Part 89 – Tipping Point

“Nobody puts their life at risk unless they are absolutely desperate and feel they have no other option” (Mike Adamson)

On The Slide

On a frosty and bright Monday morning, I rose on wobbly legs. Still unwell, I couldn’t remember the last time such debilitation lasted more than a week. I managed short bursts out of bed to help Phil with recycling and washing, getting stressed when I saw the machine was set incorrectly. I calmed down to sort it and worked on blogs. Both receiving text invites from the central system and the local surgery, we booked boosters via the latter for the following week. Puzzled that Phil got messages last week and I didn’t, he told me he had 2 different dates of birth on the NHS system. Was I in the wrong age bracket?

Ofgem put Bulb, the 7^th largest energy supplier, into ‘special administration’. Too many customers to pass onto another company, Uswitch,com said: “This signals the tipping point of the UK energy crisis. With Bulb’s 1.7 million customer base, over 4 million people have now been directly impacted by the turbulent energy market.” 886 on Saturday, migrants crossing the channel during 2021 reached 25,600, treble the total for the whole of 2020. Bella Sankey of Detention Action railed: “The crisis is that people with credible protection claims…are forced to make dangerous journeys that make the UK look chaotic and incompetent.” French interior minister Gérald Darmanin claimed migrants were enticed by a UK army of ‘irregular workers’. Nasty Patel crap at her job, Steve Barclay was drafted in to lead a taskforce. He considered strengthening return agreements, using barracks to house arrivals, benefits cuts and ridiculously, ‘offshoring’.

Speaking to the CBI, The Bumbler lost his place, rifled through papers, repeated ‘forgive me’ 3 times, went ‘vroom, vroom’, compared himself to Moses and rambled about Peppa Pig being ‘pure genius’ even though she looked like a Picasso hairdryer. Phil joked he didn’t actually mean to go to Peppa Pig World but Capitalist Pig World and took a wrong turn! I thought he might have syphilis. Downing Street was forced to declare he was ‘well’. On Newsnight, Polly Guardian complained the CBI needed serious information, Boris was on the point of losing it and ‘on the slide’. Danny Finkelstein told us Boris’ political strategy revolved around himself. His self-confidence led to a lack of preparation. On the immigration bill, Diane Abbot wanted proper policies instead of daft ideas like the wave machine. A tory denied that was ever a thing (err, yes it was. See part 30 of this blog). She said antagonising the French wasn’t working. After Nick Thomas-Symonds seemed to contradict his leader by telling Marr that migrants should be sent back to the first safe country they arrived in, Abbot was asked what was the labour policy? She declined to answer. Well, that’s clear then – not!

Marginally better on Tuesday, I made an effort to dress before the Ocado delivery then worked on blogs. Experimenting with knobbly squash for dinner, I made a topping for orzo, panicking when it stuck to the pan. It tasted good but the squishy mess wasn’t what I intended.

With weekly covid deaths over 1,000 for the first time since 12^th March and 1/3 of cases asymptomatic, the Scottish and English governments urged anyone going to crowded places or visiting the vulnerable during the festive period to get an LFT. Northern Irelanders were asked to limit social contact and work from home. Europe ‘in the firm grip’ of the virus, deaths passed 1.5 million and the WHO feared they’d reach 2.2 million by March. Dr. Hans Kluge said: “we face a challenging winter ahead but we should not be without hope, because all of us…can take decisive action to stabilise the pandemic.” Merkel barked that German regional measures weren’t good enough and health minister Jens Spahn warned by the end of winter, the whole population would be vaccinated, recovered or dead. Very German! Former jab tsar Kate Bingham lectured Oxford University on a “devastating lack of skills and experience in science, industry, commerce and manufacturing” In government. 70 tory backbenchers voted against the latest version of the Health & Social Care Bill because it broke yet another promise: local authority payments would be discounted by the cap so 2/3 of northerners would have to sell their homes to pay for their care. Rabid Raab allegedly held a fund-raising party at Chevening. Against parliamentary rules, Rayner demanded to see receipts.

Still achy Wednesday, I managed a few stretches and made porridge. I sat on the bed rather than in it, worked on blogs and watched PMQs. The chamber packed with mask-less tories, Keir quipped: ‘I see they’ve turned up this week’ and gabbed about broken promises. The only thing he’s delivering is: “high taxes, high prices and low growth.”

Bracing myself for a trip to the co-op, it was quite fun for once. A small fairy princess danced in the aisles and a jolly man whistled as he wheeled about in his chair putting items on his lap. I struggled home with backache and took it easy in the afternoon. Ample orzo but not much squishy sauce left, I added passata. A definite improvement, it vaguely reminded me of a childhood dinner. Our evening was interrupted by a huge, loud chopper flying so low the windows rattled. Some chump asked the local Facebook group ‘what was that?’ To which a joker quipped: ‘sorry, no more pickled gherkins for me!’

At a Transport for the North meeting in Leeds, northern leaders called IRP the ‘cheap and nasty option’. A dinghy capsized in Pas de Calais. 27 migrants drowned. Lamentations all round, Mike Adamson of The British Red Cross said nobody risked their life unless they were desperate and urged the government “to rethink its plans for making the UK’s asylum system harder to access.” Boris spoke to Mini Macron and held a Cobra meeting. A special edition of Newsnight pitted those who believed the way to solve the crisis was to create safe routes against those who thought it was to make crossings impossible and the UK less attractive, such as the awful member for Dover Natalie Elphicke. People died, you heartless bitch! Justin Welby called for a system based on: “compassion, justice and co-operation across frontiers.” Touché!.

Out Of Control

Brilliantly sunny on Thursday, thick crunchy rooftops didn’t deter me from opening the window to shake blankets out. Going out later than planned, the sun already dipped behind the hill. On the way to the surgery, I spotted Elderly Neighbour and Environment Agency works warning of ‘buried services’. From a plethora of posters plastered to the surgery doors, I eventually discerned I needed to press the buzzer and wait for someone to come and hand me a test kit from a safe distance. I got a few items from charity shops, the sweet shop and Boots where the pharmacist rudely stacked shelves in the middle of serving me.

To celebrate Thanksgiving, outbreaks of bird flu emerged. All poultry-keepers were directed to keep foul cooped up from next Monday. Was turkey off the Christmas menu again? Revellers died after a covid party in Italy. Covid passes lasted 9 months if you were vaccinated but only 6 months if you had antibodies – idiots! In an urgent statement to the house on migrant drownings, Nasty Patel said she’d offered France joint patrols but was dismissed as ‘crazy’ by Calais MP Henri Dumont. Micron demanded more help from Britain as people ‘don’t want to stay in France’, and from EU partners, because when they got to France it was too late. Boris tweeted a letter containing his ‘5 point plan’* before Micron received it, resulting in Patel being uninvited to a meeting in Calais with France, Belgium, Holland and Germany. What a twat! Seeing the missive as a sop to tory backbenchers over ‘taking back control’ rather than serious diplomacy, Darmanin called it “unacceptable and counter to our discussions between partners.” Nick Thomas-Symonds bemoaned a ‘grave error of judgement’: “This is a humiliation for a PM and home secretary who have completely lost control of the situation in the channel.” A refugee now settled in Britain came on BBC Breakfast the next day to say Europe should be ashamed of letting people drown.

The QT panel was asked: ‘is the PM okay?’ Some tory said ‘give him slack’ but Eluned Morgan MS was ’a big critic’, repeating the over-used ‘overpromised and underdelivered time and time again’ line and Liz Saville lamented infantile Westminster politics. Our erstwhile housemate, now apparently an author, said it’d be okay if Boris had a competent government behind him, but he didn’t. On the social care cap, Rob Buckland wanted to wait for the white paper and input from lords before tweaking. Lindsay Hoyle appeared on Newscast with his parrot, Boris, who shouted ‘lock the doors’ on trains. He said we’d recently seen the house at its best and its worst and he’d not give up trying to take hate out of politics. Calling for zero tolerance of online abuse, he said if social media companies failed to act, we must use the law.

Blown Off Course

Friday, I found lots of gaps in the co-op especially fresh stuff, but got a reduced chicken. With no bottles to carry, I’d not asked for Phil’s help but was fully laden by extra purchases. A group of oldies and a yapping dog blocked the trolley park. Repeatedly saying ‘excuse me’ to no avail, I struggled to manoeuvre the trolley round them and stomped home. Cleaning the bathroom in the afternoon, I found a veritable spider’s nest. Long since gone, they left a big mess.

New variant B.1.1.529 named Omicron by the Who, had a ‘constellation’ of 30 mutations 1 case found in Belgium, Susan Hopkins suspected it was already in the UK. 6 African countries were put on the red list. Effective 4.00 a.m. Sunday, incomers were required to quarantine in hotels and take PCR tests. Phil worried about immediate crackdowns. I fretted it was vaccine-resistant thus rendering all the jabs futile. In celebration of Black Friday, XR blocked amazon warehouses across the country. Ben Wally announced restructuring the army would make it ‘leaner but more productive’. “It’s nice to be told you’re not productive after digging the government out of every hole they’ve caused for the past few years!” exclaimed Phil.

Storm Arwen forecast to bring 75 mph winds, snow, travel disruption and damage, Scotland and parts of northern England were on red alert. Phil cheerfully hummed seasonal tunes. “It’ll probably be soggy sleet.” I predicted. “Don’t be so pessimistic!” Just as we headed to bed, a strange whistling was heard and the telly went off. “That’ll be the storm then. It sounds like it’s passing right over us.” “Yes, above the valley.“

Not as badly hit as some areas, Arwen blew through the night, bringing sub-zero temperatures, a sprinkling of snow and more seasonal humming to Saturday. 120 lorries got stuck in the white stuff on the M62 near Rochdale. Power cuts all over, our Vodafone signal went. The kitchen like the arctic, I re-named it The South Pole, declared it too cold to go out, worked on the Christmas card, replaced the Halloween tree with advent decorations and watched telly via iPlayer and All 4. Phil nipped to the café for forgotten prints, reporting town packed even though it was freezing. Crowds were attracted by an extended market. As if we needed an actual Christmas market!

Terrestrial telly resumed in the midst of a briefing from Boris, Witless and Valance. In the wake of the Omicron variant, masks would again be mandatory for public transport and retail from Tuesday. Uncommitted on lockdown and working from home, even though sage advised it, doomsayers predicted another cancelled Christmas. EU countries examined arrivals for the mutant, people were stuck on planes at Schiphol airport and the US closed borders to all except American citizens. As 2 confirmed cases arrived in Britain, 4 more African countries were added to the red list.

Roused early Sunday by what I thought was Phil shouting, I realised the noise was coming from down below, and decided Ray Bradbury stories were seeping into my dreamsⁱ. When he woke, he complained of confusion and subsequently said he felt ill. I stole myself to bathe and dressed as fast as possible to avoid hypothermia.

An unexpected proper snow fall tempted us outside. I donned the bear coat and proper boots. The gorgeous new blanket squeaked and crunched underfoot. Boys at the end of the street abandoned a sled to throw snowballs. Ducks and pigeons scrabbled for birdfeed opposite the pet shop. Corvids roosted in the apex of bare trees, as if blown off course. The Christmas craft market still on, we advised an artist her unique animal paintings would definitely sell in the café.

In the park, crusties dragged felled branches across a pristine football pitch and a small girl sledged on the slope. “Let’s build a snowman!” she screamed excitedly at dad. “Snowperson round here,” I corrected her. On the towpath, autumn leaves were trapped beneath an icy layer, pockmarked by mysterious holes possibly made by fish. Back home, I took recycling out before removing my outerwear. Young Dad stood on his doorstep. We discussed the perils of driving in snow and them getting covid. He was ill for 3 weeks even though he had 2 jabs ages ago – maybe his immunity had waned? His partner hadn’t had any vaccine as allegedly every time she was booked in, something went wrong. Likely story! In the evening, I wrote a haigaⁱⁱ and added new snowy photos to the Christmas card, getting a headache from working on Photoshop late.

As RUF was cited as a possible super-spreader event, South Africans whinged they were penalised for identifying the new mutant and speedily sharing data. Dr. Angelica Coetzee told Marr she first saw patients suffering headaches and fatigue 18^th November. Symptoms were mild but there were lots of cases. Moderna CMO Paul Burton relayed the need to establish if Omicron was more transmissible, caused more severe disease and evaded vaccines. 11 of the mutations indicated it might but as they began developing a new booster on thanksgiving, he was optimistic. As Saj wittered about firebreaks and mitigations, the DOE advised secondary schoolkids to wear masks in communal areas. At EU crisis talks on eliminating people-smuggling gangs, the French foreign minister said relations with the UK were ‘not easy’ but we had to try to get along. Disinvited Nasty Patel said it was a shame she wasn’t there and would speak to her counterparts during the week. Meanwhile, she was lambasted by tory backbenchers for failing to implement the resettlement scheme announced in August, forcing Afghans onto unsafe routes to reach Britain.

*Boris’ 5 point plan: joint patrols to stop boats leaving France; using tech such as radars and sensors; maritime patrols in each other’s territorial waters and airborne surveillance; more work on the joint intelligence cell; Bilateral returns agreement with France alongside talks to set up a UK-Europe agreement.

References:

i. From The Dust Returned, Ray Bradbury

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 85 – Things That Go Bump In The Night

“Working people are being asked to pay more for less, for three simple reasons: economic mismanagement, an unfair tax system and wasteful spending” (Rachel Reeves)

A Bumpy Ride

Still tired and achy Monday, Phil helped with chores and manically cut his hair while I posted blogs. Attempting to get errands done, I went to the co-op to find it shut due to a power-cut. Staff guarding the door told me it was the second outage that day. Despite tummy ache, Phil went to town in the evening for supplies. Anxious about next day’s appointment, I took a pill to aid sleep.

As expected, kids on half-term could get jabbed at centres. Stephen Powis advised working from home but on Jeremy Vine, Charlie Mullet said it was bad parenting akin to being a benefits cheat. Prof Openshaw found 1:55 infected unacceptable and “connected with the lack of clear messaging about sensible measures (we could take)…to reduce (spread).” Warwick University reported 11% of covid clusters last summer were caused by ‘eat out to help out’. No comment from Rishi Rich, premature budget details presaged national wage rises and an end to the public sector pay freeze. Unhappy at the leaks, Lindsay Hoyle scolded: “At one time, ministers did the right thing if they briefed before budget – they walked.” He accused them of treating MPs discourteously: “This house will not be taken for granted. It’s not right for everybody to be briefed, it’s not more important to go on the news in the morning, it’s more important to come here.” WMO* warned CO2 levels rose at a faster rate in 2020, the pandemic made little impact and there was ‘no time to lose’. Petteri Taalas called the upward trend ‘way off track’. As too was Boris as he told children recycling plastic was a waste of time and he didn’t think COP26 would achieve anything. Number 10 hastily issued a correction. Extinction Rebellion blocked the City of London, the Met cleared it by midday and arrested 53. In the fifth week of the volcanic eruption, a giant lava fountain spewed from Cumbre Vieja.

Tuesday afternoon we caught a cross-country bus for my appointment. Distrustful of the handwritten update to the out-of-date Tuesday afternoon we caught a cross-country bus for the dreaded appointment. Distrustful of the handwritten update to the out-of-date timetable, Phil worried it was the wrong stop and wandered off to the main one. I gave chased shouting: “it can’t possibly be that one! I checked google 3 times!” We distracted ourselves from the stress by admiring willow curlews made by schoolkids installed in the chapel gardens (see below) until the bus arrived. An elderly couple tried to get on to be told drivers were changing over and it wasn’t leaving for 10 minutes. Obviously regulars, we should have asked them to confirm the stop. When the new driver turned up, he was rebuked for tardiness. The elderly couple chatted to the driver for ages then I had to repeat our destination 3 times! But it was a very cheap and scenic ride in the autumn sun. At the other end, we were assaulted by vicious wind and I was assaulted by anxiety and unpleasantness while Phil waited patiently. In time to catch the last bus back, it took a different route, bypassing settlements to crazily speed over desolate moors in the gloaming and arrive in darkness. Exhausted after the bumpy ride, I was glad of Phil’s support and his naughty but nice fry-up dinner.

Prof Pollard said the UK’s high covid rates were due to 10 times more testing than ‘some countries’. Owen Patterson was found to have broken lobbying rules on behalf of Lynn’s Country Foods and Randox (awarded testing kit contracts). Meanwhile, PAC found TIT outcomes were ‘muddled‘, aims ‘under-achieved’ and an £37 bn budget badly managed with over-reliance on consultants. Idiot Jenny Harries said they played “an essential role in saving lives every day.” The United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP) said current plans would only cut greenhouse gases 7.3% by 2030, nowhere near the 55% needed. Inger Anderson barked: “The world has to wake up to the imminent peril we face as a species.” Tory MPs blocking an amendment to the Environment Bill making it illegal for water companies to tip sewage into rivers, were named and shamed. Boris hastily reversed the decision. Bezos planned the Orbital Reef space station as a ‘mixed use business park’. Jeez!

Big Bumps

Wednesday brought a Westminster marathon – PMQs, the budget & spending review and response. Keir isolating again and Angela Rayner on bereavement leave, Ed Millipede led PMQs, to raucous applause. He started on the need to halve emissions this decade and cited the UNEP report: “does the PM acknowledge how far we are from the action required?” Boris insisted commitments were made, it was too early to tell if they were enough and we should recognise how far we’d moved. Red Ed said it was easy making promises for 30 years’ time but harder to make them for now. COP26 wasn’t a photo-op, or about climate delay, they mustn’t shift the goalposts and had to focus on 2030, not the end of the century.

