behaviour was unconservative and odious: they had broken the law, broken treaties, and broken their word on numerous occasions. On the Marr, Keir repeated the tories actions were “corrupt, contemptible and not a one-off” and trashed “the reputation of our democracy and our country.” George Useless said the mistake had been ‘put to bed’ whatever that meant. Marr suggested Rayner could be sued for slander. What was he on about? Boris would lose! As The Sunday Times revealed 15 of 16 top tory donors were in the House of Lords, Keir insisted it was time for reform. Susan Hopkins told us the jabbed elderly were now dying of covid and needed boosters. £248 m would be used to reform NHS diagnostic services. A good idea, I thought…

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 85 – Things That Go Bump In The Night

“Working people are being asked to pay more for less, for three simple reasons: economic mismanagement, an unfair tax system and wasteful spending” (Rachel Reeves)

A Bumpy Ride

Still tired and achy Monday, Phil helped with chores and manically cut his hair while I posted blogs. Attempting to get errands done, I went to the co-op to find it shut due to a power-cut. Staff guarding the door told me it was the second outage that day. Despite tummy ache, Phil went to town in the evening for supplies. Anxious about next day’s appointment, I took a pill to aid sleep.

As expected, kids on half-term could get jabbed at centres. Stephen Powis advised working from home but on Jeremy Vine, Charlie Mullet said it was bad parenting akin to being a benefits cheat. Prof Openshaw found 1:55 infected unacceptable and “connected with the lack of clear messaging about sensible measures (we could take)…to reduce (spread).” Warwick University reported 11% of covid clusters last summer were caused by ‘eat out to help out’. No comment from Rishi Rich, premature budget details presaged national wage rises and an end to the public sector pay freeze. Unhappy at the leaks, Lindsay Hoyle scolded: “At one time, ministers did the right thing if they briefed before budget – they walked.” He accused them of treating MPs discourteously: “This house will not be taken for granted. It’s not right for everybody to be briefed, it’s not more important to go on the news in the morning, it’s more important to come here.” WMO* warned CO2 levels rose at a faster rate in 2020, the pandemic made little impact and there was ‘no time to lose’. Petteri Taalas called the upward trend ‘way off track’. As too was Boris as he told children recycling plastic was a waste of time and he didn’t think COP26 would achieve anything. Number 10 hastily issued a correction. Extinction Rebellion blocked the City of London, the Met cleared it by midday and arrested 53. In the fifth week of the volcanic eruption, a giant lava fountain spewed from Cumbre Vieja.

Tuesday afternoon we caught a cross-country bus for my appointment. Distrustful of the handwritten update to the out-of-date Tuesday afternoon we caught a cross-country bus for the dreaded appointment. Distrustful of the handwritten update to the out-of-date timetable, Phil worried it was the wrong stop and wandered off to the main one. I gave chased shouting: “it can’t possibly be that one! I checked google 3 times!” We distracted ourselves from the stress by admiring willow curlews made by schoolkids installed in the chapel gardens (see below) until the bus arrived. An elderly couple tried to get on to be told drivers were changing over and it wasn’t leaving for 10 minutes. Obviously regulars, we should have asked them to confirm the stop. When the new driver turned up, he was rebuked for tardiness. The elderly couple chatted to the driver for ages then I had to repeat our destination 3 times! But it was a very cheap and scenic ride in the autumn sun. At the other end, we were assaulted by vicious wind and I was assaulted by anxiety and unpleasantness while Phil waited patiently. In time to catch the last bus back, it took a different route, bypassing settlements to crazily speed over desolate moors in the gloaming and arrive in darkness. Exhausted after the bumpy ride, I was glad of Phil’s support and his naughty but nice fry-up dinner.

Prof Pollard said the UK’s high covid rates were due to 10 times more testing than ‘some countries’. Owen Patterson was found to have broken lobbying rules on behalf of Lynn’s Country Foods and Randox (awarded testing kit contracts). Meanwhile, PAC found TIT outcomes were ‘muddled‘, aims ‘under-achieved’ and an £37 bn budget badly managed with over-reliance on consultants. Idiot Jenny Harries said they played “an essential role in saving lives every day.” The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) said current plans would only cut greenhouse gases 7.3% by 2030, nowhere near the 55% needed. Inger Anderson barked: “The world has to wake up to the imminent peril we face as a species.” Tory MPs blocking an amendment to the Environment Bill making it illegal for water companies to tip sewage into rivers, were named and shamed. Boris hastily reversed the decision. Bezos planned the Orbital Reef space station as a ‘mixed use business park’. Jeez!

