Part 92 – Fairy Tales

“Will the prime minister take time this Christmas to look in the mirror and ask himself if he has the trust and authority to lead this country?” (Keir Starmer)

Once Upon A Dream

Monday, WordPress made a mess with blue highlights but I persevered to post blogs before lunch. Putting rubbish out, the dustbin was full of water and other nasty crap. Cleaning it out was rather disgusting! Too late for yoga, I rested in bed and warmed up. During a fractious night-time sleep, I dreamt of the house with all the rooms again. This time, there were new bits including a staircase in an annex. What did it mean?

Omicron spread across the UK claiming its first death. The 10 hospital cases were aged 18- 85, mostly double-vaccinated. Goblin Saj said they were ‘throwing everything at’ the booster programme and The Bumbler, at a vax centre in Paddington, added it was at ‘warp speed’. He didn’t rule out tighter measures. No LFTs available on the official website, Boris insisted there were loads ‘in the shops’. Wes Streeting called it a ‘shambles’. Contrary to my expectations, commuter traffic fell by up to 40% and rail station footfall by 20%, signalling office-workers stayed home. Responding to Boris’ Sunday night statement, Keir supported the government’s plan because boosters gave the best chance of protecting against Omicron and advised we use the Christmas break to get 12-16 year olds jabbed and come forward if we’d not yet had any. Criticising them for not stepping up sooner, he said “time and again the public have stepped up and done the right thing,” measures really helped to prevent infection and stop the NHS being overwhelmed, and “your efforts will save lives.” He thanked the NHS for their ‘dedication, skill and sheer hard work’. It sounded a tad more sincere than Witless’ tweet. South Africa taking Omicron ‘in their stride’, the death rate during the fourth wave was much lower than in previous ones but the president was infected. Nat West bank were fined for laundering money from Fowler Oldfield jewellers in Bradford who allegedly recycled gold.

In a dream week for labour, Jess Philips hosted HIGNFY. Watching the repeat, we had a good laugh at the Italian false arm story and excuses for not restoring power in the North East after Storm Arwen – the wrong type of wind blew in the wrong direction apparently!

Hearing a knock at the door Tuesday morning, I suspected it was the awaited parcel. Phil got there before me and I shouted down instructions not to read it. I typed up a plethora of news notes and went to the Post Office, miraculously almost queue-less and quick, then to the co-op. A cluster of ditherers crowded round the seasonal shelf so I had to circle round to buy treats. In the afternoon, we fetched boxes of decorations from the attic and decorated the Christmas trees. He had a siesta but I eschewed mine to continue.

UKHSA predicted a million Omicron cases a day by the middle of next week and Witless warned of rising hospitalisations. The infected could now take daily LFTs again instead of isolating if fully vaccinated; if they could get hold of them. LFT issues persisted and PCR slots weren’t available in walk-ins or drive-throughs across England. The red list to be abandoned Monday, testing rules remained. Amid criticism of the booster programme for lack of warning or preparation, the NHS booking site crashed, 6 hour queues formed at walk-ins and people were turned away from vax centres. With confusion about whether the latest proclamation meant boosters would be given or just offered by 31^st December, pledges were made to be open 12 hours a day ‘as standard’ including Christmas Day if needed and the 15 minute post-jab wait was scrapped.

Several MPs reportedly self-isolating, the commons voted on Plan B including mandatory jabs for health staff. Marcus Fish was among 100 tory backbenchers defying the government, saying it wasn’t Nazi Germany: ‘papers please’. Sturgeon announced Scotland’s winter plan, involving social-distancing in shops, more contact-tracing in hospitality, working from home, minimising social mixing to a maximum 3 households, and taking LFTs but allowing Christmas parties. Tory MSPs berated her for only just bringing in mass vax centres.

Mirror, Mirror

Waking a smidge before 8 Wednesday, I stopped the alarm going off. Phil was sniffly. Deciding I’d go to the deceased friend’s funeral service but not chance the wake, he joshed he wasn’t coming to the chapel but would go to the club later to spread his germs around! Obviously he didn’t. As I left the house very early for me, at least it was sunny after a grey start to the week. I nodded to people I vaguely recognised in front of the chapel and spoke to a few fellow old pub mates. We carefully filed in to find every other pew roped off. Slightly squashed between German Friend and bald men, I kept my eyes front and mask on, even when singing. Back outside, I cautiously evaded hugs, agreed with the deceased friend’s daughter the flowers were impressive (sourcing sunflowers was quite a feat at this time of year) and reminisced with Painting Friend about the escapade when the deceased friend’s sister came to our house after the pub, headed home and got lost in the crags. Phil later remined me she knocked her teeth out which could explain why she looked much older! I walked Painting Friend as far as the corner pub to catch up – she’d had 4 jabs including flu and was really busy with work, due to the DIY craze and last years’ hiatus. Back home, I finished decorating the living room. Phil ate ancient mint sweets. The first one okay, he put a second in his gob, pulled a face and rushed to spit it out. “Serves you right!” I laughed. Exhausted, I lay down to rest. My eyes were shutting but inevitably I failed to sleep.

78,500 daily cases, a record since the start of the pandemic, Omicron infections more than doubled every day nationwide. At a press briefing, Witless called it a really serious threat and warned ‘don’t mix’. Boris stuck to his guns on Plan B. Pubs clamouring for more money, Rishi was on a jaunt in California. During PMQs, Keir pointed out Plan B wouldn’t have passed if it wasn’t for labour votes. Saying “We cannot go on with a PM who is too weak to lead,” he asked if he’d use the Christmas break to look in the mirror and ask himself if he had the trust and authority to lead? Boris retorted he understood colleagues’ anxieties about restrictions on liberty but believed ‘the approach we are taking is balanced and proportionate’. Problems getting tests into a third day, Jenny Harries denied there were insufficient LFTs but an astounding number of requests caused ‘some temporary pressure.’ Scotland was the first UK nation to boost 50% of adults. The Daily Mirror revealed yet another tory revel. Shaun Bailey and his campaign mates posed next to a sumptuous buffet at the tory party HQ. He was forced to resign from the London Assembly crime panel – ha. Ha! Lady Hallett was announced as chair of the inquiry into government’s handling of the pandemic to start early 2022. Bereaved families said fine, but it should have come much sooner. Due to ‘severe and increasing difficulties’ in the sector, the Migration Advisory Committee’s annual report advised care workers be put on the shortage of occupation list (SOL). Bragging they were the only supermarket to give staff paid breaks, Aldi announced a pay rise to £10.10 an hour from February 2022. In Dresden, an anti-lockdown, anti-vax Telegram group planned to assassinate Saxon president Michael kretschmer, leading to police raids.

Required to shut the laptop down the previous evening, I waited impatiently for it to restart Thursday morning so I could get to work. I prepared remaining cards to mail including one for Phil’s sister, asked him to post them on his way to the station and went to the market. The owner of next door sat on the bench on the new bridge, after visiting the dentist. I’d not had my teeth checked out for 2 years but 2 hospital visits convinced me clinical settings were probably the safest places in a pandemic! At the fish van, the woman in front of me ordered items for next week and asked what time they opened. “We start serving at 7,” the fishmonger replied. “I’ll be here at 7 then.” His wife laughed, “He’s been telling everyone that. If you come first thing there’ll be a huge queue!” None on the stalls, I went to the new veg shop on the hunt for chestnuts. No luck but I did get giant mushrooms and pomegranates. As I walked back, the carrier bag painfully collided with my leg. Stupid pomegranates! Phil came towards me and confirmed he’d got the cards for posting. Knackered, I dumped the bags, made a hasty lunch, and cleaned the bedroom. A long time since I’d done so without Phil’s help, I managed okay. Phil rang early evening from his studio. He’d sent me photos on Insta of some of his prints. Never having used the messaging feature, I faffed to view them and suggested which to bring home. Making charity donations online, one site required an additional ‘donation’ even though there was no platform fee – what was that about? I’d just finished my dinner when Phil returned. Cold, knackered, and with sore feet after walking over 15,000 steps round a deserted city in actual shoes, he cheered up watching Netflix – the end of Money Heist didn’t disappoint.

Boris was accused of ‘lockdown by stealth’ with scientific advisers running the show – about time, if true. Boris later played down a split with ‘experts’, saying he and Witless were on the same page. Witless told the health & social care committee Omicron hospitalisations were likely higher than the 15 confirmed. He didn’t want to dictate what people did but advised they prioritise and it’d be better in future when vaccines and anti-viral drugs did the ‘heavy lifting’ against mutants. Wes Streeting wanted ‘a deal to help hospitality’. Gillian Keegan insisted there was. The Queen cancelled her traditional pre-Christmas family party as it put too many people’s plans at risk. Eurostar already sold out, UK tourist and business travellers were banned from France. From Saturday, you needed ‘compelling reasons’ to go and evidence of 2 negative tests with 2 days’ isolation in-between. Inflation at 5.1% in November, the highest for a decade, fuel, energy, food and clothes prices were to blame. The BOE raised the interest rate to 0.25%. Hitting mortgage-payers and not passed onto savers, it was a lose-lose! Tory since 1832, Lib Dems won the North Shropshire byelection. While new MP Helen Morgan celebrated in Oswestry, the 1922 committee put Boris ‘on notice’.

The QT panel were asked if lockdown was inevitable. Lisa Nandy said we must do everything we can and the government weren’t doing their bit. Chris Hopson of NHS Providers told us we didn’t know enough about Omicron yet, the NHS was the busiest it’d ever been, and although vaccines had ‘changed the rules of the game’, staff would go off sick as infections rose and we needed clear and consistent messaging. Tory boy Chris Philp denied ‘mixed messages’ and blathered about numbers. Stewart Hosie, SNP, complained with the ‘one rule for them and another for everyone else’, mixed messages ‘couldn’t be more stark’. Olivia Utley of the Torygraph, thought there was too much messaging, we should manage our own risk and the vulnerable should stay indoors. Not that again! On if we’d gone from ‘world-beating’ to chaotic shambles, Hopson said the vulnerable must be prioritised and the NHS was trying hard to ramp up capacity. Tory Boy promised the sooner we all got vaccinated, the sooner the economy would go back to normal. Nandy claimed the government were more interested in bluster than detail, and accused Rishi of being MIA. Discussing investment in Stoke, which had more than the national average of deprived areas, Tory Boy reeled off more figures. Nandy berated him for arrogance, saying local people, not Westminster, knew what northern towns needed. The questioner applauded: ‘you’re bang on the money tonight, love!’ Others agreed ‘levelling up’ stopped at Watford Gap and she was the only one who’d connected with them.

Cobblers

Foggy with frost on the hills, the poor crows squatted on aerials all puffed up waiting for their brekkie Friday morning. It brightened later only to go dark again mid-afternoon. Struggling with fatigue, I rallied after a few exercises, headed to the tat market for a couple of items and rushed back to the co-op, remarkably well-stocked apart from turkeys. Phil caught up with me in the aisles, carried bags home and commented on loose cobbles on the street below – just waiting for an accident and subsequent legal action! Indoors, the house was as freezing as outdoors.

Over 93,000 cases, Omicron was now the dominant strain in Scotland. Also rising across Europe (including France), Ursula Von Hitler said it was growing at a ‘ferocious rate’. Boosters were found to cut the risk of serious illness by 85%. New measures for Wales entailed taking an LFT a day before meeting up, outside if possible. Further restrictions would follow on Boxing Day for nightclubs and hospitality (with money to help those affected) as they would in Northern Ireland and Scotland where financial talks were due. Rishi cut short his California trip to meet business leaders. Another alleged Whitehall party on 15^th May 2020 involved wine and pizza, unbelievably to thank aides for work during lockdown! Metro said the first person to die of Omicron was a conspiracy theorist anti-vaxxer. But the Telly Doctor on Jeremy Vine said it was a 70 plus recluse and a mystery how he caught it. Which version was cobblers? Food banks reported a ‘sudden and worrying’ increase in demand in the runup to Christmas thanks to removal of the Universal Credit uplift, and soaring food and energy costs. Clement Bonehead sought EU legal action over French licenses in the month-long fish war.

The fog didn’t lift at all during the weekend. Saturday brekkie was made stressful by a cluttered kitchen. As I slid on a slippery patch on the floor, my slipper flew off and vanished under the cooker. I Panicked before managing to retrieve it. I worked on the journal, cleaned and put more Christmas stuff up. Phil went into a packed town centre. “People are egg-nogging the shit out of it!” “I’m not surprised if they think there’s going to be a lockdown next week!” in the evening, he cooked his signature burgers leaving the grill pan full of fat.

Sunday, I hurried to the market – not too busy with al fresco drinkers in the freezing conditions! I got a selection of dirty veg (everything but the chestnuts), popped in the convenience store and headed home to dispose of a pile of recycling, flopped on the sofa to recover and wrote a haiga based on a knitted angel on the town’s tree. Making the Christmas cake, I’d spent an hour on prep before Phil eventually came to help. Waiting for it to bake, we watched catch-up to be interrupted by a knock at the door. A woman wearing a lanyard barked: “Number 37. Do we know this lady?” Wondering who ‘we’ were, I eyed her blankly, then deduced she meant Elderly Neighbour – they had her name down wrong. She asked if anyone else lived there. “Yes, her husband.” I stepped out to investigate. The Student leaned out of her landing window, we concurred that if nobody was home, they must be at the hospital and she messaged him.

90,000 new cases and 12 deaths from Omicron, leaked sage minutes predicted 3,000 hospitalisations per day by January and advised extra measures now. Neil Ferguson called it ‘precarious’. A worried Khan declared a state of emergency in London. Thousands of anti-vaxxers took no notice. At a ‘freedom rally’, masked cops with batons faced unmasked protestors moving from Parliament Square to Downing Street. Vaccine minister Maggie Throup went to Derby to pose in a Post Office vest and pretend to deliver tests. All 4 UK national leaders met urgently, without Boris. Simon Case resigned after hilariously discovering he was at his own party on 17^th December. Sue Gray took over his investigations. After his original plan to go in January was leaked to the Daily Mail, Lord Frosty wrote Boris his immediate resignation, citing covid measures. A spat on a WhatsApp group led to Nads Doris being chucked off. Rayner said the tories were ‘in chaos’. On the last ever Marr show, Goblin Saj fawned that Frosty was an ‘outstanding public servant’. Liz Truss would take over with European minister Chris Heaton-Harris as deputy. A month-long lockdown began in Holland. Most premier league matches called off Saturday, 25% of players were unvaccinated. Phil reckoned they listened to their wives who lived on social media and believed all the Facebook tales. Leeds versus Arsenal the only game on, the rule that if they had a squad of 14 they played, seemed a load of cobblers. Fans chanting ‘Boris Johnson is a c*nt!’ went viral.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 75 –Red Alert

“Unless there are immediate, rapid and large-scale reductions in greenhouse gas emissions, the 1.5^oC target will be beyond reach” (Tamsin Edwards)

Code Red

Sunny the next two days, I hankered to be better. Unfortunately, I wasn’t. Monday, Phil took charge of chores and shopping while I posted blogs and worked on the next episode of the journal. I stayed up after dinner to watch iPlayer then went back to bed for Newsnight and got caught up in Secrets of the Museum. The biggest exposé was that so many nerds worked at the V&A!

On BBC Breakfast, Prof. Chris Smith warned flu could be worse next winter because there weren’t enough samples from last year while Linda Bauld thought responses to future covid surges should be targeted as the disease became endemic rather than pandemic. Although vaccine hesitancy fell from 14% to 11% in 16-17 year olds and from 10% to 9% for 18-21 year olds, it remained high in London and rose from 18% to 21% among ethnic minorities. Nicola Sturgeon got butterflies in her tummy as Scottish restrictions eased and nightclubs opened. Anti-vaxxers stormed White City TV Centre, unaware the BBC moved out in 2013. Berlin’s ‘long night of vaccination’ contributed to the EU overtaking the USA in the vaccine race (60% had a jab as opposed to 58%). 63% of Italians fully inoculated, they needed proof to access indoor entertainment. Belarus despot Lukashenko spluttered we could ‘choke’ on sanctions; they didn’t even know the UK existed until 1,000 years ago and they still didn’t want to: “you are America’s lapdog.” “The 1970’s wants its clichés back!” laughed Phil.