Rishi Rich began by bigging up the economy’s strength and growth, proving their plan was working. He said the budget was about investment in a high-skilled economy and levelling up. Increases for all departments and devolved administrations included more dosh for housing, the removal of unsafe cladding and a reduction of rough sleeping by 1/3 (why not 3/3?) The anticipated re-invention of Sure Start took the form of A Start for Life and extending The Holiday Activity and Food Programme indicated caving into Rashford. More money would also come for SEN school places, youth clubs, football pitches and pocket parks, whatever they were – all viewed as inadequate to address missed education during lockdowns. Levelling up entailed projects in 100 towns across the UK including Ashton. It was a shame Rayner wasn’t there to ask if that meant she got a pocket park! His so-called ‘infrastructure revolution’ entailed investment in innovation and R&D. More money was pledged for core science, FE, T levels, the lifetime skills guarantee and ‘multiply’ to tackle innumeracy – which would be unnecessary if they hadn’t stripped basic skills bare under austerity. And what about literacy? “They don’t want more literate people realising what a load of rubbish they are!” observed Phil. On top of increases in the national wage and unfreezing public sector pay, Universal Credit claimants would keep more of their earnings. Other giveaways entailed a UK prosperity fund to match EU funding, less domestic air passenger duty, cancellation of a fuel duty rise, slashed bank profit tax, extended tax relief for museums, lower business rates for retail, hospitality and leisure and cheaper registration of boats under the UK flag (pirate rejoice!). Alcohol duty was ‘streamlined’ with more tax on high-strength booze and less on fizzy wine, draught beer and cider. “Hipster relief!” we cried. Rishi said this was all possible because we’d left the EU. It didn’t escape notice that he spent more time talking about booze than climate change, and failed to mention rail, care, the unemployed or violence against women.

Rachel Reeves accused Rishi of living in a parallel universe, saying with the cut in fizz and bank taxes: “at least bankers on short-haul flights sipping champagne will be cheering this budget today.” They wouldn’t be paying for “the highest sustained tax burden in peace time”, nor would property speculators. No; it would be working people. Well, I observed, tories would always do anything other than tax their rich mates! Wage rises were slated for not keeping pace with soaring energy prices and taxes. GMB Sec Gary Smith said the announcements were ‘vague at best’ and ‘it all reeks of vacuous gesture politics’ Was he thinking about Rishi’s budget-eve Insta pics in sliders? The next day, the OBR warned the cost of living could be the highest for 30 years and IFS advised living standards would fall with low wages and high prices causing ‘real pain’ to the lower paid. Paul Johnson said: “this is not a set of priorities which looks consistent with long-term growth or indeed levelling up.” The Resolution Foundation added that the poorest fifth would be £280 a year worse off. Meanwhile, Rishi went to Bury market, bought sweets and called it Burnley. Addressing criticism of the fuel duty cut, he vacuously said there were “lots of different ways” to tackle climate change.

The interminable proceedings made lunch long overdue. I was offered a follow-up appointment, conveniently in Tod next Monday, and went to the co-op. Shelves patchy after the outages, I just got essentials. A Woman almost bumped into me at the till. The cashier asked her to retreat. “I’m sorry,” said the woman. “I forgot my mask.” “Everyone forgets sometimes but distance would be good,” I replied.

Severely unrested Thursday, I awoke in darkness to the sound of pouring rain. Phil noticed a dripping hot tap. Thinking he blamed me, I listed faux pas I’d let slide. “You were saving them up. That’s what women do!” he jibed. “No, I was trying to avoid arguments.” I’d just settled with coffee when the jolly Ocado deliverer arrived. Blustery all day, it felt cold going to town in the afternoon. The market depleted due to half-term and lateness of the hour, I chatted to Councillor Friend at the cheese stall, pleased the pain from her knee replacement 5 weeks ago had eased. In the convenience store, I caught the end of a staff gossip: “I thought Boris had announced another lockdown.” I suspected sarcasm about day-trippers. Sweet Shop Man said my throat sweets were scarce, advised stocking up and complained everything was hard to get. “And you can’t get the staff either!” he quipped. Two shop-girls pretended not to hear. I hurried home, became tired and wondered why I was rushing. Maybe it was the cold, although the quick scoot did warm me up. The sink full again, I had a gripe. “I’m busy!” Phil retorted “Okay, but don’t put a cast iron pan on top of breakfast bowls!” He sprung into action, washed up and helped hang washing.

On BBC Breakfast, Pat Valance told us to eat less meat and fly less. He should tell Rishi! Government scrapped the red list in time for COP26. From Monday, double-vaccinated travellers needed to self-isolate but not in quarantine hotels. Some scientists said it was too soon – 90% of people still had antibodies but they were waning. Devi Sridhar expected more cases in Glasgow due to the summit but couldn’t say if it’d be a bump or a wave. Clement Beaune took ‘retaliatory action’ for Britain not sticking to The Trade and Co-operation Agreement. A fishing boat was fined and scallop vessel Cornelis ordered to Le Havre, detained and instructed to attend court at a later date. Macduff Shellfish insisted they’d fished legally. The French subsequently threatened to not let British boats land, Useless George said two could play that game and Liz Truss summoned the French ambassador. Richard Hughes of OBR informed us Brexit would reduce GDP by 4% in the long term, more than the pandemic at 2%. The Brazilian senate unsurprisingly voted to prosecute Bonzo but as it was up to chief prosecutor Augusto Aras, it probably wouldn’t happen.

On Question Time, airhead Lucy Frazer insisted we were £500 a year better off after the budget. How did she work that out? She said cutting domestic flight duty was nothing to do with climate change while entrepreneur Jenny Campbell claimed she listened to David Attenborough but somethings had to wait until the economy got going again. We can’t wait, you moron! Discussing the fishing spat with France, Maitta Fahnbulleh of New Economics Foundation called the post-Brexit bumps ‘big bumps’.

Bangs and Crashes

Iffy again on a darkly dull Friday, I managed a few exercises and some housework, drafted the journal and made traditional Lancashire parkin – messy but yummy!

Although hospitalisations were up, Prof Ferguson said covid infections were dropping so we didn’t need plan B. But the ONS found rising rates across the UK and 1:50 had the virus last week, the same number as in the second wave. The Prof also said the 6-month gap for boosters was arbitrary. Err, I thought it was based on the science! Reflecting on her choice of language, Rayner apologised unreservedly for calling tories scum. Arnie came on BBC Breakfast to say we could terminate climate change and Greta Thunberg joined protestors outside Standard Chartered Bank in the City of London to demand big finance stop funding fossil fuels. Jeremy Vine asked: should we give kids fruit instead of sweets on Halloween? Brandishing a bag of wiggly worms, we hoped they didn’t contain cannabis. “I wouldn’t put it past him to buy the wrong ones!” Police later warned parents in Rochdale to be on the lookout for laced sweets.

Fortunately, flooding didn’t reach our area over the rainy weekend. Phil doing my hair took most of Saturday. Chopping knobbly veg for dinner proved hard work even with a joint effort and took ages to cook. As the clocks went back, I looked forward to the extra hour but slept badly.

Thus I struggled to Thus I struggled to rise Sunday and dossed for hours. So much for the extra hour! In contrast, Phil slept loads but had tummy ache again. I wrote a haigaⁱ, draft-posted blogs, worked on a Christmas card, and helped him make cinder toffee. A first outing for the sugar thermometer, we watched eagerly for the red line to hit ‘hard crack’. “We could sell that!” he joked. The mixture bubbling insanely when the bicarb was added, we left it to settle before tasting – spot on! I prepared bowls of sweets and fruit in case of trick or treaters but we got none. No surprise with the heavy rain although that didn’t deter residents of the posh hall across the valley banging off fireworks.

Commuter journeys less than half, leisure trips were 90% of pre-pandemic levels. On the eve of COP26, WMO reported the last 7 years were the hottest ever recorded globally. The G20 met In Rome where Boris told leaders it was ‘last chance saloon’ for climate commitments. This saving the planet lark involved a lot of flying about! He admitted ‘turbulence’ with France over fishing, saying they might be in breach of EU law. Look who’s talking! Macron retorted it was a test of British credibility. The next day, Number 10 denied an end to the war, Boris said it was up to the French and Lord Frosty Gammon considered legal action.

With Bulb Energy on the edge of collapse, Red Ed told Marr we needed a different model for managing the supply chain. Interviewing Greta Thunberg, she was less concerned about not being invited to speak at COP26 than under-representation of poor countries. She said leaders said things to sound good and look good, putting all their eggs in the new tech basket was naïve and there was a pattern of governments proving climate action wasn’t a priority for them. (e.g., reducing air tax). Parts of Cumbria and Hawick flooded, residents were evacuated and trains couldn’t get to Glasgow. Two trains collided at a Y-shaped junction at Fisherton Tunnel, Salisbury. The crash hurt 13 passengers and left a driver with ‘life changing’ injuries. Cause unknown, the line would be closed for several days.

I went up early and set the alarm for Monday’s appointment. During a turbulent night, I had a funny dream entailing the cross-country bus and an uphill walk. “What are we doing?” I asked Phil, “we’re meant to be going to Tod.” The dream proved prophetic…

*WMO – World Meteorological Organisation

Reference:

i. My https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 83 – Truth Washing

“What a surprise: a committee led by the previous health secretary and which exclusively spoke to his friends in government, found that the deaths of 150,000 people were ‘redeemed’ by the vaccine roll-out” (Hannah Brady)

No Surprises

Unrested after a bitty night, I forced myself up Monday and got through the routine chores with remarkable efficiency. I then started putting decorating stuff back in the coal hole when a tin of white paint leaked all over, creating more work, backache and ill humour. After posting blogs, I hung sheets on the line. Although the sun didn’t reach that side of the house, a warm breeze dried them quickly and made them less smelly. For dinner we made use of discounted hot dogs and spare lentils to make a casserole. Phil said it was no surprise it was a triumph!

The Welsh Covid Pass was introduced for access to events and clubs. Other places such as care homes could follow. Damian Hinds said Boris’ holiday was important for the country; he needed time to relax and unwind but not too much as he was constantly in touch, being briefed and still in charge. Shadow minister Pat McFadden retorted he didn’t care where The Bumbler was as it was just as chaotic when he was here: “What I want is grip from the government and we haven’t got that at the moment.” A spokesman insisted government departments were working together on how to support business through the energy crisis. A freedom of information request revealed that of 750 cops accused of sexual misconduct in the past 5 years (excluding The Met), only 34 were dismissed. The Draconid meteor shower lit up Northumberland skies and Airbus tested Zephyr. The solar-powered aircraft intended to bring internet to unconnected areas, flew for 18 days in the stratosphere. Meanwhile, scientists got excited that radio waves from distant stars detected by the LOFAR telescope, could lead to the discovery of habitable planets in the goldilocks zone.

Midweek turned grey and I turned ropey. Tuesday, I persevered with housework, writing and shopping. As meandering high school kids cluttered up the co-op, I scarpered out the back door. Skirting two white vans blocking the street below on the way back, I was about to swear when a delivery man politely asked did I live there. The other van belonged to the window cleaner. His son smiled at me from the passenger seat while his dad nattered with Poet Neighbour. After sorting the load, I attempted more writing but got sharp pains in my head and had a lie down.

AZD7442 antibody shots was found to halve the risk of severe covid in people who couldn’t take vaccine. As Brian Madderson of the Petrol Retailers Association said there were still shortages due to tankers not being in the right place, CF Industries found a longer-term solution to the crisis that halted production last month. Gareth Stace of UK Steel called the expected help for other power-hungry industries in the form of taxpayer-backed loans, a sticking plaster. ONS reported workers on payroll rose to a record 29.2 million August-September but vacancies rose to 1.2 million. In a bid to restore public trust, all police forces would review alleged violence against women, incidents of indecent exposure and vetting practices. Maggie Blyth would lead the NPCC’s work and co-ordinate action across England and Wales. Swampy and fellow eco-warriors planned to stay in tunnels under the path of HS2 at Aylesbury until Christmas.

A report by the S&T and H&SC committees into government’s handling of the pandemic said nothing we didn’t already know or that I hadn’t been saying since March 2020. It labelled the early response ‘one of the most important public health failures the UK has ever experienced’ but said the situation improved with vaccine development and treatments. Doing the media rounds, minister Stephen Barclay refused to acknowledge mistakes or apologise to bereaved families, reiterating the idiotic mantras about learning lessons and knowing things now that we didn’t then. Hannah Brady of Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice called the report ‘laughable’ and wryly observed it was no surprise that they found 150,000 deaths were ‘redeemed’ by the vaccine, adding: “this is an attempt to ignore and gaslight bereaved families.” Fellow campaigner Fran Hall came on Newsnight to ask Aaron Bell what lessons had been learnt? The Bell-end blathered about being prepared for flu (which they weren’t), following official scientific advice and criticism being all very well with the benefit of hindsight. Rory Stewart revealed he was accused of populism by Jenny Harries for suggesting simple measures such as masks early on. Fran wanted someone to take responsibility. Bell-end admitted the PM was ultimately accountable but said it wasn’t about pointing fingers; systems needed to be interrogated. Rory retorted it wasn’t enough and should be a massive wake up call for a “smug, closed government that doesn’t accept any external challenge.”

Trust Issues

Sleep mediocre, it was again an effort to rise Wednesday. I posted ‘Wonders of Ulverston’ on Cool Places 2ⁱ and tried to draft a guest blog for The Researcher. Looking at other contributions, I was fairly sure a friend had written two of them (an artist, TV star and writer to boot!) Slowness and glitching presaged a software update while a glitch on the NHS app caused chaos for travellers unable to get a QR code.

Two more unheard-off energy companies went bust and rail freighters reverted to diesel because electric was too expensive. Amid HGV driver shortages, containers backed up at Felixstowe and Maersk re-directed ships to European ports. Port bosses and toy retailers told consumers to stock up on Christmas tat, but Rishi Rich and Tim Morris of UK Major Ports Group said don’t panic buy. After Lord Frosty Gammon complained the Northern Ireland protocol wasn’t working and had to change, the EU proposed to significantly reduce red tape, address looming bans on products like sausages and give Westminster a more consultative role. Refusing to extricate the European Court of Justice, Maros Sefcovic said their role was essential for the province to retain single-market access. A new round of talks was expected in the coming weeks. While Lord Frosty insisted everyone in government knew what they were signing, The Scumbag unsurprisingly said Boris didn’t, Jenny Chapman claimed they were using a spat with Brussels to distract from their own failures and Leo Varadkar said it showed you couldn’t trust the Brits. 11 EU countries backed France in calling on the UK to abide by the agreement for continuity of fishing round Jersey. Hate crime up 9% in the year to March 2021, 12% for racially-motivated crime, The Home Office cited ‘trigger events’ such as BLM protests but campaigners blamed misinformation and conspiracy theories linked to the pandemic. Will Shatner aka Captain Kirk, went to the edge of space in Bezos’ New Shepard rocket. After spending 10 minutes going to 350,000 feet, the oldest man to leave earth became emotional. Prince Wills criticised space tourism, saying we should make this planet better rather than blasting off elsewhere.

After a fretful night,Istole myself Thursday to read information for an appointment the next day, sorted logistics and chatted through anxieties with Phil. Despite reassurances, I couldn’t concentrate on writing. About to go shopping, Phil asked should he come? It was a good job he did; even with gaps on shelves, I loaded a trolley thanks to reduced items and practically the last ‘5 for a fiver’ deal from an almost-empty cabinet. Attempts to compartmentalise a failure, I took a mild valerian to calm my brain and tried to rest. My body relaxed but I couldn’t stop my thoughts wandering. A similar story at bedtime, I had a truly dreadful night – neither the chill pill nor the meditation soundtrack aided sleep.

Up 13% in a week, 45,606 new daily covid cases was the highest since July. With 7,024 hospitalised, Witless said it’d be a tricky winter and GPs were instructed to see people face-to-face to ease pressure on A&E. More money was pledged for locums who didn’t exist and ‘league tables’ would show up those who didn’t. Many countered that patients liked zoom consultations and The C**T said it wouldn’t turn the tide. Obviously expecting a grilling from doctors, Goblin Saj missed the RCGP conference*, saying he was clearing his diary to fight for the NHS. While doing a round of media interviews, he apparently didn’t have time to read the damning report – obviously 150 pages was too much for him. Pig farmers and processors welcomed help with storage and temporary 6-month visas for butchers but warned it needed to happen quickly to be any use. Customer’s bills to go up another £45 because of bombed companies, National Express had enough fuel until 2023 but not enough drivers. Wednesday, Insulate Britain blocked roads, got dragged off by motorists and unglued and arrested by police. They then suspended protests until 25^th October to hand-deliver a letter to Number 10. After staff allegations and a vote of no confidence, North Yorkshire PCC Philip Allott said he wouldn’t resign and hoped to rebuild trust. By evening, he’d stepped down, saying it was the honourable thing. Well, it would have been if he’d gone straight away!

On Question Time, Prof Rob Winston said scientists shouldn’t be blamed for failures during the early stages of the pandemic and none of the evidence presented to the Lords S&T committee was made public. Criticising the last 2 health minister, he told us the Lords asked The Cock questions every day and got no answers and The C**t left the department in a mess ‘with no remorse’. Tory Penny Mordaunt maintained people did their best at the time, but the report flagged up important lessons which needed to be learnt as we weren’t through it yet. Labour’s Alison McGovern lamented a lack of cross-party discussions and former aide Sam Kusumo admitted government was accountable and should have included local and international leaders in decision-making. Economist Anne McElvoy wanted Saj to apologise for not reading the short, clear report: “mistakes in England were on a scale that is not acceptable.” She trusted a public inquiry would reveal the trade-offs made between public health and the economy. Moving on to the fudge over an ‘oven-ready’ Brexit, she called the Northern Ireland protocol a bodge but hoped ‘tweaks’ would make it work. Penny insisted the agreement was signed in good faith, wasn’t meant to impact negatively on the people of Northern Ireland and the EU now realised change was needed to eliminate trade friction.

Sportswashing

Hardly sleeping all night, there was no way I could go anywhere Friday. Exhausted and distressed, I lay dozing until Phil made moves. I fetched tea and opened the curtains to view the colourful pre-dawn sky adorned with a bright star (or was it a planet?) We again discussed my worries before I phoned to cancel the appointment. Phil left me to rest but it was futile as streaming sunlight replaced darkness. Giving up, I ventured down for coffee and a short spell on the laptop. Head drooping after lunch, I went back to bed, alternately reading and trying to sleep; impossible with an ultra-bright sun and whirring mind. Slightly less fatigued by evening, we indulged in pizza, wine and escapist films.

43,000 incorrect PCR results 8^th September-12^th October, halted test analysis at the Immensa Health Clinic Ltd. Lab in Wolverhampton. Jenny Harries of UKHSA trusted only a few thousand were infectious. Travellers returning from red list countries would only need a LFT from 24^th October and the fully-vaccinated could go to the USA from 8^th November. Shats announced the limit on the number of deliveries foreign lorry drivers could make while in the UK would be lifted for up to 6 months. Popular Southend MP David Amess was stabbed to death at his surgery in Leigh-on-Sea. 25 year old Ali Harbi Ali was arrested. Another success for the ‘prevent’ agenda – not! I predicted calls for protection for MPs out in the community would finally be acted on because he was a tory, albeit a nice one.