Big Bumps

Wednesday brought a Westminster marathon – PMQs, the budget & spending review and response. Keir isolating again and Angela Rayner on bereavement leave, Ed Millipede led PMQs, to raucous applause. He started on the need to halve emissions this decade and cited the UNEP report: “does the PM acknowledge how far we are from the action required?” Boris insisted commitments were made, it was too early to tell if they were enough and we should recognise how far we’d moved. Red Ed said it was easy making promises for 30 years’ time but harder to make them for now. COP26 wasn’t a photo-op, or about climate delay, they mustn’t shift the goalposts and had to focus on 2030, not the end of the century.

Rishi Rich began by bigging up the economy’s strength and growth, proving their plan was working. He said the budget was about investment in a high-skilled economy and levelling up. Increases for all departments and devolved administrations included more dosh for housing, the removal of unsafe cladding and a reduction of rough sleeping by 1/3 (why not 3/3?) The anticipated re-invention of Sure Start took the form of A Start for Life and extending The Holiday Activity and Food Programme indicated caving into Rashford. More money would also come for SEN school places, youth clubs, football pitches and pocket parks, whatever they were – all viewed as inadequate to address missed education during lockdowns. Levelling up entailed projects in 100 towns across the UK including Ashton. It was a shame Rayner wasn’t there to ask if that meant she got a pocket park! His so-called ‘infrastructure revolution’ entailed investment in innovation and R&D. More money was pledged for core science, FE, T levels, the lifetime skills guarantee and ‘multiply’ to tackle innumeracy – which would be unnecessary if they hadn’t stripped basic skills bare under austerity. And what about literacy? “They don’t want more literate people realising what a load of rubbish they are!” observed Phil. On top of increases in the national wage and unfreezing public sector pay, Universal Credit claimants would keep more of their earnings. Other giveaways entailed a UK prosperity fund to match EU funding, less domestic air passenger duty, cancellation of a fuel duty rise, slashed bank profit tax, extended tax relief for museums, lower business rates for retail, hospitality and leisure and cheaper registration of boats under the UK flag (pirate rejoice!). Alcohol duty was ‘streamlined’ with more tax on high-strength booze and less on fizzy wine, draught beer and cider. “Hipster relief!” we cried. Rishi said this was all possible because we’d left the EU. It didn’t escape notice that he spent more time talking about booze than climate change, and failed to mention rail, care, the unemployed or violence against women.

Rachel Reeves accused Rishi of living in a parallel universe, saying with the cut in fizz and bank taxes: “at least bankers on short-haul flights sipping champagne will be cheering this budget today.” They wouldn’t be paying for “the highest sustained tax burden in peace time”, nor would property speculators. No; it would be working people. Well, I observed, tories would always do anything other than tax their rich mates! Wage rises were slated for not keeping pace with soaring energy prices and taxes. GMB Sec Gary Smith said the announcements were ‘vague at best’ and ‘it all reeks of vacuous gesture politics’ Was he thinking about Rishi’s budget-eve Insta pics in sliders? The next day, the OBR warned the cost of living could be the highest for 30 years and IFS advised living standards would fall with low wages and high prices causing ‘real pain’ to the lower paid. Paul Johnson said: “this is not a set of priorities which looks consistent with long-term growth or indeed levelling up.” The Resolution Foundation added that the poorest fifth would be £280 a year worse off. Meanwhile, Rishi went to Bury market, bought sweets and called it Burnley. Addressing criticism of the fuel duty cut, he vacuously said there were “lots of different ways” to tackle climate change.

The interminable proceedings made lunch long overdue. I was offered a follow-up appointment, conveniently in Tod next Monday, and went to the co-op. Shelves patchy after the outages, I just got essentials. A Woman almost bumped into me at the till. The cashier asked her to retreat. “I’m sorry,” said the woman. “I forgot my mask.” “Everyone forgets sometimes but distance would be good,” I replied.