In a bid to save Geronimo the alpaca, 30 protesters marched from DEFRA to Downing Street. Twice testing positive for TB, the pet was so far not dead or even ill and hadn’t infected other animals. His owner maintained results showed false-positives and her calls for better testing were echoed by activists who also wanted cows and badgers vaccinated instead of culled. More storm warnings followed a soggy weekend and the UN IPCC report^* issued a ‘code red for humanity’. Extensive research proved it was ‘unequivocal’ that human activity caused rising sea levels, glacial retreat and extreme weather. Ice sheet collapse, changing ocean circulation and higher warming also possible, they could be averted if emissions were net zero by 2050. Dr. Tamsin Edwards of Kings’ College said there must be immediate, rapid and large-scale reductions in greenhouse gases. UK politicians responded they’d done more than other countries. Well, that’s alright then!

Tuesday, I spent the morning on niggly admin including sorting the holiday cottage payment. Previously told it was done, the money hadn’t gone through. Venturing down for coffee, I found a sink full of washing up and a filthy table which I bad-temperedly cleaned while doing some pre-cooking. Despite the prep, dinner took ages and led to painful indigestion at bedtime. The meditation soundtrack ineffectual, I resorted to Gaviscon and eventually dropped off.

146 covid deaths was the most since 26^th March. 89% of adults had a first jab and 75% were fully vaccinated but only 1% of 16-17 year olds had one. Goblin Saj awaited JCVI approval to offer boosters to the vulnerable and over 50’s from September, at the same time as (useless) flu jabs. Andrew Pollard claimed they were superfluous and didn’t ‘look good’ when other parts of the world had none. He also said the infectiousness of the Delta variant made herd immunity impossible. Andrew Haywood advised future lockdowns target only the vulnerable and that testing of the asymptomatic should cease, as in Germany. PCR collection boxes full to overflowing, the government asked for a review of the over 400 companies profiting from the tests. Travellers branded them a rip-off. After failing to get the CE job, Dildo quit NHS improvement. She obviously thought: ‘my work here is done!’

The previous night’s Panorama revealed Camoron made £7m out of Greensill. On Jeremey Vine, Jacqui Smith gave an excellent explanation of why taxpayers were out of pocket after the company’s collapse. Did she want her old job back? it then emerged US biotech firm Illumina benefitted from him lobbying The Cock to get contracts. Results based on teacher assessments saw 44.8% of A level students achieving a grade A of which 17% were A*. 70.1% for private school pupils, the government insisted a range of assessment methods depending on circumstances and quality assurance overseen by exam bodies, ensured fairness. Shadow minister Kate Green complained a rushed, failed, standardisation system led to the disparity. Pupils from Brampton Manor Academy, Newham belied the stats with 55 Oxbridge offers, more than Eton at 48. SQA also reported more top marks for Scottish pupils and a disparity between rich and poor areas.

Slightly better but still wobbly Wednesday, I feebly attempted to clean the bedroom then sat on the bed and worked on my autumn submission for Valley Life magazine. Managing lunch downstairs, I discovered the kitchen somewhat cleaner. I took a cuppa back to bed, bought some essentials online and answered a call from a community carers volunteer, asking me to the cinema Tuesday morning. “No thanks, I can’t do that.” “Is it a transport thing?” “No, it’s a morning thing.” I lay down for a spell while Phil went to the shop.

Max Woosley celebrated sleeping outdoors for 500 nights and raising £550,000 for a local hospice, by wild camping. Triggered by an anti-cyclone across Europe and North Africa, fires still raged. Now 3 dead on Evia, Greek PM Kyriakos Mitsotakis said sorry. Sicily hit a European record of 48.8^oC. Elsewhere, 65 were killed in Algeria by a suspected deliberate blaze and The Dixie Fire in California wiped out the historic gold rush town of Greenville. “We’re fucked!” declared Phil. Half a million homes had no telly when North Yorkshire’s main transmitter was set ablaze. Fearing investment in HS2 and Northern Powerhouse rail wouldn’t materialise, mayors Jarvis and Brabin met in Sheffield to call for the integrated rail plan to be published. Both wore Yorkshire ‘Y’ lapel badges, his yellow, hers red – surely they should be white?

Dangerous Crossings

After the first decent sleep for days, loud diggers on the canal Irritatingly woke me Thursday morning. I forced myself to do a few exercises. Carrying the laptop and tray down needed two trips, making my kegs ache. I started computer work when the cheery Ocado deliverer arrived. An inferior bottle carrier dangerously ripped as I lifted it. Mid-morning by then, Phil complained he’d achieved nothing so far but conceded I’d done well after 10 days in bed. About to go to town on a warm and sunny afternoon, Phil said he was coming. I left him to get ready and arranged to meet in the square. Despite the late hour, I acquired a few veg and overdue toiletries on the market and saw the woman who lived next door who’d recently returned from visiting family in Poland. Waiting for Phil, I chatted with an old mate outside the pub in the square. Following a cancer diagnosis last year, he said chemo and radiotherapy had cured it. In the meantime, thinking he’d be dead by Christmas, he’d given loads of stuff away. “So, now, you’re still here in an empty house!” “Yep, I’m still here in an empty house!” When Phil arrived, we made a few charity shop purchases, dossed on a bench and picked mint on the way home. Nearby residents had installed wicker chairs beneath a sign declaring it a garden.

PHE now said vaccines saved 84,000 lives but a rise in new cases to almost 3,000, suggested the drop in infections had stalled. Increases in all UK nations especially Northern Ireland and all English regions except the North East, it was greater in Yorks & Humber. Rates grew in all age groups except 10-19, most in 20-29 year olds and least in the over 80’s. GDP up 4.8% April-June, Pladis didn’t say why the Glasgow McVities biscuit factory was closing. 28.9% of GCSE entries achieved top grades and pupils getting all top marks rose 36%. Girls widened the gap with boys and rich kids outstripped poorer. Ofqual attributed it to the uneven impact of coronavirus but labour said the government had abandoned those eligible for free school meals. Coupled with exam results earlier in the week, claims of inflated grades ensued. On Newsnight, Rishi evaded questions about Boris’ yacht and said there’d be “absolutely no return to austerity.” Watch this space! Referring to vouchers for electric cars, we laughed it would take years to collect them from The Sun. The ISS received a consignment of spare parts, pizza and slime mould. Had they not seen any sci-fi horror movies?

Jake Davison shot 5 dead in Plymouth then himself. No motive disclosed, it later transpired his gun permit was withdrawn in December and recently returned. The IOPC investigated and gun licence guidance subsequently changed, advising social media checks to see if applicants were nutters. How about banning guns altogether? Davison was linked to the misogynistic incel, a growing threat according to security expert Will Geddes. Vigils for the victims followed (his mum Maxine, 3 year old Sophie Martyn and her dad Lee, Stephen Washington and Kate Shepherd).

On the day a record 592 crossed the Channel, the French rescued passengers on a sinking boat 13 miles off Dunkirk. A man died prompting a manslaughter investigation. Clandestine Channel Threat Commander Dan O’Mahoney said the death was “a tragic reminder of the importance of stopping migrants from leaving the safety of France on these dangerous crossings. The government’s new plan for immigration is the only long-term solution to fix the broken system, tackle the criminal gangs and prevent more tragedies.” Lisa Doyle of The Refugee Council countered: “The government must change its approach. Instead of seeking to punish or push away people seeking safety because of the type of journey they have made to the UK, they must create and commit to safe routes…While there is war, persecution and violence, people will be forced to take dangerous journeys to seek safety.”

Friday, it was Phil’s turn to struggle with bad eyes and dizziness. After chores and hanging washing out in a sunny breeze, I went to the co-op. Able to pay at the kiosk for the small load, the stupid cashier didn’t ask for my members’ card so I irksomely missed out on using coupons. Neglected for weeks, the garden had gone mad in the alternating wet and sunny periods. I hacked at thorns and weeded enough to regain the path, greeting a few neighbours as they passed by. Somehow, I got insect spray on my lips. Phil in the bathroom, I couldn’t wash it off and tried to ignore the numbness as I swept detritus into a pile. Phil then decided to clean the living room. Bad timing as I really needed to sit after my exertions. When I rose from the afternoon siesta, it was raining. I rushed to bring a sheet in, then the sun came out.

On BBC Breakfast, Calum Semple presented his report on hospital infections during the first wave and assured us there’d been huge improvements since the early days. I should hope so! Spurred by easing and returning students, Prof. James Naismith expected a fourth wave in September and urged more effective campaigns to encourage the hesitant to get immunised. A small study of volunteers showed those double-jabbed with Moderna had antibodies six months later, including against the Delta variant. New infections were detected at ‘unfit’ Napier barracks where migrants slept in dorms.

Dire Times

Still feeling ropey on Saturday, Phil watched footie in miniature. Leeds embarrassingly lost to Man Utd 5-1. I watched a terrible Elvis film then dragged myself off the couch to take recycling out and use the co-op coupons before they expired. Phil braved the shop in town. Typically busy, he saw a group of lads wearing underpants outside one of the central pubs. We hoped it was a stag do! That night, I experienced an EHS episode and recalled I’d had a few recently.

Although cloudy, I desperately needed to get out Sunday. Hoping it didn’t rain, a shower came as I prepared for the first local walk in over a month, but promptly stopped again. We went eastwards on the canal, watched a cruiser performing a 3-point turn, noted the number of posh barges had increased and admired a plethora of wildflowers. Turning right before the next village, we picked early blackberries, hastened into the woods as another brief shower descended and rested on a fallen tree near the old quarry. Phil unable to find his baccy and not remembering if he’d brought it out, we re-traced our steps in case he’d dropped it but of course it was on the sofa where he’d left it. Oh well. At least I had new material for a haigaⁱ. (For a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Places^{i i})

Dinner again taking much longer than anticipated, I slumped on the couch with fatigue and backache, managing to spill cooked berries. Phil kindly expunged the purple stain. Standing for him to do so, I swooned with exhaustion. At bedtime, I lay in the pleasant place between wakefulness and sleep for some time.

Peter Emberek of WHO implied Patient Zero was a Wuhan lab worker infected by a bat. ‘Batwoman’ Shi Zhenghi charmingly told her accuser: ‘shut your dirty mouth!’ Only 1.9% of Africans vaccinated but 10 million doses exported from the continent, Gordon Brown called for a western leaders’ summit. As the USA NOAA^** confirmed July the hottest ever worldwide, Haiti was hit by an earthquake and tropical Storm Grace a few days later, leaving 2,200 dead. Torrential rain and flash flooding in Turkey’s Black Sea region killed 31.

Doing deals with local officials not to kill them, the Taliban took over major cities Kandahar and Herat, and controlled 2/3 of Afghanistan by midweek. In a public broadcast, President Ashraf Ghani indicated imminent surrender saying consultations were ‘ongoing’ and he wouldn’t let the ’imposed war’ cause more death. The US and UK response entailed cobra meetings and troop deployments to evacuate western nationals, disgustingly abandoning Afghans to their fate. British ministers insisted they had no choice but to leave when America pulled out with associated infrastructure. Sunday evening, the Taliban were in Kabul and the president scarpered. Referring to the rapid advance, Phil said: “They must have planned that for years. NATO could learn a thing or two.” The Commons recalled for an emergency debate Wednesday 18^th August, Lisa Nandy wanted to know what took so long? Defending America’s actions, secretary of state Antony Blinken said the original mission was a success – i.e., they’d stopped terror attacks. Jack Straw later agreed it eliminated the threat from Al-Qaeda. If that was the only objective, what was the last 20 years’ ‘nation building’ about? Having recently read ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ by Khaled Hosseini, my heart broke for women and minorities now facing repression and death..

* IPCC – Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change

** NOAA – National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 63 – Ready, Steady…?

“I don’t know how much more I’ve got to give to the NHS. We’re not getting the respect and now pay that we deserve. I’m just sick of it” (Jenny McGee)

Proceed with Caution

During a tidy up Monday morning, I searched bags for masks. 5 out of 10 still missing, it remained a mystery where half had gone. After posting blogs and starting a draft of the next episode of the journal, I went to the co-op, dodging busy traffic on the main road and screeching kids cluttering up the shopfloor. Waiting at the kiosk, I turned round to ask a young man standing close behind me to move back when the cash-desk suddenly looked free. But on approaching, my mate said he was still serving. Oops! Phil had disposed of all the rubbish while I was out. Chores done, I sat in a patch of sun on the garden wall, admiring bluebells and raindrops on leaves. Sleep was mediocre that night even with the meditation soundtrack.

The next step of the waymark reached, pub sales promptly jumped (2% higher than the same day 2020). Train companies added 2,500 services and bus capacity increased to 60 passengers. Additional ‘freedoms’ enabled trips to museums, cinemas, and foreign lands, albeit a limited number. BBC breakfast showed planes queueing on the runway to fly to Portugal, while metro reported airports were quiet. Go figure! In the familiar mantra of pushing responsibility onto the public, the government instructed us to ‘proceed with common sense’ and ‘a heavy dose of caution’, said we shouldn’t be going to amber countries and condemned tour operators for putting on extra flights. So why was it legal then? In Wales, indoor hospitality and entertainment were allowed as the alert level dropped to 2. In Scotland, 6 people could meet, except in Glasgow and Moray. The NAO cost-tracker revealed £172bn was spent on dealing with the pandemic so far (the total forecast was £372bn). Of 2,322 instances of the Indian variant, 483 were in Bolton and Blackburn. Newsnight discussed the upsurge with 2 local MPs. Yasmin Qureshi, Labour MP for Bolton SE, said people weren’t ‘choosing’ not to have the vaccine as The Cock irresponsibly suggested; the issue was access. Originally only 1 hub in the town centre with 6 vaccinators, she’d asked ages ago for community facilities. Mark Logan, Tory MP for Bolton NE agreed take-up wasn’t the problem as transmission occurred in younger people. Both lauded the recently introduced mobile unit which administered 6.200 extra jabs over the weekend. A 100 extra testing volunteers were also welcomed but local lockdown measures weren’t. Adam Finn of JCVI warned immunisation didn’t have an immediate effect and was no good for firefighting; they needed to think about the whole country and stick to the vaccination strategy. So, I wondered, how come they stuck to the age groups in Bolton but reportedly immunised all over 18’s in Blackburn? Poet Laureate Simon Armitages appeared at the end of the programme. He’d obviously spent lockdown eating pies!

Further to The Cock’s comments, metro’s ‘refuseniks’ headline and Andrew Lloyd-Webber calling people selfish for not being vaccinated, had me spluttering into my morning cuppa on Tuesday. The privileged git seemed to think his tawdry shows were the most important thing in the world! Receiving reminders for our second jabs, Phil said he’d be less worried afterwards. “It will take a few weeks to be effective,” I warned. “True. And rates will still go up, especially with young people doing that silly thing again.” “What? going to the pub for face-licking?”

I worked on the journal until 3, when I decided we needed to get outdoors in the warm sunshine and suggested a spot of gardening. I tore bindweeds out, hacked at brambles and filled another pot with soil from the old compost bin (itself turning into compost) to plant more wild garlic bulbs. Meanwhile, Phil poked at worms and planted the Christmas tree seeds I gave him (second time lucky?) In the evening, I left him watching highlights of Leeds United winning on MOTD to have a bath and set the alarm for 8.00 a.m. On a still night, I drifted slowly into slumber.

Following reports of 150 flights to France, Greece, Spain and America on Monday, the PM’s official spokesman briefed the press that travel to amber countries was only permitted for strictly limited purposes (work, essential services or compassionate reasons) and underlined the message of shifting the onus: “we are moving to a situation where the public can take responsibility for their actions.” But Useless George told us while we shouldn’t go on holiday, we could go to see family and friends, as long as we observed quarantine rules. Nick Thomas-Symonds retorted that borders had ‘unravelled into dangerous chaos’ within hours, with “a lack of strategy, which has meant the UK government, and their own ministers, are giving out conflicting advice.” Total relaxation on 21^st June looked uncertain. The Bumbler said as vaccines built a ‘wall of defences’, he didn’t “see anything conclusive at the moment to say that we need to deviate from the road map.” But caution was required, the situation would be ‘closely observed’ and we’d know more in a few days. However, a source reported the chances of restrictions being lifted as planned were ‘next to nil’. Speculation mounted that if outbreaks were limited to specific areas, local measures might return. When would they learn that didn’t work! The nurse who looked after Boris when he had Covid last year, resigned. Jenny McGee cited a lack of respect for the NHS.