Extreme tiredness led to improved sleep over the weekend but insufficient to make up the deficit, I stayed home. Saturday, I cleared overgrowth near the garden. Phil went to the shop and reported the corner pub heaving with punters wedged like sardines. Sunday, I installed the Halloween tree, wrote a haiga using a picture from last week’s visit to the cloughⁱⁱ and took photos of our fuchsia – still blooming and buzzing with bees.

As anticipated, Patel came on Marr to say there would be measures to protect MPs in their constituencies, after a review overseen by Lindsay Hoyle. Ambassador Andrei Kelin told him Russia could do more to help with the gas crisis if their Nord Stream 2 pipeline was approved. He didn’t mention that with only 29% vaccinated, Russia experienced a record number of covid cases and around 1,000 deaths per day over the weekend. At Newcastle United’s first game since a Saudi take-over earlier in the month, human rights activists parked a van displaying murdered Jamal Khashoggi outside St. James’ Park. Toon fans may have thought anyone was better than Rick Astley, but others saw it as sports-washing.

*RCGP – Royal College of General Practitioners, not the Revolutionary Communist Party (if they’re still a thing)

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 82 –People Just Do Nothing

“As ever, this political jester came up with nothing but hot air” (Manuel Cortes)

Hear Nothing

Haiga – Shadow Play

After posting blogs Monday, I succeeded in entering meter readings and book a service on the British Gas website. Unable to get a date before the year’s homecare cover expired, I subsequently rang to negotiate a refund and reduction for next year, with added drainage and leccy cover we’d probably never use. Disturbed by scraping noises under the window in the afternoon and by night-time fretting, I had little rest.

Refusing to resign, Caressa Dick promised to review police standards and culture and investigate specific issues in the Parliamentary and Diplomatic Protection Command. Yvette Coop said it wasn’t enough. In Manchester, Boris claimed there was no need to make misogyny a crime as there were enough laws already, and Patel announced an independent inquiry into the ‘systematic failures’ allowing Couzens to be a cop. Rishi Rich told conference there’d be more help for AI jobs, no chance of tax cuts until we’d recovered from the pandemic and ‘managing the cost of living’ wasn’t a soundbite. You could have fooled me! Helen Waffle then waffled on Newsnight about bootcamps getting people into jobs. Facebook, Insta and WhatsApp went down for 6 hours. Cause unknown, shares plummeted and Mark Zuckerberg lost £4.3 billion. Ex-executive Frances Haugen informed senators he cared more about profits than kids.

Olive Faces

During exercise Tuesday, a burp gave me backache. Phil heedlessly sprung into action and I struggled on with chores and writing. Inspired by Phil’s hilarious creative efforts the day before, I made faces with lunchtime humus and olives. Somehow, they didn’t engender the same level of hysterics.

Going shopping in nasty cold rain, the co-op was also horrid. Parents and kids ambled and gabbed all over the shop. One family edged closer behind me at the till. I was trying to hurry when a chubby girl pushed my goods down the conveyor.

“Excuse me! Do you mind not touching my stuff?” I snapped. Shocked at actually being told off, she cowered. I rushed home where Phil had helpfully hung washing up and cleared kitchen tops for groceries, but I still managed to tip veg on the floor. Finding wet clothes placed on top of almost-dry stuff on the rack upstairs, I became frustrated by the niggles and lay on the bed.

School absences due to infections went up 2/3 at the end of September. Neil Ferguson warned the UK had little headroom compared to other countries before the NHS became ‘heavily stressed’ because of the ‘political decision to ‘live with covid’. He advised Plan B (masks, passes and working from home). Israelis had to have a third vaccine shot to keep the Green Pass and New Zealand abandoned their ‘zero covid’ strategy. Phased re-opening would start in Auckland. As Insulate Britain stopped ambulances getting through and scrapped with motorists, Roger Hallam of XR said they were right to block roads. Arrogant nob Liam Norton came on Jeremy Vine to not hear what anyone was saying and preach. He later apologised outside the High Court. At conference, Boris called them ‘irresponsible crusties’ and Patel announced increased penalties for disrupting a motorway and the criminalisation of interfering with key infrastructure such as roads, airports and railways. HS2 unlikely to come north, it was estimated tunnelling protestors at Euston last year cost £3.5 million. Simon Gass met the Taliban in Doha to discuss humanitarian aid, threats of terrorism, safe passage, treatment of minorities and women’s’ rights. Resulting in no action, it seemed they heard little.

Say Nothing

Ethereal Clouds

Hoovering the living room Wednesday, I felt overwhelmed by housework, got upset and slumped on the sofa. Phil sympathised and asked how he could help. I ranted that I never felt on top of chores but that wasn’t the real issue. Very sunny and warm, he thought lunch at the tearooms would cheer me up. Among a plethora of wildlife on the patio, a dying wasp stung Phil’s hand. His jumping and shouting alerted the waitress who asked if he needed anything. I suggested hot water (but as I later wondered was it cold, he tried both). A guy I knew from art class and his partner sympathised from the next table. While eating, we joked about Boris’ speech probably not mentioning Brexit, the latest antics of the French, and speculated on Barnier becoming the next president. As a trio proudly brandishing the daily express took the place of our acquaintances, I muttered: “What were you saying about gammons?” I adopted a nonchalant air, gazing up at wispy clouds and falling leaves, to realise the air was swarming with midges. We escaped from the riverside and visited charity shops. Buying nothing, we had a laugh at activity building kits including a medieval clock and jousting knights.

Vaccines were sent to scientists in antarctica but Sarah Gilbert warned with only 1.9% of people in poorer countries immunised, nobody was yet safe. After successful trials, The WHO approved the Mosquirix malaria vaccine. Quizzed on the pathetic 127 foreign HGV driver applications, The Bumbler ridiculously bigged it up to 137. He just couldn’t stop lying! He later declared: “the supply chain problem is caused very largely by the strength of the economic recovery.” Did he mean buying plastic crap from China, pushing demand and costs up? Telling Laura Kuensberg supermarkets would manage due to ‘fantastic expertise and logistics’, she said it sounded as though he didn’t hear people’s concerns, took no responsibility, didn’t see it as his problem and would do nothing to help. Ignoring immediate short-term issues of shortages and spiralling inflation, he prattled about building a different future. Were the 150 new Greggs shops planned for 2022 part of the plan?

In a bombastic keynote speech full of hutzpah and terrible jokes, Boris took credit for the triumphs of Emma Raducanu, UK Paralympians and the Oxford Vaccine, saying the 97% publicly-funded feat was possible because of capitalism. He said he’d unleash the ‘unique spirit’ of the country by having the guts to reshape society and address previously-dodged issues. Defending restricting the number of foreign workers and the National Insurance hike, he insisted a new approach would lead to a ‘high wage, high skilled, high productivity and…low tax economy’ which was what people voted for in 2016. No they didn’t! He intimated worker and food shortages, and price and wage hikes were a deliberate strategy. Not happy at being branded the bogeymen, capitalists called him ‘economically illiterate’ and Richard Walker said it wasn’t helpful. Criticism from unions included Manuel Cortes of TSSA saying it was ‘nothing but hot air’ in a time of inflation, cuts, shortages and a climate crisis. The only policy he announced was a ‘levelling up’ premium of £3,000 for maths and science teachers which former education adviser Sam Freedman said was a U-turn on a previously scrapped plan. Carrie Antoinette watched adoringly, resembling a handmaid minus the bonnet. On the eve of the Universal Credit cut, Peter Bottom complained an MP’s £82,000 salary was a pittance and Therese Coffee-Cup belted out ‘The Time Of My Life’ at a tory karaoke. Wes Streeting spluttered: “they just don’t know what life is like for a hell of a lot of people…they make policies that are actively hurting people who are going out, working hard, trying to make the best for their family and are really struggling.”

Do Nothing

Life on a Small Island

Waking late Thursday, Phil helped with chores before I went to the co-op. Much calmer on a bright day, a woman in front of me at the till asked hipster cashier if he used to work at the club. He said yes but gave it up as he was too old for the job. “You can’t be older than the people who go there!” I joked. He took this as a cue to launch into his life story as a dad of three kids. Phil had again cleared the kitchen for my return but I still faffed. In the afternoon, I posted ‘Flash Forage in Arnside on Cool Places 2ⁱ.

Receiving an honorary degree from Manchester University, Marcus Rashford again called for Universal Credit to not be cut. In a Refuge campaign launch outside Scotland Yard, Jo Brand and Helena Kennedy QC joined 16 silhouettes with the slogan #EnoughisEnough, representing women killed by serving cops. Less stocks over summer, infrastructure outages and reduced global supply led to gas prices rocketing 37%. Russia released more into the market but was accused of blackmail over the Nord Stream 2 pipeline. French minister Clement Beaune threatened to cut the UK off if fishing wasn’t allowed round jersey. The EU advised he cool it. The National Grid assured us lights would stay on over winter thanks to alternative supplies including European gas pipes and shipped natural gas brought. But Ofgem conceded it was a worrying time and the price hike would be passed onto consumers.

On QT, Rosie Jones said she heard nothing in Boris’ speech and on Newscast, money expert Martin Lewis said ‘do nothing’ about rising bills. I felt vindicated, having always thought it ludicrous that the onus was on consumers to shop around for the cheapest deals when all our power came from a few sources. And with only 8 days reserve supply in the UK, it highlighted the idiocy of the ‘just in time’ procurement model. They didn’t need ex-Tesco boss Dave Lewis, appointed as adviser, to resolve acute supply chain issues and suggest long-term changes, they could just ask me! Based in the Cabinet Office, he would also co-chair a new supply chain advisory board and industry taskforce.

Glad of no shopping to do on a sunny Friday, I waited in the street for Phil to come on an afternoon walk, spotting a mystery man working on a laptop in the community garden. We got pop and pies in town and went to the park to eat. I then waited for Phil to get off his phone. Earning 4 euros for his first ‘click job’ analysing tweets, he said it paid more than YouGov but less than everything else. We walked through the park, bemoaned the mowing of wildflower patches, headed up to farmland, and along the top of the old quarry where impromptu streams and nettles made the going tricky. Striding ahead, Phil came back to help me, getting stung again. Hot and sweaty, we went down to the shady wood, displaying a few signs of autumn but disappointingly no mushrooms. On reaching the druid stones, we considered a rest but reasoning we were almost home, continued down the scary rutted last bit of path. I collapsed on the sofa, feeling slightly out of breath which was meant to be good I believe.

A day after E-gates at Heathrow, Gatwick and Edinburgh airports failed again, more countries were removed from the red list (leaving just 7), advice against non-essential travel was lifted and the vaccinated didn’t need to quarantine. Green and amber lists would be abolished Monday. Change Please converted 2 London buses to offer a one-stop shop for the homeless. Former Northern Ireland Secretary James Brokenshire died.

Saturday much greyer, I rose on wobbly legs, worked on the laptop, put recycling out and hacked at excessive branches round our Christmas trees. The medium-sized one now yellower, it was unlikely to recover for the festive season. Phil sold another Leeds-based print from the café expo (the old bus station was now a hipster bar).

Sunday, I discovered ‘likes’ on Brexit Islandⁱⁱ were still climbing, and a cartoon I’d posted a few days ago had been shared. Followers now including lefties and anarchists as well as right-wing nutters, I shared a link to a review of Barnier’s book. My Secret Brexit Diary confirmed the EU’s strategy was to sit tight and do nothing until the UK government caved inⁱⁱⁱ.

As sunshine returned, we went to pootle in the favoured clough. Oak sprigs scattered the shrunken small islands. Tiny fish swam beneath layers of decaying leaves. Rotting mushrooms sprouted from deadwood. As we rested on a bench, a passing hiking group speculated on creation of the landscape. I confirmed it was once a millrace. Walking up to the stone bridge, a thoughtful man with child and dog stepped aside for us. We then climbed up to the lane, savouring sun and wind in our faces and kicking crunchy leaves in the gutter. Cutting the corner off via small steps, the same man ascended giving us chance to return the favour. The old chapel no longer advertised a ‘free school’ but a ‘to let’ sign for the hostel left us wondering how that worked? Town heaving as ever, we ducked through an arch. Phil pointed at an old schoolfriend’s shop: “I saw you coming.” ‘That’s my mates’ shop!’ The almost-closed market hosted nothing but ‘I saw you coming’ stalls. The man in the Thai van yelled to a fellow trader: “have you got any burritos left?” in a broad Yorkshire accent. There was nothing like authenticity! We went in the convenience store before going home. Phil went to the kitchen, sorted shopping and put the kettle on. I followed to find spills round the draining board, making me fraught. Calming over coffee and cake, I used a dark woodland picture to compose a haiga^iv. Fretting returning, I found it hard to sleep that night.

On the Marr, Stephen Fitzpatrick told us Ovo, one of the Big Six, made a nauseating £5bn profits last year. He said they’d hedged well to ensure winter lights wouldn’t go out but government must act to protect those on low incomes and ensure a long-term strategy for the next generation. Although the Liberty Steel Rotherham plant would re-open, the boss of British Steel was baffled by a lack of aid from Kwasi Kwarteng, when governments had stepped in elsewhere. Other gas-guzzling manufacturers warned of stoppages. Kwarteng told Marr he’d spoken to Rishi’s colleagues about help to be promptly contradicted by a Treasury official insisting no such discussions took place and intimating he ‘misspoke’. As Boris and family went to stay in Zak Goldsmith’s villa in Marbella, Labour called the situation ‘farcical in-fighting’. Bridget Phillipson said: “in the teeth of a crisis of its own making, the government has put its out-of-office on. The PM has gone on holiday, no one knows where the chancellor is and…the business secretary has entered the realms of fantasy.” Jenny Harries (CE of UK Health Security Agency) warned up to 60,000 flu fatalities were possible over winter, with death twice as likely if you got flu and covid at the same time. Criticising civil servants for still working from home, IDS asked where was their blitz spirit? It was pointed that WW2 bombings happened at night when not many people were in offices, the internet didn’t exist in the 1940’s and government sold off half of Whitehall leaving only 3 desks per 10 staff in some departments. Anti-vaxxers visited Jeremy Vine’s house to give his wife a writ while animal cruelty fans went to Chris Packham’s pad and set his gate alight. He vowed to not give up fighting.

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. Brexit Island on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BrexitIsland/

iii. Barnier’s book: https://www.theguardian.com/books/2021/sep/25/my-secret-brexit-diary-by-michel-barnier-review-a-british-roasting

iv. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 78 – Disturbia

“This was a staggeringly poor show from a Foreign Secretary who is completely out of his depth. Unprepared for hard questions. Unwilling to admit mistakes. Unable to answer basic questions…Nobody could watch todays’ session and conclude we have a government capable of rising to the challenge” (Lisa Nandy)

Piling In

Very tired Monday morning, I exercised my ankle and fetched tea. After breakfast, I posted blogs and noticed a bare bit on the cutlery caddy. Requiring only a dab, I used the loaded brush to paint a tarnished dimmer switch in the living room. Phil selected a few photos for his café exhibition and made lunch. I worked on the journal, got head fug, watched telly films and tried not to feel miserable. What was to do on a cold, bleak bank holiday if walking wasn’t an option and the pubs were full to bursting?

The TUC called for 4 extra bank holidays to reward hard workers and bring the UK in line with other countries. Entrepreneurs weren’t keen. The mayor of Milan said a fire in a cladded tower block resembled the Grenfell incident. Fortunately, there were no causalities. US military flights in their final hours, Chris Donahue was the last to leave Afghanistan before the evacuation ended just before midnight. The Taliban celebrated with mindless gunfire and rifled through a pile of abandoned hardware. The Americans argued the Black Hawks and other useful kit weren’t lethal. The UN security council passed resolutions on ensuring safe passage for Afghans holding the right documents and ensuring the country didn’t become a base for terrorism. China and Russia abstained from voting.

Tuesday, Phil went to Leeds for more prints for his exhibition. I wrote and tackled a pile of niggly chores involving lots of stair-climbing. In the midst of sorting kitchen rubbish, there was a loud knock at the door. Bad-temperedly climbing the steps for the umpteenth time, I answered to the window cleaner, cheery as ever. I made an effort to smile back and expressed concern that I’d been too busy to shut the windows. He assured me it was fine. In the co-op, there were gaps on shelves, but a pile of cream cakes in the reduced section. I waited impatiently as two women fingered everything so I could grab strawberry tarts. Exhausted, I collapsed on the sofa, rested my ankle and went to lie down. It was so noisy outside I only managed 5 minutes with my eyes shut. Annoyed, I cheered up with coffee and cream tart. In the evening, I finished sewing the jeans patch and watched telly. After missing a train, Phil arrived home knackered and didn’t want any dinner. I made him eat it before the tasty treat.

Covid cases were reportedly higher in parts of the UK previously not badly hit such as South West England and Scotland. As many missed second jabs, the NHS prepared to administer boosters to the over 80’s and vulnerable. Prof Paul Hunter said they weren’t needed for everyone and the disease would be consigned to history within 3 years, when ‘epidemic equilibrium’ was reached (a steady number of cases each day). Before the deadline on 4^th September, Geronimo was seized, taken away and put down by DEFRA. The alpaca’s owner complained her pleas for dialogue were ignored due to staff holidays. Taliban leaders reiterated a pledge of amnesty, piled into Kabul airport and promised to re-open it soon. Zabiullah Mujahid said their tech team would check for repairs and elicit help from Qatar or Turkey if required. Foot soldiers draped coffins in US, British and French flags.

Dodgy Intel

September started grey but became brighter. It took a shockingly long time to be ready to face Wednesday. I hoovered the living room, worked on the journal and arranged lunch with Walking Friend the next day. Turning to life admin, I again failed to log onto the BG website and checked holiday cottage details. Unable to see answers to my queries in FAQs, and getting an auto-response to my e-mail (promising to reply within 28 days), I rang. Expecting a long wait, the call was picked up straight away; by the sales team. On redirecting me to customer care, the call dropped. I re-dialled and eventually spoke to a woman who provided contact details for the cottage owner and rang him for me. I booked train tickets. Arriving by post Thursday, I was glad I didn’t pay an extra £6 for guaranteed next-day delivery! Phil installed his art in the café after business hours and returned in time for dinner of roast veg pasta, making use of the mini courgettes we picked Saturday.