Severely unrested Thursday, I awoke in darkness to the sound of pouring rain. Phil noticed a dripping hot tap. Thinking he blamed me, I listed faux pas I’d let slide. “You were saving them up. That’s what women do!” he jibed. “No, I was trying to avoid arguments.” I’d just settled with coffee when the jolly Ocado deliverer arrived. Blustery all day, it felt cold going to town in the afternoon. The market depleted due to half-term and lateness of the hour, I chatted to Councillor Friend at the cheese stall, pleased the pain from her knee replacement 5 weeks ago had eased. In the convenience store, I caught the end of a staff gossip: “I thought Boris had announced another lockdown.” I suspected sarcasm about day-trippers. Sweet Shop Man said my throat sweets were scarce, advised stocking up and complained everything was hard to get. “And you can’t get the staff either!” he quipped. Two shop-girls pretended not to hear. I hurried home, became tired and wondered why I was rushing. Maybe it was the cold, although the quick scoot did warm me up. The sink full again, I had a gripe. “I’m busy!” Phil retorted “Okay, but don’t put a cast iron pan on top of breakfast bowls!” He sprung into action, washed up and helped hang washing.

On BBC Breakfast, Pat Valance told us to eat less meat and fly less. He should tell Rishi! Government scrapped the red list in time for COP26. From Monday, double-vaccinated travellers needed to self-isolate but not in quarantine hotels. Some scientists said it was too soon – 90% of people still had antibodies but they were waning. Devi Sridhar expected more cases in Glasgow due to the summit but couldn’t say if it’d be a bump or a wave. Clement Beaune took ‘retaliatory action’ for Britain not sticking to The Trade and Co-operation Agreement. A fishing boat was fined and scallop vessel Cornelis ordered to Le Havre, detained and instructed to attend court at a later date. Macduff Shellfish insisted they’d fished legally. The French subsequently threatened to not let British boats land, Useless George said two could play that game and Liz Truss summoned the French ambassador. Richard Hughes of OBR informed us Brexit would reduce GDP by 4% in the long term, more than the pandemic at 2%. The Brazilian senate unsurprisingly voted to prosecute Bonzo but as it was up to chief prosecutor Augusto Aras, it probably wouldn’t happen.

On Question Time, airhead Lucy Frazer insisted we were £500 a year better off after the budget. How did she work that out? She said cutting domestic flight duty was nothing to do with climate change while entrepreneur Jenny Campbell claimed she listened to David Attenborough but somethings had to wait until the economy got going again. We can’t wait, you moron! Discussing the fishing spat with France, Maitta Fahnbulleh of New Economics Foundation called the post-Brexit bumps ‘big bumps’.

Bangs and Crashes

Iffy again on a darkly dull Friday, I managed a few exercises and some housework, drafted the journal and made traditional Lancashire parkin – messy but yummy!

Although hospitalisations were up, Prof Ferguson said covid infections were dropping so we didn’t need plan B. But the ONS found rising rates across the UK and 1:50 had the virus last week, the same number as in the second wave. The Prof also said the 6-month gap for boosters was arbitrary. Err, I thought it was based on the science! Reflecting on her choice of language, Rayner apologised unreservedly for calling tories scum. Arnie came on BBC Breakfast to say we could terminate climate change and Greta Thunberg joined protestors outside Standard Chartered Bank in the City of London to demand big finance stop funding fossil fuels. Jeremy Vine asked: should we give kids fruit instead of sweets on Halloween? Brandishing a bag of wiggly worms, we hoped they didn’t contain cannabis. “I wouldn’t put it past him to buy the wrong ones!” Police later warned parents in Rochdale to be on the lookout for laced sweets.

Fortunately, flooding didn’t reach our area over the rainy weekend. Phil doing my hair took most of Saturday. Chopping knobbly veg for dinner proved hard work even with a joint effort and took ages to cook. As the clocks went back, I looked forward to the extra hour but slept badly.

Thus I struggled to Thus I struggled to rise Sunday and dossed for hours. So much for the extra hour! In contrast, Phil slept loads but had tummy ache again. I wrote a haigaⁱ, draft-posted blogs, worked on a Christmas card, and helped him make cinder toffee. A first outing for the sugar thermometer, we watched eagerly for the red line to hit ‘hard crack’. “We could sell that!” he joked. The mixture bubbling insanely when the bicarb was added, we left it to settle before tasting – spot on! I prepared bowls of sweets and fruit in case of trick or treaters but we got none. No surprise with the heavy rain although that didn’t deter residents of the posh hall across the valley banging off fireworks.

Commuter journeys less than half, leisure trips were 90% of pre-pandemic levels. On the eve of COP26, WMO reported the last 7 years were the hottest ever recorded globally. The G20 met In Rome where Boris told leaders it was ‘last chance saloon’ for climate commitments. This saving the planet lark involved a lot of flying about! He admitted ‘turbulence’ with France over fishing, saying they might be in breach of EU law. Look who’s talking! Macron retorted it was a test of British credibility. The next day, Number 10 denied an end to the war, Boris said it was up to the French and Lord Frosty Gammon considered legal action.