Indoculation

The volume too low, I didn’t hear the alarm Wednesday morning. I leapt up in panic, to be told by Phil I was ‘daft’. “There’s no need to be nasty!” I snapped. A hasty breakfast, coffee and cursory wipe of coffee tables preceded checking bus times and going for one due at 11.29. The bugger sailed past displaying a ‘not in service’ sign. As we awaited the next one, rain showers came, not becoming heavy until it arrived. A bit full for my liking, I huddled in my seat until we reached our stop. Thankfully, the rain had stopped too. At the health centre, we waited briefly before being admitted to the consulting room together. The staff friendlier than the previous visit, my arm hurt immediately after the injection. The doctor laughed and said it was quite normal. Unlike the first time, the HCA wrote our names on the cards. They let Phil take photos of syringes and me take tissues, which I’d forgotten in my haste to leave the house. We stood outside the exit door to assess symptoms. Phil agreed the jab had been more stabby but felt okay. We lingered in the carpark decorated with small apple trees in blossom (see below), then went in B&M for secateurs and came out with a basket-full. On the way to the market, Phil searched for a cash machine, finding only 1 where there the used to be 3, no longer attached to a bank. In fact, there was no longer a single branch in the whole valley! We stopped to chat to The Biker and his partner outside a small pub. “Are you coming in?” he asked. “No, we’re still being careful. We’ve just had our second dose.” Theirs due next week, we compared notes on side-effects. Word on the street was they could be worse after the booster shot, but we found the opposite. On parting, I again promised to pass on photos of his barge when we next walked up the canal. In the market hall, the excellent café was open and still cheap.

After ordering, Phil started to feel weird and went to spend 20p at the public convenience. Gone awhile, I fretted in case he’d passed out but the delay was caused by trying to navigate doors without touching anything. Putting masks back on for 10 seconds to get outside, we rested in the community garden, noting fat jackdaws gadding on lush grass studded with dandelions. Graffiti etched into the picnic table featured acrostics made of the word COVID – Cunts On Various Indoculation Drugs and similar witticisms. We took the back streets to Lidl, sped round and I used the free loo before going back to the bus stop. Less packed, we sat well away from 3 women who wore masks as chinstraps as they gassed.

Back home, Phil carried bags to the kitchen and went straight out again for baccy while I sorted groceries. We reflected we’d achieved a lot during our outing but hated the continual donning and shedding of masks. “I don’t fancy that just to go in a pub!” Inevitably tired, I dossed on the sofa and then in bed. Phil still spacey after a lie down, he threatened to have a pill to feel more weird. During a disturbed night, I shifted around to prevent lying on my achy arm. The sounds of chainsaws suggested yet more tree-felling on the railway. I dropped off when there was a pause in the noise, but it annoyingly re-started in the early hours.

Cases rose by 2,696 but only 3 deaths were recorded. Amidst the confusion over travel rules, 150 departures a day flew to amber list countries and the EU looked likely to say we could go to the continent if we’d had 2 jabs. Covboost planned to use 7 different vaccines in trials on 3,000 randomly selected volunteers. Phil considered applying for Leeds or Bradford but didn’t get round to it. An entire tower block in Velbert, Germany was quarantined due to some residents testing positive for the Indian variant. The inflation rate doubled in April thanks to price hikes in fuel and clothes. 10 days since the start of hostilities, the latest death toll stood at 219 Palestinians versus 12 Israelis. Biden told Israel to ‘de-escalate’, while anti-Semitic vitriol and attacks included a Rabbi being bricked in London.

Waking early on Thursday, I wondered why that hadn’t happened the previous morning when I had to be up! Wary of my achy arm, I did some exercise and helped Phil change bedding before bathing and working on the journal. Cold and rainy all day, I put on extra layers but still needed the central heating. Unable to focus on any more writing, I pottered about before going for a lie down. Barely able to keep my eyes open while reading, I enjoyed feeling dozy and cosy when Phil made a racket coming up; banging doors, stomping upstairs and singing in the loo! Irked, I made allowances for the space-headedness making him less conscious of his actions.

Covid dropped to 9^th place in the cause of death league even with 2,874 new cases and 7 more deaths. Andrew Hayward was ‘very concerned’ about the spreadability of the Indian variant and warned of a third wave: “this strain can circulate very effectively…it’s more transmissible than the previous variant.” He urged the UK not to ‘waste the opportunity’ vaccines provided by allowing widespread travel. As 34-35 year olds were invited for a jab, Van Dam said the rate of injections would determine the feasibility of lifting restrictions on 21^st June. Variant case went undetected for 3 weeks (21^st April-11^th May) in 8 local authority areas, resulting in people self-isolating rather than quarantining, due to a software upgrade of the TIT system. Equating to 800 cases across the UK, Blackburn was worst affected with 294 cases, followed by Blackpool, York, Bath, NE Somerset, Southend and Thurrock. Downing Street denied the glitch was linked to surges. Jeremy Hunt called for test and trace to be local and a surge of 32% in cases in Huddersfield (not all caused by the Indian variant) led to it being declared an ‘area of concern’, targeted testing and a vaccine drive.

Three years since the timetable debacle, Shats finally announced changes to the rail network. GBR (Great British Railways) would control infrastructure and private operators awarded concessions. “Delete ‘Great’, seeing as we’re not, take ‘ways’ off the end, and what have you got?” asked Phil. “British Rail! It’s not nationalisation though!” Flexi-tickets such as season tickets allowing travel 2 days a week and oyster-type cards were muted but mayn’t necessarily be cheaper. He echoed pleas to not holiday in amber countries, saying it was a lot of costly hassle. A vigil in Swansea turned into a riot and was branded ‘disgraceful’ by Nasty Patel. Peace broke out between Israel and Palestine but how long would the ceasefire last?

QT discussed ‘should we go on holiday?’ Nick Thomas-Symonds parroted the ‘slow, slow, slow’ line. Nads Zahawi tried to defend the government position. The Man from Iceland, Richard Walker, was perversely planning a trip to Greenland but wasn’t sure now. Most of the panel agreed unclear messages caused confusion over the amber list, some wanted red and green only while Devi Sridhar said the traffic lights didn’t work at all. She pleaded instead for patience until October when everyone was fully vaccinated and had Covid Passes, as happened in other countries (without specifying which ones).

Waxing Lyrical

Phil still felt weird Friday morning but improved later in the day. My arm not as painful, I managed a fair few exercises. Computing slow, Phil resorted to turning the internet off and on again while I went to the co-op. Staff re-stocking shelves ludicrously obstructed every aisle, oblivious to teenagers puzzling over the coffee machine let alone those of us just trying to get groceries. Although not a big shop, I couldn’t even lift the bags with my bad arm. I waited outside with a laden trolley for Phil to come and help as yet another shower descended from the leaden sky. Still no sign, I rang to prompt him to get a shift on. In the afternoon, I whizzed through the Eurovision songs. The Slovenian entry was so Euro I had no idea how it didn’t make the final. Strong competition from Lithuania, Serbia, Moldova, Italy and France, gave the UK no chance.

ONS data showed Covid infections going up, but not alarmingly (yet). Rates were highest in Yorkshire & The Humber, the North East and South East, and lowest in the South West. 49 cases of a new variant detected mainly in Yorkshire & Humber, were ‘under investigation’. On Look North, Kev Smith of PHE said there were about 3,000 mutants worldwide but only a few merited concern. The Indian variant thought to be 30% more infectious, the NHS aimed to administer a first dose to all adults by the end of June, a month ahead of schedule. The WHO found all vaccines worked on all strains but said social-distancing remained important. Dr. Hans Kluge warned: “Vaccines may be the light at the end of the tunnel but we cannot be blinded by that light.” Boris pledged to join the WHO’s Global Pandemic Radar; setting up a network of surveillance hubs by the end of the year, to ensure the world wasn’t “caught unawares again by a virus spreading among us unchecked.” Having warned of thousands of deaths, sage scientists now said a third wave was unlikely to overwhelm the NHS. Mobile vaccination centres moved into Blackburn and Bedford. The EU set to introduce covid travel certificates for its citizens by 1^st July, Spain would welcome tourists from Monday even though it was on the UK’s amber list.

Starting grey on Saturday, the weather remained fine and the sun re-appeared late afternoon. Phil went to town for shopping and photography. I took a pile of recycling out, greeted a couple of neighbours and was busy pruning when he got back. The new secateurs proved effective on the shrubs at the back of garden which had gone rampant, as too had the creeping buttercup. Lovely yellow flowers they may be, especially in the wild, but the root tubers were a nuisance. I hacked at the worst of it until I got hot and tired.

Phil broke the cafetiere jug while washing up. The protective rubber rings long since lost from the tap, it was an accident waiting to happen. In the evening, we watched the shiny waxing moon cross the sky and the Eurovision Song Contest. My opinions altered slightly on a second hearing and San Marino gained cred points with guest artist Flo Rida waxing lyrical. Switching to Netflix when the interminable voting started, we subsequently discovered Italy won, France came second and the UK were bottom with nil points. Nothing to do with Brexit!

Rising late Sunday morning, I helped Phil find a replacement jug for the cafetiere and placed an Ocado order before drafting a haiku. The weather changeable all day, there was a brief bright spell late afternoon. I considered going out when it became cold and rainy again. Instead, I patched another pair of jeans while Phil rooted out a handy repair kit to put rubber rings on the end of the kitchen tap to guard against further breakages. On a manic last day of the football season, Leeds finished a creditable 9^thin the table.

72% of adults now had 1 dose and 43% had 2 vaccine doses. Over the weekend, discovery of the Indian variant in more places led to surge testing in West London and over 18’s being offered jabs in Rochdale. Self-isolation pilots were coming to Newham, Hackney, Yorkshire & Humber, Cheshire, Merseyside, Manchester, Peterborough and Somerset. A PHE study demonstrated protection of up to 80% after 2 doses of AZ or Pfizer. Even so, Germany called the UK an ‘area of variant concern’ and banned travel, effective Sunday midnight. The Scumbag blogged that ‘herd immunity’ was the Plan A government strategy at the start of the pandemic and Plan B was “bodged amid utter and total chaos.” Nasty Patel came on the Marr to repudiate. The plot was to thicken in the coming days. Belarus effectively hijacked a civilian Ryanair plane flying from Athens to Vilnius. They told the crew there was a bomb on board, scrambled a MiG-26 fighter jet and ordered them to land at Minsk. Activist Journalist Roman Protasevich and his girlfriend Sofia Sepaga were promptly arrested. As Mike O’Leary claimed there were KGB agents on board, western leaders expressed outrage. But what action would they take against the sky piracy of the despot Lukashenko?

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 62 – It’s Grim Up North

“If it’s good enough for London, it’s good enough for us” (Tracy Brabin)

Rude Blokes

After the rude awakening in the early hours, I dropped back into deep sleep when Phil woke me Monday morning saying it was late. Exhausted after a crap night, I considered a curt retort but thought better of it. Barely able to move my neck, a few painful exercises eased it slightly. I’d only just finished my cuppa when Phil announced he was taking the tray away. “Don’t rush me!” “Sorry, I’m trying to be helpful.” “I know, but I feel harassed.” The usual round of Monday chores and blog posting ensued. Unable to add photos to the journal, turning the laptop off and on again fixed the issue but the process remained slow. The co-op quiet that afternoon, an ignoramus threw his shopping on the conveyer before I’d moved forward at the checkout. “Do you mind?” I asked pointedly, to which I got a blank look in response. How rude! Changeable all day with some thunder, for once I’d managed to run the errand in a sunny spell. I lingered at the doorstep to chat to the rarely seen next-door neighbour. She’d recently married and invited us to a post-covid party in July. I got rid of a pile of recycling before the heavens opened again. In the evening I set about repairing a new rip in my favourite jeans but the patch of old denim I found was too light. My neck still painful and stiff, some yoga stretches and a massage at bedtime aided sleep.

Consistent falls in cases, hospitalisations and deaths saw the Covid-19 alert level downgraded to 3 for the first time since mid-September. The Bumbler announced the next stage of the roadmap would go ahead as expected on 17^th May, allowing indoor hospitality, entertainment and activities, including soft play centres and hotels. Students would return to uni and secondary pupils didn’t have to wear masks. Calls to use ‘common sense’ and ‘caution’ were back, as was the rule of 6 for private houses and overnight stays (or 2 households). Officially allowed to hug, there was no mention of face-licking.

Keir told the first meeting of the re-shuffled cabinet he wasn’t shifting blame. The parliamentary commissioner for standards set to investigate Boris’ trip to Mustique 16 months ago, ‘facilitated’ by Carphone Warehouse tycoon David Ross, newly-promoted Angela Rayner said: “The public have a right to know who paid for (his) luxury Caribbean holiday and the renovation of his flat. Most importantly, we need to know what these donors were promised or expected in return for their generosity…(he) needs to stop using the office of PM as an opportunity to fund his lavish lifestyle and enrich his mates.” New mayor Tracy Brabin spoke on Look North of not taking anything for granted and working hard for ‘the people I grew up with’. On a ‘tap in, tap out’ system for public transport, she stated: “If it’s good enough for London, it’s good enough for us.” Quite!

Northern Soaks

Tuesday morning, I woke at 8 and got revenge on Phil by rousing him from sleep. Neck improved, my right shoulder had gone stiff. Exercise and bathing helped somewhat. Following a spot of cleaning and writing, I set off for the main square to meet The Researcher. As she approached, I recognised her immediately from her profile photo. It was so lovely to meet in person after a year of on-line correspondence! Commenting on the busyness of the place in spite of the grey midweek conditions, we shared anecdotes on the trials of shopping, washing money and quarantining purses. “I still do that,” I confessed, “no-one has yet told me it doesn’t make any difference.” “Shall we get out of here?”

Talking and walking to the nearby clough, we discussed love of place, our backgrounds and assorted issues. Wanting to give her a flavour of my frequent visits, we climbed over the small wall to look at ‘the swamp’, flooded after copious rainfall. Heading for the ‘islands’, a tribe of kids clutching fishing nets and accompanied by a few adults, descended to infest them. Rather ragamuffin to be on a school outing, and the grown-ups rather ‘yummy mummy’ I deduced they were from the nearby free school. Giving them a wide berth, we continued up the top path and turned left onto cobbles. It started raining and a matter of minutes before heavy showers caught us so we agreed to return to the shelter of trees. Loud thunder cracks tore through the clouds as sizeable hailstones assailed us. Hastily making our way back down the clough, we noted the ragamuffins had scarpered. Back in town, we bade farewell and pledged to meet again. I hurried home to get warm with a change of clothes and a cuppa. Editing photos, the laptop played up again so I turned it off and went for a lie down. Phil had gone to Leeds for the first time this year. Just as I was about to make dinner, another downpour descended and he returned predictably tired and soaking wet. Letting him recover, I didn’t begrudge the lack of help cooking or clearing a sinkful of dishes, but became slightly irked when he came down to stand around in the middle of the kitchen. That night, I lay listening to yet more thunderstorms until eventually falling asleep.

Pomp scaled back, the Queen’s speech boasted of plans for ‘unleashing our nation’s full potential’. Promised legislation included a pile of stuff nobody cared about like voter ID, or wanted, such as scrapping the fixed-term parliament, the police bill and the HS2 line from Crewe to Manchester, while the Health and Social Care Bill to integrate NHS and social care, was delayed again, even though Boris said he had a plan ready on the day he became PM 2 years ago. Martin Green of Care England asked: ‘How long can the care system limp on like this?’ The CBI lauded the speech as good for jobs and connectivity but Keir said it was full of ‘short-term gimmicks’, ‘distant promises’ and papered ‘over the cracks’.

The commons treasury committee released details of 45 messages from Camoron to ministers and officials concerning Greensill. As allegations relating to its collapse were ‘potentially criminal in nature’, the FCA were also investigating the company. Media descended on Batley to discuss ‘levelling up’. Focussing on the upcoming by-election, they failed to mention the vacancy was due to the current Labour MP becoming mayor. Golden-haired boy Jordan Banks was struck by lightning playing football in Blackpool. His organs were donated to 3 other children after his death.