Weekly covid deaths of 571 were 4 times higher than the same week in 2020 when some restrictions were in place, but levelling off. Excess deaths from all causes were more than normal for the 7^th successive week. Pub chain Wetherspoons’ beer shortage was due to HGV and staffing issues and industrial action according to Tim Brexit Martin. Of course, it wouldn’t be Brexit! Amazon announced new jobs at their London and Manchester offices and tech hubs in Cambridge and Edinburgh. Victoria would stay in lockdown until 70% of the population were vaccinated and a curfew was imposed in New Orleans to stop post-storm looting. The Taliban paraded in victory atop American hardware. Meetings with the former PM and other leaders were a courtesy, not moves towards power-sharing. ‘Senior leader’ Mohamed Abbas said Afghan women could continue working but not in top jobs after telling negotiators they could for the past 2 years, and insisted people possessing the right documents could still leave. But as the banks were shut, they were stuck in Afghanistan with no cash. Sir Simon Gass went to Doha to negotiate safe passage.

MPs on the foreign affairs committee asked a grey-haired Rabid Raab what date he actually went on his hols. He refused to answer 11 times. Meanwhile, the MOD had cancelled all leave and his own staff warned of a quick Taliban advance. He maintained there was no warning and blamed dodgy military intel. Uncle Joe similarly said he trusted the 300,00 strong (sic) Afghan army to hold firm. Nandy spluttered it ‘defied belief’ that Raab turned up “completely unprepared without a shred of humility.” After the grilling, Raab was off to the region but didn’t say where for security reasons. Plans to get people at risk out via third countries included Pakistan, which already had 3 million Afghan refugees. Ben Wally called it ‘Dunkirk by WhatsApp’. Thicky Atkins responsible for the resettlement of 10,000 refugees currently in quarantine hotels, promised them all permanent residence. So far, only a third of councils offered to help, even though £5 million was up for grabs. Newsnight referenced a leaked document backing claims that the fall of Kabul took the government by surprise but suggested a lack of preparation.

Disturbed by loud work on the canal early Thursday, I awoke narky and distracted and didn’t notice Phil’s floral banana creation on the cereal. I apologised profusely. I embarked on a series of small tasks until Walking Friend arrived. She had a painful bruised rib from a recent fall. In contrast to my non-medical approach to injury, she turned to serious analgesics. We viewed Phil’s café expo. “I prefer his other stuff,” she said, which made Phil laugh when I told him later.

At the tearooms, we ordered different versions of brekkie and caught up on news. She was also going on a jolly soon – with her walking companion to his sister’s home in the historic and delightfully-named Blewbury. Noting my hair looked shiny, I said several people had complemented my hair and youthful appearance recently but was sceptical I could pass for 50. It must be the Q10. We split up briefly for errands. I bumped into Councillor Friend and congratulated her son on walking to Westminster to hand in the climate petition, told her about Phil’s exhibition and that I’d named her as a contact for the research project. Concerned I’d left Walking Friend in the lurch, I rushed back to the square where she was occupied talking to someone else. We perused charity shops to find a £1 skirt, a cute art deco milk jug and DVDs. My ankle aching by then, I rested on various structures while she nipped in a couple more places. A couple following phone directions asked: “Are you local?” “Well, I live here.” “No then.” “Over 20 years; not sure that qualifies me.” They laughed and asked where the ‘rock shop’ was. I directed them the quickest way for ‘crystals and whatnot’. My friend joined me on the bridge to marvel at huge mushrooms on the riverbank. As we sat on a nearby bench, the sun suddenly became fierce. She groaned and I asked if it was the heat but her painkillers were wearing off. It was time to go home.

The famous local female plumber appeared on local news again that evening, along with fellow tradeswoman Cathy Cockin (yes, really!) to encourage others to enter the trades. Pain in my foot extended to my Achilles tendon. I performed a few stretches, applied balm and loosely bandaged it with a homemade scarf I rarely used as a face-mask. Initially successful, the discomfort returned and I struggled to sleep, then I was disturbed twice by a car alarm. I grumpily went to the bathroom to be blinded by flashing lights on a neighbour’s car through the landing window. The meditation soundtrack helped me settle until I was again woken early by work on the canal.

In a desperate attempt to attract more tourists, travel rules for Portugal relaxed so unvaccinated people with a negative test didn’t need to quarantine. Meanwhile, Australia banned their own citizens from travelling for at least another 3 months. Still no decision on other oldies or 12-15 year olds, JCVI announced boosters for a ½ million of the clinically vulnerable. A Kings College study found 2 jabs halved the risk of long covid. The Oxford Vaccine team led by Sarah Gilbert were awarded ‘hero of the year’ by GQ magazine. The Salesman promised to ‘move heaven and earth’ rather than shut schools if infection rates rose in the new term. After Rabid Raab’s appearance at the foreign affairs committee, an interview with Ben Wally was published wherein he said military intel wasn’t wrong but limited and he’d warned ‘the game was up’ back in July when Herat fell. Raab spoke from Qatar to insist they’d agreed up until now. Labour criticised them fighting over their jobs while abandoned Afghans fought for their lives. Raab went onto say they had to engage with the Taliban to get people out but not recognise them as a legitimate government. He wanted the international community to exert a ‘moderating influence’. What was he on? On a luxury holiday with girlfriend Gina Colander, The Cock announced he was running the London Marathon, attracting much abuse on his JustGiving page. Storm Ida hit New York.

Roused by the noise disturbance, I felt exhausted Friday morning. To make up for the faux pas yesterday, I praised Phil’s breakfast apple art profusely, then joked maybe I should have said ‘I preferred your earlier stuff.’ It required a big effort to get on with chores and errands. The co-op was busy but well-stocked and Phil caught me up at the till to help pack and carry. After lunch, I ironed a pile of clothes before lying down. Going to get coffee, I realised I’d left my specs upstairs, went back up, then realised I’d forgotten milk and went back to the kitchen. Legs aching, I slumped on the couch and replied to a message from The Researcher, saying I’d try to write a contribution for her blog next month and confirming it was okay to contact Councillor Friend.

ONS stats showed high covid rates across the UK, highest in Northern Ireland at 1:65 ( but down from 1:40) The most ever in Scotland at 1:75 2 weeks after schools went back, experts predicted it ‘highly likely’ England would follow suit by the end of September. JCVI extended the offer of vaccines to 200,000 12-15 year olds with underlying conditions. Anti-vaxxers gave out leaflets about vaccinating children and tried to gain entry to MHRA in Cabot Square before getting the tube to protest in central London where four cops were injured. Job vacancies at a new high, care homes were badly hit. Covid, Brexit, immigration and tax rules were blamed. £1,000 ‘golden handshakes’ from Amazon were criticised for tempting bin men away from essential services.

Stuck in a Loop

Saturday also grey and cool, I stayed in and posted ‘Puns in the Sun’ on Cool Placesⁱ. Phil braved the shop, disposed of recycling and pressed me on birthday ideas. I’d looked on regional websites but awful to navigate, got stuck in a loop. Finally finding a list of heritage events, I discovered they lied saying they started 8^th September; there was nowt on until the weekend. I abandoned the search and we came up with a couple of alternative options, depending on weather.

Sunday morning, I was disturbed by a domestic in the flats below. Still tired, I gave up trying to sleep at 9. The laptop inoperable, I had to crash it – Stupid Microsoft! I left it to enjoy the warm sun. Realising my ankle hadn’t hurt for two days, I bravely agreed to tackle The Buttress. At the top, we picked a few blackberries and crossed for another climb up winding stone steps, having to move twice from the same spot as a man then a woman descended. He could have said they were a couple! Side-stepping two more walking groups, I remarked it was like Piccadilly Circus. We continued into the next village, blackberrying en route, admired valley views from the playing fields and proceeded to the churchyard to check out the ruin and famous graves, rather mystified by the offerings of coins, precious stones and trinkets. Resting on a bench beneath a shady yew tree, I elevated my tired ankle on the arm. We went home via woodland, stopping for more blackberrying and fungi-spotting. Never previously spotting fly agaric in these parts, the iconic toadstools prompted a haigaⁱⁱ. Feeling tired, hungry and short-tempered on reaching the front door, Phil continued to the shop while I fetched and carried stuff up and down stairs. He got back just as I’d brought the coffee tray up. “Typical!” I remarked. “Yep. I do it on purpose.” “I knew it!” “Actually, I couldn’t rush because of backache.” “That’s all the bending over picking berries. I couldn’t rush because I’m knackered and my ankle’s throbbing.” He made up by helping with dinner which included foraged berry crumble. Unable to settle that night, I looked out the window to find the sky oddly bright with white clouds but no stars. The meditation soundtrack helped quieten my mind and eventually I got some broken sleep.

Gen sir Nick Carter appeared on The Marr in a normal army shirt. Shown an earlier clip of him saying the government had a good grip on Afghanistan, he ducked arguments that he should have seen the Taliban takeover coming and wittered about factions. Nads Zahawi blathered about the rise in National Insurance to pay for social care. A backlash to the proposal involved MPs on all sides and ex-chancellor Spreadsheet Phil who said young workers would end up paying for oldies. Three kids were taken to hospital in Bradford after eating sweets from stony worm packs. Phil discovered you could buy the American packs, fill them with anything and sell them in shops. What a loopy idea!

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 72 – Get A Grip

“Ministers mix messages, change approach and water down proposals when the public and businesses need clarity and certainty” (Justin Madders)

#Freedumbday

The heatwave continued. Determined not to be rushed Monday morning, I took my time even as Phil took the breakfast tray away but with washing and rubbish to take down, wished he hadn’t disappeared. Internet issues persisted the whole week and beyond. I managed to post blogs working round the signal drops. Phil checked all our telecoms equipment before ringing Talk-Talk again. On repeating they’d monitor it, I exclaimed: “They said that on Saturday. They’ll say anything to not fix it!” “Yep. That’s what they do.” Taking recycling out, elderly Neighbour came up to chat. Finding it hard to follow her stream of consciousness, I nodded politely. In the co-op later, the aisles were now both salad-free and markings-free. Face-coverings optional, I wore one.

Unlike some on ‘Freedom Day’ or #Freedumbday. Clubbers queued from midnight. Heaven looked like hell on a video posted by party-loving journo Benjamin Button. Alarm bells sounding, The Bumbler warned proof of 2 jabs may be required for entry to crowded indoor spaces from September. Scotland cautiously moved to Level 0. Social distancing was reduced to 1 metre but nightclubs wouldn’t open, bars had to shut at midnight, only 15 people could mix outdoors, masks stayed mandatory and the order to work from home continued. JCVI said there’d be no mass vaccination of kids as the benefits didn’t outweigh the risks of myocarditis. Pfizer would be offered to immunocompromised 12-15 year olds (or those living with vulnerable people) ‘as soon as possible’.

A long-overdue Ocado order impossible on the crap internet, we searched town Tuesday afternoon for salad items. The convenience store surprisingly had some, but no cucumber. Would we ever see it again? As a queue outside the sweet shop died down, I hovered until deeming it safe to buy pop. We refreshed on a shady riverside bench. Ducks sheltering from the boiling sun resembled rocks until they scarpered from the heron. On the way home, we waved to The Biker outside the corner pub and noted BT engineers fiddling with telegraph wires on the street below, hoping they were fixing the internet. “How come nobody else ever reports problems?“ I asked Phil. “God knows. I went door-knocking once and no one knew what I was on about. One neighbour even asked was it the same as the telly?!” Unfortunately the problem persisted so whatever they did hadn’t done the trick. I’d forgotten to get exterior primer from the hardware store but Phil said melamine primer I found in the cupboard would work. The ancient stuff dried almost on contact with the repaired planter. Grubby and sweaty, we freshened up with bedtime baths but they didn’t help with sleep in the sweltering heat.

Cases rising nationally 40% week-on-week, the average in Yorkshire was 60%. Daily cases reached 46,558 and deaths 96. A million school pupils were absent in the last week, the highest since March. ALW’s Cinderella show was cancelled when a staff member got covid and the rest had to self-isolate. Inevitable whingeing ensued, even though it negated his arguments. I’d shut up if I was him. Business minister Paul Scuzz-ball said it was up to individuals and employers whether to isolate if pinged. Downing Street scrambled out a message it was ‘crucial’ to do so. Shadow health minister Justin Madders accused the government of making it up as they went along, saying we were in the realms of ‘dangerous farce’. Some exemptions granted for ‘essential workers’, criteria were unclear.

Laura K, interviewed The Scumbag who declared his mission to bring down the government and claimed he stopped Boris going to see the queen in case he killed her. Unbelievably, he admitted he wasn’t sure if Brexit was a good idea! 400 yesterday brought the total of migrants crossing the Channel since January to 8,000, almost as many as the whole of 2020.

Hours after Nasty Patel bribed Paris to increase patrols, Mini Macron no doubt had a good laugh as a French navy gunboat forced a dinghy into UK waters. She told the home affairs committee the agreement wasn’t meaningless and border policy failure wasn’t responsible for letting in the Delta variant.

Newsnight mentioned a suggested extra 1% on National Insurance to fund social care. Ministers maintained it was unpopular but many people thought it sensible. Maybe Boris and Rishi believed it would go against them in the next election or was it yet another example of pandering to backbenchers? Jeff Bezos outdid Branston in the billionaire space race. New Shepard rocket went up 66 miles. Unimpressed with him thanking Amazon staff and customers who got him to the edge of space, critics screamed ‘pay your bloody taxes!’

Fail, And Fail Again

On a humid Wednesday, we took another rail trip – to Brighouse. Market day created lunchtime bustle. Phil got fish and chips from Blakely’s while I found seats on attractive new decking overlooking the Calder & Hebble Navigation. Facing towards sun so he’d spot me, I planned to move round when a pair of elderly women plonked themselves behind us; their coughing and their dog’s begging slightly spoiling the treat. We shifted to a further bench under cover of trees to gaze on water and pick herbs from incredible edible boxes. Further exploration of the shopping area revealed old buildings, squares and mainly independent shops selling everything you could need. We chatted to a lovely old man about architecture, craftsmanship and people not appreciating what was on their doorstep before buying elusive items including hammarite paint, cucumber and pasties for an easy tea. We walked to the beautiful canal basin, drank pop and strolled round. Industrial-looking craft from two years ago were replaced by trip barges, cabin cruisers, twee houseboats and what appeared to be a submarine conversion. After-school teenagers congregated at the dangerous confluence of the canal and river. Almost crawling back up to the station, it was 20 minutes ‘til the next train. We retreated to the shade of the old co-op building where Phil espied an engraving of a skep above the door, recalling pictures from the Pioneer’s Museum. Back home, I took food to the kitchen. Phil searched his bag and cried: “where are the pies?” “Don’t panic! I’ve got the pies, you’ve got the paint.” (For a fuller description, see Cool Places 2ⁱ)

As I collapsed on the sofa, Phil plugged the router straight into the socket without the extension. The internet signal seemed to improve, then failed again. He picked up the phone to Talk-Talk, but feeling hot and bothered, realised he’d lose his grip so left it until morning. We managed to watch Netflix by pausing when the red light came on the router (approximately every 20 minutes) and re-starting.

The retail and haulier sectors again warned the pingdemic meant empty shelves. British Meat Processors Association CE Nick Allen said food supply chains were ‘starting to fail’ and criticised minister’s ‘confusing messages’. At PMQs, Keir mocked the latest government slogan ‘Keep Life Moving’ and suggested it be replaced with ‘Get A Grip’. He went onto accuse a virtual Boris of superspreading confusion on the rules then immediately isolated himself after his sprog tested positive for coronavirus, although he’d tested negative. The NHS pay review body recommended a 3% rise. Minister Helen Waffle failing to tell the commons, the government later said they’d pay it to most staff. As the EU refused to renegotiate the Northern Ireland protocol, Lord Frost complained ‘we can’t go like this’. So what now, you idiot? Liverpool lost its UNESCO World Heritage Status. City councillors were surprised but no-one else was. We thought Brighouse had a better claim. Severe floods in China left 25 dead including 12 trapped in tube trains.

After another uncomfortable and fractious night, I felt wobbly and unable to focus my eyes Thursday morning. I forced myself to perform a few stretches which must have got some endorphins going because my mood improved. I took my time over the morning cuppa, even as Phil made to take the tray away, and asked for help with the washing. I went to the market, finding fish and a few veg but no toiletries again. German Friend dawdled up the steps ahead of me on the way back. As I caught up, I joked “is it hot enough for you?” We strolled to her front door where I gave her tips on fixing her bench. Phil had been on the phone to Talk-Talk. After a rant, they promised to send engineers the next day – pointless but maybe they’d establish the issue wasn’t in the house. Later, I saw discussion on a local Facebook group confirming the intermittent service affected the whole town. I proclaimed Talk-Talk lying bastards’ Phil’s anger resurfaced. “I thought it would reassure you that you weren’t going mad.” “Can I have that in writing?” “Yes, I’ll make you a certificate!” But I agreed it was frustrating that people posted on comment pages rather than reporting the problem. During a spell outside, Phil continued with his tiny work while I applied waterproof paint to the planters. Having located a website on exciting days out on the Calder & Hebble navigation, I asked him where next? Just then, the hippy who lived on a barge emerged from next door. I told him of our excursion to Brighouse on which he shared interesting snippets, and picked his brains on other waterway locations worth visiting. Early evening, rain started to fall. Initially light, it soon turned into a deluge. BBC 4 showed decent films so we didn’t have to endure interrupted streaming for our evening’s viewing. Eyes shutting while reading, I dropped off quickly only to wake in the early hours.

Reports that 9 out of 10 people had coronavirus antibodies but weren’t all immune, did not compute. 618,903 pinged by TIT in the previous week, 1.77m self-isolated. Jeremy C**t again called for government to bring forward rule changes or they’d lose “social consent for this very, very important weapon against the virus.” The BMA maintained that more pings indicated very high infection rates and deleting the app was like disabling the fire alarm. Ravi Gupta of Nervtag said the ‘mixed bag of measures’ created ‘confusion and havoc’ by making individuals isolate when large crowds attended sporting events. Kwasi Kwarteng promised a longer list of exempt sectors soon and urged firms to stick to the rules but food distribution company Bidfood told staff to take tests and carry on working while Iceland advised customers not to panic over food shortages (it should be ministers panicking). Tobias Ellwood wanted Cobra to enlist the army.