With Bulb Energy on the edge of collapse, Red Ed told Marr we needed a different model for managing the supply chain. Interviewing Greta Thunberg, she was less concerned about not being invited to speak at COP26 than under-representation of poor countries. She said leaders said things to sound good and look good, putting all their eggs in the new tech basket was naïve and there was a pattern of governments proving climate action wasn’t a priority for them. (e.g., reducing air tax). Parts of Cumbria and Hawick flooded, residents were evacuated and trains couldn’t get to Glasgow. Two trains collided at a Y-shaped junction at Fisherton Tunnel, Salisbury. The crash hurt 13 passengers and left a driver with ‘life changing’ injuries. Cause unknown, the line would be closed for several days.

I went up early and set the alarm for Monday’s appointment. During a turbulent night, I had a funny dream entailing the cross-country bus and an uphill walk. “What are we doing?” I asked Phil, “we’re meant to be going to Tod.” The dream proved prophetic…

*WMO – World Meteorological Organisation

Reference:

i. My https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 84 – Safe As Houses

“The simple truth is that the so-called wall of defence we’ve built up with vaccination is now crumbling” (Jonathan Ashworth)

Crumbling Walls

Wobbly and dizzy Monday, I resigned myself to bedrest. Phil took charge of chores, cooking and fetch me the laptop. Posting blogs took most of my day.

Vaccine take-up in schools was as low as 5% in parts of England, possibly because high infection rates led to absence. 50% in Scotland where kids could use walk-in centres, speculation mounted that would soon happen south of the border. Former US secretary of state Colin Powell died of Covid complications, even though he had 2 jabs. In a packed house of commons to pay tribute to David Amess, Boris announced city status for Southend.

Very dark Tuesday morning, I thought it was the middle of the night. I dropped off again until I heard Phil moving, half-heartedly called out then dozed some more. He offered to open the ‘budgie’ curtains but I managed it by crawling across the bed. I drafted the journal and used the USB lead for some phone housekeeping, inevitably entailing another Xperia update.

UK covid rates the second highest globally, 223 deaths were recorded. New delta mutant AY4-2 was being monitored. Prof Ferguson urged speeding up boosters. Amanda Pritchard told MPs invites were going out as soon as people were eligible but take-up was slower than previous jab drives. Prof. Hayward wanted other measures. Besieged by anti-vaxxers, Glove-Puppet was escorted safely into ‘a building’ by police. The French reported Valneva showed better results than AstraZeneca but gave no data. Adolf Von De Leyen said 1bn vaccine doses were exported from the EU to 150 countries since December. Largely sent to wealthier nations, there were plans to send 500m to poorer countries. Poland declared national laws took precedence over EU law. Most Poles wanted to stay in the EU but some sought ‘Polexit’ – they needed a catchier name. The Bumbler announced the UK would be carbon-neutral by 2050 thanks to the Breakthrough Energy Catalyst partnership with Bill Gates, nuclear power plants, grants for electric cars and heat pumps. The Home Energy Scheme to start April 2022 for 3 years, entailed only enough money to replace 900,000 of 25 million domestic gas boilers. Initiatives criticised as too little too late, lacking detail on how they’d be delivered, not benefitting everyone and not properly costed, Red Ed Miliband called it “a meagre, unambitious and wholly inadequate response.” Amidst cost of living pressures: “people can’t warm their homes with yet more of Boris Johnson’s hot air, but that is all that is on offer.”

Rousing shockingly late again Wednesday, I did a few stretches to prevent seizing up, but realised I wouldn’t be going anywhere. I did succeed in getting morning coffee, puffed and panted back upstairs, then collapsed back on the bed with backache and fatigue. I got a text for a new appointment the following week. at an even earlier time than the one I missed last Friday, there was no way I’d make it. I rang to be told they couldn’t offer me anything else but I stood my ground and eventually got offered an afternoon slot, 2 days’ prior to the original.