Attempting to post for my nieces’ birthday Wednesday morning, she’d disappeared from social media. I messaged Elder Sis to send on best wishes. She reported back that the family were fine and my nephew was back in Wuhan, having a more ‘normal life’ than they were in London! Walking Friend called round as arranged. She commented on the plethora of bluebells in the gardens (of blue and white), which made me appreciate them anew.

We gravitated into the square. “What are we doing?” “Looking for somewhere to eat.” “Not here.” We settled on the Turkish café. Starting fine but rain likely, we sat under an awning for different versions of breakfast and a catch-up. She said there’d been no hail on the moors yesterday, unlike the valley. When the showers came they thankfully weren’t as heavy as Tuesday. Browsing the charity shops, I found nothing I wanted but curated films for her to play on her new DVD player and showed her how to check the condition. “Like records” “Yes. You can wash them like vinyl too. But don’t dunk them in the sink!” We sheltered in a doorway for a smoke, said cheerio and went our separate ways. Phil had cleaned the kitchen floor and hung washing up while I was out which was nice, especially since I’d felt overwhelmed by day-to-day chores after a week in bed and 2 days out. At bed-time, pouring rain and the generator competed to be loudest. Using earplugs and the meditation tape, I dropped in and out of slumber.

A month ahead of schedule, we were asked to make appointments for second vaccine doses, while 38-39 year olds were invited for a first. Amid warnings of circulating mutants, scientists called a new strain of the Indian variant ‘very concerning’. A surge of B.1.617.2 led to the highest number country-wide in Erewash, Derbyshire, followed by Bolton where targeted testing and a vaccination bus were introduced. A WHO report commissioned from the Independent Panel for Pandemic Preparedness and Response said a quicker international reaction to the Wuhan outbreak would’ve prevented a global catastrophe, it took too long for a public health emergency to be declared, and February 2020 was a ‘lost month’ when many more countries could have acted to prevent the spread. The Bumbler announced a covid commemoration commission with a memorial at St. Paul’s cathedral and an independent public inquiry into the government’s handling of the crisis, spring 2022. Keir asked why it couldn’t happen sooner and Jo Goodman said it was far too late: “It sounds like common sense when the PM says that an inquiry can wait until the pandemic is over, but lives are at stake with health experts and scientists warning of a third wave later this year.” Private Eye reported on a CCJ issued to Boris for an unpaid debt of £535. Dated during the time of the flat refurb it created much speculation but turned out to be a claim for defamation by conspiracy-theorist nutter Yvonne Hobbs South Yorkshire police investigated reports of 9 female cops posting images of face-licking at a party on Snapchat with the caption ‘Covid Who?’

Fighting between Israel and Palestine intensified. Police blocking access to the Al-Aqsa mosque on the eve of Eid and a Jerusalem Day march on Monday were seen as ‘provocation’. Rockets fired from Gaza were answered by airstrikes from Israel. A tower block hit, the Gaza death toll disproportionately rose to 48 including 14 children and sporadic violence broke out between Israeli and Palestinian citizens. UN special envoy Tor Wennesland warned: “we’re escalating towards a full-scale war.”

Yorkshire Jokes

Waking early again Thursday, I enjoyed coming round at a leisurely pace. Phil accused me of wasting the hours gained but I didn’t care. Sunny and warm, I opened the window to shake rugs out when cleaning the bedroom and heard a helicopter heading west. Was it going to Bolton? I wrote up Sunday’s walk for Cool Placesⁱⁱ and we had fun taking the ‘are you posh?’ quiz featured on Jeremy Vine. Answer: not very. We thought ‘laughing loudly’ referred to a horsey snort rather than a raucous northern bark. Becoming cold and wet again, we derided the Yorkshire weather: “it’s shit!”

Phil went to clean the bathroom but got distracted by a shoelace going up the vacuum. Meanwhile, I sat on the sofa relaxing to the ambient sounds of the humming hoover from the first floor, the ticking clock, and traffic splashing through the rain. I then played guitar. A bit rusty after a lengthy hiatus, I eventually recalled the scales I knew and 7 songs without looking up chords.

PHE data showed cases of the Indian variant tripled in a week. Spreading faster than the Kent version, especially in the under 25’s, rates increased in London, Sefton, Bedford and Blackburn, but the media spotlight was still on Bolton. Prof. James Naismith of Oxford University predicted it would ‘get everywhere’, local restrictions wouldn’t contain it and advocated a country-wide approach. An urgent sage meeting led to speculation on delaying the next stage of the waymark due 21^st June. Uncleverly said: “sage will make their assessments…report (to government), and we will make decisions based on the data and the evidence…” Boris ruled nothing out. Camoron was grilled on Greensill by the commons treasury committee. He insisted he’d had a ‘really good idea’ and there was ‘absolutely no wrongdoing’ but accepted ex-PMs should ‘think differently and act differently’ and conceded a single e-mail would be better than a barrage of messages, which Angela Eagle described as ‘more like stalking than lobbying’. Refusing to say how much he earned, he admitted to a ‘large economic interest’, holding shares and flying to Cornwall in a private jet. However, he called claims he could gain £60m ‘completely absurd’. Portugal supposedly welcomed Brits but we could currently only go to Madeira. Of others on the green list, the nation of Iceland and the dependencies of Gibraltar and the Faroe Islands, were the only ones not requiring quarantine. London City Airport said business trips would come back as they were essential while the French threatened to scupper the EU financial services agreement over the Jersey fish dispute. In spite of Egyptian attempts at mediation, violence between Israel and Palestine escalated.

On QT, Paul Mason said we were ‘ruled by crooks’. Tory Rob Bucket retorted that was untrue and insulting. Lisa Nandy admitted they needed to work to win back votes and persuade people Labour were for them and Brexiteer Michelle Dewberry called it daft to stick a remainer candidate up in Hartlepool. I’d already said this was the biggest issue in the by-election, but surely it was about time we got past this?

Turned Out Shite Again

Friday morning, we both felt a bit off; me with a scratchy throat and achy shoulders, Phil with aches everywhere. Probably down to the grey, damp weather it was also far too cold for the time of year. Hugging to console each other, our hair got in the way. Haircuts were definitely required. After some life admin and writing, I set off for the co-op. Rather busy with gaps on the shelves, I didn’t get too stressed as I grabbed the essentials.

Now located in 15 areas, Bolton gained top spot with B.1.617.2 on the rise. Burnman appeared on BBC breakfast to plead for inoculation of all over 16’s in affected Manchester boroughs and help for people to self-isolate (still an issue after a year). Evening news revealed cases tripled nationally in a week to 1,313 and 17 deaths were recorded. Transmissibility possibly higher than the Kent virus and growing at a faster rate, PHE responded to reports of reinfections as ‘to be expected’. Arguments arose on whether measures should include immunisation of entire multi-generational households or local restrictions (even though they didn’t work last time). Prof Paul Hunter of UEA said: “if the Indian variant…continues to increase at the same rate as it has…we’re going to have a huge number of cases by June,” but as it affected younger people, might not put extra pressure on the NHS. Nads Zahawi urged people to get tested, isolate if it proved positive and said lockdown easing wouldn’t have to be paused if everyone did their bit: “by taking the 2 tests a week, doing your PCR test in those areas, and isolate, isolate, isolate…the 4 tests have to be met.”

But then, The Bumbler briefed us that the surge could threaten the roadmap and: “pose a serious disruption to our progress and could make it much more difficult to move to step 4 in June.” The announcement that the gap between doses was being shortened for the over 50’s from 12 to 8 weeks, explained why we’d been called up a month ahead of schedule.

Portugal now said we could go on holiday from Monday, even though restrictions in the country were extended to 30^th May. Foreign travel to be permitted from Scotland on 24^th May and travel from NI within the CTA*, but not from Wales, Mark Drakeford said he couldn’t stop people going abroad via England, but would prefer they didn’t.

Saturday grey and drizzly, we declared it too shite for walking. That didn’t stop people coffee-cupping and pubbing, as Phil discovered when he nipped to town. I took recycling to the bins and found the outdoor air quite pleasant apart from the damp. I draft-posted the journal and rooted out old denims in search of a darker patch for my favourite jeans. My old Wranglers now fit Phil while another pair had a massive rip near the crotch. Chopping the legs off, I joked: “I’ve made you a delightful pair of cut-offs!” Phil donned them on top of the jeans he was wearing to parade around the living room. When I finally stopped laughing, I fashioned a section of leg into a patch and stitched in front of the telly (avoiding the FA cup final, complete with a crowd) while Phil cut his hair. Raining all night, the weather remained changeable on Sunday. It was my turn for a hair do. Decanting dyeing accoutrements, the disposable gloves stank of germolene. Were they PPE rejects?

On the Marr, Yvette Coop said Tracy Brabin was ace and labour would do everything they could to keep hold of Batley & Spen. The Cock wittered about controlling variants and cited evidence of vaccine effectiveness, based on a sole clinical trial by Oxford University. When quizzed on travel quarantine not working, he didn’t even know who the ISU was! Things got grimmer north of the border when Glasgow Rangers fans celebrated victory by marching from the Ibrox Stadium to the city centre. Mayhem, violence and anti-Catholic chants resulted in 5 cop injuries and 28 arrests. Sturgeon tweeted she was ‘utterly disgusted.’

*CTA – Common Travel Area – UK, ROI, Channel isles, IOM

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

Part 61 – Washouts and Landslides

“Disconnection from our heartland communities will only deepen unless they can look to Labour and see a party with clear, bold policies that understands and speaks to them ” (Len McClusky)

Washout Monday

Still feeling dizzy on a cold, grey Monday morning, I wobbled down for a cuppa and decided porridge would warm us up. Later, I bathed, fetched coffee, reading material and the laptop and ensconced myself in bed to post blogs and read Valley Life. Only flicking through the spring edition at Easter, I hadn’t noticed my piece got a mention on the cover and in the editorial! An article on the flood relief works revealed a walk further down the canal was needed to see their full extent. Phil worked downstairs and brought me a tasty lunch butty. I remarked it felt like any other Monday. As if to underline the point, the heavens opened, putting paid to May Day bank holiday frolics. If there was a street party at the local labour club, it would be a washout but at least the dirty hippies could have a nice shower! Elsewhere over the weekend, 5,000 Scousers went to a test gig in Sefton Park and Cambridge students had a rave on Jesus Green for Caesarean Sunday. A bright interval early evening tempted swifts to dart about the valley catching insects. Attempts to capture them on my phone camera were futile.

A sole death from coronavirus recorded, vaccines reached 50m of which 15m were second jabs. Moderna committed 500m doses to Covax but the WHO programme wouldn’t start until late 2021, with most delivered 2022. Why so slow? On his third campaign visit to Hartlepool, The Bumbler hinted at scrapping social distancing when pubs fully re-opened. Thinking mid-May a bit early, I exclaimed: “they should at least wait until us oldies are fully immunised!” Indoor activities opened in Wales and the EU revealed proposals “to allow entry to the EU not only for all persons coming from countries with a good situation but also to all people who have received the last recommended dose of an EU-authorised vaccine.” A decision likely by the end of the month, they expected reciprocity. Several countries were muted to be green-lighted for travel from the UK. But following the ISU’s warnings of airports being breeding grounds, Layla Moran spluttered: “It’s staggering to think the government is even contemplating encouraging overseas holidays when airports are already struggling to keep the virus and new variants at bay…Urgent measures are needed to better detect fake Covid test certificates, reduce overcrowding in arrival halls and separate out those arriving from red and amber list countries.” Prof. Ferguson Inaccurately predicted Italy and France would get the green light if infections fell and agreed with Boris’ tweet that it would be a ‘Great British summer’, saying: “life will feel a lot more like normal.” He added that the move to scrap social-distancing would inevitably lead to more infections and fatalities but it was ‘a political decision’ to determine how many deaths were acceptable. It was my turn to splutter!

In the aftermath of the Super league failure, the Premier League introduced a charter committing football club owners to ‘the core principles’ of the competition, while a capacity audience watched the boring snooker final.

During the night, I awoke with a coughing fit. A drink of water and a throat pastille soon calmed it down, but I slept fitfully afterwards, with Covid dreams involving pub mates.

Deluged

Respite from the engineering works over the bank holiday, they woke me at 8.00 a.m. Tuesday. Slightly better and the cough not persistent, I stopped worrying I had Covid. Still chronically fatigued, I stayed in bed for the next few days. While Phil took care of chores and errands, I worked on the next journal instalment. The deluge of news stories meant it took all week.

According to ONS figures, infections in secondary schools were 0.3%, a big drop from December and on a par with the wider population. Polls showing the tory lead down from 11 to 5%, but 50% ahead in Hartlepool, Keir foresaw defeat, saying on BBC Breakfast that he took ‘full responsibility’ for the outcome of the by-election. Holding onto the Labour stronghold in 2019, Brexit-voting Hartlepool was still a red brick in the blue wall. Referring to allegations of Boris’ misconduct in office, he said: ”Being the PM…is an incredible honour…and it shouldn’t be ‘priced in’ that (he’s) not going to be straight (with us)…this idea that some of the top government seem to have that the rules don’t really apply to them…is completely wrong.” The hospitality industry whinged they couldn’t recruit enough staff for 17^th May as loads had gone off to be delivery drivers. ‘Well, pay more than minimum wage then!’ I advised.

Wednesday, I tried to expunge nasty black marks from my fingers. I’d only just noticed the ingrained muck from last week’s DIY. I worked on the journal until head fug set in, backed up computer files and put a pile of clothes away. During ‘quiet time’, I got absolutely no rest at all with so much noise outside. Besides works on the canal, builders clattered, trains screeched and traffic beeped.

As it was muted the NHS App may not be ready in time for travel, Portugal said come anyway. Having already booked 60m Pfizer boosters for autumn, Uncleverly told us Van Dam was leading ‘Covboost’ – a trial to look at “which vaccine delivers the best boost.” The Cock announced capacity for blood testing at Porton Down would double, to detect anti-bodies and “future-proof the country from the threat of new variants.” Nads Zahawi said the UK conducted 50% of the worlds’ genome sequencing of coronavirus and mutants, adding that as the situation moved from pandemic to endemic, they’d deal with it in the same way as ‘flu. Adam Finn of JCVI warned that as the virus circulated throughout the world without being properly tested, there would definitely be viral evolution, possibly undetected. “As more and more of the world’s population become immune to the virus through infection or through immunisation, the speed of that is likely to go up so it’s certainly a problem now and it’s likely to be an increasing problem going forward.” With some scientists saying more spread equalled faster mutations, while others said the opposite, I was left confused.

At a G7 meeting in London, the USA proposed intellectual property exemption for vaccines, to allow a global response. 2 Indian delegates travelled infected and self-isolated, to be closely followed by the whole deputation. Organisers claimed it was due to strict procedures that Covid had been detected and Boris denied it was a mistake to meet in person. For the first time ever, I agreed with Dawn Brexit on Jeremey Vine who asked why were they let in when we couldn’t go anywhere? But I soon disagreed again as she went onto to say it wasn’t mad to go to India on holiday even with 20m cases and 220,000 deaths – crazy! In the meantime, The Bumbler had a zoom call with Nodi to agree pledges on health, climate, education, science & technology, defence and trade which he called a ‘quantum leap’. Evil Musk sent more satellites into space and a SpaceX test didn’t end in a crash for once. Meanwhile, a Chinese rocket that took the Tianhe space station up, hurtled towards earth. The descent uncontrolled, no one knew when or where it would land.

Following Newsnight, a cop doc featured a murder in my home town. One street over from where I grew up, it housed a decent pub back then; a favourite haunt of my dad’s. The pub now gone, the area was haunted by drug gangs with guns.

Super Thursday

Election day was cold with heavy showers, including hail. Apparently brought by an arctic blast, it snowed elsewhere and didn’t bode well for Labour. Still ailing, I had to get out of bed so we could change the sheets. I got straight back in to work on the laptop. Late afternoon, Phil went to the polling station, equipped with mask and pen. Getting wet, at least he missed the hailstones. He handed my ballot in and completed his own. Not gone long, I asked: “not busy then?” “No, ”he chuckled, “just one hippy.” He then complained: “you didn’t tell me there were 2 votes.” “What?“ “For the mayor; there was a second choice.”

“I did tell you, and there was a leaflet explaining it all. Anyway, I’m not your electoral advisement officer.” “Yes you are.” “Hmm. I didn’t bother. I didn’t want to split the vote and it’s not mandatory.” “Oh.” “Who did you vote for?” “One of the weirdos.”* “God help us!”