The Boardman report on Greensill, said Lex enjoyed an ‘extraordinarily privileged’ relationship with Camoron who could have been clearer but didn’t break current lobbying rules so ‘his actions were not unlawful’. Angela Rayner called it a classic whitewash. Dawn Butler had to leave the commons for naming Boris a liar – apparently not allowed even when blatantly true. Australia and NZ withdrew from the rugby world cup due to safety concerns. A day before the official start of Shonkyo 2020, the opening ceremony director was sacked. Kentaro Kobayashi made jokes about the holocaust when he was a comic. This followed creative chief Horishi Sasaki resigning in March after apologising for calling large lady Naomi Watanabe ‘Olympig’ and a composer quitting earlier in the week when it emerged he’d bullied schoolkids.

Yes, We Have No Tomatoes!

Friday morning, an exhausted Phil fell briefly back to sleep after brekkie. I drafted blog entries for Cool Places 2 but posting was impossible. ‘Bright Sparks’ engineers rang Phil saying they were on the way. Two men arrived in separate vans, blocking the road. Phil explained the problem didn’t affect just us. I chimed in with gen from social media, noted one of them wore a mask over his mouth but not his nose, and left them to it for the weekend shop. Still very little veg, signs on shelves promised supply issues would be resolved shortly. At the kiosk, I repeated what I wanted 3 times to a new staff member and she still got it wrong! On returning, the engineers departed. They’d replaced the router and all the wiring, thus eliminating any possibility of problems in the house. The internet worked for an hour before bombing. Barely keeping a grip, Phil again rang Talk-Talk who eventually said a BT van would come next Tuesday. “Not good enough!” I railed. I later noticed the red light didn’t come on the new router when the signal dropped. “They’ve fixed if then, ha, ha!” Phil went to the other shop and I asked him to look for salad stuff. He returned singing: “Yes, we have no tomatoes!” Watching old films on DVD, we managed not to drink too much wine and had quite an early night for a Friday.

Train services and petrol stations joined the list of services hit by the pingdemic. Useless George said exemptions for critical workers meant 10,000 could carry on working in food and other key industries. Dr. Chaand Nagpaul of BMA called it a “desperate and potentially unsafe policy that does not address the root problem…(exceptions) should only happen in the absolute rarest of cases and with rigorous infection control measures and assurances of safety.” 30 drownings in British waterways over the week included a mother and son in Loch Lomond, a 16 year old boxer in the River Dee at Chester, a young footballer in Salford Quays, and 6 men and boys in Yorkshire.

Suspecting the jolly veg man had cheated me, I weighed the mushrooms before cooking Saturday breakfast. The alleged half-pound came to 5.7 oz. Phil suggested they’d shrunk but if not, he should be put in the stocks for deceiving customers. Phil managed to do some uploading but I avoided the internet completely, writing and photo-editing. Brighouse shots lent themselves to monochrome and inspired the weekly haigaⁱⁱ. I also took a pile of recycling out, having to sort neighbours’ detritus. Phil popped to the co-op to find no beer as mask-less 30 somethings wandered the aisles.

A mere 20^oC on Sunday, I braved the market for knobbly veg and got quite a selection, including the last 4 tomatoes. Town packed, visitors cluttered the streets, queues snaked from charity shops, and kids and dogs paddled under the old bridge where a low dam had been constructed. Phil considering joining me, I rang to say don’t bother. On the way home, I saw The Poet and suggested he avoid the centre as it was full of bloody tourists. “Don’t worry, I’m going straight to the bus stop.” Noting the leafy stalks sticking out of my bag, he commented, “I can’t remember the last time I ate celery.”

Wanting to finish painting the planters, I noticed gaps in the bottom allowing soil to escape. I sawed a small piece of wood to size and hammered it on. Phil looked impressed as he watched. “I can do things, you know!” Decorating Neighbour came to see what the noise was and shared notes on the trials of painting, overhanging bushes messing his car up, and parking disputes. Phil found another small bit of wood to finish the bodge. I applied primer to the additions and paint to a plastic planter that now housed a rose.

Look North featured a local family we knew. The now very tall 11 year old son started walking to Westminster for the Zero Carbon petition, accompanied by parents in a campervan. At 10 miles per day it would take him 3 weeks.

No data on deaths released for a second day running due to tech issues, Goblin Saj tweeted ‘don’t cower from the virus’. Covid Bereaved Families for Justice incensed at the insensitivity, The Goblin deleted the tweet and apologised for a ‘poor choice of words’. What a cock! PAC reported dealing with the pandemic cost £370bn so far. £10bn wasted on PPE ‘not fit for purpose’, £6.7m per week was still being spent on storage. Phil came up with a solution: “Burn it!” At a rally in Trafalgar Square Saturday, covid-denier Kate Shemerani likened NHS staff to Nazis. The ex-nurse had been struck off for dangerous views on vaccines, social distancing and PPE. PHE said vaccines prevented at least 52.600 deaths (later revised to 60,000).

Mr. Ben claimed the Latitude festival was the safest place on the planet. Revellers required to show proof of 2 jabs or a negative test result, we wondered why on earth that couldn’t be the case all round. Public opinion increasingly in favour of Covid Passes, The Bumbler shied away from them and instead urged common sense. How was it ‘common sense’ to allow hundreds of people to cram into discos, possibly infecting each other, rather than proving they didn’t have the disease? Answer: Boris didn’t want to upset so-called libertarian backbenchers and in doing so, mis-read the public mood.

Unable to settle, the meditation soundtrack enabled a few hours’ sleep. Musings of a possible birthday trip in September led to dreaming of a train journey to the seaside. I stared out the window at a dark and rainy scene while Phil concentrated on his phone. Elder Sis and Youngest Brother materialised. He pressed a guide book on me as we alighted intoning: “You’ll need this.” Out on the road, other people surrounded us. Striving to outpace them, I lost sight of Phil. I awoke wondering if it was a message. Dropping off again, I had a follow-up dream; too indistinct to get a grip on details.

References:

i. My Cool Places 2 blog: https://wordpress.com/posts/hepdenerose2.wordpress.com

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 70 – Free For All

“Allowing community transmission to surge is like building new ‘variant factories’ at a very fast rate” (Susan Michie)

Go Your Own Way

Overnight rain led to more showers on Monday. A good day to do a pile of ironing. At dinnertime, I pre-cooked veg in the microwave and transferred them to the oven for roasting, stupidly forgetting to take the plastic lid off the Pyrex dish. Inevitably it melting and unsalvageable, at least it didn’t get on the food. Unable to keep my eyes open reading that night, I unusually fell asleep before I’d even turned over.

ONS reported 153,000 total deaths and WHO revealed 6 of 10 European covid hotspots were in Scotland. Walk-in in centres popped up in all regions and Labour MSP Anas Sarwar wanted the gap between jabs reduced to 4 weeks. For the 73^rd anniversary of the NHS, nauseating Thank You Day events took place all weekend. On Monday, the queen awarded them the George Cross. Princess Kate went into isolation so missed the Big Tea and St Pauls’ thanksgiving service which Simon Stevens called ‘emotional’. The Jerk’s Building Safety Bill gave homeowners 15 years to chase builders for unsafe homes. It failed to address how people were meant to afford to do so, resolve leaseholders’ issues or force guilty parties to pay up. Why wasn’t the government suing developers and getting them to repay The Treasury?

The pandemic ‘far from over’, as predicted, The Bumbler’s briefing on step 4 of the roadmap echoed Goblin Saj’s message on ‘learning to live with the virus’, telling MPs hospitalisations rose at a slower rate and deaths were 1% compared to ‘the peak’. We had to manage our own risk, exercise our own judgement and reconcile ourselves to more infections (at least 50,000 a day), hospital cases and fatalities. Stating ‘If not now, when?’ the PM gambled on vaccine protection and reduced the gap between 1^st and 2^nd jabs for under 40’s to 8 weeks. Going much further than hinted at, the ‘Rule of 6’ would end, there’d be no social contact limits, the legal mandate to wear masks was replaced by ‘guidance’ on where to use them and the instruction to work from home and the named care home visitor requirements ceased. Pubs could serve at the bar, nightclubs could open and audience limits were ditched. There’d be no compulsory use of covid passes but firms could use them and the scan code thingy if they wished. TIT would be ‘proportionate’, whatever that meant, with a different self-isolation system for fully-vaccinated adults and children to follow. The 1 metre plus rule only applying at borders to separate red list travellers, ‘tough border controls’ were to stay but government would work with the travel industry to remove the need for inoculated travellers from amber countries to quarantine. Promising ‘continual monitoring of the data’, the emphasis was on strengthened guidance rather than restrictions if cases rose autumn/winter. 19^th July wasn’t officially confirmed as the date until rubber-stamping next week.

Amid widespread concern of repeating last summer’s mistakes, Unite labelled the move on face-coverings which protected others ‘gross negligence’ and Jon Ashworth called it ‘irresponsible’. Yorkshire mayors Jarvis and Brabin joined the chorus of disapproval along with some scientists. Stephen Reicher wanted continuing ‘support and proportionate mitigations to keep us safe’ and Susan Michie said it amounted to building new ‘variant factories’. On Newsnight, Nathalie McDermott of King’s College claimed people took no notice when it was law so definitely wouldn’t when it became advice. She cited a rise in other illnesses due to the virus (e.g., diabetes, thyroid issues and long-covid) and favoured a delay until all adults were fully vaccinated. Ben Bradshaw supported less restrictions but felt ministers spoilt the message by lifting safeguards. Tory Laura Francis inanely told us they’d publish guidance. When asked if there’d be another lockdown in autumn, she replied ‘Who knows? It depends on future variants.’ Very re-assuring – not! UKHospitality seemed to be the only ones thrilled by the news; at least until the implications of rising cases hit home. Sick to death of tories banging on about mandated mask-wearing infringing civil liberties and the BBC saying the ‘common sense’ approach was a shift in emphasis, I screamed at the telly: “NO IT’S NOT! it’s what they’ve done every time they’ve lifted lockdowns!”

Phil told me kids used pop and orange juice to fake lateral flow tests (LFTs). Mark Lorch from Hull University explained. The soft drinks were highly acidic and affected proteins thus the antibodies’ sensitivity to the virus was lost. Immobilised antibodies stuck to gold particles at the T line and gave a false-positive result. If washed, the LFT kit regained normal function and the true result unveiled. He suggested ingenious kids devise experiments to further explore his hypothesis.

Risky Business

Becoming breathless during exercise Tuesday morning, Phil also appeared pained and later whinged the heavy weather caused migraine again. The Researcher texted to consult on how to refer to me on the project blog. As I still owned the data she’d use, we settled on ‘contributor’. Currently with her parents in Somerset, they were nervous after The Bumbler’s announcement. Yep, here we go again! ‘Genuinely aghast’ the PM admitted more cases and deaths, her mum saw it as mob rule: the elderly and vulnerable sent back indoors so beer drinking ‘ENGERLAND’ get to have ‘Freedom Day’. To prove the point, pubs were allowed to stay open ‘til 11.15 Sunday night. Finding several reduced items in the co-op, I returned laden. Phil had cleared kitchen surfaces which helped deal with extra purchases. Fatigued, I failed to rest and went to the garden, potted a mint sprig and tidied a few bits up. The Toddler ran up and down the street, chased by Young Mum. “Is he too fast to catch yet? I asked. “Nearly!” In the first Euro 2020 semi-final, Italy and Spain drew 1-1 after 90 minutes. No goals in extra time, Italy won on penalties. Phil observed: “it took them a long to win that!” But I agreed with pundits who said Spain played better. Whatever the outcome, I thought we’d watched the ultimate victors of the tournament (disloyal as that seemed).

Now confessing cases could reach 100,000 a day over summer, Prof Semple called it a ‘calculated risk’. In more mixed messaging, Witless told the LGA long-covid would go up, especially among younger people and urged all to ‘push hell for leather’ to reduce rates. How, if all restrictions were lifted? He added we’d have a ‘difficult winter’ and not return to normal until spring. Nevertheless, ministers unveiled promised further details to MPs. The Salesman scrapped school bubbles from 19^th July, ‘transferring contact-tracing to the NHS TIT system’. Saying they must balance risks from the virus with risks to ’health, social and economic hardship due to restrictions’, and the long-term protection of vaccines meant they could restore ‘the freedoms we all cherish’, Goblin Saj divulged under 18’s and the double-jabbed need not self-isolate after contact from 16^th August unless the ‘advised’ PCR test proved positive. Shats would later provide an update on the same for arrivals from amber list countries. Jon Ashworth called for a U-turn on masks and better sick pay to unlock in a ‘safe and sustainable way’. While Neil Ferguson was ‘moderately optimistic’, NHS providers worried about the impact on managing capacity, mental health and the backlog. Jonathan Chew joined Lewis Hughes in being charged with the assault on the Witless. OBR warned Britain faced ‘potentially catastrophic’ risks from the pandemic, climate change, a debt mountain and a £10b black hole even with economic recovery by mid-2022. Lord Bethel was under investigation by the Lords Commissioner for Standards, for sponsoring Gina’s parliamentary pass – against the rules because she didn’t directly work for him. As it was revealed 676 migrants made their way to Britain on dinghies 1-4 July, the Nationality and Borders Bill proposed a draconian 4 years in prison for illegal immigrants and 14 years for smugglers.

No idea why there was a pool of water at the bottom of fridge Wednesday morning, I checked the plug, turned the knob up, listened for the familiar hum and deduced it was the funny weather playing tricks again. I worked on the journal and watched PMQs.

Keir said summer infections of 100,00 a day begged key questions on hospitalisations, deaths and long-covid. Boris told him to look at the Spi-M graph which showed the projection was based on the Delta wave and erroneously, that vaccines ‘severed the link’ between cases and serious illness. He asked if labour supported ‘progress of this country?’ The Speaker reminded him it was for him to answer, not pose questions. Keir corrected Boris; the link was weakened not broken, berated him for evasion, repeated accusations of letting the Delta variant into the UK and recklessness for removing all restrictions in one go, risking further mutations and more pressure on the NHS. Was the PM comfortable with that? Boris said because vaccines gave 90% protection, they could go ahead with easement and challenged Keir on supporting the plan earlier in the week. Keir retorted opening up should be controlled with masks, ventilation and proper pay for self-isolation. Boris couldn’t just ‘wish away the practical problems’ of hundreds of thousands pinged by TIT to self-isolate (forecast to reach 3m a week by 19^th August) meaning huge disruption to families and businesses. How many did the PM expect to be infected? Boris inanely thanked all who self-isolated and insisted the move towards testing was a ’prudent approach’ as more people were vaccinated. Keir said by not answering, he ignored the next big problem; it won’t feel like freedom day to those who can’t go to the pub, sports day or on holiday. Yes, I thought, and what about countries that used infection rates as a reason to block entry? Not that I cared but those going bonkers in the pub watching footie, wouldn’t be happy when they couldn’t go to the Costas next month! Companies already warning of carnage, Keir predicted people deleting the TIT app to avoid being pinged thus undermining the system ‘he spent billions on’. Boris reiterated they were ‘moving prudently from legal diktat to people taking responsibility for their own actions’. Keir claimed it was actually about him losing a health sec and a by-election and getting flak from his own MPs. He did what he always did; gave into pressure, which would lead to a summer of chaos and confusion. Boris unbelievably maintained decisions were taken in a balanced way, and it took ‘a great deal of drive and leadership to get things done’.

After that bun-fest, Phil went to Leeds, I went to the large charity shop. Hovering to deposit donations, the cashier chatted to a customer about acquiring art space and getting Banksy to come. Stifling a guffaw, I commented: “How would we know it was him?” On the lookout for microwave pots, I found a spare cafetiere, glanced at the photo equipment then whizzed round 2 more shops and bought groceries. A profusion of wildflowers almost obliterated stone steps on the way home. I assembled a buffet-style TV dinner and Phil returned just in time for the footie. Hype all day over the Euro 2020 semi-final between England and Denmark, I looked forward to it as much as the next person, but you’d think nothing else happened in the world! In another rollercoaster, 24 million of us saw Denmark score first. England looked jittery but settled down and equalised as Sterling forced an own goal, falling forward into the net in comedic Sunday league style. In extra time, Kane scored a penalty on the rebound (lucky or calculated?) sending England through to the final against Italy. The keen-eyed spotted Mick Jagger in the crowd without quarantining, and a laser pen distracting Kasper Schmeichel. UEFA threatened to fine the FA. Elated players sang Sweet Caroline along with fans. I had no idea why it had become the new national anthem! 23 were arrested for hooliganism in London.

Case numbers the highest since 23^rd January, there were 33 deaths. ONS said 90% of adults had antibodies, up 10% from last month. A REACT study showed jabs cut the odds of even mild infection. Therese Coffee-Cup confirmed the Universal Credit uplift would end in September and incompetently ‘guessed’ at the exact date. Rishi Rich later defended withdrawal of the extra £20 and hinted at an end to triple-lock pensions, predicted to go up next year because of covid. All 11 English cricket team members embarrassingly self-isolated, insisting they followed safe practices.

Make Your Mind Up

I awoke several times in the night, visions of the game spinning round my mind. About to hang sheets out in Thursday sunshine, Walking Friend arrived. The line snapped and she offered a hand but I left the task to Phil as we went for lunch. The centre packed on market day, outside space was scant and the town hall offered a scant menu. We settled on the old mill shop. The first time I’d been asked to provide contact details for months, I filled in a slip before we ordered at the counter and sat out back by the river. “Apparently, there was a football match last night,” I joked. Laughing, she agreed media hype was ridiculous. Discussing earlier with Phil why I got into it when other sports bored me stiff, we concluded it was cultural. Ingrained since an early age, she attended Valley Road from age 12. She still found it entertaining, exciting, and inclusive. Costing nothing to have a kick-about in backstreets, anyone could get spotted, join an academy and go onto a professional career. It was about the only thing toffs hadn’t usurped (or ‘Ruperts’ as Phil called them, although they got to go to live games while ordinary people couldn’t afford it). We took our time drinking tea, enjoying soothing water sounds as a cheeky juvenile jackdaw came begging. Our plates empty, it hopped impatiently atop the fence waiting to scavenge as soon as tables were vacated. We visited a couple of charity shops where I acquired posh flip-flops before she headed to work for the late shift.

Phil sat on the near bench musing on whether to varnish. I rested on the far bench until heat forced me inside. About to do some work on the laptop, he roped me into hunting for turps and sticking up post-its in case passers-by had a mind to sit on tacky benches even if the 16 hour drying time was significantly cut by the warm sun.