I worked on writing and watched shenanigans from Westminster. Daily Politics asked: is it time for Plan B plus? Siobhan McDonagh exclaimed “Plan A isn’t even working!” (i.e., boosters and schoolkid jabs). Disgusted Sage only met monthly, she called for a return of the daily briefings. Please no! Witless and Kwarteng had advised sticking to existing advice and respecting others. Goblin Saj and Witless later held the first evening press conference in 2 months, announcing ½ million doses of Maersk Molnpiravar and Pfizer PF-073 had been bought, even though the covid treatments didn’t have regulatory approval. Warning infections could reach 100,000 a day, The Goblin urged everyone to get vaccinated, stay vigilant and employ measures to fight the virus ( e.g., wear masks in crowds). Saying Plan B wouldn’t be activated unless there was unsustainable pressure on the NHS, sounded like a veiled threat: if restrictions were imposed it was our fault – again! Jon Ashworth observed the wall of defence was crumbling and Prof Pagel screamed: “Just effing make them (masks) government policy then!” Matthew Taylor of the NHS Confederation said we risked a ‘perfect storm’ and ‘stumbling into a winter crisis’ if Plan B wasn’t implemented immediately.

Following several reports of students unable to remember the night before, Patel ordered police to investigate women being spiked in nightclubs. PMQs not held for months, the first question was on Women’s safety and confidence in police. Boris replied convictions needed to be ensured. Keir used all his questions to interrogate action on violent extremism and getting things done. Boris said the Online Safety Bill was an important tool to crack down on dangerous content and guaranteed it’d pass into law before Christmas. Keir retorted Telegram was the ‘app of choice’ for extremists, allowing access to footage of murders of MPs, Jews and LGBTQ. Tough sanctions were all very well but directors of platforms wouldn’t face criminal action, a big problem of the government strategy. He said they could stop harmful material if the whole house worked together to strengthen the legislation.

Due to rising cases, Morocco banned flights to and from the UK, Holland and Germany effective from 11.59 p.m. In Brazil, a 6-month hearing into Bonzo concluded he was guilty of crimes against humanity, fake news and misuse of public funds. The senate would vote next week.

A combination of a bright full moon, painful wind and whirring mind made for a difficult night. I used the meditation soundtrack for some fitful sleep.

Big Mess

As was often the case, I thought I might be better by Thursday, but I was exhausted after the rough night. Depressed at missing another sunny day, I worked on writing while Phil went to the market for fish. The cut looking small, I decided on fish pie. Initially annoyed because I thought it would take ages, it was actually pretty quick thanks to a few cheats and very tasty.

52,009 daily covid cases (most in the under 20’s), was the highest since mid-July. Chris Smith said as 50% were asymptomatic, it was probably already 100,000. Prof Finn spluttered 200 deaths a day ‘was not okay’. Keir predicted it’d be March by the time the booster programme was complete. Anti-vaxxers went to Colchester Hospital, told staff they broke the law and the Nuremberg code, and the pope was the head of global business. Back to that Opus Dei conspiracy rot again!

On Newsnight, Brian Cox (not Count Arthur’s arch-enemy but fellow actor) called government handling of rising infections “a mess.” 10 year old tory Andy Bowie said MPs should wear masks in parliament to set an example. Kate Forbes retorted that wearing masks was basic, and infections were falling in Scotland where they stayed mandatory. After being corrected that cases were plateauing, Anas Sawar told her Scottish deaths were too high, they weren’t getting testing right, and there were spikes in schools with teachers and pupils still unvaccinated. Lamenting a larger Glasgow audience than the group she was allowed to teach, Prof Heather McGregor wished for fewer restrictions, not more and bafflingly, ‘to work with the virus’.

On Newscast, The C**t said infection rates and slow jab take-up among schoolkids was most worrying. WHO Dr. Maria Van Kerkhove, advised masks, social distancing, crowd-avoidance and working from home were simple measures. Recognising the challenge of exponential growth, she called for a moratorium on boosters until people in poor countries had at least 1 dose as only protecting our own population led to a false sense of security. Global social mobility allowed mutants to emerge and prolonged the pandemic, now projected to last until at least the end of 2022. She praised UK scientists for outstanding work, especially on variants. The C**t replied her advice was all very well but the NHS frontline was under pressure, cases WERE translating into hospitalisations (1,000 admissions on one day), we could see a ‘really bad situation’ over winter and government should act now to ‘turbo-charge teen vaccinations’. Fergus Walsh reminded us 5 million adults also hadn’t had a jab and accounted for 2/3 hospital cases.

Noisy traffic on a wet road woke me early Friday. Feeling slightly less ill, I did 10 minutes exercise then lay down again. As rain turned to sunshine, I turned to writing. I attempted to draft the guest blog and an article for the next issue of Valley Life magazine. Phil went to the co-op, after suggesting I should go with him to get out of the house. Vexed he seemed heedless of my debilitation, I retorted: “What a stupid thing to say! I would I if could!”