At least he hadn’t drawn a cock and balls on the papers, as he’d threatened, in retribution for the council putting new led street-lighting up. Mayoral candidate Tracy Brabin off Corrie, was churlishly spragged up for giving out free brownies, but as party workers ate them, she broke no rules. Someone obviously predicted she’d win. In London, serious candidates headed off a mind-boggling array of minority parties, independent nutters and Covid-deniers, including Piers Corbyn, Psycho Fox, Count Binface, and the hilariously-named Peter Gammon of UKIP.

I later spotted a missed message from Walking Friend. On her way to vote, she’d wanted to meet for coffee. I thanked her for the thought and said I’d get in touch when I felt better.

Young adults took part in trials of a plant-based vaccine in York. Canadian pharma Medicago cleverly grew the virus protein on leaves. The ONS revealed a shocking 19.6% hike in alcohol-related deaths. The rise starting in March 2020, it coincided with the start of the first lockdown.

Wednesday, 2 French boats blocked the port of St. Helier and French maritime minister Annick Girardin threatened to cut off Jersey’s electricity supply, in retaliation for a requirement that fishers submit evidence of past activities in the island’s waters to get a continuance licence. Lambasted as ‘disproportionate’, naval ships were disproportionately dispatched, closely pursued by the French military on a ‘patrol mission’. A 15 hour stand-off ensued, involving up to 100 French fishing boats, the loosing of flares, ramming of a pleasure-craft, musket fire from a re-enactor, and a fisherman called Popeye declaring ‘war’. The French then sailed away Thursday teatime, saying they’d made their point. Brussels complained to Westminster that the new rules broke the Brexit agreement. After speaking to the protestors, Jersey Senator Ian Gorst said the licence requirements had been ‘lost in translation’ and Chief Minister John Le Fronde added the ‘very good discussions’ highlighted issues that could easily be resolved. Amid concerns the situation could escalate if unsettled, John Bercow on QT called it ‘jingoistic sabre rattling,’ not unconnected to the elections.

Fallout Friday

Slightly improved Friday, I stayed in bed writing and replied to an e-mail from the researcher, confirming our upcoming meeting. That evening, Have I Got News For You featured the community library in the Hants village of Hurstbourne Tarrant, also containing porn. Was it a national phenomenon? The Cornholme incident got a mention, bringing more unwelcome attention to the area.

PHE said inoculations had averted 10,000 deaths and with Jansen set to be approved (requiring only 1 jab), the under 40’s were to be offered alternatives to AZ. Traffic lights revealed only 12 green countries including Portugal, Gibraltar, Israel and Iceland. France, Italy, Spain and Greece were on the amber list and Turkey, The Maldives and Nepal added to the red. Shats now said the NHS app would be ready for use to prove you’d had 2 injections, or you could get a letter before travelling. TUI offered holidaymakers the required tests at a bargain £20. A fire at the New Providence Wharf tower block, where cladding replacement was underway, led Grenfell United to shout “enough is enough!”

Tories crowing over a landslide victory in the Hartlepool by-election, Boris went to pose with a blimp of himself. They also gained control of 13 councils, although it took several days for all ballots to be counted, as it did for metro mayors. Bemoaning the losses, Keir bleated: “we have not made a strong enough case to the country.” John McDonnell accused him of being ‘almost policy-less’ and Len McClusky warned disconnection would deepen unless Labour had clear, relevant policies.

In a weird dream, I inexplicably volunteered at an undefined government-sponsored conference, along with some people I knew. Clueless as to the theme, we succeeded in winging it, wondered what it was all about and concluded it was a cronyism scam. “Now we have insider knowledge. We could be proper whistle-blowers!” I whooped. Telling Phil the next day, he said I obviously missed coffee-cupping but as my conference days were far behind me, I thought it more likely a mixture of TV exposure, awful election results and wanting to bring the government down.

Saturday morning, I felt well enough to have breakfast downstairs but returned upstairs with aches and pains. Grey skies and rain didn’t help. Planning to mend holes in the newly-washed bedspread, it was so cold I ended up putting it back on the bed – in May! I rallied sufficiently to go back down late afternoon.

Much perkier following a relatively good sleep, I itched to get out of the house on Sunday. We set off in fine weather for the nearest wood. Climbing up, an earthy scent rose from the churned up track scattered with dislodged wall blocks – caused by a vehicle or the recent rain? In the wood, the mysterious stones appeared green rather than blue as did stained sheep in the adjacent field. Corvids squawked above as if to say ‘get off our land!’ We slogged up to the top wall, expecting to keep in alignment with it, but the path veered down and we emerged onto a nasty stony path. We crossed onto softer ground for a much easier ascent to familiar territory.. Afternoon showers put paid to our usual rest stop. We squatted under a large tree near the waterfall, teeming for once. “It’s like camping,” Phil said, “imagine waiting 40 minutes for the kettle to boil.” “No thanks!” The quarry similarly transformed by increased water, we navigated paths resembling streams on the shorter route down (for a fuller description of the walk, see Cool Placesⁱ)

Although we didn’t get far, the uphill climbs and a ‘shortcut’ which added 45 minutes to the walk, was enough for me. Back home, I edited photos and was inspired by zinging greenery after the rain to write a haigaⁱⁱ.

2/3 of adults were inoculated, 1/3 with 2 doses. The ‘key tests’ met, an announcement Monday was predicted to confirm the next stage of the waymark, and permit hugging. “What I want to know is, will face-licking be allowed?” Phil joked. A curfew in Spain ended, excepting Navarra, Valencia, the Balearics, and the Canaries. The Chinese rocket splashed down in the Indian Ocean.

Counting for the West Yorkshire mayor finally took place. Tracy Brabin celebrated her 60^th birthday with a win. Watching the weekend’s extensive election coverage, I only heard national media even mention it twice until the declaration. The Yorkshire Party came third which was funny but Tracy’s roles as mayor and PCC meant a by-election in Batley & Spen, which wasn’t. Despite tory gains, the majority of metro mayors were labour (a fact also omitted by the mainstream) and they held onto some Lancashire and Yorkshire councils including ours. Rather than a red wall, the map looked more like a red fence with holes in it.

Labour also kept control of the Welsh Senedd, and the SNP held onto Holyrood. The fourth successive victory led Sturgeon to say it was ‘when not if’ for Scottish independence. Boris told her to stick to tackling the virus and invited devolved leaders to a Team UK summit on the pandemic.

Thinking Angela Rayner would make a good party leader (and not just because she represented my hometown), Kier sacked her as party chair and campaign manager to inevitable accusations of scapegoating. Was that what he called taking full responsibility for his own mistakes? Saying she’d retain her deputy leader role because of her ‘working class appeal’, we were flummoxed seeing as she was elected by members. A hasty shadow cabinet re-shuffle over the weekend moved her to shadow cabinet minister. Meanwhile, Dodds was out and Reeves in as shadow chancellor.

Developing a painful stiff neck in the evening, a massage helped the pain but not sleep. Tossing and turning in a luminous night, I looked through the curtains at a solitary bright star. With the help of the meditation tape, I dropped in and out of sleep to be disturbed at 5.45 a.m. by loud industrial vehicles – grr!

* I think Phil placed his second choice mayoral vote for The Yorkshire Party; not that weird!

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 60 – Curtain Gate

“I really believe that if the political leaders of the planet could see their world from a distance of, let’s say 100,000 miles, their outlook would be fundamentally changed. The all-important border would be invisible, that noisy argument suddenly silenced” (Michael Collins)

Papering Over The Cracks

I awoke Monday morning to the engineering racket. Attesting to how many weeks it’d been going on, I could tell it was a crane from the noise! After nasty chores, I put a picture on Facebook for my nephew’s birthday then posted blogs. I set about painting the pink table after lunch. Needing undercoating, it inevitably took longer to sand the wood, find plain white paint, and open tins than to apply it. Drying quickly but patchily, I painted a second coat before dinner. Turps stung an invisible cut on my hand. Phil dismissed my profanities of pain. “You’re always swearing.” “How very dare you!” Taking a breather outside, it was colder than the sunshine suggested. I went back in to get warm. The full moon barely visible behind cloud and the generator barely audible, I still needed help getting to sleep that night.

Boris warned another wave might come and urged vaccine take-up. As 44 year olds were invited, a TV ad encouraged under 50’s to get a first dose and over 50’s a second. The Bumbler naysaid the latest chat from the rat, that he ranted he’d rather let ‘effing bodies pile high in their thousands’ than have a second lockdown. Margaret Hodge asked: “How many more times will government ministers accept their leader, our PM, has misled the public, the press and parliament before they declare him unfit for office?” Phil answered: “the same number of times the public won’t – umpteen. Because he’s got funny hair!” “Yes, and then there’s Brexit.” I added. Widely believed to be the proponent of herd immunity in the early days of the pandemic and now apparently leaking shocking quotes, it seemed The Scumbag lived up to his moniker, storing up dirt to dish out later (although he wasn’t the only source of the latest exposé).

In a 6-page reply to the Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice request for a public inquiry, government said that with those involved ‘working round the clock’ at this ‘critical phase’, they had ‘no capacity’ to launch one. Jo Goodman asked: “how long will grieving families be left without answers, without assurance that the mistakes that led to our loved ones’ deaths are not repeated? We are still living through the pandemic – procrastination is … an insult to the bereaved (and) prevents the government from protecting future lives…” As expected, Scotland moved down to level 3. Cafes, beer gardens, non-essential shops, salons, gyms, pools, museums and holiday lets re-opened. Travel to England and Wales was permitted and 6 people could meet indoors but could only drink alcohol outdoors. In Wales, outdoor hospitality opened up and up to 30 people could partake in activities.

Tuesday, I painted the Ikea table to match the woodwork in the living room. Purchased in more affluent times, the posh Farrow & Ball paint revived after a stir. I managed to keep the oily stuff off my hands until right at the end when cleaning up – typical! I sent Phil to the shop for cheddar cheese. Returning with red Leicester, he claimed I said there was no difference. “I doubt that. But Nadiya Hussain is a fan so I might re-appraise it.” It proved to make rather tasty cheese on toast. Having been quiet so far, the engineering works re-started late afternoon. My siesta disturbed, the beeping noise of dumper trucks reversing was more intrusive than the actual doings!

Covid deaths were down 97% since 22^nd Jan. Attributed to lockdowns and vaccine take-up, the ONS said 90% of those required to self-isolate, did. The Downing Street flat renovation controversy continued. Therese Coffee-cup trolled out the party line and gave no real answers to the alleged donor payment, or her boss’ comments about letting the virus ‘rip’. PM spokesmen later insisted he said no such thing and also that the UK had no spare vaccine to send to India, even though 5m doses were due to come the other way. Instead, the government sent 200 ventilators and 95 air converters. Lambasted as a drop in the ocean, the USA donated spare AZ vaccines and the WHO dispatched more help but cited mass gatherings as one of the causes of the surge of B1.617. Ridiculously, election rallies still went on. Trying to defend the situation, the leader of the ruling party sounded like an idiot on Newsnight, twittering about twittering. In a reference to the unilateral extension of the grace period, Adolf Von Der Leyen warned Boris not to breach terms of the Brexit deal before a retrospective vote by MEPs.

I painted a second coat on the Ikea table before elevenses Wednesday morning. By lunchtime, it was dry enough to touch up streaky patches. I then made a mess of the sink cleaning the brushes and got annoyed that I’d created more work for myself. The co-op busy that afternoon, kids ran amok and a young man behind me at the till edged too close as he stared at his phone. I told him to move back. Putting groceries on the conveyer, I saw the bread wrapping was ripped. The nice cashier waited while I fetched a replacement. “How are you?” she asked “Okay.” “That didn’t sound convincing.” “It’s paint fumes. I need fresh air!” I hurried out the back door, removed my mask and took a deep breath. Back home, I had a faff sorting veg, discovering tomatoes already going squishy and dropping spuds all over the floor.

Stonewalling

With ‘reasonable grounds to suspect that an offence had been committed’, The Electoral Commission were investigating Curtain Gate. Tories insisted Boris had now paid for the refurb, but didn’t say who forked out in the first place. On Politics Live, Stella Creasy and Daisy Cooper agreed that as Number 10 hadn’t come clean, questions were raised and it mattered to folk who couldn’t pay their bills, while Carrie Antionette chose wallpaper. When asked directly by Kier at PMQs who stumped up the cash, The Bumbler stonewalled and rambled about ventilators, housing costs and lauded the success (sic) of the EU approving the Brexit deal – what a moron! Countering the Captain Hindsight handle, Keir came up with Major Sleaze. Quizzed on the ‘bodies piling up’ quote, Boris gave a flat “No.” “I’ll leave it there for now,” lawyer Keir said; a marker for later or to ensure the answer was on record? Fast losing his shit, a frit Boris immediately went to the Westminster tearoom to rally his troops. The Glove-Puppet’s missus Sarah Vine was on Radio 4 saying: “The Prime Minister can’t be expected to live in a skip.” I’d be delighted to find a skip full of John Lewis décor!

On Newsnight, we learned designer Lulu Lytle of Soane Britain supplied golden paper at a cost of £80,000. The PM’s decorating allowance £30,000, it was revealed in a leaked e-mail that the donor of the extra money was Lord Brownlow. The tory peer reportedly asked for it to be attributed to a ‘soon-to-be-formed Downing Street Trust’ to which others were asked to contribute. Thangam Debonnaire mentioned “8 inquiries and counting…” into sleaze. ‘Yes’, I thought, ‘and yet they say there aren’t resources for a proper inquiry into covid deaths’.

A day after MPs demanded another inquiry into why the independent adviser on ministerial standards hadn’t yet been replaced, FDA (the Civil Service union) were granted a full court hearing on Boris’ dismissal of the report into bullying by Nasty Patel (which led to Alex Allan’s resignation last November). The queen’s former PS Lord Geidt was appointed to fill the vacancy. Paving the way for publication of the register of ministerial interests and possibly details of donations to fund the flat refurb, he was only allowed to investigate at the behest of the PM – hardly independent! The traffic lights system and list of countries deemed safe expected early May, Shats said the NHS app would be used to prove covid status for travel, pending a meeting with his G7 equivalents next week. Last month’s Barcelona gig was declared a success with only 6 people testing positive 14 days later, lower than the Spanish average. Arlene Foster lost a vote of no confidence and resigned as NI first minister and leader of the DUP. The main issues were the Brexit deal and gay conversion therapy. Good grief! What century were they in?

Global food producer Nestlé were axing 600 UK jobs with closure of the Newcastle Fawdon factory and more efficient processes, aka cuts, at the York plant. While there’d be investment and more production in Halifax, some was moving to Europe, including easter eggs. Unions vowed to fight for ‘every job’. Ross Murdoch rallied: “To ruin hundreds of lives in a ruthless pursuit of profits, to the very workers who’ve kept the company going during a global pandemic, is sickening…it’s corporate greed at its worst.”

Michael Collins, the one who didn’t walk on the moon during the Apollo 11 mission, died. “It’s a fragile little thing,” he’d observed whilst orbiting and taking a photos of the earth.

A Bout de Souffle

Thursday, the engineers on the canal started at 8. Good job I needed to be up. I rushed chores and writing tasks, scoffed an early lunch and ran to the market. No queues allowed a bit of banter at the fish van and a joke at the cheap veg stall. “I’ll have 4 pears,” a fellow customer said. “4 pears of what? Ha, ha!” Horrifyingly, the toiletries stall was absent. German friend hovered in front of the pub where she’d booked us a table – the same one we sat at last week. Chilly and showery, we sheltered under the awning and she pressed a button for hot puffs of air. A bit early for me, I drank juice while she had lager. I provided her with tips based on changes I’d made to avoid diabetes but advised: “If you stop drinking, I bet your blood sugar will drop within weeks.” Sharing tales of encounters with neighbours and gardening, she related a funny story about Deborah Bonkers trying to get her to clean the converted mill apartments’ bin store. I offered her some of my pile of crock pots, saving her a trip to buy gravel. As she awaited a couple of pub mates, I thought I’d stay until they arrived. I went inside to use the loo, finding the water freezing cold and the air hand drier only working in 10 second bursts. I was about to give up waiting when one of the pub mates turned up. I had a few words before taking my leave. Phil hoovered the living room while I was out. I moved the painted table back into the corner. Still a bit patchy, at least it matched.