The Dildo told the commons public accounts committee TIT was a great success, admitting we’d find that hard to believe. Indeed; especially as sage observed it had marginal effects on reducing infections. Shats said transport operators could make up their own minds whether to insist on mask-wearing when no longer illegal, as airlines BA, EasyJet and Ryanair had. In a trial of fast-track lanes for the double-jabbed at Heathrow, passengers could upload covid passes. 10-days’ isolation for fully vaccinated arrivals from amber countries and advice not to travel lifted from 19^th July, tests had to be taken 3 days before returning. Carriers welcomed the change but BA chief Sean Doyle wanted it extended to all vaccinated travellers, a reciprocal deal with the US, more countries on the green list and reduced need for ‘unnecessary, expensive tests’. The commons standards commissioner concluded Boris’ Caribbean jaunt breached the code of conduct but MPs overruled the finding. Sturgeon hinted the planned move to level 0 on 19^th July in Scotland and further easing 9^th August, might be stalled due to rising cases. After a surge in India, over 400,000 deaths and criticism of his handling of the crisis, Nodi fired 12 cabinet members. Although manufacturing vaccine, millions were unprotected. The opposition called them ‘fall guys’. Following Sarah Gilbert writing a book about it, Astra-Zeneca researchers received an NHS parliamentary award for Excellence. A Petition reaching 1000,000 signatories, Boris said making next Monday an emergency Bank Holiday, tempted fate. What? More than wearing an England shirt over your suit and tie? Men 30% more likely to test positive, Euro 2020 was blamed. A state of emergency was declared in Tokyo and Olympic spectators banned.

Asleep fast, I felt inordinately refreshed Friday morning. Phil slept straight through but it had the opposite effect, meaning he felt dozy. Getting weekend essentials in the co-op, I thought I’d proper lost my mind when I couldn’t see the second bottle of wine at the till. The friendly cashier saw It had slid to the other side of the slope. Phew! Awaiting Phil outside, I realised I’d dropped my mask bag and left the shopping with him to retrieve it from the end of an aisle. Deciding it wasn’t going to rain that afternoon, he applied another coat of varnish on the garden benches; unadvisedly as it turned out.

The R rate now 1.2-1.5, 122 scientists and doctors including David King of indy sage and the BMA wrote a letter accusing government of ‘dangerous and unethical experiments’ leading to deliberately infecting kids. Skyscanner saying holiday bookings up 53% within 30 minutes of announcements, Shats warned of airport queues due to additional checks, especially at return departure points. Lucy Moreton of ISU said waits could be up to 6 hours because not all electronic gates at UK airports were adapted: “It’s a political decision to check 100% of covid arrivals and that largely is the problem here.” Quarantine exemptions only applicable to NHS-administered jabs, ministers were ‘actively working’ on accepting certificates from other countries. In a welcome change of mind, Wayne Couzens pleaded guilty to the murder of Sarah Everard, on top of kidnap and rape.

The Fall

Over breakfast on Saturday, we randomly discussed cultural food. Neither of us ever sampling a Wigan pie sandwich or parmo. I pointed out his home city where we met after I graduated, boasted a plethora of delicacies. Mostly sliced meats such as haslet, it struck me as odd for a former fishing port. “We had the fish finger!” he declared, “and the best chips in the world at Hull market.” “I don’t remember that.” I spent a typical Saturday draft-posting the journal and took recycling out to see splotches on the benches where overnight rain had penetrated the varnish. So not a great job after all. Early mist replaced by drizzle then hazy sun, It felt pleasant out albeit humid. Making a trip to town shops, Phil found streets inevitably heaving and drunken girls pub-crawling in their finery. One projectile-vomited into the river and declared “that’s better.” Charming! Especially in broad daylight with kids about.

On a grey Sunday, we visited Open Studios. I headed canalside to find too many hippies and not much art but spotted a heron below the aqueduct. On the busy pedestrian street, the German sociopath and 2 other anti-maskers hunched round a crappy sign scrawled with the words ‘covid lies’. I muttered ‘eff off’ and hurried past. I waited at the foot of the fire escape until I was beckoned up to sign in and made a beeline to chat with Welsh Friend. She informed me her pregnant step-daughter and partner were now our neighbours – that solved a mystery. Phil rang as arranged and I waited for him back near the door. We caught up with another friend, whizzed round other exhibits, exited and crossed to the art mill to be directed to a display of posh photos and a mind-boggling installation. The top floor contained a few interesting pieces but £350 price tags for poxy oil paintings of fruit like you did in art class bemused us. We traipsed the whole building to locate Photography Friend, kept company by her teenage son. She gave details of the recent flooding. Water poured through the ceiling and landlords now argued over who paid for repairs. We took a back route to the large charity shop via the dilapidated substation, the grounds overrun by tall grasses and ragwort providing material for my weekly haiga. Phil perused the photo gear, tempted by an underwater camera and amused by a digital model so arcane it had a floppy disc slot. I examined a bag full of random leads and print-outs but no actual camera. On querying the shop workers reckoned it had been nicked and sold me the case for £4.

The Euro 2020 final finally arrived. Luke Shaw scored for England after 2 minutes. Too soon! Failing to get another in the first half, the team fell to bits in the second and Italy inevitably equalised. In extra time, England rallied but still goalless, dreaded penalties ensued. Italy missed 2 but England missed 3: Rashford, Sancho and an inconsolable Saka. Daft putting a 19 year old under that pressure; as Gareth Southgate accepted, taking full responsibility for the selection. Seeing every subsequent win after they beat Germany as a bonus, we ate a few celebrations anyway. The young team did very well to get to the final and had 18 months before the world cup to work on a balance between youthful ‘fearlessness’ and mature experience.

87% of adults now vaccinated (66% fully), anti-vaxxers surrounded a bus in Brighton so it had to stop inoculating. Nads Zahawi told Marr there was an ‘expectation’ to wear masks indoors from 19^th July and Goblin Saj said it was ‘irresponsible’ not to. Jon Ashworth spluttered the lifting of restrictions was irresponsible. A woman in Belgium, infected with both the Kent and SA variants, died while a death in Sydney led to lockdown extension. Treasury phones conveniently wiped ‘by accident’, Tom Scholar couldn’t pass on messages from Camoron. The Dildo reportedly unlikely to get the NHS England job., Douglas Gurr of Amazon UK was interviewed. Sharon Graham of Unite likened it to putting ‘the fox in charge of the henhouse’. Truss went to talk trade in the US and Richard Branston went to the edge of space in Virgin Galactic’s VSS unity.

The extended, exhausting football led to a terrible night. I tossed and turned with art and footie churning round my head and reached for the meditation soundtrack. The MP3 battery was flat even though I hadn’t used it since the last charge. Using my own relaxation techniques, I managed some sleep but nowhere near enough.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 68 – Smash and Grab

“The point is that 60,000 people at the match sends a message to 60m, which is, ‘well, if they can meet together, why can’t we? If they’re rammed together and leaping up and down and hugging each other when a goal is scored, why shouldn’t we?” (Stephen Reicher)

As befitted the summer solstice, Monday was cold, grey and drizzly. The live-feed from Stonehenge was pulled as hundreds ignored advice not to go. I slept late until I heard Phil in the bathroom, did a few exercises and developed a strange muscle spasm in my back. When it eased off, we hugged and joked about his scratchy flowing locks. After chores and blog-posting, I darted round a strangely quiet co-op. Even though Phil had cleared kitchen surfaces, it took a while to sort groceries. Knackered, I collapsed on the sofa when there was a knock at the door. A man tried to flog us cavity insulation. I informed him we didn’t have cavities to fill. Phil cut his hair into a severe buzzcut. “You should have done that yesterday, tattooed runes on your forehead and danced on a hill at sunrise. That would scare people!”

Posing like a knob in a white coat at a vaccination centre, The Bumbler said 19^th July looked good for ‘Freedom Day’ thanks to vaccines. Covboost results expected by the end of August, plans for autumn boosters would come soon. Many questions arose: what age groups? were children included? which brands? could they be combined with flu jabs? Chris Hopson expressed ‘increasing optimism’ that inoculation had broken the chain between infection and hospitalisation. But queries over future variants remained. Not happy with a travel ban from Scotland to the North West without consultation, The Burnman whinged the whole world would hear Manchester and Salford weren’t safe and demanded compo. Sturgeon retorted she wasn’t interested in a spat and he could just pick up the phone. A meeting of social care leaders with Boris, The Cock and Rishi Rich reportedly postponed, they called for publication of proposed reforms before the summer recess, immediate cash ‘to avoid serious risks to support’ and further investment to be hastened.

Backache replaced by tummy ache Tuesday, it was an effort to get off the bed. I wrote off a planned extended outing and got depressed at missing a bright day. I worked on the journal and cleaned the kitchen. As I tackled the sink overflow, Phil came to disparage my methods. “When you do most of the cleaning, then you can criticise!” I yelled. “Tell me what needs doing and I’ll do it.” Not wanting to escalate the argument, I kept schtum. Phil had suggested a short walk but no improvement in my mood or fatigue, I dismissed the idea of going anywhere. “You’re enervated,” he observed. “Is that right? It’s one of them words that sounds the opposite of its meaning.” A min-update from the researcher revealed she’d indulged in ‘ethnographic noticing’ during 2 weeks off. “Staring out the window?” Phil chortled, “I do that a lot!”

We rushed dinner to watch the footie. Rahim Sterling scored the only legal goal. England beat the Czechs and finished top of the group. Meanwhile, Scotland lost to Croatia 3-1 and were going home. England would face Germany, France or Portugal from ‘the group of death’ in the first knock-out stage at Wembley a week hence. Trying to work out third place permutations defeated me. Some clever coffee-cupper likely responsible, it would be much simpler with 8 groups rather than 6. Phil suggested I tell UEFA. “Yeah, cos everyone’s a football manager! They’re probably inundated with that crap all the time.”

The almost-full moon rose above the treeline. We nipped out to take photos as the hippy with the dog (who now came to sniff us instead of barking) came by. A young neighbour gripping a brace of beer bottles slurred: “I can never take decent pictures of the moon on my phone.” I deduced he was smashed from celebrating the footie win. As Phil went back inside, atmospheric clouds lent a moody aspect to my final shots.

PCR tests in Yorkshire were extended to Sowerby Bridge, parts of Halifax and Leeds. Wakefield was added later. Authorities in Calderdale said they were almost top of the county league table as they tested more than other areas. The Cock promised pilots to scrap 10-day quarantine for the double-jabbed who’d been in contact with infected persons and for travellers from amber list countries (using daily testing instead) as soon as ‘reasonable to do so’. Not yet ‘clinically advised’, he couldn’t give a date. The Scumbag held a Q&A for paying subscribers on Substack. He said Boris saw ‘focus’ as a menace to his own freedom and we’d all head for bunkers in the hills if we knew how bad it was. So why didn’t he stay in the one on his in-laws’ Barnard Castle estate last year? Ahead of the Euro 2020 games, a member of the Scottish squad tested positive for covid and missed the match. His teammates weren’t required to isolate but 2 English players did because they chinwagged with him in the tunnel. Arguments ensued as to why football wasn’t defined as a ‘close contact’ sport. What about the sweaty dressing rooms? In Scotland, a move down to the lowest tier was delayed to at least 19^th July with possible lifting of restrictions by 9^th August, if vaccination milestones and other criteria were met. Lord Frost accused the EU of a lack of ‘pragmatism’ to make the Northern Ireland protocol work. DUP in-fighting led to leader Edwin Poots being forced out after 21 days, to be replaced by the only candidate, Jeffrey Donaldson.

Smashing It

Somewhat better but still fatigued Wednesday, I spent ages expunging dust in the living room. Preparing to go out in the Somewhat better but still fatigued Wednesday, I spent ages expunging dust in the living room. Preparing to go out in the afternoon also took ages and we were only going to town! Phil stood fiddling with his phone in the middle of the street. Waving ‘bye!’ I walked on and greeted an elderly neighbour. From the opposite riverbank, we heard the familiar sounds of busking. “What’s on the acoustic stage today?” quipped Phil. The hipster guitarist who’d disturbed our Saturday night, played to a small group by the water. Was it an exclusive backstage gig for groupies? After-school kids prowled the streets. Getting essentials in the convenience store, we danced to the radio. An Agatha Christie look-a-like ignoring the one-way system came and straight at us. Phil said she was a ghost. “How come we both saw her?” “Magic conjured by wandering teenagers!” Heading home via the main road, a heron landed under the bridge. Taking pictures, my phone did some weird multi-shot thing unbidden. God knew what of! In Oxfam, we danced some more and found socks for Phil. About to buy a DVD, I checked the condition to discover it scratched to nothing and fit only for smashing to bits.

New daily cases reached 16,135, the most since 6^th Feb. 82.5% of adults had a jab; 60% 2 doses. BBC Breakfast reported school absences due to covid trebled in a week and were the highest since schools resumed in March. Van Dam was chased by anti-vaxxer Geza Tarjanyi and a Taliban missile hit an Afghan hospital destroying crucial vaccine stocks. Rainbows lit up buildings in Munich for the last games in the ‘group of death’ and spectators cheered a man running onto the pitch brandishing a rainbow flag. Germany beat Hungary thus England would face their bitter rivals in the first knock-out round – of course! Although 60% of UK adults were immunised as opposed to only 30% of Europeans, Merkel said all Brits entering any EU country should quarantine (at least until Germans got their towels on sun loungers!) Would they be welcomed in London next week without having to do so?

Different rules in Holland saw a 5-day quarantine for Italy and Welsh fans turned away from Amsterdam airport. Ministers thrashed out a deal with UEFA to allow 60,000 spectators at Wembley. Cue more complaints of ‘mixed messaging’ and unfairness. While parents couldn’t even go to school sports day, culture minister John Whittingdale said it was legitimate under ERP and the ‘right time’ to test bigger events. Steve Reicher railed that 60,000 people crowded together at the match sent a message to 60m; if they can do it, why can’t we? Talks continued on VIPs not quarantining. Tui joined Virgin Atlantic, BA, Ryanair and Manchester Airport Group in legal action against travel restrictions and went to Westminster on a day of action to pressurise the government to reopen travel and provide targeted financial support. They were told they could access furlough and would have to wait for changes to travel rules. Grant Shats was hopeful the world could open up when they caught up on vaccines. According to my calculations, that was the end of 2022. So be it…

John Bercow defected to labour. Denying it was to be a lord, The Torygraph reported he lobbied Jeremy Corbyn for a peJohn Bercow defected to labour. Denying it was to be a lord, The Torygraph reported he lobbied Jeremy Corbyn for a peerage. Exactly 5 years after the Brexit referendum, Doncastrians (of whom 69% voted leave, the highest in the UK), couldn’t remember what day it was according to a Look North Vox pop. Following speculation that HS3 could be scrapped, tory toff woman on Daily Politics mouthed platitudes on Northern Powerhouse rail, triple-lock pensions and their recent by-election fail. Boris opened PMQs listing reasons why Brexit was great and thanking the armed forces. Local MP Craig Whittaker asked about ‘levelling up’ to get a curt reply that Calderdale Council needed to listen. Ian Blackford renewed calls for a public inquiry on how the tories dealt with the pandemic, claiming they used emergency covid contracts to commission political research from their mates on the future of the union and sanctioned corrupt campaigning, instead of to acquire PPE.

Awoken by loud doings from the canal works Thursday, I rose grumpily. I put on a summer dress for the first time this year to cheer myself up. On Jeremy Vine, snowflake and so-called commentator Dominque Samuels repeated her cretinous view that she should be allowed to go out and mix while those that didn’t like it stayed home and said she thought differently to other people. Maybe, but obviously not very deeply if the thing she’d choose to protest against was supermarket sarnies! As I tried to work on a frustratingly slow laptop, a different noise assailed my ears. I looked out the window to see the latest antics of DIY Don’t Guy on the street below. In recent months, his exploits included taking floorboards up and washing them with soap and water and using a massive axe to chop firewood. The stupidest yet, he and a mate smashed up a flimsy plywood desk with said axe. Mission complete, they cheered and whooped ‘smashed it!’ like they’d achieved an amazing feat and he raised the axe above his head. “I’d laugh if it fell on him.” “Yes, as you called the ambulance!” Phil added.

Walking Friend arrived mid-afternoon to pick up books and DVDs I thought she’d like. One a Disney cartoon, she good-naturedly told me to ‘eff off!’ but kept it. I made her coffee and we stayed outside to exchange news and views on health issues and the plague. Initially saying she was sick of people being careful, she later conceded rising infection rates indicated it wasn’t yet over. Phil joined us to discuss druids, standing stones and the right to roam. He took photos of clouds as a goldfinch chick hopped across the street to stop just behind his heel. Scared he’d step on it, I exclaimed: “Look behind you!” Obviously something wrong with the tiny thing, we dithered over what to do, rang a local vegan animal sanctuary, got no answer and consulted the elderly neighbour who advised against touching it as our scent would mean the brood wouldn’t accept it. His wife melodramatically exclaimed: “everything’s dying today!” I fetched gloves and a box to fashion a makeshift nest, when Phil got through to the animal lovers who arrived a few minutes later.

Bare-handedly picking the chick up, they said the smell thing was rubbish. It would be homed with birds of a similar age until fit to fly. Insisting we name it, I came up with the highly original Goldie. I assured the upset neighbour “It’s not going to die. The nice animal people took it.” Decorating Neighbour who’d just parked up quipped: “For a pie.” “Don’t be daft! They’re vegans!” (see below for photo).

Exhausted after another missed siesta, I faffed over Walking Friend’s coffee paraphernalia and made us a pot. In the evening, we failed to see the Strawberry Supermoon in a cloudy sky. At least we got some pictures earlier in the week. QT and Brexitcast mostly boring, Katya Adler revealed the German phrase for banger wars. ‘Wursthall Stillstand’ actually meant sausage standstill; sausage wars literally translated to Wurstkreig. All sorts churning round my head that night, the meditation soundtrack was of limited help.

Senior ministers signalled all legal restrictions would end 19^th July, Useless George looked forward to ditching his mask, but experts advised continuing measures to manage virus levels. Downing Street said they were still studying the data before a final decision. ALW joined others in the entertainment industry in legal action to make the government to share ERP findings. Rejecting a last-minute offer to include Cinderella as a test event, he accused Boris of ‘cherry-picking’ high profile sports. As if to prove his point, it was announced that Silverstone would host a capacity crowd for F1 on 17^th July. Mind you, outside sport was a different prospect than indoor theatre. He also wanted government-backed insurance, new rules on quarantine and clearer guidance for future operations. In limited changes to traffic lights, Malta, The Balearics, Madeira, Barbados, Bermuda and Grenada went green. Tour operators predictably wailed it wasn’t enough and holiday bookings surged even though the lights could change again at short notice. Unite called Lloyds bank closing 44 branches ‘baffling’.