Over 8,000 in hospital and 180 deaths reported, sage bods said it wouldn’t be as bad as January but urged government to do the policy work now and be ready for rapid deployment of Plan B, to prevent the need for tougher measures. Boris maintained they weren’t yet ready to put the plan into action but it was under constant review and repeated we should all get the jab. Adam Finn of JCVI said something had to be done to prevent getting into a bad mess again. Ahead of COP26, Greenpeace Unearthed revealed lobbying by a number of countries to dilute climate change pledges; Australia and Saudi Arabia sought weaker targets for eliminating fossil fuels, Argentina and Brazil didn’t want people to stop eating meat.

On the set of Rust near Albuquerque, Alec Baldwin shot 2 crew members with a prop gun. Cinematographer Halyna Hutchins died and director Joel Souza was in a critical condition. A distraught Baldwin said no words could convey his shock and sadness. Shannon Lee, sister of Brandon (shot dead on the set of The Crow), said it should never happen. It later transpired it was only Hannah Gutierrez’s second film as armourer, there’d previously been near-misses, and crew members may have used the gun for target practice then failed to check for live rounds.

Smashing Pumpkins

Still tired and irritated by lack of sleep Saturday, I rose on wobbly legs to get tea then dossed on the bed. Phil making no moves either, I asked if he was hungry. “No, but I’ll do brekkie.” I spent the day editing the journal and Valley Life article and started to design a Christmas card. All the cutting out on Photoshop gave me head fug so I had to stop.

The town’s pumpkin festival all over telly Friday, the BBC Breakfast weatherman came to stand on the marina and a local reporter descended at teatime. The festivals’ climate change theme gave the friends’ son who’d walked to London a high profile with a pumpkin carved in his image and a chance to talk about the petition he handed in to Number 10, to be debated in The House 30^th November.

Feeling less fatigued Sunday, I made a big effort to go to town. Predictably rammed after the media coverage, I dodged my way to the market for 2 bagsful of knobbly veg including pumpkin, and weaved among punters in the packed square to watch the carving of a cheetah. A volunteer with trail maps tried to give one to a visitor, asking where he was from. “Darlington” “That’s some way. Did you see it on telly?” “Yes.” “People have come from everywhere this weekend.” I butted in to request a map and couldn’t resist adding: “I live here. Do you know we’ve got one of the highest covid rates in the country?” The volunteer nonchalantly replied he did.*

Fuming that no one gave a shit anymore, I went down the pedestrian street, over to the memorial gardens, past the cinema with appropriate coffee-cup pumpkins and onto the marina. A buzzing pocket indicated missed calls from Phil, who was in the square. Aching from carrying heavy shopping, I rested on a bench until he joined me for further perusal of the sculptures. In the park, small children gleefully vandalised an installation, nicking a top hat and bashing the defenceless fruits. Retreating via the canal, autumn detritus floated artily on the water and mushrooms sprouted from a makeshift compost heap. Looking edible, I wasn’t willing to risk it. Phil nipped in the co-op while I struggled home with the bags and cleaned the filthy produce. Phil offered to help when he got back so I asked him to dispose of a pile of recycling I’d created. Knackered, I slumped on the sofa. “Never mind, he said, “at least you got out.” “True. And the colours are very nice now.” So nice, it was hard to choose a photo for a haiga. I eventually settled on bright red leaves^I.

Peter Openshaw of NERVTAG fretted about another lockdown if we didn’t all get jabs and boosters. Budget & Spending Review leaks reported £7bn for city region transport, on top of £3bn for buses (although this later transpired to not be new money). A decision on the northern leg of HS2 still not made, some expected Rishi Rich to announce that too. Labour called the predicted re-invention of Sure Start a ‘sticking plaster’. Rishi came on Marr to say he was always ‘humble’ in the face of the virus. Refusing to commit help with the cost of living, he said he didn’t have a magic wand and we had to transition to normality after all the extra support such as furlough and school dinners – but would he give into Rashford’s repeated demands? Rachel Reeves wanted a VAT cut for utility bills. Politics North reminded us it was 7 years since the invention of the Northern Powerhouse. Politicians complained of no real plans for ‘levelling up’ and a tory MP said he was elected on a pledge to get Brexit done, but now what?

*Official figures indicated a spike in the area, particularly among younger people. Local media alarmingly labelled the town ‘anti-vax’ capital.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

climate change