Boris called Curtain Gate a ‘farrago of nonsense’ – Ironic coming from him! Total costs of the refurb reportedly £200,000, you could buy a house for that! As Keir went to Manchester and posed choosing wallpaper in John Lewis, The Bumbler said he had nothing against the go-to shop of the affluent middle class. Was he leaving his girlfriend to ‘Carrie the Can’?

Now 3 investigations – The Electoral Commission, Lord Geidt and Simon Case (at Boris’ behest), it later transpired his contact details were public for the last 15 years. Indian variant cases in the UK rose to 132, most linked to travel and 3 in a Leicester school. On QT, Oxfam CEO Danny Sriskandarajah said it wasn’t a wave, but a tsunami. Daisy Cooper advocated sending spare vaccines to India before the virus mutated again and ‘washed up on our shores’. A memo leaked to The Torygraph from FCDO* revealed an 80% cut in aid for clean water. Water Aid called it ‘savage’ in a time of Covid. The Grenfell group denounced the passing of the Fire Safety Law; loans meant leaseholder debts of up to £80,000.

The co-op busy again Friday, I had problems swiping my card, holding the queue up. My mate at the kiosk whinged about the price of filters compared to the market. I wasn’t the only one who missed the toiletries stall yesterday! With elections for councils (postponed from last year), plus mayors, PCCs, the London Assembly, Holyrood, the Sennedd and the constituency of Hartlepool, Newscast dubbed 6^th May ‘Super Thursday’. I mislaid my postal ballot papers, causing mild panic until Phil found them under a pile of paperwork. Mercifully only having 2 to do, I filled them in then realised, because of the bank holiday, they’d need hand-delivering at the polling station anyway. Seeing the Freedom Alliance candidate was a local ageing hippie, we again reflected nothing had really changed since the olden days. In the 1980’s, the focus of their conspiracy theories was the Illuminati, Opus Dei and the Eye of Providence on the dollar bill, rather than viruses, Bill Gates and 5g. “The modern world must be bewildering to them. I’m surprised they’re even on social media!“

In the first week there’d be evidence that relaxations on 12^th April had a negative impact, infections fell 40%, but were up in Yorkshire & The Humber and Eastern England. Tim Spector of Kings College said: “we’re past that pandemic period and we’re moving into…the endemic period where we get low levels of infection and occasional outbreaks, but they don’t spread to the rest of the population.” Vaccinations reached 34m with over 40’s next to be invited. Germany delivered 1.1m but cases remained high. As part of the ERP, 6,000 Liverpudlians went clubbing. They had a lot more fun than people at the all-night Jewish orthodox Lag B’omer festival. A stampede at the tomb of Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai led to 45 deaths. Cause unknown, Netanyahu promised a full investigation.

A note on a nearby village community library went viral. As someone put salacious material in the box, an incensed resident wrote: ‘Whoever is placing…(porno)…here, stop! Cornholme is a god-fearing, Christian village. If this filth is to your liking may we suggest that you move to the cesspit that is Hebden Bridge.’ Phil looked aghast at the slur. I commented on Manchester Friend’s Facebook post that I resented the cesspit comment. Harangued by national media on twitter, Vegan Friend told The Sun she didn’t want her name in the rag. Doubting a Jon I used to work with who once lived in the village was a god-fearing Christian, a tweet suggested a guy with the same name had snuck back to put the filth in the box – was it a coincidence?

In light of recent events, Alex Salmon said: “People keep telling me what an immovable object Boris Johnson will be. I think a puff of wind would blow him over at the present moment.”

The Final Curtain

On a cold and grey Saturday, I stayed in front of the telly, writing Cool Places all dayⁱ. Leeds United looked very tired losing to Burnley. Shown on Prime, It was a novelty seeing an actual live premier league match for once, although the bizarre ticker tape at the bottom of the screen did our heads in with nonsensical ramblings. I slept badly and struggled downstairs for a cuppa Sunday. The morning starting bright, we planned to go looking for bluebells when it started to rain. Reasoning the crap weather might put off the coffee-cuppers, I went to the market instead. No such luck! Town rammed, people dawdled in the square, telling strangers how cute their tiny dogs were. I dodged long leads to get to the wobbly veg stall, finding a paltry selection.

Phil due to meet me for charity shopping, I rang and told him not to bother. Stressed and exhausted when I got home, I collapsed on the sofa and tried to compose a haiga. As the sun briefly re-merged, Phil interrupted my flow to ask if I wanted to go out again. “No, I’m tired and I’m doing something.” He persisted. “I’m trying to think of a word.” “Discombobulation.” “Shut up!” I fumed, storming off. Calmer but with a headache and unable to concentrate, I cleared mucky bits in the living room and ate lunch until I felt able to complete the haigaⁱⁱ . The altercation made us both sad. We cheered up with a cuddle, a funny film and TV dramas. The curtain came down on Line of Duty series 6. The lowkey but logical and conclusive finale garnered complaints from some of the record 12.8 million viewers. Not sure why. The scourge of bent coppers, Ted Hastings, definately wouldn’t have been H!

The death toll in the UK over the past week fell to a daily average of 16. New infections in India reached 400,000 a day, variant cases in the UK doubled and 1,000 more ventilators were sent. On the Marr, Prof. Openshaw and Lisa Nandy both said we needed a global response to the crisis, i.e., not unilaterally send vaccines. Uncertain that was the right message, Phil discovered how bad things really were. The Indian health service dismantled, there was no way of distributing it. A pitch invasion at Old Trafford in protest against rich American owners, lead to 2 cop injuries and curtains for Man Utd’s game against Liverpool.

Hardly able to keep my head up at bedtime, I awoke during the night with a scratchy throat, an itchy nose, a raging thirst and an odd dizzy feeling.

*FCDO – Foreign, Commonwealth & Development Office

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 58 – Splits and Fits

“There are hazards in everything one does, but there are greater hazards in doing nothing” (Shirley Williams)

Rishi Frit

Another tedious few days bedridden with severe fatigue coincided with the warmest and sunniest week of the year so far. Unable to contact friends or get out of the house, my mood plummeted. But I kept occupied writing until head fug took over, and managed small chores, with Phil’s help.

Kids back at school in all 4 UK nations, the second stage of the ‘waymark’ for England saw hairdressers, beer gardens (some since midnight), and non-essential shops (with extended hours up to 10 p.m.) re-opening as well as zoos, gyms and domestic self-catering. 2 designated visitors were allowed in care homes, and we could go to Wales but would find gyms and pubs shut. On the day that Shirley Williams, famous for splitting from labour as part of the gang of 4 died, an emergency toadying session in the commons fawned over the dead duke. The Bumbler forewent a pint to appear with a haircut. A record number of Covid cases and deaths marked a huge surge in India (177,150 fatalities – the second highest in the world). This didn’t deter people attending the Kumbh Mela festival on the Ganges or Boris from planning a trade mission. Nor did a new ‘variant of concern’. B1.617 bore 2 mutations on the spike protein possibly making vaccines less effective. 77 case were found in Britain. Duante Wright was the latest black person to be killed by US police, 10 miles from the trial of Chauvin in Minnesota. The trigger-happy cop, Kimberley Ann Potter, claimed it was ‘a mistake’; she’d meant to use her taser not her gun. How on earth could she get them mixed up?

As I settled down to sleep, it seemed very quiet for the first pub drinking day since December, when I heard a few people staggering back. Fortunately, they didn’t linger.

Unfortunately, canal engineering works started soon after 8 Tuesday. I tried to ignore the racket and though still very achy and tired, performed a few stretches then had to get back in bed and stayed there all day. Reading at night, I couldn’t keep my eyes open and fell asleep despite continuous droning outside only to wake a few minutes later, when it stopped.

The top 9 priority groups now all offered a jab, 94% of over 50’s and 92% of the clinically vulnerable had one. 45-49 year olds were invited next. The central booking website promptly crashed. Somewhat mitigating the predicted shortage, the Moderna vaccine was rolled out but approval for Janssen was delayed over blood clot concerns. While revellers swarmed in Soho and an 82 year old woman got fined for partying, Boris said immunisation did a great job although coming out of lockdown would inevitably mean more deaths. Universities were told they couldn’t re-start face-to-face teaching until the next waymark of 17^th May; 6 weeks before the end of the academic year – what a waste of time! Sturgeon confirmed freedom to travel and some outdoor mixing for Scotland from Friday. As it emerged the former head of procurement Bill Crothers became a Greensill adviser while still a senior civil servant, Rishi Rich sent junior minister Paul Scully to face the commons to predictably say it was all above board. Rishi was accused of being ‘frit’.

Fits and Starts

Slightly improved Wednesday, I managed 10 minutes exercise and a few small chores. Energy sapped, I got back in bed to write and watch telly. The Bumbler’s’ hair already a mess 2 days since the barbers, PMQs was dominated by the Camoron scandal. After former premier Gordon Brown said ex-PMs shouldn’t lobby for commercial organisations (at least for 5 years), labour called for a full review instead of the wishy-washy inquiry Boris had promised. Led by Nigel Boardman, the same lawyer who advised on loosening lobbying laws, Keir complained it wouldn’t even look at the rules and was indicative of cronyism: “(there is) a revolving door, indeed an open door, between the conservative government and paid lobbying…The Greensill scandal is just the tip of the iceberg…Dodgy contracts, privileged access, jobs for their mates, this is the return of tory sleaze…The more I listen…the more I think Ted Hastings and AC-12 is needed to get to the bottom of this one.” The Bumbler deflected with: “we’re getting on with rooting out bent coppers,” and went on about labour killing the police bill. The Speaker said he should at least answer the question on opposing the labour motion to widen the probe. He refused, but a plethora of enquiries were later announced.

It subsequently emerged Camoron had discussions with the head of NHSX for a Greensill contract to provide a dodgy app allowing access to patients’ personal details. And mainstream news eventually picked up on another cronyism story revealed by Guido Fawkes. Topwood Limited, in which The Cock owned 15% of shares and his sister Emily Gilruth and mum Shirley Carter (off Eastenders) happened to run, was on the framework for NHS contracts. They were contracted by NHS Wales to shred documents.

Referring to Boris asking the Supreme Court to see if Holyrood went beyond its powers by incorporating the UN convention on the Rights of the Child and the European Charter of local self-government into Scottish law, Ian Blackford had a fit over plans to take them to court over children’s rights.

So-called ‘quiet time’ severely hampered by noisy canal works and pissed off being stuck indoors during gorgeous weather, I cheered up with a laugh over people’s excitement at going out drinking and barbecuing. I suggested Phil go and “sizzle a sausage. Or better yet, nick one someone else has sizzled. You could be the barbecue bandit!”

The Kent Virus was found to spread more but not be more severe or lead to more long Covid. Prof Harnden of JCVI warned: “…we all want to enjoy ourselves again, but we must be cautious and do this slowly. Otherwise we’ll get back to square one.” The Oxford Vaccine Group started trials using different vaccines for first and second doses. Open to anyone over 50 who’d had a first jab and willing to travel to a regional site, Phil looked set to go until it transpired he’d have to go to Hull.

Too wobbly for exercise Thursday morning, I made a big effort to bathe and expunge dust from the bedroom before working on my novel for the first time in months. I did quite well until I had to stop with head fug. Depression deepening at missing the sunshine, I consoled myself that at least I wasn’t mingling with face-lickers in beer gardens!

As SA surge testing started in the London areas of Lambeth, Wandsworth, Southwark and Finchley, Gethin Jones isolated at home and appeared via zoom on Morning Live from a very nice kitchen. With 4000,000 Covid victims hospitalised last year, the NHS waiting list stood at 4.7m but 2m had been treated during the ‘winter wave’. DHSC consulted on mandatory vaccines for elderly care home staff, while the EHRC said Covid Passes had the “potential for discrimination, or for infringement of civil liberties…and the creation of a 2 tier society whereby only certain groups are able to fully enjoy their rights.”

Sweden had the second highest infection rate in Europe but lower death rates (1.7 compared to the Euro average of 4.3 per day). Citing the vaccine barrier, I reflected hardly any Europeans had had one. Carolyn Harris brought forward a bill to force an MP vote on the NHS 1% wage rise and Lord Frost went to Brussels to talk about NI border checks – I wished them both lots of luck!

The QT panel were asked ‘should lobbying be illegal?’ Labour MP Rosie Duffield said it had its uses, Bernard Jenkins didn’t defend fellow tories, saying later in the week the scandal risked dismantling the ‘blue wall’. An erstwhile civil servant in the audience reminded us of The Nolan Committee’s Standards in Public Life. In her day, she was scared to have a cuppa and a biscuit when visiting companies. Now, businessmen who didn’t understand the culture were parachuted in. In any other profession, they’d be sacked. Self-styled right-wing comedian Geoff Norcott admitted he ‘held his nose’ when voting conservative. So why did you, I asked on twitter, to no reply. It was time he split from his misguided working class tory mates!

Awful droning (which I decided was a generator) presaged another terrible night. Trying various distraction techniques, I eventually dropped into a fitful sleep with an earplug in one ear and the meditation soundtrack in the other.

Hissy Fits

Feeling dreadful after hardly any kip, I forced myself to rouse Friday morning and removed the earplug when the horrendous noise started up again! My head set to split, I burst into tears: “I can’t stand it anymore! I’m hardly getting any sleep with that that din. It’s ruining my life!” At a loss what to do, Phil suggested a cuppa would help. “Yes, it might!” I retorted more sharply than necessary and hid under the covers. More fatigued and depressed than ever, I made a big effort to get washed and half-dressed before picking up the laptop. Despite the racket, we opened the bedroom window to let the fresh spring air in.

7 reviews into the Camoron affair imminent, I googled news sites, becoming confused at their similar remits.*

Venturing downstairs for lunch, Phil gave me a big hug and advised I sit out in the sun. “I can’t face having to interact with anybody. If we had a private garden, I would.” I stayed in the living room awhile then went back up, cleaned the bathroom and collapsed on the bed with exhaustion while he went to the co-op. Having ceased earlier in the afternoon, the loud works recommenced as my head hit the pillow. During evening telly, we guffawed at an ad where a woman appeared to jump on piles of landfill. “If we set up a website called landfill.com, would people still buy plastic crap they didn’t need?” “Yes! “Let’s do it”

With 1.6m cases per week, the WHO said there’d been 1m Covid deaths in Europe, but were cut by 30% among the over 80’s because of vaccines. The R rate down to 0.7-1, the ONS estimated the virus affected 1:480 people in England; the lowest since September. It decreased even more in the other 3 UK nations.

I fell asleep quickly that night only to wake a couple of hours later, assailed by various disturbances. To top it all, the engineering works kicked off at 8 o’clock Saturday morning I tossed and turned with both ears plugged but it was useless. Two nights of hardly any sleep did nothing to improve my fatigue or mood. Sunny and warm again, by the time we’d bathed and breakfasted half the day was gone. Phil declared he was going out. Knowing I’d be even more depressed indoors on my own, I strove to make myself presentable and headed out with him. A flimsy barrier topped with flowers outside the flats – presumably a sop by the developers to the unrelenting hissy fits of the local action group – looked pathetic.

We took the picturesque route to the small clough to find makeshift firepits in new clearings, delicate flowers and fungi in various states of decay, providing inspiration for my weekly haiga.ⁱ A woman sat on a bench reading. Chatting as we past, I suddenly realised we were disturbing the peace and shut up for a while. Tiny fish shone in the low waters. Birds flitted in treetops and dipped in the waterfall. A small heap of stones seemingly marked the grave of a small animal (a beloved pet or a wood dweller?) A small patch of wild garlic exuded pungency. “I’ll just pick a bit for tonight’s curry.” “You sound like a right Guardianista!” Phil giggled.

The change of scenery prompted us to reflect on the state of things. Less anxious a month after our first jabs, I wanted assurance on the reduced risk of severe Covid. Phil explained the maths. I couldn’t follow it all but got the gist. Nevertheless, as we walked home, the sight of swarms on the opposite side of the old bridge made me glad we’d avoided the town centre. Seating sprawled from a new cocktail bar along the pedestrianised street to accommodate drinking hordes. Far too busy for my liking!