Grab a Snog

Waking early Friday morning, I was too hungry to sleep more and also felt slightly ill. We laughed at people swimming in East London docks. Orange markers made them resemble bobbing buoys. Phil cleaned the bathroom while I made a start on decluttering the small room. I arrived at the co-op to realise I’d forgotten the list, rang Phil to read it to me then waited for him to help carry the shopping. Both starving and cranky by now, we ate a hasty lunch. I’d wanted to see how Goldie was getting on with the lovely vegans but was too tired to visit. Packaging still strewn around the kitchen floor late afternoon, I bit down my anger, cleared it up and relaxed with coffee. Courtesy of the £5 freezer deal, dinner was a pizza feast. I was about to ask for help switching stuff round in the oven when Phil scarpered. Struggling by myself, I shouted in frustration. He returned testily to the kitchen for me to berate him on a lack of help and cried: “You asked the other day to tell you what needs doing. You shouldn’t have to ask. You’re in the house as much as me!“ He shouted back “don’t shout!” and said he had to do “this thing called work.” “I know but not all the time!” Feeling awful after the row, I should’ve known on Tuesday it was only a matter of time before my frustrations boiled over. We calmed down with wine and films.

Days after hitting a grim 500,000 deaths, Brazil recorded 115,228 cases in a day. UK infections were up 46% in a week, 95% due to the Delta variant. Fast spread of the mutant led to a sudden third wave in Euro 2020 host city St. Petersburg. Streets packed, amid calls for a total lockdown, officials said get a jab of the ‘world beating’ Sputnik (only 11% of Russians had one so far). Results of ERP finally revealed, they showed 28 covid cases detected from 9 large-scale events April-May. Metro mentioned high compliance with mask-wearing and social distancing but not take-up of PCR testing before and after, which The Independent reported as low. Scientists advised treating the findings with ‘extreme caution’ as a result. How could it be a properly controlled scientific experiment if testing wasn’t mandatory for the 58,000 attendees? Chief advisers Nicholas Hytner and David Ross made no ‘conclusive public health recommendations on the reopening of events’. Kromek innovation detected virus in the air at Teesside airport. Why not elsewhere?

CCTV film of The Cock snogging close university friend Gina Coladangelo while grabbing her arse covered The Sun’s front page. Taken before lockdown easing in May, he was accused of hypocritically breaking social distancing. Amid calls to stand down, he apologised. Rather than sack him, Boris said he still had faith and considered the matter closed. Annalise Dodds exclaimed: “He set the rules, he admits he broke them. He has to go.” A labour spokesman added: “The PM recently described him as ‘useless’ – the fact that even now he still can’t sack him shows how spineless he is.” They were right but was it a worse crime than lying about PPE failures and elderly care deaths? Questions ensued on how the girlfriend got jobs as an aide and a non-exec director at DoH.

Grab a Jab

Youngest Brother turned 50 on Saturday. I posted an arty photo and joked he was catching up! Phil cut my hair, I draft-posted the journal, and nipped out to plant celery in the mini-greenhouse. Watering parched Christmas trees, I got covered in sticky plant seeds. The pesky embedded things took ages to pluck off my clothes. As Gran emerged from her daughter’s house, I went over to chat. She was sceptical the seeds were forget-me-nots but I couldn’t think what else they’d be. She updated me on her recent injury, feelings of malaise, and a return of our old local. “You should come down.” “Not sure I’m ready for that yet. We stick to pubs with more space. And as for the price of beer…” She went back in for gin and to watch her home nation In the first knock-out match of Euro 2020. Spattered with green plant goo, I washed the dress and got changed before sitting down. A totally outclassed Wales lost to Denmark 4-0. For dinner, Phil cooked the main course and I made a crumble for dessert, using up fruit past its best.

Unable to sleep late Sunday, I turned on the telly for the inevitable news. I considered going to the market, decided not to bother, took empty bottles to the recycling bin and saw a folder atop the community garden wall. Was it a leaked Whitehall file? (see below). I listened to music, did more de-cluttering in the small room and wrote a haiga. Phil made austerity roast for dinner, slightly different to last time. He had trouble cooking cabbage leading to interminable microwave pings. As I opened the door to heat up leftover crumble, a waft of fiery air hit me in the face and I discovered the metal side was red-hot. Scared to use it, I left him to put the pudding under the grill, which turned out to be a waste of time. Annoyed at profligate use of fuel, I fumed, while he sulked until we felt able to speak to each other again. I fell asleep quickly but woke in the early hours, absolutely parched.

Young people were urged to ‘Grab a Jab’ at walk-in centres for all adults not yet vaccinated. Stephen Powis stood outside the Emirates stadium to say only 10% of cases were now hospitalised. Mobile units also targeted hesitant groups. The extra capacity led to half of 18-29 year olds being inoculated by the end of the weekend. Just as well, seeing as hundreds of Leeds students partied in the streets of Hyde Park, dubbed Covid Central due to having the highest rate in the country.

Spineless Boris lacking the guts to sack him, The Cock resigned. The PM later claimed credit for the move. I agreed with Covid-19 Bereaved Families for Justice that he should have been ditched months ago for incompetence but thought reporting it to the police was pointless, even with the backing of Fleur Anderson. We subsequently learnt he used a private e-mail account for official business (why, if there was nothing to hide?) and left his wife the night before the story broke – what a coward! The Cock unaware of CCTV in his office, it emerged an anti-lockdown Whitehall whistle-blower handed footage to the press. Cameras subsequently disabled, Brandon Lewis pledged an internal inquiry into the leak’s source. Sajid Javid filled the vacancy. The Scumbag tweeted he’d ‘tricked the PM’ into sacking Saj from the Treasury. Otherwise there’d have been chaos.

Andrew Marr informed Sir Peter Horby (of Nervtag and Oxford Uni) he had covid last week, which explained his absence. Likely contracted at the G7 in spite of 2 jabs, Sir Peter told him he was unlucky and went onto suggest the data looked good for unlocking 19^th July. However, rises in Sydney and Israel due to the Delta variant led to lockdown in the former and a return to mask-wearing in the latter and should be a lesson. Warning of a double or triple whammy in winter with covid, flu and something else, he urged us all to get flu jabs. Other medics also predicted more winter flu because of less immunity. Again I thought, make your minds up! What if we all stuck to face- masks and social distancing? Witless looked like a frightened rabbit as he was accosted in St. James’ Park. An outraged Met investigated but made no arrests yet. Confidential MOD files were found at a bus stop in Kent, detailing the willy-waving mission of HMS Defender versus Russia in the Crimea earlier in the week. Labour said it showed the government didn’t do its job and could have jeopardised operations.

Reference:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 66 – Looney Tunes

“(it) should set alarm bells ringing in government…They must immediately explain to the public whether this exponential growth suggests the country is in line for a severe third wave…” (Layla Moran)

Bonkers Bangers

Even with the meditation soundtrack, I’d slept poorly and started another warm, partially sunny but humid week wobbly and fatigued. Phil also struggled, particularly with his eyes. I stayed abed much of the time, rising occasionally for sustenance and small chores.

After posting blogs Monday, I brushed dirty specks off the bed when a rip appeared in the quilt cover. It must have already been wearing thin, as was my patience at still being ill and yet more fixing to do! We took washing and recycling out and spotted a box perched on a planter near the door. That explained the feeble knock I’d heard the previous day. Phil claimed he looked and saw nothing. Still, I was glad to get the replacement cafétiere jug. As I rinsed disgusting bins under the outside tap, the woman staying next door stoop on her doorstep. We compared health notes. I mentioned I wasn’t well and she reported often having low energy levels. Hungry and exhausted after the niggly jobs, I took my lunch to bed, and wrote until the laptop overheated. Phil went to the co-op to find still no lettuce – nowt to do with Brexit!

The Government faced a backbench revolt over cuts to the foreign aid budget. Speaker of the House ruled a proposed amendment was outside the scope of the Aria bill* but rebuked ministers for not allowing MPs to vote on the cut and forced an emergency debate Tuesday (with a non-binding vote). On a break after leaving TIT in April, The Dildo considered applying for CE of NHS England. What qualified her for that? We may well wonder. Small-minded Save Our Statues campaigners block-booked tickets for Bristol’s M shed museum to stop people visiting the Edward Colston exhibition. Spain welcomed British tourists who couldn’t go.

The HIGNFY repeat mentioned the Iota variant originating in New York and revealed that Lord Geidt investigated The Cock’s links to Topwood, predictably concluding that like Boris, he only slightly bent the rules. Why did the media not mention this earlier? Maybe they didn’t give an iota.

Waking lots in the early hours, Tuesday began dozily. We celebrated ocean day with sea-themed baths. Foamy radox provided sea minerals and body wash added sea salt. Phil also played with the rubber fish. I fetched coffee and returned to bed to write, distracted by baby jackdaws hopping about on the shed roof. Probably nesting atop our terrace, their exploratory flights were cute and comical but noisy! After posting an entry on Cool Placesⁱ, I had to stop working with head fug. Attempts to rest were futile in the muggy heat. I’d just given up when it turned cloudy and cool. I finally put winter jumpers away, stitched the ripped quilt cover, sorted books to give away and went to the kitchen to take stuff out of the freezer for dinner when a mountain of frozen veg spilt on the floor – grr!

6,048 new covid cases and 13 deaths were announced. Wales led the jab table with 86.5% of adults immunised. Over 25’s in England were called up while in Scotland, 18-29 year olds were invited to register for appointments from mid-June.

Cases in India down to 100,000, limited re-opening occurred but the continuing march of the Delta variant led to 5.7m people going ‘under advice’ in Greater Manchester and Lancashire. The Cock announced a ‘strengthened package of support’ involving army help, testing in schools and better communication with disadvantaged groups. Burnman wanted earlier release of vaccine supplies too. Areas of Yorkshire offered PCR tests included Walsden, Todmorden, Warley and parts of Halifax. Following a ‘downbeat’ briefing of ministers by Chris Witless and Pat Valance, Jeremy C**t predicted a delay to unlocking of only 2 weeks. With all vulnerable groups offered 2 doses, Steve Baker of CRG railed: “if this brilliant milestone isn’t enough, nothing will ever get us out of this.” However, David King told Sky News inoculated people could still get infected and long covid. I felt cheated! A health & social care committee report warned of an ‘emergency’. Thousands of vacancies, excessive workloads and burnout (44% of NHS staff had been off ill with stress) posed a ‘dangerous risk’ to future services. Adult social care endured added ‘heartbreak’ when clients died. The plan for centralised GP records was postponed until September to allow more time for patients to opt out.

At the Old Bailey, Wayne Couzens pleaded guilty to the kidnap and rape of Sarah Everard. Not admitting murder, he took responsibility for her death and medical reports were pending.

As the sausage wars raged, Useless George said it would be bonkers if English bangers couldn’t be sent to Northern Ireland (NI) when the extended grace period ended. Yes, it’s looney tunes but it’s what you signed up to! Loyalists held regular parades and accused Boris of selling them down the river to get ‘his Brexit’. A day later, EU negotiator Maros Sefcovic threatened ‘resolute action’.

Annular Day

Not much better on Wednesday, I stayed upstairs to work on the journal and watch PMQs. Keir asked why The school catch-up plan was so slow and less than the USA and Holland – so much for levelling up. The Bumbler advised him ‘to do the maths’; £3bn had been pledged ‘just for starters’. How did he work that out? Keir called for Boris to support a labour motion that afternoon to boost the pot to £15bn and wanted to know which bit he opposed. The PM insisted his plan was ‘a revolution’ for 6 million kids. Keir retorted: “come off it…(he) is all over the place when it comes to education.” Moving onto the G7, Keir queried what he was doing to make global vaccinations a reality to which Boris responded that Astra-Zeneca made up a 3^rd of total worldwide distribution and claimed he was a ‘global leader.’ Keir spluttered that would be more believable if the UK wasn’t the only nation cutting the aid budget.

I was about to get lunch when the phone rang. A volunteer from Calderdale Carers asked if I wanted an accompanied walk including tea and cake. With a £5 budget, I almost asked if they’d seen the prices nowadays. Instead, I ended up volunteering to help someone else get out. She explained the registration process and we discussed creativity. As a musician, she’d volunteered when gigs dried up and played her first one in a year over the bank holiday in Brighton. “You wouldn’t believe how packed it was.” “I would!” Expressing interest in my journal, she said it was really important to document these strange times. My dream from last week had come true! That gave me a lift. Registering as a volunteer, I used text I’d written for the blog’s ‘about’ page, prompting me to update it at the same time. I rested while Phil went to the shop. On rising, I discovered no hot water. He’d accidentally left the tap on when cleansing groceries.

Daily cases hit 7,540 and hospitalisations were a 5^thhigher than at the end of the second wave earlier in the year, although CE of NHS Providers Chris Hopson said the death rate was lower. WHO special envoy Dr. David Nabarro told Sky news: ”This virus has not gone away and in some ways it’s lurking and just waiting to strike again…please be really, really, careful…” i.e., minimise contact and wear face-masks. Prof. of Doom Ferguson warned of a third wave. The Good Law Project won their case in the high court who ruled the government acted illegally when awarding contract to The Scumbag’s mates, PR company Public First. No other companies were considered thus the decision-maker showed bias. The cabinet office replied that the issue had been addressed. Andrew Lloyd Webber threatened to start his tawdry show on 21^st June, come what may, even if he got arrested. On Jeremey Vine, 22 year old snowflake and so-called political commentator Dominique Samuels unbelievably said he knew better than scientists when it was safe to open theatres and if people were scared of going out, they should stay in – looney selfish sociopaths of the world unite!

As I watched telly and did more stitching that evening, my head drooped and my throat felt scratchy. I took aspirin at bedtime in a bid to allay a relapse, quickly fell asleep but woke in the night with hot flushes.

I made a big effort to come round before the annular eclipse Thursday morning. Phil fetched a camera and a selection of filters in the hope of catching a safe glimpse from the bedroom window. But even straining towards the east, we struggled to even locate the sun behind thick cloud. Phil said he was going outside. “Okay, but leave me something to look at the sun with.” “I can’t I’ve only got 1 UV filter.” “Fine. I’ll make do with a cardboard box.”

After much cursing and fiddling, we spotted a brief gap in the clouds and took turns with the filter so see the deep orange disc with a bite in it before the skies greyed again. “That was a disappointment,” he whinged. “At least we got to see something.” I searched for livestreams but the eclipse over by then, I settled for photos of better views from London and New York.

Humdrum normality restored, I edited the journal and photos, hung more washing out and he hoovered round. In the evening, refreshing rain aided sleep. Eyes shutting while reading, I succeeded in an unbroken night for the first time in years!

Jenny Harries, now CE of the new UK Health Security Agency, inanely said covid cases were up. PHE added they rose in all age groups but more in 20-29 year olds, and in the North West. The Cock defended the government at the commons health & social care committee. He claimed their delay in imposing the first lockdown was ‘following expert advice’ that the public wouldn’t stick to the rules: “now that proved actually to be wrong.” In hindsight, he wished he hadn’t followed the science. Steve Reicher of Spi-B gasped: “this is simply untrue.” The Cock went onto blatantly lie about PPE shortages and said they didn’t lead to NHS staff deaths. Along with unions and the opposition, I was shocked and yelled at the telly: “but we all saw it!” Furthermore, NAO said only 2.6bn out of 32bn items of PPE reached the frontline Feb-July 2020. Rebutting allegations of lying with more lies, on protecting adults in care, he maintained: “evidence has shown that the strongest route into care homes was community transmission.” (i.e., not his policy of decanting infected patients from hospital). He had ‘no idea’ why The Scumbag hated him but knew the aide wanted him fired because there was a leak and now he knew the source. He said it was ‘telling’ that Dom hadn’t produced any evidence and communication and decision-making had improved since he left Downing Street in November, reflected by greater public trust. Eh?

Ahead of the G7 summit, Carrie and Jill walked on the beach at Carbis Bay while Oirish Joe and The Bumbler discussed an Atlantic Charter, covid, climate change, defence and security, travel and Brexit. It was later revealed that Joe told Boris to ‘maintain the peace’ in NI. This was after the American charge d’affaires, Yael Lempert met Lord Frost on 3^rd June to deliver a demarché (formal protest). The Times reported that he said if Boris accepted EU agricultural standards, Joe would ensure it didn’t ‘negatively affect the chances of reaching a USA/UK free trade deal’.

NSA Jake Sullivan confirmed the president had a ‘rock solid belief’ in the God Friday Agreement and it “must be protected.” Von De Leyen insisted the EU had been flexible but the NI protocol must stay. Newscast talked to an ex-diplomat who stressed America wanted the NI issue sorted out, but weren’t apportioning blame while a document on the Good Friday agreement made no mention of the EU as they weren’t signatories. On QT, Lucy Powell reiterated the UK should align with EU agricultural rules. Yanis Varoufakis said we ‘can’t have it 3 ways’, with no border on the mainland or in the Irish Sea or any checks. On the other hand, the EU were being unreasonable. He’d know about that alight! Gillian Keegan, former apprentice and tory minister for apprenticeships, now realised contracts between governments were ‘at a different level than in business’ – duh! That’s what you got recruiting ministers via reality TV – absolute morons! She also called footballers taking the knee ‘divisive’. Only if you’re racist! On the prospect of extended lockdown, Kavita Oberoi knew 21 year olds with covid and wanted local measures to contain surges. Lucy asked what was plan b if we didn’t unlock?

Bells and Whistles

Rousing at 8 a.m. Friday, I definitely couldn’t remember waking during the night. Feeling refreshed, I attempted exercise and immediately slumped again. Phil fetched breakfast but still iffy, he fell back to sleep on top of the bed. He managed a trip to the co-op for weekend essentials later. Suspecting a frustratingly slow laptop presaged an update, I let MS do its stuff during lunch. The only difference I saw was a stupid weather thing in the toolbar. Far too warm and noisy, I got a meagre 5 minutes rest in the afternoon. An e-mail from Calderdale Carers had gone in the junk folder. I sent a reply apologising for the delay. The first game of Euro 2020 about to kick off, I printed the fixtures chart and watched Italy play Turkey. We switched to watching films after a boring first half, later discovering there were 3 goals before the final whistle – well, you know what they say… In contrast to ‘divisive’ comments from ministers, Downing Street insisted Boris supported players taking the knee and urged fans not to boo them.

Although deaths stayed low, hospitalisations rose and PHE confirmed 42,323 cases of the Delta variant – 29,892 more than last week, and 94% of total infections. Layla Moran said it “should set alarm bells ringing in government as we approach 21^st June…They must immediately explain to the public whether this exponential growth suggests the country is in line for a severe third wave, and if so what it is doing to prevent it.” Nick Thomas-Symonds added: “the pace at which cases…continue to rise is deeply worrying and is putting the lifting of restrictions at risk. The blame for this lies with the PM and his reckless refusal to act on Labour’s repeated warnings to secure our borders against covid and its variants.” At the G7, the USA pledged 500m vaccines and the UK 100m, over the next 2 years (5m by September, 25m more by the end of 2021, the rest in 2022). Gordon Brown said it wasn’t enough. UNICEF and the Wellcome Foundation wanted 1bn doses this year and $18bn for testing. Boris refused to agree to an intellectual property waiver but said leaders had a duty to ensure post-pandemic recovery was inclusive. Agreements were also made on climate change and a global programme for education with £5bn to help 40m girls. Formal dinner was taken at the Eden project, with the queen and princes.

I felt a lot better Saturday morning, despite a slight hangover (unfair after a mere 4 small glasses of wine the night before). Time drifted somewhat and it was pretty late when we’d bathed and breakfasted and decided to chance a short walk on the canal. Loitering outside, the woman next door arrived and said I looked well. On the towpath, we stopped to check progress of the anti-flood works and watched a baby jackdaw hilariously trying to jump from a slagheap through a fence and raucously beg food from mum. Stand-out purple and yellow blossom provided material for my weekly haigaⁱⁱ. Side-stepping scrounging geese and inconsiderate cyclists who didn’t ring warning bells, we proceeded westwards to the basin. Barge cruisers, strollers and al-fresco drinkers created a holiday air. Seeing The Biker on his houseboat, I gave him the photos I’d opportunely printed out and stuck in my rucksack. Very hungry, we returned via backstreets. Phil wet into town on a quick errand while I looked for easy dinner options in the co-op and found a chicken peri-peri meal in the reduced section.

A WhatsApp message from Elder Sis informed us she’d been impressively awarded a gong in the queen’s birthday honours list. I tried ringing for more information but with 4 different numbers to choose from, wasn’t sure which to use. Phil googled the list, which vaguely stated the MBE was ‘for services to HMRC’. I exchanged messages with her later to learn only 3 civil servants per year received one. Awesome!

Almost falling asleep after a late lunch, we nipped outside in the hope fresh air would help and chatted to the young couple barbecuing in the community garden with their now-walking toddler. Granny (an old pub mate) sat beneath the wall but didn’t appear talkative. Aware she had health issues lately, I took no offence. Another young neighbour asked if his van was okay parked near our bench. “Yes, as long as you don’t back into my tree.” We imparted some history on the formation of the community garden. They were aghast to learn it covered a hole that suddenly appeared one day and the land was almost sold to developers.

Achy and tired on Sunday, we whinged about the weather; warm but overcast. Wall-to-wall sunshine they said. Hottest day of the year they said. Yeah, in London! Phil stitched up an old pair of flares acquired at a jumble sale years ago. I worked on blogs, washed rugs, put a load of recycling out and waved to The Toddler. Dad said he’d been enthusiastically waving and shouting ‘hello!’ since he spotted me from inside the car, bless him. Not sure why he’d taken to me, Phil laughed: “toddler brains are weird.” Charming! In the Euros. England beat Croatia 1-0. Raheem Stirling’s goal was set up by Leeds United player Kalvin Phillips. Danish footballer Christian Erikson had a heart attack playing Finland. The whistle was blown but the match resumed later in the evening which seemed poor form even if he wasn’t dead. That night, we soaked in fluffy baths to soothe aches and pains. Midnight by then, I struggled to get any sleep. I dropped off with the help of the meditation soundtrack only to wake in very early light.

Leaks presaged the official announcement on lockdown easing Monday. Boris said he’d look at hospital admissions beforehand, but we all knew there’d be a delay; of 4 weeks rather than 2. In Cornwall, Mini Macron set alarm bells off saying NI wasn’t the same country as the rest of Britain, Oirish Joe went to mass and Boris went swimming. He could’ve at least feigned being catholic for more than a fortnight after getting hitched in Westminster Cathedral!

* Aria – Advanced research and invention agency

References:

i. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

ii. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

Part 65 – Baffling Betrayals

“The package…falls far short of what is needed. It is too narrow, too small and will be delivered too slowly. Above all, (it) betrays an undervaluation of the importance of education for individuals and as a driver of a more prosperous and healthy society” (Kevan Collins)

Bedazzled

Morning mist once again burned off Monday and sunny weather persisted much of the week. Dozing from early dawn, I rose feeling unrested. I let Phil lie in while I fetched the tea. He awoke groggily from a heavy slumber. Lucky him! Unlike the last bank holiday, we were keen to get out and enjoy this one. Debating where to go, Phil searched a baffling array of magic stones, all some distance away. Seeing a much closer outcrop labelled on the map, I suggested a shorter walk and assembled a small picnic.

We headed out in dazzling sun to the opposite side of the valley where fallen fluffy catkins resembled dust on the pavement and bluebells gave the illusion of violet fields. At the western edge of the wood, a man inexplicably built a blazing fire. Further up, dandelions displayed luminous flowers and perfectly round seed heads. We ascended the lane through a gate into fields where spooky dead trees redolent of the holy land inspired my next haigaⁱ. Umpteen stiles later, we emerged onto another lane, dodging nasty flies lurking in a muddy quagmire and a group of walkers with a tiny dog coming the other way. Turning right, we stopped by a tinkling brook to eat, surrounded by hewn rocks, tussocks, delicate cuckoo flowers, buzzing bees and small heath butterflies. We then followed the treeline along the top of woodland. Phil thought he spotted the named outcrop, but with others nearby, it was hard to be sure. On the final steep descent, we gave our aching knees a break at a field where supine sheep grazed on overgrown grass. A mother and lamb lay comically at right angles. “Push-me-pull-ewe!” A refreshing breeze up top dropped significantly lower down, making us hot. Luckily reaching home before heatstroke set in, I started editing photos but had to stop with fatigue. (For a Fuller description of the walk, see ‘Cool Places’ⁱⁱ)

Blackburn overtook Bolton as the epicentre of Indian variant cases. Concerned Ravi Gupta of Nervtag called for further easing of restrictions to be postponed and sage bod Susan Michie warned: “We’re on a knife-edge. Either it could run away as it did at Christmas or potentially it could be contained. Everybody’s behaviour could potentially make the difference.”

Useless George trolled out the familiar government line about not making a decision until 14^th June. Ministers wanted all over 50’s to get 2 vaccine doses by 21^st June (didn’t they know it took a month to be effective?) As infections rose in Hounslow, Twickenham rugby stadium offered jabs to anyone over 18. People were left fuming after queuing for hours in the heat when the drugs ran out. The OECD predicted UK GDP would grow but less than other G7 countries and said worldwide recovery could be uneven due to disparities in vaccine distribution. Rishi Rich called the forecast “testament to the ongoing success of our vaccine rollout and evidence our plan is working.” If you say so! UK travellers had to demonstrate ‘compelling reasons’ for going to France and quarantine for 7 days. From the Have I Got News For You repeat, I learnt of a cloak and dagger operation to smuggle posh food deliveries into Downing Street, paid for by a tory donor’s wife, and that The Bumbler and Nasty Patel wore jackets with their job titles sewn on – in case they forgot, obvs!

Bespattered

In spite of a bath the previous night, my muscles ached Tuesday, including my buttocks. Had I strained my gluteus maximus? Cleaning the kitchen, I got distracted by the state of the toaster after recent heavy usage. I expunged a mountain of crumbs and bespattered the sink. I spent the rest of the morning writing, then went to get cash and a top-up shop. It was all going on, on the street below; the shed people worked outside while tanning, naked kids paddled in a small pool and neighbours chatted inanely. I arrived at the co-op to discover I’d forgotten my purse so slogged back and forth in the heat. The ATM bafflingly let me go through the whole process before failing to dispense any money. I omitted a couple of groceries to stay within budget, dodged half-term kids running amok and asked at the kiosk about the cash machine to be told in characteristically brusque fashion: “It’s nowt to do with us!” Back home, I filled 2 bags with garden waste, and slumped on the sofa hot and exhausted to gulp water before having a lie down. Early evening, a bee buzzed the wrong side of the living room window. I tried to usher it out but it became stressed so I left it. In the process, I noticed a pocket watch Phil had been fixing on the floor. He crawled around searching for the tiny hands only finding one, and seemed to think it was my fault. “Don’t blame me. I’m always telling you not to put things on the floor!”

The WHO renamed variants in line with Greek letters: Alpha, Kent; Beta, South Africa; Gamma, Brazil; Delta, India. For the first time since 30^th July 2020, no UK covid deaths were officially reported but cases in Yorkshire rose 19% within a week, although numbers in hospital fell. Covboost trials started in Leeds and Bradford, using 1 of 7 vaccines (AZ, Pfizer, Moderna, Novavax, Valneva, Janssen and Curevac). Prof. Dingbat concurred with the official message that there was ‘nothing in the data’ to warrant abandoning the roadmap. “From a societal point of view, I think it’s really important that we go ahead on June 21^st…we’ve got to look at the collateral damage…(and) the impact of economic damage that would be caused by further periods of delay and uncertainty.” Prof. Finn disagreed. With people still vulnerable, the job wasn’t yet done and going ahead with easement ‘may be a bad decision’. Boris chimed in: “We need to work out…to what extent the vaccination programme has protected enough of us, particularly the elderly and vulnerable against a new surge. And there, I’m afraid, the data is just still ambiguous.”

Heathrow re-opened terminal 3 to separate red list arrivals at long last. As the eviction ban ended, the Joseph Rowntree Foundation said 800,000 tenants were at risk of homelessness and half had already received notice. Discussing a new pollution charge for brum-brums in Brummie, some befuddled idiot on BBC Breakfast advocated placing monitors away from the road – well, that would make levels drop! It was later announced there’d be a 2-week delay imposing fines while people got used to the idea.

Buttocks still hurting Wednesday morning, I forced myself to do exercise. I noticed bits bespattering the bedroom rugs, gave them a quick wash and hung them on the line. Carefully hoovering the living room, I saw no sign of the missing watch hand. I worked on the journal and enticed Phil with the promise of ice cream in the sun after lunch. Waiting for him outside, I caught up with the elderly neighbour sat reading in the shade. She seemed much better and less befuddled than last time we spoke. We went into town where Phil popped in the convenience store while I collected a Boots order. A couple of damaged items bespattered other purchases and a faff ensued processing the refund. Finally able to get cash, we swerved through the busy square for ice cream cones from the sweet shop. No free space, we crossed to the memorial gardens and found a bench to scoff the rapidly-melting treats before continuing into the park, resplendent with leafy trees, rhododendrons and large red poppies.

4,330 new cases and 12 deaths were recorded but 75% of adults now had 1 dose of vaccine and 50% had 2. The Salesman announced help for school kids to catch up. Additional tuition and an extra year in sixth form amounted to 1/10^th of the budget originally slated. He promised more to come but not when. A baffled Tsar Kevan Collins (who I’d never heard of but worked on the plans) resigned, saying the package fell short, was too narrow and betrayed “an undervaluation of the importance of education.” ‘Yeah,’ I thought, ‘that’s cos they’re all toffs who went to posh schools’. Some tories did criticise the pathetic sum including Rob Halfon who said the money could’ve been found behind the sofa and wanted books not tanks. Speaking of which, NATO sec-gen Jens Stollenberg called for the immediate release of Roman Protasevich, an ‘impartial international investigation’ and the sanctions agreed against Belarus to be fully implemented. A 4-day bank holiday weekend was proclaimed in honour of the queen’s platinum jubilee a year hence.

Bedevilled

Duller on Thursday, we spent a dull day at home cleaning and working on laptops. Wanting to store winter jumpers, one really stank and needed a good wash first. I thought it wise to have a siesta after skipping it the day before. However, it was of little use and later, I could barely keep my eyes open or my head up. Developing a sore throat and the scary sensation of being unable to swallow, I took aspirin at bedtime but woke hot and sweaty several times during the night.

As Indian deaths reached 335,102, incidents of the Delta variant rose to 7,000. Bolton and Blackburn were still bedevilled with 3,000 cases. The so-called UK leaders’ Covid summit was in fact a pointless zoom meeting. Sturgeon and Drakeford said there needed to be ‘hard outcomes’. Meanwhile, G7 health ministers met in Oxford to discuss addressing the global vaccine issue and draw up a Pandemic Preparedness Roadmap. The ‘100 day mission’ would be presented to G7 leaders next week. Sarah Gilbert, inventor of AZ, called for them to share vaccines more widely and UNICEF wanted them to donate 20% of doses June-August, saying it could be done without disrupting existing programmes. In changes to the travel traffic lights, no countries were added to the green list, Afghanistan, Bahrain, Costa Rica, Egypt, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Trinidad & Tobago turned red and Portugal went from green to amber. The Cock said it was because of a new Nepal mutant of the Delta variant but the WHO bafflingly claimed there was no such thing. Effective from 8^th June, sun-seekers felt betrayed and scrambled for flights back before having to quarantine and take extras tests. Labour cried ‘chaos’, the Portuguese government ‘failed to see the logic’, Antonio Costa railed: “we can’t have a system of instability and change every 3 weeks” and EasyJet chief Johan Lundgren called it “a huge blow…with Portuguese rates similar to those in the UK it simply isn’t justified by the science.”

3-D Pen3 developed by Prof. Noam Sobel of Israel’s Weizmann Institute, identified coronavirus in the nose with 94% accuracy by sniffing out volatile organic compounds. Tim Brexit Martin incredulously proposed new visas for EU workers to fill Wetherspoons vacancies. He denied he had staff shortages or changed his stance on Brexit: “A reasonably liberal immigration system controlled by those we have elected, as distinct from the EU system, would be a plus for the economy and the country.” Phil guffawed and I wondered: “would that be attracting the brightest and best bar staff, Tim? How about paying more than minimum wage?” With 50 days to go, a practice medals Olympic ceremony was held. Tokyo 2020 president Seiko Hashimoto was ‘100% convinced’ the games would go ahead but 80% of Japanese polled wanted them cancelled, 10,000 volunteers quit and 100 areas pulled out of hosting duties.

A QT questioner asked were the government waiting for Marcus Rashford to step in over the paltry £50 per pupil budget for extra tuition? Airhead tory Lucy Frazer blathered about giving laptops to schools and Labour’s Peter Kyle laughingly claimed kids were breaking into schools. He didn’t like the idea of Freedom Day, as 21^st June was dubbed, or the amber list. Veteran broadcaster Jenni Murray was scared and confused.

Friday, I was yet again bedevilled by fatigue and sinusitis. Phil also felt unwell but managed to get brekkie . I bathed, stuck a sarong on, fetched coffee and the laptop, and went moodily back to bed to draft and post blogs. Meanwhile, Phil worked downstairs and shopped for weekend supplies, finding a few things missing from the co-op shelves, notably leafy veg (no doubt due to a rash of barbecues). I got a few minutes outdoors to help him hang sheets on the line – a precarious task as we both wobbled, but nice to catch a blast of sun and a glimpse of Welsh Poppies in the garden. Returning to writing, the laptop’s fan went into overdrive so I called a halt before it burst into flames.

Phil interrupted evening film viewing asking for a pen to write down a bafflingly long password. “What is that for?” “ Block chains.” “The devil’s work!” He later assured me he’d only created an account and hadn’t stumped up any actual cash yet (or bitcoins for that matter).

The R rate up to 1-1.12, 11 deaths were recorded and ONS data showed covid cases rose 76.5% 22^nd-29^th May (the highest since 16^th April). Most were in the North West, followed by the East Midlands and South West with slight rises in the West Midlands and London. Up more among over 35’s and 11-16 year olds, James Naismith of Oxford University put it down to 2 factors: the easing of lockdown measures and the Delta variant. Prof. Ferguson warned the figures pointed in a negative direction and the government should be cautious. The Pfizer vaccine was approved for 12-15 year olds and the government asked JCVI to advise on routine vaccination of teens. Trussed-up Liz’s latest trade deals with Iceland, Norway and Liechtenstein, encompassed her beloved cheese, pork, poultry and fish, nurses, lawyers and vets. Did digital documents involve satanic block chains?

Befuddled

Saturday morning, I tottered downstairs with a wobbly head and returned to bed to work on blogs. Going to town, Phil discovered it heaving as ever in the blazing heat and an old pub mate about to become a granny. I went back down for lunch but my head drooped. I lay drowsily on the bed. Unable to sleep, I was disturbed when Phil barged in, oblivious to my closed eyes. Annoyed, I turned over and made another futile attempt. After dinner, I managed a longer spell in the living room to watch films and drink delicious but risky red wine. I fell into a coma at night-time only to wake in the early hours.

Befuddled by the wine, we both struggled to come round Sunday morning. Mostly cloudy, the sun came out at 3 and I got more depressed being stuck in bed during nice weather. Finding inspiration from ye olde Bean Book, Phil concocted a ‘wartime roast’. It resembled more of a Sunday dinner than we expected and prompted jokes about austerity cooking and ideas for variations.

On Saturday, much of Scotland moved to level 1, except the central belt which stayed at level 2. 5,341 new case were identified and 4 deaths announced on Sunday. The Cock told Marr the Delta variant was 40% more infectious than the Alpha, making decisions on easing ‘difficult’. But ¾ of cases were in people who hadn’t been vaccinated and those hospitalised recovered more quickly. Infections and in-patients also fell in Bolton. BBC news asked: ‘would we face a wave or a ripple over summer?‘ and said ministers needed ‘every scrap of data’ before the decision in 8 days’ time on whether to forge ahead with the roadmap. Sage bods predicted 2,000 hospitalisations a day by August and Prof. Reicher called it ‘very foolish’ to relax the rules. As under 30’s were offered jabs, queues formed at dawn to save ‘Freedom Day’. I repeat: didn’t they know it took a month to be effective?

References:

i. My haigas: https://wordpress.com/posts/mondaymorninghaiga.wordpress.com

ii. My Cool Places blog: https://hepdenerose.wordpress.com/

The Corvus Diaries

A Journal of the Coronavirus

children