Expecting respite that night, the generator kicked in at 2.30 a.m. With the help of earplugs and because I was dead tired, I slept regardless. Sunday morning, buzzing of a different kind emanated from behind the bedroom curtains. Unable to see what it was, I kept them drawn. Phil investigated to find a bee. Of course, it obediently went outside straight away due to his ‘bee whispering’ skills! Useless George appeared on the Marr to defend Camoron. Politics North provided details on the powers of the West Yorks metro mayor whom we’d be voting for in May. “It could be quite good as long as they’re not from Leeds and forget about the rest of the county. There’ll be stiff e-mails about local buses!” I predicted.

Unsure what to do on a bright but hazy day, I opted for DIY. The paint I applied a year ago to a bathroom storage cube was already flaking off and I decided to top it with tiles. It took an hour to rummage in the coal hole for the materials and equipment, strip the flaky paint and resurrect solidified tile adhesive, before the fun bit of sticking the tiles on which took 5 minutes. Phil went to town for baccy and returned with yet another camera from the charity shop. Back in time to help mix the adhesive, I shooed him away from usurping my project to play music. Cleaning up afterwards took almost as long as the prep. Feeling grimy I went up early for a bath. Phil came up after watching footie with news of a Euro super league, set to become a big story over the next few days.

Crowded pubs over the weekend incredulously led to debate on whether youngsters should be offered jabs in preference to older folk. Reportedly only 23% of hospitality was open, as eateries struggled with outside seating, even though councils allowed tables to straddle pavements and even streets. Witnessed in our small town, Leeds and Soho took it to ludicrous levels, judging by media images. As Oxford university were starting a second ‘human challenge’ trial on young people, I suggested they could just send them to the pub! The Events Research Programme (ERP) trialled spectators at the boring snooker and FA cup semi-finals. In France, only 1.25% of cops and teachers took up the offer of an AZ vaccine. A centre planned to be open all weekend, shut 1 p.m. Saturday due to lack of takers. Macron was blamed for his irresponsible comments and urged to launch a publicity campaign to boost take-up.

Settling down that night, the droning recommenced. Even the earplugs and meditation soundtrack combo failed to block it out allowing only a few fractious hours’ sleep.

*The 7 reviews and inquiries sparked by the Camoron lobbying scandal, as far as I could tell:

Boardman inquiry- so-called independent inquiry into the role of Lex Greensill as an adviser, use of supply chain finance and lobbying efforts of Greensill. May also investigate how Bill Crothers could work for Greensill while still a civil servant
Treasury Select Committee – ‘on the regulatory lessons from the failure of Greensill Capital and the appropriateness of HM Treasury’s response to lobbying …’
-Public Admin and Constitutional Affairs Committee (PACAQ) – into ‘the topical matters around Greensill’. A focus on lobbying regulations and civil service rules. Dubbed ‘The AC-12 of Whitehall’
Public Accounts Committee – into supply chain financing and how Covid loans were offered to companies
Committee on Standards in Public Life – into the ‘the institutions, procedures and policies in place to uphold high standards of conduct’. Likely to propose policy changes
Cabinet Office review of the Lobbying Act
Simon Case double jobs review – all senior civil servants to declare outside jobs/roles that may conflict with their work.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 46 – Quadruple Whammy

“It’s a quadruple whammy. The whole Brexit deal screams of desperation. Johnson is a populist who does not care about the ramifications of what he does, he just wanted a deal – any deal – so he could stay popular. Business is the sacrificial lamb!” (Simon Spurrell, Cheshire Cheese Co.)

Battered But Unscathed

After a terrible night, not only did I still have the lurgy Monday morning, but I felt like I’d been battered round the head. I made a big effort to get washed and in what proved to be the pattern for the rest of the week, went back to bed while Phil took on chores and errands. I watched telly, posted blogs and worked on the journal. On Jeremy Vine, Sociopath Beverley Swivel-head refused to acknowledge reduced stats on coronavirus cases and death rates during lockdown was evidence it worked and advised us to look at ‘the fourth industrial revolution’ for proof it was all part of an evil plan. Get your tinfoil hat on, love!

High value business, performing arts, journos, TV & film people, admen and lottery staff no longer exempt from travel restrictions, but air crew, hauliers, offshore workers and elite sportspeople were. Almost 4 million now immunised, speculation mounted that the over 50’s and medically vulnerable might be done by spring, followed by teachers, coppers and shop workers. New vax centres included Blackburn cathedral and Askham Bar in York. Labour tabled a non-binding ‘early day’ motion to maintain the £20 a week top-up for UC. 6 tory backbenchers revolted against Boris’ instruction to abstain so it passed. In the face of a possible fight between Rishi Rich and Therese Coffee-cup, ministers considered a bewildering 14 options.

That evening, I used the new 3-4-5 breathing technique to gently drift into a much better sleep.

Storm Christoph prompted an amber warning with the Ouse already flooded in York and up to 200 mm of rain predicted in the Peak District and South Pennines midweek. As the deluge set in Tuesday morning, I woke to a noisy siren – a panda car not a flood warning; though one sounded upriver later and the area was on high alert for the next 2 days. Still abed, I worked on the journal until my eyes went funny, perused the internet for birthday gifts but found none, and placed a Boots order before putting the laptop down and trying to relax. At bedtime, Phil said “I hope the flood sirens don’t wake me up.” Feigning shock, I gawped at him: “Never mind people’s homes being flooded and their stuff washed away. As long as it doesn’t wake you!” “Yep!” Luckily, the rain eased off allowing for a restful night.

The WHO called the inequitable distribution of vaccines between rich and poor countries a ‘serious risk’. The UK had enough lined up to inoculate the population two or three times over (albeit with import issues) which the government said was because they’d funded COVAG. Dildo appeared at the Commons Public Accounts Committee to insist paying consultants £1k a day was great value. Cock had to self-isolate after being pinged and was working from his bog until Sunday. Deputy Med Chief Jenny Simpleton suggested phased school opening after half-term. Using the typical thick person trick of trying to sound clever, she waffled about ‘differential application’ (i.e., a regional approach), making her seem incapable of speaking in plain English. How did she get that job? In a leaked private call to tories, Nasty Patel said she’d argued with Boris last March that UK borders should be shut but insisted she supported the PM’s decision to stop quarantine that month. Shadow minister Nick Thomas-Symonds declared it a ‘shocking admission’. HSBC announced the closure of 82 bank branches between April and September – nowt to do with Brexit, or the plague, apparently…

Wednesday, there was little change in the weather or my condition, both dismal. Trying to clean round the dusty bedroom, I lacked the energy and went back to bed to work on the journal. My debilitation prompted bouts of angst, despair and anger to come to the surface but I tried to keep occupied. A boring PMQs left Desmond Swayne comatose on the front bench. Keir quizzed The Bumbler on missing police records, overriding Patel on closing borders last March, and the slowness of shutting them now, getting the standard non-answers. Zoom issues left remote MPs hanging and Ian Blackford unable to ask his second question.

Cobra met to discuss Storm Christoph and declared adequate preparedness. The Mersey burst its banks, flooding areas of Cheshire and South Manchester where 2,000 residents of Didsbury were told to evacuate. Astra-Zeneca’s Wockhardt factory in Wrexham was mercifully left unscathed only to undergo threats of a different kind a week later. Here, big lumps of snow fell early evening, soon turning back to rain. The water peak predicted at midnight, we again heard no sirens as it only reached road level. At least it made the traffic quieter! Finally getting out of the house at the weekend, I saw evidence in the form of debris on side streets and ravaged ‘duck islands’.

Won’t Get Fooled Again

Phil found a Brexit story in ‘West Country Bylines’, prompting me to post on Brexit Island: ‘Blessed be the cheesemakers. Prospering mightily!’ Describing the palaver of trying to export to the EU, Simon Spurrell of The Cheshire Cheese Co. rallied: “we managed to get a shipment through to Europe which took 6 days instead of 1. Rejected because it’s no longer fresh. We’ve paid the carriage to send it out and we have to pay to ship it back. We have to bin the cheese. We have to refund the customer. We also lose the customer. It’s a quadruple whammy…”^IThe government really was shafting small businesses. With a lack of support on Brexit or coronavirus, it further strengthened the belief that they wanted everyone to work for their tory chums’ conglomerates. The Opportunistic conspiracy of capitalists knew no bounds!

Meanwhile, Roger Daltrey appeared to change his mind on Brexit due to the deal not including musicians in visa-free travel. We won’t get fooled again!

In the US, a historic day saw the oldest president ever, Joe Biden, and the first ever female vice-president, American-Asian Kamala Harris inaugurated. Loser Trump was off to Florida, not Scotland, preceded by a pathetic military salute and sad party. The next day, Biden signed 10 executive orders related to Covid including mask-wearing, increased testing and accelerated vaccinations. Almost 2 years since we flew on one, and the last time we had a foreign holiday, 737’s were cleared for take-off.

A record high of 1,610 deaths the day before was surpassed by 1,820 deaths. Prof. Vallance warned vaccinations weren’t doing enough ‘heavy lifting’ and early studies suggested the SA variant (501Y&-V2) was resistant.

Not stopped completely, the rain eased off Thursday. Still fatigued and wobbly, it took an age to feel up to bathing. I wrote on my novel until the head fug returned, dossed awhile then hoovered the upstairs floors which of course rendered me exhausted.

A rave reported to police in Southend was actually old people queuing for vaccines that hadn’t turned up. Nasty Patel used the old ‘following the science’ adage and announced £800 fines for going to a house party. The R rate now 1.04, Covid cases and deaths fell for a change. Over 5m jabs had been given, to 4.6m people, at a rate of 200 per minute. However, a React study found the prevalence of Coronavirus still high, especially in London, the South East, East, West Midlands, South West and North West. Yorks and Humber was the only region where it dropped. Including mobility for the first time, the research revealed less movement at the end of December and a rise at the start of January, when lockdown #3 began. It was indeed time to stop telling coffee-cuppers and builders they were essential! New strains of the virus were reportedly found in Germany and France.

On QT, Minister for NI Brandon Lewis aka Swiss Toni* repeated the daft ‘’following the science’ line. Facing a Northern Irish audience, he condescendingly dismissed issues of goods getting to the province post-Brexit as minor. Prof. Anand Menon told us it would get worse in April when the ‘grace period’ for supermarkets ended. Did that mean they’d be hit with the same quadruple whammy as SME’s?

Slightly improved Friday, I took washing to the machine before returning to bed and spent the day writing and sketching. Phil went to the co-op for weekend supplies. Eggs in a plastic box rather than the usual cardboard, a sign on the shelf said there was a cardboard shortage. I joked: “I might do post-it notes and stick them on empty shelves, saying ‘nowt to do with Brexit!’” After dinner, we drank wine (not the whole lot for a change), and watched films.

The Sci-fi Songbird imagined the near future with the world in the 4^th year of lockdown, due to the latest variant, Covid-23. The idea muted last March, it was the first film to be made after lockdown #1. At least Michael Bay wasn’t whingeing about not making blockbusters and getting with the zeitgeist! The concept resonated with my recent angst that new strains might mean we were never rid of the plague. Featuring daily temp checks, parcel sanitising cabinets and virus scanners, I recalled reports a few months ago of dogs that could sniff out Covid and robot-cleaners. What happened to those innovations? Would we have them by 2024? Inevitably, I had ‘Covid dreams’ that night, remembering snatches of them the next day.

‘I’ll Be Vaxxed!’

Coronavirus cases in care homes shot up 46% in the last week. Was it because they hadn’t got their booster? A £500 pay-out for everyone pinged by the tit app was muted. Prof. Stephen Reicher said it must form “an essential element of our pandemic response.” But ministers dismissed the idea.

Israeli cases soared despite jabbing 2.8 out of 9m citizens. Authorities extended lockdown to the end of the month -only 10 days away. Was it enough? The ONS revealed a fifth of the UK population were infected last week. Their broader picture included asymptomatic as well as confirmed cases which were falling by 20% a week, the R rate dropping to 0.8-1. The Kent Virus now widespread across the UK, it accounted for 60% of cases. Boris briefed on early studies indicating the variant was 30% more deadly, having thus far said it wasn’t. The Met broke up a wedding party of 400 members of the orthodox Jewish Charedi community. Held in the hall of the Yesodey Hatorah Senior Girls’ School in Stamford Hill, North London, an unnamed external organisation managed all function lettings according to the school, who were: “absolutely horrified…and condemn(ed) it in the strongest possible terms.” Chief Rabbi Ephraim Mirvis (not the leader of the Charedis) called it “shameful.” Incredulously, the school principal, Rabbi Avrahom Pinter died last April from Covid! With Glasto cancelled again, Paul Reed, CE of the association of Indy festivals said smaller ones might still happen. The James Bond film release postponed a third time, Jeremy Vine clamoured: “get it on Netflix!” Arnie was snapped at a vaccine centre and captioned: “come with me if you want to live.” He should have said ‘I’ll be vaxxed!’

What sounded like soft rain Saturday morning, turned out to be giant snow globs. I stuck my hand out the window. When the flakes landed on me, they felt like feathers then instantly melted. Nevertheless, some settled prettily on hills, trees and roofs until it stopped and disappeared sharpish. Phil woke early but fell back to sleep, lulled by the gentle snowfall. After breakfast, I went back to bed. Although improving, I remained achy, fatigued and very cold, even though the sun was visible. I drafted haikus^{I I}and did some sketching until hunger forced me downstairs. I stayed there to cook a slow-roast dinner and watch films.

A freezing night repainted the hills white on Sunday. I rose very late again but managed the rest of the day out of bed. Really needing fresh air, low bread supplies gave us the incentive to brave the cold. Gone 3 by the time we left the house, the sunlight was scant but conditions less arctic than we’d feared. From the old bridge, we looked at the duck islands. Stripped of vegetation, last week’s storm bizarrely left random items of clothing in its wake. Coffee-cuppers back out in force, bins overflowed with disposable cups. In the busy square, we dodged impatient kids to get pies, glanced at the pathetic farmers market, then visited a couple of shops. Finding reduced ‘Lancashire sauce’ in the deli, and dubious that anything so piquant was a traditional condiment, I mused: “Never heard of it and I’m from Lancs. My mum cooking with spices? I ask you!” It had to be bought though. We took the longer way home, paused on the new bridge to watch the river living up to its name as ducks and pigeons lined up on the wall. Phil said they were expecting the inn to be open but I pointed out it was opposite the pet shop which sold bird feed.

Geordie neighbour waited for us to pass on the step. Chatting safely, he told us he’d had a Pfizer shot, because he does funerals, but queried why he was prioritised. He provided interesting insights on burials versus cremations and the noticeable rise in Muslim funerals at the start of the pandemic.

6,353,321 now immunised, Van Dam renewed pleas for them to keep to lockdown rules. 300 illegal ravers were discovered under railway arches in Hackney.

On the Marr, Cock said lifting lockdown was a ‘long, long, way off’. I knew Laura K’s reported prediction of an end on 5^th March was premature and a school return after half-term unlikely. Telling us there were 73 cases of the SA variant in the UK, all related to business travel, we repeated calls to stop all travel – NOW! Lisa Nandy wanted tougher testing, quarantine and checking up. Sir John Bell of Oxford University appeared on Channel 4 news to agree, urging the government to be ‘very tight about transport’. He said delaying the second dose was the right decision, but profound changes in the SA and Brazil strains may make it more difficult to neutralise the virus. If a new vaccine was required, it could be ready by autumn if ‘we get our skates on’, but there would be more variants in future. Remember, ‘Covid used to live up the back end of a pangolin’. Warning of too many eggs in the vax basket, he said other tools such as anti-virals were also needed.

Sturgeon vowed to hold an ‘advisory’ indy ref whether legal or not, if the SNP won the Scottish election in May. Together with increasing Irish rancour over the Brexit mess, Brexit Island would soon shrink! Snow unusually fell in London. In characteristic north/south divide style, outdoor recreation on Primrose Hill was reported as fun japes, unlike the nasty larks in Leeds last week!

Struggling to sleep, I used the new breathing technique but as that proved ineffective, I switched to the trusty meditation tape to drop in and out of a fitful sleep.

*Note – Swiss Toni – a character played by Charlie Higson in The Fast Show and spin-off sit-com in the early 2,000’s

References:

i. West Country Bylines: https://westcountrybylines.co.uk/quadruple-cheese-brexit-whammy/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 43 – Sub Zero

“In major cities, libtards and snowflakes mince into the streets to celebrate Biden’s victory with an outpouring of hope, joy and coronavirus droplets” (Narrator, Death to 2020)

Life in the Freezer

Bank holiday Monday started grey and literally freezing. After I posted blogs the sky seemed to brighten slightly. Days since I left the house, we wrapped up against the cold to embark on a short walk along the canal; an astoundingly unoriginal idea. The towpath busy, we stopped often for lumps of people to pass and also to peruse strange sights including a bizarre collection of carnival animals, trees festooned with decorations and dedications, barges bedecked with effigies and Christmas gubbins and one selling coffee. “So that’s where you get it from when everywhere else is shut.” (for a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’) ⁱ

The Glove Puppet appeared on BBC Breakfast to evade questions on giving MPs 1 day to read and debate all 1,200 pages of the Brexit deal, claiming they’d had 4.5 years. He also downplayed the effect on livelihoods, smugly saying there would be ‘bumps’. Incredible! With evidence the new coronavirus variant was spreading fast, hospital admissions were higher than during the spring peak. Certain to grow again after Christmas mixing, just in time for the start of the new term, the idiotic government still planned to forge ahead re-opening schools. The next day, they announced the army would help with testing, by giving remote guidance. Education unions said while help was welcome, the response was inadequate.

Tuesday, we woke to a sprinkling of snow. Determined to have a few normal days, I exercised, made porridge and carried out small chores. As I sorted recycling, crumbs spilt all over the floor irritatingly making more work. I texted my walking friend again about her gifts. It turned out she got a positive test result on 23^rd December, just after I last contacted her. Thus she was stuck indoors self-isolating until New Year’s Day, but not ill. Adding a slice of Christmas cake, I took her the gift bag. I hesitated climbing steep steps but thankfully, they were ice-free, unlike the top pavement which was so treacherous I had to walk on the road. I knocked and stood back from the doorstep to wait, cautiously gave her the gifts and chatted from a distance. Her birthday falling on 2^nd Jan, she was looking forward to walks with her companion when she re-gained freedom. “Well, we won’t be going to the pub will we?” I’d not been home long when she messaged to say thanks for the gifts. She liked the antique coffee pot I found some time ago so much that she turned it into a profile pic. I walked back down to the co-op for a few items, had the usual rigmarole of sorting groceries and watched a telly film before embarking on a customary annual film review. That night, I slept 8.5 hours, including one big lump of 5 hours. Possibly a record, maybe it was due to skipping siestas.

Wednesday morning was very cold and still white after an icy night. Stunned by the extra sleep, I managed a few exercises. Phil fetched cereal topped with a lovely apple art. Taking a picture with my new phone camera, I struggled with the photo app. Unable to see any option other than saving them to Google drive, I e-mailed it to myself and saved it to OneDrive.

Later, I found a couple of apps to add and Phil helped get rid of the daft Bing widget so I could fit more icons on the front screen.

He informed me of a new film in production. Called ‘Le Neuf’, it was about Spanish republicans liberating Paris in 1944. Amazed we knew nothing of this episode of WW2, especially having read books by Anarchists that were actually in the civil war, we found a few historical photos but the story had been largely buried.

Following a very hasty lunch, we embarked on another short walk to capture wintry scenes, taking the safest way to the nearest clough. Although scrappy, patches of snow added to the attractiveness of the woodland. Not too busy, muddy paths suggested we’d missed the rush. A fellow walker said he’d seen a kingfisher. We were naturally sceptical. “Yeah, right, sure you did!” A couple of days later, photographic proof appeared on Facebook so I guess we were just never lucky. The ‘islands’ inundated, we picked our way towards the waterfall as far as passable then hiked up the top path, perused the snowy bridge and turned back to climb further for gorgeous nigh-twilight scenes across the valley. The old church ruin looked like a castle turret and the pike appeared mystical. Further up, kids sledged on thin ice in a field, overlooked by a falcon in a tree. (for a fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’i)

In town, we got a few bits from the convenience store and returned home in time for another rambling briefing. On the day Margaret Keenan had a second Pfizer jab, Boris bragged about approval of the Oxford vaccine. The first dose gave ‘massive protection’, so they planned to immunise as many vulnerable people as possible and delay the second injection for 12 weeks. This garnered much criticism, including from Pfizer who’d not tested their drug with such a long interval. Presenting the tier review, The Cock predictably said most areas would move up: all of the South East, Midlands, North West, and South West to tier 4; Liverpool and North Yorks to tier 3, where West Yorks stayed. Now no regions were in tier 2, and only the Silly isles stayed at 1.

Gavin Salesman made a commons statement delaying the start of term for secondary schools until 18^th Jan (except for exam-year pupils, kids of keyworkers and the vulnerable). Not applicable in tier 4, confusion reigned. The message for colleges and universities was equally garbled; something about 2 rapid flow tests and remote learning except for students undertaking practical courses. MPs went to parliament and voted yes to the Brexit deal, including Keir, even though he called it ‘thin’. Boris signed the document at a tiny desk with the ridiculous tinpot dictator-style backdrop of 4 union jacks.

Death to 2020

Following a freezing night, snow remained on the ground New Year’s Eve. Early sun was overtaken by mist and a pink sky suggested further wintry showers. Disinclined to go outside, I worked on the journal. Phil cut his hair into the characteristic buzzcut – not my idea of fun in the sub-zero conditions. We marked the demise of 2020 with a lobster dinner (thanks to bargainous Lidl), pink cava, party poppers and social media messages. There was no need to tell us not to have a party but I knew others would. I’d heard drunks coming home late every night of the week – god knows where from! We watched the bongs as Big Ben sounded for the occasion followed by a rather good virtual display. Mind you, the bangs had stiff competition from the real-life cacophony. With only 3 pubs open in the UK (all on the Silly isles), there were street parties and raves aplenty. The idiots were probably celebrating Brexit as well as the new year. The predicted massive rise in cases within the next week or so came earlier than expected.

After mediocre sleep, I started New Year’s Day with a slight hangover. The temperature rose above zero for the first time in days and a bit of blue appeared in the sky but typically, not until almost dusk. We watched the posh New Year concert from Vienna which made a change from lairy cartoons. Family films were all very well, but did they have to be aimed at 5 year olds? With mixed feelings about 2021, I guessed the next few months would still be grim with the virus and Brexit, but as more vaccines came, hoped it would improve late spring/early summer. I resolved to try and be kinder. Not sure how long that would last. Ha, ha!

Drawn in by Dr. Who, we started on dinner late. Fiddling with lobster remains for seafood spaghetti, and the tardy baking of garlic bread due to crap gas, made us bad-tempers. But the delicious repast and unwise but tasty red wine soon restored our spirits, as did the most excellently funny spoof documentary ‘Death to 2020’ on Netflix.

Saturday started sunny and I wished my walking friend a happy sparkly birthday. It then snowed and I trusted she wasn’t stuck up a hill somewhere. Wobbly from the wine, I forced myself up, and took several hours to brace myself for an expedition to the co-op. Covered in 3 layers plus the rarely required ‘bear coat’ (effective to -40 degrees), I discovered it wasn’t actually that cold outdoors. The supermarket shelves resembled the war. The friendly kiosk cashier insisted it was nothing to do with Brexit and gave some incomprehensible rambling reason involving the manager and back-office stores. Back home, Phil laughed at the ‘nothing to do with Brexit’ comment and predicted it would be a top mantra for 2021. We spent the rest of the day indoors. I placed an Ocado order, primarily to replenish alcohol supplies. Delivery would not be for a week and a half but it soon transpired I did it in the nick of time.

My nails were rather ugly from the lobster fiddling. Sunday, I trimmed the worst of the grime and tackled the manky nailbrush for which I invented a hack using vinegar, bicarb and a tee-pee brush. I spent the rest of the day working on blogs.

In the face of mounting pressure to keep schools shut another 2 weeks, Boris appeared on The Marr Insisting they were safe because kids didn’t get ill, omitting to mention the risk of spreading. In any case, they refused to re-open in some places including Leeds and Bradford. He said he could have shut everything down to stop the virus, begging the question, why he hadn’t! Warning tougher measures may be needed in the coming weeks, Keir urged him to do so immediately. Perhaps that was why The Bumbler’s address to the nation came a lot sooner than even I envisaged…

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 40 – The Wrong Stuff

“The Cold War was over long before it was officially declared dead. ” (John Le Carré)

V-Day

Totally bunged up Monday morning, I chanced going downstairs on wobbly legs to make porridge, struggled back up, and accepted I needed to stay abed. Oh well. It had been 7 weeks since my last bout of sinusitis; a good run for me. Later, Phil brought coffee and the laptop so I could post blogs and work on the next part of the journal, until my eyes went funny. Resting in the afternoon, horrid noises started up as my eyes shut. I unusually dropped off regardless, for almost an hour. Doubtless beneficial, the sleep rendered me woozy.

A loophole for pubs in tier 2 meant they could get round the dinner rule if they were classed as a music venue. I didn’t even realise that was allowed. Not that it would make any difference to most of us.Chuck Jaeger died, aged 97. Now there was a guy who definitely had The Right Stuff, unlike our so-called leaders, who had The Wrong Stuff!

Still ill Tuesday, shivers added to the symptoms. I couldn’t get warm, even if Phil claimed it wasn’t as cold as the day before. A huge effort to get off the bed, I had a bath, fetched coffee, and just got back in bed when there was a knock on the door. Stumbling downstairs in my dressing gown, I answered to find a kindly ‘elf’ from the Calderdale Community Carers with a goodie bag for me – how nice! Feeling a little guilty accepting the gift, Phil said: “Don’t. it makes up all those free pizzas you didn’t have during lockdown!” “That would be cheating! I wasn’t self-isolating, as I repeatedly told them.” I put the bag aside to open at a future indeterminate date.

I worked on the journal, developing the characteristic head fug. Phil went to the co-op. Somehow, he got the shopping lists muddled and bought all the wrong stuff. Annoyed, I calmed down to come up with a new meal plan so the missing items could wait another day. Afternoon siestas reverted to type. With no rest, I turned to reading The Big Issue I’d got at the weekend. Incredulous that much of the content whinged about lockdown and lauded herd immunity, I then realised it was over a month old. Much as I supported the primary aims of the magazine, I disgustedly threw it aside, vowing not to buy it again. The hastily revised dinner was a lot more work than anticipated. I forgot to cook accompanying spuds, became stressed and felt worse than ever.

Billed as V day, the first Pfizer vaccines in the world were administered to old people and NHS staff. A baby giraffe born at Whipsnade Zoo was named after trailblazer Margaret Keenan. As 2 NHS workers had allergic reactions, I wondered if I should be wary with my penicillin allergy. The Yorkshire Dales and North Yorks Moors were declared Dark Sky Areas, as starlings made murmeration shapes resembling swans and Christmas stockings at Fairburn Ings. “How do they know it’s that time of year?” I asked. “They know everything!” Intoned Phil.

Having a Laugh

Nasal symptoms eased off Wednesday, but I was still wobbly and fatigued. Using the wrong list meant no bananas for breakfast . Phil topped the cereal with frozen blueberries. They’d gone a bit wrinkly in the freezer but re-hydrated quickly in the milk. Jokes in the annual Gold TV competition, were mainly Covid and/or Christmas related. I didn’t agree with their top pick: ‘What’s Dominic Cumming’s favourite Christmas song? Going Home for Christmas’. But some had me in stiches.

On The Daily Politics, someone we house-shared with in London harped on about Brexit. Struggling to follow her egghead social media posts in the intervening years, it was hard to believe we were once friends with that weird woman! Self-isolating again, Keir took part in PMQs via zoom. With Brexit talks on a ‘knife edge’, he asked what happened to the ‘oven-ready’ deal? The Bumbler waffled about the withdrawal agreement but everyone knew that wasn’t the same as a trade deal.

Phil went to the post office on my behalf, then bought the right stuff from the shops he’d failed to get the previous day. Bizarrely quick, he reported no queues. Frustratedly unable to go out Christmas shopping, I trawled the internet and eventually found a gift. With limited clues on the condition of the item, I hoped I’d done the right thing and it wouldn’t be too shabby. Dinner became fraught again as spaghetti got poured down the sink.

Bradford University research into panic-buying concluded it gave people a sense of control. As we said this back in March, they could have asked us and saved loads of money! With a Brexit deal still looking dicey, controversial clauses of the internal market bill had been dropped and The Bumbler went to Brussels for dinner with Ursula Von De Leyen. Served scallops followed by turbot (i.e., fish and more fish), they were having a laugh. The soup should have been Vichyssoise not pumpkin, to reflect the German/French axis! Inevitably, there was no breakthrough but both sides vowed to keep talking until Sunday. Ports already jammed with containers in the wrong place because of the pandemic, and a ban on non-essential travel to Europe because of Covid restrictions, we predicted pandemonium after the likely no-deal Brexit. Little did we know it would arrive sooner than anticipated…

Ridiculously, Boris likened the EU’s insistence on a ‘level playing field’ to twins being forced to have the same haircut or buy the same handbag. Ursula poured scorn on the analogy, saying the UK would be sovereign to do what it liked, but there’d be consequences.

As the first of the Christmas cards arrived Thursday, we discussed the idea of doing a spoof ‘round robin’. Phil suggested listing all the telly we’d watched, but was hard-pressed to remember it all. I used the journal as a basis to summarise events. After 3 days work, I decided it was boring.

Brexitcast made some good points on why the EU wouldn’t back down. They knew the UK would further diverge from the bloc in future, thus wanted to agree the regulatory framework now. Liam Fox said it was nothing to do with trade but the rules, echoing my views on the dominance of France and Germany.

I started to feel better at bedtime and hoped to be well the next day. Alas, I tossed and turned. The meditation soundtrack sent me to sleep but I woke very early Friday, extremely fatigued after a fitful night. Resigned to another day in bed, stupid Microsoft proceeded to do yet another update. A notification said it would re-start in an hour even though I programmed it to do so overnight. Unable to re-schedule the shutdown, I got through a few minor tasks before the noon deadline, when it promptly turned off and spent 3 hours installing the blasted updates. Fuming at being unable to write, I managed a bit of tidying up and opened the gift bag from the caring elf, to discover it was mainly all food, including stale doughnuts. It was a good job I hadn’t left it until Christmas!

Naval boats stood by in the channel. Phil asked: “are we at war with France yet?” At the mindless briefing, Matt Cock announced school testing in London. Some also took place at a limited number of schools in Calderdale. Nowhere near on the scale as in the capital, this yet again proved the persistence of the north/south divide. Because he was a big loser, The Trump disgustingly acted like a despot, not granting the customary stays of execution for death row inmates. “He should be sent to the chair himself for that. He definitely has the wrong stuff!”

Left Out In The Cold

On the mend Saturday, I sat in the living room until late morning before returning to bed, still feeling very achy, tired and so cold! The gey drizzle didn’t help. I caught up by tasks left incomplete due to the computer update.

Terrible weather persisted into Sunday. Phil chanced the town centre. On mainly quiet streets, the kebab shop had migrated to an outdoor stall playing jolly Christmas songs, causing mirth. Overnight, I had an idea to re-work the boring ‘round robin’. I spent the day on ‘2020 – a year of the coronavirus by numbers’ which I hoped was funnier.

Sarah Gilbert of Oxford University predicted a rise in coronavirus infections in January after the permitted Christmas mixing, as had happened in the USA post-Thanksgiving. As cases in Germany rose to 3 times the number in spring, schools and non-essential shops shut and alcohol sales were banned, putting paid to their seasonal jollity.

On the day ex-spy and author John le Carré died, the latest Brexit deadline passed. Talks continued amidst varying claims of concessions by both sides, leading to speculation on a possible cold war. Or was that cod war? Ed Millipede got rather worked up on The Marr, saying “no deal is a disastrous outcome for the country,” and likened the governments’ stubbornness to bulldozing the house because it had a leaky roof. Rabid Raab complained of moving goalposts on the level playing field again. Why hadn’t the wimpy tories done what the hardliners wanted and ‘just left’ 4 years ago? We’d be over it and have a new trade deal by now!

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. ‘2020 – a year of the coronavirus by numbers’: https://maryc1000.blogspot.com/2020/12/2020-year-of-coronavirus-by-numbers.html

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

West Yorkshire